Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 141: Metaphorical Locust Helmets

Episode Date: March 10, 2014

T The story we talked about the image from: Free thought festival: End of show song::  

What day of the week do you look forward to most? Well, it should be Wednesday. Ahem, Wednesday. Why, you wonder? Whopper Wednesday, of course. When you can get a great deal on a whopper. Flame grilled and made your way. And you won't want to miss it.

So make every Wednesday a whopper Wednesday. Only at Burger King, where you rule. Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app. Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Hey, what's up, guys? Glory Hall. This is Mike from California again. What's up, guys?

Glory Hall. This is Mike from California again. I just wanted you to know that last night I had a debate until about 3 in the morning. And the conclusion was, this is the guy saying, Mike, you can't think of God logically. Biggest face palm ever. This is my buddy. You know what I mean?

Oh my gosh, I want to just smash his face in. But anyways, yeah, glory hole. Keep up the good work. Bye. Hey, Cecil A. Tom. I wanted to give you a phone call because I think you missed the point about the Jam Brewer story. You are not alone.

The issue is not that it got repealed. The issue is their Senate House passed a bill that would allow people due to a religious belief to be pregnant for another person with a belief. And the real crux of this story is Jan grew up to a fucking weak. A fucking weak. To make her this old cat. Took people to be a dick. And somewhere in her fucking little fucking brain, she thinks it's okay. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.

The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at this is episode 141. And before we start this episode, Cecil, I just want to take a moment to thank God and to thank the Academy. Well, you're welcome tom you know i i think that um you know it's it's pretty clear that god favors the overprivileged otherwise he over why would they be overprivileged right like the thing is god clearly doesn't favor the underprivileged oh no you know clearly not no the meek will inherit the earth but only when all the rich people are dead The thing is, God clearly doesn't favor the underprivileged. Oh, no.

Well, clearly not. The meek will inherit the earth, but only when all the rich people are dead. I love that McConaughey is like, I'd like to thank God for basically tattooing my face to be the best looking man on the planet. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. If I could, genetics had nothing to do with that. I want to thank God for sculpting these chiseled abs out of my head. Well, I'm his personal trainer. Passing the medicine ball back and forth with him.

Right. Yeah, I love, too, it's like the guy shows up and he's, of course, bronzed and ret to get. And it's like, yeah, well, I wouldn't have had these opportunities if I didn't have God giving me these opportunities. I'm glad he gave to me a fucking semi-retarded white guy instead of the four and a half billion people on the planet who desperately need clean water. Four and a half billion people on the planet who desperately need clean water. Yes. That's what a loving God would do. He would make sure that I can go in front of other people and pretend to be someone with real problems. Right.

Like, afterwards, he boarded his private jet, flew over to Africa, and took a shit in someone's well. He just hung his Matthew McConaughey ass over the edge and fucking deu shit in someone's well. That's what he did. He just hung his Matthew McConaughey ass over the edge and fucking deuced in somebody's well. He shows up and he's like, is there any great surfing? Fuck you poor people. I fucking hate you all. I am blessed by the Lord.

I have been anointed. I'm going to play you in a movie and I'm going to play you in a movie. He'm going to play you in a movie. He like shows up. He's like, hey, hey, you whole village. The fucking gift bag I got at the Oscars is more than your country's GDP. He's like reaping people's sorrow. It's just like just reaping the sorrow.

He's like, I will play you all. like i will play you all bring me your children let me eat your children your lives mean nothing to me i am matthew mcconaughey he's like galactus eater of world awesome but you know it's it's a shame that more people didn't clap when he thanked god oh yeah, they needed to clap more. I think it's funny, too. Like, I wonder how many of those those little Oscar ballots God has to fill out in order to get his like to to get a personal thank you. Right. Well, you know, the thing is that it's just one, but it's a big oversized novelty.

And he erased everybody's name except for Matthew McConaughey. All right. All right, all right. Bill Clinton wins the Oscar. I'd like to thank all you ladies out there for voting for me. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. So the first story we're going to cover comes from the Friendly Atheist blog. It comes from pausing while it fucking loads up. we're gonna cover comes from the friendly atheist blog comes from

pausing while it fucking loads up that's what it comes from it comes from load time just load i blew my wad after that last joke it was a refractory period swing load this comes from the friendly atheist friendly atheist blog uk court overrules Jehovah Witnesses' parents, orders their infant to undergo life-saving blood transfusions. Oh, the horror, Cecil, to give the infant life-saving blood transfusions. complex heart disease with no long-term prospect of survival um if he does not have cardiac surgery that's cool because jesus loves you but if you give him blood if you give him blood during the fucking cardiac surgery then i don't know fucking satan blood i don't even know how that works like i'm not even sure how to follow that you gotta read the little ticket read the little ticket there yeah it says no blood transfusions as a god-fearing christian and a believer of jehovah's word i am a jehovah god

i am a god i hereby demand that blood in any way what are you a judge what the fuck is happening i demand fuck your demands. I hereby demand that blood in any way, shape, or form is not to be fed into my body. What the fuck does that mean? I don't know. Fed into your body. Do you understand how blood works? It's not that you're not vampires just because you're in the ER.

It's not a fucking, it's not a Capri Sun. Right? You know what I mean? Like, it's a fucking, it may look like one, like a blood bag may look like a Capri Sun, but you don't put the fucking straw in there and slurp it up. I was going to say, the hard part is getting that little straw in there. I know. It's like a Capri Sun V8, you know, just shooting that shit all over the place.

You're riding along in the back of a bumpy ambulance, like, trying to get that fucking gun. Like, you keep on trying to hit the thing. It's like threading a needle back there. He keeps stabbing his own hand. It's like threading a needle in turbulence on a plane. It's like impossible. It says, however, blood substitutes may be used in case of extreme loss of blood. And then he quotes Leviticus because that's, well, fucking Leviticus.

You must not eat the blood of any sort of flesh. Again, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. That's not how that works. And they even say here, too, they say they could do bloodless surgeries. I guess that this is something that they go for, bloodless surgeries. But you're like, it's an open heart surgery it's a fucking heart surgery how the fuck do you do a fucking non-blood surgery when you're cutting into the heart right and like what what blood substitute you know it's a good blood substitute other people's blood other people's blood that's the right substitute i'm

going for i'll tell you what like if i fucking need surgery and they're like we need to give them blood i'll take it out of the fucking doctors and nurses if i have to like give me all the blood i don't give a fuck if i sparkle in sunshine that's how much fucking blood i'll take fucking ridiculous and like especially like a baby too like because babies have like infants they don't have the same kind of blood volume you and I have. Like they're smaller humans. Like they have much, much less blood. They have like a pint of blood, man. Yeah.

So if you do a surgery and the kid loses, you know, like a fucking shot glass of blood, like that's a significant percentage of blood volume at that point. I've caught many infants and I know you're right. You're absolutely 100% right. it's not even hard to wash it out of the sofa you know what they're essentially saying though i mean when they say like you know you gotta we're basically not gonna let you do the surgery unless you can do a blood list is they're basically saying like it's cool throw this one out i'll make a new sure right you know i mean because they they you are essentially dooming your child to death or not. And the thing is, is it's not like you're dining out because the take-home box here is not nearly as cute.

And I don't even care. If you take it, like, put that kid in foil and make it look like a goose, it is still not as wonderful. No matter what you do. You're, like, leaving the hospital with a doggy bag like oh yeah it's all good small little boxes one of those little chinese takeout containers it's folded on the top it's like um yeah if you could put them in there and then while you're at it fried rice well that's i mean that's clearly what you're willing to do right you know i mean like you're clearly willing to kill your own child.

Like that is something that I could never wrap my head around. I mean, I don't even have a child, but, you know, I and I know and I'm not comparing the two. Please don't think I'm comparing the two. But like I had to put one of my cats down recently. Right. And like the pain and and the anguish that I went through putting my cat down, I couldn't, I mean, and I had to, you know, essentially be around when my father died. Right. So the, the pain and anguish I went through there too, I can't imagine. Now those are full lives,

right? Those are two full lives. My cat was like 13. My dad was like fucking 75 or whatever. You know what I mean? So like full lives were lived right so there was there's never this lamenting of oh man you know i can't because like what happens when a fucking like a fifth grader dies you know you're just like right there's nothing there it's like it's like you had a tiny little life where you had a glimpse of you know what could have been an amazing thing you know an amazing life but instead your life is snuffed out. Now fucking amplify that by a million because it's your fucking newborn. And you just do it just because it's like, well, you see this very old book.

In the name of Jesus, we speak that. holy shit this link is the best. I fucking love this link. Look at the top link. Look at the top link. That dude was staring at you. Florida, man. Let me describe this to the listeners. So this comes from the Raw story, right? And when you click on the Raw story, there is always a handful of stories that are across the top that have some kind of an image and then the headline underneath it.

And this one has a picture of a dude whose eyes be read to pop. They are going to explode out his skull. It's like he's on the surface of Mars in that movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Like he just got done touching a woman with three titties. Like that's exactly it.

He said two weeks a couple of times. Yeah. Slurred his words. It's got this picture of this guy who's like looking at the camera like he's never fucking seen Earth before. Are you kidding me? He's masturbating.

Well, there's no need to because the headline is, Florida man has sex with pit bull in his yard as neighbors beg him to stop. Blah! That's not even a story I want to cover, but like, what? Fuck. Why is that happening? Oh, that guy's face is the story you want to cover but like what fuck why is that happening oh that guy's face is the best though man the neighbors like how does that even work the neighbors are like can you stop i don't even want to i don't even know that that link is safe to click like

it's like i don't know that's a safe link like in the neighbor like i don't even know again like how does that like what what's the etiquette when your neighbor because like clearly there's an etiquette when you're like oh you know i got to shovel my driveway and like my my my sidewalk and i stop sort of at the boundary line because i don't want to or when you want to borrow your neighbor's weed whacker for something right yeah like how many there's an etiquette there you got to give it you got to give it back within a certain amount of time right like so it's yours right yeah so what's the etiquette when your neighbor's fucking a pit bull in his backyard right okay jim maybe take that inside huh can you just uh stop the dog you just gotta walk over and just you know just try to make conversations right just be like so how about them n huh? Also, fucked any good dogs in your yard lately?

At one point, are you so overtaken with lust that you're like, I'm doing this right in the yard. We're not even, I don't give a fuck. Don't you have a house? Right, like, I don't give a fuck. I mean, you're in your yard. You would think you would have some private place that you could take your pit bull for your, you know, sexual rendezvous. The fucking moment just overcame them both and they couldn't keep their paws off each other he had to engage in some heavy petting

we haven't even talked about this story yet oh man oh shit so the actual story kentucky baptist church is giving away guns to lure unchurched man to jesus unchurched men because church is a verb now and you could be on it like right like you got you got unchurched de-churchified we gotta bring in them de-churchified. We gotta bring in them de-churchified folk into our church. Re-church them. That's what we gotta do. You see, the problem is, Cecil, they ain't been properly churched. We gotta re-church them. Hold on, I can't understand you unless you're blowing in a jug.

Hang on a minute. Let me transcribe that to spoon and washboard for a minute. Let me transcribe that to spoon and washboard for a minute. It's like the Hick Morris code. You sure got a pretty mouth. You sure got a pretty mouth.

You sure got a pretty mouth. I love the picture of this guy and like his camouflage and his lodge lodge and he's got all these dead heads on the wall there is that what that is i couldn't see him because he was camo oh yeah no you just thought it was a floating gun you gotta kind of cross your eyes it's like one of those one of those things you used to get like in the 90s where you had to find the pay gotta kind of cross your eyes a little yeah let him unfocus andocus. I got him. No, I got him now. I got him now. It's like that awesome video of that octopus that like disappears. He's like a predator, basically.

Oh, man. Well, you know, the nice thing is this does... He self-destructs in the end. We couldn't be so lucky, Tom. This guy is great. He says here, he says, I want to read a little bit of what he says.

Chuck McAllister, a former Outdoor Channel hunting show host who is in charge of the effort, told the Courier-Journal that his 1,678 men have already made professions of faith at Second Amendment celebrations where they showed up hoping to get guns as door prizes in, in the last year. And I, the only thing I can compare that to is like when you get the free vacation and you have to hear the spiel about the timeshare, right?

I'll go to get a free gun, but I ain't going to believe. Sure. Look, the thing is, man, I like shooting. So so like I'll go but why is there a church having a

second amendment celebration I know it's awesome you know what Jesus loved the second amendment wait a minute hold the fucking phone and as Jesus said Paul who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole?

It's Jesus. So this next story comes from Bulawayo. This may not be true. I don't know. I don't care. No, this website seems legit. Oh, my God. Yeah.

So anyway, pastor orders female congregants to come to church with no underwear for Christ to enter. There are reports of a Kenyan pastor who ordered all female congregants to go to the church free. That is without bras and panties for Christ to enter their lives. And by enter their lives, I think he means so he can look at their vaginas. I'll tell you what, though. In comparison to the last story, this is a way to get me to church. You know what I mean? Like, this is clearly, like, this would work. I would go to this church. Because, I mean, you're going to get a free gun you know what i mean like like this is clearly like this would work i would go to this church because i mean you're gonna get a free gun who cares i own a gun

i don't own one of these oh wait wait that came out wrong i didn't i don't mean to own one of those i mean what i mean tom tell these nice people i'm not a racist i can't do it i just can't as you dig yourself further and further into a hole, it's just... I will say that I would go on that bounce house on the right there. That's incredible. I'll tell you what, that is something else. I would go to this church in a minute. Here's the thing.

They need to combine these two churches. So it's like... Oh, good lord. It's just like, welcome to the fucking first annual guns and pussy giveaway like multi shots blow your wad and blow your wad here we go it's round and round we go where we stop nobody knows it's the fucking and then they should do some fucking snake handling

if you know what i mean right well yeah i mean goodness gracious yeah like i don't know like the thing is we can't be sure that this is this is a true story right but i don't think it matters because that's fucking awesome because it's i mean it's really like this is this if it is true let's presume it is let's just say it is for the sake of argument let's say it's true this is exactly what you know most people would be using this power for they wouldn't be using it for good right you know what i mean like they would be using it for personal gain right what's what exactly would be the uh like if this was like your superpower like your superpower is to like tell ladies to come to church without fucking underpants like how exactly do you translate that into fighting crime or something right have you always wanted to win the lottery do you suffer from chronic

poverty syndrome do you have real problems that are too much work to actually work on? Would you rather pretend to help than actually help? Prayer might be right for you. Please note, some side effects for prayer may not be reported. Always consult your pastor, shaman, imam, rabbi, or witch doctor, or holy book specialist for medical advice. rabbi or witch doctor, or holy book specialist for medical advice. Side effects may include gullibility, loss of funds, magical thinking, subjugation of women, brainwashing of children, loss of libido,

inability to converse without the good word, and crippling diarrhea. Stop taking prayer immediately if you experience any of the following. Evolution, existential anxiety, books, Stop taking prayer immediately if you experience any of the following. Evolution. Existential anxiety. Books. Uncontrollable laughter during services. Or cognitive dissonance. So this story comes from the progressive secular humanist blog at Patheos.

Idaho GOP protects faith-healing parents. Sanctions child abuse. Idaho Republicans killed a bill designed to protect children from faith healing parents so you can in idaho faith heal your children now just so that everybody understands what that means it means that you can medically neglect your children for jesus yeah that's exactly what it means that's exactly what it means yeah because you're not gonna fucking faith heal anybody. There won't be any healing. It's not even fucking Al Green's sexual healing.

It's nothing. Unless you go, that's at the Catholic church down the road. Well, there's a different Catholic church for that sexual healing. Yeah. No, you're right. Absolutely, 100% right. There's no healing. It's like a bottle of faith healing, and on the asterisk says healing not

included right like it's right there on the fucking label there's no fucking way that you're actually going to be healed by this but it's you still allow us to do our fucking rain dance anyway yeah these claims have not been evaluated by the fda you know because they're fake that's why right because they're just right you know you may as well have like, just fucking rub some dirt on it healing, right? Or like walk it off healing. Like if you're just going to like make shit up, you should just make shit up.

Like we should just be like, they should, they should kill a bill that says like, yeah, if your kid gets sick, throw a dodge ball at them. Like, wait, what? Yeah, just fuck it. I don't care. Like just feed them earthworms until he dies right who gives a shit like it doesn't matter doesn't matter you just throw him in the fucking trash a kid's

fucking sick chuck him out get a new one who cares fuck him doesn't matter jehovah's witness who gives a shit you know you could faith heal all you want uh most of the time a fever right the kid gets sick gets a little virus whatever gets sick, gets a little virus, whatever, gets sick, whatever. There's nothing. It's not like it's going to kill him, right? Same thing with like the sniffles or, you know, whatever. Sure, some shit that's just going to go away.

Some stuff that's going to go away, faith heal it all you want. But when we're talking about something that's really, really dire, this is, you know, this is when they're, you know, they're trying to faith heal kids with cancer. They're trying to faith heal kids with like fucking you know massive internal bleeding and shit you know what occurs to me too is like we we talk about this in terms of people dying right but then what about just the kids that just suffer like that just that they don't die but

they have like remember we talked about that one kid with the fucking enormous tumor on his fucking head yeah the kid had like a tumor that was obscuring like both of its eyes and like and it probably caused like finally caused like damage to the eye or whatever like like permanent damage right and they were just like yeah fucking rub some fucking magic oils on it like that's not a thing you can't do that so not only are these kids you know some of these kids dying but some other kids are just they're just experiencing tremendous suffering for no reason and what occurs to me is like do you faith heal them if they need glasses like if kids need fucking corrective lenses you just fucking pray over them to see if their eyes they're hard of hearing or something right yeah i don't do you pray for fucking God's hearing aids? Right. What about brushing their teeth?

Why bother doing that? Just faith. Just faith brush. Faith enamel. Right. Just fucking faith. And truthfully, like, why do anything? If God is just going to swoop in and save the fucking day, why even feed yourself?

Just fucking faith food. Just, I'm going to eat fucking, I mean, a big fucking pile of faith. Ah, faith with faith sauce look at that i love it it's so fucking delicious i got a big pile of belief with a side of faith that's what i'm having oh i'm fucking real skinny and i died yeah so we're gonna take a break we're gonna give you some information on how to donate to the show how to find us all that kind of good good crap and we'll come back and ruin the rest of it in just a moment.

If you would like to contact the show visit the website DissidentsPod.com for the links to the Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus and email accounts. You can also call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT That's 740-743-6828 Did you know that you can become a patron of the show?

Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com forward slash dissonance pod. And you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you don't want to donate money, please take a moment to give us a good review on iTunes or Stitcher or tell a like-minded friend about the show. So to everyone who supports the show, Gloryhole. You fucking rock. So the story also comes from

the run. There's that fucking guy again. Jesus. There he is. He's fucking that dog again. Still fucking that dog. Still going. Oh, man. Which is even weirder when you consider the story. Sex workers rounded up in Arizona and pushed into church based programs without charges.

Police in Arizona have been rounding up sex workers, bringing them in handcuffs to a Phoenix area church to meet with investigators and then to choose between a diversion program or possible jail time evidently one of their choices is not due fucking process right right one of the choices is not fucking would you like to remain silent and we'll call you call your lawyer you know right that's not one of those things right you know it's it says here the sex workers are not officially arrested but are lawfully detained in windowless church rooms without a lawyer present. That doesn't strike me as lawful. Now, I'm really no law-talking guy, just like you're not an autopsy dude or whatever. I'm not an autopsy guy. I'm not an autopsy-making guy.

But I can't understand. That's a real job man that was like my favorite spot from last week but you know i can't understand how you can put somebody in handcuffs and drive them to a place that they're not allowed to leave and call that like it's like that's kidnapping that's not anything but kidnapping motherfucker am I under arrest or not? Like, either I'm under arrest or I'm free to go. Like, I think those are my two options. And I think a lawyer gets to be present no matter what.

As soon as I'm like, get my ass a lawyer. You know, you don't really have to talk to the police a lot at all. Like, when they come up and they're going to arrest you, you just be like, am I under arrest? Right. If I'm not under arrest, am I free to go? And then, you know, if they say you're under arrest be like okay i want to talk to my lawyer well do you want to talk to us nobody's ever gotten off talking to the police i know right nobody's ever fucking been like no i didn't do it oh okay why'd you go oh man he said

hey officer fucking frank he said he didn't do it we must got the wrong guy never i never understand that it so funny. I watched that show The First 48, and you see these people come in, and they had just murdered somebody, but they murdered somebody they were maybe in the room at the time, or they drove somebody to the crime. They didn't actually do

the murder, but they were with somebody at the same time. And the police are like, come on, I know you didn't do it, just tell me what happened. And they'll be like, yeah, bones shot the guy in the face and i was standing right there but i didn't want to do it you know i didn't i wasn't there to kill him you know whatever he shot him and then we left and you know and the police officer's like okay all right i'm glad you told me and then like the next scene is that like they got first degree murder too because basically you know i mean like like nobody's ever been like like acquitted by a police officer the police

officer is there to arrest you, man. That's their fucking job. So the idea here is that they're not even getting an opportunity to talk to their lawyer. That's not due process. That's fucking wrong as hell. Them taking them to a church to do this, you know, that compounds it clearly. compounds it clearly. One thing I did want to talk about too, and just touch on really quickly is I am actually for rehabilitation rather than for punishment. Like I feel like our, you know, we've talked about it many times. I feel like we have a vengeance system here in the States.

It's not about helping these people better themselves. It's about punishing them. And it's about putting them behind bars for like really long times, especially some of these times don't actually match the crime. Right. So these people get punished for exorbitant lengths of time in systems that really are not meant for them to come out and be any more well adjusted than they were when they went in. And I feel like any kind of rehabilitation, if wanted, is a good thing. Yeah, you know, and the thing that bothers me is the taxpayers foot the bill here. You know, the taxpayer pays $1,500 a day

to the Bethany Bible Church during these two-day raids. And every six months, it says. So taxpayers are paying churches money for programs that don't sound legal to me at all, that coerce people into a choice that's not a choice, right? Like, oh, you want to go to jail or do you want to go to church? Sure, that's a false choice. That's not a real choice. Do you want to go to jail or do you want to go to church like sure that's that's a false like that's not a that's not a real choice you know do you want to do you want to go to jail you want to run on your friends and go to jail you know somebody said like hey do you want to go to jail or do you want me to put the cigar out on your face

i'd be like cigar it is but i didn't will like i didn't choose the cigar i just chose the lesser of two evils like i chose the thing i want to have happen less like that's okay fine you know right right didn't really make a fucking choice of my own free will i fucking it's ridiculous absolutely it's ridiculous absolutely you know and we did talk you brought this up real quickly you know the whole idea that like that they're doing this for sex workers it strikes me that they're bringing sex workers to a church because there's a moral component to that work that the church is sort of playing into.

And they say, and I'm not making it up, because the church says, when one of the people from this Project Rose says, once you've prostituted you can never not have prostituted having that many body parts in your body parts having that many body fluids near you and doing things that are freaky and weird really messes up your ideas of what a relationship looks like and intimacy so you know clearly this is not just about trying to help women or men or whoever is getting picked up in these raids, trying to help them through a rough spot in their lives. There is an agenda here that's being funded by taxpayers and that's being promoted by a private religious organization, and that just is not a good public policy.

Absolutely not. I totally 100% agree with you. I think it's a horrible policy. I think it's bad. It's bad for everybody involved. And I think the worst part I think that it's doing is it's showing that instead of these people that are looking like they're trying to help someone, right? Because they may very well be very genuine.

I have no idea, right? But they look opportunistic, right? What you look like, what you're perceived as through this is a fucking vulture. That's what you look like to me. So regardless of whether or not your heart's in the right place to help people, that's irrelevant because you clearly look like someone who's taking,

you're fucking, you're following an ambulance to the fucking hospital. I'm Raymond Massey, and I have a special message for senior citizens. Today's doctors, drugs and medical devices truly work medical miracles for young and old alike. But there are some as phony as a three dollar bill. Investigate before you invest in health services or products. Help stamp out quackery. Oh, man, that guy again, Cecil.

Fuck. He's all over the place. He's like, I'm still fucking that dog. You know why he's got that? I figured it out. I figured out why his eyes are popping out like that. He got Dr. Mike's Jesus juice. That has got to be the case.

This comes from the Raw story. Oklahoma's Dr. Mike allowed to continue ejecting miraculous Jesus shot for $300 a pop. A man known as Dr. Mike in Edmond, Oklahoma is being questioned by the community. By the community? Not by the authorities? About the ingredients? Right? Yeah, someone in the community should have a fucking police fucking outfit on.

Yeah, right? Like, shouldn't somebody have a gun on their hip when they're questioning him about this? You would think. You would think. The full name of Dr. Mike is John Michael Lonergan. And I guess, you know, this is a guy who's claimed to practice medicine is somewhat dubious. His medicine license was revoked. That's so,

so, so nice of you to say. He was convinced. I mean, that is the gentlest way to say this guy is a quack ever. You know, well, he was convicted of eight felony counts of tax evasion, mail fraud, health care fraud.

And after he was released, it doesn't get bad until you get to the health care fraud. And then you're like, oh, you can still get a license to fucking practice after that? I don't even understand this, because after he was released from prison. Right. What was he doing in prison? Was he like was he like cut and giving people shine jobs so they could see in the dark a la pitch black like what the fuck were you doing in prison he he moved to oklahoma so he he moved from ohio to oklahoma and oklahoma in its infinite wisdom granted him a

license to practice medicine on a provisional supervised basis and so what did he do cecil did he supervise did he set up what do you have hold on hold on now a supervised basis like like is there something in like your ankle bracelet that like when you're walking like there's somehow have like a camera in there or like when you pull out your license like they're actually like there's some way in which that they can communicate with you what does this supervised basis even mean i guess i guess maybe it's like like a nurse practitioner or something who has to operate his father like they're like a link to you like a chain gang style well then you have don't you have to wonder like if he's being supervised like who's the person who's like i'll take him under my wing yeah oh yeah i know he looks he was like an upstanding citizen did he also go to

upstairs medical college with you dr nick but it's amazing that that with all of these uh challenges with all of the forces of the world allied against dr mike he was still able to develop The magical formula of the Jesus shot Or Jesus juice Jesus juice I go there in the mall sometimes Yeah it's good

You gotta get one of the power smoothies They're pretty good Those really nice blenders there The Jesus juice that Kenyan pastor was hoping to give away Some Jesus juice too Yeah he was. Yeah, the power of Christ was compelling him. That's for sure.

That's for sure. Yeah, he was giving it away for $300 a shot. That's not really giving away. Although the pricing structure seems a little weird because at certain points it's $200 for the miracle shot. And then in other places it's $300. And when they called the person's receptionist, she says, I don't know why Dr. Mike calls it that. We would have a sit down for a consultation with him, but I don't know what the formula is. Basically, she's like, I don't know why they call it Jesus juice.

It's essentially developed by the military. And you're like, okay, wait, what the fuck is happening here? Clearly, he's just injecting whatever is nearby into people. I know, right? Like it's just food coloring, man. Like you know that's what it is. Like that's the best thing it would be. Like the best thing that's in here is saline solution and food coloring.

Right, absolutely. That's the best we can hope for. You're giving someone an actual injection. And like, you know, the other thing you got to think about, too, when they say this stuff is like, you know, oh, he's being investigated or whatever. You know, don't people go to jail when they say this will cure all of your ill? Right. Like, aren't there snake oil laws? Exactly. He may as well be bringing his fucking covered wagon up,

knocking down the back and laying his snake oil out in his fucking suit to sell you. Dr. Mike's invigorating, intoxicating tonic. It will put hair on your chest and make your bones grow. Let me tell you, folks, it'll cure what ails you.

It's like it's a fucking carnival barker. It'll make the ladies in the front row pull their panties down it's jesus juice and what happens if you put it in your penis i wonder well it cures what ails you it says i'll tell you what like it says in here that it is the cure for all pain for life so i guess jesus there you go like you. You can fucking rub one out epic style. It's like fucking the no chafey. It's all good forever. The no chafey.

You're like, man, this is the fucking 23rd time I fucking yanked it today, but I'm fucking still going strong. Thanks, Dr. Mike. It doesn't mean that there aren't groups of people in this country that I have sympathy for. I do. And there are kids that were brought into this country by their parents unknowing that they were breaking the law. And they will say to me and others who defend the rule of law, we have to do something about the 11 million. And some of them are valedictorians. Well, my answer to that is, and then by the way, their parents brought them in.

It wasn't their fault. It's true in some cases, but they aren't all valedictorians. They weren't all brought in by their parents. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another 100 out there that they weigh 130 pounds and they've got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. Those people would be legalized with the same act. So this story comes from Fox News. Team Obama wins.

Team Obama. Jesus Christ. Team Obama. Team Obama wins fight to have. Is that the werewolf or is that the vampire? I don't know which one that is. Let's stop before I even read this thing again. Look at the fucking pictures.

Look at the picture of Todd fucking. I work from home. starns down there the guy who wrote this article like he put on his very best checkered shirt for his fucking news image like he's like hang on a minute square glasses hang on a minute that's to make him look smart this is this is fresh pressed from target let me get this thing on here this is a once in a lifetime opportunity faded glory from walmart my friend i gotta make it right faded glory just like my career oh shit team obama wins fight to have christian homeschool family deported

um can we just shorten team obama to to obama to obama i'm gonna get the shirts like i'm team obama and the other shirt would just be like i'm the other team like what's the other team like team bayner like i don't even know what it would be it's me it's they're playing this out to say that this family came to America and they're seeking asylum, right? And that's the crux of this story is they're seeking asylum. They're asylum seekers. So they're coming here and they're saying that they are facing religious persecution because they want to homeschool their children. They're coming from Germany.

Germany does not allow for homeschooling. So they came to America and America isica's like no get the fuck like that's not actual religious persecution that's called a free education like you can't you cannot claim religious persecution because the state of germany wants to give you a fabulous education right right how is that how is that religious persecution religious persecution would be like Germany wants to give you a fabulous education. Right. Right. How is that? How is that religious persecution? Religious persecution would be like, I'm gay in Uganda.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That would be that's a persecution. Very different. That's a very different thing. I found it fascinating that they're talking about how bad it is that these people are being deported. And, you know, the fact is, is that they came here on false pretense. They said, you know, we're looking for asylum and it's religious persecution. Like, no, it's not religious persecution. They just don't want you to homeschool. So that's not a

thing. You know, it's like, like I could see if there were, you know, something involved in this where it was, you know, where we disagreed with their law, let's say, where we thought this law was barbaric in some way. Like you said, the Ugandan, the homosexual from Uganda, that law is barbaric. They want to seek asylum. There's no problem with that. But the fact is, is that there's plenty of people who get deported each year and they want to bring it – What they want to try to do is they want to try to make this sort of false dichotomy where they say, well, look at he's he's deporting these Christians. These Christians are getting deported. Team Obama is is is basically deporting

them. And I mean, they're clearly using language in this, even in the headline that's showing you that, you know, he's not friendly to these people and he's willing to deport them because there's this myth out there that Obama is not deporting people when they're illegal. That is a myth, let me tell you. He's deporting more people. Obama has deported more people than any of the presidents that have come before him and by a lot.

We're talking about by like 100,000 a year. The most I think before him was close to 300,000, but there has been over 400,000 people a year are getting deported since Obama's taken office. And a lot of these people are also Christian. A lot of these people are Catholic. They just happen to be brown, right? They just happen to be a different color.

They're probably poor too. They're almost certainly very poor. And why is it that this somehow has some sort of favored view with the Republicans that somebody wants to come here because they're like, oh, I'm coming here because I want to just homeschool my kids. What's wrong with, oh, I'm coming here because I just want a better life for my family. Yeah. Well, that's somehow less than what these people are doing. Is it less because of the ideals or is it less because of who's doing it?

Well, you know, I think, I think the answer is it's because of who's doing it, obviously. Right. You know, it's like it,

it, it, if, if you can't seek asylum because you don't have food to feed your family, like, that's a fucking real problem. Like, I live in abject poverty with no hope for my future or family. Can I seek asylum for that? You know, the answer is no, you can't. You cannot seek asylum for that.

But these fucking goobs have decided, well i you know fuck if i stay in germany then i'll have to send my kids to school so what all of a sudden that is somehow worthy of uh being being granted access to the country when like you said so many hundreds of thousands of people are deported every year. Two million since 2009. It's unbelievable. Two million. Right. Yeah.

It's unbelievable. It's like, yeah, I'd like to come over here and work hard and earn a living to feed my family. No, get the fuck. You're out. Gone. And I just believe that as believers in Jesus Christ who sees the authority of scripture, I believe that the Lord is through his strong right arm,

we'll have Israel's back and we'll be your protector. The question is, will we as the United States cooperate in standing with Israel and blessing Israel, or will we join those nations that come against her? So this next story comes from Right Wing Watch, and it's nice to see somebody not fucking their dog on this page. Bachman, American Jews sold out Israel to help Obama. Bible predicts U.S. will turn against Israel in the end times. Here we go. I just, you know, it's like, you know what reading something from Bachman is like, Cecil?

You know what reading something from Bachman is like, Cecil? It's like when you go to the fucking amusement park and you get on the roller coaster and you get to that weightless moment at the very top and you know you're about to descend into the bowels of absolute insanity. And there's nothing you can do because you're fucking strapped in for the ride. You're committed at this point it's done your opportunity to go fucking have funnel cake is over my friend but the opportunity to give funnel cake to other people is just starting so uh bachman was speaking with the family Research Council head, Tony Perkins, yesterday. He's just a head, too. He's just a disembodied head. He's like a Futurama head.

And Bachman warned that President Obama is threatening Israel. I'm not sure how, because she doesn't ever say exactly how Obama is threatening Israel, probably by expressly supporting Israel. I think it's because there's, you know, constantly talk that Israel is going to have to eventually concede the point and allow for a two state solution like that. That is the only path to peace in prosperity in the region that will ever occur. And it's been the same fucking conversation now for fucking 60 goddamn years. And just because we got a new guy having this conversation for the next eight years, I guess earth is going to explode or something.

Right. You know, I was actually, I read an article recently about the situation over there and what, what made it really interesting was, uh, they're talking about how they're it's not just a fight over like religion or this line in the ground the article put it in the terms of they're fighting over resources like access to water and things and it really put it in

a totally different light to me because i always thought it was like oh well who cares just a spot of ground but it's like there's a lot of weird resource stuff going on over there because they're not treating any of their water i guess they're just like dumping it into the sea at this point so and because of the weird situation over there the water's just sort of just not being reclaimed so it's just it's just awful fucking situation it's just a terrible situation over there in every way. Oh, God. I mean, it's a fucking nightmare. And, you know, the problem is that it's going to end up in the end times, Cecil. We're going to have fucking locusts with helmets.

And the sun's going to hit the earth like three times. Look, you're not reading Revelation with a critical eye, Tom. I know. God damn it. The locusts have metaphorical helmets that means that they're immune to roundup right they're gmo locusts they're gmo locusts i love it they're like they fly over and they like try to eat organic corn like fuck if only we had helmets it would be only we had god and then god comes down he's like i can give y'all some little

tiny like like roundup monsanto helmets hang on i got let me count how many locusts they had little lambs on them they looked really cute they're like like football helmets. This is going to take some time. One, two, three. There's a lot of y'all. When I said a plague, I didn't mean to be. Oh, man. I hope I got enough in this here bag of helmets. For my spirit bag of helmets. Okay, so really it's just another idiot spouting off at the end times, right?

It's just another one of these another Christian spouting off. Of course, this Christian has a lot more power than normal because she's a, you know, starkly actually. She well, she's not only just a lunatic, but she also has voting power. Right, right. In in the Congress, in Congress. But here's the thing that I think I was sort of focusing on when I was reading this. They talk about how this end times prophecy is going to be coming because it's a big battle over.

There's going to be a massive battle that takes place over in Israel and all this. I have to wonder if after all it's all over and if there is some sort of battle or whatever, if it's going to be like one of those self fulfilling prophecies, because we've put all this effort into, you know, into this myth, right? We've put all this baggage, we've tacked all this baggage onto the the fact that israel needs to stay a country right we've tacked it all on and said oh it's gotta you know it's god's whatever chosen people yada yada yada and we have all these crazy people over here who

think that you know there's no way it can fall because if it does then it's you know fucking clearly going to be the end times if something does happen over there that does, you know, really sort of flip the switch. Yeah. Not only would some crazy shit over here happen because people would think like fucking Harold Camping like that. It's the end. Right. Right. But then also we also have, you know, leaders of the state like Michelle Bachman, who is a leader of the state.

The state, like Michelle Bachman, who is a leader of the state, who's going to call for some really massive retaliation, which could spiral everything out of control. So when people are like, oh, well, you know, this end time stuff is bullshit. Well, you know, they could make it not be bullshit. Sure. Right. You know, that's that's a good point, too, because like if you are a believer, like a true believer in this nonsense um the end times isn't necessarily a bad thing right she's even said as much yeah the the the end times is the fulfillment of biblical prophecy how can that be bad if the bible is inerrant right and if god is good and kind and just, then how can the end times prophecy be unjust or something that – and if it's not unjust, then why would I want to avoid it? So, you know, you've got a great point that if – when you have world leaders taking this fucking nonsense worldview seriously, they could be like, whew the end times right right i'm to fucking hit the big red easy button and blow up earth no shit you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth so the story also comes from right wing

watch uh hagi john hagi john hagi spent most of yesterday's Hagee hotline. By the way, there's a Hagee hotline. Hagee hotline. What are you wearing, Pastor Hagee? Called the Hagee hotline. Are you wearing a purple shirt? I love it when you wear your purple shirt, Pastor Hagee. So hot, Pastor Hagee.

Is your hair parted on its side with your little tiny glasses and your giant piggy face? Because that makes me so hot, Pastor Hagee. Unbutton your shirt. I want to see your soft pink flesh. I want to see your snow white fur. He spent most of yesterday's Hagee hotline explaining to his viewers how the current crisis in Ukraine is a precursor to the invasion of Israel. We got to listen to this together, Tom. All right, let's do it.

All right. Okay, so hold on. So we're going to stop it periodically, but we're going to start it together, and we're going to listen to it for a few minutes, and then we're going to stop. We're going to try to listen to the whole thing, though, because it's so worth listening to. So here he is, Hagee Hotline. We're starting it. Now, the question has been asked, who is gog and what is magog gog is a man

and magog is his kingdom oh yeah thanks for clearing that up that this is russia because we know that it's russia bible very clearly says clearly says verse why does it just say it's fucking russia if it's that you will come from your place out of the far north. You and many peoples with you, all of them riding on horses, a great company and a mighty army, and you will come up against my people, Israel, like a cloud to cover the land. That didn't happen. Russia did not do that. Russia did not invade Israel on horses.

First the prophecy says they're going to be coming out of the north. So hold on a second. I just want to take a look at a map. Is there anything other than Russia north of Israel? Because that's our point. I don't think there is. I think that Israel's on the north pole. Israel's?

Alright, so let's take a quick ganderino here. Oh, there we go. There's a map. There's nothing above it, Tom. Well, let me just say that there's nothing habitable about it. Like Syria or Lebanon or Turkey or Georgia or Russia or Ukraine.

No, it could be Bulgaria, Romania, Belarus, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia. Certainly not Finland or Sweden or Norway. No. Specifically, Russia. I mean, it doesn't say due north. Yeah, clearly it doesn't say

north, because I mean, we could talk about France. It's just saying north. It's not fucking due north. It's not exactly. And then what's with the horses i don't know like are you fucking high dude yeah well like horses are a thing that drives me crazy i love it when they talk about like horses you're just like yeah horses really they're gonna bring horses down what is putin gonna ride a clydesdale into battle you know the only thing about that, Cecil, is that I can actually picture Putin on a Clydesdale. No, he'd ride a bear into battle. With a fucking sword in his hand or clenched between his teeth as he single-handedly attacks the Ukraine.

All of the peoples. Right. He cuts a tank in half. Yeah. Well, you know, he's going on horseback so let's not let's not lose our place god damn it that's right now what you are seeing happening on the television television screen is the russian bear coming russian bear putin wanting to be a global superpower it's going to take all of the nations it can with them and there will be at some point in the future a land invasion led by the Russians.

The prophet Ezekiel very clearly says Iran, the Arabic nations, Libya, Germany, Turkey are coming together under the leadership of Russia. You see that happening right now. They're going to come like a cloud to descend on the nation of Israel. And God is going to destroy five out of six of them. Did he just say that Ezekiel says Germany? I think he did. There's no way Ezekiel says Germany because Germany wasn't made into a state until like the 900s Germany though is is clearly Germany is clearly not fucking in the bible because it's

not a thing right well it's a thing full of horses probably that's where you get all your horses it's Russia's stable that's what a lot of people don't know that it's Russia's talking about Germany clearly in Ezekiel it says Germany. No, it doesn't. No, it says it in Ezekiel, but you have to have a magic Bible that has his words. Yeah, but he wrote it in the margin is what happened. I marked mine up a little bit. I did a little book noting.

I did a little book noting in this here Bible. How's he going to do that? I'm going to tell you in the next two minutes. I'm going to tell you in the next two minutes. One, Ezekiel, the 19th chapter, Ezekiel, the 19th verse, the 38th chapter, says I'm going to send a massive earthquake that's going to open the earth and swallow some of those nine armies. And then after that, I'm going to cause friendly fire to break out. There's going to be a massive confusion. The Bible says every man's sword will be turned

against his brother. You have nine invading armies there speaking nine different languages, shooting nine different weapon systems, and God's going to see to it that that gets confused, and they wipe out a great deal of themselves. But lastly, God says, I'm going to rain hailstones, because in the Old Testament, sinners were stoned to death, and God is going to stone to death the people that come against the nation of Israel. Please understand, Israel is going to be victorious and defended by the hand of God. Okay, so he's saying that there's nine different language being used. They're all going to turn their swords on each other,

whatever the fuck that means, right? And they're going to be confused and God's going to make them confused? Like, aren't they already confused? I would think so, but clearly they're not to be confused and God's going to make them confused? Like, aren't they already confused? I would think so, but clearly they're not that fucking confused. Like, how would you be so confused that you're standing there with a sword and you're like, who do I stab with this sword? Hang on, is it you? They have to wear shirts and skins.

Putin's got to have all his forces take their shirt off this strikes me so you know you're fighting the bad guys this strikes me as like like an easy problem to solve right like you're sitting around like scratching like man what do we do our soldiers keep stabbing each other yeah well maybe we could put them all in the same uniform like a team we can give them all like we can put them on one side of the right we'll just call it team don't stab me buddy that's what we'll call it he's gonna be like raining hailstones down like the fucking bullets and tanks and fucking missiles and all the shit we have is not enough. God's got to open up the fucking earth and rain hail down on people just so the Bible could get its fucking licks in.

And I love, too, it's like God's going to fucking send hailstones. You know what I would believe the Bible is if it said something like, and lo, God will spliteth the atom and fucking great energy will be releaseth. And lo, but that will instead of like balls of ice are gonna hit you in the head like okay right fuck you dude and a donkey will poop in the street primates you know like you you have an earthquake and i know like like and the earthquake going to swallow up that many people? I don't think you anticipated there being 7 billion people. Is there a fault line over there?

I just got to see now. There has to be a fault line fucking everywhere. Like an earthquake that swallows up 5 out of 6 people. Isn't that what he said? 5 out of 6 people get fucking earthquakeed? 5 out of 6 people in the army, yeah. Fucking earthquakeed earthquake it's not like the fucking spanish armada like where they're all together they're gonna hit by a fucking big

storm it's not how modern armies work plus it's russia it's resident russia like it was it was russia before like russia will just russia and russia don't give no fuck. Like, Russia proved that in World War II. It's like an earthquake eats a bunch of Russians. Russia's like, you know one thing we got? More Russians. It's a lot of Russians. You know, it's like we sent a lot of Russians to Israel. How many got eaten, sir?

All of them. Well, get more Russians. When in doubt, throw more Russians at the problem. Russians are like fucking Pringles cans. Once you pop, you can't stop. You know what I mean? Keep going. There's and that, you know, like like I love how they got to dig into their Bible. Right. And they look at it and they're like, oh, well, here no he does not clearly say he does not clearly say that the ukraine and russia will get into this fucking argument and there will be a coup and they'll fucking march troops in over there and obama will say hey don't do that shit and doesn't say any of that stuff right right it says like and a land in the north will do a thing and you're just like oh great be a little more vague bible thanks very much for being super fucking vague and then

every single every single fucking technology is 2 000 years ago every single fucking thing that you need to be scared of is stuff we fucking clearly are not afraid of anymore you know because we know how fucking earthquakes work now you know what i mean like in comparison to back then we were just like an earthquake is just a fucking who knows but now it's like yeah we kind of know sort of where the earthquakes happen right how they work little plate tectonics never hurt anybody like no quiet it's fucking it's god eating people it's the mouth of jesus i've come to swallow you up yeah there are people though tom and this is the fucking scariest shit. They fucking gobble this fucking douchebag's fucking vomit up. They see him talk, and they're like, oh, man, I'm fucking watching the fucking Hagee experience again.

Man, he's really fucking, he's totally spot on about this thing happening with the end times. Well, he's talking about the end times every fucking week. It's like that Harold Camping. Like, after a certain point, you're just like, dude, the end times didn't come yet. You keep talking about the end times, and they didn't fucking show up yet. You know what he is? He's like a parent who always counts to three and nothing happens. Right, exactly.

You know, like don't make me count to three. One, two. Nothing. I got nothing. I was hoping you'd stop by the time I got to three. Fuck. I got to three. Fuck.

So we want to thank a couple of people for being subscribers on Patreon. We want to thank you very much. Louis or Luis. I'm not sure. Michael, John, Aaron, Ian, Daniel, Shelby, Jeff, Max, Stefan, Joel, Jeff, Curtis, Orlando, Greg, Phillip, and Jennifer. Thank you very much for your donations. We absolutely appreciate everybody's donations on Patreon. This last week, I released the episode a day early, or maybe I want to say maybe 12 hours early on Patreon. So if you want to check it out a little early and you're a patron,

you can go check it out. I also released a clip that we didn't put in the show last time because last show was like an hour and 38 minutes. And there was a little funny bit that Thomas had did, but we just didn't have space for it. So I put it on Patreon for people who wanted to check it out. So the patrons got a chance to listen to that. So if you want to donate per show on a per per episode basis uh you can always go to patreon.com slash dissonance pod and you can donate uh donate some money to

the show and we appreciate every bit of it yeah we do it's it's it's gonna help pay for the hot wings and heart attacks that's that's really i'm gonna get a defibrillator installed directly next to the and i mean that's really you're just paying future shows that way yeah you know i actually replaced all of my uh smoke detectors with defibrillators that's a good call it just seemed like the right call good call so we want to congratulate fay uh last uh when we were doing when they were doing the secular fm 24-hour podcast- 24 hour podcast on Faye was one of the people I had said I was going to give away a free shirt. Faye had said that she you know, she had donated at the right time. So she got the shirt. So the shirt is on its way to you. You will soon have a giant

gold cock that you can wear on your chest. You got the glory hole shirt. So best of luck to you, Faye. Hope you're a listener. If you're not, then enjoy your cock shirt so cognitive dissonance where winning is losing losing every time so i put up the wrong link last time for the free thought festival uh i messed up and put the wrong link on so this time this has happened in madison wisconsin uh you can check it out it's the free thought festival it's going to be there's going to be some really great speakers dan savage is This has happened in Madison, Wisconsin. You can check it out. It's the Free Thought Festival. It's going to be there's going to be some really great speakers. Dan Savage is going to be there.

It's April 11th and 12th, 2014. It's a giant. It looks like a very nice big conference. And Madison, Wisconsin is an awesome place to visit. So if you're interested in going, you should check it out there. It looks like there's going to be a great crew of people and you're going to get a chance to also network with tons of other atheists and humanists. So check it out if you're in the area. And I will put the link for the correct link, Cindy. Sorry about that. I'll put that for this episode. That's episode 141. So if you go to the other one,

what is it? 140. You're not going to get the right link. So go to the 141. Tom, we got a very funny email from uh from jeff uh we did um and the best part is that he was referencing our everyone's a critic show that's a show we did before this show that was horrible um and he says i've listened to a few episodes of everyone everyone's a critic i love it i pretty much suck at everything i try to do in life but just knowing that however bad it gets i don't suck as bad as those two those two guys who once tried to review movies makes me feel better so thanks for that yeah i'm glad we could help jeff i think it's true too so oh it's for fucking

certain oh my gosh yeah yeah i you know i haven't listened to any of those i know that there's a few shows in there that were good but i as recall, they were only good because of the fucking like first portion. They certainly weren't good. They were good on accident. Yeah. They were good on accident for sure. That's funny. I love that. I love your picture too. The avatar that you have is crank or from a mystery science theater 3000 and it's from the newer ones that were on sci-fi too. So that's awesome. Got a email from Cameron. And Cameron says he was listening to the latest podcast about the story with the boy and the priest.

And he said that, you know, he says that you guys were talking about how men can't be left alone with children for fear of being accused of something. He says it gets worse here in Germany. I have an athlete contact me because he wants help swimming due to the fact that i have to drive some crazy to 350 kilometers what is that like to the moon or something yeah right kilometers i think that's kilometers that's a unit of measurement of like weight right that's like six miles or something yeah how much is this way like four kilometers i don't know he says he has to drive 350 kilometers to give him help and he has to pay for that uh and and so he said it would be better if he just takes a basically take a video of the person swimming if you could just take a video for me he's like he would watch it and then he would give the person critique the guy's girlfriend took a one minute video of him swimming in the

main pool area in front of everyone they finished the first video and wanted to take a couple more when the head lifeguard came over to them and said told them to stop taking the video they asked why and they were told due to child porn they laughed thinking it was of a joke it was because of a joke and it wasn't uh so basically you're not allowed to take video in a public place because of child porn i guess guess that would make sense. If like the kids were swimming naked, if they were fighting, you know what I mean? Like,

you know, be like, okay, Hey, you can't take any pictures here. This is the kiddie pool and all the kids are naked. Yeah. Okay.

They're all entangled sexually. Like they're having their fucking fourth grade orgy. So you might want to take photos of that look i totally get it i would totally get it if you were just some one guy on the side taking a picture of the kids right if you were clearly just yeah dude you know and you're not just focusing on kid you're doing all a bunch of kids i understand it there but when you're a girl taking a picture of a guy and you're clearly just focusing on that person, that seems a little excessive.

We wanted to mention that next week, it's our great hope to have on Cash and Love from Atheists on Air. We're hoping to have them on the show and have them talk about not only a story, but also do an interview at the end. If you haven't checked out their show, Atheists on Air, you should. They are very funny, very cool people, and they do an excellent atheist the end. If you haven't checked out their show, Atheist on Air, you should. They are very funny, very cool people, and they do an excellent atheist news talk show.

So check it out, Atheist on Air, and we'll also hopefully have them on next week so you get a chance to hear them. So Tom, Nancy sends an email about Glory Hole. She said, Hi, thought you might think this was amusing. I'd been listening to your podcast for a while and didn't know what Glory Hole was. So I asked my husband. He looked at me like I was an idiot. You really don't know what glory hole was so i asked my husband he looked at me like i was

an idiot you really don't know what that is he asked no should i i replied i don't get to read a lot of dialogue in uh email no you do a very good job thank you very good i'm fucking i'm turning pro then he went on to explain it was a hole in between two bathroom stalls for people to stick things through for the glory of the person in the next stall and themselves gross i love that you put gross to the exclamation point i know and then she says you should try to avoid touching all surfaces in a public very true very true so uh you know a lot of people ask all the time where glory hole comes from and uh and i i just want to you, for the people who haven't gone back and listened to the archive all the way through and don't know where it comes from, the term glory hole was suggested by a listener because we used to play a clip. Who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole?

It's Jesus. We used to play that clip. And somebody had just suggested one episode they said you know george trab on his show geologic has a has a word uh vibraphone and basically means love your work great show thanks for doing it sort of thing and he said your guys is your guys this word should be glorial which is awesome and tom and i immediately were like oh that real funny. And then the next week you got like six glory. Right. It's like sadly.

Yeah. And sadly, we are resigned to the fact that our word is glory hole. So we had nothing to do with it. I know that's the best part. Right. Is nothing. Yeah. We really did not. Every now and again, Cecil and I will get these glory hole emails and I and we'll both

be like, well, what is happening here? What is my life my life the cumul it's just like it is accumulated to this like it is the culmination of my life is that i get emails and the title is glory hole right you know it's like waking up one morning and you're covered in like fucking face tattoos and stripper glitter and you're just like blinking the fucking cocaine out of your eyes and wondering what happened there's like a tiger purring on your lap you know it's like you're suddenly in the hangover you know wait a minute this isn't really my life so we got an email from

from a person by the name of america and america says that uh she she's just reached episode 100. Take her six weeks. Good Lord. Could you imagine getting 100 episodes down in six weeks? That's a bitter fucking pill to swallow. Look, for the last six weeks, I've been me and I didn't like it. I will say that America says at the bottom, Cecil, you are super hot. No one's ever said those words in history.

When I proposed to my wife, she kind of looked over my shoulder to see if someone else would actually ask her. It's like, is somebody else going to? All right, I guess. There was like a there was there was an auctioneer like we got one proposal, one proposal. Just got one proposal. One proposal. Can I get to do any other proposal? Any other proposal?

Literally any proposal? Any other one proposal, one proposal. Can I get two, two, any other proposal, any other proposal, literally any proposal, any other proposal. Go and watch it. Like it's the only one. It's the only proposal in history that was met with like an audible sigh. You know how you can hear a house settle? Oh, that's fucking awesome that's great we we wanted to mention a couple of uh of ratings we got on itunes because two of them were very very funny and i want to read the first one tom

this one is um this one is from zig smash and he says best best atheist podcast for me though it was a tight tight race he says the hosts i think their names are Jake Farr Wharton and no illusions are great. They don't dance around lightly on any subject, though if their self-deprecating statements are correct, they can't dance lightly around anything. Truths. That's pretty good. It's very funny. So thank you very much. Tom, there was one you wanted to read there is it's uh from hoofless horses uh he says the only podcast i follow regularly by using the episode names i have created an impressionistic poem for those of

you looking for an abstract into insight into what this show is about. So here goes. Cancer of the lesbian. Barely a child rapist. Somebody dig up Rosa Parks. Rock, paper, girl. Intimate rocket attack. Kitty diddling campfire. Mom tastes like marrow.

I love it. It's great. That's the best. Thank thank you everybody who leaves us writings we read every single one of them so thank you very much we have 826 ratings now on itunes and we love to get good ratings on itunes you can of course give us bad ratings on itunes we don't like those nearly as much it turns out we definitely definitely thank you everybody for giving us ratings though on itunes so thank you very much we want to end the show this week with a uh a little he's a music that was created it was it's yeah it's like a little ditty that was created this

is this was created by francis and francis uh has a a website that he has a ton of other stuff on that he does. The name of the website is Psycho Productions dot net. I will leave a link to this on this episode. Show notes. It's episode 141 and you can find a link to Francis's work. He has a song that I listened to called Dark Matter and it's actually really interesting. It's got Stephen Hawking's voice sort of sampled in

behind sort of an electronic beat. It sounds really cool. And that guy's original auto-tune, you know? Yeah, no kidding, right? He totally is OG. So if you want to check out his stuff, you know? Yeah, no kidding, right? He's totally, he's OG. So, if you want to check out his stuff, you can check it out. He does all kinds of different services. You can check out

his website. But he left us this cognitive dissonance, and it's his call to prayer. So we're going to leave you with that after you hear the Skeptic's Creed, and we want to thank everybody for joining us this week. We are going to see you next week. We're going to leave you with the Skeptic's Creed.

We're hopefully going to have Cash and Love on from Atheists on Air. We're also hoping to be on Incredulous between now and then so you can hear us in a different spot that's not here. But we're going to leave you with the Skeptic's Creed and then we're going to play this little ditty by Francis. Credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards,

psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. We'll be right back. Thank you. Glory Hall, Mother of Black. Along Black High.

Along Black High. Along Black High. Along Black High. Along Black High. Along Black High. A long black tie. A long black tie. Glory hole, motherfuckers.