Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 152: Humpty Dumpty Makes an Omelet

Episode Date: May 19, 2014

   

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Beep! Hey guys, this is David from Kentucky. But an interesting issue with discussing religion, specifically Christianity, with theists that comes up, they almost always seem to blindside them,

and it doesn't seem to get spoken about a lot. So I thought I'd go ahead and put it out there. It's the idea that Christians assume that they can convince you that their God exists however way they want to do it, whether they're bad arguments or whatever, that therefore you will automatically worship that God. And that always seems very strange to me, because I don't think I've heard any version of the Christian deity, for example, that is anything other than a completely vile monster.

And while I think that I could be convinced that he exists, potentially, because there was enough evidence, I don't think that I'd ever be compelled, unless he uses magic to do so, to worship him. And that always seems to really confound them. All right. Take care. Bye. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.

The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at.

This is episode 152. And no, I did not lose count. I did not this time, you bastards. We had a bonus episode, which was recently released. We named it Bonus Episode 1 initially, but we decided, fuck that noise. We're just adding a 1 to things because I'm not keeping track, Cecil. There's no way Tom can keep track of two fucking simultaneous fucking rows of numbers. That's not going to happen.

That is absolutely not going to happen. So we're just going to add one, and I'll continue to desperately flail about with even that. It's funny, Cecil, because we got an email. I'm jumping ahead a little bit, but we got like a lot. We got an email today from somebody who's a mathematician. He said, hey, you know, if I can ever offer my services. And I thought, what do you mean if you can ever offer your services? I need a mathematician to add one. I need a mathematician to get to the next show number. Yeah, I definitely want to say to Charles, you know, look, what you can do to help the show is somehow teach Tom to use an abacus. So he can keep sliding the beads over in the right direction.

If you can do that, or hell, just make an Excel sheet that spits out the row numbers. The problem is I'm out of fingers at this point. I'm out of toes. I can't even see my dick. I mean, how am I supposed to get that done? Honey, I need you to count from 11 for me. Can you come down? She comes down.

She's like, no, that's 10 and a half. Who are you kidding? And I told her, give it a minute. I'm a grower. I have no problem attending happy weddings. Okay, if there is a gay wedding and everybody's gay, everybody's happy, I have no problem with people attending a happy wedding, okay? But I'm not real big on attending neurotic weddings.

So I draw a distinction between gay weddings attending neurotic weddings. So I just, I draw a distinction between gay weddings and neurotic weddings. People say, well, what's a neurotic wedding? Neuronic wedding is what Nero came up with when he said, hey, let's do same-sex weddings. Okay, that came from Nero. He's the namesake for this kind of abomination. It's very popular today, outrageously popular. It's mind-boggling how popular it is. Now, Dave, however, I have many exceptions. I think you can attend a wedding if you hold up a sign that reads Leviticus 2013. I think that would be appropriate.

I think that would be appropriate. Yeah, that you could attend a wedding and hold up the sign Leviticus 2013. And, you know, word for word, a man sleeps with a man as he sleeps with a woman. The two of them have committed abomination. They shall both be put to death. I mean, you could attend a wedding and hold up that sign. So if you get an invitation to a homosexual wedding, and I guess, Dave, it be put to death. I mean, you could attend a wedding and hold up that sign. So if you get an invitation to a homosexual wedding, and I guess, Dave, it comes down to if you bake a cake for a homosexual wedding, you could put Leviticus 2013 on the cake.

So, Cecil, this first story comes from Yahoo News. Sore winners. Christian group offended by Mississippi businesses that won't discriminate against gays. by Mississippi businesses that won't discriminate against gays. Basically, the American Family Association's got their panties in a great big fucking bunch because there's businesses that are putting stickers out that says, hey, if you're buying, we're selling. We don't discriminate. And they got like a little, you know, rainbow sticker on them.

And evidently, they are being labeled by the AFA as Mississippi businesses that discriminate against religious freedom. That is hilarious, isn't it? And what I think is funny is, okay, so put yourself in this discriminatory pair of shoes, right? You're some hateful douchebag bigot who doesn't want to make fucking wedding cakes for gay couples, right? So let's just presume, one, that you're a baker that would actually produce goods that made it out the door let's say that you didn't eat before the the customers came in i was gonna say we've got you've got huge right we've already got problems with this business model so let's just presume like you you walk into my bake shop and it's like why are you covered in fondness tom why are you just and it's like, why are you covered in fondant, Tom? What you see is like, it's like when they walk into a bake shop and the walking dead

and like shit's turned over and there's like crumbs on the floor and like a smear of fudge on the wall. And that's it. That's all it's in there. And you just sitting there going, ho, ho, ho. But anyway, let's presume. I'm rolling in it like a fucking pig in a blanket. It's like in a big vat of fudge,

just kicking your feet in hog heaven. But in any case, let's presume that you're this fat, ugly baker. Okay. And, and you, the person comes in and they, they,

they, they don't see the fucking thing in the, in the, in the window. So they don't come to your shop. And the only reason you're mad is you didn't get to tell them no to their face because you were going to tell them no anyway. I know.

It doesn't even make any sense. You were already going to say no. So you could just avoid them even being in your line. All you wanted to do was just be mean to them. It's so funny because the AFA, here's what they have to say. So twist your head around this. I tried to read this three times. I don't know that I get it.

It can't be done. It says, ironically, this sticker represents the very promotion of discrimination. It's the rainbow A, I guess. I don't know yeah i get right against the freedom of religious convictions businesses that display this sticker believe christians should be forced by law to embrace homosexuality and deny their faith faith in personal business practices no it just says i'll be giving a fuck if you you got money, I got goods and services. And you're clearly going to say no because you have that right, right?

You're clearly not going to give these people your business. So if you already are going to plan on discriminating against somebody, why not just let them know? I don't understand. I love that because what it is is they're just like, hey, I thought this is like we talked about last week, right? Where you were like, what they don't understand is they're the 3% is that the bigots are the minority. And what these stickers do is they show the whole world that the bigots are the minority. Because as these stickers pop up everywhere and as people realize, man, I would like to have anyone buy my goods and services. Like as a business owner, I would just like to exchange goods and services for monetary units.

That is the reason I'm in business. So, you know, as more of these stickers pop up all over the place, you know, the bigots feel isolated. And this is their pushback. This is like, this is how far you have to fucking strain logic and bend that shit until it damn near breaks in half in order to get to these conclusions. Is this only for the marriage industry, Tom? Because I can't imagine like if two guys come in to buy a selfie, you're like, wait a minute, are you guys gay?

You know what I mean? Like what? Or, you know, two guys come in and buy a KitchenAid like wait a minute are you guys gay you know i mean like what or you know uh two guys come in and buy a kitchenaid mixer and chances are they're gay but still you know the thing is you're like okay well are they gay are they just shopping for a kitchenaid mixer like the only time you can really tell this stuff is when they're you know either they're coming into your store and they're like making out in front of you, which I fucking highly doubt is happening. Or you're somehow finding out that they're either married or want to be in a relationship and somehow that they're memorializing that relationship through your business. That's the only way I could think that this would work. And so the only people that really I think would even give a shit about this are the people that are, you know, hyper religious that are in the marriage business.

Because like I said, if I'm a fucking furniture salesman and I happen to be hyper religious, how the fuck do I know if you're gay? What do you want a rainbow sofa? You know, like I can't figure out how you would know. Yeah. Well, maybe if they give like like take the sofa for a test fuck. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. It's like it's Jesus! It's nice.

It's comfortable. I like the microfiber. That's nice. But we've got to fuck on the thing before we'll buy it. The stains come off of that microfiber really well. Look, I just need to know if this is going to chafe when I'm fucking my boyfriend across the back of it. I just want to know. That's all to chafe when I'm fucking my boyfriend across the back of it.

I just want to know. That's all I'm looking for. You know, like what I'm really driving the point home, if you know what I mean. Does this couch come with a glory hole or do I have to cut one into it? Is it easy to wipe the lube off of this? Is it like a cup holder that I could put lube in? You know, like maybe like a lube dispenser? Look, we don't, I mean, we don't want to actually fuck in your store.

So we just brought some Santorum to pour on it. And then you could just do like a cleaning demo. Right, exactly. You're like that guy who screams at everybody and wipes shit up. The ShamWow guy appears. A wild ShamWow guy appears. A wild ShamWow guy appears. Out of nowhere.

Is that guy in the dead oxyclean guy? Dead oxyclean guy. That's who I was talking about. That's the guy. The dead guy was the guy I was talking about. Yeah, he's dead. He's shows off to a talking about that's the guy the dead guy was the guy i was talking about yeah he's dead he's

shows off to a fucking roaring start you know neither one of those guys come to think of it have have done terribly well because didn't the sham wow guy get like busted he like like he like beating up a prostitute and biting her tongue when it took her his mouth or something i don't know what he did. That's a fucking rough business, hawking info. It really is. It's difficult. Yeah. You're going to love his nuts.

Who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole? It's Cheetah. So this story comes from Think Progress. Teen girl kicked out of prom so her dress wouldn't lead boys to think impure thoughts. This story is fucking ridiculous. A 17-year-old high school girl from Virginia, her dress had to be past her fingertips. It was past her fingertips. That's how the dress code requirement was built.

She showed up to the dance. She wasn't even dancing, and she was asked to leave. And the reason that she was given is that some of the fathers chaperoning the event had complained about her. They reportedly said that her dancing, which she wasn't even doing, was too provocative and that she was going to cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts. And Cecil, is there a reason to go to your prom other than to think impure thoughts? I don't think so. But the thing is, like, the weird thing is that this is like a homeschooling prom. I don't know if you saw that, but, like, this is like a homeschool thing.

So they're all high school senior homeschool people, and they could only bring one person with them that was not in homeschool. Did you see that? I didn't see that. It would actually be more unsettling if they brought someone from home though. Like my date to my prom is my brother. Like I brought my golden retriever. That's a little awkward. You know, weird. Yeah. No, but it's if you click on her link, if you follow her link, she talks about it being a homeschool. She's like, I'm a high school senior, a homeschooler, and a girl. That's how she starts her thing out.

Oh, I missed that. So she's clearly – and this is the blog post it takes you to that's been getting all the hits that she wrote after it. Now, I want to point one thing out, and it's still just as disturbing, right? So, like, it's not basically saying that these guys, you know, didn't think this because they may have thought this. They may have thought, you know, the 40-year-old guys or whatever, 50-year- on her blog post, she shows a picture of her and her prom date and her prom date. She's a white girl and she's dating a black guy. She's taking a black guy to prom with her. And, you know, you kind of have to wonder, you know, are they falling back on this? You know, are they just fucking racists? racists, right? And then they're falling back on some, something to get them out of being racist. And what they use is, you know, a way to be bigoted. What, what we're seeing now in the, in the, when the gay community, you know, the way to be bigoted against the gay community is to quote your Bible. And this is very similar, right? It's like, they're going to give these boys impure thoughts. Well, where do you get impure thoughts from? The only place that talks about impurity, right? In our society today, you know, it's not fucking, it's not a TV show. It's the Bible, you know, I mean, that's the only place that you can be getting this stuff from. So they're able to go to that authority to somehow find some technicality to get her thrown out when really it might be racism. That's the underlying cause to this. I don't know, but, you know, it's just as much speculation as, well, they were horny guys.

Well, right. You know, I mean, the thing is that no matter which angle you take on it, like, even if you trust their word, it's like, oh man, when the boys are going to think impure thoughts, like, well, then fucking kick the boys out. Right. I mean, like, if the thought police, like, the thought police show up and they're like,

oh, did you have a thought we disagree with? I did, but, I mean, it's her fault? I did, but it's her fault. It's totally her fault. So they kick her out of the thing? I mean, it's just such a ludicrously misogynist, obviously misogynist thing to do. And I got to tell you, those boys aren't winning. It's not like they're like, oh, man, she's gone. Now I don't remember what she looks like.

She's like, sausage party. Nobody's cheering for that. Right. Thanks for ruining my prompt, dad. Yeah, no kidding. I can kick the only hot chick out of the place. I think that, you know, there's, there's, that there's an interesting view in this article that talks about how sort of ludicrous fingertip length dresses are. And it's something I didn't even know what it was. Right. So this, this story has kind of been percolating all over the internet and I found it, you know, two or three days before someone had sent it to us. But, uh, when I found

it, I read fingertip length and I had no fucking idea what that meant. I was like, wait a minute. Is she like, like, cause I'm thinking like three fingers of Scotch, right? So I'm thinking, I'm like, first off, where are the fingers going? No, but like, I'm thinking, okay, well, what is she like going by her belt line? And I'm thinking i'm like first off where are the fingers going no but like i'm thinking okay well what is she like going by her beltline and i'm thinking like fingertips is she saying like her hand width down and i'm like that's a fucking small dress so i had to ask my wife i was like what does fingertip length mean and she stood up and showed me it's when you have your arms extended it has to be below or past the fingertips where your arms are but that doesn't take into account size and shape differences on women, right?

If you're a short girl with short arms, you're fucking, you could have an ass hugger on. If you're a girl with fucking gorilla arms, you know, it's down to your knees. So it's not a way in which to really regulate dresses at all. Instead, it just has this sort of weird, I mean, I don't know. It's like, it's like fucking measuring shit in cubits. You know what I mean? It's just like, we don't need to do that anymore. You know, the whole, the whole, like we did that.

I remember when I went to school, that's how they, that's how they measured shorts. Like that's, that was the rule in my junior high and my high school, you know, that was like your, you know, shorts had to be, but it was only for girls. I mean, like boys didn't, I mean, like when I went to school in the 90s. Yeah, I wore hot pants every day in high school. Yeah. Hot pants every day for guys. I just wore a Speedo everywhere.

Yeah. I just was like, yeah, I'm a fucking fat guy in a Speedo. I wore a singlet everywhere. I was like, fuck it. But it's so funny too that like you basically have to line up to be judged to see if you're too sexy or not as like a teenage girl. Like, yep. All right. I'm going to stand in front of these grownups and they're going to tell me if you're too sexy or not as like a teenage girl like yep all right i'm gonna stand in front of these grown-ups and they're gonna tell me if i'm too sexy and if i'm too sexy they kick me out of the prom like that's a fucking weird thing like you gotta be the like the fucking

sexy teenage girl police yeah and and what is the prom anyway you You know what I mean? Like the prom is you getting gussied up into really nice looking outfits and trying to look as desirable as possible. Isn't that the point of it? I thought so. a major opportunity for young people entering adulthood to, like you said, to get dressed up, but they're getting dressed up in clothes that are typically reserved for adults attending a formal event. So it's almost a rite of passage from, you know, that transition from childhood or adolescence into adulthood, which is why it's typically a junior senior thing there's no frosh soft prom right so right i mean that's kind of what it's designed for it's designed to sort of be that sort of conduit into adulthood which means sexy times that's what that means right i mean like i i don't i mean yeah maybe you know the homeschooler fucking prom doesn't break

up and they go up to Wisconsin afterwards. But I knew a lot of people that went to prom and they went out, they like went on a trip with their prom dates. You know what I mean? Like they're like, we're going to go spend the weekend somewhere and something's going to happen. Right. Right.

Like we're going to go camping. Right. Which basically means fucking in a tent. That's pretty much what we're doing. Really uncomfortable with crickets sort of climbing on you. Wakefield is not just any researcher. His 1998 study on autism and childhood vaccines literally changed the way many parents think about vaccines. The study was based on just 12 children.

That's right, 12 children. But many parents desperate for answers around the world embraced Wakefield's claim that he'd found a link between autism and the vaccine for measles, mumps, and rubella. This next story comes from religionnews.com. Ohio measles outbreak tied to Amish missionaries. What? I know. A measles outbreak tied to a group of Amish missionaries in Ohio has reached 68 cases, giving the state the dubious distinction of having the most cases reported in any state since 1996. I just, I have to pause and think about the fucking sales pitch that Amish missionaries must be faced with. You know, Amish missionaries is really hard to say.

You've got to shorten that down to Amissionaries. Amissionaries. You've just got to shorten that down from now on. It's like one of those, you know, it's like Bennifer. You know what I mean? You just shorten that shit down. There you go. I'm just, I'm just, I didn't know the Amish were missionary in general.

I actually had no idea, but like for. How do they get overseas? They take a buggy? Well, I think they just, I don't, I think they just go out into the community. I don't think that they... Oh, so they stay close by. They take their buggy to upstate New York. I see.

But actually, it says in the article that the outbreak began after the missionaries returned from the Philippines. So I guess they went over to the Philippines. But that would be an easier sell now that I think about it. It's like a sailing ship or something? How do you get over there? Like the fucking Nina and the Pinta and the fucking Santa Maria? If you're going to convince a bunch of people to abandon technology, it does make sense to go to people with less technology. It's very true.

If you're going to be like, hey, you're living in the past already. You should be Amish. Would you like to get the technology? Would you like to get the technology of, say, 10 years in the future? Like the Amish missionaries show up and it's like, whoa, they're so advanced. Did you see their buttons? Did you see? They're holding their hats together with buckles.

Do you see? He's holding a buggy whip. A buggy whip. Why didn't I think of that? God. This whole time, I've just been clapping my hand very loudly behind the horse. Super insensitive to the Philippines, by the way. It's really a horrible thing for us to be saying right now.

I just, I'm fucking, like, so I guess the Amish have low vaccination rates, right? Which is not terribly surprising since they don't have zippers. Vaccination rates, right, which is not terribly surprising since they don't have zippers. So I would think that vaccination. You just hate the Amish so much. I really strongly dislike the Amish. I really do. Well, here's here. You know, I don't have a lot to say about the Amish themselves, but I do want to read part of the article.

And this is the last two paragraphs of this article from Religion News Service. Before the measles vaccine became available in 1963, the virus infected about 500,000 Americans a year, causing 500 deaths and 48,000 hospitalizations. and 48,000 hospitalizations. Case counts since 2000 have ranged from 37 in 2004 to a high of 220 in 2011, the CDC says. While most people recover from a fever, rash, and other symptoms associated with measles after a few days, complications can occur, especially in children. Those complications can include ear infections and pneumonia, or more rarely, brain infection. One or two out of a thousand children with measles will die. So anybody who ever says, well, let's have a measles party. What's the big deal? What's the big deal? Yeah the big deal yeah 500,000 people 500 deaths that's one in a thousand and it's like and we can knock that from a half a million to 37 right to 37 and

you notice that they didn't mention any deaths right i didn't say you know 37 and one death they didn't say that you know even when it was 220, I don't see death there. Right. So, you know what I mean? So if you keep it under 1,000, chances are you won't have a death. Right. Right. I mean, it's like here we have a problem that we know the answer to. Right.

Like how often does that happen in public health? Right. How often does that happen in public policy where we can actually say, like, there's a problem. What's the problem? It's measles. Is it bad? It's not good. Do we have a solution?

Fuck yeah. Well, let's make sure not to use it. What? What? Yeah. What the fuck? It's a fucking terrible decision. And saying it's not harmful is just ridiculous and stupid.

And there was some good news about the measles, though. The Mayo Clinic had a trial where they did this massive blast of the measles vaccine and wiped out some cancer recently. This article comes from the Star Tribune. That's pretty amazing. I think that's amazing that they're able to drop that fucking vaccine in there. And they were able to give the person, and it's funny because the number of amount or the amount that they got was for a normal dose of vaccine. It contains 10,000 infectious units. But in order to do this for this blowing out of the cancer, the patient was injected with 100 billion infectious units. And they didn't mention that she now has 10,000 cases of autism.

They didn't mention that in the article. But I think she does. The doctor's sitting there like scratching his head like 9,999? Well, the best part is it all cancels out. You know, when you got that many cases of autism,

you're just normal. That's awesome. That's fantastic. That story was amazing. It's fantastic. Yeah, that story was amazing. It's like, yeah, we'll fucking blast them with fucking measles vaccine. Oh, great. Now I don't have blood cancer. Yeah, no kidding. Or bone cancer.

Right. I'll just take none of the cancers, please. That would be awesome. This is something that has promise. But the thing is, is like we still have people in this country that will fight against vaccines. So I'm sure that this is going to have some sort of uphill battle if it does become some sort of treatment in the future.

Yeah, you're probably right, is that people will fight against it because they'll fight against anything that, I mean, really they'll fight against fucking anything if you get enough people fucking together. But you know, you know, when they'll stop fighting when they get fucking cancer. Right. Right. Someone's like, yeah, you know, we got a thing we can do for that.

It's basically a shot. That's pretty much it. It's just basically a shot and it's an intravenous injection of massive amounts of this measles vaccine and I can blow your cancer right out of there. Oh, all of a sudden people get a little more comfy with their thoughts on that. It's the same thing with fucking AIDS though. Right. I mean, like, like there's treatments out there, et cetera. And they're just like, well, AIDS doesn't exist. What are you talking about? Fucking AIDS people are just like, well, HIV doesn't cause AIDS.

Fucking AIDS people are just like, well, HIV doesn't cause AIDS. Well, that's not a true. Yeah, that's not something that anybody else has found. But it's just so funny that, you know, they're willing to go against doctors at every turn. It's just such a strange, weird, upside down, like, idea, ideology that people have. I don't understand. I mean, I understand being skeptical. I understand going out of your way to get, you know, second opinions and making sure that, you know, shit is fucking properly researched. I get it, man. Fucking that's, that's the fucking

heart and soul of medicine and fucking it's the heart and soul of evidence-based medicine. But the fact is, is that, you know, these people, they don't even bother with that stuff. They're just like, oh, it's, they're just out to make money. So I can't take any of the things that they've made with the wonders of science. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the thing is they're starting at a conclusion, you know, and it's, and it's problematic because they started what, what, what happens is they started a blanket conclusion, right? They started a global or universal conclusion that all doctors or all medicine or all of whatever is good or is bad or is whatever. And then they start slotting things in to fit that. And that's rather than saying like, well, what do we do for cancer? Well, what kind of cancer? What are the treatment

options? How effective are they? That's how you have to evaluate these things. You know, you have to, you would look at bone cancer differently than you would look at leukemia and you need to look at leukemia differently than blood cancer. And, you know, all these different, they really all have to be treated as discrete problems with discrete possible solution sets that need to be evaluated individually. But that's difficult and that's not like sexy for, you know, ratings and it doesn't get, you know, clicks and doesn't get blog posts about it. So instead, you come up with these universal concepts, right? Like mercury is bad. Like, all right, well, that's not really terribly meaningful to say. And then they, you know, start pushing down from there. And it's holding

everybody, it's holding people back. It's causing ill in the world. So this story is fucking insane. It's insane because it evolved since the first time that I tweeted it. And it has evolved in that it has gotten worse. So it's from Reuters. Sudanese woman may face death for choosing Christianity over Islam. A Sudanese court gave a 27-year-old woman until Thursday to abandon her newly adopted

Christian faith and return to Islam or face a death sentence. She was charged with apostasy as well as adultery for marrying a Christian man, which is prohibited for Muslim women to do, makes the marriage void. And actually, the final ruling is that they're going to hang this young lady. She's 27 years old. She's eight months pregnant. But it gets worse. They're going to hang this young lady. But first they've sentenced her to 100 lashes for the adultery. So they're going to wait until she gives birth to her child.

Then they are going to give her the 100 lashes. And then they are going to hang her. That's the plan as of right now. What are they going to, like, fucking tie her to a car and, like, drive around with her in the back for half an hour or something? Like, I mean, like, what other things can you do to her? Like, you want to desecrate her corpse after that? You know. May as well.

Might as well. Sure. You know, it's funny. There's a part of this Reuters article. This is the first article you had posted that you had tweeted. And it says, young Sudanese university students have mounted a series of protests near Karatum, I guess I'm, I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right, university in recent weeks, asking for an end to human rights abuses, more freedoms and better social economic conditions. The authorities decided Sunday to close the university. Definitely. They have officially turned the car around. Yes, I know, right?

They took their ball and went home. They're just like, you know what? I will turn this car around. And I'm going to show you that I'm going to turn this car around. No Disneyland for anyone. It's like, you know, the whole country is like, it's like telling your kids you're going to Disney and driving them to the dentist. Oh.

You know, like, oh, just fucking with you. Get in there. You get a hundred cavities filled. And then after that, we're going to hang you. Yeah. We're going to pull out all your teeth. You're going to the dentist. And then we're going to hang you.

We're going to pull out all your teeth with a rusty pair of pliers. Right. And then we're going to hit you in the face with a mallet. And then we're going to feed you to a bear. Okay. So that's, that's your afternoon. We got it all mapped out for you. And the thing is, like, look, I'm sure and I know that there are plenty of Muslims in the world that are just perfectly fine with what is going on here, what is happening.

A person's married a Christian, whatever, nobody cares. But the government is the problem here, right? This government is using this religion as a tool to injure people that they're supposed to be governing over. They're supposed to be protecting their citizens. Well, they're not. They're going out of their way to injure and kill their citizens. And you cannot respect that. Look, I think Islam and Christianity and all that are just a big bag of bad ideas mostly, right? Sure, there's some good stuff in there, like fucking love each other and all that stuff, but you can fucking do that without religion. You don't need anybody to tell you to love somebody.

But the fact of the matter is, is that it's just a bad bunch of ideas regardless of how you come at it. But it's a really bad bunch of ideas when it happens to be a theocracy and they enforce it to the letter. Stuff they want to have happen over here and it's stuff that's happening over there right now. Well, and, you know, I want to point out, too, that what the judge said to this woman, he said, and this is a quote, We gave you three days to recant, but you insist on not returning to Islam. I sentence you to be hanged to death, the judge told the woman. Why would Islam want her? You know what I mean?

Like, that's the first thing I think. Like, if somebody is so, if somebody is such a terrible human being that the only way that you can deal with them is to tie a rope around their neck and strangle or break their neck like if that is the if that is your solution to the problem wouldn't you're wouldn't you be better off without them as part of your group wouldn't you be wouldn't you say like i don't want you in my fucking club that you're such a terrible human being but the thing is like islam is so insecure that's that's what you read out of this is islam is so fucking insecure it's it's the pretty girl who doesn't know she's pretty right let's fucking walks around just being mean to everybody it's it's ridiculous it's it's it's

so repugnant and so petty and so small-. You can't even imagine such a small God as this. My fucking seven year old is more compassionate than this. Oh God, I would hope so. Oh my goodness. I would hope so. And he's mean. He's really, really mean. Yeah.

Oh yeah. I've seen him beat the dog. I know. Allah Hu Akbar. Allah Hu Akbar. Allah Hu Akbar. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh, fuck. It gets worse. This one comes from clarionproject.org. A young widow to be caned after gang rape by Sharia vigilantes. A 25-year-old Indonesian widow in Ase will be caned under Sharia law for having an affair. She was gang raped by Sharia vigilantes. This story is fucking insane.

She was about to, she was having an affair with a married man, this woman, this young widow. She seems to be whatever. But extramarital affairs are strictly forbidden in the province. And so I guess somehow some folks cottoned on to the fact that she was shacking up with this married man. They basically busted in on him. They proceeded to tie the man up. They beat him. They took the woman to another room and they all raped her. I think it was like eight people or some. Yeah, eight

men, including a 13 year old boy. Then they all raped her. They doused them in sewage and then they took them to the authorities, Cecil. And this is the part that kills me for the crime of tarnishing the village's reputation. What the fuck? Tarnishing the village's reputation. What the fuck? Tarnishing the reputation?

You just gang raped and threw sewage at a woman. Yeah. Like, oh, up until now, we were the shining light. I know. No kidding. I don't even understand how that, like, what it's allowing people to do. What this, you know, this ideology is allowing people to make these decisions and you know think this through and give themselves some sort of justification to do some horrible horrible shit yeah it's exactly

right it's not anybody's on business whether or not somebody's having extramarital affairs that's just like that is the dumbest shit i've ever heard that I think the reason why it's an arrestable offense there is because, again, women are property probably over there. I mean clearly they're property if they're treated like this. They're property. So they're not treating women with any kind of respect whatsoever. So if they are having an extramarital affair, they want to make sure that they whip the dog correctly. Yeah. I mean, isn't that right?

And it's crazy because the city's Sharia police were the ones that announced that the couple would be caned for committing adultery. Now, to be fair, I don't know. They're caning both of them. So they're caning the man and the woman. So they're caning them for committing adultery. But this woman has already been, I mean, what are they doing to the rapists? I guess they're going to be separately dealt with. But it says in the article that, you know, this is actually relatively common that the woman is still held. Three of the rapists have been found and arrested, including a 13-year-old.

And the rapist will be tried under the criminal law system rather than the Sharia law system. So and it's. There should never be a Sharia law system, right? This is the problem when the government says we get to decide what's right and what's wrong among consenting adults in the bedroom. We get to decide what's right and what's wrong among consenting adults in the bedroom. And this is the problem when religious groups get everybody all fucking fired up about what consenting adults do with each other in the bedroom. It's nobody's fucking business. So if you stuck with us through that, you'll stick with us through anything. We're going to take a break and we'll be back in a few minutes with some other horrible, horrible fucking stories. If you would like to contact the show, visit the website

DissidencePod.com for the links to the Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and email accounts. You can also call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. That's 740-743-6828. Did you know that you can become a patron of the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod. And you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you don't want to donate money, please take a moment to give us a good review on iTunes or Stitcher.

Or tell a like-minded friend about the show. So to everyone who supports the show, glory hole. You fucking rock. We gotta pick this up to where it's not the saddest shit in the whole fucking world somehow. This next story isn't gonna do it. I don't think this one's gonna be the saddest show we've ever done hold on a minute i gotta cheer myself i'm gonna think of my dead grandmother hang on a minute i'm gonna cheer myself up oh man oh that's so much better. She was a lively woman. That is a doornail.

Okay, I'm feeling way better now. That's just great. This fucking story comes from ABC. Tamar Stitt inquests, mother defends decision to treat daughter's cancer with natural therapies. A Perth woman is told in an inquest that she had every faith that natural therapy would cure her daughter's cancer, although she later died. So it turns she had every faith that natural therapy would cure her daughter's cancer although she later died so it turns out having every faith doesn't do shit is not as good as having medicine yeah no that's uh medicine is uh yeah nine out of nine out of ten doctors prefer medicine over

faith right and the tenth doctor is being fucking disbarred or whatever right now. The 10th doctor is on that Mercola site or whatever. I went to Upstairs Medical College. The worst part about this is, I'm going to read part of the article. So she's a 10-year-old girl. Her mother told an inquest that she had seen many people cured of their ailments through this natural therapies, but conceded that none of those people had cancer. I had so much faith it was going to work for Tamar, she said.

She added that Tamar was a very mature girl. If she didn't agree with our treatment, she would have been very clear with us, she said. I wouldn't have pushed her. Your 10-year-old girl would have been clear to tell you, look, mom, I think I want the chemotherapy instead of this. I doubt that. I seriously doubt that. Yeah, most fifth graders are allowed to make their own medical decisions, Cecil. Yeah, right.

Yeah, they can sign medical papers and enter into contracts. For sure. I mean, I'm reminded actually of a story. This is nothing to do with anything, but it's funny. So we need to fucking liven some shit up. There is this dude that I used to work with who was a cheap motherfucker and he would buy shit off of Craigslist all the time. So he would buy his kids' presents and stuff off of Craigslist all the time, which is fine. But he would always try to argue people down. He would always, always, always, always try to argue people down. So one day he wants to buy one of his kids a Nintendo DS.

And he comes into my office and he's got this DS in his hand and he's got this big shit eating grin on his face. And he's like, hey, check it out. I just got this DS, you know, for forty five dollars from Craigs face. And he's like, hey, check it out. I just got this DS, you know, for $45 from Craigslist. And it's like brand new. Look at it. And I'm like, yeah, that's great. You know, I really don't care. I don't care.

I'm in the middle of something. I'm working. So that's great. But I'm like, yeah, that's great, man. That's awesome. He's like, yeah, man, I went to go buy it from this kid on Craigslist and, you know, haggled him down from 75 to 45. I said, wait a minute.

A kid from Craigslist? Yeah. How old was this person you haggled with? I don't know, 11 or 12. And I'm like, wait to go, Savvy. Really? Yeah, he was super proud of himself. Super, super proud.

This is the same guy who one time took his wife and his kids to the west side of Chicago to pick up a piece of electronics. And left his wife and kid in the front yard of the house when he went in to haggle with this guy over a receiver or something like on the west side like with a car running oh my gosh like like a sketchy ass neighborhood yeah no the most of the west right that's why i say like for the listeners like that's that's not something you generally do like you either live on the west side or you do not visit the West side. Those are your two choices. Right.

You could get sued for that. It turns out. Right. Like you could, if you go with like haggle a 12 year old kid, their parents can like sue you for the thing you took from them. I would sue them with my fists if I found out somebody fucking cheated my 12 year old kid. I don't think that that's suing someone.

I would sue them with some alacrity and aggression. Yeah. You know, the other thing that I think is crazy about this story, and we're getting back to the kid dying, because, you know, that's where we need to go. Basically, the kid was given a 30% chance of survival with chemotherapy, but she started the natural remedies believing that she had a 100% chance of curing her. And that's the problem, right? Is that one of them is saying,

I can totally do it. And the other one's like giving you a realistic estimate. And people don't want to hear realistic when they think they're going to die. They want to hear that they're going to be fine. You know, I'm glad you focused on that because that's actually, I think, the heart and soul of this whole story is that, you know, the 30 percent chance of survival was honest. 100 percent chance of survival was dishonest.

When Tamara's health deteriorated, her mother decided to allow the chemotherapy. And you hear that all the time, right? Like it seems to work and it doesn't work. And then they're like, well, fuck, let's go back to the chemotherapy. And then it's too late. It's like, do I still have 30 percent chance? No, you had 30 percent two weeks ago. Right. Yeah. Now you got 15 percent or 10 percent or whatever it is. You know, and the thing is, like the natural therapies were clay wraps and herbal teas. They literally rub some dirt on it. Like she had cancer. They're like, they literally rub some dirt on it.

Like she had cancer and they're like, ah, rub some dirt on it and walk it off. It's true. What I don't understand is like if it's just herbal teas and fucking clay, can't you do that as well as chemotherapy? Yeah, why are they exclusive to each other? You know, chemotherapy gets this bad rap because it's unpleasant, right? Like really unpleasant. I'm not fucking taking anything away from people who've had chemotherapy and have described how terrifyingly unpleasant it is but i

think the cancer is unpleasant too like nobody recommends cancer nobody's like oh man i yesterday i had this great cancer it was awesome awesome. Notes of cherry blossom. Nobody recommends cancer. You need to go to Mario's and get the cancer. It's wonderful. There's no cancer sommelier coming around to your table. I recommend the lymphoma. It's beautiful.

It's a wonderful year. We've got a fine vintage of Glastone That's not something that anyone does I'm Raymond Massey and I have a special Message for senior citizens Today's doctors, drugs and medical

Devices truly work medical Miracles for young and old alike But there are some as phony As a three dollar bill Investigate before you invest in health services or products. Help stamp out quackery. So this story comes from the national post.com. Children's aid steps in after 11 year old trades chemo for native remedies. A new credit First Nations, a new credit First Nation families decision.

That's fucking exhausting. It's an aboriginal thing. To let their 11-year-old treat her cancer with indigenous medicine rather than chemotherapy has prompted the intervention of Ontario Children's Aid authorities. Fucking good. Good. Because rubbing some dirt on it, as previously

discussed, is not going to help anything. And 11-year-olds can't make medical decisions. Right. And that's why I think you've got to step in in these cases. Just like we said before, rub some dirt on it, too. If that's what you think is going to work.

But man, let's be honest. every single fucking sci-fi movie and sci-fi book we ever write talks about how barbaric chemotherapy is because in the future fucking cancer isn't a thing right and it's you know the thing is is that even nowadays with it being the only real option lots of times it's still fucking barbaric. And I get that. And I understand why there's some sort of revulsion behind it. But man, you got to do something. You can't, you know, just sitting there means you die quicker.

That's all it means. It just means, you know, it's going to run rampant and you're going to die. You know, Brzezinski is going to give you, you know, an 85% chance to live. You know, the doctors are going to give you the real 50% chance. And you're either going to give you an 85% chance to live. The doctors are going to give you the real 50% chance. And you're either going to drink the piss that Brzezinski says is the thing, or you're going to take the chemotherapy. The consequences for one are a lot worse, a lot worse. It's a 0% chance

with Brzezinski. It's not a fucking 85% chance. It's a 0% chance with the mud. It's not a, it's not a hundred percent chance. You're, you know, you've got to, you've got to look at the tested proven thing. And that's the, you know, the chemotherapy, which is not fucking, it's not glamorous. It's not awesome. You were talking about a cancer sommelier. There certainly isn't a chemotherapy sommelier either.

You know what I mean? Like they're not coming to your tailband like little bit like this wonderful chemotherapy that you could try. No, that's not the case. Nobody wants to do it. But it's it's you know, it's a necessary evil. But, you know, in this case, the 11 year old, I'm thinking like when I was 11, Cecil, I didn't set my own bedtime. Right. I wasn't allowed to decide how what I watched on TV.

Yeah. You didn't have your own curfew. Right. So at 11 years old, you're allowed to decide what I watched on TV. Yeah, you didn't have your own curfew. Right. So at 11 years old, you're allowed to make this decision. You know, this girl also said that she was personally healed in a visit by Jesus Christ. She said, Jesus came into my room and he told me not to be afraid. So if I live or if I die, I am not afraid. The girl said in a video on Tuesday.

Well, Jesus is a dick. Yeah, Jesus is kind of a fucking dick. He's like, look, if you live or die, don't worry. Well, fucking Jesus died. You're Jesus, right? Can't you fix this? Can't you just give me like a one way or the other, too? Yeah.

Hey, if you live or if you die, it's like, wait a minute, you're Jesus. Why are you giving me ifs? Fucking Jesus is not a magic eight ball. He's not sitting there like you shake him and he goes, outlook unclear. Check tomorrow. You know, and they were upset, Cecil. They were upset. The family was upset because the head oncologist used derogatory language regarding traditional medicines,

calling them 100% ineffective and saying that anyone who uses traditional medicine should be thrown in jail or anyone who says traditional medicine works should be thrown in jail. You know what? He was fucking being honest. He was being honest and he wasn't afraid to couch his fucking language that, you know, passing around the fucking peace pipe and fucking rubbing your fucking dirt on it and slathering yourself in oils.

You can do all of that shit while you're fucking on chemo. But all of that shit is fucking garbage. And they say later on, you know, the pastor of the church or what have you, says for the hospital to pump her full of pharmaceuticals and then degrade her spiritual experience is the exact opposite way of her culture. Look, man, they're trying to save her fucking life. Fuck her saving her culture. To hell with her spiritual encounter with Jesus.

It's fucking nonsense. She has a cancer that is 80% survivable. All they have to do is just give her some medicines. When it comes to cancer, that's good odds, man. Those are great odds. And the odds for cancer get better and better. Like, the odds for cancer continue to improve. Cancer treatments continue to improve.

It's not like getting cancer is just uniformly a death sentence. I mean, the treatment might fucking suck, but it continues to improve. Life expectancies aren't going down. This story's weird, Cecil. It comes from USA Today. I don't know what to think of this story. So this story is Man Rams Baltimore area TV station with truck. A man, possibly armed, barricaded himself, and I would look up to see if he was armed, but I just don't care,

barricaded himself inside a Baltimore area TV station Tuesday after chanting, I am God! And then repeatedly ramming a dump truck into the building. You would think God would have more destructive power.

You know, the guy who flooded the entire earth would be able to do more than knocks down the walls of Jericho. Then just, like, impotent, like, smashing of a truck into a thing and then stop. And then you have to yell that. Like, wouldn't you think we would know your God? Wouldn't it be self-evident? You know, like, why do you have to tell me?

Well, yeah, he has to tell you because he still needs a truck. Like, he's just like, I am God, but I left my wallet and superpowers at home. I left my magic in my other pants. You know, at some point, wouldn't your delusions, like, you know, I'm thinking of, like, the good angel, bad angel, you know? And, like, you've got, like, the good angel's like, hey, I don't think this is such a good idea. The bad angel's like, your God, ram a truck into the building. The good angel's like, hey, if you were God, would you need the truck? Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up. Oh, that's awesome. And, you know, the other thing I have to say about this is that if there is a gun rack in it, then maybe it is hillbilly God. It's very possible. It's telling that it's a truck at the very least. Yeah. It's a truck.

And, you know, if it's a truck with a gun rack and there is a skinned coon in the back, maybe he is God. I also would have accepted Camaro as an answer. Yeah. Trans Am with T-tops. Absolutely. Or an El Camino. An El Camino. It's the mullet of cars.

That's a fucking El Camino. It's like, that doesn't work both ways. It's awesome. That's a consolation prize. That's what that thing is. It really is. It's like the Subaru Brat. Do you remember? This is totally inside. Do you remember that thing? Do you remember the Subaru

Brat? I remember. You could have jump seats in the pickup section so that you could get hit with rocks while you're sitting. Why would you even want that? I don't understand. I never understood that thing, but I used to think it was so cool. Like when I was a kid and I would see those, I was like, oh, it's so cool.

Because I was always a passenger and it looked like fun to be a passenger in there. You're all sick. Oh, be nice. Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay. Oh, my God. What's happening now? We work hard.

We play hard. Everybody dance now. So this story comes from Right Wing Watch. Alan Keyes warns gay marriage leads to a totalitarian Nazi-like government. Holy shit, does he ever, Cecil. What a compelling argument this guy makes. Well, why don't we listen to it, Tom? We've got a couple minutes,

right? How dare we say that the Nazis deserved punishment for their crime, but think that our nation shall escape punishment for the crime that it now authorizes against humanity itself. I don't think it's going to happen.

I don't think it is happening. But that's where we stand. And we've taken it one step further. We have taken the further step that now is threatening to directly assault the very fabric of our civilization, not just our way of life as a free people. We want to redefine marriage so that it has no regard for procreation.

Okay, wait, wait, wait. Why does marriage have to have a regard for procreation? Because Alan Keyes just said it. That's why. Cecil, you must not have heard him say it in a punctuated and forceful manner. He really, he is a good speaker. I willful manner. He really, he is a good speaker. I will say that. He's a good speaker.

He's one of these guys that can rile people up. Let's listen to what else he has to say. Who defines the content of right in homosexual marriage? The government. And once you have accepted that as the basic concept of marriage that then is going to inform your understanding of family life, what are families entirely subject to? They are entirely subject to the power of government. There is no parental authority that stands against the power of government.

There is no right and obligation that stands against the power of government. Government becomes the total totalitarian ruler of all family life and parents have no ground on which to stand in order to assert their god-given rights against that. You think that homosexual marriage is about homosexuality and ethics and behavior. I tell you homosexual marriage is about the very founding principle of our free way of life and it ends up making government the all-powerful totalitarian ruler of every human being from the cradle to the grave oh no that's i got excited i got overexcited you didn't get a little excited there yeah

yeah wow you know what i i gotta just say here what we do. Throw the idea of marriage as a fucking something that's endorsed by the state right out. Just pitch it. We can no longer be married by the state. The state doesn't control marriages. What the state does is says that everybody who happens to have a marriage that is a marriage certificate is now a civil union certificate. Nobody is married. If you want to get married, you got to go to your church and get married. That's what a marriage is. This is what we're going to do for people. Everybody gets the same treatment. It's a civil union. That way, these people can't be blurring these lines to make it seem like, you know, the government is doing something horribly wrong. Government's not doing anything. People are getting married. That's it. Yeah, man. I'll tell you what.

If I had a to-do over, I would get a civil union. I got married. I got married. There was no civil union. I never heard of a civil union. I wasn't sensitive to the idea. If I had a to-do over tomorrow, I wouldn't get married. I would get a civil union.

All I care about is do I get the rights and privileges afforded to, afforded to me by the state for, for my partner's, you know, decision-making and what have you. That's what I want. That's, I don't give a, I don't give two shits about the rest of the fucking nonsense. I don't care who recognizes it or doesn't recognize it. It's, it's fucking nonsense. You know, he's, he's making, he's drawing these these like crazy like outlandish conclusions that if if the government allows for homosexual marriage then all of a sudden like parents lose like parents somehow lose their ability to parents because the government will be able to make all the decisions about parenting there's no parental right that exceeds the government. Like what specifically are you talking about? That's the thing.

Like his whole speech, it's like he goes on, he makes these big grand sweeping sorts of statements that, you know, now that we've given these rights to the government and then, you know, all of these other smaller rights become, you know,

subject to these sweeping governmental intrusions. And it's like, great, give me one example. You know, I'll give them plenty of examples of fucking government encroaching in the family. You can't fuck your kid, right? You can't put you, you can't send your kid to work at fucking 10 years old. You can't beat your kid. You know, the government's involved in your life already douchebag. So what the fuck is that all about? You're basically saying, you know, like, like, you know, the government is going to overstep its bounds. The government's already involved in your life when it comes to you rearing your child. You've got to properly feed and clothe your child.

You've got to make sure your child gets educated. In some cases, unless you have some sort of exemption, you have to make sure your child get immunized. The child has to be properly socialized and washed and cleaned. You know, like there's a lot of shit you got to do. And there's a lot of stuff you can't do. You can't kill your own child. Right. Right. Yeah. I mean, this idea, you know, the idea that like government is an evil in the world, the government exists. Don't get me wrong. I mean, governments, it's not that simple. It's not like, you know, any government is bad government. Too much government is too much and it's going to destroy us all and we should eliminate as much as possible. There's some merit to that idea,

but there's merit, I think, mostly to the antagonism, right? I'm a big proponent of antagonism. So you need to have pieces of the system that are constantly in a push-pull because that's how you hold them in check. That's how you hold government in check from getting too big and too small, from doing too little and doing too much, is you've got proponents on both sides constantly at odds in this system, this adversarial system. at odds in this system, this adversarial system. But this idea that Keyes is throwing out there that because the government is saying, you know, hey, you know, homosexual marriage is an allowable thing, that all of a sudden we are likened in some crazy way to the crimes committed by the Nazis. Where's the fucking six million dead bodies, motherfucker?

Show me the six million dead bodies. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! This story's so odd, too, right? Wingwatch.org.

Um, fucking Klingenschmitt speculates that the forbidden fruit eaten by Adam and Eve may have been marijuana, says Klingenschmitt right after smoking a lot of marijuana. Let's play what he has to say. This is from Gordon Klingenschmitt's show, Dr. Chaps Takes It in the Ass. So we're going to play this right now for you from his show, and then we're going to make fun of it. There are certain weeds in the garden, even in the Garden of Eden, that were forbidden by God. And I'm going to throw out an interesting hypothesis here. Everyone sees the image of Adam and Eve in the garden, right? And there's the snake who tempted Eve, and Eve bit the apple, and she handed it to Adam, and he bit the apple.

Here's my hypothesis. Everyone thinks it's an apple. I think apples are healthy. I don't think it was an apple at all. The Bible doesn't use the word apple. The Bible does use the word forbidden weed. So here's my hypothesis. Maybe it was marijuana. How do you know? And biblical scholars may research this and may dispute this. How do you know that the serpent didn't give pot to Eve and say, go ahead. And the day that you eat this, you're not going to die. The fact is, you are going to die. You're not going to die.

You're going to die. You're going to die. You're not gonna die you're going to die you're going to die you're not gonna die god you know what's so fucking crazy i watch this and the first thing i think is like you really believe there's like an adam and eve like like a real adam and like a fucking a snake a fucking snake came down to them was like hey man you want to try a food and they're like yeah because snakes talk like i can't it's like fucking i would be just as flabbergasted if someone was telling a story about like humpty dumpty making an omelet i would just be like i'd be like really really you think there's a fucking humpty dumpty yeah this what what i it's funny because i i sort of seize on something very similar like i listen to this guy and i'm like man the part of that

story that gives you pause is the fruit like the part of that story where you're like now wait a minute apples are healthy like first of, it's not even in there. That's just made up. But it's all made up. It's all crazy. Then he's like, it's potom like, or it's kale, or it's fucking cassava. Who cares? Who fucking cares what it is?

It's papaya. It's papaya. That's what it is. It tastes like vomit. It's that durian fruit that smells like fucking vomit. Is that what that is? It's a papaya. That's what it is. It tastes like vomit. It's that durian fruit that smells like fucking vomit. Is that what that is? It's a papaya. Well, papaya smells like vomit, too. But there's a fruit called a durian fruit, which actually smells, I guess, much, much worse.

And in some countries, it's forbidden to be eaten on public transportation. Like, there's laws that are passed. Why would you eat it anyway? I don't know. It's the same thing. I feel the same way about papaya, though. Like, you open one up, and it just smells like somebody got sick on the school bus to me. It's like cracking out a big piece of, like, Parmigiano-Reggiano on the bus.

You're like, oh, somebody got their shoes off in here? What's happening? But I hate that shit. As an aside, whenever I ride public transportation and somebody comes out with like fucking like a Euro or something, it's like, did you not think this through? They're like trying to gobble down like a greasy fucking slimy Euro and it smells like fucking somebody's face fucking you with garlic. This is not a fun trip. That's the worst. I hate that so much you just not be

allowed to eat on public transportation like you're not supposed to but they still just don't do it they come in with like a pizza or they come in with like fucking calamari this is one time i was i was i was riding the train and this was like late night train and the late night train that leaves Chicago is like carnival people. Like these are not human beings. It's like fat ladies in jukebox. These are like, yeah. These people are just like, they are fucking, they're like from the show Carnival.

Like they're like creepy weird. And like they have like skulls somewhere. They're just these creepy weird people. Anyway, I'm sitting there, and it's like 1030 at night. And I'm sitting there, and I'm trying 30 at night and i'm sitting there and i'm trying to you know i'm trying to go to sleep and i i smell something like oh god and it's this greasy sort of smell i smell it and i look up and there's this giant dude you know i'm a fat guy this guy was a fatter guy than me right so he had to fucking shoehorn his way in between two seats

that you saw yeah i think because i didn't have the greasy food so that happens to me a mirror that you saw? Yeah, I think, because I didn't have the greasy food, so it couldn't have been a mirror. That's the only reason I asked. You, like, spook yourself. You're like, whoa, Jesus, mirror in here. Anyway. There's three guys over there. Oh, it's just me. It's just me.

There's a whole offensive line over there. Anyway, he's sitting there, and the dude's stomach is so big, it's like this round bulbous thing, and he's got a fucking bucket of chicken resting on his stomach and he's dipping his fucking hand in there and he's pulling out an entire fucking leg of chicken and he puts it in his mouth I'm not even kidding he puts it in his mouth

and he just pulls the fucking bone out of it like I've never seen anything like it and then and then the best part hold on the best part is the chicken sitting there. And behind the chicken, closer to his face, is a fucking pile of fetid bones that he's stacking up next to his chin. I will take 30 of your finest chicken legs, please. I can't be expected to ride the train malnourished.

I need all my energy to waddle down the aisle, good sir. Oh, God, man. It was the most disgusting thing, God. And the worst part is that late at night, they only have like one car open. So you can't like get up and move. You can't just move because the whole car smells like this guy. So you're just like, oh, great. There you go.

All right. Maybe there was a fried chicken Somalia that he ran into. And on our menu today, sir, we've got a fine extra crispy all the way from Kentucky. This is a... Speaking of eating things, what I like about this story is somehow you're choking down a marijuana bud.

Because what did they do? They didn't have a fucking one-hitter. You didn't have a bong in the fucking garden. Could you imagine though the snake pulling up and being like he's like you gotta hit this man like how does the snake actually pull the little piece out to clear the air inside of the bong how does that work and in the beginning god created cheech and Chong. They didn't leave the garden, you know, because God kicked them out. They left because they heard there were Doritos outside there.

That's the only reason. Oh, man. Cool Ranch Tacos. I'm out of here. Hey, Eve, don't Bogart that. What the fuck? You know what's funny is like there's so much food out there, too, that's only good when you're high. And that's the only way you know that those places stay in business. Like when you're drunk or high.

White Castle is a perfect example of food that is only good when you're high. There's no other reason to go there. Except for that they're open. I guess. That is absolutely right, man. That's the only reason White Castle exists. But the problem is your ass is open for the next two days after eating it you know i got a couple of years ago speaking of white castle a couple of years ago we got

into a thing where like we wanted to see if white castle was good again and turns out it's not and our whole family got white castle and like me and finn and colleen we all ate a bunch of white castles all three of us were fucking sick for the whole weekend. The whole weekend we were sick. And Finn still loves that place. I want to go to the castle. Wow! No, you don't, buddy. He's a trooper.

It fucking laid you out for two days. Oh my gosh. But he was high. You know, so in his defense. We fucking hot boxes so we started a little late this week and we're running out of time so we want to go to bed so we're not going to google hangouts has decided we've been recording they actually shut up it just hung up on us and we're just both cranky and we're kind of both off topic anyway. So email probably wouldn't work this week. So we're just going to skip email this week and we'll read some more email next week.

Thank you, everybody, for calling and emailing the show. And and we're going to give you you already got one bonus episode. So this is one this week and then you'll probably get to the following week. So we want to thank everybody for listening and everybody for donating. So we want to thank our patrons this week, the patrons that came on board. Thanks to all our patrons. But we want to thank especially Michael F., Tim, Dave, another Michael, John M., Lisa, Joshua, Quinn, Jason, Rosado. I love that name. That's great. Hugh and Johannes. Thanks so much everybody for, uh, for donating to the show. Um, the money that you give, uh, is able to get,

uh, get you guys an extra show each, uh, every other week. So that's actually going to work out. Tom and I, um, we had fun putting it together. We're hoping that a lot of those are going to be interview shows and, uh, and, and they should be pretty fun. They should be at least an hour and that's, you know, two extra hours of content a month. So, and we definitely appreciate everybody who's putting out any kind of money to help make that possible. And in the words of the politician that I had to go see, if you've donated $1, donate $2. Really? Yeah, yeah. I went to a fundraiser. It was funny. I went to a fundraiser for a politician for a work event,

and he basically spent the whole time saying, like, thanks for your generous donations. If you could all double up on your donations, that would be great. That's amazing. I'm not really asking our patrons to double up. It just makes me laugh. That's a great line, though.

Yeah, if you donated $1, consider making it $2 is pretty much what he said. Except for he didn't say $1. Because I'll tell you, the suggested donation for that event was a fucking lot more than $1. Well, that's going to be it for this week. We're going to

leave you, as always, with the Skeptic's Creed. going to be it for this week. We're going to leave you as always with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, Free Energy, Healing, Water, Downward Spiral, Brain Dead, Pan, Sales Pitch, Late Night Info, Docutainment Leo, Pisces, Cancer Cures, Detox, Reflex, Foot Massage

Death in Towers, Tarot Cards, Psychic Healing, Crystal Balls Bigfoot, Yeti, Aliens, Churches, Mosques and Synagogues Temples, Dragons, Giant Worms Atlantis, Dolphins, Truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive.

Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. you