Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 147: Consensual Axe Murder
Episode Date: April 21, 2014K  Jay’s Song: Listen to us on Atheistically Speaking :  And on Shit Talking Skeptics with Ross:  Play this week’s Mad Libviticus The song under the Mad-Lib-Viticus is call...ed Monkeys Spinning Monkeys, by Kevin MacLeod of incompetch,com. Â
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Hey, Cecil and Tom.
Godless Matt here.
I just have to point out a little extra bit of irony that you guys missed
when you were covering the gay supremacy story.
I think you guys actually quipped at one point,
after you read a quote from Mary Baker,
that said, no black person ever.
The extra irony there is that Mary Baker that, you know, said no black person ever. The extra irony there
is that Mary Baker
is black.
There we go, guys.
Fuck y'all
for sticking
the Tetris theme
in my head
for the next week. Hey there, Tom and Cecil.
There's a new quiz online where they give you these phrases,
and you have to guess if they're from Christian rock lyrics
or if they're from Fifty Shades.
It's hilarious.
You cannot tell the context at all because all of these phrases are about submission.
There's a couple of references to God.
It doesn't really help.
I couldn't tell the difference between them.
I'm curious to see if you could tell the difference either.
Okay.
See you.
Bye.
Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance.
Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.
We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irrelevance to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.
It's skeptical. It's political.
And there is no welcome matt
this is episode 147 of cognitive dissonance it's amazing you could still keep this fresh
all the way through 147 hey when when i wrote that the one contribution
cecil that i have made to this show and all I have to do is read it 147 times.
That's all you have to do.
That's it.
That's it.
And I've proven that I've done literally nothing else.
There is one other thing that you do do for the show, and you're the person who handled the sort of tweeting and the Facebooking of stories. And one thing I did want to point out this week,
you got into a conversation with Lindley, who's in Australia.
You had said, hey, do you have one of those little tiny koala keychains?
Because she was nice enough.
Thank you for bringing this up. She was nice enough to give it to us at TAM this year when we went to TAM.
She had given us both little koala keychains.
They were really cute and very nice for her.
And that's,
I guess,
I guess that's,
that's like sort of,
she's the ambassador for Australia at that point.
I'm not sure.
But in any case,
you wanted,
I know I tweeted it out and Facebooked it to the whole fucking world on accident.
Cause I was doing it through Hootsuite.
Oh,
it's I'm looking at it on Google plus right now.
It says,
that'll be super kind of you.
I appreciate it. Send us an email
like Cogdescent. You sent it
through fucking Hootsuite.
Like you Hootsuited it out. I'm an
idiot. What the fuck, Tom?
I don't know. Here's the thing.
Hootsuite it out a direct message on Twitter.
How do you do that? I don't know. I'm a
fucking idiot. The thing is that
the first direct message that I sent, I sent just as a direct message using Hootsuite.
So I deselected the default.
Yeah, it worked.
Yeah.
But then as we were corresponding, Hootsuite, and I didn't think about it, I just hit reply.
Hootsuite without telling me.
And I didn't think to it. I just hit reply. Hootsuite without telling me. And I didn't think to go back through and check again.
But Hootsuite's like, oh, yeah, you want to send this to everybody again?
And I'm like, no, I wanted to just reply.
I thought I was having a conversation.
I don't know the internet.
The very best part is that two people plussed it on Google+.
Did they really?
Yeah.
It's like half of a weird conversation about my son being sad that he had a fucking broken koala keychain.
Oh, it's awesome, dude.
It's the best.
When I saw it, I saw it pop on our feet.
I'm like, what the fuck is this?
Do you ever just like you see the shit that I'm doing on Facebook?
It's like my dad fucking programming a VCR.
You just want to snatch the controller from me and be like, give me that.
What is wrong with you
and it's funny because i realized that i did it once it was out on twitter i'm like fuck it i
think i deleted a couple of them i deleted it off the facebook but i fucking forgot about google plus
because it's google plus google plus forgot about google i forgot about it because i don't even
think it's real.
I should add Google Plus to the skeptics' creed.
Oh, God.
It fucking made my night the other night.
I was laughing my ass off.
God damn me.
Why do you do this show with me, for God's sake?
It's fucking ridiculous.
I don't know.
I can't answer that. I thought my role would be comic relief, but I didn't think it would be in this capacity.
I thought I would be making jokes,
not being the butt of the jokes.
Oh, well, Tom, I don't know, man.
I was terribly wrong, and deservedly so, but still.
Overall federal receipts from the top 1% of earners rose by 1.3 percentage points to 29.3% of all federal tax
revenue. Now they control about 17% of the wealth, but they pay almost 30%, 29.3 percent of all federal tax revenue. Top one percent are funding 30 percent of the
government. So rather than the poor and the low income and the middle class being resentful of
these people, they should be kissing the ground on which they walk. Who's paying for the EBT cards?
Who's paying for food stamps? Who's paying for the Women and Infant Children
Program, who's paying for subsidized housing, who's paying for Medicaid. It is the top 1%.
So they ought to be given ticker tape parades once a week in all of our major cities to thank
them for funding welfare for everybody. So the first story we're going to cover comes from Right Wing Watch.
Brian Fisher, the poor ought to be kissing the ground upon which the rich walk.
On yesterday's radio broadcast, Brian Fisher read from a recent Wall Street Journal article reporting that the top 1% of Americans account for nearly 30% of all federal tax revenue.
So I guess he thinks that because poor people are helping to fund the welfare system
that poor people should spend they should take some time out of their day cecil they should
pause between working multiple jobs and being fucking poor and find some rich people and start
kissing the ground upon which they walk because there's nothing rich people like more than being surrounded
by poor people no kidding you should go to their gated communities and that's what we should do
yeah just show up stand there and be like can i wash your stairs is that can i just like
can i just stand on your roof and throw ticker tape when you walk out to your fucking lexus in
the morning is that a possibility right if anyone needs me, I'll just be scrubbing Wall Street.
Hanging out, scrubbing up Wall Street.
Just want to make sure the poor people don't accidentally
dirty up their shoes with some of us,
or the rich people don't dirty up their shoes
with some of us poor people grime.
Yeah.
I like that.
Okay, so he says 1% of Americans
account for nearly 30% of all tax revenue.
And the first part that I think about is like, isn't that how it's supposed to work?
That is, yes.
I mean, I don't think that's a bug.
I think that's a feature.
It's a flaw in the system.
It certainly doesn't feel like a – because, okay, so let's just say that they lost all their tax burden or they somehow lost a lot of that tax burden.
Okay, so they lose that tax burden.
Where does it go?
I mean, we still spend the same amount of money.
It's not like we're not going to be like,
okay, we'll spend the same amount of money.
Instead, you're essentially just destroying
all of the, any kind of program
that is, you know,
that is for the people that are below 50%, right?
I mean, I would imagine that the people below 50%,
and this is actually true,
they pay very little in taxes.
The people that are below 50% of income in the United States
pay, I think it was like, I saw a figure today,
it was like 2.7% of the income taxes are paid by them.
The rest is paid by all the rest of the people.
And it's like, okay, that's like saying,
you know, 50% of the population is below average intelligence. You're just like, no shit. Like, that's how it's like, okay, that's like saying, you know, 50% of the population is below
average intelligence. You're just like, no shit. Like that's how it's supposed to work, right?
That's how a progressive tax works. Right. That's, that's, that is the, I mean, that's
definitionally how it was created. You know, I just feel like when I read this, I'm just grateful
that Brian Fisher is really channeling the inner hatred that Jesus had for poor people.
Because don't you remember, Jesus would only preach to the wealthy.
And I think you'll remember this from the Book of Mastercard.
It's the Book of American Express.
I'm sorry.
It's definitely American Express.
Yeah, because that's an older card.
Well, plus, I mean, America.
More well-established. Very true true plus america america i don't
forget about that you know america yeah and jesus what did jesus who said hey is there is it that
hard around here to get some destitute person to suck my balls is that is that hard jesus said
that somewhere it's like the sermon on the mount i think well i mean i remember i
remember that passage uh where he was like running on a slip and slide on the tears of the poor
yeah you know just hooting and hollering and you know zipping down this thing like
cry some more you motherfuckers cry some more you big weepy tear babies babies i was looking up today to see what uh what the budget is right because if this is the case
and it is the case that any you know he's he's probably right about the level of taxes and all
that jazz and i mean really it's not that shocking but you know there's a couple of things that go
into it one is something that we've covered many many times on the show where we talk about okay well you know that's great and all really really rich person who has a bunch of
you know money now you can get a better tax rate in other countries like you can go somewhere and
get a better tax rate i'm sure you could get a great tax rate in liberia are you gonna go there
because you know you have the protection of the United States to house your corporation and the money that you're making. And, you know, like we said, the roads and all the other stuff, the infrastructure that the United States has to make sure your our income taxes go for, you know, a lot of that, I want to say a quarter of our budget is something, I think it's a little more than a quarter of our budget is in defense, right?
So that money, you know, that's just money that we're spending, you know, on the military.
Okay, that's gone.
But almost half our budget, Tom, is Social Security, Medicare.
Almost half our budget, Tom, is Social Security, Medicare, almost half our budget. And it's like,
OK, well, that's not those aren't those people aren't poor and destitute people. Those aren't
the poor that should be thrown a ticker tape parade. Those are people that we told many,
many years ago that when you work hard in this country, we will take care of you later on in
your life. Are we going to be like well those fucking
poor people those people who are sucking off the government tea i mean that's half the money
half of our fucking taxes goes to them look i think you're missing a couple of key elements
here cecil as fucking usual right no kidding um first those are poor and elderly people right
so let's point out that they can't do anything about it.
So we should just take their money from them.
Actually, they can.
They can vote in fucking numbers.
That's why we're never going to do anything.
Exactly.
That's the largest voting block in America.
The most powerful lobby in America is AARP.
So, oh, wait, looks like we're giving them their fucking monthly check.
Right. Right. So that oh, wait. Looks like we're giving them their fucking monthly check. Right, right.
So that's not going to not happen.
I also want to point out that when Brian Fisher says that we ought to be giving ticker tape parades
once a week in all of our major cities for the rich people,
it is no...
The first thing that occurs to me is, yeah, we'll give them a ticker tape parade,
and then the poor people have to clean up the ticker tape that's fucking like it's like insult to injury you know it's funny they talk
about uh you know i've seen a couple of videos about walmart they talk about how walmart
essentially has a bunch of people who work for them that get government assistance. So they get this government assistance.
So we're essentially,
we're kind of subsidizing the Walmart pay scale because these people don't
make enough money to live.
You know what I mean?
Like we're subsidizing their money because we're giving them government
dollars and you know,
the tax rate too.
That's another thing too is like,
Oh,
well their tax rate is super high.
Can't believe they pay all this money in tax. Like, just have a lot of money well you know it's funny because
i was just talking to to a friend of mine who's got some money uh the last this last week so this
last week was tax week right so april 15th in the states is the last day to mail off your taxes and
you know without penalty or filing for an extension and i've got a friend of mine who's
done very well in the last few years and so we were talking and he was he was griping but good
naturedly gripe because he fucking understands how this works he was good naturedly griping that he
had a mail off a check for like 130 some thousand dollars and he's like yeah i just had to write a
check you know for 130 000 to the fucking federal government for my taxes. And it's just like, yep, that's because you're fucking wealthy.
Like, you're still wealthy tomorrow.
It's like you woke up and you're like, oh, man, I made $131,000
and I had to pay them $130,000.
Looks like it's ramen noodle again, boys.
Exactly right, yeah.
That's not how that works.
It's like, yeah, man, I mean, you paid a lot of money in taxes,
but when you wake up tomorrow, you you paid a lot of money in taxes yeah but
when you wake up tomorrow you still have a lot of money right i mean if you're paying that much in
taxes you've got to be making millions of dollars yeah you're making tons of dough yeah because
they just fucking tons of dough i mean it's it's hilarious i mean like like there's there's people
i know that make way more money than me that pay less taxes, you know, because there's just ways in which to get around paying taxes.
Right.
And,
and they don't tell me that the people that,
that pay this much money are paying this much money without any kind of
loopholes,
right?
These guys didn't fill out their fucking Fort and 1040.
Easy.
There's like 1040 easy,
whatever.
We'll just get rid of the rest of it.
Who gives a shit?
They're not doing that. these people have accountants um they have accountants growing in
other accountants to make sure they can make money they have like like super predator accountants
that like fucking like look at the the books with the name that like the little triangles that come
on the books and just explode them like they these people fucking make sure they're getting
every single dime they can.
So this story comes from the Huffington Post.
Also all over everywhere.
I saw this story all over this week.
Phyllis Schauffele claims women paid the same as men won't find husbands.
So the state, the Senate Republicans unanimously blocked a vote on the Paycheck Fairness Act. Now, there's been several similar equal pay acts which have been proposed, and each time they've been shot down.
And they all basically say the same thing, like, hey, you know who should get the same amount of money?
All genders.
Like, if you do the same thing, you shouldn't be able to pay one gender less than the other.
It fucking happens.
And there's no federal protections for it.
But the Senate can't even mobilize on this, Cecil.
They can't even get behind this.
But Phyllis Shafley has a good point.
There's nothing less attractive to me than a beautiful woman with money.
Fucking, that's disgusting.
God.
Disgusting. Absolutely. My goodness. fucking that's disgusting god disgusting absolutely my goodness that's why i only date fucking meth addicts yeah that's it because i know they won't have any money now or in the future
daddy i need a fix daddy i need a fix
what a fucking unbelievably insulting thing to say to both genders right yeah yeah like isn't
it's insulting to women to suggest that their uh their value in society is as property to their
husbands and that they simply like like making too much money asserting any kind of uh economic
agency is going to make them less attractive to the opposite sex.
And what an insulting thing to say to men to say that that I am I'm so insecure in my
fucking masculinity that the idea that a woman making money is somehow threatening to me
like it's fucking 2014.
Yeah, it's funny because it's it really feels like what she's saying is guys make money. Women make babies like that's really kind it it really feels like what she's saying is guys make money
women make babies like that's really kind of what it feels like what she's saying um and and i i
actually went and and read some not all that christian post op-ed because i i started reading
it and i was just like this is the craziest shit i've ever read but she essentially says that men
and women can't get equal pay because if they get equal pay, then the women won't marry men who make less than them.
The women the women are going to be the ones who don't make who won't marry because they make less than them.
And I'm thinking, OK, well, what is equal pay for equal work have to do with that?
Because essentially, you know, if you sign that act, it's not like everybody in the United States gets equal pay. Suddenly, everybody makes exactly the same amount
of money. That's not what the Equal Pay Act is. You should read the act, lady, because you clearly
don't understand what it is. And the other thing that really is just so stupid about this whole thing is when you are courting someone, most of the time, and I'm not going to say all the time because there's many people who get married later in life.
And that's obviously just as fine as getting married early on.
But lots of people start dating and meeting people when they're in high school, college age, that sort of thing.
And then there's a good proportion,
I mean, I don't know how many of them, and I'm not going to make a number up, but there's a lot
of people who get married in college, after college, that sort of area, right? How do you
know what those people are going to make? You don't even know what they're going to make.
You're not making those decisions based on income.
The equal pay thing, there's back and forth on that. And we've received email in the past about
it. What what one side says is that women are not making as much as men and that needs to be fixed.
And the other side says, well, women take off more work than men, so they shouldn't be. And
that's the way the statistics are shown, so they shouldn't be. And that's the way the
statistics are shown, that they shouldn't be making the same amount. The thing is, all I want
to see is that women get paid equally for the same work. That's it. That's all I want to see.
I don't care about the overarching statistics. I care about the spirit of the bill.
statistics. I care about the like sort of the spirit of the bill. Yeah. You know, I don't I don't really see the harm in it. Right. Because if if I've got two people that I'm hiring for the
job for for a job, it's perfectly rational for me to hire somebody with more experience at a higher
pay level. So if the argument is that, well, you know, women take off time to, you know,
raise children, for example, and so therefore they're in the
workplace less and that's the reason they make less money. Okay. Well, if that is a legitimate
example of two candidates and I've got one candidate with 10 years of work experience and
one candidate with three years of work experience, it is a perfectly rational and non-gender based
discriminatory thing for me to do
to offer a person with more experience a higher salary. Sure. But what this bill would prevent me
from doing is having three people in the office, giving two of them raises at 5%, and one of them
are raised at 3%, and then one with 3% just happens to be the woman. You know, that's what it really does.
Right.
This is not about hiring people in so much as it is about, you know,
the way that people are promoted and the way that people are compensated
when they're actually in the workplace.
And, you know, you still have a hefty burden to prove.
You have to be able, in order to assert your right under the act, you would have to prove that you were your pay level was discriminated based on your gender.
So the burden of proof would still be on the person making the claim, you know, and the employer would have every opportunity to respond to it.
You know, they should just be fucking really cognizant that gender should not be a consideration.
And I'll tell you what, man, I know for a fucking dead certain fact that gender is a consideration for many people when handing out raises and bonuses.
I know that shit for a dead certain fact.
And there is no harm in putting federal protections in place to say hey you know
this has to stop um despite the idea that fucking women somehow will not choose men to get married
like what does phyllis shafley thinks gonna happen to like that women are just gonna be like be like
i can't find a woman that makes a man that makes enough money i'll be a lesbian we're like i can't
find a man that makes enough money i'll just not i'll just be a fucking like an old maid right
like i'll be the lady from it's a wonderful life you know like at the end i mean because i mean
isn't that like what what are the fucking three scenarios in play i find a man who makes less
money and i marry him anyway i find a man who makes less money and i marry him anyway i find a man who makes less
money and i become a lesbian right i find a man who makes less money and i am never with another
person right i become mrs haversham or whatever right or what would actually happen i find a man
who makes less money and then i marry him because i don't give a shit how much money he makes. The whole of its glory stands before you Near before him
Let him inside
Let the whole of his glory
Come upon you
Jesus is near
waiting for you
on the other side
Jesus, what the fuck is going on in this goddamn story?
Oh, God.
This is from the Daily Mail.
Victor Barnard, minister of sect, sexually abused 10 underage maidens.
Because I guess we're using the word maidens again now, Cecil.
Really?
I mean, like, call Sir Galahad.
See if he can fucking rescue them.
I call everyone m'lady now.
Right?
Maidens.
That's the thing that eclipses this article for me.
It's like, yes, good sir.
We are calling them maidens, we are.
Maidens?
Was the guy a fucking dragon?
Yeah.
He kept them in a small tower.
Surrounded by a moat.
Very small tower.
And in typical Daily mail fashion this fucking
fucking 35 word headline has 12 bullet points um so the police are looking for this guy he
basically has here's the gist of the story the guy picks 10 girls aged between 12 and 24
nothing wrong with the 24 to 18 range anyway he tells the girls that it's god's word for them to
have sex with them then he tells word for them to have sex with them
then he tells their parents he's having sex with them and the parents do nothing about it
what the actual fuck is going on there and he's like this weird culty dude somewhere in washington
state like hanging out being all culty it's really strange like the pictures are really
uncomfortable and weird and it's it's funny
because they were first born daughters i guess that that matters i don't know um and then it
says they were forced to have sex with them and anywhere between once and five times a month over
a decade the parents basically like you said they they knew it or they you know they certainly gave
these these children over to live with him.
I mean, you can't you can't feign ignorance at that point.
Right. Be like, well, my young now through puberty daughter is going to go live with a man who has several other women who live with him harem like.
So, I mean, like you can't fucking hold your pillow over your face and pretend that that's not happening.
Yeah. But to be fair, Cecil, third picture down, they are playing guitar.
They are.
They are playing guitar.
They are on hay bales.
They have very long skirts.
And fourth picture down, he doesn't look crazy at all.
I'm just saying, like, you could trust a man in a dirty poncho with a fucking shepherd's crook in 2014.
I love the shepherd's crook thing.
It looks so weird.
It looks so weird.
He looks like he's in a bad school play, doesn't he?
It does.
He looks, yeah, he looks, or LARPing.
He looks like he's LARPing.
You know, it's crazy that these families, you know, this is the real harm that religion is going to cause.
I mean, as much – as stupid as this story is and has, you know, I guess assholes about it as we are being, you know, this is a really tragic story because you have women who are basically being given away by their families because they're involved in this weird cuckoo cult.
Right. And, you know, this is the problem that belief sort of has
when you sort of look at it in a different way.
You know, there's a lot of people out there that'll say like,
oh, there's no problem with belief, there's no problem with belief.
And I think, you know, when you think about it generally, maybe there isn't.
But, you know, there are instances where people will do some crazy shit,
like give away their firstborn fucking daughter to some guy with a shepherd's crook.
And you're like, OK, maybe we should really not be sort of believing in this stuff.
Because clearly the threat of punishment and the promise of reward is enough for people to give away their own children to some other person to be
systematically raped yeah i'm trying to think of of what scenario i could give away my kid
like what like what instrument would i have to see them playing on hay bales
in order for me to be like you know what you can go ahead and fuck my kid yeah that's look i see
all these other kids hanging out you know playing but it's definitely
not the guitar it's not it's just but if they all got together maybe and played tubas you know
around hay bales like a tuba symphony sure yeah just tubas or cellos yeah i mean like we're just
yeah i think it's got to be a sophisticated instrument. How about the theremin? Like if maybe they're all like,
you know, just fucking jamming out on a theremin.
Then maybe I'd be like, yeah, that's pretty rad.
You can fuck my kid.
It's fucking heartbreaking, though.
I mean, it really is sad as shit.
It's like, fucking, I can't believe somebody would give away their children like that.
You know, and like, nobody fucking, I can't believe somebody would give away their children like that.
You know, and like nobody's protecting these kids, you know, like that's like, there's nobody in these kids lives, their parents, their fucking pastor minister dude, who's
clearly a wackadoo predator, but like, like all the people in these children's lives that
are, that are supposed to be the ones that protect them, like the people that keep them
safe, like from
the rest of the world while they're children you know like once once they hit 18 19 and they're
turned loose into the world you know hey you take your bumps and you take your bruises it's it's on
it's you know some of that's on you now but at the age of 10 like your job is still like your job as
a parent is still to make sure the world doesn't beat up on your kids
too bad like they have the rest of their lives to get the shit kicked out of them like it's your
job to fucking protect them from that shit now and you're just gonna be like i'm just gonna go
and let that guy fuck them well and the other thing too is like okay so so we're we're pretty
close friends i'm sure these other people have close friends if your son just up and was gone
from your house when i came by and i'd be like hey where's your son and you'd be like oh i just gave him to the the cult leader i'd be like well how
does that work and then you're like yeah he's just got a bunch of other kids and we just give him we
just give them our kids i'd be like oh that's cool and then i'd call dcfs on you because i don't even
care tom i don't even care that we have this much history i would call dcfs on you. Because I don't even care, Tom. I don't even care that we have this much history.
I would call DCFS on you.
Why is not, why the fuck do people not do that?
What the fuck?
Do they, I mean, they must clearly be so insulated into these communities that there's no, that
there's no way for them to have any outside forces that sort of question their actions.
But, you know, know i mean you gotta have
family or something like it's just so weird to me that the like nothing happens for years and
years and years and then finally the women are just like yeah it was getting you know sexually
assaulted once to five times a month by this guy glad mom and dad stepped in for that but see so i
think you raise it you raise a good point and i think there's like there's a huge problem is there's no everybody in these communities is singing the same refrain
right so there is nobody in their in their circle who's got clear eyes enough to look around and be
like wait where's your fucking kid yeah like yeah man you would narc on me motherfucker i hope you
would narc on me if you would not narc on, then I have made some fucking terrible decisions in Friends.
So we're going to take a break, give you some information on how you can become a patron of the show and how you can communicate with us telepathically or through email.
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So to everyone who supports the show, Glory Hole, you fucking rock.
So this story comes from Right Wing Watch.
Kevin Swanson compares gay inclusive honey made ad, we're back to that, to axe murder and cannibalism.
Cecil, so graham cracker commercials right
are similar
in any way at all
to axe murder
and cannibalisms
remember that time you saw a commercial and you're just like
I have absolutely got
to hit somebody in the face
with an axe
I wouldn't even do that if I saw an axe commercial
yeah the face with an axe i wouldn't even do that if i saw an axe commercial yeah
yeah kevin swanson is not known for his hyperbole either so
let's listen to him talk here here's his first part of this this is uh this is him talking about
the axe murdering because later on we'll get into cannibals but i think first we got to sort of
we got to open up the the path with i don't even know how we start a conversation with
later on we'll get into cannibals yeah what is going on what is happening here we will here you
go here's mr swanson this is from his show it's also from right wing watch when you come down to
things like axe murder or homosexuality and you say, you know what?
We're really going to promote it.
We're going to encourage everybody in America to engage in this or at least support this.
There will be people on the other side who will take an adamantly opposed position to your support of ax murdering or homosexuality.
Yeah, and those people are the intolerant ones.
Yes, and they will be intolerant.
And they will be very intolerant.
Yeah.
They will be very, very intolerant of that which is evil.
Like axe murdering.
Yeah, as they should be.
As they should be.
And so here's my prognostication for Nabisco.
I think they're going to lose business.
Prognostication?
Okay, they say we got lots and lots and lots of positive comments.
I think they said we got 50,000 positive comments or something.
Tough bananas.
Yeah.
Tough bananas.
They're still going to be 28%, 38%, 47% of the market that will not go with it.
What is a tough banana?
So their decision to step out.
Is that cooked too long?
We are going to take the lowest road possible on this.
I like my bananas medium.
The lowest road possible.
Medium.
We're going to support one of the most egregious things ever concocted since nero nero being the one who came up with
homosexual marriage uh the name nero came up with homosexuality we're gonna support the neurotic
agenda there will be 28 38 it may be it may eventually go as low as 28 but you're still
gonna get a pretty substantial bunch of americans that will say hey this is disgusting nabisco is disgusting where is he coming up with that number he's dropped from
47 to 27 28 where is that coming from um i'm gonna go out on a limb and say he made them up
what is that all about like he really like he starts off by being like yeah well i think 47
he's like yeah well about fucking half the people agree and then as he's talking basically to
himself and his co-host he can't even get consensus enough with his own made-up numbers
his fucking numbers his fucking approval ratings drop when he's the only one approving he goes from a half to a third like like in no time
whatsoever he talks himself out of 25 i'd love to sell a car to this guy right this guy would
be awesome to sell a car to well sir i don't think we can go below 22.5 or 27.3 uh we might
have to sell this to you in fact as low as 29 as 29, six, this is the asshole who walks out with the undercoating.
You know what I mean?
Like this is the guy, he's the guy.
But one of the things that you've, I mean, we've got to touch on is he's comparing homosexuality
to ax murder.
And, you know, as absurd as that is, let's just say in your tiny little fucking goofball mind that you think homosexuality is as bad as ax murder.
That you think murdering someone with a fucking, you know, in a really, really messy, nasty way is as bad as homosexuality.
Well, then I think you don't get to pick and choose in the Bible.
And if that's the case, it feels to me like you were picking and choosing homosexuality over all
those other things in Leviticus that are abominations, right? There's a million things
in there that they say are abominations, but they only focus on one. If that's the case,
then you can't, you, you've got to be saying axe murdering is like eating a shrimp cocktail to you.
You've got to be willing to say that axe murdering is like planting seeds in the same row of two different plants.
Exactly. Or wearing fucking two types of cloth. Right.
Oh, you got on a polyester cotton blend. Sorry. That's like axe murder.
It's the same thing. And really, if it is the same thing, it should carry the same penalties.
Right. Because if it's if it's not, thing, it should carry the same penalties, right?
Because if it's not, then it has to carry the same penalties.
So what we really should do is we should take a look at the Bible, equate everything, so just draw a big equal sign to axe murder, and put basically everyone in jail right now.
Sure.
Well, kill them. I mean, because, I mean, it's not like the Bible is like, oh, well, make sure you put them in your high tech prison system.
Right. Say that. It's like bury them to their neck and fucking hit them with stones in the face until they bleed to death.
You know what I mean? You squash their brains out their ears like, you know.
And the other thing, too, is like adultery is, I'm sure, just as bad asity in their, in their goofy little thing. But you don't hear them going on and on about,
Oh,
well,
you know,
the adulterers are ax murderers.
They're not saying that they're clearly making it sound like homosexuals are.
And you know,
when you use that comparison,
even if you do think it's the same level of bad in your fucking tiny little
pea brain,
you're essentially saying that all homosexuals are evil and all the dummies that
are listening to you are all getting this implied to them that homosexuality is a bad thing that
being gay means you're evil i want to play this last clip if you don't mind it's just him talking
his head where he actually brings cannibalism into it nabisco apparently came out with this
wholesome ad yeah for wholesome honeymade, and Teddy Grahams.
It's causing a huge stir.
The company is fighting the negativity with another ad called Love.
So here's what happens.
See, Nabisco presented an ad in which they equated mixed-race families
to single-parent families to homosexual families.
So whatever that is um and
i don't know maybe maybe they had another family where there's a dog as the wife and uh they got
human husband yeah what does the dog eat there's a dog eat probably they did not have that doggy
bones i guess i don't know yeah so they come with the ad, and then they got the backlash because not everybody felt it was wholesome.
Artists printed out the negative comments, rolled them all up, and created a sculpture that reads love in cursive script.
Isn't that cute?
That's kind of cute.
Yeah.
That's kind of cute.
Yeah.
I wonder what God thinks about that.
Yeah.
Didn't God define love?
I thought so.
See, the problem with this love
thing is you can look it up in god's dictionary homosexuals love their friends and cannibals
love their victims they taste good what hold on what did you say at the end there no yes no i get
it homosexuals love their friends uh go ahead the only ones who love their friends actually just homosexuals love
their friends right by the way um and then cannibals love their victims because they taste
good yeah yeah that's a what what they're how do you even begin to make sense of i mean
cannibals first of all we're dragging cannibals into this there's no cannibals anymore really
well there are but they're just like crazy people right well that's i mean
cannibals it's such a weird hannibal like now now you're an axe murdering hannibal lector
remember that time that that person was axe murdered but it was consensual yeah exactly
remember that that was pretty cool when they were like right yeah i fucking i enjoyed being axe
murdered can you just smash me in the face with that axe and then maybe eat my brain afterwards
awesome is that possible i like that they're bringing back the dog like maybe a dog is the wife and a human husband it's like sure maybe
we lord we just asked it to be covered with the blood of jesus open hearts lord open hearts
so this story comes from uh right wing watch but i also saw this kind of all over the place too
sandy rios warns of new terrorist attacks because the Boston mourners ignored God.
There was a memorial service on the 15th for the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing.
And, of course, the Boston Strong slogan played a big part of that.
And a bunch of Christian groups actually got real worked up that it said, like, Boston Strong and not like Jesus saves.
Well, except for these people, you know.
And so let's listen to what Rios had to say about it. like, Jesus saves! Well, except for these people. Right.
Let's listen to what Rios had to say about it.
This is Rios on the Boston bombing.
The overall things that come to my ears in the face of what happened a year ago
just seem empty. It's like going to
a funeral
and remembering someone's
life when there is
no thought
to who God is and to our place
in the universe that's what was missing I'd like to go to what the fuck really that's like when I
go to a funeral it's like oh man if you don't mention God then this is a fucking shitty this
is a shitty funeral this is like a this is like a one star review funeral
i'm giving a bad yelp review i'm totally i'm going back
worst funeral ever no mention of god four out of ten would not attend again
here's the rest of our idiots greed when's greed. When they start talking about we are Boston strong, and I addressed this when this happened last spring,
and they started talking about Boston strong.
This is not the first time I've mentioned this.
Something in me just, just, I close my eyes and I think, oh, please don't, don't go there.
Because what they're saying is we are so fabulous. Our response to this was so
wonderful. You heard Joe Biden just say, we are strong. We will never stand down. We respond.
We endure. We own the finish line. Well, no, really. You know, the whole Boston Strong thing
is part of the idea that if you endure, especially particularly as a group, is that if you endure something particularly harsh and egregious and you emerge from the other side, that you should celebrate your strength rather than embrace your victimhood.
And what I'm getting from her comment is that, man, these people are not embracing their victimhood enough.
Yeah.
Well, fucking what advantage has that ever given anybody? Is that, man, these people are not embracing their victimhood enough. Yeah.
Well, fucking what advantage has that ever given anybody?
You know, I mean, at what point are you like, man, you know what I like?
Victimhood.
That's sweet.
Not like strength of character.
Yeah, exactly. I guess I would rather have strength of fucking character.
Well, doesn't that fall right into what she's going to say now, though, with, you know, I mean, when you talk about the idea that you're, you know, you're nothing compared to God,
you know, like there's that feeling of you being less than you're less than God. God is this great
thing. And you're just kind of just this nothing compared to him. And you've got to feel like
guilty about being a human being. You can't fucking masturbate. You can't look at other
humans and have lost, et cetera,., etc. I think that this sort of
falls into all that, because she's going to talk about God here. Let me play this clip.
Stand down. We respond. We endure. We own the finish line. Well, no, really, the truth of the
matter last spring, a year ago yesterday, was only by God's grace was it not worse than it was.
By God's grace, was it not worse than it was?
Only by God's grace.
Boston could have been wiped out.
There could have been thousands of casualties.
It could have been a whole lot worse.
They couldn't have been devastated as a city.
They could have been in a situation where they couldn't recover.
It's only by God's grace and mercy.
Are you fucking kidding? It was a fucking pressure cooker, lady.
It was a tiny little fucking
bomb it could have wiped out the whole city no it couldn't have you know what could have done
exactly what it did because the fucking laws of physics are still a thing it could not have done
anything other than the thing that it did it's so crazy she's just like oh it could have been so
much worse no it it really couldn't have like i mean like there was people standing around it bunch of people got fucked up yeah absolutely
there was a bunch of people injured there's people who lost limbs and shit crazy it was awful blew up
part of a building fucking two people i think died it was really pretty horrible but it certainly
was no worse than you know an ied or something like that it was not a fucking dirty bomb it
wasn't a nuclear weapon it was a fucking pressure cooker it was a or something like that it was not a fucking dirty bomb it wasn't a nuclear
weapon it was a fucking pressure cooker it was a homemade goddamn bomb right it was made out of
fireworks and a pressure cooker and it did some fucking real damage and and don't think that
cecil and i are taking anything away from that but this idea that like god's grace is what saved
the city of boston she makes it sound like there was a mechanical failure in the bomb
and it only blew up like 60% of the way
because the mighty hand of God
was collapsed over the top of it
like a fucking soldier falling on a hand grenade.
It's like The Stand.
It's like the movie The Stand
when the thing comes out and grabs it.
Right, it just grabs it like,
yoink, yoink.
But instead, nothing happened, happened see so god didn't
do anything the bomb went off and the reason it ripped people's legs off was because it was on
the ground okay are you telling me are you fucking saying that god had the ability to make it less
than he did like he i mean clearly people lost their lives and got injured like god god was like well i'm
gonna tone it down i'm not gonna tone it down completely right i want to make sure that the
we do kill some people here i don't want to i don't want to just let them off the hook but what
i'm going to do is i'm just going to make sure that it only kills two people and blows a bunch
of fucking people's limbs off that's what i'm going to do yeah well god could have made it
worse i mean it was going to be worse cecil no only by the grace of god that it wasn't right it's only by the grace of god that they did
not assemble a fucking icbm and launch it out of their fucking apartment complex that's it's
actually god's grace that they didn't do that it's not the fucking impossible logistics of the task. That's not why.
You know, people like this, they make no differentiation between the intent and the ability of terrorist groups, for example.
Right?
Because clearly there is a well-known intent of terrorist groups to wield weapons of mass destruction and do
indiscriminate damage. But then there's a difference between their intent and their ability.
Their ability is known. They have done things that is to the best of their ability, and they've done
some significant damage all across the world with some significant attacks. But it's not god's grace that that ratchets those down from you know being
a fucking 200 megaton bomb in the middle of fucking times square it's that they can't pull it off
yeah that's why it hasn't happened because they can't fucking pull it off but tom you're missing
it's by the grace of god where is the grace of of God? I don't even know what that tastes like.
No, not the gristle of God, the grace of God.
I thought you said the gravy of God.
I would have that.
All right, so there's the last piece where she's, I don't know, just ejaculating all over God.
Here we go.
That it wasn't worse than it was.
It was not because of Boston Strong. And I have to say, because we have denied him and ignored him and refused to acknowledge him,
we cannot assume, and in fact we can probably likely count on the fact that God,
unless he does on behalf of the people that are called by his name, those of us that serve him,
unless he hears our prayers above what we see happening in this country,
I'm not sure that there will be something to stop the next onslaught.
Isn't that one of those lame-ass prophecies that they throw out there that pretty much
has a 100% chance of coming true?
Because all she has to do is be like, well, that was the onslaught I was talking about.
Yeah, well, you know, and the thing is, too, it's like, doesn't that strike her God?
I hear that
and i think like man your god cares so little for people your god is the meanest motherfucker
possible because all it would take cecil and i am i am hardly hardly omnibenevolent
right but if somebody said to me hey can you not blow my house up i'd be like sure
okay if somebody's like hey you know we'd really like it if you would not blow up women and
children and innocent people be like okay yep yeah i'm just gonna not do that or if they're like hey
could you extend your little finger and by doing, by exerting the smallest effort, could you please prevent this mass slaughter and catastrophe?
I'd be like, sure, that's fucking literally the least I could do.
I mean, if you're fucking omni...
Here's the problem, man, and it's such an obvious problem.
problem if you are both omnipotent and omnibenevolent then there simply is no way that you are also interventionist in a world with violence but here she presupposes all three things
and cannot find the conflict well and and and doesn't it make make God out to be like a sadistic narcissist?
Yeah, absolutely.
You know what I mean?
Like that's exactly what he is.
He's like sadistic in one way because he's clearly okay with people blowing each other up.
But he'll stop it as long as you talk about him enough.
Right. If you're sort of in the lips and on the lips of humans and sort of in their minds and in their hearts, he's totally cool with stopping that shit.
You just got to get your head out of your ass and start talking about how awesome he is.
To God's a mean girl.
That's it?
Good Lord.
You worship that?
And, you know, it's not just worship because that's where you spend your day, Sandy Rios.
That's how you spend every day of your life on your fucking program.
That's pathetic.
That's awful.
How many times have you had to be asked not to blow something up?
Zero times.
They say that I make the contention that gays caused the Holocaust.
This is wrong.
I've been very clear in my writings and everything I've said that the Nazi party is responsible for the Holocaust. This is wrong. I've been very clear in my writings and everything I've said that the Nazi Party
is responsible for the Holocaust.
But how did the Nazi Party
come into being?
The Nazi Party, ladies and gentlemen, was formed
in a gay bar in Munich.
So this story also comes from
Right Wing Watch.
Paranoia, I love this, Paranoia Rama.
Hitler's super gay race,
gun tracking bracelet myth, and other bogus religious right persecution story.
It's a look at the five of the week's most absurd conspiracy theories from the right.
Cecil, you wanted to talk about the one from Rick Wiles, radio talk show host from the religious right.
He's unhappy about the growing support shockingly shockingly unhappy for gay
rights in america yeah and he is now drawing some uh some pretty rough equivalents to adolf hitler's
dream of a super race of gay male soldiers this is pretty great here's rick wiles on his crazy
rick wiles show courtesy of right wing watch it's not an exaggeration to say homofascist because the German Nazi Party was homosexual.
Hitler was a homosexual.
The top Nazi leadership, all of them were homosexuals.
It was a radical homosexual movement that gained political power, military power,
and they were creating a homosexual special race.
That's what it was all about.
It wasn't this thing about an Aryan race of white people.
Was it a drag race?
Blue-eyed, blonde-haired white people.
Hitler was trying to create a race of super gay male soldiers.
That's what he was creating.
And when you understand
what the real agenda of the homosexual
movement was in the 40s, 30s
and 40s, and you see it, it's happening
now here in the United States of
America. And I'm telling you, this is
not an exaggeration. If it's
not stopped, it will end up in
America just like it was in Germany.
But it won't be the Jews that will
be slaughtered.
It will be the Christians. Yeah, he's right. I mean, I don't know if you knew this, but he he
it is very true that he was trying that Hitler was trying to create a race of super gay male
soldiers. You know, there was Hitler. He had the mustache and the uniform. But then there was also
Goring and he had that Indian headdress. I don't know if you remember and then himmler wore the construction uniform and i think eichmann was the biker guy i think i i don't remember if it was
eichmann or not but i think it was yeah their dance wasn't as catchy as ymca but it certainly
was pretty good like it didn't and it had its heyday which is harder to form the letters that
was it was it was you have to be
like a like a cheerleader you know what i mean like to actually and you need like more people
than they had yeah it just wasn't working it just sucked to be the eye because you just
stood there and this is the worst dance i've ever done well the end you have to really fucking
fuck your back up to do the end man it it is absolutely awesome though because it's like
when when they start talking about like it has nothing to do with the Aryan race.
You know, it has everything to do with marginalizing the Christians.
And here we go.
And here it's going to happen in the States.
You know, we're already being marginalized, and then we're going to be slaughtered.
And it's like, who's going to do the slaughtering?
Who?
85% of people in the United States identify as Christian.
Who's going to slaughter 85% of those people?
How are you saying that you're marginalized when, like, the entirety of, like, Congress,
almost every governor and mayor across the United States, most of your city councils, all Christian.
How are you marginalized?
Like, yeah, okay.
Fine.
Cecil, take away all the powerful people.
Fine.
Yeah.
Take away all the people.
All the people.
Yeah.
85%. How is 4% of the population going to mobilize against 85% of the population?
What fucking crazy, violent, wet dream of persecution is this?
You know, you think about it in this in this terms, you're like, OK, they're going to there's going to be some sort of fucking Order 66 out there that says kill all the Christians or whatever.
And then like suddenly all the gay people are going to come out of, you know, their black ops cover and they're going to Manchurian candidate kill everybody or whatever, you know, whatever happens.
However, they fucking whatever wet dream, weird, crazy thing these people are thinking
up.
But in any case, when you think about it, you're like, well, there still have, you know,
millions of people in their numbers over the other people.
I mean, we're talking hundreds of millions of people in comparison to, you know, probably
less than 10 million people.
How do you win that war?
How do you even come close to winning that war?
The only way you win that war
is if those people kill themselves.
Tom, do you want to play a game?
Let's play a game, Cecil.
All right, I'm going to need an adjective.
Engorged.
Engorged.
Noun?
Transistor.
Animal type.
Chimpanzee.
Animal type.
Wooly mammoth.
I didn't say it.
I guess I didn't say that it had to be alive.
It had to be a thing.
Verb.
It's a thing.
Spit.
Spit.
Noun.
Mandible.
Proper noun.
Greg the Unholy
It struck me as particularly proper
Liquid
Bleach
Part of the body
I need three of them in a row
Alright
Armpit
Hangnail
Hangnail
Vazdevrons
Noun
Clump
Full name of a person
Jules Verne
I spelled that wrong
Plural animals
Octopi
Part of a body
Eye socket
A liquid
Garbage juice.
Let me get another part of the body.
Ovary.
We're really going with the
reproductive
verb.
Crash and blurt.
Blurt.
Okay, noun. noun vegetable peeler
and a full name of a person
Pat Robertson
Pat Robertson
alright here we go
this is Mad Lib Viticus chapter
two
I can't wait for this
alright here we go
if the offering is an engorged offering from the I can't wait for this. All right, here we go.
If the offering is an engorged offering from the transistor,
from either the chimpanzee or the woolly mammoth,
you are to offer a male without defect.
You are to spit at the north side of the mandible before the Lord.
And Greg the Unholy... That doesn't make any sense.
And Greg the Unholy's sons,
the priests,
shall splash bleach
against the sides of the altar.
You are to cut it into pieces
and the priests shall arrange them,
including the armpit
and the hangnail
on the wood
that is burning on the altar.
You are to wash
the internal organs
and the vast deferens
with water.
And the priest shall
bring them and burn them on
the altar. It is a burnt offering,
a food offering,
and a clump that is pleasing
to the Lord.
If you are offering
the Jules Verne,
oh, sorry, if you're offering to the
Jules Verne is a burnt offering
of octopi. How could it not be? Jules Verne is a burnt offering of octopi.
How could it not be?
Right.
Jules Verne was a huge fan.
He'd go on.
He would order octopi and calamari all the time.
Ah, that's awesome.
You are to offer a dove or a young pigeon.
The priest shall bring it to the altar, ring off the eye socket, and burn it on the altar.
Its garbage juice shall be drained out on burn it on the altar. Its garbage juice shall be
drained out on the side of the altar.
He is to remove the crop
and the ovary and throw them
down the east altar where the ashes are.
He shall crash it openly
by the wings by
not dividing it completely
and then the priest shall blurt it
on the vegetable peeler.
And that is burning on the altar.
It is a burnt offering, a food offering, and an aroma pleasing to Pat Robertson.
That's fucking awesome.
You want answers?
I think I'm entitled.
You want answers.
I want the truth.
You can't handle the truth.
So Cecil, this story comes from horrifyingly
enough abc but this is the australian version so it's probably lesser um six killed in papa
new guinea sorcery attack police in papa new guinea have detained 180 people let me say that again 180 people after a witch hunt that left six people dead including
two children um
the fuck
basically a group of a few hundred people descended upon a village in an actual witch hunt
they went on a violent rampage and killed and maybe burned people yeah it says witnesses say
one man killed an innocent bystander on his way to work while two children under the age of five
were also reportedly killed man when
superstition makes you go all fucking castle frankenstein on someone you need to check
yourself you know what i mean like like your superstition is so nutty that it makes you just
like you're just fucking in such a rampage that you just turn and see a guy who's just like fucking
got his lunch box and he's on the way to work. Just be like, kill him.
I just picture some dude running as fast as he can.
And he just happens to see this guy and just like sticks his machete out casually.
Like, yeah, got him.
Like, keep going, boys.
It's so random, dude.
At what point are you like, man, that toddler might be a witch.
Oh, God.
And then that other toddler also might be a witch oh i don't i don't
i don't know what motivates you like what what what is going what crazy mob mentality
fucking overflow of insanity has to flood your mind in order to be like definitely gonna kill
a toddler today i mean you've clearly got to have some sort of crazy superstitious beliefs in order to even commit these acts.
Right.
You've got to be able to think that a witch is a real thing.
Right.
You've got to look yourself in the mirror and be like, I am terrified of real life witches.
There's a real witch, not a sandwich, but a regular witch.
I'm going to have to kill her.
And it's my job as like the fucking instrument of the lord or whatever
the hell I mean I don't even know what fucking sect of people these are but clearly they have
an idea that they need to kill other human beings because they may be magical that's a problem oh my
god you know this I I read stories like this and it occurs to me how all the time I keep thinking to myself, like, you know, inventing a time machine is a waste.
You can already go to the past.
Yeah, you're right.
Absolutely.
You know, if you want, I mean, and I really do sort of mean this, like, this is the past.
Like, all you have to do is just hop in an airplane and you can go to the past right now.
It's amazing to me that in part of the world, and I know I've said this, but I am genuinely amazed that in part of the world, people are running around with fucking machetes and shit, killing toddlers because maybe they're witches.
And in other parts of the world, they're shooting fucking rovers to Mars.
That's not just a cultural difference.
It's like a game of Civ.
You know what I mean?
Like when you're playing Civ
and you're like playing along
and you've got tanks
and like fucking air fighters
and somebody attacks you
with their camel knights.
And you're just like,
are you serious? You're attacking me like a taxi with their camel nights. And you're just like, are you serious?
You're attacking me with like guys on fucking camel back.
Right.
And you think you're going to win this fight.
And the thing is,
is like,
like they come to see you and they're like,
we want you.
We,
how dare you?
You need to give us your technology or whatever.
It's like,
we,
I almost feel like,
like in,
in this game of Civ,
why don't we,
can't we just,
is there something we can do
is there something that we can inject them with so that they think oh man like can't we just all
have them sit down and watch the ring or something together and just be like okay see that's just
like a fake movie you know like like witches aren't real and like the afterlife isn't real
or whatever yeah i i don't know i don't know I just keep thinking like, man, it's, I just,
I'm, I'm fucking dumbfounded that in a place it's the past, but it fucking is. And see,
so I think you hit on something, you know, the, the idea that there's gotta be something we can
do. There's no way that you can look at this and be like, yes, we need to, we need to just tacitly accept that in parts of the world, it's still the past.
It's still just, I mean, we've got everything but fucking T-Rexes.
It's the fucking past.
No kidding, right?
It's mind-blowing.
I see this, though, and I make these jokes, and the first thing I think when I was thinking about this is like, you know what?
The solution here is education.
That is the solution to this problem like the solution is is experience and education it's it's it's technology infrastructure it's education it's an exposure to the larger world yeah these things
this this worldview lives in pawpaw new guinea because of its isolation it cannot survive it and i think
it's the reason like you know there were a bunch of stories i didn't tweet them out
because some of them are unresolved and then i think they're also pretty complicated but
you know there were a bunch of stories this week too about like what's going down in nigeria still
with that fucking group of loons the boko haram group you know that's that group of people that
yeah yeah took over that mall or whatever.
West is sinful or Western education is sinful is what it means.
You know, and it's like, you know, they're what they're doing is protesting their lack of isolation.
They're trying to maintain an isolated stance.
Sure, sure, sure.
Because this shit can't live under the under the microscope of civilization.
Well, I mean, you see it all the time.
There's all these different sects that are trying to stop education in general.
I mean, look at Malala.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Like there's a young lady who wanted to get an education and then they shot her in the face.
So there's somebody who wants to have an education and other people in their society don't want her to have an education.
Or people like her.
And that's women.
And so, you know, there's clearly, I think, going to be a point in history where people
that can be educated will be educated.
And then they're just going to leave the rest of the people who want to keep control in
the dust because there's no way to stop.
You know, it's like Neo.
You can't stop the signal or whatever, you know, at a certain point.
You can't stop the signal.
Okay, so we want to thank our patrons, the newest patrons.
And I may read one or two of these names again,
but we want to thank Stuart, Steve, Austin, Alan, Kiri, Cornholio.
That's my favorite one of the week.
I love that one too.
I think Gloria Hole is still pretty good.
Javier, Tim, Carl, Benjamin, Phillip, Brian, Kathy, Michaela, Andrew, and Matthew.
Thank you guys so much for your generous donations.
The money you give to us makes sure that the podcast keeps going,
so we want to thank you so much for becoming patrons.
And we're just so happy that everybody's done it.
We also want to encourage people, if you can't be a patron,
we want to encourage people to rate us on iTunes.
We recently got a couple of poorer ratings, and it'd be nice to get better ratings, I guess.
So if you could take some time out of your day to go rate us.
If you like the show.
If you don't like the show, I have no idea why you listen.
But if you do like the show and you haven't rated us on iTunes, please take a minute and go over there and give us a rating. It's really flattering to get them and we're so happy when people do it. So thanks
everybody who's rated us. And if you'd have a few moments, please take a moment and do it.
And just a reminder that the money that we do raise from Patreon this month will be going,
will be donated in its entirety to charity. Anything coming in in the month of April
will be donated to a charity that's chosen by our listeners.
So just keep that in mind when making your donations.
The charity is going to be chosen by the patrons.
The patrons have an opportunity to vote.
So if you are a patron or if you're not a patron and you want to get a chance, you still have a couple of weeks left here in April.
If you sign up as a patron, you set up your dollar amount, all the money you donate this month will go to the charity.
And right now, of the six charities, right now two are in the clear lead.
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you're gonna wanna become a patron
and you can get a chance to vote
for which charity gets the money this month.
We recorded four Quranify Me podcasts this week
and we'll let you know when that comes out.
We didn't get a chance to really talk too
much because we had forgotten about the two things that we had done, but we had been on
Atheistically Speaking, Tom. You and I both were on Atheistically Speaking, and the link for
Atheistically Speaking, that's Thomas's other podcast, not Thomas and the Bible. It's his other podcast.
It's more of a philosophical show, and we talked about relationships with nonbelievers.
So if you get a chance, take a listen to that.
Both of those turned out very good.
Thomas was a lot of fun to talk to, and we had a great time.
And then we were also on Shit Talking Skeptics with Ross, and Ross runs skeptically challenged.
But he also had on Jake from Imaginary Friends show on and we had a video was a video podcast,
but there really wasn't a lot of video.
But we had a great time on Ross's show.
And we just wanted to mention that we were on both of those shows this last week.
So you get a chance to go out and listen to him.
And the best part about the atheistically speaking is I bailed on it a little early
in part two and Thomas edited so deftly that you can't even tell yeah he did a good job he really did
he did a great job i mean not that i was contributing a hell of a lot to the conversation
let's be frank we brought in uh another a a old segment last week what the actual
fucking servopedia it's our hope to throw that in every couple of weeks now. We had forgotten about it for a while, but last week there was so much anti-gay stories.
We just had to throw it in because there was that great gay therapy stuff that they were talking about where they're just like, yeah, it totally works.
Right.
Like, OK, nobody says that.
Yeah, it totally works.
Right.
Like, OK, nobody says that.
But in any case, somebody, Michael, sent in a message and said, hey, so great that you guys put that back in.
He sent us a website.
He did.
And it's what is it?
I'll just I'll just link to it.
It's a new bullshit.
Yeah.
Seb Pierce dot com slash bullshit. It's it's kind of great because it's got a button up top called Reionize Electrons,
by the way, which is pretty great.
And when you click on it,
it just gives you some bullshit.
And it's fucking
beautiful.
So I'm going to go ahead and reionize my
electrons, Cecil. Do it!
The Infinite is electrified
with pulses.
This is fucking awesome. And i like it because it's not
just one line so this is fucking amazing because it just keeps going we exist as a resonance cascade
by ennobling we exist consciousness consists of superitions of possibilities of quantum energy. Quantum means a flowering of the advanced.
What is it?
No, it doesn't.
I fucking love that.
It does not.
Bondage is the antithesis of self-actualization.
We can no longer afford to live with discontinuity.
It's fucking perfect.
Whoever did this spent so much time getting it right.
Yeah, it's great. It's really great.
We're going to link to it this episode. It's
very, very funny. Thank you very much,
Michael, for sending it. It's awesome.
We received a
really nice thing from Conrad this
week. It was just super nice. Open up
the email. He sent us a Buffalo Wild
Wings gift card. That was just
super nice of him to do
so tom and i in the next couple weeks are going to go to buffalo wild wings and eat wings and
drink beer and hopefully be there when a sport that tom will watch is on that's not a time
well no mma i would be there i would totally go there and watch a fight that would actually be
awesome and it was a really generous thing to do. Conrad, thank you very much.
It was very kind of you.
So we got an email from Henry.
And Henry says, first he says, blowhole, manhole, glory hole cover.
I don't even know what that means.
I don't either, but I love it.
I think it's great.
And he says, you talked about people's confusion with one of the opening lines of the show.
I'll add mine to the list.
For quite a while, I heard the line as, and there is no welcome, Matt.
That's why I thought one of the host's names was Matt.
And it took me a very long time to pay attention enough to the show to get the names right.
And it also sounded a bit rude, but that was expected.
I like that part. That's the part I like the best.
What I really like is when you said that, the funny part is, is that if you listen to the
Matt Dillahunty episode, you say, and there is no welcome, Matt. And then you're like,
welcome to the show. And he's like, you just told me that there's no welcome.
We got a message from Jay and Jay has a song that he had sent to us.
I'll link to it on this week's show notes.
It's a YouTube video.
He says it's his anthem to not believing in God, and he said, you know, you're welcome to use it if you want.
We haven't found a good use yet for some of the music, but we want to thank everybody who sends it in.
So thank you very much, Jay, and we'll link to it on this week's show notes.
Episode one 47.
Yeah.
Thank you very much for sending it in.
We're delighted to receive these things.
We just,
we're just not creative or clever enough to know exactly what to do with
them.
Right.
This is an interesting point about Scott lively.
And this came up earlier with the Nazis,
Tom,
this is from Danielle.
And she writes,
I listened to the show regularly.
And you guys have mentioned that crazy asshole Scott Lively on your podcast a couple of times.
I've heard a couple of other podcasts pick up the story as well.
But it sets my teeth on edge that this ignorant, hateful individual would even say these things, given what gays and lesbians in Nazi Germany and Europe were put through during that time period.
Everybody knows that Hitler and the Nazi Party had a hate on for the Jews, but they also sent plenty of other groups to the concentration
camps as well. These groups included gypsies, Jehovah's Witnesses, the physically and mentally
disabled, and last but not least, gays and lesbians. Just like Jewish people wore the Star of David,
gays wore the pink triangle. After the camps were liberated at the end of World War II,
many of the pink triangle prisoners were simply re-imprisoned
by the Allied Established Federal Republic of Germany.
The Nazi amendments to Paragraph 175 of the German Criminal Code
turned homosexuality from a minor offense to a felony
and remained intact in both east and west germany for
a further 24 years just thought you guys might want to know this since the gay nazi conspiracy
seems to be all the rage right now among the christian crazies which we covered two stories
of this week jesus man it's a fucking horror show man that is a horror show and it's and it's you know the
thing is is like like we said earlier clearly you know they want to make this connection between
homosexuals and nazis but because they want to make a connection between homosexuals gay people
and whatever they can that they think is bad exactly yep you know make some shit up like
what's the worst it's basically just like up. Like, what's the worst?
It's basically just like flipping through shit.
Like, what's the worst thing?
What's the fucking worst thing?
What's the worst thing?
Axe murderers, cannibals, fucking baby rapists and Nazis.
Great, got it.
Yep.
And those are actual examples.
I know.
So we got a message.
This is from Terry. And Terry sent got a message this is from terry and terry sent in a message and uh it's actually
a recording we're going to play it here after the skeptics creed so stick around for after
the skeptics creed what she does is have a conversation with hillbilly god's wife so if
you're interested in that stick around after the skeptics creed we're going to leave you as always
with the skeptics creed and we'll catch you next week credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in
scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized
stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info doc
utainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic
healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms
atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts,
shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.
Expose your sides.
Thrust your hands.
Bloody, evidential, conclusive.
Doubt even this.
The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only.
Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. console. I'm going to my garage with Hillbilly God's Wife.
Howdy!
Hillbilly God's Wife is here to perform a faith healing on my cyclocross bike.
That's right, they won't let me do healings at the hospital no more.
Them doctors got real mad when I was laying on hands where they needed to put them fancy defibrillators. Daddy Junior
started all of them hearts right back up once I got out of the way and let them doctors get to work.
Um, okay. Well, my drive chain is slipping out of gear. Let's listen to it for a second.
Well, my drivetrain is slipping out of gear. Let's listen to it for a second.
I hear that. Let me just lay on my hands.
Hey, why is it wet?
It's bleeding the devil's own black blood.
Sorry, that's just drivetrain lube. I'll clean the drivetrain once I, uh, once we fix the bike.
Here's a rag for your hands. Can you do the healing without actually touching the drivetrain?
Yes, um, I'll just touch back here on the back.
That's not actually part of the bike. That's the mechanic's stand.
Well, it's touching the bike, ain't it?
Daddy Junior, I call on you in Junior's name to heal this here bike.
Heal it from the devil's own black blood in Junior's name, Daddy Junior.
In Junior's name, I command you.
Get rid of the black blood on this bike.
Make this bike run smooth, Daddy Junior, in Junior's name.
Okay, now try it.
Okay, here goes.
It's still not staying in gear.
Well, thanks for trying, Hillbilly God's Wife.
I think if I just turn this barrel adjuster counterclockwise just a little bit,
that should tighten up the cable and fix the problem. Let's give it a try.
Listen to that! It's fixed! It's a miracle! A miracle! Thank you, Daddy Junior!
Miracle! A miracle! Thank you, Daddy Junior!
This has been Terry, in my garage, fixing my own bike.