Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 205: Helen Keller School of Haircuttery

Episode Date: February 2, 2015

 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hi guys, my name is Gretchen. I'm from Minneapolis, Minnesota. And I have to say, I really like this whole position on gay rights you tend to take on your show. Because not only am I gay, I'm also married. And trust me, it's weird to know that when we go into a state that don't recognize our marriage, if something bad happens, well, I don't really know what would happen. Hey, guys, I just called a rant. That's basically it.

That's the sole purpose of why I'm calling you. Just listening to Michelle Bachman fucking H Huckabee and fucking Palin. It's always the same fucking thing. Like, every time you hear them talk, our nation's in trouble. Everything's going bad. It's like, God damn it, I just want one of them. One of them to be like, you know what? Our nation's not doing bad, you know?

There are other countries out there where people are going to die today because they don't have the same old food. You know, I'm going to keep this trend going. Hey, Tom and Cecil, this is John from Willamette, Connecticut. And I just want to let you guys know that you guys are just literally the virtually the best podcast on podcast radio. Glory hole. best podcasts on podcast radio. Glory, Hulk. Be advised that this show is not for children,

the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at. This is episode 205.

And this is another live vicious episode. I don't know, man. I'm fucking dead tired after putting this goddamn place together. Yeah. Well, you know, fucking snap to it. It took you five hours. Jesus Christ. Next time, you know, you drive out here and spend five hours working on my house.

Maybe you could work a little quicker. The whole time I had to move your large girth around this entire room. Next time, do what everybody else does and strap me into a furniture dolly. Well, no one else was going to move your girth. That rascal scooter runs out of power faster than you think. And then you have that thing that you have to sit in and go up the stairs. The gremlins catapult.

I'm always reminded of. It's like a gremlin trebuchet. It shoots you right out the upper window. I think that was a really unrealistic scene from that movie. Yeah, really. It really broke the fourth wall for me.

I was not able to get past that one. I initially thought. I was like, man, this is really, no. It's like I also spend a lot of disbelief. I will believe in small mystical creatures, but I will not believe that one of those things has enough power to throw you out a window. While we're talking about that. Okay.

Small mystical creatures? Yes. You can't feed them after midnight, right? Yeah. So when can... It's always after midnight. When does that start over? It's literally

always after midnight. It's after a midnight. Right. That's what I mean. It's after midnight right now. So it's like, it's one in the morning. Is it after midnight? I don't know the answer to that question. And even if it was 1159, it's still after midnight. Right. When is it not after midnight? Like, it's a clock.

It goes in a circle. I think it's because they were from a foreign country. That translation on the instructions was just. Didn't work. It's like one of those things where you read the instructions and it's like, insert stick into. And it's just this ran. You're like, there's no stick. Like, what are you talking about?

The directions are in English. Yeah. It's like, oh, man. I don't know. After midnight. What does that even mean mean i don't think that's what you think it means totally you're right it totally shouldn't have been after and then like if it if it like restarts maybe it like sun up or something yeah then you could just like take them to canada yeah why would how would they know it's like oh well come on my biological clock is ticking here i know what i'm supposed to get fed and they're all little pricks because they all want to eat after midnight

right they all want to transform and metamorphosize into that awful fucking thing that they know it's coming and they know they're like yeah i want to be a fucking crazy creaky creepy crawly thing that's going to really be a total prick much bad worse than the initial one. Right. Well, you know why, though? I don't. The reason why is because they are the only creature that looks like a mammal, but reproduces asexually, right? They reproduce with water. Yeah.

So their little animals don't ever get to have sex, and you can't have a fucking midnight snack. I'm super angry. Why wouldn't you be furious? I'd be furious all the time if somebody was like, no eating and no fucking. I'd be like, I'm going to fucking wreck your house. You've left me only the third option. Yeah, because I am programmed

for food, fighting, and fucking. And if you take away those two things, all I have is fighting. You literally have no other... Look, I was ready to do the food or the fucking. But you programmed me for fighting. You asshole. You have only yourself to blame when grandma gets trebuch food or the fucking. But you programmed me for fighting. You asshole. You have only yourself to blame when grandma gets trebuchet up the window.

Did it make a boing sound effect? Because it would be awesome if it made a boing sound effect and then on the way down she made an awooga sound. I do believe that atheists are parasites in the sense they're benefiting from everything that religious culture is built in America, but they're doing nothing to add energy into the system. So the story comes from the Friendly Atheist blog. Pastor creates a fake world-renowned atheist to rail against and imagines him abandoning his godless faith. Pastor Bo Pornstache Wagner down here He totally does have a pornstache His eyes are near the middle of his face

Yeah well at least they're like Very intense eyes Look at his eyes They're in the middle of his head The rest of it is all forehead Well if I had a three year old Cut my hair like this guy Look at that Seriously look at that It's like I'd fucking like a three-year-old cut my hair like this guy has clearly.

Look at that. Seriously, look at that. It's like mom had a bowl and a pair of dull, shitty scissors. He went into haircuts from the blind. Right. And had them lay hands on his hair. Feel your hair. It's a Helen Keller Cuttery. Oh, no.

Oh, no. How do you tell them what you want? You have to figure out how to let them know. Who gave her scissors of all the things? It's like somebody cut his hair with a pair of rusty garden shears. Look at that. They like stuck his face into a wood chip. Like, no, it'll be fine.

It'll be fine. But the best part is, too, that that's like a headshot. Like, that's like, it's like somebody like attacked his head with like a feral rabbit and used that to shape his head. then he's like all right i'm ready for my pictures i paid like a cow to chew part of his fucking hair off and this is criticism coming from a man who gets his hair cut over the sink with a fucking pair of clippers set on one i'm so lazy I just cut it all off. Like I'm just like, oh I got hair again.

It's the nuclear option or nothing. Yours is straight though. I've committed to one length. Yeah, he's got stairs in his hair. And stars in his eyes. Porn in his stash.

So what did he do? We've been talking about his looks forever. Well, he created this world-renowned atheist so that he could argue against him. It turns out when you invent the arguments that nobody is using, it's really easy to knock them down. But his arguments are fucking crazy. Well, yeah. I mean, they're total straw man arguments, but not only that, they're really weak straw men.

Right? It couldn't even hold anything up. It's like a flaming pile of straw. Like, it has no integrity whatsoever. It's awful. So let's read. This is some of the things that, these are some of the pieces that the created atheist in this case was supposed to have said so that he could knock this down. So we'll go through some of the pieces that the created atheist in this case was supposed to have said so that he could knock this down.

So we'll go through some of the pieces. This is supposed to be coming from the atheist, right? My religion was precious to me, he said, as much or more so than any Christian or Muslim or Jew. Faith in the absence of God always brought great comfort to my heart. Faith in the theory of evolution did too. Wow. Man, that's fucking hard hitting. What does it even mean, faith in the theory of evolution?

Well, it's not understanding faith or theory or evolution. So I think in that sentence he understands in and the. Faith in the absence of God always brought great comfort to my heart. How would that work? I don't even know what that means. Yeah. So, I mean, I think he's trying to do that suggestion that I don't have enough faith to be an atheist sort of William Lane Craig kind of bullshit. The best part is it's like he's creating this worldview to argue against

but it's a worldview that nobody shares right you know so it's like yeah well you know just like atheists have faith in you know the absence of god it doesn't even make any sense it's like saying atheists worship they don't well and he says that later on he says um he says i wanted to keep believing i really did but faith just became so hard for me every time i turned around the science He says, My gods, I guess you would call them. Well, nobody would. Nobody's calling scientists gods, first of all. But he says later he didn't go down that easily. I worshipped very hard. I suppose I really was just trying to convince myself. I always attended lectures on atheism, even when I would rather have been on the lake fishing.

When he says first the universe is 20 million years old and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he talks about how being 20 billion. Nobody thinks it's 20 billion, by the way. I don't know anybody who says it's 20 billion. It's they say it's like 13 point something is where they've sort of narrowed it down. But the idea that you're going to say, oh, well, this science was not self-correcting. Well, what the fuck? Like, why is that? Why is that a downside to science when somebody people suddenly think? And this is something I've run into recently over a lot of different things. But people think that if a scientist or somebody who has some sort of scientific theory doesn't know something, that that's a fault, that that's a bad thing.

To say, oh, well, scientists don't know about this thing. Well, just because they don't know about one thing doesn't mean they don't know about other things. That's removing the chance that they could know about other things, which is silly. But then the very idea that because they find out other information, they don't change what they think. I mean, why would,

why would you want a system that is so dogmatic that the moment it hears other information, it rejects it. Well, and that's, that's the criticism here, right? Like he's basically saying like science isn't dogmatic enough.

Yeah. Well, okay, good. Um, that's that's the criticism here, right? Like he's on that. Like, that would be a big problem. Yeah. I think it's great when science is like, yeah, it turns out we've got new evidence, and that new evidence yields new conclusions. Right. So he goes on, and he says, I gave my offerings regularly, and then in quotations, to donations, to liberal causes. So that's the atheist. But that assumes that all atheists are liberal. That's not true.

And that's just not even the case. And he says, I even prayed. And this is amazing. This is the most amazing piece of this fucking made up straw man bullshit. I even prayed when queried about whom he would have prayed to. Oh, hair got a bit sheepish to me, he whispered, explaining that since he had believed there was no God that made him and any other human the final authority and thus a God himself. I have to admit, it is a bit awkward at first, but after a while you just learn to refer to yourself

in the second person as you pray. And after a while, you can really get into it. Nobody does that. I refer to myself in the second person all the time. I don't actually understand how I would refer to myself in the second person all the time i don't actually understand how i refer to myself in the second person i how do you do it how would i because isn't it a you aren't you saying yeah that's the thing is it's so you tell yourself you're such a good person i i don't i don't i don't think i how would I pray to a you? You go, tiger. How would I do that?

So I would get down on my knees and I would say, you. I really would like you to do something for me. No, for you. For I. For us. For them. Yes. You have to use all the pronouns when you pray.

You check them off a wall. And if you have to use all the pronouns when you pray. You check them off a wall. And if you go through all of them, then you've prayed correctly. Wouldn't it be easier just to skip and go right to the third person? Seems way easier. You know what would actually make more sense is just not to pray at all because no fucking atheist prays to themselves. That's retarded. What a weird thing to say.

I think, you know, I think he's saying is even if there was an atheist who did sort of think about something like that what i think they would do is maybe they meditate or maybe they they center themselves or they they figure something out i i know that i i tell myself all the time that i can do something whether it's oh sure you talk to yourself all the time but i ain't to myself. I think they don't understand the idea of praying. They think praying is talking to God and being like, hey, God, how you doing? I'm doing fine. I'm going to cook up some chili tomorrow. We're going to have a Super Bowl party. No, instead, what they think is talking.

But praying has a connotation of worship that they don't understand. Maybe it sort of fell out of their ideas. that they don't understand is maybe it sort of fell out of their ideas. Because I know when I used to pray, when I was a Christian, I used to pray and talk. I don't know that I ever had a lot of deference. I don't know that I would say, oh, great and merciful God who could smite me with one tiny thought. I wish for a tiny bowl of gruel. Could you please provide my malnourished body? I never said.

What I would say is, God, I really hope I get this job. Can you help me get this job? But I wouldn't be like, and I always treated God like a genie too, by the way. Well, that's what praying is for, right? It's God as a genie. Because God clearly already would know being omniscient, right? He would know what you want. Yeah.

So you just have to fucking tell him to appease his ego right like that's all that it is it's just begging it's it's celestial begging i think that the point here is that um i think what he's saying is that if you're an atheist you're putting yourself in the god position you're putting yourself in the position of ultimate authority and that that argument is so boring that's bullshit too right because people still when you're an atheist it's not like I just immediately am an anarchist. Right. And it's not like I believe that I have ultimate authority.

I recognize the authority of other people. I recognize the authority of governing bodies. I recognize the authority of power dynamics in relationships. I don't just walk around like, I am the ultimate authority. I get to do whatever i want a fucking i'll walk out into traffic cars can't even hit me like yeah nobody does that yeah i i think when it comes down to this guy it really feels like if this is your fantasy you're a lame lame person who can't think of better fantasy because i can think of a lot better fantasy

than this than beating up on somebody in a bad argument. All I need to do is watch the Katy Perry halftime show and I can think of so many fantasies. I don't need to watch the whole thing. They're very short fantasies. I guess I could think of multiple ones during. They don't call it a halftime

show for nothing. Because I don't need all the time. Not all the time. Abortions for all very well no abortions for anyone abortions for some miniature american flags for others this story also comes from the Friendly Atheist blog. GOP congresswoman doesn't support anti-abortion bill. So conservative writer wonders if she's worthy of life.

It turns out that you can be not Republican enough as to play along with others as it is in this case. I can't believe someone would say that. It's so funny that someone would say out loud and I'm going to read directly here. It says, is Representative Renee Elmer's worthy of life? No, really. I see no reason why I shouldn't. I shouldn't expect an answer. after 20 weeks of pregnancy, had a 60% public support, should come out and justify her existence. Tell me why you are worthy of life. You have been given, the worthy of the life you have been given, representative.

Wait, I don't even understand the idea of being pro-life for, clearly, it's not like everybody's getting a telegram from the fetus inside the mother. I actually am worthy of life. Here's why. Stop. That, that, that, that, that. Stop. But you have this person who is experiencing so much cognitive dissonance that they're willing to say, you have to justify your own existence because you are. And it's not even like she's out there with a coat hanger and a flashlight.

Right. You know, she's out there just trying to make sure that women don't have to give force to give birth. And she's only fighting, I think, the rape and incest. Yeah, that's the thing, too, is like she is aggressively pro-life. Yeah. She's just saying rape and incest. People are so fucking against this that they're willing to fight against even that. even. Yeah. Aggressively pro-life. Yeah. She's just saying rape and incest. People are so fucking against this that they're willing to fight against even that. Right.

Yeah. Crazy talk. Crazy, man. It's nuts. Like this idea that you have to be worthy of life is so aggressively not pro-life. I know. Right. Like that's a stance.

And I think that's the point she's making. Right. Is saying like, hey, you know, if you're saying that some lives are less worthy, then you tell me why your life is worthy. I think that that's kind of the comparison. Maybe I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that that's kind of the comparison she's trying to make. But, you know, she misunderstands the whole abortion, the other side of the abortion argument. So, again, it's a straw man, right? Because it's not that people are saying that,

or anybody is suggesting that some lives are worth more than others. We're saying that life has a point where it is human and when it is not yet fully human. And that's the distinction. It's not just that there's nobody drawing the distinction on the pro-choice side of the argument between a life that is worthy versus a life that is unworthy. The distinction is between human and not yet human. That's the distinction I think that's being drawn.

Nobody's going to suggest that like some lives are – well, nobody's going to say out loud at least that some lives are more worthy than others. Certainly there's probably arguments being made about that but this is just so fucking wild and so aggressive don't you think that the pro-life uh arguments though when you talk about pro-life arguments one of the things that i think is very common is that the pro-life people always have these weird sort of straw men that they like to throw out. It's like the people who get down on welfare. There's an idea of a welfare candidate out there that the people who hate welfare hate. He's a lazy or she's a lazy person. It's most likely women.

It's a minority woman who shits out kids to get welfare that's the person who you who you see it's a welfare queen someone who is driving around in an escalade with 700 kids hanging out the back and is uh and is just walks up with a fatty roll of food stamps just starts flipping through it like bank and then pays for everything with it etc that's the person that they want to demonize. This myth, yeah. It's a myth person. It's a mythical person. And even if it exists in one or two, they extend it to everyone, right?

So it's not just one person who's like that. It's everyone who's on this welfare is like that. Or we need to stop it because it's rampant. The same thing applies here, I think, when you talk about the people who are getting abortions. When you envision the idea of the person who's getting abortion, you think, oh, it's just some some teenage slut who went down to Tijuana for the weekend and wants to clean out her uterus. You know, it's somebody walks in. You know, you have a home abortion vacuum.

You just walk into the shower and after you're done showering, you just stick something up your vag and suck out anything that's in there. And the idea is, is that it's it's you're just throwing this away. It's a, it's a careless decision and it doesn't matter. And, uh, and while it doesn't, I don't think it does matter to lots of women thinking about abortion as birth control is silly because many women don't use it that way. It's, it's, it's a fail safe. It's not something that you immediately think, Oh, well, I just won't use any kind of birth control whatsoever. And if I get pregnant, I'll just suck the baby out with this straw. Right. I'll just nobody is nobody is intentionally using abortion as a as a form of birth control.

It's a far too expensive and dangerous. You know, I'm like, it's just there's better option. Yeah. Nobody would be like, oh, knowing all of my my birth control options i'll choose abortion as the as the preferred method i don't think you can get a free abortion i think they're hundreds and hundreds of dollars yeah and it's much cheaper to buy the pill and the pill is very cheap at planned parenthood condoms i mean it's like this condoms are free most places yes it's it's crazy so nobody is but yeah you're right it's it It's easier for them to argue against propositions that nobody is making.

Yeah. Right. It's just like the last article we just covered. It's really easy to argue against an atheist if you don't cover the atheist arguments. You know, if you cover invented arguments or invented people. Sure. It's way easier. That's why a straw man is a great rhetorical tool, but a terrible logical tool, right? Because it's a fallacy. It doesn't work. It's just that you have to be able to spot it and point it out. The thing about an abortion straw man, though, is it's poseable because

the coat hanger's in his arm. It's like a Gumby, right? You can just move it wherever you want. The only problem is they have a very short shelf life. That's a toy you don't put in the toy box you take out next week. No, it turns out that's bad. This story comes from the BBC News. Saudi men call for no girls on Twitter.

In an impressive display of their knowledge, their vast prowess with social media. Saudi men launch an attack to try to drive women off of Twitter. But unsurprisingly, like every fucking backwards fucking bullshit idea that tries to take hold using social media, it blew up in their face like a fucking hand grenade. God, it's awesome. What I envision when they say no girls on Twitter is, remember when you had a club when you were in fourth grade? And you wrote girls and the S is backwards? No girls allowed in our fort.

Right. It's like G-U-R-L-S. No girls. I said no girls. I ain't no girls coming up my treehouse. I didn't want no cooties. Put your burka back on. Get off my Twitters.

Oh, man, that's awesome. I love the idea that you're going to say something. You're going to say something out loud. This has got to be a troll i think that i can't imagine that this is real because you have to be so stupid to recognize that you'll never gain any hold because you have literally no control over what other people can say right so it's it's terrible this is why those those media things backfire when people post something fox news posts a question with a hashtag and people just leap on it and just devour them. Donald Trump will post something with a hashtag. Whenever there's those hashtags out

there, especially with a questionable source in some way, they get devoured on Twitter. And you can't imagine that that's not going to happen to you. You have to be hiding under a rock to think that's not going to happen to you. And, well, if you are in Afghanistan, you're probably under some rocks, I mean, I imagine. Well, it's like, you know, the best part about the internet, it is the least safe place for trying to karma whore. Yeah. Right? And, like, if you are the kind of person who's like, oh, yeah, here's what we'll do. We'll make this.

What we'll do is we'll make this go viral, guys. I've heard that word viral. Let's make this go. And it's like the internet is going to eat you fucking alive. You have no idea the den of iniquity you have stepped into when you have tried to control the reactions of people when they get to be anonymous and mean. Yep. They will fucking eat your soul and use your fucking heart as a toothpick.

Oh my gosh. They do not care. You know what they'll do? They'll fucking find a picture of your mom somewhere and they will Photoshop themselves fucking her. And they will post it on your wall. That's how mean they are. That's the meanest. They will do whatever they can to just get your blood

up just to make you look stupid and silly the internet is basically like an angry high school lunch table sure where everybody is armed with scorpions and their piranhas yeah piranhas armed with scorpions that get shot out of a gun yes that's what they are. Do you think homosexuality is a sin? I think that it's unnatural. I think that it's detrimental and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization. So this story comes from the progressive secular humanist blog at patheos.com. Oklahoma GOP wants to restrict marriage to people of faith. And Cecil, I got to tell you, I read this story. Oklahoma GOP wants to restrict marriage to people of faith. And Cecil, I got to tell you, I read this story, but my first thought was, I'm kind of okay.

I would not get married tomorrow. Me either. I would go get a civil union. Right. I actually am kind of okay in general with the differentiating between marriage and a civil union. Right. You know, civil unions for the not religious. And then, you know, marriage doesn't necessarily need to be something recognized by the state.

The state can recognize civil. Now, do I think that's going to happen? No. Do I think that's practical in any way? Absolutely not. But in theory, I'm totally OK with civil unions rather than marriage. And let marriage then be a religious thing. That way, nobody will want one. Sure.

But to actually go out of your way as a political organization to limit the rights of nonreligious people to gain access to the same protections of religious people. Yeah. Dick move. Do common law marriages have less rights? I wonder because that's what she's advocating for. He's advocating for. This person is saying it's Todd Russ is the person who, I guess, created the bill. And it says they don't have spiritual basis for marriage and they don't want to have a clergy member or a priest or someone involved in the spiritual aspect, they can file an affidavit for a common law

marriage. Now, if a common law marriage carries with it less responsibilities and or rights, I'm not interested. I think that that's marginalizing people that are not of faith. And that's a thing that we got to stay away from. However, if they were to say something like, it's fine, you're still married, you just happen to not have a thing that we got to stay away from. However, if they were to say something like, it's fine, you're still married. You just happen to not have a thing that we call a marriage and it's still the exact same thing. Who cares? I don't care. I think that the idea that you're right when we got to say that the government's got to get out of the marriage business. The government's got to get out of the idea of giving out marriage certificates, calling them weddings, things like that.

What you've got to start calling them is civil unions for everyone. It's a civil union for every single person. It's a legal status. It's a legal status that you get to have that marks you as all those benefits that a married person or someone who is married to another human being has. And that's fine. You can also get married. And those ceremonies can happen simultaneously if necessary, right? They can happen in a church where someone is legally appointed by the government to administer this particular legal thing that happens to you and you are able to sign a document.

That's what happened when I got married. The priest was also a legal representative of the state that allowed me to sign my thing, That's what happened when I got married. The priest was also a legal representative of the state that allowed me to sign my thing, et cetera, et cetera. So I think that's how it worked. Or maybe I got my license before. Regardless, however it works, in any case, you're able to do those things simultaneously. I'm allowed to get married and get a civil union at the same time. But the marriage is literally useless under the law. Yeah, it's just a thing you did at church. It just so happen to do it at a church. So what?

Just like the state doesn't recognize baptism or communion or any of these other rites of passage. Or circumcision. Right. The state doesn't recognize it, but I'll tell you what, it's fucking there. It's there. In that it's not there. Can you just put that tip back on for me?

I just always wanted the tip because it just, it seems like it'd be fun. You could pull it back, put it forward, pull it back, put it forward. I do that without it. Right. But I'd really like to have the full extension. It's like, even if it's cut off, I wanted to save it as a key chain. Yeah. You know, it's like a search protector or something.

It's my lucky foreskin. It's like, it's like suddenly my cock is ready to rob a bank you know what i mean it's got its own little ski mask i look at this thing my dick was wearing a glove and now it's just out there for the fucking element if i had an uncircumcised penis i would call it to carl sagan because it's wearing a turtleneck the whole time. It's wearing a turtleneck. You would call it Carl Sagan and get away with it. Be like, come on, honey. Say hello to Carl. I feel so bad for your wife.

I mean, like, even more than usual. Billions and billions of vaginas. Will have nothing to do with my penis. Oh, gosh, yeah. Man, I'll tell you, if I was uncircumcised as a kid, I would have never stopped playing with it. Because the whole time you'd just be like, it's in, it's out, it's in, it's out. It's, oh, wait a minute, what happened there? Dude, you got a switchblade dick.

It's a stiletto. Right now I just got a paring knife. Exactly, yeah. And it's like I got a paring knife. Exactly. And it's like always out of its holster. It's just it's just this sort of thing. Oh, yeah. This is got it. We got to move on.

Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google Plus, Facebook and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com forward slash dissonance pod

or click the link on the podcast home page and you can donate to the production of cognitive dissonance on a per episode basis if you can't spare any money take a second to give us a five star review on itunes or stitcher or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. This story comes from nycpastor.com. Ten women, Christian men should not marry. So this is like more of that crazy, you know know this reminds me of the uh who is that guy the guy with the fucking pokey hedgehog face or whatever yeah you know what i'm talking about

hedgehog head whatever his name is what the fuck was his name can you remember he did like he did like the uh wackadoo or wackadoo or something lookadoo lookadoo i called him wackadoo i was like yes that's it that's his name it's wackadoo yeah it's lookadoo. I called him Whackadoo. I was like, yes, that's it. That's his name. It's Whackadoo. Yeah, it's Lookadoo. Yeah, this reminds me of his rules for how to behave or how to be a good. Women worth dating or whatever it was.

It's one of his stupid fucking rules. So there's a series, Cecil, of 10 women that Christian men should not marry. Yeah. Let's take a look at some of these and go through the ones I like. I kind of wish we had a beer so this could be a drinking game. All right. So the unbeliever, that's a, you know, of course, that's the number one one. Well, yeah.

Yeah. The number one one is unbelievable. Does this list you think apply in the reverse? Let's look at it and think and ask ourselves, would this apply in the reverse if we were saying to women, these are guys you shouldn't marry? Sure. I think this one would apply. This one would apply. I think this would apply. Yeah, absolutely. The divorcee. Like you can't marry a divorced woman. It says in here, a divorced woman is off limits for a Christian man. Unrepentant adultery being a sin that prevents one from obtaining internal life. Quote, if she divorces

her husband and marries another, she commits adultery from Mark 10, 12. What about the dude? Does the dude commit adultery? No, it specifically just says, and if she divorces her husband, and then it does say later though,, although I guess from Matthew it says, And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. So I think that works both ways. Works both ways then. Okay. So no divorce. No divorce.

And actually I think I will say to the credit, probably the only time you'll hear me say this, to the credit of the Bible, they are at least reasonably consistent about divorce. Sure. All right. So the next one is the older woman yeah he said he says it's not a sin but it's certainly not god's ideal so god likes him young god does like well muhammad likes him young right so that's just kind of a universal thing um and this is really a way for um this this isn't really about older women this is about power dynamic yeah that's the way this whole thing is is structured so this whole argument is structured that um women women need to obey their men yeah and i think it's suggesting that older women

are more likely to or less likely to be subservient sure um and i think that's that's probably reasonably accurate, actually. Yeah. Well, and this one you can't flip. You can't. You can't because it's an older woman. It's clearly sexist. Yeah, it's clearly sexist.

The next one, too. The feminist. Clearly sexist because, you know, what are you going to, the masculinist? What do you call this? Chauvinist? Like, what are you? Although, could a woman marry, could a traditional woman marry a feminist man? Oh, that's not what they're talking, though.

I know it's not, but I'm just curious. In the Christian worldview. Probably not, actually. Now that I think about it. Could a traditional. Probably not from this guy's point of view. No, I'm sure. Not from this guy.

The next one doesn't make any sense. And we're not even going to talk about feminism because it's fucking. Of course they don't like it because they don't like. Because they don't understand it. The previous one talked about power. So does this one. Right. It's the't understand it. The previous one talked about power. So does this one. Right. It's the same exact thing.

The immodest dresser. This is interesting. We're going to talk about yoga pants later on specifically. Yes, we are. We're going to talk about this. At length. I like them when they're short actually, not at length. No, but seriously, what you're talking about here is the immodest dresser.

You can't do this for men. You can't flip this around for men. Can you? I mean the immodest dresser when men can walk around without their shirts on i see fucking old fat dudes doing it all the time way too often in fact i'll tell you what out here in the burbs it's a thing for like fat dudes to take off their shirt and mow the lawn is it i don't know why that's a thing yeah do you do it no no no nobody needs to. Well, they start dialing the zoo and they're like, the elephant escaped. You need to get over here.

He's mowing a lawn. It's some kind of hideous animal that can use machines. It must be destroyed immediately. If you and I were out back brewing beer with our shirts off, someone would call 911 and say, the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot are behind this house right now. I swear to you. I swear to you. They're making blue crystal.

You need to get over here. The immodest dresser, though, this falls right into the fact that they hate sex. Right. They love sex and the fact that it reproduces, but they hate sex every other time. Well, and they hate female sexuality. Sure. Very specifically. Absolutely.

The gossiper slanderer. I think this is like, just like it. This is the harping on like, oh, women are such gossips. You know, they can't shut their full head. Right. Oh, you know what? Fucking women talk all the time. And that means they must have thoughts.

You're such a pretty little bobblehead, aren't you? Yeah. It's totally patronizing. It's ridiculous. This one. This one's awesome for my wife. The childbirth avoider. Avoider? Man, she dodged that childbirth.

It's like the Matrix. There's like a fetus flying past her. She's like, It's just sperm. It's like a Bukkake Matrix. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, yeah. Good slow motion cum shot. Never heard of anybody.

The wander luster. The wander luster. Yeah. So evidently, if she wants to leave the house, that's how they're really defining this. I know. Her feet, she is loud. So scripture speaks repeatedly about such women. It says, quote, she is loud and wayward.

Her feet do not stay at home. And then besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to. I don't even, that seems more like the person who jabbers or whatever. Isn't that the gossiper thing? I thought that's what, that seems more like the person who jabbers or whatever. Isn't that the gossiper thing? I thought that's what, it seems like that, but the wanderluster, that to me sounds like somebody who likes to travel

and go out and be outside, but to this, they're basically saying anybody who wants to leave the house. Right. It's not even like a wanderlust, like, man, I think we should move to California and see this. We should go backpacking in the mountains. No. No. This is just, I should never.

I'd like to go to the Circle K. Shut up, bitch. Get your ass back in the house. You're not making enough sandwiches. You're just a fucking hateful. And will you put your fucking muumuu back on and stop dressing him modestly? You're not having enough children. Are you pregnant yet?

Oh, gosh. Stop dodging my semen, for crying out loud. We have the career first woman yeah making money that's a bad career first woman there's a several of these that that my wife would fail at by the way now let's look at a couple of these by the way the childbirth avoider is okay for men that's that i think is okay for men especially when they're single uh and and uh the wanderluster it doesn't really talk about men at all it's saying her feet etc so i feel like yeah and men i think are supposed to go out and

do things in this sort of mindset so that wouldn't be for men uh the career first woman is clearly uh sexist because if you're looking at a career first man yeah well that's what they're saying is preferable i do think it's interesting that they pay homage in this little blurb, this paragraph to the fact that financially, this isn't even a viable way to live because it says modern American society might hate to hear this, but God made men to be the providers, blah, blah, blah. And it says it's OK for women to be a doctor, attorney or any other professional. However, the career is coming at the expense of her home and something is wrong and then it says basically that there

might be a season i think it says i don't remember exactly what it says but it says if there's a season in your life where women have to work then that's all right but it shouldn't be the preferred way to live and it's like so it's basically saying like look we know that society does not really allow this antiquated worldview it doesn't work sometimes both people need to bring money into the household for the household to survive but you should really feel bad about it yeah that's the important part right yeah is that if you need the money and everybody has to work and she has gone into the world and become educated and gotten this great job and she has to be. It's OK.

As long as she feels really bad about it. And by the way, I'm going to fucking I'm going to Monday morning quarterback your entire fucking life. Right. Exactly. Because that's what this is all about. This entire thing is about control from the church. Absolutely. The last one doesn't make any sense to me. It's the devotionless woman.

And it really seems like the number one unbeliever to me. Yeah. I don't know how this was different. This is not going to church. It's just not going to church. Well, if you're an unbeliever, you're not going to church either. I don't know how that isn't wrapped up into the other pieces. Maybe you believe, but you're lazy about it. Well, I mean, yeah, sure, I guess, but who cares? I mean, I don't know. In any case, I feel like this is an example, though, of in every facet when you are a believer and you're in this faith that this person is in. And this is a very I think this is a very common mindset for many, many Christians. Sure. When you're.

Yeah, I think this is very simply a common mindset. When you're in this mindset and you are a Christian, you've got to look at your faith and say, how much is my church trying to control my life? How much are they trying to twist and steer me through my own life, through many things that I should have a choice on that they are saying I don't have a choice on because it's evil. They're not saying that it's bad because they're not giving you reasonable arguments saying it's bad to marry an older woman because of X. Instead what they're saying is it's bad to marry an older woman because of this scripture passage. Right, exactly.

My wife has a really good thing that she says and she goes, if your clothing is a frame for your face from which the glory of God is to shine, it's proper. If it draws attention to your face.

If your clothing draws attention to your body. To outline it. To make it noticed. Then it's sensual. It's sensual. What you're doing is wrong. I feel like playing taps before even reading this. Like, I feel like this is a story of mourning, of sadness.

It's just terrible. Veronica Partridge, Christian blogger, vows to give up yoga pants. By the way, the ad on mine, if you scroll down, is a magnificent ass in a pair of yoga pants. Hey, yes. I also. $25 free shipping or something? Let me tell you something. My goodness.

Okay. I'm going to have a hard time to concentrate. Anyway, moving up, moving up, moving up. And Veronica Partridge is a very pretty, very pretty young lady. The idea that she would be giving up yoga pants? That's a travesty to all men and or women that find her attractive. Yeah, man, it's just horrifying. It's just horrifying.

And the rationale is basically that her husband is distracted by other people wearing yoga pants. So she doesn't want to become a distraction to other people's husbands, basically. This is that dress modestly thing, right? Because men are animalistic beasts who can't control themselves. And also it's just the idea too that like just being physically or visually attracted is somehow a bad thing is that there's i don't understand that there's a there's a level of uh abhorrence that they have to the idea of someone else being attracted to someone else once you're in a monogamous relationship which i think is

unhealthy when my my wife and i will get together with other people and we will watch MMA. We'll watch UFC fights. And my wife will never miss a George St. Pierre fight. I mean, that's just, that's it. That's a George St. Pierre fight or a Loyola Machida. My wife finds both of those men unbelievably attractive. She thinks they are. There was one time I remember saying, well, Loyola Machida looks like, cause he went down a weight class and went from 205 to 185.

And I said to my wife, I said, wow, he looks cut. She's like, yay, he does. And you could just tell immediately she found this man attractive. I wasn't offended by it. I wasn't immediately thinking, oh, well, you're distracted from me or whatever. I just thought good for you. You're distracted from me or whatever. I just thought, good for you. Youth finds another human being attractive, and that's how life works. That's how we all work. We're all programmed to look at other human beings and find beauty, whatever that beauty comes from.

We're programmed to look and find those sorts of things. We were talking about Katy Perry earlier. I find Katy Perry to be gorgeous. When I look at her, I'm like, my goodness, that woman is absolutely beautiful. Katy Perry in yoga pants. I'm done with the show. I need a minute. I need two.

But, you know, you think about this and you think about how much they want to push other human beings away from these very basic feelings. It's okay that my wife finds someone else attractive. It's okay with me. I don't mind mind she doesn't threaten your monogamous my wife watches 300 every single time it's on she will watch the whole movie because every guy in there is fucking amazing looking they're all super six-pack three i say it's fucking cg but in any case they're all super six-pack dabs sure crazy looking tough guys with huge beards so she immediately is, wow, all these guys are hot, so I'm going to watch these guys get gore all over themselves. But I don't see why anyone would feel offended by that.

But there's a worldview here that immediately takes offense to it. And I have a feeling that even though people will say outwardly, they'll say these things outwardly. Oh, we've got to get rid of yoga pants. I have a feeling that they want to be titillated. They just want to do it in secret. Yeah. Well, I think that's got to be because what this feels like to me is it feels like the externalization of sexual insecurity.

Yes. Right. Exactly. That's exactly it like you're super sexually insecure and you're just like constantly fucking worried about you know what if my husband finds somebody else you know i don't ever think about that yeah i just assume that my wife finds other fucking eight yeah literally all of the other people are more attractive than me it's like if she doesn't she's gone blind yeah exactly you know what i? Like she's gone blind or she's in solitary confinement somewhere.

You know, so she's in a small Malaysian prison. Right. Yeah. And even then. Yeah. And even then I wouldn't blame her. You know, if a roach scuttled across the floor, she's like, I'd do the road. Okay.

All right. Yeah. You know, what do you want from me? I'm fine with that. Right. Okay. All right. Yeah. What do you want from me? I'm fine with that. The thing is, there has to be kind of an adult recognition at some point that we've gone past the high school jealousy stage and that we understand that there's a season in our life where people are not only going to find other people visually attractive, but there might be a time in your life where you or your spouse or whatever develops a little crush on somebody else or has a little relationship with somebody that's sexual or not sexual or whatever. That's part of the ebb and flow of human sexuality and human nature. It's up to couples to navigate that. It's up to you to navigate that personally.

It's up to your relationship to navigate that interpersonally. This idea that monogamy means that not only have you pledged your life to somebody else, but that you've also pledged your ability to feel sexual to that person. Sure. That's crazy. You're going to see people and be like, that is a hot thing that I enjoy seeing because I am still made of biology. Yeah.

Like you're never, it's not like because i love my wife i'm not biologically human right you know i don't become fucking like data anymore you know it's crazy yeah so no i i totally get what you mean i think you know i think that there's a there is something to be said though about uh you know outward sexuality and whether or not a woman feels comfortable in yoga pants you're totally fine to not wear yoga pants if you feel like someone's ogling at you and you don't want that unwanted affection. I totally get it.

I understand. I mean, I've never experienced it, but I understand it, right? No business of mine what you wear or don't wear. I totally get it. But if you want to wear something that's comfortable and it happens to be yoga pants and it doesn't bother you

that other human beings find you attractive, then I don't think that it's a big deal. As long as no one is being rude about it, I think that that's fine. I mean, I think if you're going to be a jag off about it and being like fucking Gamera wants to come out of his shell or whatever, you're going to have some problems, I think. And I think, I think that, you know, there's a, there's a way in which to, to not ogle and not, you know, catcall and not be a jagoff. Sure. You know, sure.

Wear whatever. Yeah. Wear whatever you want. Wear a muumuu. And russet sack. Who cares? Walk around in a giant box. Although that seems tragically impractical.

But good luck. I can't get in the car with this thing. You should try to get in the grocery store with that fucking thing. I can't get in the car with this thing. You should try to get in the grocery store with that fucking thing. They got to, like, load you in and out of a truck and wheel you. Like your furniture dolly. They got to wheel you to different places.

And then they got to pass things through the box so you can look at them to decide whether or not you're going to buy them. Do I want the skinny chips or do I want the other chips? Which one do I want? He just keeps eating all the chips we put in the box. Sir, he can't get out of the box. We need a bigger box. You want answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this story comes from the Raw Story. Idaho Christian woman warns lawmakers they will legalize necrophilia by protecting LGBT rights. So this was a woman testifying in Idaho. I almost say Iowa every time. I keep thinking that Idaho is not real. I can't.

Have you ever heard of anything from – how often does Idaho ever come up in a conversation? Only when we're talking about potatoes. That's it. I mean, really. That We're talking about potatoes. That's it. I mean, really. That's literally the only time. It's potatoes. Idaho. Boil them, mash them, stick them in a stew.

It's a state that you're like, oh, yeah, I guess we have that one too. It's like, oh, yeah, what's that? It's in Idaho. And then you pause from it like, is, yeah, what's that? It's in Idaho. And then you pause for a minute like, is that the Mormon one? No, no, that's Utah, right? There's a couple of those states. Like, New Hampshire is one of those states. It's like, wait, we have a New Hampshire?

We don't even need the old Hampshire. Where's the old Hampshire at? We got rid of a perfectly good Hampshire. We got rid of a perfectly good Hampshire. Yeah, there's like 10 or – I'd say there's probably a good six to ten states that I'm surprised when I hear their name. I'm just like – Look at that. It's like, what do you know? Because it's not a vacation destination or like a cultural hub.

It has no like major cities I can think of. You're like Boise. How many people live in Boise? Like seven? It's a tent city. Are you kidding? Chicago has more homeless people in Lower Wacker than live in Boise. I feel the same way about Connecticut too.

Yeah. Well, that's cause I don't know. I'm not even a hundred percent convinced that Connecticut's real. If you said that, like we were all just fucking with you, you know, I,

the only one I really, I really think over there when I start thinking about the new England States, I'm sorry. Boise. I know. think over there when i start thinking about the new england states i'm sorry boise i know it's the same number of people as aurora it's a mecca dude it's huge that's diesel that's big what does it have like a couple hundred 100,000? It's 200,000 people. Like Delaware is one of them. Delaware is one. Wait, is there a state Delaware? Where the fuck is it Delaware? Name a city in Delaware. Delaware?

Delaware. Like Delaware, you're like, oh yeah, the great state of and it's like one of the first states too. It's like the only one. The only one that I could, you know, is like Dover, Dover, Delaware. Is that in America? Where is that? What are you talking about? You know, like at least at least like the southeast of the United States is like those states get famous for like their inbred hillbilly and for their car chases. I mean, and their coal mine disasters. Yeah.

They probably feel the same way about us, though. When they talk about Illinois or Wisconsin or Minnesota, they think immediately. They think, what the fuck? Like flyover states. But at least we have Chicago and Wisconsin has cheese. Things. Various things. Yeah. A lot of those are the New England states though that I forget about I I seem to remember all the other ones because you're right

because they're it's not that they're famous it's that they're infamous right especially the south I remember you know Oklahoma you know you remember that Texas you remember that uh Mississippi Arkansas Louisiana Alabama Georgia Tennessee Kentucky All of those are snakes. New Mexico sneaks under the radar, though. New Mexico does sneak under the radar. You never hear like, oh, remember that thing that came out of New Mexico? Upper Peninsula, Michigan, too, is one of those places that is just – Yeah, that's Canada-like, dude.

Yeah, that really is. That's diet Canada. That's what that is. And you only remember Maine because it's like the tip of the penis. You know what I mean? There's been a lot of tip of the penis talk today, turns out yeah speaking of tip of the penis let's talk about this woman let's play a video clip of this woman from idaho uh this is a this is an audio clip that i'm going to play this woman uh wanted to say that sexual orientation uh is really bad

unless it's straight so let's play a tiny clip. I'm not going to play the whole thing. Honorable representatives of the State House Affairs Committee, my name is Lori Birchfield. I've been married 35 years to my husband, Daryl. I'm a mother of four and a grandmother of five so far. I've been a small business owner for 22 years in the Meridian area, and I'm here to vehemently oppose hb2 and ask that it not leave committee i have a deep love and compassion for all people as christ has taught me and by the incredible example of my parents growing up with that said that love and compassion does not mean that I condone the LBGT lifestyle.

Who's fucking asking you to? Right? Why is it that I need to go to fucking Boise, Idaho, drive to this woman's house and say, Ma'am, is there any way that you could condone my lifestyle? Because I was so fucking empty before. I had no direction in my life whatsoever. Unless I knew that some woman with fucking dyed hair and four grandkids in the middle of fucking a state I forgot about. Thought that I fucking had a lifestyle that she respected.

Who fucking cares, lady? No, I don't condone. Oh, oh i'm sorry you're not my fucking mother even if you were right who cares what you think nobody cares about you go why is it that you feel so unbelievably entitled right to go out of your way to say by the way i think you're doing your life wrong right who fucking cares lady i don't like your car it's like right it's like well uh i was gonna get a haircut let me call that woman in idaho hang on a minute maybe she won't do you have to run everything up to her like forms in triplicate do you have to say by the way i was thinking about picking up the uh the sun chips that were

original instead of fucking cheddar right is that possible that I can do that? Kind of like garden salsa too. Are you going to condone this or no? Because I'm really looking forward to you. Do I have to send her my grocery list and she has to put naughty and nice on it? We should. It would be awesome. I would never do this, but it would be awesome to find her phone number

and have a campaign like call this woman to condone your lifestyle and just have fucking people constantly calling. Random things. And asking questions. I'm looking to join the Peace Corps. Do you condone it? Yeah.

I'm thinking about what do you think of my safe school? You know? It's in Idaho. We don't have schools in Idaho. Where are schools in Idaho? The word sexual orientation and gender identity are undefined and open up a Pandora's box of sexual preferences, which minimally include up to as many as 70 and or up to minimally as 50 and more than 70 sexual preferences. So what? Who cares? What Pandora's box is opened when someone has a different sexual preference than you? Well, and I don't, you know, even if that were the case, like even if that were conceptually the case, the point is that nobody's asking for that now.

Like this is like that's that slippery slope thing. It's like, well, if we condone, you know, what people like to do, then we're just condoning. Some people like to rape people. So maybe we're condoning rape. Like, no, we're not. Nobody's having that argument. We're having a very specific, very focused argument about LGBT issues. That's what that's the argument on the fucking table.

Address the argument on the table. Right. This is an attempt to deflect the argument. Absolutely. Worldwide that I could find. Members of the committee, do you really want to legalize under this bill

pedophilia, sadism, necrophilia, bestiality, exhibitionism, polygamy, and many others? I like the many others. Can I hear about many others? Because all those sound hot so no but seriously nobody's fucking condoning that uh nobody's saying that right you should you should have necrophilia that's a stupid fucking thing to say nobody's saying pedophilia because that doesn't have anything to do with consent right fucking sadism is already legal

yeah but right like there's nothing illegal about BDSM. Yeah. Like, OK. I mean, as long as it's consensual. What a weird thing to say, even they'd be like, well, and it's also condoning butt sex and between man and woman and or man and a man and or woman and a woman. And I don't think that that's it's like who fucking cares what you think is right. Don't do it. Yeah. Then don't do the things you don't like. Like, who fucking cares what you think is right? Don't do it. Yeah.

Then don't do the things you don't like doing. It's not like you get a fucking, everybody gets a block of government cheese and a fucking government strap on that they have to fuck each other with. That doesn't fucking happen. Now, got to be honest, if it came, if the cheese came as a giant cock, I'd probably still eat it. Might eat the cheese. Might still eat the cheese. Might still eat the cheese.

And those are all within this undefined term. And it may be in part of the negotiation section that if you had a grievance, you would have to go through. But beyond that, it is not. It is not in the law that we are looking at. This is a dire concern to me and I know to thousands of women across Idaho who are not able to be here today because they are home with their families and their children that they are raising. Our laws were designed to protect and to keep safe the citizens of Idaho. Elected officials have a duty to ensure the protection, privacy, and safety of citizens

throughout Idaho. Wait, how the fuck is your safety at hand? Well, even if you were, I guess, no, I don't know. I don't know. Fucking, you lost me with, oh my gosh, these laws are supposed to keep us safe. It's a fucking marriage law. Yeah, like some dude is going to marry some other dude and you'll be like, oh my gosh, these laws are supposed to keep us safe. It's a fucking marriage law. Yeah. Like some dude is going to marry some other dude and you'll be like, oh, I got hit by a car.

Why did that work? What are you talking about? Anvils just dropped on your head? I was attacked by a roving band of gay married people. As a very active grandmother, I often travel with the kids to their public venues, including vacation destinations such as McCall, Sun Valley, Bogus Basin, and locally, my health club. Were any of those places? Wait a minute.

Hold on. Were any of those actual places? Her local health club. That's a place. Sometimes I travel to made-up places in Idaho. YMCA zoos and other children's attractions such as Roaring Springs Discovery Center of Idaho local libraries state and local parks you go to McDonald's here's the thing some fucking chicken nuggets the moment the moment you legalize gay marriage though they the gay people are going to be fucking in the stacks at the library I mean that's just that's where you go I mean when the

moment you know it's legal that's when you walk in with a giant tub of KY and an hour and just fuck like bunnies in the middle of the fucking tort law section. That's where you go. There's just like nine dudes in gipsuits. They just like pop out of the fucking

balls at the kids' play place at McDonald's. And like unzip. Come on in, kids. The balls are great. That's a terrifying little fucking scenario. Yeah. That's – you're just – like you're living in such fear that your grandchild will see something that you didn't get a chance to filter to them.

Exactly. Right. That's the thing. It's like all of a sudden the fucking village people are like around. Like you wake up one morning. Sure. Oh, I got to go get the mail. Fuck, surround my village people.

That's not going to happen. You know, it's really interesting, too, because as a parent, as somebody who's a parent, you try to filter the world to your child. I mean, you absolutely do. You don't swear around your child. Right. You try to avoid that sort of thing. You try to make sure that, you know, like when you're talking about you going past the church, you tell your son when he was too young, you didn't want anything from there. But then later on, he talks about church and you have to explain it to him.

Sure. The same thing applies here. You can't just drive. You're an atheist. You can't just drive down the road with your atheist kid and get mad that there's a cross somewhere. Sure. The same thing applies here. You can't just drive. You're an atheist. You can't just drive down the, down the road with your atheist kid and get mad that there's a cross somewhere. You can't just scream. God damn it.

I didn't want to see my kid to see a cross. Now he's going to ask about this stuff. I'm lazy and I don't want to explain it. Exactly. And my kid's fucking a little jag off and I don't want to explain this stuff to him. The same thing applies here. Right. You have a woman who's so upset that

she has to explain other lifestyles to her fucking dumb grandchildren and come on these kids where are they coming from right but she's got to explain this shit to her grandkids and she's mad about right yeah she's mad she can't be lazy yeah and campgrounds as i'm sure you committee members are aware as parents and grandparents yourselves, these sites all have public restrooms. Until now, I'm sure you wouldn't have thought twice about sending your young boys or girls into their appropriate bathroom sites.

Everyone should be free to go to a public restroom without fear of people of confused sexual orientation exposing themselves to our children or flagrantly and unnecessarily What are you talking about? What world do you live in? That is amazing. Wow. We talked about this before, but if you're identifying, if you're a transgender person and you're identifying as a woman, as a man, you're a man that's a transgender identifying as a woman, and you go into a women's bathroom, you're going to stall. So it doesn't have the parts to stand up in a urinal.

Right. Then you're not going to go into a stall. I don't understand how that I don't understand. I never I've never walked into a men's bathroom in my entire life. And I am a fucking 41 year old man. I have been to my share plus other people's share of public restrooms. And I have never walked in to somebody swinging their dick around like a lasso. to my share plus other people's share of public restrooms, and I have never walked in to somebody swinging their dick around like a lasso.

Never has it happened to me. Not a single time. I've showered in public health clubs. I've walked around in there. The worst thing you see is some old dude's saggy ass. Right. Or his giant balls that are knocking against his knees. Or some black guy's cock that touches his toes.

That's the worst thing. And you're just like, well, all those things I'm supposed to see in here. Right. And you're just like, eh. And you move on with your life. And you're suddenly not traumatized. Well, I am kind of traumatized about the size of the black dude's cock. But the rest of it, I'm fine with. I don't understand how you send your kid into the bathroom, their gender appropriate bathroom,

and they come out just hugging their knees. Just shower. I need a shower. I need a shower. Give me a break. My youngest grandchildren spend time in the facility's childcare area in which they share the adult restrooms. Please tell me that you're not, or that you are willing to protect the privacy and safety of women, children,

and young adults in elementary, junior high, and high school locker rooms and bathrooms. Well, yeah, actually, all people of a different sexual orientation have to go to the bathroom in elementary schools. That's just how it works. That's how, yeah, you always... You have to sign a law into action that they can't go in in their houses anymore they have to travel to their local elementary school to go to the bathroom and like if you are a uh child sex predator yeah it's not like up until now you were like oh man i'm gonna fucking pray on oh no i can't get in this i'm a fucking pedophile but i'm not well i'm willing to violate all social

norms but i won't i will i can't walk past that sign that says girls or boys oh that's the thing like i won't do i'll do anything else like i'll do all this other horrible shit sure you know like this is this conflates again this conflates uh you know homosexuals with child predators sure you know and that's what she's trying to do. She's trying to build that fear. Why the restroom is like her fucking bastion of evil. Like, they're not fucking Roman bathhouses. What do you think is

going on in these places? So we want to thank our most current patrons. We want to thank Tim, Frazier, Robert, Cypherd, I guess. I think. There's numbers in there. All kinds of. I'm not sure what's happening there.

I guess it's Cypherd. Except for that we're grateful. Aaron, Rich, Tabitha, Earl, Jennifer, Anthony, Michael, Trucker, and Matt. Thank you all so much. By the way, we also want to thank some people who sent us PayPal donations. They did some one-time PayPal donations instead. So we want to thank David, Alfredo, and Richard for sending in PayPal donations. Thank you all so very much.

We appreciate everybody who donates to the show. We also want to throw a shout out to a couple of people we want to thank david uh who sent us a uh a shocker shirt in the mail uh it was really nice of him to do i've been wearing it i think it's an awesome shirt i love it uh so thank you very much for doing that um we did send out your shirt so uh that just happened recently. We apologize for the delay in that, but I was on vacation. So but thank you all. Thank you very much for sending that in.

We also want to thank Michelle, who sent in two glory hole time trial shirts to us. They're pretty awesome from something from it was I think it's from California. I'm looking at my my glory hole time travel shirt. Time travel? Time travel shirt, right? Time trial? It's like a time travel. It's actually pretty awesome. I'm going to wear this.

I don't know where I'm going to wear this, actually. Someplace where I want to get really, really strange looks. Yeah, absolutely. We want to thank Michelle for sending that in. We also want to thank David for sending us some whiskey. That was really nice of him to do. Yes, it, absolutely. We want to thank Michelle for sending that in. We also want to thank David for sending us some whiskey. That was really nice of him to do. Yes, it really was. We want to thank a couple –

Gone blind. Yeah. So thank everybody who sent us things and people who have donated to the show. You people are awesome. We just want to thank everybody for doing that. It's really nice to receive that sort of thing and to get some sort of positive feeling of – you do the show, you put a lot of work into it, and it's great that people go out of their way to make you feel appreciated.

So we want to thank everybody for that. You do put a lot of work into it. Shut up, Tom. I also want to read this one iTunes review real quickly because this one I thought was great. And I think it really kind of epitomizes the heart of our show. Okay. Five stars.

Idiots. I've heard every episode. I am an idiot. ours idiots i've heard every episode i am an idiot yeah that pretty much sums it up one of my favorites recently was uh was this person says if i were stranded on a deserted island and could only take a hundred things with me well this podcast would not be that's awesome. Thank you everybody who left reviews to push that negative one down. We appreciate it.

That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah. Cause the person was mad cause we weren't, we weren't animal friendly, I guess. I don't know what the big deal is. I mean,

we're not regular animal friendly, but we're, we're like, we're like stuffed animal, like furry friendly. So I don't understand what the big deal is. We want to stuffed animal, like furry friendly. So I don't understand what the big deal is. We want to thank, too, Bill Robbins. Bill from Barroom Atheist left a review.

That was very nice of him to do. Yes, it was. Thank you very much. Bill from Barroom Atheist. We're going to actually get a chance to meet Bill and Susie when we fly down, not drive. Yeah, we're not driving. Are you kidding? We are going to drive. Yeah, we're not driving. Are you kidding? Well, we are going to drive.

Well, we're not going to drive. David Michael's going to drive. We're just going to sit in the back seat and yell things at him. I'm going to pester him. I'm going to criticize his driving. I'm going to wet William the whole time. We should sit in the back. We should.

And just scream at him. And just scream at him. Smack each other the whole time. So he's like, I'll turn this car around. It'll be awesome. I'm bringing a super soaker filled with Juergens lotion and just shoot it at him the whole time. It's going to be awesome. So your regular super soaker.

Pretty much. Yeah, it's my regular super soaker. That's your squeezing through doors tool. So we're going to go into some email here. Tom, we got a message from David in Kentucky, and he talks a little bit about criticizing religion. Yeah, he says, I like the second point that he makes. This is on the point of people in general holding the position that you can't criticize religion.

I think you're missing the underlying social contract here. It isn't that they are concerned trolling about offense, but that this is part of the unspoken social contract among the religious. As long as no one is offending each other's religion, everyone can pretend that their religion suffuses all of society and is explanatory in all regards because it really is real. Insulting any religion shows that, collectively, religions are not monolithic in authority and could therefore be wrong, which in turn means that their personal religion could be wrong. This is a line of thinking that will be avoided at all costs by the average theist. Therefore, it is unacceptable to offend any socially permissible religion.

That was a great comment. I appreciate that very much. I think it was a great way to look at it. Tom, I don't know if you saw this this week, and I think you did get it. Did you get a chance to actually watch Sarah Palin fucking totally bungle without a teleprompter? I watched and I read some of the jib jab where the GOP is now trying to distance themselves from Palin. I would run screaming at this point. Wow.

I understand. I get it. Not being prepared in front of a large audience would be terrifying. I get it. And we nowadays rely very heavily on the technology to be prepared. To give a 30-minute speech off the cuff with no interaction to try to talk for that long. You would you'd have to be. I'd fall on my face.

Oh, my gosh. It would be terrible. You'd be like Adam Rieks from the herd mentality. I mean, not that bad. Yeah. No, I mean, but you'd be bad. You'd be real, real bad. But not that.

Not that bad. But in any case, she failed. Epic. Epic just failed at trying to give a speech. And she did so in a way that was so incoherent because her teleprompter failed. Right. That she couldn't recover. So, Tom, there's a tiny quote that Luke sent in that he wants you to read. And he feels it'll be like a Google Translate because it's so incoherent.

So go ahead. Knowing what the media will do throughout 2016 to all of us, it's going to take more than a village to beat Hillary. We the people, we realize that this is war. As I say, it is war for the solvency, the sovereignty of the United States of America. And we don't sit on our thumbs. Wait a minute. I do. Hold on a minute now. Well. And we don't sit on our thumbs. Wait a minute. I do.

Hold on a minute now. Well, tell me what to sit on. It's the only way I can massage my prostate. And we don't sit on our thumbs this next time when one of our own is being crucified and falsely accused of whatever the hip activation of the day happens to be. Right? Racism, sexism, whatever. That's a good sentence.

I like that one. I'm going to use that one from now on in everything. Racism, sexism, whatever. Really, it's kind of Orwellian observing how that works. That rule of Saul Arlinsky's, I suppose, that the left employs. Disgusting charges from the left. You know, reverse them. It is they who point a finger who don't realize they have triple that

number of fingers pointing right back at them, revealing that they are the ones who really discriminate and divide. That's pretty bad. I think she basically said, I'm rubber and you're glue. Yeah. Yeah. And whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

Yeah, I think that's what she said. You know, just to follow that up to start, you know, like sometimes when you hear one of those songs and you can't get it out of your head, I'm afraid that people will have these things going through their head. So I think we should follow it up with a Google voice just to sort of wash the Sarah Palin out of somebody's head. Okay, good. Hey, guys. I just called a rent. That's basically it starts soul proposal. I'm calling you just listening to a Michelle Bachman.

Hock it be Palins. It's only the same thing. Like every time you hear of talk, our nation's in trouble. Everything's going by. Yes, I did got Dan. I don't want to go want to be like you know a lot. The arteries. And I do that.

You know, like you're the other like the countries out there where people are going a guy today because they don't have the single loop. Yo, I'm going to keep this trend going like, yeah, I know we have the president and I just want to replace him to keep this trend going. I'd like to make sure people at food, you know, like good, you know, or like the other good to the app. Just for what? Thanks. Almost that you can. Again, bye bye.

That's pretty good. That's awesome. That's certainly more coherent than what Sarah Palin said. Sarah Palin's jealous of the teleprompter that is Google Voice. We got a ton of messages about Sandy Rios and her staff not knowing where the Air Force Academy is. People were really like, we got a ton of people who were like, yeah, I've been there, and it's not where you say it is. Yeah, that's awesome. You fucking goofball. That's awesome goofball that's awesome

that they called in and the person was wrong right and she and she says oh you're right about right about that that's awesome yeah oh yeah so i don't know if we're ever going to be able to use this but i want to play it anyway for the audience this was made by elvis and elvis uh sends in this uh this thing it's called called A Very Rude Response. So I just want to play it. Maybe in the future, I'll find somewhere to use it. But this is Elvis's clip that he sent us.

Suck my motherfucking dick. Suck my motherfucking dick. Suck my motherfucking dick. Suck my motherfucking dick. Why don't you eat shit and die? Eat shit and die. Yeah. I would love to find a place to put – maybe if it's's somebody's so offensive when we're like when we're

doing a story right maybe if there's such an offensive story we can use this awful maybe i'll maybe i'll use it as a bumper thank you very much elvis for sending it in though yeah this is why my son's never allowed to listen to my show how would i explain this it would be a little tender heart that is myself it would be great though if he and the neighbor boys all got a barbershop quartet together and did that. They did this at school for their second grade recital. It would be amazing. This is an interesting email. This is from Canadia Steve.

And he said that basically the case we were talking about last week when the girl refused treatment because of her shamanism or whatever it was, the First Nation stuff. The government didn't force her to go out and get treatment like they would if she was a Jehovah's Witness. are sort of discriminating against other religions that are more mainstream. Right.

And not sort of enforcing these policies on religions that happen to be more that are smaller and or much smaller minorities of religions, which is an interesting point that that is what might have killed her, is the fact that she is from a tiny religion and nobody wanted to step on this minority religion's feet. Yeah. You know, that desire to be sensitive and to be culturally pluralistic, which I think comes from a good place generally. Yeah. May have been so overwrought in this case that it may have had disastrous consequences. Because in some ways they take women or they take the children from these other places, like we talked about Jehovah's Witness forcing them to give a blood transfusion when they

won't do that. Right. They prosecute the people in the Christian science. Right. When they don't treat the child for something very treatable and the child dies. So I got a message. Uh, this one is directed at me. This is from Michael and Michael says, uh, uh, he says that there's a trigger warning in this thing. And he basically asks, um, uh, yes, a question about how my dad, when my dad died, don't worry, you don't have to

trigger warning me, Michael. It's no big deal. big deal he says uh his dad is in the process of being diagnosed with super serious cancer we started out thinking it would be stage four colon cancer and somehow as bad as that seems it looks like it might even be worse than that the long and short is i might be looking at this being the last year i have with my dad i was wondering if you have any advice for this it sucks ball since my dad is all about to turn 58 and i was nowhere near prepared for this shit. I haven't even thought about this part of life yet. And I've got to talk. I'd like to talk to you about that.

I know it's a very difficult, especially that young. One thing that got me through it and one thing that I think will get you through it is do whatever you can now to get out of the place, the house if possible. I don't know how debilitated he is, but especially if he's going to go through hospice in the house, you need to go out and make new memories with your father in different places that aren't the place where he's going to die. And I know this sounds super cold and I apologize for that. I know that there's no good way to talk about this, but really, the attitude I had when my father was diagnosed with cirrhosis, and he actually lived several years after he was diagnosed, but we always thought it was going to be his last year because it's such a serious disease. You always think he's on the verge of death. And so he's on the verge of death for many years. And my father was well enough to leave the house. And my father and I used to leave the house all the time together to go do other things.

We didn't try to stay in the house when we would do it. And it really helped me solidify some really great memories with my father while he was dying. But I wasn't thinking about the place where he spent and it was depressing sort of in that house. Right. And I think that's really super important. Nothing is going to prepare you for this. You have to understand that nothing will ever prepare you for death. It's one of the few things you don't have to be prepared for, it turns out, because

there's nothing you can do except for react to it. And you're never really going to know how you react to it. Look at this time as being a lucky time. You get a chance. People get hit by cars. People die very quickly, and you don't get that opportunity to go through a grieving process with that other human being before they pass away. And so I think that you need to look at this as a very lucky time in your life to get those moments with your father to be there for him and to be with him and to be around him and to enjoy

this time that you have left. I know I spent a lot of time when my father was dying with him. We talk about some things that started out as really heavy, but then it would just turn into talk. And while you have these feelings in your mind, these ideas in your mind that we're going to have this talk about death or we're going to have this talk about how I'm going to miss him or we're going to have this talk about death, or we're going to have this talk about how I'm going to miss him, or we're going to have this talk about these certain things. What wound up happening was we just had these really endearing talks about just anything,

just life and this and that. And I remember these talks very fondly. It's going to be a very difficult time to navigate in your life, but I wish you the best. I really do. I wish I had a better answer too. So it's our great hope. Should I curse it, Tom? Because this always happens. When I say it's our great hope to have someone on our show. Then they cancel. Then they cancel. Yeah.

So I'm just going to say this. It's our great hope to have a guest next time. We should have a very interesting and exciting guest. Who that guest is, you're just going to have to tune in to find out because. And it's not Jake this time. It's not Jake. He turned us down. He did.

It's not any of those fucking Australian wankers. Right. No, we're looking to have a very interesting guest, but I don't want to jinx it because I always jinx it. I know that's stupid to say on a skeptic show. Jinx it. I don't want to – it turns out that I always disappoint the fans is more the thing that happens. Well, you disappoint them during a show without a guest. That's true.

Maybe I should just mention it. I guess what I'm saying is, like, why treat the fans any differently than your wife? Just disappoint them. That's right. That's it. That's right, baby. All right. So we're going to hopefully have a guest.

We're also hopefully going to appear on someone else's show, although that's probably going to be in the near future. We'll let you know more details on that as we go forward. It's our great hope to have a guest next time. If we do, it'll be awesome. If we don't, it'll just be us. Which will be less awesome. It'll be probably just super, super less awesome. But we're going to leave you, as we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed.

Which you can now have tattooed upon your person. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers

witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Thank you. you