Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 170: Hot Noah on Noah Action

Episode Date: August 14, 2014

Special thanks to Heath Enwright and Noah Lugeons for joining us this week.   Check out their podcast at        

Do you want to get cognitive dissonance streamed to your iPhone or Blackberry? If so, download Stitcher free today at Stitcher.com. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording from glory hole studios in chicago this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat.

This is episode 170. And this is going to be a very interesting episode as opposed to the other 169 episodes we've put together. Because we have Heath and Noah from The Scathing Atheist who are going to be joining us for a movie review at the end of the show of the movie Noah. So we didn't actually review Noah himself, but the movie Noah. So let there be no confusion. It was really, spoiler, I loved it. Fucking 10 out of 10 would gouge eyes out again. God damn, I watched that movie today.

It was fucking terrible. Don't give it away, Cecil. Spoiler alert. I hated it. Unbelievable. I can't believe you would say that. Now they will be not surprised. Yeah, okay.

It's really fucking bad. But I think we do a good job of tearing into it so yeah uh the first story we want to cover um comes from the new york daily times oklahoma teen accused of molesting kenyan orphans claims a demon made him do it i'm powerless over what luke wants so evidently the luke shares a name with one of the writers of the gospel. I know. That's so strange. You know, this is a terrible, terrible story, obviously. But, you know, you have to take some comfort in that at least he was

abusing Kenyan orphans. Allegedly. I'm sorry. Allegedly. No, no, because he cops to it. I'm sorry. Allegedly. Allegedly Kenyan orphans. Well, you know, here's the thing. No, no, because he copped to it. No, no. Hold on now.

He copped to it. But his lawyer is saying that he was under duress and held for days before he actually signed the confession. So it may be, and I'm not saying that it is he may have you know been uh coerced to sign this now if you look down and you see his fucking text though that he sent out before that happened um i don't know i don't know dude it's pretty tough like why don't you read you read his part and i'll read mine i I'll read the other part. Um, how can I not hate this thing inside of me? It takes me at night and I'm

powerless over what Luke wants. Yes, I named him. I know how crazy that is. He whispers in my ear all day and is so hard to resist. Laugh at him. He has no power.

Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Whatever he tells you, speak the opposite out loud. What the fuck does that even mean? I'd like a Fanta.

Nobody wants Fanta. That's so stupid. Literally, he takes me at night, and there's nothing I can do to stop him. I'm asleep. What can I do? Wait, if you're asleep, what does that? You honestly have no idea. I don't.

I prayed so much, but every night, Luke gets what Luke wants. Dun, dun, dun. IDK, dude I just know If we could actually see Satan He would be so small And we wouldn't want to give him a second thought Just get on your knees

Every night and cry out to God Wait, what? We know that he doesn't stop praying over us as that's kind of on a cliffhanger there don't you think that he's really talking about his penis that luke is his penis he just named him he just named his penis luke well the other guy's like look you got a small penis man yeah i like that he's just like tell him him just whatever he says, just do the opposite. Like, what are you fucking for? You know, it's just like, go to bed.

I'm not going to bed. Okay, dude. As if Satan wouldn't figure that out at some point. Satan's like, wait a minute. Don't kill your parents. Damn it. Now I have to kill your parents. Damn it. Now I have to kill my parents. You win this one, Satan.

I mean, Luke. Yeah. Oh, my God. You know, it's a horrible story if it's true. And if it actually happened, the guy, it's funny because it's like he faces life in prison. Up to 10 Kenyan orphans. Wow. Life in prison, man.

I got to tell you though, like you fucking have sex with a bunch of fucking orphan kids in Kenya. And at least they do the punishment side of it in a way that makes them, you know, like here it's like you fuck a bunch of orphans and what do you get? Like you get like a nice summer home to retire in the Catholic church. Yeah. Like that what do you get like you get like a nice summer home to retire in the catholic church yeah like that's what you get like they're like oh hey no stop doing that what you get is you get a government contract to medically experiment on them right that's michelle michelle bachman you're gonna call her michelle bachman again would you i was i was gonna call her michelle o'bachman i can't stop myself just call her luke from now on you know i i have to say too like one of the best things about this article is there is a click

clickable fucking advertisement to join the team and go to kenya and be a missionary on my page for upendo international really is your Does yours have the same thing? Yeah. Three quarters of the way down. That's a fucking like, it's like, hey, I can fuck a Kenyan orphan. Click. Jesus, man. That's fucking awful.

You know, and the thing is, is like, there are people doing good works over there. You know what I mean? For sure. So clearly, clearly, you know, there's people doing good works. It's just that, you know, the problem, of course, when you insert someone of authority into that situation, you know, we talked about this before. The problem is, is when you insert someone of authority into that situation, they can use that power to manipulate others to get, you know, to play out some of their sexual desires. It happens in the Catholic church. It happens in other kinds of churches. You know, maybe this is just somebody being crazy. I don't know. I mean, clearly there's a lot going on in this story that, you know, is

left to, you know, the imagination here, but it's never a good idea to give that power away and just be like, oh, well, and, and also, you know, we've talked about this in the past too, that they're sort of saying, well, we know that you like God, so you're okay. So no matter, you know, no matter what, we're not, you know, there's no back of the background check is do you have a cross on yeah and that's the problem right you know and that's and that's super i mean that's that's true like because you you have to think in most other circumstances if you're going to spend a lot of time around you know kids um you get background checked up the wazoo. I mean, like if you want to be a fucking softball coach, you know, you get background checked like up one side and down the other. But if you're

going to go overseas with a church and be a missionary, you know, a lot of these organizations, some I'm sure do, but many of these organizations, they don't do the same kind of due diligence to make sure that the people that they're sending over there are really, you know, emotionally and psychologically equipped to do the work and to do a good job. And, you know, they don't have a fucking history of, you know, violence or whatever. You know, one thing too, about this story, and again, whether, whether it's true or not, the point, I guess, is that we've seen so many stories, which are so similar to this, that it just, it doesn't even give you pause at some point. and this idea that you

can just like blame a demon like a demon did it it wasn't me it was a demon like i'll just decide that i'm fucking not really responsible it was a demon that did it yeah fucking that's some ridiculous shit man it's like it's always been the little women that caught the vision of giving beginning with jesus himself out of their private means some of you little precious ones have that little grocery money some of that little money set aside assure tonight the blessings of God on your family by giving it to God and speaking that. Say it. God, this is for blessings on my family. This story comes from CNN.

The lavish homes of American archbishops. This story is basically like MTV Cribs for bishops. He's like walked into the fucking bedroom. He's like, this is where no magic happens. No magic. Actually, if God owns it, magic happens everywhere. Magic happens everywhere you look. Man, being an archbishop is a fucking deal, yo.

Yeah, dude. You get some pimp ass places. God damn. Do you see some of the furniture? Because basically what this story is is like very little text and mostly pictures with this amazing of amazing fucking like out in the middle like in the chicago i know where the one in chicago is the cardinal uh francis george's place i drive i've driven by there on my bike a couple of times and it's fucking amazeballs.

Like you drive by and you're just like, holy shit, it's huge. And he lives in this fucking like gilded mansion and the, in the ritziest part of Chicago, like a place where, you know, is, you know, it's huge tree line streets and, you know, million dollar homes on the same block. It's, it's, and, and mansion. They say in here is fourteen point three million is how much it costs. And it's in that Gold Coast. And it's just amazing. Like you scroll down and you just see how much money each one of these things cost. And, you know, at first I was like, yeah, but, you know, what's the upkeep on something like that? I'm thinking, well, at least

I don't have to pay taxes on it. Yeah. So so clearly, you know, I guess the upkeep maybe isn't as bad as you would think. But still, this goes this harkens back to remember we were talking to Dale from the Foundation Beyond Belief. And we're talking about the overhead costs that go into your donations. We talk about, you know, you're trying to do good works. You're trying to fund, you know, fucking trips to Kenya so people can diddle little kids and stuff. And you're like, OK, so I want to give them some money. Where does the money go? And, you know, this is where your money goes.

Now they're not buying a $14 million estate. They already own it. But, you know, they've got to maintain it. They have to have, you know, all this groundskeeping and all this other stuff that has to go into maintaining that place. And then it's not. It's also furnished really well and all that stuff. And these people live pretty high on the hog.

Yeah, man. And like just just using it. The one in Chicago is the example. That fucking guy's got three nuns who care for the cardinal. He's got three. He basically has fucking three nun slaves in his fucking 5800 square foot house. That's that's it. Like the fucking mansion has 19 chimneys.

Like, at some point, you're like, how many chimneys? Baker's doesn't. No, fuck it. Give me another half dozen chimneys. More chimneys. Give me more chimneys. Like, it's just, like, if this is not, you know, the thing is, like. The weird thing is they hook up to all one fireplace.

That's just one enormous fireplace. Which is what God did when he hooked up all those horns to all the different heads. There's like, you know, multiple. There's less chimneys than there are fireplaces. But like, you know, the thing is like every dollar that you give them,

you know, they already have $14.3 million right here. Like every house like this that they have that they don't liquidate is money that you're giving them for fucking no reason like you're subsidizing even though like let's say the upkeep costs were zero dollars it would still be immoral for them to keep this and pretend that they're an organization whose primary focus is on doing good work there's no way that your primary focus is on doing good work. There's no way that your primary focus is on doing good work

when you have a $14.3 million asset that you're not liquidating in order to put toward good work. You want to tell me the guy can't find a decent place to live for $200,000? I'm not saying the guy has to live in fucking squalor, but that would be a savings of $14.1 million. That doesn't have. That doesn't have to come out of my tithing. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, we need money.

Well, why do you need money? I don't know. Maybe because we have many, many millions of dollars tied up in real estate. Right. For no reason. Right. Look at the guy in fucking Miami or whatever. He's got a fucking tiki hut and a pool.

Like at what point are you like, God wants me to have a fucking tiki hut, yo? I'll tell you, that pool is awesome, isn't it? It's amazing. It's great. And waterfront property down there is fucking ridiculously expensive. Oh, fuck yeah. And some of these other places, there's one that's in St. Louis that's beautiful. It's a big graystone building.

There's another one down in Baltimore that's this huge goddamn building. The one in San Antonio really isn't all that. It's just like, okay, well, it's just a 5,000 square foot. The other ones are like 5,000 is still pretty big, but it's not as big as

the one in Chicago that's on fucking 1.7 acres in Chicago. I know. I know, man one in Chicago that's on fucking 1.7 acres in Chicago. I know. I know, man. It's so much space in the fucking Gold Coast. Are you goddamn kidding me? And they all have fucking, like, not all of them,

but many of these have nuns that live in the property and fucking cook and clean for the guy. I'm sorry, but if that's not a fucking slave worker, if that's like, like, can you imagine, like, you're's like, you're like, like, can you imagine like you're none? You're like, I want to devote my life to Christ. I want to I'm going to give up any hope at a normal life in order to live this godly life. I'm fucking throwing away my sexuality. And your fucking job is to fucking cook and clean for a fucking rich old man.

Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you. Like what fucking curb stomp is that to your career as a fucking nun? Like, oh, yeah, I want to fucking give up everything and be a fucking second class citizen within a realm of second class citizens. Oh, great. Yeah culture is built in America, but they're doing nothing to add energy into the system. This story comes from the Huffington Post. Christian radio host hopes Ebola will solve America's problems of atheism and homosexuality. We got it. We just we just We just got to play it. We just have to. This is Rick Wiles from the Rick Wiles Show. And he's crazy as always. Here we go.

You know, this Ebola epidemic could become a global pandemic. And that's another name for plague. It may be the great attitude adjustment that I believe is coming. Ebola could solve America's problems with atheism, homosexuality, sexual promiscuity, pornography and abortion. If Ebola becomes a global plague, you better make sure the blood of Jesus is upon you. Wait, if Ebola becomes a plague, don't you want to keep blood off of people? I know, I was going to say, like, it's spread by blood. I want the hazmat suit of Jesus.

I know, right? Yeah. That's what I want. Yeah, look, Jesus, I mean, I don't mind if you spread it on this rubber coating that is around me, but on skin, I don't think so. I want the fucking three mil polycarbonate window of jesus that's what i want exactly i don't want the fucking blood of blood you can keep your fucking blood when you have a hemorrhagic fever epidemic are you kidding

that's great there's a few more seconds you better make sure you've been marked by the angels so that you're protected by God. If not, you may be a candidate to meet the Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper? What are you talking about? You might be a candidate to meet the Grim Reaper. And he won't offer you a drink. He's a rude host. Do you think this guy really thinks there's such a thing as a Grim Reaper?

Yes, I do. I do. I just fucking do. I think this is a guy who believes in shit like the pearly gates. This is a guy who believes that angels fucking mark people for fucking good and bad. He's a fucking naughty or nice list guy yeah right like fucking ebola comes down and you got to get fucking marked by an angel what what are you talking about how do you get on that list like does it suck if you're like on the do not call list and the angel's like uh we got jim clark do not call. Sorry. He doesn't get on the list. Sorry. Yeah.

I you know what are the problems with I mean first off what is Ebola solve the problems of Ebola. It's like it solves the problem of atheism and homosexuality. How. I mean Ebola is not spread in a way that is like oh you read a book so you

know you get a book. I know right. Oh yeah. You know you listen to fucking Hitchens on audiobook, and now you get Ebola. It's like, you know, fucking you touch somebody's blood, sweat, or you got some mucus membrane on you somehow, right? Okay, well, that's a way to transmit it. But anything else, I mean, I guess what he's saying is that if it gets scary

enough if it gets fucking if enough fucking human beings die under the fucking wheel of this fucking disease this it becomes a pandemic and travels all across the world and fucking people are dying in the streets and it's fucking goddamn walking dead out there

then people will finally say oh fuck we fucked up we shouldn't have been atheists and homos and it's fucking goddamn walking dead out there, then people will finally say, oh, fuck, we fucked up. We shouldn't have been atheists and homos because, goddammit, God's coming for us. I guess that's what he's saying. I think it is. I think this is a no-atheist-in-pandemic-foxholes argument. Yeah, pandemic foxholes.

Like, you're just like, ah. Because, like, that's the idea, right? Is that everybody's an atheist until the chips are down. And then the fucking atheists get scared, just like, ah, because like that's the idea, right? Yeah. It's like everybody's an atheist until the chips are down. And then the fucking atheist gets scared just like everybody else. And when you're a chicken shit, you'll be, you know, more likely to beg for God's mercy. That's the atheist in a foxhole argument in a nutshell, right? So the idea is exactly what you said. Like it's all of a sudden shit goes tits up and and the atheists are like oh now i believe in god but it's like well now if i believe in god i'd be like well god could you

stop fucking killing people with ebola please yeah that's fucking rude man and totally unnecessary god's coming for you but very slowly and preventably. Like, what? Does that make any sense? Only you can prevent God spreading between people. Can I have an animated cartoon character? Only you can prevent Ebola fires. It's like fucking Bill the Ebola Eel or something like that.

He's all slimy and mucusy. And kids go to the PSA. He's like, I want to play with that slimy eel oh now i have ebola mucus membranes timmy mucus membranes oh man i mean if let's say let's say fucking you're right rick wiles let's say there is a god and let's say this god is so fucking dumb that what he's gonna do is he's like, well, I can't communicate with them in any other way. I've got to go out of my way to fucking kill a bunch of them so that they wake up and pay attention to me instead of just like doing something else. Like being like, I'll write in the sky, you know, in the stars, like rearrange the stars so that they say, read your Bible. Yeah. I mean, virtually anything, like virtually anything would actually be a better solution because like all

the people that died, like they're the warning sign, but for them there's no warning. Yeah, exactly. It's like we kill, like God's like, well,

I'm going to kill like a third of the population. You're like, well, that's only going to potentially convince two thirds of the population. And the other ones are, the other ones are in hell. Like what the fuck? They're just like,

great. Fucking told them you douche. It's like firebombing, like two neighbors. You've got the firebomb in your hand. You're like, Oh fuck. Two houses are on fire.

But the other two people that burned up, like what the fuck man? Cause doesn't that suggest like that you were the focus of god's attention but it's like well i'm perfectly reasonable like god could just be like god could just fucking appear in my house and be like hey man turns out i'm real i'd be like really let's chat and then we fucking sit down and chat and he shows me some fucking magic tricks and takes me like forward and backward in time and I'm just like, fuck man, you really seem like God. Like, we're good. We fucking fist bump it out and we're done.

God is amazing at the cup and balls too. I mean, you just can't pick it no matter what you do. It's like two card, three card money. He's fucking amazing at it. Like, he doesn't have to fucking beat up my neighbor. He's fucking awesome. He's got like my neighbor's fucking face and he's like on top of him and he's

like, do you believe in me now, motherfucker? It's like, dude, there's no reason to do that to Craig. Yeah. He didn't have anything to do with this at all. And now he's got Ebola, bitch. This story comes from the raw story. Pastor John Hagee. God thinks nasty welfare recipients should get a job or starve.

I don't think that's in the Bible. That's what God thinks. Hold on now. Pastor John Hagee is a conduit for the Lord, and so here's what the Lord has to say about it. This is from Hagee's, I don't know, fucking, his fucking cornerstone church. He did a sermon and this is from that. America has a dependent state. Listen to this.

America has a dependent state the size of Spain living on our welfare. Think about that. We have a division in our country that cannot long endure. Those who pay double through taxes and those who get a free ride. This is not justice and this is not the American way and this is not how we became great. We became great by every American getting off his duff, getting himself a job, and making his life a thing of beauty

based on his own efforts. Okay, so trade with them. I know, right? Trade with them, dude. No, I mean, if it's fucking that easy, if it's that easy to live on welfare, then fucking trade with them. Have them come up

and read from your little stupid notebook and sit in your giant fucking plush leather chair surrounded by fucking fauna and... or flora leather chair. Surrounded by fucking fauna. And. Or flora. Pardon me. It's not fauna. It's not fucking animals.

It would be better though if it was surrounded by animals. But he's surrounded by fucking lush green fucking fake plants. And drink your coffee. And have your little tiny fucking microphone next to them. And do what you do. And you go sit on the side of the street. And you collect your disability or whatever it is you're collecting and live on the street. So go ahead and do that and see how you like it. To those of you who are sick, to those of you who are elderly, to those of you who are disabled, we gladly support you.

To them. To the healthy who can't work but won't work, get your nasty self off the couch and go get a job! Yeah, because no matter what, Tom, if you have the intent to get a job, you'll find one. We all know that that's how the current job situation Because no matter what, Tom, if you have the intent to get a job, you'll find one.

That's how, I mean, we all know that that's how the current job situation is in America. That anybody who wants a job can just go get a job. And you can get a good job. Not only can you get a job, but you can get a job that actually supports you and your family. Everybody knows that. knows that. The only people who don't know that are the fucking tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of fucking people unemployed or underemployed across the country.

I mean, they're the ones, but it's because they're fucking lazy, nasty, disgusting people. We know, I mean, it's right there in the Bible. It is. Where Jesus talks about America. Yeah. He like kicks a poor person in the neck. He's just like, fuck you, poor person.

All right, so there's more. America has rewarded laziness, and we've called it welfare. The Bible says the man that does not work should not eat. I know the liberals hate that verse But read it and weep It's God's position It's God's position Okay First off

Who is that? Where are those people? Is that the fucking majority? Because that's what he's saying He's splitting people up into three different groups He's saying There's a group that can't do anything and we're okay with those people. There's a group that's elderly.

We're okay with them too because they've paid their dues. And then there's a final group of people who are perfectly capable of getting jobs, but they won't get their ass up off the couch. That's the third group. There's no other group. There's no group of people that are like working poor, that like work at fucking Walmart, but don't have fucking like good health insurance and have to like, and don't get paid very well and don't get like time off and don't have, and they fucking are well, getting paid well under what they should be for a living wage. Those people who have to go onto welfare to get fucking food stamps. Well, those people, they're just too fucking lazy and they need to go out welfare to get fucking food stamps, well, those people, they're just too fucking lazy,

and they need to go out and get another Walmart job? Yeah, well, that'll solve the problem. Look, all you have to do is work, you know, 16 to 20 hours a day so that you can barely scrape by without benefits. 16 hours a day? You know, I mean, and if you're too fucking lazy to work 16 to 20 hours a day for fucking minimum or near minimum wage with no benefits, you know, probably doing some kind of shithead manual labor that sucks and drains the fucking life and soul out of you. If you're too lazy to have two jobs, then why should anybody help you?

Why should? Because that's how you build. See, so you don't understand anything. That's how you build a stronger economy is by letting people flounder. That's how that works. The best way to build a strong economy and to have the kind of society that everybody wants to live in is to make sure that we look down our noses at people who are in need. Isn't that the fundamental message of the New Testament too? It's a good thing the Bible only says one thing about the poor. I like this. I'm going to read. This is from Tom

Biagony. I don't know how to pronounce his name, whatever his name is. He's from the Raw Story. I'm going to read the last line. He says, the video does not show Hagee reading Matthew 25, 35, where, uh, occasionally employed iterant carpenter, Jesus Christ reportedly said for, I was hungry and you gave me food. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. Yeah. You know, this is, this is the, this is the right wing line. And I'm not going to say that there aren't people on welfare That aren't cheating the system Of course there are people on welfare that are cheating the system But it's not a majority

It's not all the people on welfare And to fucking throw the baby out with the bath water Is stupid I mean it's just fucking pig headed stupidity From a privileged standpoint You're just like fucking I can basically fucking get on the fucking like lean my ass out of my window and shit on the poor if i want to

because i'm not fucking poor there's plenty of working poor in this country that aren't making any kind of real funds uh because they're just not making enough money because the corporations are pocketing all the profits and nothing is going to the workers. And now, I don't want to get your fucking mail where you're like, I fucking you socialist motherfuckers or whatever. It's like, no, I'm fucking fine with the profit system, okay? I'm totally fine with the profit system. I just like to make sure that people get a fucking living goddamn wage.

You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers? I want the truth! You can't handle the truth. So this next story comes from Right Wing Watch. David Barton, pro-choice candidates will take away your property and your guns. It's credible. He's a credible guy. David Barton is still credible, right?

No, turns out he's not. He was discredited, Tom. But he was on Wall Builders Live, Cecil. The Wall Builders. Wall Builders. Is that Mark. The Wall Builders. Wall Builders. Is that Marky Wahlberg's burger thing? Is that what that is? It's Wahlburgers.

Okay, it's close. All right, close. Yeah, it's pretty good, though. Yeah. All right, so I'm going to play. It's like two minutes long. We're going to break it up. But here's David Barton talking about pro-choice candidates and guns on Wall Builders Live.

How do you do that in our legislative system today? And how do we as citizens make sure that our representatives understand this? And how do we judge them when we go vote based on this concept of natural law? You know, one of the easiest ways to tell about natural law is ask them where they are on abortion. Because they do not respect the inalienable right to life. They do not respect any other inalienable right, including the right to family, the right to self-defense, the right to, as I mentioned, the founding fathers had about two dozen natural rights. Did they have a natural right against abortion?

Did they write that in? Oh, it was in there. You know, they had about two dozen natural rights, the founding fathers did. They evidently didn't think fucking 14 of them were very important, though. The right of expatriation, we probably don't have a clue what that means today. Jefferson, Franklin, Adams all talked about the right of expatriation. You have the right of profit making. They identified that as a natural right. Wait, profit. How do you spell profit?

I think either way is sufficient for David Barton. It's fine. You have all sorts of rights. And the founders made really clear, Sam Adams and James Wilson and others, that if you don't respect the right to life first, you won't respect the other rights. That is the first of rights. So if you don't respect the right to life, you don't respect property, you won't respect protecting income. You'll think that you ought to tax people more rather than protect their income. You'll take it from them. You won't protect their property. You won't protect their religious liberties. You won't protect the right of self-defense. You'll try

to take the self-defense away from them. It all goes back to that's the easiest answer I can give. If they are wrong on the issue of abortion, they do not understand inalienable rights. They do not understand natural rights. By the way, there's a natural right for you. More than 10 million species in nature, not a single species in nature kills its young while it's still in the womb. That's a violation of all natural process, all natural rights. I don't need a religion

to tell me that. There is nothing in natural law that kills its young while it's still in the womb. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sharks do. Just saying. Sharks fucking, yeah, sharks do. Some sharks fucking, I mean, the mother shark obviously doesn't do it, but some sharks they fucking, if they're one

of the eggs hatches first, it fucking eats the other sharks or the other eggs. So, alright. That's one example that is counter, and I'm just some fucking dude who watches the fucking Discovery channel. During Shark Week. Right? Like, i'm a guy with access to shark week yeah and you forget yeah well and then you know there's there's all kinds of i mean what about the isn't there like a cuckoo or whatever

that like goes around and like plants its eggs in the nest of the other birds and then that that egg hatches first and then throws the other eggs out and then tricks the mom or whatever of that bird to like feed it or something isn't that a thing yeah and then they're like they grow so big like the fucking mother bird like runs itself to exhaustion and dies because it's like three times the size of the fucking regular bird like yeah it's it's fucking ridiculous you know it's like nature would fucking abort kids all day yeah no what we should do though i think is i think that you know now that i think about it we should have the cuckoo system that's how we should run abortions is we should have the cuckoo so where we basically make young mothers who don't want

to have children run until they die that's so that's go yeah just and actually just and it's not even like run for any meaningful fruitful fruitful. No, no. It's literally just literally run until you die. And I actually I think you get a more Christians on board. Probably would. That's so fucking crazy. Like the founding fathers had fucking two dozen rights and they had these rights and those rights. those rights like well the only ones they felt necessary to fucking uh put part of our fucking nation building were the fucking bill of rights yeah so even if you were you know getting down on the fucking founding father fellatio you know you you would still only pay attention to the ones they fucking wrote down not like their fucking ancillary personal writing there's still a minute left of this so let's see if he says anything else. So that's the easiest thing I can point to. I don't care whether they're running for dog catcher or president of the United States.

You ask them where they are on abortion. And by the way. Wait, if a dog catcher, why would you even ask that question of a dog catcher? You're running for dog catcher. What's your stance on abortion? Well, I'll have no meaningful pull in that area. So I guess it's like you're asking the sheriff. You're like, okay, so you're running for sheriff.

Where do you stand on abortion? Well, I'm not actually going to be enforcing any abortions whatsoever. So it's not to me. Where do you stand on abortion? Well, I guess if the bitch wants one. When the dog catcher says, wait a minute, I'm running for dog catcher has nothing to do with abortion. You say, yeah, that's true. But that will tell me your entire philosophy of government.

Hold on. He's got he's got an answer for us. And by the way, you may not stay dog catcher. You might run for school board or city council. You might run for mayor or state representative. You might run for governor. And it's a whole lot easier to knock you off as a dog catcher than it is to knock you off as a governor. Yeah, and I can't ask you any questions when you run as the mayor.

It's so like if you're a dog catcher, if you're the incumbent dog catcher, you totally got the mayor's job wrapped up. That's how it works. You know, it's actually that was exactly how, you know, Obama's path to power. It was dog catcher, then senator, because he stopped and, you know, he's fucking lazy. No, you're forgetting community organizer. Oh, right. And terrorist. You're forgetting terrorist.

And terrorist. That's where we learned the fish jab. Yeah. So, yeah, so he's a weather underground terrorist. Right. Then community organizer, dog catcher, Illinois senator, and president. That's it. That's how you do it, man.

It's like fucking connect the dots. It's pretty amazing. Everybody knows that that's the fucking secret Freemason's path to Illuminati power. And if you don't know that, then you don't know anything and they're taking your guns right now. Yeah, that's probably it's probably because he's a devil worshiper. Yeah.

And so you ask that question of anybody that runs for office. Where are you? I'm on the school board. I have nothing to do with abortion. Yeah. But it tells me your whole philosophy of government

tells me you don't believe in absolute rights and wrongs. It tells me you don't believe in protecting the inalienable rights of the people. It tells me you don't believe in limited government inalienable rights of the people. It tells me you don't believe in limited government, that you want government to replace natural rights. I mean, you get

everything from that one question. That's the best way to find out. Follow the money. You know, I'm glad you said that because I literally had nothing to say. I was just like, I was sitting here like, that makes so little sense. I can't. Oh my gosh. I don't even know where to go. I can't even fucking turn left fast enough. Like, I don't know what to do with this information. It's so awesome because he's just like, no, I'm telling you, ask a really inappropriate question. No, I mean like you need to ask the

most inappropriate question. And when they say it doesn't matter, that means don't vote for him. Right. That's exactly right. You know, it's like, and when they, when they try to tell you like, this is not even remotely relevant to my job, you can say, but it tells me everything about your philosophy of government. Like just fucking ask me about my philosophy of government. It may be a little more nuanced. Yeah. And, and the idea too, is, is that, you know, doesn't this really say something about his philosophy of government in any and more than anything else i mean it's basically saying that you know i am one million percent rigid and i would never you know it's basically saying that there's no wiggle

room ever in my thought well that's what he says like i believe in absolute right and absolutely wrong okay well then you're an idiot yeah because there's always wiggle room it's like, OK, well, then you're an idiot. Yeah, because there's always wiggle room. It's like it's always there's always some way, at least for me to, you know, be pushed and prodded. And, you know, situations come up where, you know, something may or may not be the right cause. You know, just to say in this in any situation, this is the 100 percent thing is like, whoa, wait a minute. Right. Because one of the things that in all the, in all the debates that I listened to, like one of the things that almost always comes up is you, you cannot have morals unless you have God. Right. Because, because, because absolute right and wrong come from God. Like, sure. And you,

and God doesn't lay down contextual laws of right and wrong. God lays down absolute right laws of right and wrong. God lays down absolute laws of right and wrong. So if you believe, if you're starting your worldview from a standpoint where a supreme being has told us what's right and what's wrong, and there is no context of value, and there is no gray in any situation, that everything is really very black and white. And it's black and white because God is the one who commanded these absolutes, these moral absolutes. If you throw away moral absolutes, don't you have to kind of look askance

and be like, oh, man, if I throw away the moral absolutes and the moral absolutes come from God, then what does that say about my real belief in God? I think it calls that shit into question. Whether it does it directly or indirectly is certainly going to be a cause for discomfort intellectually for these folks. So we're joined by Heath Enright and Noah Lusions from The Scathing Atheist. We thought we would do a little movie review of Noah, the Russell Crowe vehicle that floated into box offices last year. And we all sat down and watched it very recently. Tom, as he mentioned on last week's show,

watched it the day of his vasectomy or the day after his vasectomy, which is probably the best way, best time to do it, because then you just forget about all the pain on screen. There was no amount of narcotics that could have made that movie less painful, actually. You know, I was actually hoping somebody would fish back through my fucking genitals with a goddamn fish hook rather than watch fucking Noah again. Can you just jam a hot coat hanger up there for one moment? Can somebody turn this off and reverse the process twice or three times so I can go back to sleep? Normally, I would go out of my way to give you a plot synopsis of the movie Noah, but if you're a human, you have heard the story. And then I love, too.

Well, not this version of it, but yeah, a version of it. There's a few things in it that are different. Not this historically inaccurate version. This, but yeah. There is a few things in it that are different. Not this historically inaccurate version. Historically inaccurate. I love that people think that this movie is historically accurate. It's like those assholes who stand outside a Gettysburg movie and they're talking about

the fucking uniform, missed the button perfectly. It's like at least Gettysburg is a place that is real and had people that happened. There were soldiers with buttons there at one point. At least that's something you can be pedantic

about. But this is more like the guys coming out of the comic book movie saying, well, that's not you know, Batman never got trained to be a ninja by fucking... Yeah, exactly. So this is like complaining about the historical inaccuracies of a Batman movie. There's a couple of changes in this movie.

One, there's rock angels in it. Dear future. And I don't mean like heavy metal angels, like with long hair and like throwing up the horns. That would be fucking amazing if like the battle scene, the rock angels like rolled out. They're like, I want to rock! That wouldn't have been any cheesier than that scene actually was, though. I mean, as though you're not hamstringing your movie-making efforts enough when you say, you know what we need is rock monsters. Then they go and make these goddamn rock lobster look...

They looked cheesy compared to the thing that rode the tricycle in Never Ending Story. Like, in 1986, we could have done better than this. And then, as if that's not bad enough, they give him all the inflection of Optimus Prime on crudes. Gobot Starscream in Genesis. Not what I expected right off the bat. You learn something new every time. Most important characters in the entire book Starscream in Genesis not what I expected right off the bat

Most important characters the entire book actually lava encrusted Historically it was weird they helped Kane's descendants lead an industrial revolution because they played tectonics, apparently, according to the world map graphic they used. The whole thing's very educational right off the bat. It was good. Yeah, as soon as they pan in, it's fucking Pangea. I was like, wait, what? Wait, what? What are you doing? Oh, it was so fucking weird, too.

Could we start with the fact that, like, at the beginning of this movie, you have about as much written exposition as there is in the Noah story in the Bible. My biggest pet peeve, man. Fucking terrible. And then the dialogue in it, you spent two hours listening to people talk about the plot. The soundtrack on it is like a moody 14-year-old kid with the keyboard set, the ambiance, everything. And look, I'm usually a big Aronofsky fan. I'm a huge fan of this guy's work, generally speaking.

I was amazed that he had a movie this shitty in him. I'm a huge fan of this guy's work, generally speaking. I was amazed that he had a movie this shitty in him. I really, man, I'm glad you say that because I have been impressed by every movie that I've seen. All the, so I thought Pie, Requiem, Fountainhead, Redeeming Qualities, Black Swan I thought was very good. This thing was so far, like, this thing was just, I mean, it was a goddamned abomination. And when you talk about exposition, like, that's the worst thing you can do to a movie is be like, and now we'll do a voiceover where we tell you about the movie.

Right. Really? Really? Well, but even when they didn't have to, because we were talking about the sequence where the rock monsters are killing all the people when they're trying to get on the boat, whatever. And as this is happening, spoiler alert, this movie sucks, the rock monsters are getting killed and their light angel-ness is escaping to heaven

and as if that is not blatantly fucking obvious, he actually has one of the rock monsters say, they're being brought up to the creator or whatever. It's like, we have to be told that that's what's going on in addition to this. When the beings of pure light are shooting up into the heavens, like as if they fucking screen tested that and somebody's like, I don't get it.

Why is that there lightning going backward up into the clouds? I don't understand. Man, we got to make this more obvious. The whole time I was watching this too, and I really want to get your thoughts on this, guys. Like, who's the audience? Like, who is the intended audience for this movie? Because it's clearly not believers. Because it does not work for believers.

It's not people that you want to convert to believe. And it's clearly not anybody who has like any interest in the movie yeah the fanboys don't even want to see it yeah they fucked it all up right exactly exactly and you know I had high hopes when I found out he was not going to be like sticking to the story that he was good because you know the fucking Noah story is a pamphlet you couldn't make a whole movie without getting creative but every creative decision he made was stupid there were so many like ridiculous things being added that didn't need to be... Like, for example, when we first meet Ninja,

I mean Noah, who is apparently just as badass as fucking Maximus. It doesn't fucking matter what movie this guy's in. I was waiting for him to scream, are you not entertaining? I was not. I mean, I really was. I was ready to say no. And... But when we first meet him,

he's like trying to rescue an injured dog modillo. What the fuck was that thing? From the I Am Legend zombie shit, right? And then he uses his magic fire rock to burn the course. The magic fire rock doesn't need to be there. There's no reason to step that far outside of reality because it doesn't serve any purpose later in the movie or anything it was just this series of just stupid additions that had no that didn't serve any function except

to be stupid additions well but you know that's funny that you say that too because like really that kind of is the plot right the plot is is just a series of stupid additions which are casually and carelessly strung together for no discernible reason. Most of what happens serves no purpose in terms of moving the story arc a line. You know, and even when they're like, yeah, and the fucking rock monster is talking to be an industrial nation. Like, OK, great. So is there going to be something there? And it's like, yeah, and that made them all evil. And nation. Like, okay, great. So is there going to be something there? And it's like, yeah, and that made them all evil. And you're like, wait, wait, fucking why?

I don't understand that at all. Like, well, it just made them evil. Look, black stuff spreading across a map. Like, it's like the evil Indiana Jones map. Like, tickety-tickety-tickety-tickety. Like, it's just... What the fuck? Why did it make them evil? And why would the angels who are now trying to help who fucked up before but now are mad at people? Like, no part of it made any sense. You them evil and why would the angels who are now trying to help who fucked up before but now we're mad at people like it doesn't like no part of it made any sense you're

like wait the angels are good now but before they made people bad but maybe because the people were bad but they gave him technology but like no it doesn't have technology but sometimes he does i don't know right well you had no sense of when this was you know sometimes it was the 1500 sometimes it's the bronze ages sometimes it's some point in Middle Earth's history. You had no sense of place. And you had no sense of this because they go out of their way with this huge, long, pointless exposition to set up this world that we spend no time in at all. With the exception of Noah's one ill-fated trip to Evilville, we never actually see anything of this weird world that he's created. Yeah, well, because it doesn't matter. Because the world that they created makes so little sense that to spend any time in it would fucking make your head explode. You know, the whole thing, too, it's like the scene where they rescue the little girl.

Like, okay, so in order for me to understand and believe the mythology that they're putting forward, right? So all of the people are the brethren, the descendants of Cain. And so they're tainted and they're evil and, I don't know, metal. So that's bad. So, like, the monsters taught them the wrong shit. But then they come across as injured little girl. And they save the injured little girl. And I'm like, isn't the little girl evil?

Isn't she a descendant of Cain? Because she wasn't fucking part of Noah's clan. So she must have been part of their clan. So if she was part of their clan and they rescued her, didn't you rescue an evil person? And she turns out not to be evil. It's like, well, then they weren't all evil. They're just raised by dicks. That's definitely an awkward moment.

They're in that cave, you know. So we're saving enough animals to start over. What happens to us, Dad? And they all look at each other like, well, Shem. We're all going to gang fuck Hermione. Against God's will, you're going to fuck your adopted sister. You know, the wounded eight-year-old hobo girl we picked up earlier. She's sitting right next to you in the cave right now. recovering from the hysterectomy apparently she just got.

That's a plot point also. Right. Weird. Weird movie. And could I just say, like, I'm so fucking sick of this cliche that every movie where there's ever a woman who can't have children, by the end of the goddamn movie, she's pregnant. Oh, so boring. I'm so sick of every fucking movie reinforcing that, you know, women are baby factories and a woman's just not complete unless she can spit out children motif. Not just because it's

sexist, but because it's so goddamn obvious. Was anybody surprised when Hermione ended up pregnant later? No. It was impossible to be surprised. My wife turns to me, she's like, wait a minute, how do they know she's barren? And I'm like, well, she had an injury on her stomach so I guess in that world that means you're barren. She's like, how would they fucking know? Yeah. And I'm like, I don't had an injury on her stomach, so I guess in that world that means you're barren. She's like, how would they fucking know?

Yeah. And I'm like, maybe they fuck her every single day, and it's just fucking trial. Like, at some point, it's like fucking trial and error. That bitch ain't getting pregnant. I don't know what to say. It's a pretty good sample size. We got plenty of sample size. If they do, I kind of want to see the behind-the-scenes footage, to be honest with you.

Well, knowing what Darren Aronofsky has done in the past, yeah, you probably would. I was about to say, right? You guys have seen these movies the whole fucking time. I'm just waiting for Jennifer Connelly and Hermione to go ass to ass. It's an enormous letdown. It's an enormous letdown. You've seen his other, you know, everybody's thinking. I'm saying it.

Well, then, okay, so if we're talking about the things that we're thinking but not saying, like, how do you avoid, how do you watch this movie and avoid, like, the fucking issue of incest? Like, constantly. Like, wait a minute. Because he's like, if it's a girl, I'm going to fucking kill it. And it's like, wait a minute, because if it's a girl, we'll all be related to it. That's a fucked up part.

Doesn't the whole movie kind of revolve around that decision too? You know, like Hermione, she gets pregnant by Shem. Noah thinks he needs to murder the kid if it's a girl to carry out God's will for wiping out the human race. Actually turns out to be twin girls. So in Noah's mind, there's no chance of him and his sons not fucking those girls. The solution in which the four remaining dudes in the world don't fuck their family member, that was off the table from the start.

Infanticide plan A. Like, what the heck? Are you guys kidding me? Well, and this is all extra biblical, because in the Bible, Noah does bring wives for his son, so at least we have cousin fucking instead of direct sister fucking. So this was like, you know,

and for those who haven't seen the movie, first of all, good on you, cousin fucking instead of direct like sister fucking so like this was like you know and and for for those who who haven't seen the movie first of all good on you but secondly there's a sequence in here where ham you know because noah goes to evilville and he can't bring himself to bring any of these evil people with him and so ham goes off to find his own girlfriend and by the way ham note the kind of girls that you meet at the bottom of corpse ditches those are not those are not take home to mom girls that's for sure yeah but yeah don't take them home to the ark i mean but at any rate so especially they don't have a foot but whatever you do don't intentionally let them get trampled to death by an angry mob while their foot's in a bear trap like did they think

that we just didn't have enough reasons to dislike the fucking protagonist in this movie? That they're going to actually let him intentionally or have him intentionally let a fucking girl get trampled to death? And then he tells his son what? You know, sorry, I let your girlfriend get trampled to death and there's no more humans, but we have two unconscious sheep upstairs. They're not going anywhere for a while. And speaking of which, I'm sorry, we didn't bring this up yet, but why did all the fucking animals show up according to sub-virus? I said the exact same thing to my wife. I'm like, it's amazing. They're coming in all like fucking all the reptiles are coming together just how humans classified them.

That's amazing. Right. Exactly. It's not even cladistic for fuck's sake. I also like, too, that all the birds all fly in. They put all the birds to sleep. Then all the reptiles go in and they close the doors. I'm thinking, all those birds are gone.

Don't you know that you can't sail across the river on the canoe now? You're fucked. Yeah, that's exactly it. You can't leave the cake with the fox. There's no way you can do it. But luckily they had the magic sleeping powder that affects everything except for the people

wandering through an enclosed arc with magic sleeping powder. I love that. I love that because it's like, yeah, we're making all the animals fall asleep. It's like, you're an animal. I hired you asleep. Oh, no, it doesn't work on me. I'm like, God loves me. But not a lot because it's still like really bad shit happened to me.

So you guys don't think that any of the departures from the story, because I read the story today after I watched the movie. So, you know, full disclosure, I'm not a Bible reader. I don't know if anybody ever heard me say that before, but I've never really read the Bible. But I took some time and read. The movie's actually better than the book, believe it or not. Yeah. That's rare. The book is very sparse.

Admittedly, it's like five paragraphs long, the Noah story is. Right. But I read it, and there are some departures in this do you think and you think that the artistic license that that aronofsky took really didn't help anything at all well i mean you had to obviously you had to step way outside of that story but like everything like honestly the idea of having the nephilim the the fallen angels and stuff as part of the story they're in the noah story have fun with that but you have to make it this because the art department was clearly fucking them every chance they got you know the art of the the uh the rock monsters

look stupid the arc was a fucking muddy box that's exactly it you couldn't have you couldn't have made a less inspiring art and this is completely off subject by the way but the art direction what we're talking about the art direction what was up with the my little pony color palette this movie had for the first fucking 45 minutes? Am I the only one that noticed that? Everything's bright greens and bright reds and shit like that, in complete contrast to what's going on in the movie. Yeah, you know, it reminded me of some of Aronofsky's other films, though.

I was thinking of The Fountain. Ancient Israel is a lot like Miami, though. That's true. That's true. Very similar. Well, it's actually ancient Pangea, as it turns out. It wasn't Israel yet. What did you think about, there's a mixture in this movie

between what seems to me the Abrahamic story of killing your child and the Noah story. Do you think that that was just shit, or do you think that that added any kind of extra dimension to this? Nothing pushes the plot along like, you know, infanticide. Murdering your own children, your own grandchildren? Yeah, like the whole third act of this movie is him walking around the ark brooding and going like, ooh, I'm going to kill them babies.

That's what he said. That's where we were. And I'm sorry if I'm jumping the gun here, going all the way to the finale scene. So, you know, again, spoiler alert, Hermione has twin girls and she's on top of the ark. Because if you're going to hide in a giant goddamn ark, that's the place to hide. It's right on top where nobody can possibly miss you. And Noah comes out of the fucking ark and he sees her up there and he's walking over and she's like, oh, don't kill the babies. He's like, oh, I'm going to kill the babies.

Oh, don't kill the babies. Oh, I'm going to kill the babies. And he gets to the fucking babies and she's holding these twins now keep in mind we're standing on top of a muddy box arc with mount everest deep water 360 degrees i haven't put a lot of thought into baby murder in my life but i'm thinking you just chuck them over the side or maybe you skip one see how far it goes. They're buoyant, though. They're fucking buoyant. It's a saltwater situation. Apparently he knew that because he figured he had to poke some holes in them first. So Noah

takes out his giant goddamn crocodile dundee knife and holds it over the baby's head. I know. He's going to stab it in the face. He's going to stab it in the face. God, say nothing and I'm going to do this. Say nothing and I'll do it. He wasn't fucking around.

My first thought when he had that knife, he's going to stab the baby in the face. I'm like, you're going to hit Hermione. What are you doing? There's no way. Use a sawhorse or something. Have her move her hands out of the way. Don't you know, cut away from yourself stupid like and he's got this look this oh i can't quite stab the baby in the face look on his his fucking face and like

and but i guess then we're supposed to like him because you know we haven't brought up the antagonist in this movie because he's just not worth mentioning except to say were we supposed to not like this guy other than the fact that the acting was horrible and the guy kind of you know brooded through every line or whatever But here's a complete list of everything the antagonist does in this movie. He kills the guy that's about to kill Noah's son He tries to save as many as many humans as possible on the big empty ark He tries to kill Noah who's about to murder babies Eats meat he fucking fires off some fireworks and cusses at God. What's not to like about this guy?

Can we get a righteous trampling in there? We need a righteous trampling to really characterize this guy. You forgot one thing, though, Noah. He lumberjack chopped his fucking way into the arch, and that's badass. I'm sorry. With a little hand axe, no less. I know. While the fucking storm is going.

Yeah, like giant waves crash at the arch, and somehow he's able to not only chop his way in, but chop his way in in a way that does not allow the fucking Ark to flood. Right, right. Like, you made a man-sized hole in my boat, dude. He just, like, cape-fears himself on, right? And admittedly, they had some surplus mud on there somewhere so they just fucking spackled that shit right back up and also what we're talking about just unnecessarily weird shit in this movie because i thought like the closest this movie ever came to having a good

scene was right after that you know after pooble came hacks his way in and everything and they're in the ark and you can hear all the people they're on the top of methuselah's mountain like screaming and and everybody's going no can we at least throw out some like ropes or something he's like no fuck them and he starts telling the story of genesis one and they've got like the science channel footage going behind it as if to demonstrate just how wrong they got it and like i said i thought that scene i thought was getting really good because i think that's a very poetic passage from the bible probably the best passage in the Bible that I've come across so far. And the footage was really cool, but they had to go and ruin

it with the bioluminescent Adam and Eve. Oh yeah, they were awesome looking, weren't they? It was so weird. And then the snake sheds its skin, so it's like, I'm a snake. No, fuck it, I'm a scarier snake! And you're like, great.

Was that Apple moving around? Would you pick a moving around apple off of a tree? No kidding, right? I'm going to be pulsating like alien, and you're going to take that thing? Right. You're like, oh, man, I'll have a mango or the heartbeat pulse apple. Yeah, right, right. What am I in the mood for?

What if God told me not to eat? It'll make me stop glowing. And I think I figured that out on the second viewing. Believe it or not, yes, I fucking saw this twice. I saw it once in the theaters and then again yesterday. Oh, Jesus. I think what it was is that this was like an Academy Award attempt to garner some favor by actually casting the Oscar statuette in a role, as ever.

It obviously didn't work, but I have to admit that I thought some of this movie looked pretty cool. Now, I won't say that the rock things look cool, although I will say that one of those rock things is a better goalie than the U.S. goalie. He was amazing.

That's the only guy that we had that was worth a shit. He's phenomenal. Did you see how many people he stopped for going in the arc? All those stragglers that were coming through. He's just like, get out of here, bitches. Batting away Guatemalan kids at the border. No problem. Exactly.

He's like a minute man. It just is awesome. Actually, hold on a second because I do have a question. When the rock monsters first showed up and they were going to repel the invaders, and they were all joined together with metal chains. And then none of them used the chains for anything. Anything, no. Why were they? And then later, they just weren't joined together with metal chains.

No. I didn't understand that scene at all. Like, they're like, we've got metal chains. I'm like, this is going to be so badass. They are going to clothesline some motherfucker. And then they're just like, no, it just fucking happened. My wife set up all these chains. We're using the chains. Put the chains on the rock monster. It's going to clothesline some mother and then just like now it is fucking my wife set up all these chains we're using the chain put the chains on the rock monster it's gonna snow yeah it's gonna look nice up there i got a little throw chain you're not going out until you put

the chains on the rock monster the rest of the movie though there's there's there's one or two scenes i thought that looked kind of cool but i mean, I can't imagine like giving the movie any props for one or two scenes. Right, because they had to put something on the fucking preview, you know. Yeah, yeah. I thought that the whole world hurricane from space looked cool. I thought that was neat when they sort of zoomed out and there's this big sort of crazy hurricane that's sort of flooding the world. I also thought, you know, some of the CG was okay.

Some of it looked terrible, though. Some of the CG looked really bad, like really not well done, especially the part where they're like walking across the desert with the big rock transformer thing, and they're like walking down. And you could clearly see that there's a green sign. I know. It looks so flat. You're like, yeah,, flattest looking thing. I was going to say, if you want to give

somebody an idea of it, think Mickey Mouse talking to the conductor in Fantasia. That's about the quality of scene that we're seeing. Is that too obscure? Nobody remembers that one? The rock biter guy from NeverEnding Story with 80s graphics. It was that good. Stone Age, ATSD.

But they were also, even when they didn't need to CGI stuff, there was bad CGI. Like at the beginning when Noah's dad gets killed and he goes running through the field, the kid running through the field is CGI'd. And it's poorly CGI'd. Apparently not. Fields don't just fucking pay for themselves, Noah. As Judah demonstrated, yeah. What do you guys think about this? Don't just fucking pay for themselves, Noah. As Judah demonstrated, yeah.

What do you guys think about this? There's some underlying messages in this movie that clearly I think the Christians probably would not like. One of them, I think, and this is something that Tom and I run into on our show all the time, and it's sort of the it's our world and we'll rape it if we want to sort of feeling of the Christian right. They clearly, I think, had a different story going in here. And then, you know, they weren't eating meat. They were like all vegans, I guess, like surviving on fucking lichen. I don't know what they were eating.

Berries are a big deal. Yeah, like all berry. He found all fucking berries. Anthony Hopkins, berry flower. Thanks, God. Yeah. Yeah, but clearly there's a, you know, there's also like this, I guess, vegan angle to the movie, too. So I think that, you know, we may be mad with it because it sucks. But the Christians probably are mad at it because it sort of turns a lot of their worldviews up on their head.

Well, and it's completely antipodal to what's actually, you know, what is the source material? it's completely antipodal to what's actually, you know, what is the source material, because if you look at the final chapter of, or the final passages in the story of Noah, and I believe that's in chapter 9 of Genesis, it's, God gives them this whole, go kill everything and make sure they're afraid of you, and eat stuff, and murder animals, you know, and not only that, but murder animals for God. Like, the first thing noah does in the bible when he gets off the ark is grab a couple of them birds and hack them up and set them on fire so that god can like smell the bernie birds he likes to smell yeah he loves to he fucking slaughtered some animals that's for sure yeah well it's it's funny because that guy does

say he's like he's you know he says out loud he's in the movie it's like yeah we're fucking we're men and we're supposed to fucking have dominion. And he's like, he's the one who's like, yeah, look, God put us here and he fucking cursed us. He made us in his image, fucking ignored us, doesn't answer any of our pleas. Like, what do you fucking want from me? Like, that guy is the most rational person in the whole movie. He's certainly a million times more rational than fucking Ham the Beer Refreshing, who like runs around, like you said, like finding girls to go out with in fucking

mass graves. And then deciding he's going to like harbor a fucking murderer in the boat. Like you got a boat with fucking five people on it. You're like we could really deal with more murderers. I love that that guy consumes like the final unicorn

too. He's eating a dress up because he looks so good him and he's like, dude, fucking settle down on eating the beasts. Fucking we needed that pegasus, bro. What the fuck? And that's what the guy goes through with the Dominion speech. He's like, hey, fucking animals are here to be eaten. I'm going to fucking eat them. Right.

He's like, everything is sushi in that movie, too. Like every animal is fucking sushi. You know, there's also one thing I thought was crazy, too. And I know I talked about this before, but it just strikes me as so absurd. It's like in order for me to believe this movie, like all of that, everyone who's not Noah's family is fucking consummately evil. Because if they're not, then it doesn't make any sense for a just God to wipe out all men, women, children, babies, puppies, kittens, everything. They all die. They die because they're evil, right?

And they said that in the beginning. They're all fucking evil. But the two women, the two women that they run across seem fine. And then the only other time women pop up, they're used as fucking like chattel to bargain with. They're like, I got girls. You got food? And they're They're like, I got girls. You got food? And they're like, yeah, I got food. It's like fucking 50% of the population is just like, it's like, and the world was evil.

And then like, there's like a pause. Well, mostly just the guys. The women actually seem fine, but we're going to kill all of them anyway. And like, we're supposed to be worried about the fate of two babies. Like, fucking how many babies just drowned? Exactly. I'm not going through this with a fine-tooth comb. I'm not fucking God.

Hey, kill them all. Let me sort them out. Wait, fuck. No, shit. You mentioned the part where they're, like, trading women for meat or whatever. Just to give you an idea how bad the dialogue was in this movie, when Noah's wandering around in this city of horrible evil or whatever that just to give you an idea how bad the dialogue was in this movie when when noah's wandering around in this city of horrible evil or whatever the whole time you

hear a woman in the background yelling please don't take my baby like really like you wrote that fucking shit down like just it doesn't does it just say cliche evil line in background yeah they improv that shit. Help, help, I'm being impressed. It's like somebody just walks up to the camera and just says, cue maniacal laugh. Oh, wait, ha, ha, ha. Well, I did expect the guy who killed Noah's dad at the beginning to turn around and yell, disappointed. But he didn't.

In classic fashion, we are going to rate this movie 1 to 5. You can go as low as 0 on this movie. 0 to 5. 0 being the worst. You guys are our guests. Heath, what do you rate this movie? I was going to give him a one, but, you know, they never did the thing with Jennifer Connelly and Hermione.

Zero. You know what? I'm going to – God, I love Aronofsky. And there were these brief, tiny little moments of brilliance on it. So can I give decimals? Can I give like a one point? Yeah, absolutely. We're going to go about 1.5 then.

Okay. Tom? Yeah, man, I got to go with a fucking zero. This movie was fucking retarded. It's so bad. At no point was I interested or entertained. So it's like our podcast then. Yeah, it's worse.

Okay. All right. Fair enough. All right. Okay. So I'm going to give it a 0.25. I think there were some moments that were pretty, but for the most part, it's like our podcast then. Yeah, it's worse. All right, fair enough. All right. Okay, so I'm going to give it a.25. I think there were some moments that were pretty, but for the most part, it's pretty fucking painful.

Avoid Noah, Russell Crowe, and all crew because it's not fun to watch. Guys, thank you for joining us today. If people were going to find your podcast, where would they go? I would suggest skatingatheist.com. That's probably your best bet. Wonderful. Thanks for joining us, guys. Thanks for being on. Glad scathingatheist.com. That's probably your best bet. Wonderful. Thanks for joining us, guys. Thanks for being on.

Glad to be here. Thanks for having us. Appreciate it. So we want to thank the Scathing Atheist hosts, Heath Enright and No Illusions, for joining us today. If you haven't checked out the Scathing Atheist podcast, it's a great show. Those guys are really funny. They have another co-host, Lucinda, who comes on.

They do funny poems and great news items, and then they interview people like us. We're actually going to be on their show coming up. So if you haven't checked out their show, you really should. It's a great show, and they put a lot of work into it. Probably the hardest-working guys in podcasting for the atheist podcasting sector. They just put a ton of work into their show every week and it's worth a listen. So go take a look. You'll find the link to their show on this episode, episode 170. I hear good things about that working hard stuff, but I'm not going to try it. So, uh, so that wraps it up for this week and we will leave you as always with the

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