Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 173: Potential Hero Sandwich

Episode Date: August 27, 2014

 

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19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Two beers in, Curry. I got to chase you. I should have brought one down. I know.

Did you finish yours already? Maybe. It's so good. I know. I don't get sours that often. What kind is this? This is a Monk's Cafe Flemish Sour. Oh, Flemish Sour.

Yeah. Yeah. I love those Flemish people. It's fucking rock solid, man. Those fucking Flemish know how to make a sour beer. Recording from Glory Hole Studios again in Chicago, this is still Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, sometimes.

Skepticism, mostly. And irreverence, always. To any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and it's not very good. Oh no, and there is no welcome mat. Pretty bad, it turns out. This is episode 173 of Cognitive Dissonance. 173.

Yeah. We were just recording 172 one beer ago. We should measure the show in pint glasses. Because we'd be at episode frigajillion. We're at episode more than anyone's ever counted right we're an episode cirrhosis donations are going to a liver transplant as we speak and by transplant we mean some guy in india needs a liver and is stuck in a hotel room well that's pretty much he's in a bath right he's like oh, this isn't supposed to really happen.

Man. I thought you guys were skeptical. I'm a walking urban legend. Right. Oh, all right. So we got to figure out where we left off. Hey, there's where we left off. I see it.

You know, if you thought episode 172 was bad. God. You're in for a treat with 173. Welcome to 173. Oh, boy. All right. This story comes from the Jerusalem Post. Ultra-Orthodox school that teaches secular studies ostracized by community.

So basically there's a school that's teaching some learning stuff, like social studies And science and you know What schools teach And the ultra orthodox are fucking bent out of shape Because that takes away time That they could be spent Imagining circumcision

And sucking on baby penises I don't know This is the ultra orthodox I'm not even out of line But it still sounds out of line It does you're not But it still sounds out of line It does Most of the things I say Sound out of line Also could the fucking

Jerusalem Post Have more ads On the page Look Please They need to make more money Somehow Good God

I want to mention This is something that was Brought up a long time ago When we were talking about Different religions And how information Is the enemy of religion Right

And how very often they try to censor outside opinions when you talk about like especially the cult sort of religions that get you know where they they isolate people away from other people they isolate them from other opinions they isolate them from people who can you know say hey are you making a rational decision when it comes to this particular religion etc and I feel like this is another example of that this is another example of that. This is another example of someone saying,

you can't give people this information because if you give them that information, they're going to start questioning and we don't want that. Yeah. And what they're saying is like, this school is not like, this is a school set up specifically, um,

for, uh, yeshiva, right? Like that's, they, they want, they want these very kind of dragon

i actually thought it was a final fantasy 7 like enemy or something like whatever comes out one of those funny as goofy braids and a long beard it like goes to like fight the enemy and he just bores him and then they play chess it's like a plus 10 tuxedo of power or whatever he's wearing. Which is awesome because actually, look. Do you have the Franken- His weapon is like a dreidel. He just whips it out at people.

Spin the dreidel of power. Cracking myself up over here. I need more beer. Click. But you know, I look at this and it's and the person's kind of justifying and saying like look look whoa whoa wait a minute we are specialized for fucking heredity i'm gonna mispronounce this i don't care who don't want the normal yeshiva high school but which does promote talmud study religious devotion and a general education

as well there's a lack of such institutions but there are a lot of people who want this kind of thing. And I'm thinking, like, these people are upset because the school is incorporating both religious and secular study. Sure. And they're worked up, and they're basically saying, like, we just want this to be a religious study issue. Like, that's all we want. We just want to have a school that's all religious study.

Right. Well, then you're not going to learn anything. Well, I mean, unless you're just, all you're going to do is go into the priesthood, right? Right. What are your options, man? You don't have many other options. It's not like you could be like, well, what'd you learn?

Did you learn how to measure things or whatever? I mean, whatever manual labor type thing even. You'd be like, no, I just really learned about this book. It should be religious studies and diesel mechanics. You know what I mean? So there's some fucking useful fucking component of the study. You can fall back on it if you need to. It's got to have something.

What's your fallback plan? I don't know. Read old books? Do you have an old book? I'm really good at reading old books. I can read the fuck out of an old book if you need me to. Right? What do you put on your resume?

Went to a shitty school. Can read old book. I can wear fucking boxes and shit all over myself. Remember those fucking boxes? Those boxes are the best, dude. What were they called? They were called like... I forget. But they get strapped to their face like minor helmets. Right. They're fucking awesome, man.

They have a fucking box on your bicep. Box on your arm. That's where I put the golem or whatever. I don't know what they're fucking for. I don't know. It's for, it's fucking fairy captures. Who cares? That religion is so ridiculous. Like, it's outrageous. And it's, have you ever been to like a Jewish ceremony of any kind?

It seems so old. Because it's so old. I have. You're like, oh my God. It's like. Do they like break a glass or something? Do they wrap it in like fucking something and they break a glass or something? I don't know, man.

I've been to very few, but the ones I've been to, it's like, are we done yet now? We're still- It's still happening. Because you go to, at least when I've gone to Christian masses or whatever, it's like, yeah, we're going to do the thing, and they do the thing, and then we're going to sing a song, and then they sing a song, and then you got to like, but you know you're on a 45 minute clock. Sure, yeah.

Right? Mass is coming in minute clock. Sure, yeah. Right? Mass is coming in after you. Right. Yeah. I've only been to a handful of like Jewish ceremonies but it's like, we did not invent the clock.

Clock. Yeah, right? What's a sundial? Right, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's fucking, it's like we got six days

to bang this out. On the seventh we'll rest. On the seventh we'll rest. So this story comes from the, oh. Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone.

Abortions for some. Miniature American flags for others. It's never not funny. I love that. I'll give this some thoughtful consideration. Now I'll lead the story. All right, go. God, I'd be the worst newscaster. Go.

Can you imagine? Fucking hell. You're terrible at all the things, Tom. Oh, God. You know, when you say you'd be the worst newscaster, you could just basically, that could be a mad lib to fill in any occupation. I would be the worst. Fill in all the places. Yeah, right? Like, what is an to fill in any occupation. I would be the worst. Fill in all the places.

Yeah, right. Like, what is an occupation? Name an occupation. I would be the worst McDonald's employee, you know? Yeah, I would. I would. I'd be like, you're not feeding it to me? Wait a minute.

It's like, wait, wait, wait. I have to hand this food out to other people? You're like the clown garbage can outside that people shove food into when they're done. I'm full of old fillets of fish. Oh, man. Oh, God. This story comes from the Raw story. It still has fucking the same fucking 666 tattoo skull, dude.

Women in Ireland do not- With balls on his face. What the fuck? Dude, you have several balls on your face We're not shoving fucking super balls into my head fast enough You guys have to go Can you imagine if this guy's airbag deployed Oh my gosh

I just splat his face Okay so here's what I'm going to do For this episode I'm going to copy this And make sure that you guys can see that this guy's face So I'm going to actually put it on this episode's show notes so you actually can see what this dude's fucking face looks like because it's hilarious.

Go ahead with the rest of the story. All right, why not? Woman in Ireland denied abortion at eight weeks, forced to give birth by cesarean at 25 weeks. This is honestly, like, this is one of those, like, this is a national shame stories. Like, if this happened, no matter where this happens, it's like, that is now a national shame. Welcome to national shame.

So there was a woman who was legally forced to carry a child to 25 weeks, which is right around that limit of viability. Sure, yeah. And then she was forced to deliver via cesarean section. She wanted an abortion. She threatened to commit suicide. She was going to deliver via cesarean section. She wanted an abortion. She threatened to commit suicide. She was going to go on a hunger strike. She wanted to do anything not to have this fucking baby. This was not a bluff. Yeah. At eight weeks,

she had a cluster of cells. And they made her fucking carry that kid to six months, to 25 weeks approximately. And then fucking give birth by C-section. Jesus. Way to governmentesus way to government way to government god man that's a horrifying story and it's like you know the thing is is like i don't know that if you know you lose a couple of battles here in the states if we're that far

off from something like this you know i mean you lose a couple of battles and you have a supreme court that's leaning that way. You're not that far off. I know. And there's some states that are really not abortion friendly. They're really not.

You know, and I hate to even use that word. I just want to say like choice because something came out this week. I don't know if you saw this. Did you see the Dawkins thing when he was talking about? I did.

He's talking about Down syndrome. Why was he doing that? But the thing is, here's the thing. I kind of agree with him. I see where he's coming from. And I recognize, and the reason why I say it is because I am pro-choice, okay? Sure.

So I don't know what week you can tell your baby has Down syndrome. I don't know when that is, right? I could probably look it up right now, but I'm not going to bother and pause because we're doing this sort of live thing, and I'm not going to look it up. but I'm not going to bother and pause because we're doing this sort of live thing, and I'm not going to look it up. But I suspect it's earlier than 24 weeks that you can tell that your baby has Down syndrome. Okay?

If that's the case, if it's the case that you can look that up before the baby is viable outside the womb, then I don't think that that's a fucking problem. No, I don't either. Because I don't think that's a baby yet. Okay? It's not a toddler. It's not a fully actualized kid with down syndrome. Right. It's not a slippery slope. This kid is going to, you know, let's, let's, let's kill all kids. Like fucking, let's go to Gattaca. Basically let's turn the world into Gattaca. They're not saying that. He's just saying

you have an option to, you know, like what let's say that the baby instead, inside of you, didn't have a lower half, right? Like, let's say it just fucking grew and it just had upper arms and, like, fucking just a weird, like, it was just fucking completely torso baby. It was, like, completely deformed and you could tell. Yeah. Is it moral to bring that child into the world? You know, we argue back and forth whether or not the mind is part of the body, right? There's this big mind. We talked about this in a recent show about psychology, mind, body. You know, there's this, you know, a lot of people want to make sure that there's this split between

the two, but really it's a chemical thing that's just another organ. It's like having heart disease is like having fucking brain diseases, right? Thinking diseases is just as bad as fucking liver disease. So in my opinion, you know, a baby with Down syndrome is just as bad as fucking liver disease. Right. So in my opinion, you know, a baby with down syndrome is just as bad as bringing, you know, because, because you're basically making that, you're saying, I'm going to limit this child. I'm going to limit it some way. I'm going to make sure it's limited. And I feel like, you know, is that immoral? I don't know if I'd go so far as to say immoral, but I don't think that there's anything wrong at all with aborting a child before it's, before it's fully,'s fully up to a level that it can be viable

outside of the womb. Even I even think that some viability options are okay too. If it's going to hurt the mother or if the baby is horribly deformed, I don't think that those are bad reasons to abort a child. I don't think, not a child, abort a fetus. I don't think that there's any reason behind that. It doesn't bother me. I don't get fucking all weepy eyed and like hug my pillow to death at night because somebody's going to do that to me. I'm like, that's just an actual option that you should be able to re reinforce in everyone. So that's why I was against it. I agree with you, but I think that it only works in one direction. So I think the directionality of that argument for me is important, right? So I don't think that it is

of that argument for me is important right so i don't think that it is immoral to abort a fetus you know prior to the age of prior to the point of viability and then you know circumstantially thereafter it's it's certainly a conversation to have absolutely yeah do i think that it is immoral to bring a child into the world that has a defect of some kind, a birth defect of some kind. I don't know that it is immoral to give birth to that child. I think that's a personal decision that's no more my business. It doesn't have any effect. The only reason why it could be moral or immoral

is because it has an effect on the child. Right. So then you have to look at, like, is the defect going to cause suffering? And the suffering that it causes, you have to then say like, is the suffering that the defect causes greater than the possible joy that the potential person would receive from life. In the case of Down syndrome, I think that's a perfectly rational choice for somebody to make. If somebody says, I don't feel financially or emotionally, intellectually or whatever equipped to raise a Down syndrome child, it's before the age of viability. We find out they decide to abort. That's their business, not mine. I don't care. They didn't murder a baby. That's fucking retarded. But if they said

I do feel equipped and I think that Down Syndrome people can live joy filled lives I want to bring that child into the world. I don't think that they're doing anything immoral by bringing that kid into the world. So in other words the argument works in one direction but not in the opposite direction. I feel the same way. I feel like you know I think when you get

into that weird part of ethics right. There's an ethics question there that is muddy. These are not black and white. And it's not a black and white issue. And I certainly wouldn't come out with a blanket statement on ethics that says one thing is immoral, period. Certainly, there are some things that you can say that about. Rape is immoral. You can just say that.

Killing other people. Wanton murder of someone else is immoral right you can just say that right killing other people wanton murder of someone else is immoral we can say that without with a you know there's no equivocating but when it comes to you know discharging a lump of cells in your body based on whether or not what its future may or may not be that's a muddy area that i'm not willing to give an absolute on because it requires a certain amount of prognostication, right? It requires a certain amount of future looking. And there are very reasonable assumptions you can make about the future of a child with trisomy 13 defect. I don't even know what the fuck that is. You just made that up, didn't you? It's a chromosomal defect that results

in a host of of uh genetic abnormalities and you know it's not survivable so it nobody's like oh yeah who's that guy walking down the street oh he's got trisomy it's not no it's so sure it's not like having sids you just don't yeah it's like you don't come back from that you don't recover from sids right exactly so you know that's a different conversation than you know a down syndrome kid you syndrome kid, which can be an actor. I mean, we've seen actors on TV have Down syndrome. To look at people and say, well, it's impossible for you to have a full and satisfying life because you have Down syndrome, I think is a different conversation. But again, it's a choice made by the parents who are choosing to either go forward down that path or not go forward down that path.

But the idea that you're going to say it's immoral that you chose to abort a lump of cells at 20 weeks. Fucking who you crapping? There's no brain there yet. I think we probably should have linked the Dawkins story. I know. We're talking about that more than this one. Yeah. We really didn't should have linked the Dawkins story. I know we're talking about that more than this one. Yeah. We really didn't talk about it, but I can Google it. I want to say, I want to say about this though, that it is, that it is sad that there, you know, somebody at eight

weeks and at eight weeks, it's a nothing. It's a, you know, you split cells for eight weeks. I mean, I, again, I don't know how big that is, but I don't think it's grapefruit size yet. I think it's like grape size at that point. It's not a thing. No, man, it's not. And to mandate that you've got to force somebody to do this. I mean, could you imagine if, I mean, there's all those arguments about, you know, you wake up one day, that's the analogy, you wake up one day and there's a transfusion thing in you

and you're keeping this concert violinist alive, right? That's one of the analogies, right and you're keeping this concert violinist alive. That's one of the analogies. You're keeping this concert violinist alive. And that's the problem with fully actualizing a child. Right, it's not an analogous argument. And that's the other thing too. I want to go back to the Dawkins thing. A lot of people were butthurt about that.

But it's like, yeah, well, you're talking about your fully actualized child. You're not talking about a thing that's not a thing yet. And let's not say like, you were just upstairs holding my infant son a moment ago. So we are not anti-baby. You were just upstairs moments ago in my own home cooing at my infant child. Absolutely. So let's cover that for a second.

It's not like we want people like the Grim Reaper to scythe babies out of people. And you did not spike him on the ground. I didn't do that. No, I didn't do that. I had a need, clearly. You didn't make a baby hoagie. But to make somebody, force somebody to be. It's a potential hero sandwich.

A potential hero. I love it. I love it. I love it. I interrupted you twice. Oh, that's awesome. No, it's great. I think that was funnier than what I was going to say. What I was going to say was sad, though, because it's like, I mean, would you force somebody

to, you know, have to give a transfusion for that long, right? So, like, let's say I got to put you in this place. And, you know, I recognize, too, though, that there's a weirdness to this story where the woman's like, I'm suicidal, so I'd like to get an abortion you know what i mean like i'm because i'm suicidal uh i think that there's some level of mental capacity that needs to be decided upon and whatever and you know how you're looking at it i but i just feel like a like making it illegal eight weeks is crazy i know and it's like at eight weeks if you're fucking suicidal and don't want to have a baby like you're gonna be a horrible mom you know what i mean like no if you're fucking suicidal and don't want to have a baby, like you're going to be a horrible mom.

You know what I mean? Like, no, like this is a child. You don't want, I don't say you're horrible mom, please. I, I, you know what I'm saying? 25 weeks though in you, you know, you're putting that baby at great risk for coming out 15 weeks out of the fucking oven early. Right. That baby is at serious risk.

Right. And then it's not like it's risk-free to be pregnant and deliver and deliver by C-section. I mean, like pregnancy is not a risk-free event. All those deliver and deliver by c-section i mean like pregnancy is not a risk-free event all those things there's a tremendous amount of that's absolutely i i totally agree with you it is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my god but okay it's terrible this story comes from in gadget india makes liking blasphemous content illegal. Oh my god. This Indian guy looks angry. Yeah, he does. He's got some

in-charge eyebrows, though. I will say that. Dude, this dude is furry. He is fucking furry. He's like, imagine if you shaved an Ewok. You would have this guy. He kind of looks like a bald Furby, actually. He kind of looks like Danny DeVito. Bald Furby. I like that. So India does not understand. He's got a beak for a face? Like, what is going

on? Don't those things have, like, beaks or something? They do. They do. You could read this whole article. Yeah, I know. Fuck it, I will. It's a paragraph. Right. This is not an article. This is what passes for journalism. I know. I actually think it's like maybe three sentences. I'm going to count the periods. One, two, it is three sentences. India's...

This is amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. And they're not like three Cormac McCarthy sentences, right? Where it's like, holy shit, he used all of the adjectives. And he actually went on three pages in that one sentence. That's amazing. Right.

It's like, Jesus, the guy fucking showed up for a fucking BOGO adjective sale. Christ. For any of these emails, I love Cormac McCarthy. I do, too. All right. Christ. I hope we get those emails. I do, too.

I do, too. India's previously criticized Facebook for not censoring material that was critical of its government. So let's agree that the country has something of a strained relationship with social media. Now, however, the southwest state of something has announced that even clicking like on a post could land you in jail for 90 days before you even get to see a magistrate. Because India has no blasphemy laws, any material that could offend someone's religious beliefs is prosecuted as hate speech. What? And that includes uploading, forwarding, sharing, liking, and retweeting something. Oh my gosh.

We hate to be cynical, but we can't imagine it'll be long before the first dissenting voice gets thrown in jail to protect the feelings of the government general population. Wow. Yeah. So India, still not the place to be. Oh my gosh. What is that? His name not the place to be. My gosh. What is that? His name's like Sundar or something like that. The guy who said that their stuff was like poo water.

Right. I forget his name. I can't. It's an Indian name. I don't remember what it is. I can't. It's like Samad or Samar or Sundar. He's a brave dude.

He was- Fucking awesome dude. Yeah. I saw him speak at TAM. Yeah. And basically he went out and said, hey, they thought that there was some sort of miracle water that was coming out of the statue. A leaky statue, right?

It was a statue and it was leaking this water and people were fucking drinking it and getting cured, quote unquote cured. Yeah, cured of being healthy. But it turns out it was fucking poo water. Right. Like, that's fucking a poo water. And he tests it out and he's like, yeah, guys, that's poo water. And they're like, blasphemy!

Get out of our country. They chased him out of the country like i mean he literally could not go back and he still is gone he's still not back in his country right blasphemy laws are you know i was listening to a herd mentality podcast i think it's a couple weeks ago maybe maybe it was several weeks ago herd mentality with adam reeks with adam reeks but he had a bunch of people on and i think think he had on the gentleman from India as well. And they were talking about how damaging blasphemy laws are. And it's not just in India, but in many countries around the world, blasphemy laws really do hurt and imprison lots of people.

And this is something that we need to make sure. And I think that they were trying to get something like the UN to make some sort of resolution on it. What does that do? I don't know, but at least it brings awareness to it. It's like dumping a fucking bucket of water over your head. Exactly what it is. You know what I mean? It's going to bring awareness to it.

That ALS challenge this week, they got millions of donations. That is $29 million so far. Because people were dumping water on themselves. So maybe the United Nations can't do fuck all, but at least they can bring some attention to these fucking things. Right, right, right. How do you like that? My own mother falling for that stuff. Well, you don't know, Larry.

Maybe Dr. Hoo-Ha can help her. Doctor? That guy's no doctor. He's a quack. I'll tell you what. I'd like to see that Dr. Hoo-Ha. I like a good Dr. Hoo-Ha. I've seen that movie.

I love a good Dr. Hoo-Ha. I like a good Dr. Hoo-ha. I've seen that movie. I love a good Dr. Hoo-ha. I like a good nurse Hoo-ha, too. And some secretary Hoo-ha. I mean, hell, you put on a uniform and a Hoo-ha, and I'm ready to party. Oh, my God. So this story comes from Hoo-ha.com. No, Yahoo.com. Yeah, it's not Hoo-ha. It'ska. No, yahoo-da-ka. Yeah, it's hoo-ha.

It's yahoo. There you go. Oh, my gosh. Sierra Leone's 365 Ebola deaths traced back to one healer. I think you're using that word wrong. Healer. Healer. Look, when fucking Ebola Mary strikes.

Oh, Ebola Mary. What did I call her the other day? Typhoon Mary? Typhoon Mary? We're talking about this story. And Cecil calls her Typhoon Mary? Admittedly, I was on muscle relaxers when I said it. Oh, as if you're not on muscle relaxers every time.

You say that as if it's some kind of anomaly. Typhoon Mary. Wherever she goes, it's just like a big ass storm Just raging Just like shows up There's like a cloud breathing in behind her ready to blow And her husband Hurricane Henry Tornado Terry

They're inland buddies I'm having a Hurricane Henry This story is awesome because basically what it says is That this woman who is claiming to have powers to heal Ebola went out and did some healing, some good old-fashioned healing, and they can actually trace some of this crisis to her, some of the disease spreading to her because she went out and tried to heal all these people. And she died, actually. She died of Ebola. You know what I mean? Like, if you are the person who's like, I can pass on my healing powers to protect you from Ebola.

Incidentally, I have Ebola! And dying of Ebola, yeah. Wouldn't people at some point... I gotta think, though, what really happened is that she probably did a lot of this infecting. She clearly did all the infecting before she died. But maybe not, because part of the thing over there, though,

is that when they have these funerals, people gather and they pay their respects, and part of the way they pay their respects is by kissing the body of the dead. So if this was a particularly well-loved person... Yeah, you need a lip condom. Right? You've got to put a fucking dental dam on the dead.

We can make a fortune. Dental dams for the dead. It's even got alliteration. It does. I think it's nice, yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Fucking rub cellophane on it. Just make a thing.

Just fucking wrap cling wrap around all the Ebola victims. Man, they wear like big rubber goddamn suits. They all look like they're getting ready to do the dishes. They look like cherry popsicles. Oh, no. Oh, God, It's so bad. Oh, yeah. But, you know, clearly, you know, this is an example of some sort of healer, quack, if you will, who's walking around basically making the situation a lot worse than it could be.

Right. Instead of going to the people, the authorities who know what the fuck is going on, that are wearing, like, fucking all the galoshes and shit. You need to not get the stuff. This person's coming by caressing your blood fucking bleeding face, you know what I mean? Well, you got to fucking rub a fucking chicken entrail on it, you know? Like Ebola's just like, great, thanks for the snack.

Yeah. What, are you going to cry now? Come on, cry baby, cry for me. Come on, cry, baby. Cry for me. Come on. Cry. I don't feel comfortable with this. I don't feel comfortable with this at all. Oh, no.

This is a story that comes from Right Wing Watch. This is their paranoia-rama, sort of their roundup. I love their roundups, man. They're good stuff. It's good, man. I usually skip the roundups. I usually try to find the stories but this one was too too great my my favorite part see so we'll kind of go piece by piece or here is the immigrant child warriors oh yeah you want to hear what she has to say this is great yeah this is great so this is uh tamara scott who's talking about um some i i don't even, it's just like some fucking baby warriors.

For us just to open our borders, it's chaos. We don't know orderly who's coming in, who's not. When we see these kids, you and I think young kids. We think maybe 12-year-olds, maybe even homeschoolers, or excuse me, middle schoolers. Homeschoolers? We know back in our revolution, we had 12-year-olds fighting in our revolution.

And for many of these kids, depending on where they're coming from, they could be coming from other countries and be highly trained as warriors who will meet up with their group here. She's even laughing at herself. And actually rise up against us as Americans. We have no idea what's coming through our borders. Idea. We have no idea.

Look, I'm making shit up so ridiculous, I'm laughing at my own claims. She totally just started laughing. She's like, you couldn't child. Hold on. Child warriors, there's more. I would say biblically, it's not a Christian nation when you entice people to do wrong. Well, Tamara, you made some very good points, and you're absolutely right. We do not know who's crossing the border.

They do not come with documentation, and our border patrol has no way of seeing that. No shit. That's what they call undocumented. Like, they're crossing without documentation? No shit, fucking Sherlock. Thanks for the fucking update. So they didn't bring their badge

from the Children's Crusade? All they need is a fucking ticker tape sound behind you, fucking newsworthy motherfucker. What a dumbass. Back into their countries of origin, even if we can identify exactly which country they're from, to know what their record is. Hamas, and I'm sorry, Hezbollah, fund several training camps in Venezuela and other South American countries. And they are training these youth, beginning as early as eight or nine years old, through the MS-13 gangs, but they are being trained as warriors. You're absolutely right. That was right-wing watches. That was right-wing watches.

I love right-wing watches. Because it's so ominous. It's like, bow, bow, bow. Child warriors. They're coming. They're coming. Child warriors. You've got to love that shit.

Here's another one that was really good. This was somebody basically thought an article that was satire was a real article. I love when this happens. Did you hear, hold on a second, did you hear that Facebook is considering putting a satire tag? Yeah, satire tag. So they can't even, because all it's doing is trolling the dimwit. I will be honest, though, with you. I have seen many things in my feed where people comment on them like they're real things.

I do, too. And I'm shocked. I'm absolutely floored that people think something like this is real. That this thing that they're, it's a video or it's a meme. Right. And I'm always like, you guys don't realize that that's satire. That this is. I don't want them to put the tag up though.

I can't imagine. Because it takes all the schadenfreude out of it when they get caught. There's nothing more satisfying when somebody gets all upset about a Daily Current article. We've been had though by a couple of things. We have. And it's funny. It's funny. Yeah's funny, yeah. Well, in any case, this one is about Common Core.

It's going to be brainwashing your kids and turning them gay. And specifically, they found it on a website. And the website says, basically, this is what the website says on the About page. And this is from the website that they found it on was a parody. Let's see. Hold on. I want to double check here what this is from. This is from Broken World News.

Okay. So that's where they got it from, Broken World News. And it says, here's about, if you believe any of the shit you read here, you are a freaking moron. It says it right there. Oh, when you say it like that, it seems. But nobody checks the about page.

And so the very first thing they have is this Common Core turns first wave of students gay. So the first wave of students that had Common Core got turned gay, and people are like, look at this crazy shit. So I want to play this as a person who's basically got confronted about this, and now they're going to try to backpedal. There used to be religious freedom in America, but then with the homosexual, bisexual, transsexual agenda, religious freedom and free speech are trampled at the behest of a perverse, unnatural, unbiblical, unhealthy, tyrannical sexual agenda.

happens in states like California as this legislation is passed, and then you get some legislator in other states that, well, they're doing this in California. You know, they've got a lot of students there. We need to do this in our state. And so they mirror the laws that have been passed into California to introduce them into other states as well. And they make their trend across the country. Randy, I'd like we could spend a full program, I'm sure, on every one of these individual bills that have become signed into law by various governors in the state of California here, but if you would, in brief,

kind of run through. You talked about 10 sexual indoctrination laws. Without the parental opt-out, children are required to attend these classes. Give us an idea. Run through these 10 bills here in brief if you could sure and in the big picture

these laws group require children to be taught that homosexuality bisexuality transsexuality which means cross-dressing and so-called sex changes and heterosexual heena fornication are good and natural, and maybe even for you.

And so they can't talk about the negative consequences. That's not allowed. It's in most cases prohibited by calling it discriminatory or adverse to even mention sexually transmitted diseases or risks. And on that point, you know, I'm just so appalled. Michelle Obama is able to make sure that every child gets a stalk of broccoli on their plate and an apple that's put on their plate because we have to look for the well-being of that child. But when we talk about the serious health consequences when children violate the laws of nature and of nature's God in their own bodies here,

there is no concern from this administration regarding it. Are kids having the butt sex? I don't know any kids having the butt sex. I don't know if they tell me, though. You know, to be perfectly fair, you know. I've seen a couple of exposés on the news. I think that they are at that age. It's certain. It's certain to have. I think that they are at that age. It's certain.

It's certain to have. I love that he's conflating that with, like, broccoli. He's, like, dismissive. Like, these kids, and they're eating healthy. Eating broccoli. It's got nothing to do with it. It has nothing to do with anything. So we're going to take a short break.

We're going to give you some information on how to contact the show and how to donate, and we'll be back right after this. Want to contact the show and how to donate, and we'll be back right after this. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com, or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com forward slash dissonance pod, or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on itunes or stitcher

or spread the word about the show we want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us you fucking rock you know speaking of stitcher real quick could they make the fucking rating system more fucking cumbersome and difficult to do on an Android? Have you tried? Have you looked at it? No, it's difficult. Dude, it's like the least intuitive. It's not like he's like, oh, I want to rate it.

Like, there's a place to just... It's like their fucking app. It's like impossible to get to it. It's so hard. I think the only way to really rate us on Stitcher is to, like, go to their website. I think so. But nobody... The whole purpose of Stitcher is that you don't need to go to a website. It's the app. I think the only way to really rate us on Stitcher is to go to their website. I think so.

Nobody, the whole purpose of Stitcher is the app. I know. I know. I don't know why they do it. It seems counterintuitive. The other thing is Stitcher's rankings went all fucking wonky, too. We were doing really well, and it was like, you dropped fucking 14 rankings. Wait, why?

It's like, what happened? And the thing is, our Stitcher numbers are higher than they've ever been. But it's just like, oh, well. Well, I just put it on a constant stream. That's all I do. That's it. So this story comes from CNN.com. Missouri police officer on leave over video in which he says, I'm a killer.

That's not all that he said, though. I'm a killer. Well, let's play. We're going to play it. Now, there's going to be something from CNN here. This is three minutes long. So there's going to be a little piece from CNN where they sort of introduce the story. But then they're also going to play him speaking. So it's a video of him speaking.

Front and center, a St. Louis County police officer on camera making controversial comments about women, gays, and among others, President Barack Obama. Now, this here is Kenya. I had my own airplane. I had me a Learjet. I said I want to go find where that illegal alien is to claim to be my president, my undocumented president lives at. So I flew to Africa and right there and I went to our undocumented president's home. He was born in Kenya. Seemingly nothing out of bounds for Officer Dan Page during a speech at an Oath Keepers meeting believed to be recorded earlier this year. Did anybody read the USA

today? This little homosexual sodomite here? Incidentally, there are four sodomites on the Springport. What the fuck? Incidentally, there's four sodomites. Really? The four people that are for gay rights, like one of them's a woman.

She's a sodomite woman. You know? She's from Sodom? I don't know. She's a sodomite, sodomizer, sodomy. She's like pegging people. Yeah. Ginsburg's got a big old strap on.

A big black 12-inch strap on that she pegs people with. Throw your fucking hip out pretty quick. I'll tell you what. She'll break her hip. God damn. Woman's like 700 years old. Oh my gosh. That's crazy.

You know what I love is it doesn't even feel like he's got a speech. It feels like he's just like, when you watch this, because he's giving a talk at some place, but it feels like he's just like, I'm going to talk about some random shit I'm really mad about. You know what he sounds like to me? He sounds like a bad prop comedian. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Just like holding? He sounds like a bad prop comedian. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. Like, just, like, holding up the newspaper, like, well, let's see what's in the newspaper today. It's like Carrot Top or whatever. Right. And he just, like, gets one out and starts, like, fucking picking through. That's actually what we do. Yeah, it is.

Actually. You know, if we had a sledgehammer, we'd be Gallagher. So there you go. Well, I think it was a little more. Has anybody read this? Former Justice Stevens wants to change the Constitution. And he lists the six things

in here that have to go. Number one, the Second Amendment. Why would he pick that one up? Because he's an idiot. In the military right now, you've got open sodomy, people holding hands, swapping spit together. Sick.

It's pitiful. You've got women trying to be. By the way, and I deeply resent this, we've had our first female Green Beret. Of course, they had to redo the qualifications. We've had our first Marine infantry officer come out. Of course, they had to redo the qualifications. What's wrong here? We have our first female ranger. What happened here?

Something's wrong. This here is the foundation for this. You can't separate them. I don't know what them black-robed perverts don't understand down there. What did he just say? Those black-robed perverts. That's what he calls the

Supreme Court justices. Black- robed perverts. That's what he calls the Supreme Court justices. Black robed perverts. There was a judge for a while who was using a penis pump on the bench. Do you remember that guy? What? There was a judge who was using a penis pump on the bench. Did we cover this? Well, he covered it. We should have covered it a little better

and we would have covered it on our show. For a minute I thought you were talking about Clarence Thomas. No, he had a different name for his penis pump. Anita Hill, right? You need me to talk to him. I'll square him away for you. Take me about a minute. I think he means on him.

Yeah, I don't want to hear what they have to say. Basically, so that's what he means a him. You're a veteran of the... Yeah, I don't want to hear what they have to say. Basically, so that's what he's talking about. Undocumented Barack Obama, which I love. It's like, he's like, what, six years into his presidency now? It's over. It's over. It's not like he can't get elected again. Right.

Are we going to change someone's mind at this point? It's actually funny because Colleen and I were driving the other day. We just saw one dude, just one dude on the side of the road with a big impeach Obama sign. And it's like, who are you going to convince? He's going to pass the right person who's going to drive by and be like, okay, all right. Then pick up the fucking cell phone and be like, Obama, you've been impeached. Fair enough. Let's just run through this.

No problems. That's done. Yeah. Well, I held up a sign and that's how, let me, six years into his presidency with no crime committed. I said, who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole? It's Jesus. Ah. Jesus, Tom. It's fucking Ah Jesus Tom

It's fucking pop ups my friend God damn it God damn it This story comes from Huffington Post These 20 countries 20 20 Have no law against domestic violence

You know Cecil did you take a look At the 20 countries that have no laws against domestic violence. You know, Cecil, did you take a look at the 20 countries that have no laws against domestic violence? Because the laws, the countries that have no laws against domestic violence are kind of hell holes. They're kind of not on the, like you're fucking, you know, you don't get a Michelin star restaurant. Right?

You know what I mean? It's not a place where you go, you know, I'm going to go on my culinary adventure through a couple of these countries. The first one is Algeria. Right? You know what I mean? It's not a place where you go, you know, I'm going to go on my culinary adventure through a couple of these countries. The first one is Algeria. We should read all these. We should just name all the countries that don't have borders.

Yeah, let's do it. Armenia. That's the next one. You going? You going to swing over? Burkina Faso? Is that a country? It's beautiful in Burkina Faso.

Cameroon. Cameroon, also known as no one's going to Cameroon. Congo. There's a place. There's a hotbed of a place that you should go. Every coast. Well, hold on. Congo, you know you want to go there when the image selected is a bunch of fucking soldiers

with fucking machine guns in a fucking rusted out pickup truck. Of course, Egypt doesn't, right? Right. Haiti. You can't beat someone who's not a person. Iran. Yeah. You can't beat someone who's not a person. Oh, man. Iran. Yeah.

Latvia. In Latvia, a woman is potato. Kenya. Oh, my God. Lebanon. Yeah. I'm surprised about Lebanon. Lesothro?

Yeah, I didn't know this was a place. I didn't know that was a place either. You know. Mali. I've heard of that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It doesn't look like a place to go.

Niger. Yeah, no. Pakistan, it doesn't surprise me. No, no shocker there. Russian Federation. Yeah. Well, you could just wallop on your wife in Russia. Syria.

Oh, no. They don't have laws against any violence in Syria. Uzbekistan. Yeah, that's not. Fucking Uzbekis. Is there a stand that you want to go to, though? Not really. Yemen's the last really. Yeah.

Yemen's the last one. Yeah. So all these countries seem to have religiosity in common. I think so. You notice none of them were like- Or old timiness. Right. It's just like, let's hearken back to the time of no technology. Exactly.

Like that whole list of countries. You can go and there's no domestic violence laws. Also, they're not places anybody wants to go. Sure. You know? They're places that are highly conservative, highly religious, backward countries. It's not a place where everybody has the internet. Right.

You know what I was like? It's not Norway. Yeah. Right? You wouldn't have looked at that and been like, oh, yeah. I'd have been shocked if Sweden was on there. Right. Exactly.

Really? Sweden? Man. I wouldn't have looked at that and been like, oh, yeah. I'd have been shocked if Sweden was on there. Right. Exactly. Hey, Sweden. Man. Turns out places that actually care about half the population's welfare are ridiculous. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth.

I don't have any idea what to do with this story. It comes from the Raw story. Well, you could ask this guy if this story is dead to you. You could just ask this guy what to do with it and he'll let you know. He'll take it as a come on. He'll let you know. Iowa GOP representative arrested for having sex with his incapacitated wife after the judge told him not to. Somebody had to tell him not to it's like it's like telling

your kid not to eat the food that fell on the floor you know you're just like don't eat it right but it's don't eat it don't poke the hornet's nest the hornet's nest looks so pokeable like what the fuck um this is a republican state representative of Iowa. He was arrested on third degree sexual abuse for having sex with his wife. She lacked the mental capacity to consent, which up until relatively recently actually would not have been that big a deal. Because 25 years ago in Iowa, there was no consent. 25 years ago? 25 years ago. Like when you and I were alive and walking around and knowing stuff.

25 years ago. That's late 80s. Yeah, dude. In the late 80s in Iowa, your wife could fucking kick and scream all she wanted, and there's nothing she could do about it. No consent required if it's your spouse. There are still states where that's a hotbed issue. What?

Yeah. If you're married to somebody, and in several countries it's a hotbed issue. What? Yeah. If you're married to somebody, and in several countries it's the case that it's still the case, but there are states where it's still a hotbed issue whether consent is required from a spouse. That's a separate issue, but that's fucking terrifying. It is, man. Does it go both ways? I don't know. I would imagine that, I don't know. I would imagine that.

I don't know. Let's say if a woman was like, damn it, you're having sex with me tonight. Right. And you'd be like, I have a headache. And she's like, I have the aspirin, motherfucker. Right. I don't know how often that happens, but let's just say for the sake of argument, that happened a time. Right.

If she forced herself on him would that be criminal in those places where they did that or if it was only specifically against i have no idea yeah but you know you look at that and it's like the 25 year thing it's like man we've come so far but we have so far to go you know like 25 years 25 years is that's a nothing that's a drop in a bucket it is nothing. That's nothing. It is. Yeah. And what I don't get in this story is just like, okay, I have an option of jerking it or I have an option of fucking some sloppy piece of like inanimate something. I mean, you might as well fuck a piece of liver at that point. You know what I mean?

Like there's nothing there. You're just like, like he had to, he went in the room and like, I room and that's just gross as hell. Yes. He might as well be a necrophiliac at that point. I know. I know. You're just looking for a poseable thing. You know what I mean?

It's ugh. It's like his wife was in the hospital, mentally incapacitated. How does that turn you on? How are you like, man, baby, you've never looked so good. I love it when you ask me what day it is multiple times in a row. I love when you wear IV fluids. Is that, oh, the bedpan? Yeah, it says that someone's roommate corroborated the video evidence,

saying the same day he discarded her undergarments, she heard noises indicating that Henry was having sex with his mentally incapacitated wife. Yeah, his 78-year-old mentally incapacitated wife. Now, not only is that disgusting that he's doing that, but then you've got to overhear that. Oh, I know. That's roughing the listener. You know what I mean? That's just, that's horrible.

That's just horrible. I need a new roommate. I need a new roommate. You're not getting me a new roommate fast enough. I need a new roommate. Like, you got to hit the, like, the call, like the nurse call button. I need mental floss. Fuck you.

I need to forget about this story. Right? Is there, like, did you end the story with, with this puppies and bunnies story that you have after this? No, I have no story after this. This is it. This is it. This is it. Wow.

Yeah, take that. Oh, my God. So, I don't even know. What do I say next? I don't know. What's the next thing to say? I don't know. Do you want to cover this story with the 666 horns?

Yeah, let's cover it because it's fucking awesome. Let's just do it. We're just going to pretend that there's no bumper for this one. Let's just cover this one. Here, bumper. Song singing time. I think I nailed that. Why don't you read the first paragraph of this?

All right. Massachusetts man fears his horns, 666, and forehead tattoo will make a fair trial impossible. The lawyer for Massachusetts man who has a 666 tattoo and horns implanted in his forehead believes that his appearance will make it impossible for him to find an impartial jury or receive a fair trial. You know what they should do? Have you ever seen those TV shows where they put the person behind their silhouette and then they... They should do that with him.

Where he's like, they have a little box or the witness stand. They put him on the witness stand and he's like, I swear I didn't do it. Your Honor, I'm a peaceful man with 666 tattooed into my forehead, fucking horn implants, a fucking weird nose thing, facial tattoos. I'm also a member of the Hell's Angels. And let's also point out that the crime this fine, upstanding gentleman is being accused of is the kidnapping, torturing, murdering, and dismembering. When I look at this guy and I think, man, if somebody was recently kidnapped, murdered, tortured, murdered, I don't even know what the, what's the order again?

Kidnapped, tortured, murdered, and dismembered. I am judging this book by its cover. I am judging it by its cover. It's like, how do I feel bad? You are responsible for the cover. It's not like you were born this way. You tattooed 666 on your forehead. And you stuffed Superballs above your eyes.

Oh, God, this guy. I like the bone through his nose or whatever that thing is. That looks crazy as hell. And he's got some crazy shit written underneath his eye. Yeah, what is that? It's like fucking from Halo or something. I don't know. He just got fucking glyphs on him. what is that? It's like fucking from Halo or something. I don't know. He just got fucking glyphs on him.

What is that? He does. He's like fucking the sword in the stone. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, really, I think you're fucking polluting the fucking jury pool. You know what I mean? Right.

I mean, you're just fucking defecating in that motherfucker when you come up there dressed like that. And I feel like such a curmudgeon, because I want to be be able to be like you should be able to dress however you want but then i look at this guy and i'm just like man i would be i would be physically shocked if someone that looked like this like was standing i would be like yeah like it would scare me like i would i would jump a little if this guy was like if i turned around like let's say there i am i'm at dominic's and i'm looking through i'm leafing through the Us Weekly. You know, I'm looking for the hottest picture of Gwyneth Paltrow I can find, you know, that

they found her at the beach or something. Right. And I'm just paging through. And, you know, the guy's like, hey, can you hand me the, you know, the fucking separator between the groceries? And I reach over and I grab, and I'm not paying much attention. I turn back and I'm like, oh! Like, I would jump.

I would literally jump if I saw this human being standing behind me. And I feel like such a curmudgeon saying that, but I look at him and I'm just like, yeah, I would fucking jump. Yeah, but look, he purposely altered himself to look as frightening as possible. Right? And now, I mean, he didn't do this by accident. He's not like, I thought it made me look pretty. He didn't fall into a bin of Super Balls in the game. Fuck, I have these Super Ball horns stuck under my skin. He didn't fall into a bin of Super Balls in the game. Fuck, I have these Super Ball horns stuck under my skin.

I didn't fall. Yeah, so he altered himself to make himself look as scary and intimidating as possible. Yeah. And now he's upset that people are going to find him scary and intimidating. Right? He's mad. Yeah, and he's also incidentally petitioned the judge to have photographs taken of the apartment excluded from trial since they include weapons like machetes, hatchets, and baseball

bats with nails protruding out of them. What is he, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle? Right? What the fuck do you have an arsenal for? I was thinking of that guy, like that Casey guy from the same thing. It's got like the bat with the sting in it. Are you kidding me? I'm guessing, too, that like it would have been very difficult for the police to put

together a reasonable lineup. They're like shoving super balls in the people's eye fucking sockets to get them. Like, no, the guy who fucking murdered my friend had horns. Like, he literally had horns. That guy has horns, but no 666. And that guy has the 666, but no horns. Could you imagine the person who draws these people when they're like, do you have any distinguishing marks?

And they're just like, cha-ching! It's like, I could fucking draw this shit in my sleep. This is the easiest day I've ever had on the job. I fucking love this job. It's so... This sketch artist literally draws a stick figure

with horns and a six-inch stick. Have you seen this man on a milk... Or like this guy goes missing and he ends up on a milk carton.

He's so ugly the milk sours. His fucking mom's like, I miss my little boy. I just wish somebody would bring back my little boy. My terrifying young boy. Oh, man. You know, a thousand years ago I was at a Nine Inch Nails concert. And there was a group of girls in front of us that had filed their teeth into points.

Jesus Christ. So they had like that had filed their teeth into points. Jesus Christ. So they had scary pointy tiger teeth or something. I think they thought it made them look like vampires. I don't know what they thought. But they were sitting in one blanket in front of us on the lawn. It used to be called the World Music Theater. Yeah, in Chicago. It's on the side of Chicago.

And we were like, damn, those girls are hot. And then one of them smiled, and I was like, oh my God! And even as a teenager, even as a teenage boy, I was thinking like... It's like, what is this, the grudge? What the fuck is happening? I was like, you are going to regret that so hard? There's no scenario later in life where you're like, man, I nailed that one. That was one of the better calls I made when I filed my fucking teeth into sharp points.

Yeah, I used to go to an industrial club in Chicago when I was a young kid, just 21 and a little bit after. And there'd be some weird-ass people there, people with safety pins all up and down like through their skin and their arms and shit and and you'd be like okay whatever you're just trying to shock me i get it whatever um but this in particular like this guy in particular like i would have fucking i'd have soiled myself if this is the guy and you know if this is the guy taking tickets at the door i'd have been like i don't need to go here. What's inside? What is inside of this? Is it the door? Jesus. The door is made of hostile. That's going to wrap it up for this week,

this midweek episode that we recorded the same day as the other episode. I think we nailed it. I think we may release these pretty quickly. I don't know when we're going to release them. Probably release them. I'll probably release them like on Tuesday or something this week, since I have it already. You know, might as well. And I don't want this Super Bowl story to go sour.

You know what I mean? I want a bunch of people doing this story. Well, he'll probably be exonerated before. And then won't we feel the fool? He's like a really nice guy, does charity work all over. Can you imagine him in the courtroom in a suit? Like, he's wearing a suit. It's like a suit and like- If it's not made out of other people's skin, no.

I can't. I actually can't. Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. Oh, Jesus. That's this episode. We'll be back next week with more stories of horrible, horrible shit. But until then, we're going to leave you with the Skeptic's Creed.

That's it. We fucked up. So, Tom, I think you should treat the listeners. I think you should do an actual skeptics creed That's live So why don't you read I'll play the music underneath you You have exactly a minute and three seconds to read this

Let's do it Are you ready? Here we go Credulity is not a virtue It's fortune cookie cutter Mommy issue Hypno-Babylon bullshit Couched in scientician double bubble Toil and and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing, water downward spiral brain dead

pan sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces cancer cures, detox reflex foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. conspiracy double-speak stigmata nonsense expose your size thrust your hands bloody evidential conclusive doubt even this one fucking take look at you perfect timing that's amazing amazing wow there's no theme music at the end of this show I'm not gonna play theme music