Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 114: Ejokeulation

Episode Date: September 3, 2013

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Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Glory hole, guys. Long time ago you asked us to message in and tell you the craziest thing we ever prayed about. Prayed for a long time to not be gay. Still gay. Funny how that worked. Hey Tom, Cecil. This is Redneck Devil. I know y'all got Hillbilly God on there all

the time and I've been thinking, I've been trying to talk that son of a bitch for 2,000 fucking years and y'all got him on there every goddamn week. Y'all tell that asshole I ain't waiting around for no fucking Armageddon. I got a pickup truck load of whip ass and I ain't afraid to use it. If you come on down here and use it again. Shit! Tireless bullshit. Trying to straighten this shit out. I'm just trying to offer up my opposing point of view on y'all's show. It ain't all that. And offer my services as a conversationalist and a rhetoric rhetoricer and invite y'all

down next weekend because the Bubba Dunk Hill is called and I like y'all and y'all can come on down drink Budweiser and shit glory all hallelujah. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance.

Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 114, the Armageddon episode. Which is what I say to preface that if you hear thunder, it is because it is raining like a son of a bitch. And if the show is short, it's because I lost power. And if you hear Japanese karaoke, it means that the world has turned itself inside out.

Earlier in the day, you may have actually heard that had we recorded about a block and a half. I was telling Cecil earlier about a block and a half i was telling cecil earlier about a block and a half away there's people doing i don't know if it's japanese but it's clearly asian karaoke because i rode my bike there snooping last night when they were doing the same thing well whenever i hear asians whenever i hear asians caterwauling i drive my bike places to see too i was sitting in i was upstairs in my own house and I'm hearing this crazy discordant whatever going on. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Who is killing what right now?

Is there like a cat fighting another cat fighting another cat? What the fuck is going on out there? It's like a gladiator arena. So I go outside. Yeah, Armageddon. That's just the Armageddon. They're trying to stop the show.

They can't do it. Hillbilly God's got nothing. So I go outside on my bike and I ride over and I ride a fucking full block and a half over before I find them. They've got big screen TV set up in their driveway and big studio speakers and a bunch of lawn chairs. And they're all just karaoke-ing. Is that a thing? Can you do that? I don't think so.

I'm not sure you can verb that word. You can't verb it. And they were doing it again today for hours. I went outside with my laptop to sit outside and write for a little while. I'm like, oh, this will be nice and relaxing. The kids across the street playing with some friends. I'll sit outside and write. So I sat outside with the laptop, had a nice cup of coffee

and I just hear a fucking and it sounds all crazy because it's like a block and a half away so I can't understand any part of it anyway I love your impression of the karaoke you like that? they didn't invite me over no, actually

you would be competition for the machine creating the music. I sound like when you put the microphone too close to the speaker. And it just starts screaming. It's just the feedback sound. That's awesome. And you know, the reason why it's thunder and lightning is, like you say, hillbilly guys trying to shut us down. It's not really that.

It's just him going, I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. Turn your fucking monitor up, God. You just gotta twist the dial, you dumb shit. No, it's him sticking his hands in his ears going, can't hear you now. Listen. La la la la. Kaboom.

One of the challenges we face is that a lot of people who fancy themselves our elites, right? Because they're the people that made a lot of people who fancy themselves our elites, right, because they're the people that made a lot of money, their names are all over the media and so forth, they have really signed on to an agenda that requires the depopulation of the globe. And in the name of fighting global climatological change called global warming, except that that's been proven to be totally wrong, they are saying that

uh... we've got a compact that population of the world they'll get gave up they must talk good back in two thousand and nine in which you were talking about actually up you've been back the nations which are supposed to keep people healthy in a lot and playing how this could lead to a pick uh... uh... to uh... uh... protect% reduction in the population of the globe as a way to achieve this result. Ted Turner, the founder of theater, is known for saying that the total

population of 250 to 300 million people, there's another group that said 500 million, would be the ideal for the Earth. And you sit there thinking to yourself, well, how do these people intend to get us from 6 billion, which is close to where we're at right now, down to 250, 300 million or 750 million by culling the population? So our first story comes from the raw story. Our first story comes from the raw story. Gohmert. Scary that liberal elites would use vaccines for calling the population of humans.

Representative Louie Gohmert on Monday said that it was a scary thought that elites could be calling the population with vaccines to preserve the Earth's resources. Cecil, I agree. If any part of that sentence was actually true, I would find that scary as well. Shit, yeah. It would be scary as hell. That's why when people are like, yeah, if Cthulhu existed and was eating humans and drinking their blood, that would be scary, wouldn't it? Yeah, but it's a fantasy. Right. So it's not a real thing that actually happened.

There's lots of things that if they did happen would be scary. There would be a real pisser if that was going to actually happen. But this is just the fucking crazy made up imagination of Louie Gohmert. It's actually it's even worse than that because Louie Gohmert can't even think this up on his own. He needs Alan Keyes to tell him that. Why is Alan Keyes still being interviewed for a thing? Like, I can see Alan Keyes being interviewed for, say, release from a mental institution. Right, sure.

Yeah, like put the parole, whatever the parole board would be for that. Right, like they wheel him out on the dolly. He's got the Hannibal Lecter mask on. on the dolly. He's got the Hannibal Lecker mask on. They wear those Kevlar no-stabby gloves and they pull the thing off his face. He says, Republican

Louie Gohmert, love the suit. And his senator, right? He could say senator. That would be fucking terrific. We should get him on the show and see if we can get it i bet they would do this story toughen your nipples oh man well alan keyes you know right he's a fucking idiot right like why would anybody talk to him i don't know why this guy would talk to him but even weirder is this guy is filling in on a radio station well not really radio but it's like Family Research Council fucking yammerings, right?

He's on, like, during his off session, he's like, oh, you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to go be fucking really crazy on the radio. Like, this is a guy, okay, a public fucking figure, an elected official is saying it's scary that liberal elites are using vaccines to call the population for real you're a fucking elected official don't you think you should fucking couch your language a little bit before you terrify all of your idiot fans about fucking vaccines you know and then and then he also says in here that keys warned that elites had a plan to reduce the number of people, and this I love, in the world to 700 million. What? 700 million from 7 billion? I thought he meant by 700 million.

To 700 million. Holy shit. Are you for real? The 700 million couldn't bury the rest of them. Like, what could you do? Like, a fucking asteroid couldn't do that. Hold on a second, Tom. I want to Google real quick.

When was the population of the world at one billion? It is estimated the world population reached one billion for the first time in 1804. 1804, dude. We're going to roll back the fucking clock 210 years. Yeah, man, that's fucking an outrageous thing to say. An outrageous thing to say. There's no elites asking for. And I got to I got to take issue with anybody who uses that word, like that elites.

We got to worry about the elites. Really? That's who you need to worry about? That's who you spend your time worrying about is the elites. I spend my time worrying about the other side of the coin, right? I spend my time worrying not about the people who got themselves some brain thinkings. Like those folk pretty much have their shit handled and there's nothing i'm gonna be able to do about that i spend my time

worrying about the fucking dumbasses not the elites i hate this anti-intellectualism that is sold and it's sold by people by and large with fucking college degrees who are rich. They are elites. Yeah. They are fucking elites by every reasonable measure of the word. This is a guy who ran for president of the United States. I know. You can't be more elite than that. You really can't. I'm just like you.

I'm just a normal normal everyday sort of guy you know hey shucks and gosh golly i just am a regular old folk who happens to be a political activist and author a former diplomat and a candidate for public office you know just another hey hey hey howdy just another regular folk like you yeah like you dude He hasn't put in a day's work in years, you know. Right. And that's the thing, too, is like you're saying that vaccines are going to kill a bunch of people down. I mean, because you basically have to kill six billion people, right?

So how do you kill six billion people with vaccines? I mean, where are the people dying from the vaccines? Where are those people? Why are we just is there like some hole that the AMA has dug where they're just dumping the corpses and we don't know about it because the American Medical Association is so busy with their steam shovels? Is there burial crews, like secret conspiratorial burial crews burying these people somewhere like it's a fucking another Holocaust? No, you dumb motherfucker. You're fucking lying to people. Yeah, and you're just making,

it's obviously just a bunch of shit that's made up. You know, he cites that Bill Gates gave a famous talk back in 2009, which he was talking about actually abusing vaccinations, which are supposed to keep people healthy and alive, and saying how this could lead to a 15% reduction in the population of the globe as a way to achieve this result. The result being to fight global warming by killing people, I guess, from his previous crazy conversation piece that he was. Everything this guy says makes less sense than the thing he said previously.

This sounds like trying to keep track of this argument is a fucking fool's errand. It sounds like there's like a song. It's like he swallowed a fly to catch the thing, to do the thing, to do the other thing. You know what I'm talking about? Right? Right.

There's like a song about that. We're like, somebody swallowed a bunch of shit to catch a bunch of other shit. That's what this is. It's like he gave him the vaccines to kill the population, to stop global warming, to fucking please Bill Gates. Bill Gates is standing atop a pile of

670, you know, 6.7 billion corpses. Just like arms raised in fucking triumphant victory, although the corpses are so high he's like in space so it's hard for him to breathe. I can't imagine him arms raised in victory. It's got to be more smug than that.

It's sort of like fingers arched like Mr. Burns, I think. Right? It's just twiddling back and forth. Excellent. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. So this story comes from Salon.com. Republican lawmaker says he serves God, not his constituents. Quote, there's only one vote that matters, and that's when I stand before the Lord, said state representative Senator Jason Rappert. Rappert.

That's how I'm going to pronounce his name. I don't care if it's Rappert. Rappert. Rappert. It is Rappert. It's Rappert. I will say this, though. Like, you know, the last name Smith comes from, like, families that were Smiths.

What, your last name is Rapered? That's terrible. Oh, no. That's so bad. That's terrible. Oh, no. That's so bad. That's so awesome. Take that, dude. But this is the jackass who's behind Arkansas's ban on abortion in 12 weeks. And he's basically saying, like, I know the constituents might not want this,

and that's kind of what I was elected to represent. But fuck it. Because Jesus. Guys, why don't we have like a no confidence vote? Like why doesn't that exist? When some idiot politician shits something out of his mouth, has some diarrhea

where he's like, I'm an idiot. You know, why can't we just look at him and be like, you're fired. You're fucking fired. You you are fucking you immediately want to say, well, I serve God. Well, fucking go become a goddamn fucking preacher then. Because you know what?

You were elected to serve the people. You're not serving the people. You're serving yourself because you're looking for your own salvation. That's what you're looking for. Whether or not it's a real thing, you are basing all of your decisions selfishly on whether or not you're going to spend the rest of

the rest of your eternity or made up fucking imaginary eternity in God's camp or in the other camp. Dude, I don't care if it's your job to serve constituents or to serve beer. Yeah. Right? Like, if his job was to serve me a beer and I showed up and he's like, only beer that matters is the beer I serve in heaven.

He'd be like, motherfucker, I still don't have a beer. Yeah, you're fired. Put the beer in my fucking cup. You are fired. Do the thing. Just do the thing. You got hired for a thing. Do the thing.

It's not that hard. And like you said, my first thought was like he took an oath of office. This guy took an oath of office where he pledged to uphold his state's constitution and serve his constituents. And then he's coming out and saying like, fuck my constituents right in the ear. Why is that not grounds for dismissal? Can you imagine any other job that worked that way? Like imagine if you're a computer programmer and you get a job. You're like, well, you, you know, program the computer.

Yeah, I'll do that. OK, well, here's a job. You're hired. So it's time to write code. I only fucking write code in heaven. What? Yeah. You said you were going to write code like that's why we gave you the job is to write code.

So, you know, I mean, hey, good joke. Ha ha. Good one there, pal. So if you could write that code, mm, no. Writing code in heaven only. Fuck you, unemployed dude. Yeah. Glad your stuff is still in boxes. It's going to be real easy for you to remove it. Go eat Doritos and drink Mr. Pibb

at home, motherfucker, because you're not doing it here. No kidding. And this is a guy who later on goes on to remark that the men and women who protested Texas's sweeping new abortion restrictions are demons from hell. And this is a quote. I've never had a glimpse of hell or heard a real demon, but I believe that must be what they sound like. It's spiritual warfare.

Really? What they sound like is people who vociferously disagree with your political position? Hell doesn't sound that bad. Hell sounds like a bad debate class. Yeah. Like, you get down there and just, like, fucking Robert's Rules of Order are in place. You can't interrupt. You know, you've got 20 minutes for your opening statement.

Oh, it's going to go on forever. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hell is speech 106. Ha, ha go on forever. Ha ha ha ha. Hell is speech 106. Ha ha ha ha. God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion. So this story comes from alternet.org.

Atheist jailed when he wouldn't participate in a religious parole program now seeks compensation. Court awarded a new trial for damages and compensation for his loss of liberty in a decision which may have wider implications. Fucking good. Because this guy got fucking chucked in the slammer for 100 days for a parole violation for refusing to go to a religious 12-step program. Because he just wasn't religious.

100 days of his freedom fucking stripped from this guy. It's an outrageous thing to have happen. Absolutely. It's ridiculous. And the idea is that, you know, I mean, I got to say, first off, kudos to this guy, because if somebody were to say to me, hey, you're not going to your drug treatment program, and you'd be like, well, I'm not religious, and they'd be like, well, too fucking bad. Go to it.

into your drug treatment program and you'd be like, well, I'm not religious. And they'd be like, well, too fucking bad. Go to it. I don't know that I would have enough, you know, whatever. I don't know that I would be able to stand up and say to myself, to them, be like, no, I'm not. I am not religious and I am not going to this thing. We'll find go back to jail.

I don't know that I would want to do that. I would be like, hmm, this doesn't sound like a good plan. I guess I'll just fucking eat it. Like, you know, it's like, here's your shit sandwich. Yeah, I kind of don't want to eat it. Well, too bad, son. You're in the fucking criminal justice system. That's all we serve. What?

That is what is the only difference in the criminal justice system and the shit sandwich is the size, right? Everybody eats a shit sandwich in the justice system. It's just dependent on the size. But yeah, the fucking, I mean, I wouldn't, I would be like, I would definitely, I could say with, you know, probably 95% certainty that I would just go to the thing and just be like, yeah, I'm just going to do it. I'll say 100% certainty I would do it. He said he wouldn't. And they sent him back to jail. And you're right. And then they got sued because do it. But I'll say 100 percent certainty. I would. He said he wouldn't. And they sent him

back to jail. And you're right. And then they got sued because of it. Well, this is this is a way to make sure that you're institutionally, you know, not serving a big segment of the population. Yeah, it's a it's a we're like a sizable part of the community now, like the the other vote or the nuns, I should say, the no religious affiliation is a significant percentage of the population. So when federal and state institutions insist that you join a 12-step program that's religiously based or requires some religious commitment, what they're basically doing is saying like, no services for you. Like, that's just it. Like, can you imagine if they did the same thing for Jews? Like if they're just like, saying, like, no services for you. Like, that's just it. Like, can you imagine if they did the same thing for Jews? Like, if they're just like, yeah, I'm Jewish.

So, oh, yeah, you don't get. No, fuck you. Just no services available. I'm Buddhist. No, sorry, man. You know what you're going to have to do is you're going to have to, you know, accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior in order to get off drugs. Right. off drugs right you know it's it it there's no difference between forcing an atheist to choose a god than forcing a religious person to choose a different god there's no difference there it's

it's equally absurdist and nobody would you know in one instance nobody would ever ask that like nobody would be like oh you're muslim yeah listen man I can cut your sentence short 100 days if you convert over to Christianity. What? Fuck you. Really? That doesn't seem like something that can be offered legally. But somehow you can do that if you're an atheist. So we're going to take a break and then we're going to come back because that just seems about right. And when we do, you'll listen to the rest of the show. pod or just type cognitive dissonance into the Facebook search bar. Want your voice featured on our show? Leave a short message on our Google voice at 7 4 0 7 4 doubt. That's 7 4 0 7 4 3 6 8 2 8. Visit dissonance pod.com to see the news stories featured in the show by apps

and merchandise, or just leave a comment. And to everyone who helps spread the word about the show by sharing it, tweeting it, and rating it on iTunes, glory hole, you fucking rock. This story comes from Forbes.com. Alternative medicine providers show their greedy side. This was a particularly crazy article to read through. One of the things in here that was absolutely

astounding to me is that these alternative medicine providers were just appalled. In fact, they called it discrimination when they found out that Obamacare and insurance programs were not going to cover their treatments unless they could demonstrate that they were effective. So demonstrating that a thing works is in their eyes discrimination. And I would agree it's discrimination between shit which doesn't work and shit which works. I will discriminate there all day. Yeah. And they're trying to get it in a there's a there's a way in which they're trying to get it in. I guess that they give the section number of the of the of the law in which they're trying to get it in. And the language they use is that insurers and I'm going to read directly here.

And I'm going to read directly here. It says, shall not discriminate with respect to participation under the plan or coverage against any health care provider who is acting within the scope of that provider's license or certification under the applicable law. And while it sounds they say in the article sounds harmless and they're like, Senator Tom Harkin, received heavy lobbying from the American Chiropractic Association to try to get this put in so that because they are licensed. Right. They are they are they have certificates under that scope of action. Right. So they they want to make sure that they can get business from this new act that's going in. And, you know, look, if your shit is valid and people can prove it, then great. But the idea, you know, here is like the Chiropractic Association is going out of their way to try to lobby to make sure that they're included in the pie. to try to lobby to make sure that they're included in the pie. And you're like, oh, okay. Well, the reason why you want to do that is because the stuff that you guys do,

the stuff that you guys are selling, isn't provable. So that's why you want to get in, because if it doesn't have any demonstrated ability, oh, well, then there's a big fucking deal. You know what this is? This is basically an incrimination against all those people that spent all that money lobbying. No kidding, right? I mean, this is just – all this is is the most cynical form of government possible, right? And it's just like, hey, we want to get paid too. Can you grease my fucking palm? Can I get some more in my pocket? Well, your shit doesn't work. Well, fuck you. Who cares if it works or not?

Who cares if people are going to choose Reiki therapy over chemotherapy? You know, hey, any therapy somebody wants is good therapy. What they're saying is that and they dress this up as patient choice, right? And patient choice sounds great. Like, oh, let the patient choose. OK, that's great. Let the patient choose. You can choose any doctor you want. That's cool. What you can't choose and get paid for, or not you get paid for, but have these insurance companies and what have you pay for,

is bullshit therapy. Why should people be paying for shit that doesn't work? Why in the fucking world should we be paying for shit that doesn't work? We should be fucking not licensing doesn't work we should be fucking not licensing these people we should be fucking throwing them out of town we should be riding them on a fucking rail out the door well the fact that that they even can have to get some kind of a license just gives them this false because then you could say well i'm a licensed chiropractor

i'm a licensed acupuncturist i'm'm a licensed Reiki therapist. What does that mean? What does that mean? It makes it sound legitimate when it's not. And as soon as they legitimize. Yeah, it's like Bill gave you the license. Right. You mean like fucking I can fucking make a license up about anything right now. Like I got a dot matrix printer.

Let's do this. Photoshop. Let's fucking rock. Yeah, I totally agree, Tom. And, you know, like the thing is, is like this isn't this isn't the reason why this has to be sort of set up this way is because there's going to be some funds that are going to this. And we also want to make sure it's fair for all Americans. Right. Because this isn't socialized medicine in a sense where we're paying for the government to pay for it. Instead, what we're saying is that insurance companies have to pay for it. But the reason why we're putting all these things in is so that insurance premiums and

money that we spend on insurance doesn't go up and isn't through the roof, right? But if you start allowing these things that don't work, then the money that we're going to have to spend on this is going to be more and more and more. And that's just not fair to anyone else. Imagine if there was any other type of system that worked like that. If you were just like, okay, well, we're going to pay. We're going to have all these different people that we have contracts with that make roads in the country. And we're going to pay them as contractors to make roads.

And some of them are going to make roads and some of them are not going to make roads. You know, it's like, okay, well, which one would you rather have? Like, which one would you rather pay? Which one would you, you know, and the ones that are not doing anything are running the cost up for everyone else because they're getting paid to do nothing.

And we still need roads. These people still need to get helped. So when they go to get Reiki and Reiki doesn't do anything except for make them feel nothing and make them angry because now they're still just as fucking sick as they were now they're going to have to go get real help somewhere

so they paid the fucking dude who didn't do shit and now that guy gets money out of the fucking insurance person's kitty and that just makes everybody's rates go up the last two stages that a country takes before God judges that country, homosexuality and abortion. And here we are. Child sacrifice. Yep. And then homosexuality. If you look at those stats, you read off a couple of them

and list three of them. Half of the murders in large cities were committed by homosexuals. Thirty three percent of child abuse cases were committed by homosexuals. Half of the foster children molestations were done by homosexuals. Now consider the amount of homosexuals that exist in America. Is it between 1% and 2% possibly? Yes, yes. 1% and 2%, yet they account for half of the murders in large cities, one-third of the child abuse, one-half of foster child abuse. Good point. Now that shows how astounding, and-half of foster child abuse. Good point.

Now that shows how astounding, and this is where it goes right back to Scripture. God did call this an abomination. When a person's mind has gone to that extent of committing an abominable act, sin, it shows what else they're capable of. This comes from RightWingWatch.org. Bradley Dean, gays commit half of all murders. Obama is a homo and Maddow is a shim. What the fuck?

First of all, Bradley Dean looks like that fucking washed out rocker. Who's the guy that always wears the... Axl Rose? Bandana on his bean. Is it Axl Rose? No, it's another one of those fucktards it was like a big heart throb and he had some TV shows for a while

oh is he that poison singer I think so Brett something Brett I'm going to type it in I want to say Brett Favre but I know that's not right because that's a football guy Michaels Brett Michaels that's it it's Brett Michaels. That's it. It's Brett Michaels.

Yes, because he had that tour bus. Yeah, he had like I-Bang chicks or whatever. It was like the Chlamydia bus. Yeah, I just gave it away. He had a koala back there, and the koala was the driver, and he just gave everyone Chlamydia that came in.

It was like the ice cream truck, but just for Chlamydia. I'm the chlamydia man. Stop me when I'm passing by. This is some serious shit. First of all, evidently there's a show called Sons of Liberty Radio. So let's just throw that out there. So he says that homosexuality and abortion are the last two stages that a country takes. Evidently it's like fucking Elizabeth like fucking elizabeth kubler

ross's five stages of grief after a death like there's stages you know it's like denial and then anger and you know except said fuck it no instead it's the last two are homosexuality and abortion right those are the last two stages in a country's fucking death knell you you know, before God judges the country. So God wasn't judging before. I'm not judging. Wait, hold on now. Homosexuality and abortion? Like, if homosexuality becomes so popular, we won't need abortion.

Right. Half of all murders, too. He says... Half of all murders. Half were committed by homosexuals. 33% of child abuse cases were committed by homosexuals 33 percent of child abuse cases were committed by homosexuals half of the foster children molestations were done by homosexuals what the fuck what kind of crazy half of the murders by homeless homosexuals are like what four to eight percent of the population?

Right, right. And they're committing half of the murders? Right. Well, that seems— That's a lot of fabulous murder. That seems reasonable. What the fuck? What I imagine is he has a statistics sheet that actually lists the statistics, but it's written so small that he can't see it. So he keeps squinting down.

He's like, and they're responsible for, and he's squinting, and he can't tell. And he's just like, so he's like, half. He's like, half. It's half, right? And then he looks at the next one. He's like, that's a point something. That's got to be a half, too. He's just making up fucking numbers.

I mean, he's just making it up. You know, when you accuse an entire group of people who are the way they are through birth, right? So basically, first off, there's no fault in being homosexual anyway. But I use the term no fault of their own, right? It's not like that they are

choosing to be homosexual. Of course. You might as well just be saying all, like half the murders in the country are committed by Asian women. Right. You know, I mean, like blue eyes. Yeah. You're you're demonizing an entire population of people who have no choice in what they you know, what they choose to be. You know what I mean? Like you're saying, you know, it'd be like if somebody was saying like 90 percent of the murders in this country are committed by white males between 30 and 40. It's a blatantly false statement. It's blatantly false. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever. It's not

a true statement in any sense of the word. But you can, if you said it, I think that you would sound racist. You would sound like a racist. You sound like a bigot, dude. Don't you real? I mean, obviously you don't care because you're a fucking idiot that looks like fucking brett michaels so you don't care that that's what you sound like but you sound like an idiot and then to call you know the thing that really makes me mad here is like he's like uh he can't tell whether uh whether uh rachel maddow is a is a boy or a girl so he's calling her a shim instead. It's a she and a him.

Ha ha ha. Lady looks like a dude, dude. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. First of all, Rachel Maddow is fucking light years more attractive than this guy. Fucking light years

more attractive than this guy. Rachel Maddow takes shits that are more intelligent. And she is vastly more intelligent than this guy. This is when the best thing that you can do is come up with two pronouns and fucking clumsily squish them together and that's your attack

of Rachel Maddow. Of all the things that she has said and done all the positions that she has taken that you could disagree with and the best thing that you can come up with like you're the fucking pinnacle of your intellectual achievement is to glue

two pronouns together and fucking garble at it like that is it like that's it motherfucker you may as well fucking stick a stick down a termite hill and lick them off. You goddamn animal. Well, you know, like, look, I totally agree that you can make fun of the way people look. I am making fun of the way you look, Bradley Dean. Right.

It's okay. But you are also an idiot. And here are the number of reasons why you're an idiot. You know? Instead of just saying, like, well, here's why I disagree with her points and I think that she reasons why you're an idiot you know instead of just saying like well here's why I disagree with her points and I think that she's a person who is you know of low moral character instead

you're just like oh she kind of looks like a dude so fucking dumb fuck and then and then you know first off you're making up numbers so you're making up a shit ton of numbers. And the things that you're saying that homosexuals do is like half the foster children molestations. This is a guy who says that he refers to Obama as they got their homo in office and have infiltrated the White House.

The dude is married with three kids. Are you fucking serious it wouldn't fucking make a lick of difference if the man was gay or straight who gives a shit but it's just again it's just something that's demonstrably false you you listen to this guy speak you read the transcripts and it's like why do you have a voice like why do you have a soapbox who's giving you time why are you somebody of all the fucking people in the world to listen to you could seriously turn on fucking channel no channel

and get better static white noise and it is so much better to listen to exactly you it would actually you could take your fucking radio and fucking beat yourself in the skull with it until you crush the left hemisphere of your brain to fucking pudding and that would actually i would rather listen to like

better use of your radio like a tape loop of cows getting slaughtered or koalas yeah koalas made me you're all dead oh be nice oh my son doesn't stand a chance the whole world's gone gay oh my god what's happening now we work hard we play hard so see so this story also comes from right wing watch but you have to kind of link to a huffpo video to to watch the unedited because his website took it down uh robertson gay people deliberately spread hiv and aids by cutting people with special rings pat robertson thinks that homos homos i'm using that for bradley dean have fucking secret decoder rings of AIDS that they get from their gay cereal, I guess. And they go around shaking the hands of well-meaning, bitter, angry fucking cryptkeeper-like straight people, such as Pat Robertson, to give them AIDS. Because that's how they commit half of their murders.

It's like a conspiracy. I had no idea. I didn't realize. You got to take into account the their murders. It's like a conspiracy. I had no idea. I didn't realize. You've got to take into account the ring murders. The infamous never happened ring murders. And not the ring like you put a tape in a thing. Seven days later you get AIDS. You get a phone call

and it's Bradley Dean saying, you got AIDS. This is hilarious because he's got the idea here. He clarifies, but the way he says it is he interrupts himself a couple times. So it sounds like he's saying that people in San Francisco just do this. in San Francisco just do this. They just walk around with, you know, some sort of AIDS-infected needle or something on a ring to shake people's hands to give them AIDS.

But what he was saying was, is that there was a conspiracy of some sort, because he clarifies it, because they actually, there was an update on this article. He clarifies it and says that instead what he was saying was they had tried to do it to some people who were like sort of outspoken against the gay community before when AIDS was a big deal.

But even still, that's still like that's it's just fucking unproven hearsay. You know what I mean? Like you get a chance to again, demonize an entire subsection of our culture, of our population with no proof whatsoever. You get to slander an entire group and there's no penalty. And Bradley Dean just did it when he said, you know, 50% of homosexuals commit murders or 50% of the murders are committed by homosexuals and they, they molest kids and they, they hurt kids. And, and he got away with it. He got to slander an entire group of the murders are committed by homosexuals, and they molest kids, and they hurt kids, and he got away with it.

He got to slander an entire group of the population, and nobody gets to do anything about it except for point it out, right? The same thing here. He gets to slander an entire group of the population by saying that they are deviously trying to infect other people with a disease that, you know, while now is well maintained with AIDS,

AIDS medication was not at one time and could clearly kill you. So they were committing murder. Well, and you know, this story in the last story, like this is just like the religious right has lost the argument. Yeah. Like they have lost. They have just absolutely lost the argument on the issue of homosexuality. America has moved on. America's done. This is over. There's still work to do. Don't get me wrong. There's still a lot of work

to do. But you guys have lost this argument. They're religious nuts. And the only thing that they can do left, like the last dying gasp, is just to make shit up. This is the political version of just yelling duty head across the street before you run inside. I mean, it really is. You're just, you're just, it's just insult.

They're just making up stories and like, you know, Janie hit me on the bus. You know, fuck you. This is just, what this is, is keying the car. It's like, I'm mad at you. You know, God damn it, those homos took my spot

in a parking lot. Scree! And I am so mad and I'm going to key their car. And that's all it is. It's like, all it is is superficial bullshit damage

that you're trying to heap on that doesn't do anything and that nobody believes. I mean, does your segment of fucking neck breathers that either watch Pat Robertson or listen to fucking Bradley Dean fucking cater wall, do those people, do they actually believe it?

Or is this just more fucking fuel for the fire for them just to hate someone? It's just fuel. It's just obviously just fuel. Like, it's just garbage fuel. It's so bad, CBN took it down. Yeah, they even recognized they had their editors go through. We can't. Yeah, they're like, body massage machine?

No! Let's cut that shit out. Look, Pat, we love you, bro. We're going to keep you on, but I just want you to know, you're saying some really crazy shit lately. Right. Just, when are're going to keep you on, but I just want you to know, you're saying some really crazy shit lately. Right. When are they going to yank that guy off the air? Oh, God. They got to do it Winkin' at Bernie style, though,

because I think he's dead. They got to yank him off there gently, otherwise he'll get excited. Yeah. Yank him off there gently, or he'll just lose a body part when they pull him off. His false aparts. When they pull him off, he goes, but his colostomy bag stays there.

They reach out with one of those big hooks, like the old vaudeville hooks. And they hook him. And he just turns to dust as soon as everything touches him. And there's a pile of fucking blue suits. It's a blue suit? He's like a fucking vampire.

They go to open the blue suit, and inside it's just a smaller blue suit he's like a fucking vampire they go they go to like to open the blue suit and inside it's just a smaller blue suit like the whole time it's just a series of it's a never-ending series of blue suits within oh my god it's like a mirror in a mirror you want answers i think i'm entitled you want I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this story comes from addictinginfo.org. Naked church camp counselor touches 13-year-old boy with penis. Church calls it horseplay. Remind me not to sign up for the horse riding portion of your camp.

Right, right. I love horseplay. And now it's time for the horse riding portion of your camp. Right, right. I love horseplay. And now it's time for the horseplay. Oh, no. This doesn't sound good. This doesn't sound at all. What happened was this camp counselor, and I'm going to read directly from the article. Evidently, the boy was using a lot of unsavory, sexually charged language,

and the counselor told him to stop repeatedly. When he wouldn't, Zach told him, if you do not stop, I will come down there and sleep with you naked. And eventually, and he actually jumped on him, and the other boys laughed and thought it was funny. So he basically, what he did was he laid on top of him and placed his penis on another boy's crotch. And I can't help but think, like, was he saying at the same time?

He's like, I'm not fucking you. Does this bother you? I'm not fucking you. I'm not fucking you. At one point, at one point, like, I'm just trying to think, like, I've got a six-year-old. He's not 13 yet. Right. Right.

But if he, like, hits somebody, like, i don't discipline him by just punching him like that's not like if he like when little kids are real little they bite you don't discipline them biting them back if somebody is if somebody is like being overtly aggressively sexual you don't discipline them and taking your fucking cock out and rubbing it on their crotch. That's crazy. That's Saudi Arabia crazy, right? That's eye for an eye. It's cock for a cock.

It's penis fencing. It's bonobo penis fencing. Where's Jake? We've got to get Jake out here. We've got to get a story about a bonobo penis fencing. He also slaps the boy in the face, by the way. He does. He slaps. We totally thought, though, the first reading of this article, both Tom

and I thought that he kind of slapped him in the face with his cock. That's not what happened. I had to read it twice to make sure that it wasn't. The thing that I feel like this kid is is like, you know, he's pushing boundaries of his own sexuality. So it's like

he turns to his friend and he's like, wouldn't it be funny if we jacked off together? Like, I mean, not funny. Like, like I wouldn't do it or anything. I don't think we should do it. I'm just saying like, it would be funny. Like it would be like really funny if like you pulled out your dick and like, maybe we just like either of us used our hands.

Like maybe I use my hand on you. I'm just saying like, no, wouldn't that be funny? Like, like, wouldn't it be funny? Like just funny, funny, but like, you know, funny. Like we would laugh about it later. It would be, you know, like after you came on my face, like we would laugh. We'd be like, Oh, that's hilarious. I don't believe, I can't believe we did that. You know, that's sort of what this feels like to me. I just don't understand how the situation gets there. Right. You know, like, can you imagine in camp counselor training?

So you're, you're sitting around and it's like religious. Okay, everybody. Now, we've just been, we're done praying to Jesus. Thank you. Now, we want to go over some role play situations, some things that could happen at camp. So now, what do we do if there's a kid using sexually charged behavior? Do we sit him down and privately and talk to him about his behavior and how that's inappropriate? No.

Offer to sleep with him naked. If that doesn't work, put your penis on his penis and slap his face. Don't you know anything about religious camp? This is on page four of the training manual, people. Page four. What the fuck? I don't even know how that occurs. Seriously, I can't even imagine.

I cannot imagine the circumstance where you're like god I'm just so angry that kid won't stop with the weird sexually charged behavior if he doesn't stop I'm gonna have to take off my pants what? if you don't come down there I swear I will fuck you I will fuck

you and I will shoot my load all over you it's like if you fucking shoplift from this 7-Eleven one more time, I will take my fucking hot, hard cock and I will cram it up your ass. What? What does that have to do with stealing bubble tape? Well, one of them is six inches of fun. I got an extra four and a half inches.

Yes. Yeah, I feel like this guy, though, I think this guy is just taking, I mean, really what this is, is this guy's taking this opportunity to, you know, all in good fun, ha ha, with everybody there, get a little bit of his rocks off. Oh, absolutely. You know what I mean? Like, that's what it's all about. And, you know, I think this guy is, you know, either he is, you know, trying, like, that sort of creep that's like,

I'm going to tickle you a little more weirder than it should be. You know what I mean? Like, that sort of thing. Or he's, you know, maybe he doesn't even know that he, because, you know, the thing, the weirdest thing is like, and they even mentioned in this article, like the people around him, the people that surround him that are sort of protecting him as lawyers and the people in this church thing are all just kind of like, no, I mean, like, this is just like horseplay. Like what, what's the weird thing about this? Like they know this kid so they don't recognize it as a weird behavior or as something that could be damaging to someone else.

Instead they're just like, no, well, come on now. He's just kidding around. He was just kidding around when he was ejaculating on him. Come on now. This is a joke ejaculation. Ejoculation? Ejoculation. Ejoculation.

Look, it's all good if we can make a pun out of it. Right. Hey, guys, come on. Hey, we made a pun. We made a pun. We made a pun. Everybody's having a good time. Listen, lady, I know you're upset that the camp counselor put his fucking naked dick on your kid.

But it was all a great joke. You see, it was ejoculation. But I'm... Oh, man. but it was all a great joke you see it was a joke-ulation but i'm hi guys um this is tamika um i uh i know this is kind of this might be old like old news but i wanted to give you guys a story about like the stupid prayer story that I have. So when I was a kid, I, like all my friends had breasts, but this is like fifth grade, mind you. And all my friends had breasts except for me. And they would tease me all the time.

And so, like, every night I would pray to God that, you know, like, if I would do, like, my homework on, like, every single day without my mom having to ask me to do it. And also, I told him that I would walk the dog for an hour every day, and he would just give me breaths, and he never did. And so that, it made me feel like he didn't, like, want me to have friends, or like, he didn't want me to, for my friends, to stop, you know, teasing me. you know, teasing me. So it kind of made me then think, maybe he's just not there. But of course, being Baptist, I would never think that. But it's just interesting how, like, something silly like that, when you're a kid, can make you feel bad about yourself and feel like, you know, maybe there isn't a God. I wish I listened to myself, because I look back on it, and I wasted 28 years being crazy,

but hey, at least it happened. Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you guys. Oh, and I also wanted, I also prayed that, for this boy that I liked, Justin Biener i think his name was uh to uh to like me back and that never happened either so see two things two strikes i should have known but anyway uh thanks guys love the show bye so we got an email from uh, and Nathan talks a little bit about, at the beginning of his email, talking about giving people money and different aspects of that.

But one of the things he says is, he says, just want to let you guys know you're doing a phenomenal job listening to your back catalog while delivering pizza to lazy people. He says, if you tell anyone anything in the next week, tell them to tip their drivers. I got to say, I used to be a pizza delivery guy and I worked for the cheap pizza company in the city. So there was like three or four pizza companies in almost every American suburb has like four pizza companies or five that deliver pizza to their area. Right. There's always the really expensive sort of, you know, the really good pie or the really sort of expensive one. There's the big, you know, probably expensive chain. And then there's the cheap chains, right? The ones that are like super cheap, the college kids order all the time.

Cause they're like, get a free 17 pizzas when you order one pizza. And you're just like, I'm dialing that number right now. What's that number? It's like, get a free car when you order, you know, whatever it is so they have like the super cheap deals all the time and i delivered for that company and that was one of the worst jobs i ever had because i drove around like crazy i got paid hourly so i didn't get money per delivery i got paid hourly in the store and it was a way in which to make sure that they because they didn't pass that delivery fee onto the people who got pizza. Right. So you could order delivery for free. They offered

free delivery. Well, the free delivery was I got paid a shitty hourly wage, which back then minimum wage was like four bucks an hour or something stupid like that. It was like not even money. It was like, it was like fucking, it's like all money goes to like your taxes or something. It was like it was like fucking it's like all money goes to like your taxes or something. So there wasn't it was a terrible wage. And then the people wouldn't tip. And that was like really my only real source of income was the tips. So I would drive to these people's houses and, you know, they didn't have the money to tip because they were ordering from the cheapest place to get pizza.

So I'd go up to the door and they'd be like, yeah, it's fifteen eighty five. And they'd be like, OK, here's sixteen dollars. Keep the change. And you'd be like, awesome. it's $15.85 and they'd be like, okay, here's $16. Keep the change. And you'd be like, awesome. Mom can get that operation now. Yeah, right. Thanks. That 15 cents is going to go a long way.

Or they'd be like, can I have change? They wanted exact change for their thing. Or I remember one time I walked up and a guy gave me, it was like $16.03 was the price of the pizza. I gave him, he gave me $20 and I gave him $4 back. I was like, I just gave him $4 back. Expecting

to get a tip, you know, to get something. And I was like, here you go. And he's like, thanks. And he goes, oh, hold on a second. And he reached it in his pocket and he's like, here. And he gave me the three cents. Fuck you. And I just threw it on the ground. I looked at him and was like, oh, thanks. And he gave me the three cents. Fuck you. And I just threw it on the ground. I like I looked at him. I was like, oh, thanks.

And I threw it over my shoulder and I walked away. Like, what do you want from me? It's like three pennies can get you nothing. So, yeah, I totally agree. I always tip my driver like a lot of money because I know what it feels like to do that. So whenever you're in, you know, if you're in the United States, I know it's different in other countries. But if you're in the United States, you should tip people that are service personnel well. That should just be a policy.

And we talked about this. If you can't afford the tip, you can't afford the food. Yeah. That's it. It's just part of the cost. We got an email from Angelo. And Angelo sends us a message and he says, I'm a new listener. He heard about us from the Imaginary Friends Show podcast.

And by the way, we were on Imaginary Friends Show 150. Jake's show was a very funny show. Jake's a very funny guy. Jake had us on last week so you can find Jake's show in the show notes this time. It's going to be linked directly on our show notes. So

114. So if you missed it, Imaginary Friends Show 150 will be linked on this episode's show notes. But back to Angelo. Angelo says he likes our take on religion. He says, for years, I have been a passive atheist and skeptic, but lately been more active through my art. So he posted this. He sent us this Tumblr, which is Freedom to Offend. And he's got a ton of great comics on here. So we're going to post it on our website this time so you can take a look at Angelo's art as well. We got another message from Saudi Arabia, Tom.

Which fucking blows my mind. Hey, guys, I just listened to your 113th episode and I just want to say some stuff. Everything you said is absolutely true. In the whole episode. In the whole episode, too. The whole thing. I actually get this just generally. Everything I say is absolutely true. In the whole episode. The whole thing. I actually get this just generally. I think we were talking about Pat Robertson fisting someone in that episode.

That's absolutely true. It absolutely happened. He fists him with his AIDS rings on. His AIDS rings? Right after he makes a deal with the devil for Haiti. Right, yeah. Witchcraft and black magic is very real things to saudi people and muslims in general i remember when i was in high school they brought a douchebag

cleric who turned out to be an expert on witches and they gave us a long lecture on how witches do their magic and how they affect you and how to defend yourself from their evil spells and in case you were curious you recite other spells what from the quran to counter their evil spells how ironic what i always hear stories of the religious police catching witches males and females and the government executing them it's part of the culture around here whenever i try to argue with the folks around here the reply is it's in the quran how can you deny it so yeah we are pretty much living in the dark ages i'm fucking amazed and a little appalled that you sent this email to us only because I don't want anyone to ever find this email in your sent items. No kidding, right?

It really makes me mildly terrified. It makes me nervous. And, you know, what else makes me nervous is when you try to argue with people. Right. Don't do that. Why are you doing that? If they ever say to you, it's in the Koran, be like, fucking A it is. Where's that Koran?

I want to fuck it. Like, whatever you can do, whatever you can do to convince them that you believe in it, do it right now. Do it, whatever it is. I want to fuck it. Give me that Koran. I'm going to fucking eat it. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to make it so much a fucking part of me that credit. I'm going to fucking eat it. That's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to make it so much a fucking part of me that I build bone structure from that fucking thing. I have no idea how that guy typed that email around his enormous balls. No kidding, right? I mean, just like, how the fuck is that possible? I would be terrified to live in a country like that. I can't imagine arguing with anyone about anything there. No, I know. Because they could call you a witch

i know they could call you dude they dude you could be fucking called a wizard yes a wizard on earth you're gonna actually be called a wizard and then beheaded too like they just be like we're gonna execute him how are we gonna do it i don't know cut his head off with a sword because it's 2013. What? Wait, you said what? We should be shooting fucking inmates with lasers. Yeah. We fucking execute animals in this country more human than we do people. No kidding, right? Can you imagine taking your dog to be put down and there's just like a bare chested dude with a black hood and a huge sword?

You're like, Fido, you were great. You're an awesome dog. I'm so going to miss you. Can you chop his head off now? This guy's going to cut your fucking head off. You're like holding on to his paws. I have a basket full of dog heads. When my cat got put down, they put a little paw print and plaster and they gave

it to us to take home. Like there, you just get a basket and a head to take home. Here's your souvenir. Here's your souvenir, yeah. No, what they do is they screw a big keychain thing. You hang it from your mirror? It's in those 50 cent things at the grocery store.

So you just put the two quarters in and tumble it down. It's like thunkity, thunkity, thunkity, thunkity, thunk, and open it up. And it's like, oh, it's a lucky rabbit. Oh, no, it's a lucky wizard head. It's a wizard head. Yeah. That's great. Wasn't so lucky for the wizard.

head yeah that's great yeah wasn't so lucky for the wizard we got a message from lee and uh she was talking about uh uh e-cigarettes and said how you know it's great they actually are really great they helped uh lee get away from cigarettes and uh and and we totally when we talked about him last time one thing that we neglected to mention was the line in the email that said, if Jenny McCarthy is doing this e-cigarette thing, chances are she was doing real cigarettes. And that's where the joke came from. And I think that either got edited out or we didn't mention it or we kind of glossed over it. But the fact is, is we're not really I don't think that we should we know we're not we're not making any statements about e-cigarettes. We did say that they weren't tested, obviously, because they aren't tested over like a long period of time. Like cigarettes have been over years and years and years.

So that's one of the things that we said. But, yeah, we I totally agree that it's first off, it's a lesser of two evils. I mean, if you're going to have e-cigarettes versus regular cigarettes, great. But, you know, there's no way that she just like picked up e-cigarettes because she's like she needed a new hobby. Like she was just like, oh, yeah, you know, I was thinking about, you know, either I was going to get into chew or I was going to start biting my fingernails or I was going to do e-cigarettes. Like those weren't the things that she went through her head, you know. Maybe she just likes standing out in the cold. Yeah, right.

And there's just no excuse to do it. Maybe she just likes standing out in the cold. Yeah, right. And there's just no excuse to do it. Like, she's just like that person who doesn't smoke standing out with the smokers, like huddled against the freezing fucking rain at 2.30 in the afternoon, like desperately trying to get a cigarette in while the fucking sleep pelts her in the face. And she's like, oh, I don't have a cigarette, though. If only there was some kind of cigarette substitute. Yeah, right, right.

We did want to mention that we're not against those e-cigarettes in that sense. I think that's a great thing that they help people get off smoking. So a couple people emailed us about it. We understand. If we said that, it was either in a joke or we didn't mean it. We had an email from Jared, and Jared says he's been listening to our podcast since about March. And and he says that he after he heard the 30th story about someone being killed for destroying a Koran, he had an idea. He doubts it's original, but but it should be taken seriously. And we thought it was very funny. It's instead of instead of other measures to stop, stop the radical Muslims from blowing things up and from injuring other people, make sure to just have a Koran everywhere.

So he says instead of like if they're on commercial planes, put a Koran in every pocket behind every seat. So when you get in the plane, there's just Korans all over the plane. So if you blow up that plane, you just destroyed 60, 100, 200 Korans. Like, that's like, that's gotta be straight to hell, right? So, the idea here is, and, you know, like, put them on our military, and Tom and I were talking earlier, make bulletproof vests out of

them. Line Humvees with them. You know, if you're gonna shoot through it, oh, well, you know, you just shot through your own Koran. At least that, you know, at least, you know, obviously it wouldn't stop them from committing violence, but at least it might get them to think that maybe it's okay to destroy your holy book then. At least there'd be an excuse for it. Well, and then people wouldn't be getting killed for it.

Right. You know what I mean? It's actually kind of an awesome idea. I like it. As ridiculous as it is, I love it. Yeah, I think it's great. kind of an awesome idea. I like it. As ridiculous as it is, I love it. I think it's great. I got an email

from Michael and he said, hey Cecil, I hear you're having problems with trouble pasting stuff. I'm a programmer. I'd like to help. Michael, here's the thing. Absolutely, thank you so much for offering to help fix the code on our RSS feed. That is awesome

of you to do. The thing is the RSS feed auto codes. So what happens is I paste in a, in a, a form, our, uh, our notes and the notes have on it links and they're just hyperlinks. The problem is, is that it posts, it actually takes a bunch of junk code with it. And that junk code gets pasted into the, uh, into the form. And so when it converts that code into our RSS feed, it takes all that junk code with it. And so now our RSS feed has just this million lines of junk garbage that doesn't really do anything for the way in which it looks. It's just extra code and extra characters that fill up our RSS feed and make it too big. In any case, I think it's

like half a meg. And that's too big for an RSS feed to be coded through FeedBurner. I know that this is really complicated technology bullshit to other people, I understand. But in any case, the real work would be someone going through our past episodes in our password-protected Libsyn area and cutting out the code

and repasting these documents back in with cleaner code. One, I don't really trust anybody with our password. And two, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I would be like, this is the most boring, shitty work that you could – I would pay someone to do this before I would ask one of our listeners to do it. It's that shitty of work. So thank you very much, Michael, for offering, but it's not anything that I would ever burden anyone with.

It's such a nice thing to offer, though. It is. It's an incredible, the offer of your time is unbelievably generous. It is. And we do heartfelt thank you. Yeah, but it's just not a thing. I wouldn't wish this on Pat Robertson.

I would. Yeah. We got an email from Bosnia? Yeah, that's fucking insane. So this person is our only Bosnian listener, he says. I agree. That is probably true. And he's got a joke.

I finally figured out why the hospitals around the country are being bought out by Catholic institutions. The cover for the masses is that they are being bought out by Catholic institutions. They are the cover for the masses as they want to practice faith-based medicine. But in reality, they are doing this every time they acquire a hospital. Inevitably, they will get a children's cancer center with terminally ill patients.

This is where the priests will come on vacation and molest countless numbers of children without the fear of being sued by their victims 10 to 15 years from now because they won't live to tell about it. That's the saddest. Yeah. That is awesome.

I think it's great, though. I think it's so funny. And the best part about this email is that Google allows me to hover over 10 to 15 years from now and add it to my calendar if I want. So I don't know if I should be terrified by that or not. We got an email from Travis Tom talking a little bit, a little jab at Australia here, I think. Just a hair. He said, just listen to your visit with Jake on the Imaginary Friends show.

On the UK goat fucker, they had to ban him from all zoos because they couldn't do what they used to do and banish the goat fuckers to fucking Australia. This also explains Jake's inherent fascination with wildlife. I think Travis hit this on that. He did. He did. That's awesome. Thank you, Travis. That was great.

Yeah, we got we want to thank some people who donated to that project. So that project that we're talking about, the care package for the homeless, hit the mark. We were over $2K. Tom and I donated our – at the end of it, it was $100 because it was two weeks of $50. But Tom and I donated – so basically we each donated $50 to that. But our listeners went out of their way to donate and send us and tell us that they donated. So I just want to mention the listeners that sent us messages to say, hey, we donated to the project. So Shelby, Mason, John, Brian, David, Ken and Chris, thank you very much for donating to the care packages for the homeless that the upstate atheist put out.

That project is funded. So that is going to happen. It was I think it was going to happen regardless of how much they made, but it's funded now, and it's still going. So if you missed it and you still want to send some money their way, it doesn't matter if they go over. There's just more help for the homeless then. You know what I mean? There's no downside. Yeah.

It's still a good cause. It didn't become a less gooder cause. It's still a great cause. Definitely check that out if you guys are interested. We know a lot of people, too, donated and did not send us an email to let us know. You just were

generous and went on and donated and didn't send us the email. There's more comments on their page from our listeners than there are emails that we received saying, hey, I threw some money. So we just really want to say thank you. I think it's a great cause, and we're so grateful that our listeners are so incredibly generous. Thank you so much.

Yeah, and we want to mention, too, that we got some brand-new shirts. So I don't know who would wear them,. I don't know who would wear them. But there's a couple of shirts on there. There's the eggnostic shirt, eggnogstick shirt, I should say. It's the, if you look at the picture that Andy, British Andy, made for us, there's two shirts, the glory hole shirt and what was eggtheist, which we turned into Egg Nogstick.

It's just a definition of Egg Nogstick. So you can find it on our, I'll put a link to it, but it's on our homepage. If you just click buy the merchandise, it's right there. There's also a link to our store directly on our Facebook page. So you can find these shirts. The other shirt, I don't know, where's this one out there, but it's a Glory Hall shirt. And it's got, it says Glory Hall, and the L is a giant cock, and the O in the hole is a hole. And it's available in red and black.

Let's just leave it at that. Yeah, let's just say that. It's available if anybody has the cojones to be walking around with that thing. I'm not wearing that one. I will get the agnostic shirt. I think it's funny. I will definitely own that shirt. I will not get the shirt with a big fucking dick on it.

I would have a hard time explaining that to my son. And we are not responsible for anyone propositioning you wearing your glory hole shirt. If you were wearing your glory hole shirt, you'd deal with whatever things come to you. They just come up and start fucking the O at your chest. If somebody comes up to you and they start fingering your little cock there, hey, that's not up to us. We did not create the situation. We just facilitated it in a little way. That's all.

But no, if you want to buy them, hey, they're there. If you think that they're funny, make a comment about them. Great. We want to thank British Andy for designing them. And we sent off a package this week to you, Andy. The tests for both of those came to me. I approved them

and I shipped them off to you. So they should be getting there, I don't know, they said 8-10 days, but I think in Britain 8-10 days is like weeks or so. I don't know. They said eight to 10 days, but I think in Britain, eight to 10 days is like weeks or so. I don't know what it is. So it's, it's all, everything is measured in units of fortnight.

So it's like, it's going to be like a quarter of a fortnight or a half of a fortnight or something like that. Well, that wraps it up for this week, Tom. Well, we're done with another show.

We are, we are slowly plotting away to a vacation time. I'm going to be away at the end of September. Tom and I are going to hopefully be cobbling together a couple of shows that are not date sensitive

that might either have an interview in it or might just be us talking about a topic that does not necessarily have a story attached to it. But there's no promises. There's a chance that we will get to the point

when I'm leaving town and we don't have anything extra made and we are off for two weeks and that's just going to be the way it is. But we'll let you know. Hopefully we can create something by the time I go away later on this month. Even if we do create it,

let's just make room for the possibility that I will be too incompetent to upload it. To upload it to make sure. There is that possibility. I'm going to leave detailed instructions, but I mean, come on, there's a chance. So we're going to hopefully, I'm just letting people know ahead of time

that there may not be shows later on this month. And we're pushing to try to make sure that that's not a reality for you. Right that wraps it up for this week we're gonna leave you as always with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double double bubble, toil and trouble pseudo, quasi, alternative acupunctuating, pressurized stereogram, pyramidal, free energy healing, water, downward spiral

brain dead, pan, sales pitch late night info docutainment Leo, Pisces cancer cures, detox, reflex foot massage, death in towers tarot cards, psychic healing crystal balls, bigfoot, yeti towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms,

Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. double-speak stigmata nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conc or of the local dairy council. Outro Music