Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 176: Waka Waka

Episode Date: September 12, 2014

   

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. I'm out. makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at. This is episode 176.

And this is the disappointment episode because I thought it was Thursday. It's a disappointment. And it's Tuesday. Yeah, that is a disappointment. That's the worst when you go to work and you think it's a day later than it actually is or whatever. And in your case, two days later?

It's a kick in the dick, man. It's a total kick in the dick. I than it actually is or whatever. And in your case, two days later? It's a kick in the dick, man. It's a total kick in the dick. I thought it was Tuesday or Thursday. I still don't fucking know. You're not even sure what day it is. You know, I wanted to mention, Tom, before we jump into everything, that we got called out by No Illusions of the Scathing Atheist to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. of the Scathing Atheist to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. And we are not going to dump ice on our heads.

I just, I don't know, I fucking jumped in a big fucking batch of ice at the Tough Mudder this year and that's fucking enough of that. I don't need to do that again. I did it on my personal page. I got called out. Did you?

Personally, I dumped it. Yeah. You know what it felt like? Fucking ice water on your head. It's cold and wet. And feels exactly like what you think it feels like. So he called us out and he said, you know, $100 or whatever, but we're going to go above and beyond.

We're going to donate $300 instead. And we're not going to donate it to ALS because ALS made like fucking $100 million over this Ice Bucket Challenge thing. We're actually going to go to Kiva. But you're supposed to call people out when you do this thing or when you donate so we're donating 300 bucks we're going to call out three people and the three people we're going to call out are our listeners all three of you guys all three of you guys so here's the deal i'm going to do a different challenge it's not going to be ice ice water uh instead

what i'm going to do is I'm going to load a ringtone onto our Patreon site. So if you want to find it, there'll be a link to it on this episode show notes episode 176. It'll take you to the Patreon page that will have our ringtone on it. The ringtone

is going to sound a little like this. A long black cock, long black cock. A long black cock, long black cock. And here's the challenge. So what you're going to have to do is, you're going to have to download that ringtone, put it on your phone, turn your phone up to as loud as it can be.

Ring her on for a whole week or donate $10 to Kiva. So those are your two options, three listeners. Donate $10 to Kiva. Kiva is a wonderful organization. If you don't know what Kiva does, Kiva gives micro loans out to people who are looking to be entrepreneurs and start business in other countries. And these are tiny amounts of money that these people are looking for that they can start and change their life. And the best thing about Kiva is if you don't want to keep that money in there after

they pay it back, because a lot of these are loans that you can get paid back. If you get paid back, you could just take your money out if you want, or you can reinvest it in somebody else. You could keep on reinvesting it. And Tom and I, we're going to take that $300, we're going to reinvest it, then we're going to keep reinvesting it as time goes on. You get to make that choice, though. So you can choose $10 tequila or long black cock on your phone, your choice, but you've got to do it for a whole week. You've been challenged, listeners.

You've got to do the long black cock for a whole week. You know, the only way that I would put the long black cock on is if I had like a Get Smart style phone, but it was like a fucking dildo instead of a shoe. You know, so like your phone rings and it's like, hold on a minute, you pull out this fucking floppy black dick and it's got a fucking antenna sticking out. Then it's just a descriptor at that point. You know what I mean? It's not like you're offending anybody with your thing. It's like, oh, hang on a minute. My cock is ringing. Let me tell you the fucking conversations you're going to get into because of that.

Just easier to give the 10 bucks? It really is. That's why I did the challenge this way. You know, other people are like, oh, I don't want to dump a bucket of ice on my head. Fuck you. Put this ringtone on your phone. Yeah, that's fucking awful. See how awful that is. And that's for a week. That's basically like

standing in the fucking ice water for seven days. It's like going down with a Titanic. Are you kidding me? Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain,

and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. So the first story we're going to cover comes from the Progressive Secular Humanist blog from Patheos. A megachurch pastor says gays must be put to death. Big shocker. This is a big week for Mega Church Pastors. It was. It's a big week.

And, you know, this guy here, he's got some things to say. Let's play a little bit of this. I mean, it's eight minutes long, but I think you and I can listen to maybe the first minute or so and talk about it. I'm already vomiting in my mouth. This is Mega Church Pastor. It's from Brainerd Baptist Church, and the senior pastor is Robbie Galady, I guess.

I don't know how to pronounce his name. Who cares what his fucking name is? But anyway, here he is putting his hands in the air and praising some Jesus. And then he gives this list of detestable sins. He says, first of all, don't sleep with animals. Secondly, don't sleep with your mother. Thirdly, don't sleep with your father's new wife. Fourthly, don't sleep with your sister.

And then finally, verse 22, do not sleep with someone of the same sex. You're not to sleep with a man as with a woman. It is detestable. That word detestable is the word abomination it's an abomination to god the land has become defiled so i'm punishing it for its sin and the land will vomit out its inhabitants can you feel the magnitude of what god just said god said that the sins of the people had infected the very land upon which they live, that the land itself has gotten so sick it will vomit the sin from it.

You know, I'm kind of feeling like the land right now. Yeah, the land's not the only thing struggling to keep its dinner down. Exactly. I like that God is just like, wait, hold on now. No fucking animals. That's number one. Don't fuck the animals. I don't know how many times I have to tell you guys. You know, Cecil, it's actually why there's volcanoes. Volcanoes is just the land vomiting.

It's the land vomiting up other lands. It's vomiting up the other lands that it's already swallowed. That's why there's so many gay people in Iceland. Yeah, that's got to be that unpronounceable fucking volcano up there. Alright, so there's a little more.

Notice how he finishes. Notice how he finishes? What, does he finish on the face? In a sock? You're to keep my statutes and my ordinances. You must not commit any of these detestable things not the native or the foreigner who lives among you so what happens to people who engage in this sexual activity this sexual immoral activity go to Leviticus 20

God gives us the punishment for engaging in these sins two chapters later look at verse 13. If a man sleeps with a man as with a woman, they have both committed a detestable thing. They must be put to death and their blood is on their own hands. It's very sobering to hear this this morning because this is a capital offense to God This is not a trivial matter It doesn't take a degree to realize God's stance in the Old Testament On homosexual activity

I don't know how you got As far as you got You know my first thought Cecil is It says if a man sleeps with a man As with a woman Well when a man sleeps with a woman They use the vagina So a man can't sleep with a man sleeps with a man as with a woman. Well, when a man sleeps with a woman, they use the vagina. Right.

So a man can't sleep with a man the same way. Right, well, unless he uses the man-gina. The man-gina. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, what he's saying, like, really, when he's talking about how the world is going to vomit you up

and how, you know, God hates homosexuals so much he wants them to die, he's just mobilizing the hatred in these people. Absolutely. You know, I mean, like, like all he's doing is saying, like, first off, if you're a believer and you're listening to this and you and you happen to be a believer, I don't know how you could worship a God like that. Like, I don't know how you could worship a God who's just like, yeah, well, you know,

they were just being human beings. So I figured I'd fucking you should probably throw heavy like fucking stones at them until they're dead. And I'm also probably going to just make the earth explode because I hate you all so much. Well, I will say in his defense that there is some objective evidence in support of his theory that the land will be polluted by homosexual acts being incurred upon it. Just look at the plummeting real estate values in San Francisco. Walk around after the gay pride parade. My God.

They pollute the shit out of it. Ridiculous. There's just like condom wrappers all over the place. You know, it's actually funny because when I think about like the sort of like gay meccas, you know, like the quote unquote gay meccas, like places where homosexuality is, you know, like cities, you know, like Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco, New York. These are places where homosexuality is not a big deal, right? The land is not vomiting anything out right the land is not vomiting anything out the land is actually incredibly valuable yeah those are like the most expensive places to live right in the country yeah it's not a fucking sinkhole you know what i mean it's like nothing

will grow like oh man like my garden died oh that's tough like didn't you use miracle grow or like fucking eggshells? Yeah, but then I totally had like gay sex. So my fucking tomatoes are dead. You know, the thing about this guy is that he's saying that they can be put to death. Right. He's saying that that's that's OK, that that's it. That's a thing that, you know, because God said it, it's OK. And then later on, I'm not going to get to it. But later on, he, he starts talking about, well, the reason why we're okay with, you know, being so harsh against homosexuals is because they choose to be gay. You know, there was people who were against blacks or whatever back in the day, but they

were wrong because blacks can't choose to be black, but a homosexual can choose to be homosexual. And I think this is where it comes in. You know, normally I don't care whether it's a choice or it's not. It doesn't bother me either way because I don't care what an adult human does with their sexuality as long as they don't hurt other people, right?

So it doesn't matter to me whether you choose to be whatever or you're born that way. Although data shows born that way is the way it is. It doesn't bother me, right? But this is why it's important that that sort of data is important because he's saying, no, no, no, they choose to be homosexual. And I, you know, and the thing is, like, I don't believe them. I don't believe them when they say

this. I really don't. I don't believe that anybody has given 10 solid minutes, 10 solid minutes of real thought into the idea of sexuality and choice and really thought to themselves, yeah, it's a choice. Yeah. I mean, it's definitely a choice because all you have to do is just recognize the primal nature of sexual urges, right? Like your sexual urges, like what you want to do and with whom you'd like to do it, they have very little to do with, you know, your higher thinking bits. Like all of that stuff is very primal. It's from a part of you that you're not fully in control of in terms of your desire, right? So no part of you is is like oh man that woman is hot and i know she's hot because i recognize the symmetry of her face and sure i mean like it's not

how it works right like that's it your body your body begins to see certain cues and respond to those cues and those are the cues like those are the things that turn you on those are the things that get you going and if you just pause for just for just a fucking hair's breath, just for a fucking one moment, and look at your own sexuality and recognize the way that you respond, the way that your body responds to what you're attracted to personally, and say, man, that doesn't have much to do with higher order thinking. That's a base response. It's a primal response. It's biological more than it is cognitive, you know. And why would it be that way for me but be a totally different response for somebody else? It doesn't, you know, it's like one of those rare instances where,

because normally what people are really good at is universalizing their own experiences, right? Sure, absolutely. People are really, really good at that. They take their own experience and they universalize it. They say, if it's true for me, it's true for all people. Right, right. And we're really good at doing that. We do that as a rule because it helps us to understand other humans, right?

But this is like one of those cases where we say like, yeah, this is the way I experience sexuality. But because you experience sexual attraction to a different person, I'm going to assume that you experience sexuality in an entirely different way, in a much more almost intellectualist way, right? Like if homosexuality is a choice, more almost intellectualist way, right? Like, if homosexuality is a choice, then it would have to be a conscious choice, not a primal choice. And if it's a conscious choice, then he's sort of suggesting that, like, there's sort of like this distance, this intellectual distance between, you know, the sexual urges of somebody who's homosexual and their biological responses. And they can train their biology to respond to this choice that they're making.

So it's an interesting difference there. When they have toiled and they can't find any cure to HIV, and they come to the church and you lay hands and they start walking, they will see power. They will all run to the house of God. For the Bible says, in the last days, all shall run. All shall run. They will run. They will come.

Before we start, can I just say this dude has a glorious beard. Jesus Christ, that beard is like a fucking shag carpet. It's glorious. Look at that thing. Oh my God. It's like he has a small dog on his chin. That is fucking, that thing is large and in charge. You can't really tell where his

hair on his head ends and his beard begins. That's a meaningless distinction friend. I mean like, this beard, this is a fucking Duck Dynasty beard. This beard is so fucking legit. So fucking epic. He looks like fucking Poseidon. Look at that thing. He looks like fucking Poseidon.

Look at that thing. He is like a Greek god, man. Somebody should sculpt this motherfucking beard in marble. Yeah, that flannel, too. Someone's going to point out, you can't really sculpt marble. It's more of a chiseling. Fuck you.

It's a fucking joke. I hate you people. This story comes from the Raw story. Duck Dynasty star urges Christians to convert atheist friends with Nicolas Cage movie. This is the best part of this article. That is a lot of pressure to put on Nicolas Cage. The ghost writer. The guy can't act his way out of a fucking paper sack.

You think he's going to act his way out of this? The only way he would be good in a rapture themed movie is if he disappeared we are talking about the star of wicker man okay um he does punch a woman out in like a bear outfit so he's got that going for him look unless they unless all the Christians hop on Con Air and fly away. He was ripped for that movie, man. He was. I mean, it was easy because once you grow the mullet, you get the power. It's like Samson.

You do. Once the hair reaches a certain level. Yeah. And John Malkovich is always good. Well, John Malkovich will make just about any level. And John Malkovich is always good. John Malkovich will make just about any movie. Is John Malkovich in this movie, is he like the devil or something? I don't know. It would be great if it was like being John Malkovich, you know,

so it's like inside of his own head and that's really where hell was at. Inside, I don't want to be inside his head. It would actually be better if it was like the Duck Dynasty version, but instead of like going inside of his head, you go inside the head. It would actually be better if it was like the Duck Dynasty version, but instead of like going inside of his head, you go inside the beard. Maybe that's where people get raptured too.

Just inside of a beard? Just like in God's beard? You're like, I am in the great, mighty jungle of Jesus. No, it's just a beard. No. Yeah.

Oh, man. So this fucking guy, let's actually talk about the story. So Willie Robertson. Willie. Willie. Slick Willie. That's a grown man calls himself Willie. Willie Robinson recorded a promo video for the Left Behind movie.

So it's an upcoming feature film. It's a whole bunch of those fucking Left Behind books that are out. Yeah, that was a book. And there was a movie, I thought, of that already. But they're making, I guess, a full Hollywood, like, fucking funded left-behind movie. Yeah, I think, well, you know, the left-behind book series, I think, has become, like, there's, like, a whole other series of them now. That are, like, they're, like, a big deal. They're, like, best-selling.

You see them all the time. I see them all the time, like, at the time at bookstores and what have you. They actually have very nice, I like the covers of them. I'm judging them by their cover, I guess is what I'm saying. You would think that the series would have to end eventually. Yeah, you'd be left behind. I mean, eventually, it's got to stop. Here we are, left behind.

Left behind and fucking immediately converted based on evidence. Right? We've talked about that. Crazy. Although somebody sent us an email that said, like, maybe you just go loot their houses because they're all gone. But anyway, he's urging Christians to take their non-believing friends to go see the Nicolas Cage movie, saying that the movie might convert them, Cecil. He says it's a warning to those.

If it happened today, it would be left behind. And I believe people are going to make that life-changing decision to follow Christ on the way home from the theater on October the 3rd. Let's all make sure we bring some friends and family to see this movie, people who need to see to believe. Yeah, I could see Transformers, and it doesn't make me believe in robot fights. Like, going to the movies is not seeing to believe. Do you remember when we had Silverman on and we were talking about, you know,

who are you going to convert with this billboard? And he was like, I'm not trying to convert anybody. He's like, anybody that you convert with a billboard, you probably wouldn't want to talk to them anyway, right? The same thing here. It's like, anybody who could be converted by watching a single movie, probably wouldn't want to talk to him anyway, right? The same thing here. It's like anybody who could be converted by watching a single movie, I don't know that I want to talk to him. Well, and aren't you converting him on fear?

Like, isn't your argument wishful thinking and fear? Yeah, it's the same argument the guy in the previous story was making, right? That guy's making an argument that's like, you know, the land's going to swallow you up because of the gays, and God hates the gays, and, you know, if you don't get right with God, he's going to kill you or have you killed or blah, blah, blah.

And the same thing here. It's just like, you know, God is like a hit man. Yeah, right. It's like you should believe in this stuff. Why? Because you don't want to be left behind. Well, wait a minute. You didn't answer the first question. Like you, you, you fucking didn't answer the left behind is predicated on the idea of the first flag. You didn't address it. It's funny, Cecil. I was listening to this Intelligence Square debate. So NPR has a program, Intelligence Square.

It's like Oxford-style debating, right? And one of the propositions was death is not final is the proposition. So there's a for and against and steven novella was actually one of the uh debaters you know arguing um against the notion right so arguing that death is final um and at one point the moderator um you know they're making these arguments back and forth and the moderator turns to novella and is like but wouldn't you like it to be true yeah well fucking who cares and like novellallo was so smooth about it. He's like, yeah, well, in the words of that famous philosopher, you can't always get what you want.

And it was great. It was great, right? And this is the same thing. It's like, well, wouldn't you like it to be true that you'll get voiped up to heaven if you're a goody two-shoes? Well, yeah, that sounds nice. Like eternity in paradise? That sounds better than just everything stopping.

Like that's, yeah, it does sound better. I mean, I got to tell you, like, I will be very honest with you. Like I would be, I would prefer an afterlife to the cessation of my current life. I would prefer that. But nobody's giving me the choice. Like, it's not a choice. It's not a choice even if you believe it. It doesn't make it real just because you think it's true. If I think hippopotamuses have wings, they don't suddenly sprout fucking wings. Islamic hackers attack actor Kirk Cameron's movie website. So the website for actor Kirk Cameron's upcoming movie, Saving Christmas,

which, by the way, has the single greatest promotional poster. It really does. I want this poster. I want this poster so fucking bad. I would hang this in my fucking garage. You should hang this in Glory Hole Studios. See if we can get one. Oh, we should get one.

Why do I want to buy it, though? Well, maybe they'll send it as a promo. Oh, yeah, we can offer to review their movie or something. Yeah, we'll do it as press. Oh, that's a great idea. I'm going to contact them. Because this, let me just describe this promo poster. It's got fucking smug-ass Kirk Cameron fucking mean mugging with a weird fucking like candy cane raised over his head like a club.

Raised over his head like a club, holding the globe glowing in his other hand as he like stomps and jumps his way action diehard-esque at the camera. Like so at your perspective. And behind him like blowing all over the place is like a Christmas tree and ornaments and presents and a fucking Santa hat. And then there's like a looming cross in the background to the bottom left. And it's saving Christmas. Put Christ back in Christmas. What color would you say that globe is? It's glowing gold for some reason. Yeah, I think maybe he's putting a horse in front of the car if he thinks he's going to

get a golden globe out of this. horse in front of the car if he thinks he's gonna get a golden globe maybe it's like a commentary on like the monetization of christmas man and like the whole world has become commercial i i see a couple hundred dollar bills there so maybe like war on christmas movie though the fucking it's not like uh his monumental movie which was him going out into the world and like they were you know doing like a like a quasi documentary clearly no research done in the documentary but a documentary nonetheless in the documentary style this is not like that i watched the i watched the trailer for this and it's it's like a drama like comedy drama about christmas and this guy who's like mad because christmas is all commercialized and and all these kids are like fucking running around a tree and he's like

fuck it's not about jesus anymore and then kirk cameron's like it is about jesus and then they hug and then that's the end of the movie so i mean that's what i got out of the out of the the trailer well you got further into the trailer than i did because i'm not gonna lie i watched only a few minutes of it. I don't even think I got a full 60 seconds into it. I mean, I still spent more time on it than I do on sex, but it wasn't a full minute.

Right, sure, yeah. And I fucking bailed. I had to. The thing is, I don't know why they feel like Christmas is under attack. I mean, clearly their website is under attack by a guy who looks like he came right out of Dynasty Warriors. I know, man. It's awesome.

He looks like Lou Boo. He's going to take on the hordes. Clearly, it's – and somebody had posted today on our Facebook page, I think, in the headset. I wonder if this is a – they did this to show like how the message is trying to be suppressed or something. Like, I wonder if they did this in a, in a manner to try to make it look like they're being persecuted. Um, and that may or may not be true, whatever. Uh, but it's an interesting thought nonetheless, but you know, this idea of like war on Christmas, like I like Christmas, Like I'm an atheist and I like Christmas.

Like I think it's cool. I think it's fun. I like all the stuff, all the, even all the religious stuff doesn't bother me at all. It doesn't, I don't walk down the street pained

because I see a, you know, a fucking nativity scene. I don't want to be like, oh God, get it out of my face. You know, it hurts my atheist,

tiny little black atheist heart to see it you know just like i don't care it's like whatever you know you're celebrating the holiday i'm i enjoy the holiday too like i get the day i get a fucking week off of work man it's fucking brilliant i love it yeah you know maybe they are maybe they did hack their own page but i actually think that i would give them the benefit of the doubt cecil because i actually think that I would give them the benefit of the doubt, Cecil, because I actually think that they would be, like, it's too much guile for these guys. Like, I do believe that Kirk Cameron and his ilk are genuinely very earnest, and I think that they genuinely feel very much, I think they believe their shit, I guess is what I'm saying. I think they believe their shit so much that they would not have the wherewithal to put together their own smear campaign to drive.

That's a very cynical view of the world, and I don't think that they have cynicism in them. I think that they genuinely feel like, man, fucking Christmas is getting attacked. And I don't really obviously agree with that. I think that's crazy. I don't think there's any evidence at all that Christmas is getting attacked. I don't know who's attacking it. I haven't met that person yet that attacks Christmas. I mean, I don't even like Christmas. I don't attack Christmas. You love Christmas. You don't attack Christmas. We're pretty aggressively atheist. Yeah, and then, you know, like, there's all that, like, there's been plenty of people, what do you say as

an atheist when people say Merry Christmas? It's like, fucking, I say Merry fucking Christmas. Merry Christmas. Like, what the fuck? What do you think I say? Like, fucking, Merry Pagan Holiday, you fucking fascist. What do I say? Say, Merry Christmas, man. You and I wish each other a Merry Christmas.

Exactly. We buy each other Christmas gifts on occasion. Exactly. Exactly. It's a thing that people do. It's a cultural holiday. And I think that that's part of the argument that he's making is that it has become a cultural holiday and it has lost its place as a religious holiday. cultural holiday and it has lost its place as a religious holiday. And, you know, every time a atheist says Merry Christmas, an angel loses its wings or something.

I don't know how that works. Every time somebody buys like the hottest new toy. Right. Jesus weeps another giant fucking crocodile tear. I thought that the point of the church was to worship God and the boy fucking was just incidental. No, it's just the other way around. The point of the church was to worship God, and the boy-fucking was just incidental. No, it's just the other way around. The point of the church is the boy-fucking. All the other stuff is just busy work.

So this story comes from TheAge.com. Melbourne sex abuse priest, Mato Kruzinak. Oh man, you nailed that shit. I think I got that. Returns to church in Bosnian parish. So this Catholic priest is expelled from the Melbourne diocese for sexual abuse. So he's kicked out. And then the Bosnian church is like, come on, come on, it's all good. And they welcome him back in. Like he was permanently stripped of all of

his clerical duties in June, following a 12-month investigation into claims that he abused somebody. And then less than a month after being placed on permanent administrative leave in Melbourne, he celebrated mass alongside other Bosnian priests. So, I mean, he clearly was still performing duties as a priest. Why can't the Catholic Church fire people? Can you, I'm asking this seriously, because you know more about the Catholic Church than I do. Can priests be fired?

They can be, yeah, you can be removed from priesthood. You can be excommunicated. I know that those are things that can happen. They don't do it very often. And the thing is, is I think this guy's like fucking Jason Bourne anyway, because they're like the location of this guy is currently unknown. He's fucking off the ground. He's off the grid,

man. He's probably like hiding in some mountain highway and like Montenegro or something where they bring them fresh children every day. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you said a long time ago, like,

why can't you have a fucking zero tolerance policy on fucking people? You know what I mean? Like, I don't know I mean you said it a long time ago like why can't you have a fucking zero tolerance policy on fucking people you know what I mean like I don't know I don't know why that can't be on like you know you I walk around I work at university right and there's constantly there's posters all over the place and the posters are like sexual harassment is never okay you know like a teacher will say like it'll be like a teacher saying I'll give you an a if you fucking blow me or whatever you know and be like sexual harassment is never okay and then i got a 4.0 but you know like all these different like sexual harassment posters there's diversity posters there's anti-abuse posters there's all these different posters constantly you know and you would think like what why can't you just go into the back room where the priests are and just be

like no fucking children like can't we just put that the back room where the priests are and just be like, no fucking children. Can't we just put that on the wall? You don't even have to put a picture. You can just be like, just text. Text with the words. You don't have to hire an ad agency to come up with some snappy slogan. Just no fucking children. How about that?

It is like, it's one of those areas that is not subtle. It's not a nuanced issue. It's not difficult. You know, it's like it's super easy. Is the person of age. Like it's like the fastest flow chart you've ever had to do, right? Like is the person of age. Yes.

All good. No. Don't do it. It's like a part of me even says if it's a person of age, even then it's a little creepy because you're you might be utilizing your power as a priest to influence them. And we've seen that happen all over the place. But I feel less. I don't feel like I need to protect those people. I mean, I feel like, you know, maybe your organization might want to fire you. those people. You know what I mean? I feel like maybe your organization might want to fire you, whatever happens, happens,

blah, blah, blah, but I don't feel like I need to protect people from priests if they're of age. But when you're not of age, I think we've got to have some protections in place. Look, if a grocery store can figure this out,

right? Because you've got to think that if you're working at the local Safeway or Jewel or out, right? Because you've got to think that if you're working at the local Safeway or Jewel or whatever, right, and you're in the back room and you're supposed to be stocking shelves, and your boss comes back, and instead you're fucking a child, right? My guess is you're fired. Now, I'm pretty sure about this one. Yeah, I don't know that you can get away with that.

Right? I think that that would be very difficult. So if you're like, hey, you're supposed to be replacing the pork and beans, not placing the pork and beans. You're supposed to be putting the milk cartons with the children on them in there. You're not supposed to have a child on you by the milk cartons. You're supposed to be stocking the sausage, not hiding the sausage. You're supposed to be shelving the buns, not fondling the buns. You're supposed to be slicing the bologna, not having somebody ride your bologna pony.

It's like it's an easy, so like you have a fucking grocery store can figure it out And the manager is constantly going walk a walk a walk because he's made all these funny lines He's actually cracking so many one-liners you have time to finish He has like a fucking he has like a fucking uh a daisy in his lapel that shoots water He like he rolls into that back room and sees what's going on. He's like, I've been waiting my whole life. Prepare to speak. He pulls out index cards.

No, no, no. Yeah, okay, I got one. Ladies and germs. Ladies and germs. It's so bad It's so bad I don't even know what we say about this anymore I don't know either Like this is not a difficult problem to solve Fucking some kids

Yeah I was fucking some kids Fix that shit You're super fired Like you're like extra super fired they just walk in like the moment you like start begging a kid there's like one of those big hooks they pull people off vaudeville sorry you're gone can you imagine the meeting like where all the priests because clearly they don't understand right so like like they come out like the hr rep is like okay all right does anybody have any questions about our zero tolerance policy like like a hand is raised and like the first guy's like so how many

kids can we fuck yeah so zero tolerance means you can't actually fuck any of the children and then everybody's like man man, what the fuck? And then somebody's like, well, what about during Passover? No, no, no, it doesn't matter. How do you expect me to work in these conditions? So do we just have to give up fucking children for Lent? No, no, this isn't for Lent. What the fuck?

What do you not understand about this? There's somebody so mad they flip a table behind them. Like, fuck this. I'm out of here, man. This is the stupidest organization ever. I'm never praying again. I'm joining the Baptists. So we're going to take a short break, give you some information on how to contact the show and how to donate.

And we'll be back right after this. Want to contact the guys? Go to Dissonancepod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828 Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com

forward slash dissonance pod or click the link on the podcast homepage and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story comes from the

Friendly Atheist blog. Tennessee Supreme Court hears case of mother who tried and failed to heal her daughter's cancer with prayer. And the particularly fucked up part of this story is that Tennessee law has an exemption. I know. An exemption, Cecil, that says that if the child is being provided treatment by spiritual means through

prayer alone, and I'm excerpting, by a duly accredited practitioner of the recognized church or religious denomination in lieu of medical or surgical treatment. What? Yeah, man. So if you went to fucking upstairs medical prayer college. Seminary.

Accredited. What the fuck? Accredited practitioner? We wouldn't want any old fraud. You want to make sure that the fraud is accredited. Are you fucking serious? Yeah. So that's fine, man. Like, it's cool.

It's all good as long as it's accredited. And actually, the accreditation is what this whole case hinges on, as crazy as it sounds. Because the trial judge said that the mom didn't qualify for the exemption because a duly accredited practitioner didn't provide the spiritual treatment. I kind of want to say like, yeah, who cares, though? It's like fucking one vial of snake oil fucking is the same as water anyway or whatever. Like homeopathy. That's like saying like this vial is different than this vial. No, they're the same thing, whether it's water or the fucking sugar pills.

It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable that the idea that there can be such a thing as an accredited practitioner. Accredited how? What are the tests like? What are your testing? Like, what's your testing standards?

You got me, man. Jesus. Show up like, hey, how many people did you heal? Fucking none. Again. Because it doesn't work. Oh. All right.

I guess you're accredited. You're accredited now. Go with. Here's my blessing. Go with God. Right. Two plus two equals Jesus. Pass.

Like, what? What are you talking about? On the Scantron, they just make a big cross. The girl had, like, bone cancer or something? Like, some really fucking awful shit happened to her. She had this bone cancer, and then, like, she died within a year. You know, and that couldn't have been a good year. And that couldn't have been a good year.

I don't know how people can forget that we have, you know, like fucking this level of medical technology and just forsake it and watch someone they love that they created suffer so badly and just be like, oh, I'm praying to the Lord every night. So we're doing all we can for you, dear. Right. Yeah. It'd be like, at some point, wouldn't the kid be like, wait a minute, can't you just take me to a doctor? Because I hear good things about that. It was a 15-year-old, too. It's not like this was a kid that she just had.

She wasn't quite attached to it yet. What is the purpose of that exemption? What does that exemption, How does that exemption? Because, like, obviously you and I do not care and the law doesn't care about what happens to adults. Right. Like if a fucking grown ass man or a grown ass woman decides tomorrow that, yeah, you got fucking bone cancer. Do you want to have treatment? No, I think I'll just go home and pray on it. OK, fine, whatever.

Fucking kill yourself. Who cares? Like, it's your life. You're a grown person. Make your own decisions. But these are young people. These are children. And their parents are responsible for their treatment.

And their parents are the ones who are the ones making the decisions. And in this case, they're making a decision about whether or not their child suffers fucking bone cancer for a year while you hope over them and somehow that's not neglectful so the only thing the only thing that like let's say that same circumstance happened and you didn't do the hoping part well that's neglect but as long as you hoped, with the help of an accredited hope specialist, now all of a sudden it's not neglect. Accredited hope specialist. You're all sick! Oh, be nice!

Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay! Oh my God, what's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now! It's happening now. We work hard. We play hard. Stop. Hammer time. Oh, no. Shit.

The photos. Let me just put this out there. The photos are not safe for life. Like. Yeah, there's no gore. There's no gore, but the fucking head is caved in. You'll see a head that is deformed.

Yes. It's caved in. Yeah. It's fucking smushed, dude. Okay, I will say, there is a kid I went to high school with who got hit with a shot put in the head. Wait, wait, what?

He was on a track and field and in the wrong spot and got hit with a shot put in the head. Wait, what? He was like on a track and field and like in the wrong spot and got hit with a fucking shot put, caved his fucking head in. He looked just like this. Are you kidding? No, fucking for reals. What I don't understand about this is like, why didn't they like put like a metal plate or something? Yeah, I don't know why that.

Clearly there's, you know, obviously there's a medical reason. I just don't know why that. Clearly, there's, you know, obviously there's a medical reason. I just don't know what it is. Yeah, you know, probably because, you know, you're done tinkering. You know what I mean? We're just going to leave this alone, you know. At some point. I just wear a helmet all the time, though. This is like, it's like when you're, like, mudding and taping the drywall,

and at some point you're just moving shit around to move shit around you have to just say i'm done yeah i'm done i'll stand it later i got i'm sorry i interrupted you this does you we've introduced this all we've talked about is just like how to form this person's i know i feel terrible what's going on this is from london 24 hammer embedded in sleeping teen's brain in homophobic attack. So this dude was asleep, fucking asleep in his bed, when his roommate, a Christian, battered him in the head with a claw hammer to the point where the hammer was literally embedded in his brain. He smashed his skull, smammed it in there twice,

and then left it in there because there's x-rays of it in his fucking head. Really in it, too. Not like, oh, is that maybe touching his brain? But it's like, that's in his brain! That's a panic hammer at that point. I know, man. You're just like, where you're trying to, like when you have something hit you or whatever, it's in your hair, there's like a bug in your hair and you're trying to knock it out of there.

You're like waving your hand. You're just like, is it out yet? Is it out yet? No, it's not out. It's not out yet. You know? And it would take like a surgeon to get it out, actually. Like this is how in his brain it is, right?

Yeah. I don't know a lot of anatomy. But I'm looking at a picture of the x-ray and that's in the middle of his fucking skull. Yeah, that's in his skull right there for sure. If you look at the second fucking x-ray photo. Oh, yeah. It's like literally in the middle of his brain. It is in the middle of his head.

Yes, absolutely. It's crazy how deep that is. And he was attacked because the other guy was homophobic and this guy was gay. Right. Yeah. He was a cross dresser and he was, you know, he was, he was, he was a homosexual cross dresser. How did they, how did they wind up in the same place? They were roommates, right? Well, they were the original odd couple it just didn't work out it's hilarious yeah and the and the you know like the tagline is like can they survive in the city and the answer is clearly no no they can't the mtv producers felt terrible about this pairing it's the worst real world we've ever done um it's just a goddamn fucking horror show yeah

you know like like physically inflicting damage in somebody like that you know the reason why i think that that is that people are capable of this sort of thing is because of the the sort of hatred we've heard earlier right all the fear about gays and how you know this guy's doing a choice and he's basically just committing evil because he thinks it's cool you know what i mean like this person if you're saying being gay is a choice and being gay is evil then you're saying you're choosing to be evil so if they choose to be evil in this way how many other ways do they choose to be evil and so you you know you get it into your head that they're an evil person you know smash them in the head either that or you were probably gay and you didn't like the

way that guy made you feel yeah man you know it's it's it's crazy because like the christians we cover the stories all the time about like all the christian persecution complex nonsense right like we're like oh yeah the gays are gonna put us in fucking internment camps and, you know, eat our children and make us all gay common core lovers or whatever. And it's like, you know, they want special rights. No, I mean, they just really don't want to be hit in the head with a hammer while they're asleep.

And, like, because that's really like zero out of ten doctors recommend that. Yeah, yeah. It's really bad for you. Zero out of ten brainologists. I said, who's that guy on the that. Yeah. It's really bad for you. Zero out of ten brainologists. I said, who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole? It's Jesus. Motherfuck,

this story. This is Crooks and Liars. It's Pat Robertson, so let's just listen to it. Yeah, here's Pat. First it's going to be bobblehead, then it's going to be Pat, and this is from his 700 Club show. This is Audrey, who says, My husband and I are in our 80s and have been tithing for many years. We both love the Lord and give willingly, and our tithe is over 10%.

I praise him and thank him for our blessings. I declare that this is our time of prosperity, but we never have an extra money after our monthly bills are paid. The worst time of prosperity ever. Our old car just broke down and we had to borrow money to fix it. We both need dental work, but we can't afford it. I constantly have to use our credit card

to pay for medical needs. I speak the verse about, quote, give and it will be given to you. We have no unforgiveness in our lives. What could we be doing wrong? Well, why don't you ask God to show you some ways of making money? You know, there's there are many ways of making money, even at 80 years old. You know, you can get on the telephone and people are hiring. There are all kinds of things you can do. Think of ways. I mean, for example, you might have a bunch of junk lying around in your garage that you can sell on eBay and get some money. There are many, many ways of making money.

You know, there's many ways to get money. You know, why don't you just start a lemonade stand? You know, as an 80-year-old person, you might be able to, you know, reach in between the covers on your couch and see if there's any pennies stuck in there. Because God sometimes sticks... Actually, I do know a way that they can make some money. Here, I'll show you exactly how they can make some money. Some of you little precious ones have that little grocery

money. Some of that little money set aside. Assure tonight the blessings of God on your family. See, that's it. That's how you do it, is you get the grocery money. That's how you make the money. That's how you do it, is you get the grocery money. There you go. That's how you make the money. That's how you make the money.

You just use your grocery money. You just use your grocery money on something else. God gives it to you. You just mismanage it. Hold on. There's a little more. Like another 20 minutes, 20 seconds. And you're looking at the downside of all the bills you've got.

And instead of saying, God, now I'm faithful to you. Now I claim my blessing and I ask you to open the windows of heaven and pour me out a blessing. Show me what you're going to do. Show me how I can move into blessing. So just ask him and he'll give you some concepts. Your mind will open up. Show me the money, God. Right?

You had me at hello, God. That's crazy. Oh, man. Wouldn't you feel profoundly fucking ripped off if you were 80 years old and you've been giving 10% of your salary your whole life thinking? Because this is that religion of prosperity bullshit, right you're just like I'm supposed to get it and you're both 80 years old and you're thinking we've been fucking living hand to mouth for all these years and we haven't gotten fuck all

yep yeah you know and it's like you know she says in the beginning like we declare this is our year of prosperity but we're fucking broke and we can't get fucking our teeth fixed and we can't pay for our medical expenses and then to be insulted by Pat Robertson, who has no fuck all about looking for work. Right. Right. Have them say to fucking somebody in their eighties, like, yeah, there's

people hiring. Look, there's nobody hiring people in their eighties. You can't even get a job as a Walmart greeter. Are you kidding me? Nobody. I mean, I don't, like, I do not want to be ageist, but I want to be honest. If you are in your 80s, it's going to be very difficult for you to find work. That's a little hard. It's really, like, that's just the reality of the world. Like, most of the world isn't looking to hire octogenarians. You know, here's the thing, right? If you're 80,

you probably retired from your career, right? You probably retired from the career you were doing. And whatever that career you were doing, you probably can't do anymore. So what's open to you? No skilled jobs. Well, you know what no skilled jobs are? They're hard fucking work.

Manual labor. That you can't handle at 80. You know what I mean? He's basically being like, well, you can go fucking work at McDonald's. Have you ever seen an 80-year-old work at McDonald's? You'll be there for two weeks. That's not fast food anymore. You cannot call that fast.

That's slow-ass food. It's the meanest thing in the world to say to somebody who's 80 years old, who's been fucking, who bought your scam, right? Like they fucking hook, line and sinker were like, yeah, fucking shit away. Imagine if they had saved that 10% of their income and invested it over the course of their lifetime instead of shitting it into the church. Right. They wouldn't be calling up like, yeah, I can't pay for my fucking dental care. They'd be like, I'm fucking, I got gold teeth, motherfucker. Exactly.

Well, you know, and the other thing too is he doesn't say, well, keep that extra 10% that'll help you out. Right. You know what I mean? He doesn't say that. He's just like, you know. He tells you to hold God hostage. Yeah.

That's what he tells him to do is like call up God, and be like, yo, motherfucker, where's my blessing? That's what he says to do. I claim my blessing. Give me. Yeah. Give me, give me, give me, give me. You want answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This is the greatest story of all time. I actually have to pause before I can even read this because it's going to be, it's just so fucking amazing. All right, I'm ready, I think. This story comes from the Raw story. Washington State megachurch closes branches after founder is caught calling women penis homes.

Penis homes? Penis homes. Penis homes. Well, now, to be fair, I've actually been for a while searching for my own penis home. So I wanted to play. I recorded a little session earlier with my realtor, so I wanted to play it for you. Oh, fantastic. Hi, I'm Dolores Mulva with Rick Johnson Realty. How are you today? Um, well, I'm fine.

Now, this residence has really nice curb appeal. The bushes in front are neatly tended, relatively low maintenance, and the pink curtains peeking out from inside the windows have an elegant 1950s feel. Oh, and the carpet matches the drapes. This is a little more square footage than I was looking for. Well, let's dive in before jumping to any conclusions. The seller is very motivated to close. It looks like the seller is more interested in opening.

The seller hopes to liquefy their assets quickly, so they are open to taking a very small deposit. I certainly can't leave a large one. Speaking of large, this is a very large, well-lived-in home built in the saltbox style with a spacious sunken den, a centrally located wet bar, all original plumbing, and heat is included. It's pretty hot in here. It's a moist kind of hot. Is there a mudroom? No, no mudroom. And you can't get in the back door either. Yeah, that's common. No shocker there. Full disclosure, the place does tend to flood about every 30 days,

and it can look like a murder scene when that happens. That, and there's a small gash in the front door. Looks like a pretty sizable hatchet wound, and Jesus, what on earth is that smell? Hmm. The previous owner had an aquarium. They had a whole tank full of those bearded clams. This is just a little too much for me to handle all by myself. I could see a couple taking on a project like this, but I'm looking for something a lot smaller, and my budget is tight. Well, every one we look at can't be a home run. I was hoping this one would at least get to second base.

But don't worry, Mr. Penis. I won't rest until I find you a home. Yeah, so how did that work out? Did you find the penis home of your dreams? No, not yet. I'm still looking for a good penis home. How's the market right now? Is it a buyer's market or a seller's market? It's a seller's market for sure.

It always is. It's a seller's market. I've been looking at some, you know, think about going out of the country, though, getting a different, you know, more exotic penis. Right. Sometimes when I'm online, I search specifically. I go to certain real estate websites. Oh, man. That's awesome, man. That's awesome, man.

So what this guy actually says is pretty spectacular. Let me read this. He says, and this is part of his love, joy, and feminism. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. So this is actually part of his sermons. This was part of his sermon.

He said, ultimately, God created you, and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while. Knowing that his penis would need a home, God created a woman to be your wife. And when you marry her and look down, you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home. Therefore, if you're single, you must remember that your penis is homeless and needs a home. But though you may believe your hand is shaped like a home, it is not. And if you look at a man, it is quite obvious that what a homeless man does not need is another man without a home. It's more of a, like your hand may not be a home, but it's at the very least a mobile home.

It's like a carport. It's not a home. But it's a place where you could park for a little while. Right. It'll do the trick. It'll do the trick. It's more of like a public storage locker with electricity. It's not the real thing.

No, not at all. But you can stay in it a while if you need to. You can stuff things in it. It's a whole new meaning to there's no place like home. There's no place like home. I actually bought a pair of nice red shoes and clicked them three times hoping I would just be able to live in a vagina for a while. But it didn't work out for me.

It didn't work out, huh? No. You gotta watch out for the flying monkeys in there too. The fucking horror show. You can get a shot, clear that right up, but still. You want to make sure that when you're shopping for your penis home that you get Jesus to do the landscaping.

He does a good Brazilian landscaping. That's for sure. The guy comes on stage and you can hear this. There's like a three minute clip. I'm not going to play it, but it's him just fucking weeping on stage because he had to leave his church and everybody's like clapping for him. And there's all these cheers for him and stuff and it's like this dude's a fucking despicable dude who like clearly if you're saying that if you're saying that you're basically saying like women have no worth they are they're a unit of things that i need to stick my dick in you know like that's how

i measure women in units of how how much i want to house my cock in them and the people are crying in the audience like they're fucking clapping and he's weeping fuck you dude you said some shitty stuff like that's like me trying to be a preacher after the show are you kidding me and then they play like an excerpt like at random basically at random yeah it doesn't matter yeah one minute one minute of any episode and I'm automatically fired. You're immediately fired. Yeah. Unless I'm a Catholic priest.

Then they just sternly talk to me and send me off to Bosnia. Because they can't figure that shit out. I like, too, the idea that because God created me, it's his penis. Wait, so it's God's penis in me? That's it? That's actually how the priests, that's actually how the priests sell it. Are God and I sword fighting the entire time? What's happening here? You having a pee contest? I like it. Like you're simply borrowing it for a while. So like when you go up to heaven, like you died, you go to heaven and god's like hey uh do you

remember my penis you're like oh yeah um i left that down on earth with my body because it was fucking attached to me yeah so god's like no i mean i needed that like i only had an infinite number i like that he sexualizes god too where he's just like God has a dick God is a man who has a giant dick and that's we're basically using part of his cock you know like he'll all we're all sort of like one facet

of his cock I guess each of us are a facet of his cock or something but it's like he's sexualizing God when you're like well isn't he all powerful wouldn't be above sex and sexuality no no no God's a fucking hornndog. Totally getting it on. Well, that's because the thing is, too, if you keep looking at it,

and he knew that his penis would need a home, and so then he created women, right? So, like, women were just a fucking afterthought because you need a place to put your fucking dick. Well, they are an afterthought in the Bible because you're just like, oh, fuck, messed up. Just give me one of those ribs, bro. Yeah, right. Oh, here. Hold on a second.

I need this. And then we'll create I don't know. Fucking. Here. A woman. Whatever. Just something a little. Woman. Who cares? It's like a present for Boxing Day. You're like, ah, here you go. It's like a white elephant gift. Well,

speaking of misogynist shit, now I took Leviticus 12, which is the chapter on menstruation and birthing for women, and I put together a Mad Leviticus. So why don't we play a little game? I love it. Give me two proper nouns. Chick-fil-A and the hamburger. I don't know if that's going to work, but who cares? All right. Nationality, plural.

Italians. An adjective. Heroin chic. All right. Noun and an adverb. Helicopter and gently. I don't know that either of those are possible. Number.

Pie. I. Pie. I like that. How about a noun? Guitar. Two past participles. Felched and belched. How about a present tense verb? Squawk.

How about a verb, then an adjective? Spit and burnt. Burnt? Burnt. That might actually be one of the things. How about a noun? A noun, seagull. Past participle.

Stomped. Three animals. Wildebeest, flamingo, velociraptor. All right, I need a liquid. Bong water. An animal. Naked mole rat. Two plural birds.

Dodos and emos. Noun and an adjective. Rubik's cube. Squishy. The Chick-fil-A said to Hamburglar, squishy. The Chick-fil-A said to Hamburglar, say to the Italians,

a woman who has become heroine chic and gives helicopter to a son will be gently unclean for pie days. Just as she is unclean during her monthly guitar. On the eighth day, the boy is to be felt. The woman must wait 33 days to be belched from her squawk. That's a thing. She must not spit anything burnt or go to the sanctuary until the end of her purification is over.

If she gives birth to a daughter, for two weeks the woman will be unclean. As during her seagull, she must wait 66 days to be stomped from her bleeding. When the days of her purification for her son or daughter are over, she is to bring to the priest to the entrance to the tent of meeting a year-old wildebeest for burnt offering and a young flamingo or velociraptor for a sin offering. He shall offer them to the Lord and make atonement for her and she will be ceremonially clean

from her flow of bong water. These are the regulations for the woman who gives birth to a boy or a girl. These are the regulations for the woman who gives birth to a boy or a girl. But if she cannot afford a naked mole rat, she is to bring two dodos or two young emus, one for the burnt offering and the other for the sin offering. In this way, the priest will make a Rubik's cube for her and she will be squishy. I like if she becomes heroin chic, she gives helicopter to a son gently.

I love that. That's fucking great. I like at the end where the priest is just like, here's a Rubik's cube, get squishy. Well, that wraps it up for this show. We are going to be putting a link, hopefully, I think it's this episode, to our Eventbrite thing that you can come to see us, come hang out with us on October 4th.

We forgot to mention last time, the entrance fee to get in is some sort of food good. Now, on the Eventbrite ticket, you'll see that it says, these are the things that are most needed by the Chicago Food Depository. We're going to put in a big box a bunch of stuff for the Chicago Food Depository. So bring a box of pasta or something like that with you. A couple things of mac and cheese. We'll throw

it all in a box and we're going to take it to the Chicago Food Depository directly afterwards. So we're going to try to make a little drive out of it. We're going to go try to volunteer during the day but you've got to be like fucking four months in advance in order to do that. And we were not nearly that fucking prepared. So that's're going to try to make a little drive out of it. We're going to go try to volunteer during the day, but you've got to be like fucking four months in advance in order to do that. And we were not nearly that fucking prepared. So that's not going to happen. But we wanted to make sure that we did a little something.

So we're going to try to give back a little bit to the community that day by doing a little food drive. And we're going to eat a little bit during the day and hang out and drink. So it's going to be a good time. So if you're interested, come hang out with us October 4th in Naperville. It's going to be a good time. So if you're interested, come hang out with us October 4th in Naperville. It's going to be a good time. And hopefully we'll be able to collect a little bit of food for the Chicago Food Depository. We also want to make sure that you take that long black cock challenge. And we don't mean just go out and get a fucking long black cock to fuck you. We're talking about putting the ringtone on your phone and taking that challenge or giving $10 to Kiva.

We're hoping that you guys take that up and give $10 to Kiva. It's not a lot of money. $10 is not a lot of money, but it can help somebody else from around the world, and it can make a difference. So we challenge you all, and we hope that you take up the challenge. and we hope that you take up the challenge. And if you do donate the $10 to Kiva, just make a note of it somewhere on our social medias just to kind of shame the rest of the listener into it because that's the whole fun of the whole challenge thing, right, is its ability to move, its ability to grow throughout social media.

So if you do it, you know, if you do the ringtone, take a fucking video of somebody calling you. No kidding, right? Because I don't believe anybody's going to do it. But if you donate $10, a good place to do it would either be a comment on this blog post or a comment on the Facebook page for this episode, maybe even a retweet on Twitter or something like that.

You could tweet it at us on Twitter. If you tweet it at us and say, hey, I donated to Kiva, we'll retweet it. So we'll let people know that people are actually doing it so people can see that you guys are doing it. And we hope that it gets a little bit of money for that. We're hoping we're going to be on Thomas' show, Thomas from Thomas and the Bible and Atheistically Speaking.

We're hoping we're going to be on Atheistically Speaking this week. It's our great hope to have Thomas on our show as well. So the next show, the next Monday show should have special guest Thomas from Thomas and the Bible and Atheistically Speaking. So look forward to that. But we are going to leave you as always, as we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures. Detox.

Reflex. Foot massage. Death in towers. Tarot cards. Psychic healing. Crystal balls. Bigfoot. Yeti.

Aliens. Churches. Mosques and synagogues. Temples. Dragons. Giant worms. Atlantis. Dolphins.

Truthers. Birthers. Witches. Wizards. Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers. Evangelists. Conspiracy. Doubleak stigmata,

nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local Dairy Council. Outro Music