Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 226: Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner Club

Episode Date: May 18, 2015

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey, this is Levi from Minnesota. I was just wondering, since Cindy Jacobs, if she can change bone to metal, is that like the origin story of Wolverine's metal bones? Anyway, glory hole, and deuces, bitches. Bye. Glory hole and deuces, bitches. Bye. Hey, guys. Nice going. I have to say I just left a message about a video that David Pakman did on his line,

and I almost said glory hole at the end of it. And I was thinking it has seeped its way into my mind where it just kind of means well done or something like that. And I was thinking it would be funny if it had, you know, slid out of this little subculture and into popular culture and it ended up being like feedback on eBay, you know, like glory hole, which just means, you know, great transaction or something. So there you go, glory hole, guys. Hey, common know, great transaction or something. So there you go. Glory to old guys. Hey, Tom and Cecil.

It's Megan. And Adon. We want to let you know that you and Nebraska all wrong. Yeah, we have plenty of things to do here. We have corn hopping. We have corn racing. And corn scavenging. And corn picking.

And corn Christmas trees. And corn mazes. And, of course, corn husking. And, by the way, you also got our sacrifices all wrong. Yeah, we don't just sacrifice the John Cakes. We also sacrifice the Shaggy Picklepuff. And occasionally, probably get us more cycles. Mm-hmm.

And during these traditional sacrifices, we wear our red Nebraska corn huskies here and paint our faces red. Hopefully, you get something to, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 226 of Cognitive Dissonance.

And we are in studio with our fucking flux capacitors humming along. Brand new flux capacitors. Dude, this shit is for real i need i need like a fucking like two engine truck though to get up to 88 miles an hour i need a jet engine in order to get me up i admire your optimism on the salt flats they can put me on one of those fucking like super fast machines it barely gets to 88 miles an hour. The cool thing is we bought some new equipment to give ourselves a little boost in our sound quality, an upgrade to the glory hole, so to speak. And the awesome thing is that we got a piece of equipment, Cecil, called the Voice of God. Voice of God, yes.

Which, you know, I didn't believe in it. And then we opened the box and it was there. So it turns out The Voice of God is more evidentiary than the actual God. Before we use our mics, we have to take communion. That's true. It's necessary. Well, I mean, something lands on the tongue in the glory hole. I'm just saying.

I'm not sure if that's... That's not communion? What have I been doing this whole time? The voice from the other side said it was the body of Christ. It's a part of the body of Christ. It's not the whole body. I mean, it's not the whole body. It's just one man.

I've got to get full. It's communion. It's the body of Christ one teaspoon at a time. Oh, no. That sounds delicious. Oh, God. Oh, no. That sounds delicious.

Oh, God. So we are in studio, and we are actually, we have the pleasure at the moment of drinking the homebrew beer that we were given at ReasonCon. Barley wine. It's a barley wine. Forgive me. So I was given this beer at ReasonCon. We were given this beer at ReasonCon. By Travis. By Travis.

And then, I don't know, some things happened. I'm not sure what they were. It wound up in our fridge, but then we were drinking hard liquor the second night because we recognized after the first night that mixing a lot of drinks together, probably not a good idea. Yeah. My liver hurts still. Oh my God.

And I didn't remember a lot of the first evening, so I don't actually know how. Wait, there was a first evening? I'm not actually know how. Wait, there was a first evening? I'm not even sure how. I do remember at one point kind of panicking because I had forgotten the bottle laying around somewhere. And I ran back and found out where it had been hijacked off to. So we took the bottle and I put it in my luggage, put it in a shoe so it wouldn't break. That's the taste I'm tasting. Okay, all right.

It's the shoe taste. It penetrates right through the glass. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So, you know, Cecil, cheers. It's like radioactivity. Wom, wom. When your shoe lets out a little hum, you know it's really bad.

It's just bad. All right, cheers to Travis. Cheers to Travis. So thank you very much as we consume your delicious barley wine. Lord, we just ask it to be covered with the blood of jesus open hearts lord open hearts let's just go ahead and launch right into the first story this comes from the friendly atheist speaking of launching into things that's awesome this story is just fucking unbelievable stories of maze balls this is

the worst love it this is one of those stories where you you wish you were a fly on the wall in their home you don't want to be a fly on the wall in the car though right that's a terrible place to be a fly on the wall in the car bad place fly on the wall in the home hilarious while she's bedridden right might be funny might it would i mean it's not funny that she's bedridden well Well, let's, so this is Pastor Braggs about escaping car accident unharmed, even though his wife has spinal fractures and needs a neck brace. Yeah, he was fine and his wife was injured, but you don't want to ask about the hooker in the trunk.

Oh yeah. Because this is how you get dead hookers. Well, I mean, this is literally how you get dead hookers. The good news though, is that the hooker was not actually injured in the wreck. She was already dead when they put her in the car. There's no hooker in the truck. Please don't look at it and be like, hey, guys, I read your story, and there wasn't any hookers in the truck. There's none in the goddamn story.

Stick to the present. All right. The hooker was a whore crux, so that's the problem. It's always a whore crux. She's literally a whore crux. She's a whore. That was the joke. Did you get it?

It's a whore problem. That's the thing. It's a W-A- Okay, forget it. I got it. So this is awesome. This comes from Dr. Phil Kids. Maybe he was just kidding.

Hey! Oh, gosh. So this comes from Captain Dr. Phil Kidsidd's Facebook page. It says, it's got a picture of a fucking smushedicated jaguar. It's upside down. And it's like all fucked up. Yeah.

And the best part, like, if you... I see him getting out of the car, like, dusting himself, being like, praise Jesus! And his wife is just like, lets out this little, oh, God, I can't move my legs. She's like, maybe before you fucking tweet it out, you can drag my body out of the car. It'd be awesome if in the middle of his Facebook post, he's like, hold on, the car's on fire. My wife's legs are gone. He's like taking a picture. It's like a fucking selfie of himself upside down in the car.

And his wife's fucking bloody corpse is next to him. Well, it looks like he's posing with the car. Do you see the picture? Oh, I got to look. Hold on a second. You can't click on it because he took the content down, but it's the internet, so it lives forever. It does?

Well, I think that's like an investigator. Well, I decided it was him. It's him. It's funny. He's like flexing. He's like, oh, fucking nail this car. He fucked his Jaguar up. Dude, he did.

Yeah. And he's going to have to tie the lot to get him a new Jaguar. I hope he's got good religious insurance or whatever. Isn't that God? It's just God. God's religious insurance. He's like, well, I wasn't looking. Y'all crashed so fast.

I'm going to send out my ingester, Gabriel, and he's going to check this whole thing out to make sure it's on the up and up. Y'all got comprehensive coverage? I'm sorry, but your deductible's way too high. Your deductible's three days in hell. Worst deductible ever. It's funny because he flips this car and Tom gets a phone call. I am denying this phone call. This is actually a friend of mine that listens to the show.

That's the best part. Sorry, TJ. Well, TJ, that shows you what Tom thinks of your phone calls. But anyway, he flips his car, gets dusts himself off praises jesus then takes his wife out i guess in the middle of his facebook post yeah right but at one point he he says you know my mont blanc pen didn't come out of my pocket and those pens i looked it up they go between 250 to 1200 for your pen and i was thinking to myself i'm like why would he mention that and then i thought oh the only reason

you mentioned that is because owning a fucking 1200 pen doesn't ever come up in conversation and how are you going to tell people you want a 1200 pen right there's no other way except for to say i own a 1200 pen on facebook like that's the only way you can tell people about your Mont Blanc pen. You can't even say that fast. Mont Blanc pen. Mont Blanc pen. Yeah. You know why you can't say that?

Because you're not a pretentious dick bag. Good Lord. I mean, it's a $1,200 pen. What does it do? Does it, like, do I have better thoughts that get written down? No. I've got, like, a Bic pen and I'm, like, trying to write something. I'm like, oh, it's not very good.

If I had a $1,200 pen. Well, it's not like he fucking wrote down the status. He typed it on his phone. Right. Well, maybe, I don't know. I got nothing. Maybe it's a $1,200 pen, but on the back end it still has one of those typers. What do you use a pen for nowadays?

Do you use a lot of pens? Do you just assign your name on shit? Right? That's all I use it for. I take notes in meetings. That's about it. On occasion I do, but a lot of times I you just assign your name on shit right that's all i use it for i take notes in meetings that's about it on occasion i do but a lot of times i'll record meetings i'll just record the meeting i'm in so then i'll just i'll have it for later if i need it and actually i got i

recently got a new phone now it's got a stylus and i just take notes on my phone with the stylus right so that's it yeah i don't use a fucking pen for i wouldn't get a 1200 phone i was gonna say are you kidding me i was about to say like Are you kidding me? I was about to say like signing a check but then I was like I haven't written a fucking check and I don't know.

Who did I write a check for? I have to sign my name for shit at work on occasion. But other than that it's like really rare I use a pen. I don't even do expense reports

with a pen anymore. Yeah. Like it's all online. Gosh. But if I had a $1,200 pen I'd find fucking excuses. Fucking A, man. I would put a little condom on and fuck myself in the ass with it. Are you kidding me? online gosh but if i had a 1200 pen i'd find fucking excuses fucking amen i would i would

put a little condom on and fuck myself in the ass put a little finger cut on it come on oh look at that i love it give me that 1200 take it right in the pooper well this is great because he's fucking like this guy's like fucking name dropping like crazy he's fucking brand dropping because he's like yes he's not saying jaguar oh my jaguar here let me read what he wrote because like this is the best just we just seriously like i read this and i don't give a fuck about like even even if the second half of the story where his wife is fucking horrifyingly injured didn't occur you read this and just like you sound like the fucking worst person yeah like i just want to fight you i want to fight you so bad.

Yeah. He says, this is what my new Jaguar looked like Sunday night after rolling four and a half times at 65 miles an hour down the interstate. But listen to this. It never messed up my hair. It never unbuttoned my suit coat. It never even moved my Mont Blanc pen from my shirt pocket. Sheltered in the arms of God.

Wait, hold on. Tom just threw up the double horns when he said that. It's so rock and roll. I didn't even care. Yeah. Okay. So I got to ask people in the audience this question because I can't get there, Tom. I can't get to this point.

I can't get there, Tom. I can't get to this point. When you see your priest, and this has got does the same thing as a goddamn $1.99 gel point. Right. What is it that's going through your mind when you see this frivolous waste of funds? What is it that you're seeing that is letting you deny the fact that this person is blatantly shoving your face in the fact that you are giving them money to fucking live high on the hog i want to know what's going through your head because i can't get there i i don't know that i could watch a priest take that money and just you know because at least with the at least and i know that there's a lot of opulence in the catholic church right but at least with the opulence of the catholic church it's not immediate when you go to a catholic church in a local parish it's just a church it's like okay well it's a church and the guy was like a fucking nice Catholic Church, it's not a median. When you go to a Catholic Church in a local parish, it's just a church. It's like, okay, well, it's a church.

And the guy was like a fucking nice robe on, but he's not wearing like a $5,000 Armani suit. Sure, right. And he doesn't come out and pull out his fucking Mont Blanc pen, and he doesn't get in a fucking Jaguar and drive away. What happens? I don't know what happens when you see this sort of stuff. So I'm curious what the listeners say if they were part of this sort of religion. If they were part of that religion, what did they think when they saw their priest driving away?

I had a co-worker that I asked that similar question to several years ago and she was part of like a black prosperity gospel church. Yeah, the prosperity gospel is where it's at. That's where you get these people. Right. And I asked her the same thing because I was like, well, shouldn't they be spending your money on good works and feeding the poor?

Making a bigger church? And she very aggressively shot back. She was like, no. He works hard. He puts in like 60, 70 hours, and he's saving souls. And he's doing the best. I mean, she was adamant. He's working hard doing the most important work. So why should he not be rewarded?

It's true. His time and energy is worth more than any CEO. I think we got off the track when we allowed our government to become a secular government. When we stopped realizing that God created this nation, that he wrote the Constitution, that it's based on biblical principles. constitution that is based on biblical principles and and um and and we allowed those that don't believe in those things to to keep pushing us pushing us and pushing us away from from the government oh this story comes from the raw story uh north carolina county official says prayers from minority religions not welcome because the u.s. was founded on Christianity. And they got a fucking picture of a fucking Shutterstock, and they didn't even bother when they took the Shutterstock image. They didn't even bother getting rid of, like, the title of it.

It just says, Stubborn Man Not Listening. Yeah, okay, that's what Shutterstock called that image. You don't have to put it on there. No, maybe that's an attribution they have to use. I guess. I think they could just say From Shutterstock, but it's also like a sunburn, man. It is. It's like Santa with windburn. He looks terrible.

He's got white hair and a white beard. He looks very unhappy. He doesn't look like he's going to say ho, ho, ho anytime soon. So North Carolina County officials said only Christian prayers are welcome before government meetings. This is from Carol Mitchum, chairman of the Lincoln County Board of Commissioners. And Carol is a dude, incidentally.

Because it says he. I thought it was a girl. I know, because his name is Carol. That's why you thought it was a girl. Is the other person's name Tracy and also a dude? So he says he doesn't want people from other faiths changing rules on the way the United States was founded. There's no rules on the way.

It's like we have a rule about how the United States was founded. You might have a historical fact, but you don't have a rule. The rule is like how we do things. That's an interesting perspective, Tom. What are the rules about how we found? That doesn't even make any sense. Right. He says, I'm Muslim.

I'm going to try to read it in racist. Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. Let me read it in my best. We were recently in North Carolina. Yeah, so you can do this. Let me read it in North Carolinian. Just pretend it's the hillbilly's waiter asking you something.

Actually, Cecil, right outside the room, there's like seven hammers. Can you hit me with all of them and lower my IQ enough to where I'm from North Carolina? Yeah. I'm Muslim. He comes in here to say a prayer i'm gonna tell him to leave i have no use for those people they don't need to be here praying to allah whoever the hell they pray to i'm not gonna listen to a muslim pray well done dude i'm not gonna listen to muslim yeah that's great that's great oh i what i like though i've got to admit i like the refreshing honesty of this more than i like i mean because this is someone who's really saying the things that everyone else is doing because so many people

are willing to put christian prayer in school, Christian prayer before a fucking city hall meeting. Sure, right. Christian prayer before a graduation, Christian prayer before a school sporting event. Anything that happens to be based in a worldview that should be secular, right? Right, right. Public money is going to it. Don't say a prayer. Prayers shouldn't be there because you're you're you're you're basically it's not a private event your fave you're you're you're using some favoritism

to uh to choose a group one group over another that's unfair we shouldn't do that but at least this person is being honest about what they think they're saying hey fuck that christian prayer only right christian because because I'll tell you what. If a Satanist came in there to say some gobbledygook, they wouldn't let him. Or at least they would bitch about it. They would say, oh, no, you shouldn't. No, you shouldn't be able to do that. Because they would recognize that that person is coming in specifically to mock them.

And the Muslim person is specifically not. They're not saying a prayer to some God. They're saying a prayer to a very specific god and the christians are doing the exact same thing now there are some sort of omnibus christians who will be like oh i guess we're all like the same religion it's just part of the abraham tradition it's all part of the same religion we're all worshiping the same buddhists worship the same god as the christians and and everybody worships the same thing get out of intellectual honesty free card?

It really is. It's so amazing. It's so – to me that's like – that's kind of worse. Yeah. Because it's just like, oh, yeah, well, we just want to all hug. Yeah. Like our mutually exclusive religious ideas are now inclusive religious ideas. No, I'm fucking – either you don't understand or you're just revising it.

Well, what you're doing is you're basically saying I'm not willing to stick with the rigor of this religion at all. All I'm willing to do is take whatever kind of feels good about it away from it and not listen to any of the dictates that it prescribes. Because all of the dictates go against what you're saying. against what you're saying. It's not like you can read the Christian Bible and listen to all the parts of it and come away thinking that Buddhism is a good idea. Or you can come away thinking that there's even any room for it. You can take away, I think, individual passages

that will prescribe, say, a universalist view. But you have to ignore other passages in order to do that. In order to get to that point, you have to ignore other things. Sure, right. So you have to pick and choose everybody picks and chooses we know this but i think that the people who do that sort of we're all sort of worshiping the same god those people those people are picking and choosing the very bare minimum of things right that they that they need to just feel good about not dying i think that that's the case but this person i mean refreshing honesty from somebody who is a total asshole yeah and he said i mean he said well the

one thing he did say he says that he would walk out if someone from another religious group delivered a prayer before the commission meeting and just like well then fucking walk out yeah just leave that's fine no the thing is like i don't have any problem with i actually i actually don't mind it doesn't why do i care if somebody doesn't listen to the prayer i might i might fucking go take a phone call if it was like oh it's fucking wait a minute we're gonna have a council meeting okay what time is it sorry it's seven and we got prayer from seven to 705 like well i'll be there at 706 yeah because why do i have to be here for this i don't believe in what you believe right and it doesn't matter anybody's saying the prayer you could be like a fucking i think trees are god and i still

wouldn't listen yeah the fact that it's christian or Christian or Muslim or Jewish or fucking Wiccan doesn't matter. Two shits. That's all garbage to me. I don't need to hear it. It'd be like if somebody said, we're just going to play fucking white noise for five minutes. It's like, oh, hang on a minute. For the present. I totally fall asleep.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to sleep right now. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. going to sleep right now. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah.

Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah.

Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah.

Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah.

Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Allah. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. So this story comes from digitaljournal.com. School children jailed for making fun of the Islamic state. That's a totally reasonable way to handle kids making a joke. So four school kids and crazily enough, their teacher got arrested.

So what do they do? They mocked the Islamic call to prayer and made a chopping motion. So basically like insinuating that like the Muslims fucking cut off some heads. Maybe because sometimes Muslims cut off some heads maybe because sometimes muslims cut off some fucking heads because that's a thing why didn't they like pretend to throw a stone i wonder right it's a you know it's so funny because like if you're insulted by that wouldn't the solution be not chop off not to chop off any heads i don't maybe come out and be like we really should stop with the head cutting because people are totally giving us a hard time for cutting off heads it's not like anybody's like making

fun of the atheist and be like oh remember the time the atheist chopped the heads off no that never happened no never fucking happened never did they set up a fucking atheist state where they were fucking cutting heads off of people? People with an automatic cutter off them. Oh, French Revolution. Oh, I guess. Whoopsie doodle. That's like... All right. I like this part where it says,

the students and the teacher have been in detention for several weeks already and have convicted, could spend several years in jail. In detention for several weeks? That's like the breakfast, lunch, club oh no you don't just show up on saturday you just stay here it's a much sadder movie that is you know it's like oh they're not plucky at all and when and when like it was named judd nelson was that his name i have no idea i've never actually seen the breakfast the kid the kid who's there's like a fucking, he's like the tough guy or whatever. Yeah, I know the iconography of it.

At a certain point, he gets into a fight with the teacher, and he keeps saying stuff, and he keeps adding a week. So he'll say, you want to be here for another week, Bender? No. You got another one. You want to be here again? You got another one. So that's another one.

And he keeps adding on weeks that he's going to stay in there. So every time they do a choppy one, they're like, you want another one? Choppy? That's another week. Choppy? That's another week. Stop doing it. No, that's another week.

But I love the Atlanta Braves. It was all like. Tomahawk. Are there still Atlanta Braves? It was all like... Tomahawk! Are there still Atlanta Braves? Oh, yeah, there still exist. Yes! Yes! You made us sports.

Yes! You made us sports. Good for you. You know what movie I was remembering was that movie with... Yeah, Major League. Yeah, that's the one. That's the one. I know that.

So this is like... And this is crazy because it's not like they were mocking Islam. It wouldn't even matter. But they were doing it in the fucking privacy of a's not like they were mocking Islam. Like, it wouldn't even matter. But they were doing it, like, in the fucking privacy of a hotel room that they were. So they were, like, on a field trip or something. And they're just kids being kids. Yeah. I mean, can you imagine, like, if everything that you said when you were a kid, somebody was fucking recording.

And then if you said the fucking wrong thing, mobs of fucking crazy religious people would surround your community and throw stones at your house until your parents were forced to give you up to the police that's what happened here like this isn't supposed to be like a like is egypt even pretending that it has anything even approaching a free society at this point This is great. This is from Media Matters. Alan West thought that he was the victim of sharia law at walmart sharia this guy is awesome what a fucking dumb ass jesus wait how did he think he was now explain to me how he thought because i i need to get here time right well can you get me there i don't know because the fucking road's a little bumpy cecil wait there's a road it's a fucking two track where we're going

we don't need roads so so a couple of things strike me about this story before it even begins all right the first thing is this guy is a lieutenant a retired lieutenant colonel and a former congressman. Right. And he's still shopping at Walmart. I thought, like, really? I think he's shopping at Walmart, Tom, because America. That's what I think, yeah. You have an excellent point about America. You know, like, at some point, wouldn't you be like, I'm not shopping at Walmart anymore.

This is the kind of guy, though, that strikes me, he opens his wallet at the Star Spangled Banner place. Just a little on the unbelievably cheap side. I can relate. It's fine. I gotta pry my wall open with the fucking jaws of life half the time. The moths make that sound. Those moths have been crushed for years.

So, this is his quote. I mean, nobody can say it better than him. So, this is his fucking story I mean, nobody can say it better than him. So this is his fucking story of woe. Of Sharia law at Walmart. Go ahead. So break out before you even start, break out your tiny fucking violins.

Alright, hold on. Violin music now. So you can play a sad song. Go ahead. There was a young man doing the checkout and another Walmart employee came over and put up a sign. No alcohol products in this lane. So being the inquisitive fellow that I am, I used my additional set of eyes. Glasses! How funny.

Wait. Those are not extra eyes. I assumed he was just wearing his glasses. I see. And I love that he's inquisitive but didn't inquire. So anyway, well done. Well done, inquisitive fella. Yeah, I'm an inquisitive fella.

So I fucking intuited some racist shit. I'm inquisitive, but I also like to judge people. I don't think this word means what you think it means. No, he means inquisition. Isn't that what he means? Yeah. To see the young checkout man's name, let me just say it was not Steve. What was it?

He doesn't actually say what it was. What do you think it was? I'm sure it was Allah. It was it? He didn't actually say what it was. What do you think it was? I'm sure it was Allah. It was Muhammad. So he said, I pointed the sign out to Aubrey, and her response was a simple question. How is it that this Muslim employee, you don't even know he's Muslim, could refuse service. It makes me crazy. You don't even know he's fucking Muslim.

Could refuse service to customers based on his religious beliefs, but Christians are being forced to participate in specific events contrary to their religious beliefs. Boy, howdy. That is one astute young lady. No. Again, astute is not the word that you're looking for.

He continues. Imagine that. This employee at Walmart refused to just scan a bottle or container of an alcoholic beverage, and that is acceptable. A Christian business owner declines to participate or provide service in a specific event, a gay wedding, which contradicts their faith, and the state crushes them. Yeah, so it's not at all what happened. It turns out that the kid was just under 21. Right, you're not allowed to do it if you're under 21. And it happens to me all the time at the grocery store.

Right. You're not allowed to do it if you're under 21. And it happens to me all the time at the grocery store. Right. You pick the shortest line and then you got to wait the requisite amount of time because some little kid is behind the goddamn register and they can't run all of the booze I need to buy. And I love when you're going to buy booze and they're like, they look at you and they just scream, Twi-Way! It's loud. It's like they fucking bellow that shit.

You can't like sneaky buy alcohol at all. It's like, yeah, all right. I'm buying my sad, lonely juice. Like 21. We got another one. Why do you have 17 bottles of bourbon, sir? Why is that? And it's all Evan Williams.

How sad can you be? You're not throwing a party. You have 21 bottles of bourbon and one bottle of Dewars. I love how wrong he is on every count. That's the part of the story that I love. I know. Because he has the fucking gall to call himself inquisitive. Yeah.

When at no point did he try to suss out any of the relevant facts to his situation. No. He doesn't know why they... So what does he do? All he is, he should be called... He should have said, instead of being an inquisitive fella, he should have said, I'm an assumptive fella. Right. Right?

That's better. He's assuming based on the guy's name that he's Muslim. You can't look at somebody's fucking name. There's a possibility that he was wearing, you know, there's so many times that people confuse Sikh for Muslim. Right. Many, many times. Right.

There's people who have had like their fucking. All the time. Their fucking stores fire bombs because they think that they're Muslim when they're not. Right, right. So you can't look at somebody and be like, I know what faith you. I mean, I guess you can for Muslim women. Like that's I can't imagine somebody wearing like a fucking full burqa. Although there may be like a hijab that other people I don't know.

You know, and that's I guess that's the case, too. Right. Because don't like aren't there some like ultra jewish sex that wear like the full head-to-toe covering i don't know i think that there are i mean i guess i guess the point is that you can't ever be sure you know even if you see his name is like muhammad right that doesn't necessarily mean he's religious it just means his parents might have been religious right or they at least came from a religious culture came from a culture where they said those they named their kids that name. That was a common name.

I am our family doctor. Her fucking first name is Faith. And she's an atheist. Right. You know, so it's like it's clear that her parents were probably religious. Right. I mean, you don't name your kid. Sure.

Faith. If you don't have some. Right. Just like it'd be a little incongruous, like a little weird. So but, you know, she happened to mention to us in the thing that she's not religious or whatever. She's a non-observant Jew. So I was like, OK, fine. You can't I can't even make observations based on based on a name.

And then he's wrong about why. You know, it's like it has nothing to fucking do with you. You fucking incredibly narcissistic asshole. It's just a fucking straight store policy yeah it's not a store policy it's a policy all across illinois because i know every place i go happens now i don't know where this happened it's in ohio they said it's just ohio law it's just law it's just you can't go up to the register and ask a 19 year old to ring you out they have to get a 21 year old over to run the liquor right and then when they do the and that's for and that's for

the fact that they're probably not going to let their friends come in. Right. It's a good law. It's a good law so that their friends don't come in and buy a bunch of liquor. Right. Because you can't have the fucks guarding the hen house. Right. It's just like that's basic.

Well, of course you can't do that. And the editor's update, it says, because they do a correction, but it's a fucking still a half-hearted racist correction. It says he spoke to the Walmart store and apparently employees under 21 years old are prohibited from selling cigarettes and alcohol. And then there's this line. However, that isn't to say Walmart isn't selectively caving to Muslim demands. Well, no, they clearly aren't. In this case, like you have, you have no, like, well, it isn't to say that everyone at Walmart isn't a space alien.

Right? Well, it isn't to say that everyone at Walmart isn't a space alien. Right? I mean, hey, look, we found no evidence of aliens, but it isn't to say that they're not in the back. Right, yeah. We're not going to be hiding in the roof. Who knows? I've seen they live. What a weird thing to do.

I came to Walmart to chew bubble gum and buy alcohol. And no one will sell me alcohol. Where's your bubble gum? Oh, it's in the same aisle. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts.

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You fucking rock. So this isn't really a story so much as it's an awesome blog from healthy food. This is amazeballs. After this, you will go to sleep with onions in your socks every night. So amazing that everything is wrong with us. What a weird thing to do. It's so weird. They got a picture of somebody putting like the dirtiest gym sock that has ever been made.

I think that's an actually. no, it looks disgusting actually. Sock. I mean it's like frayed and filthy and like covered in fucking soot. Relatively clean biscuits though, I got to say. It looks like they polished their fucking heels or whatever. They got the pumice out. The Dremel. The Dremel out to polish their heels.

They went to get a pedicure beforehand. Dremel. The Dremel out to polish their heels. They went to get a pedicure beforehand. So what they're saying is that in Chinese medicine, it's believed that the feet have a powerful and direct connection to all of your internal organs. Wait. I know, dude. Have you heard this shit before? Yeah, you would think that there would be a closer connection.

I don't know. What is it about the fucking feet? Like I've seen the fucking foot maps where it's like, oh, if I touch on your, you know, pinky, that's like the same as stroking your dick or whatever. It's like, wait, where's that ass? It's like a one-to-one match. Tom, I want to believe. Don't mind me.

I'm just sitting here fiddling with my feet. Oh, Jesus, man. I'm going to buy one of those foot baths immediately. Are you kidding me? It's like a hot tub of OG. Oh, God. But like, I've seen those. Mike Johnson's never been so cared for. It kidding me? It's like a hot tub of orgy. Oh, God. But like I've seen those. Mike Johnson's never been so cared for.

It's amazing. It's so weird. God. I'm indirectly touching myself by touching a different part of myself. I'm going to get one of those. Have you seen the foot baths that turn black? They automatically turn black. Wait, what?

So there's a foot bath out there that's like an ionizing foot bath. Fuck you. And you automatically, like when you plug it in, even if you don't put anything in it, the water will eventually turn black. But it's basically allowing you to put your feet in there and saying it's pulling the toxins out of your body. Why do people believe that they're coded in this amount of shit? Well, because, you know, with a I think that the reason why we believe this and this is just fucking spitballing. Right. I have no fucking basis. In fact, on, and this is just fucking spitballing, right? I have no fucking basis in fact on this. It's just total spitballing.

But I think the reason why we believe this is because we're becoming a more and more complex society. So there's all these new things that sort of pop up to make things more convenient. But those things bring with it a level of technology that you might not be familiar with how to create so you think to yourself i don't know how to make a tv i don't know how to make a computer i don't know how to make a thing so there's these things that are in my life that i don't know how to make that i don't know what went into them so you automatically think well how do they make them what do they fucking have like radioactive dust in them or whatever i mean if you didn't know what a microwave did if you didn't know how microwave worked did, if you didn't know how a microwave worked, you might think... I would think it was like

spent plutonium fuel. Sure. That a microwave is fucking nuking your food. That's what they used to call it. When I was a kid, they used to call it nuking your food. Oh, yeah. My dad still does that. Yeah. Oh, just throw it in the nuker. Throw it in the nuker. Well, it's fucking microwaves. It's not nuclear. It's fucking microwaves.

And people think, people would think like, well, if I stand in front of a microwave, will it fucking hurt me? Because I mean, clearly the stuff inside is getting warm. The stuff inside is changing temperature and you're changing it in some way. You're cooking it. What the hell is going to happen to me if I get it with these? Well, it just so happens that you have protective coating on the inside so that those microwaves

can't get out. But you just don't know how these things – so immediately, like fucking the food baby is going to be like, well, you put stuff in a microwave. You'll get microwaves in your face when you eat it. You may as well just put yourself in a nuclear bomb. It's like, okay. All right. So there's this sort of – it's the hyperbole of the other end to sort of push back against this. That makes some sense. I think it's just – you don't the other end to sort of push back against this. That makes some sense.

I think, you know, it's just, you don't understand how things work anymore because it's too complex for me to understand how certain things in my life work. So I can't tell you how my fucking cell phone works. There's no way I could tell you. But I can think, well, if I don't know how it works, maybe it's fucking emitting some crazy shit

that's going to hurt me. I guess that's the second half is like, I don't assume things are made to hurt me no right because i think people made them and then they use the same thing you're also not selling a fucking ionizing foot bath or onions to someone right like onion like here's the thing though what i don't get about these websites that tell you these types of things. Like, I understand the fucking foot ionizing bath where I'm going to get a fucking bottle of sewer water after it's done. Right? I understand. It looks like suddenly I fucking put my feet in a fucking outhouse.

Like, that's what happens after it's over. It looks disgusting. It looks like poo water. It's poo water. I took a shit and then I made wine out of it. I stomped it in the fucking toilet and made wine out of it. Oh, God. Okay?

That's what it looks like in the ionizer. But when I'm telling you to use onions, I don't understand that. I'm like, wait, so they're – what are you getting out of this? Because you're not selling me onions. No, I think that – here's the thing, though. Like, I really – my experience with woo practitioners on the medical side is that they believe this shit. Yeah. And I'm always like

someone had to teach them to bullshit yeah you know like and i i want to find like the genesis of the fucking gobbledygook but i think it's more complex than that i think it's a game of fucking woo telephone you know and i think that's probably how this fucking starts it's like you know somebody had a fucking you know I mean, this is like suggesting. Let's just go back to the story real quick and use this as an example. They're really suggesting that onions absorb bacteria and cleanse the body and that you can use onions on your feet. Like actually put a thick cut onion on your biscuit and put a sock over it. You smell like Greek

food. No, well, with the cheesy smell that's already on my feet, I think it would be like a gratin. Why have you said Greek? Because you start with a feta in there. Oh, that's true. I was thinking more like a parmesan, but you know, I'm a little

older, so I understand. I'm Italian, I understand. It's like a gratin flavor that we got there. I want to read the comment, though, at the bottom. Hang on. Hang on. Can we? Okay.

Okay. Go ahead. No, fucking go ahead. The part of this article I love is that it talks about, like, you know, like the meridians and stuff. And he says, although not everyone believes, this is my favorite line of the whole article, although not everyone believes in meridians or Chinese medicine, the truth is that this is all connected directly with the nervous system. So it's like, maybe not everybody believes it.

Nonetheless, it's true. And here's how it's true. And then it's a fucking series of fucking gobbledygook word salad sentences that fucking mean absolutely nothing. They talk about toxins leaving the bloodstream to go to your feet. Why? How does it get through your skin? How do you not just walk around and bleed out toxins?

It's not like I pull my socks off and there's some black goo in my socks at the end of the day. And even if I had an onion in there, it's not like I could imagine that there would be some's some black goo in my socks at the end of the day. And even if I had an onion in there, it's not like I could imagine that there would be some sort of black goo. Now, it would probably smell terrible. More terrible than it currently smells. That's not possible. I don't know that that's possible either because we have to call

a hazmat team for me to take my shoes off. Even if the onions kill bacteria, even if they did, and they don't, but even, I mean't, unless you rubbed an onion on a bacteria and crushed it. Oh God, don't squish me! No!

There's thousands of bacteria looking at me like, he's going to press it on us! Why would I assume that this random, undifferentiated, unnamed toxin, all undifferentiated toxins of no specific dosage or whatever,

that they would just be like, an onion? Let's go there and die! What? And they're not even alive. So if they're bacteria, they're not toxins. They're bacteria. So at least the bacteria might have some conceivable

mechanism for independent movement. But like if you had, let's say, a heavy metal in your body. I think they think it's like a magnet, though. Well, that's what I mean. Like, why would an onion be like, come to me, come to me and be destroyed? And why is it when you fucking like, why when I fucking eat a gyro, doesn't it pour out of my mouth? Why am I not just fucking vomiting toxins up when I hold a gyro to my face? I'd be like, oh, I went to get a fucking thick-cut

butter burger. And I just spit out a bunch of toxins because it smells like it's like the old wives' tale where you put the milk underneath your face when you have a tapeworm and it comes out of your mouth. Oh, I love milk. I love milk.

Like a tapeworm has this amazing sense of smell. Yeah. Even though it lives in your intestines, it smells it all the way down in your body. What do I have to burp that liquid in? Like, how do I even work? Why would you just like, why would you just eat the onions? I don't know.

It's like the apple cider vinegar thing, though, right? It's like, oh, my joints are creaky. I better eat some vinegar. Why? It didn't get to your knee. I know. That's so awesome. I remember the first time I had never thought of it.

And you and I were talking about it. And I was like, I don't believe this. I don't believe that that works. And you're like, well, of course it doesn't work. Because even if you could get the acid to the parts of your body that it would somehow decalcify those places that they said. Even if you grant you all that. Yeah. How does it get through your stomach to get there?

It's not like your body's like, oh, it's like fucking waving the apple cider vinegar through like a fucking, it's like I got a police escort. It's just like, no, this one goes through. This one goes through. Just run it right through the stomach, through the fucking intestinal wall lining. We don't even try to digest acids. It just goes right through. Then your stomach's like, but I'm mostly acid.

No, shut up. Shut up, you. Well, it's like, and how would anything get, if something left your bloodstream and it's in your body, where does it go? Like, how does it travel places? Like, your bloodstream is the thing that moves things around inside your body. It's like a closed circuit, right? Right. So it's like, closed circuit. Right? Right.

So it's like, okay, it leaves your bloodstream. So it somehow like these heavy, like these toxins, we don't know what they are. I keep saying heavy metals, but just imaginary toxins of undifferentiated name and toxicity. So they somehow, they leave your bloodstream. Microwaves. Let's call them microwaves. So then where in your body then are they? Are they in the, like in the, where?

There's no other, it's not like there's like vast empty caverns within your body. Yeah, like just as big holes. You know what we should start calling toxins though? Let's start calling them Vannies. Vannies? Because that's the woman, that's the woman, that's a food blog baby or food babe. Oh, is that her name, Vanny? Vanny is her name.

Vanny? Vanny or Vanny. You get a chance to give her her proper homage right and she's a fucking toxin on the world she is a fucking time so you just call call all toxins from now on that are in your body vanis vanis and and the most toxic thing i guess could be a vani award like you get the vanis we should have the vanis like oh you gotta go to the vanis tonight yeah can we just you gotta go to the Vonnies tonight? Can we just read the comment at the bottom?

There's only one comment. Do it. There's only one comment. And this shows you how fucking stupid Chinese medicine is. I'm a doctor of Chinese medicine, and all the meridians do not travel to the sole of the foot. At least half are upper body.

I do wish you would check the facts before writing these reports. Well, it would make sense that half are for the upper body. Right. Because that's, let's see, half of your body as defined by upper. Right. It's not like you would have an upper half of your body, which was like a third, like the

top third. Right. You know, like how would that Yeah. I've been to a doctor how would that. Yeah. Yeah. I've been to a doctor of Chinese medicine. Yeah. Yeah. I've had, I've had Chinese medicine treatments. I've had a host of them. I had the moxibustion. The what?

I've had. What is a moxibustion? Is that where they like, like the fucking cups and put them on you? Yeah. I've done. I've had, I've had the cupping. It's big, leaves big hickeys on you, doesn't it? It does.

It leaves big, stupid hickeys. I've had acupuncture. It leaves big hickeys on you, doesn't it? It does. It leaves big, stupid hickeys. I've had acupuncture. I've had things diagnosed by the way my tongue looks. I've had the moxibustion, I think, if I remember right, was basically like he lit like a stinky Chinese herb cigar type thing and then waved it around at me. Like in my general direction near like a supposed

meridian or whatever. Yeah, man. I've had a host. I've had Chinese teas and herbs and spices. Chinese teas? Yeah. I watch that video all the time. The problem is a lot of it's blurred out.

I can tell what's going on. I have a good imagination. No, dude. Fuck that. I'm a grown man, and I'm not watching this fucking blurred out Cinemax shit. When I'm watching, when I want to see what I want to see, you don't take that away from me. Look, man, they're just blurring out the cock. I don't give a shit.

I don't care. I don't need to see some tiny Japanese dick. Who am I kidding? It's like three pixels. Oh, man, I've only got two pixels. Well, she turned me into a newt. A newt.

Got better. Burn already! Oh, God, this story. Oh, this comes from Metro. Oh, God. Everything about this story. We're just going to blast through this one. I'm sorry, man.

Mom forced to drink petrol and set on fire after being accused of witchcraft. Holy mother of God. A 12-year-old kid was made to watch. Oh, that's nice. So that's two lives fucking ruined. Sure. In South Africa, as somebody held his mom down,

forced her to drink gasoline, and then set her on fire after they'd already beaten her. And then when she was dead, the mob surrounded her fucking corpse and attacked her corpse because they thought that she was using fucking black magic. Yeah.

Because they still believe that there's a thing called magic. Right. Yeah. Much less black magic. Like, we're so far down the rabbit hole at this point. In South Africa,

is it black magic or is it apartheid magic? Oh, no why has it got to be black magic oh no i i this is exactly like the previous story though right it is it's this it's this here's this crazy worldview we're going to damage another human with it right there's no way you can look out across the world when people are lighting other people on fire and beating them, beating their fucking flaming bodies or whatever. Murdering people through through exorcism or killing people to sell them for fucking parts of their body because they're all like albinos. Like it's people with albinism. No, it's people with albinism. No, it's albinism no it's not it is and this is people with petrolism people with on fire people with corpseism

no but seriously it's it you look at these people are – they're damaged by religion or just even just – it's not – maybe it's not religion. It's religious thinking or it's supernatural thinking. They're damaged by it and it's happening all the time. Right. And to have a worldview like this, you've got to be willing to accept this blood on your hands. Right. You've got to be able to say, okay, well, these are some seeds that we've sown. I think we need to be okay

with calling this fucking backward and antiquated thinking. Absolutely. This is not a cultural judgment. Do you ever watch National Geographic documentaries where people go to Papua New Guinea and they spend time with the fucking locals and locals do their fucking

witch dances and they do the whole like you know we're gonna drink this you know fucking fermented mayor's milk we're all gonna fucking whatever right like we need to look at that we need to say okay like this is this is not it's 2015 we need to stop we don't need to stop and say like i think there's this there's this intention it comes from a good place where we we want to be accepting and we want to be nonjudgmental. We want to say, like, you are stupid or you are backward because that's not the case. But we think we do need to look at that and say these practices, these supernatural practices come from a lack of education, a lack of, you know, worldly sophistication about how the world works. A lack of worldly sophistication about how the world works. The reason you think this way, the reason that you interpret your world in a mystical, magical way is because the world has not filtered down to you yet.

And that's not a good thing. That's not even a neutral thing. It's not a good. It's not a cultural good, even for your culture, for us to say, like, yeah, we should be fucking deciding our futures by looking at the innards of chickens, right? That's a fucking ridiculous way to think. And I think it's insulting to people to say, well, I wouldn't think that way. And I know that that's factually inaccurate. It's scientifically baseless.

Scientifically baseless. But somehow, if I find some culture who's still practicing this stuff, I should back the fuck off and I should not introduce to them, you know, modern ways of thinking, because somehow that's, you know, imperialistic orage fucking medieval hybrid where people are going through the fucking growing pains of the 14th century in front of our very fucking eyes when they don't need to. Sure. You know, we needed to go through the growing pains of the 14th century during the motherfucking 14th century. There was no alternative. Right. There was no alternative at that point. Now there's an alternative. And the alternative is this is there's just a more factual way to look at the world right you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth uh so this story comes

from gizmodo gizmodo gizmodo i mean it's like the best part about words like this is you can't spell them wrong or say them wrong because they're made up so like the fucking gizmodo i mean it's like the best part about words like this is you can't spell them wrong or say them wrong because they're made up so like the fucking gizmodo guy could be like no it's gizmodo be like fucking no it's not a word i'll say your fucking fake word how i want to say your fake word gizmodo it's gizmodo gizmodo don't mind if I gizmo-do. I used to work. I used to work at an outdoor lifestyle center mall thing, right? And there was a gazebo, and we were like two doors down from the gazebo. And people would call up, and I'd be like, yeah, we're like two stories away from the gazebo.

Gazebo! Awesome. And nobody ever corrected me. And for some reason, it made me laugh every time it's awesome like oh yeah he found us and they come in and be like oh i called earlier like oh good you found us right by the gazabo right by the gazabo it made me laugh because it was stupid oh uh so jeb bush i like this because it's bush versus cl again. Jeb Bush says Apple Watch. Wait, why do you like this? I don't know, actually.

Jeb Bush says Apple Watch health apps are better than. Is it Jeb or Jeeb? Jeeb. Jeeb Bush. How the fuck do you know? Right? It's fucking. It's all made up.

It's Jeeb Bush. It's Jeeb Bush. He made me French. It's Jeeb Bush. It's Jeeb. It's Jeep Bush. It's Jeep Bush. He made me French. It's Jeep Bush. It's Jeep Bush. Oui, oui, Jeep Bush. I love this story for so many reasons. So he says the Apple Watch health apps are better than Obamacare.

He actually doesn't really say that. It's true. That's true, though. An Apple Watch a day keeps Obamacare away. It's an expensive obamacare away it's an expensive obama it's more expensive than obamacare to have an apple watch a day though that's very true yeah it's very true especially if you get one of those fucking gold ones that they were selling for like 10 grand or whatever stupid expensive like would you own something like that i can't i'll bet you that pastor crashes cars on some of them. It's like, I checked the time on my Apple Watch, and it was fucking time to get ill. He's like, I crashed my helicopter, and it didn't even ding my Apple Watch. My wife fucking died.

My children fell out in the helicopter, and fucking 2,000 people went up in flames. I don't even give a fuck. My Apple Watch is just fine. I didn't even give a fuck my apple watch is just fine i didn't even piss to put them out when they were on fire oh god so he says i think we should repeal obamacare then he pointed to his apple watch which i'm amazed that he i think he even knows how to use it this is a guy that i just like i like he's like i got this watch thing on my wrist those aren't just a novelty, right? I mean, I guess the thing is, though, we were calling cell phones a novelty back in the day before cell phones became popular.

Yeah, I have a smartwatch. So there's a possibility that smartwatch becomes a thing. Yeah. But it feels like a novelty right now. It does feel like a weird. I have a smartwatch. I have a Pebble, and I like it. Yeah.

I think it's a neat toy. It's a toy, though. My very favorite. I might have said this on the podcast, my very favorite smartwatch story. So there was a guy walking across the street. I saw a downtown Chicago. It's fucking horns and jackhammers and fucking L's driving by.

And he's got the smartwatch to his ear like this. And I see him leaning and be like, I'm sorry. I can't hear you. I'm on my smartwatch right now. And then he put it back up to his ears. The funniest thing I've ever seen. Because you're just like, he looks like Max Smart.

Like he should have had a shoe to his face. Like it was awesome. I can't hear you. It was amazing. It was amazing. Oh, my God. So he says, on this device in five years will be applications that will allow me to manage my health care in ways that five years ago were not even possible. I love this because it's like he's referring to the future to say that there will be something that's not available five years in the past from today.

So it's like he kind of want to be like, we got no shit. That's how the future works. Now, will the Apple watch be a pre-existing condition? It'll be excluded. It'll be excluded. You know, it's so funny. This will have an app. And you're like, okay, well, it'll have some weird fitness app or something.

But it's not like it's going to have some injector that's going to fucking shoot nanobots into your body to repair your organs. Right. It's just a fucking watch dude it's not a physician it's not like it's gonna be like oh you got cancer it's a fucking watch man i don't care what you do to it i don't care you could put the fucking smartest computer that can play chess against the motherfucker in it. And it's still a fucking watch, motherfucker. That's it. That's what it does.

It tells you the time. It reads you your texts. It doesn't do anything else. I don't care. It could fucking tell my heart rate. Who cares? Who cares? It's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

You're yelling so loud, my dog is barking. It's so stupid. Stupid. Fuck you, Jeb. Jeb is barking. It's so stupid. Stupid. Fuck you, Jeb. Jeb Booze. Jeb Booze. You prick. Would it be great if the Apple Watch actually got so smart that it could do something like diagnose cancer, but you still had no insurance so you couldn't do anything about it?

It's like a little countdown timer. It tells you when you're going to die. You have like a little countdown timer that tells you when you're gonna die. You have like six months to live. You're like, I wish I had fucking insurance. It's telling you the time with and without insurance. So with insurance, you got like seven you got like seven

years, but without insurance you die in four days. Sorry, bro. Yeah, I bet you wish you didn't spend all that money on a watch. You show up in the emergency room and be like, my watch says I'm sick. It's like, does your watch say Blue Cross Blue Shield? What I love is that people

are willing to spend their disposable income on a fucking frivolous watch instead of insurance, right? They're like, oh, fucking, you know what? I could either fucking insure myself or I could buy a watch. I could either insure myself so I don't get fucking like, so if somebody tears my arm off, I could fucking sew it up. Or I'll get a watch. Like a watch. You chose the watch?

The fuck were you thinking? Such a bad choice. Can you imagine? Like you're a poor person and you're listening to Jeb Bush. You're like, I can't afford either thing. It's not a choice of like. All those poor people who are going to vote for him are like, I can't wait so I get my apple watch in four years he's like an apple watch in every pot so we want to thank Philip and Richard for their uh their one-time paypal donations and we also

want to thank all of our patrons we want to thank specifically our newer patrons, the ones that just became patrons. Tor, Stephanie, Dan, Karen, Mike, The Price of Reason, Samantha, Ali, Robin, Brandon, Dan, Joe, The Rockin' Donkey, ZT, Asia, Arthur, Fine I'll give two. I love that one. DJ, Emily, and Don, thank you also very much for your generous donations. It really has gone a long way to making sure that this show is possible and that we are sort of upgrading

our equipment. We wound up just upgrading our equipment today to get a brand new sound we're very happy with. And this is all for glory hole studios. And we just reached a milestone of $1,000 an episode now for a while that that was listed as an extra show. But Tom and I sent a message to the patrons, the people who pay for the show, and we talked about it. And we said, if we did two shows a week, the show would almost certainly suffer because we're just there's too much going on in our lives to do two shows a week, the show would almost certainly suffer because there's too much going on in our lives to do two shows a week.

We can do six a month, but doing two shows a week, which could sometimes be up to ten shows a month, would just be way too much. So what we're doing instead, and we talked to the patrons and they really liked the idea, is that we're going to start spending. patrons and they really like the idea is that we're going to start spending the the the milestone is that we're going to be spending i'm going to be driving out to glory hole studios which can be a pain in the ass on my part but i'm going to be coming out to glory hole studios we recorded today in person in glory hole studios we're going to try to do this more often at least once a month is going to be our goal um we're hoping we can do it up to two times a month um in the future there's another milestone for that but it's a we find that the energy in studio is much better. People really enjoy the shows when we do them together.

So that's the next milestone. There's more milestones that we put up. We're also going to be adding some individual goals for people. I don't know what they call that. Rewards, I think is what they call that. Yeah, I think they're Patreon rewards. We're going to be adding some of those. But we're really just thankful to our patrons.

We're going to try to give you guys a little bit of extra content here and there because we're just super stoked to be getting up to that milestone. So we want to thank everybody who helped get us there. Thank you all so much. Yeah, all of our patrons that have supported us from the beginning of Patreon's launch. The direction and the trajectory of this show since Patreon has really started, we've made some major upgrades to our equipment. We've built this studio. We've done some traveling.

We've done a lot of things we just simply couldn't have been able to do. So we're grateful to each and every one of you. Thank you. So we want to start out the email section talking about a charity that we're going to be donating to. We met a man by the name of Don at ReasonCon. And Don came to us with a story of his local food pantry. His local food pantry pays a dollar for rent. I'm going to read directly from his email.

But they share all the electrical at a discounted rate for the schools. They pay based on the percentage of space use so their bill has been between 2100 and 2500 for electricity um they have a shortfall of 400 a month uh and so it's his goal for his group to try to raise that kind of money to help help them stay above water for several months so he started a kickstarter that we are going to help them stay above water for several months. So he started a Kickstarter that we are going to help fund. So here's what's going to happen. We're going to post

Don's Kickstarter. Don is working for the Statesboro Atheists and Secular Humanists in Statesboro, Georgia, and they're trying to make money for their local food bank, and we're going to try to make sure that we match funds up to $2,000. So what we're doing is we're trying to make money for their local food bank. And we're going to try to make sure that we match funds up to $2,000. So what we're doing is we're going to take,

right now, before we even announced this, their GoFundMe is at $525. The moment that ticks to $2525, Tom and I will donate to this food bank $2,000. So we'd like to try to make sure that he gets to this goal. He's hoping to get $6,000. So we'd like to try to get him well on his way to his goal. And then we would donate this money so that hopefully this food bank doesn't go under because they're spending so much money a month just trying to stay afloat. And there's no reason that a food bank should have to struggle this hard to feed its residents. Let's all try to step up. We're going to have a link to this. Yeah, on the website. Yeah. Let's all try to step up, donate what you can. If you were thinking about sending us a one-time

PayPal donation, send it to this charity instead. Absolutely. We'd love to see that. We'd be so grateful and enamored of our audience to see that huge step up that that big push um nothing would please us more than to write that big check to the food bank so let us do that we're waiting we're waiting until we hit 2500 the moment it hits 2500 we're 2000 we're 2000 in the game right away so you can double your money right now all you have to do is just donate just go to our website it's episode 226. We got a message from John from the Illinois Report, Tom. And you got a chance to say a little something for them.

You do a little bumper for them at ReasonCon. Yeah, they were kind enough to ask me to help out a little bit and record the opening for their latest podcast. So their latest podcast has my voice on it for whatever reason they chose not to delete that file. I know, I know. They're punishing their own internet right now. They're clearly people of poor taste, but swing over there and take a listen. So they were really nice people, real nice folks.

We talked about Nebraska recently, and we got a ton of mail from people. We got a great voicemail. Bunch of people hate nebraska because it sucks but um but this is from zach can you read what zach has to say about fucking nebraska he says this is zach from omaha nebraska i just listened to your episode 225 in which you guys covered our shitty state i'd like to inform you that there is an Omaha airport, but, and I fucking shit you not, it is on the Iowa side of the Missouri River.

Yes, we have an airport. It just isn't in our own goddamn state. Also, I think you guys underestimate how fucking awful it is to live here. Every day I wake up and don't shoot myself in the mouth. It is a fucking miracle. Oh my gosh. I went to Indiana once and had a good time that's how fucking terrible nebraska is that's amazing and zach comes from the godless revolution podcast

zach thank you so much that's i'm so sorry you have to wake up in nebraska it's awful it's terrible nobody should suffer that you think you could at least wake up and get mo you know let's send all the detainees there just so that they wind up fucking hanging themselves in their cell all right so we've got a clip um this is from steven he sent us a clip from an 80s british tv show where black church choirs are parodied in an atheist church choir so i'm going to play a few seconds of this. that's outstanding that's great it's very funny i will say the puppets are so strange that's there was like a there was like a thing back then though. I remember a lot of different puppets that had this look.

Yeah. It's like a really sort of caricaturized look of them of humans. And they're always scared the shit out of me as a kid. We got a, we got a message from Nick and Nick sent us an image for, uh, for Pat Robertson and his brand new horror movie we'll put this on this episode episode 226 so when you come to check out 226 to donate to don's uh to don's cause

you can also check out this image we got a message from fucking jason who wanted to rub it in our face that he had a fucking castle gray skull fuck you jason and your shitty castle gray skull looks like it sucked i still want one me too i'd play with it right now i would play i would fucking quit doing this i would find i would fucking find things to put in it like i would put like fucking tomatoes in it i'd be like it'd be like aroma tomato fucking gray skull i seriously nothing would please me more like, it'd be like a Roma tomato fucking gray skull. I seriously, nothing would please me more than to find that at like a garage sale or

something and buy it for the kids. I can play. You could play with it. It's awesome. So we got a message. This is actually a, an inquiry about why we're using the daily mail in the telegraph. This person said,

you know, you're using these newspapers. Don't you have USA equivalents? And this is from Jamie from the UK. Jamie, we have this thing called the internet in America. I don't know if you have it. Some people call it the World Wide Web, so it might be called that there, although you'd have to use it. All the cool kids are using it these days.

No, what we do is we normally, when Tom trolls for stories, I'm sure he probably uses Flipboard or Reddit or things like that that are aggregators. And they just pull from all these different places. So when we pull from a newspaper from around the world, we're not scouring that particular newspaper. We're just looking at aggregators that go off keywords. So that's exactly right. I don't even I've never I never typed in raw story dot com in my life. Yeah.

You know, I just I get I get moved there from exactly what you said from a number of aggregators that I use to try to hunt stories for the show. This is from Jacob. Jacob asks, I'm trying to find a news source for upcoming election, but I can't find one that's fully right or fully left, or I can't find one that's not fully right or fully left. Do you have a suggestion? And Tom, I think you have a suggestion for him. Yeah, so I like votesmart.org. Votesmart is nice because it's and it's just you type in your candidate politician's name. You type in a zip code and find out who your politicians in your area are. And then you can just look at their positions, look at their votes, look at how they're rated by different interest groups. So and it's it's a pretty good way to to take a look at a candidate from kind of an outside perspective.

So because it's not editorialized, it's just like, what did you vote on this issue it's hard to editorialize you know did you vote yay or nay i guess the only way to editorialize that is if they vote for abortion like showing dead babies or something next to it like how many dead babies it's like a dead baby rating how many it's like many dead babies did they rack up so uh so we wanted to mention this. This is Ross. Ross from Skeptically Challenged sent us a message to plug a couple things that are happening in Brisbane. Tom, if you want to read what's going on in Brisbane. Sure. I'd be happy to alert everybody about the goings on in Brisbane.

No, you said it too close. Oh, Brisbane. There you go. That's better. There we go. That's better. We'll be doing two events with Peter Beguise. The first is a panel discussion on Thursday,

2nd July. That's July 2nd. July 2nd here in America. The question is, how do we know? The panel will feature Peter, some Bible types, and some science types. Nice. Tickets are $14. I think that's like $190 American money. Yeah. The second event is Brisbane Skeptic Camp.

Apparently will be the 100th Skeptic Camp worldwide, which is a cool achievement for the global skeptical community. The event will take place of Saturday, July 4th. That's Independence Day in America. Yeah, you would not get much attendance here in America because we are all shooting off fireworks and jamming barbecue in our faces.

At Hamilton Town Hall. And we'll feature Peter Begusion as well as a number of community with a superfluous eye speakers. Admission is free. Ross! Come on, Ross! The third event we have going is the Australian Skeptics National Convention. This is a huge deal for us. We have Eugenie Scott, Susan Gerbic, Joan Nicol, and Miles Power, all coming from overseas.

Two words for no reason. As well as Nobel Prize winner Brian Schmidt. Come on, Ross. Get on your game, man. You're like a fucking college graduate for fuck's sake. As well as myself and other skeptics from Australia. Jake Farwharton. Oh, fuck that guy.

I hate that dude. What a douche. We'll be one of the... Oh, he doesn't listen. We'll be one of the MCs. The convention will have a free skeptic camp on the Friday. Friday should be capitalized. The convention takes place... You gottath to October the 18th.

Information on all the events can be found at brisbaneskeptics.org. That's one word. Brisbane spelled exactly how it sounds. Bane spelled exactly how it sounds. But that's also going to be, you can also find a link to Briss Bane Skeptics on our website. That's DissonancePod.com and it'll be episode 226. So this particular episode, we recorded more than necessary, a lot more than necessary. So the midweek show this upcoming week

is going to be basically the second half of what we recorded in Glory Hole Studios this week. So you're going to get a regular size show now and you'll also get

a full length show in the middle of the week that is the stuff that did not make it into this particular show. It's all good, all terrible. I don't know if it's any good.

Who are we kidding? It's all the worst thing you've ever heard. But we want to thank everybody for listening. And we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptics Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil andQuasi-Alternative Acupunctuating Pressurized Stereogram, Pyramidal Free Energy Healing Water Downward Spiral, Brain Deadpan Sales Pitch Late Night Infodocutainment, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls,

Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this.

The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music