Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 149: The Awesome Power of the Lord

Episode Date: May 5, 2014

      A SNAP Cookbook Good and Cheap by Leanne Brown: In the reddit about Leanne another user shared this great site:   Adam’s Cow.?

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Hey, Tom and Cecil, Glory Hole, Adam from Minnesota. Have you guys ever played Cards Against Humanity? Kind of a really filthy version of Apples to Apples, where one person will read a question card, and then everybody, all the otherles where one person will read a question card and then everybody, all the other players on the game will read, will submit an answer card for the person

who read the question card and then they'll read through all of them and decide which one is the funniest. So for Cards Against Humanity it's a really nasty version of it. So essentially there will be a question like, what does Dick Cheney prefer? And then everyone will submit their answer cards and there will be things like coat hanger abortions, or kids with ass cancer, or a windmill full of corpses, or transvestites. And I think in episode 147,

Tom came up with one of the best ones I could think of that would be an excellent addition to the game. Jesus going down a slip and slide on the tears of the poor. Brilliant. Hey guys, this is Fabien. I am a recent listener to the podcast. I discovered it thanks to the Escaping ATS podcast

and I would like to comment about the Bob Marshall story that people with disabilities are a punishment. As a person who is blind, I only have one thing to say. Say that to my fucking face, Bob Marshall, and I will shove my wife's name up your ass. Anyhow, guys, love the show. Glory Hall. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason.

recording from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 149 no matter what the notes say yeah they say 147 up there look at you go it would have been awesome if you just said it was 147 though what people would have said is that the reason why you think it's 147 is because you got so fucking high on whippets last time with us doing the fucking show from that room that you fucking actually traveled back in time in your brain. Yeah, sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was huffing some more paint to get ready for this episode. Your face is gold.

You're like that guy. You're like that meme of that dude. paying attention i was huffing some more paint to get ready for this episode your face is gold gold on his face you know and but in your case your face wouldn't be gold you would just have like the fucking foam stuck to your face i'm just eating the foam like a giant like and it's like a big, giant afro and then a huge beard worth of foam just wrapped around your face as you sprayed it on there. Yeah, our audience loves it when we lose brain cells. We got a lot of messages this week about that. Yeah, they really liked that last episode. So to get ready for this one, I did a whole six pack of those computer dusters. Just fucking stuff those up your nose.

Walking on sunshine. Like I just walked through the office, Max, and I'm like, I got like my little pick a six container. I'm like, oh, I haven't had this one yet. You know, different smells like different. Oh, this one's especially toxic. I'll take one of these. That's good. That's yeah, that's phenomenal.

It does smell. It does smell pretty like new car smell in here and i'm to understand the new car smell is is like just primarily like evil it's just made of cancer it's just yeah it's like the new cancer smell if i actually if i stop recording it's just because the tumors have eclipsed my uh my throat at this point. Yeah, when the tumor gets big enough to click your monitor off, then you need to stop. Hey, I figure my belly hasn't managed it yet. So the tumor. Well, let me tell you, your belly, it ain't from lack of trying.

That's all I'm saying. This month, with the help of our generous patrons, we were able to raise $875. Our supporters were able to choose the charity that we would donate this month's patronage to. They had six charities to choose from, and they voted for Doctors Without Borders. Thanks again for all your support. Glory Hole. You fucking rock. So the first story we want to cover comes from CNN's political ticker.

Wow. Fucking Sarah Palin. Waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists. And see, so I just want to point out that in an alternate world, in fucking bizarro universe, this woman could have been vice president and possibly president. I read this and I think McCain has to have read this. McCain has to know. And this is a man who was actually tortured in his lifetime and has been a vocal opponent against waterboarding and a vocal opponent against the use of torture and this so-called enhanced interrogation shenanigans bullshit.

So for him to look at this and think like, holy shit, like here I am, somebody who was legitimately fucking tortured. And this person who I fucking rode on a bus with and fucking campaigned with and almost ran the country with is now standing up in front of a group of people and being like, yeah, well, we'll fucking

waterboard the terrorists. Waterboard the terrorists. Because that can't go wrong, Tom. Whatever you do, that can't go wrong. It feels like you do, that can't go wrong. It feels like, to me, the reason why I think that she can get away with saying something like this at the NRA, I really do feel that the NRA is a lot of vengeance lovers. They are vengeance. They're like a vengeance-based organization.

You know what I mean? They're the fucking Justice League with guns. They are. They're very, you know, they're I think that the NRA, whenever they talk about getting more guns on the street, when they talk about getting more guns in the hands of the people who, you know, they kind of make this pitch like getting guns in the hands of people who should have them kind of. What are they? What should they have them for? Well, they should have them so that if they need to, they can meet some violence out on people who deserve it, you know, and air quotes, deserve the violence that they're going to meet out on them. The reason why we don't like

vigilantes, the reason why vigilantes, you know, go to jail and should go to jail. And the reason why whenever there's a vigilante ism in the world, I'm always kind of turned off by it is because, why whenever there's a vigilante ism in the world, I'm always kind of turned off by it is because, you know, we have a system in place for people who commit crimes. There's a system of laws in place and a system of checks and balances in place. So we don't, we try not to imprison people that don't deserve it. We try not to punish people that don't deserve it. Yeah. The system is totally, you know, it's not 100%. I mean, I don't even know what percentage is that because clearly, you know, you can murder people. We've, we've fucking put to people to death that we're not guilty of crimes, but you try to do the best you can.

You know, the vigilante idea just takes those people right out of the equation. And the same thing here, when it come down to this, this idea here, what we're doing when we torture people is we are the vigilantes of the world. We're not putting people through due process. We're not putting people through the checks and balances to make sure we're getting the right people. Instead, we're just being vigilantes. And there's this big fucking hard-on that these people have about vigilanteism that is really fucking disturbing. And it makes sense that she could say something like this here and everybody would, you know, just fucking nod and clap and fucking whistle at her.

Well, yeah, man. I mean, it's it's it's hooting and hollering because what they're really saying is they're saying, like, we need to get more guns on the street, but we need to get more guns on the street to prevent imaginary crimes. Right. Right. Dr. Octopus crimes, fake crimes, crimes that don't happen. Because where the real crime and where the real violence takes place, guns would not be a solution.

Right. You know, like zero out of 10 advocacy groups that are actually doing work in inner cities, in high crime neighborhoods are high-crime neighborhoods, are saying, like, you know, fucking, we really need more guns in here. No kidding. We really, you know, man, if only there was more guns on the west side of Chicago,

and if only there was more guns on the south side of Chicago, we'd really have this problem nipped in the bud. If only all those people that are on that side of Chicago had broken into a National Guard reserve and gotten those AR-15s out of there, everything would be fine. You know, what they're doing is they're trying to prevent crimes that are statistically anomalous. That's what they're trying to prevent. And that's what they focus on. That's what they single out. They single out home invasions, you know, against affluent people as their as their target sort of demographic.

They single out school shootings. They single out things that are statistically anomalous. And they try to make hay. They try to make political hay out of these things and say, you know, we've got to protect our sons and daughters from, you know, getting shot or getting, you know, attacked in their own homes. And that's the vast minority of crimes that take place, violent crimes that take place. By far, the majority of violent crimes that take place, take place, you know, in areas which are generally crime ridden, you know, not these affluent communities that they hold up as sort of the poster child for bristle with guns like a fucking armed porcupine. Walk around like the guy for that De Niro from that fucking terrible taxi driver movie.

You talking to me? You talking to me? Or you just, I know you're not there. There's nobody else here. Fucking got a gun up my ass. I'm going to shoot you with it. You talking to me you're talking to me just i know you're nobody else here fucking got a gun up my ass i'm gonna shoot you with it you're talking to me hey you're talking to me hey forget about it huh yeah i you know and i and i we're talking about the nra it's it's an offshoot of this of this very story but you know the fact is is that torturing people doesn't get you the information you need makes you look like an awful person, not just takes away the person's rights who you're torturing, but it erodes our rights.

It erodes the rights of the country that's doing it because you're willing to, some of your freedom for security. And one thing that you pointed out to Tom that we, what we should really touch on just very briefly is that like, I guess some Christians got mad that she was utilizing the term baptism. And they're like, Hey, we, we think baptism is good. What are you doing? And the thing that struck me about that, when you, you had mentioned this to me earlier, we were talking, the thing that strikes me is like, man, fucking you, you, you stop on the baptism. You don't stop on, Hey, we shouldn't be torturing people. But instead you're like, Hey, we should, we shouldn't be talking bad about baptism. Yeah. It's a, it is crazy, right? Like to get, to get that's, that's your point of conflict.

Like that's the point of conflict? Like, that's the point where you're like, whoa, I can't get my head around that shit. Now, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. Baptism is a made-up magic ritual to wash away imagined sins with magic water. Don't smutty that with your torture. Yeah. Otherwise, I'll take out my cross yeah another symbol of torture yeah and say a little prayer over this fucking dead jesus hanging in the church with fucking blood and thorns and

shit all over it maybe it all does make sense actually so maybe it all does yeah make fucking perfect sense you know it's it's sort of like it's sort of like if all of a sudden they were like, wait a minute, wait a minute. We can't burn a cross in front of these black people's yard. We got to burn a plastic snowman. Let's burn the words go away. Yeah, I mean, let's not stop at the don't harass black people part. Yeah, exactly. That's not where we want to stop we want to stop at hey whoa whoa we still want to harass the black folks

we just don't want to deal with the symbol of our of our deity let's shy away from that's right we still want to torture people tom that would be distasteful. That would be, that's just ugly, Cecil. That's just ugly. You know, the other thing too, Cecil, you talked about due process. You know, like one thing to remember is it's not like anyone is even proposing that we arrest people, read them their rights, run them through the due process, charge and convict them, and then waterboard them. Right. Right. What they want to do is basically decide already that somebody is a terrorist, then waterboard them.

Yeah. Torture maybe eventually will get around to giving them due process, but probably will just send them to a weird military facility in another country where they essentially just sit in limbo being isolated. Right. And that is so blatantly against our principles. I mean, it's certainly unconstitutional. And sometimes they'll make the comment like, well, the Constitution only protects U.S. citizens. And it's sort of like, well, yeah, you know, I mean, if it's a good idea for us. Yeah. Don't we just think that's kind of a good idea in general? I am opposed to cap and trade. He is safe. And I also am an amateur paleontologist, so I've spent a lot of time looking at the Earth's temperature over a very long time.

And I'm a lot harder to convince than just looking at a computer model. So this next story comes from Right Wing Watch. Truth in Action Ministries film decries climate scientists as idolaters and communists. Soliders and Communists. So for those of our few, those few of our listeners who have not seen Truth in Action Ministries' newest release, probably a direct-to-video. I didn't see it in the theaters near me. But they evidently have a new project, which takes on the religion of environmentalism and climate science.

What? Yeah. The religion of climate science. What's the Eucharist for environmentalism? Like you what um yeah the religion of climate science what's the eucharist for uh for environmentalism like you just eat like a salad and you wash it down with like local water like what is i don't know what you what is the eucharist well the holy rosary is made of bamboo because it's sustainable because it's sustainable yeah right sustainable it's a grass you know so it's all It's fine. It grows quickly and it's sustainable. It's fine.

The holy water is actually recycled gray water. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Yeah. So it's, you know, it all works out. It all works out. Except for that none of that is true.

Yeah. So other than that, it's pretty much a slam dunk. Cecil, it turns out this guy has decided, well, why don't we let him speak for himself? Sure, yeah, yeah. This is Dopey McDoperson talking about dopey shit. Environmentalism has become a religion or has become their reason for being. You know the old joke that a lot of environmentalists are like watermelons. They're green on the outside and pink on the inside.

These are recycled communists and recycled socialists, recycled collectivists. At least they're recycling. They're trying to use a flawed theory of environmentalism to bring about the collectivist society that they were unable to bring about politically through socialism and through communism. There's a big blue bin for them. You just put them in there. You take your communists. It's actually a red bin, but it still has that. It's a red bin, but it's got that little circle thing on it with the arrows.

Right, right, right. I like their watermelon. That's kind of weird, isn't it? Where he's talking about cutting them open. When you cut them open, you reach over and you grab them and you stick your knife in them. And you give it a good jiggle and you wiggle it around. And then you tear them open. Inside, they're pink.

You're kind of weirding me out, bro. They're soft, hippie flesh. It's like spitting the seeds out of a person. They're just digging their face in there. And then you got to slip that gore off their chin. You know, just like. You've got gore dripping down. Bring me more

environmentalists. Sir, you've already eaten three. That's enough. Enough environmentalists for you. No more. You're going to spoil your dinner. And don't eat the rind. Whatever you do, don't eat the rind. You know, can you stick an environmentalist in the fridge and chill it first before you cut it open?

Because it's just terrible when it's warm. Sprinkle a little bit of salt on there, though, and it really kind of wakes up the flavor. They jump around a little when you do that, but, you know, it's totally worthwhile. The best part is the annual environmentalist eating competitions that they have. Those are pretty solid. And actually, it's one of those rare instances where getting those fucking blinged out teeth really comes in handy.

You know? You just chomp right through. You just fucking eat them like corn on the cob. You're just like... Like the old cartoons where it sounds like a typewriter you get to the end they pause and pull that one like hair out of their mouth and then keep moving on yeah that's great yeah you just yeah you know if you just cut open those

environmentalists you'll see well you know it's it, you know, I love, one of my very favorite things is when religious people use the idea that something else is a religion as a way to make fun of it, as a way to make it less. Right, right. They're like, whoa, well, you know, environmentalism has become a religion. I'm like, well, you are religious so i know you're just like so are you saying that religion kind of stupid are you going out on a limb here and saying it's stupid yeah it's it's almost like they're saying like hey you've been making fun of me for being

religious but you're religious because you don't want poison water, huh? Yeah. Smart guy. You ever stop and think about that? I love too, that they're using communists, right? Cause communism is like the boogeyman here. That's what that, you know, they're just, they could have said anything in this, in this sense, they could have said it was demonic. They could have said it was evil. They could have said that these people were aligned with Barack Obama. Anything in general that these people think is a bad thing. But communism is one of those things that they're utilizing to say, oh, they're communists. They're failed communists and they're trying to get you to be communist too.

The one thing that I think flies over people's heads all the time, and people don't understand what socialism or communism is, socialism and communism is simply just the people who do the work on the means of production. That's all it is. So whenever anybody starts talking about, oh, well, you know, taxing is too much. It's socialism. No, it's not socialism. Socialism is if they were to take away the corporation and give it to the workers. That's what socialism is.

That's a very different thing than somebody paying taxes differently or in this case giving the government a little more regulatory control over environmental issues. That's not communism. That's like saying you might as well say something like we're turning into a dictatorship because that at least would have some some sort of basis in in what their argument is talking about but communism it just doesn't even make any sense you're just like fucking throwing it out there for no reason they're just using the seven words they know like it's like they have like a list of seven scary words i mean and it's just like well we used fascism last week what else is in the bag uh it's almost like pulling this shit out of the bag like fucking Scrabble letters.

Right. You know, like what kind of fucking crazy half ass bullshit am I going to spew out of my fat pie hole today? Hang on a minute. Shake fucking magic. Oh, I got communism. Here we go. Communism. He just fucking pukes it out of his shithole.

It's so ridiculous. It's like, how can anybody look at the images that came just this past summer, this past winter, summer in China? How can anybody look at the images from Shanghai and be like, yeah, I don't think the environment's anything we need to worry about. It's not a big deal. We definitely need to have air people actually can't see through.

December 21st, 2012. Daybreak doesn't come. All remains dark. The world has come to an end. All this story is so weird. This is from Right Wing Watch. End Times Show blames UFO and alien sightings on Satan. There's a show evidently, Cecil, called End Times.

And I have to think when you start that show, you can't do so with a lot of optimism. You know, it's not one of those class half bull shows. Your pitch for the show has to be a bit of a downer i'm just saying it's like look guys i got a great show it's called end times we don't expect it to get to a second season that's all i'm saying probably they have a limited run you know who the person the very best voice in the world for this would be Stephen Wright. I don't know if you knew that is, but he's the guy who talks like this and he has like the jokes where he's like, he's really, really monotone. You just need somebody who's like super depressed to talk about the end.

Like somebody who's so sad that people like commit suicide when they listen well evidently cecil if if you see ufos um or aliens that's actually satan satan's just fucking with you um because there's really no other reason for it like satan accomplishes nothing else in this process that's the best part i was trying to think like okay what if i believed your crazy theory and satan is just like and then you saw an alien he's tenting his fingers his big red fingers in his fiery pit of hell and he's like and then there was an alien that you thought you saw but it was me i didn't really think this through because now nothing else happens did it

it's like when you were a kid and you're like guess what chicken it's like okay it's the ditch of cosmic breaks it totally is useless i didn't even consider that let's listen to what this guy has to say though because i i mean I went to the trouble of getting this audio. This is N Times Radio, courtesy of Right Wing Watch. Every book you read, they'll say, look, 95% of the things people see, they're lights or it's airplanes or it's, you know, something that people can ultimately be explained away naturally. explained away naturally, but there's about 5% of these appearances where people see something on radar that makes a right angle at 600 miles an hour, or they vanish into thin air, or they change shape and color and size. Well, I mean, things that aren't naturally explainable.

And my thesis is that these 5% that are unexplainable are demonic forces that are passing themselves off. Did he just say thesis? Demonic horses? Demonic horses? Demonic horses? Are demonic horses? I love a good demonic horse ride.

Yeah. There was one this last week on Game of Thrones. Demonic horse. Yeah. I mean, it was basically a horse without any flesh. It was pretty cool. Oh, that's listen. He's got a little more.

Some kind of extraterrestrial beings to draw and distract people's attention away from God, because you can get people focused on UFOs and aliens and beings from other planets and all of those kinds of things. Then, obviously, you're distracting people away from what the Bible says. And I think it's very possible that these kinds of things also could be setting people up for various kinds of delusion in the end times. So this fills people's spiritual hunger with alleged, you know, higher sources of knowledge and experience and all those things. And the Bible tells us that Satan, you know, masquerades as an angel of light. So, you know, to me, Satan will do anything to distract people from their need, their own spiritual need, and God's answers to that need in Jesus Christ. And demonic materialization disguised as UFOs or extraterrestrials or whatever that may be, I think is just another one of Satan's tactics, especially as we draw near to the end times, to deceive and delude and frighten and confuse and mislead people.

I really believe that that can even maybe be heightened as the end times draw near. Yeah, man, there you have it. I like that it's 5%. It's like he's just, he's like, look, 95% of it's some fucking, it's airplanes and people are stupid. Sure, yeah, it's like the moon or whatever. It's your fucking neighbor's porch light and you need better glasses. That's what it is.

But 5% of the time, it's aliens. But that 5% of the time that it's aliens, 100% of that time, it's Satan. And, you know, I got to tell you, Cecil, 60% of the time, it works every time. He's got a weird equation he's set up here. You know, he says it could be setting people up for various kinds of delusions in the end times. And I keep thinking, like, isn't the end times a delusion? Like, isn't that a delusion itself? Yeah, the devil's distracting you from God.

But it's like, yeah, but isn't my grocery list too? You know, like. Yeah. I mean, isn't fucking Facebook distracting me from God? But I guess like I get it. He's saying like, well, then you would, you know, higher i mean if i'm just isn't fucking facebook distracting me from god but i guess like i get it he's saying like well then you would you know higher sources of knowledge so it's like okay well i mean clearly that's not a worry for you buddy but still yeah no higher sources so what you're gonna like see an alien but it's really satan and then you're gonna think like well maybe that alien knows some shit as far as as I know, people aren't ever like, yeah, and then I saw an alien,

and then I knew the alien, and then the alien helped me do my math homework. Right? Like, that doesn't happen. Like, the aliens never actually accomplish anything. You know, when they do, like, actually purportedly communicate with anybody, they just give them fucking, like, fucking old-timey folk wisdom, you know? Like, you need to be nicer to each other and stop destroying the planet, you know, like. Or they shove something up their ass.

Like those are the only two types of aliens. There's the really sort of like kinky aliens. And then there's like the old sage aliens. They're never showing up and like giving you like the fucking unified theory. No, no, that doesn't happen. I guess the one thing that, you know, clearly this is a show called The End Times, but this is another thing that, you know, the blood moon didn't work out, right? So let's talk about something else. Or the, you know, the fucking mass alignment of the planets didn't work out. Let's talk about this other thing.

They keep on tacking on these things to be like, no, really, it's The End Times. on these things to be like, no, really it's the end times. And they have to keep on finding all these things that people, you know, whether or not they believe in or whatever, to try to get them to keep remembering that the end times are coming. And they keep on, you know, hitching their wagon to all these different little anomalies or weird things or, or, you know, strange things in nature, et cetera, to try to get people to realize that their God is real and he's going to fuck some shit up eventually, but just give him a little bit, just give him an, it's not yet. No, it's, it's something else. It's something else. It's something else. And it reminds me of that Harold camping so much about how he was just like, you know,

he kept on saying, but he's actually fucking put his cards on the table. It's like, yep, this is when it's going to happen. These people are just like end times. Like, it's just this random, like, yeah, it's the end times. It's like, well, I don't know. It'll happen. But, you know, we just got to keep on giving me money and making sure you're doing all the good things. And if you don't have an end date to it, isn't all the time the end times?

I guess it is. It's just all the end times. Right. You had the beginning time and then everything subsequent to the beginning time is a part of the end times. It sure is. Unless the end times is a specified period. Unless the end times is exactly 23 days long. It's got no fucking specified ending.

It's like, it's the end times. Yeah, I'll agree with that. Four billion years or so. You are watching the beginning and the birth of the New World Order. And you want to call me crazy? Go to hell. Call me crazy all you want. So this story also comes from Right Wing Watch.

The prophet, I love how they refer to him now as the prophet. The prophet Glenn Beck has a message from god i am coming and i will settle scores god has a deep and gravelly voice by the way i i love the idea cecil here that you can have a score to settle with god like wouldn't god just be like yeah just i'm God. Yeah. Glenn Beck is getting weirder, isn't he? I mean, and I think they spelled profit wrong there at the top. I don't know. But it's starting to get starting to feel like he really does start to feel like the guy from network, that guy who was that Howard Beale, who's just, you know, he's really starting to

get crazier and crazier. Do you want to listen to what he had to say to the people at Liberty University? That's a loaded question. Here we go. Too many of us are worshiping the God of the Constitution. Not the Constitution, but God. I like that slow clap. Somebody was like, are we supposed to clap here?

Should I clap? He paused. Should was like, are we supposed to clap here? Should I clap? He paused. Should I? I don't know. I should. I'm going to just slowly do the slow clap. It's like one of those teen movies where the guy's like, and then everybody starts clapping. It's funny because they're like, wait a minute.

We've been conflating nationalism with our religious beliefs for so long. We're called Liberty University. Right? That's awesome. All right, there's more. I know it's probably heartbreaking you, but there is more. God is our God. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

The God of peace, of comfort, of miracles. Expect miracles in your lifetime. Live in such a way that you can demand miracles, expect miracles, call down miracles, and then when they happen, pronounce them, declare them. Never be shy, no matter how small or how big. Don't explain it away. That is the awesome power of Jesus Christ and the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I can't believe that there are people sitting in that room and cheering for that. That is the craziest group of fucking words

that I've ever heard put together. I love what he's like. Demand miracles? Well, I can't even demand a miracle whip on my sandwich. Demand. And who the fuck are you supposed to demand miracles from? I love when he's like, and don't be shy about them, no matter how small. That is the great power of Jesus.

It's like, well, wait a minute. I just got a small miracle. I got a small miracle, and that's his power. I'm thinking of like that crazy woman who's like, and I had spaghetti and there was like extra spaghetti when I ran down a spaghetti. So I had some spaghetti. I prayed and then there was more spaghetti. And like all of a sudden like Glenn Beck, like just like she's like yammer jabbering her story. All of a sudden, like, Glenn Beck, like, just, like, she's, like, yammer-jammering her story.

And Glenn Beck just, like, barstooling. He's like, that is the great and powerful fucking power of Jesus. It's just spaghetti. One time I had a flat, and I just sat on the side of the road, and I prayed and prayed. And then somebody came and picked me up. And that is the great power of Jesus Christ. You know what he's like? He's like the WWE announcer for

God. He is. For Jesus. For Isaac, Abraham, whatever the fuck. Let's finish up a little bit. Let's play a little more of this. Two years ago, I was in Jerusalem. First Christians to ever speak at the Temple Mount.

It was a miraculous thing. The Lord touched my heart that we were supposed to go stand in Jerusalem, and I didn't know what to say. And do what, Lord? Make a stand. Okay, that's never going to happen. We went and we obeyed. Some people who came with me were trying to talk me out of it the whole time, saying, Glenn, this is impossible. It can never happen. It won't happen. And I looked at them.

And I finally got sick and tired enough. I said, talk to him. Don't talk to me. I'm with you on that. I'm with you on that. I'm with you on that. Doesn't that sound like a crazy person? I mean, I tweeted this and I put this on the Facebook and I really believe this. I think Glenn Beck has lost his mind and nobody around him will tell him.

Like, no, I mean, I think they were telling him he just kept on saying talk to god you know because the guy is basically a money like he walks around and he's just a big money and he's just going to be surrounded by people who want a piece of his money and i don't think anyone's going to be willing to say like hey man you're really, really, really crazy. He's fucking, that is as close to Beal as I've ever heard him speak though. Right there is, that's fucking crazy. There's a little more. And miracle after miracle after miracle, I find myself standing where Jesus turned the temples over.

The first Christian to be allowed to speak there. What do you say? I'm walking down the streets of Jerusalem praying, Lord, what do you want me to say? What do you want me to say? And unlike anything I have ever felt before, I know the love. I know the gentleness of Christ. I've never felt the wrath. Lord, what do you want me to say? You tell them I am coming and I will settle scores. He's one of those guys like in the porn that needs to announce when he's coming. He's just like, I'm coming. I'm coming. What is the settling of scores?

I don't know. I thought Jesus was a Rathi. I thought that was the Old Testament God. I thought he fucking chilled out. It's pretty fucking Rathi though. And then it was just like, yeah, I thought that was the Old Testament God. I thought he fucking chilled out. It's pretty fucking wrath-y, though, isn't it? It was just like, yeah, maybe it's like hillbilly God. He was talking like, hey, I'm going to go down and settle some scores. I owe some money to Bill, and I'm going to, you know,

like I got to go get my lawnmower from Jake because he borrowed it years ago. And, Bobby, I took a bet with you against the Chargers. I owe you big. I didn't think that. I didn't think I was going to win that one. You better pay up. You should have taken the under. God damn.

I mean, me damn. Let me tell you something. The vig on that money is huge. God's going to come down and settle some scores. That makes sense. That makes fucking total sense that an omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent god is going to come

down to Earth and settle some fucking scores. This guy's imagination draws the smallest, pettiest gods. It really does. Again, it's the fucking, it's the vigilantism, right? It's that idea that we have this overinflated sense of vengeance that somehow, that, that there's someone on this planet that the scores need to be settled against.

Who would those people be? They're the enemies of Glenn Beck because he's the prophet. Right. And isn't that an overinflated sense of self-worth? I mean, sure. God ignored Hitler. Right. God ignored Pol Pot. God has ignored mass murderers throughout all of history.

But somehow he's going to swing down and be salty with me. Yeah, settle some scores with the, I don't even know, the people who kicked him off Fox News. I don't know. I'm coming to get you. Like, okay. You don't even have to show up. You have literally all the power. I don't know.

You don't have to come either. Please don't get that on me. If you're going to do that, what are you waiting for? Why does God need to tell Glenn Beck? Tell him I'm coming. I don't like to show up unannounced. What is he, in the shower? He's like, in the shower. He's like, just tell him I'm coming. I don't like to show up unannounced. What is he, in the shower? He's like in the shower. He's like, just tell him I'm coming.

I said I was going to be there. I'll be gone in five minutes. Jesus, can I just get a little alone time? Can't even masturbate in peace. Can't even take a smash around here without you every two minutes. We'd like to thank the following people who became patrons this month. We'd like to thank the following people who became patrons this month. Max, Cohen, Phillip, Ian, Carl, Nathan, Basement Matt, Eric J., Angelo, Josh, Jennifer, Reva, Eric, LJ, Adam, Matthew, and Andrew. Your generous support helps with the production of the show.

This story comes from Salon.com. Tennessee just became the first state that will jail women for their pregnancy outcomes. Against the advice of doctors, addiction experts, and reproductive health groups, Governor Bill Haslam signed State Bill 1391. State Bill 1391 basically is a bill that would allow prosecutors to charge a woman with criminal assault if she uses illegal drugs during her pregnancy and her fetus or newborn is considered harmed as a result. Pretty much all regulatory bodies said, terrible idea. Just terrible. Went ahead with it anyway. So go Tennessee. Yeah. It went ahead with it because women don't matter. Well, that's true. You know, that's very true. That's not actually true at all. Yeah. No, women matter't matter. Well, that's true. That's very true.

That's not actually true at all. Yeah, no, women matter a lot. The crazy thing about this is like what we're going to end up doing is jailing new moms and creating orphans rather than providing any kind of, you know, rehabilitation for drug use. You know, this is part of the draconian drug policy in this country that flies in the face of all good reason and all good sense and is basically a policy built entirely on vengeance. This is the vengeance fucking episode. It's sure. It really is a policy that's aimed at punishment rather than rehabilitation. Absolutely. Absolutely. I can't agree more, Tom. I think that's, that's the reason why it's a bad idea, right? You know, do these women that, um, that have a child that's fucked up because of this stuff, is that a bad thing?

Fucking A, it's a terrible thing. You're essentially paying for these people to live in prison, right? So if we go ahead and house these people and say, okay, you did a wrong thing. We're going to put you in jail. You fucked up. It's an assault charge essentially on your baby. Okay, you get an assault charge. Your kid goes into foster care. All that money now has to come from somewhere.

So now we're going to house you three squares a day. You get all your fucking whatever it is in jail, which is not a great life, but it certainly costs money. Okay. Same thing goes with the kid. The kid is going to live in foster care. We pay foster parents money to take care of these children. So that money's got to come from somewhere. Couldn't we just instead invest that money that we're going to be paying for these people that are going to go to jail instead in programs to try to help them get off the drugs? Because, you know, what you're going to do is if you criminalize it, if you make it a criminal offense, they're not going to seek help. They're going to stay away and try to make sure that they don't seek any help, and they're going to wind up fucking up the kids even more. So if you make it a sort of inclusive thing where you could be like, okay,

let's make sure that we can help people out instead, then you have a better chance of helping these people instead of just making it a criminal offense. Then you scare them away because they don't want to go to jail. Yeah. And you know, I mean, I guess this, this, this to me has a lot to do with what kinds of questions we want to ask about the world that we want to live in. Do we want to live in a world that basically shames people and punishes people? Or do we want to live in a world where we actually take a real look at problems and try to solve those problems? Because if we want to live in the latter, if we want to live in a world where we say, hey, you know, there's a problem where people are addicted to drugs and their kids are fucked up. That's a real thing.

You know, we need to ask ourselves, like, what's the solution to that problem? The solution to that problem is not creating orphans. The solution to that problem is treatment. It's drug treatment facilities. It's educational. It's probably, you know, a long term solution. But this sort of, you know, just well, just fucking slap them in the face. This it's always fucking sticks and never carrots with these people. And it's less fucking effective.

What the actual fuck? What the actual fuck? What the actual fuck? What the actual fuck? What the actual fuck? Conservopedia. Come on, man. What the actual fuck? What the actual fuck? Actual fuck. What the actual fuck?

What the actual fuck? Conservopedia. You will fuck, Conservapedia. Evolution syndrome is the tendency of some people to insist compulsively that human evolution from animals must somehow be true, and to spend nearly all of their time pushing that belief on others. It is reflected on the internet by people who devote over 90% of their edits and postings to pushing their belief in evolution and insisting on censoring or demonizing alternative views on the issue. They are particularly against teaching any alternative theories to children in school, sometimes claiming that this will harm children's critical thinking.

A childish insistence on last-wordism is a common characteristic of evolution syndrome. Sufferers of evolution syndrome tend to be college students or graduates who wanted to excel in math or physics, but lacked the ability or work ethic to do so. They are frustrated wannabes with respect to academic recognition, but they find that liberals will praise their intelligence if they promote evolution. This is analogous to a struggling ballplayer deceitfully turning to steroids to enhance his performance, and thereby make it to the big leagues. Evolution syndrome

blinds its victims to the logical fallacy of their materialism. If human senses have merely evolved, then it is to be expected that human senses have not developed to the point of being able to detect all of reality. Much of reality would still be unseen to an evolving human. Yet victims of evolution syndrome insist that there is nothing unseen and no God. The primary effect of evolution syndrome is to keep its victims away from learning the Bible. Victims of this syndrome claim to be educated, yet justify their complete ignorance about the Bible in their slavish commitment to their evolution belief system. Characteristics of evolution syndrome include frequent use of bizarre jargon such as quote

mining, moving the goalposts, and fundy. A belief that consensus can somehow define scientific truth, even though consensus cannot define mathematical truth. even though consensus cannot define mathematical truth. An utter lack of open-mindedness. A reluctance to debate when large audiences will see the debate. A superficiality or pseudo-intellectualism. A lack of critical thinking.

Over-reliance on name-calling. Ruthlessly demanding provable fact by the other side while themselves insisting on unproven theories. Utter intolerance for other positions in science. A complete lack of curiosity and knowledge about anything that might contradict materialism, such as migration and homing. A complete ignorance about the Bible, despite its historical value, and even though evolutionists pretend to be learned. A tendency to be irrational atheists. A tendency to favor non-democratic political ideals such as socialism or fascism.

An over-reliance on academic authority. A tendency to be easily amused by deceit. Evolution syndrome particularly afflicts people who have some education background without having the intellectual depth of more accomplished peers. They are like minor league baseball players who take steroids to get to the major leagues. They think that harping on evolution will gain them credibility they lack based on their intellect. Evolution syndrome can be seen on wikis, Usenet groups, faculty positions below full professorships, and some less selective doctoral programs.

There is a high incidence of atheism among this group and indeed, many if not most atheists suffer from evolution syndrome. Whether atheism is a cause of evolution syndrome or vice versa is still to be discovered, but the number of theistic evolutionists suggest that the link is not absolute. Keeping an open mind, not obsessing about one's own views, and avoiding the insistence that others should share in one's views are key to avoiding evolution syndrome. See, so this story comes from Right Wing Watch, and it's funny because in the last episode, I think I threw up my hands at one point and said something like, look, if we're going to be a theocracy, let's just call ourselves a theocracy.

And of course, when I'm hunting for stories, I find fucking Coach Goobernuts here. We are a theocracy. That's his name, Coach Goobernuts. I think that's his name, right? That is his name. It's a News With Views commentary, dave daubenmeyer or goober nuts coach i like coach what this guy coaches nothing like no he's got a hat he's got a cross he's got a hat that's clearly a i'm a coach hat this guy couldn't coach me into eating pudding faster

that's what i'm saying like he couldn't coach me into anything. The coach hat means good, I think. That's why he wears it. It means God. It's got a cross on it. After he declared America a theocracy, Jesus actually poured a huge fucking igloo cooler of holy water over him. And then they carried him off the field. It was actually Gabriel and Michael. They chanted his name. This one's for field. It was actually Gabriel and Michael. They chanted his name.

This one's for you. It was great. Yeah, so basically he's saying like, hey, we're a theocracy because we're one nation under God. So that's the reason we're a theocracy. All right. Well, you know, you could tell all those people like David Barton are dusting their hands off being like, why didn't I think of that in the first place? I had to make up a bunch of shit. Instead, I could have just said One Nation Under God.

That's what I had to do. Oh, that's great. That's exactly what you have to do. You know, he's saying some really crazy shit here, saying 3% is pushing around the 80%, essentially saying that they're pushing their idea of gay marriage into the world, and it's only a small group of people is doing this. But the thing he doesn't understand is that it's not just the gay people that want gay marriage. the gay people that are, that want gay marriage, it's people that think that being gay is not wrong and want the, want gay people to have the same rights are also in the same camp.

So when he says 3% is pushing on the 80, no, there's a lot of people, Christian people and other, you know, other religions and, you know, different worldviews that all think that gay rights is a good thing. And it's not just, you know, you're the 3%. The thing is, you just don't understand how it works. You're actually the 3%. You're the small group. I mean, I'm not going to say 3%, but you're the small group. You're the tiny group now. You're starting to get smaller and smaller and smaller. And the other thing I would say too, is there's this feeling that somehow when these laws go through, it seems like they're saying, I'm not going to recognize your marriage. I'm not going to recognize your marriage.

That's fine. I don't care. The thing is, I don't think that the gay people care that they're going to recognize a marriage. I certainly, I don't care if this fucking goober nuts as you call them recognize recognize my marriage. Like I don't care if you marry, who gives a fuck dude, you're a fucking goofy dorky dude with a fucking green screen. I give two shits whether you recognize my marriage. I only care that the state fucking recognizes my marriage. So you could go sit in your church and pretend that I'm not married all day. I don't give a fuck. I mean, nobody should care whether or not, you know, and that's what it feels like they're saying.

You know, you don't get to speak for the state. The majority gets to speak for the state. And when we vote on it, it turns out more people want it than don't. So just go back to your church, put your fingers in your ear and be like, la, la, la, la, la, they're not married. Okay, great. They're not married in your eyes. Who cares? So see, so the story comes from the raw story.

Sovereign citizens claim IRS can't tax them as residents of the kingdom of heaven. And I say, what's the zip code? What's the zip code on the kingdom of heaven? What is that? It's 999, actually. Nine? Just three nines? How do they get three numbers? Isn't it six numbers?

Well, you know, if you go to hell, it's 666. And if you're up in heaven, it's 999. Oh, I thought it was 777. That's actually you just win a lottery at that point. Like, it's just... 777 is the area code. 999 is the zip code. And if you want to mail a letter, it's just three cherries.

It's actually just three cherries. Yeah, right. Bar, bar, bar. So this Minnesota woman refused to pay taxes, income taxes, for seven years by claiming that she and her husband were not U.S. citizens but were permanent residents of the kingdom of heaven. Nice. That works.

That's not going to work. No, that's a terrible decision. That's not going to work. No, that's a terrible decision. That's just the worst decision. If you're a fucking permanent resident of the kingdom of heaven, don't you have to be dead first for that? I think

so. I mean, well, you know, maybe unless you have dual citizenship. Maybe you feel like Schrodinger's Christian. You're alive and you're dead. Yeah. You know, how much of this do you think is, you know, because these fucking crazy, these

are this crazy group of people called the sovereign citizens who think that like they could just say not it and they don't get arrested. I know. I fucking love these people because it doesn't work. The IRS not it and then they don't get arrested i know i fucking love these people because it doesn't work the irs finds them and then finds them well these are the same people who like walk down the street with their firearms to like get the cops to try to tell them to put it away and then tell them they're a sovereign citizen or there's that one guy who got fucking

tased because he wouldn't listen to the bailiff in the fucking did you see this i don't know if you saw this like a 15 minute just do a search for like sovereign citizen jury or whatever he was he was getting called in to do uh like to be he was being arrested on like a like some sort of charge and he had to go defend himself and he wanted to take his video camera into the court. And the bailiff's like, you can't bring the video camera in here. He's like, you can't tell me what to do and you can't touch me and you can't do this and you can't do that because I'm not letting you. I give you no power over me, blah, blah, blah.

And he's doing all this shit. And finally, he keeps on trying to push past the bailiff and the bailiff just pulls out his cattle prod fucking shots and the dude just falls over. And as much as I don't like gross displays of power once in a while when somebody's being a mega douchebag it is kind of satisfying uh but you know like what these people do is they they they just make something up like i don't have to pay taxes because i'm a i'm a fucking sovereign citizen and i you know you have no power over me

these people are fucking real wackadoos i you know but have no power over me these people are fucking real wackadoos i you know but part of me wonders how much of that is just wackadoo and how much of it is just like i really want to not just pay taxes man i think it's both right like i think i think the thing is that these this they feed off of each other you know like the wackadooness feeds off of this like they they all they all play in together, you know. So these people tend to be like these, you know, conspiracy theorists about more than one thing. And the sovereign citizen thing strikes me as very similar to some of this conspiracy stuff. It's like the super like aggressively anti-government sort of stuff.

It's like, yeah, I want to live in a country with roads and civil services and a military that protects us from foreign harm, but I'm a sovereign citizen, so I don't have to pay for it. Like, well, who's going to? Right. If not everyone, who's going to? Like, it's just fucking crazy shit. But then they also like, they often go hand in hand with like these like overly

religious zealot nut jobs. And so they kind of feed off of each other. And it's fucking awesome when it goes terribly awry. Because the Bible says that this is what you're supposed to be spending your time on. You say, well, I have all these other important things. Well, what does the Bible say is important? Feeding and clothing your family is what this woman is spending her time on. She's getting up early to make food. She's making clothes. She's making, I mean, that's what, look, am I making this stuff up? I mean, that's what the time's going into. And so if this is not what your time is going into, ladies, you need to reevaluate, you know, the time that you're putting into your household. That's your main job. This story comes from the Raw story. Arizona pastor childless women on birth control

have destroyed the U.S. with whoredom. Stupid whoredom. Oh, gosh. I love this guy. This guy is awesome. This is that pastor, Steven Anderson. This is like the most fucking... He is winning the prize, Cecil,

for most misogynist man in America. He has got this fucking thing wrapped up in his beard. He's doing a very good job. He is winning the prize, Cecil, for most misogynist man in America. He has got this fucking thing wrapped up in his beard. He's doing a very good job. And he's wearing the right color suit off the rack for it. You know what I mean? Like, look at that suit. Like, that's like the most untailored suit I've ever seen.

He looks like a fucking block. He looks like SpongeBob. He's just like the square shoulders I've ever seen. Honestly, he looks like a little boy wearing his dad's clothes. He does. That's what he looks like to me. But in a sermon he posted online this week at the Faithful Word Baptist Church, Steven Anderson explained that contraception was not something Christians should be practicing,

that feminism had given women the power to decide when to have children, and then that makes them fucking lazy? It makes them into an idol, a tattler, and a gossip, turning aside after Satan. This is good shit, man. I mean, this is all just crazy shit that just, like, he basically is saying, like, if you have a vagina, I fucking hate everything about you.

That's exactly it. I hate you so much. All I want you so much. All I want you to do is just shit kids out. How dare you think, speak, act, do anything, but wipe a bottom and cook a meal. Like that's all you're good for. What he said, I'm going to read two of the, I'm going to read three of the things he said. And a little bit's repeating what you just said, but there's, it's, it goes a little deeper when I read it. So this is quoting what he had to say. Actually, this is quoting the article. Cause I think that there, uh, uh, it doesn't look like a quote directly from him. So this is quoting the article. Anderson pointed out that God and the book of Genesis had made childbearing painful to punish

women for their original sin. That's nice. I can't believe people believe that. I know. Isn't that just the craziest shit ever? He says, he argued that feminism has given women the power to decide when to have children for themselves,

allowing them to have careers and follow other interests. How dare them women folks be having interests? And who's to say it's for themselves, right? I mean, like, because a woman can decide to have birth control, now clearly she can do it secretively. But, you know, when my wife and I were dating and we were sexually active, we had discussions about whether or not we're going to use birth control. And we decided

resoundingly, yes, we were going to use birth control. And we did, you know, clearly, you know, it's a, it's, it's something that I think a lot of couples have a discretion about. It just seems like he's saying like, well, they can do it. And so since they actually have to put the pill in their mouth and they're the ones who decide, no, that's not how it works. I guess in most relationships, that's not how it works. Yeah. But I think, you know, I think any suggestion of autonomy is offensive to this guy. I mean, I really think like his big problem here isn't whether or not so much whether or not women have kids. I think his big problem is that women should not have autonomy and autonomy over your body is, you know, control. And it's a kind of control that if he can take away, if he can demand that women not have control and autonomy over their own reproductive systems and whether or not they have children. I mean, that's changed the world, man.

I mean, like the advent of birth control freely available or readily available, I should say. I mean, it literally changes the world. It changes the demographic makeup. And this is threatening to this fuckwit, you know. So he's got to spread this kind of weird fear that I can't imagine how this works. I don't even know who would go to this church. That's the thing. When I hear this guy talk, Cecil, I keep thinking like, OK, it's one thing for someone to be this crazy.

Fine. But who attends your church? I know he's like he's like he's a mouthpiece. It's like it's like we were talking about earlier, like the people sitting in the Glenn Beck's audience. He's a mouthpiece. It's like we were talking about earlier, like the people sitting in Glenn Beck's audience. You're like, really? You guys are like sitting in that audience and listening to him fucking shout about miracles?

But this one is even more shocking because clearly he hates half of the fucking group. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this story comes from the mirror. What is happening in this story, Cecil? Evidently there is a show

I can't even read the headline because the headline refers to the video. So it's Watch Woman Admit Sex with Ghost was really really pleasurable on this morning. So according to this article, sex with a ghost is better than sex with me.

Yeah, I would think that this woman touching herself would certainly have a better time than with me, for sure. Yeah, I'm looking at this woman and I'm thinking, this woman would really rather fuck a ghost than get in the... This woman would probably do the donkey you know what i mean like she would almost certainly yeah what i what i think is a little weird about this and i want to read the quotes from this she says i was in the room at home by myself i was laying in bed and i felt something out of the room and i couldn't see anybody i could feel somebody was touching me and

their hands were pushing against my will i don't know what that means and i could feel somebody was touching me and their hands are pushing against my will. I don't know what that means. And I could feel the weight of the body on top of me. I couldn't see, but I could feel the pleasure, the energy, the warmth and pushing in different directions. The first time I was very confused by it all. And then I just decided to relax. It was really, really pleasurable. Can you imagine going like you? OK, so you have this fucking.

Basically, you have a wet dream like that's what happens, like you have a fucking sexy times dream and you wake up from it and you're like, I probably got fucked by a ghost. That's pretty much what happened. And then you go on TV and tell people about it. At what point are you just like, yeah, maybe that sounds crazy. And I should not say that to people. Yeah. You know, you got to wonder how much of this is just to get on TV and talk about it. You know what I mean?

Like, yeah, I don't know who this person is. She's clearly got a brand called herself that she has to promote. And that's cool. Like, whatever. It's all good. But the problem is that there is a television program where people tune in and there's spectrophilia, a word, which I think means fucking ghosts. That's where you have sex with spandex on, I think. I don't know.

The psychic that is the host of this show denied the non-consensual. This is crazy. The non-consensual experience constituted assault because this world is, quote, our realm of existence. Quote, people become victims because they allow themselves to be. All you have to do is claim your power, said yeah i have no idea that's some deepak chopra shit that's actually some secret stuff right like that you basically get out of the universe what you put in and all that kind of fucking mean foaming at the mouth rabid dog bullshit god i hate that shit.

I hate that like, hey, we all get what we deserve or that like, you know, hey, God wouldn't throw anything at you that you couldn't handle. It's like, really? Because people fucking commit suicide a lot. Like that's the that's like a leading. Yeah, because you wouldn't be able to say that to me if I couldn't handle it. Yeah. Like, oh, guess God fucking didn't throw any suicides at him. I couldn't handle it. Yeah, like, oh, guess God fucking didn't throw any

suicides at him he couldn't handle. Look at him handle that. Look at him. And it's a good thing, like, nobody ever, like, fucking just says fuck it and, like, abandons their family. Because that shit sometimes happens. Like, I fucking hate that.

I really just fucking hate that. Like, oh, everybody just kind of gets what they can. Oh, man, because that's awesome when, like, kids starve to death because Jesus was like, you can handle it. You can handle not eating food again today. Oh, man. Thanks. That's awesome. I believe in you, young African.

Right. It's like, oh, man, look at Syria handle those barrel bombs. Oh, they're handling the fuck out of those barrel bombs. Look at them handle that barrel bomb. Oh, man. Well fucking handled. Tom, you're the fucking biggest Debbie Downer in the world. Fucking hate that shit, Cecil.

It's so offensive. We're going to go through some of the email here. We got a message from Phil. Phil sent us a fat starfish. We're going to put it. There's a piece out there. We'll put a link to the fat starfish. We thought it was pretty funny.

I also wanted to mention, I talked to Adam Reeks from the Herd Mentality this week, and I just want to mention that he is trying to collect some funds for a sexual assault victim. The sexual assault victim is trying to take the person who sexually assaulted her to court, and he's trying to collect some funds based on that. You can listen to his latest podcast, the one with Lawrence Krauss. It's a great podcast, and he explains a lot more about it in the very beginning. But one of the things he's trying to do is he made a cow, a herd mentality cow out of wood. So it's a giant wooden cow and he said it's a one of a kind thing and he's trying to sell it on

eBay to try to help send this person, I think, on a holiday before she goes to court. So he's trying to give her a good, like, actually show that she can, like, have a nice time and sort of forget about this awful thing that happened to her. So it's very good cause. We're going to put a link to it on this show, Show Notes, episode 149. So if you want to bid on the cow, you can either go to Adam Reek's site or you can go to our site, DissonancePod.com. And I got to say, I love this cow. Like, this cow is awesome.

And if it wasn't being shipped from Australia and it wouldn't cost me a jillion dollars, I would buy this cow. You know, it'd probably be cheaper to fly a plane over there and float the fucking thing back. Sir Andrew did our Mad Lib Viticus. sir andrew did our mad lib vidicus and every time we do a mad lib vidicus uh you can find the mad lib vidicus on our uh on our episode for that current week he wound up doing one and it was very funny he sent it to us i will mention uh one line he says you are to wash the glory hole and the legs with santorum and i thought that that was fucking awesome. That was so awesome. So thanks Andrew for submitting your Mad Libviticus.

We got a message from LJ, Tom. And LJ has he's fucking Robocop. Yeah, this is awesome. He basically got tired of losing his fucking keys. And so he had an RFID chip implanted into his wrist uh to turn on his

fucking motorcycle and it's awesome and i wish i could have fucking chips implanted in me to fucking perform most of my basic functions i know like open my doors at work and shit just like walk up and be like the door's open that would be fucking awesome i have to enter my building with a fucking electronic key card that's a fucking annoying ass key card and I refuse to wear one of those lanyard things around my neck. I'm not going to do it. So I put the thing

in my wallet and I take my wallet out every time. I just want chips in me. Fucking I want to be covered in chips. I would love to ride the CTA in Chicago with one of these things. Just walk up and be like bloop and just walk past. You'll never see this though because like i said that end times bullshit that i'd just be like no can't fucking make that thing man nobody could steal your fucking car without like chopping off your hand be awesome somebody plucking out your eye and you imagine

like a burglar minority report just like full like full of hands. Hold on, I got to pick the lock. We got a message from Patrick, and I'm going to put this on Facebook, this picture. He wound up making a package designed for Nature's Vengeance douche. So you just want to go check it out. It's very funny. Itrick uh we got contacted this week by kevin mcleod kevin mcleod does tons of music on the web and i actually use his site all the time and he's a he's actually his stuff's been played all over the place it gets played in movies it gets played in uh in tons of series i i was watching uh like a bones or a House or something one time,

and they played one of his songs. And I mean, he plays, he does tons of instrumental music, and it's all Creative Commons. And we use one of his songs and he contacts us and said, hey, if you ever need any music, let me know. And I actually wound up buying his music because you can use his music without citation if you buy it. So I wound up spending the money to buy the music so we could use it without citation. Because Kevin does awesome shit. His website is called incompetech.com. All you have to do is search for that and you'll find his website. And he has like gobs of instrumental music.

So if you're ever looking for instrumental music, all he asks is that you cite it. And it's an amazing site. So keep it up, Kevin. So we got a message from TISF. I think that's what he wants to be called. He sent a long message basically saying that the Orthodox Jews are, because I guess we were talking about the Muslims at some point and he was saying, well, the Orthodox Jews are just as bad and we kind of agree. Yeah, I totally agree with you. He points out some of the crazy shit in his email that is part of the Jewish faith,

such as if you're working at the emergency services, medical services, you can operate your mobile emergency device using your teeth only. I imagine that's during the Sabbath. During Saturday, you cannot pay your doctor, but you're allowed to pay to the mole. You're not allowed to talk to a secular person unless it's for conversion purposes. Good luck on that. If you're using a tablet to read your prayers and it fell to the floor, I love this one, you must kiss it. What? Yeah. Women cannot be judges since they are incapable of making decisions. You cannot mourn a person who gave their body to science.

It's just it's fucking full of like like that's one thing I will say like the Jewish faith is amazing at is creating like impossible rules and lots and lots of them. Lots of them. So we got a message. This message is from Aaron. And Aaron says he wanted to point out that there was a Snap Challenge cookbook that came out. So we were going to link to that on this episode, episode 149. Thanks for sending it in. We think it's great that somebody came up with a Snap Challenge cookbook. One thing I will point out that this certainly isn't a solution for those people who are on Snap, mainly because

a lot of this stuff I was looking through, it's like there's a lot of time that's involved. And when you're poor, time is not a commodity that you have a lot of, it turns out, because you're, you know, either you're pounding the pavement to find a job or you're one of those working poor people who is just getting extra assistance to sort of subsist. And those people work really hard and they're probably really tired and they don't want to come home and make their own tortillas. You know what I mean? Like that's not on the list of things to do. But it is a good resource. So we don't want to poo-poo that.

It is a great resource. It is a great resource and we'll link to it for sure. And thank you. Yeah, I don't want to. I'm certainly not poo-pooing. And I'm just saying, like, clearly there's other issues involved, too, that go with this sort of thing. But I do want to point out that it is a wonderful resource, and we're happy that you sent it. Tom, we got a message from Nick, and we think it's very funny.

Yeah, Nick says, I've been a fan of you guys for some time and immensely enjoy your show. However, in your most recent episode, I was deeply offended by your likening of Archbishop Aquila. You nailed that every time. You crushed that show. It's like La Quinta, Ian. You're so good at it. To the servant and stableman, Hodor. Hodor.

Hodor. It is a profound insult to desecrate the name of such an upstanding man by associating him in any way with that exceptionally simple-minded buffoon, Chancellor Tequila, or what the fuck ever. Chancellor Tequila, wasn't he in Star Wars? That's awesome. It's a trap. I hope in the future we will refrain from- He's doing shots off Leia's stomach. He's licking the salt off her back of her hand.

I like this. I hope in the future we refrain from including the two in the same sentence, and I will continue to torture myself with your program. Yeah. That's awesome. We got a great message. This is my favorite message. The last message we got was from Forbes India,

and Forbes India says, message from sender. Hello, my name is Cynthia. I saw your profile and it is very nice and interesting. Please can we be friends? I have something very important to tell you and also send you my photo.

Yours friend. Yours friend. That's how you know it's real. Yours, friend. Well, thank you, Forbes India. We're very happy that you listened to the show. You know, glory hole. Glory hole, Forbes. Glory hole, Forbes.

That's great. We are in talks to try to have Greta Christina on. Not this upcoming week, but it would probably be the following week, maybe. We're not sure. It'll be in the future, near future. We're going to have her on to talk about her brand new book, Coming Out Atheist, How to Do It, How to Help Each Other, and Why. We've both got advanced copies. We've been reading it. It's a great book, so we're anxious to talk to her. She's been making the rounds on other podcasts, but clearly we are going to give her the best

interview. So look forward to that in the future. Well, that's it for this week. We're going to leave you as always with the skeptics creed and we'll see you next week. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil

and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative acupunctuating, pressurized stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, reflex foot massage death

and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Thank you. you