Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 113: Jake from Imaginary Friends Show

Episode Date: August 26, 2013

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Do you want to get Cognitive Dissonance streamed to your iPhone or Blackberry? If so, download Stitcher free today at Stitcher.com. Tom, great show. This is Chris from Milwaukee. As I found out by the airing of my last song, I do not have a voice for radio. But I thought I would give you a call and give you another rendition. So, glory, glory, glory, whole. Glory, glory, glory, whole. Glory, glory, glory, whole. Jesus loves the cock. Hey, I felt the need to point out that there's probably one loophole to your shit doesn't, things don't shit fire.

Mexican food, I'm just going to leave it there. Hey Cecil and Tom, it's Miranda from South Louisiana. I was just listening to episode 112 and just hit the part where you guys were talking about that preacher that wouldn't let his daughters be independent i fucking wish my dad could get a hold of this guy because much to the distaste of my mother he raised my sister and i to be atheists and now he he totally fostered independence in us and told us to get out of the house as fast as we could and travel the country and travel the world and everything and you, you know, I went to school and now I have a good job at a bank. And actually this week, my sister

is going to go backpack for a month around Europe. So I just, I feel sad for those people that are raised like that, that they don't have any independence and everything and they'll never know the world. It's terrible. It makes me fucking sick. Either way, still love you guys.

Glory hole. Talk to you later. Glory hole, the glory hole. Let's go down to the glory hole. Glory hole, the glory hole. And I'll do the kids all day. Glory hole. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.

The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at. This is episode 113, the good luck episode, which we have Jake from the imaginaryfriendsshowpodcast.com. Such a catchy name. Or even Don.com. Such a catch. Or even. He came close. He almost nailed it.

I was right there. Look, it's just a fucking imaginary friend show. It's no big deal, guys. It's just a show with imaginary friends on it. Okay. That's why we're here.

No big deal. Thanks for coming on the show, Jake. Appreciate it. Yeah. Thanks very much for having me on guys. I really appreciate it. It's a,

it's always a pleasure to hang out with you guys. Cause you're, I don't know, the funniest guys in the world. That is not true. Yeah, that's clearly not true. No need to be more people in the world, sir. Jake is only allowed out like one hour. He's got like that solitary confinement, you know, one hour out in the real world sort of program going on. So, Jake, I want to talk to you about this story from TheAtlantic.com. Saudi Arabia's war on witchcraft.

A special unit of the religious police, because there needs to be religious police, pursues magical crime aggressively. And the convicted face death sentences. I just want to point out that they look in this photo very serious. There is an angry teddy bear man poking out from beneath his tablecloth here. And he looks fucking furious. I think he's mad because he just got called in from the picnic. They were out picnicking and he was very upset. You could tell by his headdress that

he was out at the family picnic. Don't you just want to set the table on top of their head once? Put a fucking chicken up there. Do you think that Americans and other countries around the world and around the western side of the world have taken that

specific color of headdress and put it into a tablecloth-type pattern so that we're desensitised to Saudi Arabia and their headdresses. It is literally exactly this. Every time you hear somebody talk about the tablecloths on their head, they literally are tablecloths on their head. I mean, that is the exact tablecloth that I have downstairs right now on my table. It's like they intentionally put it on there

so you mention it, so they could be mad about it. I would be worried it would attract ants. They do look quite angry though, don't they? Well, especially Grumpy, the wonderkind there, like poking out. He just looks, and he's kind of looking off to the side, though, don't they? Well, especially Grumpy, the wonderkind there, like poking out. He just looks and he's kind of looking off to the side like, don't you be casting no fucking magic spells on me. So this story is just fucking lunacy.

It starts off with a little anecdote. And the anecdote, the anecdote is basically there's the religious police barge into a room. There's a naked sorceress, a naked sorceress in the room. Well, you know that sorceresses can't cast their magic without being naked. Right. Well, that's a good thing. That's why I only date sorceresses. Well.

My wife isn't happy about it, but hey. This is part of a, quote, routine raid of a magical hideout they pause and shot to let her dress she jumps out the window still naked and flees then they say that she like a bird like a bird like a bird yeah yeah yeah but then she later crashes i love that they they have this premise that they're raiding a, quote, magical hideout? I mean, it's like as if, you know, they break down the door, they push past the Sasquatch, they dive, you know, behind the couch when the unicorn comes out of the kitchen

and shoots, you know, rainbow-coloured laser beams out of its forehead, and then you know, rainbow-coloured laser beams out of its forehead and then they kick the leprechaun that's laughing maniacally and all the while a satyr is providing pan flute type music and then they kick Jesus in the nuts and then they open the door and then all of a sudden there's this naked witch who's doing magic of some sort there in her room that's protected by all these magical creatures. I mean, that's so weird.

That is so weird. A magical hideout? A routine raid of a magical hideout. You read that and you realize you just read this in the Atlantic. You know what I mean? Like, this isn't The Onion. Are you fucking kidding me? She's in the Room of Requirement.

I mean, she's in Hogwarts. She's in a magical hideout. You know, and I love the start of this article. It says, the sight of her bare flesh startled the prudish officers. I mean, oh, I've got the vapors. There was just a rise in the tablecloth. That's all that happened.

Little rise underneath there. I like that she had videos about magic. That's what it says here. It says she had, she'd been practicing she had incense talismans and videos of magic. And I'm thinking like, it was the Harry Potter series. Or it was like a David Blaine Street Magician DVD or something. What is a video about magic?

What does it even mean? Yes. In the same article, she flies like a bird, a frantic pursuit ensued, they find her after she falls through an unsturdy roof. If she's flying like a bird, why did she crash through the roof? Exactly.

Did she just run out of pixie dust? Like, was her pixie dust like, oh, fuck, it expired. I should have grabbed a different bottle. Crash through the roof. They actually say in here, some magicians may ride a broom. I saw that, too. An actual fucking broom, like Halloween. Like, if I see somebody riding a broom, I'm immediately going to throw them candy.

That's it. Just like candy? You have an entire unit of police that think that somebody can ride a broom and actually fly on it. That's what you've devolved into at this point. That is striking. That is amazing.

Then there's this other part of this article that I thought was hilarious. They're talking about how they find them, right? Because they have this anti-witchcraft unit. And their job is to... They actually have a specific arm of their police force that is tasked with ridding the city of

witchcraft. And their purpose is to educate the public about the evils of sorcery, investigate alleged witches, neutralize their cursed paraphernalia, and disarm their spells. And I thought, don't you have to be a wizard to disarm spells? Either that or your savings are asked to be really high. You have to roll really high. Have you guys seen the show Warehouse 13? No, I haven't, no.

Well, they have in this show, they collect religious artefacts and artefacts from around the world, you know, special things that have particular type, magical type powers. And, you know, it's this specific police type force of NSA agents that carry around these plastic bags with special properties and they drop these artefacts into these special plastic bags and then when you put them in the plastic bags, there's this purple flash,

which means that the artefact has been neutralised. Reading this article reminds me of this fictional TV show called Warehouse 13. Right, right. Well, their method of investigation, I want to read this real quick, Kyle. How they go about finding out about stuff is they have a hotline where you can call, but they don't only just go off the hotline. I mean, let's be, you know, that's just hearsay. They've got to actually do some investigation here.

So what they do is they try to find out if the suspect sought, and I'm quoting directly from the Atlantic here, if the suspect sought to purchase an animal with certain features. For example, if he asks for a sheep to be killed without mentioning Allah's name or asks for a stain, asks to stain the body with the animal's blood, or if he asks for a similar unusual things. And I'm thinking what, after every incident,

they just canvas all the butcher shops. They're just like, Hey buddy, have you, Hey, have you sold any sheep with any blood on it lately? And you're like, I mean,

like it's like an old fucking detective movie. It's like, that's stupid. That's a dumb thing. Who would even admit to doing that? But hang on. They, if what you said is true,

effectively, you know, the first part of what you were saying there, that they, that they, uh, sacrifice or they, they kill the sheep without saying Allah's name, that's basically who doesn't believe in kosher or halal eating of meat is possibly culpable in the crime of witchcraft. No wonder, wasn't there that story, and I think they talk about it in this article, where these two Asian maids came over to work

for a couple of oil baron billionaires that they were accused of witchcraft because they had some fucking incense and talismans that have you ever read Chinese writing? I mean

Chinese writing looks like talismans if you're an ignorant fool. And that is literally their crime. It's having Chinese characters and incense, you know. So that really doesn't surprise me. If you're an Asian human being, you perhaps don't believe in halal eating of meat. So, you know, there's a good chance that you might order your chicken,

you know, not sliced at the neck, you know, not bleeding out. So, I mean, it's just so ridiculous that they would have such a stupid rule. And, you know, they didn't book, it's not like they didn't find anybody either. The Force booked 215 sorcerers in 2012. It's like a whole platoon.

These grumpy-ass fucking bebearded dumbasses high-fiving each other like, We got another one! We got another one! Put another one on the big board! And, you know, the worst thing about this is they say this earlier on in the article that the people that are accused of sorcery just disappear. You know, so that's 215 people that are effectively disappeared from the face of the earth. Yeah, right. That have been stoned under the, you know, under the cover of darkness.

That is harrowing shit. It really is. Yeah, well, Saudi Arabia isn't known for its, you know, its relations with their prisoners. It says here in the article, too, it says Saudi Arabia ranks third behind China and Iran for its number of executions. Evidence in these cases is limited to witness testimony and the presentation of magical items discovered in the possession of the accused. Dear God. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, my God. Like, you could get killed because somebody said so and they found something they thought was magical.

Because they're obviously idiots. They might think anything's magical. Well, they say here that, you know, one of the things that would denote one as being a sorcerer is foul-smelling herbs. I mean, have you ever been to the Middle East? Have you tried some of their food? Have you been to India? You know, have you been to Asia? Like, some of their herbs really smell terrible.

But I love that in here they talk about a cleric who, sorry, they speak to a cleric who, sorry, they speak to a cleric who says that it's so unfortunate that this would have happened in such a holy city because Muhammad was buried here. I thought, you know, excuse my ignorance, but didn't Muhammad ride on a horse into heaven? Yes. I mean, and then they go on for this same,

this same cleric says, the cleric didn't doubt the details of the incident. Some magicians may ride a broom and fly in the air with the help of the djinn. Supernatural beings. You know, which could be a horse. It's fucking, it's the crucible, man. It's fucking puppets under the floorboards.

It's 1613. Saudi Arabia, they're partying like it's 1613. That's what they're doing, man. They're just like, whatever, bring out the pillory, behead a bitch, throw some fucking stones. Who gives a shit? Riding a broom? Seems good to us. Where's our religious police?

If they didn't have oil, they would be fucking uking and aking. The only thing keeping, because that's not a civilization. There's no way you can call that a civil society. There is a secret police to catch magicians. You cannot even say that without kind of laughing. Would David Blaine be able to survive in that society? He'd be like, let me show you a card trick.

Let me show you a card trick. And then he'd just be lynched. He'd just disappear. He'd just quietly disappear. Some of the crimes that they are alleged to have committed, these witches, right, are, you know, in the instance of the two Asian housekeepers, right,

they basically say that the people that they lived with, that they were housekeeping for, started to have issues with convulsions and passing out. I mean, these are symptoms that are probably reminiscent of gas leaks, of carbon monoxide poisoning, of other terrible actual problems that they are apparently not investigating because they found this, you know, they've made up this premise that if such symptoms actually happen,

it's not actual symptoms happening, you know, because of an actual thing. It's because of a magical made- up thing that actually exists, apparently. So say the clerics. Can you imagine if like you trade your fucking immortal soul or whatever for witch powers and then your witch power is to have a fucking seizure? Wouldn't you feel ripped off? Wouldn't you be like, wait a a minute i would rather have a ring pop what the fuck i got screwed on that one

oh it's it is so sad that is so harrowing to think that you could do something as as mundane as just existing in a house where part of the family is genetically predisposed to epilepsy and you'll be lynched by this police force. I mean, how fucking bad is that? Oh, man. And then the premise that they won't actually follow up on the medical side of this because they've found the explanation. So what happens the next time this family has an epileptic fit?

They kill another person? Yeah. They just find another person to kill? Witches run in a family, yo. That's like a tradition. We go through maids so fast. It was definitely Jose the weed trimmer. I mean, he definitely looks like a fucking witch.

We couldn't have said. It is altogether right to discriminate against homosexual behavior. I'm arguing that it's time that we as conservatives, that we rehabilitate the word discriminate, that we reclaim it, that we dust it off, and that we use it, and that we use it unapologetically. And I believe we need to begin to say, look, it is altogether right for a rational culture to discriminate against homosexual behavior. So this next story comes from the Times Free Press dot com. After same sex couple victory in Collegedale, church ousts gay detectives family. This story is just so fucking pathetic.

And that's really the only way to look at it. Collegedale's decision to grant benefits to same-sex couples was a victory for Cat Cooper, a gay detective. Why is she a detective? Why does that matter? Can I just say that it's really funny that they've called her a gay detective? Excuse me, sir, you look gay. Excuse me, sir, you look gay. Excuse me, sir.

You look gay, but you're clearly attempting to pass yourself off as straight. I need to take you in for questioning. You have the right to remain fabulous. She's the gay police. That's awesome. I think they're just amazed that she's the detective. It's like the writer is like, oh, what do you know? Next thing you know, we're going to have female motorists.

You know, like, what the fuck? This is a gay detective woman. Whoa, the story writes itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I would totally watch that series, Gay Detectives. Actually, I'm pretty sure I've seen that porno.

Hang on a minute. I'm going to minimize mine. There we go. Okay. But basically she petitioned to have her spouse covered for benefits is all that it was. And her mother made the mistake of holding her hand and being a supportive, decent, honorable human being. So the church fucking kicked the whole family out of the church. Yeah.

Because who would Jesus ostracize? It's so sad. I mean, and this hits a bit close to home for me. I have an aunt who's gay and came out fairly recently. She's not. She's not. In this instance, I was the gay detective because I always knew. You knew from the beginning.

I always knew she was gay. Yes, but it's quite harrowing. I mean, she had spent years, like her kids go to a Catholic school. She had a Catholic community. She's been a part of that Catholic community for many years. She actually built up that Catholic community. The local priest, the priest for that community, was caught sharing, distributing and taking child pornographic imagery and was arrested and subsequently put into jail. And they had to come together as a community and, you know, keep that Catholic community going and then bring in a new priest. She was instrumental in that effect of keeping the community together.

And when she came out as gay, which was soon after they'd gotten the new priest, once she came out as gay, they completely ostracised her. They kicked her out. They got rid of her. And that's in Australia where we're fairly progressive over here, especially the Catholics over here are fairly progressive people. This is terrible that they've kicked out the entire family

just because the mother held the hand of the gay daughter when they went to court in order to, when they went to the local council in order to organize, to expand, extend benefits to, to same sex couples. That is so sad. That is so horribly sad.

Yeah. I, this, this is a hard story to take. I wonder though, you said before we've had you on our show a couple, on our show a couple of times, and you had said that you were a Christian before.

Now, did you have a feeling about homosexuals? Not like in your pants or anything, but like a feeling about homosexuals? But do tell us about that, too. I mean, yeah, don't hold back. And make sure you use descriptive words. But what I'm saying is, like, did you have a feeling about homosexuals before you, I guess, dropped the religion? Did you think that they were inherently bad? Yeah, it's funny.

I remember, so I grew up with, you know, my family was fairly progressive. I had a gay godfather. My dad's best friend growing up was gay and has been with the same man for 30-odd years. And, you know, they're wonderful people and they were in our lives. But I do certainly remember occasions where in the Catholic Church and the various Pentecostal churches that we joined throughout the years where pastors would denounce homosexuality and my mother and

father would just walk out and say, we're never coming back here. So I did, I did sort of, I did sort of grow up in those fairly progressive type churches, but there was one church, which was pretty much just before I started to get my inklings that Christianity wasn't all it was cracked up to be as a loving, respectful religion. When one of my best friends came out gay, and this is a guy that I grew up with, I played rugby with, I did fun runs with, charity events, charity events with. And, you know, we did the 40-hour famine together. I knew this guy as a really wonderful guy. And he came out as gay and the entire church community completely ostracised him. Oh, God.

And because I went to a religious school, the parish priest that was associated with the school encouraged people to ostracise him, you know, out of their friendship groups. And that to me is probably one of the worst things that you could ever do to a human being, especially somebody who's in high school, who is going through those emotions of, you know,

not particularly understanding themselves, not particularly understanding their own sexuality. That is probably the worst thing that you could have ever done to anybody ever. And it came at the hands of a Christian priest. So I don't know. What was the question? I think you kind of answered it. I mean, I was wondering if you if you how you felt about homosexuals before you stopped being religious. And it seems like you didn't care, but other people around you did.

I didn't see the difference. I don't think I ever saw the difference between a gay human being and a straight human being. and a straight human being. I mean, there was certainly what the media portrays as good stereotypes, as in being a good straight person who finds a girl, settles down, has children and whatever, and the bad gay guy who's camp, who walks around, has sex and gives people AIDS. There was certainly that media bias,

which I'm sure, you know, affects everyone to a certain extent. But beyond that, I mean, you know, I honestly grew up thinking that gays were normal people, which is, I hope, what my children take away from their childhood as well. You know, I want to talk about that real quick because I think that there's a silver lining to this story. And the silver lining is that... There better be.

No, I think I really do. I truly think that there is. Stories like this now get attention, right? They make the news. We're talking about it. We're talking about it with somebody in fucking Australia. You can't do this shit anymore. I love that we're talking about this in

you know with a guy who comes from fucking Australia let's say may as well be the fucking moon you literally could not have said that with more disdain this happened I am so horribly offended right now you should be

you should be offended every day you wake up in Australia. Yeah. Good reason. I think that that's important, though. This happened in fucking Chattanooga. Right? It happened in Chattanooga, and it made its way to national press. It's made its way to be

babbled about on this show. And, you know, the more they do this shit, and the more churches encourage this shit, the more they all seem like the Westboro Baptist Church. Yeah. The more they all seem... The more they become marginalized. Irrelevant.

You know, like, young people are going to look at this behavior and they're going to say, because young people, you know, the tide is turning. They don't give a shit if somebody's gay. It doesn't make any fucking difference. Attitudes, particularly of

younger generations, are much more progressive on the homosexuality issue. So as churches take these, they draw these fucking hard lines in the sand and they encourage this stuff. They just look more Westboro. They look less relevant. They look less like they speak to the

needs and desires of young people so they're not attractive. And less people are going to be drawn to fill their fucking coffers, and these churches are going to shut down. Yeah. You know, the funny thing about this, I suppose, is that they really honestly have no idea about what is in their own holy books. From what I remember of reading this story,

the priest was saying something like, the Bible speaks very clearly about homosexuality, and it really doesn't. You know, it kind of says, you know, in the Old Testament, obviously it has the stuff about no men playing hide the sausage with other men. But it has nothing, absolutely nothing in the Old Testament to say about homosexual women, about lesbians. No, no.

In the New Testament, there's that little tiny bit from one of Paul's epistles, I think it's Romans, that denounces sexual immorality, but it really doesn't go into any depth. And, you know, the very premise that this guy thinks that it's very plain in the Bible that lesbianism has been denounced, it kind of speaks to their own ignorance of their own goddamn religion. I mean, if you don't know what is in that holy book, what the hell are you doing? We've had, you know, as a preacher. We had a guest one time tell us, he's like, if that was my holy book, I would know every word of that book.

Because that meant that that would be, you know, the one thing that would get me into heaven. I would spend hours and hours and hours reading. I would spend all my life reading it. That would be the one thing that would get me into heaven. I would spend hours and hours and hours reading it. I would spend all my life reading it. That would be the only book I'd read. And there are some people like that. Yeah, there certainly are, but they tend to be atheists. They tend to be the ones who have actively gone through the book. Holy shit.

Guys, have you read this fucking thing? oh, holy shit. Guys, have you read this fucking thing? Have you actually seen? This doesn't look like it was written by intelligent human beings who really knew what they were talking about at all, ever. You know? No, man, like, you seriously, you could read Genesis and just put it down and be like, that's not true.

Yeah. And just walk away. You don't have to get through the whole book. You really don't. You just start off on that and you're like, no. No. One of the funniest things about Genesis is there are two Genesises. You know?

As if the first one wasn't bad enough with, you know, the plants being created before their sunlight, which they require for photosynthesis, i.e. survival, you know, the second one is even worse. You know, so they go through the first one and that's really bad and then the second one is basically a replication of the first one except, you know, it doesn't actually fix any of the holes that were created through the first plot. It just gets worse.

I mean, it's so dumb. Genesis is fan fiction of itself. It's a second Twilight movie. It really is. But it's actually funny in context. The idea is basically there were two Jewish tribes. They came together. They had their two, you know, tales of creation.

And because they were equal, I suppose, or they were in equal hierarchy or equal stature, they didn't want to get rid of each other's tale. So effectively those two tales were incorporated into the one book together. So, I mean, while it looks hilariously stupid to anybody who reads it ever, I mean, to them, I'm sure it means something. You'd kind of want to hope that it does mean something to someone somewhere at some point. So, Jake, I know that it's hard to find your podcast.

Yeah, the imaginaryfriendshow.com podcast. Yeah people were, I know that it's, it's hard to find your podcast. Um, but if people, the imaginary friends show.com podcast, one of the hardest podcasts to find on the internet. I don't know where they would go, but why don't you tell our listeners where they would find your awesome show? Okay. Imaginary friends show.com. And, uh, if you happen to listen this week, uh, we'll have the boys from cognitive dissonance on if i can stand them it was great having you on the show thanks for joining us it's always a pleasure thanks so much yeah jake thank you very much the blood cleanses us from all unrighteousness and i got news for you the measles are unrighteous. But this has affected some of our families. We do have a couple of families that I know of that most likely have been affected by it.

And it's extremely unpleasant. So Cecil, this story comes from NBCDFW.com. Church linked to Tarrant County measles outbreak. Pastor says measles battle is spiritual warfare. Either spiritual warfare, Cecil, or this church just not vaccinating people. That's one or the other, right? It could go either way. I mean, like you really have options.

Yeah, I love that. I love that the the woman who's talking here says there's a knee-jerk response to things like this because that's the health department and CDC's job to make everyone concerned and aware about it. But I want to remind people my age, remind anyone born before 1957 that we all had measles. We all had measles when we grew up, and we all had measles and the mumps and the chicken pox. So we don't take these things flippantly. We take them seriously, but we keep them in perspective. And I'm thinking, you know, you can go blind from measles and the mumps and the chicken pox. So we don't take these things flippantly. We take them seriously, but we keep them in perspective. And I'm thinking, you know, you can go blind from measles. You know, that's a possibility.

You know, I don't know. I kind of enjoy eyesight. That's kind of a feature of my life that I've come to love. You know what I mean? Like, you know, and just suddenly you go blind would kind of suck. I think that that would not be a thing that I would choose to do. Dude, he's calling this spiritual warfare led by the devil.

The person who brought this back traveled overseas. He described him as somebody full of hugs. I'm not even fucking kidding. Smith described the person who's believed to have contracted a disease on that mission as an outgoing person and full of hugs.

Well, listen, it's great to be full of hugs, but it's even better to be full of hugs when you're fucking vaccinated. Because being full of fucking hugs and unvaccinated might mean that you're full of measles. I like her response, too. She

says, the blood cleanses us from all unrighteousness. And I've got news for you. The measles are unrighteous. It has affected a few families. And I know a few of our families have been affected by it. And it's extremely unpleasant. And it's so like you didn't have to get it.

Well, you don't have to fucking like tell the family. You're just like, and you are unrighteous now. Right. You know, like you get to judge a family because they get fucking measles. Look, it's not fucking, it's not God up there just be like, hmm, which one do I want to give the measles to? Which I'm going to eeny, meeny, miny, moe. You know, like fucking catch a measles by the, you don't fucking do that. It's not, it's a fucking, it's a virus, man.

It's, to say like, well, this church is telling people not to get vaccinated it's it's similar to that story we covered last week i mean it's to a lesser degree but similar right like that where the churches are telling hiv patients not to take their fucking you know anti-retroviral drugs just stop making medical decisions i mean i am no fan of the non-overlapping magisteria bullshit like i think that's i don't think that's a good argument. But, like, subscribe to that at least for you to just decide. Just decide. Our church has no idea what it's talking about.

Yeah, I'm actually really fine with religious people believing in that non-overlapping magisteria. Sure. I don't fucking buy it. Who cares? I actually think that's a step up from the people who – because non-overlapping magisteria means creationism. At least if you have that – or pardon me. Overlapping magisteria would mean creationism. Non-overlapping would mean at least they'd have some experience with evolution or whatever, and then they'd also think about – so I'm actually a fan of it for people who are religious. Sure.

When I say I'm not a fan of it, I mean, I just don't subscribe to it myself. Oh, you personally, yeah, me neither. Yeah, I don't think it's a... Yeah, no, I think it's perfectly valid to attack religion. Right, and I don't think, like, that those two speak to different parts of the human experience. Like, I think that's nonsense. But regardless, like, this is a guy who's saying, like, well, back in 1957, you know, we all got measles.

You didn't live as long. Some of you went blind. And some people fucking died. Because occasionally people fucking die from that shit. Why would you want to go back to 19—who wants to go back to 1957? Well, it also takes—it also fucking neglects all the suffering, right? You've talked about this before. It's like, if I have a chance to take away the suffering of this disease from someone,

like, and I've talked about my experience with chicken pox because I got them when I was 17. And I talked about before several times on the podcast about my experience with chicken pox. It was horrible. And I would never want to go through that. I would never want to put, I wouldn't pick anybody in the history of humankind to go through what I went through. I wouldn't be like, eh, that's a thing Hitler should do. You know, I'd be like, well, maybe, no, no, let's think of something more lenient. It sucked, man. It was terrible. It was delirium for like three days. Like it was awful. Why would I want to put anyone through that? That's stupid. So the idea is like, you know,

you're preventing suffering. You're preventing these people from suffering. And then to go out and say, you know, to just have that, you know, complete lunacy that pops in, we're talking about a demon infested bullshit. And they're talking about how it's unrighteous. And you're just like, are you serious? You seriously believe that you're like unclean? What are they a fucking leper? Like, is that what you think? You weird fucking moron. What the fuck is wrong with you? As soon as you hear that word demon, as soon as you hear

somebody be like, well, it's demons. Oh, you have nothing to contribute to this conversation. I just turn off. I'm like, yeah, you're an idiot. You're fucking done here. So we're going to take a quick break, give you some information on how to get in touch with us and such, and then we'll be back. And Jake is not going to be with us at the end of the podcast.

He's only appearing in the beginning this time. So if you're fast-forwarding, furiously looking for Jake, you're just going to have to rewind and listen to Jake's section again. Want to get in touch with the show? Send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Be sure to follow the show on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Be sure to follow the show on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at dissonance underscore pod. Like the podcast page on Facebook at facebook.com forward slash dissonance pod, or just type cognitive dissonance into the Facebook search bar.

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Glory Hole, you fucking rock. Cecil, this story is fucking spectacular. This is from a very interesting website, Nightmare of Jesus. NightmaresofJesus.com, I'm sorry. How crayon drawings can tell if there are demons in your brain. This is demon phrenology, dude. That's what this is.

This is demon phrenology. I don't often advocate watching these fucking nutter videos. Usually I'm a guy that reads the transcript of them. I look at a lot of this shit at work and what have you. This is a video. It says BennyHinn.org at the bottom. It should say Benny Hill down at the bottom. Because it's a fucking joke.

They're like stand up and chase each other in fast motion around the table. Did you watch this video? Oh, God, yeah. I watched it twice. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. I did not have trouble masturbating to this video. It turned me on.

I think this is awesome. It's like a fucking, it's like they treat these people who are being tested as like kids at Olive Garden. You know what I mean? Here's your crayon. Go ahead and color it in. The best part, the very best part

of this video is the very end when they say well what colors? Because basically the concept is they give these people an image of the brain that's cut up into sections. And they're supposed to color that brain. And then when they color it, they look at it with colored pens. They look at it. They color it. And then they decide what color each of these pieces is going to be.

Then this guy looks at it and then says, oh, you've got demons in you because you use this color at this time or whatever. It's like, I mean, it's like fucking, it's a horoscope is what it is. It's ridiculous. But the best part is at the end when he's talking about it, he's like, well, what colors do people who are inhabited by demons use? And he's like, well, this black guy says, well, they use blacks and browns. And then he's like, and they use grays. and I'm thinking gray would be anatomically correct wouldn't it if you use gray like isn't the whole fucking brain gray

yeah well the best part for me is when the guy's holding up the picture of the brain and he's pointing to it he's like well this part of your brain is where your fucking oh yeah the nonsense fucking lives and he's just like he's just pointing to different parts of the brain. Right.

And he's just deciding like he's just deciding at random that these parts of your brain, which are huge, like it's just like a gross, huge, giant, picked like giant, enormous pieces. Like, yeah, this is where your, you know, self-control is at. Like, uh, this is where your, you know, self-control is at. Like, uh, what? Like, you have an overly mechanistic worldview. Like, that's not how. It's like your brain is a clockwork brain. Yeah, you just have, like, oh, where inside the brain is your car keys? Yeah.

Huh? That's not how that works. It's not. Your understanding of braining is not good, sir. Like what you know about fucking neuroscience could fit into, I don't know, your drawing of your brain. This isn't fucking Bioshock. You know what I mean? Like where you're just like, like you put a brain in another thing and then you use your fucking your steampunk glasses to make sure you could fucking connect it to another thing like

it's ridiculous but yeah the idea that you're just like taught like he's pointing to different parts of the brain i'm like this is where this originates i i you know i'm just like okay buddy whatever you gotta say but the coloring scheme part is the weirdest part and that really to me feels like it feels like a horoscope it feels like like he's giving out, you know, this is something that you could easily, it's tarot cards. I mean, this is a, all he's doing is just divining in a different way.

But the crazy thing is, is that this is a tarot card that these religious nutters believe. Like this is, this guy is like, this is one of those wacko guys. This is the guy from the fucking street fighter video that was whacking people with his coat. I mean, this is,

that was his guy. He's the Street Fighter preacher dude. You know his ministry is crazy. They are fucking nutters. The idea is that they're pulling in these people that are using the same tricks that all these other charlatans that pretend they are

divining the supernatural are using. They're just putting a different name on it. And it's clearly something he just made up! It's something he's making up as he's going along. It doesn't even sound like he has it fully cemented in his own brain yet.

How is it that somebody's interviewing him like, well, now we've got this guy who just made this up! Who just made it up! Who just made it up! He's like he's like the man on the street. Like literally the man on the street they just pulled in as quickly as they could.

Manhood is a problem and the Boy Scouts of course are going to lead the decline now since the final decision came down that the Boy Scouts as a national organization are going to invite homosexuals into the troops. Which is just a matter until they invite homosexuals,

active homosexuals, to be leaders of the troops. And pretty soon you're going to have the sodomy merit badge. Christians are fleeing like rats. Yeah. So after that, I guess it's incest. And then after that, it's the cannibal merit badge, where I guess you cut up human flesh, fry it there. But you have to cook it in a Dutch oven out in the wilderness.

So this comes from therawstory.com. Christian radio hosts, gay Boy Scouts will get merit badges for sodomy, incest, and cannibalism. I guess it beats selling Girl Scout cookies. Yeah. Made with real Girl Scouts, I guess. Christian radio broadcasters Kevin Swanson and Dave Buhner told their listeners that Boy Scouts are trying to find the thing that God really, really, really hates the most. One more. Really hates the most. One more, yeah.

By allowing gay members and soon the organization will be handing out merit badges for sodomy, incest, and cannibalism. I don't think those are on the roster. Like, I'm not part of the fucking Rainbow Council or whatever it is. Rainbow Council. That's really a thing for the Boy Scouts, too. That's awesome, man. I know. Whatever it is, the Boy Scouts. The Rainbow Council. That's really a thing for the Boy Scouts, too. That's awesome, man. I know.

Like, how can you have a Rainbow Council and hold off on the gays for so long? I know. They co-opted the Boy Scouts rainbow, those evil homosexuals. You know, when I read this, and if you listen to it below, because you could listen to it, they're clearly trying to make a joke. I mean, they're clearly trying to make a joke. And mean, they're clearly trying to make a joke. And actually, to be honest, it's kind of funny. Like when I listen to them, I'm like, oh, that's pretty funny.

Like that's kind of clever, like the way they make the joke. But I'm a different audience than their target audience. I know, right? You know what I mean? Like the first thing that occurs to me is like people on this show laugh at glory holes. And it like, OK, they're going to they might laugh at something like this. But if you have like an uptight Christian, how funny do you think they think this will be? Because I I really don't think you know your audience very well. Yeah, well, and and I think that they are making a joke.

But just like we're making a joke about a lot of things, we're also trying to make a point. lot of things, but we're also trying to make a point. I do think like when I do think that these guys really do think that they're, they're worried that, that society is trying to find the things that God hates and to make those things. Okay. Like that's like, that's really what's going on. And drawing that again, like, well, drawing that spurious connection between homosexuality and incest or homosexuality and child molestation or cannibalism or you know whatever it's like god even though you're making that joke you're making that joke but you're still kind of making a point oh yeah no i mean i agree i think that they are you know obviously they they are homophobes they're homosexual haters they are these are people

who dislike homosexuals in every way, you know, and they'll they'll look you in the face and be like, I just hate the thing. I just whatever the fuck you want to say. You're you're a jagoff is basically what you want to say. You're judging people and you're a jagoff. The one thing that really pissed me off like that incest comment doesn't piss me off as much. Right. And I also think there's a merit badge for incest already. I think you get a deformed kid. I think that's what you get. That's the worst merit badge ever. It's a terrible merit badge. It's like the one that you have to care for the most. But anyway, the other thing too, the one thing that pisses me off the most about this is the first part,

when they say manhood is a problem because they don't think that gay men are men. Yep. The idea that they're not men, that they are just because they're doing it is ridiculous. It's a stupid idea and it's a backwards idea. And that's that's insulting. Yeah, I mean, I totally agree with you. Like manhood is a problem. Really?

It is. Manhood's a problem only for these guys who feel threatened by the very existence of homosexuals. Like manhood is a problem for these guys who have such a narrow view of what it means to be a man that anything that exists outside of that scope, they don't know how to put it into their into its proper context. Like manhood is a problem for these guys. Manhood is not a problem for me. Manhood is not a problem for the gay men that I know. And, you know, just like, you know, it doesn't make a woman more masculine if she happens to be lesbian. Like it doesn't make a man more feminine. And there's varying degrees of how masculine and how feminine all of us are.

All of us are. Yeah, absolutely. which only heterosexual white males who fucking ride around smoking Marlboros can fucking attain, is just such utter horseshit. And look at this guy. Look at this weenie-looking little dude. I'm sorry, but no. No. Look, all the gay men I've met are way fitter than this guy.

They will beat his candy ass. Not that that's the measure of your manhood. I'm just making a joke. Right, right. That's how I feel too. I think that there is – it doesn't matter whether you're gay or straight. There's a level of feminine side to you and masculine side to people. feminine side to you and masculine side to people. And, you know, to say that there's just one cookie cutter outlook is to look at the world really simply. But, you know, I mean, that's

what these people do. They look at the world really simply. They look at the world and they say, OK, well, you know, God created in seven days and fucking we rode around on dinosaurs. And, you know, I mean, like all the fucking dumb shit that comes with being a creationist dummy, you know, all that stuff is incorporated. And it's like, well, a man is a man and a woman is a woman. And, you know, I mean, listen, that fucking Jagoff we're talking about last week, who's not going to make his daughters independent. You know, there's a Jagoff who thinks that a man is a man. It's a man's job and I'm a man.

I'm going to do a man, man, man, man, man. You're just like, OK, dude. Yeah, it's a lady. Don't protest too much. You know, it totally is. I will say that I love the idea of some of these badges, though. And my favorite, I think, is the sodomy badge. And I wonder, like, what the test for that would be.

I think, you know, you could award, you know, maybe, like, how far they could shove something up their ass with the sodomy badge. And I guess if, you know, like, if you were, say, the Eagle, what is it, the highest is the Eagle Scout, right? Right, right. So if you're an Eagle Scout, then you whittle down your own dildo and you make your own lube out of like – You got to chop down a tree and fuck it. Yeah. Then you got to make your own lube out of tree bark or something like that. You got to start a little – rub your hands together some way.

Tree bark. You got to figure out some way to do it, right? It's a terrible lube. Terrible lube. They make better lube now. But you're roughing it. Well, all those guys that got stuck on the side of that mountain in the Andes, they got their cannibalism badges. Yeah, they totally did.

It's just like all it says is Donner Party on the side of it. That's the cannibalism badge. The incest badge really makes it awkward when you want to help your kid out in the scouts. You know, and they come to you like, Dad, you know, I'm looking to get this new badge. And, you know, it could be a twofer, the sodomy and incest all at once. Yeah, you could totally get a twofer there. That's for sure. The cannibalism one, and maybe you like the Eagle Scout one, is like the Ed Gein badge.

You make a tent out of a human or something like that you're just like well i tan the hides and i made a little teepee out of the bones you know like stand in front of the rest of their like cub scout or boy scout pack or group or murder of crows or whatever they call themselves like if they're cannibal it's a murder that's for sure they gotta like show it off like and this is the lampshade i made from human skin so i'm getting my evil nazi badge so that's good that'll be fun that's gonna be awesome so for example julius genachowski the outgoing fcg chairman who works apparently in collusion with president obama has not enforced decency standards in even four years. So let's trace the spiritual root here, right? This man is not only violating the law, but failing to protect your

children. And so there's perhaps a demonic spirit of tyranny or immorality inside of him. He may be a lawyer. He may be a polished man. man he may be very intelligent obviously very successful with his political career and yet the demonic spirit influences him to abuse and dare i say molest and visually rape your children so cecil this story comes from rightwingwatch.org and this is this is my new best friend this is my new best friend. This is my new, like... This guy's awesome. You find him every week. This guy has got new stupid shit to say. Klingerschmitt. The FCC is letting demonic spirits molest and visually rape your children. Visually rape?

Visually rape your children. So he's basically saying that because the FCC has been more lax than he would like them to be in the enforcement of morality standards. If your kids watch TV, demons fuck their eyeballs. And they get merit badges for this, too. Demons do. It's got a little Beelzebub skull fucking some kid. And they get merit badges for this too. Demon's Zoo. It's got a little Beelzebub. Like skull fucking some kid. It's one of those.

You know what it is, Cecil? It's one of those things that like when you turn it out of the side, it seems to be moving. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like you used to get the Cracker Jacks. So it looks like its hips are fucking the kid's face. Oh, please. Whoever is thinking about this, do not draw it for us. Okay? Please do not draw this.

I don't want that in our email. I'll fucking shut that email down. Yeah, I will shut it down as fast as possible. This guy is just a fucking joke. You know, not only is he a snappy dresser, but the rest of it, just his brain is just blobbed up at this point. What do you, what do you, I mean, you know, first off is he a snappy dresser, but the rest of it, just his brain is just blobbed up at this point. What do you, I mean, you know, first off, he's talking about, you know, he's just like smashing. This guy is perfect for the tea party.

We talked about it before. He just smashes things together. government, scare people about demons, you know, and use censorship all in the same thing to try to like, you know, manipulate all those piece, all those strings that, you know, can manipulate people all in one just vomit phrase that he can spit out where he talks about how, you know, there's going to be demons that are fucking your kid's eyes because, you know, hey, look out. It's like there's a lax FCC. That's what's causing it.

Because, you know, and what happened to small government? Isn't this guy like a libertarian talking about guns and how Jesus is going to fucking wield his sidearm and shit like that and fucking have a pearl handled pistol or something? It's got to have a hole in it though. There's got to be a hole because that's where it attaches

to his hand. Maybe it'll have a peg in it. It's got a peg, not a hole. It's got a peg. Yeah, there you go. So it's got a peg on the side. He's quick draw that way. It spins around. It's almost like a G.I. Joe guy, you know, where they have the little pegs and the holes on their feet and you put them in different things. Anyway, so in any case, he's talking about like Jesus

owning guns and how you should sell all your clothes and buy a gun a couple weeks ago. That to me seems like kind of crazy libertarian. Like, okay, well, you know, government's coming after you. But in this case, he's like bitching that the government isn't doing enough? Yeah. Wait, I thought you were talking about like fucking, you know, let's stop the government from doing, you know, getting too much power. And you're like, well, we want to give them more power by telling us not to say fuck or not showing your kid a boobie?

Well, that's the thing, though, right? It like it's neither side they don't want small government they just want different government they want the pieces they don't like to be small they want the pieces they do like to be big it's nobody wants a small government they just want to constrict what they don't like and expand what they do like they just's just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It's bullshit. It's liars. You know, I particularly like the idea that he says demonic spirits are using lax

FCC enforcement as if fucking magic monsters from hell are worried about FCC enforcement. Let's get the kids. Let's fuck them. There's laws that were passed. The FCC will come at us. Back to hell.

Really? Really? The FCC is like the holy water or something. And they just like, it's just like spray. They spray. If they spray your TV with FCC juice, then the demons can't come out or the demons do come out, right? It would be a fucking awesome cartoon to have FCC man fight the demons. Yeah.

Like they just like roll out and they got like a briefcase and they're like in kind of a shitty suit because the FCC probably doesn't pay that good. So they just pop out there like, no, we have paperwork. And the demon's like, no, paperwork. And they like shrink back. They're hissing. You know. You want answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this also comes from rightwingwatch.org. I'm going to have to write him a fucking thank you letter come Christmas time. I know, man. We have to see if we can be the podcast of Right Wing Watch. That would be fantastic.

Like the official Right wing watch podcast. Brian Fisher. Wow. 90 percent of Americans think gay sex is disgusting and repulsive. Newsflash, Brian Fisher. 90 percent of Americans think that sex with 90 percent of Americans is repulsive and disgusting. If you stop and imagine 90% of Americans having sex. And I will actually back that up because how much of the population is elderly? How much of the population are children?

Right. And then you just, you just take those out of the equation and you take all the people you don't find take those out of the equation. And you take all the people you don't find physically attractive out of the equation. Like, we probably are only attracted to 10% or less of the population. Anyway. Like, I think this is just, like, a thing. Like, I look down, I walk down the street and I'm not like, man, I'd like to see that person fucking somebody.

That's not. What? It's not just gay sex, dude. Well, I would, you know, the other thing, too, is I would argue it'd be like, okay, well, let's take a poll of dudes and see how many have watched lesbian porn. Right. Right. That's all of the dudes. If we find homosexual, if we find homosexual behavior repugnant and disgusting, how many have viewed it?

How many have looked at it? I mean, we've looked at pictures of it multiple times over and over in slow motion. You know what I mean? Like, are you kidding me? The idea that, you know, and it's, and, you know, he's talking about dudes. He's not talking about women. He's talking about dudes because that's what, because that's what makes him go, ooh. Right.

You know what I mean? That's what him, that's what makes him. And, you what i mean that's what him that's what makes him and you know the thing is is like who fucking cares who cares what they're doing you know i mean like it's like walking on the street being like i bet you that person masturbates right i bet you that person master what do they masturbate to like you're a creep stop thinking that you know why do you think that? Don't think that. That's weird. Don't be a creep. You know, it's like, it's the same thing. Or it'd be like, you know, I wonder what their panties smell like.

Like, you're at that same level. You're just a creep level when you think like, man, I wonder what it's like when gays are having sex. Oh, that grosses me out. You're like, you fucking grossed yourself out, stupid. You're the one who thought the thought. Just stop imagining other people you don't know having sex. It's like the solution. The solution to your problem is your fucking problem, first of all.

Just identify, like, you've got a fucking fantasy problem. You don't know how to control your fucking imagination. That's what's happening here. Like, this guy's walking around. fucking imagination yeah that's what's happening here like this guy's walking around he's like oh i don't like thinking about all those hot sweaty men touching and rubbing each other all over ew i just get so grossed out in fact i'm so grossed out i'm gonna go take a nap yeah i'm gonna go i'm gonna go look on the internet for some more research about gay men. Shut the fuck up,

dude. If you really are that disgusted by somebody else's sexual activity, I have a new thing. This is something I can suggest that he try. Right, sure, yeah. Just don't fucking think about it. Yeah, right. It's easy. Don't ask people what they do in the bedroom.

I don't ask people what they do in the bedroom. I don't ask people what they do in the bedroom. I don't turn to my people that I like. I never turn to my fucking coworkers and be like, hey, what do you guys like to do? Like when you're fucking. Like what? Yeah. Specifically. I want specific details when you're fucking each other.

Yeah. I'm not asking for your suggestions on what lube to use at work. You know what I mean? I'm not just like, so, you know, I kind of like the KY, but is there something else you guys use that might be, you know, do you use cooking oil or anything? Because it's high friction, high heat, you know, won't it start smoking? You know what I mean?

Like, I don't ask people that question. You know what I mean? I'm not asking, like, you know, I don't go to this single girl at work and be like, so what do you recommend for, like, dildos? I'm trying to get, you know, I'm trying to do a little anal penetration. So I'm thinking, you know, I want to go small. You know, who does that? Nobody does that unless you work in a sex shop. Like that's the only place that that's a fucking appropriate conversation.

Everywhere else you're fucking visiting human resources that afternoon. Hey there. This is Ina. I'm listening to your crime podcast. I just had to pause when you guys started talking about forgiveness and that house or a priest or whatever that was diddling the 8-year-old, which I think is fucking disgusting. There's just so much of that reeks of a Jerry Sandusky case that is disgusting. so much of that reeks of a Jerry Sandusky case that is disgusting.

Anyway, what I was thinking of is that this priest is more one-dimensional than the character of Xena in Xena Warrior Princess. Alright? That's my favorite show of all time. And in the third season

there's an episode where Xena can be forgiven for all her sins. So before she turns dead, Xena was a pretty evil chick, and they go into her past in the series. And I'm just, like, thinking, like, this dude is more cartoonish than a 90s camp TV show, which I absolutely adore. And also I love the fact that Xena is an atheist herself, even though she constantly talks to Ares

and Aphrodite and everything, but she's still thinking of her foreship, so that's pretty great. So, yeah, Xena, I think, is the best example of you know, she wouldn't take the chance to be absolved of her sins just because

it wasn't right for her. My sister's like, oh yeah, I'm you know, I've been forgiven. Like, okay. Alright, so I'm going to go into a little mini Xena rant and point that out. So hopefully there's some other Xena nerds out there that understand my reference.

Alright, bye-bye. So we got an email from Dave and Dave says, I should say David because he's from the UK and they might get mad. So it's David. David sends us a message, and he talks about Jenny McCarthy, and the best part here is it turns out that she's now selling fake cigarettes. Yeah, those weird e-cigarettes, I guess, like the electronic cigarette. Nicotine injector things. Right.

Yeah, I guess that's what she's selling now. I mean, it's any tube to insert into her mouth, I guess, right? Oh, no. But, you know, David makes a good point. He says. Oh, no. That's the wrong thing to say. He says, I presume if she switched to e-cigarettes,

then she must have been a smoker of ordinary cigarettes. So no to vaccines, but yes to something proven to shorten your life. Right, right. Well, she gets Botox, too. And Botox, right. Well, she gets Botox, too. And Botox, right? Yeah, she gets Botox, too. Right. Yeah, well, she's going with the e-cigarette now.

So that's just a... Which is... We don't know what that's going to do either. It's like a vapor thing. Yeah, nobody knows what it's going to do yet. Because you haven't had 30 years worth of medical experiments happening. All right, this is mean, and I don't really mean this, but wouldn't it be kind of awesome

if it somehow caused adult autism? Oh, no. I don't really mean that. I don't want that to be true. I don't want it to be true either. Phil sends us a message, Tom, and he had a little deconversion story, and you thought it was pretty funny.

He did. He and his wife were having dinner with a local minister and his wife, a pastor and his wife. And the guy gets up and leaves. And at one point, my wife and I were momentarily alone with the youth minister's wife, Ruth, who took the opportunity to open up. Speaking of the pastor's wife, Ruth said, quote, I really wish I could be a bit more like Jill and just do whatever my husband told me to, but sometimes I have these thoughts. Oh, no. Wow.

Yeah. They got up and left and, uh, fuck. I mean, when somebody's complaining about having, I just wish I could just be a subservient dumbass, but occasionally I can't turn my fucking brain off. Well, Phil, we're glad to see that you're on a different side now. And he drew us a picture, too, of a G-string stealing goblin. It's awesome. It's pretty awesome. So we're going to put it on this week's show.

It's episode 113 there will be a g-string wearing goblin as one of the images i like that it's saying don't judge yeah i like that too that's pretty awesome we got an email from andrew and andrew says that uh he's really enjoying some of our old shows we put out a ton of shows and he's very happy and he's just he says I'm sure you guys have podcast related expenses but have you considered charging per show, begging for donations or some kind of membership program? No, we're not interested in

most of that stuff. We don't beg for donations. There's a donation button on our website but we don't normally beg for donations. I don't think we really mention it very often. I will sit pretty or roll over. We did. You do't think we really mention it very often. I will sit pretty or play dead. You do that really well. The play dead part. You're very good. But, you know, we did for a while when we were going to Tam, we would mention it. We would say, hey, if you want

to help send us to Tam, you could donate. But at this point, we're not really kind of hawking that. In fact, this week, we'd actually prefer you didn't donate to us. The upstate atheists are still trying to get to their $2,000 goal for packages for the homeless. And they came pretty close this week. We're a little over, I want to say, $500 to go. Our listeners contributed a ton of money. I want to read off all the people that told us. Now, I'm sure there might be more, but I'm going to read off all the people that actually sent us messages and told us that they donated. Caitlin, John Y., Brian, Dave, Ross, RCT Comp, Pontus, Don, Amanda, Janet, Don, Jen, Zach, John M., Kathleen, Michael, Rick, Lars, and Arthur.

Awesome. Thank you guys so much for donating. They all sent proof. Tom and I donated 50 bucks, and we're going to try to get these people over the hump. So again, we're going to do the same thing we did last week. You guys donate. You guys prove to us that you donate up to $50 this week. We will donate another $50 to help make sure that this goal gets reached.

They have like 30-some days to reach the goal. So chances are somebody else is going to start donating, but more money means more packages. More money means more care for the homeless. So please, if you have some spare change and you were thinking, hey, these cognitive dissonance guys are fuckers, but I should probably donate a couple of dollars to them. Fuck us this week. Do not donate any money to us. Please donate it to this cause because we think it's a worthy cause. Yeah, absolutely. Our listeners have been incredibly generous with us, and we'd like for them to take that generosity and turn it towards something worthwhile.

Worthwhile. Yeah. We want to thank, by the way, we told people not to donate last week, but some people just were like, fucking don't tell me what to do. So Lars, Dave, and John Y., thank you for your donations to our show. Thank you. You're going to help continue making the podcast what it is. And we want to thank everybody who donates. But please, this week, we ask that you donate to this.

We're going to put another link to this Indiegogo campaign on our site. They're close. They are very close. And we'd like to see them hit this mark. So, Andrew, to answer your question, if you want to donate to something, I say donate to this cause. So, Andrew, to answer your question, if you want to donate to something, I say donate to this cause. Got a couple pictures from Lee, and we're going to actually use one of these pictures on our website this week on episode 113. This one, the one I'm going to use is the Lord's Gym.

You're just going to have to see it. Someone is doing, Jesus is doing push-ups with a cross on his back, and it's fucking awesome. It is super great. Yeah, I don't think that's helping. Yeah. The cross does not look. Yeah, I think, Tom, they scaled his workout. He's a CrossFitter, so they scaled it. Gerald contacted us this week talking about our FeedBurner feed,

and he had said that our FeedBurner feed wasn't working, and I went and checked, and it wasn't updating. And the problem was is that when I copy and paste, and this is kind of technical, but when I copy and paste, a bunch of junk code gets copied and pasted with it because I'm really lazy, and I don't feel like fucking running things

through several different programs in order to post something because at the end of like four hours of mixing, I'm fucking done. So I just copy and paste stuff, and when I copy and paste, it brings a bunch of junk code with it. Well, that junk code gets put into our RSS feed. So when that gets put into our RSS feed, that means that hyperlinks don't work in our RSS feed if I want to keep our RSS feed small.

So that means that if you see our RSS feed in the future, you may find that there's no hyperlinks on it. That's okay. All the hyperlinks still exist. They're all still on our website at dissonancepod.com. They just won't be in the feed in the future because I'm not going to go back through 100 episodes worth of junk code and delete it. That's not going to happen. So we had to shut out the extra HTML code that gets coded into the RSS feed automatically. If you understood that, great. If you didn't, great. But just understand that you're not going to be able to be on your phone and be on our RSS feed and be able to click links. You'll have to go to our website. RSS? Yeah, I know.

So we got it. One of our Google Voices was someone saying glory hole a bunch of times. Tom, why don't you read the Google Voice? Google got this one perfect. Hey, Cognitive, what's going down the already water? A report would love to have

to the High Herald. They gave them the High Herald. That's a good one. What? Every part of that was wrong. Hey, when you sing shit, you can't expect them to get that shit right. They didn't get it even remotely close to partially right. And they still

got Cognitive somehow. I know. Cognitive wasn't in there, though. That's what I'm saying. I know they got, well, cognitive wasn't in there though. That's the thing. That's what I'm saying. Like, how do they get cognitive out of that? I wonder if there's an algorithm because some people will mention cognitive on their thing.

And so that they just, I wonder if they use like a certain, I don't know, whatever. Maybe, maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's just a coincidence. It's magic.

That's what it is. It's demons. Just whatever you do, don't call the Saudi Arabian magic police. We got an email from Chris and Chris lived around here actually. He says he lives, he grew up in

Genoa, Illinois. And he was talking about how he works at a place where they use CO2 laser cutters. And this person who owns the building and owns the laser cutters was walking around with a priest, I guess, blessing all the equipment. It was like flicking water on like these really expensive machines. And the best part though, was at the end when he stopped dousing my machine with

his voodoo, I love that he calls it voodoo. He asked me a couple of questions. I explained to him how the laser and the rest of the system works. He said how it was amazing that light can be powerful enough to cut through steel. I said, yeah, isn't science great? That's awesome. That's great. That's awesome. Tormenting priests. That's great stuff.

So we want to thank Jake from imaginaryfriendshow.com podcast for coming on. Jake's show is very funny. It's very similar to ours. He covers a lot of news items. He's a funny guy. He has a lot of news items. He's a funny guy. He has a lot of great guests, so you guys should give him a shot. We are actually going to be on his show this week, so it's probably going to be posted before our show even goes live.

There will be a post of his show, so you can listen to us flounder around and pretend to know things about science that we don't really know because he had a lot of science stories, it turns out. He did. Like, that's not our. Yeah, that's not our. We don't really have a forte, so to speak. But we extra don't have that one.

Definitely not. Definitely not science stories. But it was great hanging out with Jake this week. So we want to shove you guys over to that show. If you guys want to listen to it, you can find it at imaginaryfriendshow.com. And the podcast is right there. I want to thank Jake again for coming on. He's an awesome dude.

Yeah, he is. It would almost be worth living upside down to meet that guy. Yeah, just living upside down briefly. Right. Yeah, because, I mean— I can't. I'm not a fucking bat. I ain't going down there unless I have one of those hamster balls that keeps me safe from everything.

I would visit Australia in any of your finest suits of armor. Well, we're going to leave you as always with the Skeptic's Creed. Gradulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble,

pseudai, quasi,, alternative acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, watered, downward, spiral, brain, deadpan, sales pitch, light night, info, docutainment, Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death and towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, bigfoot yeti, aliens, church mosques and synagogues, temple dragons, giant worms,

Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy devil-speak, stigmata nonsense, expose your sides, thrust your hands, bloody evidential conclusive, I like your boobies, doubt, even this, that's cognitive dissonance! The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. So, yeah, the bull koalas.

What did you say? They're seven ounces heavier? Now tell me about the bull koalas. They can't be any lighter. They can't be any heavier than seven ounces more than the other one, right? Seven ounces is all cock, baby. Yeah, it's all. Seven ounces, that's all you need.

It's bigger than a baby's arm. Oh, I love it. Yeah, the bull koalas, because it's approaching mating season right now. The bull koalas, which is the male koalas, they get quite territorial. And they'll scratch your fucking eyes out. Like they will jump out of a tree and scratch your eyes out. And they are vicious motherfuckers. You are not fucking convincing me to travel to Australia.

Think about yourself at your drunkest. You're all sloppy drunk. Somebody looks at you wrong and you just throw haymaker punches at them. That type of drunk. Remember that koalas are basically drunk 100% of the time because of their diet. Their diet is a tree that, you know, that is 100% alcohol, effectively. Eucalyptus is an alcohol.

It's a toxin. So they're drunk the entire time. So they're just like, I'm fucking, you're close to my fucking tree. You're trying to finger my wife, you motherfucker. So they just jump out of the tree and call your eyes out. So anyway, it's mating season at the moment. And man, you should hear these bastards because they are so loud.

And if you Google a koala mating sound, it is the most scary sound that you've ever heard because it's pitch black. It's pitch black and all you hear is this. And it's a fucking tree teddy bear. It's like a fucking teddy ruxpin. It's the size of a goddamn Furby. If I saw a koala, I'd be shoving tape up

its ass. Same motherfucker. Now read me a story. If I wasn't afraid enough of the fucking sharks that you have down there, the goddamn jellyfish, the gimpy, gimpy plant, all the fucking insects and snakes and shit, now you gotta make me afraid of koalas

too. Thanks, Jake. Never coming. It's pretty funny. Never coming down. Actually, speaking of jellyfish, you want to know something funny about Australian jellyfish, right? The most deadly jellyfish that we have in Australia is adorable, right? Is that little blue one?

Yeah, it's called, no, no, no. That's the, what are they called? The blue something. You've got a blue-winged octopus that'll fuck you up for now. No, we've got the blue-ringed octopus, which is a really cute little octopus as well. It's tiny. It's like smaller than your pennies.

And it's deadly. It's adorable. It's not much punch. It's a pretty little blue colour as well, but it'll kill you. But no, the most adorable little jellyfish that we've got, like it's like one tenth of an inch. It's called the Irukandji jellyfish. And one sting from an Irukandji will set your neurological system firing

and you will be in the most intense pain that you have ever been in your entire life for like three or four days until the toxin leaves your system, right? Why is this alive? Most people die of heart attacks during that time just because of the extreme intensity of the sting. And that's like one tiny little sting from a jellyfish that's like one-tenth of an inch.

Why don't we use these as bullets? Come to Australia. Why do they even exist anymore? We have fucking eradicated so many species that didn't need to be eradicated. I would much rather have a fucking condor around than these fucking things. I'd rather have a fucking T-Rex.

At least you know what you're talking about. Seriously, if somebody said, what's better for the world to still be around? Something that's a tenth of an inch long and sets your neurological system on fucking fire so you can't avoid it i don't there's just no way you're just like look at the draw maybe i just got set on fire in the ocean whatever i love your country or a t-rex you're like well that's fucking big and you can see that coming and if you need to shoot it, you've got plenty of time. Okay, the T-Rex is actually less dangerous. It's true.

And, you know, Australia has these other things as well. Have you ever heard of the platypus? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've heard of the platypus. Yeah, yeah. So it's like a duck crossed with a seal, a small seal. It's like something that didn't really spend... It's like a lemon animal sewn together is what it is.

It's like an animal that didn't spend enough time in the evolutionary pressure cooker, but sort of, you know, kind of got there, but really didn't. It's called a monotreme. It's a mammal that still lays eggs. And anyway, so it's absolutely adorable. It's got like a bill, like a duck, and it's really cute, and you pick it up, and then it's got a poisonous spine on its back.

What? For no reason. For no reason. There's a reason. Cecil, don't even be surprised. Of course it's poisonous. Right? Fucking of course it's poisonous.

I would assume the fucking beer there. You know what? The beer there probably is poisonous. The fucking kangaroos ride around with fucking guns in their pouches, and they just fucking beer there. You know what? The beer there probably is poisonous. The fucking kangaroos ride around with like fucking guns in their pouches and they just fucking shoot you. They're like all packing. It's true. Did you know that kangaroos can

actually, they can retract their testicles up into their innards? Oh, I can do that when it's cold enough. If I jump in a cold enough body of water, that happens to me too. It's right in the back of the throat. That's useful, actually.

But they can. If you ever get into a fight with a kangaroo, just don't kick it in the nuts because it will have retracted its balls. What conceivable thing is the kangaroo going to say or do to me that's going to cause me to be like, oh, that's it, motherfucker. We are throwing down. No, they will fuck you up. If you're in an area where there's a bunch of kangaroos around and you're standing up tall, you know,

they think that basically you're taller than them, they will size you up and fuck you up. They will come and kick you and scratch your face and they've got serious claws. Your fucking country is a Monty Python skit. It's all the fucking rabbit that's going to bite your goddamn head off in the fucking Holy Grail. Like, that's all your wildlife. Yeah, you know, Australia was separated from, you know, effectively the rest of the world.

Because it couldn't behave. It's on permanent time out. Separated from, you know, effectively the rest of the world for what... Because it couldn't behave. Yeah. Because it was 100 poisonous spikes. It's on permanent timeout. It was part of Pangea and they were like, fuck it. You're out of here, son.