Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 179: Big Trouble in Little Utah

Episode Date: September 25, 2014

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This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Do you want to get cognitive dissonance streamed to your iPhone or BlackBerry? If so, download Stitcher free today at stitcher.com. iPhone, or Blackberry? If so, download Stitcher free today at stitcher.com. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording from glory old studios in chicago this is cognitiveognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.

We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome at. This is episode 179. This is the post-1,000 reviews on iTunes. I feel like I needed a cigarette. Oh, Jesus. We're at 1,023. Our next goal, I think, Cecil, should be 2,000.

2,000. So we're only 970. You're close. You guys can get us, you guys can get us to 2000. I think you guys can. I wanted to mention one of the reviews and I know we get bothered and people get mad when we read negative reviews. I'm going to read a negative review. I just, I just kind of want to read it just because I feel like I want to, I want to make sure that other people hear it. Cause I, you know, the thing is,, the thing is, when people rate our show, when people go out of their way to rate our show,

they largely remain anonymous. Because, I mean, unless you're digging through the ratings like we do every third minute of the day, you're never going to get a chance to see sort of what somebody had written. Well, we wouldn't want a masterpiece to go without right you want to make sure that other people see it but we did get a negative review and i want to read it it's uh i've never been so offended by people that i agree with this is me 2-1a left this i agree with most of their precepts but the way they present them leaves me disappointed and

offended. They sound like smart 10-year-olds. You know what? Sure. I can't disagree with that. I'm a little flattered actually. Yeah, she went two grades higher than I would have, which is great, but I also wanted to, I kind of wanted to

mention, you know, this other review they did for Twilight, the movie book and movie go hand in hand, except this time the movie stays interesting. Five stars. Seldom does a movie capture the essence of a book. This one does a job well done. I read all the books and can't wait for the second movie. This is a first.

Clearly this is a troll account. Cause nobody liked the Twilight series. Nobody liked the Twilightilight series and nobody i haven't heard a single person say that it was better than the book i can't imagine that somebody who liked the twilight series then turned around is like you know i agree with most of the precepts from the cognitive dissonance program like really because you know i will say everyone we did review those we reviewed all of those movies. You know, the only way I think that somebody could say that the Twilight movies are better than the books is if they're flipping their pleasure button watching Edward there.

You know what I mean? Like, that's the only way I could imagine somebody would think that the movies are better. That the movies are better. You know, I guess maybe if somebody, you know, made some kind of deal with the devil and you're being like slowly roasted over a spit for either the amount of time it takes you to watch the movie or the amount of time it takes you to read the books, then the movies would clearly be superior to the books. But really what you're doing here is you're comparing the taste of shit. You know what I mean? Absolutely. But really, what you're doing here is you're comparing the taste of shit. You know what I mean? You're basically quibbling over corn. Yeah.

Okay. I prefer the corn over the peanut one. I like the mounds over the almonds, Joey. You know what I think, though, what might have happened, though, is very similar to what happened with the guy who was really like the Star Wars prequels. The exact same thing is like, you don't want me listening to you because you guys rated Twilight. So, yeah, we did rate Twilight.

So if you've never heard our rating at Twilight, you could go back and listen to it. DissonancePod.com. It's the everyone's a critic tab. And you could find the Twilight review in there. That was a god awful movie it was actually very unpleasant to watch i would rather watch uh high school musical three again oh god i forgot we watched that you know i gotta say we watched we watched some unbelievably amazingly shockingly bad films yeah we did oh god i'm glad we're done with that. We're moving on to stories.

It's actually more pleasant to talk about people being burned and whipped than it is to deal with someone who's beaten to lifelessness and this is preferable to the Twilight series. It's actually a better love story than Twilight. In the name of Jesus, we speak that It's actually a better love story than Twilight. I'm hooked on a feeling I'm high on believing

So this story comes from AmericansAgainstTheTeaParty.org A-A-T-P dot org Conservative Christian rewrites Harry Potter So her kids won't turn into witches Now Cecil you think that this is a bullshit It is a fake It's a fake

Yeah And Snopes has this as undetermined They basically said Bitches. Now, Cecil, you think that this is a bullshit. It is a fake. It's a fake. Yeah. And Snopes has this as undetermined. They basically said, hey, look, you know, clearly somebody wrote it. Like, thanks, Snopes. But, you know, whether or not they intended. That's like putting your hand on somebody's neck and being like, clearly there's still a lie. Right. Exactly.

Yeah. OK, great. But whether it's still a lot. Right, exactly. Yeah, okay, great. But whether the intention, so the whole thing revolves around whether the intention is true, whether it really is like a piece of Christian fan fiction rewriting, or whether it's just somebody with a lot of time in the basement. Yeah, it's somebody with a lot of time who's a troll. I mean, I think that's what it is. I want to read a couple of these lines that to me say that it's a fake. The first one is

answer the door, Harry, his aunt Petunia, a career woman barked from her armchair where she sat with her feet up. She had short, curly, blonde hair and never wore makeup. You know, and you might as well just call her Aunt Petunia Legbeard the pirate. You know what I mean? And the other thing I disagree with here where he says Uncle Vernon nodded and sleepishly from the kitchen and put a tray of moist

chocolatey brownies in the oven. You can't really judge the moistness of a brownie until it is finished with its cooking process. Like all batter is moist. You know what I mean? If it's not, you're just like, I forgot to add any liquids. I didn't add the liquids.

What the hell was I thinking? Somebody with a box just, like, pouring the powder. It's just the powder, and he threw it in the oven. I baked the powder. You lay the powder on the bottom, and you crack an egg on it and you threw it in the oven. I baked the powder. You lay the powder on the bottom and you crack an egg on it and just throw it in the oven. Well, I figure if the oven is set to clean, you know, eventually it'll get hot enough that it'll actually turn the solid into a liquid and then congeal back again. Here's another one on the porch was standing a huge muscular man with a big manly beard and he was dressed in plaid in a plaid red shirt blue jeans with sturdy leather boots

his chest was covered in a thick unruly carpet of coarse brown hair come on how does she know what his chest is covered he's wearing a shirt he's wearing a shirt but like the thing i mean nobody writes that it's the bounty man as their kid for their kid nobody writes that for their nobody says that yeah you know i can't even believe a christian says i know people were posting our page like i know christians like this okay well then show me their fucking manuscript yeah it's he i like i you know i like i like too that uh after uncle vernon who's clearly like been brow beaten by his career woman wife, you know, into into doing the woman's work. That's why he's putting the brownies in the kitchen, because Harry's thought in the next line is, shouldn't you be doing that? I know.

Yeah. Well, I don't know. I mean, somebody has to fucking make food like what is to make the brownie. I mean, for you to stuff in your fucking fat mouth, Harry. You un-fucking-grateful prick. I know. No shit. I love, too, that, like, the Hagrid character,

he wore a necklace that looked to Harry like a lowercase t. Just looking at Harry feel happy. That doesn't even make sense. Just looking at Harry feel happy, peaceful somehow, yet he couldn't say why. Oh, man, what is the tea? I'm in suspense, Cecil. What could the lowercase t actually be? It's an upside-down cross.

Clearly. And then in the second chapter, another part is, she says, Don't be silly, Harryry and petunia commanded and wrung her long bony hands come back inside and i will read to you about the evolution from the dawkins you don't need that and like nobody says the dawkins nobody says the dawkins like that there's a there's so many of these things that are, they clearly are just pushing the envelope a little too much. The Vold, there's one about Voldemort later on in like the fourth chapter. It says Voldemort doesn't care.

Her, is it Hermione? Hermione, yeah. Hermione remarked sadly, and she shook her head and he is gaining power. The freedom of Christians to practice our faith is disappearing by the day. Soon it will be like Rome. Lovely ladylike tears began to roll down her delicate, terrified face. And I don't like lions, she said. I love that line.

I love that line. Okay. Yeah. It's so funny because it's, I mean, it's obviously tapping into something like, it's it's it's so funny because it's I mean, it's obviously tapping into something like it. It's saying like this is the kind of schmaltzy bullshit that you would have to create if you were going to create this sort of, you know, hyper unrealistic Christian world. Right. Like this is sure this is actually kind of sympathetic to a world that, you know, some of these idiots have espoused. I particularly like that. Hermione character says, Hermione, why don't you show our newest student to the dormitory?

Dumbledore suggested wisely. I'd love to, daddy. Hermione replied obediently with an innocent girlish smile and got to her feet, smoothed out the skirt of her becoming pink frock. Should I clean the kitchen first? Yes. I mean, do you have to ask? The kitchen's already clean, but I don't want you to get out of practice. There's also another part here where they talk about how he he he bit into a thick juicy slice

of perfectly fried bacon oh yeah you're like like okay you know i mean i think that there's a lot of winks and nudges to the audience in this that's what it feels like to me it doesn't feel like somebody wrote this that really believed that they were writing something better for a child this is clearly a joke and i think this is a symptomatic of. Posts on the internet. You know what I mean. Like I just feel like. There is a whole section of.

And they might have even instituted this. Did they institute this? The Facebook was talking about putting a satire tag on. I don't know if. I don't think that's. I don't think so. Because I've seen Onion articles. And they didn't have a tag that I was aware of.

So but then there's also a whole subreddit dedicated to people who mistake the onion for real news. Right. And then they capture the comments. So clearly people on when they read things on the Internet, I think that they're automatically when I when when they read something from the other side, I think that they're automatically, when they read something from the other side, they automatically believe that the person, it is the very limit of their intelligence to press return on the keyboard. That they automatically assume the lowest common denominator has written something that doesn't agree perfectly with their values. And so they'll, they, this doesn't feel far-fetched to some people. And so they'll they they this doesn't feel far fetched to some people. I always approach this stuff with a a sort of and I don't want to say skepticism because that's the wrong word. Skepticism feels like it's it's a verifiable thing.

You're dubious. It doesn't feel like it's dubious. I am. I'm dubious. And I always approach this in a way where I'm like, I always assume everything's a joke on the internet until proven otherwise, because, because there's so many times that people get caught. Uh, I've seen it so many times and I, I'm, I'm just cynical about it at this point where I think everybody is trolling, everybody is joking. And then at a certain point, uh, you know, if they prove that they are this idiotic, then maybe I'll believe them but i i i

find it hard to believe this whole story yeah you know the thing is we talked about this a little bit before we recorded the the only thing that made me think because i mean it's just it's too perfect right like it all lines up too perfectly with all the talking points and it's just absolutely filled with such overt schmaltz. But it's so detailed. Like somebody, whoever put this together, I can see like being like, oh, wouldn't it be funny if we did this and you, you know, crap out a few paragraphs,

maybe even a page or two. But there's a lot of work, man, a lot of effort that went into, that went into just trolling like this. And I guess like, I'm flabbergasted that anybody would do that. But it got picked up. They win, right? Yeah.

They went to the trouble of trolling, and then it got covered by a bunch of people. And I think that whether or not I believe it, I guess, is I wonder if it matters. I wonder if that matters. Because wonder if that matters because I think that the only thing that matters, if I believe it or not, is that I have to then believe that somebody out there could think like this. I don't discount that someone could think like this, that someone could be so afraid of a children's book about wizardry that

they would go through the trouble to do this i don't think that that stretches my credulity um i think what what what stretches it for me is how perfect it is like you said right how it's how it sort of feels like a wink at the audience the entire time uh but when it comes right down to it, do I think that people out there exist that are like this? Yeah, man, they want to burn the books. I know. They want to take them out of libraries.

Like, that feels even less dangerous than somebody rewriting it. Because at least rewriting it, you're at least paying homage to it in some way. What makes you think she's a witch? Well, she turned me into a newt. A newt. I got better. Burn already!

So this story comes from io9.com. Woman beaten to death after being accused of witchcraft on facebook um so a woman uh i mean it is pretty much what it sounds like she was uh accused of uh witchcraft she had no criminal record she was just a housewife um and on facebook she was accused of being a kidnapper like that they she was like kidnapping kids or some nonsense and she was fucking attacked and beaten to death and the fucking video like they fucking filmed themselves beating her to death um which is just absolutely outrageous because evidently witches or something yeah i think you know i this it's interesting i watched a video today and this is sort of a little bit off topic but i watched a video today this woman who goes back to her

hometown in england and do you remember the douchebag we were talking about that muslim guy who was like on that one show where he was basically saying like fucking anybody who's not muslims going to hell and all that. He was on very recently. He's very well-spoken British guy. He's like running these marches over there where they're talking about send all the British police to hell. And everybody's dressed up. And this girl's walking alongside them being filmed and talking to some of the Muslims that are in it. And some of these women are like saying because this woman's in a dress.

And this dress comes down to her ankles right so she has a top on that's really not her breasts are not out in the open like it's not like a low-cut top it's a very modest dress big red dress she's in and they're like you know you look naked in that dress and they're like arguing with the woman and they're saying she's going to go to hell and stuff and at one point the woman starts to cry the woman's like really upset because they're saying that she's going to go to hell and stuff. And at one point the woman starts to cry. The woman's like really upset because they're saying that she's going to go to hell and she's going on and on. And I, I personally, like, I think that there's nothing to that. Like you could tell me I'm going to hell. I mean, that's like me telling you, I'm, you're going to go to the fucking land of misfit. It's just like, that's a fucking not a thing. So who cares? Tell me I'm going to hell

at fucking doesn't bother me at all. But what it does do is it permits people to treat you poorly. Right. Right. So it's not it's not just that you're saying I'm going to go to hell. It's saying that I don't have any worth here now and that if you were to sort of meet out some of God's judgment, God would be kind of cool with it. Like God would be OK. It's OK to on your side. Yeah.

It's OK to kill and right else. It's OK to hurt other people if they's okay to kill and right else it's okay to hurt other people if they're going to hell already you know what i mean and the same thing applies here right it you know she's a black black magician she's a wizard or witch or whatever and it's like okay well you know there was a missing person and that clearly you know this they're saying that she was been you know she's a kidnapper or something. So there might be some sort of vigilante-ism that's involved here. But, you know, what gets you to that next level of believing in something that may or may not be true is being open to that supernatural element. You know, and it's particularly upsetting because when the supernatural is thought to be real, you don't have another authority to appeal to.

You know, if somebody. That's true. If somebody thinks that it's a naturalistic or materialist cause for their their woe and their misery, you would appeal automatically. You would appeal very naturally to a naturalistic or material solution. naturally to a naturalistic or material solution but it's almost it's almost to the point where you can kind of understand like the frustration and the fear that people would feel if if they believe in a supernatural worldview and you think that your fucking child has been abducted by actual magic casting witches what the fuck are you supposed to do it's not you can call the cops like the fucking witch

I guess you could if you're in Saudi Arabia because they have those like magic police or whatever but you almost like there's there's like no level of of crazy big enough anymore at that point we lord we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus open hearts lord open hearts so the story's super strange this comes from the huffington post for the religious leader who has everything patriarch kirill head of the russian orthodox church receives a fighter jet uh because evidently a fighter jet is a useful thing to receive as a gift i just wonder how you wrap it you have to find a bag big enough and then you put all that fucking paper around it.

Yeah, because I was thinking that. Because I can't wrap. I cannot wrap a gift. No, no. I just simply cannot do it. So I buy bags. I don't care. If it's fucking too big to fit in a bag, I just point at it and be like, that's your thing now.

Sure, that's your thing. I got it for you. I'm the same way, dude. I can't. If it doesn't fit in a bag, it's not going to happen. What do you do with a fighter jet? I can't. If it doesn't fit in a bag, it's not going to happen.

What do you do with a fighter jet? And at what point are you looking on someone's Amazon wish list, trying to figure out what to pick up for them? Like, let's see, a new shirt. Oh, that looks good. But I really can't see them in that. Ooh, how about a SU-35 single-seater fighter jet? Honey, I'm either going to go with the fighter jet or the foreman grill.

What do you think? Oh, you know what? The fighter jet is Amazon'm either gonna go with the fighter jet or the foreman grill what do you what do you think oh you know what the fighter jet is amazon prime click i said that one you know what the wrapping thing i can't wrap my wife is amazing at it and i think she would be like if i said we need to wrap a fighter jet she'd be like challenge accepted and she was like fucking give it the old college try you know for somebody who everything, I think I would buy them a T for everything because they clearly misspelled everything in the title of this. It's everything. What is wrong with you people? It's fucking HuffPo religion.

Can't even spell everything. Well, and they say for the religion leader instead of religious leader. So it's just like for the religion leader who has everything. Fucking what did you do? Did you fucking dictate that to Siri? Is that how you fucking do your headlines? Edited by Miss Adams, third grade class. What?

I love that this, and there's a picture of this guy. He's in this white outfit. He's got, and you know, the thing is, is like, man, I would think that a guy would want a fighter jet if his hat looks like the holy hand grenade of Antioch. You know what I mean? Like, that's a guy you get a fighter jet for. You know, my question here is like, this is a single seater fighter jet. So I'm thinking like, man, the fucking learning curve on that fighter jet is fucking steep.

Maybe just pray over it. Oh, man. It'd be like the first time you went driving, somebody handed you like, yeah, okay, you've never been in a car before? No, I've never actually driven a car. Okay, great. So here's the keys to a fucking Indy 500 racer. Go. You're like, I'm going to die.

Here's the keys to Apollo 7. Go! You know, I can't even imagine this guy operating a fucking iPad, let alone a fucking fighter jet. Plus, you know, the other problem it poses is for his neighbors because it's an awful difficult thing to keep up with

the Joneses when they pull in with that brand new fighter jet. They're very casually washing it in their driveway like, oh, hey, with the Joneses when they pull in with that brand new fighter jet. Let me tell you. They're very casually washing it in their driveway like, oh, hey, just washing the old fighter jet. We're going to take it for a spin later, want to come with? Well, you can't because it's a single-seater SU-35. Guess it's just up for me again.

Hey, anything you need blown up, it is a fighter jet. Want to contact the guys? Go to dissonancepod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod. Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of cognitive

dissonance on a per episode basis if you can't spare any money take a second to give us a five star review on itunes or stitcher or spread the word about the show we want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us you fucking rock so this story comes from the Friendly Atheist blog. Whoa, so strange. Sufi holy man is arrested for killing volunteer he failed to bring back to life during promised miracle. Pakistan's Express Tribune reports that in a town I'm not going to pronounce, a Sufi master. Come on. All right, I'll give it a whirl.

You ready? I'm ready. Mubarakabad. Oh, you nailed it. I think I killed it. I think I added an extra babad in there, though. I think it's Mubarakabad. Mubarakabad.

It's porn jab. It's some porn jab. A Sufi master named Mohammed Sabir was so convinced that he could perform miracles, he asked for a volunteer he could murder. And then he murdered him. And, like, this just sounds to me like the absolutely worst, like, Randy challenge ever. No kidding, right? You know, like, you're up on stage at TAM, and it's a lot of pressure, you know, and you just murdered somebody on stage.

Just give me a few minutes to bring him back. Hold on a minute. Hold on a minute. Now, that was the easy part. That was easy, but it's this bringing him back to life takes time. I don't know how much time. If anyone needs me, I'll be running very fast because that was the next thing he did is he just ran away. Let me just read a little bit here.

On Wednesday, the person was placed on a table in a square and had his hands and legs bound. A police spokesman said that this Sufi guy, is it a Sufi? Is that what they're? Sunni? Sufi. Yeah, he's a Sufi. Sufi guy. Not a souffle.

That's not the same. No, different guy. Yeah. They do deflate, though. And similar to this guy, when certain things get let out of you. So it's like a police spokesman said that this guy sliced his throat as people looked on. Meanwhile, an anonymous caller informed the police about the quote unquote miracle. I love that.

I like that, too. by the time the police reached the scene this dude died and the witnesses uh said that he uttered some words to bring him back to life then they they when they realized his miracle had not worked he tried to flee and he was attained by villagers and handed over to the police so he he's, I mean, he fucking, he fucking opened this dude's throat up. I know. That's fucking gross as shit, man. This guy who got murdered on stage got murdered because of his belief in this supernatural garbage. And like the guy is a married man.

Like the guy is a married man. He had children. He was a daily wage worker and fucking six kids to take care of. He went out of his way to find a married man. He had children. He was a daily wage worker. He had fucking six kids to take care of. He went out of his way to find a married guy, though. With children. Yeah. Yeah, so he could like, I want to make widows and orphans today.

That's what I'd like to do. Widows and orphans. This is a guy, though, that believes his own stuff. Because nobody kills another human being without belief. You know, this guy really does believe that he could bring something back. But do you mind, can't he just do it on like a gopher or something? Right, like can't he just test it out like a little smaller, like step on a cockroach? And then, because the thing is, I'd be fucking super impressed.

Like I wouldn't be less impressed, to be honest with you. Like if you fucking pulled a rabbit out of a hat and then punched it until it died and then we're like and then the rabbit was like sup i'm all good i think that would be fucking amazing unbelievably cruel and unnecessary but still amazing but like the fact that he's like uh-uh no i need a married man with like a hundred kids i want somebody who's a daily wage worker so that he's fucking got nothing for his family to fall back on. I want to create the biggest possible tragedy. The thing is, like, I wouldn't do that, Cecil, even if it wasn't involving the supernatural.

Like, I wouldn't just be like, hey, I'm going to do this thing that kind of is a gamble with your life, but I'm really pretty sure it's going to work. But I want to make sure I find somebody where if it doesn't work, it fucks their world up as bad as possible. Like, who do we have in the audience? Seriously, though, you're murdering someone. Whose life is it going to be fucking fucked up outside of that? You know what I mean?

Like, it doesn't matter if this guy had fucking 400 kids or if he was a bachelor. You know what I mean? Like, it's still fucking ruined. You killed a person. You did. So you ruined somebody's life. And you can't discriminate.

The government can't say you're a good religion, you're a bad religion. No, Alan, do you know what the difference is here? Please educate me. Is that satanists... Let me sit at your feet and learn. The satanists are anti-Christian. That's how this whole movement started with the satanists. Who decides what religion is okay and what religion is not?

So if someone were out there being anti-Semitic and they had a religion and they called it whatever and they wanted to put their statue. Yeah, it's got to go. Then either you have all religions or none. No, no, because it's against another religion. So this story is very strange. It comes from the Raw story. Fox News priest demands government ban Satanic masses in the name of free speech. Because we do a lot of banning of masses in the name of free speech because we do a lot of banning of things in the name of free speech that's always what i evoke when i'm banning something

i'm always like wait a minute wait a minute in the name of free speech i ban the first amendment baby we're gonna listen to part of it uh we're gonna listen to this guy talking he's responding when you listen. He's going to be responding to a guy who basically just said they he's the high priest of the Satan cult or whatever, basically says something to the effect of, hey, they preach against my God every week in the pulpit. So I'm going to preach against their God in the middle of this public civic center. in the pulpit so i'm going to preach against their god in the middle of this public civic center this is from fox news and uh and we're going to play pretty much just this guy talking this uh this father john morris talking and the city says that they can't stop them that that they've had legal problems in the past that have cost them a lot of money so they're going to let them do it

well first of all i feel bad for that gentleman and for anybody who would participate in it i mean i really feel bad i mean you get yourself into something that is first of all satanic that is supernatural wow supernatural we wouldn't want the supernatural invading our religion right the guy dressed like the guy i mean he's basically wearing the same outfit the guy from the exorcist war right you know he's got the fucking collar on the guy. I mean, he's basically wearing the same outfit the guy from the Exorcist wore. Right. You know, he's got the fucking collar on, the black shirt. I mean, you look at the guy's costume and you're like, wait a minute, wait a minute. Listen, Captain Halloween, are you fucking serious about this?

I always wonder why they choose like all that black because, you know, you don't even need a black light to see the semen. The dry cleaning bill alone. I know. Goodness gracious. You're gonna wash it out with cold water. Okay. They believe it. As soon as you connect yourself with evil,

evil stuff happens. I feel very bad for him now. Do they have a right to do it? Yes. They have a political right to do it. Does the civic center, does the city have also responsibility to defend the, the good governance of its people? Yes. And I think they have to think through this very well. Anybody who walks into a,

for example, a crowded theater and yells fire, do they have a right to do it? Yes. Free speech? No. Why? Because you're inciting violence. When you have a group that does this, not just because they want to do their own little worship, but they are provoking anger and hatred among the community, the city can step in and say, you know what? That's not worship. That's not free speech. That's mockery. And you're inciting violence. None of that is true.

What does it have to do? What is holding a religious ceremony and yelling fire in a crowded theater? What the fuck does that have to do with each other? First of all, you're allowed to yell fire in a crowded theater, what the fuck does that have to do with each other? First of all, you're allowed to yell fire in a crowded theater if the theater's on fire. So it is important that you actually,

that's the example that you're going to use. It is important that you actually use it right. So it is perfectly okay to yell fire in a crowded theater. It would not be allowed to yell fire in a crowded theater that was not on fire. The second half of that sentence is the key to that fucking whole example. Right. And if you omit it, it ceases to become meaningful because you've omitted context. Anyway, that shit always makes me crazy.

It's like Schrodinger's fire. Right. It's like fire. Oh, wow. Look at that. Well, 50 percent chance of that happening. And then but then like later when he's like, yeah, but, you know, they're provoking anger and hatred among the community. And the city can step in and say, you know, that's not free speech.

No, that's not true. The Supreme Court has upheld time and time again the right for groups like the KKK to march. The right for groups like the KKK to march, that is as extreme of a anger-provoking hate speech as possible. Westboro Baptist Church, their rights have been upheld time and time again in court. They have rights to do this. So it's not the same thing as yelling fire in a crowded theater when the theater is not on fire, because you're not creating an imminent danger or concern. People have the right to unpopular ideas. Wakefield is not just any researcher. His 1998 study on autism and childhood vaccines literally changed the way many parents think about vaccines. The study was based on just 12 children. That's right, 12 children. But many parents desperate for answers around the world

embraced Wakefield's claim that he'd found a link between autism and the vaccine for measles, mumps, and rubella. This story comes from Right Wing Watch. Glenn Beck literally stands up and applauds parents who are refusing to have their children vaccinated. Well, I'm glad that Glenn Beck has finally weighed in with all of his medical expertise you know i i just want to play what he has to say this is from glenn beck's show

um i guess that they have this weird like if you watch this um they're all sitting around and they're not in the fucking suits or anything and it doesn't look like it's a show where you know because they normally have the fucking boom mics in everybody's face. You know how it is like on it. It's not like that. This this clip is totally different. This clip looks like it's pre-show warm up. So it's almost like it's almost like watching training camp, but for idiots.

So these guys are all just sitting around and like Glenn Beck's got on like a sweater with like a fucking punisher logo on it or whatever and they're just hanging out there uh talking about this stuff the clapping you hear like tom said earlier is going to be glenn beck this is from his goofy show i found this phenomenal wealthy la schools the wealthiest beverly hills areas now have vaccination rates that are as low as south sudan we We talked about this last week. Because the parents there are opting out of vaccinating their children because it's not natural. It could, you know, they fear autism. They fear eczema. There he is.

But they're having a big uptick in whooping cough and all these diseases. I'm torn. Why are you oponing? I'm torn. Halfway, just to piss you off. I'm torn. Why are you oponing? I'm torn. Halfway, just to piss you off. The other half is, I think that there is a lot to be said for this vaccination crap. It is, it is. I have no idea.

Sorry, go ahead. You don't believe in vaccinating? No, I didn't say that. Okay. I said I think there's a lot to be said for... Saving lives? Being cautious? didn't say that okay i said i think there's a lot to be said for um saving lives being cautious being cautious on what we're jamming into our children's arms by law all the time right okay i mean i got it we eradicated smallpox we got it but there's a lot of stuff i gave my kids

the vaccination but there's a lot of stuff that we're now, we don't know what we're dealing with. I mean, doctors are so arrogant, and I speak with a little bit of experience here. They will pump you full of stuff and say, oh, no. When a lot of times the GMO, the food, the poisons in our own food, just to keep it all, hey, it's fresh, it's new, used by 2017. It looks beautiful. It looks great. All of that stuff, plus all of the medication.

Whenever you put medication in your body, there is an equal and opposite. Wait, what the fuck does that even mean? Yeah. How many things did he bring up all at once? All wrong. Everything he said was wrong. Oh, I love it. And it's awesome, too, because they animate on here. When he says GMO, he has his hand out. They put GMO in there and then they animate medication in the other hand. And he's sort of moving his hand and they've they've clumsily sort of tagged it to his hands so when he's moving it's moving with him that is i mean that's just it's just utterly insane like to to even begin tackling this fucking garbage like when he's like you know and the first thing you got to start with is his

is his refusal or his his pushback against the idea that vaccinations are a law. And you could tell that by the way he brought it by, you know, the jamming into our kids by law. And it's like, well, yeah, man, because you need to get everybody doing it in order to get the herd immunity effect to work. Like that's just that's called public health policy. And that's perfectly reasonable. Public health policies exist. There's lots of laws that that's called public health policy. And that's perfectly reasonable. Public health policies exist. There's lots of laws that are part of public health policy. If grandma dies, you can't fucking bury her

in the backyard. You know? There's like public health policies about how we dispose of dead bodies. I can't fill a squirt gun with my own blood and shoot it at people on the fucking subway. Right. You know what I mean? Like fucking that's not a thing I'm allowed to do there's lots of laws like that there's tons of laws like that and then just to conflate it like just be like yeah and it's like the use by dates

it's like motherfucker don't you understand that like the world and the food that we eat is safer and and like people get less fucking sick now from fucking food poisoning and food borne illnesses than they ever have. Like go virtually like any third world country. Like I'll take the fucking use by date on my food that tells me when my food is going to be safe and fresh for me to eat versus like trichinosis, which you don't have to deal with anymore. Or having to eat fucking grubs or something. Like, oh, hey, what is this food good through not at all it's not ever good and what's the like you put medication in your body and you have an equal and opposite reaction to it yeah what does that even mean it's like newton's laws of medications i'm not a fucking like burgeoning star you know i'm not fucking creating thermal fucking reactions and, you know, like fucking thermonuclear reactions in my body.

It's almost like the the homeopathy shit, right? Like, like begets like or what have you. You know, it's like you take a medic, like you take a sleeping pill and like it makes you as an equal and opposite reaction. And so it makes you awake. Fuck, the sleeping pill didn't work. I don't know how that works. This is all that fucking anti-government bullshit though. I mean, I

understand and I'm sympathetic to views of governments being too powerful and people in power being too powerful and regulations being, you know, something that, you know, maybe we don't need and that might be filling someone's pockets and yada, yada, yada. I'm all about that. I recognize that there are some arguments that people make. I don't

normally believe them because they normally have to do with a lot of conspiracies, but I understand the skepticism people have of government. And I think that, you know, that's a healthy skepticism that everyone should sort of have. But when you're talking about provable, testable cases where there used to be, you know, thousands of deaths from measles every year, there used to be 500,000 cases of measles in the United States. And now it's down to like the hundreds. thousand cases of measles in the United States. And now it's down to like the hundreds. And it's only dumb fucks who don't fucking vaccinate their kids or people that can't. And you're just like, what other fucking evidence do you want? And then to be like, you know, what they're basically saying is they're saying like, well, our kids, you know, we don't want to put our kids at risk. And you look, you're just like, you just look at all the kids. Like I ran into, you know, we don't want to put our kids at risk. And you look, you're just like, you just look at all the kids.

Like I run into, you know, tons of kids and none of them are all fucked up. It's not like they're fucking growing a fucking fourth arm out of their back. You know what I mean? Fucking normal kids. Right. None of the fucking evidence has come forward. You know, you're not quoting one study. You're not quoting anything.

You're just, all it is is just fear. Well, if you have fear and nothing to back it up, well, then why the fuck are people even listening to you? The reason is that you're able to stir their emotions without stirring their intellect. Oh, that's exactly true, man, because his whole thing was just, he was just naming stuff, you know?

He's like, and he says things that are just blatantly untrue, like, we don't, you know, we don't know what's in those things. We don't know. We're just jamming them in's in those things. You know, we don't know. We're just jamming them in the kids' arms. And how arrogant doctors are. Right. You know, that's the other thing.

Like, all these doctors and their arrogance. And, like, you know, you say that and people, a lot of people would nod their heads. Like, yeah, I've encountered an arrogant doctor before. Forgetting the time they encountered, you know, an arrogant cashier. Sure. You know? Because there's, you know, there's part of that fear of intellectualism, like because people are very uncomfortable with this idea

that maybe not all of us are the same level of intelligence and maybe not all of us have the same, because that's kind of, I will say, like that kind of is at odds with the American ethos, right? Part of the American ethos is built on the honestly false notion that what I can do, everyone can do, and that we all have the same chances, and we all have the same opportunities. But, you know, the reality is some of us are smarter than other people, and other people are smarter than us, and some are stronger, and some are bigger,

and taller, and faster, and that's just part of being part of the diversity of human life. But, but there's this pushback against intellectualism that, that seeks to, to sort of circumvent that, um, and say like, well, you know, those fucking arrogant doctors just pushing needles into kids' arms and not knowing what's in it. Like, really, really? Do you honestly think that anybody's just like, hey, what's in that vaccine? I don't know. We didn't fucking check. Stick it in a kid. Like, no one's doing that. Yeah, and, you know, what they also don't understand

and what they also don't, they constantly misunderstand, I think, is that as time goes on, we get more and more treatments for more and more stuff, right? There's more and more research being done on every little thing, right? There's, you know, there was no flu shot when I was a little kid, at least I don't remember it. Okay. But there's flu shots. Now there's things that I can go to take that are, you know, there's, there's a myriad group of painkillers that I can take that are different types of painkillers for different types of pain. And, you know, I mean, medicine just keeps on advancing, advancing. And when he's like,

oh, it's all the stuff that they, that they're sticking in you and the doctors, they just don't, you know, when I was a kid, you know, his mentality is like, when I was a kid, there just wasn't all this medication. And it's like, that's not a bad thing. Right. You know what I mean? People mistake that for it being a bad thing. They're just like, oh, all doctors do is just prescribe something for you and they just throw you out. You know, there's more medications now. There's more drugs now. There's more things that we can do to combat the ailments that affect the human body. So why not use them? But instead, it's just there's this there's this weird fallacy and i don't even know what it is but there's this weird fallacy that people sort of get in the rut of

oh well the doctors they just fucking throw medication at you nowadays and it's like well they're not taking into the account that you know medication is constantly being created different new types well and what did you go to the doctor for if not for a fucking medicine you know like that makes i hear that all the time. Like, oh, doctors just want to give you a pill. What else is in their fucking toolbox? It's like surgery and medicine. That's how medicine works.

Like, it's not like they're going to heal you with fucking good times and a hug. Like, what are you going to go to the doctor for? Like, seriously, what do you expect a doctor to do other than to say, I have a medicine you can take which might help, or I have a surgery. Like, it's, I guess, physical therapy. But you know what I mean?

Like, there's, things fall into just a couple of general categories, and medicine is like the biggest fucking category. What do you like, I was sick and I went to the doctor and he just pumped me full of pills. Well, how you feeling now? Better. Stupid doctor. Alright, there's a little more of this. We want to finish it up. It happens. I mean, it's you're putting it in to fix this

organ or to fix this flaw. It's going to push something else out of the way. In modern medicine, we don't even think that. Okay. I get your point completely but then you have outbreaks of contagious diseases and kids dying. I know. And it seems like we have an outbreak of Ebola.

I mean, disease is going to come. I am not saying that we don't use modern medicine. I am not saying that I'm against all vaccinations. don't use modern medicine. I'm not saying that I'm against all vaccinations. I'm saying that we consider the arrogance of doctors and governments jamming needles in our arms and our children's arms and forcing us to do these things. We're making super bugs because we didn't. We are so arrogant that we control. We're masters of the universe no we're not there's a balance in all things it's not don't ever have your kids vaccinated and it's not vaccinate them for everything it's neither of those answers what is it i don't know balance

wait i thought you didn't know well it's balance's balance. What you have to do is you have to decide, Cecil, how much diseases weigh. And then you put them on a scale. What you have to do is you just have to sit down with your wife, Tom, and list the pros and cons of each disease. And then make a decision based on that. You'd be like, okay, so let's say Finney gets the measles. Pros are... Let's see. uh wait i'm still trying to hold on a minute hold on a minute wait wait wait and then let's say let's say finney gets

the let's say finney gets the chicken pox pros are he may get scarred oh that's not a pro hold on that's that's a con um pros are he gets a wild fever that may make him kind of crazed no that's not a pro no i don't like that yeah he itches for several days at a time and is very uncommon that's still open sores are open sores open sores don't sound like a pro wait wait wait hold on what if i don't love my child balance glenn back what's the fucking balance like Like, I mean, really, you know, he's basically like, oh, well, some of the things need fucking vaccinations. I'm not saying never vaccinate your kid, but I'm also not saying vaccinate your kid. Yeah. Balance, dude.

You know, that balance. Fucking idiot. Yeah, bro. Balance. Balance. Balance. Like, he's the kind of guy that I want to do that to, that I just want to mock with sounds. I just want to be like.

Fucking idiot. I hate that balance shit too, man. Because that's that spiritual hippie dippy shit that doesn't mean anything when you break it. When you actually ask somebody like, well, how would you put that into practice like i don't know man i just feel like they gotta say man after they i don't know man man just gotta balance i just i just feel like there's so much energy in this room okay all right great let me tell you every time jim morrison ever spoke i wanted to punch him in the throat i really fucking i mean you know and that's the like what glenn beck is doing is he's created a character that is completely anti-government

that is completely um you know and and being anti-government i I think 100%, as much as he is, automatically makes you a conspiracy crazy person. You automatically are in that camp when you're 100% anti-government because you always think the government is somehow conspiring against you in major ways. And so you have to be a conspiracy theorist to be 100 anti-government i don't think that i mean unless somebody else can think of some way in which those fucking venn diagrams do not meet but i seriously i can't imagine anyone you know and glenn beck really does feel very conspiratorial throughout the whole thing where he's just like he's talking about where does Ebola. He's just like, yeah, we need a vaccine for Ebola. Where did that come from?

Yeah, well, he just throws it out there. Like the woman makes like a point like, well, what about people getting sick? And he's like, well, it seems like we have an outbreak of Ebola. And I just want to be like, yeah, if there was a fucking vaccine against it, we wouldn't have an outbreak of Ebola. Have an outbreak. I mean, it's so simple. And, you know, what they're going to try to do probably is work on a fucking Ebola vaccine.

Right. Like, that's because that's like the fucking next step when you have this shit happen, you know? And it's like, but you're right. He goes back to, like, the arrogance of doctors and governments. Like, it's fucking, it's the big pharma, the big medicine, the big government. It's, this is his appeal to the fucking little guy like that's all he's doing is pandering to the fucking base of listeners and fucking viewers on his program that's all it is he's not trying to say

anything true i've never met you know it's so funny because i i've been to many doctors and belonging to an hmo you get a choice of to an HMO, you get a choice of doctors. And the reason why you get a choice of doctors is because the one you want to see is always too fucking busy to see you. So you've got, especially on my HMO, I'm like in the middle of Chicago. So like when I want to see the doctor that I want to see, it's a three-week-out appointment. So it's like I always say, well, just give me the person who has the soonest appointment

because in three weeks, I'm going to be healed. I'd like to be healed sooner than three weeks. Is that a possibility? So almost always I see, I've seen like four or five doctors already, and I've only belonged to this metal group for about a year. So, you know, I see tons of doctors. Never once heard any of them or felt even remotely suspicious of them in regards to sort of the, the drugs that they're giving me. Like, like

they're never, they never feel like they're pushing the drugs on me. They're always kind of just like, well, I can give you some of this ibuprofen. They're never like, you know, you should really take this ibuprofen and you should make sure you get it. I'm going to fill it up for you multiple times. We want to make sure that you keep on getting it because they're getting like 20 bucks a pill or something. Right. It's always just like, well, you know, I'm going to I'm going to I can prescribe some of this, maybe an anti-inflammatory. Is that something you know, they're almost always doing that.

Like there's never a moment where I feel like the doctor's trying to play me. You know, I talk to my doctor and he's like, I can send you to a chiropractor if you want for your back. that like there's never a moment where i feel like the doctor's trying to play me you know i talked to my doctor and he's like i can send you to a chiropractor if you want for your back he's and he and he kind of looks at me like and i said i don't really believe in the efficacy of chiropractors like that's fine you know do you want to go to physical therapy you know he's almost always asking me what i wanted right it's never the other way. It's never this, you know, draconian. I walk in and the doctor's like in a fucking SS uniform and he's like, you do what I say. You know, it's never that. It's always this sort of, you know, it's I just don't experience. I just never experience what these doctors, these crazy I'm going to keep on running up a tab on you doctors.

Hey, but have you ever experienced that? No, man, I've never. You know, we've had our share in our family. We've had our share of run-ins with a host of doctors, man. No, nothing even remotely close to that has ever happened. In fact, I would say the vast majority of the doctors that we've gone to, especially in the last several years, like my wife's had the two back surgeries. She's had two children.

Neither one of the pregnancies went well. And I will say that like the vast majority of them went out of their way to find medications and alternatives that would be generic, that would be, you know, cost affordable. Like they take your financial situation into account and try to put you in a position where you can continue treatment because there's a recognition by doctors who like

generally are decent human beings that want to help you, that if they prescribe something you can't afford, you're not going to take it and continue moving forward with the fucking treatment. So it doesn't even make sense for them from a treatment angle to be like, hey, you can't afford this. It's, you know, 150 bucks a month. You should get it. Like they don't do that. Nobody's ever done that to me. Clearly, there's examples of doctors trying to make money and probably companies trying to make money and overbilling and all that stuff that happens. I'm sure it happens. You know, I'm sure it's probably pretty rampant that there's a lot of different overbilling things that happen and how much it costs for certain things because HMOs are covering it. The prices are all blown up for people who are going to pay for it out of pocket.

I know that there's a lot of disparity in medical billing, but I don't think that – the thing I don't put on it is one purpose behind it. You know what I mean? Like, it feels like it's all this sort of individual fuck-nuttery, but it's not like this overarching, like, fucking six guys in a boardroom eating stale bagels. Like, how can I, how can, there's no collusion, you know? Yeah, you know, my experience has been that the doctors themselves, like, it kind of makes me crazy that doctors have to even think about how much shit costs. You know, like, if a doctor prescribes a medicine, they don't get money from that medicine they prescribed you.

Like, if a doctor prescribes a medicine, you go buy the medicine at Walgreens. You didn't buy the medicine from the doctor. You filled your prescription at Walgreens. Walgreens doesn't send your doctor a check for that medicine. Walgreens sells the medicine. That's how they make their money. That's why their pharmacy is profitable. Like the doctor sees you and they get paid for the office visit.

You know, I'm thinking of like when Colleen was pregnant with the first with, with Finnegan and she had that fucking hyperemesis and it was awful. And there was a medicine, there was an anti-nausea medicine that was not generic. It was not available generic. And it cost way more money than I could afford to pay for the medicine. I had to get the insurance to pick it up. And it was so expensive. The insurance would only give me a four day supply at a time. So I had to go back every four days and try to get them to refill the prescription. And if it ran out,

that's why we ended up in the hospital so many times with Finn is because we couldn't refill the prescription fast enough. And like you kind of go into this cycle, like this nausea cycle, it was bad. So, but now like with the second kid, seven years later, that medication was generic and we'd go get a 90 day supply. It costs nothing. And, you know, the pregnancy, like her experience, the pregnancy was vastly better the second time. And that was a financial rather than a medical reality. You know, the second time I could just go get the medicine. She could take it when she needed it.

She never went into that cycle of nausea, and it was vastly better control. She didn't have to have the fucking IV and the home nursing care and all that shit. But, like, the doctors don't get paid more for prescribing a fucking expensive medicine. The pharmacy fills the medicine. You want answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! So this story comes from The Guardian. Wow. Polygamist women dressed like ninjas attack home of witness in Utah sex assault case. This is the best story we've ever done. I wholeheartedly agree.

Police say two women in West Jordan ages 18 and 21 violently attacked one of the adult males in the house. They're now in custody. Even better is the two ninjas were subdued by a sword-wielding man. So they were dressed like ninjas but evidently not armed like ninjas. But then there was a guy who was not dressed like a ninja but was armed like a ninja. Even better, there's a line in this where the guy says, they're all related. And you've got to wonder, the family reunion must be like a scene from Big Trouble in Little China. It's like, oh, hey, that over there, that's just Uncle Raiden.

He always tries to shock people. Don't worry about him. It's fine. It's fine. It's just lightning crackling from his fingertips. I just fucking love this. Like the two women were clad in ninja costumes. They were armed with knives and stun guns.

Yeah. And they forced their way in. And the family believes that they were there to abduct a 15-year-old girl. They were fucking driven out by a dude with a sword. My first thought is like, who has a sword? Like a real honest-to- to goodness sword in their house. And who's like, fuck ninjas. I knew this day was coming. They called me crazy when I bought this sword at the flea market.

But now who's laughing? Oh, man. I wonder when Jackie Chan's going to stop doing his own stunts. You know? Fucking most violent sister wives ever. I know. And the worst part. Yeah.

Well, the worst part is, is that they got caught. Right. And you know that they spent a good portion of their childhood studying like a Kung Fu monastery in Tibet. You know, and you know, now they've got to go back to their sensei or their master, shame face. Sorry, we failed. We didn't kill them with the stun guns and knives

and the ninja outfits you gave us to travel back to the States and kill them. What the fuck? I like the idea, too, that they show up. There had to be a moment, right? There had to idea, too, that, like, they show up. There had to be a moment, right?

There had to be a moment, Cecil. No, hold on. Let me stop you there. There had to be a lot of moments. I know, man. It's a pinpoint just one. Seems like you're not doing your job right. But, like, really, like, there had to be a moment where this guy did not have his sword. Right?

And then he was, like, because he's, like, fucking, he's, like, at home. He's, like, eating Captain Crunch or whatever in his boxers, like, hanging out, doing whatever. And then he's, like, like, the doorbell rings, and he's, like, who is it? Like, ninjas. He's, like, come on. Like, springs into action. Then they're, like, not just any ninjas, sister-wife ninjas. Like, this would be the greatest reality television program ever.

Sister wife ninjas. I'd fucking watch the goddamn shit. I would quit my job to stay at home and just watch this show. I would watch. I would TiVo this and the bounty hunters on the sea that go out at the guys that stop pirates. I would watch if they did one of those and then the sister wife ninjas.

My DVR would just be full. It would just explode with joy. I would put on there, I'd be like, repeats are fine. You could put the, because I'm not going to watch the repeat again. I'm going to keep watching it. Is there ever going to be a moment where you're like, these polygamous ninja women seen it i wonder what kind of sword it was like it almost has to be like an asian

sword of some sort like it can't it's got to be like a katana or wakasashi or something it's got to be something there's no way it's like a fucking Claymore. I don't believe it. I can't believe it. There's no way we're mixing cultures like that here. I kind of hope it was a clash of cultures. I hope this was like old school UFC. You know where it's like who wins in a fight. One guy with a one boxing glove on

wearing a ring. It's like who would win in a fight? Two polygamous ninja women armed only with stun guns and knives. Or a medieval knight. It's like that crazy-ass show that they had. Like that fucking fight science show. It was some weird show where they would have a Viking fight, a ninja.

Oh, yeah, I remember that show. That show was really weird. They just basically get guys who know how to swing certain types of swords to hit big tubs of jello. Right. That's really all they do. Pigs. I remember them. They'd have a pig and somebody would be like, this pig is a perfect human analog.

And they'd just fucking hack the shit out of it. I'm like, pig is a perfect human analog. You're wasting so much meat. Only if you're talking about Glenn Beck. That's the only way the pig is perfectly human. Well, it struck me as true because a feral hog can weigh upwards of 900 pounds. And I'm pushing that these days. Yeah, yeah.

You could probably eat a feral hog in one sitting. Who's to say I haven't? I'm just surprised that there was no, like, there was no projectile weapons, right? Like, nobody brought any throwing stars in. Nobody had any throwing knives or, like, this guy didn't happen to have a claymore and a crossbow. Right. You know? Well, and, you know, like, it gets so strange because it says,

one of the men who subdued the women was interviewed by the local news station. I went to the bottom of the stairs and I saw a couple of ninjas coming down. Let me tell you something. I would fill my pants if someone was dressed like a ninja. Holy shit. I think I would just have a begrudging admiration that they sent ninjas after me. Begrudging admiration. You'd be like, man, I didn't know I was worth ninjas.

I thought I was maybe worth like a, I don't know, like an angry chihuahua or something, but certainly not a ninja. I'm more of like a cat burglar kind of guy. Like, they sent fucking ninjas. They could have sent like a guy, like a fucking two crackheads, and they would have done the same thing. No problem. And then, like, the cop who's in charge says I've never seen anything like this in my career.

This is a career making case though. I mean really. And you kind of hope he hasn't seen anything like this. It would be a little disconcerting if he's like another day another polygamous ninja attack.

It must be polygamous ninja Wednesday. Oh, man. And I got to say, Cecil, like, I know you read the line already when Adam says they're all related, but I will admit that when I read that, I thought he said they're all retarded. I just picture this sort of world-weary investigator like, they're all retarded. You just can't even be like even remotely kind anymore, like politically correct. When asked for a statement, Captain Adams said, they're all retarded. Back to you, Bob. The thing is, if they're related, the moment I see, if I walked into my house and I saw a figure that was in a ninja outfit,

and I was in my house and it looked like it and it had the same shape as Sarah, I would be like, Sarah, get out of the ninja outfit. I'd be like, stay in the ninja outfit. No, that's like having sex with a Muslim. Like, I don't know, it's not a thing. But like, I would be like, get out of the ninja outfit. Like, if you're related, you know, wouldn't you think that you would know? Unless they're like kissing, okay, they are kissing cousins. Okay, all right, fair enough.

And wouldn't they know this guy's armed with a sword? Yeah, you would think you would case the joint already. It's like, wait a minute, you're ninjas. Can't you just break in and steal his sword first? You know, maybe they had a plan. They're just like, okay, we've got to make sure that Joe Bob doesn't run back upstairs. Because if he does, he'll have access to his biometric scanner fucking sword case, He'll have access to his biometric scanner fucking sword case, and he'll be able to touch it very quickly and pull out his fucking 18th century long sword and fucking swing it at us. Don't let him get in the panic room full of swords. Oh, fuck.

He's in the panic room full of swords. Comes down with like a spear on his back, like a javelin, a sword and shield, and a pair of nunchucks. It would be, it just got, like, everything. And a fucking Captain America shield. He's just bristling with fucking medieval weaponry. He comes out with his shirt off and a trident, and he's like, who dares to serve Poseidon? Oh, it'd be awesome. It'd be great if he came out with a trident and a net, wouldn't it?

Like gladiators? Like fucking old-timey gladiator shit. That'd be great. He has like fucking one arm armored and the rest of them is fucking bearskin. The police show up and they're like circling each other in the backyard. There's fucking tigers on chains. I'm telling you what, I would watch the fuck out of that reality. It'd be the greatest show.

I fucking love Utah. We should be producers, I think. That's what we should be producers i think that's what you should do so that wraps it up for this midweek show we're going to be back uh with another show uh this monday so we're going to leave you as always with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures

detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers The opinions and views expressed in this show doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local Dairy Council. Thank you. you