Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 19: Jesusween

Episode Date: November 1, 2011

Christian parents beat child to death - again, counter Westboro baptist church protest win, medical myths of huff po, rhino goes extinct, white house responds to online petition, candy and halloween myths, jesusween, occupy oakland, Wall street isn’t winning it’s cheating, gay nurses make kids gay, welfare boardgame.

Happy, happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Happy, happy Halloween to Virgin Rock! It's almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horror-Thon and remember the big giveaway at 9. Don't miss it. And don't forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It's almost time. Happy, happy Halloween. Halloween, Halloween.

Happy, happy Halloween. Silver Shambhala. Happy, happy Halloween. Halloween, Halloween. Happy, happy Halloween. Silver Shamba! Happy, happy Halloween! Halloween, Halloween! Happy, happy Halloween! Super Shamba! Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance.

Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome, Matt. Welcome to our newest show. This is our Halloween special. Or rather, our Jesusween special. Jesusween! Happy Jesusween, Tom. Thank you, Cecil. Happy Jesusween to you. Our listeners will be a little disappointed because the show won't actually be out on Jesusween. No, it's going to be a day or two after Jesusween. I like to think that every day is Jesus Ween.

Jesus Ween sounds a little fucking, I don't know, it just sounds a little fucking perverted. That's all I'm saying. I weaned off of Jesus a long time ago. The milk was fucking bitter, yo. You're pulling the hair out of your mouth with that look in your head, like, what the fuck? Yeah.

Jesus Ween just sounds, I don't know, fucking retarded because it's retarded. And we'll cover how retarded it is at the end of our show. In more detail. But first, on to our sad, sad story. I know. We've got to shock the listeners with the saddest thing we can as early as we can. Right. This is your incentive to stay tuned? I mean, really?

I know. They're either going to kill themselves or shut it off at this point. Those are the only two options. Unfortunately, this is basically a repeat story. Right. All the same jokes apply to this one, too. Actually, you should just rewind to one of the prior episodes we covered a very similar story to this story uh in a previous episode unfortunately an adopted girl um was again beaten to death by parents who adopted a uh you know don't spare the rod attitude toward discipline, espoused by this same fucking crazy book,

and I'm not talking necessarily about the Bible. Yeah, not necessarily. But about a disciplinary book. Right. What was the name of that book? Do you remember, Cecil? To Train Up a Child, Tom. I don't know why.

See, I confuse it with How to Train a Dragon. Training a dragon, it turns out, is a lot lot less violent it's just so less it's just a much less violent process than training up a child first off the title of that it's not a fucking dolphin right it's a child you know what i mean and i'll be honest with you tom i wouldn't fucking swing plumbing instruments at a porpoise's head you know what i mean like And I'll be honest with you, Tom. I wouldn't fucking swing plumbing instruments at a porpoise's head. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't be like, hey, there's my porpoise. I'm going to beat it as hard as I can and see if I can make it fucking die.

Like, this is one of those stories, again, where some jackass writes a book, and that book says, spare the rods, boil the child. And that book says, spare the rod, spoil the child. Here's what you can use. A piece of plumbing wire to beat your child to death with. And, you know, he's not advocating beating him to death. But evidently these idiots that buy this book have no fucking idea about what a limit is. There's some similarities here that are really striking. You know, both of these girls were adopted. Right.

Both of them were girls. And both of them were African American. And I think that what's telling is that in each case, the horrifying abuse of this extremely at-risk individual. Somebody who walks into the game, sort of four strikes down. And, and that's the kind of person that, you know, when when they're welcomed into a family, when they're adopted into a family, they've got a lot of things that they need to that the family

is going to need to address, they've got, you know, it's, it's, it's difficult to be an adopted person, it's difficult to have a different country of origin than the country that you're going to need to address. They've got, you know, it's difficult to be an adopted person. It's difficult to have a different country of origin than the country that you're going to spend, you know, presumably the rest of your short and awful life in. Yeah, no kidding. Brutish and short life. Right. Yeah.

This guy reads some fucking Leviathan. He fucking loves his Hobbes, that's for sure. But it's, I think it's telling. I think this is somebody who wants to abuse people. This is somebody, and this book is the justification. And it's not only the justification, but it's the forgiveness afterwards. And it's the righteousness. Right.

And this girl ended up. And then what, did you hear the 911 call? Oh my God, Tom. One of the calls in is like, I think my daughter killed herself. What do you think? She beat herself to death with a fucking supply line? This would be the only case in history where somebody actually beat themselves to death. You know what I mean?

Like even masochists can go to sadists and be like, would you like to beat me? Right. This would be the only person in history who couldn't find somebody who would want to beat them. Like, don't get, and you know what, they found, like, mud in her mouth. Like, they found, like, you know what they did to her. I mean, you can just, you can just, I mean, you do not have to have a very good imagination to.

Thankfully, because it's awful. Because it's awful. And because it's fucking nightmare fuel, right? Like, like, this is nothing more than a horror story. Like this is fucking – this is a fucking snuff film. And this is – all you have to do is envision what happened. They beat her. She's on the ground and they pressed her face into the ground.

You know what I mean? Like that's what happened. I'm not a fucking forensic scientist and I know what the fuck you did. And I absolutely adore this cnn reporter because he is walking up on him he's like what do you think god would think of what you did right oh he's he is angry the thing is that these these asshole parents operate under this sort of umbrella protection afforded by um their religious ideals. They can fucking beat their kids. They can take a plumbing supply line to them.

They can subscribe to a philosophy which harms and damages kids. I mean, this makes you wonder how many kids out there are getting the shit beat out of them that just aren't dying, right? The dying ones are the super extreme examples. But how many of them are living with this ritual torture?

And that's what it is. And not just to mention the physical toll that it takes, you know, but can you imagine the psychological and emotional toll? It's absolutely awful. Tom, would you do this to an animal you owned even? No, no. Like I was thinking about it on the way here and I'm like, okay, well, to what kind of creature, what kind of person would I do this to? And I can't even think of

somebody I hate that I would do this to. I can't think of an animal, like if an animal were to bite me, I don't even think I would be like, well, I think I'm going to beat you to death. Yeah. Here's the thing. I mean, I've had dogs. And this isn't an effective, it's not an effective way to train a dog. And a dog lacks cognitive abilities, right? No kidding, right? You know, you don't, nobody really recommends at this point that you train a dog by whacking them. You know, that's not how you train animals. Animals don't fucking respond to that.

That's not how you train animals. Animals don't fucking respond to that. So this antiquated, ridiculous fucking Stone Age belief that the way to train a kid is to beat the kid, we gave that up on our dogs. We've recognized like, oh, that's not an effective way to train fucking parrots to speak. Yeah. And the funny thing is you watch this video, and I'll post the video on our site, but watch this video, and there's that same exact moment. They have to use the exact same footage again, because you cannot believe that this person who wrote this book to train up a child would actually fucking say this, when he's like,

so let's say your daughter, your kid smacks your daughter, slucks your daughter, what do you do? And they play the same bit of tape that I talked about last time. Oh, I'll take him in the room, and I okay we don't like violence and so i'm gonna inflict some fucking damage on you with my right i don't understand like you really do you said that shit out loud like you you didn't even realize it was that stupid when it escaped your fucking lips you hillbilly fuck like really you fucking thought that was a good idea you said it out loud and then you're like you didn't catch yourself and be like holy fuck am i stupid

and for lunch hypocrisy sandwiches it's so delicious Now with hypocrisy spread. Incontinent dissonance spread. It's delicious. If you've got a young child who is cut off in their life before it even really gets started, then there is something going on there. That is the same judgment executed by the same God that sent the tsunami and sent the tower, knocked down the towers. So you're saying you have no sympathy for a mother whose child was killed. I'm saying that, let's be more, what you really mean is,

is why are we standing outside the funerals of these dead soldiers with these signs saying America is doomed? God hates fags, God hates fag enablers, God hates America, America is doomed. Those mothers, those parents, they raised those children for the devil they did not teach them what the Lord their God required of them and those children were cut off by a raging mad God before their life and you're angry well we're going to counter that story with a story that that doesn't make me want to weep fetally in a corner. This is a great story. This is from a YouTube video where a young man decided he was going to counter the Westboro Baptist Church.

Now, there's been a lot of opposition, obviously, to the Westboro Baptist Church insane asylum escapees. And there's been a lot of different ways that people have come up with to counter this insanity. And some people, they do the motorcycles. They rev them up. And other people mock them. And other people sort of crowd their space with opposing signs. Like, I was stupid, which really makes me laugh.

Yeah, which I love, too. I like the mean. The more mean they are, the better I think they are. I know. I know. But this guy has a great idea, Cecil. He uses this opportunity to find out what are the organizations, the charitable organizations that have been picketed and protested by the Westboro Baptist Church.

He shows up and gets the crowd of people who are there to oppose the Westboro Baptist Church to donate on behalf of the Westboro Baptist Church. It's a brilliant idea. And not just that. He has these big signs that he makes. And he has everybody who donates the money sign the signs. He donates the money on behalf of the Westboro Baptist Church and then sends those signs to the Westboro Baptist Church to show them, hey, dummies, I know you're, you know, and

we've heard from other people who talk about this that say that these guys are just a bunch of lawyers who chase people around and try to get in people's spaces so they get punched and they can sue the fuck out of whoever they can sue the fuck out of. And that may or may not be true. And I know that there was a documentary done on them. And that's what a lot of people think. They're suspicious.

They think that that's what they're about. But even still, I love the idea that it's like, well, even if you're faking it, you're still making those charities get more money. And that's just so wonderful. I think it's – and I think this is the best way to diffuse it. Like there's so many other ways to be confrontational. This just takes the confrontation. It just takes the wind right out of their sails, and I love it. It's terrific.

And kudos for coming up with this idea. Brilliant idea. The person's name is Jason. We're going to post this. This was, again, found on Reddit. We find a lot of things on Reddit. And this one was found on Reddit as well, and somebody had posted it. We'll post it on our blog.

You can take a look at it. And it's a great video. I think the kids articulate. He's from UIC, which is University of Illinois at Chicago. And he's doing the right thing. I think he's defusing this situation in the best way possible and making Westboro pay for their own idiocy. So the next story we want to talk about is,

this is a Huffington Post. I've got to say this is an editorial. It is. It is an editorial because there's no facts in it. There's no facts in it, Tom. You can't be reporting if there's no facts. Right. This is an editorial written by Dr. Robert A. Kornfeld. Now, I think it's important to note that Dr. Robert A. Kornfeld is not an MD. He's a podiatric specialist. He actually has a practice called the Center for Holistic Podiatry. He's a biscuit doctor. He works on biscuits.

He's a biscuit doctor. And he's got this article, Six Medical Myths Even Your Doctor May Still Believe. Even your doctor. Your doctor. Your real doctor is what he should say. Even an actual doctor. I love his picture, by the way. If you see his picture, he's like, his fucking mouth's all wide open.

He looks surprised that somebody took it, doesn't he? Like, he's poking his head around the corner like, hey, guys, oh, fucking took my picture. And these are insane. Like, the first myth, technology has improved health care. And he's saying that's a myth. Really? Because the x-ray? That's helped.

Yeah, no kidding. The MRI? The MRI. That's helped. And his evidence is like, you know, ever since all this technology, there's been an onslaught of an increasing pathology. That's because we can find it. I know. Like, you didn't even think about saying that.

Because people don't die. Right? Like, you understand how this works is that the incidence of a certain disease or what have you increases when you discover a way to discover it in people. You can't know about a thing without a method to know about the thing. I love this myth for medications, improve health, say that.

And he's like, you know, that's a myth. You're like, dude, say that to penicillin. You know what I mean? Like there's a,

there's a medication for you, dummy. Look, I have cough variant asthma, right? Like, if I don't take asthma medication, I will cough nonstop for six months every year. That medication has improved my life. Let's talk to some people with fucking diabetes. Right.

How you feeling? Well, okay. So you're still alive then you're still living i would say that that is an improvement so you're still here you're still talking and speaking existing and of course he goes after immunizations of course he does yeah so i don't have smallpox do you yeah no i you know it turns out smallpox gone i love i love when he says that too he's like he's like so the measles mumps rubella and polio he's like he's like the only one of those that really would do anything to you is polio and i'm just thinking

oh it would only kind of yeah maybe do something to you is polio yeah dummy. This guy is fucking ridiculous. Yeah, he is. Ridiculous. And I think the point of us talking about this is this is a Huffington Post article, which leads into our next point. The Huffington Post, it's an okay place to start. Yeah. This is like in any kind of, hey, I'm curious about this. If Huffington Post is the first thing that pops up, okay. Vet it, though. Yeah. Everything has to be vetted when it starts

from HuffPost. Right. And look at, you know, one of the things that'll lead you to some of the things that I think is good about Huffington Post. Look at one of the comments. Here's, I'm going to read one of the comments. He's like, I love the statement, how did mankind survive for thousands of years without being immunized? And he puts, how? By 60% of the population dying of disease and the rest surviving. Yeah, that's how. And that's the thing that people don't understand. I get into these conversations about medicine and how, oh, we're doing too much with medicine now. And, oh, there's so many machines in a birthing room. And, you know, all this bullshit that people have to say about, you know, how medicine is ruining everything. Medicine is ruining everything.

I want to point you to some statistics. Look at how long people are living. You know, there's a reason why in the last like under a hundred years, our lifespans have practically doubled. And it's because of modern medicine. There is, you know, modern medicine and access to food are the two things that make it so that we live longer lifespans. Those are the reasons. It's not, you know, it's not like, you know, we live for however long, millions of years at this point, right? The human race has been around for millions of years. It's not like we live for millions of years at like the age of 25, ripe old age of 25, kick in the bucket. And then you get to this point in history where we're up to 40, right? In like the 1800s. And then suddenly we're at 80. You got to look at that and be like, well,

why is that? It's because we can medicate. It's because we can do these things with modern medicine that we can never even come close to doing. But the problem that everybody has with modern medicine, Tom, is that the doctors will admit they don't know everything. Right. And they want to have all the answers. And that's one of the things. It's the argument from ignorance constantly that I hear is like, well, the doctors don't know everything. Or, well, they didn't know what was wrong with my friend once.

Right. Or, you know, I went to a doctor and he made an error. Yeah. Really? Because, I mean, you wouldn't stop going to a mechanic, right? If you went to a mechanic and he made a mistake and you were like, man, that mechanic made a mistake. The next time your car broke down, you wouldn't take your mechanic to the donut shop.

You wouldn't take your car to the donut shop and be like, well, I'm not taking it back to the mechanic. You're just like stuffing donuts in the radiator. Is this going to work? You think this is going to work? And the donut guy's like, I don't know. Maybe. I poured weak acidic coffee into the gas tank. The fuck?

It's not working. You don't treat anything else that way you know it because it is it's part of this you know irrational ideal which comes from an emotional place i understand it right right but it's an irrational ideal of of of of medical perfection right and it's not achievable and so you get articles like this one. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. To me, it's pretty simple. A person either believes that God created this process or believes that it was an accident and that it just happened all on its own. So, Cecil, it's this is a bit of a blow for for cancer patients everywhere. for cancer patients everywhere.

The last... Bit of a blow for the rhinos, it turns out. The last Javan rhino in Vietnam was found poached for its horn. The animal is now thought to be extinct. They thought it was extinct before, then they found some evidence of the animal in Vietnam, and the last one that they are aware of and can track, and there's no more sign. In Vietnam.

I thought it said that there was somewhere else that they do exist, but there's no more in like the entirety of Vietnam. They're just gone. Oh, right. You're right. Because there's some that remain in captivity in a national park. Right. In Ujung Kulon National Park.

I'm sure I'm mispronouncing that. In Indonesia. And they were found poached because people thought that their horns cured cancer. Even though there is no evidence, people always think rhino horns do a thing. Yeah. Or that, you know, the tiger bones or whatever. Like they always find like the most rare animal that you're never getting back. And they're just like, you know, we're going to do is we're going to tear this little animal.

And, you know, they never take the whole animal. No. They never, like, you know, the whole animal. It's not like the whole rhino cured cancer. No, no, no. It's just one piece. So they cut that piece off and leave its carcass there as if to taunt everyone else who hoped that those rhinos would still exist. I'm convinced that if we found a fucking

dodo, somebody would be like, oh, dodo eyes cure cancer. Eat its eyes! Its eyes are so very valuable. Like, T-Rex could show up, right? They would just be like, his arms! We need his tiny arms!

Tiny little arms. T-Rexes never get cancer, so we should eat them, and arms. We need his arms. We need his tiny arms. Tiny little arms. T-Rexes never get cancer, so we should eat them. And then we won't get cancer. Earthworms never get cancer either, dude. Start gobbling them up. I am unaware of cancer in the following delicious animals. Beef brisket does not get cancer you know you know what's so funny about all this stuff is that

you know the reason why you know we can't have nice things on this planet is because people have this magical worldview where they're just like oh you know i can kill whatever i want and try to save myself like Like how selfish is that to be like, I'm going to take the last one. You know, it's like the last cookie on the tray and it's just sitting there and nobody's supposed to take that last cookie. It's supposed to get thrown away.

No one is supposed to take that last cookie. That's the rude cookie. That is the offering cookie. Which is so rude. They're taking the last. I know, man, I can't believe it. The, so rude. They're taking the last rhino, man. I can't believe it. What a blow to the religious, too, right?

Like, this animal made it through the flood. Like, Noah saved two or five or nine of them or whatever. But, like, so many other animals didn't make it onto the boat. Yeah. Like, all those ones, like, they didn't make the cut. And the fucking Javan rhino made the cut. Yep. But they cut his fucking horns off. They didn't make the cut and the fucking javan rhino made the cut yep well they cut his fucking horns off they didn't make the cut i mean 2 000 years later now you know that guy ain't shit sorry i was motherfucking got nothing on me right nothing so this is a follow-up to a a brief story that we had talked about um the white house has a whitehouse.gov has a place where you can go and sign sort of virtual petitions regarding a variety of subjects.

Which do nothing, it turns out. Yes. It turns out that's a totally pointless endeavor. You could sign a petition saying that – Might as well not sign the petition at all if you're going to get this backhanded shitty letter sent to you. It's the fucking meanest letter. So there was plenty of response, right? Like there was a lot of response to a petition saying,

edit the Pledge of Allegiance to remove the phrase under God. And, you know, they responded with a letter, which I'll read portions of. Thank you for signing the petition. We appreciate your participation. And we the people platform at WhiteHouse.gov. The separation of church and state outlined in the First Amendment to the United States of the Constitution is an important founding principle of our nation. Okay.

I like the direction. Sure. This is going well. Our nation's Bill of Rights guarantees not only that the government cannot establish an official religion, but also guarantees citizens' right to practice the religion of their choosing or no religion at all. Oh, keep going. Good. I love you.

Throughout our history, people of all faiths, yada yada, it doesn't matter. I'll keep going. I love you. I was saying Boo-erns. That is a direct contradiction to a prior paragraph. I don't understand what that means. Really? There's no room for religion in the public square. Then it references other mistakes he made. When he was a senator from Illinois,

President Obama gave a keynote address at the Call to Renewal Conference where he spoke about the important role religion plays in politics and public life. Quote, A sense of proportion should also guide those who police the boundaries between church and state. Not every mention of God in public is a breach to the wall of separation. Context matters. I actually agree with that statement.

The problem is that under God, in the Pledge of Allegiance, the context matters. Right. I'm pledging allegiance to the country. Right. Not to the God. I mean, and it's where it's placed. It's where it's placed. It's how it's said that makes it, I'm pledging myself to God and country.

And that's bullshit. Right. Context is important, Mr. Obama. I agree with you. But know the historical context of the addition under God. It was not always part of the pledge. The context is that it was an anti-communist response. It's part of a cultural response to the Cold War that is no longer necessary or useful or relevant culturally.

Context matters. He's completely right. And Tom, we talked about this. The reason why it's not going to happen is because it's political suicide to take the fucking under God out of anything. Because in this country, we are so fucking rabidly

Christian conservative that they will fucking dissect him if they do that. They will take – they'll literally walk in there with pitchforks and take him out of office. That will happen. It will happen. I would like to see that. Just the pitchforks. Not because I have anything against Obama.

I just want to see the pitchforks. I want to see a mass of pitchforks and torches. I've never seen one. I'd like to see the pitchforks. I want to see a mass of pitchforks and torches. I've never seen one. I'd like to see it. So we're going to take a quick break to give you some information on how to contact us, harass us, harangue us, and otherwise berate us. Return after the break for the rest of the show where we depress you further and mock your values. You can email these assholes at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Be sure to visit the Cognitive Dissonance website, dissonancepod.com. Be sure to like the show on Facebook or follow us

on Twitter. The Twitter handle is at dissonancepod. Thanks to everyone who shares our podcast through Facebook, Twitter, and other social media. We'd also like to thank the people who have rated us and subscribed on iTunes and Podfeet or promoted the show through message boards like Reddit. Your help is fucking greatly appreciated. We would be remiss at this point, Cecil, if we didn't discuss Halloween. Halloween, at this point that the show is aired, has come and gone. This is a holiday that I know that my wife looks forward to all year long.

She adores Halloween. But it is a holiday not without some controversy. Right. And I think we need to talk about some of the controversy and mock it. So I want to explode a couple of the basic myths. One of the myths, and I've got a little guy. He'll be doing some trick-or-treating for Halloween. And I will not be x-raying his fucking candy.

Do you remember that, Cecil? I do. I remember my mom. When I was a kid, when I would get home, she would look through every single piece of candy, separate out the Almond Joys, and look for all the little pieces and look to see if there was needle holes or little imperfections. And my dad did the same thing. And everything went in the garbage that had a little imperfection.

And then she took all my Almond Joys. Like that's what I came home. She would separate the Almond Joys. She'd take all the Almond Joys. And that was my Halloween. I will admit, I am going to do that. I'm going to admit. You're going to take all the Almond Joys

I'm going to take the Snickers That's because I'm fat Not because I'm worried about My little guy getting A razor blade in his Zagnut What's going to happen They didn't even make Zagnut I just watched Beetlejuice the other day

That's like an old person's candy bar, Tom. You're too young to like Zagnut. What I guess I wonder is there's a big long list of these, and we'll post this list on our website. They're talking about if there's a rise in child molestation that day and all that stuff, and that's a myth too. And it's like, of course it is, you know, like, of course it is. Because lots of times there's a ton of adults around. Their parents are out in droves. It's the worst time.

It's like the worst day to do that. To commit a crime. Yeah. And like, and like, again, you know, it doesn't take a fucking CSI expert to find that somebody put a p like a needle in a fucking three musketeers you know what i mean like it's like somebody's gonna find that and find you know because you're not just gonna do one i mean let's be honest if you're gonna put a needle in musketeers you're buying a pack of needles you know right there's no there's no uh razor blades in your apples and nobody gives out apples anyway.

I know. Unless you want your fucking house egged. Didn't you hate the person who gave out pennies, too? Like, you cocksucker. You couldn't buy me a fucking candy bar. Enjoy an egg at your house. Do you know what else I hated? Are the assholes who gave you coupons for things?

Like, oh, this is good for a frosty at Wendy's. Be like, I'm fucking nine. How am I going to get to Wendy's? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Like, I'll get molested hitchhiking then. Right? This is good for delayed gratification.

That's not what Halloween's about, motherfucker. No kidding. Learn the fucking holiday, motherfucker. Halloween is about gross, bloated American excess. And you know just as well as I did that you went back to the house that had the full-size candy bars like every kid it's like i'm you know i'm going there and i see it's not the fucking fun size fucking reese's cups it's two full reese's cups with one visit motherfucker i just visited you four times right you're like shedding costumes like i would trade costumes

people i'd be like time to switch mass bitches like fucking we're getting more reese's cups Did you do four times? Right. You're like shedding costumes. I would trade costumes to people. I'd be like, time to switch masks, bitches. Like, fucking, we're getting more Reese's Cups. I got to also talk about another, you know, protest. I know some people. I know you know some people, too, probably, that don't celebrate Halloween. Right. Because it's evil.

It's a devil's holiday. It's a devil's holiday. Right, because it's evil. It's a devil's holiday. It's a devil's holiday. It's actually, if you really look up the idea of it, at least as far as I know, it's actually to scare away the demons. Right. It's to scare away the bad spirits, not to. Right.

It is a pagan holiday, but let's be honest, so is Christmas. Yeah, right. And you co-opted the fuck out of that. And now they're trying to do that with Jesusween. Yeah, right. And you co-opted the fuck out of that. And now they're trying to do that with Jesusween. Yeah, Jesusween. I have to go off on a little bit of a tangent here and say I love the idea that these nutjobs have that there are satanic cults going around eating kids or burning black cats or whatever they say the satanic cults do. Sure, whatever they're doing. Look, satanic cults are an impossibility.

They cannot exist, right? You and I, Cecil, could not be satanists because we don't believe in Satan. Right. In order to be a satanist, you have to believe in Satan. But you only get to Satan by believing in the Bible. Right? Because nobody else has a Satan. You have to, and there's

no holy book for your supposed religion. Right, right. Well, it kind of is that Alistair Crowley wrote a satanic Bible. But that's nonsense. No thinking person. Pass that off. Come on, maybe it's not nonsense. Have you read it?

What? ask that off well come on maybe it's not nonsense have you read it what okay it's right it's fucking nonsense i admit it's nonsense you know the necronomicon what about that don't make me come over there motherfucker i love the i love it well i got i remember when i was a kid um a buddy of mine scared the hell out of us by reading out of the Necronomicon because it's all gibberish, right? It's all just jib jab garbage fucking nonsense words. But it's scary sounding, right? Yeah, it is super. I had one too. I thought it was awesome.

And it's super terrifying when you're a kid and somebody's reading out of it aloud and you keep thinking. You're like, because you're a stupid child. At least I was a stupid adult, too. But I was also a stupid child. And I remember thinking, like, oh, my God, he's going to fucking, like, open a hole into hell. Suddenly it's the gate. You know what I mean? Like, I'm going to be like, here comes some demon.

But, you know, when you get older and you realize the Necronomicon was written by L.H.P. Lovecraft. And he's just the whole time going, hey, hey, you know? Right know right right it's almost like l ron hubbard wrote the fucking thing exactly exactly it's fucking nonsense i this idea though of satanism cracks me the fuck up it's like you have to so delude yourself in order to get to the idea of satanism because you to be a satanist you'd have to be like well i, I believe in the Bible, right? Because that's the only place that Satan appears. So I have to believe that the Bible is real and that there's a good force and a bad force

and that all of these things are true. And then the only information I have about Satan is like, you know, that he occasionally offers somebody something to eat and fucks with Job. Like, you really don't get a lot of direct sort of information about him. So like, parsing together your religious tenets would be very difficult. And to do that, you would have to use the opposing fucking book! Seems Connor into it a lot. And you would have to say like, okay, I believe in the Bible, but I'm still going to pick the guy who sends me to hell.

Right. You'd have to be a small subsect of people that believe in the Bible but are also sociopaths. Right. It just doesn't make any—it's not even in your fucking best interests. Right. You'd be like, well, I'm a Satanist. Really? What's in it for you?

I actually don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Probably a lot of pain. It's very confusing. Because if I believe in it— Actually, yeah. I'm going to hell, and, well, I'm a Satanist. Really? What's in it for you? I actually don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Probably a lot of pain. It's very confusing. Because if I believe in it. Actually, yeah. I'm going to hell.

And hell doesn't sound like a fun place. Even if I'm the guy who's doing all the bad stuff to other people, it doesn't sound like a fun place. And it's funny because, you know, like there's all these lunatics who believe in this idea of the satanic cult because it's so fucking sexy to them, you know? Right. Well, because it's fucking World of War them you know right well because it's it's because it's fucking world of warcraft and they need a horde right you need a horde to go up

against right and there's no satanic cults that have ever been found right satanic cults aren't fucking real they've never been real they don't make any fucking sense they're theologically impossible and and and these people are like well we can't do halloween because that's the devil's holiday really really break out your bible and show me halloween in it i've heard too that it's the devil's birthday oh it's his birthday sure i'm gonna make him a fucking cake out of snickers bars that i know because It's an easy commodity to come by on Halloween. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. Hookah, hookah, chaka. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing.

So Jesusween is the new response. It's the kinder, gentler response to Halloween. Jesusween is a day where religiously uptight dimwits who want their house egged. Who hate everyone. Who hate candy and fun. My kid is going to be a ghostbuster. Oh, that is awesome. Does he have a little ecto thing?

He's got the fucking proto pack and everything and the gun. Yeah, it's a pretty awesome costume. Fuck. He's going to go around. He's going's gonna be like i would like a candy food and people are gonna be like here is a candy food then he's going to throw up later that is that's gonna eat till he vomits yeah right right right but they can't get behind that cecil no they don't like throw ups that's jesus ween yeah jesus ween is is, I really like your idea. You said it earlier that they co-opted Christmas.

I, you know, co-opt fucking Halloween. But don't turn it into, you know, because they kept the fucking tree. Right. You know what I mean? Like they kept the fucking pagan tree. They kept the fucking gifts. They kept, keep Jesus, you know, if you're going to make it Jesus Ween, great. But keep all the costumes and keep all the candy.

And it's the same fucking holiday you just co-opted. So what they're doing is they're dressing in white to symbolize righteousness. Oh, God. Way to be a little arrogant, fuckwit. No kidding, right? I'm dressing in white to symbolize judging you. Judging you. They're like

walking around with sticks just hitting people And like all I'm thinking when I'm reading this is like Really? Cause my kid's dressing up as a fucking Ghostbuster he is winning dude He's gonna ecto gun your shit He's gonna wear a white shirt He's gonna ecto gun those guys so bad

Like everybody else what a fucking bland And dull life you're giving your fucking kids Right? Well here's your white shirt Jimmy Hand out some Bible passages. But I would rather dress up as Pac-Man and run around and get candy. Nope. Fuck you.

Here's a white shirt, dummy. No Pac-Man for you. There's nothing wrong with it at all. I would like to be a very innocuous costume. Right. Right. It's not. And the thing is, is like most of the costumes that are out there now, when I was

a kid, it was different. It was Halloween was more about the fright, I think, when I was a kid. And there was a lot more costumes that had to do with, and this, this, it started to change a lot since then, but it was more costumes that were like the werewolf and like, you know, like you're a scary monster. You're a monster. You're a monster. But I remember even like when I was like in fourth and fifth grade, I remember like I was a Spartan one year, like because, you know, it started to change where it's like,

well, you can be whatever you want. And so it's not about evil. It's about, fuck, I'd like to be a princess. I mean, how many girls go as princesses? How evil is a princess i mean how many girls go as princesses how evil is a princess wait it's it's it's a day of national dress up and candy it's a fantasy day and it's like why shouldn't you have a fantasy date and how many i mean how many costumes are so fucking innocuous like you wouldn't want somebody dressing up as like uh you know i don't know it was about

like as a as an executive or whatever like don't know it was about who like as a as an executive or whatever like a little kid as an executive i remember as a cowboy one year like how fucking evil is that cow well okay let me take that back um depends on if we elect them turns out quite evil pretty bad it turns out okay all right all right i caught myself there but no like there's all these like there's all these like little costumes that you dress up as like i was yosemite sam one year that's fucking terrifying and it's like okay well yosemite sam like what's the worst thing he says is like concern it like like it's ridiculous i don't understand like this pushback to halloween because it's not the evil holiday it used to be.

It used to be, I think, a lot more about terror, and now it's not. Yeah, but even then it was the titillating fun terror because you still – like if you were dressed as the werewolf, you also had a bag of candy. You cannot be scary with Zagnut. It can't be done. You can't. You ever had the Zagnut? I've never had this.

I don't even know what a Zagnut is. I just love saying that word. It's such a great word. I know. It's a great word. It's a comic word. It's a good word. This guy says Halloween is not consistent with the Christian faith.

I don't. Why? Why not? Why? Well, they're both made up. Right. They're both co-opted pagan traditions. They're both set up on mythology.

So, yeah. Yeah. But whatever. Jesus wean. that's a phenomenal way to have your house jesus ween yeah it totally is prepare for the trick i hope you enjoy toilet paper on all the things i'm sure you're aware of the fact that there are these protests going on down around wall street occupy wall street uh they've spread to some other cities in the country what do you make of that what What do they make of it?

What do they want? Well, I don't know what they want, but I think they think that the banks have given them a raw deal over the last few years. I don't have facts to back this up. Well, Cecil, we would be remiss if we didn't mention Occupy. I knew you were going to say that we would be remiss, Tom. I don't know how I knew that, but I knew you were going to say that we would be remiss. Because I only have three or four things that I consistently say. Only introduce stories in certain ways.

I'm repetitive and dim-witted. This is one of them. I'm not teasing you so much as just noticing that you were going to say that. Look, there are problems when I host, okay? I should not be the guy out front. Are you kidding? Oh, you're so good at it, though. Occupy Oakland protests

did not go very well. No. To the tune of a flashbang to the face. A former Marine decided to attend Occupy Oakland and the police got a little crazy in breaking

up the protests. Now, the issue at hand at the time was that a certain area was deemed to be dirty, and they were moving the protesters out ostensibly to clean the area because the people assembling, as was their constitutional right, evidently made a mess of things. So the police decided to dress in crazy paramilitary gear and shoot fucking rubber bullets at people's heads. Yeah. And, you know, evidently they wanted to wash it down, but they decided instead of using water to use protesters' blood. They figured, hey, you know, if we're going to wash it down, a liquid is a liquid.

You know, it doesn't matter, right? So they shot a guy in the face with a tear gas. And those things are damaging when you shoot them into a group. And they caused head trauma. Well, the guy falls down. And some people see him fall down. So a bunch of people turn back. I mean, in the face of tear gas, kudos to them,

because tear gas is something that makes you want to run away. The protesters turn, run into the tear gas filled area to try to carry this young man who has been badly injured to the facial face. And they say, oh, you know what? One of these jackasses, these fucking douchebags with a gun. And let me be honest here. I'm not going to say that all cops are bad and that all cops are jerks. And I'm not one of those guys that can jump on it. But this particular guy is a giant douchebag with a gun. And he chucks a fucking flashbang right in the middle of all these people. You can't be a bigger douchebag than that guy. This is a terrible way to treat people expressing their constitutional right to free speech and their right to assemble.

I understand. I do. I understand that at some point a large group of people are going to make a mess and the things may become unsanitary. Genuinely. Genuinely. Cities do have some responsibility and concerns in that. The response should never be a fucking paramilitary response. You know, the guy who got shot with the less than lethal weapon, he has a fractured skullet. Yeah.

It turns out that it's, you know, nearly lethal. It's extremely less than lethal in that it is nearly fucking lethal. Yeah. It turns out that it's, you know, nearly lethal. It's extremely less than lethal in that it is nearly fucking lethal. Yeah. And then, you know, when people rush to the aid of somebody who has fallen, you don't need to flashbang those guys. You know, and they initially said that, oh, it was the protesters, you know, throwing M-80s at the police. But you can see in the video very clearly. Oh, very clear. It's clear.

It's clear as day. Old boy just chucks it, you know? And why did they even go out armed with those things? The protests have been peaceful. I watched, Tom, I watched 10 straight minutes of that footage. And what I saw was a bunch of people looking those cops in the face and saying, look, you should be on this side with us. They're cutting your pay. They're cutting your pension. They're cutting all this stuff. You guys are one budget cut away from being on this side

of the fucking barricade. And at one point, a woman puts her hand on a barricade, and this cop snaps his baton down and whacks the barricade where her hand was. She barely moves her hand out of the way, nearly losing a finger. And the cop's like, do not touch the barricade. And you're like, are you fucking serious, dude? It's a fucking – like a 95-pound girl. What is she going to do to that barricade? What could she possibly do to that barricade that would cause you to flip your shit like that? The only reason that some people – and I'm not – again, I'm going to stress.

I'm not talking about all police officers. I actually have a lot of respect for a lot of police officers. They do a shitty job. They don't get paid a lot of money and they're in harm's way all the time. They're not technically protecting us because I don't think that police officers are out there to protect people. I think police officers are out there to arrest people. That's a different ideological story. But I still think they have a shitty job and I still think that they do work that a lot of people wouldn't do.

But people like this, there's some people that get into that profession, Tom, and you know it just as well as I. They get in it just to bully fucking people around and they love this shit. Yeah, there's really no excuse for the way these guys were treated at all. These were peaceful protests. These were not riots. You know, if these protests had devolved into riots and looting and violence. OK, you know, genuinely, force has to be used at that. Sure.

At a certain point, you've got to do something. That was never the case here. It just was not the case. You know, you police should not be able to use force like this to ensure compliance. Force should be the last thing that's used. Unfortunately, I feel like we've gotten to the point where many police feel that they can use less than lethal means like tasers and rubber bullets and tear gas to gain compliance. Compliance is not the same thing as a threat. Right.

And if somebody is not presenting a threat, then you really can't use force to ensure compliance. You should not be able to, at least. I mean, clearly you fucking can. Yeah, clearly you can. So I'm wrong when i say you can't but um that's not a that's a that's that's not a police uh response that's reasonable or rational or socially desirable um to to whack somebody in the hand or nearly whack somebody in the hand because they touch a wooden barricade you know that's insane that's an insane response to shoot tear gas at people

because they haven't dispersed quickly that's insane that's not. That's an insane response. To shoot tear gas at people because they haven't dispersed quickly, that's insane. That's not reasonable. That's not rational. To fire less than lethal rounds into the crowd and hit somebody in the skull, somebody who fought for this country and the fucking Marines. I know. I know. Unbelievable. Yeah, I don't get the backlash that these protests are receiving.

They're peaceful for the most part. They're perfectly legal and they are receiving a lot of backlash. And, you know, God, I don't of, you know, air quotes, the man than anything I've ever seen. Right. Right. Right. There's a funny, I have to admit, there's a funny comment on here. It says, I feel like I should provide a little context. What's going on here with these protests is pretty tame compared to what happens on most weekends during football season.

Raiders win. Cop car gets set on fire. Raiders lose. Cop car gets set on fire. There were no cop cars set on fire here. Yeah, and when a team like the Vancouver Canucks either wins or loses, I don't know which one it was that they did, but they did – the hockey team for Vancouver did something. We're on our loss to this last year. And they went – they flipped their shit up there.

They went crazy. They were flipping cars over. They were beating on cars. They were fucking dumping. They were looting. They were going nuts. And that doesn't receive the kind of attention that these protests have. So there's something going on here.

There has to be. Where were these guys at when the tea parties show up? Yeah. I think what they don't like is these guys just won't leave. Yeah. I think that's what they don't like is it's like, well, I just want you to go away. And as long as they don't, the issue stays alive. Right, right.

There are some problems we have on Wall Street. But the thing is, for young people to sit out there and say that we hate capitalism, we hate corporate America, that's kind of like what helped us get to where we are in 235 years. And if we don't believe that the free market is going to be a successful means by which we can pull our sales out of this recession, then the United States of America, that which really is the essence of who we are and our exceptionalism is going to be lost. See, so we've got to talk about a Rolling Stone article. I've been really impressed recently with several of the articles that I've read from Rolling Stone.

This one in particular, this is an article called Wall Street Isn't Winning, It's Cheating. It's by Matt Taibbi. I hope I'm pronouncing that right. And this is actually a hell of an article. It's a great read. You can find it on their website. We'll post a link to it. And what they're suggesting is that the Occupy movement has gotten a lot of criticism. And I've certainly chatted with people who've said these things. And they basically try to boil down all of these protesters into, you're just jealous. Right. It's all about envy. And this article, Cecil, I think is a terrific response to that.

Yeah, I think he lays it out. There's a clip embedded in this article, a CNN clip, that I think is wonderful. Taibbi comes across as one of these guys that really knows his shit and is not setting up some sort of partisan – I mean, he even calls out the Democrats and says they're the worst thing that could happen at this point. Democrats and says they're the worst thing that could happen at this point. You know, like he's, he's in this, in this little clip, he's saying, you know, like, he's like, well, is it just the Democrats? You know, is this, is this like the Tea Party is an extension, the Tea Party protests are extension of the Republican Party and the Tea Party. Are these Occupy Wall Street?

Are they an extension of the Democratic Party? He's like, no, the Democratic Party has fucked these people six ways from sunday and he's like he's like of course it's not he's like democrats have ruined everything and they've ruined everything consistently they're no better than the republicans and i love the fact that he's kind of straight middle of the road the nobody's really worthwhile um him and dumbass would get along great i guess um but but you know he sells it like it is. And I think that, you know, like there's a great part of the article where he talks about, he talks about specifically, you know, how everybody in our country for a longest time has always had the

utmost respect for the rich, even during like the worst times to be, you know, even middle class in this country, talking about the Reagan era, you know, when it was like really, it was like, you know, felt like war on the middle class and poverty. People still respected, you know, the wealthy and the ultra wealthy. And what I think the best part about this article is that he talks about sort of the, you know, in one hand, everybody wants to talk about how, you know, you bought too much house and you lost out because of it, and everybody wants to turn it into that. But it's not about that. I'm going to read directly from the article here. He says, when was the last time the government stepped in to help you avoid losses you might otherwise suffer?

bought too much house, essentially betting that home prices would go up, and losing his bet when they dropped, he was an irresponsible putz who shouldn't whine about being put out on the street. But when banks bet billions on a firm like AIG that was heavily invested in mortgages, they were making the same bet that Joe Homeowner made, leaving themselves hugely exposed to the sudden drop in home prices. But instead of being asked to suck it up and cope, when they failed, the banks instead went straight to Washington for a bailout, and they fucking got it. And that's exactly what everybody's fucking pissed off about. And read this article. And it's like, I went through and tried to highlight parts of it, and I just kept on

fucking highlighting paragraph after paragraph after paragraph. It's a terrific article. Because every paragraph has this another punch where you're just like, holy shit. He puts it all together. He connects the dots to this whole crisis with what Wall Street did. And he is, I mean, he's genius for it. I think this guy is wonderful. I'd buy this guy an unlimited number of beers if I ever met him.

It really is a terrific article. And I agree with you. I think it sums up a lot of the reason in very specific terms that people are pissed off. I think people have a right to be pissed off. I, again, would just urge people from both sides of the aisle. The Tea Party people have so much in common with these guys. They have so much in common. You know, if we can put the partisanship aside and take a look and say, hey, we're all pissed off. Let's all be pissed off together instead of shooting fucking rubber bullets at them. You're all dead. Oh, be nice. Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay. Oh, my God.

What's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now. Tom, I don't even get, I don't even understand what's happening with this next article. I love this next article. I don't even, I do not understand. I'm going to read the, I'm going to read the title of this next article because I can't improve upon it.

You should just read the entire article. It's short. I think it will give it a pass. Christian radio host warns that lesbian nurses can make kids gay. God, this is so hot. Radio host Linda Harvey of Mission America. She looks so gay, by the way. She is not a sexy lesbian nurse at all.

I was thinking this was going to be so hot. No, this is not that story. Radio host Linda Harvey of Mission America went on an anti-gay rant during her Christian radio show yesterday, warning parents to keep their children away from LGBT healthcare professionals. Her implication was that exposing young kids to LGBT people in a medical setting could turn them gay. I like the medical setting. It's the setting. It's really the setting. It really is. If they're your barista,

it's all good. Like, if they make... If they're selling you hardware, it's cool. Like, if you're like, I'd like a grande pumpkin spice latte, you know, and then they're like, well, I'm super, super gay like if you're like i'd like a grande pumpkin spice latte you know and then they're like well i'm super super gay and you're like color out sir could you help me pick you're not gonna be gay then foam on it i don't know yeah hardly acknowledged that lgbt healthcare professionals can be certainly competent workers that's magnanimous sure of, of course. But she expressed concerns that, quote,

their involvement with your child during a hospital stay is sure to be an influence. They are tacking on to their workplace identity, one that is highly offensive to many people. Just you, dummy. And can be erroneously

influential to children who won't or shouldn't see the picture of how this behavior really manifests itself. It really manifests itself by showing you that gay people can be fucking successful in their careers. Gay people can exist. You know, I think she's right, though, because when I was a young person, I met a doctor with a beard. And I have a beard now. Tom, do you have a beard? I do. And I had a doctor with a beard, too.

There's a lot of similarities between the doctors that I've met. Most of them have worn shoes. I also wear shoes. There's something here. I think she might be onto something. They had a lifestyle where they ate food to survive i may have taken that to levels they weren't comfortable proteins and carbohydrates to process within their body i think the next paragraph is the best let's say your 11 year old has broken her leg rather badly rather badly Can't she just have broken her leg a little bit? She broke her leg rather goodly. And needs to be in the hospital a few days.

Which would you prefer? A nurse who's proud of her lesbianism? Who has rainbow identifiers on her work clothing? Or a nurse who does not, Harvey asked listeners. Let me tell you something. There's a lot of rainbows in the fucking children's section of a hospital. does not? Harvey asked listeners. Let me tell you something. There's a lot of rainbows in the fucking children's section of a hospital. That's all I'm saying.

The kid would be like, why is that nurse wearing a rainbow? Because she's gay. How's your leg feeling? You're right. Problem solved. Well, if I'm gay, can I also be a nurse? Sure. Can I also be gay?

No. Yeah, right. Well, because how does this work, right? Like, if I'm gay, can I be a nurse? Yes. But the 11-year-old is not going to be like, I'm a nurse. Can I also be gay? Right?

That doesn't work because you're fucking not already a nurse. Right. Because you also are fucking completely uncognizant of your own sexuality at nine. Exactly. You're just going to be like, oh, man, remember the time I broke my leg and then I became gay? Yeah. That's not your – And it's not like you're an 11-year-old, like the lesbian is going to be like helping her change her tampon or something.

Right. Like, well, then there was this sexy lesbian nurse. Yeah. That doesn't – This woman watches too many movies. Harvey indicated that it was okay to allow openly gay or lesbian doctors and nurses to treat children under emergency circumstances. He's got this fork in his neck. Okay, let the gay at him.

That wound is fabulous. No way. Get out of here. Hey, get out of here. But otherwise, she advised parents to write a letter that you file with your pediatrician that should your child ever be hospitalized, you do not want your child to be treated or cared for by an out gay person. It's okay if they're closeted. Yeah, if they're closeted and like, especially like if they hate themselves a little. Sure, sure. That's good.

Like if they're filled with a deep sense of personal self-loathing from maybe listening to this big like this woman is probably fucking god damn dickulous lesbian nurses do not make kids gay i will say i was into lesbian nurses when i was a kid i will admit this this, but I was a little older at the time. I would have killed to have a lesbian nurse at 15. Let me tell you. I'll tell you this much. I'd have killed to have two. Yeah. God, I'm immature. Oh, that's awesome. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth.

So this is a, I can't even believe this thing. This article comes from Talking Points Memo. It refers to a board game re-released with Obozo the Marxist Clown. It's basically a picture of Obama's face on a clown. Like, it's so poorly photoshopped. It's bad. It's basically a picture of Obama's face on a clown. Like, it's so poorly photoshopped. It's bad. It's so bad. It's like it was done in paint, you know?

Like, this is awful. Right, like MS Paint. Like, some dude had. It's terrible. It's terrible. So it's an anti-welfare game called Obozo's America. And instead of passing go, you collect welfare benefits when you pass first of the month. Cecil, did you look at the image of this game board?

I know. It's so complicated. I can't imagine these people. I can't imagine that these people could actually play this game. This game is for everybody to sit around the table, look at it, and be like, look at this square. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Those poor people sure are funny right exactly exactly and then just like you just land on like some of the squares because this game is more complicated than assembling a model rocket this

truly uh this this is a crazy game it's totally totally crazy and like you land on things that just say, burden. Yeah. This is an incredibly offensive game. There's spaces called have an out-of-wedlock child, buy five cases of wine, pay $100. First of all, five cases of wine for $100.

Really? Cases of wine? How much is in a case of wine? What is a case of wine? What does that even mean? When was the last time, Tom, you purchased aases of wine? How much is in a case of wine? What is a case of wine? What does that even mean? Get. When was the last time, Tom, you purchased a case of wine? I don't buy it by the fucking case. When was the last time you heard of a person?

I drink a bottle of wine. Right. Who is it that purchases cases of wine other than like fucking sommeliers? Like, are you serious? Like, this is a fucking ridiculously offensive game. Psychiatric disability. Collect $500. Escape.

Change your name. Go back on welfare. Sell drugs to inmates. Get off on a technicality. Sell TV rights to your crime. Social worker rehabilitates you. Right. And what this is, Tom, is this is another

example of people, one, believing the myth that it's fucking super awesome to be on welfare. Two, people that hate anyone in this country that is poor, has some sort of

level of poverty, and also hating minorities. This is what all three of these things come together in just a beautiful little fucking rump roast of hate that is on this fucking board. It's just – you look at it and you're like, the person who wrote this, they're such a scumbag that I wouldn't fucking piss in their ear if their brain was on fire. It's really a truly hateful game, and it's so hard to follow. I know. Like, I can't believe the person who put this together could actually play it or figure out that it's a game. This does not sound fun.

Let's put it that way. If you're having fun while you're playing this game, you're doing fun wrong. And speaking of board games, you were talking about a Ouija board this weekend. I have to tell a little bit of a funny personal story. So we had a little bit of a Halloween party. Cecil, you weren't there. I wasn't. I wasn't invited. Well, I mean, there's good reason.

But your wife was there, thankfully. I know, because people like her. And a Ouija board was busted out. And it occurred to me as I mocked the Ouija board was busted out. Sure. And it occurred to me as I mocked the Ouija, I actually got told twice to go away when people were playing Ouija. You are such a fucking buzzkill.

Because I was just mocking it so mercilessly. And I had to be like, they wanted me to play it. And I kept asking ridiculous questions. And they're like, it doesn't like you. I'm like, it's not there. It doesn't matter. That's because it doesn't like you I'm like it's not there it doesn't matter that's because it doesn't like anyone because it doesn't exist

at one point I had took like a nerf gun and I just started shooting the plan chat I'm like it's moving you know but that was the closest it got to ever actually going anywhere it occurs to me that you have to be really a special kind of nuts to believe that a cardboard plate with a little piece of plastic on it, marketed by fucking Hasbro.

By Hasbro. Is the method to communicate with the dead. I would rather communicate with the dead with other board games. There are so many more fun board games to communicate with the dead. If you want to communicate with, like, your old Navy buddy, Battleship. Grandpa's surgery didn't work? Operation. Rich dad uncle?

Monopoly. Right. Right. Racist uncle? albozo america you know i i would believe it more if like you set up mousetrap which is only gets set up once it's the first time you get that game first time you play it and then you're like fuck this game in the goat it takes like four hours to set it up right right? Right. And like you set up Mousetrap and like you walk away from it and it just goes off on its own.

Like oh, it's the ghost of that mouse from the Mousetrap. Paranormal Activity 4. Mousetrap. Or like you reach into the Scrabble and like it pulls out whole words at a time. Yeah, that's terrifying. Fucking board games are not the way to talk to the dead.

I don't want to be the guy that they have to communicate using Hungry Hungry and Postal. That's the one I want to stay away from. I'm cool with Trivia Pursuit. I'm cool with Trivia Pursuit, though. So we're going to start here. We're going to talk about some of the stuff that was on the blog, and we're going to talk about some of the comments that were on the blog. When I read Dumbass's comment here, Tom, I just don't – again, I don't agree with the level at which Dumbass is choosing a leader.

Like he's kind of comparing it to choosing a mate, and I don't know that I – I mean there's nobody. know that I, I mean, there's nobody, there's nobody that I've ever voted for that I ever really agreed with a hundred percent, or even, I would even say goes, go as far as like 60% of what they've said. But it's at least to the point where I think, you know, this person isn't going to damage the country as much. And, and I, and I, I just, I think we're just going to fundamentally disagree on how we decide whether or not, you know, you know, I'm or not – I'm going to educate myself on the process. And when I do, I'm going to go to the ballot box and I'm going to say, OK, this is the guy I want in there.

Not because he's a great guy but because this is the choices I've been given. Yeah, I mean I agree. It's like he's basically saying like there isn't anybody who's 100 percent there. Like there's not there's not that person who adequately represents all of his views and the qualities that you think should be in a leader. And I understand that. I understand that from a sense of, man, am I dissatisfied with what I have to choose from? But it doesn't mean I'm not going to make the choice. Um, I think you still have to make some choices. I think you still have to say like, I, you know, I, I can't allow certain people to have a stronger voice than they already have. You know, I believe in incremental change over

time, um, in politics and in evolution. And you're not going to get better candidates um if you don't if you make no steps if you make no overtures in the right direction if you don't even choose a direction when presented with two shitty paths you know it's like there's a there's like there's a fork in the road and you're like well fuck over here it's boiling tar and over here it's boiling water well i'll take the boiling water right and i'll hope that the temperature changes but the water is always better than the tar yes either path kind of blows goats i get it i do um there's also some discussion on our board about uh anonymous i think i think most people actually are on on our side that that the anonymous folks they may be doing good work um but it's not necessarily work that they have any business doing.

And they're not going about it in a way that's responsible, this vigilantism. There was some discussion about whether or not this actually was vigilantism. actually was vigilantism. I think if it's not vigilantism in definition, it is at least vigilantism in tone and character. So perhaps I was mistaken in the direct use of the term. But yeah, but you know, I mean, also, Batman's a vigilante. And sometimes he just ties people up. It's true. You know what I mean? So sometimes he just uses his batarang to tie people up. So if that's the case, then this is really what they're doing.

You know what I mean? Like, in essence, that's what they're doing. They are tying these people up and leaving a note for the police. I mean, really, in essence, that's what they're doing. Right. So it's very close. It's riding a thin line of vigilantism. Maybe not, as you say, Kev, literal vigilantism, but I think it's close. It's riding a thin line of vigilanteism. Maybe not, as you say, Kev, literal vigilanteism, but I think it's close.

But a great discussion, and thank you guys for commenting. If you want to leave us comments and you want us to talk about them, leave them on our blog, DissonancePod.com. And one thing, Dumbass, you suggest The Drunkard's Walk. I actually have that book. So it's next in line. I should be starting it tomorrow as a matter of fact. So I appreciate your suggestion. It's a book that I've had in my queue for a while, and it's the next one up in my reading list. So thanks for the suggestion.

I'll let you know what I think of it. I want to bring people's attention to what could be the best thing the internet has ever produced um zach posted on our website uh herman kane a bad lip reading soundbite blr soundbite and there's a bunch of these it's called bad lip reading and they just they just basically make up words that look like the person saying it um through the way that their mouth moving. And it could be the best thing the Internet's ever done, Tom. It's fucking hilarious. It's mean-spirited only in the sense that it's making fun of a candidate. I don't think it's partisan in any way, though.

It's just phenomenal. This thing cracked me the fuck up. Me too. We'll post this on our page. You guys have to check it out. It's a very funny website. Zach, thank you for sending it to us. We got an email, Cecil, from Mike.

Mike had tried to send us an email in the past, but rather than getting an email from him, we got page after page of gobbledygook. It looked like something Michelle Bachman may have written. Right, right. It just made no sense at all. But rather than getting an email from him, we got page after page of gobbledygook. It looked like something Michelle Bachman may have written. Right, right. It just made no sense at all. So this is actually very funny.

He says he enjoys the podcast. He played it for work at somebody, at work for somebody rather. Was playing a clip where an invisible man was having sex with this guy's wife for a co-worker who would enjoy it when a female employee walked in my office just when you said she's fucking rubbing one out dude i thought i was going to die uh we love making you guys uh embarrassed by proxy so anytime we can humiliate you from afar that we've really done our job we will clip uh take a link the link he sent us, the marriage in America though, and put it on our website.

The marriage in America image is very funny because it shows like places in the country where you can have a gay marriage. There's like two. And the rest of them are like places where you can marry your cousin, places where you can get married at like 11. And it's like, it's the most embarrassing map you've ever seen. It's fucking outstanding though. So great, great find.

Thank you very much for sending it. I want to mention quickly a person by the name of Alexandria Riddle posted three comments on our Facebook asking that we mention you. First off, it looks like your picture is like a 70-year-old person, and it says you're 15. So I think you're a troll, first off, Alexandria. But secondly, 15, you're kind of pushing the limit here listening to this show.

I don't know that I feel comfortable with all the comments about ****. I don't even know. What else other stuff we've said? You don't even have a **** when you're 15, doesn't that... I don't even know what else other stuff we've said. Do you even have a when you're 15? Doesn't that? I'm going to take like 15 years just to find one.

Oh, please turn off the podcast, Alex. Please just turn it off. Because we're going to jail. It's here for a reason. It really is here for a reason. Put it away for three years. Come back when you're 18. Because this has some really serious adult themes in it. But I don't know how I feel about a 15-year-old listening to our podcast.

I think I probably swore like this, though, when I was 15. I think it's pretty difficult to shock a 15-year-old at this point. Yeah, I know. With all the felching that goes on. You at this point. Yeah, I tell. By the time you're 15, you're like 35. Yeah, right, right. The 15-year-olds now, they're, you know. I mean, that's why this map exists. So you see what states you can marry them in.

Yeah, marry them. You know. We want to thank Alexandria for listening, and thank you for listening. And please don't tell your parents about us. Well, Tom, uh,

it has, uh, been a lot of fun recording on the road. So you should probably hear some weird sounds in the background now with my sound, uh, because I recorded from, uh,

the double tree in Berkeley, California. Occupy Berkeley bitches. So, uh, so we're going to leave people as always, Tom, with the skeptics' creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative,

acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive.

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