Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 123: Pro-Gay European Zombies

Episode Date: November 4, 2013

Do you want to get cognitive dissonance streamed to your iPhone or Blackberry? If so, download Stitcher free today at Stitcher.com. Hi guys, this is Amanda in Lynchburg, Virginia. I'm the one who called in a few months ago and rambled on for like 15 minutes about what it was like to live around Liberty University. And then you played it on air and that was really embarrassing. university and then you played it on air and that was really embarrassing. But I was just, I was driving around just now in my own town and I was lost because as I've told you, Liberty is, you know, constantly, constantly, constantly building new buildings. So there were some construction and some detours. And it, you know, I knew this before, but it suddenly

reoccurred to me that Liberty has their own police cars, and I've heard of, like, I've heard of universities having security, of course, but these guys actually have, like, sirens on their car, and they pull people over on the highway, like, the public highway, and they pulled me over, and I didn't actually get

a ticket, but they really threatened to give me a ticket, and now looking back, I'm like, what the fuck is up with that? Like, for real? Is that legal? It can't be. It shouldn't be. Anyways, I love you both. Bye. Hey, this is Tony in Alabama. Blizzle hizzle. You had Brian canker sore on talking about there's no gays in the sports world. You ever ever seen women's softball? Or maybe ice skating? And whatever happened to What the Actual Fuck Conservopedia?

My favorite part of the show was Bring It Back. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 123 the peter bogasian non-spectacular failure number two man. Twice in a row. Cecil, we have tried.

Three times. What are you kidding me? I guess. Three times. We were supposed to have DJ on twice in a row. Right. Failed. We had him on zero times in a row.

Right. Next week, we're having Sam Harrison. We would have better luck having Christopher Hitchens on. Yeah, I'm just going to start naming people. It'll be like Carl Sagan's on in three weeks. Because it doesn't matter. We never get him on. Right.

We may as well have fucking Martin Luther King Jr. on. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, Abe Lincoln's going to be on right after the beginning of the new year. He's going to come on for his fucking birthday. He and Kennedy are going to put their heads together for the show. Oh, no. It's good that Boghazian isn't on, though, to be honest. And the reason why is because, like I did with every other book in college,

I failed to read his book all the way through yet, and I was going to cram last night into today. And when he said, when our time just didn't meet up, I was like, oh, well, then great. See you next week. So I can wait until the 6th to actually read his book, and then I'll cram the night before again. I was right at the end.

I could have. We realized it wasn't going to work out and so but i could have like i was like oh man i only got like 15 pages left just to set aside 10 minutes and finish the book you know but yeah i was like oh now i can wait till the six two and i want to point out see so that we are recording right now on Halloween. On Halloween. Do you hear this sound? You hear that?

Yeah, that's you getting fatter, right? That is the sound right there. Hold on. Oh, that's a Reese's? Hang on a minute. Oh, yeah. That's good stuff. Oh, yeah.

That's my son's candy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's my son's candy. It's a much better, I will say this, the sound of you eating that Reese's is a much better sound than us eating the Twinkie that one time. I don't know if you remember when we had to eat the nasty stale Twinkies. That was a horror show. I mean, I ate the whole thing, but it was disgusting. You know, when I was a kid, those Twinkies fucking ruled.

They were awesome. Oh, yeah. But now I'm like, this tastes like Yellow Tie number five. It's just like, and a little bit of flour. It's really not a good food anymore. Everything about it is greasy and sugary, but no part of it tastes good. Those are usually recipes for success. Think of other greasy, delicious foods.

Yeah, oh yeah. Like, for example, bacon dipped in maple syrup. Right. You know? I was going to go with donut, but yeah, you're right. Sure. That's a staple, you know? Yeah.

It's greasy, it's salty, it's sugary. It's fucking amazing. A Twinkie? Yeah. Ugh. Not a good food. Twinkie it's like it's like eating a fucking lubed dildo it's fucking horrifying i did i did deep throat you know i mean i wound up i wound up getting it down there without choking so i was nervous about swallowing.

Yeah, I know. I rubbed the cream filling on my face after I was done with it. There's too much analogous about a fucking Twinkie. It really is too much. So I will ask you, everyone in the room, how many of you are Normal Muslims You're not extremist You're not radical Just normal Sunni Muslims

Please raise your hands Everybody MashaAllah Subhanallah Okay take down your hands again How many of you Agree That men and women should sit separate?

Please raise your hands. Everyone agree. Everyone agree. Brothers and sisters. Subhanallah. So it's not just these radical sheikhs then. Allahu Akbar. Next question How many of you agree That the punishments described in the Quran and the Sunnah

Whether it is death Whether it is stoning for adultery Whatever it is If it is from Allah and his messenger That is the best punishment ever possible for humankind And that is what we should apply in the world. Who agrees with that?

Allahu Akbar. Are you all radical extremists? Subhanallah. In the vein of a bunch of dumb cocks, our first story is from mrctv.org This is actually a video

of an excerpt of a Muslim peace conference which took place in Norway in March of 2013. It turns out the Muslims are terrible at peace conferences. Like, they're awful. They're really good at conferences, right? Because there's a lot of people there.

There was a ton of people there. It's the peace the peace part i think that they just don't get good grief they are just absolutely terrible at this peace concept um and it's it's kind of a great story because it sort of perfectly illustrates the point that we were making last week um that islam as a religion has violence embedded in it it's just it's just fucking part and parcel like if you're going to do islam and you're going to do it um from a fundamentalist perspective from a i really believe this shit perspective um there is a tremendous amount of inequality and violence embedded in that religion. Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, the guy even comes out and says, you know, none of you are extremists.

And he's right. I'm sure the people in that audience are not extremists. They're not going to go out and, you know, they're probably not going to go out and hurt anybody. But those views are subjugating people in their culture. Those views are hurting people in their culture. Those views are the types of views that, you know, when they're talking about the death penalty, you know what I mean?

Like, like civilized society shouldn't even think the death penalty is a good idea, period. You know, like, like we're moving past the idea that a death penalty is good because it, you know, and then for all the reasons that we've mentioned, I'm not going to rehash all the reasons why the death penalty is not a good reason, good idea. If you want to find out about those, do a search for death penalty in our tags. I'm sure you'll find the show and listen to it. And that's where we talk about the death penalty. But here, I mean, really, I think, you know, I don't need to make the argument that I say, okay, the death penalty is a bad thing. penalty is a bad thing period um and and they're

you know all the hands in the entire audience go up when he says you know do you think that we should be following the punishments that are put forth in the quran you know and everybody's raising their hand and they're all raising their hand because they're all in one big large group you know everybody is in this i mean if you didn't raise your hand in that group, everybody's looking at you. Like, why are you not with the rest of us? You know, burn the witch. You know, to some degree, it's a trick question, right? It's, you know, hey, do you not, you know, do you believe, because it's a path, it's a garden path you're easily led down. You know, do you believe in the Quran?

Oh, yeah, I believe in the Quran. Do you believe, you know, that everything Allah said in the Quran is truth? Do you believe that, if you believe that, then you believe these punishments. Well, how are you supposed to respond differently? Are you supposed to be the person there who's like, oh yeah, I believe in the Quran marginally. I believe in the Quran somewhat. I believe in the Quran. I believe in the Quran metaphorically. But I think that the next thing is, you can't sit there and say, I believe in the kran even the kran metaphorically but i think that the next thing is you can't sit there and say i believe in the kran moderately it's i think it's hard i think it's i

think it's very difficult to have a a book that is that is telling you to you know subjugate you know half your population to you know injure people when they do, like when they steal, cut off their hand, bullshit like that. You know, it's hard to, you know, take that in a half measure. Yeah, what's the half measure, right? I don't know, like cut off my pinky or something instead of my own hand?

Like, I mean, I don't know. We're just going to boil your hand. Like, that's what we're going to do. I mean, seriously, like, the punishments are so insane and they're so like unbelievably aggressive. There's no moderating it. It's not it's not like, well, we're going to give them some lashes.

Oh, well, OK, that could mean one or a thousand. You know, instead, it's like we're going to hit them with rocks until they die. Oh, can we scale that back to what? Hit them with pebbles until they die? Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Can we scale that back to what? Hit them with pebbles until they die? So this next story comes from the New York Daily News. Kuwait developing gay detector test to keep LGBT expats out of Gulf countries. Cecil, they're actually building a gaydar. Like, they have watched so much Will and Grace over there on reruns

that they think gaydar is a thing you need to assemble. Like, can you see them sitting over there? Like, they all say they have gaydar. We don't have the gaydar is a thing you need to assemble. Like, can you see him sitting over there? Like, they all say they have gaydar. We don't have the gaydar. We must build the gaydar. How will we know? What I see it as is like, they'll have a guy standing there

and his pants won't match his shirt. And then somebody will be like, I'm sorry, those do not match and they're like that guy's gay get him out of here or they'll have like off color drapes or something and then the guy just sees it and he's like I'm sorry I don't like those drapes

get him out of here quick put a stamp on his passport that he can't come in here cause he's gay. You just do like a rainbow stamp on your passport? Rainbow stamp they put a rainbow stamp on your passport rainbow stamp they put a little sticker on it this this individual is not approved for the following countries all of the middle east you know as if yeah and the thing that cracks me up about this is as if there's this great flood of homosexual tourism to Middle Eastern countries. Right?

Like, what are you keeping out? That'd be like me, like, figuring out a way to like, oh man, I've got to do something to keep the giraffes out of my house. I've got to do something. I have never had a single giraffe in my fucking house. That doesn't mean it can't happen tomorrow. It's like, it's fucking bear patrol, dude. It's fucking bear patrol. It's a rock to keep away tigers.

That's what it is. If you're homosexual, you're not going to purposely go to Kuwait. And you're certainly not going to be out while you're there. You would be the fucking, fucking, you, I would be fucking a woman as I went through fucking customs. I would have fucking like. It's like, man, you're just like, you're watching straight porn the entire time.

You're in customs. So nobody can see what's going on. The only way I would have like seven women, like I would just be fucking covered in women. They'd be like, do you have anything to declare? I'd be like, I'll fucking declare that I am covered in bitches.

That's what I declare. I'd be like, I fucking declare that I am covered in bitches. That's what I declare. I declare that there's a woman filleting me under my fucking robes right now. I like this. It says, in Kuwait, anyone under the age of 21 who engages in homosexual acts can be thrown in prison for up to 10 years. What if you're over 21? Then they just throw your head into prison.

The rest of you, they just, they deport. They deport you into a shallow grave. What the fuck? This is crazy. They're building, see if I read this and I'm like, just call, first of all, I'm like, just call it gaydar. Just go straight up and call that shit gaydar. And then what would the test, like how would you test for the gays?

Like, you're going through security, and, like, you take off your shoes, and, like, okay, there's no bombs in your shoes. And then, like, they, like, shake out, like, baby formula. Like, okay, the baby formula isn't really fucking dynamite baby formula or whatever. And then, like, what? really fucking dynamite baby formula or whatever and then like what they like show you like images of like hot women or something and they like and they like pat you down like right after like ah he's got a chubby he's good to go through yeah he's good he's right he's half aroused he's ready to go yeah i think they just show you images of like two really nicely decorated room and one that's not so nicely decorated.

And if you're a dude, you just look at it and you're like, I don't know, none of them. There's like a fabulosity scale that you have to... Fabulosity? That came off wrong because I said if you're a dude. Like gay guys are dudes and they're not all fucking interior decorators either. That's a joke, by the way. No, Cecil, because you said it in a joking fashion, people are going to think that you really believe that. Everybody's like,

hey man, all gay people are fucking interior decorators. It is altogether right to discriminate against homosexual behavior. I'm arguing that it's time that we as conservatives, that we rehabilitate the word discriminate, that we reclaim it, that we dust it off, and that we as conservatives that we rehabilitate the word discriminate that we reclaim it that we dust it off and that we use it and that we use it unapologetically and i believe we need to begin to say look it is altogether right for a rational culture to discriminate against homosexual behavior so this next story comes from buzzfeed discredited u.s anti-gay activist

addresses russian parliamentarians over family values family research institute founder paul cameron reportedly tells russia's duma that one-third of lgbt people support pedophilia uh what so this guy this is like one of those guys that he's he's been discredited so thoroughly here that he has to go fucking blather his jabber in russia russia has become like the eastern european uganda like it's it's now become like the home for the right-wing Christian nutjobs to export their hate. And I cannot understand how, after fucking nearly 50 years of spite and vitriol and distrust that the US and Russia engaged in, how all of a sudden Russia has become the poster boy for Christian morality. The reason why we are such a Christian nation, the reason why the nation is such a, you know,

has been pushing towards being a Christian nation for so many years is because of the godless communists, right? Right. I mean, the reason why it's because they were the reason why we thought, you know, we're Christian and we're, you know, we have God on our side and yada, yada, yada, and whatever else we said back then, you know, to try to get people that were sort of, you know, maybe you're not with us, you know, we're going to try to get you with us any way ideologically that we can.

So, whether it's nationalist or religious or whatever it is, we're going to get you with us. And now we're like chummy chummy with them. We're all like, hey, no, that's a good idea. We should all hate gays. It's such a strange sort of mix of people. And this thing that happened, this guy guy who shows up he's discredited he's the guy who like he's the guy who says shit like crazy shit like oh yeah basically 27 percent of homosexuals engage in sex with children and you're like that's not a true statement

right you just made up those numbers you'd be like 55 percent of them will explode in the next minute like it's just of those things are wrong. You're not saying truthful things, but it doesn't matter. If they would have talked to a single person about it and said, hey, the Family Research Institute, we're going to have that guy talking. If they would have talked to one person, which you know that they fucking know who they got, it would have been like, that guy is not a person who says factual things. Oh, okay, yeah, cool.

But instead it's just like, this guy's tweeting and quoting him. And his quotes are crazy. And I'm going to read his tweets. And these are translated tweets. He cited statistics of a survey of homosexuals. 27% engage in sex with children from 15 to 18. 15% with children under 15. 18 15 with children under 15 32 percent think such

sex is okay no that's i mean fucking 32 percent think that sex is okay i know more than three gay people one of them is not a pedophile right this is something like this is like such interesting to statistics the question is should we give children away to be adopted by single-sex families well fucking you already don't asshole uh yeah that question is fucking you fucking already answered that and then he says for me the answer is obvious comrade cameron is even harsher he says we should ban those who openly promote their homosexual orientation from from teaching children in schools a hawk and i'm thinking, you people, you fucking deserve everything you get if you fucking believe a fucking shred of what this idiot has to say.

You know, the only thing that's encouraging, the only thing that's encouraging about this, and it's an extremely nationalist view that I'm taking right now, is that at least these radical shitheads have to go elsewhere with their message. Like their message is so unwelcome here. It's unwelcome in Western Europe. It's unwelcome in most developed countries that they have to export this to, I mean, frankly, to Russia, which, you know i'm not saying russia's a third world nation but it's a nation you know ruled by a bunch of you know crazed oligarchs for the most

part it's i mean that place has just gotten it's like the fucking russian mafia runs the whole place i know it's i mean that place is fucking out of hand in every way a place can be out of hand. So that they have to export this bullshit, I find that encouraging. I really do. Because it's like, it has no home here anymore. It has no place to thrive and survive here any longer. And it did just a couple of decades ago. Sure, sure. Just a few decades ago, this guy was a thing.

Like, this dude is a thing. Now he has to get on an airplane and freeze his fucking dick off in Russia to spout his hate. You're all dead! Oh, be nice! Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay! Oh my God, what's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now!

You know, when I say that, but then this next story from theadvocate.com fucking immediately contradicts me. Anti-gay pastor claims LGBT parents are like toddlers who want to drive cars. want to drive cars an anti-gay pastor from illinois claimed lgbt couples who wish to marry and raise a family are like five-year-olds who think they can drive cars i take exception to that i've been letting my child drive since he was five he's mostly fine someone's got to drive when i've been drinking absolutely and i've got to do the responsible when you're nappish you know what i mean like i mean come on like i'm not to just get in the car and drive while I'm sleepy. You don't want me behind the wheel. I mean, that would be fucking irresponsible.

You have literally fallen asleep behind the wheel before. I have. I've fallen asleep behind the wheel a couple of times. I fell asleep behind the wheel and hit a truck. Oh, yeah, but we're making it sound like it's way different than it was. You've fallen asleep at intersections with your foot on the brake. That's true. And you hit a truck at about a mile an hour.

About a mile an hour, which is why I'm still alive. Right, right. Yes, but I have fallen asleep driving a number of times. Which is, if I had a five-year-old in the car, fucking problem solved. Yeah, just let him climb over you. You know, they have those little booster seats for a reason. But, you know, the thing is that you cannot fall asleep in a car with a five-year-old because you can't fucking relax for even one fucking second if you're in a car with a five-year-old it's not it's not a thing

you can do because you're fucking singing abc songs or you're fucking making up stories about like flaming giraffe superheroes or something. No, there's no sleeping when you have a five-year-old in the car. Unless they're sleeping. In which case, everybody wins. But anyway, this idiot. This fucking idiot. I like this guy.

I think if he's going to represent Illinois, this is the guy you want to back. He can't get his, I mean, this guy, he couldn't fucking find his ass with two hands. You know what I mean? Like, he really is not a bright dude. I love what he has to say here. He says, well, we'll have five-year-olds who think

they can drive cars, but the reality is there's a certain way that things are structured. There's a male lion and a female lion. I'm thinking, what happened to the kid driving a car? Like, what is he in? Is he suddenly in Jurassic Park or something? Like driving around looking at the-

They're testing the fences. Like, what is happening? There's a rooster and a chicken. And biology tells us that that was ordained. And for us to have this conversation, while the state is $100 million in debt, our nation is $16 trillion in debt. We have children being murdered every day. I think the politicians have a lot more on the table that need to be addressed other than what two adults do in their

bedroom. And I'm thinking, exactly. The thing is, is that there's a lot more important things to worry about than what two adults do to each other. So let's strike down all the laws that prohibit them from doing things to each other, you fucking fool. Fucking, I'm with this guy so far, right? Yeah. Like, he's crazy as a shithouse rat in the whole first seven eighths of his jib jab. But then at the end, it's like, well, what do we care what people do in the bedroom? You know, I don't.

You clearly have given this too much thought, but I don't. But then later, Cecil, later he just contradicts himself. Sure. Like he totally, he says, our nation is not built on the strength of its army or its finances, but what goes on in our living rooms? What? or it's finances but what goes on in our living rooms what well so i guess you can't have you can't have gay sex in the living room that's what i get from this like you can't have gay sex in the living room our nation is is is founded on like what happens in our living room so like

a bunch of people watching like fucking snooki and JWoww. Right. No kidding. Oh, great. That's what our nation's founded on. Our nation is founded on being fat and not wearing your pants. Yeah. Like that's it. Like that is what our. Whose father didn't walk around in their underwear? You know what I mean?

It's just like my dad used to walk around in his tighty whiteys all the time. He'd be like, dad, I have people. I'd be like, so what? I'm in my underwear. Fucking my house. It's my house. I'm allowed to walk around in his tighty-whities all the time. He'd be like, Dad, I have people. I'd be like, so what? I'm in my underwear. Fucking my house. It's my house. I'm allowed to walk around in my underwear.

Whatever. I'll take my fucking garbage out in my underwear. I don't care. I walk around all the time in my underwear, and I live on the

fifth floor of a building in Chicago with huge windows. I'm just like, I don't give a fuck. Look over here. What do you want? They're lucky I show

up to work wearing pants. That's it. There's like a certain part of your life where you stop wearing pants. You're just like, I don't want to wear pants anymore. It's how you know you're home for the evening. Yeah, exactly. Because that shit is like, that's the excuse too. You're like, something will happen.

They'll be like, oh, you want to run out? You'd be like, I am not wearing pants. I didn't wear my pants my pants on i didn't say all the time she'll be like will you take the garbage out i'll be like my pants off she's like you just walk in the door yeah colleen will do that she'll be like yeah can can you run out to the grocery store be like uh i'm not wearing pants as if it's an unsolvable problem. As if it's like, what do you want me to fucking lift up the pyramids? You want me to smash atoms together and put these pants back on? Until the sun comes up on the morrow, woman, I am not wearing pants. If I had to take my wife to the emergency room in the middle of the night,

I wouldn't wear pants. They would think something was wrong with me. Yeah, I don't blame you one bit. Sir, we need to admit. You'd be like, no, my wife is here. He'd be like, sir, we are admitting you too. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. And this comes from telegraph.co.uk. North Carolina church plans Halloween Bible burning.

North Carolina church plans Halloween Bible burning. Mark Grizzard, the pastor of Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, North Carolina, says that he and his congregation plan to burn Bibles on Halloween. But Cecil, not just any Bible. The one that they'll spare is the King James Version. Because that's America's Bible. What? That's America's Bible. What? That's America's Bible.

It's the only true, inerrant word of God. Prior to that, prior to King James commissioning it to be written, Right. clearly there was no inerrant word of God. I love that it's not like the oldest Bible ever translated. It's not like the first version of the Bible. It's not the best. It's not disputed by scholars to be the best version.

Instead, it's just like, yeah, that's the one we use. Right. He's just basically like, well, I read that one. Right. It's like, I love my country. You don't have a choice. You weren't born anywhere else. Exactly.

You know, this is the same thing as fucking being excited that the weather is nice. You're like, man, see that weather? Look at that weather. You dog. You're out like, that there weather. Okay. What did you have to do with it? Oh, man.

I prayed about this. That weather sure is pretty i mean what the fuck dude you're and he's gonna burn a bunch of other bibles because he says the other bibles are satanic do they differ that greatly that that satan is like oh i'm gonna change this word here right he's got like his fucking magic marker and his whiteout it's fucking arts and crafts day in hell i love their sticker books out they're like they're fucking scrapbooking the bible they're making origami stuff like souls burning origami i don't know how you fold that it's a difficult hitler stop making paper cranes damn it we have work to do i guess i don't care that he's burned i mean like to me it's like whatever you burn in bible like it's like those people are like you know when they

burn a quran they like kill them or whatever like i don't care burn whatever you want but you know the idea here you know the reason why you're burning it they say you know like he wants to make sure that they're not satanic i i'm sure i've told the story before but there was a guy who i used to work with who used to tell me like and he said on many occasions if it's not jesus christ it's it's the devil so he literally thought that anything that wasn't the bible was the devil so i remember i was reading a buddhist book and he was like oh that's the devil and you're just like they don't even fucking think there's a devil she's like like, that devil, that's not a real thing to them.

Like, nope, that's the devil. Okay, well, your mythology doesn't fit here, dude. Right. What about shit that happened before the Bible? That's the devil. Before, this fucking devil when he was OG. OG. What?

OD. That shit is just so crazy and it's like you're i've always i've always found it amusing that you're gonna use fire to get rid of the devil right the devil yeah that's a good way to do it you're gonna i mean that's like inviting an eskimo into your igloo as fucking punishment you're like come on in here's some ice water. It's like throwing Brow Rabbit into the fucking briar patch or whatever. You're just like, yeah, well, don't throw me into the briar patch. Whatever you do. Yeah, right.

Okay, well. Yeah. By the way. That's going to suck. So we're going to take a break and give you some information on how to contact the show and how to rate us on various things like iTunes and other things. And by the way, here's another thing. I might as well talk about it now instead of later.

If you are listening to us on Stitcher, maybe give us a rating there too. I know that there's a lot of people who have us on their playlists in Stitcher. If we happen to be on your playlist and you think it's worthwhile, they have ratings now. So you can give us a rating and give us a review. And if you listen to us on iTunes, we appreciate all the reviews that you give us there. That helps our rating out. So thank you. But here's some other ways to get in touch with us, and then we'll be back after that.

Want to get in touch with the show? Send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Be sure to follow the show on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Be sure to follow the show on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at dissonance underscore pod. Like the podcast page on Facebook at facebook.com forward slash dissonance pod, or just type cognitive dissonance into the Facebook search bar. Want your voice featured on our show? Leave a short message on our Google voice at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828.

Visit DissonancePod.com to see the news stories featured in the show, buy apps and merchandise, or just leave a comment. And to everyone who helps spread the word about the show by sharing it, tweeting it, and rating it on iTunes. Glory Hole. You fucking rock. So this one comes from The Raw Story. Christian activist warns, Obama turning us all into pro-gay European zombies. I'm halfway there. Because I am pro-gay.

But I've yet to become a European zombie. I do wonder though, Cecil, how America would turn into a European zombie. Do we have to renounce our citizenship and join the EU before we zombify? I'm afraid. Maybe we just start using the euro. Maybe we just get rid of all of our dollars, and the people in the U.S. are using the euro for currency just walking around with euros confusing everybody else to the extent of like but they're zombies so they're not

able to like articulate the problem because they're fucking zombies they're just like sure like i don't know what the fucking you want to you want a euro you want a euro like a fucking lamb with the pita bread is that what you're talking about why are you saying gyro gyro you already have one what do you want a churro what do you want pro-gay what thanks obama she's basically talking about that the people in the public square over there they're not a healthy society because when you start walking around a public square, nobody talks to each other, and that's what they do in Europe.

That's what she's afraid of. People not talking to it. Like what? Gays aren't friendly? I don't know. Is that what we're talking about here? Well, I mean, you know the grand stereotype of the quiet homosexuals.

It's not a thing. I also wonder, like uh because that quote um because when you go start walking out in the public square nobody talks to each other that's what they do in europe that's just not true like public squares encourage communication like people walk places in europe like europe is more walkie. We're more drivey here in the States. You may have noticed. Between the two, if anything is going to be more insulated, I wake up in the morning. What do I do? I wake up. I walk to my driveway, immediately get in my car. I drive my car immediately to the place of destination, get out, walk in, sit down, that's it.

I have no opportunity. But like, if you are, you know, I don't know, European and you're probably taking public transportation or walking or... Like your opportunity to intermingle with other people has increased a brajillion fold. It doesn't, like, everything about this just, it doesn't it doesn't like everything about this just it doesn't make any sense at all and like europe is full of zombies what the fuck are you talking about woman europe isn't full of zombies now north korea may be full of zombies we don't know we can't get in there but you know no yeah and that's fair but You know, the other part that she talks about here, too, is she starts talking about how Obama is like basically attacking the Christians in this country and how he's done so much damage to the Christians. And I keep wondering, I'm like, what has he done?

What does he mean? He's barely been on the side of homosexuals when he struck down don't ask, don't tell. And you're like, okay, well, what else? Right. Well, DOMA, right? The Defense of Marriage. Right. Like, so – but other than that, I mean –

And they're only focusing on this tiny little piece of, you know, of the Christian doctrine, which is, you know, not completely, you know, cross-spectrum over all Christians. There are some Christians who believe that, you know, being homosexual is just fine. There's many Christians who believe that. There are some who don't. But that's not, I mean, that, you know, when they're saying that the Christian community is being damaged here, like, okay, well, a small sector or maybe even a large sector of the Christian community disagrees with one thing that he did. Right. Isn't your ideology greater than that one thing?

No. There's nothing left for them to hold on to, Cecil. What left do they have? This, like, I was thinking about this the other day. Like, you know, what's sad is this is their rallying cry this is it this is the this is their this is their rallying point and if this doesn't work then what's going to end up happening is the the christians as a group are going to realize that they are a disparate number of sects that are broken up and have competing beliefs,

and they won't be able to act politically as one. I think this is the issue that they have to get behind and act politically as one to succeed at. Because if they can't succeed here, then all of the many dozens of things that divide them, I mean, like the last idiot who's going to burn the wrong Bible. Like there's no agreement. Just because you're a Christian and the next guy next to you is a Christian doesn't mean that you agree on, I mean, much of anything. Yeah, you don't have to.

Yeah, not necessarily agree on anything. There might be tremendous disparities between, you know, your sect of Christianity and their sect of Christianity. Just look at immigration in comparison to the sects of Christianity. Right. I mean, there are some people on one side of Christianity that are just totally 100% against the way in which our country handles immigration and thinks that they should be lowering the standards

and allowing amnesty and allowing all this. And then the other side is 100% diametrically opposed to them and i mean in a way that's terror and they both believe in the same guy right so this is it like i really think that like i think this is the thing that they have to mobilize behind if it and if this fails then the cohesiveness that defines their religiosity as a political force collapses. But only in the last 5, 10, 15 years has bullying become such a big issue. And folks, the whole bullying idea is built around the homosexual agenda. To try to get people not to criticize or make fun of or poke fun at homosexuals.

That is the whole genesis of the no bullying. That's where it all came from. So this fucking guy, this is from Right Wing Watch, Daubenmayer, not allowing Christians

to bully gays is a form of bullying against Christians. First of all, this guy, it says coach in quotes before his name here.

So coach Dave Daubenweier. This guy does not look like he could coach anything. It looks like he has had his fair share of bratwurst. He's like one of those da bears. He's da coach.

I was surprised he wasn't fucking pounding on his own chest uh in the middle of this fucking insane rant of foolishness um he's he he rants against bullying basically saying that um if christians can't bully other kids first of all the kids that are not getting bullied will grow up to be bigger sissies because bullying makes you tough. That's one of his arguments here. Wait, what? Yeah, bullying makes you tough. And he's also against keeping your kids from being psychologically damaged.

He actually says that in his rant. He's like, we're trying to make sure that these kids don't take any psychological damage i'm trying to do that like i don't like i like think about it if you had a car right you wouldn't be like oh yeah crashed my car into a fire hydrant it made it tougher like no it made your car dented you went right and like like just like brushing its shoulder off like what what what you got for me fire hydrant like the steel is like stronger steel when it's done it's like fuck you yeah oh yeah yeah uh like every car is christine i was a sedan and now I'm a fucking Bigfoot. What?

That's just not a thing that happens. What is happening with this? This guy, you know, the idea, the idea that you're going to tell your kids not to bully is not a new goddamn idea. Right. I remember being a kid and having my dad give me a talk about being a bully. Like you shouldn't do that sort of thing i remember like the bully was like a story that he told us a story about how there was a bully in his school and how the bully bullied people and how that's a bad thing right i remember him like i remember these stories like fucking oral tradition from my father for crying out loud

and i know i wasn't the only one who got the bully talk right don't be a bully or stand up to the bully you know etc etc look the the idea that we're we're coming down against bullying is not a fucking new thing this has been happening for ages it's been happening since there have been bullies people have been saying that bullying is bad why is it that this guy's like oh well we shouldn't be telling kids this stuff. And his other argument is that, well, if a Christian wants to bully a kid and make fun of them. Right. And it comes from a sincerely held religious belief.

Absolutely. Then that's legit. As long as I really believe, you know, no fat chicks. Right? I mean, just to say something fucking mean. Just to say something mean-spirited and evil. I can say any fucking mean-spirited, small-minded, fucking ignorant bullshit that I want. As long as I sincerely believe my own mean

spiritedness sure so like if you really truly hate jews right you're allowed to say fucking i hate jews right you're allowed to say and you're allowed to look at that person and be like i hate you and i hope you die yes because. Because you are a Jewish. Because you're a Jewish Jew. That is why. That's why. Here is my treatise, sir. And why. See if you could follow me here.

Yeah, this guy. The first thing I'm thinking is like, who is your fucking target audience? When you show up to make your fucking three and a half dollar YouTube video with your Sony Handycam wearing a fucking news with views shirt and your fucking Jesus baseball cap because fucking Jesus played baseball. I don't know. The sun was in his eyes up on the crucifix. I don't know if you see, but it's an angel's cap. Is it? No, I don't know. The sun was in his eyes up on the crucifix? I don't know if you see, but it's an angel's cap.

Is it? No, I don't know. For a minute I was like, wait, that sounds like that's something. It could be an LA angel's cap. No, it's got a cross on it. I thought it did. I just pray over this equipment. We speak over the PowerPoint presentations, all of the

video projectors. And we say, devil, we know what you love to do in meetings like this. And we say, you will not, in Jesus' name, you will not prevent this message from going out. No microphone problems, in Jesus' name. So this story comes from the contributor. Virginia GOP candidate warns that yoga leads to Satan. Okay. E.W. Jackson, the Virginia GOP candidate for lieutenant governor, among other things,

he thinks yoga can open individuals to Satan, says God created the Tea Party, and that he'll stop blessing the military because of gay rights. Uh, fuck. What? Where do you start with this guy? As a man who has done yoga recently, like five days ago, I don't feel any more satanic.

I feel sweatier and slightly more agile. Like that is what you feel at the end. Like you've not more satanic. Well, the reason why he's saying the satanic thing is because when they do this yoga thing, the purpose of such meditation is to empty oneself. Uh, and Satan is happy to invade an empty vacuum of your soul and possess it. I'm thinking when I do yoga, I'm not emptying myself. I'm thinking, fuck, I'm going to fall. Fuck. I'm going to fall. Fuck. I'm going i'm gonna fall fuck i'm gonna fall have you that's what i keep thinking what part of fucking yoga is meditation yoga that i the yoga that i've done is like okay now you are a fucking pretzel wrap your pretzel in fucking

create a mustard jar with your arms dunk yourself and eat yourself what the fuck that's not meditation that's the least relaxing thing I've ever done. I've had fucking root canals that were more relaxing than fucking yoga. And doesn't he look like he's doing the backwards facing warrior anyway in this image? Isn't that like a yoga pose he's doing here? And, you know, let's stop. Let's stop getting down on yoga because we we only have yoga to thank for yoga pants. And we should be thanking it every goddamn day we can.

I'm thankful every Sunday at the very least. Oh, goodness gracious. Every Sunday I'm thankful for those pants. What are we thanking here? I mean, I wear a nice pair or two. It's really more two pairs I've stitched together. It's actually a boat tarp. Who am I kidding? It's a boat tarp. It's just a boat tarp. It's a boat tar together it's actually a boat tarp who am i

kidding it's a boat tarp it's just a boat tarp it's a boat tarp with a big pin they have to weld that thing shut this guy is full of crazy though he's got a tea party you know he's talking about the tea party being created by god yeah god you didn't know that yeah god created uh the tea party he's actually a big contributor to certain super PACs. Yeah, he's just... God loves political action committees. I give 10% of my salary every week. I would just decide for y'all, but that's not how you set your system up.

I mean, I know I've got all the power, but I got one vote. It's a two-party system. What can you do? Such a fucking crazy thing to think that God created a political party that so far has done nothing but fuck shit up. Like, it's not been effective in getting shit done. All the Tea Party has been effective in doing is being a bunch of obstructionist assholes. Like, that's it. Yeah.

So God is an obstructionist asshole. Like, if God exists, he's in American Congress. And it's weird, too, because they all seem to be obstructionists, but they all seem to have, like, different reasons for what they do. Right. but they all seem to have like different reasons for what they do. Right. They're like all this disparate sort of reasons why they're doing the things they're doing, but they're all just being disruptive and stupid.

Yeah. There's no part of like, you know, the funny thing is like, if this were true, God's approval ratings are like in this single digits. Yeah. God's approval rating.

They're in the fucking toilet. God's going to get fucking booted out in the next year or two it's fucking hilarious he's gonna be like oh i should have put down more of those little signs in the road like by the you know the ones by the road the road signs i should have supported obamacare what was i thinking and i love too this idea of american exceptionalism that like that we're somehow a protected nation. You know, like, oh, yeah, America's been, like, we're the favored nation of God. We're the, like, God loves us so much. I mean, he loves us so much that, I mean, he loves Norway a lot more, though.

But he loves us a lot. Like, God, I mean, America, whoo-da! though but he loves us a lot like god i mean america whoo and i mean but i mean really sweden he's really fond of sweden and australia and new zealand and canada but i'm in america all the other places all the other places except for russia i mean just it's a great like what what are we winning at like we're winning that we have more bombs and i think you said it before where it's just like what was he waiting around all those millennia until america was created so then he could finally like be like oh finally a party i can endorse and wouldn't it be the jews like buy your own book you would think wouldn't

it be israel like because that's your chosen people that's the highest concentration of your chosen people wouldn't you but instead like that country is constantly having fucking rockets shot at it like what was it's like always has rockets shot at it all the time it's like the matzo ball party is who you should be like fucking endorsing the challah bread party i don't know like Holla for the Hollabread Party. What's up? You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers.

I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This is from opposingviews.com. Fucking Pat Robertson. This is actually fucking just mean. A mom who can't heal son's deafness is doing something wrong, claims Pat Robertson. You know, usually Pat Robertson just says like crazy off the rail sort of like cuckoo shit that doesn't hurt anybody really, except for just the idiots who are watching 700 Club.

This fucking is the meanest thing. This is so fucking mean and cruel and cynical and spiteful. I fucking hate it. I watched this and I'm like, I'm renewed with a hateful vigor at Pat Robertson for this bullshit. Yeah, and I think you got it right too when you said something on one of your Facebook posts.

Like, this guy's just not a harmless little fucking twat. You know what I mean? Like, everybody's always just like, oh, he's just a doddering old fuck. No, you know what? He's kind of an asshole. And the shit he's saying here is ridiculous. When know what is the mom doing wrong she's telling her son that he can fucking be healed right that's what she's doing wrong yep you know yeah you know how you can get healed from fucking being deaf get a fucking what do

they call it a cochlear implant or whatever it is get one of those you know there's a way to heal deafness you don't have to fucking rebuke any spirits you know all you have to do is just go out and get a doctor when when i was in high school there was a girl uh like tracked in a lot of the same classes i was in um and she was a very very nice girl and she walked with two crutches like the kind that grip your forearm um i believe i believe she had cerebral palsy, but I could be mistaken. I don't recall. But her legs didn't work properly, and she had a lot of things going on. And her mom used to tell her that she would get better if she prayed harder.

Oh, come on. She used to carry around a tremendous amount of guilt because her mom is trying. And I know what her mom's doing, right? Like, her mom is, like, trying to give her hope. And that's what Pat Robertson, I think, is. Like, these people are so fucking deluded. They don't understand. That's the only way I can think about this.

But what ends up happening is it's fucking your fault. It didn't work because of you. You didn't do it hard enough, strong enough. You didn't believe enough. That's why you can't walk. And this woman, this girl, I mean, I'll fucking eat my hat if she walks normally again. Like without major medical intervention. It's never going to be because she fucking prayed harder one day.

She's never going to wake up and it's fucking Tuesday morning and she rolls out of bed and does fucking wind sprints because she prayed so well the night before. And this mom, this fucking mom of this fucking deaf child to carry around the guilt? Like, oh my god,

my son is deaf because I don't believe hard enough because I'm not able to rebuke the spirit of deafness? Fuck you. Why don't you rebuke the spirit of fucking aging? Yeah. You know, Robertson here is, you know, this is harmful sort of things to spread. This is a harmful thing to spread.

sort of things to spread this is a harmful thing to spread you know when he's talking about fucking whether or not you should you know bless your clothes because you got it from the fucking thrift store and there might be demons in them fucking zippers or whatever it's like okay right yeah okay that's just fucking harmless bullshit but this is this is saying that there's something there's a cure for something that there isn't this is just as bad as being like whoa fucking don't vaccinate your kids right like it's this it's just as bad it's it's it's bad misinformation you know we we get down on people all the time for for making medical claims that they that they don't have the you know if you can't make a medical claim if you're not a doctor you know or if your stuff isn't supported by

science like why isn't this guy like we're like oh well he says he could cure deafness okay well fucking let's see you cure deafness oh you can't do it well then you can't talk about it yeah right you can't talk about it and i'll tell you what the the minute you find your infomercial that is fucking the 700 club you know what i mean you get fucking kevin trudeau done and the minute you lay hands on somebody and rebuke the spirit of deafness now you're practicing medicine without a license. Enjoy prison. To start the email section, we're going to actually say thank you to Austin and Gregory.

Thank you for your generous donations. Your donations go a long way to make sure that the show continues on. Tom, this week we had saved up enough money from, uh, the last bit that we had done with audible a while back and, uh, and with enough donations, Tom bought a brand new,

uh, microphone that's coming next week. So hopefully next time he's going to be recording on a brand new microphone. I have a brand new mixer too. So we want to thank people for, uh, for donating and,

uh, and also for the audible money that we had initially too, uh, because that allowed us to get that stuff. So thank you for donating and also for the Audible money that we had initially, too, because that allowed us to get that stuff. So thank you for donating. Yeah, I really appreciate it. And you'll appreciate it when you hear my farts in that kind of high-def clarity. I know. It's going to have that, you know, you're going to think they're right there.

We got an email from Patrick. He says, hey, guys, while it makes sense that fisting is not common in islamic countries i hear there's a popular new act called wrist thing also there's a market for prosthetic vibrators that need to be exploited i think that's great that's awesome buddy we got an interesting email from matt about saudi arabia tom yeah he said after years yes years of listening to your delightful news stories i actually did something i have formally written to my member of parliament and asked him to address parliament on my behalf and asked that australia withdraw its ambassador from saudi arabia until they stop punishing victims of rape i asked that all of

your listeners do the same in their countries. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I think that's a great idea. There's fucking no harm in trying. Nothing's going to come of it. But there is no harm in trying, and voices need to be heard. So Saudi Arabia gets away with a lot because we need their resources. We need their oil.

That's it. That's the only reason. They're a fucking valueless country otherwise. And it would be wonderful if more voices were raised in protest. We got an email from WMX, and WMX sent us two images of him in Australia. And it's great. These are great. It's him wearing his glory hole shirt,

giant cock on the right hand side of his chest sticking straight up, not his, the glory hole cock is what I'm saying. And he's standing right in front of the opera house there. So we're going to post a picture with this episode. So if you want to see it, you'll have to go to this episode 123 at dissonancepod.com. You could take a look at him in all his glory hole glory. I love that something, Cecil, that we have done, this little show, has caused somebody to wear a dick on their chest in Australia. You know, like I know that I have reached a pinnacle of my intellectual, personal, and professional achievement. Intellectual, personal, and professional achievement. When there is a man standing next to the Sydney Opera House with a cock pointed at his head on a shirt representing something we've done.

We got an email from Kevin, and he says, Hater, read this in a Canuck accent, eh? You did the Aussies justice, didn't you? I'm not going to read it the whole way. No, that's not something that can be done. No, people don't talk like that for real. He says, while listening to your newest podcast, you got me thinking about the whole Jew-Jewish thing. And it works completely backward for the rest of the world. Calling something ish is usually saying technically it is, but really trying hard not to be.

He's smart. He's smart-ish. He's funny. He's funny-ish. He's funny. He's funny-ish. He's homophobic. He's homophobic-ish. I love that. He's like, but you can't say someone is Jew-ish-ish.

You need to say that they're Joe Lieberman. Oh, that's awesome. Thank you for your email, Kevin. That's very funny. So there was a problem with the latest episode of uh our last 122 and eric had asked us and another person had posted too on our website and tom i found out just before we started recording had problems with the episode too uh the problem is is that garage band updated their software and so when the garage band updated

their software i downloaded the new software the new software only exports to a apple only file and uh and i had to change that file into an mp3 so universal format so instead of just keeping it as an apple only file that only apple devices can play i turned it into a more universal format the mp3 well i used a conversion program that i guess didn't like the m4a and did all kinds of screwy shit with the data so like i was saying it was four hours long and it was like weird and like some people didn't get the half an hour or the last bit or whatever so this week i'm going to try to use itunes to actually do the encoding so we'll see if that works better supposedly it's supposed to work better but they took away like turn it into an mp3 i don't even know why they did that like

sometimes apple creates fucking software that's so stupid you're just like you just took a giant regressive step back i don't even know why you did that and while cecil is working out those bugs i'll be eating more of my son's candy we got an email from uh from mason he says hey guys i would gladly join up for you for your point and laugh kevin trudeau trip I'm sure there's other Chicago people in the area who would love it too. Shit, you could probably make it a fundraising event. We can have a bake sale. Bake him a cake with a file in it and then, you know, not give it to him because it's more than 500 calories. That's fucking awesome.

That's pretty great. We got an email from Dawn, Tom, talking about the last week's story. I laughed out loud. Glory hole, gentlemen. I, too, was stunned as to how marking out the Girl Scout symbols and references on the cookie boxes might help. Then I discussed it with my mother, who made it all make sense. See, you forget that it's not just called a marker. It's a magic marker.

The preacher is just taking the name of the device literally i hope this clears things up uh it did that was awesome and actually shockingly plausible this is a great email this one made me laugh too out loud this is from uh i'm not gonna say his name yet but he says hi guys love i love your show but after hearing uh your last show i have to be critical here and support Patterson. I love that he calls him Patterson. Pat Robertson is Patterson now. It's like when Pat marries Robertson. It's like J-Lo marrying whatever it was when they would say,

whatever, Bennifer, was that it? When they take the two names and put them together, it was like Ben Affleck or whatever. They put the names together. They put them together into something asinine, yeah. So it's Patterson. It says says i'm living in netherlands amsterdam uh for your information that's in europe he says of course we chop heads off all day and hands but mostly heads he says why because we are atheists and thus are stoned all day long and no we do not use guillotines anymore we stick

their heads out of the window of our windmills, which is where we all live. And this makes, now I understand the use of the windmill. I totally did not understand. And he says, secondly, clinkers do exist and they're very real. It's a clinker with a K, not a C, you idiots. It's a Dutch word for cobblestones. Patterson, again, he says his name's Patterson, was clearly referring to kidney stones, which can be annoying and very painful. He says, so next time you decide to bash

Patterson, please do some research. And then he says, he says his name and he says, if you decide to read my email, I think I'll piss myself hearing you guys try to read my name. Now, I'm going to say your name is Cohen. Cohen is a name of a couple famous filmmakers here. So Cohen is, that's how they say that. Now, the rest of it, I'm not even going to try to say the rest of it. No, no. It's Cohen Brujaha. That's what it is.

Brujaha? Brujaha. Cohen Debrujaha. I don't know the rest of it. Now, maybe that's what he wanted me to pronounce because he's like, oh, fucking Cohen's easy. I'm saying pronounce the. Pronounce fucking Mike or something. Because there's a J and an N at the end of his last name.

Like a fucking J and an N. Yeah. Just fucking put a vowel in there. Cohen. It's like coughing. It's like the last name is a cough. It's like Cohen. That's because the whole language is just a series of grunts and clicks.

Yeah. And siren sounds. It's like. So next week, next fucking week, we expect to have on Peter Boghazian. We we definitely hammered down the time now for sure. One million percent. So we know we're going to be talking to him next week, and I will have hopefully read his book by then.

It's sitting there at page, like, six, and I know I can finish between now and then. But we're hopefully going to have Peter on next week, and then we're going to talk again we're going to try to talk to DJ and see if we

can get him on again and then I mean I don't even know at this point if we're fucking Carl Sagan

expect him on for the Christmas show it's going to be great at this point seriously it'd be easier

to get Hulk Hogan on the show it'd be easier to get Macho Man who's dead oh yeah he's dead it'd be easier to get theo man who's dead oh yeah he's dead it'd be easier to get the kool-aid man how's he gonna snap into a slim jim he's not that's how that's why he's dead too many too many goddamn slim jim all right well until next time, we're going to leave you, as always, with the skeptics creed.

Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody.

Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. The sun was in his eyes up on the crucifix? I don't know if you see, but it's an angel's cap. Is it?

No, I don't know. I'm just saying. For a minute, I was like, wait, that sounds like that's something. It could be. It could be an LA angel's cap. No no it's got a cross i thought i just like i thought it did what he needs to be doing is like standing at a grill with a beer in his hand telling his next door neighbor something that's making his next door neighbor really uncomfortable yeah then he could be my next door neighbor right is that that's because that's that's what this guy is is a guy who says stuff that he probably shouldn't be talking about that makes you feel really goddamn uncomfortable

and you can't be mean to him cause he's like your next door neighbor. That is fucking personal. Or you just hired him to like put in a thing in your house. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like he's fixing your washer and you're just like, and he's like, yep, them gays. And you're just like, yeah, yeah dude can you just fix the washer like i really didn't i didn't hire you because you're fucking you know gonna give me a fucking

uh a speech on whether or not homosexuality is a good call i also don't care about your ideas on economics just fix the fucking one oh my god does that happen to you like fucking all it does all the time you know one of the problems with being like a reasonably friendly white male is that fucking shithead bigot white males always think that you're on their side. Totally. Because you're just trying to make conversation. You're like, yeah, but I don't make conversation about sports, right? I can't do that. So I'll usually let the person lead the conversation maybe just ask a couple of questions and people have fucking said like the

craziest shit like the fucking most outrageously like racist and i'm just i'm left and i have no idea how to handle that situation because inevitably like they're like installing something or like yeah sure they have like they're doing something like i had a guy who was fucking i had a squirrel get in my house one and i fucking sure as fucking getting the squirrel i don't even know what the fuck to do i can't find it it's in my fucking basement i don't know what to do i'm just like there's a fucking animal down there my cats are freaking out and i'm just like okay

so i call a dude i'm just like dude come get squirrel he call a dude. I'm just like, dude, come get Squirrel. He's like, sure. It'll be like 150 bones. And I'm like, sure. Come on down. And he's telling me the craziest shit. And then he gets to Squirrel and he like stomps. I'm thinking he's going to let it outside. Dude like kills the damn thing. Like steps on it and chokes it to death.

Kills it. And then he comes upstairs and he like, my wife's like, is it dead? He like waves it in her face. I'm just like, get out of my house it's like as soon as they see that you're also a white male they're like oh finally and they're like they take out their fucking tribe i get to say it's a crazy he was talking about like like how he hated black people and stuff get out of my house you weird me out just catch the squirrel oh god i almost i almost invited the squirrel to dinner instead of having

the guy i would be like you know what get out of my house just leave i'd rather have a squirrel here for in perpetuity have a squirrel in my house i was gonna buy a while back a couple of years back i was gonna buy like a little 22 pistol to go plinking with um and i i have like i prefer to buy things from like a mom and pop if i can and i near my work when i worked uh up in oakbrook oh this is gonna be good near my work um there was like a place that had like some mom and pop gun shop but i got out of work and i was like oh i've got a got a few minutes. I'm going to stop in. If they have, I wanted a Ruger, like a little.22 pistol. I'm like, oh, I want to take a look and see if they have it. Maybe I'll pick it up.

Maybe I'll just pick it up from this dude. It's better than buying it from a big corporate store. Yeah. I walked in, I'm looking at this thing, and this guy fucking goes on this rant about the neighborhood and the niggers and the fucking spics and the niggers. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening?

Like, I'm like, and I'm surrounded by guns at the time. And he's armed. And I'm like, this, I can't, like, my palms start sweating like crazy. And I'm like, I'm never, like, I wouldn't buy in anything. Like, the fucking zombies could be knocking on the door. Like, could be britain i'm like i gotta go right now i faked a phone call i have no idea what to do like i was like oh i got a phone call my phone wasn't ringing at all it was like it was like the most obvious like hang on hang on they could have pulled out awesome you answer your hand put your wallet on your ear or like your shoe, like fucking get smart.

And he was this fucking old dude. And he was super nice when I first walked in the store. And he's just like, well, you know, the neighborhood's not what it used to be since all the fucking niggers came to town or like whatever. I can't even do that. Like whatever he said. And I was just aghast. I was fucking appalled. And I'm like,

we are not alike. Like just because I don't tan well, we are not fucking alike, dude. Oh God, man. That happens way too, way too often.

One time I was at it. One time Sarah and I were out and we were like, uh, we used to live in a, in a gay part of town and a town, part of town that was like openly homosexual. Like live in a gay part of town, in a part of town that was openly homosexual. Most of the people in that area of the city were openly homosexual. And I remember we went to watch the fireworks one year.

And we were out on this little peninsula. And there was dozens of couples. I mean, dozens. I mean, there know blankets and people sitting out you're in the middle of chicago so there's like you know this is a city full of millions of people so everybody's out trying to watch the fireworks and there's you know blankets just dotting the landscape you know and there's a like a bunch of people just sitting around and i remember there was like this group of sort of young like dipshits that were sitting by us and there's a sarah and i

are sitting there and across the way is like this gay couple and they have like wine and they're sitting there talking and you know two guys and they're just and and this one guy's like oh look at them they got wine and cheese the gays or whatever and i'm just thinking like dude you know where you're at do you do you even understand like your idiocy just came into this area you're in the wrong area you're in the minority here dummy and it's unbelievable because it's like

they have no like they just assume like there's just like this assumption that like that everybody is secretly has a fucking clan hood in their back pocket and they're gonna be the first one to take it out and be like oh yeah But everybody secretly has a fucking Klan hood in their back pocket. And they're going to be the first one to take it out and be like, oh, yeah. And then there's going to be the slow clap.

Yeah. Yay. Yay. I fucking hate it. I have no idea how to deal with that shit either. I don't either. I have no idea. We're going to get email where it's just like, you should tell them to go fuck themselves and punch them in the throat or whatever.

Live in the real world. That's not a thing. Nobody does that. Everybody does what we do. Everybody's just like, I am uncomfortable and not going to be here. Either that or they're just not honest. Yeah, sure, you've confronted all these people before. No, you haven't.

No, you've never done that.