Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 210: Best if Used by - Tony

Episode Date: February 25, 2015

 

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.

It's skeptical. It mad. It's skeptical. It is. It's political. It's that too. And there is no welcome mat. Although I do like our idea, by the way, about getting cognitive dissonance welcome mats. Who's going to buy a fucking cognitive dissonance? Could you imagine walking into someone's house and seeing a goddamn cognitive dissonance welcome mat? I love the idea of a cognitive dissonance welcome mat because we say at the beginning of every show that there isn't one.

So buying and marketing one, well, see, so it creates a certain amount of cognitive dissonance for me. And the irony of that is not lost upon me. Not at all. I guess. I like that idea the thing is like in order to get the cognitive distance welcome mat done you got to send the guy like 160 to get a proof done i know nobody would buy one expensive welcome mat ever so then nobody buys one so they have to get the proof done you have to pay for that and then nobody buys one and you're just fucking stuck holding your bag and wouldn't it be amazing for all of the you know millions and millions and millions and millions

and millions and millions of rational people out there who don't listen to this crappy show they don't know what it is and then what it would just be the most meaningless welcome it's like it's like a welcome mat that's nothing but an in joke it's the worst inside podcast yeah it's the worst inside joke you can possibly... You gotta explain it to all... Like, no, no, they open the show every week, but there is no welcome mat, and there's a welcome mat. I know, it's... You see, you gotta jump to conclusions.

I'm gonna have one made for my house, though. Oh, you're a fucking idiot. That's true. It's true. I'm a fucking idiot. And this is episode 210. I'm still going to say you cocked up the beginning again. I didn't.

You did. You did. No, I paused briefly to consider. You cocked it up. You paused my ass. The gravity of my words. You cocked it up again. You know, and then there's always

the photos that you see everywhere with the flies landing on his face. You know, I can show you in the codes where he's got a strong connection to the Lord of the Flies, Beelzebub. Well, I call him Beelzebub. Because he had those flies stuck

to his lip. So the story comes from Right Wing Watch. Scott Lively. Wait, wait, wait for it. He's going to say something crazy? Is he going to say something crazy? Scott Lively warns that SCOTUS could unleash the Antichrist by September of 2015. The reason I like this story is I love the specificity of it.

I admire this. Like, finally, they're going to, like, actually put a fucking start and stop date on when the Antichrist is unleashed. What struck me as surprising about this story wasn't Scott Lively. It wasn't his disdain for the Supreme Court. It was that the Supreme Court evidently is holding the Antichrist back. Yeah, they keep him in like a little gimp box under the desk. Right? He's just like

He's hiding under there like, let me out. No, not until September of 2015. Fuck. Go on and get me the Lucifer. I'm going to take over the world. Not yet, you're not. Fucking really old judges are going to stop you. I love this.

This story is awesome. There's some crazy shit that happens, but one of the things that he says, and I'm going to read this directly. This is Scott Lively saying this. He says, Wielding great military power, this self-aggrandizing human savior will force an end to war and impose a secular humanist paradigm and gain immediate integration into its cradle to grave socialistic bounty. Just sign an oath to reject and renounce all divisive and discriminatory beliefs and supremacist theologies, he would say, and take this mark of membership on your hand. Receive free food, housing, medicine, and all our benefits under our enlightened new order of tolerance and inclusiveness what is bad about that bum bum bum bum like that is the least scary thing i've ever read that sounds it's

it's like somebody trying to scare you about they're saying something like and then i'll take the blanket out of the dryer and wrap you up in it. And while you're wrapped in the warm embrace of that snuggly blanket, I shall feed you red velvet cake. And then you'll wash it down with a cold glass of milk. And if that's not enough, I'll dab at the corners of your mouth with a fine linen handkerchief. After you're finished, a cat may sit on your lap. You may stroke it if you like. Give me a break. That sounds awesome.

Welcome to hell. None of this sounds bad. You kidding me? Oh my gosh. But he does give a date. He says, in the speculative scenario of mine, the date on or around which this false messiah would emerge is Yom Kippur, September 23rd,

2015, the first day of the Jubilee. which this false Messiah would emerge is Yom Kippur, September 23rd, 2015. The first day of the Jubilee. The fuck is the Jubilee? What are these all Boy Scouts? The fuck is going on? It's the Jubilee. And what the fuck could possibly happen between now and September that could cause global chaos when nations are sufficiently broken and the peoples of the world desperate for a return to order.

Yeah. And, you know, he says he says in here, like, so after this horrifying scenario where there's an end to war and sectarian violence. Oh, my gosh. No, no, please. I can't have that. We need the discrimination. He says the persecution, the fifth stage of the end time chronology is persecution of the believers, who in this scenario would be characterized as black marketers,

who refuse to support the new economic system and are thus blamed for its many inadequacies and hated by its adherents. Even as the rest of the world lauds its savior and embraces his government, By its adherence, even as the rest of the world lauds its savior and embraces his government, the Christian believers and Torah faithful Jews. Who are the non-Torah faithful Jews, by the way? The Jews for Jesus. Oh, yeah, the Jews for Jesus. Well, they're Christians, though. I don't even know. No, they're still Jews. They're just for Jesus.

Right. Like, I don't understand how this false messiah is even a false messiah. Like, he shows up and fixes things. It's like a real messiah. Like, that don't understand how this false messiah is even a false messiah. Like, he shows up and fixes things. It's like a real messiah. Like, that's the actual savior, right? Like, not like Jesus who showed up and just got killed. Wow. Fucking bang up job there, corpsey. But like, this one actually shows up and stops all war. That's a super effective Messiah.

Right? Well, you know, God is giving him his annual review and being like, bang up job. Right. I mean, you really kind of knocked him down this year. We're willing to go 3% on your race. Well, I just hope it doesn't come true. I hope we still have war and violence and sectarian struggle. I'm totally looking for some good explosions and people dying and limbs being torn off.

Seriously, though, what could possibly happen between now and September? I mean, other than like a nuclear war or like Pornhub going down. Hey, don't even talk like that. Don't even say it. Just don't say it out loud. You're going to jinxx it i have no idea like so the savior does he arrive on september 23rd how long does it take him to accomplish all this good shit like that's my only like that's my real question like so september 23rd he like

like emerges like from the fucking womb of underneath the the desk of like ruth bader ginsburg or something like piercing the veil of like icky you know slime that he's been hiding within as he's like emerges how does how does the antichrist become unleashed all jokes aside they actually have a giant circle of chalk in the middle of the chambers there and they put the the pentagram on there and they do the ritual sacrifice and all that stuff and and that's how they summon i mean they don't keep them under a in a box time that's ridiculous no that's my mistake these so they summon the antichrist and his first words were like, this isn't a Quiznos. It's just very confused why he showed up in the chambers.

But then Ginsburg tells him that they have a very nice cafe downstairs. The cafeteria in the SCOTUS building is just a very, very, very nice place. And they do toast the sandwiches. Yeah. And they have little doilies under the cups. It's really nice. There you go. I said, who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole?

It's Jesus. So this next story comes from the Progressive Secular Humanist blog at patheos.com. Christian homeschoolers try to sell daughter into arranged marriage. That's pretty sweet. $25,000. That's evidently the cost of a bride to be. I thought they said $50,000 in there. They say, perhaps even more heartbreaking.

According to Austin, the going rate for a Christian homeschool bride is closer to $50,000. I'm actually considering fucking reversing my vasectomy based on that. Are you kidding me? I could sell a kid for $50,000? Sarah can make one literally every nine months. Look, here's the thing. You give her three months off. The sweet vacation plan.

Three months off. She's making $50,000 a year, and she doesn't have to really work all that hard. She really has to work two days out of the year. Once to lay with you. Yeah, and wants to lay the kid. Right. I mean, so, you know, labor's bad, but I mean, the sex with you,

you know, that's the worst part, obviously. And let's be honest. The very first part of that is only like 45 seconds. Right. So don't worry. It's not all work. It's a very short time you almost don't even have time to punch the clock you know well you know it is 25 000 if if the

the bride-to-be has been sexually abused oh because they said that that makes her uh damaged goods and that halves the price um in the homeschooling, in the Christian homeschooling community. So that's and this is a direct quote. Yeah. Christian homeschooling community consider her to be, quote, damaged goods and thus worth only $25,000. So lest anybody think that I am taking that out of context. No, no. Yeah.

No, no. I am not taking that out of context at all. I did like this part, though, that the groom apparently paid for his bride to be in a series of installment payments. He put her on layaway. Yeah, he was on layaway. That's pretty good. It's actually a lay on layaway housing. I'll tell you the, the, the homeschooling, uh, homeschooling must be exorbitantly expensive. If you have to sell your kids for that much money after you're done.

I mean, what, how much do crayons and paste cost? Well, here's the thing. You don't have to sell them. It's just a bonus of having kids that nobody knows about. Oh, Jesus Christ. Because one of the great advantages of the homeschooling system is that you could conceivably do the home birth. Right. So you could conceive a child, birth the kid at home, never enter them into the schooling system.

Nobody even needs to know they exist. So when you sell them it's all under the table income man the irs can't touch that shit it's like you have your own little fucking uh sex slave business it's the it's the human trafficking i mean this is this is human trafficking this is awful it is i can't mill humans. That's exactly what it is. I can't believe that someone would do this. Now, the reason I think that this is relevant is because, you know, I mean, you're talking about Christian fundamentalism. What does this say about your morals and your ethics when you're talking about where you get these things from? Where do you get the idea from that That it's okay to sell your daughter.

Unless it's the Bible. Which it's kind of right in the Bible. First of all. When I start typing into Google. Bible sell. It suggests daughter. Google suggests the next word. That is suggested.

It sure does. Daughter. It sure does. So it's not like. It's not like this is some esoteric i mean it's not like you could just swing over to exodus 21 7 and read when a man sells his daughter as a slave she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are oh good lord where would they come up with such a crazy idea i don't know maybe their holy book that's outrageous i gotta tell you too like i think that's i think that's fucking low-balling 50 000 bucks because you can't sell them for i mean you got i mean you probably gotta keep them for five or six years. That's a lot. I mean, from a return on investment standpoint, five or six years.

I mean, you don't want them to spoil. But, Tom, you can get $25,000 and you can still whore them out the rest of the time before you sell them. You know what I mean? Like, if you turn them out early at, like, four or five, you can just whore the kid out. You got all these kids with these best- by stamps oh gosh it's not really an exploration it's just it just says somebody's name on it it's like best if used by age seven oh no best if used by second grade oh who are we kidding there's no second grade Jihad. Al-Aqbar. Al-Aqbar. Al-Aqbar. Al-Aqbar. Oh, Al-Aqbar.

Muhammad Jihad. Al-Aqbar. So this story comes from the dailybanter.com. You know, I got to tell you too, Cecil, like we got a lot of shit because we only pulled stories from Raw Story and Right Wing Watch there for a little while so i've been i've been venturing out into other uh less lesser known uh websites for some of this stuff it all links back to the same stuff yeah it's all the same shit yeah that's from the daily banter saudi arabia arrests men for dancing because it makes people gay uh yeah so this story is pretty much that Saudi Arabia is arresting men for dancing. Because it makes them gay.

It really does. I don't know what else to say about that. You know, I think, though, I think that the Saudi Arabian people, though, by outlawing dancing, have now two reasons to hate kevin bacon because you know for one if you're a muslim he's he may come to your town and sort of usurp your authority over the dancing band and the other reason is his name is bacon right i think those are the two reasons you can hate him that country is his fucking that is a country that only exists and is because it has oil yeah well i you know i think i think we're being a little harsh on saudi arabia here um it's our fault because of all the drones that they're outlawing dancing and yeah throwing people in jail i mean it's our fault it's our problem it's our the

reason behind this i mean you got to look at this in a totally different way i mean i think the problem this time you're an imperialist pig and you're looking at it you're looking at it from a standpoint of you know the muslims are at fault which again shows your complete fucking ignorance on this yeah i don't know why i didn't think about that you know you're it is true that that as a as a western imperialist um it's impossible for me to actually judge another culture right outside of the scope of my my own uh myopic worldview that's mostly influenced by bombs and and green for oil absolutely and and if they want to jail their people it's because they're selling us oil that's why that's it they wouldn't be they would not be um using their religious police to arrest people for dancing if it wasn't for america i think you're right i think you're

absolutely right and in the next story they certainly wouldn't be sentencing people to death for burning a quran and putting it on facebook if there we weren't somehow involved in the oppression of the the saudi arabian people now now hang on a minute cecil because i take some umbrage with what you just said the the the gentleman in question who is going to be fucking beheaded. Right. Didn't actually burn the Koran. He just ripped it. Oh. Yeah. So, you know, facts, dude.

Tell you what, fucking shiny brass balls on this guy for doing it and then posting it to Facebook? Are you kidding me? Yeah, man. This is an act of really, like, this is an act of deliberate defiance. I mean, this is a politically defiant act you might as well light yourself on fucking fire with gasoline i know well i mean you know honestly it is similar to that you know that was actually i was thinking about the the tibetan monks who immolated and uh you know in protest to the uh vietnam war and all that you know nonsense and i was thinking like this strikes me as kind of similar the inevitable conclusion in

saudi arabia of filming yourself damaging a quran is is not going to be fucking snuggles no right it's not the fucking religious police are going to come by and be like hey don't do that they're going to cut his fucking head off oh yeah with an actual sword how the fuck else are you gonna cut a head off a guillotine well you know they're not french oh no yeah seriously though this is this is about as abhorrent as you can get and i have no idea how you defend shit like this like i understand when there's moments outside of when there's like intercultural things going on right when their culture is interacting with our culture and and and at least i can get behind some of the things that they say when they say oh well it's

our fault because of this and it's i i can understand some of that i can't i don't get behind it i don't back it but i at least I can follow some of their arguments. But when it comes to this, how do you fucking defend this? How do you say, you know what? There's a guy over there. He fucking tore up a holy book and he's getting killed. And, you know, you got Glenn Greenwald being like, well, it's all political. It's all political. That's all it is.

Political. Right. When they're killing their own people, when they're stoning women, when they're fucking they're they're putting people in jail because they fucking they had an adulterous relationship when they're killing people because of random shit that has to do with their holy book when they're fucking chopping people's hands off with fucking pneumatic devices because they stole shit that's not fucking political. That is clearly because of the religion. You can't deny that. Yeah, it's not like he tore. He didn't go on Facebook with a copy of Huck Finn. Right. He went on Facebook with with a copy of the fucking holy text.

And, you know, I also think that it is impossible to have a conversation about Saudi Arabia and about its jurisprudence system and say that this is not religious. They literally have no set of laws. Like, they literally do not have laws. They only have Sharia. They only have laws based upon the Koran. They do not get together as a legislative body and pass laws. They don't have a fucking hum like fucking hamurabi was how long ago and it's that like like we're they're not even there yet we're not even there

yet in saudi arabia we're so fucking far in the goddamn past that we're not even to the point of fucking hamurabi's code it's there's no system of laws there's just a fucking old book and a bunch of people who decide based on the old book. Sure. You know, whether or not somebody's head gets fucking cut off with a sword because he tore some paper. I'll be so fucking scared, Cecil, if somebody who like the day I'm getting beheaded. Oh, my God. I mean, this is just a fucking aside.

I would be so fucking scared to be beheaded. I'll be like, please do a good job. It's one of the least unpleasant ways to get killed. And, you know, the funny thing is, is that people always say, well, you get killed. You just fucking you get killed and you get killed. Who cares how you die? You know, there's some there's something to be said about. Yeah.

When you're dead, you're dead. You won't feel it for very long. But at the same time, you're still going to feel it when it happens. Yeah, when you're dead, you're dead. You won't feel it for very long. But at the same time, you're still going to feel it when it happens. I want to go in my sleep after drinking like seven bottles of fucking whiskey. So that I am so, I'm like, I'm unconscious in a way that is all of the unconscious.

Yeah, that'd be great. A nice, totally unconscious way to go. Being eaten by a shark is a little less. Right. You know? Be like, oh, yeah, I like getting eaten by a fucking alligator. You know know i'd like him to do a death roll it'd be okay just a little death roll maybe he could decapitate me when he does that argument doesn't fucking hold you know like oh who cares you know it's like you're just gonna die it's not gonna hurt for long it's like

the terror the terror of being led out into a fucking public square in front of a jeering crowd of fucking idiots who are watching this guy fucking ripped up the crime and you got the fucking doers standing there with a goddamn sword and you got to be like thinking like i mean your best case scenario is that that guy's really good at chopping off heads with swords that's like your that is the best case scenario is that that guy's really good at chopping off heads with swords. That is the best case scenario. What if that guy was on a fucking bender the night before? Or his fucking kid had a fucking ear infection. He didn't sleep very well.

He's like, ah, fucking groggy. Not really feeling it. Or he fucking twisted his back or something. He can't put his fucking hips into it. Oh, no. Yeah, that would suck. because then he kind of gets halfway through and you're still alive but everything is sort of severed from the oh my gosh it'd be awful you ever have you ever gone to work and try to do something that you've done a hundred times before but you just fucking struggled with it does that ever happen where you're just like, I've done this before? Why am I having a weird off day? Yeah, I call those stares.

I have to think that if you're a fucking executioner, sometimes you have a fucking weird Wednesday. I don't want to be the guy who's like, first of all, getting fucking publicly executed by a fucking asshole with a sword is horrifying. It just seems horrifying. Sounds excessive is what it sounds like. Yeah. But then, like, to have the guy be like, oh, man, not feeling it today. Like, I know. Today is the day you're supposed to.

I don't want to feel it today. Yeah. You really got to fuck. And you got to follow through. Like, you got to swing and follow through with that big, giant, like, fucking Indiana Jones couple of fucking Doom scimitar. You know what I mean? Like, you've really got to swing that thing.

That shit's fucking outrageous. It's like sometimes even, like, the best baseball player fucking swings and misses. You know what I mean? Actually, that happens a lot. It turns out. I wonder if there's fucking baseball cards for Saudi executioners. Oh, yeah. And they put the head out of the park.

They're pointing. He's pointing. He's calling it. He's pointing to the basket where he's going to fucking lay the head down afterwards. And they trade him. They put him in their fucking bicycle spokes. You know, they make a thuggety thuggety sound as they go through. Kind of like the sound of heads dropping off.

I wonder if I wonder if towns could trade their head chopper offer with another town. Like it's like a big deal. They're like, oh, we're going to trade our head chopper offer and our pneumatic chopper offer machine. They got a free agency system. They got fucking pay caps and everything on their fucking executioners. You draw the cubs or whatever and you're just like, oh no.

Then they gotta chop the head off a goat to get rid of the curse. This story comes from ABC News. Saudi effort to promote open society abroad in tatters. Oh, I know. Right. ABC News, Saudi effort to promote open society abroad in tatters. Oh, I know, right? So Saudi Arabia was trying to bankroll a center for religious and cultural understanding in Vienna. But seeing as how Saudi Arabia is an almost comically intolerant nation. Oh, God. almost comically intolerant nation oh god i wonder if it's like i wonder if it's like the museum of science and industry but for muslims so instead of like a submarine they have like a tour of the

gallows and the hangman exhibit it's just you know the lovers that they have at the museums if you're not familiar with the museum of science and industry it's a museum on the south side of chicago where like kids can just fucking run roughshod and like play with a bunch of shit and like at one point they don't they have that they'll have like a lever it's like not a lever it's like a like a like a wheel that you could spin and you can like generate electricity yes yeah they have it's like connected to like a vandegraaff generator right yeah yeah but down there it'd be connected to like the finger chopper offer machine it's still it's still connected to a generator but then the generator is connected to an apostate the coal mine instead of the coal mine maybe you could have like a child bride

exhibit yeah like a saudi culture exhibit would be somewhat lacking. Yeah. You got to pay more with the child bride exhibit to go in depth. If you know what I mean, you got to pay a little extra is all. Wow. Yeah, one ride per customer. They did talk, Tom, for a little while about having the body world exhibit there, but they were just going to cover everything with burkas. So they just decided not to do it.

Trust us. Underneath, it's beautiful. What a dumb idea. Oh, my God. I love that. I love that. It's just fucking imploding upon itself. Because you have to think that, like, that some point, like, somebody on the Saudi side is like, I don't understand why this is not working

and people are protesting saying like you know i believe the center needs to be done away with either that or it has to speak up against these uh unbelievable incidences talking specifically about all of saudi arabia yeah and the chopping of things. The various chopping and killing of humans because of a book and they're like, oh, it's like religious tolerance. Like we never fucking show at all in our country whatsoever. Wouldn't you before

you opened a center in another country to promote religious and cultural understanding? Wouldn't you want at least a little bit of religious and cultural understanding at home you want at least a little bit of religious and cultural understanding at home yeah you know like just like a smidge just the littlest tiniest bit in your intolerant backward hate-filled country yeah it's what is it like shoot for the moon or shoot for the stars and hope you hit the moon this is the moon this is the moon the stars are maybe they

could not kill a guy for tearing up a quran but they can't do that instead what they'll do is create a center to try to obfuscate that yeah and somewhere else because that's all this is right what they're saying is oh come on we're totally telling we should we should have fucking cut all little fucking paper dolls with like muslims with Christians. Come on. Don't even that you guys want. And at the same time, they're committing atrocities. Right. It's like, I mean, that's like having a Nazi Germany having a fucking Jew exhibit, you know, like, oh, yeah, we're fucking this is us holding hands. Welcome to the Auschwitz Center for Jewish cultural.

Yeah. It's like Jewish culture. Yeah for Jewish Cultural Understanding and Hugs. Right. Like, that's all it is. Yeah. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. This story comes from the Raw Story. Hindus want Pope Francis to discipline priests who declared yoga leads to Satanism. Pope Francis to discipline priests who declared yoga leads to Satanism. May not lead to Satanism, but it leads to a lot of yoga pants.

Oh, yeah. A group of Hindus is appealing to Pope Francis to intervene after a Catholic priest from Northern Ireland insinuated that the ancient discipline of yoga is tantamount to Satanism and paganism. I don't know how it can be tantamount to both. Aren't they different things i you know to me to me satanism strikes me as uh you know it nowadays satanism is uh just atheism you know nowadays satanism is atheism uh just sort of in a in a little. Yes, it's Satanism. It's atheism with a funny hat. Right, that's all it is. It's like Satanism with glasses and a dick nose.

You know what I mean? Like that's all it is. It's like, yeah. You know, to be fair though, reading through this, he didn't just demonize yoga. He also had a problem with Indian head massages, which evidently will lead to the kingdom of darkness.

So I'm not sure exactly how he's doing the Indian head massage. If you go to get a regular Indian massage, you have to pay them extra and they give you a happy ending. So that's the head massage. It's the little head. Well, hey now. There's a part in this where it says Calhoun told Northern Ireland publication The Dairy Journal that his opinion was in line with that of the pontiffs.

Pope Francis said, do not seek spiritual answers in yoga class, Calhoun said. He stood firm in his belief, saying yoga possesses a spiritual health risk. And then he talks about at one point he says after he says the spiritual health risk, he says, I would refer people to the evidence. And I'm thinking, like, is this the old this is the only time that they ever cared about evidence. Right. I had that same line. I would refer people to the evidence oh okay well phenomenal catholic priest yeah let's talk about the evidence really like this is a road you want to go down yeah i i i don't understand the backlash although

i don't like we talk about yoga in the sense that it's like a fitness routine. Right. That's how we refer to yoga. But there is there is more to yoga than this. And my wife has started going to this Bikram yoga. And I guess they like fucking crank the fucking room up to a billion degrees. You got to go in there. It's it sucks.

She says it's she says it's basically getting beat up for like an hour you know she goes to this thing and she comes home at her and a towel she brings that she sweats and weighs like six pounds like this is this is a way you cut weight for the ufc you know and she comes home and and she was talking about it i guess the woman is like chided her group of friends because they started like talking very quietly in class while they're doing it so there's some and then also at the end she'll say namaste and then like get in the pose and then say go out today and you know do good all that bullshit you know like there's just all this sort of breathy bullshit that they say where it's like it's like new agey garbage uh and and she says it's totally

full of that new ageiness and so there's a level of yoga that's not just okay get in the stretch pose and stand there for a few minutes and use your stabilizer muscles and you're gonna hate yourself uh it's it's also there's a new age component that i don't i'm not familiar with yeah i'm not and it's funny because i do yoga not every – all right, I haven't done it for a little while. But I used to do it every Sunday. It was part of the gym I go to offers it. And it's like all the hard parts about yoga without any of the weird spiritual shit, which is the reason I tolerate it and enjoy it. Which is the reason I tolerate it and enjoy it.

But I can't imagine being in a room doing the fucking weird pretzel design bullshit with your body that they ask you to do and not making jokes about it. Right. If I got chided for that, I'd be like, fuck you. Yeah. I'm out of here. This is not a place for me. That's ridiculous. But even so, like, even though it's part of, like, all this, you know, it kind of fits into that sort of Eastern mysticism camp. The idea that the Catholic Church would be like, whoa, wait a minute.

That's some bullshit. We got to look at the evidence. Like, man, maybe you don't fucking start throwing stones, Catholic Church. Like, really? Really? Catholic Church. Like, really? Really?

Like, you're a collective of male-only dudes who walk around wearing robes and swinging incense around and singing old songs to each other, and that's your path. Like, at least there's exercise on their path. So we're going to take a break and give you all the information that you need to become a patron or contact the show, and we'll return in just a moment for the rest of this debacle. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com

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female exam so this story hilariously comes out of idaho which we just recently rediscovered was part of America. So, Republican, shocker, Representative Vito Barbieri made this fucking incredibly stupid comment or question during testimony on a bill that would ban doctors from prescribing abortion-inducing medication through telemedicine. And he asked – he actually asked if instead of a gynecological exam, if the women could just swallow a camera and he had to be told that that would be impossible because the shit pigs people. The thing is, I've walked in in the middle of of my night the middle of the night to my wife shitting out of her vagina i've seen that before i see she's just like ripping out a deuce like right i was like what that's where the this is where poo comes from right here this is a dude who thinks that women just have a down there. Yeah.

She gave birth to a food baby. I mean, come on. The worst part is when she has like corn and peanuts in there. Oh, my God. Literally, you throw a little cilantro and some lime juice in there. You can make a salsa. This is a man who makes laws who thinks that who thinks that like there's like another region right you know like oh look what the fuck is this guy this man's wife must have been appalled appalled like no come on he hasn't

seen that he hasn't seen the vajayjay in a long time i can't understand you know somebody who would say this why they would be so against sodomy you know if that's the case maybe the whole time he's been married to somebody who's not a woman and they just been like thinking he comes home and he's like that's a vagina told me god damn it i thought it was weird that your name was bill i mean what an unbelievable lack of understanding about how half of the humans on earth work amazing it's amazing it's half the people you can swallow a camera just eat a camera when you want to see a woman's vagina

have her eat a camera what the fucking you see when when a woman eats a camera it goes down into the belly and then it makes a camera baby. It comes out of her oobah. And then nine months later, she gives birth to a beautiful DSLR. With a prime lens kit right there. What are you talking about? That's amazing. There's a dude who can't understand how bodies work.

I just swallow a camera. Yeah. You know, you could swallow a camera, too, to check out to see if you have erectile dysfunction. See, there's a tube that connects the vagina to the... Women aren't a series of tubes. But there is a tube. Down there is just like a dump truck full of scary parts i don't know they just have bits and bobs all flipping and flopping around down there

what goes on in the yoga pants stays in the yoga no idea You have no idea what's coming out, what's going in. All the different holes are interchangeable down there. I can't figure it. There's three holes down there. I can't figure this out. I just pray over this equipment. We speak over the PowerPoint presentations, all of the video projectors, and we say

devil, we know what you love to do in meetings like this, and we say you will not, in Jesus And we say you will not in Jesus name, you will not prevent this message from going out. No microphone problems in Jesus name. So the story comes from Blue Nation Review. This Christian minister just prayed at the Tennessee Capitol to deny health care to the needy. I mean, really, these people who say things like this and do this, they must not understand any of the Bible with Jesus in it. Well, they do.

They just think that Jesus they have a different imagining of Jesus. Right. So they don't read the book and they imagine Jesus is like a gun toting, like super anti-immigration, fucking nationalistic, like ultra American. He basically looks like Rambo. Right. He's cut. He's got a headband on, long hair, and he's got holes in his hand. And he just runs around shooting brown people.

Absolutely. That's it. Like shooting brown people and demonizing the poor. That's it. Because that's how Jesus was. He just rounds them up and shoots them with explosive arrows. I remember that movie. I remember that movie. I remember that one.

So this was part of the opening prayer given by June Griffin, who stood before the Senate, you know, doing the whole shaky voice, you know, plead to God sort of bullshit, talking about, you know, how the Tennessee people don't want the wicked courts to go around providing health care to the fucking nasty unwashed, like the elderly and the disabled and the low income. Because God would take care of them. No, God hasn't taken care of them. And there's literally no obstacles for God taking care of them right now. Right. God has zero obstacles. It actually turns out that you're mistaken on that.

You see, God can't intervene if you have a government check. Like, if you have a government check that gets any – and the same is true for electronic deposit, by the way. So, like, if you get a disability check and God is trying to help. He's like, oh, I'm here to help God. And he's like, check your bank account. Fuck. Electronic delivery of funds. There's like, I'm here to help God. And he's like, check your bank account. Fuck. Electronic delivery of funds. There's nothing I can do.

I'm only an omniscient, omnipotent being. Right. I don't know why I put you in this desperate position anyway. Yeah. I already fucked you anyway. Right. Fucked you once. Oh, well, I was going to fuck you twice.

You see how God works. He's like a practical joker. He waits for you to get sick and poor and tired and desperate. And then jokes on you. Oh, man. Remember that time when your life sucked for years and years on end and it didn't seem like there was ever any hope in sight. Well, that's when he'll swoop in at the fucking penultimate moment. That way you'll love him more i fucking i i just seriously

don't understand how you can walk through life with that much cognitive dissonance i mean i really don't you you just you you are neglecting all of the teachings of jesus to say it's okay we want to make sure that fucking only the people we like get help if they want help you know like if they if they it says i'm going to read part of this it says praying for people to not have health care seems pretty asinine when you call it so-called conservative values but this isn't the first time that 67 year old griffin has gone off the deep end uh while a congressional candidate in in tennessee uh griffin was arrested after she became enraged and stole a small Mexican flag that was on display in a Hispanic grocery store.

So funny. What the fuck are you doing? She said it was an act of war and then insulted her citizenship. What is she talking about? This is just a hate filled human being human being like that's what that is like this is this is who they got they're like oh man we need somebody to give the opening prayer who can we find who is like fucking emperor palpatine filled with hate so filled with hate that it shoots out of her fucking gnarled fingers like lightning.

Oh, I know. Here's a fucking bigot to represent the great state of Tennessee. opportunity i think to twist that opening prayer into something that is uh like basically stealing time on the floor to push your own position and and i think that that's that's one of the reasons why you know i'm not i normally don't care i'm like whatever they want to have a fucking opening prayer of an opening prayer whatever you fucking want to do a circle jerk do a circle jerk whatever you want to do but that's one reason why I think having an opening prayer is detrimental, is that it's allowing people a platform to have their own little hate parade outside of the bounds of anyone being able to tell them to shut the fuck up. Yeah, that's awfully difficult to argue with, man. I mean, like, because it's basically like there's no rules, right?

Like all the rules of order kind of go out the window at that point, don't they? Totally. It's just like, oh, it's time for me to fucking deliver a soliloquy. And what kind of asshole would you look like if you interrupted that prayer? To say, wait a minute, you know, what kind of fucking dick would you be? So you've basically got to let them say whatever they want to say. And they get an opportunity to just be awful contrary to popular opinion god is not against sex it was his idea in

the first place this story comes from the raw story pat robertson women fuel sex trafficking by fantasizing about boiling oil in 50 shades i love you pat robertson all right let's let's listen now this is this is not all pat robertson pat robertson only comes into the end we're going to listen a part of this we may stop it before pat comes in because it's it's sort of a cbn news broadcast and then we're going to talk about pat so this is the beginning of cbn News. This is 700 Club. The sexualization of culture has fueled the world's human trafficking problem. That message was delivered at the fourth annual symposium at Regent University's Center for Global Justice this weekend. Speaker and Exodus Cry founder Benjamin Nolo told students that cultural attitudes towards women must change in order to end human trafficking. cultural attitudes towards women must change in order to end human trafficking.

What's not helping with that challenge is mainstream promotion of movies like Fifty Shades of Grey. Nolo told CBN News that he is concerned that the film about sexual brutality liberal places in the world that deal with sex in a way that's super progressive why aren't those the hotbeds for sex slavery why is it always the third world shitballs or the the complete i mean even our our country right even our country where we're like fucking puritanical why is it when you have sex out in the open and you and you sort of talk about sex and you and you're open about it it suddenly becomes less of a taboo and it becomes less of this repressed bullshit that we have to like go out and buy a fucking sex slave well it strikes me that that having a nation that's so you know this is almost like the is almost like the prohibition issue.

Like when you create a black market for something that people manifestly want, which is sex and sexuality, whether that black market is a literal black market in the sense of outlawing something or whether that black market is created because of some cultural bias against something like we have here in the States with our puritanical attitude towards sex. It strikes me that what you do is you drive sex and sexuality to some degree underground. It doesn't mean that people don't want to engage in sex, but now they have to find or maybe not have to, but maybe some people will find illicit sex and sexuality rather than open sex and sexuality. Like it certainly isn't going to lead to like better, healthier responses to human sexuality. You know, like, yeah, you don't have I can't imagine that there's like this massive, you know, sex trade slavery, you know, problem in, you know, Norway. Yeah.

It's just not the case. Right. You know, I'm sure that there is some. I'm sure. I'm not sure. But it's not to the same level. Right. That there's no that there's no sex crimes or anything over there.

But at the same point, I feel like, you know, go to the places where people are hyper repressed. Take a look at those places on the globe where, you know, show me a place in, you know, in a country where they wouldn't be able to show Fifty Shades of Grey and see how many rapes there are compared to other places. Sure. See how see how rampant sex slavery is in those places compared to other places. And I think you would you would see a correlation there that repressing sexuality is not a good thing. Now, the culture seems to be moving in a direction of not just endorsing or promoting the consumption of women on the part of men, but the violent perpetration against women. It's kind of shocking in that sense to think that we have reached this point where i mean it seems like there is no conscience at all

left whatsoever are you kidding they're talking about fucking spanking in this movie are you fucking kidding me i think i think the only people that are like we've gotten emails from people that are more familiar with the books and movies than I am. And they've said that there's some real issues with regards to the way that consent is treated in these books. Sure, yeah, yeah. I don't want to poo-poo that because if that's the case, then that's inherently problematic, right? Absolutely, absolutely. That's inherently problematic, right? Absolutely. So I don't want to poo-poo that. But I think that what you end up with on the right with a lot of these Christian reactions to Fifty Shades of Grey is they're not reacting to specific issues from the movie where they feel like consent is not a big enough part of the program in terms of the sexual dynamic between the two main characters. I think what they're reacting to is is that like is that people engage in bdsm relationships the people engage at all that they enjoy power play that they enjoy you know these these these sexual play dynamics and i think they're they're just i

think they're appalled but but titillated and fascinated and that's kind of why they can't stop talking about it right right they're shocked that something like this is even happening right they're shocked that humans want to treat each other this way and you and and and i'm shocked that they're nothing new like i'm completely it's not like yeah this is not a thing that's new power is inherently sexy like sex and power they go hand in hand and and the idea that that they're sort of divorced from one another i don't know i mean like are they really surprised like are they really surprised cecil they must be well let's see what pad has yes let's

and nolo is currently producing a documentary that examines how our culture has become hypersexualized. Hypersexualized? Are you shitting me? Yeah, that's us. That's our culture. Hypersexualized America. You can't even show a titty on television. Like, half the people in the world have titties.

You know, can't show those. Yeah. Can't see a hoo-ha on television. gonna happen nope can't see a schlong not gonna happen yeah yeah i mean you can fucking you could see it on like hbo but you know you on pay on regular television and you know it's funny when i was in europe they show fucking like half naked i'm literally half naked by they're wearing like a g-string and they're fucking tops out you know on tv after a certain time i know they have sex on tv after a certain time in other countries and in france and other places so that's not a fucking it's not a this is not a thing that this is a thing that only america does you know i mean in other places where people are oppressed

when it's funny too because like where this hung up about sexuality, but, you know, we will show almost limitless violence. And there's no. Yeah. You know, like where is the where is the Pat Robertson and 700 Club screaming and pissing and moaning about, you know, the way that that women are treated in movies like hostile or the way that like women are treated in movies like captivity or the way that women are treated in movies like Hostel or the way that like women are treated in movies like Captivity or the way that women are treated in movies like Black Snake Moan or the way that women are treated in movies like The Hills Have Eyes or any of these other torture porn movies that feature, you know, graphic depictions of violent sex, sexuality, rape and torture. They're fucking silent on the issue. Now all of a sudden, here's this Fifty Shades of Grey where, and I think what they don't like about this, where she likes it. Yeah.

That's why, now they're all, oh my God, oh my God, what if women are sexual creatures too? Yeah. Ah! What do we do? Are you saying they don't poop out of their vagina seriously though like it's not like sex or sexual violence or or you know consent or the consumption of women as sexual objects is somehow a new issue that 50 shades of gray has rocketed to the front

of america's attention i mean this shit has been this shit has been on display i mean i don't even watch that kind of movie and that's like the first five movies i could think of off the top of my head and all those movies have like three sequels and all those movies trade on depraved violence and sex and sexuality and and like why isn't pat robertson talking about that shit that shit is actually i would think like if you're gonna fucking piss and moan about this shit that's piss and moanable yeah if you're gonna think a movie can change somebody's mind why wouldn't it be a more graphic right i i really think it stems from the fact that, you know, here we have a movie that shows that sex and power play dynamics can be enjoyable by both men and women. And I think they're terribly threatened by that.

So you're saying a woman has a thing called a clitoris? Is that it? Or is that hitting her butt? Is that hitting her butt? She organizes the amount of times she poops, right? All right, hold on. So here we go. I'm going to play the rest.

This is Pat now. We've alluded to Pat. Now here comes Pat. Pat? The amazing thing about that Fifty Shades of Grey is that apparently how many women have read the book and how many women are going to the movie. It's about all kinds of sadomasochism.

It's about bondage, about whips. It's about boiling oil. It's about boiling oil. No, but they're not sieging a castle, Pat. It's not boiling oil. It's fucking, if it's any kind of oil, it's like lightly warmed oil. Boiling oil.

Oil boils at like what? Like 500 degrees? Like it'll hit its smoke point before it boils. Are you kidding me? That's actually a good point. I don't think I've ever actually seen oil boil. Yeah, I mean you really have to fucking crank that shit up to boil it, I bet. God damn.

Like, okay, honey, hang on a minute. Oh, you're going to get out like some candles and rocks? No, I'm actually going to boil it, I bet. God damn. Like, okay, honey, hang on a minute. Oh, you're going to get out, like, some candles, Max? No, I'm actually going to boil some oil. I'm going to scald the skin from your very body. Oh, that's my favorite. I love this. I'm just doing that. Pour it through the murder hole.

Various types of restraints. various types of restraints. It is an unbelievable story of sadomasochistic bondage of women. Women are objects. And to think that everybody is not taking it as, oh, well, that's just a, quote, romance story. Please, Charlene. This idea that, like, Pat Robertson is getting all worked up about it, how many times do you think he's seen it? How many times?

I'm guessing he's either not seen it at all, or he's seen it a lot of times. I'm doing a little more research. Charmaine, I've got to do some more research. Hang on a minute. Can you lightly warm some oil? I'm going to watch this in my private viewing room. Just throw it in the microwave for like 10 seconds. That's it.

I don't want boiling oil. Let's not get crazy. Just a little lightening. Just a nice warming massage oil. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers! I want the truth!

You can't handle the truth! So this story comes from Pink News, and I don't understand it. I just think you have to read it. I just think you have to read it. I just think you have to read it. Pope compares transgender people to nuclear weapons. Don't even. What? The Pope has compared.

I'm going to read the whole thing because it's very short. It's short. And my brain might break. The Pope has compared the threat of trans the threat of transgender people i'm sorry the pope has compared the threat of transgender people to nuclear weapons well hold on now hold on now before you continue what is the scale for transgender people because we have like defcon things i wonder if it's like it's like penis. Like, what's the, you know? I don't even understand what the threat is. The threat, like, don't make me transgender people, you.

Do I have to come back there and transgender people you? I don't understand what, I don't even understand the threat. The head of the Catholic Church made the claims that have come to light this week in an interview for a book last year. According to the National Catholic Reporter, he said, quote, let's think of the nuclear arms, of the possibility to annihilate in a few instances a very high number of human beings. Okay. Thinking about it. I'm going to do what he says. So I'm thinking about nuclear weapons. Okay, good. Let's think also of genetic manipulation of the manipulation of life or of the gender theory that does not recognize the order of creation wait what i'm not sure what that sentence means let's think about okay all right with this attitude wait now do i have to

stop thinking about nuclear weapons and start thinking about genetic manipulation? Is that? I'm not sure. Like, what does that mean? Genetic manipulation? I'm not sure what specifically what he's referring to or the manipulation of life, which is somehow a different thing or of the gender theory. I don't. Those are all really different things.

And I don't know how any of them are. And they're all really, really different from nuclear weapons. I don't know. All those things. Nuclear weapons is really different. Let's think about porcupines, the color blue, and popsicles. All right. Why?

I don't know. Pope. With this attitude, man commits a new sin, that against God the creator. Okay. Well, hold on a minute. Aren't all sins against God? Well. Okay. Well, hold on a minute. Aren't all sins against God? Well, who else are you sinning against? Yeah, well, now you're just using their own words against them.

And that's just rude. It's a new sin, just like the old sin. Anyway, this sentence I love. The true custody of creation does not have anything to do with the ideologies that consider man like an accident, like a problem to eliminate. I literally don't have any idea what that sentence means. What this sounds like is that he said a bunch of shit in Italian and somebody put it in Google Translate. I don't understand. The true custody of creation.

I can't parse that for the life of me. The custody of creation. What could that – custody of creation. Like if he had written the custard of creation, I would have been closer to coming up with something that made some sense. And then he says, God has placed man and woman in the summit of creation and has entrusted them with the earth. The design of the creator is written in nature. During a recent PR blitz

attempting to bolster his gay-friendly image, the Pope has yet to lift any of the actively homophobic and transphobic policies of his predecessors. So, I cannot for the life of me understand what the fuck he is talking about. I have no idea how you're making

all the connections in here anyway. I mean, it's really just fucking a non sequitur. He's just gluing shit together. And there's no like there's not even a room like the most remote attempt to get me to understand. Like if you're going to tell me that the transgendered people are somehow going to cause annihilation. Like you need to you need to start on one end of your fucking premise with transgender people, put annihilation at the other end, and you do have to do some work in the middle. Yeah. You can't simply say, well, you know what's bad?

Annihilation. You know what's also bad? Transgender people. Just be like, OK, I don't like like I would be like I would be more willing to buy the argument if it was trans fats. Right. Rather than. You know, I'm surprised that's not in here. Right. Like, you know, God didn't create trans fats.

Like, what are you talking about? I think he's I think he's suggesting that that i mean he is suggesting at the end i can kind of make some sense of what he says at the end where he's talking about you know uh god creating man and woman and creation and entrusting them and the design i think he's saying like look it's not the design of of of the creator to make a man that you know behaves yeah as a woman or identifies as a woman. Yeah, I don't I don't mean to insult anybody, but I think this is what his comment is. So maybe that's what he's saying.

Maybe. But the custody of creation comments. What the biscuits is he talking about? biscuits is he talking about you know in the spirit of google translate though why don't you read um i i have a google translate for you to read so i'm gonna give you one and and you read this just so we can end this the pope um you know clearly i think they took his words and threw him through google translate this is a this is a voicemail we got. Uh, go ahead and read the Google Translate. Hello, my love man.

I was just listening to, but it is two Oh two and you just give yourself a whole new character as usual and you gotta be skeptical pot pie. I mean your room, the voice was outstanding. So give it a thought. I'm still waiting for a little more elderly jesus in my life but i can go skeptical up by thanks guys also show where you know that made more sense than what the pope said it it it does every time yeah Yeah. Yeah. Like a vomitous word salad would make more sense. I would not be surprised if the Pope said, and pooping out of your vagina is bad.

Well, that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to be back on Monday with a brand new show. But until then, we're going to leave you with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter. Mommy issue. Hypno Babylon. Bullshit.

Couched in. Scientician. Double bubble. Toil and trouble. Pseudo quasi alternative. Acupunctuating. Pressurized. Stereogram.

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