Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 194: Zoinks!

Episode Date: December 8, 2014

 

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer-beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, Corey Hall. Charles from Virginia again.

And just wanted to leave a message about the silliest thing I ever prayed about was when I was a kid and I was raised in a Mormon house. So you guys fucking understand it must have been completely insane. I used to all the time pray to be let out of my insane religious family. I would ask God and say, God, these people are insane. They believe in

fucking magic underwear. They believe in owning planets. They all want to go be dictators of planets. Let me the fuck out. And, uh, he did. I'm an atheist and have been since pretty much ever. Thanks, guys. Blow my hole.

Hey, fuckers. Uh, the little thing about the, uh, the monster logo. I know it's been a while, but I was looking at it the other day. Somebody walked by with a big sweatshirt on and it said, you know, the logo.

It looks like three railroad spikes. It doesn't look like nine. It's like fucking railroad spikes. So, why wouldn't Monster be, like, more genus-y than not? Silly human. Anyway, thought I'd bring that up. Check it out. Alright, see ya. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.

The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. Wait, wait, wait. Recording live. Live. Not live. Well, live-ish. Live-ish, but it's not live. We're recording together.

We are together. I can smell you today. I'm surprised from 35 miles away you can't still smell me. It was like one of those zones around your house that they have to let people in and out of. Like, hold on, we have to put a gas mask down on you before you can actually go into the Tom zone. It's like the fucking thing from E.T.

It's like you're not sure if they found an alien or if they're fucking gassing the house for bed bugs. Or it's the Holocaust. You're not sure. You have no idea. I got're fucking gassing the house for bed bugs. Or it's the Holocaust. You're not sure. You have no idea. I got home from working out the other day and I smelled so bad my wife wouldn't let me hold the baby. I got home. She thought you'd spoil it.

She's like, no, no, no. Shower first. Oh, that's awesome. That's great. I guess I shouldn't cake myself in margarine before I go to the gym. But it's the only way to squeeze between those doors. No kidding, right? And then, like, and actually to, like, when you're on the mats, because if not, you're in between both walls.

There's no way you can move in between both walls. That's the whole, the whole workout is just getting in. And then you're like. I show up and they're like, all right, get the complex series of pulleys and wedges. We need to get this man in there. That's their workout. It's getting you out. What episode is it?

You totally fucked this up. All right, hold on a minute. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. Oh, God, it's going to be bad. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical.

It's political. And there is no welcome at this episode 194. This is the pre-dogma debate episode. Pre-dogma. We're going to be on dogma debate in like under two hours. I'm super nervous. I'm super nervous. I'm terribly nervous. I'm basically just like urinating constantly. I'm like a skittish cocker spaniel.

I'm like, you know what I mean? Like one of those dogs. I got to pee again. I got to pee again. What? You let it out of the house and it pees literally 37 times. How is that possible? My old man dog does that if you try to take it for a walk.

It's got to mark its territory? It marks every foot. Where does it find it? That's the other thing. It's like metabolizing muscle into urine at a certain point. We take him back. He's the size of a Yorkie. And nothing in my house is the size of a Yorkie.

Oh, no. Except for dinner. Yeah, that would be the Yorkie. So we're going on in a couple hours, and I didn't get a chance to read a lot of the notes very clearly today, so I just want to go over the notes really quickly. Four pounds of 12-ounce Munich malt. One pound of dark Munich malt. One pound of Cara Vienna. Four ounces of dark Munich malt, one pound of dark Munich malt, one pound of Cara Vienna, four ounces of dark Munich malt.

These are the weirdest notes I've ever seen, Tom. They are going to be delicious notes, though. I'm just saying. It's so funny. Only in our drive, our Google Drive, is where I could find that and be like, oh, that's Tom's. Yeah, right. Otherwise, that's like a recipe for a bomb somewhere else.

You put it all in a pressure cooker and leave it in a sporting event. A really boring one. Yeah, right? Yeah, like a marathon or something. Oh, no. Too soon? A marathon. I couldn't even bomb a marathon.

That's true, yeah. I'm so out of shape, I'd show up and they'd be like, they wouldn't even let you near it. You've got to bomb the 5K. You've got to bomb the 5K run walk. You got to do the one where they speed walk. You got to get like the old ladies in the mall. Like that's the best I can do.

That's the very best you can do. Like set your bomb up at the end of Spencer's. Oh, man. Ah, Akbar, Akbar, Allah, Akbar, Allahu, Akbar, just little Allah. Thank you, Chicago. So let's jump from that little bit of journalistic integrity to the next. This is from the Daily Mail. Awesome. Which I love.

Again, you cannot do better than just the headlines for the Daily Mail. This is the headline. Right. Okay. This is just the headlines for the daily mail this is the headline right okay this is just the headline i know i'm waiting because i'm going to be here for a half an hour one brave woman's protest against saudi arabia female driving ban activist arrested by police after spending 24 hours at border demanding that she be allowed to drive across sparking protests across arab world. He's not done yet. Lijan Halimu, 25. Bravo.

Even her name is sexy. Is trying to drive across the border into Saudi Arabia. She has had her passport confiscated and is being blocked from entering. Started her journey in the UAE and tried to cross into Saudi yesterday. Reports from campaigners say she has now been arrested by police. Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world where women cannot drive. This year, a woman got 150 lashes after being caught behind the wheel.

Mrs. Hrmh actions have sparked a wave of protests across the country. I can't. You're still reading the headline. Dude, and then you go to the article. They immediately launch into photos. I know't. You're still reading the headline. Dude, and then you go to the article. They immediately launch into photos. I know. Because you're exhausted. It's all photos and captions for the rest of the article.

What else could they do? Oh, well, I don't know if there's a lot to say about this. I think it's brave of this person to do. It's mad brave. I certainly wouldn't try to do any kind of protesting. In a place where they have, like, wizardry police, I'm not interested in doing it. I would protest my citizenship by leaving.

What the fuck? Protest? No kidding, right? What would you protest? Be like, I'm in Saudi Arabia. Yeah, I protest that. Yeah. I'm going to go anywhere else.

Right. Literally in any other country I can drive. And, you know, this is all just the bullshit to keep the woman down. I mean, that's and they and they use the same exact logic that people use here to fearmonger against homosexuals. And they use the same logic that people use to fearmonger against all different kinds of things by saying stupid shit like, yo, blow your ovaries up. If you're like you're fucking your vagina, get all flappy will get all flappy or whatever it is they're going to say. They say all kinds of crazy shit. What are you doing in the car? What are you driving?

You just come out, and it's like clapping when you watch. Can you imagine if a woman tried to drive a Hummer? Oh, my God. It would have a fucking heart attack. It would kill them outright. I'd watch that movie, actually. I would kill them outright. Oh, I'd pay. I'd watch that movie, actually. I'd watch that movie.

I've actually seen plenty of women drive Hummers. Yeah, what? I don't know if I've seen them drive them. But, you know, I applaud the woman. But, you know, all the people have the exact same tactics. This is the exact same tactics they use all the time to try to scare people into saying, oh, we shouldn't let women drive cars because their birth rate is low. You know, they just make up shit.

They just make shit up. Because they'll turn into fucking flying winged monkeys. Yeah, if they drive after midnight, they turn into gremlins. You know, I will say that I think that it's not only brave of this woman to do this, but I think it's awesome when people do this because it does spark international attention.

And that's obviously the goal of this is to emphasize that there is still a country in the world that's like female motorists. What is this, the 20th century? What the fuck? This is just some crazy shit. So good for her. I just hope nobody decides to fucking torture her as a result. Yeah. And, you know, like, that's a real possibility.

It's a distinct possibility. Can you imagine, like, legitimately, the fear as you drove up to that checkpoint, you know, thinking like, I hope this goes. I'm kind of looking to make a statement. I'm kind of not looking to get stoned to death in a fucking soccer arena. Right. You know what I worry about is the waiting afterwards because they say no. And now you're sitting in your car. And you're just like, okay, well, I'm not going to go anywhere.

And that's when your protest starts. Every moment thinking that something awful could happen. I'm too chicken shit to do anything like this. This is a tremendously brave person to do something like this. And think about the horrors she could face. and tremendously brave person to do something like this. And think about the horrors she could face. Not only could she be dragged out of her car and beaten or lashed or whatever,

but she could run out of audiobooks to listen to. No kidding, right? You know? Have to turn on a bad podcast. Like ours? Yeah, exactly. Can you imagine if she was just like, what's there still left to listen to? Pognitive dissonance! I've listened to literally everything.

Right, like the internet is out. She's searching the internet. She's literally squeezing it dry. She's got an old rag, and she's just squeezing the last bit of information out, and our podcast is the dregs of information. It falls out with a plop, too. That's the thing. When we fall out of the internet, there's like a... There's backsplash.

You know what I mean? It's like a stinky sock fell on the ground. I was just like, what is that? Did you have that in your bag? That's disgusting. Oh, God. You should have put some toilet paper in the water first. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. Oramana Shandakaraba. No kore menemere. Jere kede burushida.

Kiliberasa. Uka chaka. Uka chaka. Uka chaka. Uka chaka. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. This story comes from Alternet.

Christian pastor finds ingenious way to exploit the homeless. This story comes from Alternet. Christian pastor finds ingenious way to exploit the homeless. What? He did. He found an ingenious way. So this finally, you know, I actually think this is pretty great because, you know, after so many hours spent thinking of ways to exploit the homeless, only to find out that somebody else was already exploiting the homeless that way. You know? And you're like, it's like filing your patent on how to exploit the homeless.

Oh, no. And then the patent office is like, oh, no, no, no. No, they're already exploiting the homeless. Some assholes already figured this out. God damn it. Back to the drawing board. You're like furiously scribbling. There's some weird equation on the homework. Some assholes already figured this out. God damn it! Back to the drawing board. You're like furiously scribbling. There's some weird equation on the board. Equations of like a

series of fucking Greek letters. And like a sandwich. And it has like on the left, it has the start. It has like a fucking disheveled person. And on the right, you've got dollar signs. You're just trying to fill in the blanks. There's like a cardboard box in there somewhere where they stick their head at night.

Oh shit! Oh. So the CEO of a You're just trying to fill in the blanks. There's like a cardboard box in there somewhere where they stick their head at night. Oh, shit. So the CEO of a Tampa Bay area charity. Wait. Oh, okay. It's a charity. It's not a church. Well, we'll get there. Okay.

So it's a Christian charity. We'll get there. We'll get there. It's a Christian charity. New beginnings of Tampa. So they've been farming out the residents. So it's basically like running like a home for the homeless, right? Sure.

And then farming them out as indentured servants to work. And to pay for their way, which some charities do. I read in here the Salvation Army does that. I had no idea. Sure. Yeah, you got to do some work if you want. Got to do some work. It's like, yeah, it's a charity, but you have to work here it you got to do some work if you want to do some work it's like yeah it's a charity but you have to do something got to do something yeah which

isn't then a charity in my thought you know it's not a charity i'm okay with it i know that there's a lot of people out there who think that the late that the poor are just lazy fuckers that just can't they can't get their shit together because they're just too lazy and they don't want to do anything and i know that there's a lot of people out there that would really respect a charity like that and may give money to a charity like that over another charity. So I'm okay with a charity like that because I think that people out there don't understand homelessness. They just want to hate it.

But don't you think like it's charity if I give it away. It's not charity if we trade services for services. That's barter. It's barter. It is. You for services. That's barter. It's barter. It is. You know? It's a barter. And in this case, it's even worse because the guy was getting kickbacks from the government to pay for some of the stuff.

Right. Yeah. So he's making mad money. He's making money off of the thing. He's sharecropping the homeless. That's exactly what he's doing. He's fucking sharecropping them. It's like, you know, like these guys are out there fucking like loading 16 tons.

What do you get? I'm just like, did I beat you to it? Oh, it's okay. Your voice is better for it. Oh, I sing so badly. Your voice is deeper, so it sounds better. But it's just, it's like, and then plus to make these guys like, the work that they had them do was to sell fucking beer and food at concession stands. Some of them.

And they're like fucking alcoholics. Oh, God. That's the worst. Be like, here's your. And they're putting the beer near their face. Be like, I want this beer so bad. Could you imagine? That's like torturing someone.

I mean, it literally is like torture. It's like having fucking heroin addicts fucking sell heroin. Right? You'd be like, hey, man, I need you to sell this heroin for me. That'd be weird to buy at the stadium. You'd be like, oh, heroin guy, heroin guy. That would be kind of great. Hook me up, bro.

And he's like, oh, I got to pass this black tar up over there. And he's like throwing it. He's got like catchy phrases. And then you've got to pass the $200 to $300 up to him, pass through all those people. And you've got like a, you try to catch it, but you've got like one of those novelty foam fingers. It's a novelty foam syringe.

What kind of weird game are you playing? Everybody in this stadium is so thin. Oh no. No, this guy's a scumbag though because he's totally taking the money and going off with it. I do think though that I think that there's going to be a group of people out there that are going to donate to a charity that make people work rather than a charity that doesn't because they feel like there's some justice being meted out.

I think that's punishment, though. I think it's looked at. You and I are on the same page. Yeah. But those people are like, well, I'll give the homeless money, but they better damn well work for it. You know what I mean? They just don't understand. They don't like the homeless, and they don't understand the homeless, and they don't understand

the systemic problems of poverty in this country. So instead, what they do is just hate them. And there's a lot of poor hating that goes on. There's a ton of poor hating that goes on. I had a conversation just today where somebody said that a poor person has just as many opportunities as i have and i was like i gotta disagree with you here that seems like a not a thing that's happened and i have to agree i grew up poor so i recognize that i am a

poor person with a lot of opportunities but it's because of a long series of luck and and perseverance on my part that's made me not to be a poor individual anymore. But it's not that I was gifted anything, but it's that I took advantages of things that were available to me. Sure, right. And those are things that I look back on and say, I was very lucky to be able to take advantage of those things. Because a lot of poor people don't even have the few slim advantages that you did have. Absolutely, absolutely. things. Because a lot of poor people don't even have the few slim advantages that you did.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And think about the digital divide that separates the poverty in this country. Any child with access to a computer is already 100% ahead of any other child without access. Because just think about all the access to information you have just when you have the internet at your fingertips, plus access to all kinds of other things. And cultural values. Yeah. You know, that's like another huge thing, right? It's like, depending on what culture you happen to grow up in, like education may not be highly valued in that culture.

Might not be, might not be, yeah. You know, in cultures where education is highly valued, their kids grow up and they, you know, I mean, your kids grow up in an environment that says like education is something of value. Education is a good, right? It's true, yeah. If you grow up in a culture that does not value education culturally, it's going to be that much more difficult for you to be like, oh, well, I'll just take advantage of this thing that all around me nobody else or very few other people either have access to or value. Values are incredibly important in that process. You know, good grief.

I want to see young people who are as committed to the cause of Jesus Christ as the young people are to the cause of Islam. I want to see them as radically laying down their lives for the gospel as they are over in Pakistan and in Israel and Palestine and all those different places, you know, because we have excuse me, but we have the truth. This story comes from CNN dot com. And this is the exact opposite of the Daily Mail. Right. Because the the headline tells you nothing. Police chief on Austin shooting.

We were lucky. That really doesn't tell you shit. What the fuck is this story about? You might ask yourself. And then and then you actually have to read the whole fucking article, which I felt was rude, in order to know what it's about. You just cut and paste the words into the speech simulator and let it read it to you, Tom. You're just so lazy. But this is a very strange story about a guy in Austin who basically showed up to a police station and just started shooting the place up.

Like shooting at the police station. Like it was mad at the building. I know. It was so weird. So strange. So weird. Damn you, brick and mortar. So he actually shot the building.

Yes. No, he literally shot the building. And that's, I mean, like, and then he also, he opened fire at a federal courthouse and at a Mexican consulate. And he tried to set the Mexican consulate on fire. And I'm thinking, like, when I'm reading this story, I'm like, and nobody stopped him. He's on his third stop. Somebody stops him and be like, hey, this is our first time in Austin. Can you take our picture? He sets his gun down.

No problem. Sure. No, take a step back. Okay, you're good. All right. I got to go burn a Mexican consul. I'll be back later. It's fine.

I've been shooting at it all night. I've been very busy shooting at it. The building won't die. They must be very close to one another. That's the first thing I thought, is that they just have to be right next to each other. Right. I mean, like, but you would think that you're standing outside of a federal fucking building. You would think. Shooting at the building. Right. Someone mean, like, but you would think that you're standing outside of a federal fucking building. You would think.

Shooting at the building. Right. Someone might hear that. Someone might be like, stop shooting at us. We're calling the police. Yeah. Also, we probably have armed guards here. Right.

That could act at any time. So weird that the police are just like, come on, Bill. Anytime here. Dodged a bullet on that. The police are like, well, dodged a bullet on that one. Yeah. Maybe, what the fuck? So anyway, the investigators, you know, they killed this guy,

right? So he's the only one that dies in the attacks. Huh. Because this is not a well-organized string of attacks. He also had something written on his chest, didn't he? Like, kill me, please. He did. He had it written in marker, was let me die, I guess. Let me die, yeah.

In case somebody was going to do CPR on him. And it was like, oh, no, he wrote in fucking Crayola, let me die. And it's notarized. Yeah, right? We've got to let him go. He's got a DNR. He's got a DNR built in right on his chest. Right there.

Yeah, it's let me die. And then when they searched his house, they found a book called Vigilantes of Christendom. And then he later, they found a handwritten note which discussed, and this is my favorite, it discussed his rank as a, quote, priest in the fight against anti-God people. What the fuck does that even mean? You got to watch out for the anti-God people. Man. You gotta shoot at them.

They're evidently all in the Mexican consulate. Every time I read that, I think of those stupid shows where they're like, oh man, there's a shadow person living here. And they talk about the shadow people. You ever see those stupid shows? No. That's those idiots who run around the house and scare each other with the- Oh, like the ghost huntsies?

They have the glow-in-the-dark camera and they freak each other out. Oh, you see the brick move? And then they piss and shit themselves and run around the house and scare each other with the... Oh, like the ghost hunties? They have the glow-in-the-dark camera, and they freak each other out. Oh, you see the brick move? And then they piss and shit themselves and run around. Yeah, the same thing. Scared of the dark hunters. Scared of the dark hunters is perfect. No, but they talk about shadow people on occasion, and that's all I could think of when this...

How would you see a shadow people at night? What shadow would you see? It's dark. You need a glow-in-the-dark camera or whatever they have. The shadow of the shadow. What? That's impossible. The shadow knows.

Now you're just talking crazy. I love that the Mexican concept, like Mexico is by and large a very Catholic country. Right. Like they're not anti-God people at all. Yeah. They're just brown. This also came across on Think Progress where people were saying if this were you know this is an a christian uh terrorist group yeah that nobody's talking about well we're

talking about it yeah here we are and and you know the thing is is if this is a real group and not just a fucking chick tracked bullshit that's in his house then yeah it's something you should be absolutely concerned about and it's something that you should pay attention to and that they should crack down on and they should find these people and make sure that they can't do any more harm. Right. Just like they should do with any other terrorist cell in the United States. You've got to worry. There shouldn't be any kind of privilege because you have a fucking cross on.

Yep. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. And if this guy had had, you know, Allah Akbar written on his chest and, you know, his house was covered in and it said like that he is a mullah instead of a priest of the war or whatever against anti-God

people this would have been on Fox News it would have been the lead story for two weeks you're probably right absolutely right I think that there is definitely a journalist biased in this country and I don't think it wouldn't just been Fox News I think a lot of people would have been playing this up because they love to play that Muslim terror angle. And it's not that there isn't any truth to some Muslim

terror. Don't get me wrong. There certainly is. But they love to make sure that they play it up. Absolutely. And you know what the difference between them and us is too, and this is a stark difference that I want to point out. They have paying jobs? Another stark difference between them and us

is that they want you to be afraid. I think they want you to be afraid. is that they want you to be afraid yeah i think they want you to be afraid i don't want you to be afraid of terrorists i don't want you i i personally don't think terrorists especially like you you probably have absolutely nothing to worry about when it comes to terrorism if you live in the united states probably there's probably very little chance if ever you you are much better chance of getting hit by a car. Or even by a shark or something. You have a much better chance of getting struck by lightning. I don't think that that's something that should worry you.

And I also am not worried about ISIL. I don't think that that's a thing because I think that really all they do is hold their own people hostage. That's all they do. They're not a threat to me. They're not a threat to me in Chicago. I'm not afraid of them.

I think that they're mechanically, when we talk about weapons, they're mechanically a joke. They blew up a couple of their leaders recently. Nothing. They blew up like nothing. Four or five leaders died in a single day because they literally have no chance. So I'm not worried about them. I don't care about them. The only thing I'm worried about is the poor, innocent people that are going to come under their rule. That's the only people I care about.

But when it comes right down to it, they're not holding me hostage. They're holding their own people hostage. So I can care, and I do care, and I don't want people to be afraid of them. I think that there is definitely a leaning toward a lot of people where they want you to be afraid. They want you to fear. And because it keeps you in the seat so they could show you the fucking Acura commercial. They want to scare you. And I think that that's something you should pay attention to.

Okay. Don't be afraid. Right. should pay attention to okay don't be afraid right because what bigger lead to the next you know after this break is you know the new terrorist group that could be blowing up your house in kansas city missouri every year in chicago they have the exact same thing and it's it's a it's a story about live electricity that runs to certain poles in the city like certain certain street poles in the city. There's a live electricity where they can touch something to it and make it spark. And so

every year in Chicago, they have this voltage threat. And they play it every year in Chicago. And nothing ever gets done about it. But it's a new story, and I see the new story almost every year. So there are things that they do to make you stick around.

They're like, they're like out of stories. They're like, can we replay the Zappy street pole thing? Is there a Zappy? Hey, is it time yet? Yeah, we've passed the requisite

for months, so we can play it again. Yeah, it's, yeah, two weeks after Thanksgiving. No problem. No problem. Yeah, that's good. We'll name the segment.

I just pray over this equipment. We speak over the PowerPoint presentations, all of the video projectors. And we'll say, devil, we know what you love to do in meetings like this. And we say, you will not, in Jesus' name, you will not prevent this message from going out. No microphone problems, in Jesus' name. You know what's, okay, so this story's from Right Wing Watch, but before I even launch into it, you see the news story that just popped up? David Barton falsely claims the average welfare family receives $61,000 a year in benefits. It's so obviously not true!

When the poverty line is $20,000 or something. What are you talking about? The average, whatever. All right, so we'll stick to the actual story. Fucking I hate this guy. You know, when he says in benefits, though, what does he mean? Insurance? Sure, he's probably tacking all the, he's probably adding a bunch of different disparate benefits. Thank you, President Obama, for my large bowl of insurance I get to eat today.

You know? Anyway. David Barton. I Anyway. David Barton. I fucking hate David Barton. I want to punch him in the eye. He just makes shit up. America must have a biblical view on computer programming. So this fucking dipshit spoke at some conference for assholes.

It's a Christian apologetics conference. Can you imagine how awful this thing would be to attend? You are totally not getting laid at the bar. Oh, my gosh. I'm just saying. Like, there's no play. I'll tell you what, though. You tap your totally not getting laid at the bar. Oh, my gosh. I'm just saying. Like, there's no play. I'll tell you what, though. You tap your foot in the stall in the bathroom.

Oh, yeah. I bet you something's going to happen. Dude, you're taking me suck by like seven dudes at once. At once. Anyway. There's a lot of frustrated guys. Terribly frustrated. And their wives are just waiting outside the bathroom with their arms crossed and their

lips fucking angrily pursed, knowing exactly what's happening. And they're like, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, Susan, is your husband in the bathroom, too? Takes a long time. Does a little bit of reading in there while he's in there, huh? Mine, too. Mm-hmm.

Yep. I should take his phone away from him. Yep. I should take his phone away from him. Anyway, he made the case that America must implement a biblical view on literally everything, Cecil. Literally all things. And he specifically included computer programming. Do we want to play the clip? Let's play the clip.

So we have come into the point where the Great Commission now means say the sinner's prayer rather than Jesus who said, you teach them everything I taught you. say the sinner's prayer rather than Jesus who said, you teach them everything I taught you. Well, if you do that, you've got to get a no-fault divorce in Matthew 19. You've got to get into due process because in John 8, Jesus says, woman, we're the accusers, which is why we get the right to confront our accusers in the Sixth Amendment. We took that right from Jesus. Jesus came up with, like, you have the right to remain silent.

Right. Yeah, sure he did. Sure, yeah. Jesus came up with due process. That have the right to remain silent. Right. Yeah, sure he did. Sure, yeah. Jesus came up with due process. That's why we have courts. Yeah. But only, like, 2,000 years after Jesus. It took them a while to read Matthew.

They're like, hey, should we have a fucking court system? No, fucking. No. Hey, what's in that dusty old book over there? Maybe it'll tell us about our court system. It's like 1532, and they're like, anyone read that Bibble? No. I haven't been around to it. I had the plague for like 1500 years. I've been very busy. I've been

hacking up a long... I mean, if you're going to do everything Jesus said, then we've got to get into economics, we've got to get into employee-employee relationships, we've got to get into contracts. He covered all of that. And so, if you don't get God back into business, back into media, back in the media. And by the way, in the 1960s, you could not bring a movie out unless the church approved it.

The church said on the editorial boards in the 1960s, and we said, oh, we shouldn't be involved in secular stuff. Guess what? We've given all that over. See, until we get back into saying, you know, I've got to have a biblical view on computer programming. What the fuck does that even mean? The biblical view on computer programming. So that when you're thinking about how to write code, right? And you're like, oh yeah, I need to write my fucking if-then statements.

Yeah. You have to first check the Bible. Right. And if the Bible says anything about the computer, then you know you're reading a different book other than the fucking Bible. What on earth could you possibly mean by that? I have no idea. A biblical view on computer programming. I have a biblical view on everything.

Contract law. I mean, you know, like, look, I can see I can see certain things when he's talking about, like, trials and shit. He's talking about contract law, or he's talking about divorce. Things trials and shit. He's talking about contract law or he's talking about divorce. Things that have a historical basis that could have been roughly addressed in equivalent terms. How on earth can—what does Jesus have to say about GPS systems?

Right? You know? Oh, yeah, that's—show me in the Bible one fucking moment where Jesus talks about anything that's in the future. You're like, yeah, I have to code some lookup tables for rates and contracts for an insurance company. What would Jesus do? I don't know. Jesus didn't know what fucking insurance

was. He flipped the table over. Are you kidding me? He just trashes. He just rolls into every business and just fucking fucks it up. Angry as fuck. And it's like, wait a minute, Jesus wasn't pro-business. You lied to me. What's going on?

Oh, man. I can't believe that he would say something like that. He'll say anything. I've got to have a biblical view as a business, a chamber of commerce. I'm a leader in chamber, whatever it is. If we don't get that back to where everyone's got a common worldview, and based on our documents, that again is there is a God. He gives you a certain set of rights.

The government protects those rights. He gives a fixed moral law that I'm not allowed to alter. And then below that, I can make decisions. Until we get back to that common understanding of the nation, you won't have a stable nation. Yeah, I know. Yeah, because we haven't had stability at all. Since the very beginning of this nation, we haven't had a bit of stability. Terribly unstable.

None of the stability. Every day when I wake up and I'm safe and I'm secure and I have hot running water and electricity and then I hop in my car and I drive across the fucking interstate. Yeah. How many miles? 20, 30 miles? I drive 37 miles one way to work and I'm accosted by exactly zero brigands and bandits. No brigands on your way to work? Man.

Yeah. Terribly unstable. Terribly unstable, yeah. And then I show up, and then, you know. And then after the afternoon coup. Right, exactly. That's when you know it's break time, because it's afternoon coup. I fend off the fucking pirates or whatever.

What are you talking about? And I have to fight an orangutan before I get in my door every night. They say your home is a castle every night. I come home and someone's laying siege to it. I literally have to dump boiling oil on them every single night. I have to text my wife while I'm driving like, open the portcullis. Second show in two weeks I got to say portcullis. That's amazing.

You know, I can't even get the fucking pizza delivery guy to come around anymore because there's so much fucking oil that's staining my fucking... He won't even come near it anymore. He's like, fuck you. Every time I come by you, a pirate takes my pizza. Why order from beggars pizza? They're actually beggars. They're literally beggars.

They're just like, pizza for the poor. Pizza for the poor. You know what else he said in there too he said we have to all come to a common view yeah good luck and well the other thing is isn't it doesn't a diverse view uh isn't that a better more energetic view of the world to have diverse opinions to sometimes bounce those differing opinions off each other to maybe see which one is the better one instead of all just having a monolithic view of the world? Yeah, I would agree with you,

but I think that that's something legitimately that they're afraid of. I think that if you're a, I think that if you're one of these guys, if you're a Barton type, you know, like there's a whole, there's a type, right, that fits this character profile. Right.

Diversity is scary, right? Diversity is the exact opposite of what you want. You want a homogenous world. Sure. You want a homogenous worldview because diversity just doesn't work. Like diversity is antithetical

to their entire structure of thinking. It can't, you can't accommodate other thoughts. It's like a cookie cutter thought system. Right. Yeah. And you've got to fold within the cookie cutter

and if you don't, you know, how are you going to program if you didn't fucking find out from Jesus what to fucking say first? I'm totally curious what that means, though. If somebody has any idea and is a computer programmer and can somehow parse that into some sort of fucking idea whatsoever. Because I don't get it. I literally have no idea. Yeah, I don't. Because I don't know anything about Jesus and I don't know anything about computer programming.

I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't have a lot to directly say about that. Yeah. Because he didn't know about electricity yet. There's so many things that Jesus didn't know about that go into computer programming. Like the silicon circuit fucking chips and shit that you that Jesus didn't know about that go into computer programming. But the very pain, like... Like the silicon circuit fucking chips and shit that you use,

and all, I mean, everything. What? Literally everything. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, there isn't a one thing about computer programming that Jesus had predicted. Maybe language. Like, that's it.

Yeah, that's the funny thing. It's like... Like, here's... Like, Jesus is sitting there, and somebody, can you imagine trying to explain computer programming to somebody 2,000 years ago? No. Okay, here's the thing. We have machines that kind of think for us, but we have to tell them what to think and how to do it. We have to tell them what to think first, and then they'll do it. And specifically how to think it.

And then they'll do it. And then they'll do it. And see, these computers are made out of materials you couldn't possibly imagine and there's no way you could fucking possibly even make them until 2001 years from now their power you see totally separate from the computer they get their power because we take rocks we dig up from the ground use them to boil water to create lightning that we then shoot through the world, and then we get little bits of lightning in our house, and then we turn that into energy that powers

the thinking machines that we call computers. You'd be fucking strung up immediately. Immediately. You'd be fucking crucified. You'd be a devil worshiper. You would be a devil worshiper. Right. Yeah. You worship the... It is kind of funny that you're basically turning rocks into thoughts, though. That is pretty awesome. Actually, that's really super awesome.

So this story comes from the Business Insider. Someone's going to bitch that they're not really thoughts. It's a computer. It's not really thinking, guys! We get so many of those emails. It's going to be so pathetic. So bad! Cole is not really actually a rock. Technically, Cole... Okay, I've...

Fuck it, I quit. I quit. Go away! Just go away. I know. It's a joke. I'll be telling a lot of them today. Well, I'll be trying. I'll be doing my best. It won't be working.

Yeah, they won't be good. Podcasters. They live in squalor, destitute, and disenfranchised. Eeking out on existence as best they can in such desolate places as Chicago. In pairs, but otherwise alone, they suffer from hunger and thirst, barely making it day to day on store-brand chicken wings and weak domestic beer. And the endlessness that you feel But now you can help. For just a few dollars a podcast, pennies a day,

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today make a pledge and help these poor innocent creatures lead a life worth living. As this story comes to the Business Insider, Hindu worshippers killed 500,000 animals at a festival. And the pictures are staggering, it says. They're kind of staggering.

They're terribly staggering. I wasn't staggered. Did you stagger? No. They did fucking lop the noggins off a lot of cows, though. I will say that. I mean, it's a half a million. Have you ever seen Apocalypse Now when they cut that cow in the apocalypse?

Now they cut its head off at the very end. They're totally doing that to one of the cows in this, although that's half a second before it's dead. You look at the very first picture, and they look like they're standing around thinking, what the fuck do we do now? Because they're, like, standing in a goddamn field, and it's a sizable field. There's a lot of cows in there. It's like, it's fucking Civil War dead, you know what I mean?

Like, you could walk from, like... What you need is a slow pan and zoom and somebody to play that violin. Get birds to narrate it and be like, violin! I'm getting crazy. You could walk from one end of the battlefield to the next. Dear Margaret, I'm dead. This is the last letter

that I write to you. Know that I had in my heart not but the deepest affection. Moo! I did love the way they used to write letters back in the day. Oh, they were awesome. They were hyper literate. They fucking got killed by the tens of thousands.

They were super great, yeah. And also dead. Look at that guy. He writes beautiful letters. I know. Let's shoot him with a cannon. Let's see what he writes on his gravestone. Here lies gangrene.

Aww. Back to the story. Anyway, so they're killing all these animals. They sacrifice birds and, you know, whatever. It looks like they have a little bit of that, what do they call that, funnel cake? Looks like they got a little funnel cake going on here.

But they had a good reason to do it, Cecil. And that's because they think that the Hindu deity will give them wishes. Yeah. Wishes. And I will say, like, let's say, because we did get some, there was some conversation on our Facebook page when I posted this. Somebody's like, hey, if you eat meat, how is this any different? Sure, yeah. And look, I don't oppose the killing of animals for food or for leather or for other whatever.

I do, however, think that there is a distinction between humanely slaughtering an animal for food or whatever and hacking it to pieces with a sword in a field. Yeah, I'm kind of with the sword in the field. I got to be honest with you, man. I think we should basically arm our cows, armor them, and we should just have to fight them for our food. I'm not fighting an armored cow. I think that would be awesome. I mean, really, you earn your meal. I've become enamored of fava beans all of a sudden.

I think we all make choices. I think clearly there's a lot of cognitive dissonance when it comes to eating meat. I know what I have. There's a ton of it. I own pets I have. There's a ton of it. I own pets. I love my pets. I think they're awesome. I weep when they die, but I eat meat all the time.

And I recognize that there is certainly some cognitive dissonance in me when it comes to eating meat. I don't think, and I think that people put meat in layers, right? So we think about certain things where we say this. I put all my meat in layers. Layer it all. It's like a giant turducken. Like everything is a turducken.

One kind of meat, one kind of cheese. That's the layer system. But we have this idea where we think about meat and meat animals in a way where we go, they aren't pet animals, so it's okay. So we think about cows as lesser animals. We think about pigs as lesser animals. And there are certain animals we automatically sort of have a revulsion towards where we say, oh, we wouldn't eat. In America, we certainly wouldn't eat dogs.

That's something we don't think is a good idea. No, no dogs. No horses in America. That's something else we don't do. No cats. That's another thing we don't do. And then dolphins and whales and those are things that we just say, no, that's taking it a step too far. Because several of them are pet animals.

And the other ones we think are intelligent enough where we think, oh, that's a little too close at this point. Yeah, it's a little weird. It's a little weird, right? Yeah. Although I've got to be honest. If a dolphin was where bacon came from, I would have a fucking flipper lettuce and tomato sandwich every day. Are you fucking kidding me? There's no way I wouldn't eat it.

No, but pigs are highly intelligent creatures, and we kill them by the droves to get bacon. So there is a lot of cognitive dissonance. And then people will say, okay, well, then instead I'm just going to eat chicken and I'm going to eat fish because those are much lower when we think about lower animals on the food chain. And we think about lower intelligence and we think fish are very low on the intelligence level and so are chickens. So we don't think that those are animals that it's okay for us to eat. And so there's certainly a hierarchy that we pay attention to. But I do think that there's a lot of cognitive dissonance when it comes to this. If they were to use all that stuff and some people have posted that they actually are

going to be using that stuff, that the food gets, that the meat gets eaten, and that they do... The hides get used. Then that's fine. I'm totally fine with it. I recognize that there's a level of brutality to them being butchered in such a way, but at the same time, does it really matter that they get butchered this way or butchered another way? You know what? I got to say for myself, it doesn't matter to me. Yeah.

See, I disagree on the on the how they're butchered. I will say that I don't I don't have a problem with eating cows. I don't really it doesn't bother me to eat most food. What I consider to be food animals. Yeah. And I will I will be the first to admit that I don't think that I can back that up reasonably. Sure. There's no reason behind it.

Yeah. I can't. You know, I know that my affinity toward eating meat is selfish and it's cultural. And ecologically kind of a disaster. It is. Yeah. And I know that. And I have struggled with that in the past and I sometimes struggle with it now.

You know, I think about it not eating now. I think about not eating meat. I think about reducing the amount of meat that I eat. I think about which meats are maybe less damaging than others to consume. Maybe some meats are a treat food rather than a daily type of food. So it's something that I have given some thought to. And I got to tell you, I don't think I could say, yeah, man, I've got a good, reasonable defense that gets me out of this fucking predicament. No, I don't think there is one. It's selfish. Yeah, I think you're right.

But I would also say that if you are going to eat meat, if you're going to make that decision, that to me, to me, there is a difference between an animal that is slaughtered very quickly and an animal that's hacked to death with a giant knife. Would you argue though that there's a difference between how an animal is raised throughout its life and cared for before it dies too? Would you say that that's a good thing? Yeah, I think the factory farming is atrocious and that's something else I struggle with.

Maybe these animals had a really I mean some of these had little bandanas on. I saw they looked cute! Maybe they had a really nice life, Tom. Maybe they did! You know, I mean, some of these had little bandanas on. I saw it. Maybe they had a really nice life, Tom. Maybe they did. You know, and maybe it was just the thing that was horrific at the end. Maybe. I'm telling you, I'm looking at this animal. There's a little lamb here that's been gutted and it looks like it's

adorable. It looks super cute. You know what it actually reminded me of? It's funny that you say that. Like when I take my dog to the groomer, he always comes back with a jaunty little bandana on him. You know? But my dog's like madeer, he always comes back with a jaunty little bandana on him. You know? But my dog's like made like 70% of tumors at this point. He's so old.

Those are good eating out here. He just flops on his – his tumors are his legs at this point. It just rolls around on him. I still don't think these people are getting wishes either though. Well, I mean I think that's the given. Right? You know like when I eat meat, it's not because I want fucking wishes. I wish I was thinner.

All I'm wishing for is more meat. Yeah, exactly. You know, there is nothing normal about being a sodomite. There is no life that will come out of a rectum. You cannot produce life. It's only death. Every time, there's nothing in a rectum except waste, refuse, and death. So this story comes from Right Wing Watch.

Scott Lively, homosexuality is worse than murder. This is something I think we should just play. It's a minute and change long, right? Before we play this time, can we just talk that Scott Lively is the guy who went to Uganda? Sure. scott lively is the guy who went to uganda sure scott lively is the guy who went to uganda and what a couple people said on our facebook page was stop giving these idiots attention here's the problem with that idea when you put your fucking head in the sand and ignore this guy he goes to uganda and he gets a

law passed where they're okay to kill homosexuals. Yeah, I don't understand that. Like, stop giving this guy attention. He's getting attention already. The problem is he needs to get some attention from our side too. Like, you can't. I'm not making him a celebrity by covering this guy. No. He is already getting plenty of attention among an influence.

All I'm doing is opposing that influence. Yeah, exactly. When Satan is going to come against mankind. Satan comes right against your cheek, it turns out. He does. You know what? If you hold your eye open, he'll come in. The most fundamental attack on humanity and the most fundamental essence of rebellion against God is sexual perversion

because it's attacking the very essence of who we are, being created in his image as procreative. Think of that word. We are procreative. That's who he is. The creation is the breath, the logos out of the mouth of God, the creation itself. And we engage in procreation. Isn't that amazing, Tom?

Procreation? Procreation. Wow. You can tell it's something because he said it slower. And that's how you know he's making a point is when he says procreation. Right. And look, I'm all for breaking down the queue. Square roll.

Wait, that's not the same. You said it like a German person. Have you ever heard a German person try to use a squirrel? Oh, it's so great. They can't say squirrel. They're like, square roll. It's so hard for them to say. It's so awesome.

Although they could send us like their 170 character word, and you're like, I don't. That's not a word. That's a paragraph. Reflecting the essence and image of who God is in who we are. That is so powerful. So when you look at – in the Bible, there are sins that you would think of are worse. Murder, mass murder. Ass murder. That's worse. Ass murder, murder, ass murder. Ass murder?

That's worse. Ass murder. Hey, I'm going to murder you, but I'm going to ass murder you. Whoa, whoa. I actually have that bookmarked on Pornhub, ass murder. I totally got that. But what does it come down to? Leviticus 18 tells the Hebrews exactly what it is that God identifies as the most rebellious behavior.

Is it planting two forms of crops in the same row? No, it's eating shrimp. Oh, it's eating shrimp cocktail. Okay, let's see if it's shrimp cocktail. I'm sure it is. Tom says shrimp cocktail. The behavior that causes the land to actually vomit out its inhabitants. That's a volcano.

What does it have, food poisoning? It ate a shrimp cocktail? It's like, oh, God, the land doesn't feel so good. Oh, no. Somebody got to devein those things. Oh, no. And every item on that list except for child sacrifice is sexual perversion. And child sacrifice is a form, is often a form of sexual perversion.

And that's, so that's where we are. I've done a booklet i mean a brochure a chick tract they call those hey i've done a i've hey listen these brochures don't write themselves i've gone i have spent up to 10 minutes writing this brochure hey hey listen i got i don't fucking discount what i have to say. I spent all this time on fucking MS Paint. I went to Microsoft Publisher. I whipped up a quick hate-filled brochure about child sacrifice being a form of sexual perversion. Nobody performs child sacrifices.

Who's doing this? Who's the rampant child sacrificer out there? I like that it's often. That means there's a statistic where sometimes it's not. Because it's not ever. So sometimes somebody's out there like, hey, whoa, I've talked to, look, nine out of ten child sacrificers. It's not even a thing you can say as a plural. Right.

Are also fucking them. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. But that tenth one, he's fucking pure. Oh, yeah, right, yeah. But that tenth one, he's fucking pure. I gotta give, I gotta hand it to him. He's just one of those guys that throws him up in the air and hits him with a bat, you know what I mean? He's a hobbyist. Oh, no.

He's an amateur child sacrificer. Titled Not Just Another Sin, and you can actually access it, at least read the thing on the website, defendthefamily.com, but it's the, it makes the case through the scriptures that homosexuality is not just another sin. It is the sin that defines rebellion against God, the outer edge of rebellion against God, and is the harbinger of God's wrath.

That's why the scripture gives the warning as in the days of Noah. I don't know what the fuck that even means. The days of Noah were 900 years long. The days of Noah were so long. Like, as in the days of Noah plants lived too because he lived for like a thousand years.

So as in the days of Noah, there be. Who cares? What a bunch of gobbledygook though. And this is a guy though, who, where he goes, he gets people to believe him. Sure. You know, this is, we laugh at this. We think it's hilarious. Oh, ha ha ha, child sacrifice. There's people out there who take this to heart. Oh yeah, man. And that's a big deal then he's basically saying look being gay is the worst thing you could do in the world to god therefore you are affronting god therefore whatever you do to these people is fucking just you know and he vociferously defended himself against the claims that he was to blame for the Ugandan laws. Yeah.

But this target, his audience here is not us. No. His audience here is other nations that have a worldview that incorporates Christianity in a way where child sacrifice is a real thing. Yeah. A more sort of rudimentary sort of view of Christianity, not sort of a more educated or nuanced view of Christianity. This is a very – so whether it's the fundamentalist nuts here or the fundamentalism that's being

bred overseas, that's the target audience, right? Because he knows he's lost any moderate or nuanced view of Christianity. I do believe that atheists are parasites in the sense they're benefiting from everything that religious culture has built in America, but they're doing nothing to add energy into the system. This story also comes from Right Wing Watch. Bill Donahue, non-religious people need therapy since they die prematurely and are disproportionately insane.

Well, I feel crazy as hell listening to this guy. This guy is going to die from cholesterol. I know, right? That's all I'm saying. This guy needs to fucking stop eating therapy. This guy, he's got one of those timers in himself that already popped out. Right. When he cuts himself, it's a grease stain.

If he were to go tanning, the little thing would be His skin is crispy and delicious. He renders. He renders. Alright, so this is Bill Donahue not to be confused with Phil Donahue from the Catholic League which we found out from David Silverman is like two guys

so it's like Bill and Phil, the Catholic League. And so this is him talking on some show, although I don't know what the show is, but who cares? I'm playing it from YouTube. They believe that freedom is licensed to do whatever you want. That's why they're, quote, nonjudgmental. They made a judgment when they made themselves nonjudgmental. They believe in no holds barred.

They don't like the three dreaded words in the English language we got from our Jewish friends. Thou shalt not. I actually disagree. I think there are several things, a few things that I say thou shalt not, and that's fine. Thou shalt not kill is a fine thing to say. Sure. I think thou shalt not steal is a fine thing to say. I think thou shalt not kill or thou shalt not commit murder or whatever is a pretty reasonable

stance to take, right? Absolutely. And the nice thing is, if you actually subscribe to it, then you don't have to bend over backwards when you're conquering other lands, right? To make excuses for why it doesn't work anymore. They don't want to be told anything, which is why they die prematurely.

They're unhappy. That's why we have a disproportionate number of agnostics and atheists in the asylum. All of this is true. All of this is true because he said it. I just said it out loud. Didn't you hear me say it out loud? That's how you make things true. Look, that's how the Bible was made true.

It's the same rigor in which we take the Bible's word for it. It's in a brochure, motherfucker. Look it up! I love the idea that atheists and agnostics are the ones that are in the asylum more. Right. Why

would that be? Think about it this way, and this is how I think about it, so I'm going to ask you to think about it in the same way. I'm already thinking about it that way, and I don't even know which way to think. You don't even know which way I'm going. I only got one life. Yeah. Why the fuck would I want to spend it in an asylum?

I can't imagine that because I am an atheist, all of a sudden I go crazy, right? What is it about my lack of belief that makes me like, I've embraced reason, and so now I will become crazy. Hmm. No, I think mental illness will strike or not strike. I could be stricken tomorrow with mental illness. I have no way to gauge whether that will happen, and I have no way to prevent whether that will happen. Just like I have no way to know whether I'll have a heart attack tomorrow or the day after. I know. I was going to say it's going to have a heart attack tomorrow or the day after. I know.

I was going to say. I was hoping for the day after. I was going to say it's going to be soon. So it doesn't matter regardless. 72 hours. Yeah. Like when the doctor comes in, like you got six months. The doctor comes in, he's like, 72 hours tops. Yeah, that's tops.

Topside. Very good. Make it through the weekend. I'm hoping you don't have a heart attack before I leave the room. Right. They're like, sir, we'd like it if you'd make it through the weekend. Also, it's Sunday night. Ten fifty six. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth.

So this last story comes from the CBC. Colling Wald. Good job. That's actually, I think you did a pretty good job on that, although it's a pretty simple name to speak. It's not really a name. Lived with husband's corpse. Believed he would be resurrected. Hamilton woman gets suspended sentence after pleading guilty to single charge. What do you charge somebody with?

Criminally stupid. Criminal stupidity, I guess. I love the car. The car. It's like a crazy person's mystery machine that they're driving around in. You know what I mean? It's like. It's the mystery of the Trinity machine. Like zoinks, man.

It's like, Jesus. It's like transubstantiation, man. So a woman left her husband's rotting corpse in their bedroom of their home because she thought he was going to rise from the dead. I just keep thinking of Scooby eating all the wafers. He's eating all those communion wafers. Those are his Scooby Snacks. He just keeps, Like Zoinks, man,

you ate all the communion wafers. That's the Holy Ghost. Oh, man. And the priest pulls the mask off and then he's like, and I would have diddled them if it wasn't for all those kids. But I would have diddled them all. This is the worst Scooby cartoon ever.

Somebody has made this cartoon. That's the thing that's unsettling is you know that somewhere on the deepest, darkest part of the internet, like basically like the fucking sludge well of the internet. Like where the fucking garbage juice collects. It's the grease trap of the internet. This lies just under that. Oh, man. But basically this dude dies, right?

And he fucking dies because they won't take him to the fucking... He's got diabetes and his foot rots off. Why is that funny to you? Oh god. Look at you over there. You're like laughing. His foot rotted off and now you're crying over there. Tom, what the fuck? What fucking

person? Okay, let me just say Okay, so I'm going to finish this story really quick. So the foot rots off. Fucking Captain fucking Peg Legs foot rots off. I'm going to finish this story really quick. So the foot rots off. Captain fucking Peg Legs foot rots off. I'm going to get the whale. Lankenfed. And so his wife hermetically

seals the room, hoping he's one day going to be resurrected. I think that was a good plan. I at least like that she had the forethought to seal off the room. You know, because she had to know. If I really thought you were going to get resurrected, why am I sealing off the room? How could God get in?

Let's take a look. The Holy Ghost is blocked. Let's take a look at the Bible. How many people get resurrected in the Bible? Two. Lazarus and Jesus, right? Lazarus and Jesus, right. I think I'm right when I say two.

Please send me your pedantic emails and tell me that I'm wrong. Well, actually, in one of the versions, zombies rose up because that's actually a thing, I think. We're going to get something. But in any case, two people. Why do you think your husband is one of those people? Number three. Why is he three? Number three.

Why is he three? You read the fan fiction already. You've read the book backwards and forwards. Clearly you read it. Every single symbol in it is on your vehicle. I know, he wrote it on the car. So you've read the book. You know it's really fucking rare that something like that happens.

Why would you think that God would let your fucking, fucking biscuit run off? Right? God's up there like, is he dead yet? Because I'll bring him back. But I have to wait for him to die. I can't cure his fucking dying penis. I have to bring him back sans biscuit. So, yeah.

It's fine. Pugs like McGee. Yeah, he's going to be fine once he rubs a little dirt on it. He's going to be great. It's just so weird. The police arrested her and they charged her with indignity to a corpse, basically. That's weird. How about indignity to her husband for not getting him to the fucking emergency room?

Let me tell you. How about indignity to her children who had to pray every day for their dead fucking father in the room right next to them? I think here's the thing. Oh, I feel so weird. That's so weird, dude. And not like sexy weird, like really weird. Yeah, like pray for dad. Dad's foot rotted off.

Mom's fucking nuts. I just can't get over his foot. His poor foot. His foot's like in a jar, like a pickle jar. Oh, it's still good. We're going to save it for when God brings it back. Pickle's dad foot. It's right in there it for when God brings it back. Pickled dad foot. It's right in there.

It's delicious. It's like pickled herring. It's a horrifying thing that she did to her children. Oh, it is. It's absolutely horrifying. How is that not abusive? I don't know.

I think it is abusive. Like she gets charged with this fucking bullshit count of like, don't be mean to corpses. Like, I don't even know what that even means. Yeah.

Isn't it really mean? I eat animal corpses every day. Don't't even know what that even means. Yeah. I eat animal corpses every day. Don't you think that's mean? Right. But like this guy's like, oh, honey, we really need to do something. Like, at this point, we can't ignore the foot.

This is really a problem. No, no, no. It'll be fine. It turns out, though, the way she says it, he didn't say that, though. Yeah, he was just like, whatever. We'll let God heal it. Yeah, no, no, it'll be fine. It turns out, though, the way she says it, he didn't say that, though. He was like, whatever, we'll let God heal it. Yeah, he's like, God will heal it. I read my car earlier. I'm fine. I don't know what to do, but then I looked at my...

Could you read the verse of the hood to me, just so I know what... Okay, we'd like to thank our most recent patrons, of course. We'd like to thank all our patrons, but we'd like to thank our most recent patrons, Ray, Tammy, Franco, Karina, Tyler, Lee, Skeptic Sarah, Todd, and Travis. Thank you all so much for your generous donations. Your donations go a long way to making sure the show is possible, and it also lets us do things like later on tonight, we're going to donate $2,000 to Foundation Beyond Belief and hopefully match $2,000 worth of donations to Foundation Beyond Belief. And

that'll be awesome. I also want to point out that this week we got a message from someone on Facebook who said they'd really like to contribute to the Foundation Beyond Belief, but they couldn't be on at the time that we're going to be on. So they wanted to contribute $500. They were looking for a way to do it. They said, Hey, it would be okay if I matched with you guys. And I said, absolutely. So the person doesn't want their name said, but I will say thank you to glory. Holy. Oh, the mass philanthropist. I love it. And glory. Holy. Oh, you know, unlike Zorro who puts a Z everywhere. I don't want to say what he puts everywhere. Or how he writes it.

Yeah, exactly. But we definitely want to thank him for his $500 donation. And we're going to be using that tonight. $2,500 we're going to match based on that. So we're going to be putting $2,000 of our own money, and Glory Holyo put together a $500 that he already sent to us, and we're going to put that up against for Foundation Beyond Belief, and hopefully we can match up to $5,000 tonight.

That would be amazing. Which, how incredibly generous. I mean, $500. $500. $500 donation is not fucking around. Absolutely. That's awesome. That's amazing.

And we just really thank you for doing that. I think that's just awesome. So David in Kentucky sends us a message about church tithing, and he said, just so you know, it's a lot more complicated than just Rome having all the money, that the money is separated into tiny little sort of areas. Diocese have money. But another thing that he doesn't mention in here is that religious orders have money. So there's religious orders like the Jesuits. That's a religious order that has money on their own. So not only does the Roman

Catholic Church itself have money, but the Jesuit order and other orders like that, Franciscans, they have money on their own too. So there's not just money that goes into the Catholic Church. I wonder if it's like a franchise fee they have to pay or something like that. But there's money seeping through all of it. So it's so much different than just one entity that has all the money. It's a big, weird spread out of wealth throughout the whole thing. Well, and there was a weird story that came out this week that basically they checked their books again and found a few accounts that had a few hundred million euros. That's it? Yeah.

Wow. Just laying about. I'm sure they'll donate the entirety to charity. Yeah. And golden thrones and bubble cars. Bubble cars? We got a message from James, and James

says, the Catholic Church is actually buying insurance to cover their priests from sexual assault. And there's a ton of things he put in this email where he says, insurance companies are willing to cover some pedophiles and not others. Can you believe that? That you would be such a rampant pedophile?

They say, look, man, we'll cover the guy who only diddled one kid, but the guy who diddled the whole classroom, we're not going to cover that guy. You know, when Lloyd's of London is like, pass. We'll fucking insure anyone for enough money. Another interesting thing, he says the church enlists the aid of worldly company to save money on court cases. Isn't that amazing? It is. Yeah.

It's crazy. Just pay up. Just pay up and fire all these people and send them to jail. Yeah. Tom, you wanted to read a Google voice. You haven't done this in a long time. We haven't, but this one struck me as a particularly wonderful job of translation from Google. So Google said, hey, coming.

So it's Andrew from Toronto, Ontario. So a few shows ago, you guys are discussing, I suppose, to discuss holiday beverages. The knowledge base and we are serving that you didn't think, I suppose, to discuss holiday beverages. The knowledge base and we are serving that you didn't think it was even possible to Chelsea. And that's the reason I wanted to read this one. See, I didn't think it was possible to Chelsea either. That's amazing. And I left

as the gag reflects and kicking. For the as well, I see this call for makes some sense. So I went to my local grocery store for some delicious. It kept mortgage, and I'm going to try to. So, hey, kudos. So Turner's nobody, okay?

30. Why? Well, so okay, peace. That's port. Almost exactly. Chat a little with some stuff. Diets prove it's possible, too. Perhaps not. Advise we'll it's possible too. Perhaps not.

Advise will let you guys back. Best portal. It's actually Burt Portal. Burt Portal is? What was Google thinking? Oh, Burt Portal is an awesome fucking thing. That should be a band. We are Burt Portal.

That's amazing. We got a message on Facebook from somebody who said that they listened with growing dismay at the tail end of 192, where we bent over backwards to define various threats, various acts of terrorism as religiously driven moments and maneuverings as not completely religious in nature. And they wanted to fucking school us on this. And when I read through this message, it basically said what we said. I didn't really find a lot of difference in what we had to say. I mean, we mentioned that it was a caliphate.

We mentioned that ISIS is doing all kinds of crazy shit. I don't think you can paint with a broad brush over every single bit of terrorism that has defined itself as Islamic and say it was all religiously motivated. I think you have to take some religious terrorism and religious barbarism that is happening today that we need to point to and say this is wrong and they're saying it's because of Islam and we need to stop it. Recognize. I totally recognize that. And I also think there's some stuff that is political in nature that sometimes we broad brush as a way a way in which to say oh well that's you know that's that's religious too and it might not be as religious as we hope it is yeah you know i think i don't think we're as far apart as you think we are i guess is that is the thing that that i would take from this email is that um if it wouldn't make this show if we didn't think that

it was religious in nature right we wouldn't cover it if we didn't think that it was religious in nature. Right. We wouldn't cover it if we didn't think that it was religious in nature. We're not. I mean, yes, we do cover political topics. We don't generally cover international political topics. So, you know, it would not make this show if we didn't think that it had a religious angle to it. So I don't think we're as far apart as maybe you think that we are as far apart. Yeah. These are things that we pretty much have said out loud.

Many times. We got a message from someone who we saw at Skepticon but did not talk to. This is a gentleman who had a seeing eye dog there. And he talked about, he sent us a long message and said he was sorry that he didn't get a chance to meet us. But he was working with his brand new seeing eye dog who was uh sort of acting up while he was there and one of the things he said is that it seems like there's a lot of discrimination against seeing eye dogs in general well i mean what a fucking hassle the the guy i mean you already have to deal with you know challenges that you and i as sighted people don't have to

fucking deal with and then he's got to deal with fucking religious discrimination because he's got a dog and people are fucking gotta bug up their ass because dogs are unclean or what have you it's just it's garbage it's nonsense i'll tell you you can't call an animal that does what a seeing eye dog does unclean yeah right i just think that that's a stupid thing to say. You're a non-thinking individual if you do that. Because the amount of help that, and not just that, service animals in general, the amount of help they give to those people is unbelievable. It's amazing.

And to say like, oh, that animal's fucking blanket unclean, you're a fool. And what other animal are you going to interpose into the mix instead? Like you're going to have like like, a fucking seeing-eye baboon? It's a seeing-eye chimp, and it's just tearing arms off humans. It's biting the fingers and genitals off everyone around them. I mean, like, there's only a handful of animals that you could use. Like, a seeing-eye giraffe poses. A lot of logistical problems.

Although its sight line is excellent. It's great. That's the thing. But getting them in the subway is a bitch. To grab onto that thing on their back is a son of a bitch. Let me tell you. Yeah. Seeing-eye porcupines.

That's too stingy. You can't do that. Seeing-eye jellyfish. Keep it in a little jar and walk around with it. Doesn't even have eyes. How does it tell you? It just bounces into the front. Be like, go left, go right.

You have to put your hand in the jar and it stings you. God damn it. So we got a message about episode 179. In that episode, Tom was talking about wrapping gifts. And I think we both were talking about how awful we are at wrapping gifts. And we got a suggestion about it. Yeah, so he suggested that rather than my current method of just basically rolling it and wrapping paper and tape and hoping that some of it sticks to the present, that you

actually find that there are places that do this work as a charity, as a way to drive money toward a charity. So they'll set themselves up at a mall or some other location of commerce, and then you can go and pay them some nominal fee. They'll wrap your gifts. They'll do it in a way that's aesthetically pleasing and not horrifying like I do. And then you can use that as a way to donate. So if you see those guys, I would suggest using them.

I've never seen those guys. Yeah, I don't go to the mall. I will cover fucking presents in goddamn toilet paper. I don't care. Whatever it takes. We got a message about the Ferguson stuff. A couple people sent us messages about this, basically saying, you guys should pay attention to facts, blah, blah, blah. Why start now?

And that the police are awesome and that they should be able to fucking shoot people in the face when they want. First off, I want to say that I never said that the police officer was wrong in what he said. And I don't think that that's what that case said either. That case that went to a grand jury was just going to see if he was going to go to trial. That's all it was going to see. It was not a definitive. He is guilty of this or he is not guilty of this. So don't mistake what I said as saying the police officer was in the wrong.

I just think that there's enough evidence personally after looking at both the forensic evidence and the eyewitness testimony. I think that there is enough evidence where they might have gone through a trial. They didn't decide to do that. And I'm not on that jury. So I don't get to get a chance to have really much of a say at all. I think that a lot of people seem to give the police a blanket, a blank check when it comes to being able to hurt other human beings when they get disobeyed. And I don't like the way in which our country is becoming way more militaristic and the police themselves are becoming way more militaristic. We seem to give the police carte blanche to say, OK, go out, do whatever you want, do whatever it takes.

You know what? We're the people that they're going to do it to, regardless of who I am. They're going to do it because they can't always catch criminals. They can't always catch the right guy. You could be the guy who gets told to lay on the ground. You'd be like, I didn't do anything wrong. I told you lay on the ground. I didn't do anything wrong.

Bang. Well, you know, and the other thing that people have been saying this week that drive me crazy is they say, well, if there's any kind of credible threat, the police should be able to kill them. And I think that's a weird should be able to kill them. And I think that's a weird, absurd place to go to. A credible threat could be a guy in a car. I could kill a whole bunch of people if I'm in a car.

So automatically, if there's a high speed chase, they should be able to shoot me in the face. I am not forgiving police some sort of carte blanche to do whatever the fuck they want. I think they should have restrictions in place to try to make sure that they go through these things as peacefully as possible. I think that body cameras are a good idea. I think that those sorts of things work. In this email that we got too, the person was talking about the three-strike system,

how it seems to be this great system. It's an awful idea. It is literally the worst thing that you could do. The only thing worse would be a two-stripe. They might as well just line up a firing squad and shoot you when you stay. I mean, it's the most—we treat criminals in this country with a sense of vengeance, and we need to treat them with a sense of rehabilitation. Other countries have figured this out. They have figured out that there's a rehabilitative thing that we can do to criminals.

And the recidivism rates in those countries are super low. There's plenty of obvious places that we could go with this. But we have this weird sense of justice that we have to fucking really hurt people. We have to put them in an awful condition. And we have to make sure that they really suffer for these things that they've done to other human beings. When if you can change them, it's all the better for us. But if you make them suffer, you don't change them. You just piss them off.

And we've got to stop thinking about them as us and them and start thinking about them as us and us. Because we are all fucking members of this country. Let's stop pretending that there's an us and them between the criminals and us and start saying there's a lot of other factors that go into fucking wait why humans do the things that they do that aren't all malevolent evil fuckers who just want to hurt other human beings there's a lot of fucking reasons people steal things hurt other people do nasty shit and we've got to figure out what the reasons are and try to fucking stem that shit. If we don't, they're just, we have the biggest prison population in the fucking world, for

crying out loud, like next to a few other really fucking horrible countries. Yeah. That's evidence that it's working. Yeah. I guess it's working. Yeah. We're going to put in as an image this week. That's awesome.

A picture. Somebody said, hey, you guys were talking about buff Jesus. I got a fucking buff Jesus for you. This is awesome. And the answer is, yes, they do. So I'm going to put this as an image for this week. If you want to find it, go to DissonancePod.com episode number 194. I look at this buff Jesus

and I just think, I got to say, how did they nail that guy to the cross? If he fought back, he'd fight the whole Roman Legion. It's like, it really is like, like fucking nailing GSP to the cross. I don't think you can do that.

I dare you to actually. He's got Caesar in a chokehold. Somebody mentioned, it was David again, David from Kentucky mentioned the logistics of putting cameras on the police. And I, I want to talk, I don't know if I have a link to it,

but there was an article on the ACLU website where they talk about all the logistics that go into putting police cameras on, and they talk about privacy rights, and they talk about activation things. One of the things that David mentions is that you would just see 10 to 12 hours of just nothing because they might not do anything.

They might just have nothing going on. They might not not get a call they might just be sitting there reading waiting for something to happen and then boom it's it's motion well one of the things that they talked about is is ways in which to activate the cameras whether it's heightened voice or heightened body temperature heightened uh uh heart rate uh car car door opening when the siren goes on. So there's all these different ways in which you could have those things activate. So you wouldn't see them pissing at the urinal. They would activate during times in which they would have this sort of auto chance to pop themselves on.

You could also, of course, trust the police to do this, although I would not trust the police to do this. I would have some sort of automatic course, trust the police to do this, although I would not trust the police to do this. I would have some sort of automatic thing that would allow it to do. Yeah, and I got to say, I'm not even remotely sympathetic to that viewpoint. I'll tell you why. In the facility that I work in, and I work for an insurance company, and we have cameras that watch us all day because two of our major lending customers require that we have cameras to basically safeguard the consumer information that sits on everybody's desk.

So we are videotaped at my facility all day, every day. And it's just something you live with. And do I like being videotaped all day, every day? No. But it's the cost of doing business. You know, I can either say go pound sand to major lending partners or I can take it and videotape it. And after a while, people don't notice the cameras and nobody's looking unless there's a problem. That's the other thing I was going to mention is that nobody's going to look through that 10 to 12 hours of tape if they happen to tape it because they don't care.

What they're going to look for is between 5.07 and 5.14 when they got out of the car and shot the unarmed kid. Exactly. That's when they're going to look at it. That's the footage. And all they would have to do, too, is just pass some kind of a rule, regulation, or law that says that that footage is only accessible under certain circumstances, pending investigation. And you know, there's so many different ways in which you could word this to make this work.

These are easy problems to solve. These are easy problems to solve. We want to end the show today with a message from Rowan. And I'm going to read this. Discovered you guys through the Incredulous podcast, which I found through the Skeptics with a K, and I have to say I much prefer the in-your-face, piss-talking approach to skepticism you employ. I've got to say, if he found us through Incredulous, I have no idea why he came here.

I literally have no idea, because we get our ass kicked on there all the time. We're terrible on this show. We're so bad at it. We've been on it five times. We haven gotten the worst at it we've gotten worse each time he's like don't get me wrong he's like he loves the merseyside skeptics and he you know he certainly thinks that they're amazing he said but keep up the good work and uh and he said that his this podcast is quickly becoming his favorite podcast thanks for listening rowan and i'm absolutely surprised that someone would find me through Skeptics with a K and think that this would be a preferable show.

Anyway. Right. That's amazing. But thank you for listening, Rowan. That's like finding hamburgers after eating steak and being like, yeah, I'll take burgers. I really like these burgers. What do you call this, a Big Mac? This is amazing.

Can you drop it on the floor for me? Call me a pig when you do it. Just put your heel on the base of my neck. So that wraps it up for a very, very awful, awful episode. As always, we are going to leave you with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized,

stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Pan sales pitch late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death and towers,

tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques,

and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers,

witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only.

Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Thank you. you