Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 172: When it Rain it Pours

Episode Date: August 26, 2014

 

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. That's you. Recording for me. You know what? I was a half a second. That's you, dude. You son of a bitch. I can do this.

I can't. It's not without cues. I need a person, like, fucking going to land a plane with the fucking drumsticks that they wave in the air. Just like, three, two, one. You're bad at this. Like, oh, man. Fuck. Fuck.

Hey. Go. Recording from Gloriole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political.

And there is no welcome at. This is both episodes 172 and 173. We hope. We hope. If we can cobble together enough bullshit. Enough bullshit in one day, we might not have to record twice this week, and that would be kind of amazing. And we're actually recording live is not the right word. Yeah, it's pre-recorded, but we're not going to take any breaks, and we're not going to do any editing on the show, which is kind of scary.

So turn it off now is pretty much. And we're in person. We're actually recording. So let's enumerate the flaws before we even begin, right? Exactly, right. So first, we're in person. Right. Second, you begin drinking before noon.

Don't judge me. And it's shit I made. Don't judge me. Don't judge me. And we're not going to edit any of this nonsense. We're not even going to edit out the long pauses. I love the long pauses. The awkward, awkward silences.

That's great. Before we begin the show, Cecil, you actually just returned recently. Part of the reason that our recording schedule has changed that the actual release schedule we maintained mostly because you did a lot of work right like while you were on vacation but you just got back from new york i did i went land of garbage mountains first time ever in new york and uh you know while i i will say that there was some really great stuff about new york i thought that there was some really pretty places and whatnot but new york for me if you're familiar with Chicago and New York,

what New York is, is Streeterville. So if you go to Streeterville in Chicago, Streeterville is just packed with people. There's tons of people on the streets and it's just kind of a mass of people. Tons of real sort of like, I guess you would call them like trendy places where people go out and hang out. Imagine that for

55 square blocks. No, I will not do it. it's like every garbage can has bees around it no like it's the worst it's the worst and it's just crowded and packed and kind of i mean it was really that was disconcerting but the thing that really shocked me the most first off their pizza sucks okay so that's i'm just gonna get that doesn't really i actually was gonna ask you about that so that's foldy pizza right so i went out to fucking and i'm probably we're gonna get a million fucking emails about this. But I went out to – I was staying in the financial district for the first day.

So I stayed by the World Trade Center where the World Trade Center was. Yeah. And then I stayed in the financial district. So I did it like a search. I was searching for places. I was like, I got to find a place that all the people go for pizza because this is like – It's the thing, right? You know, Chicago pizza is a fucking pie.

What the fuck you got to do with that? And they all fucking get all fucking weird about it. Is that how they sound when they do that? That's exactly what they do. They look like Ewoks too. They're like, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup. But anyway, so I get the pizza. I go to this place.

And I did a search. I was like, what's the fucking highest rated place that the traders go to? Because you're in the financial district. This is where everybody goes every day. And clearly like, what's the fucking highest-rated place that the traders go to? Because you're in the financial district. This is where everybody goes every day. And clearly, at that point, if you're getting pizza from where the traders go, money is not enough. Yeah, right. It's not a reduced-quality product. Exactly.

Because they're just like, I shit money in gold. I'll buy it for two. Two. Two. Going for two. But anyway, I go there, and it's like this hole-in-the-wall place. And I walk in, and there's three half-cooked pizzas sitting there on the thing. And I was like, I'll get two slices of pepperoni.

And they're like, sure, no problem. And then they take it, and they put it in the oven. So they cut the pieces, and they put it in the oven. It's like Sbarro. That's what Sbarro does, right? You go in, you buy a half-cooked pie, and then they cook to finish it up. And I go sit down, and I'm sitting there, and I kind of fold it up. I mean, it's better ingredients than Sbarro, but it's pretty much Sbarro.

I mean, it was like, I was like, that's okay, but it's not great. I mean, like I had really good pizza in Chicago. I'm sure that there's very good pizza out there, like some artisanal shit, whatever. But this stuff was not. I was like, whatever. What's the big deal? It's just your crust is a little different. Like big deal. It's just your crust is a little different. Like, big deal.

It's not anything major, though. I mean, it was really a very slight change in the pizzas. I mean, it really was very, very slight. But it's triangles, not squares. Yeah, it's triangles. That's the difference. It's a shape. At this point, we are actually fighting about the geometry.

It's deciding whether or not you cut your sandwich in half or one way on diagonal or straight up and down. Diagonal is fancier. I think diagonal is fancier. I cut sandwiches diagonal for my wife and son. And Finn hates it because it's a bigger crust. Oh, crust. Yeah, because you can only really get them. And he won't eat the crust.

And I do it every time. It makes me mad that he doesn't like crust because the crust is the best part of the bread. And you will make him like it eventually. And Colleen will cut the crust off of his sandwiches, and I refuse to do it. I'm like, he's going to eat it until he likes it. I will force feed that little fucker. I don't care what you actually like. I'm going to tell you what I want you to like.

So in New York, there we are in the middle of new york we went to this one place somebody suggested going to a place out to eat and it was somebody that uh i'm not gonna say who suggested it but somebody suggested to go out to a place out to eat and it was fucking basically like it was like like a fancier version like rainforest cafe we totally got fucking duped like somebody's like you should go to this landmark place and i was like okay and i didn't realize that was just like a fuck it's like the grand lux in chicago where you're just like yeah it's tourist food dude and it's not good it was bad but then we went to a couple other places very nice places admittedly the thing that really weirded me out about new york is the garbage there's just piles of garbage everywhere like

fucking waist high piles of garbage in the street. And then the worst part is, is like, okay, well, I can deal with the waist-high piles of garbage if it's just for a day, and then they come by and collect it, right? The problem is, is that it's out there for a day, and then there's like this, I don't even want to call it, because you have the word garbage juice, right? Yes, right. But that's not, that doesn't accurately describe this concoction. Imagine, like, it's almost like a non-Newtonian fluid. It's like it's not a solid. It's not a liquid.

It's kind of part of all three. It's like a gas because you can smell it. Oh, God. It's got the liquid and solid portions. It's garbage plasma. It is. It's like a fourth state of matter. It's the craziest shit.

And it smells horrible. And there's like a fucking 10 by 10 square in the road of it everywhere you go because basically the garbage truck pulls it down. But then there's no power washer or nothing to get it off the ground. So it's just like your city smells like garbage all the time. And from the pictures you sent, the garbage is not in bins. It's just in bags. It's like on the street.

Like bags of garbage on the street. You might as well just have plague rats running around. I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked. Why would they not, like here? They don't have an alley. But they should still use the bins. I know you would think that you would just slide a bin or something. On the residential

streets, they have lock-up stuff for garbage where they have bins and then they lock it up. You gotta lock up your garbage so nobody steals it. Hey, who took my dirty diaper? I saw a million people digging through garbage, too. They'll walk up and untie the bags and then reach in and pull out bottles and shit. I fucking see you not. Couldn't believe it.

That's like a fucking industry out there. I couldn't believe it. But anyway, I only stayed in Manhattan, so I don't know what it's like anywhere else. So I'm not talking about the whole of New York. Manhattan's the ritziest part, right? That's all I stayed in. From what I hear, the neighborhood places in the Bronx and the Queens, I guess, are totally different.

But I don't know because I didn't go there. I only went to one place. But it was pretty as long as I looked up. But if I looked down, I was like, that's a big pile of garbage. It's a clothespin city, dude. Gross. It was gross. You've got to put a clothespin on your nose.

If visiting it in the winter would probably be fine, I think. But then you're in New York in the winter. Right? That's like saying, yeah, the zombies are slower in Alaska. I wasn't. I went there, and I thought it was great and all for certain reasons, and then I also thought it sucked. I mean, there's lots of reasons why Chicago's great and sucks, too. Sure.

It's not like every city has that problem, but that was not. I mean, the garbage was the one thing that I was just fucking shocked. So you're not reloc, it's every city has that problem. But that was not, I mean, the garbage was the one thing that I was just fucking shocked. So you're not relocating. Oh, good Lord, no. Oh God. I couldn't,

I don't know that I could live out there. I mean, I live in a city. And I thought, well, sure, you know, I could handle like a bit. Sure,

a city's a city. It's way more populated. Like, I mean, like three or four times more populated. I just got to say, sorry. That's all right.

We're going to have to cut this out. We're not going to cut this out. We're not cutting anything out. We're not cutting anything out. We're not cutting this out. There is no post-production. I'm shutting it off. There you go. This is just production production.

This is the production to production. I'm not going to cut anything. All right. So, Tom, that's my rant about New York that we're going to get tons of email on. Yeah, we are. So, the first story comes from MSN. Wait. No.

What? Hold on. First story. Here we go. God damn it. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. First story. Here we go. God damn it. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Have you ever seen this video? Oh, God. It's hilarious. The guy is doing exactly what you're doing. He's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. He's like moving his head. That's fucking awesome. He's got a bowball head.

It's great. All right. So the first story. I am not good at this job. We're not terrible at this. The first story comes from MSN. Lashes for Saudi woman who called morality police liars. Newspaper. That's so weird.

I know, it just says colon newspaper. Newspaper. I don't really understand why. So a Saudi Arabian. I'm just making sounds. What's going on over there? I'm just making sounds. Stop.

Just let me make my sounds. This many people don't have anything to say to you. I'm not surprised that we're getting interrupted by chimes and beeps and boops. What shocks me is that anybody is sitting anywhere in the world right now thinking, I got something to say to Cecil. Everyone who likes you is in this room. Very true. That's very true.

Yeah, that was actually, you know what that was? That was Firefox telling me I need to upgrade. I'm surprised it's not Adobe. I literally just updated it and it was like, have you updated Adobe? You know, you did it 30 seconds ago, but we might have changed it since then. And also if you could download the following shitty toolbars Have you updated Adobe? You know, you did it 30 seconds ago, but we might have changed it since then. Here, and also if you could download the following shitty toolbars that will never come off of your desktop. Oh, the toolbars. You need as many toolbars as you possibly can get.

Ask fucking Jeeves. Ask Jeeves. I haven't heard that in years. That's awesome. Yeah, sure. Let me get to web crawler. Hang on a minute. Here, let me get to web crawler.

Hang on a minute. So a Saudi Arabian judge has upheld a sentence of a month in prison and 50 lashes for a businesswoman convicted of insulting members of the morality police during an argument. No, no, no, no, no, no. Morality police. Oh, my God. You know, one thing that I like of this is the Morality Police, they've actually been renamed. So it was formerly the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. That's a long name.

And now they're just like, no, fuck it, man. We're just the Morality Police. I don't know. We're going to rename our government Big Brother. And we've always been at war with Oceana. Right? I think this is awesome it says it it said the patrol had entered her cafe to check uh that there were no breaches of morality or other laws in the conservative uh muslim kingdom and i just wonder if like there's like an undercover vice squad that walks around and it like, are you doing anything immoral in here?

I could see your ankle! Oh my god! Call 9-1! I don't know. What's our number? I don't know. Could you imagine them just being like, psst, buddy, I would like to buy an immorality. Somebody opens up their fucking... They got a big coat full of watches, but instead it's just full of like women's ankle pictures.

And they're like shitty Polaroids. They're like terrible Polaroids. Yeah, they're like fucking like weird snuff Polaroids, you know? She may or may not be dead right now. I'm not making any promises. She is certainly dead. You know, I like that she appealed this and the second judge was like, yeah, a month in prison and 50 lashes. God, that sounds unpleasant.

I mean, and the morality police, like, swing by, and then she calls them liars, right? So she's like, yeah, but I'm not doing anything immoral. And that's actually what she's, so this is the resisting arrest version, right? So, like, the cops show up at your door, and they don't arrest you, and they're like, yeah, we're going to fucking harass you and bother you about X, Y, or Z. And then you're like, blah. And then they don't find anything in the original charge, but then all of a sudden you've resisted arrest. And now you've resisted arrest, and that's now the new charge.

This is the same version. Like, insulting the morality police? That's a paddling. Like, it's, like, just that bad. Right. Because she didn't get the 50 lashes for having anything immoral happening in her cafe. She got it for upsetting the people who were checking to see if anything bad was going on. Well, that's being immoral.

That's being immoral. You know what's crazy to me? Here's the thing. Okay, so if you're a cop in the States, we have the code, right, that they have to follow, where they're like, look up at the law. They're like, this is a law. Right. And admittedly, some cops don't even know the law, right?

Because when they do videotaping, some of them are like, you can't videotape me. Right. No, you can. You can, actually. You don't know the law. And then they, like, beat you up and they take your camera away or whatever. You know, like. I am the law.

Exactly, right? They're all Judge Dredd over here. But in any case, there at least is some, at least we're playing some sort of, it's like we're pretending that there's some sort of, we're all pretending that there's some sort of polite fiction that we all agree that there's these laws. Over there, judges decide what the law is. So when you, it's not like these judges are saying, go out and find this thing. They're just saying the judges just make a decision. So if that's the case, like you could just basically arrest somebody for anything.

And then they just bring them into the judge and they'll be like, no, it's not a crime. Or yes, that's a crime. Or do they go out and like, like these guys make a decision based on what they think immoral is. And then take it to the judge who then renders a decision based on what they think immoral. I mean, like, how does it even work? Because, you know, the judges aren't, it's not like Judge Dredd, right? It's not like they're out there doing the thing. Yeah.

They're behind a bench somewhere. And then there's actually guys in their, like, like in the morality mobile driving around looking for people doing bad things. Right. Yeah. And by bad things, it's like looking at the wrong thing in a cafe. Right. Like, like nothing is, it's not like these people, and she's the one who's going to get shit for that, right?

So she has a business. Yeah. And somebody walks into her business and does a thing that is not the right thing, according to literally the morality police, which when you say it, it sounds crazy. Like it sounds like, oh, who's there? Knock, knock. It's the morality police. Do they have to get like a morality search warrant?

What if they, you think that they could like falsify evidence? Like when they chase people down in like a high speed chase and then they're like, I didn't do anything wrong. And then they like pull up their burka a little like, I saw your ankle! I saw it! It's like when a cop like comes up and like smashes your taillight. Like that's why I pulled you over.

Like they come up and they just like, they've got like a little perfume spritzer of vodka. Exactly. Foot, foot, foot, foot. Who's been in the drink? Oh, it looks like you've been drinking. And during Ramadan, that's a jillion lashes. That's a death.

Are you kidding me? They'll just murder you. And every time we've encountered a story like this where somebody takes it, like goes to the appeal in Saudi Arabia, usually the fucking conviction gets worse. Yeah. It's like, how dare you? Right. It's like, oh, wait, 25 lashes.

I'm going to ask the second judge, make that 50 lashes. Really? What is going on over there? Fucking Mozilla was just like, hey, asshole, I know you closed the window earlier, but I just wanted to let you know it's ready to install. Thanks, asshole. Did you check the compatibility of your add-ons?

Motherfucker, I've never used one of those add-ons. Fucking Mozilla, I quit. Asshole. Hello, Macbook. Hello, Macbook. Hello, Macbook. Hello, Wepa.

I still love that one. This one also comes from MSN. Shiite militia killed dozens of Iraqi Sunnis in a mosque shooting. This wouldn't have even made the news if it wasn't for the second part of the story. Right. And it certainly wouldn't have made our portion of it. So obviously there's a tremendous amount of sectarian violence going on in Iraq right now. But what struck me as particularly interesting about this story, Cecil, is they actually stoned some dude in Mosul. I want to point that out. They stoned a man.

This is the first case of a stoning of an actual penis-having person that I'm aware of. I mean, this is really a step forward, I think. This is progressivism. This is progressive for them and I'm really happy that they're, you know, I mean, they're just, you know, you take an even hand

with things like this and I think the very next thing is maybe you won't be stoning people. Because suddenly, you know, the reason why, the reason why stoning even exists

and all this stuff exists is somebody long ago decided that they wanted to make sure that the patriarchy there stayed in power forever. Of course. So they they made a they wrote a book based on that and everybody follows it and whatever you know so you basically have a book that dictates that women are nothing and we're gonna fucking you know we're gonna treat them however we want yeah well now

you have an opportunity to show that that men can be treated the same way and like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa they're gonna get crazy exactly don't get crazy. Exactly. Don't get crazy. What's going on here? Let's slow down a little. And then maybe you start seeing that they start going, well, I don't want to fucking be stoned. I mean, it was fine when they were just stoning women, but now I have an opportunity to stone. I'm not a fan of that.

So let's see how we can figure out how to best navigate this so that I don't get stoned. Well, the way you navigate it is you get rid of the crazy parts of your book or you mitigate them like they do here. Right. Because we have the exact same stupid, dumb passages that they have. And, you know, and I say we, I mean, the Christians, I don't mean you and I, we don't, we don't have anything. But in any case, the Christians, the majority of people in the United States that follow a religion are Christian.

Those people have crazy fucking passages in their book too, but they just don't follow them. And I think that this is a step in the direction to, yeah, there was lots of stonings back in the day, but there doesn't need to be now. And I think that this is a step in the right direction. Because I really do think stoning a man is a step in the right direction for it. I absolutely think that it is.

I know. But as soon as you, it's not that I disagree with you, but it's that a part of my mind like dies sure like i i literally am dying inside thinking that that it is so bad in part of the world that you're like man we're at it's a fucking step up when we're being egalitarian about who we huck rocks at like that is that's fucking insane part of me too wonders if they won't just adopt the American model, where you'll have

the conservative side is like, well, we need to get back to the good old days. Back to the good old days of murdering people. When we could just stone the women folk, you know? Not like this crazy, like, the feminazis. The feminazis. Let me tell you what. I'll do my best Rush Limbaugh. The feminazis. That's pretty good Rush Limbaugh The Feminazis

That's pretty good I like that Your microphone needs to be gold though Well I'm gonna We gotta get up to a little higher donation You gotta get the 14 karat gold microphone I'm gonna just You know at some point when this show makes so much money

It just doesn't even matter anymore I'm gonna just fucking dip shit in gold And take pictures of it. And then I'm going to send pictures of it to the patrons who don't have very much money. It's like, I don't even care. I dipped it in gold and it doesn't even help. I don't even care. Ha, ha, ha.

Yeah. I'll be like an archbishop. I'll just have like a 10,000 square foot house. When we get that much money. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to be awesome. That's never happening.

Yeah. Getting rich off of podcasting. Getting rich off of podcasting. Dude, I sent you that story. Did you see that story? Yeah, that's awesome. They were trying to sue Adam Carolla. Yeah, the patent trolls.

And they're just like, oh, he doesn't have any money. He does, but it didn't come from podcasting. Right. They're like, wait, podcasts don't make money? Yeah. That's awesome, man. That is amazing. Hold on a second.

We've got to go for the next clip. Let me play it. This is the next one. You're all sick! Oh, be nice! Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay! Oh, my God.

What's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now! I'll tell you, that is awesome. Play hard. I'll tell you, that is awesome. The person who got that to us this week, they made like a brand new version of it. It's awesome. It's absolutely perfect.

The sound quality is good. Oh, it's so good. Because the only one I could find, because The Simpsons mercilessly deletes any of their content from the internet. They immediately delete all of it. So you can't find that clip anywhere because the Simpsons stuff is just not available. And I don't own it, so I don't, you know. You don't own the Simpsons? I just have to be at the mercy of when it gets played on Fox or something. YouTube or whatever?

Yeah, exactly. So this story comes from the Raw story. Cecil, look up at the top of your Raw story. Do you have a Massachusetts man fears his horns and 666 forehead tattoo will make a fair trial impossible clip? Yeah. Look at that fucking guy. What is up with your face? Oh, my God.

What's with the face and the horns thing? Did he stick balls under his skin? That is amazing. He actually, holy shit, he looks so crazy. I got to click on it now. Oh, my God. He looks like a plague victim or something. He looks like he has smallpox.

Yeah. I think that he's right to think that perhaps a jury will think that if I saw that guy, I'd be like, he's the guy. I don't know. I don't know what he did. Right now, I'm just waiting. But he did something. The following six crimes, the next six crimes, actually, we'll just attribute to that guy. And this guy actually doesn't look any less creepy from the real story.

I'll tell you. He's trying to push his skull out through his forehead. Look at that. He's got like the 15-degree head tilt of concern. He does. I think he's touching himself, too, in this picture. I'm not going to say, but I think he is. His hair is politely disheveled. Ohio anti-abortion legal. He does. I think he's touching himself, too, in this picture. I'm not going to say, but I think he is. His hair is politely disheveled.

Ohio anti-abortion leader. Politely. Ohio anti-abortion leader. Ban public nudity. Breastfeeding because boobs promote gay pride. That's a great headline, by the way. Man, boobs promote gay pride.

This guy is fucking a total lunatic. Do we have an actual sound clip from this guy? No, there promote gay pride. This guy is fucking a total lunatic. Do we have an actual sound clip from this guy? No, there's nothing there. No, we're just going to go ahead and read it. I'm just going to read it. So he says, this is a quote, I am sick that women can legally bear their breasts to children and to married men against their will in Ohio.

Oh, wait, married men against their will, whatever. But to children? Isn't that the point of breasts? Right. I mean, like the like the fucking very purpose of breasts is so that they can be like bared at children so that they can eat. Eat. Eat a food. Yeah. Yeah. I'm this guy is sick. He's so of all the things for him to spend his time worrying about. He's worried that kids are going to eat from the boob. Like, that's it. He's like, whoa, because hold on a minute. Then fucking gay people at the gay pride parade will go to see the boob.

It's just not natural, Tom. It's not. The human body is an unnatural thing. It's not natural for kids to eat from the boob. That's why when my son was born, he came out fully clothed. Sure. And then we actually put more clothes on his clothes. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Yeah, well, we didn't want him to be immodest in the hospital. He had a little sippy cup when he came out. Yeah, right? He came out, and he was just jawing at us like, hey, what's up, Mom and Dad? What's up, folks? Here I am. I like this. It says, gay pride parade in Columbus is 500,000 strong.

And this is a quote from him. Why? Because women go topless. And I'm thinking, Tom, we can make a road trip to Columbus. We'll make it 500,002 strong. That's like a great parade. Are you kidding me? Yeah.

That's all the parade. That's great. Are they throwing out beads? Who cares? No. I'm not going to be catching the beads. I'll tell you that. Where have these been?

These aren't the kind of beads I was expecting. They smell funny. It smells like New York here. These don't appear to be a necklace. What's going on? Hey, these don't connect. It's just one long string. I don't understand. Why are these so slimy? Why are they so

big? It's like a bolo. It's like a line of jawbreakers. What's going on here? And it ends with one of those fist sized jawbreakers. You could capture a running calf with these things.

It's like fucking cannonball shot. It's grape shot or whatever. That's awesome, man. Talking about lifestyles, there's been a whole new group of artists that have come into the rock scene in the last several years.

We'll call them transvestites or perhaps the bisexuals. That's what we'll call them. That's another one from the guy who sent us the really good Simpsons clip. I like that. We'll call them transgender, transsexual. Let's call them transsexuals. Let's let

him do that anyway. So this story comes from Right Wing Watch. Gene Mills. I can't, who would even say this? Shelters should turn away transgender domestic abuse survivors. Yeah. That's I mean, like when your stance is

so hard line that you're like, man, this person needs a place to stay. You know, I got to admit, though, sometimes these headlines get it wrong. Sometimes these headlines are misleading. Agreed. And that happens. So let's hear what he has to say. We don't want to make sure we misrepresent. Right.

We want to make sure that, you know, because he might have said something at the beginning and then he says something at the end and they sort of squish it together. Right. Or he could be just implying this. It could be editorial. They claim to make provisions for the religious community, but it didn't consider something like the battered women's home. What if this person who claimed to be a transgender had actually obtained one of these, quote, legal marriage licenses in elsewhere USA, came here and then claimed battery by their spouse. Should that man, who's now communicated as a transgender,

who has the anatomical parts of both a male and a female, become a resident at the battered women's shelter? And ought they not be able to say that's not acceptable? Well, and, you know, let's say you run a used car dealership. Wait, what? Analogy. Fucking analogy. I want to say for the first part, though,

don't you think that the shelter would just be like, you're being abused. Right. You're welcome. Yeah. Isn't that the most important part of the conversation? Right. It's not like, hold on a second.

Before you come in here, I need to make sure that you have an actual vagina. Right. I'd like to see your genitals. Is there any way that you could just whip those out for me? So I could just, I got to inspect them. And it's only going to take a couple seconds, but I got to stick something on there to make sure it's a real vagina.

I don't want to be a fucking fake. Look, if we had a fake vagina in here, all hell would break loose. Who knows what would happen? So we might have to send you back to your abusive husband. Right. We may have to send you back there. Right. So just be aware that if I stick something up there and it doesn't go all the way up there,

I can see your bruises. Yeah. But I can't see your genitals. Exactly. All right. So use car dealership is what he said. Oh, yeah. And you've got a salesman.

And he starts showing up in high heels and a purse and stockings and a dress and a wig and makeup and says that he's a woman trapped in a man's body. Well, now you know that's going to impact the number of cars he's going to be able to sell. He's on commission. That's right. And the business owner would have no ability to say, look, you're killing my business. You've got a right to dress. He's on commission. You've got a legal right to dress the way you want to, but not when you're my employee. Wait, okay, so hold on a second.

So first off, why would he automatically kill the business, right? Does that mean that when he comes by the door, he's just standing there and everybody's like, look at this transgender guy! Turn away, honey, a transgender guy! He's just a guy. It happens to look like a girl. And probably looks like a girl from maybe even up close. Because a lot of transgender people

look very, they look just like the gender that they're trying to look like. It's not like they fucking come in with fucking five o'clock shadow and a wig. They're actually going out of their way to look like a woman.

So it's actually, it's kind of hard. They have like fucking transgendered beauty pageants. Where you, you know, it's kind of hard. They have like fucking transgendered beauty pageants. Right. Where you're just like, that's a what?

Yeah. I know some people who went to a transgender show and they were like, they look like women. We could not tell at all. Because these people,

they're good at what they do, right? They know what they want to look like. They want to emulate the other sex and they go out of their way to fucking look like

the other sex. They don't come in like with a fucking full beard, you know, with their dick hanging out. They want to emulate the other sex. And they go out of their way to fucking look like the other sex. They don't come in with a fucking full beard. It's not like you and I showing up in a dress. Exactly. It's not the Halloween thing. Exactly. Like, ha, ha, ha, I'm a woman for Halloween. No, it's not like that.

No one would notice unless they were really like, I mean, yeah, maybe there could be a bad transgendered looking person, I guess. I assume that there could be. But the thing is I've never run into that. I've met several people that were transgender. I'm like, okay, you can maybe recognize that they're a dude. Maybe if it offends you, you could just be like, I want another person. Or maybe you leave, whatever. But I don't know that that's a – I mean, does it feel like you should just be able to unilaterally fire anybody that's fucking transgender and be like, you're ruining my business. Well, and this example is

particularly poorly put together, right? Like I've spent a lot of my life in sales and I'll tell you one thing, you could show up wearing a fucking Speedo and it wouldn't matter as long as your numbers are good. That's all that matters when you're in sales, man. So I'll tell you what, if you're a business owner and you fucking sell used cars and that's your business and you've got a transgendered person and they're not selling cars, it doesn't cost you anything because you're paying them on commission. Yeah. So you didn't lose any money. You lost no money. Let's go get another salesperson.

I don't even think that they would be. I really don't think that they would be scaring people. I don't either. I don't think that that's a thing. When I go in to buy a car, I'm not just like, I need to evaluate the salesman, because the salesman's going to decide whether or not I want to buy this car. It's like, fuck, and I already did my research, man. And if the person's numbers are good,

then fucking everybody's happy and making money. Who cares? It doesn't even make any sense. Who cares? And I will actually tell you a personal anecdote. The best day that I ever had, I used to work at a Circuit City back in the 1990s, like in the mid-1990s,

where you wore a jacket and a tie and whatever. And you showed up for work. And it was straight commission, like selling electronics. The very best day I ever had at that job was Halloween wearing a dress. That was actually the very best day making money-wise. I made $400 or $500 that day standing around wearing a dress. Everybody thought it was funny. Nobody was fucking offended.

Nobody was like, oh, dude, in a dress? Ew, that's gross. That makes me want to beat off. That's gross. Oh, God, hold on. I'm so erect. I mean, angry right now. I am so pert with my anger.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Here I am, talking about facts real people events and you're talking about a 2 000 year old book with stories in it that let's talk reality david you want to talk reality yeah well reality was three and a half years ago when your husband and millions of others vanished and that that's reality. They said it was UFOs. I love that. That's great. I love that. Another one. Another one that was given to us this week.

That's awesome. I love when she's like, you want to talk about reality? Yeah. Yeah. I love how mousy their voices are, too. It's fucking awesome, man. He said it was UFOs. He said it was UFOs, man. Oh, well, in that case. No counter to that one.

This story comes from right wing Washington. I love that it's either UFOs or God. Why, UFOs are the raptors. That's it. It's like, sorry, there's only two options. Either UFOs came down and got people, or it was God. Yeah, wouldn't we have noticed the UFOs? down and got people, or it was God. Yeah. Wouldn't we have noticed the UFOs? I'll tell you, though.

I mean, if fucking that many people just voiped, I don't know what other fucking options I would have. Well, I don't either, because millions of people don't just voip, right? Because it's like, yes, I would look for, I'll tell you what. If all of a sudden I woke up and millions of people were disappeared, I'd be like, we do need to have some conversations that I'm a little uncomfortable having. But there's some shit. Like, there's some shit that needs some exploring right now. You're just standing there head in hand being like, how much crow do I have to eat?

Right. I'd be like, I would like to announce this show. This show's kind of over. We're a brand new religious show. We can keep the same name, though. And be very comfortable with it actually. But you know what I would also call that? Fucking evidence!

Which thus far we're lacking, right? That's the thing. It's like, well, what would the atheists do? Well, the atheists would stop being atheists because you would have presented them with the one thing that they've always been asking for, which is some fucking evidence. Just a little bit. Just a little.

I'll take an evidence, please. You have an a la carte. Evidence in palm frites. Linda Harvey, LGBT rights ushering in the end times or the end of America. Or both. Or both. Yeah. Either way.

I don't know that a lot of this is going to be interesting, but I think we're going to play it anyway because we're sort of just milking this for time. So why don't we listen? There's a couple of these. The first one is two minutes and six seconds. We may stop it. The next one's 50 seconds. And then the final one's one seconds and then the final one's a one minute 11 these are all from uh linda harvey's

understanding times with jan oh someone linda harvey mission america's linda harvey appeared on understanding times with jan markel so this is what this comes from you know in minnesota now you have same-sex marriage okay this means that your schools are somewhat liberal as i understand you know this means that in schools little six-yearyear-old Megan is going to learn early on that you better not say anything against homosexuality because people can marry. When you grow up, you may marry a girl, and you're not going to know for a while. It might not be a boy. It might be a girl. Do we think this is not going to have an effect on little Megan as she develops?

Of course it is. It's not just something presented to her when she's 21. No, it will form and shape her ideas, her values, and of course, the more of this that happens, the further away children are drawn from Jesus Christ and an authentic Christian faith. So we have to look at every single one of these issues through the lens of the next generation, and this is a critically important reason to jump in here and protect these children. What? I just, like, what are you, like, all of a sudden your six-year-old is going to be like, I don't know if I'm going to marry a man or a woman. It's like, yeah, that's because you're not sexually mature yet.

And I'll tell you what, I knew when I was, I was probably five years old. I remember I was five years old. Maybe I was six, five or six. And my brother, Chris, was on a t-ball team. And there was a girl on the t-ball team that I just was enamored with. Yeah, man. Absolutely enamored with. I saw her and I was just like, her, she had a ponytail.

She was a tomboy looking girl. She was like two years older than me. You got her number? Oh my gosh, super cute. I had my mom write a note to ask her if she wanted to go offer ice cream with me. That's fucking awesome. She threw the note away. Did she really? She crumpled it up and threw it away. Oh, cold as ice.

Oh, I got spurned when I was young and it turned me into a non-gay man. I can't believe it. So you didn't immediately, like, when she spurned your affections, you weren't like, well, the dick it is. Does anybody have a cock at the gobble? I just look at a gobble of cock. That's not how that works, then, as it turns out. But you weren't like, well, the dick it is. Does anybody have a cock at the gobble? I just look at a gobble of cock.

That's not how that works, then, as it turns out. The thing is, I knew I was a heterosexual when I was very young. I knew I was heterosexual. It's almost like that's kind of an innate character. It's amazing. I knew right away when I saw girls' boobies and stuff like that, I was just like, that's a thing

I want to see a lot of. Yeah. Like as much as I can. Right. Can I just see all that all the time? Is that a possibility? Is there more of that? So, you know, clearly, you know, a little girl in class is going to be like,

oh, okay, so some people are like that. Well, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm like that. You know, people just don't, they just forget that they were sexual when they were that age. Because I know I was. I actually remember it. You know, I do too. I remember actually finding a, like a dirty playing card, like, you know, like. I actually remember it. I do, too. I remember actually finding a dirty playing card.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I know. It had a naked one. It was fucking torn and been rained on and fucking birds ate it. It had the ghost image of the past of a booby on it. And I fucking hid that thing in a little treasure box in my room when I was I mean, I was living in Chicago, so I mean, I had to be

earlier than nine years old. And I fucking hoarded that thing like the fucking secret treasure that it was. Yeah, absolutely. Because it was like, I got a picture of a boob! Oh my God! Like, I actually kind of still wonder where it went, because I didn't throw it away. I just lost it.

You just lost it. I'll tell you that. There wasn't like a day where I was like. Your dad's still hoarding it? That's certainly what happened. Like, I'm certain that he found it. But, like, you know, that's the thing. It's like nobody is, as a kid, saying, like, man, I wonder who I'll go.

It's not like deciding whether you're going to be a fucking policeman or a fucking scientist or whatever. It's not like you're looking at a buffet table full of options that are all equally appealing. Right. You know, one thing is the food and everything else looks like a pile of rocks. I'd be curious to hear a homosexual person's experience, a gay person's experience on this so if you if you have a moment where you recognize that you were gay send us a message and be like you know here's the moment that I realized I was gay and it was and bisexual too because that's another contest level of continuum that I just I cuz for me it's always been like just women it's been like women women women and I like I said from a very young age

and I remember I remember what that girl looked like and i was enamored with her yeah and i was very young at the time i couldn't have been more than five my my son when he was little we would convince him to go like my my brother-in-law's wife um we would like she's a very pretty woman and we would convince finn to go places be like aunt cassie's gonna be there and he be like, like run to the door. I'll be there. Yeah, he's like, I'm on it. Yeah, yeah. Let us go. I will fucking drive.

I'm three. I do not care. I remember hot babysitters when I was a kid. Right. 17-year-old girls. I'd be like, I was all over them, like wanted them to show stuff, show them how, like just show off the whole time. Yeah.

Because I was just a little kid and just wanted to show. I remember being, knowing that that was a thing that I was going to try to do. I was just a little kid and just wanted to show. I remember being knowing that that was a thing that I was going to try to do when I was a kid. So this sort of, this idea that's just like, oh we put it in the textbooks, therefore they're going to be like, oh it's fucking, I would like a little bit of this and a little bit, no. Also there's no textbooks when you're six. I like

the idea. It's fucking crayons. I like the idea of the textbooks. Like what are you filling in? Like are you coloring in a uterus when you're my age? Right. Like what is happening? There's more. This is the next clip. This is a little different, something else she's talking about. You know, there are people listening today, and they probably didn't plan to attend this. They may have seen this parade. They may have been in the area when the parade took place in their hometown. What do you tell, how do you advise people to deal with something like this? Do you go up and talk to the participants? What do they do? Well, and a bigger issue is we need to go to our city councils

and stop these parades. That's my opinion. I think they are a blight on the community. They communicate exactly the wrong message that homosexuality and gender change is totally fine, but it's a big joke because there are people, men dressed in feather boas and lipstick and heels in these parades. This is such a wrong message to our children, especially. So I think my opinion is gay pride parades ought to be banned. And I think we have every reason to do so. There's no redeeming social value. That's my belief.

Well, it's a good thing her belief doesn't matter and nobody's listening to their show. What's the alternative? Her belief trumps, it's a good thing her belief doesn't matter and nobody's listening to their show. You know, what's the alternative? Her belief trumps everyone else's freedom? Yeah, that's how that works. Like, I don't have the freedom to express myself how I want to fucking express myself, so I got to fucking deal with how Linda Harvey fucking decides how I express myself? And I'm reminded of the other story that we covered where they're like, in Columbus, Ohio, there's like half a million people show up to the gay pride parade.

Well, it's clearly not a fucking problem for those people. Right. Like all these people go out and they yell and they cheer and they support because they're like hey you know good for you. Be who you are. It's not like they show up and there's like there's like you know seven gay people, 500,000 non-gay people and then later

on in the day it's like they're all gay. They're all gay. They just turn them all. It's just like they all turn gay. Right. Because they went to the gay in the day it's like they're all gay. They're all gay. They all turn gay because they went to the gay pride parade. It's like they have a gay fire host and they just shoot at people. They just shoot them. They spray them with gay pheromones. Gay pheromones and they immediately become gay. They're basically like a hive of bees. We're just a hive of bees.

We're just like moths. Okay, there's one more clip. This is a minute and 11 seconds. We're doing the gay dance. So what is a pastor to do about it? Because you say this is a wake-up call for pastors. What are they to do? Well, here's one more clip. This is a minute and 11 seconds. We're doing the gay dance. So what is a pastor to do about it? Because you say this is a wake-up call for pastors. What are they to do? Well, here's the thing. I have been involved in public policy issues and testimonies at the Ohio State House and other states

on these bills that have to do with homosexuality. And the other side, those proposing a full acceptance of homosexuality or same-sex marriage and so on, always have pastors. Episcopalians, the United Church of Christ, other liberal denominations are there. We never have anyone. Occasionally, you'll have an Orthodox rabbi there. That's all. People are not standing up on this. They're not willing to put their names out there, their reputations out there. And yes, these people are vicious, and yes, there is a cost, but people are going to have to stand up, and pastors are going to have to realize this has a huge impact on America, on our culture, on children. Everything we pass regarding acceptance

and embrace of homosexuality or same-sex marriage, it's not just some little population over there. It is being mandated in our schools and now in our courts and now in our workplaces that you have to embrace this. Not just embrace this, you have to honor it or else we're going to punish you. Several times students come home from school and their homework assignment is just butt sex. Yeah, right. Like, that's it. Like, that's what you get.

You have to experience butt sex. Like, so go home and do the butt sex. That's it. That's what you get. You have to experience butt sex. So go home and do the butt sex. My kid's in second grade and that's the homework assignment. He frequently gets in. He's just like, go home, draw a picture of seven gay people in an orgy. Again! I gotta color this in again?

I'm out of peach for crying out loud. I'm out of brown. Yeah. I just can't get past the idea that, you know, people want to keep bringing children in. It's like gay is the new autism. Yeah, right. It's like a boogeyman. You're just like, I'm going to scare you away.

You know, yeah, you don't care about it. That's okay. But if your kids are going to be gay, that's a big thing. And I wonder, like, what parents out there, and there's got to be plenty of parents out there, and there clearly are, that just, like, immediately freak the fuck out if their kid is gay. Like, you know what I mean? I can't imagine. Oh, yeah, man. I mean, you nurture this child all its life.

You know, you provide for it. You try to teach it things, and you do all this. You know, I mean, you basically care for it. From the moment it's nothing until it's, you know, it's ready to leave. Right. And what happens is it's just like, oh, this one thing in my life makes you hate me. Yeah, this thing I like to do in the bedroom is that big a deal.

It's like, I don't ever want to know what my kids do in the bedroom. Right. That's it. Whatever they do in the bedroom, it's like, that has nothing to do with me. I'll tell you. I will fucking tell you what.

I'm real interested in lots of the pieces of your life. But what you do behind that closed door, that's your fucking business, boy. That's totally your business, yeah. I got nothing to fucking do with that. Nothing at all. You know, this idea, too, that, like, you know, well, it's not just that you have to tolerate or embrace this. You have to honor it or else we're going to punish you. Nobody's punishing somebody for being disinterested in homosexuality, right?

So if you just had a, like, ugh. If you're just like, I don't care. Right. There's no the only time anybody's being punished is when you're being. Where's the I'm going to make you care police. Right. Right. Is there like a morality, like an immorality police?

It's like, no, it's nonsense. Nobody is getting punished. The only time people are getting punished is when they're getting called out on being actively bigoted toward a group of people. And the only punishment is like, hey, you can't do that. Like, nobody's going to jail. I mean, are you aware of any cases of anybody going to jail? The sense of re-education camps.

Oh, I forgot about the re-education camps where they put them all in showers. Hot, soapy showers. And the soap is unbelievably slippery. I mean, it's just so slippery. Oh, I dropped it again! It is altogether right to discriminate against homosexual behavior.

I'm arguing that it's time that we as conservatives, that we rehabilitate the word discriminate, that we reclaim it, that we dust it off, and that we use it, and that we use it unapologetically. And I believe we need to begin to say, look, it is altogether right for a rational culture to discriminate against homosexual behavior. So this story also comes from Right Wing Watch. It's Brian Fisher again. God will use ISIS to punish America for gay rights.

So evidently the covert spy group from Archer will... Because it is actually more likely, Cecil, that the animated covert spy group from the TV series Archer will leap from the screen in corporeal form to punish America for gay rights. That is actually a more likely series of events than ISIS, a fucking Islamic group in Iraq and Syria. A pagan group, though, and God evidently can control the pagans, according to Brian Fish. Well, it's a little-known fact that pagans are actually remote-controlled.

God has remote control. It's one of those trigger ones with the steering wheel. It only goes backwards and turns. It's either forward or backward and turn left. What the fuck? I don't have to spin around in a circle. Did you ever get those? Those are the worst. What the fuck? What it is, it spin around in a circle. Did you ever get those when you were a kid? Oh, those are the worst. Those are the worst.

What the fuck? What it is, it's like a remote control tease. Right? It's like you kind of want a remote control car, but it's not really a remote control car. It's like an anger-inducing car. Like, why would you even assemble it that way? I'd rather have one of those Power Wheels ones that you just turned on and rolled. Yes. I'd much rather have one of those.

Because it's a much better fucking toy. It's like, hey, man, does it turn? Yeah, but only one direction and backwards. I'm not sure I have one of those. That is because it's a much better fucking toy. It's like, hey man, does it turn? Yeah, but only one direction and backwards. Backwards? What the fuck? Sorry, we are going around the world to the left. I apologize. And those same fucking shitty remote control cars only have one speed, which is go very fast

right now. So like you're always hitting shit with it. And then you got like, oh, you may as well just throw it away. Yeah, might as well. May as well just be like, I'll just eat the batteries. Speaking of things that we should throw away, here's Brian Fisher. This is the kind of sexual behavior that's going on in Canaan. It was celebrated.

It was promoted. It was protected. It was widespread. It was normalized in their culture. Sodom and Gomorrah makes that clear. All the men in the city were involved in that kind of lifestyle. They were very aggressive, just like the gay Gestapo is today. They were pounding on the door to get in. The back door.

His patience is finally exhausted, and he says, look, I'm going to bring the sons of Israel in to discipline Canaan, that the land is going to vomit them out because they morally forfeited their right to exercise, that the land is going to vomit them out because they've morally forfeited their right to exercise sovereignty over the land. And here's what I'm suggesting to you is I believe that God eventually is going to run out of patience with the United States because we are celebrating things that we should not celebrate. We are elevating things that we should not elevate. We are protecting behaviors that we should not celebrate. We are elevating things that we should not elevate.

We are protecting behaviors that we should not protect. We are punishing people who speak out against these kind of behaviors. We're fining them. We're sending them to re-education camp. We are firing them. There it is. We are punishing them. We are refusing to hire them.

So we have got our value system completely turned upside down. And God says, look, you know better. My point here is that God will use pagan armies to discipline his people if they turn from him in rebellion and disobedience. Okay, wait. So what he does is what God does back in the day Is he fucking like Rains fire down And destroys a whole city Like fucking basically Thermo nuke

Fucking thermo nukes it Just like fucking Nukes it from orbit Because it's the only way To be safe right Okay And somebody looks back at it And gets turned into stone

Or salt or something Salt yeah If I remember the story correctly Which I don't really care If I knew it or not Because it's all bullshit anyway It doesn't matter But in any case

He fucking basically Nukes the whole city. Somebody looks back. It's turned into salt for some reason. I don't know why salt probably more expensive back then.

Maybe you just cut her a half. It's a valued commodity. Savor. Seller. Like, I don't know. It's actually where she had a umbrella.

She was actually the first Morton. Was she iodized too? I have no idea. Anyway. But it rains and pours. So here's what he did back then.

Now he's going to actually manipulate someone else to come do it. It's like, well, can't you just fucking like rain some fire down somewhere? Yeah, do something that's an evidence, please. Right. Like instead, what he's doing is he's latching on to the hope that these ISIS folks will turn into terrorists in a way that affects, because they're already probably terrorists, but he's hoping. I think you could say what they're doing is terrible. It's terrorism, right? You know, so, but he's, although maybe they're kind of a half nation state, so it's kind of foggy there, but still nonetheless, like if at some point ISIS claims responsibility for, you know, some kind of action against the United States, he can point at this now.

So he's setting the stage, is what he's doing. He's putting it out there and saying, like, the next big Islamic military threat is going to come from ISIS. I'm going to set the stage so when it happens, I look prophetic. It's like fucking bad fortune-telling.

That's all that this is, is bad fortune-telling. It's like seeing somebody and being like, yeah, what do you do for a living? Well, I drive a car for eight hours a year. Well, you know, I'm going to predict that in the next two or three years you'll get in a fender bender. Okay, well, you're fucking just playing the odds here. You're just playing the odds. Yeah.

I agree with the same thing. And it's just, you know, why is it that he goes from, that God goes from physical intervention to no longer intervening and in fact using something else to intervene what he's doing trying to do is scare these people into believing in the god and to believing what he thinks is right and it's the same it's the same tactic the woman in the previous story was doing where she's like think of the children think of the children exactly he's basically saying like don't you worry like this is this is going to happen and god's going to come down and he's going to be really mad but he's not going to do it like he used to. What he's going to do is use something that is already existent.

It's like basically saying, well, the reason why people – that God's mad at us is there's cancer. He's like, okay, well, cancer exists, but how does that prove – why? And the other thing too is if he's manipulating these people, wouldn't ISIS then just only go after homosexuals or gay allies? Why wouldn't that be the thing that he does? Why aren't they going after the Netherlands? Why are they going after the United States? It's not like we're the most progressive country when it comes to gay rights. But all of a sudden it's like, well, God's mad at America.

Why is God not mad at Norway? Wouldn't God be fucking furious with Sweden? I mean, it's so fucking silly. And you know, the funny thing about that whole like God physically intervening thing is 2,000 years ago, if God physically intervened, like showed up and was like,

I am a burning bush. Blah, blah, doo, doo, doo, doo. You know, like. I hope he does that song too. Doo, doo, doo, doo. If he does that, back in the day, everybody just, like the best thing you could do is be like, hold on, I'm going to write it down.

And then that's your evidence, right? Like chipping it away in stone. But now if God did even one demonstrable thing and we got it on video, we'd have an evidence. Like back in the day, it's like, I saw it. I saw it. Did you see it too, Henry? Yeah. Now, all of a sudden, it's like, I saw it. I saw it. Did you see it too, Henry? Now, all of a sudden, it's actually easier for God. The most

minor suspension of the laws of physics, a single suspension of the laws of physics is all that it would take to have even some faintest whiff of evidence. But all the evidence is 2,000 years ago where nobody could fucking prove that it happened. You could just write it down in a goddamn book. Yep.

And you could just write it and just be like, oh, who's going to say I wasn't true? I'm the conduit for God. Right. Yeah. It's like, you can write anything. Like, I can write a story about star-bellied sneetches. You know what I mean? Like, that doesn't prove the existence of the star-bellied sneetch. I'm kind of interested in these sneetches.

I would like to subscribe to their Dr. Seuss-ian newsletter. So we want to thank our newest patrons. We want to thank, first of all, we want to thank all the patrons that sent us money. But we want to thank our newest patrons. Tony Yaroslav, maybe, I guess that's how you say that. Sure. Dale, Bill, T. Yodi, I guess.

I don't know. That's a screen name rather than a name. Alex, Todd, and Sarah, thank you all so much for your money. We thank you for your hard-earned money and donating it to the podcast. We really appreciate everybody who does that. Absolutely. And, you know, it's just an amazing thing that people go out of their way to give us cash to do this, and we're just constantly.

Can I say blast? Am I allowed to say that? You can say... Cecil, you can say... I feel blessed! It's like when they call it, have a blessed day. I always feel weird about that. I do too, man. I'm like, okay, blessed. But the thing is, I don't think that there's a blessed. I don't think that that's a thing.

One, it's like, have a blessed day. Do I have to? Or like, is that enforceable? Well, have a blessed day. Do I have to? Yeah, or like, is that enforceable? Right. Well, have a blessed day. What do I do to make it that way? I don't really know how that works. Anyway, thank you very much.

We appreciate the donations. Cecil and I are going to be riding around in the car today, certainly eating some of those donations. And dipping things in gold, as Tom said earlier. Yes, I will be dipping everything. I'm actually, once we get rich rich enough I'm going to fucking bronze my nuts. I'm going to be bronzing hot wings just so I have them forever.

We got a message from Nick and he sent us a bunch of sounds and you heard several of those sounds in this episode and you'll hear them in future episodes. We want to thank you Nick for sending in. He must have sent in 15 or 20 really good clips. Some of them are a little too long. The ones that are like a minute long are so hard to get. There might be some things in there that I can

grab that are shorter. But really some great stuff. And he found us, like I said earlier, that Simpsons clip at a higher resolution which we're really happy for. So thank you, Nick, for sending that in. Really nice of you to do. We certainly do appreciate it. Thank you. We got a bunch of comments about the Noah thing. The Noah episode we did with Noah Illusions

and he then right from Scathing Atheist. And mostly what they come down to, Tom, is that, hey, guys, did you take into consideration that Darren Aronofsky is an atheist? Yeah. And I will say that this kind of falls under the rubric of no bad review goes unpunished. Yeah, right. You know, certainly.

And I'm not saying that everybody wrote that way, but certainly there were people who were like, ah, you missed the point or whatever. And, you know, Darren Aronofsky was an atheist. And how does that affect your viewing of the movie? I knew that going in. I think maybe we even mentioned that going in. We might have. I don't think it helps.

I mean, you still have the fucking rock lobsters who were angry at everybody. Rock lobster! Motion in the ocean. Right. God, that band was horrible. Holy shit. Now we'll get fucking email about that. I actually like the B-52s.

Do you really? I think it's funny. I think it's great. Oh, I love that guy. I think I'd rather drive a pneumatic nail through my face. He's like a big gay dude just singing, and they're like the really cute girl. They have really nice voices. They're singing along with him.

I like it. I like just him speak talking. It's awesome. Speak talking is a thing, by the way. Speak-talking? As opposed to talk-speaking. Talk-speaking is very different, Tom. Sing-songing?

I'll explain that difference to you later. Yeah, I don't care that Aronofsky was an atheist. I just still don't think it's a good movie. It wasn't interesting visually. I know you liked some of the pieces of it visually. Yeah, I thought visually there was some interesting stuff. I mean, you know, I thought... CGI. I think here's the problem that I had mostly with it

is that it's a bad action movie. It is. You know, you put yourself out there as an action movie, and that's really what it is. But, you know, when it comes right down to it, it sort of flipped scripts midway through and became sort of this psychological horror movie, which I wasn't really into. And it wasn't good. And it wasn't good. It was just, like Noah said, and he put it perfectly,

Noah, the scathing atheist host said- The one who's real? Said about Noah, the fictional character, that he's walking around the arc just going, I'm gonna kill them babies. And that's funny because it's true. That's really what he does for the entire fucking second half of the movie.

And so, and maybe it's less than that, but still it just feels- Feels like, it just feels like a long time, and it's not interesting. And then there's all these little plot points that don't make a lot of sense. So I'm okay, and I'm willing. Tom, you know that I'm willing to give up a lot for an action movie.

I'm willing to give up a lot to say this isn't good, or I don't care that this is a leap of logic. I don't care about this and this and this. But when it comes down to it, there was just too much wrong with that movie to really like. So I just, I mean, and that's just from a purely cinematic standpoint. I don't even care about the Noah story. I actually think you might be able to make that into a cool story if you really worked at it. But, you know, you just, I just don't think, because I don't have any baggage coming into it.

I don't have any baggage where I'm just like, I'm going to hate this no matter what. Right. And it's like, no, I don't care. I just, I wanted it to be a good movie. I just wanted it to be fun to watch. And it wasn't. To me, it commits the grave sin, you know, that a movie can never, a movie like this, meaning an action movie, can never commit. And that sin is that it's boring. Can't be boring. How do you have a boring action movie? Can't be boring. You know, like look at RoboCop. He's a robot cop. That's not boring. You know, it's a bad movie, but it's not boring.

It's stupid. It's ridiculous. It strains credibility at the fucking seams. Absolutely. But when it came out, it wasn't boring. It was not boring. Yeah. We got a message and this one is from Sharon and she says that she's like, I'm sure you save lives by giving hope and companionship to isolated atheists and free thinkers all over the world. Seriously,

you make the world a better place for humanity, and I thank you for it. That's a nice thing to say. It's not true, but it's nice. It's really nice. I love liars, man. I'm just saying, like, liars are my favorite kind of people. That's great. Sharon, thank you for sending an email. Very kind of you. Thank you. We got a message about, we got I'm just saying. Like, liars are my favorite kind of people. That's great. Sharon, thank you for sending an email. Very kind of you. Thank you. We got a message about, we got a couple messages about. We've gotten an equivalent of this message a lot. Yeah, a lot of these. But this one's funny, Tom. This one is the middle, I think that the

middle paragraph here is worth reading. Wait, I'm sorry. I missed one. Are we not? Oh, we're talking about Sarah. God damn it! Jesus, man. Yeah, shit. I was thinking about something. I was thinking about something else. I mean, about something else. I need my different email. I was looking at porn. I'm sorry.

What do you mean was? Were you going to read that? And then she says, oh, oh, oh, give it to me. Hey, hey, it's a political show. I was watching Who's Nailing Palin. Don't you know? This email from Sarah. I'd also point out that while animals cannot abort in the same way as people,

they can miscarry due to illness or stress. Additionally, animals often perform infanticide. Mothers will kill and sometimes, as in the case of rabbits, eat their young if they are stressed. If they're stressed? Well, I got a big deadline. I got a PowerPoint to present on Monday. Give me a toddler. The boss is going to be in the office.

I need a baby sandwich. I'll take a baby and a falafel. No, ma'am. No, ma'am. I'm watching my figure. I had babies for lunch. I can't eat another one. Or if there are food shortages that mean the offspring will not survive.

Males also kill offspring. A classic example is seen in lions. If a male takes over another's tribe, he will kill all of the cubs in order to bring the females into heat. Because nothing turns on a woman. They're killing their children. That's really more of a third date sort of a thing to do, though. Yeah, you don't want to lead with that. It could be a little off-putting.

Is that a box you check on Christian Mingle? It's like, I will kill their youth. Will you or will you not kill their youth? And eHarmony won't connect you if that's the case. The most awkward OKCupid date I've been on. He just slaughtered all my kids. But he was so hot when he was covered in the gore of my offspring. I can see his rippling biceps and washboard abs as he ripped my child's head from his shoulders.

What are we doing, Cecil? I don't know. What are we doing, Cecil? I don't know. What are we doing? Stop reading that. That email is making us bad. I don't know. It's awful. Sarah, thank you for telling us horrible ways to imagine.

I don't know. Should we say thank you? Animals kill their young. That's great. That's awesome. Turns out everything in the animal kingdom isn't a teddy bear. You know, that's really the takeaway. It's not all hugs and snuggles.

It's not. It's not. It's not like you go out to the wild and it's just animated snuggle bears. We got a message from Johan, and we get this message a lot. And basically what the message is, is It's advice on how to America. So the gist is, and he makes, it's basically smartass comments about

how your country sucks. They say America sucks. And then they're like, fix your country. Do you have a country fixing wrench? I left my country-sized wrench. You know, I think Cecil and I are not unwilling to be critical of flaws that we find here in the States. So I'm not sure really what, like, I can't fix. I know, you can't fix i mean literally this is what it says i'm gonna read it it says this is the advice that this person has

for our country and for us i guess for us because he's writing it to us right it's not i don't see fucking the potus on here you know it's like he addressed it to barack obama as well as us but he says stop being a military superpower it's not not worth the trouble. We've tried it and it took us 400 years before people started liking us again. It was expensive and made us nearly bankrupt. Today, our primary defense is to export our railroad maintenance strategy to whoever threatens us. That'll teach them, yeah. Please feel free to abbreviate whatever. And basically, so he's saying, we suck, but you suck more at the end is what he says to us.

And it's like, okay, well, great. But I don't have any fucking political decision making. This is what I do. This is how I do it right here. This is the voice, right? This is it. What else can you do? This is what I can do.

And I only have one vote. It's my hope that the people who listen may think I say something intelligent enough to base a vote on. But that's the best I can do. I can't do anything else. So when you say, like, stop being a military superpower, yeah, Johan, I'll get right on that. I mean, I'm game already, but I can't be like, you know what? We should really stop doing all the things that we're doing

because I'm just one person. So what you're saying, Cecil, is you don't have control of the ICBM? The whole thing. I don't have the keys. No? You need two keys. You've got to turn them at the same time. Well, they should have given you and I one. Well, there's no way we'd launch a missile because there's no way you and I could do anything like that

coordinated. It'd be impossible. I'd lose the key. I would lose the key! I would lose the key immediately. You'd be like, it would actually be time to do it, and you would call me up, and I'd be like, um, I can't find a key. I don't know how to. It's a little embarrassing, but I lost the launch codes.

Yeah. Oh, Tom, we messed up. We did. A little. A little. No, I mean, if we were being unkind in a way that's, well, we're kind of always unkind. We're always unkind, but I think that we were a little unkind unprovoked here. Yeah, I think so, too.

This is from Lori, and she says that in our podcast, normally we don't do this. We normally don't talk about podcasts that are almost a year old at this point. Right. This is from Podcast 121, she mentions. We talked about Hagee, and I think one or two of we both made fun of the audience that had gray hair, neck waddles and flabby upper arms and walk. And she said, certainly many of those people are sheep without a logical thought in their heads, but it's not because they're old. Anyone who lives long enough will get old. And someday I hope you will get old as well. However, advanced age does not equal irrationality.

I didn't become an atheist until I was 52. And all those atheists and skeptical movements are not 30-somethings. As humans who wish to respect diversity, please consider that you may have a blind spot in your own tendency to discriminate against age. Maybe we do. Maybe we do. And if we do, then legitimately, we're very sorry. And you know, it is always our intention to make fun of Hagee. Yeah, absolutely. But it is never our intention to pigeonhole a group of people in an unfair way. Unfair way.

And if we did it, I'm very sorry. But I think that, you know, we make fun of a lot of things and we make fun of things the way things look a lot. We're very, you know, we'll talk about somebody's picture. We'll talk about like John Hagee having big jowls or something, you know, which is make fun of it. So clearly we're making fun of an image there, which was the people in the audience are all old. And we're just, you know, we had something funny to say about their, the way they physically look. Yeah, we took a cheap shot.

And we took a cheap shot, but it was, I still kind of think it's funny. So I'm in no offense. We got a message from Anonymous Steve and Anonymous Steve says, We got a message from Anonymous Steve, and Anonymous Steve says basically that he doesn't like the call to prayer things that we do. And maybe we should let his word speak for him. So why don't you read part of what he says about where he starts here with however. Yeah. He says, however, I've lived with decent, rational Muslims, and I'm a little sensitive to what I see as Islamophobia. However, there is no item you've covered on Islam that offends me in any way, and I see your alleged uninformed or ill-educated status

as therefore irrelevant. Of course, the things you say are relevant and shocking, and not to refer to them would be remiss and would be mistaking sensitivity with ignoring real problems that really hurt people. You don't need to understand Islam or the Quran to comment upon vile actions of real people upon real people. There is one thing I do not like. I or the Quran to comment upon vile actions of real people upon real people. There is one thing I do not like. I see the call to prayer as a cultural thing as well as a religious thing. And it calls to prayer the nutters you refer to and the reasonable, rational Muslims, like those I've lived with, without any specific call to one side of that simple dichotomy. So I find the mocking of the call to prayer is unnecessary and an unfortunate distraction from the things you talk about and properly talk about.

Yeah. You know, I disagree with that. And I think the reason why is I think all religion is open for ridicule. I think that the call to prayer, to be honest, I think the call to prayer sounds really cool. I'll be totally honest. I think it sounds really good. I think that, you know, like a lot of the chanting that they do, the Islamic chanting sounds really, it's beautiful. It sounds amazing. The reason why we did the call to prayer and the reason why people make fun of religions all over the board for their rituals is because we don't

think that there's a place for religion to have a pedestal where it's untouchable. And I think that, you know, look at, you know, Monty Python. We're talking about earlier, we're talking about the Monty Python, the skit in Holy Grail where they're walking and they're smacking themselves on the head and they're singing, they're doing the domine chant, and they're hitting themselves in the face with a board. There's the life of Brian when they're like, always look on the bright side of life and they're whistling and they're all on crucifixes. You know, there's making fun of priests, you know, and you're making fun of priests and saying that they're pedophiles, but not all priests are pedophiles.

I mean, clearly not. I mean, if that was the case, then that would be a big deal, but it's not. And it's still a big deal, but it'd be a much bigger deal if they were all pedophiles, right? So you're making judgments, you're grouping people together in a way just to make comedy. And I think that, you know, especially with the Muslim sort of sensitivity that when the Muslims went crazy when that guy drew a cartoon of them, you know, you can't, you've got to break them out of that shell. You've got to shake them and wake them up and say, look, it's okay if somebody, because I don't think that the people that you're talking about, there are two different sets

of people. The people that are fundamentalists who are going to get pissed off that we use the muslim call to prayer and they're gonna be like fucking i would fucking kill those people because that's what they they say they say all the time yeah right and then there's the people who are the moderates are like oh what a bunch of jerks yeah exactly you know and they they don't care one way or the other they're not gonna that's not to motivate anybody to kill me. Not treating something with reverence is not the same thing as treating it with hatred, right? So we don't treat Muslim ideas or Muslim culture, like I don't treat much of anything with reverence. Like I don't revere things. I actually try very hard to not revere things because that's, you know, once you do that, you sort of say like, well, these things are off limits.

These things are over here. They're in this special circle of consideration. And I don't, I just don't believe in that. I think, you know, I don't put myself in that. We make fun of ourselves. Sure. We make fun of ourselves harder than we make fun of anything else on this show. And that's because we refuse to put ourselves in a special place of ourselves. Sure. We make fun of ourselves harder than we make fun of anything else on this show. Yeah.

And that's because we refuse to put ourselves in a special place of consideration. We're not saying like, yeah, well, I'm off limits. Yeah. But everything else is fair game. Right. Everything gets to be fair game and we should all just be like, ah, I didn't like that joke. Fuck. I'm not going to listen to that guy.

You know, I don't like Tosh, right? Yeah. Like, I don't think that guy's very funny most of the time, and I sometimes don't like the subject matter. So my solution is I just don't listen to it. Yeah. Right? And I'm not saying that Anonymous Steve shouldn't be listening to the show or what have you, but, you know, if it's a show where you hear the Islamic call to prayer and you're like,

I'm very uncomfortable with that as a Muslim. I don't think you were listening to the show to start with as a Muslim. Right. Right. Exactly. Exactly. listening to the show to start with as a Muslim. Right.

Right. Exactly. Exactly. We got a message from Wayne who talks about beer a little bit for you, Tom. He does. He talks a little bit about beer, but at the bottom he says, one question, can Jesus use the hole in his palm in the glory hole? What would you call that? A hand job is taken, so is it a palm job or a holy hand job?

I like holy hand job. Holy hand job. Well, I mean, there's a or a holy handjob? I like holy handjob. Holy handjob. Well, I mean, there's a couple of ways to look at the holy there. Right. That's why. Because it's got the... It's got double meaning. Yeah. That's great. I like that. That's fantastic. The holy handjob. I thought it was funny. I'll tell you what. If Jesus had died as a 15-year-old, he'd have fucked his hand.

He'd have fucked his hand. I do know it. It's certain. What if his coccyx is a little big and he's like, ow, ow, ow, every time? God damn it. Man, maybe you'd switch to the grip then, I think. I don't know. I don't think you'd want to hurt yourself.

Tear yourself a new one? I don't know. That's why I said if he was 15, you get excited enough. It doesn't matter what's happening. We get a lot of messages. This one comes from Chad. And this one, we get a lot of messages, This one comes from Chad. This one, we get a lot of messages, and specifically messages about

the Skeptic's Creed and how it needs to get changed or whatever, but this one is a question. It says, Now in the Skeptic's Creed you mention giant worms. Why the fuck have I not heard about these giant worms before? And he says, Are they a wonderful cryptozoological thing? Actually, they were a paper thing that we found. It was in one of the news

stories we did a long time ago. Long, long time ago. I think it was hearkening back to Everyone's a Critic. There was a study, like a funded study, to go out into the Gobi Desert and look for the Mongolian death worm, which like vomits acid and shoots fire out of its ass or something. It's like 20 foot long. Right, right. It's like, well, good luck wandering around the Gobi Desert looking for Mongolian death

worms. So that's why that's in there. There's a lot of reasons why things are in there. And when people say, hey, by the way, you need to change the skeptics creed. No. No. Yeah. Look, it's the same thing.

First of all, it predates the show. Yeah. Second, it's been used 172 consecutive times for the program. Yeah. Uh, it's just, it's just done. Like that's it. Like all of its imperfections of which there are many, and I'm willing to concede them. Look, if, if you don't like imperfections, you are listening to the wrong programs.

We got a, uh, we sent out a message this week. So check your spam box if you're a patron and, uh, and you were looking for your, uh, a message this week, so check your spam box if you're a patron and you were looking for a message. We sent a message out basically saying if you're a patron and you sort of donated enough money, we were going to give you a ringtone or some sort of voicemail message or send you a clip. So if you are a patron and you think you're at that level, check your spam box. If not, send us an email and we'll double check with Patreon and see if you're at that level, check your spam box. If not, send us an email, and we'll double check with Patreon and see if you're at that level. But we want to make sure that people who donate to us

get the things that they want. And we tried to send an email out this week. We only got a couple responses, so we want to make sure that that email got out to people. So if you are a patron, and you are at, I think, a $5 level, take a look and see on your messages. Check your spam filter.

And we want to live up to our obligations for sure. We got a message from Tom and Tom says, I'm going to read it. He says, uh, it starts out canceled sub. I canceled my subscription cause you, you guys think I'm a moron. I went back through your, everyone's a critic podcast and found the devastating takedown of star Wars prequels and the people who like them. I know all the star Wars movies intimately. They have good and bad parts to me. the devastating takedown of Star Wars prequels and the people who like them. I know all the Star Wars movies intimately. They have good and bad parts.

To me, it is stupid to dismiss any of them completely. Anyway, as someone who doesn't dismiss all the prequels out of hand, I'm sure you don't want me as a subscriber. Sorry to be so even-handed. Well, happy trails, dude. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, if you want to go back

like six years into the past and find a movie that you like that we didn't like and then not listen to the show anymore because of it. That's awesome, dude. Okay. And the funny thing is it's the prequels, right? It's the prequels. It's the worst group of the movies. It's the worst movies.

They're universally derided. Yeah. It's like, I'm sorry you have a Jar Jar fetish, dude. Right. personally derided yeah it's like i'm sorry you have a jar jar fetish dude right like fucking that's i and you know the thing is is like i i don't remember calling everyone who liked them morons but if that's the case whatever i mean i don't i don't care that this guy left but you know it just seems i will say this i will say this about this i hate i kind of hate movies now because we did a movie review podcast i kind of hate movies like i it. I find it a chore to sit down and watch a movie.

I don't mind watching. It's funny. I don't mind watching series, like a series on television. Same here. It doesn't bother me as much as watching movies now. I'm just like, I see all the flaws, and it just kind of hurts to watch movies now. Nothing made me hate movies more than doing a movie review podcast, but nothing makes me hate butthurt fans like doing a movie podcast yeah amazing how

many letters we got from people who'd be like you didn't like taxi driver you'd be like yeah i didn't like it oh my god you're so stupid you're like okay great tell me how stupid i am because i didn't fucking godfather 2 is the greatest movie i'll rape your mother's five socket you're like wait what what's happening but you know tom if you want to take off because you don't like how we talked about a movie, I don't even know what that has to do with our current podcast, but so long, bro. Yeah. Don't let the door itch in the ass on the way out. Right.

It's like, I hope you enjoyed the 200 plus hours of free entertainment. That was, now you're offended. Thanks for letting us know, though. I love the punitive nature, like the purported punitive nature of the email. Like, well, I'm taking my ball and going home. Nobody was playing with your ball. Yeah. Nobody cares.

I wonder if he typed that out, though, in his Stormtrooper outfit. Yep, yep. Yep, yep. So right now, Tom and I are going to record another session. We're going to actually sit down and we're going to record another session. But you will not be able to hear this session until the middle of the week this week. So we're going to leave you as always until the middle of the week with this

skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit, couched in scientician, double bubble toil and trouble, pseudo quasiquasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment.

Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists,

conspiracy, doublespeak stigmata, nonsense. You get mad at nonsense too no expose your side thrust your hands bloody evidential conclusive doubt even this here's the music the opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only are poorly formed and express notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy company. There's like a double word in there.

Like I said, I don't edit. It's all a rough draft. I'm a talkover. This is the song now. You are waiting to see if there's bonus material. There is not bonus material. Technically, this is bonus material. It's all bonus material.

It's the worst bonus I ever got. Oh, man. Well, I think we should record a new show. What do you think? Yeah, why not? I don't know. Well, let's stop this one. Okay.