Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 214: Corn Hub

Episode Date: March 16, 2015

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, this is James in Arkansas, and yes, you have more than one Arkansas listener. I would like to present my Islamic call to prayer as the names of the Ghostbusters. Zedmore Stance Rankman. He gone. Winston Stance Venkman. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Hi, Tom and Cecil. This is Emily. I was just listening to your podcast and heard the story about the, I don't know, governor or whatever, who was saying that we should kill all the homosexuals. And that sounded kind of familiar to me. So what I thought is someone should find his number, but on a faux German accent, sort of like this. Hello, mein Führer.

I was just thinking how wonderful it is that you are trying to reinstate the glorious plans of our fatherland. that you are trying to reinstate the glorious plans of our fatherland. First we go after the homosexuals, and then we go after the blacks and the blues, y'all. But anyway, keep up the good work. Or something like that. Anyway, I love the show. You guys rock. Glory hole.

Hey, Cecil and Tom. This is Steven from California. And just listening to an episode a couple back where you guys are making fun of Food Babe for saying that no amount of any chemical is acceptable to be eaten. You guys are making fun of her for that. I just want to let you know that you guys are idiots. I've actually read her book and she has a very strict dietary regimen. All you're allowed to eat is heat, gravity, and kinetic energy.

No chemicals in her diet whatsoever. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, live. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical.

It's political. And there is, as of yet, no welcome mat. This is episode 214. Oh! Hey, look at that. No fucking crib notes. Good for you. You know, I gotta say, I feel like I've really come around because not only have I not fucked

up the intro in as many as two weeks. Right. Yeah. You know. Sure. Yeah. Three episodes. But I have stopped titling the notes.

You have. Which is not useful. Right. And actually just muddies things for you. Yeah. Yeah. I think that increases your workload. And then I've also been really lax about posting our stories to Facebook and Twitter. What do you mean by lax?

Don't do it. Yeah. Well, it turns out I did it like a week ago, and then I had to get into a fucking online fight with some dickhead. And then you're just mad. You're like, I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm not going to do it anymore. This guy is mean to me. He's a mean internet man.

Awesome. Oh, you took your ball and went home. I totally took my ball. I'm going to stop doing that shit. But on the plus side, it is 11.30pm on a Friday when we have started this. Yeah, baby. We're on this bitch of tomorrow.

Tomorrow. My eyes have seen the glory hole while I was coming with the Lord. And he's rubbing out a vintage since his girth is quite engorged. He hath loosed his seat an immaculate stream from his terrible stiff sword his truth is just bs glory glory glory oh glory glory glory oh his truth is just p.s oh shit the bed so our first story comes from wctv.tv why is it wctv.tv it's so redundant it's ridiculous wc.tv rightC.TV. Right. Or just WCTV.com. What the fuck is the.TV? That's horrible. That's the worst naming convention ever.

Anyway, Panhandle Church. This is from the guys who don't have Cognitive Dissonance Podcast or something. We have DissonancePod.com. I like DissonancePod. How dare you, sir? Plus, I would rather type in dissonance pod than cognitive dissonance yeah and cognitive dissonance podcast is just too long for you we should change our name for our show to porn hub we get so many hits

we should we would get like but wait we can't, that's taken. So it should be Porm Hub. Porm Hub, the podcast. We would get so many hits, dude. I think we'd get a lot more hits than we currently get. We'd be able to sell advertising space like a motherfucker. Oh, man. Porm Hub is probably taken, though. We should call it Corn Hub.

We're from Illinois. Yeah, I think it would work. It kind of works. I think it Corn Hub. We're from Illinois. Yeah, I think it would work. It kind of works. I think it'll work. We find a lot of uses for corn in Illinois. You know, I got to tell you, like the Corn Hub site, that's a site you look at once. Maybe twice. None of it is safe for work.

None of it is safe for work. Maybe twice. Depending. Yeah, you don't bookmark it, but you think back, you're like, what was that stuff I was None of it is safe for work. Maybe twice, depending. Yeah, you don't bookmark it, but you think back, you're like, what was that stuff I was looking at last week? You're like two drinks in, you're like, well, I'm in a mood. I kind of like that popping action that was going on last week. So those kernels kind of get lost, huh? Oh, God.

They're not going to shuck themselves. It's like Popeye. You remember when Popeye would be like, and takes all the girls. That would be awesome. Like, cornhub.com. Get shucked. Well, we should actually have a show.

Again, wctv.tv.tv.tv. .biz.gov.edu. Org-biz'd. Panhandled church loses tax-exempt status. This is amazing. Florida is America's wang. It's totally America's wang, which happens to be out while you're at church. Florida smells like a fucking sock.

Like the entire state smells like a fucking sock. Like a dirty goddamn sock. There are bathrooms in Florida that you would not put a feces in. Like you look at it and you're just like, I'm not going to go in there. I would rather shit my pants and drive 20 miles in shit pants, in shit-pal piss and shit my own pants, and I'll drive down the road because I won't walk in the bathroom there. That's how fucking nasty Florida is. Scoop the shit out of my own underwear with my hands and throw it out a moving car window. It's like America's litter box.

It's the worst. It's full of sand. It's not Mississippi. Hold on. It's full of sand and it's full of shit. That's like America's litter box. It's the worst. It's full of sand. It's full of sand and it's full of shit. That's it. That's all that's in Florida. It's sand and parasites. That's just all it is. It's sand and parasites. In other words, fuck you,

Florida. I went to Florida a couple of weeks ago. And it sucked. It fucking sucked. Guaranteed it sucked. Admittedly, it was nicer than Chicago because Chicago was like 2,000 degrees below zero. They were like fucking woolly mammoths. They were like shaking themselves loose like, oh, this is my kind of day. And I was down in Miami for a couple of days. And I will say the weird thing about Florida is you can drive to a place, park your car,

walk down a path, and there's just alligators. I'm not even fucking around. There's just like you're walking down. I went to the Everglades National Park. Yeah. And you're walking. It looks just like a fucking forest preserve like here in the Midwest or whatever. There's just a walkie path for old people and bicyclists.

And he goes, put that in the middle of it. There's a fucking eight-foot alligator. Like, sup? I'm basically a dinosaur. And you're just like, well, what the? Why are you here? Why am I out of my car? Right.

I saw it. I was just like, fuck no. And everybody else was like, let's take pictures. I'm like, that thing wants to eat your brains, man. Did you bring a raw chicken to throw to it? I was going to bring a raw chicken. I just threw a toddler. Oh, there you go.

Because like one of the other tourists. Yeah, sure. Yeah, that's good. It hit the alligator right in the head, though. Bounced right off. I'll make a new one. Yeah. No problems.

Say the story. Florida. America's litter box. I love it. Go ahead. I love it. I lived in Florida for some time. Yeah. Panhandled box. I love it. Go ahead. I love it. I lived in Florida for some time. Panhandled church.

It smells like that. It's still recovering. There hasn't been enough rain down there since to wash it out. We need more hurricanes. It's been a natural disaster ever since. From the time you left until now. Ever since I left, they renamed natural disaster to just cleansing.

It's just like, it's basically like a hurricane now. It's like a Florida douche. Before the hurricane, they just walk around with Dawn and just spray every surface and be like, we hope the smell goes away this time. Can we airdrop Febreze?

Like a Huey helicopter? Oh, shit. Anyway. Yeah, so anyway, Florida. How far in are we at this point? We're like 10 minutes in. Have we said anything yet? We haven't said a single thing.

Oh, shit, the bed. Where are we at? Oh, God. Yeah, we're nine minutes. Where are we at? Oh, God. Yeah, we're nine minutes into this fucking show. Take that, listeners. Panhandle Church loses tax exempt status. I found this to be tragic. Local church lost its tax exempt status after officials

learned that it hosted naked paint parties and slumber party Sundays featuring the quote, sexiest ladies on the beach. Well, I guess when you say it like that, maybe it sounds a little crazy, but it doesn't sound any crazier than Catholic Church. It's true. Also, you know, you walk by this sign, the first thing you think is, give me that old

time religion. Right. You know what I mean? Like, I'm okay with this sort of, this is a different way for the church to go and it will make me feel pretty good about it I think. I would attend a church that was full of naked paint parties. Now, the church would immediately shut down when I attended. First of all, they couldn't afford the cost of the paint to cover my butt. They would not even have enough paint.

They're just like, first of all, sir. We got his left arm. Is that enough or – Kills is expensive. They need to put it in one of those sprayers and spray it on like an elephant at the zoo. They're like, sir, you're actually the only person we're considering using a primer for. They're going to put another coat on you. They've got like a team of dudes with like those big long rollers on fucking staffs.

Yeah, shit, yeah, yeah. Shunk, shunk, shunk, shunk, shunk, shunk. It's like putting up wallpaper on one of those giant billboards. Right, one of those giant billboards, yeah. Right, yeah. Except for larger. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, yeah.

Like, I'm scaling up. We're scaling up from there. We're a whole team of people. Like, literally a whole team. This would be an okay bar to go – I mean a church to go to. I could get into this. That would be okay. I mean because you go to – I mean think about it this way.

Normally when you go to church, there's not a chance you're going to be able to get blow in the bathroom unless you get blown by say a 10-year-old, right? Right. So there's a chance you could get blow in the bathroom. But you have to actually be clergy for that privilege. Yeah. How hard is it to be? I mean, it's like being a cleric. Right? It's not that hard.

Well, it's that hard when a 10-year-old did it for you. Oh, no! I know what you... Okay, so let's say you go to the bar at this place.

I know what your drink order would be. I thought it up earlier, so I'm going to read it to you. Okay, here we go. You would get a Three Wise Men, a Virgin Mary,

three rusty nails, a crucified Messiah and a zombie. Nice! I think you would get those. I like them! That would be, and that's the whole Jesus story. That's start to finish. It's actually what you get around Easter because it tells the whole story of the passion. It tells the whole story. It's the whole thing. It's the whole passion. It's the whole thing. Start to finish. You got the whole thing.

Yeah. And if you finish all those, yeah, you're going to wake up three days later. I was going to say. And then it's seltzer water at the end is the resurrection. It's just a seltzer with two S's in it. Seltzer water at the end, if you touch it, it turns to wine. That's not wine anymore. No.

That's herpes. You know, I actually think this is clever on their part to try to get around taxation because I think that's all it is. Right. It's just it's just it's a party rave scene. They say it's patrons are charged a donation of twenty dollars at the door. Inside, they sell T-shirts with obscene gestures and signs on the wall say, I hate being sober. There's a total party. It's like a party barge.

Right. You're just saying, well, it's church, so we don't have to pay taxes on it. And we could basically – they basically just buy a couple kegs, throw a party, and then charge $20 at the door. That's fucking genius. It's exactly the same model, right? It's the same business model. This makes us realize that tax exempt status for churches could reach into areas that we don't want to subsidize with our tax money. And this is a perfect example of that. This could even be a Satanist church that is sort of fucking with the system.

Yeah, like churches that I don't want to subsidize with my money include all of them. All of the actual churches that I subsidize with my fucking money. Right. I love this story too because you look at something like this and you try to compare it. People are like, oh, it's a slap in the face. That's the quote here, right? It says it's a blatant slap in the face to taxpayers. I was like, well, what is actually more ridiculous that's happening behind those closed doors? Am I supposed to say that a bunch of young people fucking like tripping on fucking Molly are not having a more religious experience than the fucking old lady sitting in the fucking pew in her fucking Catholic church?

Like, I would actually be willing to say that if you were to compare the spiritual or religious experience between those two parties, I'm not fucking prepared to judge that. Are you prepared to judge which one is more sincere? I think they're both bullshit. Well, that's what I mean. I think they both have a chemical basis in reality. I think they both probably have some kind of hormonal or chemical connection to the brain. I think they're both fucking made up. They have nothing to do with any higher power.

I'm not here to say one is better than the other. And if, you know, I get to have a sexy slumber party? Yeah. Are you kidding me? Look, at every Catholic church, there's a portion of the service where you have to kneel. If somebody's kneeling at the sexy slumber party, at least

maybe we're having a good time. And the one thing you can't really put down is the Florida women most of the time okay looking. Yeah, well they give you a gunner. They're certainly not Tennessean. You know what I mean? That's not getting crazy. Yeah, because you can only fit like three or four Tennessean women in Florida anyway. You know what I mean?

You get like four max. Max. No, if you get a good prying bar you can leverage them in there. If one of them is half on the water, you could fit five. Well, they got the gulf. You could have a few of them bobbing in the ocean for the latest. Fish them out with a gaff and swing them in. Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk.

Along Blackhawk. So this story comes from the Egypt Independent. And the only reason I picked this story, Cecil, is so I could read. Former Grand Mufti. I love that. What the fuck is a Mufti? Well, they got a really nice hat. It's a Grand Mufti. So this is basically the fucking Grand Puba.

Watching porn leads to atheism. Well, it worked for me. Hey, I can't actually argue. I was like, well, all right. You know, you got me. The former grand mufti. So not to be confused with the current grand. With the current Grand Mufti. You can tell the difference because one has horns on his hat and the other one doesn't.

He's got the tall hat. He's got the tall hat. With the fucking little white horns sticking out. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yabba dabba doo. So anyway, this fucking idiot, he told a TV channel that was stupid enough to interview him for a thing.

A really desperate TV channel that had nothing better to do. It must have been a 40-degree day. Right. Nobody's got anything to say about a 40-degree day. It's not cold. It's not hot. It doesn't matter. Who interviews these guys?

Who interviews these? Well, what did he say? He said that watching porn leads to atheism because industry – I can't even understand this. Because industry makers believe that the human body can be used in everything. He's got a point. He's got a point because it basically gives you a whole new appreciation for underused body parts you know what i mean like i actually didn't think you'd fuck that but he's fucking that i mean really

you haven't lived until you've seen somebody elbow deep in vagina i mean i think i think that's sort of huh look at you you're like watching and you're just like you're not even turned on you're just sort of like it's like discovery channel oh you're just like, you're not even turned on. You're just sort of like, it's like Discovery Channel. You're just in awe. You're like, wow. She's like a human puppet. It's like, it's like Fisty Duty. Look at that.

At some point you're like, you're like watching with the same clinical detachment as like watching like Planet Earth on the BBC or like. Or like the universe or something. It's like, oh oh my god i didn't huh huh i wonder if i could put two hands in there bring me a pencil and paper i need to make notes i look at that no no i'm not even turned on i know no i i've gone beyond repulsion just to – I'm in shock and awe right now. That's where I'm at. I just didn't think the human body would do that.

Well, look at that. Are they really sharing the cup? What's happening here? The other thing he says too, Tom, he says pornography, which is made public and is circulated through magazines. Yes. Said the grand – this is proof that he's the former grand movie. 1985. Who the fuck needs high-color glossy pictures of fucking vaginas spreaded?

Like nobody needs that. Who – I cannot imagine if somebody is like, hey, man, you got a pornographic magazine? Yeah, hang on a minute. It's my fucking beta tapes or whatever. If you have fucking Wi-Fi, what do you need any of that for? Hang on a minute. Let me get out my fucking StarTAC flip phone and call you from the past. Oh, my gosh.

It's like I'm going to look at ASCI art of a naked lady. You know what I mean? It's like looking. The ampersands are nipples. You know what I mean? You're kind of squinting. I got to kind of look at it cross-eyed. I got to admit, the trick is don't focus while you masturbate.

Which is actually generally a good rule, actually. She's got nice curves. The parentheses are her ass. Oh, gosh. Yeah, whatever. Maybe it leads to atheism. Good! Good! Then fucking porn for everybody.

Cares. Miniature American dildos for others. Idiot. Father, I ask that you would forgive us for taking prayer out of the schools. Father, when that happened, secular humanism flooded in. Father, it began to penetrate every part of the curriculum. This story comes from the raw story. Texas public school official says students will continue to hear Bible

verses every morning. And I thought, every morning until the Freedom From Religion Foundation files a lawsuit or the ACLU files a lawsuit and then every morning will be no additional mornings. And no mornings.

Yeah. Basically, they're going to get outquisted. You know what I mean? Right. Exactly. Somebody's going to have a complaint and they're going to wind up getting fucked over. But the first thing I thought about this was, you know, even if you go to Wikipedia and you search up one of the

sayings in the Bible, just pick a line, one of the verses. It's different. Just pick a line, one of the verses. It's different. It's four or five different translations. It'll say something totally different on each translation. Sure, yeah, right. And they can't seem to agree on a lot of different things, even just within Christianity, let alone opening this floor up to other religions like Buddhism or whatever it is, right?

You're never going to open the floor up to that. It's whatever the – it's whatever the principle – I wanted to call him a priest but you get the same fucking difference. Yeah, I mean it wouldn't have been that wrong, right? Basically, whatever the principle wants to espouse that day, whatever part of the Bible he wants to talk about and he's never going to multiculturalize it. He's just going to be one monolithic thing that he makes that he gets to decide. And really, all you get to do is you get to convert people to your religion, your specific

religion in a public space, which is against the establishment clause. So I can't – and this guy is just like, fuck you, man. I'll do what I want. I'll do what I want. You is just like, fuck you, man. I'll do what I want. I'll do what I want. You're just like, wait, really? Enjoy a fucking bread line, son, because that guy, you're going to lose your job eventually. I don't care what state you're from. Well, the best part is that the superintendent is just like, yeah, I'm backing him up.

And I'm just like, well, then you're also going to get fired, you stupid motherfucker. And your job, too, son. Right. And I don't care how much the PTA backs them. I don't care any of that. None of that shit. It doesn't matter. You're going to wind up, you know, maybe they might not lose their job,

but they're certainly going to walk away from this humbled eventually. Yeah, they're going to get fucking slapped for doing this. Eventually. Yeah. Because the Bible says that this is what you're supposed to be spending your time on. You say, well, I have all these other important things. Well, what does the Bible say is important? Feeding and clothing your family is what this woman be spending your time on. You say, well, I have all these other important things. Well, what does the Bible say is important? Feeding and clothing your family

is what this woman is spending her time on. She's getting up early to make food. She's making clothes. She's making, I mean, that's what, look, am I making this stuff up? I mean, that's what the time's going into. And so if this is not what your time is going into, ladies, you need to reevaluate, you know, the time that you're putting into your household.

That's your main job. This story comes from Metro.co.uk. Family of 14 escaped Christian cult where birth control was banned. This is one of those stories where you don't need the second line of the headline. Because when you have a family of 14 i think it's pretty motherfucking safe to say that birth control was banned that's a fucking litter of kittens i'll tell you they were in they were in new zealand that's where they they wound up they they were in new zealand and they escaped no they were mordor well. How they escaped, they just formed a human chain and then they reached the Australian mainland.

That's how they escaped. So good on them. Right? Yeah. It's crazy. There's a picture of this. There's like a picture of like a newlywed couple, like fucking smoochy smoo, like in like a weird. Oh, I thought one of them was a corpse.

You know, column A, column B. Fair enough. And there's like all these dudes with like the fucking skinny black tie that like means that you're like a religious nut. Like they're like carrying. Yeah. When you're all in the same uniform and it all looks horrible, you know you're a religious nut at that point. And like the, oh, hang on a minute. I got to put my bododon.

Oh, you're crazy religious. Ah, I get it. 14 people escape. Dude, you see the picture of their swimming? Hold on a minute. We're not done with the pictures. No, yeah. The swimming is awesome.

They swim. These women are covered fucking neck down to their fucking toes. Yeah, they all look like Mary Poppins, basically. They all look like Mary Poppins. It's like victorian england again they're all the least sexy made possible that's what they are yeah exactly that's it and they're like swimming in a big swimming pool in their clothes yeah oh yeah all of them it's like yay tra la la let's go swimming you know what i love swimming in? 12 pounds of fabric fucking cotton water absorbing. Literally my entire wardrobe.

That's what I like swimming in. That's called drowning. That's not even called swimming. It's called floundering until you fucking wind up breathing fucking water. When you escape with 14 people, though, and you're on like the Underground Railroad, that's like six cars. I mean, wouldn't you agree? You can't even underground railroad. That's like six cars. Wouldn't you agree? It's not even one. You can't even put them in one.

That's actually more people than Indiana Jones let out of the Temple of Doom. It's like a larger standing army than France. You can invade Moscow in the winter with this one family. When the family ran away, this is what it sounded like.

They ran all into their clown car and they got in their big clown car and then they drove away. Well, I mean, a clown car is kind of apt at this point because the woman's vagina is like bozo buckets you know what i mean like it's you bag a truck up into the thing bozo buckets are you kidding me it's like bozo dumpster at some point so waste management 14 kid 14 at some point you're like uh honey we we're at a dozen. Maybe we should stop at a dozen. Because it's a goddamn dozen. Oh, my gosh. It's outrageous.

You could have like a whole sweatshop that's yours. Yeah, right? Basically your sweatshop. When you have so many kids that Nike is interested in optioning you for work. You know, that's just too many fucking kids. And when they work, it sounds like this. This whole show, you should just play that clip and nothing else. Just this whole thing.

When they pray. Sexy times. Well, that's about how fast you have to be if you have 14 kids, right? You really got to get it in there. Jeez. Hang on a minute. We are going to wake up the other 13, you know? The problem is it's like, hold on, we're going to have sex.

Don't give birth. You know? The problem is it's like, hold on, we're going to have sex. Don't give birth. You got to put it on the calendar. Honey, we're going to have sex next Tuesday. No giving birth. It's really inconvenient.

You know, like. And when the kid comes out, he's fully clothed. You know what I mean? He's got a bonnet on'm saying? He's got a bonnet on his head. He's got a bonnet on his head. It's soaked in his little outfit. It's like the baby comes out and it's like, do you want the skinny tie or the bonnet? I don't know. It doesn't even matter.

It doesn't even matter. It doesn't even matter. Just throw it in the pool fully clothed. Oh, my God. That's awesome. And then she winds up chucking him in the pool and it sounds like this. I'm done with this story. Me too.

We're going to get so many emails like, your last show sucked. You just played the same clip a hundred times. Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone. Abortions for some. Miniature American flags for others. Okay, here we go.

So this story comes from the independent Catholic bishop. This guy should not be allowed to speak in places. No. Like, and I don't even mean in public. I just mean in places. You know that thing where you're like, I'm going to zip my mouth. Like, this is a guy whose mouth should be fucking hermetically sealed. Like fucking Agent Smith style.

Like where he can't. Right, yeah. He should be fed with where you can't. Right. Yeah. He should be fed with a fucking feeding tube. Okay. Because when he opens his mouth, he says something horrifyingly offensive. Every single time. A Catholic bishop says women who become pregnant through rape should not destroy a life in order to get back at the rapist.

Well, I don't think that's why they're doing it. Well, I don't think that's why they're doing it uh well i don't think that why the rapist raped them yeah the rapist rate did not rape them to think man i can't wait to populate the world with my genes right oh i'm really kind of what are they atilla the hun like what the fuck is that who it was which one was it i think it was a till the whole tell us it's the other one no it's the other one. Mongolian. Who's the Mongolian guy? It wasn't Attila? Maybe it was. No.

Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan. That's it. Took me a minute because I am slow. Genghis Khan. That's who it is. Genghis Khan is the one. He's the one who's like they found his DNA like all over the world.

Oh, right. Yeah. Where like almost everybody is descended from Genghis Khan. And I don't know that they know if it's Genghis Khan, but they know that it all leads back to one sort of source. Right. Right. Right.

And so they presume that it is, I think, I don't really know anything. I don't, I didn't really read a lot. I think I listened to like a radio lab on it or something. I think I listened to the same thing. Or it was like a fucking This American Life, whatever it was. Or hardcore history maybe. Maybe it was a hardcore history. Yeah.

Where they just talk about it for a little bit. But in any case, it's like, this isn't why nowadays people are raping other people no it's not so that they could say well you know then she's going to be stuck with my baby nobody does that i raped her so she'd have kids and i want to be a dad like oh my god that's the worst no it's because you're a fucking awful human being. Exactly. And it's about power and sex. And there's a lot of reasons why people rape.

And I can't imagine that. Because if you're going to say something like this, if you're going to say you don't want to get back at the father this way, nobody's – first off, nobody's thinking like that because nobody – because the motivations that you're applying to the rapist aren't even the motivations for raping well plus can you imagine like the rapist is like no don't kill my baby i created through raping you ah big tears of sadness i can't believe that she killed our baby why didn't you love him like yeah i don't know maybe because you're a motherfucking rapist you horrible goddamn human being and and what he says in this story uh i think speaks to how a lot of people think about a lot of different issues and what he says is something like yeah i i i thought that you know it wasn't uh that this one person came to him a while back. It was somebody who came to him and they had been raped and then they miscarried.

So they had been raped and then they miscarried and they came to him and they said something like, I'm very sad. And he said, oh, I would have thought that this would have been a good thing for you. And she said, no, the only good thing I had going was the child. That and that's fine, right? I'm sure that some people can find that diamond in the rough and think, you know, my life is shattered, but, you know, at least I have this baby and it's part of me and I'm going to love it and care it. And, okay, well, those people, that's what they want to do. And I'm not even going to say good on those people because who cares? It's a personal decision.

It doesn't matter right but what they what they automatically think is that they need to make sure that they put some something in there that they put some sort of prohibition on it so that they uh because they think that no matter what it's going to be mandated that they that they get rid of the baby because you still have the choice to keep the baby if you want to keep the baby after you're raped. It's not like anybody's taking that choice away from you. I don't even think people come up to you in like rape crisis centers. They just probably just ask you if you want it.

They don't – they're not trying to push it. They're not advocating for you. They're not saying, hey, man, you really should think to get the rapist rapist baby audio or take this stuff to make sure you get the rapist baby audio here take this a day after pill or whatever it is i'm sure that they say if you want the day after pill i'm sure they say would you like the day after pill but they don't come up to you and be like fucking nobody's pushing the first shots free to come you know they don't walk up with a trench coat full of fucking day after pill right you know they yeah that's it's just a ridiculous but i think that they they get this idea that if

they if they allow it then everyone will do it yeah but not everybody's gonna do it man just fucking let the people who are gonna do it do it and then shut your fucking mouth yeah you know like the idea that somebody from the outside from an outside perspective would look at somebody else who's been fucking traumatized and victimized and then fucking impregnated against their will and be like well i have some thoughts about that yeah well you know what you should do hang on a minute hold on listen to me i've got some fun are you kidding me who gives a fuck what you think? Right?

I can't even imagine to be like, I am. And like, I'd be like, it'd be like somebody who has no children giving someone parenting advice. I will. But I will take that even down. Like, if I fucking wake up and I've got the flu and I'm like, I got the flu. And somebody's like, you know, you should be like, fuck you in the ear. I'll fucking kill you.

Yeah. Don't even make me don't make me my audience listeners time is very cranky he's very very cranky it's like i guess i guess i feel like shut your fucking mouth unless i ask you for your advice yeah you know yeah like if i ask you for your advice you give it if you're one of a handful of small advisors in my life that i am fucking really close with give your fucking advice if you're some fucking dude yeah who's got nothing to do with the situation then your fucking job in my life is to shut your fucking mouth and it always feels like i don't mean i maybe i'm wrong and maybe the listeners know this but you know

it always feels like dudes that want to tell chicks to be like, hey, you should kind of go to term with that rape baby. Wait, what is it? Shut your fucking mouth, dude. Because even if you get raped, which is totally feasible for a dude to get raped. Right. You're not going to be impregnated. It's not like you're walking away with some sort of baggage from that situation. Right.

Some sort of physical baggage that you now have to take care of for 18 years. The only thing I can imagine that would be even remotely analogous would be like if you got raped and then you came down with an STI. Sure. And somebody was like, well, you got to keep the STI. And you're like. Okay, I'll name it gonorrhea. But there's a fucking cure for it. And they're just like, no, you got to live with that STI.

I guess that's, yeah. And take care of your STI. Every day your fucking dick is going to fucking drip goo. You're going to goo your drawers every day. We should move the fuck out. No, we can't. Not yet. No, we can't. Not yet. No, we can't. Because this guy also said that he compared being gay to being with Down syndrome.

I'm going to read. He said when asked if he believed being born gay was something God had intended. He said that would suggest that if some people are born with Down syndrome or spina bifida that that was what God had intended either. Part of me says like, well, you almost get it, man. You almost – you're close. You're close. You're really close. Yeah.

Because I think what he's tacitly acknowledging here without coming out and saying it is that like, well, hang on a minute. The presence of involuntary human suffering through no fault of the individual is antithetical to the idea of a beneficent God. So I reject that. Right. Right. Right. But he's not willing to that. He's not willing to take that step and say that. So therefore, no God. Yeah. Right. And I'm not saying that that's the reason that I don't believe. But the next step, what that does for him is it allows him to wipe all the negatives away from the thing he worships and place those negatives in his own life to then discriminate against other people. So it's really a leap of logic that allows him to do all the wrong things. Literally all of the wrong things. Only going halfway is the't as it's the worst

worst thing you could do it's crazy it's so bad and like to look to look in the eyes of people who are like i'm fucking born with a thing and it's like well god didn't intend you to be like then why did this happen and yeah exactly exactly. What's your explanation? Exactly. What's your explanation? Did he fall fuck asleep at Switch? Like what the fuck happened? And are you saying that having Down syndrome is a sin? Is that what you're saying? Right. I mean when you're comparing the two, if you're basically saying, oh, is that a sin too?

Because I know you think that being gay is a sin. Yeah. I can't imagine. First off, I can't imagine. I've been around. I used to work with a Downs kid when I was in. I worked in a cafeteria. She was the brightest ray of sunshine I've ever met. She was just always happy unless you fucked with her and not fucked with her just to fuck with her, but fucked with her schedule or messed up her routine. teen at all. She became really, really agitated. But most of the time she was just happy and smiley and just a nice little girl, just a really sweet girl. She always just seemed very young. That's all I remember was like she seemed very young. She was older than me,

much older than me at the time. She always just seemed like she had a very young attitude. And she was great to work with. Are you saying that's an evil person or something or that person needs to go to hell? that because you're comparing the two you're conflating the two absolutely and and plus i think that this acknowledges that homosexuality is built in in the same way that down syndrome is built in right right so you're acknowledging by saying this that homosexuality is just you got nothing to do with it the same way you have nothing to do with whether you're down syndrome or not. It's a chromosomal abnormality. And then it makes me wonder, too, like what level of physical or other defect is involved in God's decision making.

Sure. Like if you're born, you're like, oh, I got fucking like a slightly wonky back. And it's like, God didn't intend you. Like, what? Like, unless you're bored, like, I got a fucking lazy eye. God didn't intend you. I got an astigmatism. All these poor people with these basic abnormalities are suddenly not wanted by God.

Right, like God's just like, I really only intended Ted. Here's the thing. God didn't intend anything, it turns out. Now the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. So the story comes to the raw story.

Christian University shuts down bake sale benefiting homeless LGBT youth. There's the Christian way, folks. What a shithole Adamson University is, huh? They're just like, hey, you know who we should should help people who have got no place to live no but we'll do all the work we'll literally do all of it we'll bake the fucking shit we'll sell the shit we'll give them the proceeds no yeah like not on our dime that's not big enough like that's not it's not adamson it's andrews university oh andrews andrews university yeah um. Sorry, it's not Adamson. It's Andrews University. Oh, Andrews University. Andrews University. It's in Michigan.

Fucking Michigan. Michigan. The fucking mitten of America. When your fucking selling point is Detroit, go fuck yourself. That's all I'm saying. There's nothing else. They also have the big city of Grand Rapids, too. That is the big city. We've been told that that's the big city of Grand Rapids, too. That is the big city.

We've been told that that's the big city. No, no, that's ridiculous. They also have Green Bay, which that's like Canada light. Oh, that's Wisconsin? God damn it. I was going to make a football joke. You were going to make a football joke. Detroit Lions is really your only pass here.

You have to go to the Detroit Lions. No, I don't have anything for. Detroit Lions is really your only pass here. I got nothing. You have to go to the Detroit Lions. No, I don't have anything for the Detroit Lions. I was going to make a Green Bay joke. Is the stadium abandoned, the Green Bay? I wonder if it's like

an abandoned building. It's a seller for $5. Look at Detroit is a fucking shithole, man. I can't. There's literally like two places there's two blocks worth of shit in detroit and the rest of it's all garbage it's all shit that's falling

down like that's all it is just fucking it's like an entire city that has fun it's like fucking life without people up there it's the craziest shit i've ever seen it this is a city that still has the abandoned Packard plant. Like, at some point, like, they have not built a fucking Packard in, like, 50 years. I don't know when they stopped building them. Yeah, sure, yeah. But they didn't make them while I was a lot, right? Yeah, yeah. And at no point in the history of Detroit was anybody like, I'll buy that, knock it down. Instead, it was like, fuck it.

You know, fuck it. You know, that building. People walk out of Detroit and nobody walks back in. It's like, people are like, I'm moving out of Detroit. Detroit's like, fucking, that's another person. That's literally going to get no additional. No other people. Have you ever in your life heard of somebody say these words? Hey, I'm moving to Detroit.

No one's ever said that. They should make the next escape from L.A. like escape from Detroit. Because you could set it in modern day. You wouldn't have to fucking have some weird apocalyptic future. It's already apocalyptic. The only problem is that it's unsafe to film. You can't shoot on location. It has to be green screen.

You got to green screen the whole thing. It's actually safer to build a time machine and film it post-apocalypse. It's actually safer to go because there's less humans willing to shoot you. Oh, gosh. You got to look out for the zombies, but them man you can outrun them you know you're like okay okay it's basically the road like there are there are people with like human jerky strung up on fucking buildings it doesn't like yeah no that's modern day Detroit. Like, no, that's Detroit. I was reading an article this week, actually, about like, homes for sale

in Detroit for $500 or something. Oh, yeah, that's the worst $500 I've ever spent. And it said, like, the homes were too good to be true. And I thought, yeah, it's like if they're mobile homes, maybe. And I thought, they're in Detroit for $500. They don't even sound good.

This is an area where I wouldn't buy it. Like, for really, I could cash in only a tiny portion of my 401k and buy a city block. You could. Absolutely, yeah. And it would be a bad investment. Right? You're supposed to buy the worst house and the best neighborhood. Where the fuck do you find it?

You're like, $500 and I'm underwater. I stayed there one time and it was a fucking, it smells like a fucking, like somebody took a dump on the sidewalk. It's the worst place I've ever visited. I fucking hate Detroit. What a shithole. Everybody hates Detroit. It's required by Detroit. Nobody likes it. Yeah. Yeah. the sidewalk it's the worst place i've ever visited i fucking hate detroit what a shit everybody hates detroit it's required nobody likes it yeah yeah anyway these people in you know fucking the university shuts this down they shut down this lgbt thing but i think that they could have put in a little stricter rules instead and they would have been

able to i I think, go on with the bake sale. One thing they could do is maybe make sure they don't place the gingerbread men next to the other gingerbread men. They have to separate gingerbread ladies and gingerbread men go together, but you can't do gingerbread men and gingerbread men. Well, otherwise, if you put gingerbread men next to gingerbread men, you'll never have gingerbread children.

No. Because we all know that two gingerbread dudes Those are called ginger snaps. Girls? Girls would be banned I think from buying lady fingers. Oh, nice. Nicely done. And they would only be able to bite them one knuckle at a time. They can't put them

all the way in their mouth. But they can buy lady fists. They certainly can't put their fingers in the holes of the butter cookies either. You're not allowed to do that. That's not a- You don't want to fill your fingers with those. You don't want to do that. Yeah, that's a shocker.

The guys aren't allowed to eat the dicker doodles. Those are bad cookies for the guys. The women can have them all they want though, I think. The Glorios are- The Glorios. The best part about the Glorios is you can give them you can give them to both the guys and the girls because. And they start with the white filling. So it's like somebody's already been there.

Into the Glorios. Yeah. What a shithole university, though, if they're going to wind up taking. I mean, there's plenty of Christian universities all across the country that have LGBT communities that wind up utilizing the school facilities to help facilitate their particular club's needs and wants. And there's no issue. There's no fucking issue whatsoever. But this Andrews University has to go out of their way to be fucking cocksuckers and

make it so that they can't give this money away to some really, really, really useful and necessary cause. Tom, what do you say we donate to this cause? I say let's donate to this cause. OK. So what's what we'll do? We're going to wind up donating, I think, $500 to this cause. We're going to – because I think if they can't sell cookies – here's the thing.

I would just buy all their cookies if they had cookies. I'm actually considering the cookies right now. Cause is great. Yeah. But I'm just thinking like $500 buys me a lot of cookies. I think we should donate to this cause though. Let's do it. And we'll put it.

We challenge the listeners too. Can we put something on our page? We're going to put it on this episode, episode 214. We're going to put a link to this cause. It's called Fierce Chicago. Fierce Chicago. So we're going to put a link to this cause. It's called Fierce Chicago. Fierce Chicago. So we're going to wind up donating to it. You know, I can't think of a better cause for home because they even say in here, homeless, homeless LGBT is a huge homeless population. It's an enormous homeless population. And it's the most abhorrent of the populations that are

out there because you know when a lot of people look down their nose at the homeless they always look and try to make it feel like it's their fault it's their fault this was a choice that they that they made to get out there you know when you're just a gay kid there's nothing they've done in their life that deserves them to be ejected from their house you can look you know i I don't agree with the people who look down their nose at the homeless and say, well, they made a choice to get there, like whether through drugs or alcoholism or they lost their job or they're lazy or whatever it is, whatever thing they want to pick on the homeless about.

I don't agree with that. But at least in those cases, maybe there was a reason that that person did in one case choose to do. They chose a path in which that led them to a less than ideal life. In this case, there's nothing you can say about that. There's no choice that was made. There's no choice that was made. No choice was made at all.

It was all made by the parents. And so I think that this is a very worthy cause. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this story comes from Raw's story.

Quit your job if you work with Buddhists so you don't get infected by it. This is a man wearing a teal sport coat. It is teal. That is fucking Johnny Carson sport coat. It came right off his corpse. Well, one corpse to another. Look, the thing is when you're not shriveled, you've got to look for clothes on the right mannequin. You know what I mean?

This is a man legitimately wearing a teal sport coat and a pink tie. That is something, isn't it? Right now. Look at his eye slots. That's what they are at this point. It's like a face helmet and he's looking out through his eye slots. That's what they are at this point. It's like a face helmet and he's looking out through his eye slots. Gosh. That's unbelievable.

That guy is ready to die. That's all I'm saying. But again. I know. I'll be saddened. I will. I'll be saddened. We're going to the funeral.

We are going to have an event when that happens. All right. So this is Pat Robertson on the 700 Club. He's talking to – his bobblehead is going to read the email and then he's going to have an event when that happens. All right. So this is Pat Robertson on the 700 Club. He's talking to – his bubble head is going to read the email and then he's going to talk about it. Okay, Pat. This is Tina who says, I work in an environment where all of my coworkers are Buddhists. They talk about Buddhism all day long and try to preach to me. Where do you work?

Do you work at like a Buddhist temple? Right. That's what I was thinking. I work in a place filled with preachy Buddhists. Where do you work? Do you work at like a Buddhist temple? Right. That's what I was thinking. I work in a place filled with preachy Buddhists. I think you're lying. I actually think that what you're doing, I think this is a poe writing this and just substituting Buddhism for Christianity. I think you're probably right.

You know? I think it's got to be it because there is no place filled with preachy Buddhists. I was thinking what would be awesome. I'm working as a janitor in a Tibetan fucking – I know. Like a Tibetan monastery. Yeah. I was thinking it would be really funny if we could start sending him messages that say, dear Pat, I would like to talk to other people about uh about jesus's glory uh whole groups of people

have not experienced that would be so funny wouldn't it be funny if there's some way you could get her or him to say glory hole that would be that would be amazing uh but i you just got to make sure that he reads it somehow you know and then the other problem too is like you'd have to watch it right you would have to watch every single time. We wouldn't have to. Our listeners would send it to us. They would never watch. Are you kidding?

Somebody would. You know, Joel McHale from The Soup would find it. He would. He would find it. We would be on The Soup? I could die happy. Which is good because the way this body's been treated, I'm going to die soon. You're going to die soon.

You better die happy. I may as well die happy. So here's these preachy Buddhists. Everyone around me knows Kung Fu. They sent me to a monastery where the last airbender was. It didn't matter much to me before, but since I recommitted myself to Jesus a year ago, it has started to bother me a lot. I remember our pastor telling us to teach others about Jesus so that they too can receive the salvation. However, every time I approach my coworkers, they end up offending me in ways that I feel are criticizing the word of God.

Kung fu fight. Oh, no. You know, it's so funny. I was watching Dan Savage this week talk to somebody on CNN. And one of the things he said, which is great. And this reminds me of this because what they're saying, what she's saying is she's saying, I'm trying to teach them about Jesus and they're talking about becoming whatever. And he's saying – and if you're trying to teach somebody about Jesus, you expect them to convert. You expect that they're going to try to convert or try to lose their own religion and come over to your religion. And one of the things that Dan Savage said this week, which I thought was great, was he was saying, I'll remind you that being gay is not a choice but Christianity is.

And constantly people try to convert other people to other religions. Being a certain religion is a choice, but being gay is not a choice. And it's funny. It just reminded me of that because he's – clearly, that's the game plan of most religions is to get out there and fucking convert the other team. It's like fucking spy versus spy, man. It's crazy. But if I argue, I end up offending them. What should I do?

Should I continue to insist on helping them or get a different job? Also, is this a sign that this is not what I'm created to do, to minister to others? Look, if you are healthy and there's a mild contagion around you, the chances are you won't get it. But if you put yourself in the middle of a hospital ward where everybody has that disease except you, sooner or later you will be infected by it. What? Yeah, well, look, here's the thing. If you get surrounded by Buddhists, you will become infected with Kung Fu.

Ha! That's how that works. That's how that works. That's why you don't even have to put in the time and the work. You can just do flying jump kicks if you live there for like three years. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Are all Buddhists Kung Fu masters? All of them in this scenario that I just made made up all of them all of them are well if all if all muslims are fucking really good with a head chopper off all buddhists are good at karate well to be fair i am a fucking idiot admittedly admittedly to cut the head off with a karate chop takes a lot longer it's just it's like days and days and days of the karate chop. They both take a lunch break. Like, that's all right. No, it's fine.

Now, there's one thing for you to be ministering to somebody who's of a different persuasion. But if you're in the middle of hundreds and hundreds of people who believe that way. Hundreds and hundreds of people who believe that. Where do you work? Not many people work in a corporation with hundreds and hundreds of people. Not many people work in a corporation with hundreds and hundreds of Buddhists. Where is this corporation?

In a different country. Right. Must be. Pat Robertson, again, here I sit at the top of this mountain. I just can't imagine where you are. Where are you? The plot of kill bill right i work in fantasy land you're you've got an uphill fight and i i think your best thing at that point is to withdraw with

dignity get out of that environment because they're going to get to you before you get to them. They'll make you think their thoughts. And then you'll realize that there's more than one way to think about the world. I might have mentioned. I don't know that I mentioned it on this show, but I might have. I used to work with a guy. This was years ago when I was, you know, just I wasn't I was agnostic at the time and I didn't really know what I believed. But I know that I was Christian at one point and I had a feeling like I missed it or missed something about it or really just didn't think that there was nothing, that sort of thing. I just – I didn't have any thoughts about it.

But I just also felt like it would be a shame if there wasn't something else, something – you know what I mean? Like you just forget that feeling. Especially if you're a Christian, it's just how you grow up and you just sort of have this expectation. And so I was reading Buddhist books and I read a couple of different Buddhist books and they were like the old-timey Buddhist books. So it's like – Yeah, like the Tao Te Ching. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like the Dharmapada or something like that.

Sure. It's called something. I forget. But I was reading it and I remember sitting reading it on break. I was at this plumbing warehouse and I was working and a bunch of people were reading. You do different shit while you're on break. Everybody took their lunch at a different time because it was one of the shittiest jobs you ever had. It's just a shitty manual labor job where life sucks and nobody can take a break at the same time because it it's just like, there's a million things to do all the time.

So I'm taking a break by myself and this guy comes walking by and, uh, and he's this older guy. Uh, and I, he never really preached to me much. He was never really one of those guys who came to me. I mean, you could tell he was like a Jesus guy, but that was really it. And he asked what I was reading and it's a big thick book. So I think he probably thought I was reading the Bible. Cause what else do you you read that's big and thick unless it's like War and Peace or something? And I said, oh, I'm reading this book.

And I mentioned it. And he asked what it was. I said the name of it and I forget what it was. And then I said the name of it. And he said, well, what's that? And I said, oh, it's a Buddhist book. He said, well, you got to watch out when you're reading those. And I said, well, you got to watch out when you're reading those. And I said, what for? And he said, well, you got to watch out because that's how the devil will get you or something to that effect. And I said, wait, the devil? I said, the devil is in the Buddhist work? And he said, if it's not Jesus Christ, it's the devil.

Well, you like go to 7-Eleven like I'll have a Gatorade or a devil aid. It's literally everything else. Right. Everything else is the devil. So it wasn't Jesus Christ. So it was the devil. And that's how people think. That's how that's how Pat is talking here.

He's and this is another another line of bad reasoning from Pat to basically leave your job when you might not be able to. Remember when he's talking about like fucking selling your clothes if they're haunted, selling your house if they're haunted? Like this is a rich man telling regular people how to live. This is a guy who could easily walk away from his job and still have gobs and gobs and gobs of money to stuff in the sacks in his eyes. This is a guy who could live forever, well, for the rest of his very short life,

on the money he has. Upwards of three weeks. Yeah. Yeah. And even if he was a 20-year-old, he could live on the money that he has right now. For sure. So it's always just this bad advice from people who are just so out of touch with reality. Yeah, leave your fucking job because they're Buddhists.

That's a fucking great reason to leave your job. Yeah. And I love the idea, too, that sooner or later, if you're around all these other thoughts, you're going to become infected by them. Sure. You're not going to become infected by them, but what you'll do is you'll start to think about them. Yeah.

That's the problem. And then we don't want you thinking those dirty thoughts about other ideas. Don't you start thinking your Buddhist thoughts. Right. No. Soon you'll realize that there's more than one way to conceive of a world. And then you'll start to think, wait a minute, if there's more than one way, then no one has a claim to truth. And then the devil.

It's really everything. Well, that's where the devil comes in, right? Because it ain't Jesus Christ. Right. So we want to thank our latest patrons. We've got a bunch. We want to greet them off here. We want to thank Mike, Alyssa, Brian, Nicole and Kevin, Dustin, Chris, Doug, Chris K, Dotan, TJ, Daniel, Mark, Jesse, Jay, Pat Robertson, Sean, Hal, Mark H., Mark E., Paul S., Bo, Carl, and Doug.

Thank you all so much for your generous donations. Your donations go a long way to making sure the show happens. We put in a shit ton of time on this show. I put in a shit ton of time. Cecil really works. I mean, this is like legitimate. Cecil works really hard. And to be perfectly blunt,

I watch him work really hard. And that's real. I get so tired sometimes. I'll be laying in bed drunk and fat and happy, and I'll think, man, I bet Cecil's still working on the show. And then I doze off, you know, and it's like 12, 30, 1 o'clock in the afternoon, and I doze off, you know, for another

four-hour nap, and I think, man, I bet this is hard. So I want to thank all the patrons, of course, but, you know, one of the things that we just did during this show is just out of nowhere we found a charity that really needed some help.

We were able to donate to this charity on a whim. We would never be able to do that if we didn't have this money coming in. So we want to thank everybody for doing that and for allowing us to give some of this money away that you give us. But we really do appreciate everybody who is a patron. And all kidding aside, we really do put a lot of time in the show

and we really do appreciate when people give us a little bit of their money for putting out the product. Absolutely. And it gives us the ability to do these flexible things like go to ReasonCon, which we're doing next month, and donate money to charity. Stick the thumb in the eye of those fuckers at Andrews University. Yeah, fuck them. And thank you. We really appreciate having that flexibility and that flexibility comes from you so we got a ton of people sent us and i thought it was great

i thought it was great immediately when people saw this story they immediately thought of us there was a rededication of a place called the glory hole uh glory hole rededication. And, uh, and basically it was on this, uh, it was on, uh, WWJTD. Um, it was what would JT do JT do? And it was, uh, it was on his website on the pathos blogs. And it was, it was awesome. Cause it says it's, it's faith and humor, best headline I've seen in a while. And it says glory hole rededication. And there's a guy standing there and it's purple little schmock and he's sticking a while. And it says glory hole rededication. And there's a guy standing there in his purple little schmuck. And he's sticking his hand up and it says nothing wrong with being sexually naive. However, if you are that sexually naive, you're definitely not in a position to be telling other people how to manage their sex life.

I think that's great. That's a great article. And tons of people, tons of people sent this to us. So thank you all immediately everybody thought of us i thought was right yeah uh we got a correction about the michigan rfa bill rfra bill and i guess that's the refuse the refuse uh refuse because of religious affiliation and uh and nathan sent us a message and said hey hey, by the way, that that story that you guys read. And this was last week, I think, came out in November of 2014.

It was crazy back then. But it turns out that that the bill did not pass the Senate. So it wound up. That's great. Going not going through. So we didn't realize that it was a couple months old story. But it's good that it didn't go through. We got a message from Rashaun, Tom. Hey, guys. Glory Hole. I have a question to ask. My name is Rashaun. I'm a 20-year-old

college student in North Carolina who just started to identify as an atheist about two years ago. Anyways, I'm sure you guys may have covered this on the podcast, but I couldn't find it because the files are random as tits. Really? The titles are random as tits i don't take that me my question is what do you think about the statement quote it takes an equal amount of faith to not believe as it does to believe um well i think that's a stupid statement i actually think that the people who make that statement don't understand the terms that they're using. Right. Faith, the word faith, almost always is used to apply or is applied to the idea that you believe in something without evidence to back that up. Yeah, that's what faith is.

That's what faith is. I don't have faith in gravity. I don't have any faith in gravity. I have evidence that supports the theory of gravity. It's tested. It is held up every single time that I've ever done it. It's the same fucking stupid argument that people say, well, you have faith when you sit in that chair, that chair is going to hold your weight. No, I don't have faith. I have no faith in this chair that it's going to hold me up. What I have is 36 years of evidence that shows that every time I've sat in a chair similar in shape, structure, and size as this one, it has supported at least a portion of my weight for seconds before collapsing. Literal seconds. Underneath my substantial girth, at which point I've used a hydraulic car jack to support myself.

To get yourself back up. I used a hydraulic car jack to support myself. To get yourself back up. Yeah. But there's a massive difference between drawing conclusions based on evidence and extrapolating those conclusions forward and then just deciding something's true because willy-nilly. Right. Yeah. And faith not to believe isn't a thing, right? Right.

Because you're saying – because belief and faith are the same thing, right? Exactly. Right. So you can't – faith not to believe doesn't make any sense. What they're trying to say is they're trying to say that in order to look at the world with a scientific viewpoint, you need to have faith in science. But you don't need to have faith in science. What you need to have is evidence for scientific findings to be true or not true. Right. And so they're not using language they're using language in a way rhetorically to try to win an argument but it's not it's not

correct language that you would use uh if you were trying to define those two terms and when i hear that argument i will point out i would not engage this argument. So if this argument gets presented to you, the very first thing I would do is say, hold on a minute. Before we begin, I need you to identify, I need you to define for me what you mean by faith. Define faith for me. Yeah. position to even begin having a conversation about a sentence as obtusely written or a question as obtusely written and purposefully obfuscating the truth yeah as this sentence is so make them define their terms the whole argument will collapse yeah and and that's and and what you want to do too is use the bogosian tactic that use that basically says it uses a we rather than

a you. So say, well, how would we define faith? How would we define believe it softens the blow and it doesn't put them on the spot. So you're not being as confrontational. And then you might actually have a very good conversation with this person about these things because you sort of approached it in a different manner. We got a message back from Eric from Sweden, and he actually designed some really cool glory hole floor mats for us. And we are going to have a welcome mat. We are going to try to find somebody who did that. We had a comment from somebody this week who said that they may be able to help us out. We're going to get in touch with them this week.

So we have the glory hole mats. We're going to try to get some blanks printed and see what they look like. And then we're going to have a glory hole mat that we can sell. Although I don't know how many we're going to have to. You're going to have to like. We're going to set up like a little warehouse of glory hole mats in your basement, Tom. Man. And you're going to have to move a lot of boxes.

That's all I'm saying. That seems like work. Tom, it does seem like work ah my wife is gonna be exhausted but eric from sweden these are fucking amazing balls these are amazing thank you very much we got a message from uh from don and don says uh you were talking last episode about how nothing an eight-year-old could do could frighten you. In my marriage now, defunct, my wife took full custody of her son on the urging of her ex-husband. While her son was 15 years old, this could have been done by an eight-year-old child. One day, he told the counselor at school that he was going to turn on the gas on the stove

and let the house fill up with gas. He was then going to flick a BIC. He repeated this story to the authorities, and he was handcuffed and taken to child adolescent psychology, where he was eventually sent to a halfway house. OK, well, first, what I want to say is I don't think that I think that the point I was making was more about it's your problem. Right. So first, I don't believe that there's anything a child can do, especially an eight year old child could say or do that would make me afraid because my reaction would be the moment someone were to do this would be the reaction you way like I'm afraid that my child is now insane or something. You'd be emotionally terrified.

I'd be emotionally terrified. But I wouldn't be afraid for my person because the moment my child threatened me, I would take care of it because I'm the fucking parent. And that's my goddamn job is to take care of it. So I would take care of it. I wouldn't be. I wish no. I'm speaking. I am clearly speaking from no authority whatsoever. I'm not a parent.

I've never been a parent, but there is nothing. I think that my nephews could say to me that I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle as the adult. If I was in a car with them somewhere and they said, I'm going to kill you. Well, it looks like we're turning the car around. And if you go for me or I put you in the front seat, if you reach for me, we'll just going to hold you until you stop. And then we'll keep going. You know, I'm an adult.

I'll figure it out. I'm the fucking one in charge. I'm supposed to figure it out. Yeah. So I don't feel like while i understand where you're coming from i don't feel like the guy in that story uh who wound up at we found out later exercising his kids trying to get the demons out of him that guy did not do his job as a parent at all and and and i also think that that's, that what he's saying is all after the fact to try to fucking cover up him giving away his kids to be raped by somebody.

Well, yeah, I think. And, you know, I will I will point out that this email was sent from somebody who works at a sanctuary for birds. And because birds are consummately evil, I cannot trust anything from this email. Birds are fucking straight up evil. Right. I am terrified of them. I am terrified of your email. So an eight-year-old bird.

An eight-year-old bird, I would fucking run screaming. Yeah. I would give that to someone to be raped. Absolutely. Yeah. That's horrible. Birds are good for one thing. Eating.

We got a message from Terry and he says, keep up the goo work. He says, I wanted to thank you for making some of the tough times at work bearable over the last weeks. One thing, though, it's hard to explain. Laughing till almost crying in our new open office layout. One hazard. It seems I sing along with the Barry Ella Akbar providing some near HR moments. That's terrific. Oh, Terry, we're glad you enjoy it and we're happy that you listen and we hope that we get

you through some hard times. We got a message from Galen and I'm not going to tell you what it is. It's just a picture. Galen drew a little sketch about last episode. You'll have to go to this episode 214 to take a look at it. I laughed out loud when I opened this on my phone. It was great. Thank you. We got a message from James and James was talking a little bit about Idaho because Idaho sucks. And then he said, I think I remember the two of you talking about people's fear of vaccines and thought I would relate something to you.

This is great. Tom, why don't you read what James says? It says, at my place of employment, we were given the option of getting preventative rapies vaccinations. Where do you work? I don't even want to know. You're like working at the Angry Raccoon Factory. Where do you work? You're like, come home.

And everyone's like, you got something on your shoulder. It's just a raccoon. It's just big you from earlier. Just hang in there. Hey, welcome to Cujo's R Us. Where do you work? I don't know. Preventative rabies vaccinations.

It's like fucking Bill's Bat Emporium. It's like, welcome to the possum hunt. It's so, what the fuck? I work in an office. I just, I can't imagine if they said like, hey man, want a preventative rabies test? You're like, what am I doing, field work? Like, what's happening? I'm terrified of my review this year.

field work? What's happening? I'm terrified of my review this year. So he said, one of my co-workers refused on the grounds that he, a middle-aged man, might develop autism. This is the best part. Or give autism

to someone in his family. I'm so sorry. I came home. I got a fever and a mild case of autism. I gave it to my kids. Oh, man. Oh, it's so great. I can't even read that.

Prophetic raping. Oh, that's awesome. Thank you, James. That was awesome. It's like that office where they race for the cure. Yeah, they race for the cure. He hits her with his car. Oh, that's awesome.

Well, that's going to wrap it up for this week. I did want to remind you that we are in the podcast awards, and that's going to be going on for a little bit. You can vote every single day. on for a little bit. You can vote every single day. You can also vote for your other favorites if you're a fan of My Book of Mormon or Scathing Atheist or The Thinking Atheist. We're going to be on The Thinking Atheist this week

it turns out. That's true. We're going to be on The Thinking Atheist show this upcoming Tuesday. I want to say it's Tuesday night. So you can catch us on The Thinking Atheist show. I think at one point I say something like you wouldn't know funny if it fucked you in the mouth while we were on there i think that's what i said so uh so let's see if that made it

in the final cut let's see let's see if if seth kept that line who knows right probably his ring tone i didn't i didn't say it to set no no i didn't i was referencing uh something that happened on our website yeah but uh but yeah uh so if you listen, listen for that key phrase. The key phrase is, you wouldn't know funny if it fucked you in the mouth. It's like Pee Wee's playhouse. Like, the word of the day is, you wouldn't know funny if it fucked you in the mouth. It's like balloons that drop. Like every time it comes up in conversation.

Yeah, and then the awkward girl says it somehow. Like, how did that happen so check out the Thinking Atheist this week vote for us in the podcast awards vote for your other favorite podcasts in the podcast awards but please vote for us in the news and politics section we really appreciate it we have never won an award

I'd like to win an award win a major award like a lamp with a fucking a leg lamp with a goddamn fucking shade on it it's a major award. Like a lamp with a fucking – a leg lamp with a goddamn fucking shade on it. It's a major award. Fragile. So that's going to wrap it up for this episode of Cognitive Dissonance. We'll be back next week with another full episode, but we're going to leave you as we always do with the Skeptic's Creed.

Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info- docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot

yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. Inclusive.

Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. We'll see you next time. you