Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 212: Slip and Slide of Joy

Episode Date: March 9, 2015

   

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. From the Waiting for Wrath podcast... Glory hole, motherfuckers. Glory hole, motherfuckers. I'm sorry. Glory hole, is that a... You didn't tell her what to do. You just said glory hole when you looked her in the eye. That's not creepy at all. Let's just scream glory hole at the new girl.

Glory hole. No thank you, I'm full. Gloryhole. No, thank you. I'm full. Gloryhole. Check, please. Hey, C-Soy. Big Rob from Texas over here. I haven't told you guys how much I appreciate the show in a while. It's hilarious, man.

Love the material. Love all the stuff you guys do. I'm not gay, but if I was, I would fuck you both. Story hole. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.

We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at this is episode 212 of Cognitive Dissidence. 212. So close. So 212. I know an episode. Yeah, sure you do.

Sure, sure. Just fucking around. Here's the thing, guys. This is the Cribs episode, right? Because this is where we're making the magic happen. Sure, sure. Just fucking around. Here's the thing, guys. This is the Cribs episode, right? Because this is where we're making the magic happen. This is it. We are starting this recording at 1040 on a Wednesday. That is not, I don't know about you, Cecil.

I love the times to shine. That's not it. And let me ask you this. What time did your day start today? I woke up at 10 to 7 this morning. Yeah. Yeah. So here we go.

You're like 16 to 17 hours into your day and you're like, now it's time to start something new. Now's the time. Now's the time to try to be funny. Right. Right. Well, thankfully, I am all hopped up on coffee and trucker speed oh so i'm i'm ready to do this i actually went to a to a truck stop to go to a glory hole tonight just to sort of get hyped up for this just because it felt thematically appropriate it's like yeah i'm all right all right

and the thing is is i had to switch glory holes midstream. You know what I mean? Because just the first one was not good. There's too many teeth going on there. Oh, no. You're just like, you know what? I got to switch glory holes. I got to go to another glory hole. After so many years, you become something of a glory hole connoisseur. Yeah, right.

You know? And you're just like, that's not a good year. You know? That's not. I don't know what year that is. The glory hole is kind of like a buffet but you're blindfolded you know it is like a buffet because it's disappointing right well and there's only sweet and salty so you know there there is nothing normal about being a sodomite there is no life

that will come out of a rectum you cannot produce life it. It's only death. Every time. There's nothing in a rectum except waste, refuse, and death. This story comes from the Patheos blogs, the progressive, secular, humanist blog in particular. California ballot measure seeks death penalty for gays. So there we go.

There we go. Speaking of bright spots, a cheery disposition, the land of sunshine. California, or maybe that's Florida. I don't know. They both have palm trees. Right. Sodomite Suppression Act, Cecil. It's been filed with the California Attorney General's Office by a bigoted Huntington Beach attorney, and he's calling for gays to be put to death for the crime of buggery.

Let's be honest. This is not going to make it to the ballot. He needs. The person needs three hundred sixty five thousand eight hundred and eighty signatures. And many of those people would not. I can't I can't imagine there's that many people in California that would sign anything that says buggery on it. But I figure if you're going to go for it, go for the funny. Right. Go for the funny and go for the funny, right? Go for the funny

and go for the goofy because that's what it sounds like. It sounds like a poem more than anything else. When you read this, just read this bill, Tom, the A and B. So I agree with you. I actually wonder if it's not if it's not drawing attention to itself. The abominable crime against nature known as buggery, called also sodomy, is a monstrous evil that almighty God, giver of freedom and liberty, commands us to suppress. See, that's why I think this is a poem, right? Me too. Me too. On pain of our utter destruction, even as he overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah. Seeing that it is better that offenders should die rather than that all of us should be killed by God's just wrath against us for the folly of tolerating wickedness in our midst.

The people of California wisely command in the fear of God that any person who willingly touches another person of the same gender for purposes of sexual gratification be put to death by bullets to the head or by any other convenient method and the way i'm reading that final sentence it's not it doesn't sound like the state is putting you to death like it sounds like it sounds like whoever wants to do it much you know pretty much anybody who wants to put you to death but you know make sure it's convenient for them whatever you do you certainly wouldn't want to inconvenience someone if they're putting you to death. I like that you can't be, like, put out by murdering somebody. You're just like, oh, I got to kill that guy. My gun's totally at home.

Such an aggravation. What can I do? I'm just, you know what? Get over here. I'm going to strangle you with this coat hanger. No, no. It's going to take longer. It's what I have on hand.

Look, don't make this more inconvenient for me. I wonder if you could, like, bury their head in bullets. And that way it would be like you have buried their head in the bullets. You're at least doing bullets to the head, but you're not killing them in the traditional manner that a bullet to the head would kill them. You could force feed them bullets. Yeah, that's another way to bullets to the head. And it's just like bullet to the head would kill them. You could force feed them bullets? Yeah, that's another way to bullet to the head. And it's just like bullets to the head. You got to eat them all.

And then they die of lead poisoning, but it takes weeks and weeks. This has got to be a joke, though. Dude, it has to be because the law also specifies that sodomites must not hold public office, be employed in a public sector job, or receive any government benefits, what are you talking about? The law specifies that they be murdered. Like, I think after, at that point, whether or not they are going to hold public office or be employed, what are you going to employ their fucking corpse? It's like Weekend at Bernie's.

It's Weekend at Bernie's, you know, Weekend at Bernie 4, Bernie takes the state legislature is what it is, I think. It's like Mr. Bernie goes to Washington. He's filibustering and it's just silent. He's just standing out there and they're just waving his arms and he's not saying anything. The whole time he just pounds the podium. Wow, it's amazing. It's like he's landed a plane out there. Look at that guy.

Go. He's fucking emphatic. We're not sure what he's emphatic about, but look at the man. He's like an angry mime. Look at that guy. He's a furious clown. The law also calls for anyone who distributes, performs, or transmits sodoma sodomistic propaganda do we find a million dollars be imprisoned for 10 years and then cast out of the state how do they do that do they use like a

trebuchet dude i i picture them like actually like riding them out on a rail like old timey style you know like tarred and feathered and like tied to a fucking rail and like just dumping them over the state line like you enjoy them oregon there's just like a big like pile up of sodomites on the fucking oregon border yeah i yeah i totally agree it feels like it feels like the person's making laws for a state in Walking Dead. You know? It's like, you're going to be exiled. Exiled?

Who the fuck exiles people? Yeah, I mean, like, we're not the Amish. Like, it's California, right? Exactly. It's a little more civilized than that, even if they do. I think that I actually— Okay, hold on, hold on now. No, no, let's talk about just the logistics of exile in a state that has borders that are about as long as, you know, Canada to fucking Mexico. That's how long the border is if you unraveled it, right?

It's just this enormous border. It's huge. How do you patrol that border for one person? Be like, sorry, you're exiled. Oh, okay, I can't just go up to this other road and come back? Well, you know, the problem is if they build a wall, the sodomites will just cut glory holes. That's true.

Yeah. Got to watch out for that. Depending on, I mean, you know, you could cut the glory holes right out of there if you make the wall thick enough, though. You know what I mean? If the wall's thick enough, only the very most well-endowed can play, you know? Right, right. I mean, because at this point, I need to be at like most well-endowed can play. Right, right. I mean, because at this point, I need to be at like a quarter-inch plywood

grillery hole. Like, that's kind of where I need to be. I'm like a cellophane wall, and I'm defeated. Quarter-inch plywood, that's about the limits. And then even then, they can only really touch the head. You know what I mean? Aluminum foil, and I have fucking problems. Oh, my God.

All right. Sir, we have a nice vellum over here for you stick your penis through it is altogether right to discriminate against homosexual behavior i'm arguing that it's time that we as conservatives that we rehabilitate the word discriminate that we reclaim it that we dust it off and that we use it and that we use it unapologetically and i believe we need to begin to say look it is altogether right for a rational culture to discriminate against homosexual behavior so this next story comes from newnownext.com. Michigan House passed a bill allowing EMTs to refuse treatment to gay people. Republicans in the Michigan State House passed a license to discriminate bill.

It's actually called the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. I don't know what exactly they're restoring in terms of religious freedom. But it would basically allow anybody at any time to refuse anyone the right of service if it conflicts with their religious beliefs. And so, you know, the reality in practice is that, you know, an ER doctor could be like, yeah, I'm not going to fucking do it. Like, oh, fucking that guy got like beat up and, you know, needs my assistance. Fucking too bad. Looks gay.

So not going to do it. My religion says I don't want to do that. So EMTs, you know, I mean, there's if you if you if you stop and think about the panoply of horrors that this could create. Yeah, it's endless. Absolutely. Says and you started to read it. It said over the weekend, the Republicans in the Michigan State House passed the License to Discriminate Bill.

And when you come down to it, a license to discriminate, that's like 003 and a half. It's not like 007, which is like the license to kill. It's like half of that. It's like the license to discriminate. They have this other thing, too, at the bottom. It talks about no one from the LGBT community has ever had a fire hoses turned against them by the police department. They have not had

to drink out of an LGBT water fountain. There's no record of LGBT homosexuals or lesbians being forced to sit in the back of a bus in an LGBT section. And that's right. That's true. There's also never been any gay slavery, gay sharecropping, or a gay slave trade from gaylandia. So none of those things have ever happened. So we're totally in our rights to discriminate against them because they're not exactly like black people. Right. You know, it's such a false equivalency.

And it's like you read that and it's like like, well, okay, so because it's not the same horrors, that's basically like saying, look, it was wrong when I tied that other guy into a chair and put cigarettes out on his arm all day. and put cigarettes out on his arm all day. But when I just slap you around a little bit, because it's not as bad as the other thing, somehow that makes this right. It doesn't make, like, both actions are wrong. One just happens to be more egregious than the other. It doesn't in any way ameliorate the moral consequences of discrimination

against the LGBT community just because it's not like because nobody got whipped. Right. And, you know, at the end of the day, like people's lives are legitimately on the line. Yeah. They treat discrimination like it's consequence free. Discrimination like it's consequence free. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Yeah. So this story comes from NBC News. And you guys thought we got all of our stories from Raw Story. No. Just like 93%. Jihadi John's dad asks God to take revenge on his son.

That's super sweet. So the father of the ISIS militant, Jihadi John, So the father of the ISIS militant, Jihadi John, so they identified at least one of the parties responsible for some of the more egregious – I don't even know how you say more egregious. How do you even quantify some of the horrors that ISIS has committed? I don't even know how you would do that. So I won't go down that path. I won't go down that path. But Jihadi John is a guy who was identified and his father came out after he was unmasked as the executioner in some ISIS propaganda videos. And his father's response was that he hopes God takes vengeance on his son. I can't help but just like facepalm me like you guys are doing it all wrong.

You're doing every piece of this wrong. He says at one point, he says something like, may God take revenge on him as he did to us. I mean, I can't imagine. I can't even imagine saying that about anybody I know. Just I mean, I could say things like, man, I'm really sorry that that person's doing this or, you know, especially if it was my son, man, I feel responsible for not raising him. Right. Because I think that on a level you should feel responsible for raising your son in a way that, you know, is, is well adjusted and is, uh, is sort of approaching the world in a way that has care and respect for other human beings and if

that's not taken care then i would i would feel somewhat responsible for it but to say like fucking i hope god hurts him like what i think that says loads more about the sort of mindset of people that follow the religion of islam well i it's like. Violence begets more violence. All we're doing is putting. Like we're just turning fire on fire. When the response is. When the response to somebody. So you've got this party in the beginning.

Who is committing. These horrifying atrocities. In the name of a God. And then the other guy is like. No those are atrocities in the name of a god and then the other guy's like no those are atrocities somebody should commit an atrocity against him in the name of god right just like right what the fucking i are you kidding me somebody should wait until he settles down has children and then kills them all you know know, like that sort of thing. That will teach them never to kill people again. No, stop. Stop.

Well, it just feels like there's just so much work that would have to go into that. Where it's like, okay, so he's got to get married first. So once he gets married, then he's going to settle down. He's going to get a little house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids. You got to wait for him to get to a certain age, and then you can nail bomb him. You know? Then you get to a certain part where it's like, oh, yeah, no, 11 years old, that's the perfect nail bombing age. God plays the long game.

That's the thing. He's very good at it. So he's got the long game. So good at that. Plus, where's God? God hasn't done shit. That's your solution to the problem. Your solution to the problem is to to the problem must be uh to pray

for divine intervention it hasn't happened yet did we think that god didn't notice oh man if only somebody would say horrible things about their own son then i would swoop down from the sky and take vengeance but until then i'll watch them burn this man alive without a care in the world. Tra la la. It's unbelievable. Yeah, that Jihadi John, their slogan is bomb so fast you'll freak. So. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Well, they are setting up franchises all over Syria and Iraq. I always get the peppy. It's got the little pieces of glass in it that shoot out when you bite into it. I just love it. I love the peppy. I'm a big fan of the peppy. I like that when you walk in, it's free shells.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So that's good. They're artillery shells, but free shells nonetheless. And you could buy day-old grenades there. They sell the day-old grenades. Those are nice. I think we got off the track when we allowed our government to become a secular government.

When we stopped realizing that God created this nation, that he wrote the Constitution, that it's based on biblical principles. So this story comes from the Raw story. Idaho Republican plans walkout during Hindu prayer at the statehouse, citing they worship cows. It's even better than that, Tom, because he says, I reviewed the prayer. The Senate pro tem Brent Hill said he's a Republican. No, no. Go figure. He says it did not seem offensive anyway.

It refers to deity supreme. And I thought to myself, like deity supreme. It's like you're ordering deities at Taco Bell you're like I'll take two deity supremes and I'll take a deity fiesta supreme in a Dorito shell can I get that is that okay the deity supreme is a rip off

it's like 79 cents more and it's just a deity with sour cream the fuck plus the Hindu deity supreme is fucking vegetarian who wants that? Yeah, it's like a shell with another shell in it. That's all it is. It's just two fucking shells.

It's just a shell full of lentils. It's like a shell filled with crushed up shells and then lettuce on top of it. That's all it is. Who wants to eat that? With a fucking pump of goddamn fucking sour cream on it this is horrifying i want my money back give me a fucking chalupa anytime this happens all this does is is kick the ball a little further down field um and it's our field and i don't really get hung up on the, you know, I think prayer at a city council meeting is fucking stupid.

I do too. I think prayer at a state house is fucking stupid. I don't think it's the battle to fight because I also think it's fucking meaningless. I think it accomplishes nothing. It's a symbolic gesture that's utterly without, it's devoid of merit, but it's also devoid generally of malice. So I don't really care. There are so many other battles to fight on this front that trying to stop this is sort of silly and pointless and not really a good use of energy, in my opinion. But other people obviously disagree vociferously about that.

disagree vociferously about that but every time they do this i feel like they do work for me that i'm not even willing to do myself yeah as somebody who thinks that this sort of prayer in these public spaces is utterly ridiculous because they they shine that flashlight on the absurdity and and and uh discriminatory nature of their own practices, right, every time they do this. This goofball guy also roundabout calls Hindus lazy. Did you catch that? Yeah, yeah, calls them lazy. He says, to invite other religions in that aren't represented in the legislature, I don't believe does anything to strengthen our country.

He said the United States was, quote, built on the Judeo-Christian, not only religion, but work ethic. And Hindu prayers might undermine that. So how would Hindu prayers undermine the work ethic? If you weren't insinuating that they were fucking lazy. You know, this this is exactly what you're saying. This is this is this is uh this is religious discrimination by religious people caring caring only about their own religion when you can't have a state-sponsored religion you know if you're gonna have the fucking prayer at the beginning

you better be ready for the satanists to come in you better be ready for the hindus to come in and the buddhists and the fucking the what are those fucking hail boppers and the whatever the fuck it is it doesn't matter what it is you better be ready for it because everybody gets a chance to play either everybody gets a chance to play or nobody gets a chance to play but it can't be only just me and my buddy bob over there who's kind of like me that's that that's discrimination. You can't play that way. You can't do it that way. And these people want, what they want is they want

all the fucking rights but they want to make sure that nobody else have any of the rights. And honestly, as an aside, what the fuck is going on with Idaho? Idaho escaped America's attention for 200 years.

Yeah. It snuck in there. Idaho. Idaho. I'm not even convinced that any of the stars on the flag represent Idaho. I'm not even convinced that it was officially ratified as a state. It was like it was like grandfathered in under somebody else's coattails. Right? Yeah. It's like, you know, you know somewhere out there there's a bill that's, you know, like a 2,000-page fucking omnibus farm bill from, you know, 100 years ago. And then at the end of it, it says, and Idaho's a state.

And that's it. That's how it got it. They did the Idaho purchase. They basically traded it for one gun and one bottle of whiskey. And they're just like, that's it. That's all we're willing to give you. I'm not willing to give you anything else for that shithole. That was the whole thing.

Because there was only one person living there. And he was glad to get out. And the Indians are like, okay, all right. We weren't going to build a casino up here anyway. Like, wait a minute. So I get to leave Idaho. That's not a trail of tears. That's a journey of a thousand smiles.

It's not a trail of tears. It's like one of those party blower things. It's like, what? smiles. It's like, it's not a trail of tears. It's like one of those party blower things. It's like, it's less of a trail of tears than it is a slip and slide of joy.

I do believe that atheists are parasites in the sense they're benefiting from everything that religious culture has built in America, but they're doing nothing to add energy into the system. Sister comes from right wing watch. Our buddy Klingenschmitt is back. I missed him and his fucking quasi-priesty Garby thing that he wears there.

Murder of, this is amazing, murder of North Carolina Muslim students was an anti-Christian hate crime. I can't even, I don't even know dude i love it how how does he let's see how he gets there because that's the thing it's like how do you what did they did he like convince him to convert and then kill him like i don't even know what is happening here but here's dr chaps on his own show. An American atheist has killed. Did you hear how he said that? American atheist? Right. He's clearly pointing at a couple of different organizations in this thing. You'll hear it. Three Muslims in North Carolina because they were like Christians. Wait, what? Why would he just kill Christians? Are they hard to find in the Carolinas?

You got to look. You really got to look for a Christian down in the Carolinas. Seriously? That's like going deer hunting and shooting chupacabras instead. You know what I mean? It's like you go out and it's like the woods are full of deer. There's literally deer everywhere. You're like, chupacabras, boom.

Oh, I meant to get deer, but I got the chupacabras because they're like the deer. It's like fishing for Asian carp and coming back with like fucking a unicorn. This man obviously had something against people of faith, whether they're Muslim or Christian.

And the three young Muslims, sadly, were found shot in their homes on North Carolina on Tuesday. While the murderer, allegedly, of these three Muslim students is an atheist man named Craig Stephen Hicks, who's not just a person who doesn't believe in Islam, but he is so radically atheist that he was arrested on suspicion of three counts of first-degree murder. Wait, what? He's so radically atheist he was arrested for murder. Wait, what does that even mean? I cannot understand that.

He's radically atheist and he was arrested for murder. Well, if he committed the murders, then he's radically a murderer. Yeah, right? Like, those things are so not necessarily connected to one another. And he did such a poor job of drawing the line that he's trying to draw from one thing to the other. I mean, yes, he used them in the same sentence, but he could very well have said like he's so radically atheist that he's actually a jet airplane it would have made as much sense although i've seen this guy he's not a jet airplane i would call this guy more of like a tugboat i think that's a that's more of an apt fix

is reportedly a vocal supporter of united atheists of america and according to his personal facebook page was a fan of television shows like the atheist experience and also the southern poverty law center those bastards in their tireless fight against discrimination. Those horrible people who have actually made it their life's fucking mission to make life better for people across the country by ending discrimination in all forms. Those motherfuckers. Here's a radical left-wing atheist who's going around killing people of faith. He's posted a number of anti-religious images and writings on his Facebook page. One of the images he posted said,

and here's a quote, So he killed the muslims because they think like christians wow because everything somebody posts to their facebook page at some indiscriminate time because it's not like it's like he posted anything to his facebook page and then it and then immediately went out and did this thing either. But if you were to take anybody's Facebook page and then quote mine their Facebook page, that's... Yeah, I think you could find something that you would be able to latch onto.

That's all he's doing here. Right. He's talking about organizations he doesn't like. He calls the guy a left-winger. He's talking about organizations he doesn't like. He calls the guy a left winger. He's utilizing all these descriptors to try to demonize him or at least in some way demonize those groups because they are associated with some kind of murder. human being where that somebody that kills somebody, couldn't you just go through their past and just say, OK, well, they voted for Reagan. OK, so they're right wingers. OK, well, they're Christian because they went to church. OK, well, they're Christian right wingers who went out and killed somebody.

Right. You can take anybody who commits a crime. Yeah. And then look at the things that they like and associate with. And then you can just decide that that's the reason for their violence if that's the narrative that you're if that's the fucking story you're trying to weave even the quotes that they mine from this guy who is a fucking dirtbag right i'm not defending i know the guy's a fucking scumbag whatever but even even the quotes that they mine are not like, violence is the solution to this problem.

Or, you know, they're just generally anti-theistic quotes. But they don't, I've never seen one of them that espoused any kind of violence or, you know, we need to do away with them all or put them in fucking prison camps or, you know, like none of that shit. You hear that shit you hear that shit all the time from the right wingers right don't we cover that shit every week season where somebody wants to like put all the gay people in a camp or like put bullets in their heads or do all this other crazy shit and then on the and the best example this guy has got is somebody who happens to be anti-theistic who committed a murder. And then you quote mine as Facebook page for a few things that are not even violent in nature.

And that's the fucking connection to draw. Podcasters. They live in squalor, destitute and disenfranchised. They live in squalor, destitute and disenfranchised, eking out an existence as best they can in such desolate places as Chicago. In pairs, but otherwise alone, they suffer from hunger and thirst, barely making it day to day on store-brand chicken wings and weak domestic beer. In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here From this dark, cold hotel room And the endless nights that you fear But now you can help. For just a few dollars a podcast, pennies a day, you can give them the restaurant-style chicken wings and imported beer that they so desperately need. For less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can make a difference in their lives.

Allowing them the opportunity to rant unfettered, as nature intended. Please, go to patreon.com backslash distance pod today. Make a pledge. And help these poor, innocent creatures lead a life worth living this honestly i'm not even kidding these we have covered these stories a handful of times these make me so fucking sad this comes from thinkprogress.org. Superstition fuels spike in murder and mutilation of albinos. Christ. So Tanzania is a fucked up place full of dumb shits, it turns out.

And they have figured out that albinos should be hacked to death with machetes because that's evidently a useful way to treat a population that doesn't have fucking skin pigment. That's it. Like we've covered these stories on any number of occasions. And the violence against these groups of people seems to wax and wane, or at least the coverage, the media coverage waxes and wanes. The coverage, the media coverage waxes and wanes.

And what happens is these people get murdered because they're bad omens or their bodies are useful like fucking tiger penises in witch doctor rituals or fucking magic potions or whatever fucking unicorn wizard bullshit you want to make up. And these are like human beings who just happen to have like a lack of pigment in their skin. And fucking they're getting hacked to death with machetes. Yeah. And the trade, it's crazy how much it says the albino people can bring prosperity to some. Their bodies can fetch up to $75,000 in the black market, according to a study by the Red Cross. That's incredible and frightening sum of money where the average income is just over $600 a year. And this is a quote from someone that says, they believe that you'll get rich. You'll get the body parts of an albino, you'll become rich.

And I mean, you know what? You got to kind of say, you know, if you get the body parts of an albino and they can fetch $75,000 and that's literally all of your years worth of working for your entire life, then yes, you can get rich. I think, though, you know, when you're talking about $75,000 for, you know, they're paying that for the albinos, you got to admit that just the butchering alone is such a skill to have of a human being that i i feel like the 75 000 is worth it because think about it this way if you're gonna cut if you're gonna cut off like say like the thigh right you say you're working on the thigh you cut off the thigh i mean it's one stroke away

between tenderloin and stew meat i mean mean, it's really just one stroke. So you're talking about you're talking about 75 K. I mean, you know, they're earning their keep with those machetes. And that's a hard thing to chop a body up as it is accurately with is a machete. Yeah, it's not exactly a fucking sushi knife. Oh, goodness. It's not like that fugu fish thing, you know, where it's like one wrong move and fucking neurotoxins flood your system. Oh, geez. You know, this is a problem, too, that it's not going to get better.

October elections might bring out more violence against the albinos as the politicians seek out their body parts to improve their chances of success at the polls. Wouldn't it be better to ask them just to vote for you? Like it's like I can just see I'm like holding up a dozen fucking pigment free thumbs with like blue streaks on them i mean you're murdering another human being because you think that they're going to give you some sort of luck or something or you know increase your whatever it is that they're thinking that it's gonna do and i mean you gotta think being an albino wasn't lucky for the albino right it's like a fucking rabbit's foot yeah you know it just it just doesn't make any any sense at all and it says in the story that now like i guess the trade in albinos like and these are fucking human beings like actual they're just regular people who just aren't brown enough you know an area full of brown these are just regular dudes

and like so it's gotten so bad that toddlers and babies yeah are now because they're like it's like swordfish right right like you've called all of the adult population. And at this point, we're just getting them younger and younger until there. I mean, it's outrageous. Yeah. I can't imagine if somebody was like, even if it were true, even if it were, which it is clearly not because fucking witchcraft is made up bullshit. But even if it's true, somebody was like, hey, Tom, want to get want to have like super luck. Yeah. All right. If luck was real, I would like to have that. It's not. But yeah, okay. That sounds great.

Yeah, you could have awesome luck. You get super lucky and like make a lot. Oh, that sounds great. What do I have to do? What you have to do is hit that baby with a machete. I'd be like, no, I'll just go to work. Yeah. I'd rather be tragically unlucky than be lucky at that point.

I can't imagine a scenario where I honestly cannot. And maybe because I'm not desperately. And I say this in all honesty, like maybe it's because I am not desperately poor, but I cannot imagine a scenario where you're like, yeah, man, I would totally hack an infant to death with a machete for X. I don't understand what the X is, like the inducement, because you have to get over the natural taboo of murdering babies, which strikes me as one of the bigger taboos in the system. It almost feels like there's some revolutionary thing going on there that will stop you from doing it. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. So this story comes from the BBC News. U.S. Bangladesh blogger Avijit, I'm sorry if I'm mispronouncing that, Roy, hacked to death. Attackers in the Bangladeshi capital hacked to death. U.S. Bangladeshi blogger whose writings on religion angered islamist hardliners

hacked to death wait a minute so they they they broke into his website is that how they killed them is that they got his fucking they got his comcast password and they just they just fucked with his dvr that's yeah right he came in he's like oh then he died of a heart attack they ordered him a bunch of magazines and then they swatted him. And that's how he died. Oh, no. No, it's not the playful, computer-hacked kind of death.

Oh, no. It's related to the previous machete story. Yeah, we actually, when we were planning the show today, we put the machete-ings together. Yeah, right. There's something wrong when you can take the macheteings well it

was my great hope that we could maybe put all the pieces back together make like a frankenstein monster like a humpty dumpty it'd be like it'd be like an an albino bangladeshi blogger that comes back from the dead and kills a bunch of people you know no no the problem cecil is that they've run so low on the on the albinos in tanzania that it'd just be fucking like a regular dude like baby arms you know it's like someone who has very small hands this guy just got like fucking wailed on with machetes because he people didn't like what he posted and the book he wrote. It's like you read something like this. And then you try to imagine what kind of backflips somebody would have to do to pin this on anything other than like Islamic teaching.

Right. I write a book. Like Islamic teaching, right? I write a book. Here's some words in a specific order that criticize your words in a specific order. My ideas oppose your ideas. Okay, phenomenal. Like we should have an idea fight.

Nah, fuck that. Machetes. But I didn't bring my machete. All I brought was my ideas. Well, never bring your ideas to a machete fight. You just don't do it. You you gotta wonder what your longevity is doing this kind of work um and these are braver people than i am and i i freely admit that but doing this kind of work in places where there is no real expectation of security and freedom. Yeah.

To have something like this happen is tragic, but it is difficult to say that it is unexpected. Right. And again, I'm not in any way excusing or victim blaming. The man deserved to write whatever the fuck he wanted to write. It is a fucking shame that there are places in the world where people genuinely bring machetes to idea fights. This guy wanted to have an idea fight. He's a blogger. He fucking used his fingers on a keyboard.

That is like the worst thing. I can't imagine what somebody could write down about me or my ideas or the things that I hold dear. That would be like, I got to totally machete that guy. Even your family or whatever it is that you hold the most holy. Because as people who are basically unholy, we don't have anything like that. But, you know, you find the thing in your life that is the most important thing to you and then have somebody insult it or be a jerk about it.

Like, the worst I would be is mad at them. Like, the worst I would be is, like, I would be like, you know, fuck you. Or I guess, you know, we were talking about it before, like the fighting words. Like if somebody, like, insulted, like like your wife in front of you or something. And then you'd be like, whoa, bro, son, fucking there's going to be some maybe some physical consequences to that. But the physical consequences end at someone losing their life or even being physically injured for a long period of time.

Like a sock in the nose is different than like a fucking a machete to the fucking neck. You know, there's a fucking huge difference between those two things and that you know yeah i'm sure that there is someone out there who could make me mad enough where i want to punch him in the face and where i you know there's nobody saying that i won't do that there's nobody said i've been in the dumbest arguments in my life with other human beings where you just, I know that it could have erupted into punches at any moment, but I didn't think like, where's my machete. Right. And there's also, there is a huge difference to like our, our animal response when we're

in the moment, physically present with somebody else. And then actually having the presence of mind to be like that guy we gotta go get that guy we have to this is a premeditated attack it's a come on when you're walking around over there you everybody's got a machete it was a it was a macheting of opportunity it was just a gang of like machete hoodlums. It's like random banana pickers. That's what they were. And you need, that's a tool you have.

It's just a tool. I'm just, mom, going out. Bring your machete. Don't forget your machete. It's going to rain later. Who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole? It's Jesus. So the story comes from the Raw story. Tennessee churches pray to Jesus for city to pass ban on swingers club and sinful acts.

So there's a couple of dozen churches. They've all gotten together to protest a swingers club, which is planning to open near a Christian school. And their logic is super, super, super weird to me. One of them says, every child needs a sex education. It's not a matter of if they are going to get one. It's about who's going to give it to them. We are asking these consenting adults to take this club away themselves. What? I don't have any idea i think that they think that because there will be a a swingers club or a social club or whatever near the school that like the swingers will just hang out and be like hey kid you want

to learn about the birds and the bees? Come into the swingers club. Hey, buddy. No swinger ever. Hey, kid, you want to fuck my wife? This is Tennessee, right? Right. Tennessee's a place. Like, you know, Tennessee is this, you know, we're talking about fucking Idaho being a

state you forgot about. Tennessee is such a state I forgot about that I forgot to rant about it during a rant that we had about states we forgot about. Like, I fucking completely today I'm thinking about, like, Tennessee. Like, where the fuck is Tennessee? And is it,

you know, when we talk about a swingers club in Tennessee, don't they just call that a pasture? Isn't that what they call that down there? Come on, let's not fucking throw another coat of paint on it. You know what I mean? It's just a pasture. I cannot imagine anything less enticing to me than a swingers club in Tennessee. I would join the priesthood, man.

I would just call that shit and be like, no. You're going to wind up in bed with Jabba the Hillbilly. I mean, that's just going to happen. It's going to happen. You're going to be on a pleasure barge, all right. Let me tell you. At some point, you're just like, hey, don't just gum the thing. Come on.

Let me tell you, man. You don't want to wind up in the Sarlacc pit there. Terrible place. Oh, no. A thousand years of digestion and all that. There's not enough moonshine in all of Tennessee. There's not enough jug band and fucking harmonica music to woo me into bed down there. God.

No, Tennessee is a great state, Cecil. It's got Nashville. Yeah. The thriving It's got Nashville. Yeah. The thriving metropolis of Nashville. Yeah, full stop, actually. Isn't that where Elvis shat himself to death or whatever? Isn't that down there? Or is that Graceland?

Is that a different place? Graceland is that? It's in Memphis, right? Is that in Tennessee? Graceland is around Memphis, Tennessee or in Memphis, Tennessee. That's in Tennessee, too? God. I believe that is still in America.

You know, I recognize a couple of cities in Tennessee, but I always forget that Tennessee is a state. I always think, like, Tennessee is like a metropolitan area, not a state. No, no, no. It's that long, like, sideways carrot state. Yeah, it's below Kentucky. I know where it is when I remember it's there. I just forget it's there. And whenever anything is below Kentucky, it really doesn't deserve mentioning.

Yeah, no kidding, right? When you're like, oh, man, I'm in Kentucky. Keep going south. No, fuck you. What? Wait a minute. Isn't there a fucking sea monster south of here? Here there be hillbillies.

Here there be fucking stills and fucking stock cars. And good Lord, if there is a bed full of Southern swingers, there's four teeth in it. There's four teeth. And I'm not guaranteeing they're all in the same head. And all the teeth belong to the bed bugs. Folks, I want to tell you something. You know, they talk about life and other planets in my opinion there's nothing but gaseous balls this story comes from pat robertson it is reported

by the raw story but from now on i've decided that pat robertson is the one bringing these stories to us he's all yeah uh smoking pot is slavery to vegetables. I don't know what that means. I love it. I love it. I just picture this fucking evil dominatrix eggplant. It puts a ball gag in your mouth that's like a radish. Like it's

It's like whipping you with fucking kale and you're just like smells weird. why are you doing that all right let's play pat robertson this is like three minutes long but god why don't we just play this i'll tell you that's the answer do not give up you know it's amazing. We've mentioned this before. God gave you and me as human beings authority. He gave us dominion over everything on this earth, over all the animals, all the snakes, all the birds, all the plants, all the vegetables. All the snakes.

God specifically gave us dominion over the snakes. And man, I have used that dominion to my best interest my whole life. Oh, yeah. I actually have everything in my house at this point is snake powered. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't have electricity. I just have a series of interconnected snakes, which is nice because snakes and birds aren't animals.

So that's why he felt it necessary to delineate. Yeah, absolutely. We start with the broad category, and then we specifically mention things that are in that fucking category. Yeah, yeah. I have a snake-powered Flintstone mobile. That's it. So actually, it's just a whole – it's like 400 snakes on top of a crate, and they just push me across town. It's amazing.

I don't even have to put my feet out the bottom to push anymore. It's just snake power. And I have to say, I was kidding. I don't want to get email about how you couldn't possibly have replaced the electric lines in your house from snakes. It's electric eels. I use electric eels. That's a good call. Although your house is underwater. It's electric eels. I use electric eels. That's a good call. Although your house is underwater.

That's true. And you still owe money on it. Here we go. This is more Pat. Cocaine is a product of a vegetable. Alcohol is a product of a vegetable. Marijuana is a vegetable marijuana is a vegetable and yet people are enslaved to vegetables and you were made in the image of god weird thing to say enslaved to vegetables right for all those people enslaved to marijuana yeah like we're ah, I need my fix of marijuana. Gotta get the reefer madness going this morning. We're not, we're,

you know, you hear that, and like, part of you's like, we're really not done with that, huh? Yeah. We're really still doing, we're still doing that? We're still doing the thing where, you know, somebody smokes the reefers

and jumps out a window. Is that a thing still? Are we doing that? Yeah. God made you in his image to reign and rule with him. He gave you incredible authority. Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Wait, hold on a second.

So we're bending the fucking the grain to our will, basically. And then we're distilling it. We're going through the process of distilling it, right? We're taking that. So because he's talking about whiskey or whatever, you know, you could just do it with beer and just keep the liquor that's or the beer that's left over. But you could also distill it and, you know, get whiskey out of it, et cetera, et cetera. We're talking about cocaine.

We're going through all that process to like refine it and then like snort it up. And then we're going through all the process of like, you know then like snort it up and then we're going through all the process of like you know cutting down and cultivating the weed in order to smoke it like if god gave us dominion then we're using that dominion to fucking change this stuff so we can utilize it i don't know like what does that even mean and isn't it kind of rude of god if god's like here's some plants that I put here, also some of them very specifically will react with pleasure receptors in your brain,

you will find this out. Don't use it. Well, if you didn't want me to use it, and you intentionally created it, why would you do that? Well, that's why he made our arms long enough to jerk off with you know i mean like he's just a douchebag it's it's it you know it this strikes me as more of

that like you know that that morality play bullshit of the fucking you know it's a it's a you don't eat the apple of forbidden knowledge or fucking whatever that nonsensical farce is it's like oh don't don't take any of these substances that you enjoy. Well, fucking if they were intentionally created, why would you intentionally create them so that I don't enjoy? Why would you do that? Why would you just not make them at all? Well, just because it's that whole, like, the reason why I did it is to test you and you're failing the test because you're fucking sitting at home fucking waking and baking and eating Cheetos. But isn't it even like – isn't it even more kind of racially insulting because there are certain races that are predisposed toward alcoholism?

Genetically, there are certain races that have a much more difficult time metabolizing alcohol. There are certain races that have a much more difficult time metabolizing alcohol. That seems to me to be kind of a suggestion that God's kind of a racist, doesn't it? Well, I mean, just read his book. Yeah, I guess it's not a suggestion so much as it is an emphatic statement, right? It got me there. Why? Why would you do it? You well you don't understand yeah i understand

i've seen a lot of stuff going over the years that i've lived a lot of people have a lot of problems but i'll tell you one thing god almighty can deliver you from the bondage of your addiction, your slavery to vegetables. He can set you free. I'll tell you this much. I got 99 problems in a veggie. He ain't one. And he can put you in his house. You see, God didn't want to condemn you,

but God wants you to be cleansed from a guilty conscience that you might serve the living god he wants your service he doesn't want your condemnation so i'm not here to condemn you god's not here to condemn you god says listen just give me your hand just give me your hand reach out and take my hand and i'll lift you out of this bondage, and I'll give you freedom, and I'll put you in the place you're supposed to be in charge of things.

And if you want that right now, I want you to bow your head and pray with me this very day. All right, Tom, you going to bow your head? Can you imagine anybody that actually smokes weed listening to Pat Robertson? I think maybe some medical marijuana folk. I can't imagine. Yeah, I'm thinking like Deathbed 95, something like that maybe.

I don't know. That's as close as I get. I would be flabbergasted to find out that there is anybody who. I can't. I just can't even. I cannot even imagine the scenario where somebody is like sitting around in their living room and they've got a choice. It's like, hey, man, we could play fucking like Super Mario Brothers for like six hours or watch the 700 Club. I'll tell you what, though, man. High watching the 700 Club, that might be really fucking awesome.

That might be really awesome. It actually, I think it would be way better tripping balls, but that's just me. Yeah, watching it high. High, you'd just be like, I kind of want to eat Pat Robertson's face. Yeah, he'd be like, huh, man, it's kind of hanging off there. It's looking like a mutton chop. It's like the whole time you got a hankering for roast beef. It's like, man, I want I want a really melty ice cream cone.

That's what I want. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this story comes from the progressive secular humanist blog of Patheos. A guru convinced 400 men to castrate themselves,

to be closer to God. The guru of bling collects testicles for God. And he convinced 400 dudes to go to the fucking private hospital run by his organization to have their fucking testicles cut off. God, I'm going to dip my balls in it.

What do you do? When you get your balls cut off, what do you scratch when you sit on the couch? Like just the fucking taint. Like, what are you scratching? When you wake up, I just when you wake up and you you're like, wait, I, did I really do that? Can I have him back? No. I messed up.

I made a mistake. I feel like I immediately regret this decision. Is there, is there a secular analog? Is there a secular analog where you would even hear somebody out here? Somebody even finish that sentence would be like, so I want you to cut off your... I would just turn around the moment somebody would be like, so I'd like you to cut.

And I'd be like, no. Sorry, no. Not interested, no. What does God do with the balls? Does he put them in like a giant bingo machine and then pulls your number? Like that's how you get blessed.

And you get blessed, I guess, with low T for the rest of your life. that's how you get blessed. And you get blessed, I guess, with low T for the rest of your life. Right. That's what you get blessed with. Just like, I'm kind of lethargic. Yeah, I have a shitty libido now. Right. I don't have any balls anymore.

Can't do anything with this fucking flesh stick I've got here. You know, the thing is, God could come down to Glory Hole Studios right now. Right. Walk in the door, glowing, full of light, doing magic tricks, resurrecting my fucking grandmother. Yeah. And then ask me for my balls. They'd be like, mm-mm, no. Sorry.

They're my balls. You go ahead and put grandma right back in the ground where you found her. Seriously. I don't want no, those are my balls, son. They're like,. You go ahead and put grandma right back in the ground where you found her. I don't want no, it doesn't my balls. So here's your childhood dog. Yeah. Great. Fucking.

That's awesome. But they're my fucking balls. I had them longer than that dog. Let me tell you. Yeah. Right. I cut them off the dog. Yeah.

Let me tell you. I cannot imagine a scenario where somebody has something where, I'll get you closer to God. How much closer? Yeah, it better be real, real close. It's certainly not close enough to ejaculate, that's for sure. They're your fucking testicles, man. Like, there's one reason to have your testicles cut off, and that's that your fucking testicles have cancer. Yeah, there's one reason to have your testicles cut off, and that's that your fucking

testicles have cancer. Yeah. That's like, full stop it. Even that I'm thinking, eh, maybe I can beat it. Yeah, right? Can't we just, like, shoot, like, radiation at them for a while? I'm not looking to have kids. Here's the thing. I'll just keep changing what's in there. I'll just keep

getting rid of it. How's that? Is that okay if I just keep, if I keep, like, if I like, i like pump the brakes so to speak will that get rid of the cancer how can it hurt anyone will i keep the like you're into the cancer that way i don't know but i'm willing to give it hell doc yeah i will practice frequently i i promise i yeah just i don't know how you how do you convince somebody to do this i mean it's the same people that you convince to kill themselves if you're Hale-Bopp or whatever or to kill somebody if you're Charles Manson. Like these people just have something over the other humans that they interact with where they can get them to do things that you would normally think there's no way anybody would do that. And then it's not just a person. It's not like he

like wooed one crazy person to do it he got 400 people to fucking snip their balls off and then he denied that he had anything to do with it but they had it done at his private hospital well how would you you go to the doctor you're like doctor i got a problem wow what's the problem well i've got testicles what's the problem again i well i'd like you to cut off my that's the thing in the states i can't it's not like you can just show up to a doctor and be like i need you to cut off my nuts well no we're not doing that unless there's a problem with them. This is the Mounds version of guru following. Because sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't.

So we want to thank our patrons, of course. We appreciate everybody who donates money to our show. We try to make sure that we're worth your hard-earned dollars, and we're also just incredibly grateful when people do it. We know that the show takes a lot out of us, and it's a lot of work to put out, but people recognize that, and they give us their money, and it really makes us feel good about it.

And it really makes this whole process rewarding. So we want to thank everybody who donates uh we specifically want to thank uh scott skeptic tim nicholas jim mike alissa and brian thank you also for so much for your generous donations and uh and thank everybody who donates to the show all the patron donors and all the people who donate one time through uh through paypal tom we got a message um it looks like we were wrong about the asshole the woman you know pooping out of her vagina i don't know if you saw this but this was from elise so dear tom and cecil as a longtime listener and fan i was shocked to find on your last show that you know so very little about human anatomy i've decided to take this opportunity to edify you, lest you make the same mistake again on the show or, worse yet, with your good lady wives.

Human females possess a cloaca, a posterior opening that serves for intestinal, reproductive, and urinary tracts. Right. Like amphibians, birds, reptiles, and monotremes, human females excrete urine, feces, and babies from this single orifice. The word comes from the Latin meaning sewer, hence the reference to women who show off their cloacal regions as trashy. I am guessing that your ignorance stems from a common confusion based on the ornateness of female genitalia. Yeah.

I love that, the ornateness. Yeah. That's the first thing I think. It gives it kind of like a 16th century Baroque kind of feeling. I feel like the vagina should have a powdered wig when I read that. What is it? What is it? Is it winking at me?

What is that thing doing? The cloaca is covered by folds and flaps of skin, both in front and behind, leading a human female to seem as if there were multiple openings. Rest assured, there are not. Anal sex, when allegedly performed on a woman, for example, is a hoax. Human females often succeed. Let me just say, it's an elaborate hoax. It's not just a hoax. It's an elaborate hoax.

This is great, too. Human females often succeed, I don't know how often, in seducing human males by making them believe there are two holes and tempting them to be naughty or even sinful by putting their erect penis in an anus that women do not possess. Men who are easily fooled, particularly when aroused, just poke around and enter, suspecting by the tightening of the cloacal entrance by the woman that they are ass-fucking. That's fucking, I've been tricked so many times, I don't even know.

I don't even know. It's fucking, I feel like such an asshole. I mean, well, not an asshole. Like maybe a cloaca hole. I was going to say a cloaca hole. Yeah. Yeah. So that email was great.

Thank you so much for sending that. We got a kick out of that. Yeah, it was great. We got a message from Unbeliever's Radio, and they asked us if they could use a segment. Our Mad Libvidicus, I guess they had an idea to use something like that. And we, yeah, go right ahead. Good luck. Hopefully you'll get a laugh out of it.

We certainly didn't. We got a bunch of messages about, that mentioned why, why vaccines. I had mentioned last time I had said, why is it that the people are so sold on vaccines as the cause of autism? And what I was referring to, I wasn't referring to why initially vaccines were caused, because I know about Andrew Wakefield and his failed study and his, you know, his fraudulent study that he did. Do they still stick with it when they might sort of shift that blame to something else that could be easily that they could easily drum up hysteria about, like our water supply or our you know, it feels like if you're going to go with the autism thing, there's so many other avenues that you could pursue. Once there once you're you've sort of shown that, you know, it's not vaccines. Well, what could it be?

Now there's something else I can talk about. You know, like you don't have to, you, you, you, you still have the autism thing. So you can still go after other things to like build hysteria about. So that's what I was wondering, not where it came from. Cause I know about Wakefield, but it's the, uh, it's specifically why now, like, why is it still going on? So I made a mistake last time. This is Matt from Jake land. He said the letter you read out attributed to me. Wasn't the one I sent one of the two I sent last week. Could you please give credit to the person's email that you read out? You're absolutely right, Matt. Um, from Jake land, it was a different Matt. You guys have similar last names. So I apologize. And I have no idea why I even did this and why I mistook you for, for the other person, because that other

person wrote something very insightful and intelligent. And I have no idea why I mistook you for the other person. Because that other person wrote something very insightful and intelligent. And I have no idea why I suspected that you wrote that. It's a mistake I actually cannot imagine making twice. Yeah, I'll never make it again. I'll never make it again. I'm so sorry. Rest assured. Yeah.

We will never confuse you with the better version of yourself. It's not going to happen. I do want to apologize to the Matt who I confused, though. The one I said, you know, this is a different Matt. No, it's a different Matt. So, Matt, thank you last time for sending in something and not getting properly accredited for it. So we got a message. This is from Eric.

And Eric made – we got a bunch of doormats this week and they were all pretty good but this one is amazing eric uh he put he made a glory hole mat that looks awesome it's perfect i might be using this somehow i'm going to try to figure out a way to not only use this but i want to put a what i really want to do is put a uh a logo on it somehow because it's got glory hole in it but i want to put a logo on it somehow. Because it's got Glory Hole in it, but I want to put a logo on it somehow. So Eric, if you're listening and you can somehow put our logo on that, I will probably use that as our thing.

So I don't know if you're listening and you like this. This is Eric from Sweden who sent this. If you do edit it a little and you put our logo or find a way to put our logo on it or something, that's very close, though. That is an amazing, amazing thing that you did. It looks great. Seriously, I saw that and I was like, done.

Drop the mic. It's perfect. It's great. It's great. We got a message from Cindy and she said that the Free Thought Festival is going on. The Free Thought Festival, if you have forgotten, is going to be happening March 13th, 14th, and 15th. That's just a little over a week away from when we're recording this. And it is going to be happening in Madison, Wisconsin.

So if you're interested, I think you can still get up there and see it. And it looks like a big, huge room. I mean, it easily looks as big as Skepticon. And it's a great city. So if you're nearby, go check it out. Tom big huge room i mean it easily looks as big as as uh skepticon um and it's a great city so if you're nearby go check it out tom and i can't make it we're just going to be too busy um leading up to uh to go into reason con but we're going to try to make it maybe next year it should be easy to just sort of go up there for a day and come back down yeah and again i mean i know we've said it before but i love mad. It's a really cool city. So if you're anywhere around, it's just a really neat place to go check out. Madison and, I mean, really the whole state of Wisconsin is a really cool town.

The whole state of Wisconsin is a cool town. The whole state of Wisconsin I know is not a town. It's probably got this population of a large town, though. I mean, when you come right down. I don't know if it's a large town. All right. It's like a hamlet. So I want to remind people

that we are in the podcast awards this upcoming time. So we are in the news and politics section. We also wanted to mention that there's some other podcasts that are friends of the show that are part of the religion

inspiration category. So Scathing Atheist and David Michael from My Book of Mormon are both of the religion inspiration category. So scathing atheist and David Michael from my book of Mormon are both in the religion inspiration as well as Seth Andrews, the thinking atheist. Now they're all in the religion inspiration, fighting it out for your votes. We are by ourselves away from all that competition. So you don't even have to think,

you don't have to think, man, how can I possibly not vote for David Michael and vote for these idiots? You don't have to do that. You just go over to the news and politics section, click cognitive dissonance, and then now you can agonize on whether or not you're going to vote for the scathing atheist, the thinking atheist, or my Book of Mormon in the religion inspiration category. But we hope that you vote in the podcast awards. You can vote every day. The voting is going to close. I want to say it's the 24th of March, but we encourage you to vote every day. We'd really like to make a showing that the shows were up against our huge shows,

just like when we were up against all those huge shows in the Stitcher Awards. We know that tons of people voted. We'd love it if you could vote every day. We think that there's a chance for us winning if everybody sort of puts forth an effort and votes for us. We'd really appreciate it, especially all you freeloaders, you people who don't pay for the podcast. Get out there and vote.

What are you doing? And those from the Chicago area, you should be comfortable with voting often. Voting every day, yeah, absolutely. This is part of our tradition. So, yeah, it would be really great to make a real run at this thing. We've been nominated for several awards, and we've managed to come in second or last any number of times.

I'd love to make a running at this. If anybody is interested in voting for us, please do so. And know that you don't have to, like Cecil said, split your vote. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to wrap it up and then have a double show next week. But we're going to leave you, as we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.

Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy,

healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces,

cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespespeak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential, conc or of the local dairy council. Outro Music