Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 222: One-Third of the Way There

Episode Date: April 27, 2015

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cockney. What the what? What the fucking?

What just happened? Did you swallow a bug? Oh my god. What on earth just happened? I have no idea what just happened. It sounded like your throat just decided to be done. It just decided to be done. Either that or you immediately turned into James Hadfield from Metallica.

You're like, oh. That was so weird, man. I swear that's never happened to me before. Wow. That's kind of awesome, girl. That was so weird, man. That's never. I swear that's never happened to me before. Wow. That's kind of awesome, though. Now we have to keep it, though. Oh, no.

Yeah, no. We totally have to keep it. My humiliation forever on record. Oh, I know. Yeah. This is the one thing that's humiliating. Right? I know.

Like of all this shit. Yeah. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. Because I'm a consummate professional, motherfucker. You're a pro. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Amazing. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.

Rah! We just start barking at each other. We're off the rails. You know, like, everybody's turned off. Everybody has turned off their machines at each other. We're off the rails. You know, like everybody's turned off. Everybody has turned off their machines at this point. Whatever device they listen to, like, really? It's been a minute. You're not even through the intro.

Yeah, you know, I think the problem is that, like, you're coughing up the chick filet. I still haven't had it. I still haven't had it. But I will say this, Cecil. It's skeptical. It's political. Still going. And there is no welcome mat.

What is it? Episode what? 222. Oh, it's amazing. We're halfway to 444. We're a third of the way to 666, which is, that's like our golden birthday. That is. That's when we stopped doing it.

That would be awesome. At 666, we should make a pact that we're just piecing out at 666 no matter what. That's it. Like, I don't care what happens. At 666, it's like, hmm. Well, I'll fucking rebrand the show and start over at episode one if we want to keep doing it. 661. That's it. We're going to be like, that's it we're gonna be like

maybe we changed our mind no probably not it'll be like eight years from now we'll be like yeah six you're looking at you're looking at at that point with um right now we're looking at at per year we put out – let me double check here. About 72 episodes a year. 72 episodes, right? Yeah. Six more years. About six and an eighth years, yeah.

More years to go. I won't live that long. There's no way I'll live that long. By that time – You don't think I have six years left? Well, six years from now there won't be any more Christians. I don't think I have six years left. Well, six years from now, there won't be any more Christians. We will have taken over the White House and the Senate, and there will be an openly gay president.

Yeah, okay. So you're obviously drinking, and that's fine. Six years from now. In six years, that's going to happen, right? I will say I have some hope. The only way that I live another six years. Did you hear about the guy? They're doing this in Russia where they're doing a fucking full head transplant.

Yeah, it's going to be like fucking an old timey sci-fi movie over there. I know, it's like Re-Animator. Russia already is an old timey sci-fi movie. I mean, who are we kidding? But they have experience because I have seen and read articles where they did something similar with dogs. They did dog head transplants. And they've actually done like two headed dogs. But like, I mean, we still don't understand the fucking nature of the spinal cord yet.

Oh, yes. It might go horribly awry. Right. Like, this is the thing. This is why it's like, oh, near Russia. You know what I mean? We went to Upster Medical College. Exactly.

Because like you have – like there's a tremendously complex interaction between your body and the chemistry of your body and the brain and how like the – like how those things interrelate. There is absolutely no guarantee that even if it's successful in terms of waking this guy back up, that there'll be any kind of ability for his brain to regulate the functions of this body and for this body's biochemical feedback systems to work properly. There's no guarantee that any of that works at all they're like it might just go fucking mad right away oh geez but it is i did see i did read the article and i and there happened to be a picture of the gentleman in question and i have to say like were i saddled with the incredible diseases this poor gentleman is saddled with i'd fucking transplant my head onto anything. What is he – what's wrong with him?

He's got all the diseases. I don't even know what they are. He's got them all. He's got – no, he's got – I don't know what they are. It's that shit's beyond my pay grade. But, like, whatever he's got, just from image you can you can tell it's not anything good you know i wonder too because when you get an organ or whatever they your body will reject it i wonder if like his head's just gonna pop off like sorry we reject that shit it's like it's like scanners yeah scanners twice in two episodes oh man

yeah it's fucking iconic that's you the scanners the official movie of cognitive dissonance but that's my hope like i was watching this it's. It's a mere 150 doctors or 150 surgeons that are taking part in this surgery. And the surgery is scheduled to last 30 hours. 30 hours. What are they, tagging in like fucking pro wrestling? What's going to happen? I don't know. And here's why I have hope.

First, I've never successfully accomplished anything that's taken me 30 hours. Right. Right? So just being unconscious and letting people work on me would set a personal record. I'd be like, hey, I fucking did something for 30 hours. Look at me go. Oh. And with the ways, the multiple horrifying ways I have abused this body.

I'm just waiting for like young, attractive people to die so I can test out their bodies. I think this is the future. If it works, what this opens up delightfully, Cecil, what this opens up is a whole world of rich old heads walking around our beautiful young body that's gonna be such it's gonna be the weirdest boner ever you know i you know you're saying you're saying you would have this beautiful young body right but let's imagine that you were to say get a ferrari within a week that ferrari would turn into a geo metro with fucking soda bottles in the back seat you know it would be the way and that's exactly what happened if you had a like a beautiful young body sure it would be fine for about 30 minutes until you made your first trip to mcdonald's i feel like this is the future and i

don't like your first of all think about like think about the possibilities you could get the chocolate vanilla swirl i could have a black body with a white head that would be amazing that would be awesome right there's no there's no reason why i couldn't have like a woman's body and then i never have to even go out and meet people you'd be like that that fucking uh that james guy from uh apex twin when he's got like a fucking man's head that's what i'm saying it'd be like what are you doing to be like have you seen this body why would i leave my house i'd be like a dog that could lick his nuts you know what i mean

stick it around who do you do i am fucking'm going to masturbate this body into desiccation. I am going to ruin this thing. Well, let's see. On my calendar, I have 10 o'clock breast exam, 11 o'clock breast exam, 12 o'clock breast exam, one o'clock breast exam. I've been a fondle. 130, I'm fucking the bedpost. I've been a fondle 130 on fucking the bedpost

Plus if you could do that You could literally like You could go crazy balls I could be like yeah I'll go fucking Hang scuba gliding Like whatever that is let's do it Doesn't mean I don't give a fuck I'm doing fucking

I'm doing a fucking shark rodeo At 3 o'clock. That's amazing. All you have to do is protect your head. All you have to do is protect the head. That's it. It's like a lion munching on your arm. You're casually eating a PBJ.

You're like, I don't fucking care. I'll just fucking. Look, there's no shortage of dead poor people in the world. And once in a while, you just antagonize it with a stick. You know, while it's eating you. Hurts like hell, but I don't even care. I'm not even emotionally attached to it. Well, if they can manipulate all that, they can probably turn your pain sensors off, right?

Right. You just have buttons, like on the other arm, you know, so if one's getting munched by a lion, for example. Yeah. You know, you just reach over. Oh, I just turned that off. Oh, you know you just reach over i just turn that off oh you know what maybe they'll just have quick releases for the body parts just snap on snap off holy shit dude if we could be lego people oh man that would be amazing it would be i would give up i would give up having functional knees to be a lego person i don't really have that functional

now right no i mean functional knees and ankles heels are overrated right i still get up i already get up the stairs with one of those like gremlin style like chairs yeah right the automatic people movers yeah it's the fucking chairlift right yeah it's the future that's what i'm saying all i know is i have a robot that that vacuums my floor and they're doing head transplants it's the fucking future all right so here's here it is then episode 6666 we will uh get our head transplants i will you'll be able to get them like pedicures i'm sure at that point like swing over the transplantary they'lltery. They'll have a whole slew of franchises open. It's like you get to pick out which head you want, like Jamberry, where you get to be like, I want this one.

No, I want this one. I think that's the downside, though, is you always keep the same head because that's where the thinky bits live. That is true. Well, come on. They're just going to be able to slat your brain in there with a flip-top head eventually. That's the real money. That's the Apple version, right? People are all standing around the corner waiting for their brand new iBody.

I heard the iBody 6 is out. It's basically the same thing but with bigger muscles. I could deadlift a semi. Oh, man. They can't keep my hands off my touchscreen, though. That's for sure. Why would you try? Who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole?

It's Jesus. God, this story is super fucking weird. This is from Fox News. Miracles from Heaven. Near fatal fall cures sick little girl's symptoms. So this is this little girl. She's five years old. She's got two incurable disorders.

She's got a pseudo obstruction motility disorder, whatever the fuck that is, and antral hypomotility disorder. The digestive disorders, I guess. In and out of the hospital for years. But God intervened, Cecil, in 2011. And knocked her out of a tree.

Because that... I don't even... So he knocked her out of a tree so she fell 30 feet headfirst into a hollowed out cottonwood tree right where she remained stuck presumably upside down wedged in a tree right for hours okay until they managed to fucking airlift her ass out of the goddamn tree she recovered from her her injury she had like a near-death experience right and then now she doesn't have her incurable disorders yeah that's it so that's god's fucking mechanism Yeah. That's it.

So that's God's fucking mechanism. That's how he fixes it. That is. I knew a guy who had Lyme disease, and then he got his head decapitated off, and he didn't have Lyme disease afterwards. That cures it. It's 100% effective. It's fucking 100% effective. I think he was developing cancer, too, but I think that was developing cancer too but i think that was cured too it's like god's up there and it's like it's like somebody brings this little girl to his attention

he's like a little girl wait a minute hang on a minute now what she got pseudo obstruction i can't no i can't and and troll hypomotiv no knock her out a tree. No. Treat her like a raccoon. She up there. She got all the coon dogs and the hypomotility. Them the angry coon dogs. They're barking at her. They're getting real excited. She's having that cottonwood treat.

Knock her out that branch. She fall down head first. Gotta get her wedged in there good and tight. Otherwise the diseases, you know, they can get loose. They can shake out of there. Well, then she's asymptomatic. God. This is who's who's looking at this like there's a God knocked her out.

A God knocked her out of a tree. Really? I just think I just think, you know, you really just need to bottle this sort of thing. You know what I mean? Like, could you imagine going to the storm and like well i got a cold what does god recommend oh tripanning oh okay let me do that no cold's less severe so you just trip and fall yeah you know just it's like caution wet floor right but if you have like if you have like let's say you have like a degenerative nerve disease, then you trip and fall like a screwdriver or something. Yeah. Well, you know, it's just higher and higher is the problem. Right. So, you know, like, oh, I see. Oh, I see. So you got to fall off like a small ladder.

Right. Or just, you know, depending on how severe it is. So, like, if you've got like fucking end stage, got fucking end stage fucking pancreatic cancer, you just go skydiving without a fucking parachute. And just hope your chute doesn't open. Do you think homosexuality is a sin? I think that it's unnatural. I think that it's detrimental and ultimately destructive

to so many of the foundations of civilization. So this story also comes from the raw story. Texas lawmaker refuses to meet with constituents who don't share her views. Staff says it's a waste of time. I got to admit, though, Tom, I think they're telling the truth. I was going to say, you know, the thing about this story is I applaud their honesty. Yeah, I mean, at least they're being honest. You know, like, hey, we'd like to meet with you.

Listen, this chick is fucking nuts. You don't want to meet with her. This is a waste of your time. Yeah. It's not so much a waste of her time. Trust me. It is a waste of your time. You know, this goes back to what we talk about all the time about flip-flopping, though.

There was a guy, that Rand Paul guy recently, I saw, I was watching Meet the Press this week. And I guess he got into it with some reporter about something. I guess the reporter asked him like a question. And it was kind of this leading question, really long, and basically implied that he changed his mind on something. And it's this long sort of, so you used to be pro-Iran and then this happened and now you're anti-Iran. And so where do you stand? Would you say that your position has changed or something? And he kind of sort of went off on the person. And I don't like Rand Paul at all, really. I mean, I don't think he's a good choice for the

government unless you're ultra rich and don't care about humans – I don't think he's a good choice for the government unless you're ultra-rich and don't care about humans. But I think that he's got this – he's got – he had a point when he was like mad because they were asking these weird leading questions because when you get – you get sort of bombarded by the press and that sort of thing. And they're asking what they want to hear so that they can spin it in their own particular way. But I also think it's silly to say – you changed your mind and i ran well did i ran change things for me to change my mind yeah right what's that fucking can i change my mind is that not allowed we we did and i know this is this is a point we bring up all the time but this is exactly this sort of thing it's like you could fucking put me in a room with a bunch of people and they could tell me some really human stories about the suffering that goes on because of anti-LGBT laws. And it's fucking – it would not – my heart would be hardened.

Fucking Pharaoh's heart would be hardened, motherfucker. I would not care because no matter what – I am not open to new ideas. Yeah. I am – no, no, no. You misunderstand me. As your fucking representative, I don't intend to represent you. Yep. I don't intend to represent you.

That's sort of fucking unbelievably outrageous, but it is also a character flaw. And that's the thing that makes me laugh about this article is it's like flaunting your character flaws. It'd be like, yeah, I'm petty. Hey, you know, I'm petty. I, you know, sometimes I scream in toddlers' faces. Whatever. I'm just, hey, I got a list of character flaws. What do you want from me?

You know, sometimes I wait for my wife to fall asleep and then, you know, I, you know, kind of make a move on her. I'm a terrible fucking human being. I just tap my penis on her forehead a little bit. You know? You know, I just. Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey. You know know what i mean sometimes i steal from the church collection plate i mean i don't know what do you want i'm just a terrible fucking human being it's why would you broadcast your flaws

i don't know well because because they're they're not flaws i know i know i can't do it. We'll do it live. We'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fucking thing sucks! Talking points memo. Bill O'Reilly, Cecil.

It's open season on Christians and white men. Oh no. Yeah, let's hear it. Bill O'Reilly from the Fox News Bill O'Reilly show. This country is in trouble economically and overseas. While the left will never admit that it's true. And whoever the next president is, is going to inherit one big mess. The jihadists are threatening millions of people. Iran's close to having a nuclear weapon. Working Americans are still struggling to make money in the marketplace. And our traditional American values are under siege nearly everywhere.

to make money in the marketplace and our traditional american values are under siege nearly everywhere wow it sucks to be an american today man so such a fucking way to go bill o'reilly debbie downer man that's it's so funny because that's like that's in stark contrast to the actual numbers you know where you know the the stock market is vastly higher and closed vastly higher than it has four or five years ago. The unemployment numbers are looking better than they have in eight years. I mean, man, all of a sudden, maybe it's not so bad. We just reached a major diplomatic agreement with Iran that actually probably means that Iran will not actually get a nuclear weapon? Oh, man. Turns out if you use facts, most of that

shit is not the case. Oh, okay. Well, don't do that, Tom. Come on, we're going to fucking ruin... What was it called? Bill Murray. No, don't insult Bill Murray. Bill O'Reilly. If you're a Christian or a white man in the USA, it's open season on you.

Therefore, Hillary Clinton has an advantage. She can run a general campaign, first woman in the White House, and I'm going to help you by increasing the entitlement society. Wow. Increasing the entitlement society. You're a white man, it's open season? Did you notice the open season? I thought it was Wabbit season.

Yeah, well, you know, you have to go to Walmart to get your white man, you know, tags. And you can only shoot two. And you've got to make sure. Like, the thing is, is like, like, normally when you go out to shoot a buck, you go for the horns. Now you go for beards. So I'm actually going to shave my beard off because I'm afraid, you know, some hunter out there is going to be like, well, look at the beard on that one. Thankfully, my beard is like scraggly and shitty. So I think they pass me up.

You're like, you're like the fucking bucked up, like two horns on one side, a horn and a half on the other. It will take a very articulate and tough minded Republican to defeat her. Where are you going to find one? Where are you going to find one? An articulate, tough-minded Republican to defeat her. Where are you going to find one? Where are you going to find one? An articulate, tough-minded Republican. Well, you have no chance of fielding a candidate. As long as they get Michelle O. Bachman, we're okay. One final thing.

We have the factor, as I said, we're going to be fair to Hillary Clinton. But we're going to be tough, as we are on all political candidates. I don't think gender matters one bit. And if this war on women business is resurrected, we'll have something to say about it. Also, Mrs. Clinton would be well advised, well advised, to distance herself from media matters and the other gutter snipe organizations who use despicable, dishonest tactics to attack those with whom they disagree. If you embrace the smear merchants, Mrs. Clinton,

we will have something to say about it. Oh, no. Bill O'Reilly's mad. Well, wait, so Bill O'Reilly won't endorse Hillary Clinton? Oh, man. Gosh, Big Hillary, you better watch out. Media matters. You better watch out. Don't talk to them, I guess. Oh, man. Gosh, Big Hillary, you better watch out. Media matters. You better watch out. Don't talk to them, I guess. Oh, man. That's, you know, my very favorite is it says the very next line is, watch the clip via media matters.

I think we got off the track when we allowed our government to become a secular government. our government to become a secular government. When we stop realizing that God created this nation, that he wrote the Constitution, that it's based on biblical principles. Also from Right Wing Watch, Raphael Cruz continues to blame church-state separation for violent crime and teen pregnancy. Yeah. There's a clip here from the radio host's name is Steve Deese. And I guess he had Raphael Cruz on. Who's the father of Ted Cruz? I didn't know that. You know, interesting. All right, well, let's play a little bit of this. The church is actually more responsible for the place where America is today than anybody else. Because if we go back to 1962 and 1963, two abominable decisions of the Supreme Court. 1962, prayer was taken out of schools.

This guy sounds so awesome. I know, man. He reminds me of this. Budgets. We ain't got no budgets. We don't need no budgets. I don't have to show you any stinking badges better not coming closer maybe that's rafael chris that could be i don't know maybe 1963

bible teaching was taken out of school you know for generations kids prayed in school before starting the day the bible was the principal textbook in all schools all the way to university wait a minute the bible the bible was the principal textbook in all schools all the way to university yeah that's that no that's that's true that's why you know like those weren't learning times right that's when you're like hey how do you math and you're like oh well first you take an arc and then you add up all the fucking animals that are on oh yeah what would you do with the bible as a textbook i don't know it's a fucking stupid thing to say it's a great textbook for literally nothing it's it's a great textbook

if your only class is what does it fucking say in the bible exactly like what does the bible say that's a great textbook for that but like anything else it's not even a good world history book because it doesn't it doesn't cover any other world history except for like some very select world history right you know you know and the problem with this is that these are the same guys who are always uh you know talking about like how scary the fucking islamic madrasas are yeah you know and what is an islamic madrasa it's a fucking school that uses the quran it's its primary fucking textbook yeah it's the exact same thing just another person's religious text yeah it's the same concept and you're just like look great idea wrong book but let me tell you the church remained silent when those two decisions took place.

No, it didn't. Oh, yeah. You're crapping. Try to place this guy's voice. Where have I heard? My dear guests, I am Mr. Roth, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island. Maybe that's where he's...

Gosh, just trying to place his voice, that's all. And their excuse is their're a political issue. Now, how can you call prayer a political issue? How can you call Bible study a political issue? But that's what the church did. The consequence of that, we can see it in the statistics. Teen pregnancy skyrocketed after 1963, and so did violent crime, all as a result of taking Bible reading and prayer out of schools. Teen pregnancy skyrocketed at that time.

Yeah. So it's not accurate. Right. And violent crime did skyrocket in the 70s, but then it plummeted thereafter. And in fact, violent crime has been down for years now. Teen pregnancy has been down for years now. Teen pregnancy has sort of dropped too. But I think fights between spouses have gone up because I think Cruz got into a fight with his spouse once. Oh no!

I'll show you who gives in first in this family. Mira que me decida a mi que yo no se habla en ingles cuando lo he estudiado perfectamente en todas las universidades. Muchisimos años. Lo hablo mejor que toda la gente que esta en la mesa aqui. And whenever you're ready to call me and apologize you can it perfectly in all the universities. For many years. I speak better than all the people who are sitting in the room here. And whenever you're ready to call me and apologize, you can call me down at the club. Don't hold your breath. So, you know, I mean, maybe that's what's gone up. That's awesome. That's awesome.

There's one more guess. One more guess at where he's from. Let's see. Maybe this is it. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say hello my name is you killed my father prepare to die oh no oh no oh just shut down our inbox now we've come we've come full circle oh no Oh, no. Oh, no. Just shut down our inbox now. We've come full circle.

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you can give them the restaurant-style chicken wings and imported beer that they so desperately need. For less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can make a difference in their lives, allowing them the opportunity to rant unfettered as nature intended please go to patreon.com backslash dissonance pod today make a pledge and help these poor innocent creatures lead a life worth living wow this story is so odd, dude. So odd.

It's so weird. From NBC News, Texas woman arrested in alleged attempt to resurrect dead toddler. And I thought they could have just written to resurrect toddler. You know, in journalism school, you're taught to edit, edit, edit, right? You're taught to, let's hone this sentence down to its absolute necessary parts.

Let's fucking just get in there and tune it up. And, you know, you're right. There's a vestigial dead in that sentence. I think it wouldn't be much of a story if the toddler was just napping. Yeah, right. I don't think NBC News would be showing up. Oh, God.

So this story, and I found this at a number of different places, it's terribly sad. So this two-year-old was starved to death, it sounds like. Oh, Jesus Christ. So it's not like the kid died of natural causes. The kid was starved to death. And so they naturally did the only reasonable thing when you've starved your toddler to death. Toddlers, by the way, really like to eat food. So it's kind of hard.

You have to go through an effort to starve. Where does it say that the child starved? It's not in this story. I found it in a different – I found this story in a number of different places. So these guys are softening the blow. Okay, great. NBC is actually – yeah, they're just focusing on the resurrection bit. Yeah.

Not on the how the kid died bit. So they did the only reasonable thing. Fucking the kid's dead. You didn't feed it. Maybe nobody told them you got to feed kids. Right. Maybe they didn't know. Maybe they didn't get the Karen feeding guide.

I mean, you got to toddler. It got to toddler somehow. It's true. It didn't make the Karen feeding guide. I mean, you got to toddler. It got to toddler somehow. It didn't make it two years. It's not like it just fucking lived off osmosis until then. It wasn't like a baby who crawled into the pantry with some canned goods. Right, yeah. It's not like a walking dead baby or something. It's like a baby in a fucking non-apocalyptic time.

So the kid fucking dies, and so they have a rising ceremony. Oh. Which was an attempt to resurrect the victim from the dead. What did they do? Well, I don't exactly know what a fucking rising ceremony is. I think you just shake the kid vigorously. I think you just shake the kid vigorously i think you just shake them until

they wake up but i will tell you that it doesn't include any rising no no and it does it does include a lot of lolling i think right ahead sort of just flopping like flop there's a flopping that happens when you shake a lot. Fly attracting. When the kid dies, so that they're like, hmm, okay, this looks bad. Let's try the rising ceremony. Didn't work. Yeah. And at some point, wouldn't somebody have said like, hey, so this has worked before, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah yeah it totally worked before it never works it never works yeah it will it never will work ever plus i you know i'm not a biblical scholar but i don't think there's any fucking resurrect a toddler ceremonies in the fucking bible which means you made it up you just made it up well and then the worst part is is that they the kid now dead they're like well that failed well let's fucking wrap the kid in a blanket and take him back to mexico what is a kid a vampire you gotta take him back to the ground it was brought like fucking born on back to its home soil because i didn't see the story that you saw so i just saw that the two

year old died and i'm like oh that's sad but you know if they're clearly mistreating it beforehand that's really fucking sad you know i mean i understand if like the kid died of natural causes and you're just fucking grief stricken and you want to be like fuck i need something bring this kid back because you're terrified and scared whatever well and it's and i and i i am sympathetic to a degree to the idea that that you know, your child dies, you do fucking anything. You'd be like, I'll fucking, I don't care what it is. Like, you want me to rip the earth in half? Let's do this thing.

Like, I'll fucking treat that shit like a strong man with a phone book. I get that. And I really do. But, you know, when it fails, there has to be some moment of clarity where you're maybe call some fucking authorities and let them know. Because it's not like if you've got family in Mexico, they're not going to let you take the kid back to Mexico. That's the thing they let you do. Yeah. And just having to declare a dead kid at the gate is just a pain in the ass.

Do you have anything to declare? Let's see. I've got toddler corpse. And then I think, no, I think we're good. No, I think just one toddler corpse. Do you have a bag of oranges? Okay, toddler corpse, but you don't have any invasive species. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Not invading anything. His invasive days are over. Oh, no. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. Indiana Sheriff says prayer in school is the only way to stop kids from being murdered. Fucking captain solves a problem a lot.

This guy. This is amazing. So in Indiana, this fucking 14-year-old boy gets shot, right? And the city council and the people, they all get together and they have this community outreach meeting. And they're like, what should we do about violence in our community? And they're having this meeting. And then they turn to their fucking sheriff. Their sheriff!

And he says, hey, you take God and prayer out of schools and you take discipline away from parents and teachers and you want the sheriff to solve it? No. Not it. Really? out of schools and you take discipline away from parents and teachers and you want the sheriff to solve it no not it really uh you are the fucking sheriff yeah when people get shot that's kind of the sheriff's ballywick yeah that's your thing man what is it what is it with prayer though in schools that could possibly are we saying that prayer is like shitty insurance is that worse and like god is like the insurance agent oh sorry you know you we thought you were covered here but you you wound up not praying earlier so i'm just gonna have to let you get murdered sorry about that kind of rough day to sort of forget about your insurance but yeah tough one my bad you know look and i know you said oh god earlier but you were masturbating so we can't count that

that's not something we can count it's like a three-fifths count that's what that is the can you imagine too like you're arguing you're trying to argue the point with your fucking jesus underwriter yeah you know and you're like well i i pray at home and they're like well home isn't school yeah you know what matters what matters is that you pray where people can see and then you're like well but doesn't it say in timothy like shut up shut up read your policy read your policy you're getting murdered just deal with it do i get to go to heaven no not now you don't. Yeah. You know, look, if you would have prayed earlier today, we might have let you in. But I'm sorry that you just prayed a little too late.

You know, you prayed while you were dying after you've been shot, not before you were dying. Right. Right. You're just like, oh, man. So you got to do it when you don't mean it. And that's when it counts the most. Like, wait, what? yeah weird that's how that's it actually reminds me of actual homeowner's insurance i remember my house what i had a house that flooded in the basement and i had sump pump coverage and so

they're like yeah it's cool you're everything's covered except the sump pump and i was like well wait a minute the reason it fit the reason it flooded was because the sump pump and i was like well wait a minute the reason it fit the reason it flooded was because the sump pump broke and they're like yeah well we don't replace the sump pump we'll just replace all of the damage caused by the faulty sump pump but not the sump pump itself and i was like what that is the most short-sighted thinking you can't actually think more short-sighted than that. Why on earth would that? That's the dumbest.

That is a policy made up by an idiot. It's outrageous. Because the thinking is that they – and I actually – we had a somewhat terse conversation regarding this very subject as it turns out. And not because I cared about buying a new sump pump but but because it was so asinine, I simply had to. Sure. At a certain point, you're just like, I'm not even mad. I'm just impressed that you're that stupid. Right.

Well, I said, I said, well, but I can't. I simply cannot get there. You have to help me understand. They're like, well, you've got to understand that what insurance does is it covers damage. The sump pump isn't damaged i was like well you got me there bro yeah man okay fair enough it's like it's like if your house catches on fire they don't buy you new fire you can't that's true you can't like you can claim everything but you can't be like and i had an eternal flame yeah i had like four put it out is there any way you could replace my four faulty space heaters

is that possible no sorry you get to use those same old space heaters Is that possible? No, sorry. You get to use those same old space heaters. They made it. They made it through the fire. They're okay. Put them in your new house. We'll build for you.

The only thing prayer is going to save you from is like a fucking, I don't even know, like a fucking, like a ghost or something. I guess if you're going to get murdered by Candyman, maybe the prayer would save you. It will help. The thing is, prayer is an effective tool to use against other imaginary shit. Sure. You know what I mean? It's like – So if you're being attacked by the Loch Ness Monster –

Then you could throw a Bigfoot at it, right? You could just throw him in a fucking – Or you could pray. That's it. Either one is perfectly fine. Or you could actually pray to Bigfoot. I would just pray to Bigfoot. But this is the same guy.

Like, to give you an idea, and I think the funny thing is that I think sheriffs are elected in Indiana. I know that they're elected here. I believe they're also elected in Indiana. Yeah, they're elected by how well they play the banjo, it turns out. Dude, Indiana is fucking weird. It smells like wet mulch. Yeah, dude, I was just in Indiana, and you're right. It smells.

I was just there. It legitimately smelled weird, right mulch. Yeah, dude. I was just in Indiana, and you're right. It smells. I was just there. It legitimately smelled weird, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The whole, like, all of I-65 smells like wet mulch. Yeah.

I-65 is just, and it's also the most painfully boring country. It's just as boring as I-55 in Illinois. Yeah. Well, no, but I think it's, here's why I-65 is worse. There's always a tragic and fatal accident on I-65. Every time I'm on I-65, I have a picture. I was driving north on I-65 my way home from Columbus, Ohio. And there was – on the southbound lanes, there was a car that was a car in word only that was left over from whatever it looked like the fucking

hand of god ripped it in two and then set it on fire and then shat on it the car had been so fucked up and that has been my experience every time i'm on 65 it's like there's gonna be a traffic jam and it is gonna be because be the result of some horrifying horrifying multi-casualty injury on I-65. It's either that or there's a truck in the fucking left lane. That's all I'm saying. What are the other? People not from America are like, I don't care about I-65. I don't care about places that aren't in America.

I don't even believe in them. America. I don't even believe in them. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow colored wrapper for your Whopper. So the story comes to the raw story. going to have a rainbow colored wrapper for your whopper so the story comes to the raw story christian group investigating family and staff of 2016 candidates to expose gay sympathizers

well it fucking begins here we are we're you know 16 18 months away from the from the election time and uh an evangelical christian Christian organization is calling on its pastors to investigate presidential candidates, right wing or left wing, I don't take the care, to expose anybody who is either a secret gay or who supports LGBT rights. So they actually call this hate vetting. That's what this is called. I've decided that's what it's called. It's hate vetting.

If you're not hateful enough, you can't possibly be the candidate du jour. I like that term. We should coin it. I think it's really accurate. 100,000 pastors that are, and it says here, they're working with 100,000 pastors to mobilize Christian voters to also dig up dirt on people connected to presidential candidates um i also heard and this is so that they can expose as you said gay sympathizers what they called gay sympathizers and i also heard that the amish have mobilized 10 covered wagons to look for zipper sympathizers well they they mobilize the wagons but you know it's not all that impressive to mobilize a wagon. It's already got wheels on it, guys. It's like a fucking wheeled barn, folks.

It's the original RV. They have a wagon racing ceremony every Wednesday. Every day is Oregon Trail Day. Every day you could literally dive to. You know, when I when I read this, the first thing I thought is what a bunch of fucking dinosaurs. I know. Because right now it's something like thirty nine states that have some sort of provision for gay people to be married or civil union or recognition of civil unions. And there's still some holdout fucking bigot states,

but they're all the irrelevant states, the ones you forgot about, you know, they're all the irrelevant states or Texas. And you just have this, you have this feeling that at a certain point, uh, there's just not going to be any more traction on this issue. There's the holdouts, and there will be the holdouts. They're going to be – I mean because look, man, there's still holdouts for segregation for Christ's sakes. Those people exist. Those people are out there. They're just silent.

They're just silent because now, this many years after segregation has been outlawed and after the civil rights movement, those people, when they say their hateful, bigoted shit in front of a big group of people, they don't just get stares. They get people to say, hey, buddy, shut the fuck up. Nobody needs to hear that anymore. Nobody cares about that sort of thinking anymore. So this is what's going to happen within the next few years. And I dare say within the next presidential election after this one, it may be that the Republican Party doesn't even care anymore about this issue. That there's a point where they just say, we can can't there's nothing we can do we're done they may have you know an openly gay platform at that point where they say well that's fine we're totally for fucking gay rights let's let's

fucking rock this shit because at a certain point you're never ever ever going to get the the uh the people who care about social issues on your side if you if you fucking run on this platform you're just gonna fucking you're gonna go extinct that's just what's gonna happen there's no way i would ever vote for a candidate who was uh pro traditional family or whatever fucking way they try to spin you know i wonder ce, it's an interesting point. I wonder if the next big third party candidate won't come from the Christian right as the Republican Party no choice but to take these hardline, regressive stances on a variety of social issues. And these stances are going to turn around and bite them in the ass. You know, their stance on a host of issues.

Climate change, because that has a religious component to it, as we've seen time and time and time again. Climate change, abortion, gay rights. What are the other big issues that the Christian right really mobilizes around? At some point, the Republicans are smart. These are not genuinely stupid people. are smart. You know, they're not. These are not. These are not genuinely stupid people. There are smart strategic thinkers that are deciding what the issues are that they need to be on the side of in order to gather votes. And they're going to recognize that generationally these are not the issues. And so they're going to they're going to bail. I agree with you.

They're going to bail on those issues and they're going to have to adopt some kind of new platform. They already have, Tom. Look at what happened in Indiana within the last couple of months. That's a traditionally red state. That's a state that has – it has Republican House and Congress members. It has a Republican governor. It has – they voted for Mitt mitt romney in 2012 on purpose yeah absolutely they voted i'm sure they voted for mccain too so you're looking at you know i mean

this is a traditionally red state and look at what happened when that rfra stuff came in and all those people were like all the young people of that of that state all stood up and said no. And they immediately said, oh, we fucked up. We are sorry. We are going to change our minds. And that is going to happen more and more and more and more. They can't win anymore. They can't even in their own states.

They can't win anymore. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Why does there have to be stock footage? What does that add to this story? This story from fucking news 24 husband sets wife on fire in pakistan honor killing and there's fucking shutterstock image of just a fucking fiery blaze just in case you were like but i wonder what that would look like. What does fire look like again? Oh, thanks, Shutterstock. That's the orange hot stuff.

So a Pakistani man and his father, because, you know, you got to get pops involved. Sure. It's all in the family. They were arrested. Thankfully, they were arrested. They were arrested on some good charges, too. Yeah, dude. They fucking brought

the house they fucking got him for murder and terrorism terrorism yeah well they set the son's wife on fucking fire for leaving the house without asking his fucking permission and where did she go So Cecil, she went to her sister's house. So the only rational response was to beat her. Right. Then douse her in petrol. Right. That's gasoline in America. Yeah.

And then set her on fire. That's just fucking not a place, man. Thanks, Obama. That's just not how you... You're a dick. That's just not how you – that's awesome. I literally have no idea how you could connect this to – it's not U.S. imperialism this time that they would pull out. What they would say is that it's a cultural thing. They would say, oh, well, you see, this has nothing to do with Islam. It's a cultural thing.

But what they don't understand is that Islam is intertwined with that culture. Right. And this isn't just this culture, right? This isn't just just Pakistan. It's other countries that participate in honor killings. So if it's other countries in other places of the world, where are they getting it from? I would also point out related links. Daughter dies in honor killing.

Family hacked to death in honor killing. Pakistani family sent to death over honor killing. It's not a fucking isolated incident. Right. Honor killings, you know, I was looking at something earlier today. It's a thousand people die every year in Pakistan alone in honor killings. There's no such thing as an honor killing outside of an honor culture, right? And to your point, that shit comes from somewhere.

And these are nation states that are so intertwined with their religious identity and their cultural identity are one in the same. You cannot disassociate the two. You know, this is this is a this is a country where, you know, we covered a story where a dude and his wife, if I remember right, were where their legs were broken and they were thrown into a kiln and burned to death because they, you know, fucking got grumpy about a book. It's you cannot disassociate culture with religion in Pakistan or in many parts of the of the world where, you know, their system of laws are all based on religious principles. When they all have the same religious principles, right? So in Libya, there's honor killings. I'm looking at – I just did a search for honor killings, right? And so in Libya, you're looking at Middle East, North Africa, Iran, Jordan, Afghanistan.

You're looking at all these places. Where's Norway on there, man? Yeah, I mean – Like where's fucking Sweden? Where's Norway? Well, Canada was on there a couple years ago, but they were immigrants and they were Islamic. Right. So, you know, look, I'm not saying that everybody who practices Islam is capable of honor killings. I'm saying that the books actually allow it.

So some people fucking say, hey, I'm going to do this thing. Get rid of the books. You might get rid of the honor killings. Well, look at who gets killed in these honor killings. It's always women. Why can't it be the granddad? Why can't we get rid of granddad? I don't know.

Fucking he's just sucking up to Social Security anyway. At home is expensive. Give me a break. And I want his watch. The fuck? You know, how do you how do you say like oh dad i got a problem my wife went to her sister's house oh i know gosh oh she set her on fire jeez how curious would you be if your son came to you with that news oh my gosh like my wife went to her sister's

house to be like fucking what's the second half of the story? Like, because the second half of the story better be my, you know, my wife went to her sister's house and they fucked the entire fire department. And then they killed our son or something. Okay. Yeah. Because even that, like, I'd be like, well, fucking have. Get a divorce. I don't.

There's others. There's always a better solution there's never i can't even imagine where you're like after having considered all of my rational options i've decided to set you on fire exactly fire yeah i will say that there is a hot wife joke in there that i just didn't want to make so oh. Is trusting God important? It's the only thing that gets favor from him. He doesn't respond to pain or tears or heartache. He only responds to being believed.

Well, if you've ever wondered how we choose candidates or how candidates choose to be candidates here in the States, Politico, this story will answer the question. John Kasich awaits signal from God on presidential bid. Ohio Governor John Kasich continued to signal his intent in running for president. But first, he's got to wait for God to give him the green light, Cecil. Actually, if I would go the opposite direction in this, because we've seen God's track record when he tells people to run for office. True. And it's been horrid. Michelle O'Bachman.

Huh? Rick Perry. Herman Cain. All three of them flushed out of the last fucking presidential nominees. So that's true. If I were this guy and God were to say to me, hey, Johnny boy, time to run. I'd say, oh, I got a little food in the oven. Yeah, I'm a little busy. Now, God doesn't say anything. You might be your time. Might be the time to run,

buddy. This in any other country would be like, this is pretty much a. Yeah. You know, it's funny we say that. Right. We say in any other know, it's funny we say that, right? We say in any other country, it would be them signing their own death warrant, right? They would say, fucking, that's the end of your campaign when you say, fucking, God told me to run. Right. And you look at any other Western country, you're probably right. Now, fucking, you go to like Iran, I'm sure that they would all say, God told me to run.

But you come over here, totally different story. But the track record's been bad here. So even if God is telling them to run and they're using that as a way to show that they are sort of anointed by the Holy Spirit, people aren't falling for it. This guy's got my vote, though, if he goes. He's got all of my votes. John K. K. K.

K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. got my vote though if he goes he's got all of my john kash kai kai kissy kassitch where is he from like what's his credentials he's the governor of ohio oh okay yeah what a shithole ohio is there's nothing good lord you know what's great about Ohio? There's five metropolitan areas, and you can fucking leave every one of them. That's what's great about Ohio. You can flee that state in all directions. That's the beauty of Ohio. I have now spent time in Cincinnati, Columbus, and Cleveland, and I have enjoyed leaving all of those places with my hope to never return to any of those places. Somebody called and said that we missed making fun of Cleveland or not Cleveland, Columbus, because we got distracted by Indiana. And he was super happy we got distracted by Indiana and we didn't get a chance,

chance to make fun of Columbus. And I don't think you can make fun of Columbus because the actual atrocities by Columbus, the person are less than going to Columbus. That's true. Like I would, like I would rather sleep in a smallpox infected blanket than go to Columbus. I offered before I got sent to columbus it was a work thing

i had to go overnight and i was like can't i just be fired i would rather i'm like i would rather just be homeless i offered i'm like look i would but they're like literally nobody else will go yeah to columb Columbus to do this. That's it. You're the only person we can possibly send to go do this. And I offered. I said, you know, I'll just fucking quit. I'll actually go back in time and quit all of my jobs. I will invent a time machine to be poor in order to not go to Columbus. But alas, it was not.

I still had to go. And then drove through Indiana to get there. It's like fucking, you know what I mean? It's like fucking burning yourself with cigarettes so that you can get kicked in the balls. They need to put a teleporter right before Gary and one right into Cincinnati. That's what they need to do. God. You wouldn't know which one to go in.

You know what I mean? You're like, you get in one, you're like, fuck. You get in the other, you're like, fuck. Seriously, you know, Cincinnati is so fucked up, you know you're in a fucking shitty city when you cross the river and you're in Kentucky and you upgrade it. There's no fucking how the fuck

do you upgrade by crossing a river into Kentucky? That has never happened. When I went to Kentucky recently and we went to a restaurant They have restaurants? I had to ask the woman

four times what she said. She said it and I just said I was like, these are not words that humans use. Can I get a subtitle? Are you? It sounds like you are banging two rocks together. I literally have no idea what you're talking about. And this wasn't the only person.

Everybody there. It was like I was in the fucking cantina on fucking Tatooine. I could not understand a word. What anyone was saying. I was like, eat chuda, eat chuda. You show up to Kentucky and it's like you expect there to be an obelisk. It's like the opening

sequence to 2001 and you're just like, I can't do this. It's just chimps banging rocks banging the whole time you drive through there you just play the spoke zarathustra it's like it's a rock based economy is oh gosh oh have you ever have you ever purchased anything that you suspect was made in Kentucky? You know what I mean? Yeah, a Louisville slug or bat.

Like other than alcohol, which is just there to numb the pain of living in Kentucky. Of living in Kentucky, yeah. Any serious Christian at all is going to say that one of the primary teachings of Christianity is that you love your neighbor as yourself. Can you love your neighbor as yourself and then at the same time knee him in the face as hard as you can? So this story comes from theage.com, Victoria. Father who beat children with cricket bat refused working with children check. So a teacher who beat his children with a miniature cricket bat because he believed the bible required him to do so can no longer legally work with children he should no longer be able to legally do stuff work he should be fucking stamping license plates somewhere although i will say that

um you know when you actually read this what he what he did was he smacked their bare bottom. So it sounds like and this was a miniature cricket, like autographed cricket back. So what I'm picturing and I may be wrong is here in the States that, you know, like sometimes you go to like baseball games and they give out free crap that you fucking. Yeah. And I'm thinking of those little like souvenir baseball bats. Yeah. Yeah. That they, you know, because that for for me like that was always the prize that my buddy used to keep

one of those in his car as like a fucking little mini sap oh shit dude your buddy needs help really yeah he used to keep one in the car just in case dude that's fucking crazy i mean his name was just in case that was his name i mean i keep i keep a gun but yeah you know let's not get crazy here right well that's i'm fucking american of course you know jesus i just i keep a bat but it's actually attached to the front of my gun like a fucking like a bayonet it's a bad bayonet i just what i do is i don't, I don't hit people. I just poke them. I'm just like, huh? What? What? What? At the edge of the bat is a taser.

No. And on the, and then the taser is actually attached to a pit bull collar. And the pit bull has a harness I could ride. And on the pit bull collar, I have two extra security guards that just stand next to me. And all of that is strapped to an ICBM. I can just shoot missiles. Is it a cricket back or is it a wicket? What's the wicket?

Is wicket something? I think a wicket? What's the wicket? Is wicket something? I think a wicket is part of cricket. Shut the fuck up. I swear to you, dude. It's like a wicket is a thing. I thought wasn't wicket the name of one of those little like fuzzy Ewok guys? Yeah, it was. But it's also a thing.

Like wicket, wicket, E-War walk or something like that was the name of it. The E-War. But then also cricket and wicket. There's a thing that's a wicket, but I don't know if it's E-Walk. But then also Cricket and Wicket. There's a thing that's a Wicket, but I don't know if it's the bat. Yeah, because I've heard like Sticky Wicket. Like it's a Sticky Wicket. That's not a. No, I just Googled it.

That's talking about anal sex with the Ewoks, I think. Well, that's the part I'm interested in. It's a Sticky Wicket. I'd fucking Ewok. Do Ewoks scritch, I wonder? That's all they can do. They just, like, rub fur on each other. That's it.

They're just, yeah, dude. I mean, trying to find the acorn in that fucking patch there would be a little hard, I think. The acorn in the patch? That's why you just fuck them in the mouth. Why is anybody listening to this show anymore we're not even talking we're talking about fucking ewoks in the mouth we're not even talking about fucking a guy who just beat his children with a bat yeah well a wicket by the way is a set of stumps and balls or the pitch or the dismissal of a batsman. So they can't even figure out. I do what the what?

Yeah, it's a cricket term. Oh, it's like a multi-purpose term. Right. So you just always say wicket. If you're playing cricket. It's like imagine if the Smurfs created a game. They would just call everything the Smurf. Smurf and Smurf.

Well, he Smurfed that smurf with the smurf it's as nonsensical as quidditch there you go there's your harry potter reference oh man we're gonna get fucking hammered too because i remember when we mentioned cricket before somebody like laid into us because they didn't like that we said that cricket was irrelevant yeah they were like cricket's actually the most watched sport in the world. Okay. All right. But not by important people. Oh, my God. All right. You know, the reason why we're talking about this story, and let's get back to the story.

Okay. The reason why we're talking about this story is because in the story, they talk about specifically that this person says that they did it and they admitted to it because the Bible says to do it. Because the Bible is like – it's basically to train up a child versus. Yeah, and if you – and when he was interviewed, he said – now, this is really important. He said he quoted the Bible to explain that he used the cricket bat as a rod of correction, stating foolishness is bound up in the child. If you use the rod of correction, it will drive that foolishness from our hands, from the child. We don't use our hands because our hands are used for loving.

What? Then he said. What? Then he said. Then he made the children expose their buttocks because if they weren't clothing, it's not going to hurt. And there's no point in that. So he's I mean, but this goes back to the whole because I really, really doesn't sound much different in all actuality than spanking. Right. Right.

But spanking shouldn't be a thing like you don't need to beat you don't need to fucking physically hit your children in order for them to respect you in order for them to stop doing the shit you don't want them to do there is there is no fucking evidence at all that spanking is an effective disciplinary tool at all and there's even less evidence that miniature bats or wickets or crickets or fucking midgets are effective tools for discipline like you can't you just don't hit your fucking kids with things but at least in fucking australia if you do they arrest you for it here you just be like fucking jesus i can get away with it. Yeah. And, and we got, we've gotten email from people all over the world that say, what the fuck is with hitting your kids?

Why is that a thing? And I know that there are some people out there who say like, oh, you know, you got to fucking lay the beats on your kids so you can get them to respect you. There's not anything I respect that winds up hurting. Right.

Exactly. You're not like, um, cause the thing is that there's no there's nothing inherent about children that they respond to physical violence differently than you or I would respond to physical violence. Can you imagine if you're like if that were the case, then, you know, discipline in other areas of your life would be corporal. in other areas of your life would be corporal, right? You should be able to be like, oh, you fucked up. You didn't sell that account.

Fucking get in the boss's office. So you fucking pulled on your pants and have you on the back. Right? That would be crazy. It would be crazy. That would be the best workplace, though, because you'd never get fired. You'd get beat the fuck, but you'd never get fired. I'd be on Reddit all day. Are you kidding me?

You're already on Reddit all day. Hey, shut up, you. Nobody fucking asked you. I'm done with this story. I'm done with you. You can't be done with me. You wouldn't exist out here without me. I really wouldn't.

Nothing would happen if you didn't do it. Nothing. nothing would happen if you didn't do it nothing father and i asked that you would forgive us for taking prayer out of the schools father when that happened secular humanism flooded in father it began to penetrate every part of the curriculum. What the fuck, man? What the fuck? This is from Right Wing Watch. Alan West blames football injuries? The fucking what?

On church-state separation? You may as well blame it on fucking tarantulas. You know what I mean? Like, if you're just going to, like, just name things you don't like. Sure. Like, I think tarantulas you know what i mean like if you're just gonna like just name things you don't like sure like i think tarantulas are horrifying oh and i recently discovered there's a subreddit for tarantulas oh what yeah dude there's a subreddit for people that love tarantulas and they post pictures of their tarantulas reddit's a weird place to hit random on dude i'm telling you i know we were talking about this earlier. Spend an hour just hitting that random button and you will lose all

faith in humanity. I won't do it. But truly. Because it's like one of those things, like, it's like, it's watching a, I don't know, like a Lars Van Trier movie. You're just like, I know. Sooner or later, somebody's going to chop their own penis off. Right? Yeah.

And that's the movie where you don't see Kirsten Dunst naked. Oh. I don't know that that's a plus. It was not a minus. Yeah. Yeah, we got to just play this. I'll play it. Let me call it up here real quick because I have to do a thing with another thing.

I don't know. Just do a technology at it. All right. Let me play Lee Greenwood while we wait. Oh, no. Oh, God. I just wish a stranger would jab an ice pick into my ears right now. That's all I'm asking for.

I'm so bad. Okay, so this is Adam West, who used to be Batman. I'm kidding, it's not Adam West. It's Alan West talking in front of a church, and somebody's doing the Citizen Kane shot on him, looking straight up at him from the ground. You know, one of the great traditions at the University of Tennessee is that before every football game, they're on Rocky Top in Knoxville,

Nalin Stadium, beautiful venue right on the Tennessee River. A local minister is called in to give a prayer before the football game. And how do I know that that tradition continues? Because I went back to Knoxville for the Tennessee-Alabama football game and it was still going on. Well, the person is clearing their tongue. That guy should do the intro to our show.

But yet there was a group out of Wisconsin called the Freedom From Religion Foundation that actually sent the University of Tennessee a letter. They say you will cease and desist this practice of praying before football games. Because you're a state fucking school. Yeah. I mean, of course they did, because the separation of church and state is a thing. And they're funded by tax dollars.

Right. You're not wanting to go to. thing and they're funded by tax dollars right you're not wanting to go to a you know it's not like there's a fucking there's no fucking christian colleges in the united states that you could go to you know that's the thing like i went to a school i you went to a college where the fucking freedom from religion foundation could have sent them a letter and they'd look at it and be like fuck you yeah strong fuck you running Let me send you a letter. I'm a private university. I get to do what the fuck.

I'll do what I want. Fucking spike that letter. They'll wrap that letter around their dick and jerk off. You kidding me? You can't. You know, the thing is, like, the way he says it, it makes it seem like there's no fucking not a single fucking Christian school in the United States. I know. Right. Like, there's no way that these all these poor people, these poor oppressed people who could easily spend the money that it would take to go to another school to go play football for those schools. And it's not like Christian schools aren't top football teams either. There's like a Texas Christian University, the Horned Frogs or whatever.

I don't even know. Fuck you, no. No, I think they're called the Horned Frogs. Now I've got to look it up. The Horned Frogs can't have horns. Don't make me look it up. I'm making you look that up. Texas Christian University is what it's called.

TCU, I think. Well, I think that's fucking dumb. Yeah, they're theas christian university is what's called tcu i think well i think that's fucking dumb yeah that's they're the horned frogs the horned frogs yeah but like they're like a they're like a top 25 team uh in football so it's not like you can't go to a christian university and i'm sure there's there's plenty of other christian universities that's just one that comes to mind. It's not like you can't go to a Christian university and play football. Because you can.

You can totally do it. It's not like... And you can go there, and I bet you, all of your horned frogs get together before a fucking football game, join hands and pray. I still can't believe they're called the Horn. I'm never getting over that.

I love the one, the Shockers are my favorite. The Wichita State Shockers. That's my favorite. As Dave and Michael would say, two in the pink, one in the steak. And there we go. And that's it. That's the end of the show. Just cancel the whole – we're never going to make it to 666 at this rate, Cecil.

No, but seriously, this fucking guy is basically making it sound like there's – it's such an oppressive – fucking then reject all the state money and turn it into a Christian school. Right. state money and turn into a christian school right and it's also not like if you're a uh a talented football player who plays college ball you're not like oh man i have no choices with regards to my uh you know educational courses i just fucking go to want to take a fucking scholarship at one of those other schools but you know the thing is is like they don't want to because they want to go to these other high name schools well you got to give some things up. Yeah, that's it. You know, it's a state university. State university is too fucking bad.

Cry me a river out of your fucking goddamn money after you go to fucking the NFL after you're done. You can't play ball for fucking Liberty U. Yeah. Well, you probably can. I don't know. Nobody would care if you play ball for Liberty U. Flag football. You know, if you played ball for liberty. Flag football.

You know what would be American flag football? And they would just blast Lee Greenwood the whole time. And it's not a ball. It's a Bible. And instead of getting the football to the end zone, you actually take a bull and you throw it on the fucking altar. And that's how you get the... And the extra point is being able to pour water on it three times. Yeah, pour water on it and then light it on fire.

Man, these soggy bulls just don't light like they should, you know? See, I remember growing up in the inner city of Atlanta, Georgia. I went to Grady High School, and I played football. And we didn't have all this high-speed gear and everything like that. There was no such thing about targeting. I mean, you were not a tough football player unless you did try to hit someone head-on. And even in high school, before every game, at Grady Stadium, a pastor would come down and pray over that football game.

I don't remember catastrophic injuries. I don't remember anyone getting carted off that field. I didn't know carted was two words. It is. You just have to stop in the middle of it. Well, you know, the reason you don't remember it's because he had so many concussions yeah you can't remember anything it's not like god is fucking like like shielding them in armor that this guy just is making this up he has no stats he's like i just don't remember it well just because you don't remember it doesn't mean it

didn't happen yeah there's a lot of things that that once we start paying attention to them they seem more prevalent but that's because there's a focus on these things it's also the case too that and i i mean granted my football history you know and knowledge is is weak to but i i have heard on npr that it is also the case that as our gear has improved, it has given people a sense of imperviousness on the field. Yes, absolutely, yeah. And so they do hit harder. They lead with their shoulders. They lead with the armor that we've given them. We've encased our players in better padding and harder plastics and more durable materials.

The hits that they attempt grow harder and harder. And it is also for certain the case that our athletes grow stronger and faster year after year. So it's not like so. So even if even if you bought into his bullshit, unscientific fucking, I just don't remember it. So it didn't happen. Worldview. Right. And you decided, like, well, why would there be an increase in fucking catastrophic injuries? You could actually answer that question. You certainly could.

It wouldn't be because Jesus loves football players the most. Yeah. You know? What the fuck? And, you know, the thing is, is you're totally right about the armor thing. Because I'll tell you what. Would you rather run face first into another person or would you rather get in like a fucking little skid steer and run that into another human? And how fast would you go? Like another skid steer?

I would go as fast as I could. Right. Or a fucking bulldozer. I would go as fast as I could. As fast as that bulldozer would go is how fast I would go. I mean, we've talked about this. That's how I want to die. I want to die in a fucking gladiatorial skid steer fight.

That's what I want to do, too. I want to have, like, a whole show that's not those robots that fight it's like people in fucking i i don't want the ufc anymore i've been like i'm fucking desensitized to the ufc i see a guy fucking get punched and his eyeball nearly hanging i don't care anymore i'm like whatever i'll fucking i'll eat a chicken sandwich and watch that what i want is i want big fucking like construction equipment that fucking fights in a big arena. And it's like the crane versus the fucking steamroller or something. Just to see what the fuck.

You know, because they do those fucking, like, simulations on History Channel where they're like, oh, what happened to the fucking polar bear fought a shark or whatever. I know, right? Like, fucking, That's a real rare occurrence, guys. Polar bear versus shark. I don't know. And they get scientists to weigh in. I know, it's amazing. Well, the shark has more teeth. Okay, great. Thanks, buddy.

But I would love to see the fucking, because you're not, you don't have scientists then. You have like working guys who are like, yeah, fucking when I'm driving that thing, I'd fucking run the fuck over a crane. Are you kidding me? I will tell you what, man, that is the fucking future.

That is the future because it settles the aid. UFC, UFC started. That's a perfect analogy. It started to answer the age old bar bet question. Yeah. Who would win in a fight? a sumo wrestler or a ninja right that's a thing that happened yeah like it and it's like well it turns out it's the ninja as a matter of fact it's always the ninja it's always the ninja but now this answers the next generation's questions. Absolutely. Who wins in a fight? You know, a dump truck or a fucking forklift.

Right. Yes. You know, yes. We will fight these things to the death. Oh, gosh. Why are they? Why does that not exist right now? I can't. You know, it exists in Japan.

Why does that not exist right now? I can't. You know what exists in Japan, right? And it would be better if they gave them, like, 24 hours to be in a junkyard and modify them. So it could be like, first of all, it could be like Junkyard Wars. Right. Which show needs to return to television, by the way? So it could be like Junkyard Wars. You could get fucking voiceover narration drawing like sketching on blueprints.

It'd be like, Johnny and his team have decided to take the forklift and they've sharpened the prongs of the forklift to penetrate the armor of the dump truck's fuselage. And okay, so whoever out there takes this idea and runs with us, just let us be the announcers. Just let us be the announcers. I don't know. Is it announcing if you go, oh, my God. I would contend you're announcing something. I would have to change my shorts between every round. I'm just saying.

I'm just saying I would be unable to be filmed because the throbbing erection of excitement. No one would notice. Who are you kidding? Well, we've got very good cameras now. Thank you. That's true. Even in HD, they wouldn't notice that. We'd have to get those cameras they use for the BBC nature documentary like an amoeba

watch as this mite jumps to the oh my god he can just see his penis it's like it's always been the little women that caught the vision of giving, beginning with Jesus himself, out of their private means. Some of you little precious ones have that little grocery money, some of that little money set aside. Assure tonight the blessings of God on your well as from the progressive secular humanist blog. Televangelist, Creflo Dollar. I like to call him Creflo.

Creflo. Is it creflo or creflo i don't know because i would never meet this person i think you know does it does it does it it doesn't matter though either like creflo or creflo they both sound like a discount barber it sounds like something you sold at a bad infomercial. You know, it's like, it's the Cree flow. Set it and forget it. Hair removal system. Set it and forget it. You just lay down with this thing on your face.

Set it and forget it. Removes unsightly face skin. Removes unsightly face skin. It's basically a flow beat. With all the guards off of it. A flow beat for your face. It's like shaving with a circular saw. You can't use it with acne. No matter what you do.

Forget it. Oh, shit can't use it with acne, no matter what you do. Forget it. Oh, shit. So, crap. My pastor's last name is Dollar. Is that legit? But he's not in it for the money. It'd be like, if you made up a name. You're like, the people are so gullible.

I can literally call myself Pastor Scammy McSteels a lot. Exactly. I can call myself Gimme Yo Money. It would be like in the Catholic church. It's like you're like, oh, this is Father McRapy kids. Or if you're an imam, this is like, I don't even know, like Amir Burn the Bride or something. That doesn't sound Islamic. Are we kidding?

Oh, God. So Creflo Dollar. Oh, yeah. Creflo. The same fucking idiot who wanted everybody to donate to his. Maybe it's an SC. Maybe it's like a Cereflo. Oh, man.

Oh, maybe the scam is silent. Oh, God, it's late. This is awesome. This is the worst show we've ever done. Don't get ahead of yourself. This show is the worst thing we've ever created. We'll do worse. It's just us talking about.

We start to talk about things, and then nothing gets talked about. They know. Oh, that is the sound. If you listen, it's the sound of 10 million iPods shutting off. Shutting off. There weren't 10 million iPods even starting this. Who are we kidding? 10 iPods shutting off. Shutting off. There weren't 10 million iPods even starting this. Who are we kidding? 10 iPods shutting off.

People are just hucking their earbuds out bus windows. Oh, God. I'd rather hear nothing at all. They're like stabbing pens into their ears so they can never hear anything again. Oh, shit. We haven't even gotten through the headline. We haven't gotten through. Key for Cerefero. Yeah. Cree-flo-dala. oh shit we already got through the headline we haven't got three we're okay for kurt yeah creflo dollar uh maybe it's dollar maybe we're mispronouncing it's true we maybe we're

not giving them enough credit it could be it could be french right it's dollar yeah so but it's not it's fucking creflo dollar it's the same guy who wanted the money for his helicopter right it's a jet oh sorry he doesn't want his helicopter, right? No, a jet. It's a jet. Come on. He doesn't want a helicopter. He wants a fucking jet. I was being ridiculous. Well, he's claiming now that Pokemon.

Is it Pokemon or Pokemon? See, now that's the thing. This whole headline is impossible for us to read. Because what's the next word? Humusaxuality? thing is that this whole headline is impossible for us to read. Because what's the next word? Homosexuality? What is that? I think the kids are calling it homosexuality these days. Pokemon causes homosexuality.

So this is my favorite thing. So he released a study from his Cree flow dollar ministry. Right. That doesn't seem biased. A study claiming that teens of the 80s and 90s had their sexuality warped by ash and his fruity friends. I literally have nothing to say about this. What do you say about a guy who says that a cartoon turned someone gay? That's someone who has no idea about human sexuality, and he's just looking for something to point to in popular culture to demonize.

popular culture to demonize. Yeah. Well, and it's either that or actually understand how like the whole, uh, continuum and spectrum of human sexuality works. And that seems hard. Is there like a, is there like a nine and a half floor joke that we can make about Pokemon

that the Pokemon people would get? I don't know. Cause I'm not a Pokemon dude. Cause those people really loved your nine and a half floor or whatever that is. Yeah. The night floor, nine and three quarters that's what i meant yeah nine and yeah nine because they loved it first of all because it was awesome i don't know about that it was awesome it was certainly a reference come on make it make a harry potter reference and then we can close this out i can't i don't know what i'm gonna do god damn it you're not

good at the harry potter references references right off the bat like that. Isn't Dumbledore gay? No. Well, I think didn't J.K. Rowling, after she wrote the books, come out and just randomly decide he was gay? I think we talked about this at one point because it kind of pissed me off because he's not a real person. So he doesn't actually have sexuality well no i mean he does if he if he exhibits it in the books though doesn't he but he doesn't ever he doesn't ever have any sexuality in the books at all yeah and so like he's a dude like he's a character in books

he can't exist outside the character in the books because he's not a real person like the author can't just be like yeah he's gay like that doesn't work that way he doesn't there is no he the he is only in the books you're gonna get a million emails about this you know that okay if he wants to be gay who are you to tell dumbledore he can't be gay who are you to tell a pokey what pikachu he can't be gay yeah how do you know squirtle's not squirting in the other squirtle or whatever i gotta admit though looking at this though they all look gay i mean i'm not i'm not bagging on pokemon because i don't really know but they they kind of look gay the pokemon characters of the car yeah they're just super fucking japan happy dude isn't that gay that's how happy means gay tom it's all fucking it's either this or

tentacle porn that's it no what i think you're not seeing is the tentacle porn that's why they all look so happy actually if you look at this pokemon hentai please don't send us that please don't send us that please don't send us no hentai but if you look at this and imagine that all of them underneath are getting fucking yeah absolutely like fucking yeah sure there's like two lose underneath them giving them the goose you want answers i think i'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This story is from Raw Story. Pat Robertson, smack your children to protect them from evil devil music in their iPods. He wants to smack your children because, and I want to quote here, because he says to the kid, I know he's only 11, but he's just a little twerp. So we're going to play Pat Robertson here. Call an 11-year-old a twerp.

Literally the only type of people that Pat Robertson can actually intimidate are 11-year-olds and younger. Pat, this first one is from Marie, who says, My son is 11, and he's recently started listening to music that speaks of the beast within and the infection in people. And it's almost come to the point of me giving up trying to parent him. He's constantly mean and nasty to us and i worry for his soul i'm not going to give up on him and i know the lord's going to save him but what can i do to help him become a nicer person and the sweet little boy i miss so much well i'll tell you what you can do recognize he's going into puberty and he's got all those issues i mean i you know so some psychiatrists say oh remember he's got puberty issues. I mean, you know, some psychiatrists say, oh, remember, he's got puberty issues.

But it doesn't hurt to smack a little lemon here over around a little bit and say, look, kid, I'm your parent. You behave. You're not going to listen to that garbage in my house. If you do, I'm going to tear it up and break those records. I'm going to go into a time machine and I'm going to go back in time and I'm going to buy a record and I'm going to go into a time machine, and I'm going to go back in time, and I'm going to buy a record, and I'm going to break it. I know you can still buy records. Don't send us messages.

We're going to get fucking, like, we're going to get emails from dudes that fucking have epic beards and flannel and fucking tight pants. It's like the audiophiles, like, man, you can't get good sound with a sand log. They're going to have their fucking tube amps and their fucking... Oh, God, they're going to tell us that the only way to watch a movie is on a VCR. You get such a warm sound of analog. You really do. It's nice. I love it when the tape makes that

hissing sound. And there's like a tracking problem. Because I have to adjust the tracking of the heads on the electromagnetic tape. Hey, be kind, rewind. That's all I'm saying. I have a little car rewinder next to my TV. You leave it on the fucking back window of your car and return it to Blockbuster and it's a fucking melted goo day. Do you remember that, you know, like we made

products so shitty that you had to fucking rewind it in another thing because it would ruin your thing. What a fucking joke the 90s were. Alright, so there's more of Robertson.

Or CDs or whatever. iPods. What a fucking joke the 90s were. All right, so there's more of Robertson. Or CDs or whatever. iPods. Break his iPod. Even iPods. That's the best part is like at this point, they're not even really even selling iPods. Just buy an iPhone. I like that he says iPods.

Like you keep different songs on separate iPods. So you have to go and be like, where's the double one? Which is the double one? The double song on? We just got my anger music. My angry iPod. Hold on a minute. Oh, it's the black iPod. Let me bring the black one. You know, iPod or however you get that mess. I know he's only

11. He's just a little twerp. I can probably take him. That's all I'm saying. He's awesome. He's so I'm saying. He's awesome. He's so mad about it. Oh, it's great. You know, I love what he says. He's like, hey, it doesn't hurt to smack an 11-year-old.

Well, it hurts the fucking 11-year-old to smack him around a little bit. Oh, come on. Look at Pat. He's got osteoporosis. It would hurt him, too. His bones, he's like fucking Mr. Glass. He just turns into dust. They have to, like, transplant his head that day.

He's ancient papyrus. Like, as soon as he's exposed to air, he's like, we need a young, poor body. Step. Give me that 11-year-old. I'll listen to the devil music. I'll teach you a lesson I'll graft your head on a

Pat Robertson body you're gonna enjoy his soft shitty wrinkly body

you see Pat Robertson's giant bobble head on like a little 11 year old body oh that'd be brilliant oh like smooth skin

everywhere and it's just like it's just a panoply of wrinkles you can like you can like wear his cheeks as a cloak as the 11 year old oh oh god and then the mother in the fucking letter is like it's gotten to the point where i'm almost tired of parenting him like i was fucking 11. don't keep up on me dad you're you're you are a little less than a little more than halfway there at that point i know right could you imagine that i can't imagine could you imagine how the kid would feel if he heard this like mom's mom's thinking about giving up on such a little shit like i i've been listening to fucking system of a downer whatever makes my fucking parents angry or whatever and it's like mom mom doesn't love me

it's amazing i hate this so much. All right, let's play. There's a little more of Pat calling him a twerp. And you make that little twerp behave. He's your kid. He's just a little boy. Removing privileges too, because the 11 year old can't drive, so they can't go anywhere without you. I don't know what his privilege is, but the thing there's a lot of evil in the world, and you have to protect kids from evil. And the best way to do that is to beat them. Right?

What are you? You know, the thing is, man, like, I agree with you there. Like, you've got to protect your kids from evil. That's kind of like one of your most unbelievably basic duties as a parent. It's not like you're like, oh, it's evil. Should we, what should we do? I'm fucking nothing. Let's try nothing.

It's like, you don't protect him by beating on the floor. That's actually the evil. And you've got to do it any way you want to. But look, little kids, little boys, I guess you act like you're a single woman and they'll take advantage of you how did she say she was a single woman wait wait wait you act like you're a single woman and they'll they'll take advantage of you we just so in the same thing we're talking about fucking records child abuse and then we just throw in some weird fucking single mom misogyny what is happening

with this story who is writing to this man because they figured if there was a man in the house well she says he's constantly mean and nasty to us and so well us well then daddy had better get in that little kid wouldn't do that with me, I promise you. Okay. Actually, they probably would, Pat. I mean, come on. Yeah, I'd beat the shit out of my kids. That's how you raise up a child. You know what you mean? You come at them, you say, I love Jesus, and I fucking love smacking the shit out of some kids.

The fuck? Little kids. Charge your iPods. Big Daddy's home. What? He just said that. Big Daddy's home. What are you going to fucking,

I don't know, are you going to call him your gay lover, Pat? Because that's the only way I would think Big Daddy would be on. Oh, my God. He's really joking about beating little kids. He's kind of awesome, isn't he? So we want to thank our individual donors, Stephen, Ronnie, and Jacob. That kind of sounds like, I don't know, like a heavy metal band.

Like Ronnie, Steven, and Jacob could get together and, I don't know, do like a deal. We are Ronnie and Jacob. Hello, Cleveland! Thanks, guys, for your individual donations on PayPal. We also want to thank our most recent patrons. We want to thank Marty, Jeffrey, Kirk, GJ, GJ. That's hard to even say. GJ, Simon, Janet, Jeff and Joel. Thank you all so very much for for not only donating, but also for that wonderful alliteration there at the end.

there at the end. We really do appreciate it, and we're going to be flying down to ReasonCon and using this money to travel there, so we want to thank everybody who donates. So we want to thank you for that, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. And whoever it was that donated the $1.73

to get us again to whole numbers, thank you. We got a message from Jennifer who said that we're both wizards, and there's something about Harry Potter. And then she sent us her magic eight ball earrings. I don't think those are magic eight ball earrings. Cecil, those are Harry Potter's iconic glasses with the trademark lightning scar directly above. Horcrux.

Is that his? He does not have a horcrux, sir. He's a horcrux? Is that his horcrux? He does not have a horcrux, sir. How dare you? Harry Potter would never commit murder and split his soul. How dare you? Impugn the good name of Harry Potter. Oh, God.

The best part about this is that we are having our son's first birthday party, and it is going to be a Harry Potter-themed birthday party because he's a baby, and that's what my wife wants. Oh, no. So you're going to have to show up. What day is that that I'm missing that? What day is it that I'm not coming to the party?

It's the day you're showing up and going to say nice things to my wife. What day? What day am I horribly busy again i'll fill you with beer you won't even notice you won't even you won't even notice when i carve this horcrux into you all right so we got a bunch of comments from military people it's amazing how many uh military or former military listen to this show um and i you know cecil and i both thought like after we recorded the the bit um that we did about the military and about how you know everybody's constantly sort of fellating the military and and you can't ever uh you know even be ambiguous or ambivalent

about the military uh man we got so many really positive comments from people in the military. Like, I hate being treated like a fucking weird, like, soldier celebrity. It's fucking awkward, and I hate it. And I was very surprised. We didn't get a single negative comment about that segment that we did. I was a little shocked. I thought, man, we're going to piss off somebody with this. Yeah, I thought for sure we would, too. But the comments that we got were generally positive.

So, you know, thank you for your service. What a dick! Well, all I know is I will gladly stand up next to you and defend Herstield. I didn't. I didn't actually do that. I would. No, I had the opportunity to stand up, but I didn't. But didn't actually do that. I would. No, I had the opportunity to stand up, but I didn't. I went to college instead.

I actually worked for like four years because I had no idea what to do. Right. We got an interesting message. This is from Emily. Tom, you just sang her song. I know. I probably made her day. She said, so that awful fucking song, you know the one.

When I was in elementary school in Colorado Springs, no less, in every single assembly, our bemulleted American flag-patterned, hammer pants-wearing gym teacher would get up and sing that song in front of a projected movie

of American flags blowing in the wind. we had to stand up and they encouraged us to sing along so yes it was kind of a pledge and thinking about it now really creeps me out uh man how could that not creep you out that's fucking so weird so weird okay everybody stand up we're gonna sing an awful Lee Greenwood tune. Oh, God. Oh, okay. It's fucking weird Lee Greenwood time.

That's awesome. It's just weirder than the pledge because it's like sort of like apropos of nothing. Here's a shitty country song. We got a message from Brent and he said, listening to your last podcast while at work, working in the bowels of my local Walmart. And he said, listening to your last podcast while at work, working in the bowels of my local Walmart, I noticed this in the back room. And he's got it. There's a stack, an absolute stack of wire coat hangers. And he says they're being hidden in the meat prep area in the back.

Well, I mean, if they won't pay for contraception, you got to have a plan B. You definitely do. Oh, God. Plan C. Oh, God. Plan C. Oh, God. Tom, you wanted to read this message from Helena about the myth of religious comfort. Yeah, I like this. Hey, guys.

I was listening to episode 221 and I had some thoughts about Ilbert Ed's question about religion being a source of comfort for grieving people. We've almost universally come to agree that religion provides comfort and solace to grieving people. But why do we think this? Religious people still feel sad about their loved one's passing. They still mourn. They still cry at the funeral and go through the normal grieving process. So when does the extra religious solace and comfort kick in, actually? If religious people were shown to handle loss better, to recover quicker, etc., I'd agree that religious belief might be helpful, but they just don't. Moreover, I would argue that the religious concept of the afterlife interferes with the grieving process and can prolong or perpetuate it in some cases. By telling ourselves that our loved one has not died, is not actually gone, and that we'll see them again,

we don't come to terms with our loss, and self-deception is never healthy nor helpful. I think the only benefit religion can offer is the church community, but any social support network provides the same positive benefits, so that's not exactly a unique advantage. I think it's healthier to face loss for what it is, experience the pain, admit that it sucks, and give ourselves time to heal. It's raw but honest, and ugly truths are preferable to beautiful lies.

I think that's just incredibly well said. And we're grateful for that email. Thank you. Absolutely. And remember, um, one secular way to, uh,

work with the grieving process is grief beyond belief.org. Um, that's a great place to start. So if you're, if you're a secular person and you don't want to deal with any of the sort of ways in which religious people deal with grief that's a good place to move to go to we got a message from donna and uh donna down under is she says i guess they got some flags up in that pig down in australia it says uh the people that have these flags are usually racist bogans i don't know if those are human or not that have fuck off

we're full stickers no they're not human what they are is like a crocodile in a fucking hat like that's they have fuck off we're full of the stickers wait a minute in australia you're not full motherfucker you got a whole desert to fill what are you talking about like people in fucking tokyo are looking around like wait a minute you're fucking full fucking 75 in india they have to stack humans on other humans yeah like ride a train in fucking india and fucking tell me that Australia is full. Like 80% of your country is populated by sand and kangaroos.

Are you kidding me? We're full? Yeah, and those crocodile bogans. Crocodile bogans. I don't know. I don't know. It sounds just like that. I feel like that, yeah. Anyway, so these flags are usually flown by racist bogans that have fuck off or full stickers, flag tattoos, southern cross tattoos, which is our stars on our flags, and even flags on the cars.

Man. Wow. What strikes me, though, that's interesting about that, and I didn't know that but um it's interesting that both of our countries are immigrant nations yeah and i think that there's kind of like i i feel like and i don't know how to articulate it properly but i i feel like there's a parallel there and i'm not sure exactly what causes that that hyper nationalism if that's a reaction to the to the to the sort of immigrant culture kind of, hey, we have to establish this now because we haven't had 2,000 years of history or I don't know what causes that. It feels like a I want to close the door behind me sort of feeling.

Yeah. You know, like I got mine. Yeah. Fucking full stop. I do want to have a drink with a bogan once, though. I don't even know. What is a bogan drink? I don't know.

Like swamp water or something? I don't even know what a bogan is. It sounds like something from Star Wars. It sounds like a pro wrestler. Here comes bogan with the drop. Boom. We got a message about pharmacists, Tom. This is from Douglas.

Douglas says he enjoys the show. He looks forward to the podcast. He heard about us from the Thinking Atheist. That's great. And he's also a pharmacist. He works in a hospital. I almost said hotel pharmacy. That sounds like an exciting hotel.

Oh, the concierge is fucking awesome there. He works at a hospital pharmacy. And, you know, he basically said that there are legitimate reasons for a pharmacist. And we got several emails. So this is kind of encompassing several. We got several emails from pharmacists or people in related fields who said, yeah, you know, pharmacists, they have legitimate reasons to not fill a prescription. And there's a number of legitimate reasons. I was just ignorant of those, just frankly and honestly ignorant of those. But in this case, it sounds like it's just a thinly veiled excuse to withhold treatment from this patient based on religious belief.

If the pharmacist is truly concerned for the best outcome of the patient, she would have explained the risk and benefit of the medication, or perhaps inquire if her physician had explained all the treatment options, and then let the patient decide. And yeah, I wholeheartedly agree. I'm just flabbergasted. Again, I just, I really, and this is no offense to the pharmacist

that listened to the show, I literally had no idea that you had the option of not filling the prescription. I'm still kind of floored by that. I don't know why, but I'm still sort of floored by that. I figure the doctor's like, you need this medicine. And you walk in and be like, I fucking need this medicine. No, you don't.

Then what are you supposed to do? Because that's the part that confuses me as a patient. I'd be like, well what do i have no medicines well no that i think the pharmacist has to challenge the doctor to a duel at that point yeah we have been having some issues with our website lately our website was down a couple times and then back up and then down and i'm running into some problems with the back end but um i reached out to someone who had asked us if we needed web help in the past. His name's Alfredo, and he said he would help us. I sent him a message, and he immediately responded. And we're

sort of working to try to fix any of the problems on the website. So maybe intermittent, just letting you know, we're going to try to keep the website up as long as possible. But Alfredo said that he's going to give us a hand. So we're hoping that we can have all of the issues fixed pretty soon. One of the problems is, is that we don't currently have a spam filter on our comment section on our blog. So if you've already commented in the past, you will still have your comment, be able to go through automatically. Once you're approved on our site, you're approved indefinitely. So you can, you can comment on the blog. However, if you've never

commented before and you go to our website now, chances are your comments going to get lost and your comments going to get lost because we're going to have to delete all the spam comments because we currently don't have any spam catcher on there. And I would have to sift through the thousands and thousands of comments that we're going to have when this is all over with. So I'm just letting you know ahead of time, if you comment between now and when I tell you the website's fixed, chances are if you haven't signed in, your comment's going to be lost. I apologize. I would just avoid commenting unless you already have commented on the blog before.

And if you need to comment, move your comments for the interim to the Facebook page. We've got an active Facebook page there. You can send us messages on Twitter. We're still happy to interact with you. You can still interact with the community. We encourage you to continue to do so. It's just, you know, right now, bear with us while the website is down.

We got a message. This is from Jeff. And Jeff says, Hi, guys. Loved hearing Tom talk about the nasty funk of Indiana. If you ever get the urge to smell more rural farm funk, come tour the central counties of Mississippi. Never is that going to happen. Nobody's.

Okay, first off, that's the first time anybody's ever written those words in that order. Nobody's ever. This is a fucking momentous occasion because nobody's ever said that and nobody's ever thought that before. That's amazing. But he says, my daily commute takes me to several chicken farms. And I have to say, Tom, if you haven't really smelled shit until you drive by a chicken farm in 100 degree heat with 90% humidity, the smell clings to everything. Fuck. I hate this state more because of the redneck right-wingers

and crazy Christians than the chicken shit. Wow. Wow. That sounds absolutely horrible. That's really the worst. There is no inducement. I cannot imagine what's at the other end of that rainbow. You know what I mean?

It's like, hey, drive through fucking county after county of Mississippi chicken farm stink. Are you kidding me? You know, it probably smells almost as bad as Tennessee. I bet it smells almost as bad as the people in Mississippi. I actually wondered as I was reading this email, like, how do you know that's the chickens? It could just be the natives. We got a message from Chris, and Chris says we was talking also, again, about the the fillet, the troop stuff that we were talking about. And he says, if you want to thank us for our service, here's a way to do it.

Vote for lawmakers who actually do something to fix the VA and hold up their promises. Five, after five months of wait time, I'll finally have my first appointment at the local VA hospital this week. Very sorry that that's happening to you, Chris. I, you know, I think that of the things that should be done, the VA hospital is one that should, you know, receive some funding. Maybe we should stop, I don't know, starting wars and start funding that. Yeah, I think that's outrageous. And like we've said, the lip service that gets paid to the troops is, I mean, it's a slap in the face when you don't back it up with quality after-war care. Yeah.

So we're recording this show before we go to ReasonCon. So we're on our way to ReasonCon. We're going to go down there and hopefully have a really good time. We're going to meet some people that we've been looking forward to meeting. So this is a normal week. We're not going to have a special show this week. We're just going to have another show on Monday of next week. So until then, we're going to leave you, as we always do, with the Skeptic Scream. Mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.

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