Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 211: OJ, Purple Stuff, OH! Bloody D!

Episode Date: March 2, 2015

 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hi, this is Gretchen from Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm wanting to chime in about the lesbian couple who couldn't get their baby treated by the pediatrician. That sort of legal discrimination like there is in Michigan is actually a license to kill. in Michigan is actually a license to kill. If you look at what's behind it, there's no exceptions for things like EMTs or police or ER doctors. I'm in a same-sex marriage. Supposing I got into a car crash in Michigan and, I don't know, my wife is crying over my unconscious body. The EMTs would see that, see that I was gay, and be able to possibly use their conscience to leave me to die on the side of the road.

That is so messed up. Hey guys, this is Evan from California, and I was just listening to your show where you talked about how much it must suck to get beheaded. And it reminded me of this awesome geothermal power plant slash restaurant slash historical museum in Reykjavik, Iceland, where one of the ultra creepy wax figures was of the last bishop of Iceland, the last Catholic bishop of Iceland, who led a crusade against kind of the Protestant Reformation in Iceland and for his efforts got beheaded eventually because it took like three or four strokes with the axe to actually kill this dude. Looking at that I remember thinking how much that would suck but one of my favorite things about this particular story was the fact that not only was he executed for fighting against the Protestant Reformation, but so were his three sons.

So for those of you keeping score at home, Catholic Bishop, three sons. Now that is some cognitive dissonance. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat, but there very well may be very soon it turns out in the future it turns out that if you make really bad jokes about

welcome mats you get a fair amount of feedback from people that want welcome mats you know we kind of have to uh create a welcome mat we I know. And a board game where you can jump to conclusions. The worst part is we asked our guy. We said, hey, guy who does our shirts, what do you think? And he's like, I ain't doing welcome mats, bro. He was like, that's a terrible idea. Yeah, we're not doing that. Our company tries to make money.

Yeah. So we're going to have to. I think the worst part is we're going to have to figure out how to get them. Yeah. So we're going to have to, I think the worst part is we're going to have to figure out how to get them. Yeah. And then like collect people's names and then we got to ship them. I don't want to do any of those. When I say we, I mean you. Because I sure as fuck ain't going to do it.

Hold on a minute. Hold the fucking phone. I ain't doing it. Wait a minute. You got a house, bitch. Just because I have more room and currently far less responsibility is no reason for you to offload this additional responsibility onto me. How dare you? Additional.

Only responsibility, hun. Well, it's still an addition. Zero plus one is still fucking addition, motherfucker. Oh, I quit. That's it. You can't quit. Literally, you can't quit. The show will quit if I quit that's it you can't quit literally you can't quit the show will quit

if I quit Ronald McDonald cannot quit McDonald's right yeah but Grimace can get fired motherfucker I like to think of myself

as more of a hamburger thank you I like to think of myself as like a Mayor McCheese within the within the McDonald's canon I am burglar. I am burglar. I like to think of myself as like a Mayor McCheese. Within the McDonald's canon, good sir. Yeah, within the McDonald's pantheon. I am a Mayor McCheese type.

How dare you? I clearly have supervisory powers. While I physically may resemble the blobular shape of a grimace, you neglect my ability to delegate. Which I think this show has proven. Without a shadow of a doubt. I have delegated all of the parts of the show. Yeah, literally all of it. And speaking of which, we're now going to have Heath step in for me.

What is Grimace? What the fuck do you think that is? He's a gumdrop. I don't have any idea. Who knows? He doesn't even know what he is. He's like the gum under the seat at McDonald's. He's the STD who gets the toilet seat.

He's like a herpes. He's like a walking herpes. He's like,D who gets in the toilet seat. He's like a herpy. He's like a walking herpy. He's like, hey, everybody. I'm Grimace, the McDonald's genital wart. Would you like fries with your antibiotics? Why would you name something that's supposed to be happy for kids after a fucking unpleasant face and be like, oh, let's have a character for our new chain restaurant. We'll call him scowl. We'll call him stark agony. We Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus.

Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. So this story comes from CapitalNewYork.com. I'm not sure if that's really a thing. de Blasio to end Metsizvza consent forms. That's very close. All right. Let me give it a shot here.

Metsizvza. Metsizvza. Metsizvza. Metsizvza. Metsizvza. All right, let me give it a shot here. Metziza. Metziza. Metziza. Metziza. Metziza. Consent form. It's nice because there is a zit right in the middle. It's getting squozed by the other two sides there.

It is. It's getting squozed by some za from New York. And there's a metz there. The metziza, which means what? That's there. The metzah, which means what? Well, the metzah consent form refers to the consent form that parents have to fill out before a rabbi can suck their infant's dick. Oh, after slicing a piece of it off.

And they're getting rid of these consent forms. Look. Because the rabbis thought they were discriminatory. You don't want to take away the mole's prixy sticks. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. You did that on purpose as I was drinking. You did that on purpose. You don't want to take those away.

What do they like? Come home. All the moles. The moles. Is that what they call them? Moils. Moils. Moils.

Moils. Moils. Moils. Moils. They all come home and they're like looking all the moles the moles is that what they call them oils oils oils oils they all come home and they're like looking through the fridge they're like pink stuff purple stuff oh bloody d that's what i had at work all day you know sometimes you come home and you're so tired. Honey, can you just put a Heineken in the fridge for me? Oh, God. Tired of getting a bellyache from drinking all that baby penis blood.

Oh, God. I just fucking drink the fucking... And you know the other thing about that job... That is the most foul shit ever, by the way. Well, I cannot even imagine, as a parent, imagine as a parent being like you should probably suck his dick that's fine what kind of job seriously what kind of job is sucking a baby penis blood i'd rather be a bukkake model you know what i mean like i think that would be a better you know although the beard is it's not good no No. I mean, it just, it just like. That's fucking wash, rinse and repeat.

I'll tell you that much. They're scrubbing for hours and hours and hours. It's crusty like chip hair. Oh God. Let it just break off. It's like a big patch to your beard gone. Flaking and pulling off. Oh, disgusting.

You know, I know I've said this before, but like this is one of those jobs that I always have to wonder about your first day. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because there's always that first day, no matter what job it is. I don't care if it's an office job. It's a little awkward. Sure. You're not real sure what you're doing.

It's like, man, yesterday I have not sucked any baby dicks. Yeah. But today. You're crossing a boundary. You don't uncross, any baby dicks. Yeah. But today. You're crossing a boundary. You don't uncross, my friend. Exactly, yeah. You're like a masseuse in happy endings, you know what I mean? At a certain point, it's like, well, I guess I'm that guy now.

Yeah, I'm that guy. You know, and I have an infant son. And sometimes when you unleash him, he just pees. So you might get a mouthful of blood. Although, at that point, after you've already fucking cut them down there. Yeah, maybe not. There's literally nothing else they're doing but screaming. That's probably very true.

And I guess, you know, it would be kind of like a nice, like, antiseptic mouthwash at that point. Kind of. I think you're clearly not a discriminatory person about what you put in your mouth. You know what I mean? You're like licking the fucking bugs off the fender of a car. You're just standing at the bottom of an escalator just licking the bar. Yeah, it's fucking crazy though. Basically this law says that people could sign a consent form to allow this sort of thing.

And one of the things that it says here, it says – and form to allow this sort of thing. And one of the things that it says here, it says – and they want to get rid of it, right? They want to get rid of it so that they can just basically allow whoever they want to do this. They don't want to get rid of the practice. They want to get rid of the necessity for the consent form. And it says here, in exchange for abandoning the consent forms, the coalition of rabbis negotiating with City Hall agreed that if a baby is diagnosed with HSV1, the community would identify the mole in question

and asked him to undergo testing. If the mole tests positive for HSV1, the city's health department would test the DNA strain to see if it matches the infant's. And you're like, what the fuck kind of terrifying fucking practices that, you know, it's the only way we're going to do this is if a newborn is damaged. We're only, we're not going to act.

We're not going to do anything at all until someone is actually damaged. Could you imagine if they're like, okay, well, we're just going to fucking, okay. So the kid died in the back of a Volkswagen. We're only going to allow Volkswagens to have car seats from now on. There's no other car seats ever. That's it. It's actually a little worse than that because if the two sets of DNA match, then there's a repercussion. But if the mole, if the DNA doesn't match, the mole's still allowed to perform it, even though we know he has fucking herpes simplex 1.

Well, come on now. Kids these days, they're getting herpes younger and younger. Who knows who gave it to whom, huh? Exactly, right? This kid could be out clubbing all night. You have no idea. Those fucking pacifiers, you know, like that's a sign. Sharing pacifiers, you know, like, that's a sign. Sharing pacifiers

with somebody else. Because what they said is that the consent forms offended members of the Jewish sects who rejected the link and found the forms to be an impingement on their religious freedom. It's just a consent form. How does that impinge upon

their religious freedom? They're clearly still doing it. They still have all of the freedom to suck baby dick that they want and they're like the only ones that have the freedom to suck baby because there's not anyone else who's like it's not like if you're just like uh what you doing i'm just sucking this baby dick why i'm the pizza delivery guy what the fuck what you? What? Just carry this baby around with me. Just in case. Right. Yeah.

There's that big protest either, like the million man baby dick march where they're just like, we want to suck some baby dick. Nobody's doing that. This is not the defining issue of our time. These are literally the only people in our culture that want to suck baby dicks. And you got to placate them? You have to placate this tiny subsect of people who want to put a baby penis in their mouth what are we what the fuck is happening why are we placating them i can't why are we just like oh yeah all those

fucking child sex rules that we have in place yeah who cares whatever. He doesn't get off on it, but if you don't let him do it, he gets real mad. Yeah. Oh. Hmm. Kind of sounds like somebody who has a vested interest in putting penises in his mouth. Just saying. Right. Yeah.

Your fucking thoughts betray you, Luke. What the fuck? Well, shouldn't our religious ideas stand up even under a scientific approach? I mean, either thing is true or it isn't. Well, certainly. But listen, Joe, there are some things we just have to accept on faith. I know. I know, man.

I know. This is from the Raw story, and it's fucking Pat, and I love it. Pat Robertson gives NASA a Bible lesson. No, he doesn't. God didn't put life on barren rocks. Everything is wrong. Let's just listen to it.

This is Pat Robertson, 700 Club. Folks, I want to tell you something. You know, they talk about life and other planets. In my opinion, there's nothing but gaseous balls. Nothing but gaseous balls. There's nothing but gaseous balls.

That's what my wife calls them. I guess at a certain age, they just start resembling like those fucking giant planets in our solar system. They used to be Earth-sized. Now they're Jupiter-sized. And they're a little farther out in orbit.

You know what I mean? Let's just say they changed orbit a little, right? Yeah, the orbit's a little farther now, so sure. And barren rocks up in space. That's all that's there. This planet is where God has got to experiment in what he wants to have accomplished. What the fuck does an omniscient thing have to accomplish with experiments? What does he need to do with it? Like, he knows

what's going to happen. An experiment by nature. You run it because you don't know what's going to happen. It would be like you know gravity makes things fall. And at some point it'd be like, let's have an experiment and drop some shit on the floor. No, I don't

need to do that. No, we kind of know what's going on. And it's even more ridiculous than that. But somehow people want to spend a lot of money to go to Mars. I don't think Mars is someplace I want to visit. You're never going to get there, Pat. You're too old to get to fucking North Carolina. Are you kidding me? This is a guy that they wouldn't even allow on a plane at this point.

They'd be like, sorry, when we decompress, you just decompress. The whole thing would just come apart. Like all that. This is a man who should be genuinely amazed every time he makes a successful trip to the barber shop. You know? Like to Mars. Are you fucking kidding? Plus, you have no skills.

Yeah. They only want to send skilled people to Mars. It's not like they're going to be like, oh, we need doctors and engineers. We need electricians. And we need crap bot pastors who don't know what the fuck is going on. You got to have Pat go up there. They couldn't afford to send all the adult diapers. Have to send a whole second ship up there.

Oh, man. Come on now. Space suits have a diaper built in. That's probably true. Maybe. I don't think they do, actually. And it'd take a long time and a lot of money to get there. But nevertheless, our government, our nasa is exploring new horizons those bastards

and their relentless drive to find out about the worlds that we live in and the fucking universe that surrounds us those motherfuckers this is a guy though i mean this is a guy who thinks about a personal god right he's the guy who's going to tell you to cast demons out and god's going to listen to you and actually be the force that can get those demons out of the things you want to get them out when he's like cast the demons out of your fucking record player or whatever he was talking about before this is a guy who's so narcissistic though who thinks that an omnipotent being will follow his bidding right so why wouldn't he think that the universe is created for us? That this, you know, this fucking tiny little speck of dust that is the unit that is that we are in the universe.

This is the most important place. This is a fucking geocentric orbit guy. Yeah, right. Well, you know, and what he really belies, I think, is the fear that it will be found out that there was life on other planets. And that's directly in opposition. I think you're right. It doesn't accord. So it's like, well, let's not find out.

Don't look at that telescope. Don't look at it. Don't. What are you doing? Stop it. No, don't look at things. The more you look at things, the more you learn and the more all of this falls apart. Yep.

Yep. Stop learning stuff. Yeah. Like, this is really a guy who's, like, screaming into the void all of this falls apart. Yep. Yep. Stop learning stuff. Yeah. Like this is really guys like screaming into the void. Like don't pay attention to the man behind the curtain. That's exactly it. I wonder if they're like, if the crew at the 700 club just looks in the paper and thinks, what can I tune Pat up about today?

What can I get him fucking wound up about? Because he's like one of these guys who's just like, the things he says are, you know, they can put a man on Mars that can't fix my hemorrhoids. He's one of those guys. And you could easily just tune him up to do like a Peter Griffin. You know what grinds my gears? It's basically us. Yeah.

Except for older and he looks like Howdy Doody. Okay, fair enough. Like an old Howdy Doody. His cheek, by the way, hold on a second. Look at this photo. Yeah, the photo. The cheek on his left is escaping. It's seriously.

No, seriously. Look at his mouth. The way his mouth is connected at the bottom. Doesn't he look like an old Howdy Doody? He does. He's equally empty headedheaded, too, right? Just as wooden. Yeah, he's a puppet.

Yeah. The man is basically a puppet. I mean, he looks like a fucking aged Howdy Doody. The point is, is that we've got to rewrite the federal government. Now, this is not going to happen overnight. It took 130 years to bring us to where we are today. It could probably take 50 years to turn it around. But if we stand on the Constitution, then everything else comes together. So this story comes from Yahoo.

In other news, Yahoo is still a thing. Republicans. Republicans propose declaring Idaho a Christian state. Republicans proposed declaring Idaho a Christian state. Members of a county Republican Party in Idaho are to take up a measure on Tuesday that would declare the state a Christian one. To bolster what the proposal calls the Judeo-Christian bedrock of the founding of the United States. Hear, hear. Ha, ha. All those in favor, vote potato.

They have to vote either an unbitten potato or a bitten potato. And that's – you can tell yes or no that way. There's a binary system of bitten and unbitten potatoes that they use. There's a part of this where he says it's important that Christians stand up and be unashamed to say they're Christians. And it's really never about being a Christian. It's always being about being able to say horrible shit or do horrible shit and get away with it. That's what it's always about. It's never about being persecuted as being a Christian.

But when it is about being Christian, it's about making sure everybody knows that you're a Christian. That's true. Right. That's true. Right? That's true. So if it is about being Christian, it's about being very much vocally Christian now. Yeah. You know? Like, well, Idaho is going to declare itself a Republican Christian state and still nobody

will go to Idaho. Yeah. You know? It's like, okay, fucking crickets are chirping. Like, Idaho could come out with a fucking press release and they'd still need the press to show up. You know what it's like, okay, fucking crickets are chirping. Like, Idaho could come out with a fucking press release, and they'd still need the press to show up. You know what I mean? Like, in other words, who's Idaho? We have one Idaho fan who sends us messages every time we do this.

And they're like, you guys are jerks. Stop talking about Idaho. And I want to say to that person, stop fucking having your state be made a total fuck ups. Like it's made. It's glued together with insanity. That's the problem. Yeah. I don't know how many people in that state are Christian or not Christian.

You know, I don't know what the what the percentages are. But there's got to be people in that state that aren't Christian. Why do you You know, I don't know what the what the percentages are. But there's got to be people in that state that aren't Christian. Why do you have to make it a Christian nation? And what does that mean? I mean, one of the things I'm even just thinking about is which Christianity? I know I was going to say because there's so many different we're talking about, you know, Ireland and, you know, England, you have Anglican versus, you know, we have Protestant versus Catholic versus I mean's just fucking crazy.

There are so many different types of Christianity. Right. You can't even decide on the fucking – on the final outcome here. If you were to make a phone call to a friend about a Christian thing, you would have to make sure you got the right friend. Right. Because it could be a totally different doctrine. You know what I mean? It could be. Right. Because it could be a totally different doctrine. You know what I mean? It could be.

It certainly is going to be a very different doctrine, right? And that's the thing. It's like, well, we want to make sure that we recognize that it's a Christian nation. And I kind of want to be like, why don't you just cut a fucking middleman and be like, we want to recognize that it is going to be a Presbyterian nation. Like, stop hedging. The hedging actually kind of makes me mad. Like, the broad category, meaningless, because it's meaningless to say, like, it's a Christian nation.

Fucking, okay, it's a garbifloor nation. Like, it means nothing. Like, what are you going to do with that? What are you going to, like, what are you going to do with that? Okay, you passed your bill. Let's assume you passed your non-binding resolution of meaninglessness. What's fucking step two? Oh, there is no step two because you all can't even agree on what fucking step one really means.

Yeah. Outside, like, here I can fucking dance my atheist dance over here. It makes no sense. But you guys agree. Yeah. It makes no sense. And what this is is that what this would allow is to create some sort of christian sharia right the reason why they want it this is so they can outlaw abortion so

they can allow abortion and so they can fucking hate on gays in the getaway right those are the two major fucking things that are happening right now and they want to be able to point to the bible whenever they want to say no to something yeah and this is the reasoning they're giving they're not they're not willing to make cogent arguments against things all they're willing to do is resort to fucking thoughts that somebody thought 2 000 years ago that are fucking completely irrelevant in modern society so that's what they want to do they want to revert to this fucking backwards ass thinking that we should wholeheartedly reject. Yes. What the fuck you, if you're not willing to have a conversation about why gay people should get married and, you know, leave the Bible completely out of it. Cause if they happen to not be Christian, why should they care?

So leave the Bible completely out of it. Why can't they get married? Well, God said, no, well, fuck your God. God doesn't exist. Okay, great. Now what? The reason why they want it is so that they can fucking enforce some shitty laws. That's why.

Because they literally have no second part of their argument. They don't have an argument. Yeah. They literally have no argument. Right. I mean, because God said so is not an argument. It's not. You know, you're right.

It's clearly not. It's words strung together in a specific order. Exactly. But an argument that is not. I would totally agree with you. It's not an argument from authority because there is no authority. Authority, right? It's just an argument from...

Allah is the Greatest. Allah is the Greatest. Allah is the Greatest. Allah is the Greatest. So this story has actually changed since I posted it. It comes also from Yahoo. ISIS burns 8,000 rare books and manuscripts in Mosul. It gets worse. I didn't post the follow-up.

They also destroyed a tremendous amount of artwork. I don't know if you happen to see that. Oh, okay. Yeah, they smashed statues that date back to like 7 BC or some shit. Fucking United States imperialism. With only- The fuck, man. We didn't hit those statues with drone strikes.

God damn it. What the fuck is our problem, Tom? I don't know. This is clearly a geopolitical destruction of books and statues. This has this is no religious motivation. When members of the Islamic State destroy books and manuscripts and smash statues with sledgehammers because they're un-Islamic statues. Right. Yeah.

That's clearly not motivated by Islam. I think that people got this wrong. I think they went to the library to go to the DVD section to see if they could rent Debbie Does Dubai. And it was out. It was gone? It was out. But that's actually a really short movie, the Debbie Does Dubai, because she just had sex with one guy and then they stoned her to death. Oh, shit. It's really fast. It's really – oh, it was out. It was gone. It was out. But that's actually a really short movie that Debbie does Dubai because she just has sex with one guy and then they stone her to death. Oh, shit.

It's really fast. It's really, oh, it's over quickly. It's over. It's always over quickly. Another thing, maybe they were looking for their copy of Seven Habits of Highly Destructive People. There you go. And that was checked out. It was checked out.

Fifty Shades of Brutality was also. Fifty Shades of Brutality. Oh, no, it's not in there. What are we going to do? No. We just, we're not reading it for the sex parts. We just want to find out how to tie better knots. That's all.

Did you happen to, did you see the photos of them trashing the museum in Mosul? No, I didn't bother. Dude, it's, it's super, it's like, I don't know why, but it's really actually unutterably sad. Like, there's these beautiful old statues carved out of stone or what have you. And these fucking thugs are smashing them. These things have survived more than 2,000 years. And they've been taken care of. If you think about like how many hands, how many caretakers, a piece of art like that has to have survived. I mean, in order to be here in 2015 and then to have and I mean, and especially think about like this is in Mosul.

This is in Iraq. This is like – this is a country that's gone through three wars at least that I can think of, the Iran-Iraq War, Desert Storm, and then whatever we called Operation Gimme Your Oil. I don't know what it was. It was Operation Blood from a Stone. Is that – And they still sit there. blood from a stone? What is that? You know, and like, and they still sit there. Like these statues still sit there.

And then they survived the looting from the power vacuum that ensued after we swept. And then, and these fucking guys are hitting them with sledgehammers. And it's just like, ugh. These are the type of people

who have no regard for anything that's not their history. And that's why they're doing this. Right. They don't they don't care about anybody else's history. And even though this is their history, they want to they think that the only history that matters is this Islamic history. And that has been proven many, many times before they've done this sort of thing. This sort of thing is how they did did this in Afghanistan with those Buddhist statues. Exactly.

They've done it in a bunch of different places where they find this history stuff and they don't want it anymore. These are people who want to wipe out history so that they could just have their own. They could write their own. How terrifying is that? What does history represent? What do books represent? You know, these things represent a set of ideas that can challenge the current, you know, the present day. There's no reason to smash your history unless you're trying to control the future.

Sure. Exactly. That's exactly it. Yeah. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. Oh, Ramana, Shanda Karabakh. No korra menemele, jede kede burushida, kede birasa. Hookah, chaka, hookah, hookah, hookah, chaka, hookah, hookah, hookah, chaka, hookah, hookah, hookah, chaka. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. Idaho Republican backs faith-healing parents.

If I want to let my child be with God, why is that wrong? Well, I think it's wrong because the little person who's going to go with God has no fucking say in it. That's why it's wrong. Right. Yeah. God has no fucking say in it. That's why it's wrong. Right. Yeah.

Because those are the, we're basically saying, oh yeah, I get to decide if I want to kill my child or not. Yeah. Well, that's exactly right. Why is that? What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Why is that wrong? Because it's fucking wrong.

Yeah. Because do I have to tell you that's wrong? Why is it wrong to kill children? Good Lord. Can you explain to me why is it wrong to kill children? Why should I letil, can you explain to me why is it wrong to kill children? Why is it wrong if I let my child die? Why is it wrong if I just don't feed him? Why is that wrong?

Why not just throw him in an incinerator? Why is it wrong if I want to just throw him in a big vat of molten iron? Is that right? I just... Like fucking, this is Sparta kickman will well. Can I do that? Is that allowed? Why not?

Why not? Faith, feed him. You know what they'll never do? Faith diaper those kids. Yeah, right? Because they'll fucking, they'll Faith shit everywhere. I'll tell you what. That is the worst.

The Faith diaper doesn't, it does, it's totally not absorbent. Then you got to replace the Faith carpet, you know, because they crawl around Faith shitting all over your house. It'd be great to have one of those commercials. You know, there's those commercials where they pour like a whole fucking half a gallon of fucking like orange juice in the. And they just have like a table and they're just like, it's a faith diaper. And they're just fucking dumping orange juice. Splashing everywhere.

Splashing orange juice. Like the bounty commercial. No, it's blue. It's not. It's blue. Because it's like, it's like a fucking diaper commercial. They actually set the diaper down. It's like a fucking goblet of fucking urine for the kid.

And they just set it down. And they just pour the shit on there. And they're like, look at this one. This one can hold more so you can neglect your kid longer. Great. Has this ever happened to you? Here's the thing. I just changed my kid Tuesday.

Why do they do that? Don't you want to change your kid immediately? You don't want them walking around soaked in their own urine, right? Like, you pick up your kid like, did he piss himself? Who cares? It can hold another three gallons. Kid weighs, my kid weighs 20 pounds. This thing will hold it easy, 24 pounds of water.

It's like a fucking baby anchor. It can't even fucking stand up little kid it's just he's got his own little bumbo he just sits in his own little fucking diaper he just sits in the goddamn eventually the kid's like a fucking java you know like he can't even fucking move and then he bring him in like wow that kid's overweight no i just hadn't changed him in like four weeks a lot of his skin's falling off, you know. Oh, gosh. Uric acid, but whatever. I don't even understand that, though.

Where they're like, oh, here's your fucking diaper, and it can hold lots of urine. Okay. My kid's probably just got a limited amount of urine. He's little. Very small. All right, we're done talking about diapers. Yeah, so, oh so oh christ faith healing so this

ah god this this fucking state representative christy perry um she actually said she said children do die i'm not trying to sound callous but too late sweetheart right i'm not trying to sound callous but i don't value the lives of children. Sorry, kids. But they want to act as if death is an anomaly, but it's not. It's a way of life. It's not. I ran a bus off the road on the way here.

It's a way of life. Hey, you know what's a way of life? Like, you know, quilting. You know what I mean? Like, having a hobby. Right. Like, being that zany guy. Yeah, yeah. That's a hobby. Right. Like, being that zany guy. Yeah, yeah. Like, that's a way of life.

Like, being dead, there's no more life there. Like, you're done. You got to kind of stop with the life. Oh, hey, what's with the dead guy? He's the not life of the party. Hold on now. Bernie was the life of the party. Like, wave his hand around.

He got chicks, too. How does a dead guy get chicks? I don't know, man. I mean, get it. I mean, I literally, I don't know. I tried the same method. his hand around. He got chicks, too. How does a dead guy get chicks? I don't know, man. I mean, get it. I mean, I literally, I don't know. I tried the same method. Just lay around. Just lay there, put shades on you, and have your friend wave your arm once in a while. That's the most energy I can muster. Are you kidding?

I have to actually have other people move me. I'm like a giant, poseable figure. At this point, I'm waiting for technology just to animate my fucking bloat. But Perry said faith healers are caring parents. Wow, really? Who simply trust in God's will.

Quote, they are comforted by the fact that they know their child is in heaven, Perry said. If I want to let my child be with God, why is that wrong? So lest we take her out of context again. Right. You know, like, oh, because it sounds really horrible until you read exactly what she said. I'm Raymond Massey, and I have a special message for senior citizens. Today's doctors, drugs, and medical devices truly work medical miracles for young and old alike. medical devices truly work medical miracles for young and old alike but there are some as phony as a three dollar bill investigate before you invest in health services or products help stamp

out quackery this story comes from the raw story doctor invited to oregon Senate says he prevents autism by not vaccinating his patients. This guy is fucked up. He's an Oregon pediatrician. He claims he has a thousand patients under three years old. None of them have autism. And that is proof. And they're not vaccinated. And that is basically his proof, Cecil, that autism is caused by vaccines.

Maybe he just has no idea how to diagnose it. Yeah. Or maybe he has no incentive to diagnose it because it doesn't fit with his ideas. Sure. Or maybe they're too young to be diagnosed with autism. It's a very distinct possibility because he specifically says that he's got a thousand patients under three years old. So that's pretty young. Autism isn't always diagnosed by the age of three. So, yeah, it's amazing.

It's almost like autism is a goddamn spectrum disorder. Right. And not something you just like go get a blood test for. And as a result, it's perhaps something less clear cut. Why is it vaccines vaccines why is that the one thing in our life because the government mandates it is that it yeah because people are so anti you tell me what to do here in america we don't want to be told what to do how to do it where to do it where it goes who's going to do it unless it's gay people and they're not allowed to

have sex and we're willing and we're willing to say it's gay people and they're not allowed to have sex? And we're willing. And we're willing to say it. Or women. Yeah. Because they're all sluts. Right. I mean, if you're a Republican. Republican women.

No, no, no. I'm sorry. Democratic women, they're being judged by the Republican. Anyway, you know what I'm saying. I'll tell you. It's my secret hope that women are all sluts. I mean, I'll be honest. Yeah.

Not only am I not judging, but it works in my favor. Yeah. You know? Yeah. That's awesome, actually. Right yeah that's awesome actually yeah no it's ridiculous yeah but i think it's i think it's the government i think it's because it's the government i think if this was not required then nobody would care i think they would not be drawing this but it's chemtrails dude it's like fucking it's conspiracy theory fucking reptile i know but but at the same, there's so many people who think the vaccine thing is the link to autism. And you say, OK, well, let's just throw out the idea that your diagnosis might be shit, that the whole – that your numbers might be garbage too. That you might just be cherry-picking your numbers.

And there's all this little stuff that you can sort of pick out with their argument. But let's just presume that all that's true. And let's say that autism rates are rising. Let's just say that it's true, even if it's not true. And let's say it is something in our environment. Why necessarily would it have to be these vaccines? Why, you know, and especially after the exhaustive tests that are done with these things, because of all the uproar they've gone through and tested and tested and tested all these things. Why choose the thing that is already has no evidence for it? Why not say, OK, well, maybe it's fucking GMO corn or whatever it is that people want to latch on to this week. I just don't know why they just keep on going back to the same thing after, especially if there's somebody just like like um yeah that's just not it's patently not true man i i part of me wonders if at this point there's just so much invested to

invest it i that's that's one of the things you know and it's just like it's confirmation bias at this point it's like you invest that much time and energy into deciding that it's vaccines and yeah going out and telling everybody that it's vaccines. And then all of a sudden it was not vaccines. You kind of look like a douchebag. So this Dr. Paul says this is a travesty. He said we need to preserve the right of freedom of choice. Isn't that what this is all about for doctors anyway, giving them the pros and cons because one of the alternatives for vaccines is doing nothing.

Yeah, the health risk version of vaccines is doing nothing. Yeah. The health risk version of vaccines is doing nothing. Right. The one that is causing measles outbreaks in the country is doing nothing. Yeah. That's a bad fucking call. That's a horrible fucking call. You basically are allowing your kid to infect kids that could fucking die from that thing. You know what I mean?

And your kid could die from it. But you're basically allowing the herd immunity to go away. You're allowing this this this this disease to travel between people. What the fuck? I mean, this is a guy supposed to be a doctor. Don't you understand what the fuck like vaccines do? Why is it? And why is it nobody's being like, oh, well, I mean we don't give it anymore.

But why are people like up in arms about polio vaccine and things like that? Like why – we got rid of polio. Right. Almost. I think almost at this point. Very, very nearly. Very nearly. We're almost out of –

Although we almost got rid of measles. We eliminated measles from the United States entirely. It was eradicated from the United States. It was gone from the United States entirely. It was eradicated from the United States. It was gone from the United States. Was there no cases of measles for a while? In the United States, measles was considered eradicated from the United States. And now it's back. And it's back specifically because of this.

And part of me thinks, like, what about polio, man? Polio could make a comeback. Like, these diseases, the only one that can't come back is smallpox. Yeah. Right? You know, like, part of me wonders, like, you know, if we fuck this up, all that work, because there's constant pressure by the microbes that are trying to, you know, by the viruses and things, you know, they're trying to replicate.

They're not going to ever stop trying to replicate. That's their fucking imperative. Yeah. And so there's constant pressure and if we don't apply greater pressure than the than the microbes they will reassert themselves they will grab it they it's it would have it's not impossible to think that polio could reassert itself just because it's almost eradicated until the day that it's totally eradicated yeah you know who's to say it doesn't come back and we don't have polio summers again like we had back in the fucking 1940s where kids were fucking locked in their houses afraid to go outside because you know maybe they get fucking polio and they lose the fucking use of their legs or they're in an iron lung or whatever fucking goddamn horror show happens.

But, hey, it's a choice, dude. It's like doing nothing. It's a choice of doing nothing. Which is literally the medical plan of the caveman. It's a choice. Yeah. Hey, Og, you look sick. Ooga ooga.

What are you going to do about it? Die. Trapanning. Right? Yeah. Can you pound a hole in my skull? I thought I would rub these leaves on it. Then later die horribly. How do you like that? My own mother falling for that stuff. Well, you don't know, Larry. Maybe Dr. Kuh-hoo-ha can help her. Doctor? That guy's no doctor. He's a quack.

But lest we think that all of the quackery is confined to the United States. And I will say, too, like, Britain has its own level of weird quackery. Like, they're, like, really into. They love the homeopathy. They do. And that has no real footing here in the States. Not the same kind of homeopathy. Right.

You know? Yeah. and this is interesting this is from the huffington post but the uk version so whatever that means david trinic tory mp so i guess he's in the military police interesting he's not even wearing a uniform it looks like he's in a suit. And he kind of looks old to be in the military. He's got gray hair. That's funny for Americans. Everybody's like, everybody who watched MASH is just like, I get it. I get it. Yeah. It says NHS doctors could use astrology to treat patients. Yeah, they could.

But they wouldn't actually treat any patients that way. Like, what, are you going to rub cancer on them? How's that? Hey, you got cancer. Oh, well, conveniently, you are cancer. Huh.

Yeah, well, maybe when you go in and you have twins, they're like, good news, it's a Gemini. Hey! You get a little older and they start sagging a little bit.

You get the Sagittarius. No, it's a Sagittarius. Sorry. It's a Sagittarius. Yeah. I what astrology to treat fucking in health care. What the fuck does that even mean well you might as well just you might as well just tape like on uh around the outside uh cures not even cures just just methodologies and how to treat and pull one of

those the cow goes move fucking things and just let it spin and be like the chicken says like that's that's that's how you're fucking doing medical practice at that point. It's like you have a dartboard with a whole bunch of medicine on it. And you're just like, heart medicine. But I have a cough. Heart medicine. Shut up. Right.

Who's the doctor here? Who's the astro medicine doctor? Who's the astro medicine doctor? Huh? Who's the astro navigator? Did you go to astrological medical college too? Oh, gosh. What the fuck is happening? But here's what he says.

He says, astrology is a useful diagnostic tool enabling us to see- What does that even mean? I don't know. It gets weirder. Enabling us to see strengths and weaknesses via the birth chart. And yes, I have helped fellow MPs. I do foresee that one day astrology will have a role to play in health care. Later, he says that the prediction of terrestrial events, people who denounced astrology were bullies.

Adding that the practice was based on thousands of years of observation. were bullies, adding that the practice was based on thousands of years of observation and continuing that saying, I think it is a great pity that so many scientists today are dismissive of right-side brain energy, such as intuition. People such as Professor Brian Cox, who called astrology rubbish, have simply not studied the subject. The opposition to astrology is based on what I call the SIP formula, superstition, ignorance, and prejudice.

It tends to be based on superstition with scientists reacting emotionally. They are also ignorant because they never study the subject and just say it's all to do with what appears in the newspapers. And they're prejudiced, racially prejudiced. Which is troubling. What is he talking about? Okay. How in the fuck do people think astrology is a thing nowadays? I have no idea.

I understand the people who look at their dumb horoscopes and they say, oh, I'm a married millionaire. It's so in the times. You know, those fucking dumb things. They look at it because it's fun. It's silly. It's like reading the Peanuts cartoon. I can't imagine anybody looking at that and saying that their fucking Mars is in their fucking Venus rising zone or whatever the fuck they say. Keep talking.

What do they even say? Like fucking. Yeah. Like Venus is in retrograde. Yeah. Retrograde. The retrograde thing is what they always say. I was in a class once and somebody said something about, well, you know, Venus is in retrograde.

And another person in the class is like, oh, you got to watch out. And he's like, yeah, Venus is in retrograde. And I'm just sitting there thinking, am I in the insane asylum? Are you all fucking high as fuck right now? Who thinks that that's a thing? Venus in retrograde. Venus is so far away from us. It is insignificant

to us. You couldn't even point to Venus in the sky. If you had a telescope, you couldn't point to it. These people don't even know what the fuck is happening. We have more, like, way more stuff, way more things happen on this planet

because of the moon than any like any other celestial body for some reason has no plus like what difference would it make the day that you fucking left your mother's vagina you know what i mean like you're like you're like in the womb and the venus is like i can't do shit till he gets out of that womb yeah but then i going to influence the fuck out of that baby. Yeah, get out of there. Come on. And you're like, what about if you're born half in and half out, just as the date clicks over between being a Pisces and a Leo or something?

It's like, are you half influenced by this one sort of happy horse shit? No, what that means is when you read the astrology, you get to pick which one you want. Oh, I got you. Whichever one looks... I mean, it's just such obvious gobbledygook. Yeah. But it's racially prejudiced not to believe in it?

Is there a race of astrologers that I don't know about? Yeah, they hang out with the race of Islam. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. So back to right wing watch and Pat Robertson.

Pat Robertson, serving same-sex couple like serving man-dog wedding. Sure it is, Pat. All right, here's Pat Robertson, 7-Hour Club. Pat, how far do you think this will go? Well, I think there's got to be some intelligent judge in the state of Washington who would rule against this. This is just outrageous. To say that some procedural anomaly in the statute overrules the fundamental religious freedoms of the people is just crazy. And I hope that the lawyers for this florist will appeal this thing to some to get into the federal courts. But this is outrageous. To tell a florist that she's got to provide flowers for a particular kind of wedding?

What if somebody wanted to marry his dog? She's got to have flowers for that? No, you bring milk bones. I was going to say. Are you kidding me? The dog doesn't give a shit about flowers. I mean, who would even think such a thing? You bring a Kong and a leash.

The dog's just going to pee on the flowers. That's just ridiculous. And like a doggy treat. And you're good to go. Has this man never even attended a man dog? Jeez, Scoob. What if there's a polygamous situation where a guy has five wives and he wants to have five ceremonies and she's going to be forced by the law to provide them flowers? I kind of like it.

I'm digging it. Keep telling me. I'd like to hear. Actually, to be honest, five law to provide them flowers. I kind of like it. I'm digging it. Keep telling me. I'd like to hear. Actually, to be honest, five wives sounds fucking exhausting. I don't want five wives. I know what you mean. Right? You don't want five wives.

Five wives? Are you kidding me? Goodness gracious. I don't need five people to yell at me to pick up my underwear. You know what I mean? I would be exhausted disappointing that many people. I'm exhausted disappointing myself. Are you kidding me?

How many text messages with what time are you going to be home can I receive in a day? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Did I get them all? Yeah. I just put this on a group text.

I was just going to say. I'm on a group text. I'm horrified. Yeah, a group text. You got a message. You got a message. You got a... Oh, my God. Plus the five divorces would fucking be so expensive.

I mean, this is crazy. It's just the kind of way that these courts have gone in interpreting this stuff. I remember talking to Cardinal O'Connor, who was a marvelous man of God, and we were talking about George Washington University, and they had a campus gay group, and a federal court, I believe, or just a D.C. city court, had ruled that they had to provide accommodations for this gay group. They had to give them telephones

and office space and all the rest of it. I can't even... When you hear him say gay group, he sounds so disappointed. He just sounds like he just hates everything. This campus gay group. He can't even spit it out.

He should swallow it. These gays and their gay groups. With their groups on the campuses. Wanting to talk to each other. What's with these gays having talking time? Learning. Get back in the closet. That's what I say.

And that was contrary to catholic teaching and i asked the cardinal what would you do if you were in charge of it he said i'd close the school down just it's just like that i'd close it down yeah fuck them all you know instead of accommodating a small group of people whose ideas i don't disagree with i would rather inconvenience hundreds, nay, thousands of people. I would rather disrupt the lives of students who put their faith and their trust and their money behind my organization. I'd rather look them right in the eye and say, fuck you. Bigotry today.

Bigotry tomorrow. Bigotry forever. What is that? It's like carving out your own eye to spite your face or whatever. I mean, isn't that exactly what this is? Is that fucking pouty bullshit? I'm going to go sit in the fucking corner because you guys don't want to let me hate gays the way I want to hate gays. It's burning down your house because there's a mouse in it.

I don't like mice. Burn it down. That's not the solution to this problem. Pat Robertson, I don't like mice. Burn it down! That's not the solution to this problem. I really, Pat Robertson, I just don't fucking, I mean, this is a guy who's, you don't understand fucking consent if you're going to talk about a fucking man-dog wedding. And fucking, a polygamy wedding's not even fucking legal. Right. None of these things people are talking about.

People aren't having these conversations about this stuff. Why do you keep bringing it up? This person doesn't want to fucking give flowers to weddings that happen to they disagree with. Well, get out of the fucking flower wedding business. I know. Right. Like, stop offering to weddings. They say, well, do you want to do it for my wedding?

No, I don't want to do weddings anymore. Okay, great. You don't do weddings anymore. Yeah. do weddings anymore okay great you don't do weddings anymore yeah as of right now i don't do weddings big deal okay you know i love when they make the the like well if there's a man dog or whatever you want to have five wives like none of those are legal so the law that you're upset about because what he's upset about is is is a law right he's upset that the that the law the government stepping in and making him do something and then he's like he's suggesting

like well what if they make us do that well those things are not part of like they're illegal so you can't have it both ways like you can't be like why i'm i disagree that the law is making me do this well the law is already taking it's taking a stand on this issue it's taking a stand on the fucking two examples you fucking threw in your crazy speech what is with fucking business owners too who seem to have this fucking right to tell you what you do with their products it's like you know it's like you know you don't get to tell me what i use the vaseline i bought for right if i want to fucking you know butt somebody, I can do that or I can use it on my hair or I can fucking, you don't get to fucking dictate what I do with the thing I

bought. So, you know, you don't get to dictate what I do with the flowers that I bought. I bought fucking flowers. Just fucking give me the flowers. What the fuck? You don't get to tell me what I do with the flowers. What the fuck, man? Why is suddenly this your goddamn business?

It's none of your goddamn business. If I want to fucking light them on fire with gasoline, it's my fucking, I could do it. I'd fucking pay you money for them. If you don't get out of here soon, I'm lighting you on fire. I can't understand. It's like if I were to order a pizza from a pizza delivery guy. He shows up at my place. I could take that pizza and spike it on the ground.

Be like, fuck you. You brought me pizza. I fucking ruined it. I still paid for it. It's mine. I can do whatever I want with it. Why do you get to tell me that I get to fucking, I can't do this certain thing with it. Mind your own fucking

business. It's none of your business, man. Well, maybe the flowers are gay flowers. I have literally nothing. I don't have nothing. What, you have to be around gay people for a certain amount of time? Oh, fucking the travesty that that is, Pat Robertson. I think that's it. They don't want to show up and deliver them.

They just don't want to talk to gay people. Well, hire somebody to fucking talk to the gay people for you bigoted asshole or get out of the flower business at least that way you get the money i mean i don't i mean i understand you know possibly i you know i don't understand but i'm gonna you know i mean i guess that there's more of an argument if you if you have to cater to a gay couple let's, as a place that holds weddings, right? There's at least more of an argument there because they have to be around you and they have to, you know, they have to. But the thing is, is like none of these things affect your life.

Not a bit of it affects your life. I can't. The entitlement that follows that around of you can't do this thing because I don't want you to. Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can't do? It's fucking legal, man. It's legal in this state to get married. Well, who the fuck are you to be like, well, I don't want you to get married.

I don't give a fuck what you want. Right. They're like, it offends my moral conscience. Who gives a shit? I woke up this morning not caring what you want. Right. I'm sitting here talking to you not caring what you want right i fucking i'm sitting here talking you're not caring what you want i'm gonna go to sleep later in a fitful dream-filled sleep filled with fucking sugar plum fairies not caring what you fucking want

so we want to thank our uh our most recent patrons peter blue collar heathen megan sherry david mark eric and jaded and disenfranchised we want to thank you all so much for your generous donations we got some really uh some people had edited their pledge this week to like go up a little higher and we just really want to thank everybody who's uh who's donated and who's who's given us money you know this show uh you know we make a lot of jokes about the show and what goes into it. But Tom and I genuinely do put a lot of time into this show. Yes. I mean the quality may not be there.

But we do put a lot. But the hours are in there. The hours are there. We do put a lot of time into this show. And we want to thank everybody who I guess in some ways recognizes that and gives us a little bit of their heart and money that makes us feel good um if you you know if you're not a patron uh you know we still we still love all of our fans we and we and we encourage people if you're not a patron you know maybe give us a good rating on itunes if you don't like the show please don't give us a rating on itunes um just find another show that

you like that's a good great alternative listening to something you don't like i mean you know if you don't like us go somewhere else and you know maybe not leave a rating go find a show that you like. That's a good, great alternative to listening to something you don't like. I mean, you know, if you don't like us, go somewhere else and, you know, maybe not leave a rating, go find a show that you like and leave a good rating for that show.

That might be something that you could do. But if you liked the show and you haven't rated us on iTunes or rated us on Stitcher, we'd appreciate a rating. And, and we thank all of our patrons. We're just happy to have people who are willing to give us a little cash. Thank you very much. And our patrons have helped us dramatically upgrade our studio,

build a studio, dramatically upgrade our equipment. You guys have helped us do a lot of charity work this year. We're looking at our tax situation. We've donated a hell of a lot of money. And it's all because of you guys, you know, having that income, that disposable income flowing in from the show, you know, really lets us push a lot of that stuff back out. So we got a message from By the Lake 23. That's a Twitter handle. That's at By the Lake 23. They sent a message to us. And this was about the definition for religious exemption, Tom. The definition, his definition is the license to provide substandard service, be exempted from regulatory oversight, deny scientific evidence,

endanger herd immunity, discriminate against outgroups, and be general dicks as one goes about one's life. So I think that that's a pretty accurate. I got to say, you kind of nailed religious exemption right there. We also got a message from uh from mike from canada and he says hey guys i was listening to episode 209 in the barn um i can't talk like that he seems canada y'all hater was listening to it in the barn isn't that like minnesota or dakota it's like anything past like like w, I think they talk like that. I am amazed, actually, that they can even raise chickens in Canada, although I guess that's where the frozen chicken comes from.

Well, they just feed them maple syrup. I didn't think anything could survive up there. It says, I was listening to 209 in the barn on my chicken breeder farm when you wondered what chicken style would be like and this is chicken style sex i see chickens fuck all the time so i'm pretty sure it would involve the guy grabbing the girl's hair with his teeth so she squats and he holds still and holds still then mounting her and quickly quickly mating with butt wiggling action then strutting away while his mate gets up and gives herself a shake. Sounds pretty normal.

I was just going to say, I, I think you kind of described everything about what I do. So yeah, specifically the disgusted shake from my wife. We never had a name for it before. Now we know. Now we know. We got a message and this is from alex and i just want to talk about this website that he said so he's talking about what we did with uh with the jesus take the wheel we're talking about what happens if you're driving a bus and you and you can't open

the top of the bus and so he sent us this it's a website called 11 foot 8.com and it's one one the word foot 8.com and it's fucking amazing because it's a shitty bridge that is just short enough to fucking decapitate trucks and people go through it all the time and get stuck and somebody just has a camera constantly showing i guess they probably have like a gopro or some sort of like webcam always taking pictures. And then it just fucking – it's just a constant stream of people smashing into this bridge. I love the guys who drive with their camper. Just destroys the top. They knock the air conditioning off. That's the worst.

It's like the most expensive party. It's the worst. Poor people. It's like losing the diamond from your ring. You know what I mean? It's just like – It's the worst. Poor people. It's like losing the diamond from your ring. You know what I mean? It's just like, oh, you're just like, wah, wah. You just want to like, you just want to throw the rest of that Cracker Jack thing out after that. We got a message from Dylan and Ollie, and this is great.

There was a, it's a place called Whiskey Town Reservoir in California. And there's this giant fucking terrifying hole in the middle of this fucking lake understand this at all that's called the glory hole that actually is like the the overflow this looks like this looks like every horror movie about water ever made dude this is literally scaring me to look at yeah i look I look at this thing and I think, like, this is the reason kids drown in swimming pools. Like, this is, it's, you have created the most unsafe possible thing. And this cannot be the most elegant engineering solution to this problem. It's a lake, guys.

It is a fucking lake. And just in the lake, just in the lake, like out in the middle of the lake, apropos to nothing, there is a big concrete hole that goes, I don't know, to hell or something. It's where they keep the chuds. Right? Yeah. Like there should not be just a hole in your lake. Lakes are full of water.

There should not be holes in them. It's really terrifying. Especially when you look at how long the glory hole pipe is. I hope it's not filled with water. Because if you fall in there... It's done. You're donezoed. Oh, yeah, man.

Tom, we got a message from Brent from Hick. He said, I was raised in Hickory, and I just wanted to quickly let you know, you shouldn't feel bad about calling the town Hick. That's what we always used to call it when we lived there. I don't live there anymore. But I will be driving back in for the conference and look forward to meeting you both. I don't feel bad at all about calling it Hick. Yeah.

Yeah. So we want to wish John Chadbourne of Fayetteville, Arkansas, a happy birthday. Absolutely. Absolutely. Happy birthday, John of Fayetteville, birthday. Absolutely. Happy birthday John of Fayetteville Arkansas. That's the second Arkansas. This is our very first Arkansanian listener.

Yeah, well, I mean, there's only like three people in Arkansas, right? There's a giant wild pig problem I thought down there. And the swine are bad too. Happy birthday. Oh, this is the American Family Association has a map. And it was sent to us by a couple of different people.

But this is great. The American Family Association has a bigotry, an anti-Christian bigotry map. The American Family Association has a bigotry, an anti-Christian bigotry map. And there's a bunch of different atheists' sites that are like atheist-friendly organizations all over the United States that they list. So it's actually a really great resource for people looking for free-thinking groups. It's pretty great. Yeah. I mean, this is – we should actually link to this if it wasn't going to drive traffic to their site. I know.

Yeah. That's why I don't want to link to it. But it is a great resource. I kind of wish somebody would just copy that map, take it, and then just use it for all of our free thinking stuff. I know. We got a message from Jim. He says, love the show.

He'd like a bumper clip of the lady praying in tongues and then the ooga after. Yeah. We actually give those to patrons. So if you're a patron uh for a certain amount of time we give people uh the bumper clips if they want them so uh so that may be a route you want to take uh either that or you could really do some work with audacity and try to strip it out of there but we're glad you like yeah we're happy you like it okay so we want to play this this song is fucking great this is uh from the acapella atheists, so I'm not even going to preface it.

Actually, I'll just call you. I'll tell you what the name of the title of the email is. God's got a big dick. God said to Noah, kneel before my glory, glory. God said to Noah, kneel before my glory, glory. Kneel before my glory. hole and suck the penis of the lord so noah knelt down and prepared himself for glory glory noah knelt down and prepared himself for glory glory stroked the shaft and bundled the balls of the penis of the Lord. Then God, he cried out, I'm coming like a

floody, floody God. He cried out, I'm coming like a floody, floody Noah cried out. Boo! Choking on the semen of the Lord. The semen of the

Lord. Awesome. That was not a big dick. the semen of the Lord awesome that was kind of amazing I don't know where I'll put that but I'm going to save it for our bumpers for the future so maybe we can put that in this is what our show has resorted to this is a great message this is from Wiki show has resorted to.

This is a great message. This is from Wiki. Wiki says, I started a religion based on my dad. I made it because I'm hoping that after enough lawsuits, I could just do whatever I want by claiming religious freedom. That's pretty great. We got an interesting message from Matt. And this is Matt from Jakeland. He was talking about the Chapel Hill murders.

And and one of the things he said was that people with religion normally claim the religion as a good for society. And and they have to be equally inclusive about assessing the bad outcomes. But they don't. They try to distance themselves from those bad outcomes, but they want to claim those good outcomes. He says, I am the only person for whose actions I am willing to take credit for or accept blame. I don't cite Tim Minchin's music as an atheistic boon to humanity or accept responsibility for the crimes of Stalin based on our common ground regarding deities. And I think that that's a great, a great way to look at that. I think that people, you know, there is this sort of feeling that people want to claim, I guess, not claim that person, but say, distance themselves from that person, because they have something in common with them. And if you claim that you get your good things from religion, then you must also get your bad things from religion, too. And so there's some

sort of separation there. But there's not many people who say they get their good things from atheism. I don't get any good things from it. Being an atheist, being an atheist doesn't give me anything that's positive. I bring all those positive things to my table myself. Sure. Right. Yeah, I think I think that impulse probably stems from our, you know, sort of tribalistic nature as human beings, our desire to find community and identify. But sometimes that impulse is misguided. Yeah. We got a message from Julia, Tom, and she's a librarian who had a mishap recently. She says, I'm a librarian in a very conservative and religious part of Michigan. Yeah, that's called Michigan. It's been sub-zero here for a few days.

And immediately after going to work on Wednesday, I remember you had a new episode and hastily downloaded it. Because it was 18 degrees below zero outside, my frozen fingers accidentally hit play, and my phone blasted you two in a room full of pious librarians. Needless to say, it was the most horrifyingly embarrassing moment of my life, but it was totally worth it. Oh, goodness gracious. That's terrific god that's i'm sorry i'm not sorry sorry about your loss i'm i'm fucking delighted we got a message from somebody by the name of uh heath enright and yeah i've never heard of the guy says you guys are fucking hilarious i already knew this from your show but i I listened back to the episode of Skeptics. Be reasonably incredulo doubtful. And you guys were killing me.

I'm laughing about the recording and simultaneously laughing, crying as I listened. Great stuff. And he says and he puts a lot of explanation points. I like this because there's a bunch of exclamation points. He's like, great stuff. Huge fan. Lots of punctuation. That's great.

Thank you, Heath, listening uh to the show that you were on uh yeah it was it was i really liked that show actually i i think that that that incredulous episode we did with noah and and heath was great i thought it was funny start to finish and not only that they andy um miraculously put together a short bit of the cuts, the stuff on the editing room floor. Wait, this year he did this? Yeah, recently. And he just posted it. So an amazing – I think both of them were very, very funny.

We laughed. I laughed until I cried while we were here recording the show. But it just was outstanding. Some of the lines in there were just so funny and so great and just off the cuff. And really, those guys are really funny guys. And by the way, I don't know if you knew this, but I'm sure some people knew this that are in our audience, but other people might not have heard. They started a brand new show. We had them on our show a while back, Noah and Heath. We had them on our show, and they started a brand new show. So they also are still doing Scathing Atheist, but I guess

every week they're doing a half an hour episode of a show called The Skeptocrat. Now it's just released on iTunes. If you're interested in listening to it, it's in the news and politics section. So if you want to go check out their other show they have two shows now um and i guess that that show is doing really well so congratulations on your launch guys yeah unsurprising that it would be doing well they're two talented funny guys so you know congratulations and and best of luck on your uh new show all right so i think that's gonna wrap it it up for this episode. Anything else? No, man. I haven't been paying attention for the last 35, 45 minutes.

And we're going to leave you, as we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales

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Temples, dragons, giant worms Atlantis, dolphins, truthers Birthers, witches, wizards Vaccine nuts Shaman healers, evangelists Conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata Nonsense Expose your sides.

Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. Views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music