Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 135: Teddy Jealous Week

Episode Date: January 27, 2014

Special thanks to  for donating 5 shirts! Next week - 10pm February 1, we are on Atheist Hangouts with David: Us on the “Herd Mentality” Episode 39: Secular Funerals: .

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Glory, hello guys. My name's Daniel. I'm a truck driver in Atlanta. I just wanted to make a proposition for everybody that we stop calling the South the Bible Belt and start calling it the Bible Pants because it holds all the religious dicks, cunts, and asses, and it ain't no place I want to be.

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. I'm recording. I am also. I hope this is not too... I'm going to try to turn volume down a little bit on this, see what happens. Tell me when. Who knows what's going to happen? I don't know.

I don't know. Testing one, two. All right. Am I on? Yeah, I'm on. I can hear you. Do this. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Do it! thing one two all right am i on yeah i'm on i can hear you do this this is cognitive dissonance

you've been foiled we bring critical thinking fuck yeah there's skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at this. This is episode 135. The do it episode. Do it.

Do it. I don't even know where that came from. I'm just testing my sound here just to say in something and you started going like right in the middle of it so fuck it let's roll with it let's do this come on man your fucking sound is fine and your sound's not fine they'll fucking deal you know what everybody wants to complain about cecil's sound i'll send you your fucking money back. Yeah. That's it. It's coming back. Everybody gets a full fucking refund. We're starting the show, goddammit.

I'm not fucking around anymore. That's it. I'll turn this thing around. It's like my George Costanza voice. I'll turn it around. I'll do it. That was shrinkage. Did you see the size of her hands, Jerry? That was shrinkage.

Did you see the size of her hands, Jerry? Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Sir, first story comes from religionnews.com. Indonesian president says he believes in witchcraft. This is the part that everybody's waiting for. Susilo Bam Bang Yudahonyo. Oh, man, did I nail that one? I can't aim, man.

I am changing my middle name to Bam Bang. Bam Bang. You're like that little kid on the Flintstones. How many ribs so big they tip over my car? I'm going to feed my trash to a pelican. Oh, man, that's what you got to do. Just choke it down, pelican. I love, as a total fucking crazy aside,

I love that in that show, the animals are the stand-ins for industrial products, like garbage cans or whatever. It's just like, in the Stone Age, we value life so little, we use them as garbage disposals and fucking trash cans. And vacuums. Right?

It's like, we'll turn a dog into a table saw. We don't give a shit. Your brontosaurus is like your earth mover. It's so fucking funny. It's such like a Christian, like everything is here for our use. It's just hyper-realized. Exactly. The whole world is ours.

I'm driving a panda bear to work. I don't give a shit. And then I kill one every day just so I don't have to feed it. What are those slippers made of? Babies. They're just made of babies. I don't give a shit. They're just fucking wearing babies today.

Fuck it all. If it's alive and it's weaker than I am, I'm using it for something. It's alive and it's weaker than I am. I'm using it for something. It's fucking the polar vortex hit. I just fucking wear a coat made out of toddlers. I don't give a shit. You're like sewing together all your weaker neighbors.

It's just like made a house out of them. You're just like people in wheelchairs. just fucking hop on and ride them to work. It's the worst. Oh, the Flintstones. So Bam Bang. That's such a great middle name. And that's awesome because my son's middle name is Danger. And like we're having another kid and we're trying to come up with an great middle name. That's awesome because my son's middle name is Danger. We're having another kid and we're trying to come up with an awesome middle name.

I think it's going to be Bam Bang. It's either that or Shazam. I think Shazam is a good one too. We hadn't considered Shazam. Shazam is a great middle name. I don't know if I can get Colleen to buy that one. It's either Bam Bang or Shebang or whatever. It's gotta be

like Automata Pia. Like, the middle name has to be like Kaboom or something. Kersplash. Like, wait, that's not a name? That's just... My name's Cannonball Kersplash. Well, this guy's middle name is Automata Pia, too. Bam Bang.

Bam Bang. It's totally Automata Pia. So good old Bam Bang is a believer in witchcraft, Cecil. And he describes a witchcraftian experience that he had. Witchcraftian. He does. Let me read it. witchcraftian experience that he had. Witchcraftian. He does. Let me read it. He says, there was a thick, dark cloud hovering beneath the ceiling trying to enter

my bedroom. Then I asked everybody to pray and seek Allah's help. I closed the door to my room but left the others wide open. The revolving clouds eventually headed out of my house. So basically demons are about as smart as fucking pigeons right like you're just like close i'll close this door if you open the other ones

and just wait long enough the pigeon will fly away right it's like essentially like you're waving a fart out the window like that's what that's what you don't need anything to be a ghostbuster at all except for just like a big fan. Right. It's like the devil shows up and he can't get past your baby gates. You know what I mean? Like, ah, fuck. Like, I can't figure these things out.

Like, you got baby gates again. God damn it. I'm going back to Quiznos. There's no baby gates at Quiznos. I love it. He also, you know, the other thing, he can't open the baby gates, but he also can't open, like, pill jars either. He's like, he's totally befuddled by it. He's like, how do I get this damn thing open?

I need an Advil, for Christ's sakes. He's like chewing on the side of the bottle with his sharp fucking teeth. on the side of the bottle with his sharp fucking teeth. I also want to point out to you that this excerpt is from Shabam Here's 900 page book. Was it written by George R.R.

Martin? Yeah, it's just the whole thing is just people walking around talking to each other like, hey, and then we're going to walk through the forest for a while. That's the next 400 pages. And then a bunch of people died. Like specifically a bunch of people died.

Oh, yeah. You got enamored of that guy? He's fucking dead. I think, you know, like somebody on Twitter I think said, you know, is witchcraft any like less believable than religion or whatever? No, I don't think so. like less believable than religion or whatever no i don't think so and i think to be honest if this guy believes in religion why wouldn't he believe in witchcraft especially um islam because they they have like you know jinns and things that are specifically like demons and whatnot that come and fucking harass people so i don't i can't imagine this guy not believing in this stuff um

but you know again it's, you know, a president. It's just a president. I know, right? It's like, oh, he's just, you know, it's just a guy who is in charge of a lot of people who thinks that a fucking a dark cloud was hovering in his house and he had to fucking shoo it away like a stinky fucking emission from his body. from his body the day the the other line from this incredibly short but awesome article that i like is what says uh witchcraft is prohibited in islam however the practice is widespread in indonesia and i thought no it's not the belief is widespread yeah but. But nobody is doing. Let me let me make this abundantly fucking clear. I don't care how many fucking poppets you find under the floorboards.

I don't care how much how many times you read the fucking crucible like witchcraft. You cannot do witchcraft. You can't. You can't do witchcraft because you can't do magic because that shit isn't a thing. You're jerking off. That's all it is. It's just mental masturbation. Yeah, it's not practice.

I mean, you're not practicing it because there's nothing to fucking perfect. This guy looks like he's a shriner, doesn't he? Yeah, he would drive around in a little car. He looks like he needs a little car. Yeah, he's definitely got it. All he's missing is the red tassel right if he had a tassel like a fez or whatever those things wouldn't it be great to meet this guy in person is and just like just walk up and instead of shaking his hand just put the tassel on just

be like all right it's like pin the tassel on the president pin the tassel on bam bang and his fucking narcissistic 900 page memoir bam banks also could be a professional wrestler name too that would be awesome see so what do you write in a 900 page memoir you write about a lot of omissions like seriously like like you'd have to have chapter after chapter like like, things that I have eaten. Yeah, right. What I have thought about while masturbating. Yeah. Chapters 34 through 175.

175? 175? Allah, Akbar, Akbar, Allah, Akbar, Allahu, Akbar, just little Allah. Thank you, Chicago. So this story comes from Memri.org, the Middle East Media Research Institute. Indian cleric issues anti-gay fatwa. issues anti-gay fatwa, a gay or lesbian quote, may be burned alive, pushed from a high wall, or beaten publicly with stones. And I'm just glad we have options. Yeah. Oh yeah. You know, you wouldn't want to, you wouldn't want to narrow down the fucking horror of your religious

proclamation. You got to give the faithful some choice because what if you encounter a gay person and you happen to be atop a high wall you want to take advantage of that moment right i mean gravity look allah gave us gravity for a reason absolutely and if it's not to push gay people from the tops of high walls where you may or may not run into because that's where that's where a lot of the gay clubs are absolutely a top high wall as high the highest walls you can get right that's where that's where a lot of the gay clubs are absolutely a top high wall as high the highest walls you can get right that's where they put them all it's like hey let's go clubbing at the top of that high wall fucking what like all you have to do is read the punishments to realize how outdated it is right yeah like it's like because you know when this was done you know when this fucking barbaric practice practice was place, the very, you know, the technological limits were rocks, fire, and piles of bigger rocks.

Right, exactly. It's like this is when cities had city walls. Right. To protect you from fucking, like, marauders in the desert. I mean, this is almost like saying, saying like we're going to kill you with either rock paper or scissors yeah it's but they didn't have the technology yet for either paper or scissors well it'd be like it'd be like reading it would be like well you get to be trod to death by oxen or something like that right today where the fuck would you find enough oxen to trod

somebody to death you'd be like oh well we can't use that anymore yeah right we couldn't even like like around here you couldn't be like pulled apart by horses right you know i guess your horsepower my horsepower they'd have to they'd have to fucking find the metaphor and there's some way to twist it like a four mustang that's right oh yeah yeah well and yeah if you don't you just get cars that are named after horses, then that would work. Yeah, there you go. I think the thing that was really kind of shocking here was it said it was in India and it also was – not only did the Islamic people want to make sure that there was some sort of rules or whatever, but the Hindu people also had the same sort of thing. It said the judgment came on a petition to which several Islamic and Hindu religious groups were party. So Hindu religious groups were also looking for anti-gay laws, which I had no idea. I mean because I don't know fuck all about Hinduism, but I had no idea it was also bigoted.

But I had no idea it was also bigoted. Well, isn't it amazing how religious groups that are diametrically and philosophically opposed to one another will come together to discriminate against? They're like holding hands like, oh, man, you don't like that group of people either? I also dislike that minority group or that. That's the bonding force. Like when that's the bonding force of your, you know, religious coming together, like your reconciliation, when that's what what brings together these two philosophically opposed ideals is your fucking hatred of a minority class. You're doing everything wrong at that point. You've gotten every part of this wrong. And my thesis is people will have been conditioned long before the Antichrist comes

to accept governmental overreach. And that's what you're seeing with President Obama. Now, for those who don't know the Bible, this is based on what? Walk us through how you reach that conclusion that they're going to be a powerful leader. Not necessarily in the United States, right? That's right. It could be anyone. Right.

Who's then going to kind of galvanize the world in warfare against religious people. All right? Now, how did you arrive at that conclusion? Well, that's been the historic belief of the church for 2,000 years. Which church? The Christian church. Even Jews look forward to it. In Daniel chapter 7, they believe that there is going to be a world dictator.

Daniel chapter 7 in the Old Testament talks about it. Revelation chapter 13 in the Bible talks about it as well. And as you pointed out, Bill, he's not only going to usurp people's personal freedoms, he's going to wage war against God's own people. He's going to wage war against God's own people. He's going to seek to change God's moral law, according to Daniel 7.25. Now, we had that, to some extent, a pretty vivid extent, in World War II. Yes. With Hitler and the Nazis. Yes.

And then we had it at a lesser extent with Stalin and the communists. Both ideologies tried to wipe out Christian beliefs and philosophies. So this is going to be like that, worse than that? It's going to be worse than that. And I want to be clear to say to the folks, I'm not saying President Obama is the Antichrist. In fact, I'm sure he's not, because the Antichrist is going to have higher poll numbers, according to the Bible, at least at the beginning. But I believe he is conditioning people to accept governmental

overreach, which they will finally give into when this final dictator comes, whether that's 10 years from now or a thousand years from now. So the next story comes from media at the media. I love this one. Pastor tells O'Reilly how Obama is laying the groundwork for the Antichrist. Pastor Robert Jeffries, Jeffers, Jeffress, Jeffress, sat down with Bill O'Reilly Monday night to argue that President Obama is laying the groundwork for the rise of the Antichrist because he is conditioning people to rely on governor or government support. And says that there will be a future world dictator before Christ returns who's going to usurp people's personal rights and change God's laws without any opposition. So people have been conditioned long before the Antichrist comes to accept government overreach. And that is what you're seeing with President Obama. What?

Yeah. Yeah. Because what? No, I mean, didn't you see the law that he put in? Like President Obama helped pen a law with uh with the heads of uh of the legislature and he was like you know if the anti-crisis ever on the ballot he automatically wins that's one of the laws that i think he put in place during his power right isn't that one of the things that he's referring to law i think it was an executive oh yeah it's like one of those

one of those signing statements or whatever he was just like fucking i just did this thing it's an executive action or whatever it's called i can't remember the name of it it's it but you know i mean it's everybody knows it i mean everybody knows this is the uh antichrist initiation bill of 2000 right right made up i like to because he goes out of his way to say that obama is not the antichrist because I'm going to read he says I'm not saying President Obama's the Antichrist. In fact I'm sure he's not because the Antichrist is

going to have higher poll numbers and I think that that's totally true. I mean you know the Antichrist is going to have a really great campaign team. Oh for sure. I mean it's going to definitely have a good campaign. You can't have a better suit than like one of those black suits with like a black shirt and the red tie. Like that is that's a winning suit right there.

Well, the thing is that that the Antichrist super pack is fucking money, dude. It's fucking money. I mean, they are raising dough. They're like they're buying a lot of ad space and good airtime. Prime time slots. Prime time slots. You're just watching. They basically take NCIS off the air, and it's just a one-hour ad for that person.

I heard that next year, actually, the whole Super Bowl is just going to be the kickoff and then an ad for the Antichrist for three and a half hours. And that's the entire thing. And then they'll show the score at the end. Yeah. You know, that's it. There's like a kickoff and then just the Antichrist ads. And the Antichrist ads are very persuasive.

You know, the Antichrist comes out there and, you know, there's like fucking clouds of smoke and, you know, the screams of the tortured souls from hell. And then, you know, he comes out and he's all. But he's, you know know he's got a fiddle and that's the thing that that a lot of people that's what gets it's like oh i got a fiddle oh well then fucking where's my ballot i need to vote for this guy yeah so that's because he called me on the phone because i really want to make his approval rating high you know i want to make sure there's approval ratings through the roof in all seriousness though i mean this is

crazy this is obviously this is crazy. This is obviously this crazy person that Bill O'Reilly had on. But Bill O'Reilly doesn't have a small show. No, he's got a huge show. He doesn't have like a tiny group of people that watch him. Bill O'Reilly has a huge reach, an enormous reach. And Bill O'Reilly is giving this guy airtime who's talking about how our president, well, come on, he's not the Antichrist, but he's clearly evil, or he's at least working for evil. You know, you are specifically attacking this, you know,

this president, not his, you know, not saying, look, we shouldn't be doing government support because of these reasons. You're not saying that. You're not even giving a good logical reason why we shouldn't be giving government support or doing government support. You're specifically appealing to people's emotions. You're specifically appealing to people's fears of the Antichrist. You're using God and revelation and all that bullshit to scare people into how they're going to vote. That's a terrifying thing. I mean, we were in a fucking conversation, Tom, this last week. We were on Adam Reek's show, The Herd Mentality. And we were in a conversation.

Now, this conversation got cut from the show. But we were specifically in a conversation with that Tim guy. And he was like, oh, well, you know, religious people, they don't do a lot of harm. Well, this is a fucking clearly they're going to do some harm here because they're not even arguing the point anymore. Yeah. You know, like the idea that that the president is off limits for criticism is not an idea you and I would espouse for any. No. This one or the next one or the one prior, you know, like let's criticize.

But you know what? What galls me to about this, Cecil, is it's like we're saying, you know, what he's saying here is like, well, the people are going to rely on government support. OK. Which form of government support? You're not even defining your terms. No. Like they're not. He's not.

He's not outlining a specific plan. He's not outlining any anything specific at all. Instead, it's just, you know, hey know hey well the government is gonna help more people and that's then the people will want that help and then that's the devil and you're just like fucking what are you saying what are you fucking saying i don't even understand specifically what expansion to governmental aid programs he's trying to criticize what expansion i'm not even sure what expansions have taken place specifically that this guy is opposed to he's not opposed to anything he's just worried about the fucking devil dude he's just worried about the devil and i don't even know

how to think about they're using this like you say this unspecific this non-specific language saying government support he's going topecific language saying government support. He's going to make people rely on government support. Government support like the government to fight our wars? Is that the support we're going to be looking for? Government to clean our roads, to take care of our roads, to maintain them? Government to put our fires out, to take care of the police and crime and things like that? Government support to pay the city workers

to clean the streets and collect the garbage? Is that the government support we're talking about here? What government support are we talking about? I have no idea. Are we saying that people just live off the government? Is it the expansion of unemployment? I mean, is that something that the devil is going to show up now like fucking two days earlier than he was going to because fucking somebody got an unemployment check?

I don't even understand what the complaint is. And the thing is to be like, look, it's not fucking the good life that they're on. What, you think they'd be happy that they're on fucking unemployment? They're like, fucking, there's no jobs. This sucks. Right? Nobody's fucking happy to be like, fucking, man, this is awesome. I can't wait to get my fucking unemployment. They're like, fucking, there's no jobs. This sucks. Right? Nobody's fucking happy to be like, fucking, man, this is awesome.

I can't wait to get my fucking unemployment check. Man, I can't wait to lay around the house. I want to make sure I'm not saying nobody because I know there's people out there that do game the system. So don't send us letters and be like, well, I think there are people who do that. I know there are people who do it,

but that's not a majority of the people on fucking unemployment don't do it. Right, of course not, man. it's it the majority of people on unemployment desperately want employment yeah like that's but but i mean that's that we've talked about this so many times like the the idea that that there's this whole subclass of people that is significant numerically that wants nothing more than to wake up every morning with no fucking purpose in their life other than to walk to the mailbox and get a check from the government is a myth it doesn't exist it's there is no subclass of people who want i mean there might be individuals but there is not a significant numeric class of citizens

who just you know want to wake up every morning and do nothing. Nobody feels good about themselves doing that. So we're going to take a break, give you some information, then we're going to come back and do the rest of the show. Want to get in touch with the show? Send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Be sure to follow the show on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at Dissonance underscore pod. Like the podcast page on Facebook at Facebook.com forward slash DissonancePod,

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You fucking rock. So this story comes from the BBC. Pakistan polio workers shot dead in Karachi. This sucks. Three polio workers have been killed in the southern Pakistan city of Karachi a day after authorities began a new vaccination drive. The reason I think I wanted to talk about this story is this comes hot on the heels of some recent good news in the fight against polio which is that india has been declared polio free and that's a

big fucking deal and vaccinations hold the power to rid the planet to fucking eradicate like the dodo diseases from this planet like that like extinction is something we're good at as a people like that's something we do very very well uh we've only done it once with the disease and that was smallpox we fucking got rid of that fucking scourge and here we have polio which is also a fucking horrifying crippling, murderous disease that needs to go. And we are on the cusp and have been on the cusp of destroying polio and eradicating it from planet Earth, never to reappear, hopefully. And it is really fucking annoying and upsetting that the actions of the American government, really, and the CIA in particular, is making this fight much more difficult, Cecil, than it needs to be.

Yeah, I mean, first of all, it's, you know, occupying and being involved in so much shit in the Middle East as it is in both Iraq and Afghanistan doesn't win you a lot of fucking favors. You know what I mean? It's not like, you know, and drone striking fucking weddings. And, you know what I mean? Like, like if you could fuck up any worse in the Middle East, you would have to be Russia. Like that's the only like there's no other fucking group of people that have fucked up worse than us. It's just ridiculous.

And then we send CIA workers over there to pose. They're not even fucking distributing real fucking vaccines either. Like insult to injury. They're not even giving people vaccines. They're just fucking posing as people giving up. I mean, it's awful. It's a stupid fucking dumb plan. Some dumb fuck thought it up. You know, the amount of people that die from polio is low, but, you know, it could be a lot worse if people aren't getting vaccinated from it. Sometimes you just got to think, well, maybe we just don't need the intelligence. Maybe we could just save some people's lives here. Right. I mean, did they have to pose as vaccine workers? Couldn't they have

posed as fucking falafel sales? I mean, like fucking Google fiber salesman or something like Kirby vacuum guys. Like, couldn't they have been selling fucking vector industries products? Anything other than vaccines? Cutco knives. Right. Right. Anything for fuck's sake. Anything.

It's so distressing that it's like oh man what can we use to gain the public trust and then betray that trust horribly no kidding if somebody if somebody in fucking the united states gets polio they seriously have the cie to blame for exactly who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole. It's Jesus. So this story comes from ChristianPost.com. Maryland youth pastor charged with child porn after police allegedly seized images of raped babies

found on computer. I fucking just even reading it, you're just like oh my god, I gotta say, I have to say raped babies. I fucking really have to say that god like i woke up this morning was not planning to say that so fucking grumpy mcred eyes here in the picture is uh accused of some pretty awful shit the thing that i think is notable to me about this story um is kind of how it was handled. So this guy was a youth pastor for the Methodist Church, and I think this is interesting. So the Methodist Church has a safe sanctuary policy meant to

protect children within their ministries from abuse, as well as protect vulnerable staff members. We are diligent in our policy's implementation, and because of this, we feel confident that this That's awesome. be present the policy requires the doors remain open part of the policy includes prohibiting staff from serving at any united methodist church in any capacity if they are convicted of or have a history of sexual misconduct uh involving a minor or another adult and i read this and i'm just like well that's how it's done yeah that's how it's that's how you that's how you address this thing. You got creepers creeping, you try to make it an inhospitable environment for creepers. Yeah, there's nowhere to go if you're a diddler. You're playing a fucking your own fiddle because there's no way that you're going to be able to grab a hold of any of the kids. And it's great.

No way that you're going to be able to grab a hold of any of the kids. And it's great. I think that the other reason that this is important, you know, when people say like, you know, people will say, well, this is just a random thing or whatever. The problem that people that I have when, you know, youth pastors and, you know, people in charge of children are found in this stuff or they wind up diddling kids and they're involved with the church. You know, the thing is, is when you, Tom, when you go out and you find like a sitter, you vet the sitter. Or if you were to get a nanny, you would vet the nanny. You would, you would have some sort of background check, something you would do to make sure you vetted that person. You wouldn't leave the most important person in your life with somebody else. Who's just some random person. You wouldn't just

be like, put an ad on Craigslist and she'd be like, come on over. And it's just some random person, you wouldn't just be like, put an ad on Craigslist and just be like, come on over. And it's just the first person who walks to the door. It doesn't matter what they look like. You know, whatever. Just come on in. Yeah, whatever. We'll babysit for food off the side of the road. Exactly right.

The problem is, is that youth pastors and youth and not just youth pastors, but also people that are, uh, you know, that are religious. The, the people is the fact is that the people who are going to them, they are using the fact that they're religious as the background check, right? That's their background check. So they're not checking up on these people. They're just saying, well, he's part of my church, so he's got to be good. Well, you know, sometimes they're not. Right? Clearly, they're not. Because, you know, like, raping baby porn is not a thing that normal people fucking look at. I can't even imagine. So fucking, this is not a thing that a normal person would do. So you can't be like, you can't make this argument, like where you're just like, well,

he's part of my church. So therefore that's the background. That's not the background check. That's not what you need to do. And it's, you know, it's great that this, that this particular church had these, these sort of safeguards in place, but there's many other places in Sean Faircloth's book talks about it, there's many other places that don't have these same safeguards because they are exempt from those safeguards because they're religious institutions. Exactly. Illinois has that where you don't have to have the same safeguards in place as a normal

daycare that's a secular daycare or a non-religious affiliated daycare. So this is, you can't just use religiosity as a way to safeguard your children. There has to be these extra things in place to make sure your children are safe. You're all dead. Oh, be nice. Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay. Oh my God.

What's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now. So this story comes from the Raw story, and this story was sent to us by a listener. Thank you, Brett. I think. Yeah.

I don't know what to say thank you when I look at this woman's bald spot. I don't know how to say thank you. Jesus. Is there like a 7 million candle power light on the top of this woman's head or what? Oh, man. It's fucking awful. She's also the type of person whose cheeks almost meet at the nose. I know.

She really is like a woman whose face is trying to eat her nose. And it's winning. Like, it's going to get there. It's winning. It's winning. Chicago GOP hopeful. Oh, God. Sometimes it's shit you gotta read.

Autism and dementia are God's punishments for LGBT rights, says a woman made entirely out of hot dogs. I see one sticking up. I see one. There's one in the foreground there. It's horrible. Candidate Suzanne Atanis believes that autism and forms of dementia are punishment sent by god because of the growing support for marriage equality in the country and the prevalence of abortion um at an endorsement session with the daily herald she said i am a conservative republican and i believe in god first god controls the weather, she said, and tornadoes

are evidence of his wrath. They are. She then followed that by doing the chicken dance in the middle of the house floor. I like to think of her name as At-Anus. I've never seen an anus that unattractive.

I'm just saying. We are going to get tons of shit for this. I know. It's terrible. But it's... Yeah. The thing is, like, she's ugly on the inside, too. Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, she says, we are provoking him with abortions and same-sex marriage and civil unions. She said, same-sex activity is going to increase AIDS and if it's in our military or weak in our military we need to respect God. You are a fucking idiot. I hope you get no

votes. I hope you get negative votes, you idiot. What dumb fuck? First off, the people who have, the kids who have autism and forms of dementia are punishment of the growing support of marriage equality there's been autism for you know all of the time and there hasn't been marriage equality for all

of the time yeah there's autism in countries that don't have marriage equality well was he yeah was he like fucking was he just like throwing in the autism kids just as a you know just warming it up so he could really throw it at him when when the marriage equality hit and what kind of a dick move would it be to just give some people seemingly at random autistic children right like it's not like the autistic children are all in fucking like the fucking upper west side you know what i mean it's not like it's not like it's not like everybody that the autism it's like there's still fucking autistic kids, you know, that are that are born to, you know, hardcore right wing super religious families like God, just like I'm so mad. I'll give autism, but fucking some people, but not not the ones you disagree with. No fucking just randomly give people autism.

agree with no fucking just randomly give people autism what i need i need one of those big giant generator ball generators where i can like play bingo up here and just be like okay it's gonna be this person bob jones gets an autistic kid next ball i give old people dementia why what does that prove fucking nothing i'm god i do what i want i don't know angry about all the things just just just strike them down but not quickly slowly and in a way that sends no message whatsoever i don't see a tornado in five minutes i'm kicking somebody's ass you know what i'll you know what you know what a tornado would be really interesting is in fucking winter yeah i mean like sure god controls the weather it's like then give me a hurricane in the winter give Give me a fucking hurricane in the fucking winter. Oh, no, that's not how hurricanes work, right?

They need fucking warm water. Not if you're made of magic. You're actually made out of magic. Right. Yeah, no, exactly. Like, I just fucking, you know know i want to see some crazy disaster fucking make a tsunami hit fucking illinois i know right where's your tsunami at bitch or like an earthquake and all the like the cracks spell something yeah you know like and not just

like like one letter like oh it's a. That's a fucking intersection of cracks. That's not something. Like, I want it to spell a fucking words. Like, stop with the gay marriage already. This is God. Right? If a fucking earthquake hits and that's what fucking is in the I-80, you know, like in the road in I-80, if it says stop with the. Can he send a fucking better message than just randomly delivering diseases to fucking helpless children? Like, that's the worst message ever.

That'd be like if an employee at your office fucking was, like, eating someone's lunch out of the refrigerator. And so you came into work and stabbed three random people with pencils. You don't try to find out who it is. You don't, like, try to seek out the culprit. You don't try to find out who it is. You don't like try to seek out the culprit. You don't try to stop it. You don't try to, you know, you don't put out a memo. No, you just light your office on fire. It's like, burn it all. Do you give people who make this case that that was the beginning and that there had to be something that provoked the beginning? Do you give them an A at least for trying to reconcile faith and reason? I don't think they're reconcilable.

What do you mean? Well, so let me say that differently. All efforts that have been invested by brilliant people of the past have failed at that exercise. They just fail. And so I don't, I don't, the track record is so poor that going forward I have essentially zero confidence, near zero confidence that there would be fruitful things to emerge from the effort to reconcile them. So for example, for example, if you knew nothing about science and you read, say, the Bible, the Old Testament, which in Genesis is an account of nature. That's what that is.

And I said to you, give me your description of the natural world based only on this. You would say the world was created in six days and that stars are just little points of light, much lesser than the sun. In fact, they can fall out of the sky, right? Because that's what happens during the revelation. One of the signs that the second coming is that the stars will fall out of the sky and land on earth. So it's even write that means you don't know what those things are. You have no concept of what the actual universe is. So everybody who tried to make proclamations about the physical universe based on Bible passages got the wrong answer. This story comes from the Friendly Atheist

blog. Neil deGrasse Tyson explains why he believes faith and reason are irreconcilable. And Cecil, I think the reason is he listens to our show. Yeah. Yeah, I think this is great. One of the parts he says, he says, you know, one of the signs of the second

coming is that the stars will fall out of the sky and land on earth. And I quote Neil deGrasse Tyson here. He says, to even write that means you don't know how those things are. You have no concept of what the actual universe is. So everybody who tried to make the proclamations about the physical universe based on Bible passages

got the wrong answer. Huh, where have I heard that before? Where did that. Huh. Where have I heard that before? Where did that come from? Where have I heard that before? That's amazing. All those people that are like, hey, that's a fucking groan-worthy straw man. Get your pencils out and start fucking writing to Tyson now. I want to fucking hear you guys.

I want to hear your guys' letters you wrote to fucking Neil deGrasse Tyson about how it's a nuanced fucking book and you didn't understand it. Go send it to Neil deGrasse Tyson because obviously he didn't understand revelations either. Revelation. Revelation. Yeah, it's kind of great. He says all efforts that have been invested by brilliant people of the past have failed at that exercise. He's talking about the exercise of reconciling faith and science. They just fail. And so I don't. The

track record is so poor that going forward, and I love this, I have essentially zero confidence, near zero confidence that there will be fruitful things to emerge from the efforts to reconcile them. So for example, if you knew nothing about science and you read say the bible the old testament which in genesis is an account of nature that's what it is and i said to you give me your description of the natural world based only on this you would say the world was created in six days when the stars are just little points of light much lesser than the sun and that in fact they can fall out of the sky right because that's what happens during the revelation. Fucking awesome.

And then he goes on to say, So what happened then was when science discovers things and you want to stay religious or you want to continue to believe that the Bible is unerring, what you would do is you would say, well, let me go back to the Bible and reinterpret it. Then you'd say things like, oh, well, they didn't really mean that literally. They meant that figuratively. Okie dokie then. Yeah. Well, and then, you know, like the thing we were talking about earlier is like, okay, well, if they didn't mean it literally and they meant it figuratively, what does it mean then? What's the purpose of it then? Because you're basically saying the Bible

is the, you know, the inerrant word of God. It's the thing that is written down by God to his people to help them understand him, right? It's to understand this creator who created the entire universe, created us, created the world, fucking got his little fucking rubber ducky and small arc out and put everything on it for the fucking bath time. And then afterwards, like fucking like did all the things with the little fucking plates and the 10 commandments. And I mean, like all those little stories, he wanted us to know those things, right? Are they literally true? No, they're all metaphors. Metaphors for what? What are they metaphors for? Because a lot of the times the metaphors don't even make any sense.

And when somebody tells me, well, you know, revelation isn't supposed to be taken literally. Revelation is something that was written back then for the time. Okay, well then why the fuck is it in the Bible then? Because if it's a metaphor, then I don't understand it now. And everybody that reads it now, lots of people that read it now are taking it literally. So it's even, it's actually causing more harm now than it did back then. Yeah. You know, the thing is too, like that idea that like the, well, the Bible is, you know, so it's, it's poetic, it's beautiful. It's, you know, it's written in this, in this language of poetry. Okay, fine.

But for what purpose is that the most efficient way to communicate a fucking incredibly urgent message? Is this not an incredibly urgent message? The stakes couldn't be any higher, right? These are the highest possible stakes. Get it right. And you go and have eternal bliss with the creator of all things okay get it wrong and you are tortured for all eternity in the pit of hell like that's the stakes are super high the stakes are higher than if you were given like a fucking bomb disposal kit and instead of it saying cut the blue wire it said cut the wire less taken right like you wouldn't use poetry you wouldn't use poetry to defuse a bomb and the stakes are nowhere near as high you would never do that like you would never be like uh fucking what do i do uh when i stopped on a snowy night? Fuck what? This is not clear.

Like it's not how things are done. I cut the wireless taken and it made all the diffusion. Right? That's not how clear messages are given. Right. No, it's totally true. It's absolutely true. And I think if we're talking about history, it's not even written like history. That's the thing is people are like, well, it's a it's a it's a history of the Roman fight or whatever it is. And it's like, well, I fucking can't even understand it. Like, it's not even written for me to understand. It's written in a fucking weird, you know, metaphorical way that the fucking they basically made a code and threw away the key.

No kidding. It's awesome. Well, I don't have time for puzzles. Okay. If I want to fucking puzzle, I'll play Sudoku. I'm not going to play fucking what does revelation mean? That's not a game I want to play. So I think, I think this is fucking,

this is absolutely the right way to look at this. And I still stand by what we did. So this next story comes from right wing watch. the right way to look at this. And I still stand by what we did. So fuck you. I do too. So this next story comes from Right Wing Watch. Brian Fisher, only property owners should be eligible to vote. On his radio show yesterday, Brian Fisher called for ending Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, as well as the elimination of the minimum wage, all in order to help

the poor. Okay. And then he goes on to say that, you know, back in the day, the colonial wage, all in order to help the poor. Okay. And then he goes on to say that, you know, back in the day, the colonial period, you had to be a landowner, a property owner to be eligible to vote. And I don't think that's a bad idea. Well, you're just fucking wrong, Brian Fisher. I actually think he's on the right track. I actually think that people with houses that are over 250,000 should get two votes.

There you go. Right? What happens during, like, when the housing bubble bursts? Does your vote get reassessed? Yeah, I guess it's difficult. Yeah, and what if inflation brings people up to 250,000? I don't know how you would word that then. You're right.

You've got to get an appraiser out to vote. Yeah, that's true. It's tough. The ultra-rich not only already have the votes locked up because of lobbying and campaign contributions, now they can lock them up completely because they basically allow, you know, they would only be able to vote if you have property, right? Because the only people in this country that, because could I vote if I had a mortgage? Because I don't technically own my condo.

Well, you own the condo, but you have a lien against the condo. But you're still the record owner. Oh, okay. So a mortgage would allow me to vote then if I had a mortgage. Yeah, you would be able to vote, but would your interest be clouded by a cloud on your title? You know, would you be able to vote but just sort of kinda? What if you had two properties? Do you get to vote in all the counties those properties are located in?

So if I have a summer home in fucking Naples, like if I got a summer home in Florida and I got my regular home here in Illinois, do I get a vote in Florida? I would say by this system, I would demand one. And could I buy tiny parcels of land to buy a vote? Could I buy like a checkerboard-sized parcel? Yeah, how big a parcel? Because I could just buy, you know, in every county, I could just have a one-foot-by-one-foot piece of land that's mine. Or the minimum size that they would sell you. You could make a fucking fortune basically on selling votes.

then selling votes you know you buy all you'd have to do is buy you know in in an area uh you know buy you know an acre of property and then sell it a square inch at a time and you're selling votes at that point yeah you know no i mean there's a reason why this is a stupid system right because it disenfranchised first not only does it only does it allow for stupidity like this to occur because it doesn't make any sense, but then also it disenfranchises the fucking poor. Like, I mean, it has another way in which to disenfranchise the poor. The poor already don't have a lobbyist, right, on their side that's in there like fucking, hey, we should take care of the poor, guys. Here's all this fucking lobby. Oh, wait. No, there's no lobby money.

Nope. No real interest in your fucking part to do anything at all for the poor at all. Then the idea here he's talking about, he says on his radio show yesterday, Brian Fisher called for an ending of Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, as well as the elimination of the minimum wage all in order to help the poor and those struggling to make ends meet? What is this fucking bizarro world? What the fuck does that even mean? He wants to end Social Security?

Do you want to talk about fucking, you know how many people would just die if Social Security fucking ended? Right. I mean, what the fuck are they going to do? Well, you've ended that at the same time that you ended medicare and medicaid just you should just hand out guns at every nursing home no kidding right are you kidding they should just fucking make death race a thing you just gotta logan's run the old people yeah right exactly they got a little button on their hand they just blow up.

Like, do you not understand that all of those things are there to help the poor and struggling? Not fucking not cutting them is going to help the poor and struggling. This is the problem, I think. And, you know, this is the one of those things. It's this we have this mindset in this country, this rugged individualism. Right. It's one of those back backbones of our of our thinking, blah, blah, blah. And it leaks its way into business.

And business has this feeling, right? Rugged individual. And I could pull myself up by my bootstraps. I can be this guy and I could take care of, you know, uh, I I'm take care of myself and you know, my business is here for profit, whatever. You know, the idea that, that business is there to help the community is not a thing we even think about anymore. We don't even think about that, but that is, that is in many parts of the world. It is part of the way people think about business. They think about business as not just a business to make money. It's a business here to help the community. We don't think about it that way. This guy seems to think that somehow helping the community is an anathema. It's a bad thing. This is a this, you know, we need to be so strong on our own. We don't we shouldn't be taking the help from other people.

We live in a society that specifically disenfranchises millions of people. It takes the power away from them. It takes wealth earning away from them. It puts them in a cycle that they cannot get out of without any help. They would be stuck. We basically have to create mega slums to keep them in because there would be absolutely no way for them to get out of this poverty. But somehow this guy thinks, well, if you just took away all the fucking support structures, they would somehow magically fucking hang glide out of that. Well, sure. And then they'll all get great, you know, high paying

living wage jobs at the fucking nothing factories. Yeah. Right right because we don't have industry anymore you know we've got we got the service industry which pays for shit you've got you know the tech industry that's reasonably strong you've got a few you know strong industries but you don't have you know the the middle class for the longest time was built on on backbone of physical industry, physical infrastructure. Right. And that's gone. And while it's a good thing in some ways that we've become a society that trades on intellectual products more than it does on physical products, there are still vast numbers of people who are never going to earn their living

in the tech sector. There's not. They're never going to earn their living in this sort of realm of the intellect. They're not going to be doctors and lawyers. They're not going to be fucking executives. There are less of those jobs than there used to be jobs putting cars together, building refrigerators, assembling televisions. America still has a need for those jobs because we have employees that need those jobs. We have a workforce that requires that, but we don't have the industry anymore to pay them. We don't have a way to make a living, to make a living wage, unless we take social measures from outside the capital, you know, the free market workforce, unless we do something to say, we're going to create living wages and we're going to create a social safety net. Well, how can you take away industry in this country?

Watch it collapse. Watch the collapse of big steel and the automotive industries and the manufacturing industries and the textile industries. You watch all those things collapse. You replace them with things that hire vastly less people. And then you pull away the safety net and you wonder, why are you poor? I don't fucking know because what am am i supposed to do you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth so this one also comes from right wing watch and it's also with fucking fisher fisher scientifically proves that transgender people

can cure themselves through prayer. I fucking love this. Who are the people operating in the realm of science, Fisher asked. Well, it's us. Because we know you're either male or female by DNA assigned to them at the moment of conception by a creator god who doesn't make those kind of mistakes. God who doesn't make those kind of mistakes. Fisher went on to assert that there is something wrong with the thinking of every transgender person caused by the fact that they have listened to lies implanted in their minds by Satan. So I think we've jumped the science train pretty early here, Cecil. Right?

Fucking what? If we embrace the truth that we find in the scriptures, Fisher concluded, well, again, scienced, uh, that you are either male or female.

DNA does lie. Hmm. Before it didn't. Anyway, anatomy doesn't life. I think there's a bad transcript and you take authority over any lie that comes into your mind, then you eventually will be thinking straight about your sexual identity. So we're the ones that are operating in the realm of science here, said the man who spoke no sciencing. Right.

I think it's funny. You know, it's funny that a guy who thinks that revelation is literally true, that a star is going to fall onto earth, also believes in DNA. I think that's funny that he thinks DNA is an actual thing. Because if you believe revelation is literally true, then you would not think that the stars are big enough to destroy the earth, right? Because if you think it's literally true, then you literally think stars are going to fall to the earth. So then why do you suddenly believe in DNA? Have you seen a DNA? Have you seen any? Because there's pictures of stars, right? You're not, you're choosing not to believe in those. You know, the very fact that a biblical

literalist would even talk about DNA is, is puzzling to me. But beyond that fact, I think, I think that, uh, that somebody put this the best on our site. I think somebody said this on Facebook maybe. Somebody said this is actually probably a good sign because it means that they moved past homosexuals and now they're moving on to transgenders. They're already sort of conceding one battle and moving on to the next battlefield. And maybe that is a good thing. And I do think that transgender people is the next sort of frontier, right? We've sort of worked our way up past homosexuals, where homosexuals are starting to get the ball rolling in their position now, where people are starting to say, okay, we want civil unions. Okay, well,

civil unions aren't good enough. We're going to have gay marriage and that's okay. And different places are popping up all over the States that are having both civil unions and gay marriage. Soon, I think that transgender people will probably be fighting up against some of these same problems. I know that they have some laws that are trying to be put in place where transgender people can choose which bathroom they want to use. They can choose to use the bathroom that they identify with instead of the one that they are sexually, like their sexual organs designate they go to. And I know that there's laws in place, they're starting to put laws in place for those sorts of things.

So again, this is the new battlefront. This is going to be the new thing. Letting transgender people be fucking human beings. Yeah, and it's interesting that you would even try to use the veil of science, because I think that what you do when you say that is you say, OK, well, science is the more powerful tool. And so that's why I want to bring it out of the toolbox. I don't know how to use it.

I don't know how to wield it. But by asserting its power, I'm saying, or by laying claim to truth through science, I'm saying there is power here. Right? So I think that's a good sign, too. I think it's a great sign when the religious nuts start trying to use the, and terribly, terribly, terribly in this example. I mean, this is awful. I'm surprised he didn't try to climb up DNA like a fucking ladder. Right.

No kidding. Listen, I know my whole alphabet, not just three letters. That's not. Oh, my gosh. Wow. But seriously, when they start using science, they're basically saying like science is really the better way to know the world. And that's why I'm going to appeal to you in my argument using the tools and rhetoric of science because it's a better way of knowing about the world i understand that

and implicitly recognize it you understand that and implicitly recognize it and therefore i'm going to employ that as my primary sales tool because the religious tools are failing and they're continuing to fail they're not it's not like young people are fucking flocking to the church. No, baby, that's, that's not happening. It also seems to me like this guy,

he clearly lives in a world that I just can't even understand because for, for me, it feels like what he's saying is like, there's, you know, he says, well, it's us because we know where you're either male or female DNA assigned to

them. The, the moment of contraception by the creator God who doesn't make those kind of mistakes. And it's like, what is God up there with a cookie cutter and just making like fucking little cookies with a dress and little cookies without a dress? Is that what he's doing? Because you've never met a guy or a girl who have had some sort of gender bending qualities about them. They've always just been like every guy, you know, fucking loves football, strip clubs and like fucking Ford trucks. Like, and every girl likes baking, birthing and sleeping. You know what I mean?

Like, it's like, like, you know what I mean? Like every person is exactly like, what, what world does this guy live in where everybody is fucking every female is the same and every male is the same and there's no variation in species like you know this guy's he doesn't live in reality well that's the thing too is that he's probably surrounded by people who's who's masculine and feminine identities have been so shaped by the church and so shaped by the pressures of the people around them in church that the women are afraid to be anything other than stereotypically feminine and the men would be afraid to be anything other than stereotypically masculine.

Right. And so everything reinforces. Yeah, it reminds me of that guy who was like, well, I tell my wife to make food and not be on facebook all day like that like that guy lives in the same world right you know i mean like that guy lives in the exact we're just like you know if your boy's gay you gotta slap it out of them you know what i mean like it's just like okay well these people don't understand how human beings work no they don't they don't because he don't understand how dna works

so we want to give a special thanks and a shout out to threads of doubt.com for donating five shirts for our prizes for the people who voted. We got tons of people who sent in, uh, for the award entry, uh, contest we were doing. We gave away two shirts and those two shirts went to Brandy and Chrissy. And then the other people who got shirts were Tom, Steve, Jean, Nick, and the other person's is an email account, so I don't want to say their name. But those are the people who got the shirts, so we want to thank them for participating and sending us the pictures. We want to thank everybody else who sent in stuff, and I know a ton of you sent in multiples. I did a random number generator and picked out the people who won. And we're so happy that you guys voted us for us in the Stitcher Awards. We're going to see what happens in the

future, but we hope you guys get your shirts. The people who I sent you codes in the mail, just all you have to do is go to ThreadsOfDoubt.com. They have that special code. Pick a shirt, enter it in. The shirt should be paid for. Let us know how that works. Threads of Doubt was so awesome to give us those five shirts for you guys. I went out and bought a shirt from Threads of Doubt. I got an atheist shirt. I'll take a picture of it soon and I'll put it on our Facebook page so you guys can see it. It's a great shirt. It's awesome. I can't wait to wear it out. So it's great that they did that. And we're also going to be getting pictures. I got asked, Chrissy said to me, she said in her email, she's like, oh, to choose which uh which shirt she's like

but i think i'll go with the glory hole shirts and i was like that's real brave so i said big black glory hole shirt that's going over there there's also a picture this week i don't know if you saw but peter bogasian was standing next to a guy who's standing there in a glory hole shirt like pointing like hey i didn't see that he's just staring at the shirt like what the fuck is happening it It's fucking great. Was that on our Twitters? It was on the Twitters, yeah, Peter Bogosian. I mispronounce his name all the time.

That's awesome. We want to thank Threads of Doubt for doing that. And if you guys want a shirt, I'm going to put a link to Threads of Doubt. It's a great site for getting, you know, like I said, I got a great shirt there and there's tons of shirt logos that they have for atheists and atheist thought. So we want to talk about the Google search.

A bunch of people sent in different things. One person by the name of Jay said, I thought you might set you straight on how Google how to search Google in a neutral fashion. It is true that Google's Google will search with your preferences, but it is possible to neutralize it. He says, if you create a Gmail address and use it to log into Google, you will then have access to the settings. It looks like a cogwheel in the upper right-hand corner in the Google window. In the settings, you can configure your browser to disregard your history and provide natural results. So if you're looking for Google to try to do that, you can do that. We also got an email from Eric and many other people who suggested a search engine called DuckDuckGo. It says they're transparent, open source friendly, and place

emphasis on security. And so evidently, they try to make sure that they don't bubble. So if you're interested in getting non-bubble results, it looks like DuckDuckGo or Fiddle with your Google settings are the ways to go. We got an email from Dean about secular funerals. He says, now I'm catching up on some of the podcasts in the fall and somewhere toward the end of episodes 120 and 123, some listeners expressed frustration about religious funerals. The content is often demeaning and it is usually an oblivious minister that is utilizing a template slightly modified to fit the deceased. He says, you might be interested to know that the Freedom from Religion Foundation website can provide some ideas and instructions for having a secular

funeral. And he gave us a link. So we're going to put that link up. Thank you, Dean. Very nice of you to put that link up there. Yeah, I think that's a great resource. You know, for anybody who is looking for that, check out our site. Cecil will put that up there. I won't. I won't do a fucking thing.

No, no, you won't. No. We got an email from, is it Tamara? Tamara? Tamara? I don't know. Tamara? Tamara.

I don't even know. Yeah, Tamara, because it's like camera. Right. It's Tamara. Tamara, I don't know. Tamara? Tamara. I don't even know. Yeah, Tamara, because it's like camera. Right. Tamara. Tamara, I'm going to say. I knew a Tamara and it was pronounced Tamara. I think Tamara just sounds more fancy. I kind of like Tamara. Yeah. Tamara, Tamara, and Tamara. Yeah. It's like you're slurring the word tomorrow. Right. Yeah. But anyway, she sends a message and says, uh, she says that she just started listening a few months ago. She listened from the very beginning and, uh, she says she, you know, she said she really liked the show, but she also says last year, uh, I,

I missed my very first Tam since number six. And not only was I disappointed that I missed Tam, but I was also disappointed that I missed out on meeting you guys although I don't think she was listening to our show at that time so she probably wouldn't have met us we would have just been the two fat guys in the corner with no one talking to them muttering to ourselves I don't know why I don't know why but she wouldn't have talked to us anyway but in any case she says she missed

meeting us she was she said I'm going to try to very hard to go this year and was wondering if you two are planning to attend this year as well uh it Tom actually I know for sure is not going I'm not going this year but Tom Tom has a very important date in July that he's not going to be able to miss yeah my fucking second child is due like in July like theuly like the first week of july should have a baby a coming so yeah so um as i'm to understand and the best part is as i to understand you've already had a child

this is your second child so this is an event at which uh my presence will not be requested, but required. And were I to try to abscond to Vegas and tell my wife, enjoy birthing that baby. I will be in Vegas. I'll be texting you the Lamaze instructions. Right. Yeah. Breathe. B-R-E-A- yeah uh breathe oh fuck it whatever copy paste copy paste this is auto corrected to beat it auto corrected the beat i don't understand why it did that i don't want you to beat it honey i want you to breathe you know i know you can get married very easily in Vegas, but I would find out quickly. You get divorced, I bet. How quickly you get divorced in Vegas.

Yeah. So Tom definitively is not going, and I don't think I'm going this year. But thank you for mentioning it. I don't think we're going to go this year. There may be another skeptical conference that we might make it to. We got our shit busted because Skeptic Camp Chicago is coming up, and we couldn't make it the last two years last year we were out of town the previous year though we gave 100 bucks to skeptic camp we like donated money we gave money to skeptic camp it's better than our fucking presence no kidding right why do they want us there we just we just take up more

seats we take up like four or five seats a piece that's like why do they want us you're gonna have to fucking muzzle us anyway you know it's not like kidding yeah i'll tell you what my presence doesn't help you i don't care what event you're organizing nobody has when i have left a room nobody has ever said i'm glad he can i'm gonna see if I can go. The difficulty for me, of course, is that I'm teaching a class that quarter, and I may be meeting on that Saturday. So I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it, but we'll let the people know if we can make it that week. Hopefully we can, Tom. Hopefully we can get out there.

But Skeptic Camp Chicago is going to be on the 5th of april this year from 10 to 6 it's going to be held at the irish american heritage center which is at 4626 north knox 60630 there's a fucking bar in there look i have been to the irish american heritage center there's a bar of course that's all i'm saying ir American Heritage Center. They also have a potato bar as well. Do they have a famine bar? No. So, yeah, we're going to try to make it. We'll let you know as we get closer.

But if you guys want to show up, they had asked us to speak. Somebody had asked us to speak. We don't have anything to say. Nobody wants to hear us talk. I have nothing to say. I don't have anything to say. Nobody wants to hear us talk. I have nothing to say. Like I really, I don't have a lecture put out and I don't have a lot, anything I could lecture on. I'm just like a dude. Like I don't have a, I'm not a, I'm not a thinker in the movement. I'm just a guy who makes dick jokes, you know what I mean? Look, it talks about farts and things. So. For the life of of me i can't imagine why anybody would want me on a stage other than as like a freak show aside no one would next to the bearded lady i'll fit in uh

any other way no fucking way but i will drink some of your beers and i will try to go i would love to yeah i think it sounds like fun yeah it'll be a good time we'll see if we can make it like i said if my class doesn't uh i'm still trying to figure out my, I have to get my classroom assignment and all that crap. But once I figure it all out, then I'll know whether or not I'll have to run a class on the 5th. And if I do, then I can't make it. But if I can, then great, I'll be there.

We appeared on The Herd Mentality this week. We mentioned it a little bit earlier in the show, but we appeared on The Herd Mentality. We're gonna leave a link to it on this episode, episode 135. So if you're interested in hearing us talk with comedian Tim from Australia and Adam Reeks about comedy and not be funny, then you're going to want to listen to that because it's – well, there are some funny parts. I can't lie. And he did a – I don't know if you heard his skit, but his skit is very funny at the end. So there's, it's definitely worth listening to. And, uh, and he did a hell of a job editing it because, um, yeah, yeah, he has recording it. I wasn't confident

that it was going to be very, I didn't think that I came off as very, uh, listenable when I was on it, but, uh, but he did a great job of editing it. So it sounds great. So go check it out. It's Adam Reek's podcast called The Herd Mentality, and it's episode 39. Well, Andrew, Sir Andrew or Andrewid sent us a poem. And this poem he read for us on a Google voice mail. Now, Andrewid or Sir Andrew, as we like to call him here, he he left a little bit of extra stuff at the beginning. In the end, he basically said this is a poem I wrote. And and he also said that he thanked us for the show and things like that. So he gave us a little preamble and a little postamble. I'm cutting those out and just leaving his poem,

and I'm going to play it as a skeptic's creed. But we haven't done a Google Translate in forever. So we want to read Andrew's version of the Google Translate. Then I'll close the show. And if you want to hear Andrew's poem, listen to where we would normally put the skeptic's creed. So, Tom, would you please read Andrew's translate? Hey, owing well, Mets Eastern Time.

This is your Andrew. Also, Andrew-it. I'll talk to you a couple of times in the past. I have a literary offering for you. I, Selz, inspired the other other day and I've wrote upon after having lessons. Two. Some recordings of your heroes, yeah, and I'll

call it away with y'all way, we're going way goodbye. And I wanted to know that if you, yeah, if you yeah, would find it. Where? The enough. The play on your want to show so yeah out for the two two here goes when i was young you tortured me you washed my every move ready to correct to me and

always disprove i watched you probably others and invite them with your hate. Split families and lovers and resign them to their fate. You teach sits. Thinking on your own is a way to Ms. B. A's. Priests and politicians all use you. It's priests. It's priests. That's the best.

What does that even mean? That's not a word. In politicians all use you to inflate. If you were Rio, I didn't want you. Hope your job site be exempt. I'd list your sins right back at you and hold you in contempt. You're a bully and a bracket. You're Teddy Jealous Week.

I actually really like that. Teddy Jealous Week. That's the name of this show. Teddy Jealous Week is the name of this show. That's just the fucking name of it. Teddy Jealous. I love that. That's the best.

The self-obsessive want to be a mean, controlling free. I need not your commandments. I know what's right for me what the eaten who the love what the eaten who the love i choose because i'm free i see you're not your judgment north dryer rap google fucking translate is nailing this this is a bam bang translation i wish not your forgiveness i walk a different i can safely let you go you were never there at all yep hour that i gave you to my own self recall. I reject you and tonight you and all your kids. In kind. I've no need to from made up things. I made up my downline.

Yes, one, Tom. I hope you guys really enjoyed that. And I hope you feel where these share with all the people wasn't York most. Actually, I guess. keep robbing power from blindness and ignorance and please keep giving it to you yo you soon thank you that was the best one we were in a while so great that's so great a teddy jealous week is the name of this

show a teddy jealous week is my new favorite three three word phrase it's fucking tremendous like fucking google translate fucking had a stroke this is the best one this is the best one it's drooling out of the left side of its mouth while it's trying to this is how bam bang's fucking thing is 900 pages long he ran ran it through Google Translate. Poetry is not Google's friend. I'll tell you that. Oh, goodness, no. Goodness, no. Well, as always,

we're not going to leave you with the Skeptic's Creed. This time, though, we're going to leave you with Ann Druid's poem, Sir Andrew. So thank you very much for listening,

and we'll catch you next week when we will have on the show Jake from Imaginary Friendshow? Maybe. Maybe. We'll see. We're trying.

All right, so a little added recording here. Before I pass you off to Andrewid or Sir Andrew's poem at the end of the show, I wanted to mention that this weekend, this upcoming weekend, the 1st of February, we are going to be on a show called Atheist Hangouts with David, also Gamma Atheist on Twitter, his name is. He's going to be running a show called Atheist Hangouts with David, also Gamma Atheist on Twitter, his name is. He's going to be running a show with us. It's a live show. It's at 10 p.m. Eastern. We're going to put a link on this episode 135. But if you want to tune in, it'd be great to have more than, say, my wife watching. So if you're interested, this will almost certainly be the

worst episode David has ever produced, but we're going to be on it. So if you're interested, this will almost certainly be the worst episode David has ever produced, but we're going to be on it. So if you want to watch it, we'd encourage you to do so. I'm going to put a link, like I said, on this episode. So check it out, 10 p.m. Eastern time next week on the 1st of February. And without further ado, here's a different poem from the Skeptic's Creed. I have a literary offering for you, and I call it Away with Yahweh or Goodbye God. So, without further ado, here goes. When I was young, you tortured me. You watched my every move, ready to correct me and always disapprove.

I watched you browbeat others and divide them with your hate, split families and lovers and resign them to their fate. You teach that thinking on your own is a way to misbehave, and the priests and politicians all use you to enslave. If you were real, I'd confront you.

Of your guilt, I'd be exempt. I'd list your sins right back at you and hold you in contempt. You're a bully and a braggart. You're petty, jealous, weak. A self-obsessive wannabe, a mean, controlling freak. I need not your commandments. I know what's right for me.

What to eat and who to love, I choose because I'm free. I fear not your judgment, nor fear I your wrath. I wish not your forgiveness. I walk a different path. I can safely let you go. You were never there at all. The power that I gave you to my own self I recall. I reject you and deny you and all your gift and kind. I've no need for made-up things. I've made up my own mind. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions

do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local Dairy Council. council. you