Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 228: Do You Even Life Bro?

Episode Date: May 25, 2015

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This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, this is Mike in California. You guys touched a very sensitive subject with me. My sister is doing that oxygen treatment bullshit. She's in remission from cancer. And she gives no credit to the chemotherapy. She only gives credit to

the oxygen bullshit. And then just the other day she went to the hospital at 3 in the morning because she was having chest pains and they couldn't figure out why she got this stuff in Mexico because it's not FDA approved. Anyways, so yeah, that's the reality of my situation.

Glory hole, motherfuckers. Hey, boys. My name's Matthew. I'm calling from North Carolina. I've been listening to you talk about my state for the last couple of months, and you've been right about 96.3% of the time, so I haven't taken issue. But Tom, your North Carolina accent doesn't sound like anyone who has ever even visited North Carolina. point three percent of the time so i haven't taken issue but tom your north carolina accent doesn't sound like anyone who has ever even visited north carolina you sound like yosemite

sam son furthermore the story you cover about the guy in ohio went to walmart and wanted to buy booze and thought he couldn't because of sharia law here's the irony alert i live in north carolina i can't buy booze until noon on Sunday because of Christian Sharia blue laws. Fuckers. Glory Hole. Hey, guys. This is Kyle in Oklahoma. Glory Hole.

I just have a story to share with you guys after listening to episode 221, I'm a little behind the times, about Josh, who was fighting cancer and had the religious family. I had a good friend pass away from cancer a while back. It was really bad, and he was a college student, so didn't have insurance. But anyway, it was so bad they would only allow family and a minister to visit him in the hospital. And his brother, who was a born-again Christian, sent his minister, who my friend had had formal debates with and who aided him to minister to my friend, and the hospital would always let this guy through.

So I actually got ordained through the Universal Life Church and had my friend say that I was his minister. And so I got to visit him for the last couple of weeks of his life. And it was, I mean, it was great to be able to spend that time with him there at the end. This is Jason from Columbus, Ohio. Over the past several months, I've been catching up on your back catalog of shows, and I've agreed with almost everything you say. But on one of the episodes I listened to today, I believe it was 183,

you said something about Winnie the Pooh being Eeyore's best friend. Tiglet and Winnie the Pooh are best friends. Are you ridiculous? If you can't get a simple fact like that right about two very important characters, why should I believe anything that you say? It's absolutely fucking ridiculous. Oh, that sounds really silly now that I say it out loud. All right, glory hole.

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and drinks at noon. I know. It's like my before noon bourbon. It's not. It's 1230. I feel like my dad.

Oh, your dad can't feel. I'm so sorry. Oh, no. He really can't. It's because he's dead. I mean, no. He really cares. It's because he's dead. I mean, he's like really, really extra dead. But the thing is, I remember my dad would wake up and have his before. It was Canadian Club, though.

It was different. It was different. Canadian Club was the worst drink ever, by the way. Does it come in a plastic bottle? It does. Dude, if you can buy whiskey. You can buy it in a bottle if you're feeling like you want to splurge. I got some fancy Canadian whiskey.

But it also has a, and it's, I remember he used to get half pints for all the time. And I'd be like, why didn't he just buy a fifth of that stuff? And then I realized if he had a fifth, he would drink the whole thing. Right? Just all gone. Canadian whiskey is whiskey for people that don't like whiskey. Yeah. It's for people who just want to get drunk.

Right. That's what it is. Because it's cheap as shit. I feel the same way actually. I'm probably going to get like 100 emails. I feel the same way about Irish whiskey. I have good Irish whiskey and it's so smooth that I think it's bland.

There's nothing to it. Irish whiskey is better than Canadian whiskey. Canadian whiskey is fucking getting punched in the teeth. It's not a pleasant experience canadian whiskey tastes like what it is the illegal yeah you know because it's because it's canadian whiskey it comes from from the from the uh you know running days or you know when we outlawed the prohibition thing and it's like it's canadian which is it came down from it tastes like it's

made in a bathtub you're absolutely right yeah it's fucking awful probably made in a fucking moose's belly or something just like feed the moose grain and then shake it. And then out comes the Canadian whiskey. You just have to milk. It only has one udder and you have to milk it. That's not an udder. It's like. Shh.

Don't ruin my fantasy. It's. I guess what we're saying is Canadian whiskey is distilled moose urine. Yeah. Okay. That's pretty much what we're saying. Canadian whiskey is distilled moose urine. Yeah, okay. That's pretty much what we're saying. I'm not even shocked at all. That's not recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago.

This is what happens when we start recording together. Yeah, it is. I always interrupt the intro. I always do. This is episode 228. 228. 228. I know that for sure.

We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at this episode, as Cecil was kind enough to mention. I pointed it out already. Yeah, 228.

228. Now I can't fuck it up. I'm fucking done. So, you saved me that. I fucking put my rubber stamp of approval on it. There you go. A chunk. Contrary to popular opinion, Save me that. Fucking put my rubber stamp of approval on it. There you go. So I'm just going to. Ka-chunk.

Contrary to popular opinion, God is not against sex. It was his idea in the first place. So this first story, and like 115 of these stories this week, I'm sorry, they're all going to come from the Atheist blogs. Many of them do. This one comes from a friendly Atheist blog. No big surprise. Christian, praise prom. I read this initially, by the way. It's praise

porn. And I was like, alright, I'm interested. I like it. So the Christian Praise Prom. See, that's like all porn. It's like, oh God, oh God, oh God. It's a lot of praise. Yes, yes, yes. Very good. That's right. It's all praise.

To the left, to the left. If it's not praise, the left to the left if it's not praise you're like you're on a website I'm not interested in that would be like the worst most disheartening porn where it's just like this is the worst sex I've ever had she's like nah I've had better she's like on her phone

she's playing words with friends oh don't send us porn with people playing words it's got to be out there oh god god you know what's fucking amazing is that yeah right exactly is there certainly fucking disinterested party porn you know we're like there's somebody who gets off yeah i'm like like a like a bored part sure yeah like like just like looking down and being like oh yeah they're not into this at all we're like watching breaking bad and eating scrambled eggs they're sick you're like wailing away on the drum and they're just like like fucking i don't even know they're like they like a call during the middle of it they take it they're just like

hold on it's my mom i gotta take this i'm sorry i'm very busy mom no i'm not doing anything no nothing i'm doing literally nothing this is and there's somebody fucking furiously yeah no no it's just another disappointing day in my life yeah why would i want to watch porn that looks exactly like a Wednesday in my house? You know? There's so many disinterested parties in my life. Everyone's disinterested. I tried to videotape, but the camera shut off. Camera shut off. The camera's just like, I'm not even out of battery.

I just don't care. Like, it puts the lens cap on itself. Christian Praise Prom Organizer. Praise Prom. Banned Scottish boy wearing a kilt until he changed into man pants. Did he? He changed into man pants? Did he have, like, fucking Wonder Teen powers activate? I am now man pants!

He just turns into a pair of pants and then just falls over. That's it. He's like, this is the worst superpower. This is worse than disinterested sex porn. Form of a pair of pants and it just falls over. That's it. He's like, this is the worst superpower. This is worse than disinterested sex porn. Form of a pair of pants. Praise prom. That sounds. Yeah, so this is like a prom, but it's not really a prom.

It's a prom for homeschool kids. Okay. Well, they need to go somewhere. As if there wasn't enough fucking socially awkward teenagers at a regular prom. I was going to say, that's pretty awkward. I can't imagine what it's like with the homeschoolers. Praise prom really sounds like a boner killer, though. I mean, of all the proms you could go to,

praise prom sounds like a super boner killer. Afterwards, you get to go to Denny's and have the moons over my abstinence. That's a delicious after-dinner treat right there. It's like, oh, so we're going to go home? I guess. I go back to my and like you know the other thing is too it's like let's go back to my house otherwise known as school we're always fucking in the classroom the only the only touching you can do with the other person is like

is like the sistine chapel touching where you're just a very tip of your finger can actually touch it. Oh my god! Oh yeah! We rubbed tips. Did you feel the electricity? It was actual static electricity. You rubbed your feet across the carpet before we got together. So anyway, this dude, he did the thing

where he wore a kilt because fucking kilts are cool and he showed up and did the kilt-y cool thing. And they fucking kicked him out. Oh, yeah. And they made him go wear fucking pants for Jesus. Like I guess Jesus loved pants. Well, the funny thing is they didn't recognize it.

They're like, oh, they thought he was wearing a skirt. I'm thinking, have none of you people seen Braveheart? Don't you people love Mel Gibson? Like shouldn't you know what Braveheart is? Doesn't he hate the Jews, too? What the fuck? You guys should be like buddy-buddy. Right, because Mel Gibson, he's the one that made the torture porn for Christians.

Yes. What was it called? The Passion of the Christ. The Passion of the Christ. Yeah. Texas Jesus Chainsaw Massacre or whatever it was. Jesus Chainsaw Massacre, right. Like, he made that movie.

That was his thing. And they loved him for it. So, like, this dude shows up in his kilt, and it's fine. It's a little subversive or whatever. That's why you do it. It's from my heritage. It's a little subversive, and that's fine. Be a little subversive.

And his date has fucking blue hair, if you look at it. So it's clearly like, these are your subversive homeschool kids, and that's cool. That's fine. But just fucking recognize the fucking homeboys in a fucking kilt. And that's it. You believe they sent them back and wear fucking pantaloons. Yeah. And then they said they said the woman is like, well, I didn't say it looked like a skirt, but everybody else was making fun of you for being like, fuck you, you cunt.

Well, fucking let him get made fun of them. That's his fucking deal. Yeah, exactly. Well, fucking let him get made fun of then. That's his fucking deal. Yeah, exactly. And the thing is, I never wore a kilt, but I did wear I did wear all kinds of other stuff to sort of because you're at that age. You're a peacock, right?

That's your peacock age. That's when you're like, I'm going to wear fucking this weird haircut and I'm going to fucking like wear this weird outfit and I'm going to wear like plaid with like stripes because I want everybody to look at me. That's your peacock ears. So, of course, you're going to wear the craziest shit you can because you're trying to attract as much attention as possible. I never minded one bit when someone would make fun of the stuff I wore. Because that was part of the game. And it was awesome. I was like, yeah, dude, you fucking noticed what I wore today, didn't you?

You're not looking at the guy over there in the polo shirt. You're looking at me. And I loved it. I wanted people to. So this guy probably wasn't even mad that people were like, what is he in a dress? Like, oh, yeah, he's never heard that wearing a kilt before. Right. Oh, my God.

I've never heard. So original. Holy shit. Am I wearing a dress? Right. Oh, that's hilarious. It's not like he showed up to the prom and was fucking throwing tabers around, you know, like he's like a little people.

He's like he shows up and he's fucking doing like a reenactment of the Highland Games in the middle of the prom. He's like hurling fucking hammers around, lifting weights for, you know, like. He's like, he's just wearing a kilt like he's doing the thing. And banging a sheep at a certain point. That's one of the games, right? It's just sheep fucking. Yeah, it's one of the games.

It's just 24 hours of straight. It's like a speed fuck. See how fast you can... How fast you can get it done in a sheep. How fast you can turn it into mutton. I don't even know. So, like, and they said, like, this is their statement issued in response. We want to keep things about Jesus and keep things very simple and straightforward.

We support people who want to celebrate their special heritages. And we suggest that David and his mom perhaps create a special heritage night or dance. But I stand firm in our policy of dress pants, dress shirt, and tie only for boys at the praise prom. Like, why? Why? What is it? Is it complicated that he wore a kilt? Are you like, I don't know what to do.

He wore a kilt and fucking confused. I kind of want to fuck him. What complicated the issue? I don't know what to do. We wore a kilt and fucking confused. I kind of want to fuck him. What complicated the issue? I don't know. Maybe some dudes were trying to put roofies in his drink. Right. I want to take this girl home. I don't care that she has hairy legs.

Look at that. That chick with the beard is fucking hot. Now we're going to get a fucking email from chicks with beards. You know, the fucking. I'm just saying. They call it people with beards you know the fucking i'm just saying they call it people with beards chick was beardism you know the thing is is it's not like this is the very first time someone has used a kilt for formal attire right that happens all the time and and now don't get

me wrong it It happens. You know, I think the people who are doing it, like you say, are trying to be a little subversive or whatever. Which is fine. Which is fine. But I mean, you can see this happen all the time. People wear this outside of Scotland. People wear kilts for formal dress on occasion to different things. People get married in them.

People go to weddings in them. Conventions in them. Conventions in them. Conventions in them. There may have been one on an Oscar red carpet or something. Sure. You know, like maybe on the fucking, maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe on the Golden Globes or something.

But, you know, even still. Some lesser award show. Some award show. I'm sure someone has worn a kilt. So it's not like this is masquerading as something. It's not like somebody's coming in in torn up jeans or something like that that is trying to sort of be – this is a thing that has already been established as formal wear. So it's not like this person is wearing something that they're trying to push fucking – this isn't a boundary to push. He's already been pushed. He's not showing up wearing nothing but pantyhose.

Exactly. He's not wearing body paint. And he's dressed like an elephant with a trunk. The thing that cracks me up. It's like Dumbo. It's more like an anteater. He's Irish. Scottish.

If he's Scottish, it's like a woodpecker. You see, there are demons in the earth. Read Matthew, Mark's Gospel, chapter 5. There are demons all over where, and Jesus cast out demons when he walked the earth. This is from the Progressive Secular Humanist blog, also at Patheos. Pat Robertson, treating

eating disorders as demonic possession. Well, don't you have to eat the demon first i actually think that this is terribly heretical to the doctrine of quiznos demon to be honest with you right he's like say that he's like i actually really like quiznos and i would really like you to go there there's a lot of carbs in this bread but it's delicious you know it's baked fresh on sight. Maybe Quizzo's demon is a binger and perjurer, though. Maybe he just orders tons and tons of food and then goes to the bathroom and then vomits it up. Oh, God.

And then comes back. He has terrible teeth, it turns out. Like little sticks. Unpleasant. That's just so bad. Do we want to play Pat Robertson? We always want to play Pat Robertson. All right, so this is fucking a guy who forgot who he is on the 700 Club.

I've been involved. One young man I remember, he had this disorder, and he just wouldn't eat, and he just got wasted thinner and thinner and thinner. And it was just a tragedy. You did everything you could to help him. I did everything I could to encourage him to help him and everything, but it was too late in his case by the time I got there. And you remember the singing group, the Carpenters?

I thought they had a marvelous sound, but the girl. Karen Carpenter. Where did that come from? You know, he's talking about Karen Carpenter, but it's funny. Like, he just goes into, you know, they had a marvelous time. Instead of saying, like, hey, Karen Carpenter had this disease. I don't know. It's just weird.

It's weird to be like, remember 40 fucking years ago. I know. It's old music. It's fucking pop music back from 40 fucking years. It's probably more than 40 years ago. This is the last album my mom bought. 40 fucking years. It's probably more than 40 years ago. This is the last album my mom bought.

I put on their records in my fucking record player. It's an original Edison 301. This is something that came out originally on 8-track. Yeah, for sure. This is unbelievable. I love, too, that he's saying, like, well, I did everything I could to help. Really? So let's double check.

You did nothing at all. Yeah, no. Because there's nothing you could do that would be effective. Yeah, no. He did literally nothing. Right. He stood there and said, you should have a food. You sure you're not hungry?

Like, that's not a thing. Shaking fucking bacon at somebody is not helping. Unless it's me, in which case it is always helping. Today, when you hear her music, you recognize her voice. It was very distinctive. It's an incredible voice. voice but i mean she she starved herself to death so i think sometimes when you don't get help soon enough yeah serious help this you know this can be treated as a demonic possession thing it is it is like a demon and it needs to be rebuked and cast out. Can I get a rebuke on Rye? Is that a possibility?

Wow. Just put a little mustard on that rebuke. I love a good rebuke. I'll tell you. You know how it needs to be treated? By professionals. Yeah. By professionals.

By people who actually know what they're doing. I love when she's just like, it needs help. Serious help. And he's like, foreign demonic possession. And it's all of a sudden like, well, now we're talking about different things. Because she was saying serious help, and you're saying imaginary monsters live inside your body and make you not want to eat up food. Seriously, fucking imaginary monster friends that are mean to you.

Right. That's like thinking fucking your car is broke because there's gremlins. Right. Like, I mean, really, it's like, man, I got in my car yesterday, and windshield wipers wouldn't turn on. The damn gremlin's got in the fucking engine compartment. You fucking idiot. What the fuck is wrong with you?

It's not a demon, you dumb fuck. And it's ironic because I bought an AMC gremlin. So it's like, nobody follows. You only get those gifted to you by, cars from kids like that's the only person who owns a gremlin you know the amc gremlin joke is just as old as the fucking karen carpenter's reference that's how fucking the only way you can play the carpenters is in an amc because it's the only thing still that they track in it that's it because nobody's driven it since the 70s so yeah i absolutely it's fucking it's it's afraid of the boogeyman it's thinking i don't get cell phone service because there's witches it since the 70s. Jesus Christ. Absolutely. It's fucking, it's afraid of the boogeyman.

It's thinking I don't get cell phone service because there's witches in the area. Right, yeah, right. Wait, what? Have you heard that? Wait a minute, because now that feels like that's something that you've heard. It's something I just made up, but it could be real.

Someone probably believes it. Oh, I dropped a call. There must be witches around. Oh, I just want, sometimes I listen to this stuff and I'm just like, why don't you live on fucking Easter Island? Like building fucking heads out of fucking volcanic rock. You're seriously so fucking ridiculous. It's like you deserve to be fucking stranded in the middle of the fucking Pacific Ocean somewhere. You outrageous fucking lunatic.

He spreads his ideas every week and these ideas are so i mean it's so backward it's such a stupid backward idea and nobody can understand why you're so mad about it because he's telling people that really need help to go to their fucking to their priest right to get fucking rebuked when they have fucking anorexia or when they have a bulimia or something like that well his story is about a boy who died of an eating disorder. Right. And at some point somebody called for help and they called Pat Robertson. Right.

And he didn't say, let me hand this off to the real people who can actually help. Right. He said, I rebuke thee in the name of Satan and ate a fucking tuna sandwich in front of the kid. Exactly. Yeah. Like he went to work and then had lunch. Yeah.

And this fucking boy died. And he's telling the story is like, it's a fucking tragedy. The tragedy is you. Yeah, like he went to work and then had lunch. Yeah. And this fucking boy died. And he's telling this story. It's like it's a fucking tragedy. The tragedy is you. Yeah. The tragedy is the people that you influence. The tragedy is that people called you on the phone and were like, I need help for my son. Let's get a fucking charlatan in the doors.

Exactly. It's like fucking calling a shoe salesman when you need a heart surgeon. Right. That's exactly what it is. I don't need a fucking shoe salesman when you need a heart surgeon. Right! That's exactly what it is. I don't need a fucking shoe salesman. This doesn't work anymore. I put a new set of Jordans on his biscuits, but he's still clutching his chest and going,

Oh God, Oh God! They start to try to revive him. He's hitting the shoe with his chest. He's like, Don't you die on me! Hang on, let's run a few tests. He looks about a ten and a half. Oh, he collapsed his lung.

We'll just pump it up with the Jordan. Yeah, there you go. He put a little one of those Reebok pumps on his chest. We're the worst doctors here at Foot Locker ever. They're like in those fucking referee outfits They got like like the the footlocker dude comes out with a fucking hacksaw like fucking Civil War style It's like a whole pile of lead in the corner, it's like it's like a Ken Burns documentary at the mall I'm just looking for a fitting right now. I'm not actually looking for any shoes.

Oh, we got to cut your foot off. They put the shoe on. It's like, it's a little tight. Not for long, it's not. They're using tight laces as the tourniquet. Perfect. How do you like that? My own mother falling for that stuff.

Well, you don't know, Larry. Maybe Dr. Kuh- dr kaha can help her doctor that guy's no doctor he's a quack so this is less of a story than it is just gross uh it's so gross man it's from yeast home medicine.com proven home remedies for yeast infections. There's a whole website for this? Oh. There's a whole website just for this. How to stop your yeast infection for good with garlic.

So here's what they suggest. Wait, garlic? Garlic. Man, clams and garlic really do go well together. Admittedly. Admittedly. If you're going to cook up some clams there's really nothing better

than a hearty amount of garlic a hearty amount of garlic do you have like a period Clamato joke you want to make I'm not going to make any jokes because a Clamato joke right now would probably be pretty good, I think. I'm not going to go there. I'm not.

I already went there. I think. Crab juice. They don't call it a Bloody Mary for nothing. Delicious. Garlic in my Bloody Mary. Oh, delicious. Garlic in my bloody marriage. Oh, no. So that's exactly what it sounds like.

The suggestion here is to just fucking. To stuff some fucking floss in a garlic piece and shove it like a suppository in your vagina is what you're supposed to do. And the first thing i thought when they're like sticking it in there is like why don't you just fucking spackle some maggots in there like gladiator you know and the reason why is you know it fucking cured that gash on gladiator turn the channel change the channel click click click i just i want to see because gash gash is a slang no i'm hitting buttons imaginary buttons that turn you off is there a mute on this thing no i you know i knew this was dangerous as soon as i posted this

oh the slang words for fucking bajingo are a lot it it turns out. Man, I just can't imagine the scenario where you're just like, honey, can you stuff some hummus up there? I'm just saying. I got a cracker. Do you have to roast the garlic first? Because I think that would give the vagina a nutty flavor. Otherwise, it's a little sharp and harsh. It's a little sharp down there.

Honey, it's a little sharp and harsh. It's a little sharp down there. Honey, it's a little sharp. It's an essence of, gosh, it tastes like sour cream and onion dip down here. What's going on? It's like a fucking bread bowl. Oh, God. You know, sometimes, Cecil, there's a story where I feel like it's like I'm just lobbing something right in your general direction. We had somebody who tweeted at us that they were disgusted with our feet thing last week. I know.

They have already stopped and unsubscribed from our podcast at this point. They've burned their ears off with a fucking blowtorch. That's it. They fucking Vincent Van Gogh'd themselves. You know, I got to tell you, though, this reminds me of an email we recently got. Yeah. So we covered the fucking onion on your biscuits story last week, right? Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah.

And somebody sent us an email that they had a roommate that tied garlic to their feet or put garlic in their socks or whatever, and it got so bad that they had to throw away their bed. They had to throw out their whole bed. I just picture somebody being like, I've made a terrible decision. I just pick up their bed and throw it out a window. I hope it was like a $4,000 Swedish sleep system. Why do we assume the Swedish sleep so well? Because they're surrounded by blonde women.

That's the only reason why. Because the Swedish bikini team is hard. The only two things that Sweden is famous for are bikini teams and sleep systems. What about timepieces? Swedish timepieces? Isn't that a thing? Isn't it Swiss timepieces? Well, they're the same thing.

They start with Swiss. The Swiss are the same thing as Swedish. They speak the same language. They're like right over here. They speak the exact same language. And they are both in the Alps, Tom. They both strike me as- You got a Swedish chocolate?

And Swiss meatballs? I wound up going to Zurich, Sweden last year. That's a marvelous time. We're the banking capital of the world, Tom. I bought some Swiss pre-made furniture. The Swedes have a huge banking system. It's amazing. And they've always remained neutral in all their wars.

I'm just saying. We're moving on. All right. All right. I fucked this whole thing up. Oh, man. Hold on. We want to talk about vagina and garlic.

What else is there to say? You know, like, when. Hold on. Do we want to talk about vagina and garlic? What else is there to say? You know, like, when you... Nothing. You know, the thing is, is like... If you're Italian, can you even tell the difference? Mamma mia, that's a spicy meatball. I guess it's not a ball, but... I can't tell if you have garlic in your pussy or if you're just...

You... Oh, Maria. Oh, Maria. Oh, God. But in any case, one of the things that they talk about in the article specifically – it's not an article. It's like a fucking – it's like a blog post. I was looking at you like, article? Did you just use that word intentionally? In this blog post, they're talking about how you fucking, I don't know, crush some garlic and –

Sure. They're talking about – but they're talking about different ways in which the suppository isn't the only way in which to tease. And then like, if you don't fucking mind it, chew on some garlic. And I'm thinking, do you not have friends? You can also just fuck the colonel.

There's urgent spices there. Fuck the colonel in the mouth. Just find any colonel. It doesn't even matter. Salute him first, then fuck him in the mouth. find any colonel it doesn't even matter salute him first then fuck him in the mouth that's what you need to do but no they say you can drink the tea and it'll have antibacterial

can you imagine drinking garlic tea how could you choke that shit down unless it tastes like chicken I don't know unless it has like cause if it's just garlic it's gonna be so offensive and why wouldn't you just cook with a lot of garlic? Yeah. But they talk about that.

They talk about like how, you know, you shouldn't be, you really shouldn't be denaturing it in some way. You should be trying to ingest it like because raw is better and you shouldn't take pills because pills aren't as good. Raw garlic tea. In any case. Dude. Here's the thing. Even if it does have, let's just say that there's antibacterial properties that somehow worm their way through your entire digestive system. Don't want to know because it's a fungal infection.

Un-fucking-scathed, right? Un-scathed from your digestive system, right? And they make their way to the parts of the body that they need to go to. Sure. Right? By magic or osmosis. Why not just use a fucking medicinal antifungal thing or a medicinal antibacterial thing that is purpose made for this thing? Instead of saying, well, you know, I could use this fucking Vagisil, which is like purpose made for it. Or I could use this fucking garlic.

And it's like saying like, well, I could use this hammer or I could use this Mack truck. I know, right? Like, well, one is for one thing and one is for another thing. Now, you may be able to fucking pound a nail in with a Mack truck. That's possible, but it's not necessarily the fucking best thing to do it. Right. And I don't understand why they – and it's not talking – it never says in this article like fucking these other ones are bad. It just happens to like praise the home remedy of garlic as if that's a fucking that's a

virtue in some way because there's a huge group of people that just believe that home remedies are better than like pharmaceutical or store-bought remedies or you know remedies like full of chemicals yeah i don't know what's in it and so and i know everything so if i don't know what's in it then you know clearly it must not be good for me. And it's like, well, shoving fucking garlic in your fucking hoo-ha is not a great idea either, stupid. Like, you got to, you have, the problem is you have a fucking infection. So you're just going to introduce, like, random uncontrolled third, like, substances into your body. Be like, I fucking crammed some more shit up there. Fucking put an old shoe in there.

I'm just, I'm just filling filling it up i'm fucking packing like a it's like moving day yeah no you i mean first you stuff a shoe up there and then you stick a sock up there and then i'm like a fucking wadded up reuse panties you could just like yeah i just been putting fucking doesn't even everything in the fridge i don't care i got fucking leftovers i fucking chopped some mirepoix and put that shit up in there. I wanted to fucking, look, I needed the flavor just perfect. I put a fucking taco in my taco. I put a sachet of spices in there. I put it in cheesecloth, threw some bay leaf and a little bit of fucking rosemary in there and some fucking parsley stems.

And I seasoned that pot of fucking soup. What is wrong with people? What is wrong? It'd be like saying, I got a headache. Well, here's an aspirin. I'll just choose some willow bark. The aspirin is better. Yeah.

Like, even if the fucking willow bark helped, like, even if you'd be like, why would you want to eat a bark food? Like, why would you? Oh, it's so natural. Oh, God. It tastes like fucking dirt and dead ants. Fucking straight goofballs.

Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod.

Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. So also from the Patheos Progressive Secular Humanist Blogs. Can I just pause before we talk about the Patheos for a second? I don't have Adblock installed on Mozilla. So when my Mozilla pops up, it's not installed. On the side, I know that they don't choose

who their advertisers are, right? But on the side, there's this free chat with Oranum, O-r-a-n-u-m the spiritual community and there's like a it's like a like a fucking webcam of a psychic on the side that i can ask questions to and then it'll take me to a place where i can pay for a free reading on the pay-per-view site site and it's on every page. Now, I think it's – Keywords fail, dude. I think it's targeted at me because of the sites that I visit. Right.

It pulls keywords. It doesn't pay attention. But it is crazy to me that you can go to a place that seems to be a bastion of reason and find ads for something completely unreasonable. Woo ads. Yeah. It's amazing. It's almost like if you were the owner of the Progressive Secular Humanist blog or something, all you'd have to do is look at your shitty ads to get your next story. And I just want to – what I want to do is I want to go in there and be like,

well, look, I only – I'll ask you some questions, but you got to take off your clothes. Like that's the only way we're going to do this. And I want you to look around the room and be like – it's like one of those things when you're in the chat room and there's like the hot girl and the hot girl, whatever. It's like the dance ones where there's a girl with a hot girl dance ones. And they're like, well, no, I can't fit the chair up my ass. No, I cannot. And like asking all the different things in the room that they can fit up their ass.

Like, that's what I want to do to the psychic. I want to be like, is there any way you can fit that glass up your ass? No, that's what I want to do to the to the side. I want to be like, just treat him like a really good fit that glass up your ass. No, the one you're drinking. No, the ashtray next to you because it's full of fucking cigarette butts. Sylvia Brown. I want to see if you could shove that up your ass. I'll give it a whirl. Anything for money, honey.

So Fox News guests, women are paid less because that's God's way. This is Sean Hannity from Fox News. And and this is the audio that goes that goes with this particular story. All right. Welcome back to Hannity. So if you ask Hillary Clinton supporters why they're so hot for Hillary, well, you'll hear many of them talk about, you know, all sorts of nonsense like her character experience or commitment to equality for women.

Is that nonsense? Wait a minute. Why is somebody's experience nonsense? Why is there why is there fucking a commitment Is that nonsense? Wait a minute. Why is somebody's experience nonsense? Why is there fucking a commitment to women nonsense? They're talking about garbage like her character and experience. Fucking what are you

what wouldn't be nonsense? What answer to that question in your mind would not be nonsense? The thing is Hannity only votes for length of penis. So that's the only way he votes. He asks all the candidates to lay their cocks on the podium. And that's it. And look, if you just got out of the pool, that's your tough luck.

He's a Herman Cain supporter because he's looking for that big black cock. Why didn't he vote for Obama? Oh, he's only a half breed. He's a half breed. He's a half breed, half white, half bleach. From that fucking Manning, dude. Oh, God. That's from somebody else.

No, we didn't do that. We didn't do that. We didn't do that. That's not our thing. That's us. Well, we know that's just another Clinton hoax, but watch what happens when Clinton supporters find out that, as senator, she actually paid female staffers a lot less than men. Watch this. As senator, Hillary Clinton paid women 72 cents for each dollar that she paid men.

Really? That's actually been debunked. I didn't know that. Yeah, it says it was a previously debunked allegations. So data debunks claim that Hillary Clinton paid women less than men. Like there's a Huffington Post article specifically that that factcheck.org went after it and said, no, it's not. Probably why people are surprised by it. It's just not true.

So it doesn't get reported. It's just like not true. Right. So why people are surprised by it, because it's not true, so it doesn't get reported. It's just, like, not true. Right. So, you can say it, because you're one of those, it's like the fucking, the Centennial Institute put this out, so it's like fucking... Centennial Institute? Right. They must be patriots. It's almost like, you know, it'd be like if you said, like, did you know Hillary

Clinton ate an Indonesian baby? They'd be like, no, because I don't... I have no idea. I'd like to check that. That doesn't seem right. Something about your claim strikes me as curious, sir. There's no way she ate the Indonesia baby without sriracha. I'm just not. I just don't believe it.

I don't think she finished the whole thing. She's like waving her hand in front of her face like, it's really hot. Oh, my God. The baby will burn your mouth. Do I have to eat the bones? It's like an Ortolan or whatever those things are. You're crunching. It's like crunching the bones of the baby.

Delicious. Do you have to wear a veil when you eat it? To hide your face from God? To hide your face from God while you eat a baby? I never do. Fuck that. I look right in his fucking eye. I look at a cloud.

I find the biggest, fluffiest cloud in the sky and I eat a baby. That's what I do. I try to find a cloud where a little ray of sunshine is pointing through it and I'm just like, fuck you, God! I try to drive to that spot on Earth. I just get underneath it. And then I masturbate while eating a baby. This is why none of us can ever run for

politics. I'm just saying. Because of our record? Because of our experience? Our experience and character. That's the problem. Our character is the problem. As we day drink and record this show wait she really did that yeah no i don't even know what to say right now i'm kind of shocked yeah that makes no sense that makes no sense like why would why would how would you expect somebody to react and being like, so I'm not sure what this is intended to prove.

It's like, hey, we're going to give you some information, like react to it. Well, it's surprising. Like, if you don't know this is untrue information, be like, well, I'm very surprised by the information. I need a moment to process it. Like, sure. How is that? Like, what? This person is stunned silence right now.

I'm not sure I'd vote for her for that. That's a tough situation. I think Hillary keeps finding herself in these awkward positions where things that she said don't always match up with the actions. I mean, that makes her hypocritical. And that makes me less likely to vote for her. I mean, you know what I mean, that makes her hypocritical and that makes me less likely to vote for her. I mean, you know what I mean? Because it's like, why are you trying to fight for something but you're not doing it? That makes no sense.

Can't wait to find out that she took money from Saudi Arabia and other countries that treat women horribly. Here now with reaction, author of The Death of Kul, Gavin McGinnis, Fox News contributed. Tamara is back. There's a part of me that says, oh, I love Hillary. I love Hillary. Oh, yes, we can. Obama. There's like liberals are sort of like zombies.

Liberals are like zombies. I'm glad that this show is so fair and balanced and doesn't have a clear right wing bias. How could anybody watch this and be like, oh, this seems like. I mean, he's look, he's not saying that from the right. He's saying that from the center. Oh, I see. Don't you understand? I'm sorry.

He's calling liberal zombies... In the next sentence, he's going to call Republican zombies. I'm sure he will. Yeah, I mean, because that's how you have to... Fair and balanced. Absolutely. They repeat what they hear,

and they know... Why did they say they'll vote for somebody and know nothing about the candidate? That infuriates me, because they can cancel out my vote. Yes, we can. And we do on occasion. Turns out we don't only cancel your vote out.

We wind up voting more than you for president. It's happened twice recently. Yeah, very recently. Yeah. Why do you actually believe the Washington Free Banana Peel, whatever group that did this search on Hillary Clinton. It's actually true. No, it's not true.

It's a far-right group that took the data and manipulated it to support their position. By the way, Obama does the same thing and pays less. Is this where you guys now get your information? Washington Free Beacon or whatever? They're the ones. Anything that's reported Hillary Clinton. I love that she's coloring it. I know.

It's like, you found it on the bottom of a dish rack. Right. That's what you found. You paid a fucking bum to fucking write something on the rapper he houses his alcohol in. And that's what you're fucking reporting. Well, way to journalism. Yeah, exactly. And that this, that that.

There's absolutely no evidence of this, and it's just not true. It actually is true. No, it's not. Tag, you're it. You're right. No, it is true. You're a duty head. No, you're a duty head.

Tom, I'm rubber. You're glue. Washington Free Banana Peel is not a legitimate organization. It's the Washington Free Beacon, which is a legitimate newspaper. Yes. Look, there's different ways to look at the data, but the big picture here is women do earn less in America because they choose to. They would rather go to their daughter's piano recital than stay all night at work working on a proposal. What?

I love the incursion. She's just like, where the fuck am I? Why is this happening? What the fuck did you just say? Right. This guy is awesome. Like, this is a guy who is so unplugged from fucking life. Just, if I were, I hope that if I were ever in a situation where I were on a panel, I

would just be like, keep going. Keep going. Oh, yeah. You don't need me to rebut you. Yeah. My work here is done. I don't have to say rebut you. My work here is done. I don't have to say anything. All you need to do is just keep flapping your fucking jaw skin.

So they end up earning less. They're less ambitious. And I think this is sort of God's way. This is nature's way of saying women should be at home with the kids. They're happier there. I hope. You know what he said right after? He said the woman's like, go bake me a fucking muffin.

Bake me a muffin with the exact amount of blueberries in it as the next fucking muffin. Get on it right now. What are you doing sitting there? You're not ambitious until it comes to muffins. That's the only ambition you have in life is muffins and shitting children out. That's it. That's it. That's what you get to do.

Wow. Isn't that amazing? It's outstanding. Fucking out loud and everything. That's awesome. That's God's way of saying, back in the kitchen, you filthy whore. God, it's awesome. He's like, fucking, they should be home.

And I think he says right afterwards, I'm pretty sure he says they should be home with kids. Yeah. That your viewers do not take you, sir, seriously. There's a great book you should read. It's called Why Men Earn More. And it's all about women choosing to put family over work. And that's why they earn less. Having a choice does not mean that you're less ambitious.

And your comments are absolutely deplorable. Sean, I would like you to adjust it. You're a father. You have a daughter. If you were a real feminist, you would support Housewives and see them as the heroes and women who work wasting their time. What? What? What does that even mean? Did he just say that?

How does he? How do you get there? And the thing is, is like, like women who who really are feminist support both stay at home moms or, you know, whatever it is, even just like, and not even stay at home moms, just like fucking a woman who doesn't want to work,

who wants to be, you know, who just, the husband makes enough money and the woman doesn't have to work or whatever. They support them just as much as they support you to somebody who's the, who's the exact opposite, who's working and the man doesn't have to work.

It's choice. It's just a choice. The whole point, the whole point of feminism in the workplace as a as a concept is that there isn't anything special about about a woman's gender that means that she should have less or different choices than a man so that's that's the extent of that conversation so however you structure your fucking family is nobody's business but that fucking family. The point is that you should not be pigeonholed as a result of your gender into being the one who works or the one who stays home, regardless of whether you're male or female.

That's the that is the that is the sort of like prototypical feminine position on right feminist position, feminine position. Although I'm interested in feminine positions. Feminine position. I like that. It's better than the Spanish Inquisition. It's much better than the Spanish Inquisition. Although they all might invite a little tie-up play. I don't know.

Admittedly, no one expects the feminine position, too. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. Oh, gosh. This is hilarious. This is from Right Wing Watch. Brian Fisher, incest has been normalized and legalized in Pennsylvania thanks to gay marriage.

Normalized, huh? Yeah. In Pennsylvania. Yeah, in Pennsylvania. That great bastion of liberalism. Pennsylvania. That place that has beer stores. Right. What a weird. Isn't that weird?

It is so weird. At least where I visit, and I think it's a statewide thing. I've been weird like at least where i visit and i don't know if i think it's a statewide thing they've i've been told a statewide thing although i don't know there's state liquor laws but it's like there's like a weird liquor law that you have to go into a fucking beer a beer store which is separate from your spirits yeah like you have to go to a bar to get like a liquor like if you want to get a maker's mark or something you have to go to a bar or a specific liquor type store but if you want to get beer maker's mark or something, you have to go to a bar or a specific liquor type store. But if you want to get beer, you have to go to like a beer store.

And is it like a regular liquor store like you would recognize from here that just has beer? Or is it like a sad gray concrete room? It's like a weird – like the ones I've been to have been concrete. Now, I don't know what else there is, but it almost seems like a fucking DMV-type beer store. That's how it is in Canada. When I was in Canada, I went to Ontario to go fishing, and it was like, Welcome to the place where you can buy beer. And it was Canadian sad beer, too.

So you're like, I wouldn't go here. I get Labatt. At the end of the day, that's what you're walking out the door with? It's just sad combined with sad wow it's all sad it's everything on it was just a presence right yeah look pennsylvania is such a fucked up weird state i can't yeah and it's also like what what is there in pennsylvania to do other than incest you know like i mean not even like it's like it's like he's fucking knocking on their national pastime. You know what I mean? It's like fucking this is this is the state hobby.

I was going to say it's on their state flag. Yeah, there's like there's like a fucking mom fucking a son on their state flag. The Pennsylvania state flag has clearly a and it even has arrows. It says mom and son. It says it right there. So there's no mistaking it. You know, this is Brian Fisher. We're going to let him describe exactly what he's talking about he's talking about incest and pennsylvania so and it's related to gay marriage so brian fisher on brian fisher's show uh whatever the hell we talk about pedophilia is

coming bestiality is going to be down the road and we've talked about incest and i think incest is maybe going to be one of the dominoes that's soon to fall. In fact, it already has in Pennsylvania. This is an amazing story here, but it's about two men, Norman MacArthur and Bill Novak. Now, same-sex marriage was illegal in Pennsylvania. So they wanted to make some kind of arrangements for a will in the future and property, joint property and all that. So they decided that one of them would adopt the other. So from a legal standpoint, I don't even know why the state of Pennsylvania allowed that because they're grown men when this happens.

Pretty foolish and moronic if you ask me, but they allowed it. So one of these men who were basically the same age, they're in their 70s together today, and one of them was allowed to adopt the other. So one of them became legally the son of the other so now they're in a father-son relationship that misunderstands what is going on with the the reason why they're even trying to do this is because they don't have rights right like that's that's exactly like what i would tweeted this out and put on the facebook it's like you're not you're misunderstanding the assignment like the only reason they had to go through these bizarre

sort of backward machinations to protect their fucking property rights and their and and and other rights is because we don't have gay marriage legalized because they didn't have another avenue by which to protect themselves legally so they had to go through this this isn't their name we're never really father and son they never really they didn't want to do this they didn't set out right to be like hey you know what we should do they said hey you. They didn't want to do this. They didn't set out to be like, hey, you know what we should do? They said, hey, you know what we really need to do is protect our rights. Right. And how do we do that in the current system?

Because we can't do it in a way that would be preferable, which is where we actually have equal rights. Right. Because we don't. Exactly. So how do we fucking get around that? What fucking legal loophole can I do to make sure that i can actually fucking get you my stuff when i die exactly how does that work exactly exactly it's so and like it's not incest because they're not really father and son they were never they were two grown dudes look that's

like that's like getting a blow job from your stepmom it's not illegal it's just a little frown down upon that's all and only a little a little bit. Probably just from your dad. That's it. That's the only person who cares. But it's a homosexual relationship. So now you have someone who is legally a father sleeping, enjoying carnal relations with somebody who legally is his son. What is that? That's incest. But not naturally. Not naturally his son.

So, okay, so what about all the people who have who have like fucking baby play in the bedroom? Right? Where they're like fucking, they're like, da, da, give me a baba and fucking change my diaper or whatever. Right? What about those people? Well, I'm sure he would hate on those people too. They're pretending to have a relationship that they don't actually have. That's all they're doing.

Yeah. And they're only doing this. And again, it's like the most important part of the whole fucking thing. Tom, even if they're doing it, even if they fucking buy into it right even if they absolutely buy into the fact that one of them is a dad and one of them is a son doesn't matter because it doesn't make them a dad and a son right i don't care how much you believe in it it's never gonna happen i don't care how much i believe in the force i can't lift your bottle over there no matter what i do are you saying that paperwork can't change genetic?

Oh, God, give me a break. Really? So are you saying that no matter what words I write on a piece of paper, in any order. In any order. In any order. Sure. They can't actually create a father and son relationship. No matter what you do.

That's a naturalistic biological relationship. Yeah. Unless you have some kind of fucking magic paper. Well. Turns out. No, I don't have fucking magic paper. Turns out. No, I don't have any magic paper. Yeah. I sold that to the Beans.

I sold all three of those things. Fucking Harry Potter bullshit. Now that marriage is legal in Pennsylvania because of judicial activism, they went to court, dissolved their adoptive arrangements, so they're no longer father and son. Now they're just two single guys. Now they're not father and son. Which is awesome.

Right. And because they didn't have to do it anymore. Right. So now they're not father and son anymore. So, like, if your whole argument rested on this legalistic argument, then before they got married, they went and they dissolved their fucking father and son relationship. And then they got married. So the whole thing was a legalistic argument. It was never a naturalistic argument.

And they went through these mashups. This guy is such a fucking bad thinker. Well, he still has 45 seconds left of thinking. Well, he's not going to do a very good job. Living together, and now they're scheduling a marriage ceremony this summer. Now, my point is, now you have the normalization through the homosexual agenda a very good job living together and now they're scheduling a marriage ceremony this summer now my point is now you have the normalization through the homosexual agenda and through i mean through public officials that just aren't either are not paying attention or aren't committed to doing the

right thing and the best thing now you're going to have incest has been normalized and legalized. And now in Philadelphia or in Pennsylvania, a father and a son, this is in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, a father and a son will be allowed to enter in to a homosexual marriage. Again, as we said, now incest is being normalized.

There is just no place to stop. No, that's a perfect place to stop. It turns out right at your, right at your fucking corner of bad thinking Avenue. It's so's a perfect place to stop, it turns out. Right at your fucking corner of Bad Thinking Avenue. He's so bad at this. I mean, really, he's saying it out loud.

And you gotta ask yourself, the people that are listening, are you nodding your heads with them and saying, yeah, now incest is fucking, they're gonna totally, and the reason why he's doing it is because he wants to demonize it, right? He wants to make everybody think that this is such an awful thing, that getting a gay marriage is going to lead to fucking lobsters in the future or whatever it is that they're going to say, right? And so it's going to lead to this awful shit.

And here's the next link. Here's the next rung on the ladder for us to show you that this is a bad thing and it's going to lead to more and more bad things down the road. It's this fucking – this is boiling frog, slippery slope, whatever you want to call it. We're falling off into the fucking cliff. No, you don't understand why they did it. You clearly don't. Or you do, but you're just ignoring the fact why they did it. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus.

Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. This story comes from news.com.au. Mom charged with murder after diluting her breast milk. So this is just a really, really sad story. This woman was not producing enough breast milk to feed her newborn daughter, and she decided to dilute the breast milk with water. And as a result, the 10-week-old baby died of water intoxication.

The reason that it's ending up here, because evidently this is a thing, you know, where people don't have enough resources to pay for formula. They water down their formula. They water down breast milk because they and they call it formula stretching to reduce feedings or to, you know, squeeze every last dollar. Yeah, that's it's fucking expensive, dude. Formula is fucking ridiculous. And kids, this is a growing time for them. Right. They need a tremendous amount of all that stuff. And this is a rookie mistake by the infant. There's no way to get swole this way.

I mean, no matter how hard you try, you can't water that stuff down. You've got to just – there's no way. You need protein, bro. You've got to go. Bro, rookie mistake, bro. God, it go. Bro. Rookie mistake, bro. God, it's like using your back when you're doing squats. What the fuck is wrong with you? Fucking straighten up.

It's like you're an infant or something. You don't know. Do you even life, bro? Oh, no. So this baby is like two and a half months old. And there was no back fat. The backbone was protruding out of this kid. Gosh.

It's just starving to death. I mean, it's a starving to death baby. Well, it was on its cut cycle. It wasn't on its bulk cycle. That was the problem. That's it, right? It's getting shredded. Oh, God.

that baby died but he had sweet abs jesus christ oh man those babies will do anything to get in the fucking perfect dress. You know what I mean? Oh, no. So, you know, but the reason this story is making it to our show, so we can make the worst jokes. So we go with the worst baby jokes ever. It's because the mom, instead of going to a doctor, she shared her concerns with the spiritual advisor. And her husband refused to let his wife seek medical assistance and chose to pray for the child instead.

And this is a family that is described as highly religious. They didn't get any prenatal care. They didn't get any postnatal care. They didn't take they didn't give vitamins that somebody bought for her. They decided to pray instead. Right. And it's like it's like, look, you know, we understand that there may be some problems with somebody who doesn't have enough money for formula, et cetera, or they're not producing enough breast milk. And maybe they're just trying to figure out the best way in which to distribute that breast milk because they don't know any better.

And maybe that's – I understand that there's problems with that. And those are systemic problems that maybe you should deal with in a different way. But clearly this – the problem stemmed from not getting help. Yeah. Right. So they're not getting help from the right resource. There's two different, there's two different things. The last story we were talking about where people go to somebody and they don't know how to help. And this is the exact same thing, right? This is someone who went to someone and said, how do I fix this? How do I, how do I help my baby? Well, you need to pray for it. Well, you didn't fucking help them.

You fucking you actually killed that baby. You didn't. It's not that you didn't help them. You wound up doing the exact opposite of helping. Right. You know, and it should be that the person who gave the advice that because they're acting. I mean, I have to think like, I'm sorry, but you're you're acting in a medical role at this point. It's like if somebody came to me and said, like, my baby's fucking sick, what do I do?

And instead of me doing the responsible thing and saying, like, you know, I'm really not sure because I'm not a medical professional. Let's let's take you to the doctor and get a professional opinion about this. If I said, like, well, you should fucking feed your baby arrowroot or whatever fucking gobbledygook nonsense. Yeah, you know, like I should be charged with that because I'm practicing medicine without a license at the very least. It's what they're doing is they're suggesting neglect. When you suggest prayer over intervention and medicine, you are suggesting you are advocating for parental neglect. That is what your position is. Your position is neglect.

And how is that not criminal? A long black cock, long black cock. A long black cock, long black cock. So this is one of those stories that like you read it, you're like, well, since we've solved all the other problems. Yeah. You know, in Yemen, we've solved all our problems all the other problems all our fucking utopia exactly um this is from the bbc news uh why some people are blaming war for women on bikes and i read that article i read that fucking headline i'm like wait we have to blame somebody for women on bikes like because if you said like hey cecil who do we blame for women on bikes? Because if you said, hey, Cecil, who do we blame

for women on bikes? That doesn't even make sense. It's like, who do we blame for squirrels in trees? I don't even know. I don't even know where to start. There's no blame. Evolution? I don't even know.

I think we have to blame the bicycle creator. Whoever that is. Fucking George Bicycle. We knew he was going to invent something. That's why we named him Two Cycle. It's not George. It's Jorge. Don't be ridiculous.

He wasn't from the United States. Well, we've Americanized him because he's a hero. Sure, yeah. Because he's a hero for all the bikes. They're going to be like, excuse me, Carl Vondreas invented the bicycle in 1817. I just want you to know. Yeah. Okay, great. Awesome.

It's that fucking George bicycle? Oh, man. I totally thought I nailed that one. Oh, God. Cecil, it's – oh, God. We should research this a little bit more. Goddamn. Fucking totally thought I nailed that one. Oh, God. Cecil, it's... Oh, God. We should research this a little bit more. God damn. Fucking totally thought I nailed George Bicycle. God damn it.

And that's how I've been answering that Trivial Pursuit question all these years. Yeah, and they keep giving me the pie piece. I have no idea why. I just eat the pie pieces anyway. I don't care. Like, I thought you got like four pie pieces. Like, I bring out the Trivial Pursuit thing. Like I did. I thought they were M&Ms. I didn't know. They're like, Tom, you're not supposed to fill those with cherry filling.

They're plastic. Don't fucking tell me how to eat a pie. I've been eating pies all my life. Listen, I called my spiritual director. And they told me. So anyway, Yemen. Fucking war-torn Yemen. War-torn Yemen.

So like nothing is going right in Yemen. Yemen's not a place you want to be. Right. It's not Beverly Hills. Like this is not the place you want to be. But people are like fucking freaking out because women are riding bicycles. They're riding bicycles because there's a fucking gas shortage because there's a fucking war in Yemen. There's no way to get around.

You're just fucked. You're stuck. Right. So there's the pictures. The pictures of the bike ride. So there was a fucking bike ride and some photos were posted. It's like fucking like three people on bicycles. They said the turnout was very small.

There's a photo of it. It's seriously three fucking women clad head to fucking toe. Yeah, they look like ninjas. They look like bike riding ninjas is what they look like. And it's 100%. They're in the desert wearing fucking black, riding a bicycle. It looks unpleasant. Dude, I couldn't ride fucking 100 yards wearing black in the desert.

I would fucking die of lard exhaustion. Well, some people, the person doesn't believe that those are actually women. I want to read this. Under each photo, hundreds of hanging comments filled the timeline. This can't be real. These images were photoshopped, commented one you many men. And thinking, fucking, you don't have to photoshop a woman dressed as a man, it turns out. Right?

Or a man dressed as a woman. That's fucking real easy not to photoshop. You could just dress as a woman. Yeah, you don't need photoshop whatsoever in this equation and in this equation it's really easy to dress like a woman because all you got to do is wear a black sack and a mask and you look like a woman this is this is fucking depressing i mean if you fucking if you with with women's undergarments and strategically placed tissue paper you could easily pass as a woman in that culture paper, you could easily pass as a woman

in that culture. For sure. I could fucking pass as a woman in that culture. And I have a beard. I know, right? Like, I have a fucking beard. And I could be like, yeah, no problem. No issue.

Right. Because all these fucking, I look like goddamn Cobra Commander. You can't see anything but my eyes. How would you know if I wore fake eyelashes and covered up my hands well? Right. Or maybe I just look like that dude off Seinfeld. The chick off Seinfeld. Seinfeld, right?

Like a fucking man hands. You're like, oh, okay. There you go, bro. Here's your bicycle. That's it. That's it. I mean, as long as you don't say anything. And no one's expecting you to say anything as a woman in Yemen anyway.

I don't have to fist anybody and say, bro, I'm fine. Fist bump. Fist bump. Fist is fine, too i'm fine fist bump but fist is fine whatever hey fist is whatever gets your ball rolling my friend fucking i everybody i fist i say bro too i'm not here to judge how it turns out i am just here to judge you you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth so this story comes in a friendly atheist blog uh Catholic priest. Atheism sucks because the godless don't have cool hats like religious people. And this is a very tongue in cheek argument that the guy is making.

Absolutely. He's just joking around. But it's really funny, actually. He says basically that atheists aren't fun. Yeah. And then he cites all the fun stuff. He says, like, I mean, I and I actually when I read this, I thought, like, is he actually on the side of atheism? And I kind of mean it because here's a quote from him. He says, I mean,

what can be more tiresome than someone who's always rabbiting on about facts or evidence? I think I think he's against it because at one point he's like, the Jews have fun too. They have festivals with lots of good food and laughter and dancing. And the guys let their hair grow and those crazy curls on their head. And they have hats. Very good hats. And we have hats too.

We have hats with cool names like miters and virettas and zucatos. I don't even know if I'm pronouncing any of those right. It doesn doesn't matter but he's basically saying name one atheist and hat just one see you can't and he's being he's trying to be clever he's trying to be funny he's trying to be funny but

again it goes back to the I mean it's painting with a broad brush just like we do right it's painting with a broad brush it's saying all these unfun atheists they're just so unfun they don't know how to go out and have fun it's like an atheist never had a feast or an atheist never laughed or an atheist never you know because they they automatically assume the only thing that consumes them is their idea that there is no belief in god right like that's just

a ridiculous position but you can clearly see that he's just trying to have fun with it he is but their hats are ridiculous i mean that's that's what I want to talk about. I know. I don't care about the rest of his shit. The argument's a non-argument. It's a silly thing. He's just being a goofball. But you're an idiot if you think those hats are fucking cool. Those are the fucking weirdest looking hats I've ever seen.

You look like a fucking road cone. Are you kidding me? I would literally rather wear a road cone on my head than this fucking spade looking thing that the Pope is walking around in. They all like all those hats look like the cone of shame. They do. Like they all look like a fucking dog can't lick his balls cone. Absolutely.

Like, and I got to tell you, like any religion that fucking forcibly makes me wear a hat that does not allow me to lick my balls. Oh my gosh. If I had that option. I know. I would be like, well, fuck. I'm licking my. That's why you need the little boys.

Oh God. Come on, Tom. They can't reach it with the hat on there. Oh, no. And I also think, like, if your argument for religion is that priests dress cool. Yeah. Have you seen the picture? Have you seen the weird lacy dresses you guys wear? Then why not be like a medievalist?

Because there's nothing more badass than, like, a suit of armor or something right or be like a fucking be like a paramilitary guy those guys dress really cool be a fucking ninja guy right the strength of your like the strength of your belief system if it rides on how cool you look and you're a catholic priest yeah maybe all your mirrors are broken because you're seriously the least cool looking dress. You look like a lame wizard. You look like the weak sauce wizard that everybody kind of pushes around and dumps the spell books.

You know, you get a feeling that you could seriously beat up every priest you've ever met. Absolutely. Like at once. Like simultaneously, like fucking Neo with fucking the Smiths all around. That's why Fight Club made the joke about the priest in there. You know what I mean? Like there's that whole bit where the priest is getting pushed around.

Yes, right. And becomes part of the fucking Fight Club. Because it's like you would never expect it. Exactly. Because they're all just, you're like, what are you wearing? Exactly. Is that what you're wearing today? That's ridiculous.

You're wearing a gilded robe. Yeah. Are you kidding me? You are wearing a gilded bathrobe to work today. That's it. And a fucking weird penis cone. And a scarf and a penis cone. And you're waving around a stick that looks like a giant cross.

And you have somebody supposed to take you seriously? You're like, well, hang on a minute. First, I have to fucking swing an incense ball around. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then you'll know that it's almost time for us to really get serious. Because then we're going to eat a cracker and drink some water. Yeah.

Let me go. And then that's when we fucking get it on. That's how we know. And are we going to appeal to young people that like, well, you atheists not having any fun. Come to mass next Sunday. That'll be super fun. I think they should put the priests in kilts.

There you go. Not only would they be cool, it's easier access for the kids. I think you were onto something earlier. I think we should have fight priests. Like, instead of a fight club, we should just have

fucking UFC priests. They get in there. I would watch that. They can even have the scepters. Yeah, they gotta be dressed in the full outfit. It's like fighting in a gi. You know what I mean?

You can grab hold of it and leverage it. Like, they're putting them in, like, elaborate chokes based on, like, the vestments around their neck. It would be awesome. The friar can, can like pull that fucking cord oh yeah use it like a fucking nunchuck there you go awesome that's awesome yeah you want the what you really want is like the flagellants those people come in with like actual chains and whips i always have

flagellants i have a prolapsed anus i have so much flagellants. I have a prolapsed anus. I have so much flagellants. So I want to thank our most recent patrons, Emily, Don, Rachel, Petri, Vicky, Jeff, Patrick, Nathaniel, Doug, Brian, Shane, and Ron. Thank you all so much for your generous donations. We also want to thank Steven for giving a one-time donation via PayPal. Thank you all so much for your generous donations. We're super happy when people donate. And we're actually trying to put out a little more content via Patreon.

We wound up last week recording in Glory Hill Studios again. We're recording again this week, and there's going to be a ton of extra content this week. We posted 10 minutes of extra content last week for patrons only. And we're posting again. I think there should be plenty of content this week that we're also going to post specifically that's patron only. And that should be an increasing feature of the show as we get together more often. We find that the shows tend to run a little longer and drinkier. Drinkier. And remember that the Patreon dollars that you guys send in to us, they help us do things like support charities. Like the charity we're working on right now is the Food Bank for the gentleman doing the bike ride or the motorcycle ride.

Thank you. Cross country, 8,000 miles he's trying to go, Don, to raise money for the Food Bank in Georgia. So, you know, your money doesn't just go to chicken wings. Yeah. As of right now, we're into that right now for 500 bucks. Absolutely. But we want to make sure we're into it for 2000. So we'd like you to go to our Web site, DissonancePod.com. You can click on the this particular episode.

This is 228 and you can find a link. You could also find it on 226, I believe. A link to Don's GoFundMe page for the food bank that is in Statesboro, Georgia. And so we're trying to make sure that that food bank gets enough money so that that as time goes on, they don't have to go into deficit each month because they're going into deficit each month because they have to pay for electricity and other things. And they're going into deficit. We want to try to put them on a nice, smooth path. So if Don can make it to $2,500, we're going to drop in $2,000. So we're committed at this point. We'd love to donate that money, but we need to make sure that they get plenty of money out of this so you can double your dollars, your donation dollars right now if you go

to the GoFundMe page and donate to Don. We've got a couple of Nebraska emails. The first one is from Mark, and it says, Nebraska, yep, two hours in on Google Maps. There has to be something interesting here. Click, click, click, nope, again. Click, nope, again. I wonder if looking at Nebraska accounts is cruel and unusual punishment.

It does. It's actually used as enhanced interrogation technique. They used it several times. Looking at Nebraska is nowhere near as bad as looking at the people that live in Nebraska. It's true. That's very true. So just be thankful that Google Maps probably didn't give you a lot of close-up views. Will also sent a message about Nebraska.

Said, gentlemen, as a born and bred Nebraskan native, I was disappointed in your mockery of the state. Said, gentlemen, as a born and bred Nebraska native, I was disappointed in your mockery of the state. While Tom's estimation of a couple dozen in the state is awful heavy, know the county I live in has almost 5,000 people in our 600 square miles. My hometown of 1,000 people. That was the graduating class of my high school. Yeah. Has five to six churches and one bar.

However, we only have to drive 27 miles for a fast food restaurant, Walmart, which is a godsend, to marvel at the wonders of a stoplight. Did he say fast food restaurant Walmart? Well, I think he's saying fast food restaurant or Walmart. I see. Okay. As far as airports, we have more airports and landing strips than you can imagine. Spring weed killer and free thought control is very efficient when the dusters are low. As for those really high

flying shiny birds that fart skinny clouds, I have no idea. Our state capital has four huge gates in the Lincoln Airport. Thanks for your review of our state. That's pretty great. The part of this that's amazing to me is

he had to drive 30 miles to find couscous. Couscous is not a weird ethnic food. Right. It's little pasta. Yeah, I know. It's like tiny pasta. It's all it is. It's tiny pasta.

It's not like a weird grain from outer space. That's awesome, man. It's not tamarind paste. Do you know what I mean? Exactly. Right. Yeah. It's not even like fucking one you know what i mean exactly right yeah it's not even

it's not even like fucking like one of those like other like ancient grains or right it's not it's not like uh i'm trying to think like amaranth it's our like quinoa right yeah yeah it's like a fucking it's like just it's it's just who's who's it's pasta where does he have to go to get something as exotic as ziti new york uh we got a we got an image uh about last time's onions and toxicity from galen we're going to post it on this week's show notes very funny check it out uh at dissonancepod.com episode 228 we got a great joke uh mitch hedberg joke about a 1200 pen yeah so this is mitch hedberg's joke says I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. RIP, bro.

That's great. That's awesome, man. That guy's awesome. This is from Wolf. And Wolf says, he's talking about the Sharia law in Walmart where supposedly the person who was of muslim or islam islamic religion couldn't uh serve give alcohol because it was against their religion but that wasn't the case they were under age but he he says uh there's a concept in law in some countries and it's not

about i don't think that it's in the u.s it says he says uh so there let's say the employee was muslim and didn't want to sell alcohol for some reason. Walmart can make a reasonable accommodation to allow him not to sell alcohol as long as there were other cashiers ready to sell the alcohol. In this is like in the case of the UK last year. This is completely different from the bakery that refuses to sell wedding cakes to gays. The closest might be if a baker had five chef. One chooses doesn't choose to do the wedding cakes, but the other four do. The business could still make a reasonable accommodation for those who don't want to bake cakes for gays, et cetera. And I think that that's a great way to look at it. Right. Like, and this is, and this is why, you know,

it's, it's not going to happen in the United States because the thing is, is like, if you're going to make a reasonable accommodation, let's say we're talking about birth control now, let's say we're talking about something important, right? Because alcohol isn't important. Whether you have to call another person over to get alcohol because you are mildly inconvenienced for 25 seconds is a ridiculous idea compared to the fact that people will use this to not sell birth control let's say right let's let's let's put it in the birth control realm let's say there's four pharmacists back there there's two of them who are very religious and will not sell birth control because they don't think that either

birth control or let's say they won't sell the plan B or whatever it is. Fucking they decide they're not going to sell it. Well, the other two can come in and fill in. But that's not what the people who are making these laws want. Right. They don't want personal freedom of religion of these people. What they want is to stop selling the birth control. They want their beliefs writ large over the entire populace. Exactly what they want is to stop selling the birth control. They want their beliefs writ

large over the entire populace. They don't want, they're not, they're not, they're promoting it as, oh, we want to, we want to protect the religious freedom of these yahoos that are in these positions to be able to refuse this stuff. But what they're really saying is everybody is not, no one is going to get this stuff. there's not a single person who's going to get it because we're going to be able to control who can get it it's not about personal belief it's about stopping it in all you know with a broad brush yeah and you can already hear the you know the argument of the of the right-wing nuts who would say you know like well what about you know camden county missouri or something like do i have to go hunting around my business to find

some secular person to run every shift? And who's going to pay for that in order to – and it's like, yeah, all right. It's just this fucking myopic, hate-filled world. Yeah, yeah. Tom, we got a message from Harley who was mad at us that we made him side with Jeb Bush. Jeb Bush, if you will. He says, although his assertion that Apple Watch will make Obamacare redundant is frankly absurd, however, there is so

much medical technology and development that is in the not-too-distant future that we will be able to diagnose many, many illnesses from home with the external devices that hook up to smartphones. And that's true. Yeah, I think that's probably the case, but like you say, the point is

once you know there's a problem, you still need to do something to fix the problem. Yep. You don't be like, hey, man, your transmission's out. Oh, good. Is it fixed? No. I just told you that it's out. Yeah.

Like you said to me earlier, just because you have a check engine light doesn't mean you have a mechanic light. Right. It's like, okay, that's great, but you still need to go fix it. You need a thing to fix it. Yeah. Knowing is half the battle. okay that's great but you still need to go fix it you need a thing to fix it yeah knowing is half the battle in this case knowing could be even less than half the battle you're gonna be like you got cancer oh well i got a cool watch yeah or you got you got a fucking yeast infection

right no better spackling some good fucking garlic in there garlic up that thing oh we got a message from lauren and he showed us. Okay, so we were talking about, this is a while back, we were talking about having sex in GeoMetros. Because Tom and I both own GeoMetros, the tiniest car in human existence. It's probably not, but it felt very small to me. It was a three-cylinder engine. It was a very small car. He sent us a picture of his car.

It was a Lada. And a Lada is a Russian piece of crap car. Not just any Lada, but a lime green fucking Lada. That's what he drove. And he said, I call it a fucking Lada, but you do not need any special abilities in mathematics to count the number of times I got ass in that car. I got

ass in that car exactly none of the times. So he sent us a picture of this green shitty looking car. No, man. You know what? I'll tell you what, though. You couldn't pay for ass in that car.

Here's the thing. You pull up to a beach, nowadays, in that car, with a beard, a six pack of fucking Pabst Blue Ribbon, you're going home with some tail. That's true. You're going home with something. It's got ironic detachment written all over it. It's got hipster. I mean, like, fucking, you will get all the hipster girls. Right.

They'll be like, oh, my God, he drives a lot of, oh, my God, that's so Eastern Europe. I've never even heard of this brand of car. It's like driving an Oratron. Like, you're like, I've never heard of that car. That's not, is that a car made by humans? Where did that come from? Fucking, I don't even know. It's like he drives a Mitzel Plex.

Like, it's not even a thing. He put a longboard on that thing and he's fucking set to go. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is interesting. This is from Wolf again. Tom, do you want to read this? Sure. It says, I remember a story, not sure if it's true, but it's so fitting about the culture argument.

It was when Britain took over India, there were conflicts with Indian laws, such as it was tradition to burn the wife, even if alive, on her husband's funeral pyre. When the British charged some of them to be executed for doing this, they claimed that the British had no right to do so and that it was their culture. To which the British said, it's your culture to burn the wife of a deceased husband, and it's our culture to execute those who would burn a dead husband's wife. No idea if that's true. I don't either, yeah. But it is a great summation.

Sure. Right? Like, some don't either. Yeah. But it's a it is a great summation. Sure. Right. Like some things are wrong. Yeah. And we can have conversations about what things are right and what thing and not everything. You can't just say like, oh, we're doing barbaric shit because of culture. Also, I think both of these things are barbaric. But that's just me.

Sure. Yeah. Executing people. Also taking over another nation, like colonizing another nation. Might be a little barbaric right yeah we got a long letter this is from price and price was very nice about how he had just found our show from thinking

atheist and then talked a lot about sort of the show and and and sort of our roles on it and was a very nice email so thank you very much anyway price says at the bottom he says oh and Tom please let Cecil know that his both I guess I'm supposed to say boo but I'm gonna say it like I fucking say it. Both, both stole his L from his wolf.

And I said, I don't say wolf. I don't say wolf because I, I, I want to say, I don't say wolf because I can't say wolf. I say wolf because when I was in high school, there was a kid we were talking and we just had this conversation and this kid said wolf. And I was like what what's a woof and he's like like a fucking woof like a woof and i was like what's a woof i thought he was talking about a dog i have no idea what he's talking about a fucking woof and he's like no like a fucking wild wolf you know like the wolf and i was like a wolf and he said yeah a wolf and so from that point on i had had changed how I spoke.

I'm like, no, no. Because it's amazing. I'm like, wolf is way better than wolf. Right. Like, wolf is a superior way to say wolf. It's wolf. And it's always better to say wolfman than wolfman. It's a wolfman.

It's a wolfman. It's a fucking wolfman. I remember the first time I can remember hearing you talk about that was when we watched Day After Tomorrow. The movie Day After Tomorrow. And there's fucking, we reviewed that for everyone's a critic, I think. And there was fucking wolves that were like walking around in the ice or whatever. The wolves are all running around. But they were like running faster than the cold.

Yeah, it was fucking retarded. That movie was so retarded. But yeah, I remember hearing you kept calling them wolves and it cracked my shit up but i have no idea why you did it funny i just think it's funny but anyway both it's fucking both dude there's a there's a i and the thing is is like i have always said both it's like there's an l in there it's just always been there and i i think it might be a midwestern thing like both i think it might be i'm gonna listen to how other people say it now because i've always i've never said both both, like both. Maybe it is. I'm going to listen to how other people say it now. Because I've never said both. Both of them.

Both. Both of them. It just sounds weird to me. I don't know. British. Yeah, maybe. It's like aluminum. Take your fucking vitamins and ride your goddamn double-decker stupid bus, whatever the fuck

they call those things. Lorries or... No. It's a bus. Is it a... It's a lift. Isn't that what it is? A lift is an elevator, isn't it? Or a tall shoe? It's a tall shoe. It's a tall shoe. That's a platform. That's a bus. Is it a – it's a Lyft. Isn't that what it is? A Lyft is an elevator, isn't it?

Or a tall shoe? It's a tall shoe. It's a tall shoe. That's a platform. That's a Lyft. I'm wearing Lyfts. We got a message from – this is from Cam, and Cam asked us, are you guys going to KED? I think it's QED.

It's QED. Unless they change the name. I'm not going to – I'll tell you what. If the question is, are you going to KED? No. The answer is no. But we are planning right now, as it stands, October 2016 to be in the UK for QED. So that's the plan.

A lot could happen between now and October. It's a long time between now and then. But that's our plan. Cecil could get tired of me and the show could collapse under its massive weight. If the show ends between now and then, probably not going, turns out. Yeah, I'm going to go to fucking Paris instead or something. I'm going to go do something else. I mean, it's not like your fucking country isn't great.

It's just I'd much rather be in a better one. I would not go to London. We got a message. This is from General JD, who we ran into. Is he a colonel? Lieutenant Colonel JD? Is that what he is? I don't know.

Whatever he is, he commands salutes. If he's a colonel, he can cure a fucking yeast infection. That's true. Absolutely. Because he's got the 11 herbs and spices in there. He has to carry them in his knapsack on his back or whatever. So he can just right up in the... Both of them.

But in any case, J.D. sent us a message, and he said, I hope this message finds you well. He said, concerning your segment on last episode about Pastor Manning and his rant about the half breed, half bleached, half black, half white president. He refers to black people as Hamites and white people as J fights. I guess I'm saying I don't know if I'm pronouncing that correctly. Who cares? Raised as an evangelical Presbyterian, I was taught by my parents that because Ham saw his father Noah naked, he was cursed with black skin and that I, as a white person, was descended from Japheth. At age 10, I realized that it was probably some bullshit. So I didn't even ask who descended from the third son.

Shem. It's like that's where we got dogs from? Like what is the third son? I think that's – isn't that one of the three stooges? It's like Asians. Shit is one of the three stooges. That's Shemp, though. That's Shemp, yeah.

Yeah, they just put a P at the end there. It just took thousands of years to get to Shemp, and then the bloodline died. Sure, yeah. Like, right when they're in the middle of the ocean, they're all going, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah. But he says, as for Obama, curing teen pregnancy. Now, this is fucking amazing. You got the spell wrong. He waves his dick around and yells fetus deletus.

And then he says, that's just simple wizard science. JD is awesome. That's terrific. That's so funny. Thank you, man. And speaking of wizard science, Tom, we got a very long letter from Elise, and Elise sent us a bunch of different spells

that she thought up about basically just spells that revolve around Obama waving his dick around and casting things out. So let me read these. She came up with some doozies here. Osama Kedvara, this fellow Obama used to kill Bin Laden in 2011.

Expecto Padronum. I think that one's great. A protective charm that summons drones. I don't know that that's a protective charm. Not for those under the drone. Barakium

Amundo heals broken presidential promises. And I like this one. Aloha Amora. The charm intended to convince citizens that Obama was born in Kenya and not Hawaii. I think it should be the other way around. Because he would wave his cock and try to convince everybody that he was from Hawaii. He wouldn't say Kenya.

He would say, I'm from Hawaii. We want to get a message from KJ, and KJ said, first of all, I'm a black atheist man living in Tennessee. I'm so sorry. I know. Absolutely. God, fucking the smell down there. I found the podcast. I found that podcast. He's talking about the last

episode podcast. One of the funniest things I've ever heard. Replacing niggers with naggers and playing off. It was amazing. He said, you guys tackled the subject matter with such bravery. I can't help but admire you guys. He said, you called out the bigots and took it to them. The only thing that was kind of weird was the disclosure at the beginning. I know the

word offends people, but I know that when I get into it, when I turn in a podcast and open honest conversation about issues, whatever it may be. So whether it's calling Pastor Manning out or Creflo Dollar, race never enters into the question, just absurd behavior. And the only reason I put that in, KJ, the last time I said – I basically said, look, we're going to use a word that's unpleasant to several people. One, we have lost listeners because somebody sent in a message long ago that was a rap song and

they used the word and somebody sent us a message and said i can't listen to your podcast anymore because i heard that word right and they're just like i'm done listening it's like okay and we've we've lost listeners for much less we lost so much we lost we lost somebody because they didn't like the word albino right and then they got really mad about it because we made fun and said because they wanted us to say people with albinism we've been joking about we've been joking about it because it's hilarious they wanted us to say people with albinism instead and i'm just like i've never heard that before we've gotten yelled at in the past because we've said uh somebody identifies as a man right when they're a woman and that's not and they said that that's not proper you're

not allowed to do that you can't say say identifies as. Even though the GLAAD media guide specifically says in it identifies as. You can't use it. So there's people who are hypersensitive to language all the time. And so we want to make sure that people understand that there's a word that they might find offensive. But more than that, even more than that, and normally we never do this. But more than that, I would feel real weird if I was driving in a car. I don't mind driving in a car with the windows open. And if it happens to be a podcast that's swearing, let's say I'm listening to scathing atheist.

Right. Right. And they're swearing and they're talking about like fucking gagging on like fucking cum drenched fucking like I don't even know. Like you fucking whatever it is, the worst, awfulest fucking thing you could possibly imagine. Like a cum drenched crucifix is being jammed down someone's mouth and they're clocking or something. Some awful shit. I could drive down the road and have that playing. And maybe I'll feel a little cringe if there's like a kid or something.

Sure. But I won't feel too much. The moment somebody drops fucking the N-word, now we're talking. That's some weird shit. And that makes you feel really weird and subconscious when you're so I tried to warn people it's like the beginning of office space where that dude's

like jamming out the gangster rap in his car but he's like super white and then like you see somebody drive up and you're like kind of like roll up your windows with fucking Wiz Khalifa all the time I'm turning that shit down constantly I'll put that on my earbuds yeah man when I listen to rap in the car if I'm on the with fucking Wiz Khalifa all the time. I'm turning that shit down constantly. I'll put that on my earbuds. Yeah, man. When I listen to rap in the car, if I'm on the expressway, it's blasted.

If I'm listening to rap down fucking Michigan Avenue, it's very quiet. Very quiet. Not really. Because you sort of feel like you're not entitled to this music. You're not. I'm not entitled to that. Like, that's not – it's not a slang I can claim. I can't claim your slang because I didn't go through any of the hardships to get it. I just get to use it and not have to suffer anything for it.

Exactly. And it's just super weird. So we've got a show this week. This show might be a little long, probably not super long. But we will have a bunch of extra content on Patreon this week. Specifically for our patron donors. We want to thank you guys for donating to us. And we're going to give you a little extra something this week uh we're going to be back next week uh and we're it's our hope soon to have bryce from naked mormonism on yeah and cool guy

we met him at reason yeah great great guy and we're also hoping in the in the near future next month to to have jake from imaginary friend show on and also uh be on his show and then in the farther future we're thinking probably sometime in July, late, what, late July, maybe August. 11 weeks. Yeah. Yeah, 11. Something like that.

Thomas from Thomas and the Bible is coming up and atheistically speaking and serial is coming up right now on he's coming up on the New Testament. He's going to be celebrating leaving the Old Testament, coming into the new. So we're going to have him on to talk about sort of his expectations, about how he's so excited about it, I'm sure. And then we're also going to have him on our show, and we're probably going to go on one of his shows, the only show he'll let us on,

which is, you know, atheistically speaking. Of course, yeah, because there's no way he's going to let us on the Bible show. We'd have to do research for that. I'm not reading the Bible. I will say, though, if he reads the Bible to me, I'll listen. I won't. I'll tune it out. I don't care. I'm fucking rude.

I'll tune him out the same way I tune you out. And we're going to leave you, as we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-al. Couchton, Scientician, Double Bubble, Toil and Trouble, Pseudo-Quasi-Alternative, Acupunctuating, Pressurized, Stereogram, Pyramidal, Free Energy, Healing,

Water, Downward Spiral, Brain, Deadpan, Sales Pitch, Late Night, Info-Docutainment. Leo, Pisces, Cancer Cures, Detox, Reflex, Foot Massage, Death in Towers, Tarot Cards, Psychic Healing, Crystal Balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, Aliens, Churches, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms,

Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this program are that of the hosts only. They do not represent the views of our wives, friends, family, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music