Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 197: Your Gay God

Episode Date: December 22, 2014

                  Our apperance on “No Religion Required”     Thanks to Jon Hates Movies Podcast for the song:

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. So am I talking about day six all day and talking about liberal, Satan, Rick Barrett, and Domenic. Domenic. Guys, this is Jack from Chicago. I went on that physics field trip to Great America, and you are right, it totally sucked. I tried to opt out of it. I told him I wasn't going, and then I brought a can of food into my homeroom in high school, and I won a free field trip to Great America, and it totally sucked. You're right, it was homework

from start to finish. I knew it was going to suck, and they dragged me along anyway. So I'm with you. Cheers. Hey, it's Ethan Linton. This is James from Arkansas. Anyway, I was just going to say that doing homework while getting your dick sucked is pretty awesome as a college student.

I've got to say, that's the experience I've had, and it's pretty sweet. I'd take that field trip any day of the week. However, I can think of a worse field trip, and that would involve getting your dick sucked while riding a roller coaster. I think that would not end well. Anyway, obligatory glory hole. And yeah, yeah, keep up the good work.

Hi, guys. It's my turn to be pandemic. I wanted to call in and say that there is a Sodom still in this world. It's in Canada. It's when you're driving up from Cleveland. I know. On your way to Toronto, there's a little town called Sodom. And they may have the best French fries and gravy because that's the best thing in Canada. So I just wanted to let you know it's still there.

And it's awesome because the french fries and gravy and glory hole motherfuckers. You guys rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Gloria Holt Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political.

And there is no welcome at this episode 196. Nope. Why are we using the old notes? 197. God damn it. Foiled again. When I say foiled, it's just incompetence. It's just incompetence.

To be fair, we did record Saturday, Monday, and Thursday of this week. So it's been a little back to back to back. I kind of like the weeks when we don't record three times. I know, man. Like, I can't tolerate that many hours. I know. So like, I actually feel genuinely bad for you. What we need is like every week we need to be on David Smalley's show. And then that way we only record once a week.

And that would be amazing. I think every week we were on David Smalley show, David Smalley, all of a sudden has much less shows. He dies a little inside. You know, it's so funny. Cause like that guy is like,

he's so well-spoken and he's so earnest and he's so serious about his mission and about the things that are important to him. And we just fucking derail that, like, every time. He's trying to talk about things that are genuinely important. Fucking. Oh, we shoot that down pretty quick. I've just sucked one year of your life away. What did this do to you?

Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel? But let's go ahead and get right into our first story. This one comes from Right Wing Watch. And this is Brian Fisher fucking shooting his mouth off about the torture shenanigans. So the recent Senate report that came out detailing the enhanced interrogation, which is just fucking raw torture by CIA agents. And so it's caused something of a stir for a lot of reasons. People, incidentally, Cecil, a lot of the arguments I've been seeing, and this is kind of an aside, but a lot of the arguments I'm seeing

are not against the torture itself, but against the releasing of the information about the torture. Right. That's what I saw, too. Like about the torture that's what i saw too like really that's what you're you know information is what protects us from the government i i don't i cannot understand that viewpoint at all like that's flabbergasting it's like wait whoa whoa i don't want to know about it what are you fucking kidding me you'd rather your government like did this shit in secret you know i wonder if i'm looking at this in sort of a and slap me if i'm getting fucking wistful here uh you know like like fucking man best time in america was in the past or whatever

but it almost feels like it feels like if this this shit wouldn't fly if somebody like cronkite were still around because that seems like a type of person who would say no we've got to get this information out there this information is more important than anything else you want to make sure that people hear about these these events because the free exchange of information is what makes democracy possible without that you run into problems with authority authority can do what it wants and that's why we want this this information that's why i want it so there's a check and a balance so that like the authority figures don't have the ability to sweep shit under the rug and make ship like enhanced interrogation the fuck is that did they did

they pay for an upgrade is that what happened oh we upgraded their room to the torture suite well that's nice that's not an upgrade at all exactly the idea that and you know it's it's that it's that fucking language where you're saying, oh, it's enhanced interrogation. No, it's fucking torture. It's fucking torture that you're using to extract information, which doesn't fucking work. Great. Now you fucking piss somebody off and you're fucking torturing them in my goddamn name. Fuck you. You don't get to do that. And look, if you're going to if we're going to be a nation of tortures, let's be honest about let's be a nation of tortures. Right. If that's who we are as a people, then let's be that people. But like hiding it and then being mad that it's not hidden properly is basically like being like, wait a minute.

I wanted to be a hypocrite. Yeah. And you won't let me be a hypocrite. How dare you not let me be a hypocrite? Or conversely, like I've, I've heard people like, yeah, well, you know what I mean?

Like when you spill the government secrets, then the government can't do the shit that they need to do to keep us safe. And it's like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I got to ask you this question, Cecil. And I, and I was just thinking about what you said about like,

you know, Cronkite and like the, cause there was sort of like a, like a heyday of real journalism that we're certainly – I would be hard-pressed to say that we're in that same heyday now. But I would say that we have more information than we've ever had and we have it faster than we've ever had it. And I wonder if that is in its own set of problems, that there's almost like an information glut that makes you sort of numb to this data because it's it's you have we have so much access to so many stories and so much data i wonder if it does doesn't pack the punch it used to yeah i you know there's it's interesting that's an interesting take i also wanted to point out just really quickly that not only do we have this uh this lots of information that's

coming to us we also have a steady stream of leaked information that was not available to us i think in previous times it may have been available to us at certain points but it wasn't available to us as as with the frequency i think that leaked information is available to us now. So I think that that's a benefit. But I wonder if that's the case. I wonder if that is the real problem. I think one of the other major problems is that the news is no longer objective. It's no longer here's the news.

It's here's the news and here's my spin. And that's what this show is about. I mean, I'm not going to fucking lie. That's what this show is about. Here's the news and here's my spin and that's what this show is about i mean i'm not gonna fucking lie that's what this show is about here's the news here's my spin brian fisher we're gonna play his clip in a second he's doing the exact same thing here's the news here's my spin there's very few people who are just like here's the news i mean we're finding our our our news specifically here from a place that that prides itself on keeping check on the right wing yeah yeah for sure but you know i i think you know i i hear exactly what you're saying and i think that we've lost the ability to differentiate and maybe we never had it i don't know between editorializing and reporting right um because this is editorializing and that's always

been part of journalism editorialism has always been part of journalism. Editorialism has always been part of journalism. I just wonder. I just wonder if like we can't differentiate. Maybe we never could. I don't know. But are we just unable to differentiate between an editorial and a reporting? reporting like do we do we just assume that everything is an editorial i will say a lot of people are confused about our show when it comes to that people will send us messages true man we get we do get people are like we've had itunes reviews or people like i like the stories but i don't like their commentary commentary what are you fucking talking about that's the whole show like you literally don't like any of the show. Yeah. Let's play Brian Fisher. I mean, those are big questions, Tom. I don't know the answers to. Let's see if Brian Fisher knows that.

I'm sure he'll nail it. To a cross. Now, here is a problem I have with the way the left is approaching this. All of the problems. I have every problem with this. It's not just a single problem, Brian. Who are you crapping? You know, we know that war is a nasty business.

But the Bible, it's important to understand, is not an anti-war document. Christianity is not a pacifist religion. In fact, if you go to Exodus 15.3, you will find that the Lord there is described as a man of war. That's Yahweh, the God that we served, is described in Exodus 15 as a man of war. Isn yahweh the god that we served is described in exodus 15 as a man of war it's not like a kind of fish it's a jellyfish god's a jellyfish flipping and flopping on uh issues you can see right through him he's transparent you got fucking nematocysts that like pop when you touch them It's awesome. Shoot fucking little harpoons of poison into your system. You're like, what the fuck?

Now, we often think of Jesus meek and mild, but let's not forget, according to Romans 19.15, when he comes back, or 19.13, when Christ comes back, he will be riding a white horse and wearing his own robe dipped in blood. That is a robe that is worn by a warrior who is inflicting casualties on the foe. So this is Jesus, gentle Jesus, meek and mild. When he comes back, his robe is going to be dipped in blood because he too is a warrior. It's dipped in blood and then they hold it over your mouth and then ask you questions. That's how it works.

Gentle Jesus meek and waterboarding. You know, a lot of people don't know that Jesus actually was one of the seer test trainers, you know, for the tactical crew and make sure that they can you know because those disciples you know judas judas was actually tortured he was waterboarded that's why he gave up jesus it wasn't the 30 pieces of silver no that was just compensation for after they waterboarded him yeah right right yeah they took him in the back room and beat him with phone books it was confusing because they didn't have phones well then they sodomized him well did you i'm sure you saw the same the same reports that that the cia was just making it up as they went along yeah absolutely yeah just making it and that doesn't surprise me i don't

does that surprise you because it well it it surprises me only because i know that um that a lot of time and energy was spent on interrogation and anti-interrogation or counter-interrogation techniques. So the CIA has experts in this field. And instead, it looks like from the report that a lot of the people they sent to gather information from these supposedly high value detainees were like incompetent or inexperienced and they just made shit up what does expertise really mean in that field though well i don't know i mean i guess like if the goal is to get information yeah but you and i don't think that you get information out of it all it is is just figuring out a way to not hurt somebody it's a way to like put a fucking sausage in a sock and hit somebody so they don't

bruise or something you know i mean like that's all it is it's just i don't i think that it's just it's just a a cleaner sadism that's all it is it's that's what those people are and these people were just being nastier sadists that's it yeah i know i don't disagree with you i just you know like i i know that during the cold war that a lot of time and energy that was spent on trying to find ways to gather intelligence yeah and like if that involved you know torture then that involved torture. And I'm not down with it. Don't get me wrong. I'm aggressively opposed.

But it seems to me that if we're going to do something, we should at least do a good job of it. It's like if you're going to torture people, at least get good, actionable intelligence. Even though torture is not good for that. Torture is not an effective way to get intelligence but like to knowingly just send like the fucking incompetent inexperience it's just like it's like it really is insult to injury right well this other fisher story uh sort of leads into what you were saying earlier about how they're upset that this report

was released so this is this is Fisher talking about something similar. So do not let Dianne Feinstein and these Democrats lie to you. You know what this is, ladies and gentlemen? This is petty and it's juvenile. They just got voted out of office. They're not going to be back in office. The control of the Senate is going over to the Republicans. Hey, guys, I just spilled water on my desk.

Can somebody bring me a paper towel? What? What? That's fucking great. The dangers of doing a live show. That's fucking great. There's more of him cleaning up his desk. Sorry about that.

Anyway, I needed some water for my throat, and I just dumped it on the set here. But anyway, the Senate Democrats, they're losing control of the Senate. January, they're not going to be in power anymore. This was their last chance to poke a finger in the eye of President Bush. I mean, they're like juvenile delinquents. They've been occupying this House, sitting in this House. They've just been evicted from the house. They're going to have to vacate the house on January 1.

They're going to have to get out of there January 1. And so they're like juvenile delinquents that decide we're going to trash this place on the way out the door. We don't like the fact that we're going to have to vacate the premises January 1. So we are going to do as much damage on the way out the door as we possibly can. That's that's why they're it's not, Tom, that people in that office hold America in a high regard and want to make sure that she's seen as a country that does not torture human beings. Right. Instead, you know, they were totally down with the torture until they got a they got voted out and now they're they're they're this is what they're doing yeah i i just i just cannot even believe that you would be upset that that you would look

at something like releasing a report on our fucking bad actions and be like ah that they're just doing that because they want to put a fucking thumb in the eye of the president from fucking six years ago. Like, what are you talking about? Like, why would you do? Nobody would do that. Yeah, I don't know why they would go after president. I mean, yeah.

What is president? But what is he going to what is he going to lose? President Bush is fucking out of office. Like you said, for six years. What could he possibly lose? Yeah, I don't think I don't think we can all of a sudden be like oh takes these backseas on the past oh well get him off the pta board then right we're cutting his pension yeah we're we're just gonna we're gonna fucking send him angry letters like what do you like that doesn't make any sense like this is this is the media's job, right?

Like this is the job. This is the fourth estate, right? And we've talked about this. This is if we don't have journalism to shed the light of day on these actions from our government, then the government has no checks and balances, right? Right. I mean that's the advantage of a free press. That's why it's one of the most sacred things ensconced in our constitutional values, right, is that like a free and open press. Without that, I mean, look at one of the first things that any kind of totalitarian regime, one of the first things they lock down is the press. totalitarian regime, one of the first things they lock down is the press.

Because if you control information, that's one of the ways that you can control perception and get people, you know, sort of reading along and singing your songs. So this is, it's a good thing. Like, it's not a bad thing when we find out the government did bad. The bad thing is bad. The finding out is a good thing. Like the finding out is virtuous. I think we got off the track when we allowed our government to become a secular government. When we stopped realizing that God created this nation, that he wrote the constitution, that it's based on biblical principles. And we allowed those that don't believe in those things to to keep pushing us, pushing us and pushing us away from from the government. This story comes from the raw story. Ohio teen refuses to do homework until school brings back the Ten Commandments. Well, you're going to fail, stupid.

Like I read this and I was just like, what parent would let you make that decision? Like, if my kid came home and he's like, yeah, they took out anything at all from my school, so I'm just going to throw away my education. I'd be like, no, we are having a conversation that is short and very directed about that. Who would allow this well at one point in the article doesn't he say something the effect of well this is these are good rules that everyone should live by and that's why i want them on the walls she's like right what the fuck are you talking about good rules that everyone should live by we talk about the ten commandments a million times they're like the like they're only one third of them is even useful

well when you say it like that cecil just because that's true you know like and i guess i don't even understand like what would a high school student do with i am the lord your god right like you come in and you're just like oh man i i'm really not sure what to do about, you know, I've got like two potential dates to the prom. I should, you know what I'll do? I'll check the Ten Commandments. Hang on. I am the Lord your God. No, not fucking helpful at all.

Like, well, how would you read any of those and be like, oh, man, that really helps steer me in the right direction along my various complex paths in life. Are you going in on Sunday and being like, oh, fuck, I shouldn't be here. It says on these things that there's a Sabbath day for crying out loud. Oh, man. I was going to mow the lawn. It's so hard because it says honor thy father and mother. And dad said to mow the lawn. But it was Sunday.

So I had to stone dad. That was disrespectful. So the mom's going to stone me. There's not going to be nobody left. There's going to be a fucking baby sitting in an empty house. Like, everybody stoned everybody. And the thing is, is like, this kid is a freshman. He wasn't even in the school when these things were taken down.

They were taken down last year by the, it was either the president or someone. It was like a preventative measure for a fucking lawsuit. They saw it and they thought, you know what? We got the Ten Commandments in our hallway. There's been a lot of shit about this lately. I think I'm going to take them down. I'm just going to take them down. Yeah, maybe these are a terrible idea.

Yeah, maybe this isn't a good idea to have in our hallway. So he takes them down. Or she takes him down. Then the guy comes in and says, oh, they took him down? I wasn't a student here at the time, but this seems like a good way to get out of my fucking algebra homework. That's so fucking – it's like a way to attention whore and be lazy at the same time. Because he also says in there like that oh you know it's like a tradition and like they've been in the school and you know it's like part of the school's tradition it's like what

the fuck do you care about what the school used to do yeah and like you know a lot of schools used to have a tradition of segregation and we figured out that was a fucking bad idea right right like just because something that whole fucking old canard, right? Like, oh man, well, it's part of the tradition. Wow, we've got to respect the tradition. We've got to keep school mascots that have fucking offensive names. We've got to have the Ten Commandments up because it's tradition. We can fucking thumb our nose at any group of people we want because tradition. Look, we've always been insensitive intolerant bigoted

assholes in the name of jesus we speak that Hookah, hookah, chaka. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. So this story comes from the progressive secular humanist blog of Patheos. Mom kills son believing boy would be better off in heaven. You know, and I got to tell you, Cecil, and I think you may be a little, I agree. Yeah. And I got to tell you, Cecil, and I think you may be a little, I agree. Yeah.

Because when you've got a mom who is willing to take a knife and a rock into your bedroom while you sleep and beat and stab you until you die. Yeah. I would say that not living is better than living with this fucking crazy woman wow a rock a rock you're looking around for a murder weapon you're like i got the knife yeah so just that's that's only a stabby i need a bludgeoner to go with my stabby yeah you got to make sure you get both types of trauma you know rock you have to wonder what she grabbed first like like right did she have the rock and then she thought oh god all she just looks exhausted all she needed was paper at that point you know she had a rock and a knife well a knife can pass for scissors

right a little while yeah i it's such a sad story read it and the woman's clearly crazy because she says something like the world's full of suffering pain and it would be better for him to go to heaven tonight that's kind of what she said this is a sad ass story of this person who's just really kind of insane who wanders into their and that's the problem is that you know not only is she insane right but then she also has these these things that are put into her head so she's not smart enough or or sane enough to deal with the myth of heaven and hell she doesn't she can't contend with that so she puts her son and she kills her son because of it i don't know that this would still happen if there wasn't an influence of religion but we know what happened when there was an

influence of religion right i can't tell you what would happen without it because i don't know but i know what did happen when there was an influence of religion well and i'll tell you what this story is the same story with some similar horrifying circumstance. This hits us, what, maybe three, four times a year? Yeah, something like that. We cover a very similar story. And it's always the same thing. Somebody is obviously off kilter and, you know, they commit some heinous act because they think that they're sending them up to heaven.

And I got to tell you, like, there's a logic there that is true and is inescapable. Right. If you really believed in paradise, if you truly thought within your in your heart of hearts, if you really believed in paradise, why in the world you spend a minute on Earth? It really kind of doesn't make a lot of sense. lot of sense. This whole paradise scheme that religions rely upon in order to kind of keep you in line while you're here has the ability to backfire because taking it to its logical conclusion, you know, I mean, why not? I mean, truly, why not kill yourself and go to heaven? Why not kill your loved ones and go to heaven? Why not all commit suicide together and go to heaven? It's like if somebody said, hey, you live in Ohio, but you could live in Tahiti.

And all you have to do is commit this one act. And all of a sudden, you guys all get to live in tahiti forever or you well nobody would pick ohio yeah or you live in a trailer park or you could live in a mansion which do you want right and and you're like fucking i could live in a mansion forever and ever and ever awesome let's go to the mansion yeah right and you never see this there's no secular analog there's no like you know mom kills her kids because you know carl sagan thought it would be great idea you know what i mean like there's no like how does it work like or mom kills her kids because she knows they only get one life and should really make

something of it you know i mean it doesn't like how does the secular analog even work people go crazy religious people and non-religious people. They go crazy. But the concern that I have is that when you become off balance and have a psychotic break, if you also have this, like, foundational worldview that says, well, maybe if we all just died, we'd be happier. Man, some bad shit can happen. dot com or you can call and leave a message at 74074DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod or click the link on the podcast homepage and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per-episode basis.

If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story comes from the Washington Post post and i just love this story jesus is the reason for the season politician says at a menorah lighting ceremony for hanukkah and the fucking picture could not be more like this is not one of those situations where you forgot who you were around at the moment yeah right this is not he is around the most jewish looking people it's very true they have the jewish fedora on they've got

the whole like they got like the fucking beard like the whole like there's no like oh i wonder like i said no i have so they're standing next to an enormous menorah? Those are like standard issue Jewish glasses, too. Like, those are right. That's so awesome. That's so great. I wonder if this is a guy who has the same dream of, like, saying something really wildly inappropriate in different places. Because clearly he did here.

You know what I really love about this, Tom? places because clearly he did here you know what i really love about this tom is if you look at that menorah it's clearly made out of pvc so it's it's pvc but they didn't even bother to put like 45 bends or like uh like maybe like make it go out at the bottom and then sort of go up instead it does this very sort of 45 degree angle thing like you could easily do something better than that but you clearly gave up halfway through making this gold menorah and there's another picture from another article i was because i was doing a little research to see exactly what he said and i was bouncing around and this other article has one of the fedora headed guys lighting one of those one of those candles,

and they're giant candles, right? Inside there, they're like propane with a propane torch. That was like a plumber's special. It is. It's exactly. It's like a plumber's soldering torch he was using to light the thing up. This is amazing, though. This is fantastic.

And the best part is that instead of being like oh that was like a weird faux pas i don't know why i said that instead he's like he like backs it up and he's like hey i thought it added something to the service and i would say it certainly did oh it added a level of fuck nuttery and assholery to the service i think so it's just one of those it's like one of those people who double down doubles down on one of those uh racist team names right it's like one of those guys he's like what i don't think the the west town jigaboos is a bad name for a team you know it's like one of those guys where you're just like no really no really that's a really horrible name for a team. Come on.

Well, they're playing the Chinatown Slants. It's going to be a great game. Oh, no. Fuck. Oh, no. Oh, God. There's going to be so much beeping. I don't know if we can play any of those.

And then they get mad at you because you're so PC. They're just like, God, you're just so PC. God, will you let your hair down? Jeez, I can't even call Jews Jews anymore. I can't even be as unbelievably insulting as possible. Like, oh, look at you, sensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings. He should have kicked this thing over and planted a Christmas tree where it was. That would have been great. That would have been about as

subtle. Like, that would have been, like, the only thing more, like, less subtle would be if he fucking crucified one of the Jewish leaders on the menorah. And then gave him presents. I got you a dreidel, motherfucker. He like turns one of them upside down and spins the whole man.

Oh, good lord. This is taking a dark turn. Oh, it's fucking amazing. He does say, though, hey, Jesus was Jewish. Yeah. I thought I was being very positive. Well, lots of people are fucking Jewish. Like Woody Allen's Jewish. He, lots of people are fucking Jewish.

Like, Woody Allen's Jewish. He's not the reason for the season. I also, too, that they're specifically celebrating something else. Right. This isn't, like, the fucking, the menorah is not a fucking Christmas menorah. It's a fucking Hanukkah thing, dude. I know, I know. Like, are you fucking stupid? It's not even

related to Jesus it's not even like we're not even remotely related and can't you imagine like when like one of the Jewish guys like turns the other one's like who invited this guy like did we did did nobody check to see if this guy had a history of saying insane shit well he says it everywhere it's almost like he's a fucking, he's like a anti-separation from church and state fucking parrot. He's got like a peg leg shaped like a cross. Yarr. I'm bringing Jesus because he's the reason for the season I am.

Speaking of bad shit, this is from the Telegraph. Christian teenager takes her own life over misplaced fears about telling family she's a lesbian. So this is exactly what it sounds like. A Christian teenager, she came from a deeply Christian household. She had terrible anxiety about telling her families that she was gay. And rather than reconcile her feelings with her faith and try to find out what's going to happen, she just killed herself instead. She felt so backed into a corner that she killed herself yeah you wind up with with stories like this and you can't help but recognize that being a gay person can probably make you feel so unbelievably alone that you just that you just don't know what to do and if you don't have anybody

to bounce those ideas off of and if you wind up with a family that thinks that that is unbelievably awful i mean we had a guy we had the guy we played that uh that clip from he said something like ain't no faggots gonna come to my church or whatever you remember that idiot that we just played yeah there's all those people in the audience that are like amen brother what if one of those people was your dad and right and and what do you do especially if in a household where the family structure is really important and what you know what your father says is really important to you what do you do how do you how do you contend with that dad's always going to think i'm worthless dad's always gonna think i'm less than uh i'm sure that

there are many many many many stories by gay people out there when they've come out and it's been a fucking disaster it's been a disaster because somebody has disowned them or they lost their social support structure because their friends stopped hanging out with them or uh you know maybe they were in a relationship with the uh someone of the opposite sex and came out because they knew that they couldn't do this and then it ruined that and maybe that possible friendship and that friend circle there's all these bad things that can go wrong when you come out and this person looks like they just weighed the choices and thought it's just not worth it uh i can't help but think though that this is the person that those it gets better videos were even was made

for you know yeah this is this is the person who they're targeting the parents in this go out of their way to say like we wouldn't have cared like we loved our daughter it wouldn't have mattered and i think like well that's great and if that, that's great. But I think the problem is that when people are raised in a worldview, right, they're raised in this deeply Christian conservative worldview. And all around them, they're being told that this is evil and it's sinful and it's wrong and it's going to send you to hell. And your parents are sitting in the pew right next to you because they don't know you're gay. And everybody's nodding along and even if you did come out to your parents and they and they were totally cool with it you would never think they're going to be cool with it because they're nodding along to that shit yeah you know they're bobbing their fucking heads to that same

fucking five minutes hate that is part of that of that whole culture that's part of that whole christian culture like fundamentalist christian culture that that teaches of that whole culture. That's part of that whole Christian culture, like fundamentalist Christian culture, that teaches everybody that like, ah, this isn't just like you said, like what if somebody's sitting in that crowd? Like what if you're like an 11-year-old and you sit with your dad

and you're sitting in church and that guy's like, there's never gonna be any faggots in my church. And you're getting those first stirrings. Like there's those first pubescent stirrings that define your sexuality. How do you feel? And maybe your dad would, if confronted, would love you more than than his faith and would change and would accept you. But how are you supposed to know that? What is logic? What is reason? What is your past experience tell you?

It tells you, man, this shit is not safe. Says it must be male and female. It must be opposite of one another. Everything in the universe testifies against the sodomites and against the sodomite gospel and against the sodomite Bible. So the story comes from the new civil rights movement dot com. Gay people will die out because they don't reproduce, says Pat Robertson. And that's fucking genius. He really thought this one through. Because the gay people that are here now

clearly came from other gay people. Let's see what he says. Crystal writes, I've been in church all my life with my family. We are not allowed to date. The only ones in my church that are married already knew their partners before

coming into church. It is treated as a sin to show interest or have a mutual understanding in church with the opposite sex. Most of the people in the church are frustrated because we're getting older and no one is getting married. We pray about the issue, but it seems like it is bouncing back. What should I do? You know, those who are homosexual will die out because they don't reproduce. You know, you have to have heterosexual sex to reproduce. Same thing with that church. It's doomed. It's going to die out because this is the most nonsensical thing i have heard in a long time this is absurd god has made us to be in families god has created a desire of men and women to have attraction to the opposite sex so that they will reproduce and have children if i were you i'd get out of that church as fast as i could cast the dust of it on your feet shake off the dust and run he actually gives other than his crazy i know

right like instead of like his analogy is fucking retarded it's totally goofy but his advice is awesome actually right like it's one time where you're like yeah all right i actually kind of have nothing to add yeah yeah with it with the second part absolutely the first part though it's it's it's like pat skipped over when we started doing artificial insemination. That's a blur to Pat. I love that they're all going to die out. Like, oh, man, we just got to wait for all the homosexuals that were just born to die out. They were just born of heterosexual parents.

to die out. They were just born of heterosexual parents. We're going to wait for them to die out. And then the heterosexuals will continue not to like, where does he think they came from? Like, where does the Genesis of, of a homosexual come from in his eye?

Like, I don't even understand how, what is he talking about? Does he really not understand? Do you really think he thinks that? He has to know about this stuff. You can't hide your head under the rock and not know that that's a possibility without actual sex nowadays. Yeah.

I, I am flabbergasted that he would say I really am like, because people have, we've played it like people in heterosexual, like, with families like a heterosexual mom and dad, they have gay children. And they've called into his show. So where does he think that they came from? It's like they spontaneously generated. Right, that's the thing.

It's like the parents just wake up and they're like, oh, fucking stork brought us a gay kid. Man. They go out their window and they shake their fists at the sky like, damn you, stork. And the stork just flies back, giving them the fucking finger like, really? Does he think gay kids come from gay cabbage patches? Really gay storks. Right. Fly them in.

Yeah. So weird. What a weird thing to say, Pat. Yeah. And the analogy doesn't even. I mean, just say what you said at the end. Just say that instead. Be like, get the hell out of there because those people aren't going to like that.

That sounds like a horrible place. Okay. I'm with you. It sounds like a fucking horrible place it does there's no denying that it sounds like the worst place ever where everybody's like super hyper sexually frustrated and not touching each other and just standing in the church just i guess looking ahead hoping that you don't pop a fucking boner you know yeah that's a weird like what is what is going on in that weird like the first thing i thought

was like what a strange cult church yeah like you clearly belong to like a weird culty church like i'm kind of surprised you're able to even fucking send that email yeah where how do you even have access to the thing to do that we believe we're moving into a supernatural season where if needed god will will multiply food. I have seen God multiply food more than one time when I was cooking. I mean, when my kids were little, they were always bringing their friends into the house. And I remember, you know, spooning out spaghetti or whatever, just praying and the spirit over that. And God just made more and more and more. You know, I've seen oil multiply as I was praying for the sick.

I've seen bottles of oil just fill up about a cup at a time of oil. So this next story also comes from Right Wing Watch. Pat Robertson, who needs a doctor when God is your physician? Oh, yeah, God's the physician, the same guy who got you sick. It was the devil, Tom, who got you sick. It's God who's carrying you. Let's hear what Dr. Pat has to say about this. I'm 76 years old. Several years ago, I made a covenant with God. I asked him to be my physician. I said, I trust you, Lord, for all my physical needs, whether I'm sick or healthy, healed or afflicted. I will never cease

to praise you. And when my life is ended, I pray you'll receive me into your holy kingdom. The problem is every time I'm sick, my family pressures me to see a doctor. Was I foolish for making such a commitment? I know my loved ones are only concerned with my welfare. How can I make them understand? You know, there's some people who think that doctors are God, and they really aren't. And you've asked God to be your physician, so stick with it and say, Lord, I'm asking you for it. I see nothing wrong with taking medicine. I'm all for doctors. I'm so grateful for the incredible medicine and the technology we have available to us.

It's absolutely extraordinary. And I don't want to diminish that one bit. Unlike how I just diminished it, of course. Right. Right. I know. It's like, I don't want to diminish it. But I'm sort of really diminishing that.

When I said lots of people think they're God, but they're not God. That's the fucking way to kick over that straw man, dude, because nobody's saying that. I don't know any. That's the only thing is that it is exactly a straw man. I don't know any doctors that are maniacally laughing, saying, ha, I'm God. No, they just they know that they have a profession and they're maybe good at it. Well, it's so funny. People get so resentful of doctors.

They get so resentful. Like, ah, fucking doctors think they know everything. It's like you went to them for advice. That makes me crazy. It's like, yeah, well, I went to the doctor and here's my complaint about the doctors. It's like, well, the doctor didn't come to you. You went there because you're like, I have a problem and i don't know the answer okay that that's one person you go to the doctor and show up to the doctor the doctor's like well here's what i think and then you don't like what they think it's like

well fucking that you ask them for their help it's okay if you want to get a second opinion or if you you know have a difference of thought but you can't be fucking resentful about it because you didn't fucking know either. Or you wouldn't. And how many times do you hear the stories of, so I went to the doctor and the doctor said, oh, you're feeling sick. Here's the thing. And then I got better. How many times do you hear those stories? I, yeah, you never hear those.

What you hear is people complaining about something. So there'll be like, oh man, I went to the doctor and he didn't know what was wrong with me. That's all you ever hear is like the complaint stories. So people automatically get this negative feeling about doctors so like oh you know what these doctors know and all these people know always all the stories i hear and they aren't doing anything they aren't curing anybody but here's a perfect example my brother was in an accident recently pretty bad accident he fucked

his leg up fucked his he messed his he messed his body up pretty bad he smucked he smacked his face in the ground and he had like a broken nose and shit i went down to see him the next day and he was stable you know right what would happen if there wasn't a doctor there you know we're we're perfectly fine when when it's oh i went to the doctor and they didn't know what was wrong with me my back's been messed up for a while and they didn't know what's wrong with me yeah but we're perfectly fine to say oh well yeah but you can fucking put pins in my leg that's fine you can do these it's almost like we're we're totally fine with doctors doing these very um these things that we can understand these things that make

sense to us stitch me up mechanical things yeah stitch me up when i'm caught pin my arm back together when it when you know put some uh caught like some something on my cuts to stop it make my arm in a cast so it doesn't move so i it heals itself all those all those things but when it comes to the sort of uh the parts of the body we don't understand then it's out of these doctors no right when it comes to like like here's like a pill for this thing and they they're like, ah, fucking pills. It's like, no, it's chemistry, man. Like, you don't know how it works. Like, just because you don't know how it works doesn't mean it doesn't work.

You know, I don't know if you ever encounter the same kind of bullshit in your life. But I get it at work all the time. People come to me and be like, yeah, I got a problem. And I don't know what to do. And then I'll be like, yeah, well, here's my suggestion. And they're like, yeah, I'm not going to do that. Well, don't fucking ask me then. Like and I don't know what to do. And then I'll be like, yeah, well, here's my suggestion. And like, yeah, I'm not going to do that. Don't fucking ask me that. Like, don't just don't fucking ask. It's like we have this idea with doctors specifically, though,

that like we're at the end point of history, right, that we should know everything. And if you go to it, if you've got a problem and we don't have a solution for that problem, that, you know, the fucking doctors don't know anything. Grumble, grumble, grumble. Like, we just don't know everything. It's not the same thing as they don't know anything. We just don't know everything. And that's okay, because we still have more things to learn. And maybe it's frustrating, because your particular ailment does not yet have, you know, an effective treatment. And that sucks. Like, it would be better if it did have an effective treatment.

But we're just not at the end point of history yet. But Pat Robertson's advice is basically just be like, fucking pray about it, dude. I love how he's like, stick to your fucking guns. Yeah, let's see, though, because there's still 26 seconds. He might tell him to go to the doctor. You made a commitment to the Lord. Stick with it.

Don't let your family influence you. Do what you feel like doing, all right all right you mean you're not a kid i mean if you were six years old that'd be a different matter because your parents would be responsible for you but you're in their 70s and so live your life god bless you okay so no he does not tell no doctor he says follow what you were saying before and you know look here's the thing if you get to the point where you're sick isn't fucking god already letting his part of the covenant down isn't he already failing if if you say to him this is this is what you just said dude god you are my physician god you i will i pray to. I want you to fucking fix me when I'm healed and when I'm not.

And I want you to make sure I'm fucking tip-top shape. And if not, you know, whatever. Basically, God is saying, I don't want you to be in tip-top shape anymore. Right. So why go to the physician anyway? Why even ask that question if that's the case? But what really, you know, in my mind, it's saying God's either given up on the covenant because he's like, fucking, I ain't fixing that shit, dude.

You're 76. Like, that's a lot of work. There's a lot of maintenance goes into that car. I ain't fucking I ain't doing that. And he's frustrated that his family wants him to go to the doctor. Like, Pat Robertson can't fix that for you. Like, what's he supposed to do? Like, call your family.

Yeah. And say, stop trying to pressure. You know, I mean, it? Most of his questions, though. What's that? I was going to say most of his questions, though, all revolve around what should I say to my family. He's fucking – he's the religious Dear Abby. It's true. It's very true.

But, yeah, like, I love the idea that, like, you tell God, like, yeah, you're my physician, and then you get sick. And it's like, well, you know, God just wants you to have cancer now, dude. It's fine. You find out. I mean, like, that's the thing you do now. Now you die. That's the covenant you made with nobody.

That's the other thing. Like when you said it's like a covenant, like you're the only one who signed the contract. Yeah. Nobody agreed to it. It'd be like, my son does that to me all the time. He'll be like if i take out the garbage you'll buy me a pack of pokemon cards and i'm like no i didn't agree to that i'm not you're just gonna do the you're like you're just gonna do your chore yeah i'm

not getting you and he's like but you'll buy me a pack of pokemon cards i'm like no you don't understand i both parties have to agree like in in this, it's the same thing. It's like the guy's like, God, you're my doctor. And Don's like, I didn't say yes to that. If God really disagreed, though, he'd strike him with lightning or something. He'd strike him with cancer or sickness. Well, he's 76. Well, it's all made up.

Father, I ask that you would forgive us for taking prayer out of the schools. Father, when that happened, secular humanism flooded in. Father, it began to penetrate every part of the curriculum. So this story comes from the DC Gazette. Mom complains about school Bible handout, gets slammed by local parents saying you're outnumbered here. And my favorite part about this story, Cecil, is the woman who's complaining is also religious. Yeah.

She just doesn't think it's appropriate. And so she complained to the school and the fucking, the other parents fucking rallied. Not around her, but around the Gideons. The fuck is with the Gideons? It's not a hotel. God, they keep pushing the Bibles on everybody. What is wrong with you people? I don't even understand the end game there, right?

Like, do you want a Bible? No. Take a Bible. But I already told you I don't want it. I'm not going to fucking read it, or I'm going to throw it away, or I'm going to fucking use it as rolling papers. Did you read what they had to do? So I'm going to read this real quick this is from this dc gazette article this is said that the kids were told they could take a bible if they wanted one if they were not interested they could just simply go to the other side of the room yeah go ostracize yourself go to the other side don't stand with the rest of us here don't you know

mingle in with all the other kids who have their bibles just in case no i'm gonna single you out and send you to another part of the room so people know that you're not getting your bible right i mean that's that's fucking you're just you're just looking for a way to discriminate that's all you're doing i know that when i was in school, I would have taken the Bible. Me too. Absolutely. There's no way I wouldn't have. And I wasn't religious when I was in school, but I would have been like, I'm not going to be the only one.

I'm going to be the weird kid. Right? That's like the biggest fear when you're in school, right? Like school is all about trying to find your way into an in-group. Right. Like, that's just, like, developmentally, like, where kids are at. It's especially important for kids, you know,

not to feel like they have a support group and a structure. Like, to be the fucking only one in fucking wherever the South this is, like, standing off to the side, like, I don't have my bible like fuck that nobody's gonna do that what pressure what unnecessary pressure well then and then you go to facebook to complain about it and then they they wind up i think they deleted the comment they initially put

it up there and then a bunch of people were just like hey now you're outnumbered here right actually i'm part of your number i'm not outnumbered i'm with you except for i don't want to get bibles in school i'm religious but i don't want to get bibles in school and this is this is exactly why i love the uh when the satanists go and and hand out the coloring books yep i fucking love it this shows exactly how how ridiculous it is uh recently somebody posted on their page there was a a guy posted this uh somebody read a prayer and it was a prayer at a town meeting and this guy comes up and starts with you know one in ten people are an atheist and he starts thanking mother earth and then the satanic God. And it's all this, like, he's just throwing in every bit of weird religion shit that he can in this prayer that's clearly a mockery of prayer.

And I thought it was great. I thought this is exactly the way to point out how ridiculous the entire thing is. And a bunch of people were saying, oh, what a douchebag. And I piped in and I said, I don't think the guy's a douchebag i think what he's doing is pointing this out he's pointing out the fact that this is a ridiculous custom that we have to start out a session of government with a prayer it's it's a stupid custom so i'm gonna mock the custom because there's no inherent there's no sanctity at all in this in this custom it's a stupid custom. So I'm going to mock the custom because there's no inherent. There's no sanctity at all in this in this custom. It's just a custom that we've been doing forever.

But if you're not a believer, all religious prayers sound the same. Just just take Jesus out of the Lord's prayer and put Thor in there. It doesn't matter because none of it makes any. None of it matters to us. Right here. So the idea that this person of it makes any – none of it matters to us. We don't care. So the idea that this person is a jerk because they're doing it, they're an asshole because they're doing it. No, I don't think they're an asshole because they're doing it. I think that they're very rightly pointing out the fact that we're doing something that's antiquated and silly.

And in the same case with the Satanists, they're very rightly putting satanic comic books in children's hands so that they stop putting the Bible in their hands. They're not doing it because they want to get Satanism out to the kids. They're doing it because they want to get the Bibles out of the classroom. And I can't commend them higher for that. I think it's wonderful what they're doing. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain. And you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa. And you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper.

This story comes from Right Wing Watch. Rick Wiles, nuclear holocaust will kill us all. Thanks to gay people. gay people not thanks to the thermonuclear weapons which will be rained down like hellfire from the sky like like as as like as as the the balls of fire hotter and brighter than the sun envelop our major cities. We'll just be like, Oh God, gay people right before having the skin seared and blasted from our bones. All right,

let's, let's listen to Rick Wiles here. He is going to explain how he gets from nuclear holocaust to gay people. I think he's going to try. This is from his show, True News. I'm going to say that show name again. True News. Worst case scenario is the submarines come up on the West Coast and the East Coast.

And they just obliterate us. Submarines? That is a worst case scenario. I mean, it's a very, very unlikely fucking scenario. I love that Russia at this point, because it's clearly, who else is that? It's fucking certainly not, it's not a fucking Afghanistan-y fucking submarine.

Right. Okay. So it's clearly... It wouldn't make it very far. It's not a fucking Afghanistan-y fucking submarine. Right. Right. So it's clearly... Submarine wouldn't make it very far. It's clearly... They build it in Afghanistan. They're like, fuck, we're landlocked. What are we doing now? I was just going to say, from a landlocked country, they have to catapult it to the ocean

in order to get there. No, but fucking, you know, so it's Russia. But do they really have a full fleet of submarines that could fucking detonate the entire united states still running i don't know you know like maybe probably i would even probably go so far as to say probably like fucking hunt for red october style like to just but what would be the advantage like oh, oh, we destroyed the world. Yeah. Well, the thing is I've got to figure out why they're going to do this because that's the worst case scenario. But why would they do that?

Rick Wiles, tell us why. While we sleep at night. That's the worst case scenario. And friends, I'm telling you right now, it's a real possibility. It's a real possibility that can happen any day. Really? Wow. Like Tuesday?

You know, I grew up in the sort of terror of the Cold War. And this is back when it was like a real fucking deal. Like when it was when there was a possibility. Right. You know, talking 70s, late 70s, early 80s. It was a pretty scary time because there was you know there was clearly some uh there was some chance that that could happen now i think it was probably a lot more of a chance fucking back during the fucking bay of pigs and shit but it was a still a chance i've i haven't even thought about that in any real way in years that's because you're not a paranoid nut i mean hey what you when

i think about end of the World, and don't get me wrong, I still have, you know, I still have ideas about how possibly the world could end. Sure. It's about, you know, some sort of virus or something, and or it's about, like, global warming or, you know, an asteroid. It's all these sort of things that are,

you know, well, sometimes they're under control, but then sometimes they're not. But I'm never thinking a nuclear war, like total nuclear annihilation is the way that something like this is going to happen. Yeah, because that's extravagantly unlikely. That's why you don't think that's why you don't think about it that way. Like, I would guess that like if you think about like like end of the world type scenarios, my guess is that, you know, most of the end of the world type scenarios. So they come to mind would be environmental type scenarios. Right.

Yeah. Right? Environmental or some kind of like the super volcano underneath Yellowstone. Sure. Whatever. Like shit like that. But the idea that Russia is just going to be like, let's ruin the earth. I don't really see the advantage to that. I know that relations right now are not great,

but I don't think they're like, wipe out all life bad. Why? Because gas is $2.39 a gallon? They're going to wipe out life across the entire Western Hemisphere? It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, we're not giving him a chance, though. I mean, we're really not giving him a chance to explain himself.

We are on the edge of World War III. And you know what? This time, the United States of America does not have divine protection. Oh, like we did in World War II. Yeah, don't you remember the divine protection we had? Yeah, I do. I do. Because they tried to fly those planes to the mainland of the United States, but God deflected them off to Hawaii.

Right. That was exactly it. Yeah. That's how that works. I get it now. That's the divine protection. No, I don't think we actually got our divine protection until after the Second World War. I have to imagine it was post-World War II.

Yeah, maybe you're right. Because there were so many dead people in world war ii just saying that out loud to be ridiculous and clearly like the 30 000 people that died in vietnam they were like they were just like bad heathen people yeah so they didn't count like they were the okay you know sure yeah well did did we did we somehow falter in our divine protection during 9 11 is that a yeah there was ater in our divine protection during 9-11? Is that a... Yeah, there was a crack in the divine protection.

So, like, God, like, looked away. You know what? We let our divine protection lapse. It's like that one month when you just can't afford it. You're just like, man, I just... You just forgot to pay your life insurance that month. I can't. Yeah, I can't afford it.

Did I write a check for divine protection? Yeah. Shit. Honey, did you pay the divine protection? You downloaded the divine protection app. And all the, like the plane like boom. And you're like, look over like with one eye like at your checkbook. And like, oh.

Oh, shit. I totally should have had the divine protection. Oh, honey, did we tithe to the divine protection? No. Damn. Yeah. protection oh honey did we tithe to the divine protection no damn yeah i don't know that i don't know that i'm following you here rick lucy because we've become a nation of homosexuals and atheists and lesbians and god haters wait how is it how is a lesbian different than a homosexual? It's a girl. Well, but it's still a homosexual.

I know, I know. But he doesn't differentiate between homosexual males and females. He doesn't know between gay guys and gay girls. For him, homosexual means guy. Good God. It must, because that's what he's obsessed with and and to him i you know the thing is is that he can't differentiate between those two but he can differentiate between atheists and god haters they're god haters they're god haters like what is a god hater like somebody who thinks that there's a God and just hates him? Just like, I don't know.

That'd be a pretty rare person. Right. How would that even work? Right. I actually don't understand how that would work. Like, how would you really believe in a God and hate the God at the same time? Like, it kind of doesn't really make a lot of sense. Yeah.

I only know of one. And he was a fictional character in a story called The Chronicles of Riddick. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's not realistic. Probably not actually true. We told God to get out of this country. Did you forget that? Did you forget that this country told God to get out? We don't want God in this country.

We don't want his name on our public buildings. We don't want his name on our public buildings we don't want his bible in our schools we don't want his spit it out we don't want his word to be spoken in public venues that was like a four second pause i thought something was fucked up in the audio for a second. No, man. He clearly fucking just couldn't spit it out. You know, what kind of a fucking puss is God anywhere? He's just like, boy, I'm going to go, man. He's like at the end of the jerk.

He's just like, all I want is this church and this synagogue and this holy man. And that's it. That's all I want. He stays like God just taking his ball and going home. Yeah. That's it. That's it. I hate you guys.

Big doo doo head. You're gays and you're atheists and you're lesbian, gay, atheist, gay, hating Jesus haters. Like, what do you what is God like? Eleven. But the thing is, is like he is. He is 11. Right. Fucking.

I think that that Noah movie or not. No, whatever the Exodus movie we saw, got it right. He's, like, fucking a 10-year-old. Yeah, I actually think that that was the best decision that movie made because, like, the Abrahamic God is a fucking petulant child. And so I guess that does make sense. Like, aggressively oversimplification of, like, international political events is also, like, the kind of childish, petulant bullshit that you would expect, right? Like, that whole worldview, like, kind of comes together. It all makes sense now, Cecil.

So we told God to get out of the country. What if he got out? What if he left? What are you going to do, America, if he got out what if he left what are you gonna do america if he left and the russian nukes show up if the russian submarines show up and you find out god left well what the fuck was he gonna do anyway show me the one fucking time that god stopped something nuclear going off yeah show me like the one anything right that they were just like man they launched that missile and it didn't land anywhere just went away yeah it's fucking wiped into nothing oh man that's never happened yeah ever and you know like that's the thing is you

remember like i don't know if you remember this but there was this big like bunch of money we spent in like i think it was the early 80s on this thing called star wars i don't know if you remember this but there was this big like bunch of money we spent in like i think it was the early 80s on this thing called star wars i don't know if you remember they spent about all this fucking money and it was basically like a laser that shot down from the sky that could blow up a missile and it never fucking worked or they didn't they spent a bunch of money and they didn't do it i don't remember the exact specifics of it i just remember it was a flop i remember that that was the big the the takeaway from this is that it never did anything. But if that – if this is the case, right, if people really do believe this garbage – and let's be honest. Our fucking leaders believe this. Oh, sure.

This is not – this is – you know, we're playing Rick Wiles and we're pretending that he's fucking – he's somebody that is not to be taken seriously because we listen to him speak and we think, why would you ever take this person seriously? Because we listen to him speak and we think, why would you ever take this person seriously? But, I mean, let's be honest. If Rick Perry were in office, this is someone who he would take seriously because this is exactly how, like, Rick Perry thinks or Michelle Bachman thinks. This is how these people think. They think that God is fucking protecting us from some outside force. Well, if that's the case, why don't you fucking load a goddamn satellite up full of fucking religious wafers and holy water and send that shit up in space? Yeah, isn't it funny how much they rely on it, but then at the same time, they recognize that they're relying on nothing. And so we spend more money than all of the rest of the world combined on defense.

Yeah. I had some kind of divine shield from an omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent God that had me particularly in mind for his affections. Why would I spend all this money on all this fucking military equipment? Right. I wouldn't need any of it. You know, I'd just be like, hey, look, I'm fucking surrounded on two sides by, you know, vast oceans. I'm fucking friendly with the fucking neighbors to the north and neighbors to the south. Oh, and God loves me. Yeah.

I'm going to spend all my money on feeding and educating people. Cha-ching. All right. There's a little more. I want to say there's about 30 seconds of this left. Who are you going to call on? Ghostbusters. All you atheists and all you homosexuals, all god haters all you jesus despising people out there that that hate the name of jesus he sounds just like

when i was making fun of him it totally does it's just like all you face people with your faces and your mean head walking around with your legs and your mean head. Walking around with your legs. And your doo-doo brains. Sounds like such a little. He sounds like a kid who doesn't know how to swear, really. Right. And he's trying to push the limits on what he can say. You dork dildo brains.

You dork dildo brains. You got a dumb nose, face, ugly turtle head, boner ass. That's awesome. That despise his name, who attack Christianity. What are you going to do when the Russian submarines show up? Same thing as you. Who are you going to call upon? Is your gay God going to come and save you? Is your gay God going to come and save you?

Why don't you go get your gay God? Why don't you go get your gay God? Why don't you go get your gay god? Dude, my dad can beat up your dad. That's exactly what he just said. Oh my gosh. I'm going to get my big brother. My big brother has nunchucks. He's like a third degree black belt.

You guys are going to be so mad when my cousin comes to town he once killed a man with his pinky finger such a childish shitty thing to say oh it's so funny when he's like who are you gonna call when they do this and the first thing i think is well we'll fucking i'm not gonna call anybody because you're the one who's fucking imagining the scenario right none of it's gonna happen well okay like look i'll run with your scenario for a minute like i don't think a fucking phone call at that point's gonna do me any good what are you gonna call upon i don't want to live in that world. I'm going to hope that one of them

lands directly on my family. That's what I'm going to hope. I'm going to hope that the bomb strikes my house specifically. I'm going to be praying to my gay god that day. My gay god.

Stupid gay god and all his gayness so we'd like to thank our newest patrons uh we want to thank of course all of our patrons but we want to thank specifically the newest ones chris charles pia michael naked mormonism Charles, Pia Michael, Naked Mormonism Steven Jamie, Matthew and Richard thank you all so much for your generous donations your generations go a long way

to making sure the show is possible and go a long way for us to donate some of those funds like we did recently to Foundation Beyond Belief through David Smalley's show Dogma Debate so we're really happy that we were able to Foundation Beyond Belief through David Smalley's show, Dogma Debate. So we're really happy that we were able to put such a large donation out, and it's all because of you guys. So thank you all so much.

Tom, we got a message from Matt, and Matt's listening in the back catalog, but he asked us a message now, so hopefully you'll hear it in the future. But he does have a question. Matt's question is, he says he doesn't understand how to have just a regular conversation about religion without it turning into him as the evil atheist who's trying to convert other people. And I, you know, I think that this is a this conversation is not as hard as it sounds like, I don't think. But it's got to be approached by all parties in the conversation with honesty, with sincerity, and really without trying to convert anybody. So you got to hear each other out. Like if they're really willing to hear you out, then you got to talk about – and we kind of gave similar advice or I kind of gave similar advice to somebody else who was talking to Jehovah's Witnesses recently. When you're having these conversations, I think the most interesting way to have a long-lasting, meaningful conversation is not to talk about specifics of their religion, because their religion is no more relevant to you.

You don't believe in it. So if they're a Christian, the specifics of Christianity are no more relevant to you than the specifics of, you know, worshiping Zeus, right? It's all nonsense. Talk about how you come to your beliefs. Why do you believe these things? Where does that belief come from? Did you always believe? Did your parents believe? When did you first start believing? Where did it come from? How do you think people, you know, ask bigger questions, draw out bigger questions. People, I think, feel less threatened when you are really genuinely curious and when you draw them out and ask them kind of larger, more meaningful questions. If you're just going to, you know, pick at each other's individual belief systems, nobody's winning. So if you're going to gripe about this Bible passage or that Bible passage, how is that? You're not even having

the conversation at that point. The Bible's doing all the work. Ask big questions. Anti-apologetic stuff is not the way to go, I think. I think you're right, Tom. And I think people do feel better when you say things like that. i think that's what peter bogosian's book gets right too when he talks about how you approach the conversation in a very non-confrontational way and you talk about how we understand things how do we understand this how did if you were and put yourself in their position put yourself in their shoes uh and try to try to talk to them on a common level. And and I think that it's it's actually pretty easy to have those conversations. I actually have conversations all the time about anti-apologetic stuff with people that are religious because I've built that foundation on the earlier stuff, which is how do we know these things?

So once you get past and can get comfortable with people talking about religion, you can start working your way up to that anti-apologetic stuff. Right. You just have to, I just think you have to work there first. You have to work to get there first. We got a message from, this is from Carolyn, and Carolyn talks about Great America and uh physics day a lot of people talk about physics day we got a voicemail we played at the beginning of the show that talks

about physics day uh but one of the things uh that she said she said when she found out she was pregnant with twins she begged her husband to let them name her let her name them jesus and muhammad the hilarious part is that these two names are the most common first names around the world just not in english in the english-speaking world man those kids would have hated me i think it's great imagine having a you know a totally caucasian family and being named muhammad that would be you would be that would be something else man man. Yeah. As a parent to a child whose middle name is actually Danger, I sympathize with your desire to have some fun with the names. But I think your husband made the right call in shooting that particular one down. We got a message from Tim.

And Tim said that he had hurt himself and he had a back injury and then he wound up being sort of on a couch, basically just not able to do a lot because of it. And he found our podcast and he said our podcast really helped him through. He was able to laugh and really just be a lot more positive. And then he said recently found a physician and he's actually undergoing treatment that is able to make him walk with two canes. So we're so happy that you're back on your feet and we hope you continue to get better and better and better.

And we're happy that if our podcast played even the smallest role in you coping with a bad situation and then ultimately getting better, we're absolutely thrilled about that. And we can't be happier that we did a tiny, tiny part. Yeah. I can't imagine this show doing anything but crippling people, to be perfectly honest. So the very idea that this would actually be accidentally helpful to somebody. Man, that's awesome. So we got a message from Steve from the SkeptiCule podcast. He says, I cannot believe that a load of pedantic bastards have nagged you about pyramids and slavery. They may be right, but they are clearly a load of pedantic bastards that listen to your show.

Clearly a load of pedantic bastards that listen to your show. Truly incredible amounts of unnecessarily pompous, abstruse, and nitpicking, punctilious prizing a part of every jot and tittle that you say on the program with an E. There's an E. Then I find that a load of life wasters that have drawn on and on about your errors in relation to resurrection in the Bible. Pathetic. By the way, you're wrong about leprosy. It's always had a really low death rate. or resurrection in the Bible. Pathetic. By the way, you're wrong about leprosy.

It's always had a really low death rate. That's awesome. That's fantastic. You know, it's funny. Thank you so much, man. That's funny. It was great. We got it. We did get a bunch of messages about this.

The leprosy thing was hyperbole, though. I was saying it as hyperbole, and I failed because it's obviously less than what i was expecting but i was just saying it as like a joke because the people in the movie didn't have leprosy they just had boils right and i just i just made a joke about leprosy because they look gross like it was just a yeah they yeah it looked like a comment about them looking funky yeah that's all it was i didn't say they didn't actually get leprosy in the movie no so no and none of them died from the boils i don't think they died from the attack insects. We got a message from Mark, and Mark is a Christian.

He says he's our token Christian fan. I love it. And he says, as a liberal Christian, and he's talking about a bunch of other people, and he says, we do a great job of mocking stupidity when we're talking about asshat preachers and people that don't know about the Bible, etc. And I think it's kind of funny that we, I think, would have a lot more in common with a liberal Christian than we would have with a very, very conservative atheist. I think that many conservative atheists would have a lot of problems with what we have to say, you know, when it comes to like the death penalty or it comes to welfare it comes to a lot of those things whereas i think a liberal christian follows us through on all that stuff and it's just it's just the part about god that they disagree on but they also disagree on the you know the assholes who take people for

their money or the you know pat robertson giving shitty doctor advice when he shouldn't you know they all agree with that. They just happen to take it. There's just one step that they don't go when we don't think there's a God and they do. And I think that there's a lot to be said about that. I think that I have a lot in common with people I work with who happen to be Christians, whereas I might not have common with people who would be atheists, but I just, you know, I just don't have the same worldview as them.

Yeah, and a lot of the people that you work with are like they're committed to social justice issues. Those are things that are very important to you. So like there's that connect there. And those are larger issues. The religion thing is a gulf that can be crossed we just finished a few minutes ago recording with uh with bobby and with miss ashley from the no religion required podcast when that podcast is posted we'll put it on this episode show notes you couldn't find two sweeter people to have a conversation with though uh they were absolutely wonderful they were funny and we just had a great

time just chatting with them for about an hour i want to say about an hour and 20 minutes so when it's posted we'll post the the link to it but uh but head on over there and listen to us on there and listen to their other shows um they were just super nice people and they were uh i don't know why but they listened to our show before i don't know why they would do that um but they were they were really uh uh they were complimentary about our show, and they were just super nice. So if you get a chance, take a listen to their show, and we're going to get a chance to hang out with them when we go down to ReasonCon this upcoming, I think it's in April, when we head on down to the big old city of Asheville, North Carolina. No, no, no, no.

It's not in Asheville, Cecil. It's in Hickory, North Carolina, because they wanted to move it out of the big old city of Asheville, North Carolina. No, no, no, no. No, no, it's not in Asheville, Cecil. It's in Hickory, North Carolina, because they wanted to move it out of the big city of Asheville. It's a population of 40,000 in Hickory. So that's basically like the population of a skyscraper in Chicago. That's obviously an exaggeration. It's like 10 skyscrapers. So we want to end the show today.

We got a message. We got a message from James and James is from the Unbearable podcast and he also does a show called John Hates Movies and he sent us a song. So I'm going to end the show today not with the skeptics creed i am going to end the show with the glory hole song that he put together so thanks john for sending it uh we're going to put it here at the end of the show so uh so if you want to listen

to it it's going to be right afterwards we're going to be back next week not going to leave you with the skeptics creed we're also planning something really big for the 200th episode. We're hopefully going to have a very similar episode to the 100th episode. We went out and found guests that we just have a great time talking to, and we're going to put them on and just hang out and do news stories with a bunch of different guests. So episode 200 is right around the corner, probably right after the first of the year. guests. So episode 200 is right around the corner, probably right after the first of the year. And we're looking forward to getting together with several different podcasters over the next couple of weeks to record their segments. So 200 looks like it's going to be a lot of fun, and we're looking forward to it. But we're going to leave you with John's song until next week. A million podcasts on iTunes tonight

Not a good one to be seen A kingdom of stupid podcasts And it looks like I'm the king. Emotions bubbling up like a hot tub inside. Cannot keep it down. Heaven knows I've tried. Don't get beat up. Don't get put down.

Got to show them I won't be jerked around Concise, don't fight, don't want to know I know where to go Glory hole, glory hole Time to face the unknown Glory hole unknown glory hole glory hole but i will not be alone here i stand with my chest to the wall hope you like eggnog the kind that don't have no alcohol

Funny how this bathroom Makes everything seem small But the cold wind is blowing And I'm still not standing tall There's hints of beard inside this room. Reminds me that Santa's coming soon. Then Jesus Christ is beardy too. Well, is that you?

Flurry of, flurry of. Jingle bells and jingle bells Glory, ho, glory, ho Together we'll deck the stalls Here I stand On Christmas Eve Oh, holy night What's this on Craigslist and on Grindr that I found? A million youth pastors and truckers come from all around I think I finally had my fill of this dark world

And it isn't really gay if I pretend that you're a girl Glory Hall! Glory Hall! I hope this stall has good luck. Glory Hall, Glory Hall, that guy looks like he likes goblin pizza. Here I stand, till I get my way. Coming straight in straight hard on I'm gonna have a good holiday