Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 229: Naked Mormonism

Episode Date: June 1, 2015

 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hi, guys. This is Andre from Unbeliever's Radio again. Google was engaging in some sort of like techno fuckery on the last call, so I'm not sure if it recorded. So two things missed on the last recording. gripe about. One of your listeners called me a bitch via email because our show is FCC compliant after we had a discussion about censorship and whatnot afterwards. So that was one thing. But then on the same day, I got another email telling us, or at least trying

to convince us, that Republicans are in fact reptilian invaders. So I have no idea if they are, but I'm considering them linked for no reason, so I'm going to blame you guys for both emails because you're awesome. Also, since your equipment upgrade, the show seems to have become more vulgar and offensive. Great work, guys. We'd love to know what sort of mics you've upgraded to so we can take Unbeliever's radio to a new level of oral molestation. That's oral, A-U-R-A-L,

not O-R-A-L, just to clear up that distinction. So awesome show, guys. Keep up the incredible work. We love it. And glory hole. Hey, this is Will from Milwaukee, and I was talking to a friend at work about American Horror Story, and she said, I don't watch that because I get too afraid. I can't watch anything like that because it makes me afraid. I told her when I was a kid, I used to always have bad dreams.

It makes me afraid to go to sleep. And I used to pray every night to God, please don't let me have bad dreams. Jesus, please don't let me have a bad dream. But as I grew up and became a man, I put away that silly shit. Like prayer. Jesus.

Glory to God. Shit. Like prayer. Jesus. Glory Holy. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 229 of cognitive dissonance and for this episode i am definitely not wearing pants because we have with us i mean not like i ever wear pants when we record this but you're

vehemently not wearing pants today. But I'm aggressively not wearing them, you know, in the sense that my pants have quit. They're just like, no, absolutely not. We have Bryce from Naked Mormonism. Who is also not wearing pants at the moment. Is this a fully pantsless episode? I don't know. Cecil, are you wearing pants?

I am wearing pajamas, but they have a huge hole in the crotch. So yes. All right. That's good. I discovered the other day, by the way, I got home from working out and calling my wife. What? I know. What Tom means is he's eating a cheeseburger.

I was eating chicken wings. Worked up a big sweat doing it, too. I have, I looked down at my, at the shorts that I was wearing to work out. And, like, I work out in, like, a group environment. Like, it's, like, a class-type environment. And I looked down, and I have a hole in the fucking crotch of my fucking workout pants that is not subtle. It is a, like, it's like. It's like a fist-sized hole.

Yeah, I mean, like, I could fit, like, a dime or, like, three of my cocks through there. So, welcome to the show. Thank you very much for coming on. We do appreciate it. We wanted to have you on, and we wanted to talk about this. We never do this. We want to talk about a YouTube video. But not the comments. No. never the never the youtube comments where dissertation goes to die right it and youtube

comments are amazing i mean they're just straight amazing it's like everybody shows up and gets hit in the fucking head with a fucking stupid hammer before they're allowed to comment um and the best part is like i don't i can say that with no fear of anybody writing into us with anything even remotely coherent defending youtube comments all right it's it's it's impossible it's straight impossible it's impossible to argue on the side of the motion absolutely exactly exactly it's like it's like a fucking debate and just crickets on the other side um but anyway this is a video of anonymous's message to the lds church um and bryce i i guess the first thing i want to do is just throw this right out to you because when i was watching this i told cecil this is a lot of inside baseball this is a lot of stuff

where you really kind of need to know a little something about the LDS church, about the Mormon church, in order to really understand kind of what it is, what the meat of the subject, why Anonymous is going after this, and being both ignorant and unwilling to do research. I was grossly unprepared to watch this video. So tell me, what's this about? What's going on in this video? Why is Anonymous going after the LDS church? Okay. So to understand the video, you have to be able to speak a new type of language that not many people are familiar with. It's called Mormonese, right? I see. Right. Yes. Yes. So you have to know like everything that's going on with the church and with the people that are dissenters of the church that are like starting to come out of the woodwork and have been hosting radio shows and podcasts like Mormon Stories and are leading these movements against the church

and then the church is just fucking squashing them like bugs, right? So what's going on is like the initial thing that kind of sparked this was a woman that is starting this movement in the church. It's called Ordain Women. Right. And her name is Kate Kelly. And with a title like that. Hold on a minute. Is she looking to have women ordained?

I don't know why, but for some reason she wants all of the magical powers that all of the men get when getting the priesthood. Like, she wants to make her own planets and shit. That's bullshit. I know. Fuck her, right? Bullshit. Right. No.

This is, yeah. That's the best she can have, a comet. She can't have a whole planet. She's not a penis. How can you have a planet? Tom, she can have, like, Pluto, because that's not really a planet. Isn't it a planet again? I thought they made it a planet again.

I think. Well, we'll give her. Okay, we'll give her Pluto because that's a particularly stupid dog or potentially a planet. And maybe a moon around Saturn. Like she can have like Titan or something. Yeah. Well, no. That's the thing is like she can't even like make her own planet.

Her job, her sole fucking job is just to make babies. Make spiritual babies for the men that are in the church even when you're dead you have to fucking have kids yes yes like women what happens wait explain that to me i'm sorry i know we're sidetracking but what the fuck you have you get fucking space pregnant i saw that movie doesn't that start jane fonda i don't know i've seen that movie too it didn't have a lot of stars i thought i had jenna jameson in it maybe i'm mistaken oh no okay so dudes get their planets and then i'm down with that part right no and then they get tons and tons of women and then they fuck all of the women so they

can make tons and tons of spirit babies hold on hold on hold on whoa whoa whoa tons of women don't you guys isn't there like a sect of people that wants tons of women and other people are like we really don't no no that's that's like just here on earth right this all happens after you die so like there's okay i'm sorry i'm speaking morm I'm speaking Mormonese and I don't even see it. So, okay, so there's, like, the fundamentalist LDS church, and that's, like, run by Warren Jeffs out of jail, right? He's, like, in jail running this sect. And they're all about, like, Colorado City. Because nothing helps your legitimacy.

Like, running a religion from actual prison. It's crazy. The Mormons are like the Crips, you know? Or like Heaven's Gate shit. Yeah. Like, it's crazy, right? So he's running this shit out of prison, right? And there's still tons of people that are following him.

And there's a bunch of, like, polygamous sects that have that have like sprung up under this dude, right? But then there's like the main Mormon church that's run out of Salt Lake City. And that's like the Mormon church everybody knows about. And they're like, no, fuck polygamy. Warren Jess is a crazy asshole, right? So they only agree to polygamy after a person dies. Oh, you're right. Yeah.

No, I mean, here on Earth, that'd be ridiculous. Right. Oh, no. The logistics in and of itself are just horrible. Where do all the women come from, then? Okay, so I don't understand the logistics here. Yeah, I'm really curious about that, too. That's something that you're going to have to ask Mormon God when you die.

Well, he won't talk to me because I'm not Mormon. Is there a Mormon hell? There is. No, it's outer darkness but actually anybody that's a non-believer in mormon heaven in mormon jesus did you call it outer darkness that's so metal it's awesome it sounds like it sounds like the place that you can't go in serenity or whatever or like the place that you can't like it's the edge of the solar system or whatever firefly that the lord for that it's like it's like where the reavers live like you don't go out to outer darkness you don't go to outer darkness it's the place that the sun

don't shine so we're space cowboys and even we won't go there oh god this is the dumbest thing we've ever done oh god it's amazing scientology's got nothing on mormons dude i'll tell you what i swear to god all scientology is is just it's like 1950s mormonism in comparison to what you guys have which is you know whenever that what was it like late 1800s mormonism is that when it was created uh mid like uh the first congregation was 1830 okay so early 1800s okay yeah? Is that when it was created? The first congregation was 1830. Okay, so early 1800s. Yeah, and we don't really have videos of Joseph Smith interviews like we do with whatever L. Ron Hubbard. L. Ron, yeah.

Okay, so back on to Mormon hell and shit. People that aren't worthy to go to Mormon heaven, basically they just go to like this limbo area kind of like purgatory right and they just learn about the mormon church god that does sound like hell fuck right exactly wait a minute slow your train hold on hold on so i die and i don't believe in mormonism and then i go sit in a waiting room, basically. And somebody's like, yeah, you should have believed in Mormonism. And then I immediately convert because I wasn't expecting this.

Well, no, no, no. That's the problem is you can't just convert. You have to be baptized on earth. So that's why they have baptisms for the dead, right? Right. Yeah. So somebody gets baptized for you on earth and then you're like oh now i get to go to heaven all right so now i'm gonna throw this

i'm gonna throw a wrench in your plans what if there's like a nuclear war and nobody can baptize me am i fucked uh mormonism doesn't really plan for shit like that scenarios here well okay okay that's actually they talk about that in the video it like the youtube video anonymous says that we're aware of the granite vault that the church has like nobody knows about this i didn't know about this until i saw this video but the church has a a fucking massive vault up Little Cottonwood Canyon, just outside of Salt Lake City, and it's this vault buried like 800 feet into the mountain, and supposedly it's just for like a doomsday arc of genealogy, just so they can baptize all these people after the Armageddon happens.

So they don't need your body to baptize you, right? They can just baptize you by having what information? Like, what are the key pieces of information that define a person for baptism? They need a toenail, Tom. Yeah, do they need a relic? Do they have to have my foreskin or something? No, they need the cut-off eyelids of the person that dies.

Yeah, okay, that seems fair. No, they just need a name. That's why Hitler's been baptized for the dead like eight times. Okay, hold on. No, I'm sorry. This is going to go for a long time, but I got... What if you changed your name? Like, and they got the wrong name.

Can they baptize somebody who doesn't even exist? Dude, you got to ask Mormon God when you die. I don't fucking know. you are my mormon god i got nothing dude your fucking assignment fuck no i can't no i no no i have no idea dude that that's just questions that they they don't even answer let's just get back to this video because i i have questions about mormonism for days but seriously this in this video they talked about many many things but again like tom said a lot of the stuff we just didn't know so there's a woman who wants to get people ordained but it's also like specifically there's a guy's name attached

to the video right john delin yeah so john delin runs the mormon stories he says that like that's a thing it's like john del line tom is clearly a thing how the fuck do you know like john de lynn tom cruise like that how do you not know these people come on okay so john de lynn runs the mormon stories podcast and it's been going for over 10 years now and they have like 500 plus episodes out and it's just like he just has this show where he's like honest about the problems in the church. Like he talks about the history. He talks, like has interviews with Mormon historians that are like ex-Mormons that are anti-Mormon, whatever, labeled anti-Mormon.

And like he like has this open forum where people can talk about the Mormon history. The Mormon church was like, the fuck you say? You are fucking excommunicated. The fuck you say? You are fucking excommunicated. So they fucking ex, they exed him out of the church and said, you can't come back until you repent for all your shit. Does he care? Yeah, he does. For some reason, like he knows all of the shit in Mormon history that's wrong, but he still considers himself a believing member. I can't figure it out yeah so this movie that like anonymous did was actually made before he went in front of this disciplinary council right which is like a court tribunal in

front of a bunch of like mormon higher-ups and they're like these are the shit like this is the shit that you've done that's wrong and this is why we're ex excommunicating you so get the fuck out of our office right and he wait a minute you got to show up so somebody can be mean to you and then kick you out yeah and that's the thing with i would fucking peace out of that shit immediately right why would you show up and that's just it he just like took it up the ass was like okay and then just left and that was it like nothing has come of it now like he still he still hosts the show, he still talks about it, but it's just like this weird, he's like in this weird limbo between excommunicated and, you know, excised from the actual congregation. And I don't know what he's going to do.

So, and that's what happened with Kate Kelly, too. Like, she's doing this ordained women thing. So, she went in front of a disciplinary council of all men and they were like, Oh fuck you, bitch. You're out. We're tossing your ass out. Well,

I mean, what, what did she expect? Which did she walk out of there? Like, I thought that would go different. I guess. And yeah,

I bet John Dillon did too. And I, I saw this another video on YouTube that when john delinn was in his disciplinary council there were like there was a massive group of people at that church that he met at and they were like holding up signs and protesting and doing interviews like john delinn shouldn't be excommunicated and he's he's a beacon of shining light to mormon history and it's like why are you all believing mormons why do you all believe in this shit so so hold on now so so after this this this video comes out more uh the anonymous takes it to them and says and says what exactly because the threats in it again those threats just rolled right past

because we didn't know what they were even threatening i honestly don't know either so like anonymous is like anonymous anonymous so anonymous has done like some crazy shit like they hacked fox news live like during an interview they were talking about anonymous anonymous was just like popped in and froze up their screen and like input their like own three minute video of like Fox News fuck off, right? That's awesome. Right, yeah. And then there was this lady from the Westboro Baptist Church that went on to this live video interview on some news talking head thing, and she was like, Anonymous hacked our website, and then there was a representative of Anonymous that was on the other end of the line,

and he's like, Lady, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about right and then she just kept accusing him and like saying you're gonna go to hell for your sins and he's like okay fuck you bitch and hacked into her website and shut that shit down live on air awesome yes and do you know how much shit the mormon church does online all of it they're trying to suppress anything online that isn't from them so good luck controlling the internet mormons so okay so so what has happened since then because this happened in like march did anonymous hack the stuff i'll fucking know. Follow through. Follow through. Right, exactly.

Oh, God. Well, Bryce, thanks for joining us today. Fuck. Great. He's great. Oh, man. No, the thing is, I don't think they did because we didn't hear about it. You know?

Right. And that's the thing with Anonymous. Whenever they do shit, they own up to it. And I'm still on pins and fucking needles here. Like, come on, guys. Come on. I'm waiting to see Mormon documents massively bled out onto the internet. But no, still, nothing's come of it.

I'm like, what the fuck, guys? Come on. Well, maybe once they got all the fucking Mormon documents and started reading through them, they all just fucking fell asleep. That's what I was thinking. They're all sitting at their keyboards. Right? I mean, you're like sitting around reading Mormon documents from a fucking Mormon church. No amount of Cheetos, Mom's Basement, and Mountain Dew can make that okay.

If you have a little lotion, it can help. But no, okay, so that's what the vaults that they talk about in the video are all about. It's theorized that they're hiding a bunch of Mormon documents that Mark Hoffman bought and sold to the church that are dam like damning against the mormon church right that are like really really critical against the church that are legitimate authentic documents you know i gotta say stunned silence shit the thing that makes me laugh about no because the thing that makes me laugh about this is like this is like this is like the drama that occurs in any other tiny little in-group that nobody else gives a shit about. Right.

So it's like the LDS church is like, oh, my God, what are we going to do if I find out about Mark Hoffman? And it's like the rest of the world is like, the who with the what now? Nobody cares. Mark Hoffman is the ultimate badass in all of mormon history documents yeah but it's in all of mormon history you know what i mean okay okay let me just big fish let me little pond oh that fish is really cool and he's missing half of his body because he blew himself up what right exactly right nobody knows about mark hoffman this motherfucker in the 1980s he bought and sold and forged fucking hundreds of documents to the

mormon church almost like like almost a million dollars like 947 000 worth of mormon documents he sold to the morm Mormon church and was like, Hey, here's all this shit. That's like really damning against your, your, like your history. And Gordon B.

Hinckley, who was the, like who was the prophet at the time was like, Oh shit, I better buy all this stuff from this guy and squirrel it all away. So this guy, he got to this point where he set up this deal for like $185,000

about the McClellan documents, right? This is amazing. None of this means anything. Right? Exactly. But he couldn't forge all of this shit because there was way too much. So he went and blew... There were two people... And then the Dukes of Hazzard showed up.

And Boss Hogg said, blue like there were two people the duke's hazard showed up and and and boss hog said i'm gonna get those duke boys next time that's a good old boy i don't mean no harm daisy duke is washing the general lee with her garments on this is great no this is awesome's just, it's such inside baseball, but I'm actually really interested, so go on. Okay, so Mark Hoffman, he set up this deal that he was going to sell, like, these, like, 36 documents to the church. It was this massive portfolio from this guy that was friends with Joseph Smith,

but then defected because Joseph Smith wanted to fuck his wife, right? So Mark Hoffman... That would make me defect, too. Right? But it made a lot of people didn't defect and he still got to fuck their wives. So, tons

of them, and like 14-year-olds. Win some, lose some. Win lots, lose hardly any, in his case. Okay, so, he set up this deal and two people found out about it. So he blew them up. Like he fucking exploded them because they were going to squeal. So he was going to set off a third bomb on somebody else that knew and accidentally blew

himself up in his car and was like, Oh fuck. I fucked myself because now I'm not going to be able to make that $1.5 million that I was planning on making and now I'm in jail and in an ambulance and this sucks, right? So the court proceedings go through and the church documents are subpoenaed so they can find all the documents that he forged andena or the church documents are subpoenaed so they can find all the documents that he forged and sold to the church that totaled up to this almost million dollars and then the church found the documents that he said he was going to sell to them in their own vaults like like he was like i'm gonna sell this you, but they didn't even know that they had the shit buried in their own basement.

It's like telling somebody, I don't know, it's telling somebody, hey, you don't know about this massive treasure chest that's buried in your basement, but I'm going to steal it from you, and then I'm going to sell it to you. And the church was like, okay, sounds good. I'll totally buy that. Right. Yeah, exactly. I'd like to buy my hot water heater in my furnace yeah so that's mark hoffman like he's the ultimate badass in all of mormon document forging history again uh right and nobody knows right really small pond nobody gives a shit so speaking of big fish

and small pond that's what my show is about it's all about attacking these really big fucking fish and yeah the pond is really fucking small god damn it the point is is that we've got to rewrite

the federal government. Now, this is not going to happen overnight. It took 130 years to bring us to where we are today. It could probably take 50 years to turn it around. But if we stand on the Constitution, then everything else comes together. And this is officially the motherfucking latest. We are recording so late at this point. You showed up

on friday and it is now saturday it's now saturday yeah that is how fucking and here's the thing both of us are old so this is late this is very late like both of us are old now like earlier in our lives when you're you know when you're 25 you're like whatever it's fucking three in the morning bitches let's go out and do a thing i don't't know. I never really did that. But it's like, let's play Dynasty Warriors or whatever. But now, no way. It's like, at fucking 1 o'clock in the morning, I'm like, fucking, I've not only turned into a pumpkin,

I've turned into pumpkin pie at that point. I've really only had about an hour to bake, and that's it. I'm just saying. Stop touching your nipples. This is my house. I'll touch what I want. We are in studio tonight.

We are. We've been working on, we bought a lot of equipment recently to upgrade our sound, which it turns out when I re-recorded the Skeptic's Creed, let's talk about this for a minute. We upgraded our sound and I thought, well, we should re-record the Skeptic's Creed to match the new audio and I think I fucked it up I think I didn't capture the same magic I'm like George Lucas

whatever you do sounds great that's a take, we're keeping it this is an echo chamber way to go Anakin you did great so I'll be at some point re-recording that again to try to capture a little more of the the nuance and the emotion because we had several people uh write in to say no bad job this story

comes from the patheos blogs i don't heart huckabee i don't heart this you don't heart huckabee the movie no that's a terrible movie it's funny because my wife was watching that movie tonight on purpose was she tied down like fucking Clockwork Orange style with somebody like frying her eyes open to watch it? No, but she is filled with self-loathing. Oh, God. You would have to be to watch that film. So this comes from... Oh, my God, guys.

I love going to her. I love going to her. No matter what we say we like or don't like, we get fucking email about it. Oh, my God. I love Canadian beer. Canadian whiskey is the most amazing whiskey. Nebraska's like the best state. Nobody wrote about that though.

The best part about the states, my favorite thing about bashing all the states is that so far, almost nobody with some notable exceptions. There's been a few. We got a letter about how great Pittsburgh wassburgh was it's like best small town in america like yeah but it's like you're defending your state by noting one city within it yeah you know and it's probably a shithole too anyway i mean come on who are we kidding it's fucking pittsburgh it's like the birthplace of america i went to the airport there once and i got cancer and they charged you extra.

Oh, shit. This is from the Danthropology blogs. Mike Huckabee says, as president. Well, okay. Hold on. Let me read the whole thing. In bizarro words. Mike Huckabee says, as president, he would follow the Supreme Being and not the Supreme Court on gay marriage. It's so fucking amazing.

I love this guy. Shockingly, he said this on Fox News. And it's so funny because it's like, well, as an aeroplane, I will follow the laws of God, not the laws of physics. Okay, bro. I believe that you will become an airplane before you will become president. He's like a transformer. He's like Starscream. I am a Huckabee. Yeah, it's like Starscream and then Huckabee. it's like star scream and then huckabee it was like he's like his sidekick

one of the things he says in this he says and the notion that the supreme court comes up with a ruling and that automatically subjects the two other branches to following it defies defies everything there is about the three equal branches of government. That's exactly how this works. In order to fucking run for president, you don't have to pass a simple civics test on how these things fucking work. Yeah. It's part of that – what they're trying to do, what the right tries to do whenever there's a case that they don't like, whenever they feel like – because can tell like they're getting worked up before the case is decided because they know very likely how this case is going to shake out

absolutely right yeah and so you know they're they're sort of like they're laying the groundwork to protest what hasn't been done yet sure which is kind of hilarious yeah and and they're laying the groundwork to basically be like to invalidate the Supreme Court. But you notice they never do that shit when it's the fucking Hobby Lobby case? You know, when it's something that goes their way, the Supreme Court's totally cool, bro. And they never go out of their way to be like, oh, fucking Supreme Court. Look at them, like, throwing their weight around when they're Hobby Lobby. Legislating from the bench or that Hobby Lobby case.

No, they fucking, they immediately are like, oh., oh, Supreme Court, oh, stuff it all in. Stuff it in. Make me choke. Like, they fucking love it. They love every moment of it. Their fucking mascara is running like fucking rivers. They are just, that is it. They love it.

They cannot get enough of it. They're just like, give me that fucking bbc of the fucking of the supreme court i want it now um it's at one point two he says presidents have understood that the supreme court cannot make a law and cannot and cannot make it and the legislature has to make it and the executive branch has to sign it and enforce it. This is a definition of case law. Okay, I want to read this to you. Since the U.S. legal system has a common law system, higher court decisions are binding on lower court in cases of similar facts that raise similar issues. The concept of precedent means to follow or adhere to previously decided cases in judging the case at bar.

The case law is not creating a law it's just ruling on a current law to fucking define it yeah it's not a fire you're not you're not making a new law you're taking existing laws and redefining it so that it actually fits within what you think that law's intention was and how it fits with the rest of the Constitution and how it fits with how the rest of the cogs of the wheels of the government work. It's not anything else. It's not like it's like you're you just are on the bench and you just go, you know, a gay should be able to marry.

Right. Well, you know, and that's the funny thing is that is that he's misunderstanding the whole fucking assignment. Right. Right. Because the Supreme Court is that he's misunderstanding the whole fucking assignment, right? Right. Because the Supreme Court is a reactive branch of government. Yeah.

It cannot choose to act. The closest thing it can do to choosing to act is to decide on which cases it's going to hear. Right. But it's still reacting to a current caseload. It's reacting to something that's moved through the lower courts and is presenting itself to the Supreme Court. And then they have a decision about whether they hear it or not. And then they have decisions about how they rule. Sure.

But they're not. They couldn't if they decided to. They couldn't say like, well, we're going to make gay marriage legal. They could not decide like, we want dogs to wear capes. Let's have a ruling where dogs wear capes. There would have to be a fucking law. Sure. dogs wear capes like there would have to be a fucking law sure that somebody some asshole senator or something would have to introduce a bill right that says fucking every dog is super dog right and they get to wear capes right and they're from krypton and then somebody would have

to oppose that law and then there would have to be conflict which would have to rise then through the lower courts all the way up to the supreme court in order for the supreme court to have an opportunity to react to the case. Yeah. So this idea that they're like legislating from the bench, it's a fucking bullshit idea. It's just a way for politicians to distance themselves from what they feel like will be unpopular positions within their constituency. Yeah, absolutely.

And also, Mike Huckabee is never going to be the president of the United States. I said, who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole? It's Jesus. This story comes from Politics USA. Judge, with links to Mike Huckabee, curiously orders police to destroy Josh Duggar report. So actually, hang on a second, because look at Mike Huckabee in this picture. He looks he looks so happy in this photo. He's like, oh, look at me being so happy.

I got my fucking cheeky jaw. He does. And he's got his little rat teeth. And cheeky jowl poking out. He does. And he's got his little rat teeth pointing out. Like, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. He looks like an overly smooth Kevin Spacey. He does.

He looks like somebody took a fucking car buffer to Kevin Spacey and just, like, smoothed him out. And min-waxed him. Right? That's exactly right. So there was a Duggar. There's so many of them, it's kind of hard to keep track. But there was Josh Duggar, and Josh Duggar was diddling around with some of the other Duggars. Right.

So he was a Duggar diddler. And what that means is that the name of the show, 19 Kids and Counting, was not about how many there were. It's how many he touched. Right? So that's. That's his tally. How many did you get to, Josh? 19 and counting.

Oh, this is why we can't have nice things, Cecil. You know what they should do with that show? Is they should rebrand. They should rebrand it. Because clearly there's going to be some fallout. So they might be able to team up with MSNBC and have to catch a dugger. Oh, I like it. That could do something like that with that Chris Hansen guy.

Be like, please have a seat, Mr. Josh. Can you have a seat at the bar? They could also team up with, I think it's NBC, and have the pre-adolescent bang theory. That would be one that they could do. Nice. Nice. They could also team up with Vivid Entertainment, actually. Well, ABC, they could do Marvel

Agents of Diddle. That's a good one. I like it. D-I-D-D-L-E. D-I-D-D-L-E. Yeah. They could also, this is another thing that they could do, you know, because sometimes you rebrand, but then other times, Tom, what you do is you try to, like, what could podcasts, you try to like, look at podcasts. Like, let's say we wanted to promote our podcast.

We would guest star on another podcast, right? Or we would have somebody who would guest star on our podcast. So let's say that he could guest star on other shows. Here's a few shows that he might be able to guest star on. Okay. He's got options. Big Brother, right? That's one.

Touched by an Angel. The Victims Could Be Unsurvivors. Oh, God. That's one. Touched by an angel. The victims could be on Survivor. Oh, God. I got two more. Okay. Naked and afraid. It works both ways. And then bones.

So those are the ones that can maybe head on over and do. But I want to talk. Okay, so the Duggar is diddling. Yeah. Okay, he's a diddling Duggar. Yeah. And diddling Duggar. He's a Duggar diddling Duggar.

It sounds like a square dance. It's awesome. Dee-da-diddly-do, Duggar diddling. Okay, so he's diddling around, and then he winds up confessing or something, and he wound up touching a couple of his siblings. Five. Five of his siblings. Five.

Look, when you have— Five, dude. Most people don't even have five siblings. That's not even 33% of his siblings. Would that be great defense? Your Honor, on a percentage basis, I haven't even gotten. I'm close to touching them all. It's not even halfsies.

Oh, God. I haven't even fucked half of my sisters. I have not collected them all. Duggars are Pokemons? Well, he's poking something. Right. He's got a little squirtle on him. In any case, there he is grabbing a hold of a couple of his siblings.

Right. And so they find out, and then they don't do anything except for they wind up having a priest talk to him or something. And he said he was sorry. He also had to help remodel a house. That's fucking great. Whoa, God. You know, I gotta tell you, Cecil, you helped me remodel my house. It was after I touched all

those kids. And I helped you remodel your house, but I didn't get to fuck anybody in your family. I didn't get to fuck my little brother. What the fuck? I mean, I can't even get a little touch or something. God. But in any case, there he is diddling away.

They catch him. He says he's sorry. They give him his penance, his, like, fucking work order and do this thing. His Christian whoopsie-doodle punishment. But they had to get the police involved right so then the police dropped the case or whatever i heard though they gave him a stern talking to him they did they did yeah they gave him a shaky finger they took his they took his case recently because it came to light and he had to leave his american family's council or whatever because i guess you

know people frown on that when you diddle kids. Right. Especially because his dad at one point said incest, like people who commit incest. In 2002, his own dad, when he was running for office, said that people who commit incest should be put to death. Which is kind of. He was probably really mad at his son. Right. I think he's still. He's still a little hot under the collar about that. You might want to work that out, Josh.

You may want to talk to your dad. See if he wants to go out for a beer. Have a conversation. Man. Jeez, dad. You fucked five of your siblings. Fucking dad's so mad about it. He also said that the fucking asshole who wrecked his car should be put to death.

So they wind up taking his case file and expunging it. They wind up – and this is a judge who ordered this, happens to be a judge who Mike Huckabee had appointed years ago. Right. Shocking. And so they expunged the case. Now, I want to read – I was looking up. I typed in, how do I expunge my criminal record? OK.

And a website, a helpful website came up that started talking about it. It's like, you know about it it's like you know really it's going to be very difficult and i want to read particularly what it says it says from while these offenses will vary state to state talking about how you can expunge it yep if you have been convicted of a special felony such as rape child molestation or other sexually based offenses or offenses involving children expungent will generally not be an option for you. But I think the thing is, he wasn't convicted of it. I think that since the charges were dropped, they were able to expunge it. So the judge did it.

It says here on Wikipedia, it says the police report from this 2006 investigation was the one obtained by Touch Weekly. Touch Weekly? In Touch Weekly. Touch Weekly. Touch Weekly in 2015., Touch Weekly, Touch Weekly in 2015 only takes five weeks after the initial reporting on the redacted police report. An unidentified victim reported still as a minor requested that any remaining products of the investigation be destroyed. Judge Stacey granted this request and protection of the person's privacy.

So she destroyed it specifically because it might have been somebody else. Well, and, you know, there was there was there was people who are defending the whole the whole shenanigans by saying, like, well, the victims don't want, you know, the victims put this to bed years ago without Josh in the bed. The victims put this to bed years ago. So we should just let this be like the victims don't want it, but the victims are part of the fucking same family reaping the rewards

because the whole, the problem is like this is why we don't leave justice up to the victims. Right? So we don't allow, we don't allow somebody to in most crimes, whether or not a crime is prosecuted isn't left up to the person to decide, the victim to decide whether or not they should go afteruted isn't left up to the person to decide the victim to decide whether or

not they should go after it right the state can press charges right and we do that because there's so many reasons for so many reasons because you don't want somebody to pay you know that basically like the saudi equivalent of a blood price and like pay off a victim you know and let people get away with shit or you know you don't want people in this case you know something like this where like the whole family financially benefits from the success of the duggar name you know and the fucking 19 kids and counting and everybody gets a piece of that pie and now your show's gonna get shut down and like do you want to be do you want to have that kind of pressure as one of the as one of the victims of the sexual molestation like like, well, if you press charges, you know, you'll ruin the family financially.

You'll destroy our futures. And what about the other 75 fucking kids in this family? You know, won't you think of them? Like, there's a reason that the victims in these situations are not the be-all, end-all about whether or not, you know, the state presses charges. It's a fucking argument. It doesn't hold water. It doesn't feel like they pressed the charges.

Well, they didn't. Yeah. They just took an offense report. They just took the offense report. And they gave him a stern, shaky finger. Yeah, that's fucking ridiculous. Nobody gets away with that normally. Right.

That's not a thing that you get away with normally. And the big reason why this is a, the big reason why this would even circle back to this show is because, you know, the Duggars appear um Josh Duggar specifically um but the Duggars in general they appear um openly calling out homosexuality as being a perverse lifestyle that promotes that's dangerous for children you know they're the council that he was part of right all about yeah the FRC which is the council that Josh Duggar got fired from for being a fucking incestuous kitty diddler. Well, I mean, it is fucking what it is.

When you say it like that, it sounds like – It sounds super bad, right? It actually sounds like something I'd put on my business card. Josh Duggar, incestuous kitty diddler. It almost feels like there should be like a wailing guitar solo behind you. I hit that whammy bar hard at the end. Yeah, no, a whale! You gotta hit that whammy bar hard at the end. Yeah, no, you really do have to hit the whammy bar. Right. That's really what

it's all about when you're dealing with kids, is the whammy bar. Or maybe you ask them to hit it. You know, I don't know. It depends on their level of engagement. Oh, God. Oh, I don't know. I just, they're fucking terrible people. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

To me, it's pretty simple. A person either believes that God created this process or believes that it was an accident and that it just happened all on its own. This story's just fucking weird, dude. It's from Raw Story. So this story, when I first, first of all, it's got a picture of a dude

like he's in a t-shirt and i misread his t-shirt so his t-shirt says your origins matter and he's got a fucking couple of rocks in his hands he's standing behind like or in front of like a post like an apocalyptic dinosaur scene or something but i read that wrong and I thought it said your virgin's magic. They do. And it looks like there's a volcano you can throw them in in the background. So this is from the Raw story. It says, creationist, if evolution

is true, then it wasn't wrong for Josh Duggar to molest his sisters. Alright. So you're saying it was wrong? So are you saying it was wrong because he didn't receive any punishment for it? Right. So are you saying it's wrong that he did it? Are you saying that he's a bad person?

Well, let me try to get the logic. I can't even use that word in connection with this fucking... This is what he's saying. I can't... I cannot make heads or tails of this. All right, so since Josh molested girls, which could damage their trust of men, which could

damage their future marriage, which could damage their future family, we should make Josh Duggar work the rest of his life to help families stay together and help them recognize how twisted the world is. How would he do that? How would he, Tom, how could he possibly work for families, Tom? What would they have him do? Well, remodel their homes as it turns out. No, they'd have him work at his old fucking job at the Family Fucking Research Council.

That's the Family Research Council because that's what he says. He says he should be forced to push faith, family, and freedom in the public, showing the Christian worldview has the answers. Well, it doesn't have the answers to what you do with a kiddie diddler who lives in your house full of dozens of kids. We should force him to get a job at the Family Research Council, whose mission it is to advance faith, family, and freedom. That would be a great punishment.

So aren't you suggesting that working for your fucking FRC is a punishment? Yes. I mean, you're expressly saying that working for this organization is a punishment for incestuous kiddie diddlers. Right. For child sex offenders, the best punishment would be to work for FRC. He goes on. If evolution is true, then there absolutely is no right and wrong. If evolution is true, Josh should not have admitted his faults over a decade ago because one evolved bag of molecules does to another doesn't matter.

So whatever happens in our life, he thinks that there's nothing. There's no social consequences to that. He thinks that if you believe in evolution, you have to think that no matter what, it's total anarchy. Right, right. Well, I've heard this guy. I've heard this guy use that bag of molecules shit in debates and what have you. And he says it as if it means something.

Like, well, you're just a bag of molecules. Yeah, all right. But I'm a bag of molecules that interacts with other bags of molecules. I'm a sentient bag of molecules. Right. You know, there's this fallacy of stripping things away. It's like this reductionist fallacy where it's like, well, if all you are is a bag of molecules and it doesn't matter if you, you know, eat 100 cheeseburgers. Well, it does matter. It matters a lot because it's bad for my health. It's bad for,

you know, my ability to be a provider for my children because I'm not taking care of my health. And, you know, I'm like, so things matter because we're not just a bag of molecules floating in the fucking ether. We are a bag of molecules that is sentient and social. And because we're sentient and social, we have responsibilities toward each other. Yeah. You know, both our private responsibilities to ourselves and our social responsibilities

to other people, regardless of the fact that we're not transcendent in some fucking magical worldview way. I don't understand that fucking that. It's a dumb argument to make. It's so goofy. Because what it says is unless you're somehow a creationist Christian, that's the only way that you can really be moral. If you're not a creationist Christian and you don't think God fucking made us four weeks ago or whatever the fuck they believe, then you automatically think that I can literally do anything to anyone.

But that's not how the world works. Look in other countries where there's very few Christians, very, very few creationist Christians. And you see that it's not like there's a huge spike in crime. In fact, our crime rates are lower than ours. Look at some of the some of the the sort of northern European countries, low crime rates. They happen to have very few people who believe in God and think that they're part of a society just like everybody thinks that because nobody's fucking so stupid as to think that we are just a singular fucking i'm just all i have to do is just worry about myself there's no place in the world where you think that that's a good idea unless you're fucking like i don't even know like in like unless you're a pirate on the fucking seas or something like that's the only person like fucking thinking for himself.

There's, you know, sure, there's criminals and things like that. Yeah, there's aberrations. Right. But we're not talking about aberrations. We're talking about fucking average human beings. I can't imagine. When you say that, like I can't imagine a worldview which inspires, you know, more narcissism than a religious worldview. When I think of, you know, my obligations toward other people are particularly important to me because I know that this is the only life that I get.

And I have an obligation to try to do this right and to try to, you know, pass pass through, like especially, you know, like in terms of like my relationships with other people, that's the only thing that's going to exceed myself in terms of my mortality. Right. And so if I look at my if I look at my world, I think, man, what happens today on Earth on fucking Friday or Saturday morning, as it turns out, that matters to me because doing the right thing is the only thing that's going to out-survive myself potentially. Yeah. You know, but the alternate worldview, the creationist Christian worldview is incredibly narcissistic. It's incredibly self-centered because it says the only thing that matters is my salvation. The only thing that matters is where I put my shopping cart. The only thing that matters is, you know, shopping cart. The only thing that matters is how I behave personally. That's very true and matters only in the sense that you are planning for your own personal salvation.

So while you outwardly have to be good to other people, you're only doing it for your own personal means. It's like Kant's grounding in the metaph Yeah. Where he talks about – Categorical imperative. Categorical imperative. Right. Yeah. I mean you just – there's – you have to act in such a way so that you have no gain. So if you – that's the only way in which you can call that something moral. If I have absolutely nothing to gain from something and I do it and it helps someone else out, then it's moral. But if I have something to gain, there's no way you can look at that thing and say,

that's a moral action. Right. Yeah. Right. Even the knowledge of knowing you did good would invalidate it, which was always problematic. Yeah. It was super problematic. But that, you know, Kant's a Kant.

It's like it's always been the little women that caught the vision of giving, beginning with Jesus himself, out of their private means. Some of you little precious ones have that little grocery money, some of that little money set aside. Assure tonight the blessings of God on your family by giving it to God. And speaking that, say it, God, this is for blessings on my family. So this story is amazing. It's also from the Raw story.

This dude's eyes and eyebrows are super intense. This guy is so looking at the camera. This is great. You've got to check this picture out. Pastor caught having gay sex. Who he looks like? No. Creed.

Doesn't he look like Creed? Yeah, from Office. Yeah, from The Office. He looks like Creed. This dude looks exactly like his headline. So the headline is, Pastor caught having gay sex in van, spent stolen church money on farmer dating website. I think it's nice that the farmers have their own farmer's market. I think that's great.

Oh, I like what you did there. Very nicely done. Thanks. Yeah, you get to pull your own carrots. So this Tennessee pastor, I like this because he was recently admonished by the police who basically. Tennessee, huh? Wow. He was fucking bastion of greatness at that shithole is.

Fucking Tennessee. This is a guy. I mean, honestly, this is the best thing to come out of Tennessee. Whatever fucking slipped out of this dude's ass was the best thing to come out of Tennessee. Is there any, I can't imagine a scenario where I'm in Tennessee and the first thing I'm thinking is not, why the fuck do I get out of Tennessee? Just hoping. That's it.

Some road leads to nowhere there. There's nothing in Tennessee that you could say like, oh, man, we should definitely get that thing from Tennessee. I would rather be in the deep bayou. Tennessee is so bad. Elvis died on a toilet there. No, he died in Tennessee. That's what he died on. Right.

Died on a toilet. Died in Tennessee. They're the same. It's actually he died on. Right. Died on a toilet. Died in Tennessee. The fucking, they're the same. It's actually a fucking redundant statement. So anyway, this guy. This guy. He, okay. So I am, are you not shocked at how fucking blatant these guys are with the fucking misappropriation of funds and like the, the shit that they do?

It's amazing. I'm surprised they're not like fucking finger fucking a little funds and like the the shit that they do it's amazing i'm surprised they're not like fucking finger fucking a little girl and like spreading fucking caviar on a wafer and eating it in front of everybody and be like what what it's not much different do something look at me bitches here i am and he's like fucking he's like making it rain on the audience and like fucking smacking a chorus girl's ass and he he pulls his dick out and starts playing piano with it. And they're like, whatever. Here's more money. You can have all my money.

Can you believe? I mean, seriously. These people, they get away with murder all the time. That fucking Creflo Dollar would be like, buy me a new plane, bitches. This guy's like, I'm going to spend all your money. And then they ask why. He's like, it's none of your money and then they ask why he's like it's none of your business i spent it all what so this guy's he's fucking some other dude right which fine but

like he's a tennessee pastor so my guess is he's probably not a pro lgbt pastor sure he's a tennessee pastor he's in a fucking church parking lot in a church van fucking some other dude. The cops come by and they're like, maybe don't do that. Like, bro. Really, bro? Bro. Sup, bro. And then he says, when they ask him about the money.

Yeah, so hold on a second. So then they arrest him. Right. Because they don't even bust him for the money. Yeah, so hold on a second. So then they arrest him. Right. Because they don't even bust him for the public sex thing. They're just like, really? Can you put that away? Really? And he's like, in a minute, I'll do what I want.

I'm done when I come, motherfucker. Come back in 10 minutes. Four. Now he's going to do it twice. So church officials reported they stole between $70,000 and $100,000. Oh, that's it? And so they bust him for it. And when they ask him about the missing money, he tells the church members, quote, it's none of your business.

And then they just said, OK. And the church, well, they fucking called the cops on him is what they did. Well. But the cops showed up and they fucking arrest this dude who takes the creepiest photo ever taken. This is, you know, and the only reason you talk about this is because these are people who say that they're the moral authority. Like, that's the only reason why we talk about this. We're not talking about this because it's just some random dude who's stealing money. This is a leader of an institution who is telling you how to be moral.

And he's doing things that are according to him. Now, I don't care that he's having sex with a man or a woman or one of each or whatever. As long as it's a consenting adult, I don't care what he has sex with. It doesn't matter to me. Or how many he has sex with. Sure. And he could do it literally anywhere. As long as he's not upsetting anybody else, like in the middle of the mall or something.

It's like, okay, we got to get out of the daycare. This is inappropriate. I want your dick out of my Sbarro pizza. I want it out right now. I came to the mall to walk and eat Sbarro, and I don't want to see your cock. Did not order sausage. He's like pressing his cock against the Spencer ball electric thing and making it like the plasma balls. He's in front of a big display window just splarped up against it, you know, like fucking.

He's just putting little shirts on it and fucking like that. What's that? What's that gothic store they have? What's that gothic store? What is it called? Oh, Hot Topics. Hot Topics. Yes.

It's got like a little cock ring on it. Waving it around, fucking doing fucking dick origami or whatever they call it. The puppetry of the penis shit. Dick origami is better. Dick origami. That's what they should call it. But in any case, they should, you know, the guy has a right to bang whoever he wants in the parking lot, whatever. Clearly it's, you know, public sexual fucking display or whatever.

But I really don't care. It's a fucking van. It's not like anybody's going to be walking up and being like, what's going on in your van? Yeah, right. It's not a van. It's not going to be walking up and being like, what's going on in your van? Yeah, right. It's not a van made of windows. Yeah. And who cares? But, you know, this is a guy who's stealing money and he clearly is part of a church.

And many churches, especially in Tennessee, are going to frown on LGBT activity. Right. I don't know if they did. They could have been a very liberal church down there, although I highly doubt it. It's in Tennessee. Yeah. There are literally no liberals in Tennessee. They get killed immediately at birth.

Like if you... Those liberals are tender. They fucking minority report the liberals at birth. I do want to say, though, that just as a side note, he was spending the money on dating websites such as Online Buddies and Farmers Only. And I love, this goes back to the Rule 34, right? Like, man, there's something for everybody. There really is. You know, like there's like a firefighter's calendar and there's a Farmers Only gay sex website.

Like, that's a real specific thing. It really is. That's a real specific thing, Cecil. That is all about the cornhole. Yeah. Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk, Along Blackhawk. Along Blackhawk. This is terrific. This is from Hurry Up News or whatever it is. Hurry up.

I don't know. It's from a site. Masturbating men will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, says Muslim televangelist. Stop doing that. Don't clap your hands. You're having an abortion. Every moment you're doing that. P clap your hands you're having an abortion every moment you're doing that pregnant not pregnant pregnant not pregnant what is that macklemore macklemore lyric ten thousand hands they carry me is that the lyric go there you go ten thousand hands so he says he says that a man would meet his masturbating hand quote pregnant in the afterlife

and asking for its rights what if you just had really fat hands would you be able to like i bet your hands would feel really bad if all the other hands are like what are you pregnant bro be like i'm just really big just big bone hands it's a rude question and then like your hands are on that show like i didn't know i was pregnant your hands are like everybody's hands are like oh i didn't know that could happen right we literally had no idea we could get pregnant then the hands are like in front of the camera like well i was just gonna put on gloves like a normal everyday day in the afterlife when all of a sudden i felt some pressure in my index finger. What are you talking about?

You know, it's interesting that that's where he goes, is that he says that your hands will be pregnant. And that makes me wonder, too, about that pneumatic machine in Iran. I wonder if they're performing abortions there in Iran. Oh, with those chopper-offer things? Chopper-offer things. You know what I mean? You don't know.

Maybe they're just like, maybe they're ahead of their time. That's true. Maybe that's actually a progressive hand chopper offer thing. Rather than a regressive hand chopper offer. You know, maybe they're pro-choice. I tend to think most hand chopper offers are regressive. Are a little regressive. A little bit.

I mean, I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. You know? No, I'm not. That's nonsense. It's fucking, how can you say this how can you leave any room at all in your worldview for the idea that you're fucking that jerking off is going to make your hands pregnant what is plus your your who comes into their hand your mitts getting i mean really like you don't have an alternative it may get on your hand right but it's not it's

not necessarily in your hand like it's not you're like I got my handful again really like you didn't plan this out you didn't know how this was gonna end you didn't have a fucking contingency plan or something yeah just there's gonna be I think about all the places that fucking semen has been deposited. Are they all going to become impregnated now? Because it's equally likely that you'll show up in fucking heaven and there'll be a bunch of fucking lonely basement dwellers of pregnant fleshlights. And then there's the army of tissue children. Right?

There's like a million people here named Kleenex. It's amazing. Look at them all. It's amazing. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Oh, great. The sad stories oh good yeah yeah this story's super fucked up uh this story comes from the independent and it is super duper fucked up um isis jihadi bride claims forced sex with

yazidi girls is never raped because the quran condones it this might be and i'm not really i'm really genuinely exaggerating this might be one of the most hate-filled articles i've ever read like the shit that this fucking person says about other human beings yeah is so beyond the pale in its lack of empathy or compassion or any basic humanism. Yeah. Every fucking thing is wrong with this. You know, years ago, many years ago, over 100 years ago, Christianity had to deal with the fact that many people in this country were slaves. Right.

And they had to deal with the fact that those people were slaves and that it condoned it in the Bible. And there had to be some cognitive dissonance where you had to think, is this the word of God? What's happening here? What's, you know, what are we going to, what do we think about the word of God? If this is something that God condones through large portions of this book, what do we do? How do we, how do we contend with this? And sure, some of them dug into the text and they found anti-slavery things right other

people dug into the text and found pro-slavery things and what had to happen is there had to be an abolition movement and we had to have a fucking war to settle it right i think the same thing's gonna have to happen this is not an isolated case this is not something that just happened once this isn't a tiny little bit there are a lot of slaves that are being sold. Look at what ISIS is doing. They're just collecting people and fucking giving them away. Open slave markets. It's crazy, right? There has to be an abolitionist movement that starts itself in the Islamic culture and has to rise itself up and fight this other sect of itself that is saying that slavery is okay other cultures have already done this it's got to be that's their time now to do this they have to do this and nobody else can do it but them nobody can stand on the outside because everybody's going to have this stupid fucking like well we can't tell them what to say because we're really afraid of telling them what's right and wrong and it's kind

of cultural, whatever they want. Their own culture has to be the one to step up and be like, no, no, no, we can't do this anymore. And I know that I'm sure there are many, many, I'm sure most Muslims in the world. I would think so. Are like, this is a bad call. But there has to be an absolute abolitionist movement that needs to sprout up and say, no, this cannot happen. We cannot do this. It needs to fight it tooth and nail however they can. And she's talking about, you know, the righteousness of slavery, the righteousness of taking women and stripping them naked and assigning them value based on their fucking appearance and saying, you know, it's better that we use women stolen from their homes and sold or given away in like open fucking slave markets in 2015.

given away in like open fucking slave markets in 2015 and she's saying this is better than fucking using a western prostitute because that's sinful which is fucking utterly insane but the very idea that any culture or any religious practice at all and she specifically cites religious practice as her justification for the slave markets very expressly and explicitly. The idea that in 2015 anybody could look and say a slave market is a moral good. A slave market is treating other people like property. Treating other people like this has any relationship to an ethical position that we should defend. It is so indefensible. It's so fucking outrageously beyond the pale that there's simply no way to stand back and

have this kind of intellectual leftist detachment that allows us to say, well, you know, we really should examine the cult, you know, the the practice of slave markets specifically with regard to sex slaves and evaluate this as a cultural practice. Fuck you. You don't evaluate this at all. You say slave markets. How soon can we shut it down? Yeah. What what there's there's no way to look at this in any way and say that there's a moral good here.

No, no way to look at it. I don't care that there's a moral good here. There's no way to look at it. I don't care how you cut it. You cannot make this a moral good. And I don't care what kind of apologists speak you speak. You cannot do it. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers!

I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! Well, I'm just going to let you read this because this is a Daily Mail. Daily Mail is this fucking headline that's seven lines long and four bullet points. So, Daily Mail. Mother sobs as she is bullied. I can't believe I have to read all this. Mother sobs as she is bullied into signing court agreement allowing her four-year-old son's circumcision after spending a week in jail for kidnapping him in bid to stop surgery.

Headline. Subheading. Heather Hieronymus sobbed as she signed paperwork giving approval for the surgery for her four-year-old, then recoiled in horror at the Florida court. Attorneys for both Hieronymus and the boy's father, Dennis Nebus, declined to comment. At multiple court hearings, judges sided with the father, but potential surgeons backed out after failing to get the mother's consent. Fuck. Hieronymus went missing with son in February, but was arrested last week.

That's shitty, though. It is shitty. You know, that's shitty. She was told she would be jailed indefinitely unless she agreed to surgery. What's that really agreeing to something if somebody holds it over your head? Like, go to jail unless she agreed to surgery. What's that really agreeing to something? If somebody holds it over your head, like go to jail unless you agree. Yeah, I guess I'll agree to worst. I mean, in a way.

But let's talk about circumcision. Yeah, because many people this kind of blew up on our Facebook page. There was tons of people who were like pro circumcision. I guess that there's still a camp of people out there that are pro-circumcision. You are cutting off a perfectly fine piece of the penis, right? Right. And it turns out a quite large piece of the penis. Yeah.

There was an interesting – somebody posted like nine myths that you probably believe about circumcision from psychology today. And one of them was like, oh, it's just a flap of skin. And it was like it's actually about 50 percent of the skin. It was a lot of the skin like it's a lot of skin man i didn't know that it was a lot and you know the thing is is you're cutting off a significant portion of the penis specifically um you know the the reason why people i think are for it is that like there's like some some studies that show like it's easier to get an std or something like that but who cares about that like if you properly wrap your cock as someone pointed

out on the facebook page right you have nothing to worry about so the idea that you're gonna you're gonna say well this is a thing it's like no you know what stds happen when you're fucking unprotected whether you have a circumcision or not yeah maybe you have a higher higher rate to get it with an uncircumcised penis, but who cares? You're still doing something that is highly fucking – that has a chance of being highly contagious, right? You're still doing a thing that can result in it. Or you can do a thing that results in it almost never. Right. What's your choice?

And isn't that – And whether you're a circumcised penis or not, you're still using a mechanical thing to stop it. It's not like, it's not like the uncircumcised penis has some other way in which to get around it. It doesn't. Right. And aren't you basically arguing then that you're saying like, well,

cause this is then an argument between education and circumcision, right? Cause you're saying like, well, on the one side we could tell people to put a fucking condom on their dick because you need one whether you're circumcised or not circumcised, right? So you need to put a fucking condom on your dick if you're going to engage in sex

and you don't want to deal with the consequences of sexual activity. So here, put a condom on it. Okay? That's an educational issue. On the other hand, we could also just cut off part of your dick, and then maybe that'll have a slightly reduced chance of getting a thing. It's like, well, fucking I'll take the education, please. There's been studies that show that it has a lot of feeling, that there's a lot of feeling that's lost. I don't have it, so I don't know.

Right, I'm circumcised as well. And, Tom, you said something interesting this week. have it so i don't know right right i'm circumcised and and and and tom you were you said something interesting this week the only person who would really i think be able to tell is someone who has grown up with it and then had it removed as an adult then they would be able to say well there was more sexual activity or not or more sexual sensitivity or not etc etc i don't know here's the thing i didn't want to lose it i didn't consent to it my fucking dad and mom did it to all three of us fucking all three of us got snipped. That's just what happened. But when I when I was born, everybody there's it was it was the rare occasion that someone wasn't. It's not that it was really even up to the parents. They just said, you're going to circumcise it, and everybody was doing it. Okay, so you do it.

So I was circumcised. Everybody I know was circumcised. I went through a... I remember as a child in junior high, there was one kid who was uncircumcised. There was one kid. And there's always one kid. There's always one kid. But he had the biggest dick

out of all of them. That's because they didn't cut pieces of it off. Motherfucker. That fucking seventh grade motherfucker had a baby arm down there. That thing was fucking... It looked like a fucking elephant. It was a fucking trunk. Big swinging dick between his legs.

He's the nerdiest motherfucker in our class. Biggest cock of all. Goddamn big old knockoff in that pig. He probably employs half the people from Junior High. Yeah, no kidding. And he taps his giant dick on their face every morning. But no, the thing is like people were saying, what's the big deal? It's just a tiny piece of skin.

It's not like you're losing an arm, somebody said. What's the big deal? And the big deal is, is that you wouldn't do anything else to harm your child. Why would you choose to do this one particular thing? Yeah, there's nothing, and that's kind of how I land on it. It's like, I've got two boys, and I cannot imagine

being like, well, let's just cut something off them. And they'll be like, well, what is it? Why? Well, I don't know. I mean, it'll look... I would never consent to a cosmetic surgery yeah you know of of you know i guess i say that but like you know i would consent to something like a you know cleft palate uh sure you know but that's or like if he had like a fucking like like part of his face was fucked up or something a big birthmark or something you

want to get rid of the point is like the penis is not it's like a natural uncircumcised penis is not a an aberration that's going to make it difficult for him to blend in socially there's nothing wrong with it right it's a it's just it's just like that's what a dick actually looks like yeah that's the shape of a fucking that's what cock looks like yeah and then all of a sudden we're just like well what i mean it'd be the same if the doctor was like are you gonna cut off his fucking ear lobes like no i'm gonna leave his fucking ear lobes alone yeah well what about if we just cut off his ear lobes he'll have a he'll have a five percent chance of getting it less getting an ear infection unless he'll get less you know maybe he'll get less ear infection and be like well i'll just fucking take that risk and

not cut off his fucking ear lobes well you said the other day and i thought this was a good this was a good analogy you said well what if what, what if it just so happened a religious text said you had to pull your child's toenail out? Right. And it's like you could do it under anesthetic and they could pull the child's toenail out. But would you do that? Would you consent to something like that if a religious text happened to say it? No, you wouldn't consent to it. And the only reason there's even studies to say that this is better or not is because the religious text says to say it? No, you wouldn't consent to it. And the only reason there's even studies to say that this is better or not is because

the religious text says to do it. Because we even bothered it because somebody invented. Yeah, because somebody fucking invented it. Somebody wrote this shit down. And that's why we even have the test for it. We wouldn't have the test for it if there wasn't a fucking a fucking reason back before we had showers that you wouldn't fucking have a head that you'd cut your part of your cock off. Right.

It's such a strange thing to accept the idea that we would just be like, oh, well, we're just going to, you know, ritually slice off a piece of penis. And, you know, it's funny that you say that, like, under anesthesia because, you know, in many cases – No, it's not. or anesthesia because, you know, in many cases. No, it's not. It's just like they just take a baby and just fucking snip that calamari ring right off. And then they. That's it.

That's it. And it's just like, I wouldn't I would never take a knife to my baby. Well, and then I have a baby. There's nothing that could convince me to take a knife to it. Even if they pulled out the toenail under anesthetic, it's still going to hurt for a while. Right. The same thing with the cock. It's still going to hurt for a while right the same thing with the cock it's still gonna hurt for a while there's this and there used to be this idea that like oh babies can't feel pain or like they used to really believe that no you could shake them

no this is true no tom you're laughing but this is true if you shake them they feel no pain if you shake them enough yeah you gotta shake them you really gotta be vigorous you gotta be vigorous about it you gotta really yeah you to shake them like you mean it. Yeah. No. And then they don't feel anything ever again. Well, at least they don't complain about it. Yeah.

No. Yeah. Yeah. Once they start giving you that fucking, you know, 3,000 mile stare. It's like a fucking. There was like a fucking billboard or something like never, ever, ever shake a baby. It's like, don't tell me what to do. I will do what I want.

I will fucking spend $70,000 on fucking farmersers Got Farmers or whatever, and I will shake a fucking baby. Don't tell me what to do. It's none of your business. so we're back with bryce from naked mormonism bryce uh if people never heard your show uh tell them a little bit about your show and a little bit about yourself yeah so um my show is all about just the history of the lds church from an ex-Mormon atheist perspective. So, like, episode one, I pretty much start off with an introduction to Joseph Smith, and then it kind of, like, roughly follows a timeline in sort of chronological order from there on.

I try and rely heavily on quotes from people that were there at the time. And then I add like little bits and pieces of my own speculation when it, you know, when it seems appropriate. So like last episode, which was episode 17, um, was all about the significant people coming together to write the book of Mormon.

And then the next episode talks about the 11 witnesses of the magical plates, which none of that means shit to you guys. You've made abundantly clear. No, I mean, I know about the plates. I talks about the 11 witnesses of the magical plates, which none of that means shit to you guys. You've made abundantly clear. No, I mean, I know about the plates. I know about the plates. Right. The gold plates. The golden plates.

Yeah. Written in Reformed Egyptian, which isn't an actual fucking thing. Yeah. But you needed spectacles to read them, right? Like special glasses. Yeah. Yeah. See, so that's ridiculous.

How is a speculum going to help you read? Outrageous, sir. Outrageous. yeah yeah see so that's ridiculous how is a speculum gonna help you read outrageous sir outrageous succulent can help out a lot in a lot of different ways tom i mean you'll get a better view but i don't know if it's gonna help you read you see joseph smith had to use these spectacles but then before he read it at any time he had to say like spectula patronum and then it could work. I love all these Harry Potter jokes because they're not for Cecil. Was that a Harry Potter joke? I totally missed it. That's awesome.

I didn't even know. That's awesome. Everything about this is awesome. That's great. So, okay. So why did you start the podcast? And we know what it's about. Why did you start it?

Well, honestly, I started debating my Christian buddy about Mormonism being Christianity. podcast and we know what it's about why did you start it uh well honestly i was um i started debating my christian buddy about mormonism being christianity and he's like no dude you're fucking wrong and i'm like dude jesus christ is in the name of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints i'm like and he's like no dude they're not christian and he's a christian right so i'm like all right i gotta i gotta prove this asshole wrong. So I went and started doing research and it turned out he was right. This is your buddy, the asshole, right? He was right? Wait, it's not Christian?

No! Well, they don't believe in most of the Christian shit. Well, they're a Christian sect in much the way that any other Christian sect is. They kind of repackage the Bible in their own way and interpret it and shit. Well, this is interesting to me because this is different than I thought.

I thought they were the Bible plus one. But you're saying that's not the case? No, they're the Book of Mormon exclusively plus sort of the Bible but not really. Oh, okay. That's different than I thought. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then so they actually have four books of canon, right? So they start off with

the Book of Mormon, and then the King James Bible, and they put the caveat on as far as it's translated correctly, which doesn't mean anything. I have no idea what that means, right? And then they have the Pearl of Great Price, and then the Doctrine and Covenants.

So, actually... How much is the actual pearl? The Pearl of Great Price, then the Doctrine and Covenants. So actually, how much is the actual pearl? The Pearl of Great Price. Isn't that the clitoris? No, that's the man in the boat. Oh, so yeah, like, like, I don't know if you guys follow David Michael's show, My Book of Mormon. No, I never heard of it. Wait, hold on.

What is it called? My Book of Mormon? Yeah, it's this horrible show where this dude with some seducive voice tries to read the Book of Mormon and adds his own funny shit. It's really not that funny. I don't know the guy, but he sounds like a huge dude. Yeah, he sounds like a dick.

He sounds like a giant dick. Yeah, and I saw a photo of him. He's just a fucking thumb. There's no hair on that entire man. Oh, no. It's like somebody drew a face on a baby's penis. Was it circumcised?

It was, but only after court order. It was, but only after court order. It's just a peach-colored balloon with a face drawn on it standing in a polo. So, yeah, he just finished up the Book of Mormon, and he's going to read the Pearl of Great Price, which is like this little tiny fucking squeak book that has like the Book of Moses and a bunch of weird, weird shit from Joseph in it. And then after that, he's going to read The Doctrine and Covenants, which is just like a bullet point list of how like Joseph's told everybody that he's going to run his church, which is really, really. Basically, just like say, I'm going to sleep with your wife. Next bullet point. I'm probably going to sleep with your wife, too.

Next bullet point, your wife, hey, look around, probably sleeping with her. You read all these before? No. I read the Book of Mormon a long-ass time ago, but I've never read the Pearl of Great Price or Doctrine and Covenants. So were you a good Mormon before you left? No. I left when I was, like, 16 when I got really bored with the church and got my driver's license. So you were a terrible Mormon your whole life?

Were you like on the Mormon rumspringa or what? He's like doing heroin in Utah. No, not heroin. It's all fun and games until met amphetamines in mobile homes. He's like asking people if they can use their Wi-Fi. My horse doesn't have. Oh, God. We hate the Amish on this show, God.

We hate the Amish on this show, Bryce. I really, really hate them. I know. I can tell. We cannot stand the Amish. Fucking Amish. Goddamn. You guys have, like, an Amish-like sect, though. The FLDS, they wear bonnets.

Like, when you guys fight, is it, like, shirts versus bonnets? Is that how you guys decide? It's, like, guns versus spears and swords yeah uh i'll choose guns if i can be on the side of guns because i'm i'm not a history major but that's always turned out in favor of the gun except when grenades are involved but no the flds is just they're they're called the fundamentalist lds sect so they believe like super super hardcore in joseph smith's teachings whereas the church that moved out to salt lake city with brigham young after joseph smith like died in the gunfight in illinois um they moved out with brigham young and that's what the current like big mormon church is that

everybody else knows but the fundamental lds church they're like they're the polygamist sect that believe like super hardcore in all of the mormon doctrine whereas the current mormons are like out of salt lake are like yeah there's some stuff in there we really don't want to talk about the flds they're the fundamentalists right yeah so you have when you get to be a certain age you go out to like travel places and convert people to mormonism do they go out and like like i don't know like plant an ied somewhere is that their thing that they have to go out and do they plant book of mormons in marriott hotels so wait a minute on the show sister wives which i have seen they don't they're not fucking

bonnet wearing crazies but they're also polygamists well i don't so are they full this or little does like are they SLDS or LDS? They're, I think they're the Fundies, but I don't know. I've never watched the show. I only remember my first time seeing a fundamental LDS church. I was in Moab with my parents and we were at a gas station. Moab ain't a place. That's not a real place.

It's not, Cecil. He's just making shit up. That's like a real place there's it's not cecil he's just making shit that's like a harry potter place it's filled with nothing but lizards and rattlesnakes god fuck yeah so i remember being at this gas station and seeing like two massive white ford passenger vans pull up to the gas pump and tons of tons of kids that were my age piled out of these vans and they were all dressed in these weird clothes and i'm like mom dad what what's going on with those people like what it's not sunday why are they dressed in church clothes and they were like well son they believe in the same church that we believe in they just think that some of the things we believe in aren't actually real i'm like uh

the fuck you say how how can they follow the same prophet and the same god and believe in different shit and have tons and tons of kids and lots of like wives all from this one dude i like being the six-year-old that i was, I was like, this is fucking weird. Yeah, I don't think it's the fact that you were six. Did you go out on your Mormon missionary trip? No, no, I left before that. That happens when you turn 18, and I have a lot of friends that went, but I never went. Did your family really get pissed off when you left the church?

Yeah. I mean, I talk to my parents still, but I don't really talk to anybody else in my family. So the rest of them are just... Do they shun in the Mormon church? Or do they disfellowship or anything like that? Yeah, but it's not as formal as the Jehovah's Witnesses. Oh, it's an informal shunning. Yeah, well, it's an informal shot this is yeah yeah i mean well it's you know not not on

the books or anything they don't have paperwork but okay yeah no exactly and it's it's kind of just like whenever i go and like if i ever see like my grandma ever if she's ever at my parents house when i'm there she'll just say well you know bryce it's never too late to go on your mission grandma i'm 24. That ship sailed. But yeah, so like that was, I mean, I've gone through my little rumspringa and I never like came back into the fold after mine. Now, after you left, is there been any other backlash from like, particularly from like

having a podcast about it? Actually, there really hasn't been. I, I kind of got into a conversation with my parents about one of the last times that I was visiting with them. And it was just, it was like two or three hours before I was going to leave to head back home. And I, like I said, Hey, I'm planning on coming out to Utah, you know, in a little while just to hang out with somebody. And I was too ambiguous, right? So like parents do, they just kind of poked and prodded a little bit more. And eventually I got to the point where I was like, well, okay, I kind of started this podcast and I'm going out to meet one of my listeners.

And I just like saw my dad's head drop, right? And the blood just drained from his face. And my mom was oblivious, like, oh, what's a podcast? But my dad had to be like, well, mom, it's an anal sex thing. Yeah, I was going to say your dad thought you were gay. That's the problem. He would prefer that I'm an atheist. Wow.

Right. So, um, my dad, like his head just hung down and he said, I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up because I didn't want your mom to listen. He, a few days before had been Googling the Blankenagle name and my show,

of course, popped up everywhere. And he listened to a couple of episodes, one of which I was really, really, really harsh against Joseph Smith for. And, like, I'm just calling it straight out. Like, Joseph started this cult because he wanted to fuck little girls. Simple as that. The truth will out, you know. Right.

No, it's exactly true. You can't deny that fact. The truth will out, you know? Right. No, it's exactly true. You can't deny that fact. And like his youngest wife, I found out his youngest wife was born while he was authoring the Book of Mormon when he was 24 years old. It's kind of hot.

You got to admit, it's a little hot. And you want to know his catchphrase to do that shit? Wait, he had a catchphrase? Yeah. He said it around the water cooler. He pulled her out of her baby stroller, set her up on her daddy's knee and said, no. Okay. He said, an angel appeared over my bed when I was asleep last night with a sword and said

that if I don't marry you, then he's going to kill both of us. Wow! Yeah! It's an amazing catchphrase. I have yet to try it in any bar setting, but I'm kind of thinking that it might just work for me. I'll tell you what, when it works,

it's a fucking killer. Right? But then I'm committed. So what if she turns out to be weird, and I'm like, oh, fuck, now this angel's got to kill us or I got to figure something out. Right. Right. So, yeah, I mean, like, we just kind of went into this, like, two-hour conversation about, like, Mormon history. And it was, like, I don't know, it was kind of liberating to talk to him about it and come out openly as an atheist to him. But it was still

really, really challenging talking to him about something so deep that they were unprepared for. It was just this nice Sunday morning. We were all sitting around having bacon and eggs and I was like, yeah, I think your God and Joseph Smith are fucking stupid. I'm sorry.

And that was it. Tell me more about the bacon. It's much more interesting. So, Bryce, if people were going to find your show, where would they look? They would look on all of the usual podcast aggregators, iTunes, Stitcher for Naked Mormonism podcast. aggregators, iTunes, Stitcher for Naked Mormonism podcast. Um, if anybody's, you know, brave enough to dive balls deep into the real Mormon history from the perspective of the people that were there, that's where they can find me. Or they can look on Facebook and Twitter page for Naked Mormonism at Naked Mormonism. And I actually have, there's actually somebody that runs that page for

me that goes by the page name of Demonista. She posts way more stuff than I can ever talk about in the podcast. If you're really, really wanting to dive in deep, that's where you go, Facebook and Twitter page. David Michael and I are teaming up to read the Doctrine and Covenants as co-hosts on the My Book of Mormon podcast. So he's going to read the Doctrine and Covenants, and I'm going to give the history that's talking about the bullet points and who the revelations are given to, and it's going to be a good, fucking awesome, boring time. I hope anybody's

interested in checking it out. We'll plug that, too. When you get the links and stuff set up, we'll put it on this episode's show notes. This is episode 229. Awesome. Bryce, thanks. It was a blast to have you on. Thanks for joining us tonight. Yeah, man. This was great. Thanks so much much and thanks for putting up with our stupid fucking questions thanks for putting up with my stupid fucking answers so we want to thank our most current patrons the ones who just most recently donated patrick nathaniel doug brian shane ron christy brandon michael matt noel greg oh my god what is that boom coast oh my gosh that

is a mouth celio camp boom i can't even i can't even i can even that. It's too late for that. David, Sarah, Bell, James, David. This is David K. this time. Jeff, Tanya, Stephen, Joe, Mason, Trevor, Tracy, and Nicole S. Thank you all so much. I mean, it's just been a groundswell of patrons. We really appreciate the support. We're actually going to be using a lot of the money this month, this particular month to support Don. Don is driving cross country for the Statesboro Food Bank, and we're excited to give them. If people go and donate enough money, we're going to be winding up giving two thousand dollars to

this food bank. But at this point, we're still almost a thousand dollars away from reaching that goal. If we can get a thousand dollars worth of donations more for the Statesboro Food Bank. And if you go to our website, DissonancePod.com and go to episode 229, you can find the link to this particular food bank and the Kickstarter for this. You can find that and donate. And if you donate, you're doubling your money because we're going to wind up donating two thousand dollars if he can reach the goal of twenty five hundred dollars so we're really hoping that people can donate um we'd love to see this food bank you know get all the money that it needs so it can function at this point um they're in the

hole every month they have their they just don't have enough money to function. So they're in the hole every month. And if we get this, we can get just us alone. If you guys donate, it's going to be great because we can get it to five extra months. So if you donate enough, you'll get five extra months out of this food bank just from us donating. And then all of your donations, it'll probably be up to 10 months at that point. Right. I was going to say, we're talking about funding this food bank for almost a year in terms of cutting their shortfall. They have a shortfall every month of about $400. He's raised $2,500. We're going to kick in $2,000. We're at $4,500 at that point.

It's $300 shy of really covering a full year of the shortfall from a food bank for a county in Georgia that desperately needs the help. Yeah, absolutely. So it would be wonderful to have people go to our website, DissonancePod.com, find the link to Don's charity drive and donate to that so that we can reach that $2,500 limit. And Cecil and I can kick in our money, which is only possible because we have patrons. Because we have patrons. Because if we didn't have you guys, if we didn't have patrons supporting the show, we wouldn't be able to do these things. We wouldn't be able to find charities like this that we feel are really worthwhile.

And really, I mean, the nice thing about this is this is like a ground-level charity. Yeah. Like this is really like the essence of a grassroots charity. And so it's really kind of a fun thing to be involved in. We also wanted to talk a little bit about Kickstarters in specific. We had a lot of requests recently. And GoFundMes. Kickstarters, GoFundMes, where people are asking for family members, for people who need specific things, people who ought to jobs and things like that.

and things like that. And Tom and I made it a policy a while back to not mention specific individuals this way because we just can't be fair about it. And we get, I would say, maybe around five to 10 requests a week of people asking for GoFundMe support. And we just don't have enough show time to handle it. If you want to post it to our Facebook page,

you're more than welcome to post it. Yeah, we won't take that kind of thing down. We're not going to take it down. You can post it to our Facebook page. We're more than welcome. It's more than welcome there. If you want, you can post it in a comment on our blog, but it's just not something that we can help promote.

If you want to try to promote it through the channels that are available to you, like I say, we have 9,000 people right now on our Facebook page. If that's you know, if you want to try to get in front of some of those eyes, you're more than welcome to. We're not going to take it down. But but we can't mention each one. We just don't have enough time on the show. Each show to mention each one.

So we apologize ahead of time that we can't get to your Kickstarter. We would love to. And but we just we just don't have enough time to do it. Yeah, we have to be careful about about not diluting our charitable giving because we want to do things that are really impactful. And the only way that we can do that is by, you know, focusing a couple of times a year on things that really are that we can make a strong impact on. All right.

So we wanted to start out with a message from the soviets uh tom i i think you know we we really might have fucked up this last time when we talked about ye olde amc gremlin so he says so it took your shit when talking shit about my shitty state of texas i even withstood your abuse of my home state of Indiana. I thought I could stans it, but I can't stans it no more. Ah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah. Why would you spout such vitriolic speech about the AMC Gremlin? It's a beauti-

It's a car. And it serves the function of transportation from point A to point B 20 of most of the time i think that's great you guys should refrain from offending so many people and good luck with that shit anyway the point of this email is to say fuck nebraska yeah and croatia fuck croatia too yeah it's a place fucking croatians that's terrific and cecil i'm a socialist and atheist from Indiana and Texas, and I say both. I love it. I like how he spelled it, too. I know.

He put the L in there. That's great. So, yeah, that's awesome. It's got a fucking L in it. Both. It's a silent, invisible L. Both. It's actually a non-silent, invisible L.

It's a non-silent, invisible L. I like that. Both. Both. I can't imagine saying both. Oh, how many of them do you have? I have both of L. I like that. Both. Both. I can't imagine saying both. Oh, how many of them do you have? I have both of them. I have both of them.

Both of them. Both. It's not like such a pretentious dick bag when I say both. Both. I have to take my vitamins. Which ones? Both of them. I'm going to QED. We got a message from General JD, and he said incest in Pennsylvania is his title, Tom.

He says, never thought I'd title an email like that. You liar. It's like every letter he sends home. I was going to say. It's like, dear. Hey, grandma. Dear dad, please get off sister. As a true blue, proud man from PA, I can say that while I'm not the product of incest, so you know, I might be the exception to the rule.

Growing up across the river from the Amish communities in Lancaster, PA, I would always hear stories about the genetic defects that some of them had. So weird. What? I fucking hate the Amish. I always assumed. No, Tom, they hate themselves. Well, they don't hate themselves. They fucking love themselves.

They fucking love themselves. Love them so much and so often. I always assumed they were like the banjo kid from Deliverance. And to be honest, I have sadly never confirmed or denied that mental predisposition. What I found in my research, though, is that the Amish exhibit certain genetic diseases. Yeah, called being Amish. It's a mental illness. Uncommon in other populations due to inbreeding.

These include Ellis Van Creveld syndrome, a type of dwarfism, and I shit you not, maple syrup urine disease. Wow. What? That's actually combined with pancake tits, and then you're sort of perfect. Oh, shit. It's pretty late, dude. It's pretty late, dude. It's pretty late. You don't want to get the waffle balls.

That's another thing you don't want to do. That's just a little water play. It's fine. It's delicious. Oh, God. Not bad. You know, I'll be honest. If somebody pissed on me and it smelled like maple syrup, I'd be like, all right, I dipped my sandwich in it.

You'd be like, who am I kidding? It's a Monte Cristo now, motherfucker. Oh, man. These are just two of several, some of which are isolated only to the Amish community. I find that unsurprising, totally unsurprising. This is a community that doesn't believe in zippers. They certainly don't believe in condoms. No, no.

Oh, my God. One other thing. We also have two horses on our flag, which obviously promotes bestiality. Bestiality. Bestiality. Bestiality. It's not goodiality. There should be an A in it.

It's bestiality. Fucking drives me. It's both. Both. bestiality fucking drives me it's both both the best part is if you mispronounce it you totally get emails from people who are like really particular about the way you pronounce bestiality i know yeah they're really insensitive about that yeah it's like the people with albinism people with bestiality ism bestiality so we got a message from Jake, who's going to be on very soon. In the next couple weeks, we're going to have Jake on the show.

And we got a message from him, and he's going to have Peter Boghossian. He's going to be down in the land down under. And he's promoting an event down there. He is. He's got the How Do You Know? It's Thursday, July 2nd. And that's at the Quat Gardens Point. That's what it says.

It's Q-U-T. Q-U-T. Quat. Quat. Quat. Quat. Garden Point. It's so late.

It's put on by the Brisbane. The Brisbane. It's so late. It's put on by the Briss Bain Skeptic Society in association with City Bible Forum and the Rationalist Society of Australia. Congratulations, Briss Bains. We hope that your Gaussian seminar goes well. Tell Pete we said hi. He hated us when he was on our show. No, I think he liked us because we had read his book. No, but I don't think he liked us at the end. Well, nobody likes us at the end.

As I recall, he was fine with us when he knew we read the book and then after that he didn't like us anymore. That is, that's pretty typical. That's pretty typical. That's it, yeah. We start off strong and disappoint in the finish. Pretty much all the time.

And really the finish is usually not too far from the beginning. We got a message. This is from Dirty Danny and Danny says, she says a lot of things, but then specifically sent a video of priests fighting, which is fun. You got to watch it. It's like a fucking battle royal, too, which I really liked. I thought it was just like mad people just like getting in it. was awesome was well i have to stop procrastinating procrastinating is the greatest and get back to my chemistry work procrastinating is seriously the greatest fucking smash up word i've ever heard it's it it says it all god it's amazing well done danny yeah because that is that is like 40 of your homework time yeah oh yeah it's like I'm going to do homework from like three to five.

We get a message from Lindsay, who clearly has no palate. Lindsay says, I'm a listener in Ontario. My fucking apologies. I got a tune in the moose. Stick your head up a moose. In episode 228, you said Canadian whiskey and you brought up Canadian whiskeys and beer stores on whiskey. American whiskey is paint stripper with no flavor, only fit to mix. That is outrageous.

If you drink Blanton's bourbon and you think that's only fit to mix, you have no idea what whiskey tastes like. Like you really, you really, you seriously have no palate. Right. You might as well just fucking for the rest of your life, eat fucking urinal cakes. Like, that's what you should spend your time on, eating urinal cakes and fucking paint thinner, because who cares? The urinal cakes should be worse.

They should be frosted with Canadian whiskey. And Canadian whiskey, like, okay, so like Crown Royal. Dude, I've had Crown Royal Special Reserve. It's okay. It's fine, I guess, if you put it on Coke. It's okay, but it's, I mean, it really is a mixer. It's a mixer. Like, it's not very good whiskey.

But if you're drinking, I contend strongly, Blanton's, I mean, Basil Hayden's, Booker's, Baker's, Knob Creek. Knob Creek's very good. I mean, any from the whole Buffalo Trace distillery. It's all good. They're excellent whiskeys. Very good. Excellent whiskeys. And American whiskey.

America. And I think Scottish whiskeys are very good. But also, Scotch whiskeys necessarily that aren't from Scotland sometimes are very good. There's some Japanese Scottish whiskeys that are very, very good. You know, there's plenty. I think there's plenty of whiskeys from all around the world that are solid. Except Canada. It's just Canada doesn't have any. Right. That are very, very good. You know, there's plenty. I think there's plenty of whiskeys from all around the world that are solid. Except Canada. It's just Canada doesn't have any.

Right. Yeah. But they could potentially import one. Sure. Yeah, I guess they could probably. You know, here's what you do. Go down and buy a real bottle of whiskey. Right.

From Kentucky. That's the only thing they're good at. That's literally it. That's it. I mean, Canada's good at nothing. So you can learn something from Kentucky. The one can learn from kentucky oh no that tells you how backward your fucking country is oh no and we also got emails from people that were uh pissy about the beer comments that we made they said american beer sucks this This is aggressive.

You know, like the thing is, is America fucking fuck nuts everything up. Beer? Beer we do not fuck up. No, no, no, no. I will say this. Like, American craft beer is the best in the world. The best. It is outrageously good.

It's the best in the world. Outrageously good. What are you going to have, a Fostas? Like, are you fucking kidding me? That is an outrageous statement, and everybody canada is wrong at the same time because they're all wearing fucking mooses hats they all have their heads so far up a moose's ass they have no idea what they're talking about so we want to play a clip here this is uh this is what from futurama yes calling all. Calling all scientists. Calling all scientists.

Be advised there will be a worldwide conference on global warming in Kyoto, Japan. I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine. You've got a degree in baloney. That was awesome. That's terrific. Thanks so much for saying that. That was from Adrian. Thank you.

That's awesome. I just spry some. What the fuck, Tom? this fucking message from shane there's a fucking playing on your phone porn diddlin thing dude this is super weird so we joked about this like like like chicks that are bored porn and man it's there it's called it's a reddit like for bored and ignored porn. Like this is a thing. Like this is a whole fetish thing, man.

Well, you know, I think the only way you have a fetish to be ignored is if fucking every time you have sex, chicks are so into you. And I would, this would not, this isn't a fetish of mine because I'm just like, I would like someone to pay attention to me while I'm having sex with them. I checked this website out. I'm not going to lie. I took a look at it and I thought like this just looks like sex like total lack of interest you know thinking about those things just waiting for it to be over

we got a message about breastfeeding um a long message about breastfeeding, Tom. I have something to say about this, but do you have anything you want to mention? Yeah, I just thought this was super fucked up. So this is a message from Rachel, and she says that we mentioned a mom in our last episode who was watering down her breast milk. And we weren't critical of the mom for watering down the breast milk necessarily so much as the advice she was given. She says this actually isn't uncommon, and the rules for breastfeeding moms on public assistance are pretty ridiculous. If you accept the funding for formula for your baby, you aren't allowed to breastfeed.

That's amazing. If you tell your OB that you're going to breastfeed, then you're banned from getting public assistance to help pay for supplemental formula. And I read that. I had no idea. is outrageous that is outrageous the cost of formula is so fucking unbelievably egregious the cost it's it's i mean it's it's like the cost for formula is seriously it's like going out and buying fucking steak and grinding it up and fucking putting it in a bottle it is so fucking formula by ounce is so expensive.

It's insane. The idea that like a mom's like, yeah, I'm trying to breastfeed, but, you know, I need to supplement. Oh, well, no public assistance for you. Why? Who's winning in that scenario? Yeah, I do. I want to mention the PS here. So the baby's mouth is best for increasing milk supply but an adult's mouth

is better than a breast pump men help those ladies out with low milk supply no nope yeah pass i'm sorry i'm sorry there's a board and ignore reddit but i'm sure there's also a fucking lactating moms reddit i'm sure there is oh god someone's gonna send it it's just not a thing i'm into i'm sorry no They make breast pumps for a reason. They make baby's mouths for a reason. Here's the thing, man. And I'm only going to eat breast milk if you culture it into yogurt. That's all.

All right, I'm not top of that. Never mind. So we want to thank Bryce from Naked Mormonism for joining us this time. But not too much. You can find Bryce's podcast at NakedMormonismPodcast.com. You can also find him in all the usual places, Stitcher, iTunes, et cetera. Bryce is just such a blast to have on.

He was a lot of fun to hang out with at ReasonCon, and we're glad we had an opportunity to talk to him this time. Check his podcast out. He's a fun guy, and he's a funny guy. He is. talk to him this time uh check his podcast out he's a fun guy and he's a funny guy he is he was he was a lot actually i'm joking but he was at least twice as much fun as we've ever had with david absolutely yeah who's probably gonna be on the show soon only because we're slumming yeah no we love you david we're just kidding we're just like you we're just we tolerate we just lust you and you're very very put out and you're very tolerate you. We just lust you. You put out.

And you're very slick head. So that's going to wrap it up for this fucking extra late night edition. I'm not going to be home until 3 in the morning fucking edition of fucking Cognitive Distance podcast. We are going to leave you with the old skeptics creed until Tom can record a new more vitriolic one. And we'll catch you next week, yo. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno

Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram pyramidal, free energy healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales sales pitch late night info

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