Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 139: Bucket of UUGHUH

Episode Date: February 24, 2014

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thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 139 of cognitive dissonance and i for one'm exhausted from the 24 hour podcast. Now we didn't participate in it, but just being aware, right. Just knowing that someone stayed up 24 straight hours makes me fucking so tired.

When I heard this morning after sleeping all night about that again, you know, cause I just, I was just like man i need another nap let's just fucking after i woke up from my nap yesterday night at around 8 30 and i just i mean i just stayed in bed and kind of checked the tweets that they had and then i fell back asleep until this morning and then i sort of woke up to the smell of bacon and i was like what is happening with the thing and then i ate some bacon and fell back asleep and now we're recording. So, I mean, it's really just sort of like a series of sleeps.

I don't know how they did it. I'm shocked that they made it through. But I'm impressed that they made it through, Cecil, because I certainly did not make it through. You know, they raised and now it's not technically over yet because they're still doing the thing and so 24 hours goes like a whole day right it does it's like yeah okay it's like 24 consecutive hours i gotcha um but as it stands right now uh they currently and i gotta double check this but i think they're almost at 1600 they're almost at $1,600. They're almost at $1,600. And that money goes directly to Foundation Beyond Belief. And I know, I know that the podcast-a-thon is not the only time that they're going to be running this.

This money is going to continue from, you know, they're going to basically be giving all that money to Foundation Beyond Belief through February 23rd. So, although I don't know, I think this show is going to come out on the 24th so you would have to go back in time somehow to give money to them that's all right that's our listeners are fucking resourceful if you donate enough they can get a flux capacitor so it's like it's like you know like you get a tote bag from you know like the best part is like you you can't donate like if you heard about it it's already in the past then you get the flux i'm just it's this is why time machine movies are fraught with paradoxes like that one movie with the what's that movie that has all the like that

weird flow chart i haven't seen it it's on netflix or whatever fuck it's really good too i know which one you're talking about like we're even reading the wiki kind of like yeah like i was your fucking mind like oh yeah check out this wiki and i looked i was like that's not a thing i can understand and it's the way the flow chart works is just crazy but it's a time movie right i can't remember the fucking name of it movie it's time movie i thought that's what i know primer it's called primer primer the time movie yes what it is yes it's called primer they made the movie i remember that like i saw it it's a good movie they made it on a budget of like seven dollars like they made it on like no budget kind of like a secular fm budget really exactly don't do it it's actually about seven times our

budget so see so i guess this would be a good segue into discussing our new uh fundraising venture right right um so we are now hooked up with patreon um and we want to thank people we we started it last week um and we had a good response to our patreon uh fundraising effort the fundraising in this case is for us we are raising funds yeah that we need for us To defer the cost of the show, really. Right, exactly. It's not, unfortunately, free to do the show, and we're trying to do some things with the show, too,

that will help improve our sound and improve our ability to continue doing the show going forward, even as our lives continue to evolve and change. So, we want to thank everybody who donated to us through Patreon. We really genuinely appreciate it. Patreon is an interesting donation system because it allows you to pledge a dollar amount, like a dollar a show or whatever you're comfortable with.

And then every time we put out a show, it just automatically takes that dollar from you and gives it to us. So if we stop doing the show, you don't continue to pay. It's not a monthly service. It's every time we produce content, we get a little bit of a bump for producing the content. So what I suggested to Cecil that we do is we put out each week's show in 135 discrete pieces. One minute, one minute podcasts, right? It's like each one is a one minute podcast and you've got to put the intro in and the outro.

So it's like, you know, so each one is, I mean, you're really getting a bonus there. It's, it's, you're getting about seven minutes of podcast, which is really just about one minute of podcasting. But, uh, no, it's, it's actually a great way to uh to make sure that you know the podcast funds uh come in and we can continue doing it and we want to thank everybody who's doing it we're going to read your names at the end of the show all the people who've uh joined up uh if you want to do it you can go to patreon.com forward slash dissonance pod and you can donate on a monthly uh on a on a monthly basis too i'm told i haven't gone through yet and taken a look how

the actual donations work but i was assured that you could if you wanted to donate on a monthly basis too. I'm told I haven't gone through yet and taken a look how the actual donations work, but I was assured that you could, if you wanted to donate on a monthly basis or you could donate on a single per podcast basis. And if you have like a limit, a limit amount in your mind, you're thinking, yeah, your show isn't worth more than four bucks a year, dude. That's cool. Just set it up for $4, have it hit once and then cancel. You know, that's really easy. You know, you don't have to worry about it set up at all. You could just cancel it at any time. So if you ever stop liking the podcast, which a lot of people turn out, turns out a lot of people do that. And, you know, all you have to do is just, you know, hit cancel and you don't have to you don't have to pay us anymore. But we want to thank everybody who's done it. And it's uh it really is a great thing uh to help defer some of the costs i have no problem attending happy weddings okay if there is a gay wedding and everybody's gay everybody's happy i have no problem with people attending a

happy wedding okay but i'm not real big on attending neurotic weddings so i just i draw a distinction between gay weddings and neurotic weddings people say what was a neurotic Neuronic wedding is what Nero came up with when he said, hey, let's do same-sex weddings. Okay. That came from Nero. It was the, he's the namesake for this kind of abomination. It's very popular today. Outrageously popular. It's mind-boggling how popular it is. Now, Dave, however, I have many exceptions. I think you can't attend a wedding if you hold up a sign that reads Leviticus 2013. I think that would be appropriate. I think that would be appropriate.

Yeah, that you could attend a wedding and hold up the sign Leviticus 2013. And, you know, word for word, a man sleeps with a man as he sleeps with a woman.

The two of them have committed abomination. They shall both be put to death. I mean, you could attend a wedding and hold up that sign. So if you get an invitation to a homosexual wedding,

and I guess, Dave, it comes down to if you bake a cake for a homosexual and i guess david comes down to if you bake a cake for a homosexual wedding you could put leviticus 2013 on the cake so see so the first story i want to go over is from thinkprogress.org uh which has flooded my computer with a pop-up tea party senators fuck think shit man it makes me crazy it's like all over like i get shit coming up from the right i got shit coming from the top it's like have you seen this pop-up yeah i fucking saw that can i be on top of your screen no fucking let me read the story uh tea party senators introduce you're not married anymore bill

to nullify same-sex marriages um you know the intention of this uh lousy shithead bill yeah um was was really once the federal government said all right we're going to get rid of domo we're going to get rid of the defensive marriage act um which basically said you know like that the federal government isn't going to make other states um recognize marriages that took place in other states in other words cross-border marriages like if you get married in illinois which is thankfully now coming close to fruition so if you get married in illinois which is thankfully now coming close to fruition so if you get married in illinois and no they did they just people in cook county just recently got their marriage license did they really yeah i was listening to something on npr where a lot of the

collar counties were having a hard time cook county was i i did see something specifically from cook county this week on my facebook feed so that's great so chicago has some but right good that's good because i know like i said i i know the collar county is like the they interviewed this woman from mchenry county she's like the mchenry county clerk and she's like yeah you know and even if we have to do it i just don't have the right forms yet oh gosh well that's why you're in fucking mchenry county you know fucking asshole is that is that a convenient excuse? Right. I mean, it's like I just don't have the right forms yet. Like, yeah, sure.

You don't fucking banjo playing hillbilly. Right. You know, like this is not this is not an era in which you can fucking make that claim when I can send you a PDF instantaneously and you have a printer. You don't get to say I don't have the forms yet. Bullshit. You don't want the fucking forms yet. That's the fucking key. You want to be like, oh, I haven't checked my email with all the forms yet.

My first thought was, why would the forms be any different? I don't think the forms say what your genitals look like. Draw a picture of your genitals. We need to compare them before you get married you have to like have like a like a lineup where everybody just whips it out and you take like a photo of it or something i don't even know what yeah right what the fuck do you have to do do you have to i mean they should really i mean it seems like it would be easy they just have they don't have to have a separate form for you know homosexuals to get married all they need to really now is just one form, individual A and individual B. Like these two people are fucking getting married.

Like maybe if the form says husband and wife. Yeah, I mean, I guess. But, you know, why would it say that? Why wouldn't it just be like this is a party and this is a party? Because it's like a fucking contract. You know what I mean? Like it's not right. It's not a thing where it's like, you know, in this person in the Lord is going to take. No, it's a fucking contract you know i mean like it's not right it's not a thing where it's like you know in this person in the lord is going to take no it's a fucking kind it's like this person married

this person why do you need to and just fucking cross out wife you know i mean like just be like uh uh no it's fucking done and spouse works fucking both ways so that's that's what i mean it's like unless the form is gender specific in some way, which I guess I can see them making the form gender specific. That strikes me as, you know, because there were certain assumptions when those forms were created that, you know, no longer are the case. 15 minute job to do and then just make it statewide applicable i mean you could bang this out in the course of 15 minutes with fucking you know control find replace yeah i mean fucking you could do it with a free program like open office i know like you don't even need word you don't even need word you could open it up in a goddamn text document and be like okay here we go i'm gonna just delete this little part and do this i'm gonna hit control p and we're gonna print this fucker off and i'm sending it to kinkos you know i mean the the idea is is that is

that people just don't want to see this happen i don't want to read what crew says here because i think this is really important and it shows you where your politicians are right this is this is this is the the way in which to tell you know where people are at in government and how they're deciding your future. Not my future because I'm not gay, but I'm a gay ally. So I get to decide, hey, man, this is part of the country I live in. This is a culture I want to keep going. And this is what he says. I support traditional marriage under president obama the federal government has tried to redefine marriage

and to undermine the constitutional authority of each state to define marriage consistent with the values of its citizens fuck you values of it did you fucking pull all the values of the citizens the obama administration should be should not be trying to force gay marriage in all 50 states nobody's saying you have to be gay married that doesn't make any sense just like oh's just like, oh, I got to be gay married. Sarah, sorry, we got to get a fucking divorce. I got to marry someone else. And it has to be a dude. We should respect the states and the definition of marriage should be left to democratically elected legislators, not dictated from Washington. This bill will safeguard the ability of states to preserve traditional marriage from its residents. No, this bill will take away marriages that have been created in other states right yeah so you

know and and people will ask well you know why should it matter you got married another well like people get transferred for work right you know people have you know they have reasons to move to other parts of the country. It's a big goddamn place. And the idea that because you crossed some fictitious imaginary political border, which I mean, let's sip. You cross the fucking Mississippi. Right. Right. It's like, oh, great.

I went over a fucking body of water and now I'm not married. What am I? A fucking vampire? It's like south of the Mason Dixon line line y'all ain't married down here like fuck you what are you talking horseman or something like you can't cross the bridge ichabod crane what the fuck so i i love that this bill exists because this bill is going to do nothing like there's no it's it's a it's an obviously unconstitutional bill. A state cannot make a law that like a state cannot make a law that holds like the federal government hostage. That's not how that works.

You can't put you can't make your state say segregation is legal here. Right. You know, you can't just be like, oh, yeah, well, you know, all the rest of the country can't do it. But, you know, down here in Mississippi, we're still we still hate our blacks. You can't do that. You'd be like fucking suddenly the National Guard is up your ass. So the idea that you can be like, oh, well, we're just going to fucking make sure all these marriages are illegal is just as fucking ludicrous. I think we got off the track when we allowed our government to become a secular government.

a secular government. When we stop realizing that God created this nation, that he wrote the Constitution, that it's based on biblical principles, and we allowed those that don't believe in those things to keep pushing us, pushing us, and pushing us away from the government. So this story comes from the progressive secular humanist blog which can be found on the patheos.com site tom delay former house majority leader says god wrote the constitution uh well done tom delay he says i think we got off the track the track the definite article the track the defined track i think we got off the track when we allowed our government to become a secular government delay explained when we stopped realizing that god created the nation that he wrote the constitution that it's based on biblical

principles said a man who's clearly never taken a history course. Okay, I just have a quick way to see if this is true. If God wrote the Constitution, wouldn't it say you the people instead of we the people? You know what I mean? Unless God was a fucking like a citizen. Wouldn't it be like, you the people of the United States of America. You know what I mean?

Like, wouldn't it say that instead? I got so tired. You know how many of these I have to write? I have to write each one. It's a lot of work. And I have to use one of those quill pens. That shit takes time and effort. I have to go out and hunt the duck.

And I have to catch the duck. I got to make the quill. It's a lot of work. I got to crush the ash into the thing with the make the ink. It takes, this shit takes time. And I got to think up a different constitution for every country for no reason. I can't just come up with one. You know how that smears?

Do you know how it smears? You know, I didn't invent whiteout yet. What if I make a mistake? No, if you read the Bible and all the slavery in it, he invented white out. Let me be honest. Actually, it'd be parchment out. It'd be like yellow out. It's got a yellowish tinge to it.

Yeah, no, it's so funny. It's like, oh, he wrote the Constitution. I mean, really? This is what we're talking about? And I know he's just, I mean, clearly he's just saying that as like a, it's a metaphor, right? He's like saying, oh, well, God is, you know, basically saying God is entrenched in the constitution. But, you know, you read that beginning part. And I mean, let me just read it. We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense promote the general welfare

and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity do ordain and establish this constitution for the united states of america no god a single god in that at all not even i mean not even something tom that even that would even insinuate a god in that nothing nothing at all i i think it's funny when when delay says i think we got off the track when we allowed our government to become a secular government it's like so we were off track immediately like we were never on the track then right like it's like it's like it's you're off the fucking it's like the train derailed before you fucking put gas in the engine. Like it just falls over.

Like we're, if that's the point, if the point of establishing a secular government is the point that you're going to define as the point when we got off track, then that moment was fucking immediately. Yeah. Like immediately, like at the establishment, that is the point where we got off. We've never been on track. Like according to Tom DeLay, that their particular brand of, of Christianity is represented in government. Those are the people who are pulling Tom DeLay's strings. You know, those are the people who are telling him, you know, this is the song and dance routine and Tom DeLay, you know, I'm sure he believes this stuff too, but you know, maybe he believes it to a lesser extent, but it doesn't matter because,

you know, these are the people getting him elected and reelected. And that's the scary thing. I was listening to the Secular FM, the 24-hour podcast-a-thon, and they were talking about a person. And I don't remember who said it. I don't remember who said this. But basically the person said, the job of being secular right now is to put ourselves out of business. the job of being secular right now is to put ourselves out of business. Meaning if I am secular now, what I'm hoping is, is that in the future, people won't even need to say it. It'll just be an ingrained thought that we won't even think

about it. It'll just be right. There's, there's never going to be, you know, we talk, we joke about, Oh, there, you know, the, the day that we can look on the internet, the week that we can look on the internet and find no stories of, of the horrors of religion or people pushing religion down someone's throats, this show is over. This show is done. There's nothing less to talk about. We're done. And the thing is that as long as there's this kind of money in the politics that's moving this stuff forward, we're always going to have something to talk about. Yeah, dude.

I mean this show will be done at that point which is to say it will not be done this generation yeah you know or next generation right right i i do hope that it lessens significantly i think it will you know i hope it comes down to a half hour program like that would be great like every week that we're like oh we're really just kind of running low that would be that's a success that's a fucking win. This is not that week. Yeah, I mean, 14 minutes of talking about farts and then a five-minute Pat Robertson rant? Because the guy's never going to die. No, absolutely not. If we can just do that, that's gold.

He'll outlive my fucking kids. Yeah. He'll take the organs from your children. Right? Give me more secular organs. I need need more secular organs bring me more atheist babies i need them bathing in the blood of the innocents can you believe what could be the world's most fearsome destructive weapon obama's third term? Not really. That's what Secretary of State John Kerry is saying about global warming.

It's been so hot this winter. I don't know where Kerry has been spending his time, but maybe he's so wealthy they have a special house that all has tropical plants in it, so he feels like he's in the tropics. But the rest of us has been cold as the dickens. Speaking of Pat Robertson, this one comes from Right Wing Watch. Robertson, it's idiocy. Believe in climate change since it's cold in the winter.

Fuck. What? He basically said it was cold as the Dickens. It is cold as the Dickens, I will admit. Now, for those who don't know, the Dickens is a Robertson-approved measure of coldness. Yeah, it's 37-degree windchill minus. That's what it is. Fahrenheit, 37-degree windchill, and it was that cold this winter in Chicago, so he's allowed to say that. Now, anything a little warmer than the 37,

but still below zero is cold as a witch's tit, according to Robertson. Yeah. And a little colder would have been cold as hell, which is totally weird. That's a weird way to say it, because hell doesn't sound like it'd be cold, but maybe it would. I don't know. It's deceptive. It's one of those colds that burns when he touches it. Yeah. So it's still it's like it's like it's like it's like uh uh dry ice cold it's like right it's icy hot you go to hell and you're like cold you go to hell and you're like you're looking around you're like well this lake of icy hot i mean i gotta tell you like it's not great it's not great you only go up to your mid thigh in that lake you know no kidding right i don't want to go any higher.

I mean, it burns. I'm not going to lie. The icy hot. You're jumping with the waves. You're just like, no, no, no. No, no. It's fucking tide comes in. Not the boys.

Tide comes out of icy hot. But all my aches and pains are gone. So that's good. And Joe Namath approves. And that's the best part. Joe Namath. Busting out the icy hot commercial. and that's the best part. Joe Namath. Busting out the Icy Hot commercial. Yeah.

From the 80s. I am not a young man. Don't make me come over there. I am so old. This Matt Robertson is so awesome because he's talking about specifically that climate change. He's like, oh, these people are so stupid. Climate change isn't happening. Were they around for the entire winter? It was the record cold winter in the United States.

Were they even around for it? And you're like, Pat, global climate phenomenon first does not only last one winter, right? So like, number one, your time is a little off. I realize that you're an old man and maybe time is sort of weird for you if you're that old. But a year is certainly not where you can measure climate. That's number one. But number two, Australia had like 125 degree temperatures this year. They were the record hottest. And if you take the entire globe, which is what you do with global warming.

Global climate change. You actually look to see whether or not it's warming or cooling and it stayed exactly the same this entire time there's also also some speculation that the polar vortex might have been caused by global warming stop talking fact talk stop with them no no more fact talking you know it is interesting interesting because 2013 tied for the fourth warmest year on record. Yeah. You know, so it's like, yeah, all right. Winter is still a thing.

Like, that's not what climate change means. Like, climate change doesn't just mean, you know, basically means like we're going to have overall a trend in this direction. And that is going to mean that we have like droughts and extreme highs and extreme lows and like fucking flooding in one area and it's it's like it's like all the things that aren't good like basically take all the things about weather that aren't good and magnify them that's pretty much what it means right as we undergo this climate change like oh what do you what do you not like oh i don't like blisteringly hot summers and droughts we're gonna have more of that what else don't you like well i don't like icy cold shit winters that just dump buckets of snow yeah we're gonna have more of that too

we're gonna have it all you know you know we're gonna have more of that can we have any 70 degrees no no 70 degree days we go from negative 37 to 106 those are their two fucking options and it doesn't in one day and basically a tornado the size of fucking missouri rips across the united states and hailstones the size of like vw bucks right exactly yeah but pat robertson's so fucking old like you would think that he could look back on this and remember the first winter and compare notes i want to cut him in half and count his rings he does say that uh environmental advocates um are using climate change as a guise in order to introduce socialism and take over all of the plants and the manufacturing of the world when i first read that i thought he was referring not to manufacturing plants but like that

environmentalists are just gonna take over all the plants. Yeah, no, the plants, the actual like chlorophyll things. And I thought like, has Pat Robertson been playing plants versus zombies again? He has. He's the zombie. He is the zombie. I don't know why. I'm just trying to get to the house.

Stop shooting me with these. Will you leave me alone with your things? It's not as I'm not a zombie. I'm Pat trying to get to the house. Stop shooting me with these. Will you leave me alone with your things? It's not as I'm not a zombie. I'm Pat Robertson. I love, too, that he's talking about like like how they're trying to take over. And it's like most of the manufacturing isn't done here anymore. Dummy. That's number one.

But number two, like the worst places in the world, some of the worst, most awful climates and climate places that are belching the most filth into the air at this point are the places where the manufacturing is. Like China and India. I mean, look out the window in Beijing. If you can scrape the gudge off the window to even look out, you get four feet of visibility. Yeah, no kidding. The idea that somehow this is not doing anything to the Earth is a silly – I mean there are so many people out there who say like how arrogant of us to think that we could change the Earth. And it's like, well, there's a lot of us. I mean there's – I mean I can't change the Earth personally.

But there's a whole lot of us, man. There's a whole, whole, whole lot of us. There's a huge scientific consensus. And some of the most depressing news that I've read, and this was from a Pew study that they found, several people that believed in climate change a couple years ago have left the, they've started to not believe in it because there's been so much anti-backlash from it that there's actually been percentage points lost on people who now do not believe in it and did before. so they were up to like 74 believed in it now it's down to like 68 or something so you're losing people um who just don't believe

that it's true and uh and people like this propagate the myth that you know like that weather is climate right and that's i think that's an important distinction that people just don't they just don't understand they're like my i mean someone that I know that is very close to me said the exact same thing the other day, like in a phone conversation. And I was just like, wow, what? No. I hear it all the time. Yeah. I can't like it was a joke.

It was like, well, so much for global warming. Ha ha ha ha ha. And I was like, no, no no stop saying these things like every every time you say this stuff it matters like it matters a lot because it's like people will start to take that shit seriously and they'll start to like internalize that nonsense and then we'll just get further and further away from solutions and we've talked about this like what's the downside there isn't one of of of revising our lives in a way that that is uh pro-climate like what's the downside in turning off lights you i mean like the little things right the little things don't matter you know i mean the little

things don't matter the big things do matter but you know here's a downside time and i'm going to tell you what the downside is the people that can make the change they don't want to lose the profit that's the fucking downside i mean that's it's it's real simple to tell you what the downside is. The people that can make the change, they don't want to lose the profit. That's the fucking downside. I mean, it's real simple to follow. You just follow the profit system. You follow what these people are doing. And you say, like, I mean, I learned about fracking recently. I learned from a guy who's an actual geologist, right? So a geologist spoke, and I watched him talk about fracking.

And it was a very fast talk. It was over within 15 minutes. But I learned so much about fracking. And one of the major things that they're worried about is that the fracking gas that comes out. It's not that they're fucking shooting chemicals into the ground or they're fucking things up and there's carcinogens in there and all that stuff that people are worried about on the ground. The major thing is that they're losing gas to the atmosphere, which is a huge bump to our carbon emissions, right? It's a methane that comes out of the ground, the natural gas that comes out of the ground. Well, that gas goes into the atmosphere and it's a greenhouse gas and they're losing a ton of it because they just

don't have good enough ways in which to catch it. That's just one way in which you could look at, you know, the profit system that's, you that's tearing up big parts of the country with the fracking just to – and it's releasing all this stuff because they don't need to catch it all. Yeah, but Cecil, we can do without air. Yeah, no kidding, right? We can just not air anymore. Sure. Yeah, you could just – yeah, just dig a hole and put your face in it. Just dig a hole and put your face in it.

So we're going to take a break and give you some new information on how to find us, how to find our Patreon link, how to donate through Patreon. So take a listen to this break for a change. If you would like to contact the show, visit the website DissidencePod.com for the links to the Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus and email accounts. You can also call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Did you know that you can become a patron of the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod.

And you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you don't want to donate money, please take a moment to give us a good review on iTunes or Stitcher. Or tell a like-minded friend about the show. So to everyone who supports the show, glory hole. You fucking rock. So this next story comes from jpost.com denmark outlaws jewish and muslim ritual slaughter as of next week animal rights come before religion states agriculture and food minister says move is an attack on jewish religious practice says predictable jewish outrage so right now when when animals are slaughtered uh for meat and what have you um the rule is that the animal should be

stunned uh before its throat is cut so you gotta you get that's that's what they want to do and i guess that is uh somehow antithetical to being jewish uh or muslim so if you're jewish or muslim you don't want to stun the animal so it matters for some reason even though the practice of stunning and then slitting throats was never a part of you know their 3500 year old fucking ghost story so like this was made this was created you know thousands millennia after um but somehow that's verboten so what they want to do is they want to slit the throat of the animal and then stun it so that way that's sort of like saying like you were going to have heart surgery oh okay so how's that's sort of like saying like you were gonna have heart surgery oh okay so how's that work well we're gonna knock you out and then we're gonna cut open your chest okay but

you're gonna knock me out first right yeah yeah well are we gonna have fucking jewish heart surgery yeah how does that work well what we're gonna do is cut open your chest wait fucking and then knock you out no you have this backwards you ever seen those billboards that like abortion stops a bleeding a beating heart you're like jewish heart surgery stops a beating uh you know i there's gonna be some people i think that argue with this um and say regardless of how you kill the animal, it's still pretty cruel to be killing animals. So I think moral the moral the person who's a moral vegetarian, I think, is not going to be on the side of either of these people. Right. To say whether you're stemming them, it doesn't matter whether you're doing.

I'm not a moral vegetarian. I'm a person who eats a lot of meat. So I'm not on that side of the fence. But I can understand their argument. Right. I understand where they come from. So we're certainly not going to be arguing from that point of view. is properly like made and properly slaughtered is going to be better it's just going to be a better meat product than the meat that's like fucking all worried and fucking full of adrenaline and weirdness and it's like bouncing all over and right i mean you know and and really you're you are killing these you're mass killing these animals you know um the idea that you know you're not going to do this in the in the most humane way possible and I understand that and I know we're going to get some fucking weird emails from people

I know you can already sense it like as soon as I posted this story I was like aww I've seen animals be slaughtered before I have killed animals before myself so don't send us your links with that stuff because you're not going to shock me I'm not going to be shocked but I don't care

but the fact is that if you can try to be as humane as possible about it, then, you know, do it, you know, do it again. What's the harm? And the fact is the fact that you're, you know, hiding behind your beliefs to keep this cruel practice in place is, you know, I mean, this is another step back and we've got it. We've got to start eliminating these steps back, you know, maybe down the road, maybe, you know, 40 years from now, Tom, there could be a moment where people go, yeah, why are we killing animals again?

And that and that could be totally a valid question. And it could totally like the entire concept. I think that's probably going to be one of the major things that starts changing on our in our culture because i think you know we're talking about greenhouse gases earlier some of the most major greenhouse gases come from animal production you know i mean animal the production of of meat for humans is a huge greenhouse contributor so if we could start getting rid of the entire factory farming place that you know this this this in giant industrial complex that dominates the industry you know maybe things start changing and uh so maybe you know like i said like we're talking tom earlier maybe 40 years in the future

this conversation wouldn't even you know you won't even have this conversation about killing meat regularly how we would by stunning yeah well you know we and you and i have had conversations about this before that you know it's it's it's not easy to justify a lot environmentally speaking it's not easy to justify um or maybe even possible to justify the the the factory farming um you know system for for making meat foods. Really, the justifications are, I like meat. It tastes good. Right. And that is not a rational justification for things. But that's not really what we're arguing here with this story. The story is about whether or not a religious belief entitles you to demand more suffering.'s the way that i read this right

absolutely that's a great way to put it it's it's like i believe i have a religious conviction and so i demand more suffering and it's like well we have a method that's less suffering no fuck that more suffering just don't eat the meat just don't eat the meat. That seems to me like the solution, right? So it's selfish. And I recognize, I will just fucking recognize that I am being a selfish person by eating foods, meat foods particularly, that are produced through the modern factory farming system. I recognize that's an inherently selfish thing to do. But it is vastly more selfish on top of that to say, I want to eat the meat and I demand that the animals suffer more for it. Allah, Akbar, Akbar, Allah, Akbar, Allahu, Akbar, just a little old Allah.

Thank you, Chicago. So this story comes from the BBC News Africa. Nothing ever comes good from the BBC News Africa desk. Oh, man. Have you noticed that? It's never like, oh, BBC News Africa, all is well. BBC News Africa, look at these kittens. Right.

It's never that. Yeah. Oh, look, it's a hot air balloon race and, you know, a fun fair or something. No, instead it's Sudan court convicts Ethiopian woman over gang rape. An Ethiopian woman who says she was gang raped in Sudan has been convicted of indecent acts. The woman was three months pregnant and 18 years old at the time that she was videotaped being gang raped good lord it is all of the worst things added to the next worst things she got a one month jail term it was suspended because she was pregnant but she was also fined 5 000 sudanese pounds which which is $880 American.

I have no idea how much money it's reasonable for someone in Sudan to make. I'm guessing that's a lot of money. Yeah, I mean, that's a sizable fine. I mean, you know, people that have been driving drunk and killed people have probably been fined about that in the United States. Right. Yeah, if you're in Florida, you can just shoot someone, I think, for that fine. I think so. Yeah.

I think that's like the blood money that you have to pay to get out of that. Hey, why not entwine horrible stories? You know what I mean? There you go. Just mix them all up. Just throw all the fucking fury and anger into one great big bucket of, oh. And pull out like a, it's like the worst lottery numbers ever like it's like hold on hold on now spell uh because that's going to be the name of the show bucket

how would you spell that tom uh that's going to be uh u u u h u h U-U-H-U-H. That's pretty good. I like that. U-U-G-H-U-H. Okay. That's what it's. All right. Excellent.

I like it. She almost, Cecil, she got off easy because she could have also faced. Yeah, got off easy. Holy shit. Fuck. I did not intend that. Yeah. Because she also faced charges of adultery and prostitution.

And that could have led to a death penalty by stoning, because evidently it's still the past in Sudan. But these charges were dropped after she convinced the court that she was divorced. So had she had the unmitigated temerity to be gang raped on video while she were married. Yeah, right. Yeah, that would have been a death sentence for her. But thankfully, she had been divorced. And so nobody will hurl rocks at her. And, you know, the reason why we're talking about this, I'm going to read the last sentence

of this story. Sudanese law is based on Sharia. That's it. Right. And it says women have been punished for wearing trousers and not covering their hair. But Sudanese law is based on Sharia law. This is a Muslim law. What kind of backwards fucking bullshit are you pulling here? You know, we talk about this every time we come across a story where a woman is raped and she's punished for it. What the fuck did she do what did she do she did a nothing she existed you are punishing women for being fucking there you're punishing

i mean you might as well just you know every time you come across a woman you should just stone her then if you hate women that much you should just kill them all what the fuck is wrong with your culture i mean clearly what they want is they want to lock women up in a tiny little room and basically defile them. That's what they want to do. They don't want it because clearly when you leave the house, you have a chance of being stoned to death. You know, the obvious implication of these of laws like this is so that women don't report being raped. Right. Right. It's so that it's so that men can go around and rape people um and have no fear

of retribution now in this case the men the men did receive punishment they're they're getting lashed you know i think like a hundred hundred lashes yeah um and two well wait three because there was a fucking shit ton of them it's fucking a horror show yeah sure yeah three of them were each set into a hundred lashes um for adulteryally, not rape, while two got 40 lashes for distributing the indecent material. So they're getting whipped. And don't get me wrong. Like, I think probably getting 40 lashes is I mean, it's torture. It's barbarism.

100 lashes may be a death sentence. I don't know. But again, it's torturous barbarism. But it's not being stoned to death for being the victim of a fucking crime. You know, imagine if you had a law where it's like if somebody steals your wallet, you know, the government hits you with a semi truck. It just doesn't make any sense. It teleports you into the world of like maximum overdrive right it's like as soon as you get your wallet stolen you know it's like if somebody truck with

a fucking gremlin face hits you just like it like somebody like shoots you out of a huge slingshot if somebody like robs your house like you get like the first on like oh you're the first like like satellite like human satellite and right they just shoot you into orbit or something yeah you know and then somebody steals your wallet would you tell anybody right no there's no reason there's no incentive be like somebody stole my wallet shut up shut up no they didn't you've always had a wallet here's my wallet take my wallet shut up you know you never. And that's that's the point of these laws. The point of these laws is to build a system where women are powerless, subservient and disenfranchised. Well, it's even worse than that. It's like if you get your wallet stolen, you get punched in the face.

But if you get your purse stolen, you get your head chopped off. That's more accurate. You know, it's like, I mean, seriously, fucking what the fuck is wrong with your culture? Fix that shit man that's a fucking that is a human rights violation that that people all over the world should be uproar about oh it's worse tom you know i say it gets better i don't know that it gets better it's not better at all um so i vetted this story as well as was possible i found it in four or five different places um this is from opposing views.com sy Syrian girl stoned to death for opening a Facebook account because fuck a young girl in Raqqa,

Syria. I probably horribly mispronounced that was stoned to death for committing a crime under Sharia law. The crime was to have opened a Facebook account. Evidently opening a Facebook account is indecent or immoral behavior. And so the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, or ISIS, an al-Qaeda group present in Iraq and Syria,

decided that the girl should be stoned to death. And they fucking stoned her. I don't know what else to say next. Like, they fucking threw rocks.. I don't know what else to say next. Like they fucking threw rock, like human beings buried another human being in the ground, halfway in the ground, tied her hands and fucking threw rocks at her until she died. That is a thing that just happened in 2014.

I want to call, you know, like when you think about what goes into a stoning, you want to be like, these people sound like chimps. But it's like, even chimps are more civilized than this. You see somebody, you think about what they have to do. The motions you have to go through, the stuff you just described to actually stone another human being to death.

And you think, well, goddamn, we are the most uncivilized thing on this planet. And we're the ones who created what we call civilization. Right. Right. Doesn't it occur to you that somebody has to knock on your door and say, oh, hey, come on out. We're going to throw rocks now. What? Well, yeah, somebody opened a Facebook account, so we've got to stone that person to death.

And people show up. People show up to throw the rocks people are obviously i mean like like there should not be a culture where anybody attends that event like there should not be a culture where anybody's willing and i know it sounds so cliche to say it but nobody should be willing to pick up the rocks right like everybody should be like fuck that noise like i'm not picking up a rock and throwing it at another human being to kill them like that's like this shit is fucking out of control it's crazy as the the problem tom is it is that people fucking you know they're too they're probably there's probably plenty of people there that don't want to do it there's probably i would say a lot of people there don't want to do it. There's probably, I would say a lot of people there don't want to do it. But if you don't pick up the rock, then you're just as, as, uh, as culpable in this, you know, they're, you're just, you are to blame as well. You are someone who are they going to,

they're going to look at and say, you are the other. Now I just, I just, you know, how many, I don't know if you've seen this on, on the internet. I'm sure you've seen him a million times when you watched like the fights that are being taped on the internet, when somebody on the side sort of gets involved in the fight peripherally when they're trying to break it up or things like that, then suddenly they're the object of someone else's fury. And it's the same thing here. Imagine if you come out there and you stand in front of this girl and say, no, she just created a Facebook account.

They're like, kill him. He created a Twitter account. You know what I mean? Right. They'll immediately stone you. What do they do if you create a Google Plus account? Oh're like, kill him. He created a Twitter account. They'll immediately stone you. What do they do if you create a Google Plus account? Oh my gosh. Good lord. They just lop your head off. They probably don't know what it is though.

It's a Google minus account then once they lop your head off. There we go. But you know, nobody's going to stand in front of that girl. Clearly, if they are willing to kill someone, literally take the life of another human being because they created a fucking Facebook account, you're not going to be able to stand in front of them and reason with that group. That's true.

Yeah. I mean, what? Because reason doesn't I mean, obviously, reason is not a part of this process. Right. When you have laws that are based on a religious text, then you've basically ceded control of your legal system from reason to superstition. That's what you've done. And now that system, because it no longer relies on reason, reason can't be used to mitigate its effects. It can't be used to moderate it. And so it can be abused.

And that's what this is. This is an abuse. I mean, it's obviously an abuse. And somebody posted on our, when I posted the story, somebody came back and was like, ah, I wish that people didn't misrepresent my religion of Islam like this.

This isn't true Islam. And I think you posted back, like, see no true Scotsman. Right, right. And you hear that all the time. Like, critics of people like us who are critical of this. So critics of critics frequently will point out, like, oh, well, you know, there's 3 billion Muslims in the world, and most of them are fun-loving, peaceful, wonderful human beings. And I'm sure that that is the case. I am fucking sure that that's the case.

But it doesn't mean that this shit didn't happen. And it didn't happen, you know, by some crazy dude. We don't cover the crazy dude did a crazy thing story. Usually we cover the, you know, here's what the courts said. Yeah. Here's what your laws are based on stories. Yeah. And I, you know know there was somebody again on

that secular.fm uh 24 hour podcastathon they just did was talking about uh sam harris and i guess sam harris has written somewhere like you know we would be saying the same thing about christianity because they did just the same kind of crazy shit but it has gone on christianity has undergone the hammer blows of civilization for many many years and the hammer blows of reformation. Right. And I feel like, you know, we are starting to come, I think, to the point where people like that, that tweet at me and say, this isn't what true Muslims do. You need to take it up and be like, we need a reformation. We need to basically say, you people are crazy. We are not with you. You are fucking nutters. Enjoy being nutters by yourself. I'm not going to gonna you don't get to come here you don't get to play you don't get to make my

laws you don't get to stone people for making fucking accounts on an internet you don't get to you know a sentence women to uh to punishment after they've been raped none of that shit flies here anymore sorry but you know what it all done. That fucking old boys club that you've had for centuries is over now. We are doing something different. We are actually an inclusive religion. Then you know what? Suddenly this story, these stories just go away. Now you just deal with, you know, the people who want to keep, um, the Muslim creation myth in schools. That's the worst thing you're talking about. I love this story. We covered a variant of this story a while back. This is from the daily mail muslim leaders issue a fatwa against anyone living on mars as there is no religious reason

to be there now we covered this originally when they issued a fatwa saying you couldn't go to mars now they're saying that you can't live on mars because living on, I love the fucking reasoning. Living on Mars is so dangerous that it's tantamount to suicide. That's awesome. Says a Muslim leader. Yeah, which, you know, there are some Muslims. I'm not saying all Muslims. There are you. Yeah.

Blow themselves up. Come on. Get all the way. Let's go all the way there. They explode to satanate themselves in the name of their Muslimness. So, you know, those people, they somehow think that that's okay. But, you know, science and, you know, leading the cause of science and going somewhere else to try to understand the universe is a bad thing. That's a weird.

What a weird thing to say. Yeah. Where's the fatwa like why aren't why aren't they issuing fatwas against uh killing civilians bombings suicide bombings like you know like if living on mars is tantamount to suicide is an actual suicide tantamount to suicide like like are we just think it wouldn't take much of a pen stroke to make that hang on a minute let's do the quick math yeah carry the four uh fuck what but then and then of course when we first covered this because they said like well the muslims can't go to mars and like i was laughing because it's like well there's no fucking danger of any fucking muslim country launching a rocket to anywhere right you know but but this but this story is saying like well

you know there's going to be like an international uh fucking camping trip to mars and like we're you know people have applied from all over the world yeah because of course there's scientists and scholars that live in the muslim world there's plenty of scientists and scholars that are muslim um that don't live in the muslim world that live in the Muslim world. There's plenty of scientists and scholars that are Muslim that don't live in the Muslim world, that live in the Western world. And people have applied to go to Mars. It's a one-way trip. They're going to send like vehicles and robots

and shit there first to basically do some bildinating ahead of time so that when the Mars explorers, and I can't even believe I'm saying this, when the Mars explorers show up, there't even believe I'm saying this, when the Mars explorers show up, there's an awesome place for them to live. Isn't that the coolest shit ever? It's so fucking amazeballs, I don't even know how to say it.

It's fucking the best thing ever. Just like, I'm going to send a goddamn robot somewhere else to fucking terraform a tiny part of this planet so you can live on it. Oh my God. I wish I were a younger, more single man. Because I think I would be. I wish I were a more fit man. You know, like, I think, I think.

I mean, and I didn't have an English degree. Because nobody's going to take that guy. Yeah, right. They're like, yeah, send an English. No. No. That doesn't have a job to do. What's he going to do?

Fucking read a book up in Mars? Like, fuck that guy. We don't have a job what's he gonna do fucking read a book up in mars like we don't have a mcdonald's up here right but i mean seriously like like i would go i like if i like if i were still 20 and this was a thing i would i think i would consider changing my life to go right and die on mars because fucking mars man be amazing It'd be amazing. And you'd be a pioneer. And the stuff that they're doing is just outstanding. And when I saw the time frame, because most of the time I see the time frames for these things, Tom, and I think, oh, well, I'm going to be dead by then.

When they're talking past 2050, I'm just like, I'm probably going to be dead. And, you know, maybe the fucking civilization is dead at the fucking rate we're going for some of this stuff, you know. But when it comes down to like 2025, I'm that's a thing i'm gonna see right that's pretty fucking cool man i can't wait to see like images when you have a fucking guy walking around with a video camera up there taking fucking pictures of mars landscapes and walking you know i mean like

it's gonna be amazing because right now you get some you know still shots of curiosity and that's cool but it's certainly not to the extent that you know i want to see and i certainly want to see the giant face up there i mean i've been waiting to see that since like 77 yeah and the canals like the canals of mars right can? Canale. Hey, it's a canale. It's a canale. They're delicious. You dip them in pistachios. Canoles of Mars. I love them.

They're awesome. Yeah. It's amazing they keep them refrigerated. Yeah. Well, it's a cold up there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, it's a top and bottom where it's all looks like ice, but not probably ice.

It's fucking awesome. It's fucking awesome. And I love that the religious zealots are like, don't go. And it's like, yeah, OK. awesome it's fucking awesome and i love that like the religious zealots are like don't go and it's like yeah okay so what's gonna happen in the future is we'll basically ruin earth leave the religious zealots here and blast all the thinking peoples to mars like that's like that was like kind of it's the long-term solution it's like well you can have fucking have it you can fucking behead each other and throw rocks at each other and do whatever fucking crazy kooky backwards

chimpanzee stomping bullshit you want to do the rest of us will launch rockets to other planets we're going to be somewhere else right yeah for sure this story is from cnn also everywhere else fucking everywhere because it's awesome we got it we got it from a ton of people a ton of people sent it to us absolutely it's it i, it's just every bit what you think. Reality show snake handling preacher dies of snake bite. Jamie Coots. The motherfucker's name is Coots. His name is Coots, Cecil.

Like, I mean, everything about this story is like stereotype, type stereo. Seriously, if it was Billy Bob Coots, it could be a little more perfect. Right. I mean, like if he was like. It may be his middle name. We have no idea. Jamie Billy Bob Coots. Maybe that's his middle name.

It's entirely, entirely possible. So this fucking idiot, you know, this is one of those, like, snake handling dipshits. Snake handling's illegal, but whatever, they still do it. It's illegal, but there's still a reality show where they do it? And then I never understood. It's like that Moonshiner show? I know, that's because it's, well, at first I thought, well, that's because it's all faked and scripted, but it's like, oh, well, maybe not.

Yeah, because he fucking got bit by a snake. Now, this idiot had been bitten by a snake before, and he lost a finger to it. What the? How the fuck do you do it? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. So, like, dude got bit by a snake, and then that's bad for you. If there's not a disincentive to stop doing what you're doing, then losing body parts, there is no saving you.

Right. Right. It's why, like, when I tweeted this, I was like, inevitable like inevitable occurrence occurs inevitably like right right how is this not going to happen you know you're you're dancing around with poisonous snakes are you fucking kidding me it's like elephant beater trampled by elephant okay well we're gonna chalk that one up to stupidity and move the fuck on. You know, Cecil, I know I've talked about this in the past, but like one of my favorite like shows, like guilty pleasure shows on Animal Planet is this show called Fatal Attractions. And it's because these fucking goobers get wild animals and they keep them as pets. Right.

And I know we've talked about this, but I fucking love it because it's like the same thing. And it's like somebody gets like a lion and they're like, yeah, I got a pet lion. And then they show the lion when they show a home video and the lion's like a little baby lion. And it's super cute. And they're like roughhousing with this baby lion. And you cannot help but be like, oh, man, I want to pet that baby lion. And then fast forward to like nine months later and the lion like weighs like 350 pounds

and it's made out of like steel and anger and sharp things. And it like, and the people are like, oh, I got a fucking, I'm not sure what to do with the lion. And then they're like, they're, they're filming them and they have their back against the basement door and it's like pushing in. It's like, I don't know what to do with this lion. And then like later on, it's just like a voiceover. And it's like, and he was eaten by

a lion. And he's dead. He's dead now. Or it's like those fucking... It played a sad violin music. Right, and it's like, oh, what got him? Was it pneumonia? No. It was lions. Certainly wasn't malpractice, right? The vaccines killed him.

That's what happened. Too much apple cider vinegar. That was the problem. Oh, man, that'll put you right out. Yeah, just rub a little dirt on that lion wound. It's like when those fucking Siegfried and Roy, when they're like, hey, we got a tiger. And then at one point, the tiger was like, wait a minute.

Hang on, guys. Hang on, wait. Watch this magic trick. It's called I'm a fucking tiger. That's how the man. The tiger turns. The tiger is like, I think that guy's made of meat. Hold on a second.

Let me check my hypothesis. The tiger's in like a lab coat. It's got a clipboard. It just says meat or no meat, and it checked the meat box. He's got a big dry erase marker in his cage, and he's got a complex series of equations, and he just says,

equals meat. The sign goes off above his head. He's got a complex PowerPoint with animations. Let me explain to you fellow tigers. I would like to explain my hypothesis that Roy here is made of meats. Gentlemen, there's like a whole international symposium of tigers sitting and listening to the presentation. This could change how we think about Siegfried and Roy. It's like the TED Talks of tiger eating people.

No, they'd be Tony the Tiger Talks, I think. I don't think they'd be the TED Talks. Gentlemen, I propose we eat the magicians. Yo, it's the same thing with this dipshit with those snakes. You're just like, oh, great. And, you know, one of the things that strikes me is if I were a member of this congregation that really believe that God will allow you to, like, fucking withstand poisons. Wouldn't that just be like perfect evidence to be like, fuck this. I'm checking out.

Where's the punch card? I'm just going to fuck. I'm leaving. This is not a thing i want to do anymore i'm not gonna come to a church that's littered with snakes i know yeah the first time and there has to be a first time where they hand you the snake and they're like okay get dancing and go yeah you're like wait a minute wait a minute is this like is this like a like a training snake like do they have do they have training snakes yeah like garters did you ever see the guys those guys that do the fucking oboe thing where they make this oh yeah yeah yeah you know they play they pull the fangs out a lot of those guys it's not surprising otherwise you're gonna

get bit in the face by a snake by a cobra cobra, which probably can't, you know, I mean, let's be honest, it's probably not going to do very good for you. I mean, it's certainly not as bad as getting your MMR vaccine, but it's pretty bad. But it's still bad. It's still bad. It's not Jenny McCarthy bad, but it's still bad. It's Siegfried and Roy bad. And you know people are still going to dance with these snakes. Because the reason he died, right, isn't because he got bit by a poisonous snake.

You're right. He didn't die from an abundance of poison. He died from a lack of faith. That's what they're going to think. Either that or God was on the pisser. You know what I mean? I told him not to touch the snake while I was in the bathroom. Like Hillbilly God looks up like, Coots, when did you get?

Oh, man. Oh, you know, that's my bad. I had lentils and they just go right through. Boom. I'll tell you, I got irritable bowel after all. I don't know. Have you met Siegfried and Ron? I don't know.

Have you met Siegfried and Ron? It would be awesome if like there were other like pastors or like other things instead of like snakes. They're just like, we're going to shoot live fireworks into our faces. I'm going to swallow this mortar shell. Just like doing like more and more unbelievably, extremely dangerous, like crazy shit. Like, well,

welcome to the Russian roulette church. Like, fuck what? You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth.

This story comes from the telegraph. Catholic school speakers tape pupils together to teach chastity because nothing works for teaching teenagers how to not have sex than by taping them together it's like well just go camping put them in the same sleeping bag see if that works uh that's not That's not how that works. Anyway, this Catholic group cello taped? I don't know what that is. That's like a British duct tape, I'm going to guess.

I'm thinking it's the cellophane, the tape, the sort of tape that's used to packing boxes. That's what I'm thinking it is. I don't know what it is or not. But I think it's like the packing tape. Right. Well, they basically taped people together. what i'm thinking it is oh i got you but i think it's like the packing tape right well they they basically like taped people together they like taped like a girl to like three boys because you know the internet and uh they taped the girl to three boys

and then they tore the tape off which could not have been comfortable and the tape was like gross with like skin cells and fucking hair and then they were like look the tape doesn't work anymore so chastity i think i think if you're gonna hire these people to cover your your sex ed portion i think you get what you pay for because we're basically treating sex ed like a ShamWow commercial. And you're just like, okay, well, you get what you pay for. You know what I mean? You're going to love my nuts. You're going to love my nuts is what I'm saying.

And I love that the idea is that you've been ruined by sex. That's what they're selling here, right? Sure. Yeah, well, you've been fucking ruined by having sex. Like, well, that's actually not how vaginas work. So, I mean, because you can totally just have more sex with them. Like, it's not like you had sex. Just keep on having the sex.

You know, it's not like you get to have sex. Because if the analogy held, then a vagina would only be good three times. Right? Because if it's like the cellotape... It's like a genie lamp. Right? It's just like you rub the vagina to get three wishes and it's always the same wish

because you're like, well, I am rubbing a vagina. I just like to bang this thing. But if the cellotape is like okay so after three uses it's ruined right it's not sticky anymore and you're like okay well so you're good for three pops and that's it yeah that's it move on i mean wouldn't that encourage more promiscuity for dudes be like i mean i i don't want a long-term girlfriend like what good is that like sexually that's a bad deal right because after i've been there once i don't want to go back there again if it's filled with hair and

like i don't want to go back there again i like too that they say the pupil also claimed that uh speakers casually equated serial killers with watching pornography. And I was thinking, well, I don't think it's serial killers. I would think it's more like mass murderers, but yeah, I think you're right. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Because, because, uh, pornography, a lot of those guys, you know, this is a little known fact.

That's not true. It was like a lot of those guys just the, after the shoot is over, they just fucking kill them. They're disposable. Yeah. And then they film that. Yeah.

They film that too. That's the second part. That's no yeah that's on that's on the hidden portion yeah if you buy the dvd i mean who buys the who buys a porn dvd at this point i can't even understand like it's just it's just like old people like that's the only thing over the road truck drivers maybe i don't even know i can't even imagine like with cell phone it's like why would you do that like yeah i yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah. Cell phones.

Now your phone's a fucking hotspot. You know what I mean? But you know, this, this does is probably good advice, Cecil, because it comes from pure in heart and that's the group. So if they're pure in heart, then they've got to have your good interests in mind. They're pure. You know, they're, and you're, they're certainly going to be pure in vagina too right yeah so not only is their heart pure but the vagina is also pure well and hair free because you've ripped all the hair off of

it absolutely yeah because because vaginas act like lint rollers i don't know if you knew that just like you know like when i get on my suit you know there's like all that cat hair on it i just rub a vagina that's i keep one at work just in case just you suit, you know, there's like all that cat hair on it. I just rub a vagina on it. I keep one at work just in case. Just, you know, because, you know, if you're going to a meeting or something. Yeah, you got to have. It's like a guy rubbing a fleshlight on his suit. Hey, guys. This is Seamus from out in Texas.

I just want to let you know, yes, great podcast. But other than my family, I've met like three people here who are atheists. Just to put that in perspective, I live in an area where a few million people live. I live in Dallas. So yeah, just keep up the good work. Oh, by the way, I don't know how you missed this in the last episode, but Bob Jones University, BJU, just let me know. Glory hole, motherfuckers. So we want to thank all the people who have donated to the show. So we're going to read

off your first names because we certainly don't want to implicate anyone as a fan to the show. So we're going to read off your first names because we certainly don't want to implicate anyone as a fan of the show. I know that people don't want to be. But also some people are still kind of, I think, you know, they're not out atheists. So we want to make sure that we don't mention people's names if they don't want it mentioned. But we do want to tell people about the people that are contributing.

So Randall, Taisha, I think that's how you say it. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I think it's Taisha. Yeah, well, okay. Gene, Jennifer, Thomas, Michael, Tom, Lynn, Liam, Johan, Terry, Ian, Benjamin, William, and David. Thank you all very much for donating. You guys are

awesome, super awesome human beings, so thank you again. And if you want to donate, you can find us at Patreon forward slash DissonancePod, and you can donate on a per-podcast basis. And if you don't want to donate, that's totally cool, too. You know, one ofPod, and you can donate on a per podcast basis. And if you don't want to donate, that's totally cool too. One of the things that you can do to help support the show is to

leave us ratings on iTunes and Stitcher. Those are awesome ways to help support the show. So thank you, anybody who listens, everybody who supports the show in any way they can. We want to mention, we got two voicemails from Esme, and they were both long, and she was cutting out during the voicemails. And I want to mention too, to anybody who sends a voicemails from Esme and they were both long and she was cutting out during the voicemails and I want to mention too to anybody who sends a voicemail a 40 second voicemail is a thing of beauty Esme tried to keep it short

and I applaud her for it but it's just too hard to play because the voicemail kept on bouncing in and out and the podcast that she was trying to plug that she's on you couldn't hear her but she did luckily send an email to our Facebook account, so I got the link. So we're going to be putting the link for the podcast that Esme is on.

She's a guest on the show. I listened to a little bit of this near the end. I listened to it, and they talk over a clip, and it's very funny. So if you want to give it a shot, it's on our website for this episode, episode 139. So you can find Esme, the cognitive dissonance stalker, is on a podcast. But I wanted to mention to people who send us voicemails, a sweet spot voicemail is something that you have sort of got down a little bit, that you've thought about a little bit, maybe even written down a little bit, and you burn through in about 40 seconds and you speak nice and clear, those are awesome voicemails to get.

And we'll play those. And we got an actual iTunes review this week that was like, hey, why don't you guys play those anymore? Because we haven't been getting ones that we can use. A bunch of people sent in some in the past where they're playing a recording of something in the background and you can't even hear it. Like you can barely hear what's happening. Uh, sometimes people will call in. We got one from, uh, someone by the name of Meg about a couple of weeks ago and it was about, uh, vegetarianism. It seemed like it was a great voicemail, but it cut out right in the middle. She started speaking, it cuts out and then it came right back on near the end. So clearly Google voice fucked up there. But, uh, but sometimes we just don't get the full voicemail. So if you don't

hear your voicemail, sometimes the voicemail gets a little fucked up and sometimes we don't have time to play the voicemails. That happens too. But if you send us a voicemail and it's nice and short and you speak nice and clear, chances are we're going to play it. Yeah. Please don't be offended if you don't hear it. There's usually a good reason, a technical reason or something where it just doesn't fit in the show or it wouldn't be good to listen. But we listen to everything you guys send. Yeah, absolutely. It's not being ignored.

It just might not make it to the show. We started the show out with a call to prayer from Kevin. We want to thank him for creating that. We got a message from – this is a message from the past to Daniel. We talked about this last week, but we wound up cutting the voicemail, the email section last week because of my audio. But this is a message as well from Daniel. Tom, do you want to read it really quickly?

Sure. Gentlemen, this email comes to you from September 26th, 2011. I'm currently listening to episode 14 of your podcast, and I'm pleased to report that you have not yet fucked it all up. And your show is still just wait. Just wait. Yeah, you got years yeah dude to be disappointed my friend yeah i i can't wait till i get to like episode 16 he's like you guys suck

what the fuck what was i thinking i have wasted my life i do have to say that listening to you every single day for the last week has made me rather anxious about the 2012 presidential election in particular this r this Rick Perry fellow. Keep up the good work. I look forward to someday catching up to you in the space-time continuum. I presume there are plenty of events in the future that piss us all off. Thanks for the free entertainment. That's great. I love that.

That's great. Rick Perry fellow. That's awesome. We got an email from JD, and JD sent this email. I'm going to read it really quickly. I think it's great. It just says, thank you. Being an asshole homo fag from Texas, I speak loudly, aggressively, and often about gay rights.

Rhetoric and activism are normal parts of my life, and I'm constantly surrounded by support and similar voices from my turd burglar friends and luckily my family. Then I hear the same arguments for gays to be treated equally that I hear all the time, but coming from y'all. And it's literally says y'all. I know. I thought that was awesome. I thought it was great. And frequently. And it means something different to hear it so vociferously from straight folk. And that's great. Thank you for the recognition. But really, you know, we as people who don't think there's anything wrong with homosexuality need to be gay allies because there's plenty of straight folk out there that has that see nothing wrong with it. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. They don't care what you do as an adult with another adult. allies because you just do not have the numbers to make change because there's just not as many gay people in the in the united states and in the world they just don't have the numbers so they're

going to need help from us and if we're quiet they're never going to know people are never going to know that we all stand with that we stand we all stand with them oh yeah and if you call yourself a humanist like if you think of yourself as a humanist that has to include equal rights for absolutely everybody yep yep i mean it can't you can't have equal rights for some and still be a humanist we got an email from steve and and besides missing last week that uh bob jones university is bju that's fucking awesome two people we totally missed it yeah several people actually we got tweets we got facebooks we got that Bob Jones University is BJU. That's fucking awesome. Two people pointed that out. We totally missed it. Yeah, several people actually.

We got tweets. We got Facebooks. We got, we had a fucking voicemail message that pointed it out. God damn it. We had a lot of people told us we missed that it was BJU. Yes, we missed that it was BJU.

But Steve also sends in an interesting email about the body of Christ, Tom. He says, hey guys, love the show. I just want to clarify something. I think you may have misunderstood in the most recent podcast. The BJU body of Christ, Tom. He says, hey guys, love the show. I just want to clarify something I think you may have misunderstood in the most recent podcast, the BJU body of Christ bullshit. In Christianese, the body of Christ refers to the collective number of Christians. There's verses to be, there's verses to expound on this in 1 Corinthians. Anyway, I think that BJU being concerned for this metaphysical bullshit is even more grotesque and offensive.

They're concerned that the Christian title isn't besmirched. These are terrible fucking people who are trying to silence victims of a heinous and evil crime so that their ratings don't plummet. Total bullshit. That's an interesting way to put it. I had never considered the body of Christ being a group of Christians. I just thought, you know, because I'm such a literal guy, just like body of Christ. Well, that's the fucking body of Christ because that's what you said it was. Right.

Yeah. So that's a great email. Thank you for sending it in because that's something I, you know, that's religious speak. I just don't know. Yeah. I would have had no idea. Like they're just, I'm just not familiar with that world enough. So thank you.

We got an email from Kevin and I'm going to paraphrase Kevin's email, but basically Kevin was saying that there was a turn the gate away story that we covered last week. And there's a guy by the name of Brian Kelsey that was part of that bill or sponsored that bill. And Kevin sent a message to him, said, Hey,

you know, and he calls him a knuckle dragging fuck shit, which I love. That's a fucking great turn of phrase there. But it basically, you know, told him, said, hey, you know, and he calls him a knuckle dragging fuck shit, which I love. It's just great. That's a fucking great turn of phrase there. But it basically, you know, told him, hey, this is fucking bullshit. And this is exactly the sort of thing that should be happening. We are an information source to a lot of people about events that they may not hear about. But it shouldn't stop there. It shouldn there. This shouldn't be the end result

that you just know that a thing happened. The end result should be some sort of way in which you can help affect change in some way. And sending your person that is in your state a letter is a great way to affect change. Because if you do it, somebody else may do it, someone else may do it, they have to pay attention to that.

And as I recall, that dude pulled himself out of that bill, even though it was still going to continue on. He was basically like, my constituents have told me that I'm a dumb fuck. Right. Yeah. My constituents said, back the fuck off this shit. Right. If you're a constituent and you want someone to back the fuck off this shit, tell them to back the fuck off that shit. They sometimes will occasionally

accidentally listen so tom i this is going to change i think how we do everything on this show um we got an email from uh support and support sends us an email i'm just going to read it really quick that the title is in all caps work with us dissonance.podcast at gmail.com so they sent us an email and it starts out very, I mean, in a great way. I think this is how you got to start most of your emails. Dear dissonance.podcast, we received your resume. I didn't even know we had a resume. I wasn't aware of it. I'm impressed by it. Somebody made a resume for us, but we've received your resume. The only position we

currently have available is the financial agent position. That's awesome because I have no experience as a financial agent. I have no idea how that made it in our resume. I don't either. I'm not available is the financial agent position. That's awesome because I have no experience as a financial agent. I have no idea how that made it in our resume. I don't either. I'm not even sure what financial agent means. It means awesome because let me read more of this. It's a job that you can do from home. No previous experience needed.

Low working hours. And you can work. And work is in all caps. But there's a zero in work instead of an L. Full or part-time. You can receive a salary of around $10,000 a month plus bonuses. If you're interested in hearing more, contact us. It has the date, and it says, sincerely, architect.olives.

I love architect.olives. Architect.olives, thank you so much for sending in an email. We really appreciate the thought. We're going to definitely check out that resume and see why it says we should be a financial agent. Yeah, I will admit that I saw that. And it says I can work from home with no experience part time and make $10,000 a month plus bonuses. And I thought, but I still have to work. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm kind of I kind of got all my eggs in this podcasting yeah i'm really i've got big things i'm hoping for big things here

cecil sorry i'm not on the market right now i love that they intentionally like put in fucking stupid bad mistakes in here specifically so that you that the people, they sort of filter these emails so that they get responses. And the responses that they get are from people who wouldn't notice those things. It's actually a pretty brilliant scheme. I wonder what the scheme is here. I would imagine that the scheme is, and I don't know, but I'm thinking that the scheme is if we contacted this person and talked to them, they would say, yeah, you can totally make $10,000 a month from home, but you've got to set up your home office. You need to send us money in advance so that we can send you the materials you need to do this. And then you would somehow get involved

in a scheme in which you would give them money so you could get money. And then you would keep on giving them money because they're like, oh, well, it got lost or we need to do this other thing. Yeah. Any job that you have to pay for before you start getting a check is not a thing. Unless that is called college. Yeah. Is not a trip. And there's no guarantees from college. Right. Exactly. We got an email from Galen and Galen sent us a bunch of logos for for cognitive dissonance. Galen, thank you very much. And to everybody who sends in logos and theme songs and things, we really appreciate them.

The logos, though, we kind of already have a brand, so we can't really use these right now. But we'll keep them on file just in case we can use them. But we thank you for the time that you put into it. That's very nice of you to do. Yeah, it's super nice. And we genuinely appreciate it. Just because we don't use it or don't change it doesn't mean that we're less appreciative of it. That's very nice of you to do. Yeah, it's super nice. And we genuinely appreciate it just because we don't use it or don't change it. Doesn't mean that we're less appreciative of it.

It's just that, you know, we don't want to change things up. We've got shirts and, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Stuff like that. And people recognize our right. Yeah. We actually got a comment recently. Somebody sent the scathing atheist to comment. That was something like, you know, by the way, reasonable doubts, thinking atheist and and cognitive dissonance all have a black silhouette of a face. That is the sign of the popular atheist podcast. Get on it. It's kind of true. It's sort of awesome.

It's funny. Yeah. Well, it's, you know, when you're a humanist and you use a human for your logo, go figure, right? Right. Very. Wow. So we wanted to mention a couple of different crossovers that we're going to be doing

Andy from Incredulous, Andy from the UK contacted us and he wants us to be on we're going to be recording later this month with him we hope we're going to set it up so when that comes out we'll let you know but Incredulous is a great show so if you haven't heard any of the Incredulous we are on two of them you can search our archives and find us in there

there's other great people that have been on that show Gio's been on that show. Some folks from Skeptic's Guide to the Universe have been on that show. So check it out and take a listen. There's also a crossover that we're gonna be doing with the folks from Atheistically Speaking. They're gonna be on our show.

We hope next week we're gonna try to hammer this out. This is Thomas from Time Us in the Bible. His new show, Atheistically Speaking, with his co-host David. They're hopefully going to be on our show next week talking about a story and also doing an interview about their brand new podcast, Atheistically Speaking. So we'll hopefully have them on to chatter along with us. But this is our first ever paid show, Tom, and I think it went okay. It was okay.

I think it's as okay as any of the others. Let's not pretend that the paid shows are going to be better than the free ones. Let's not try to set a precedent here, Cecil. Yeah, let's not set up any unrealistic expectations here at all. Because shit is just what shit is. Yeah, totally. But we want to thank everybody for listening

and everybody for supporting us and we will talk to you next week but we're going to leave you as always with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician,

double bubble toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing,

water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, Healing Water, Downward Spiral, Brain Dead, Pan Sales Pitch, Late Night Info Docutainment Leo, Pisces, Cancer Cures Detox, Reflex, Foot Massage Death in Towers, Tarot Cards Psychic Healing, Crystal Balls

Bigfoot, Yeti, Aliens Churches, Mosques and Synagogues Temples, Dragons, Giant Worms Atlantis, Dolphins, Truthers Bir worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. you