Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 235: Islamic Extremeless

Episode Date: July 6, 2015

Special thanks to Jake from the Imaginary Friends Show: http://imaginaryfriendsshow.com/    

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. to like it and tell on your last episode that you didn't know the name of the greatest rock star ever existed how dare you it's pretty mercury not steady mercury shame on you i'm so offended just kidding still love the show glory hole motherfuckers hey guys i was just going through a backlog, and I listened to episode 221. As a veteran, I feel compelled to respond to your question. You asked, why should we thank our troops for the service that they provide? Well, short answer is, you should. See, in three separate tours of duty, I put down literally thousands of bucks worth of my own money

just to have filthy three-way with third world hookers. I literally put my body and my health on the line. It wasn't for my own glory, but to win the hearts, minds, and smashes of our soft, nubile allies across the world. So, you should thank me. Glory Hall. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording from glory hole studios in chicago this is Cognitive Dissonance. Cecil's making punchy hand motions.

I couldn't help myself. I'm so excited that you're not sick anymore, Tom. I don't have to pull the entire load myself. And not only that, we have a guest, a special guest. One of our favorite guests. I mean, let's be honest. He was one of our first guests on the show. I mean, we reached out to him years ago. We thought his podcast was great.

We lied to him. We thought it was good. But we told him we thought it was great. And then he came on the show, and we've hit it off ever since. We love Jake. We're huge fans of Jake. Hey, I didn't come on the show. I came around the show.

Guys, that's an important distinction okay i need to make sure that you guys don't get pregnant because i cannot afford another child okay well i delete everything that i just said please delete it from the internet. Never. Well, I'm thrilled to be back. Although I will say I will say while I was ill, I had meningitis. I was a little under the weather. A little under the weather. You had meningitis. In that you couldn't stand. I could.

But I slept down here in Glory Hole Studios because I had to hide from the light. And so I feel like that should count as my portion of the work because i was at work so i true the whole time i was like cecil would be so proud of me yeah all we had to do was just hook a mic up to you and we could hear you snoring so yeah it'd be awesome it's not like any different from your normal yeah i feel like the quality wouldn't have suffered i in honestly i was here where were you okay finish the intro we stopped you every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big and makes us mad

it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 235. And as Cecil mentioned, I'm back. And we have Jake from the imaginary friends show.com podcast and another podcast and another podcast called, uh, what is it? Bad advice, bad advice. It's good. Good advice. It's good advice. Good advice.

Yes. Yes. Containing just like, just like every, every good morning talk show that you have ever, uh, really disliked watching. It's a parody of exactly that. containing just like just like every every good morning talk show that you have ever uh really disliked watching it's a parody of exactly that so are you gonna have like a cooking segment where everybody gathers around you're like and now we're gonna add some parsley oh parsley i love parsley it's so green and then like i just like to add a little bit of oregano into that and smush it right in there you're just oh my god what is oregano oh that's awesome so so i would use tarragon but it sounds like terrorist

so it makes me very uncomfortable just very uncomfortable oh i love it so actually i'm going to write that down because i'm going to do that um yeah tm um yeah so uh to give you an idea so a couple of the the like really quickly, a couple of the segments, one of the advice columnists is a 10-year-old girl who receives letters asking for advice from kids. Generally, they're asking for advice on social situations, like I'm being bullied. This little boy says, I'm being bullied. How do I do this? Or how do I navigate this situation?

And so the character, whose name is Cecilia, she solves social situations by conjuring various demons in order to navigate those situations. So in the situation of bullying, she conjures the demon the the demon katulu uh who takes over her body uh takes the souls out of the two bullies that works new familiar souls and then that boy has has slaves for the rest of his life efficacious that's all i'm saying right yeah i'm amazing i'm not sure that there's a flaw yeah i don't like it yeah this

is a solid i'm actually writing this down i'm just gonna get when your kid gets bullied you know what you're gonna do right yeah he's gonna get bullied i mean he's my kid yeah i actually bully him just to harden him right now you know he comes home and i'm like oh he seems in a good mood i'm just gonna trip him for no reason gotta fight daddy for your food again oh daddy already i would win though i'm just saying food's involved i know tom come on i'll leave him yeah so jake we wanted to have you on the show and we have a great story it's from it's from your hometown i think australia is just one town right so we can say that pretty legitimately. Correct. Australia town.

Australia is one town. Australian MP. Made entirely out of snakes. Australian MP. This is from, I'm sorry, this is from pinknews.co.uk. Australian MP says, why shouldn't people marry their children if gays can marry? Oh, wow, Jake. I didn't know you guys had gay marriage down there. I know you're super progressive.

When did you guys, when did you, because now I just want to say, you know, the other day, Supreme Court, big decision here. And we're kind of behind the time. So I'm just curious, when did you guys pass that? Yeah, they've got to be ahead of us because they're always touting how ahead of us they are. And all these social issues. Oh, gun control. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, no. I'm just wondering, what year did wondering, when did you do that? So firstly, fuck you guys. Well, you can't in Australia. Shit's illegal down there. No, we just can't get married. Yeah, no, you can fuck us all you want. So it's an interesting situation.

We don't have the right to legally marry somebody who you love if that partner is the same sex as you, but you can actually legally marry your child in most Australian states. So what this guy, I presume, is talking about, and by the way, MP in this context stands for major penis. What he's actually talking about is basically what will happen is if we allow marriage equality for same-sex couples in Australia, what will happen is that parents will then be forced to marry their kids instead of being able to. Like we already have the right to marry our kids now.

Wait, what? We just don't have – yeah, yeah. I don't even understand what you're saying. How does it even work? How would you – wait, what? Back the whole fucking train up all the way to the aborigines. I don't understand anything you're saying. And then run them over a few times to put them in their place and then come talk to us.

You can marry your child. I don't even understand those words together. It's just this is the most stupid argument that all religious people, they all make this same. Look, if the gays can marry, then the next thing that's going to happen is firstly Clint Eastwood is going to marry a chair. Okay. And then immediately after that, people are going to start marrying their first cousins and then they're going to start marrying the children. I mean, where do you draw the line? I think you draw the line right there.

Yeah. I think I know. Can we just ask people what they want? Like is there like a big contingent of people saying like, well, man, once I get the gay marriage, then we can get our marry the kids lobby organized. No one's asking for it. That lobby is very strong actually. That lobby is actually really strong.

It's almost as strong as the brother-sister marriage lobby. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's just one of those other – it's just such a ridiculous concept. It is really just such a stupid, stupid concept that gets – it gets touted every single time marriage is discussed. Stupid, scared people come out and they say, I am really, really scared. How am I going to make other people scared? I'm going to create this ridiculous concept and make it sound like that is the next step if we legalize gay marriage. So just as an amusing aside, in the States, in Alabama,

Alaska, California, Colorado, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vermont, and Virginia, you can marry your cousin. What about your horse, though? And first cousin marriage is only prohibited in, it looks to me, I'm not counting, but in only maybe 15 20 states it's about half the country you can marry your first cousin here yeah and it's allowed under certain circumstances in six states and i'm very curious what those circumstances are

right that's just what it says allowed under certain circumstances illinois is one of them under certain circumstances what is the like of them. Under certain circumstances. What is that? Like, Adon Goss, they're pregnant. Look, I kind of understand that. I kind of understand that caveat because, look, if my first cousin looked like me, I would kind of understand it. Under certain circumstances, I think it means that if they're really

attractive, then it's okay i guess i feel like if they're related to me they're not going to be yeah no absolutely you know if they have any of the same genetic stock at all all gonna live under a bridge hey hey tom i will not hear another word about that jowls are sexy this year finally jowls are the new black i want to talk for a second about what this guy has to say this idiot down that lives down by you dear jake he says in parliament on monday he said i love my siblings i love my children i love my parents but does that mean i should marry them and he sounds like the little kid you used to go to school with when you'd say man i really love this yogurt he'd be like why don't you marry it

like it sounds it just yeah but i think he was the guy that actually took it why don't i marry my daughter that's a i really love it oh my can i marry my yogurt holy shit i'm never really I was really thrilled about this. No, look, I feel like reading articles like this gives credence to people like this, if you know what I mean. It's like ultimately this is the same stupid argument that every person that's afraid of gay marriage or marriage equality brings up every time marriage equality is raised. It's that exact same argument. If gays are allowed to get married, if lesbians are allowed to get married,

if one man and one formerly man is able to get married, then you know what? The next thing that's going to happen is that sisters are going to be marrying brothers, like in half of the u.s states and and and then all of a sudden sons will marry daughters sorry the fathers will marry daughters and mothers will marry sons and all that sort of it's it's just such a ridiculous concept because you know he doesn't presumably either he doesn't understand or or he's just purposely uh conflagrating. Like there is different kinds of love.

You know, there is different kinds. You know, there's paternal love. There's one kind. Only sexual love. Yes, that's right. Everything is black and white. I love this dog so much. Man, I love the hot dogs.

As the sage Michael Jackson once it's there's only black and white yeah that's it only black there are no shades of gray there are no colors it's just black and white well and i look at this guy and i think i mean the very first thing you think is how could anybody take seriously a man who cannot buy a suit that fits and does not own a comb he looks this looks like a homeless guy who's got on like a suit for his like a fucking interview that he has to give back when he's done it looks like his dad's suit look at that thing it's bunched up around his shoulders all crazy and his hair is all wild and he's talking about marrying his cousin. It's like, brother, you look like the result of that exact same exchange. But look at his smile.

He looks genuine. He looks like he's receiving some sort of thing. Oh, yeah. His cousin's under the table as we speak. Cousin? I don't think it was a cousin. Now, Tom and I have talked about this many times, but I don't know if we've ever talked about this with you. What do you think of legalized polygamy?

I don't care, frankly. Yeah, right. Yeah, but aren't you – shouldn't you care? Shouldn't we get real mad about it for some reason? What about legalized polyandry? Isn't that – let's get real mad about stuff. This is the funny thing. Like we have – you guys know like I have an anthropology degree.

I have an anthropology degree. Part of the early years in anthropology is you talk about or you write papers on what is marriage, what is love in other cultural contexts. And the evidence suggests that monogamous couplings, monogamous marriages make up about 40% of marriages worldwide. So, you know, we are not only- Wait a minute. We're dictating-

60% unaccounted for. We're like dictating as the minority. We're saying this is the norm and you must adjust. Yeah. Yet everybody else has a different understanding of what marriage is. You know, like- Is it really that few? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I didn't know that. different understanding of what marriage is you know like is it really that is it really that few oh yeah absolutely well you know is that so so many cultures don't don't bother with with with marriage you know other ones uh the the matriarchal societies and and you know marriage is not really

set in stone it's sort of here's a coupling uh and that's a coupling until like you're bored um you know wait i'll need addresses please i don't know if i have to wear a twig on my dick or whatever but twig would completely cover the entire all that's left is the berries but like in in large portions of the middle east um there's there's areas where if you are wealthy enough you know because of the the the latent poverty there if you are wealthy enough, because of the latent poverty there, if you are wealthy enough, it's seen as your social responsibility to take on another wife as a man. And in places like Tibet – It's like purposely capping your income so you don't have to pay the next higher tier of taxes. It's like, hey, your review.

How did your review of cult work? Not so good. I didn't get the raise. I got to go get another wife. I mean, yeah, the raise was great, but the wife cost twice what the raise was. Hey, man, I'm out of money. So it is kind of – like it's funny. In Tibet, they have – I've forgotten the term, it's the opposite to to polyamory polyandry

yeah sorry it's the uh no what is it it's the one where the one the one woman marries multiple polyandry thank you very much yeah i went to school with her yeah yeah got an anthropology degree by the way that's been years that had to write papers on what is love. He just wrote, baby, don't hurt me. He wiggled his head at the teacher and then just walked right past. Oh, I love that song too. So it's a funny thing. Like throughout Tibet, they have the polyandry, you know,

and it's because there's so many boy children born and so few women children born or girl children born. So it's just whatever that culture finds appropriate, they go for it. So we're dictating as the minority in the world of what marriage should look like should look like you know half of the world is still expecting a a bride wealth or a dowry you know and and we are we are saying you have equal rights within the marriage you know so i i honestly i could not give a shit whether if if somebody wants to make a case for for polyamory for poly uh for polygamy

i say totally go for it you know i think it's it's it's absolutely worth it make your case but right now it's like the you know the the the christian lobbies they say um what we're going to do is the next step is the second that we met that we legalize this is polygamy is going to be the very next thing. It's going to be knocking down our doors. Well, you know what? There's been a concerted effort for many, many years to level the rights for same-sex couples. And we're finally getting there. You know, America got there last week.

The Republic of Ireland got there three weeks before that. And you guys aren't going to be far behind because I know you guys are going to be showing up. I honestly don't think we will be, yeah. I honestly don't think we'll be too far behind. I dare say our next election is scheduled to be at the latest next November. That's probably scheduled.

Yeah. Scheduled? Scheduled? Scheduled? It's Aluminium? We're going to be scheduled. Something for later next week? Right, right.

I'm going to write this down with my pinky in the air. Will it be scheduled in Brisbane? While standing in the laboratory, I was wrapping my head in aluminium foil while I was writing down my schedule to the day.

So, look, honestly, I think if we don't get a bill that is able to be signed into law, that is able to be agreed on by all of the acting political parties at the moment, before the next election next November, I dare say it will be an election issue. So it's not far away. At the very latest, I dare say it's about a year away. So do any of your states or territories or provinces or whatever you call your – Don't you remember Australia is just a town? It's just one town. It's just one town.

It's just one little town. It's just a tiny little town entirely made of snakes. Is this a federal issue for you guys or is this a – like can states make concerted decisions on their own? So in – I'm going to say 2006. Guys, right now I'm about to become a marriage celebrant. Guys, right now I'm about to become a marriage celebrant. And the only reason that right now I hope that marriage equality isn't legalised in Australia is because when I am a celebrant, which is a few months away, I would like it to be legalised then.

So, guys, if you can hold off until the time when I'm a marriage celebrant, that would be great. That's the only reason that I wanted to be delayed. But so in 2006, the then Prime Minister John Howard enacted a law which changed the wording of the legal vows in the Marriage Act. Slow down. You guys have specified vows? We do.

There is for any law, because marriage is a federal thing in Australia, it's controlled by the Attorney General at the moment, George Brandis. He's a wonderfully elitist guy. I love that guy so much. I've got to say that because he's got to sign off of my celebrancy paperwork. But so in 2006, they legalized this sentence which basically says marriage is between one man and one woman for the exclusion of all others. And that is until that law is changed, that is that changes it to marriage is between two people who love each other or something to that order, then, then we won't have it. So there were some States like Tasmania and Australia's capital territory.

They both legalized gay marriage in their States. And though it was overturned by the Australian Supreme court because of, because of this, this, this national, this federal law. Are you laughing at Tasmania, Tom? Is that why you're laughing?

I can't help it. It's like Transylvania. It's like a man place. You know, it used to be called Van Demon's Land. Tasmania is awesome. There's like a little thing that spins around. It's like. I can't help it.

I'm just so ignorant. It's like they have Hamburglarlandia or something. It's just a made-up place. I love it. He can't stop laughing at it. You have the funniest giggle, Tom. Oh, God. He can't stop laughing at it. You have the funniest giggle, Tom.

Oh, God. I can't stop laughing. It's the encephalitis. If people were going to find you on the internet, where would they look? Yeah, if people want to find out more, go to imaginaryfriendsshow.com. We're also, as we mentioned at the beginning, we're starting a new podcast between myself and the comedian Nick Morgan Moore the podcast is called

good advice and the website will be goodadvicepod.com it's registered but there is no email there is no website there yet but can I send you hate mail already what's your email for it's goodadvice at gmail.com.

I don't like it. I'm going to send you. As soon as it comes up on iTunes, I'm going to give it a one star rating. Here's some advice. Quit podcasting. Oh, gosh. I love it. Please do that.

Please promise me, Thomas, to do that. I love it. You must do that. That is it. You must do that. That is awesome. Here's some advice. Okay. Quit podcasting. My eyes have seen the glory hole whilst coming with the Lord,

and he's rubbing out a vintage since his girth is quite engorged. He hath loosed his seat, an immaculate stream from his terrible stiff sword. His truth is just bs glory glory glory glory glory glory glory glory glory his truth is just BS. See, so we would be remiss, I think, if we didn't talk about probably the biggest fucking thing that has... That's happened in the course of this show, I think. I think politically speaking, I can't think of anything...

You know, the DOMA, but, you know, like that sort of thing, the repeal of that. You know, all that is all steps to get to where we are now. Right, to where we are now. So, obviously, anybody in the States is aware, and many people across the world, of course, are aware as well because America matters and the rest of your countries don't. I'm looking at you, Australia. Is that the Supreme Court has decided that gay marriage is now the law of the land, man. It's amazing amazing 37 states already had it so they just had to knock down another 13 and somehow knocking down that last

13 just fucking blew up the christians man it's amazing they just exploded it's amazing and they've been they've been we're gonna spend a lot of time on this i think this entire episode we're gonna spend so much time because there's been so much backlash because of this. But one of the things that I think we're, you know, you, you're fond of saying we'd be remiss. And I think we would be remiss in this particular instance, if we, if we only covered the pundits, because the pundits kind of have this party line, they have this thing that they're going to say, and they're all kind of towing the same thing.

What does an average person think about this? What is a normal, just everyday person think about this? And we were tipped off to this story by somebody on Facebook. And I'm not going to tell the person's name because I don't know if they're friends with this person. Now this particular Facebook story, and it's a Facebook video that I stole this audio from was posted over. Like, I want to say it was like, uh, you know, a bunch of shares. I don't remember how many I want to say it was in the thousands, although I can't remember. You know, many, many, many people have seen this video. If they weren't on Facebook, they probably didn't see the video because I don't think it got.

I didn't see it anywhere else. Okay. But what is a normal person? A normal person who's against. Right. Yeah. Against evangelical. Yeah, exactly.

A normal evangelical person who is, well, as normal as an evangelical person can be. And that is kind of an oxymoron, right? Like a normal evangelical. But those people, how are they reacting to this news? And so we have this tape. And again, like I said, it's stolen from Facebook. But the person posted on Facebook and it was shared a billion times. So I don't feel bad critiquing it.

No, that's fine. I'm sure they responded coolly and logically. They did. And let's just give our listeners an opportunity. I'm cleaning and this is a really sad day for me today. And it's a very sad day for a lot of Christ followers because today our government decided decided that everything that God created his church to be as man, as woman, Adam and Eve, five justices decided that God was wrong. Wait, wait, what happened to Adam and Eve?

I'm not sure. Wait a minute. I know where you're going here, lady. I think what you're missing is that Adam and Eve gave testimony for the Supreme Court and that's where she's at it just wasn't compelling no they were on the side of gay marriage

they're like first of all we don't listen to people without belly buttons that's just weird that's just awkward we feel super odd about that actually we're going to take you in back and just give you one belly buttons. Yeah. That's just weird. That's just awkward. We feel super odd about that. Actually, we're going to take you in back and just give you one. After the fact, belly buttoning.

Oh, no. Pass. ISIS is going to do that next. That's their next thing. That's the next thing. As a man with a belly button as big as an ice cream bowl, you know, to have that. No, thank you. Are you kidding me me it's like a waffle cone down there if i lay on my back long enough you could support a whole koi pond amazing and now skip a stone now is the time that christians have a voice no it's not actually

it turns out it turns out that your voice was heard and then disregarded right you're misunderstanding the timeline yeah you had a voice you had a voice time elapsed no one cared nobody gave a shit it's like now's the time it's as if somebody is like okay let's make the decision then let's listen to the other or they were completely silent okay so oh marriage is now going to include uh same-sex couples oh shit we better do something about it has anybody asked a christian what they think because we really has anybody pulled the christians what will the christians think see this country is like 70 christian now is our time all right she seems kind of upset she does sound a little weepy i will say you know i hear a lot of people say you know you christians

you know you're not into the times you're not you're not Christians, you're not into the times. You're not into times. You're not into times. What, Times New Roman? What are we talking about? Times tables? The New York Times? You're not into times. Oh, like time trials?

Like, what are we talking about here? What are you into these days? Time. Not into times but i'm a christian not just time times more than one time that's right just ask my wife more than one time in a month i was gonna say you know you gotta get it's 2015 god did not change. His word is truth. Your word isn't truth. My word isn't truth.

God's word is truth. And God says that marriage is between a man and a woman. I don't care if you think I'm judging you. The fact is the god of the universe i love it when they call the god of the universe because it makes you sound ridiculous it makes you sound the god of the universe you know the universe where we are a fucking tiny tiniest tiniest speck of fucking dust where our planet is a tiny speck of dust in the scheme of things, that he's fucking making spin around in all kinds of weird fucking ways

and he made dark matter and all that shit. And he's just like, oh, gay people get married? Uh-uh. No, you didn't. Right, right. It's like that's the whole side of the argument loses immediately once you bring in the scale of the universe. Right. Once you bring in the scale of the universe.

Right. Once you bring in the scale of the universe, it's like, wait a minute. Not only are you worried about the Milky Way, then our solar system, then Earth, then human beings that live on it. But then very specifically where my genitals go. I know. I got to tell you something. When we've zoomed in that far. Yeah. And it's really far when it's calling about my genitals.

You need a telephoto lens. This is the God's version of an electron microscope. Yeah. It's man's version of an electron microscope. God has normal size eyes. Nobody knew that. I do have to say, too, that like just theologically, which is I don't care if you think I'm judging you. It's like, well, you really should, because it also says judge not lest you be judged

also you were kind of specifically judging people so so like if you care about like just just in terms of your worldview if you want to be logically consistent with your own worldview you need to contend with that idea wouldn't and wouldn't you just i mean if if i really thought somebody was doing something and that and they weren't really't really close to me personally and they were going to get in trouble for doing that thing, but it didn't hurt anybody. But they were going to get in trouble like in the fucking spooky world or whatever. I would just be like, well, this is not my business, man. You know, that's the thing that people – I just don't – I cannot wrap my brain around is how much they care about it. how much they care about it, how this person is clearly on the verge of tears, not crying about this particular decision that affects them in no way, shape or form.

It's imagine if you worked at a place, right? I'm going to try to make up an analogy because it's really hard because there's really nothing to really be analogous to it because it's just so absurd because she's playing God by proxy. Because imagine you worked at a building and you worked for a company, you were an employee, like an administrative assistant for a company, right? And this company doesn't allow people who wear red shirts to get into the elevator. And somebody got into the elevator with a red shirt and you as an administrative assistant

were somehow mad because they did it. And you were mad in the sense for your company. You're mad by proxy for your company. And even still, that is still a bad analogy because there's just no way to make this even, you know, it's, it's something that I, it's so hard to even pick a thing that is so fucking not anything that you should be concerned about. It's so hard to find something that you, you, you should, you think about and you say, this affects me in no way.

I should have no concern about it, but I'm still so unbelievably butthurt about it that I will weep. There's nothing in my life that's like that. You know, it's like getting mad at somebody driving next to you down the down the road and they're going three or four miles over the speed limit. Right. And you're mad. What difference does it make to me? It'd be like saying, like, where's that guy going? He's going to jail.

Well, can't we put him in jail first? Wait, why? He's going to jail. Like, he's going to jail. Well, I know, but I want to be mad at him before. Yeah, the punishment. I want the punishment to happen now. It's not happening fast enough.

Yeah, no, yeah. It's ridiculous. He is the truth. Jesus Christ, not Muhammad. Whoa. It's just like these islamic extremists extremists no you gotta let her go just let her go through the whole thing it's just like these islamic extremists extremists okay they're not just extremists they're islamic president obama islamic stream extremists she can't say extremist.

She has a hard time with it. And it's really funny because it's extremist. Extremist. That's like, is that like when you go to like the X Games and you're the like the weakest contender, you're extremist. It's diet caffeine free Mountain Dew. Extreme less. You drink it, it's like like it just tastes like piss water i am so sick of people being lukewarm are you serious all these people saying they're christians and are on the facebook going! I'm so proud of those justice. Are you a Christian?

You know what she sounds like? She sounds like from the Dark Crystal, one of those Gaxies or whatever. Like, are you a Christian? Doesn't she sound like one of those things? Modulate your voice. Skeksies or whatever. We're going to get a million. Because we messed up on Freddie Mercury.

I like Eddie Mercury better. modulate your voice or whatever we're gonna get a million because we messed up on freddie mercury i like eddie mercury better eddie mercury sounds like a really fast car i actually i actually listened to that episode i'm like i don't think it's it's freddie it's freddie i thought damn it it's funny because i was mixing it and as i was mixing it i was like it's freddie and i was like i'm keeping it in I'm keeping it in sometimes it's great just to like when we fuck up just to see like you know you know it's just like I wonder how many oh my gosh

do you read the same bible I read okay all I want to know is truth I don't care what you think I don't care what you think about my opinion because you know what I could really care. I don't care what you think. I don't care what you think about my opinion. Because you know what? I could really care less. I don't care if you're my Facebook friend. But Christians are little Christ.

Those are people that follow Christ. That means we believe that when babies are born, when they're conceived, Jesus said, I knew you before you were conceived. That means that they are not to be aborted. Okay. She is fucking in the woods. Oh, yeah. She's wandering.

Yeah. She's just throwing it out there. We're from, we're homosexuals. And then we just screamed Islamic. And that was our whole point. They're Islamic extremists. Extremists. I love the extremists.

They're just like, hey, how do you feel about it? I'm kind of, you know, I'm sort of tepid on it i'm extremist and now and now here we are in a new topic now we're talking about abortion where it's fucking conception yeah yeah here we go conception right well she's saying before right because the quote she used was oh yeah i knew you before so yeah yeah so it's before you're conceived before you're conceived But then sometimes you miscarry. So it's like, hey, you're going to go into. No, never mind.

I knew you before. No, I didn't. It's kind of like if that's the case, it's kind of like the asshole. Like you're standing in the rain and you flag down a cab and somebody runs into the cab in front of you. And you're just like, but I thought, but I was going to. No. No. It means a man and a wife are to be married okay that's what god said i'm telling you what god said now if you

don't want to like me but i'm telling you what the god of abraham jacob said, and he said that because of your sinfulness, he came to die on a cross because of you. I didn't do anything. What the fuck did I do? I didn't fucking do anything. I'm just a dude. I can fucking just go to work and come home and go out to dinner on occasion and feed my cats. Like, what the fuck did I do? It's like, well, this guy has to die

because what you did, Tom, is like, fuck. Literally no one has to die for anything I've ever done. Why couldn't it just be me? If there was like something where it's like, well, I've never done anything bad like that. I mean, the worst thing I've done is eat too many Twinkies.

This whole idea where you're going to try to guilt trip me because fucking Jesus died? Sorry. Right. First off, I don't buy it. Secondly, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I know, right? It's like, well, didn't you see 2,000 years ago they strung somebody up on a couple of sticks? Jesus, man.

I'd be like, well, just fucking next time. Can't we just have a conversation? Could you imagine guilting a child that way? Right. I'd be like, coming inilting a child that way? Right. Be like coming in with like a fucking your thumb hacked off and be like, you didn't put away the fucking dishes last night. And the only way I had to forgive you was to cut off my thumb. Yeah. Look at you like you were made out of moon rocks first.

And they'd be right to do it. But if they were young enough, they would be like fucking traumatized. Traumatizing thing to do. Like, did you see how much we had to torture that guy how long have they been using you know what's the difference between the crucifixion and a cow well one's delicious well you can't you can't milk a cow for 2 000 years the very people that are just like spitting him in his face right now he loved you so much no he didn't died the sinner's death now someone's gotta pay for our sin he did it on the cross for you oh you

sound ridiculous now is the day that you accept him as lord and savior and you ask for forgiveness i didn't do anything wrong. Dude, my conscience is so clear at night. Like, I don't ever go to bed with a fucking heavy heart. I know. Because if I feel like, I mean, it's not because I've never made mistakes or wronged people that I care about. But I try to address it when I realize it. Yeah.

That's what you do, right? That's what adults do. Right? You're like, dude, I fucked up. I'm really sorry. Yep. Can I apologize? What can I do to make it better? What can we do to fix this? Right. Yeah. And then if the answer is nothing, then you're like, well, I fucked up. I'm really sorry. Yep. Can I apologize? And can I, what can I do to make it better?

What can we do to fix this? Right. Yeah. And then if the answer is nothing, then you're like, well, I mean, fine. They fucked up. I fucking, I fucked up. I'm really sorry. And that's it.

Like we either move through this thing or that's it. Or we end our, I don't need somebody. If you were like, the only way Tom, that I will forgive you is if we torture and kill a man. I'll be like, you're way more fucked up than I am. Actually, I'm kind of done with this. I don't ever want to make this right. Now is the day that you accept him as Lord and Savior and you ask for forgiveness and tell him, Lord, I made a mess of my life and I need you. I didn't make a mess of my life and i need you i didn't make a mess of my life going pretty well please christians please make a stand make a stand for what you believe in

they already did and then they lost and then they had to sit the fuck down that's what happened they made a stand and then they said fucking sit down yeah you had you had four guys who were like yeah that seems like our yeah that's our thing but you know what majority wins the other five said fuck off that's nonsense yeah don't just sit there and say you don't care oh dear jesus in heaven i just pray that these people wake up lord that they see that our nation the very men that made our constitution they were believing they believed in you as lord and savior these men did not expect our country to have this happen you can't even help it she's falling all over herself she is fucking blubbering i mean now

we're at the founding fathers here's the thing she covered all the republican bases that all the pundits would have done anyway right she and she's just a chick she just some woman because she's parroting back all the fucking buzz speak that she's heard that's all garbage this is all you know in a minute i i would be very unsurprised if we heard a thing or something about gun rights here. Or immigration. Right. If those, actually, if those two subjects don't come up.

Yeah. You'll be a little surprised. And aren't you? I mean, I'm, I listened to this and I'm like, well, okay, so you're so upset. You're so moved to these big fucking weepy tears. You know, like... I just pray that you forgive us, Lord. Forgive us, cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Help us, Lord.

Help us. The people that are Christians, help us be strong in the midst of this battle, Lord. What battle? You lost. I just pray this in Jesus' name. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. I love you guys. I love you too. I don't really love you.

I know a lot of you don't agree with me. No. And you don't have to. Okay, wait, what? But I agree with Jesus. I can't help it. And I take his side. And I still love you, though. Bye. The fuck? I feel like she nailed that one.

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If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story comes from Right Wing Watch. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story comes from Right Wing Watch. This is Todd Starnes. This is awesome. It's just amazing.

Confederate flag opponents, just like ISIS, will burn American flag next. I don't understand what I just read. So we're going to have to listen to Todd Starnes because that, that, that I know every word in that sentence. It doesn't sentence. Every time I see this guy, he looks like a grown up little rascal. Doesn't he look like a, like a froggy or something like when he was a child, right? He was a little rascal. He's going to hate.

I'm certain that if you go to his house, he's got a dog with like a white circle painted around one of his eyes. Right. He's going to spend his afternoon white washing a fence. They're going to spend the night in a haunted house, like an abandoned haunted house.

Before he takes off running, he kind of does a jump in the air and spins his legs a couple of times. If you scare him bad enough, he'll burst through a wall and a shape of him will be behind like cut out of the wall cut out of the wall like fucking kool-aid man he just broke right through and if he really gets running there's like a trail of dust and shadows that look like him you know and ascending yeah yeah all right so let's let's hear this clown shoe ass motherfucker it's only a matter of time before the cultural revolutionaries destroy films like Gone with the Wind and Forrest Gump and burn copies of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn.

I think he said Soiler. Sawyer. So maybe maybe it is pronounced Sawyer. Maybe it's French. Maybe it was. Maybe it's Tom Sawyer. Our French listeners are like, that is not how we talk. They're dropping their little cups of espresso.

They're flicking their cigarette butts all mad, taking off their very black, long turtlenecks. They're miming furiously. They're adjusting their berets as we speak. Snapping their suspenders. Oh, Stalin and Lenin would be bursting with pride. You know who else has been doing some cultural cleansing these days? These guys. The Islamic State.

Bulldozing their way through history. turning Iraq's heritage into rubble. And mark my words, the left's cultural crusade will not stop with the Confederate flag. They will use the perception of racism and hatred to whitewash history and silence dissent. Wait, hold on. Did he say whitewash? I think he did. Oh, I don't think he's using that word. I don't think he is. He should have chosen a different word there. He should have thought about a different word there because they're almost certainly if they're going to do what you say, they're not going to be

whitewashing anything. Right. Yeah. What you're trying to do is whitewash history, my friend. That's exactly... How are you turning this around? Are you that culturally fucking disconnected that you can't even recognize that that word itself indicates what's happening on the other side? But I think, no, because here he is suggesting that liberals, by taking away the American flag, you know, are somehow on the side of like extremist ideologies when the reason they want to remove the flag, the Confederate flag, the Confederate

flag is because the Confederate flag has typically been used by extremist ideologies as a symbol of violence and hate. Yeah. So even that, like even saying like, I think we probably shouldn't use that symbol of violence and hate above our state capitals. Like you want violence and hate. Well what were you fucking i can't even hear you right now you know i don't even the thing is is like i recognize that it's like in in bad taste and i don't want it over a public building sure but all the jackasses that want to wave it

i don't want to ban the fucking thing no it should not be banned just fucking if you want to be a fucking klu klux klan member and fucking jerk off into the fucking Confederate flag every night, best of luck to you. It's going to stick together, bro. But, you know, do what you got to do. Wash it in cold water. Who cares what you do? I don't care. You fucking wear a suit that looks like the Confederate flag wherever you go.

Sure. Look like the fucking Confederate elf. I don't give a shit. Whatever. You know, it's like I don't. He lives in a lynching tree. It doesn't. Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh. don't give a shit whatever you know it's like i don't live in a lynching tree oh there's really nowhere else to go from there you know normally when our jokes happen

is you start out sort of high where there's like oh there's there's there's where's there's places to go down that one just really went as down as you can get you know and then we're just done like i can't we can't even roll on that joke. Like, oh, no, no, no, we're done. No, no, no. It's one of those things when the cops sort of have their lights out when there's dead people on the road and they're just waving you past. Nope. You don't want to see this. You just want to go look into the

light. Look into the light and blind yourself and move on. That's what you want to do. Alright, now that you've fucked that up, let's continue. And one day, very soon, I predict they will come after another flag the one with broad stripes and bright stars and don't be terribly surprised when even republicans stand idly by as they burn the star spangled banner what you can already burn the star spangled yeah it's called fucking freedom of speech freedom of speech you're totally allowed to do it it's i mean that's the thing

is like maybe you don't understand. Like, you can do things that are in bad taste. Yeah. Like this show. Yeah. It's perfectly fine. It happens every time. It happens sometimes twice a week.

Depending on the month. Yeah. I mean, it does. Bad taste is not the same thing. And nobody is talking about burning or banning the Confederate flag from being sold. But I think he's conflating those things right he's saying well they're purposely doing that all these guys are purposely doing that with the confederate flag thing don't you think i mean they're purposely saying like they're not sticking to the issue of saying we don't want to flying

over a state capital which is the only issue at hand it is literally the only nobody cares about any other way you know if you want to drive around the fucking general lee who gives a shit i will i you know what i mean i'll be honest with you if the fucking general lee drove down my street i'm like that's so cool i love the general league because i love dukes of hazard that show ruled when i was a kid if the doors were welded shut i would be so excited i would fucking piss myself i i i think that these guys are they completely misunderstand or they purposefully misunderstand that's more what what's happening here and what they what they want to say is that we're going to try to remove that flag and you know and they're trying to we're like slut shaming the flag i guess i don't even know there were we're basically shaming people who use the flag and

that's okay fine maybe we are maybe i'm sure there are people out there who are really upset that people use this flag in a way that, uh, that, you know, reflects racism and, and celebrates racism. And that's, that's shitty and it's awful. And you should be called out as a fucktard when you do it. When that happens, yep, you're an asshole. You're a fucking bag of dicks. Go fuck yourself. And everybody should do that to you. I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. Why are you, why are, why exactly are these, these people that are so disconnected with reality planting their flag in a fucking land that is littered with racism why are they doing that i i have i don't know man and i i listen to these guys talk and i think that they purposefully misconstrue and misunderstand the difference

between and they do it to rile people up. I think that's really the only reason they do it. They're purposely misunderstanding and misconstruing how freedom of speech works. Freedom of speech for an individual is not the same thing as freedom of speech for a governmental body or a municipal body. So it's not a violation of your freedom of speech if a municipal city government or whatever can't do something or the state government can't do something. The government doesn't have freedom of speech.

People have freedom of speech. So all we're saying, all anybody is saying is like, hey, man, that's a symbol that has ties to extremism, violence, and racism. Whether you particularly want to use it or not whether you believe in the extremism but you're allowed to believe in all those things you're allowed to fly the flag nobody's trying to take the flag from you yeah but they they mix them all up as if as if taking the fucking it's the same thing with nativity sets right as if taking a nativity set off bring that up yeah you know it's taking the taking it off the lawn at your town hall it's the same thing as taking it off your lawn at 123 elm Street, right? It's not the same thing.

A government has to stand apart from the people. It doesn't have the same rights as the people. And that's the thing is they keep on bringing that thing up, like the war on Christmas or the war on this Confederate flag or whatever. The idea is that they're saying that they're somehow going to try to remove it from everybody's collective consciousness. And that's just not the case. So Jake, do they allow freedom and fireworks where you're from well i guess i guess the ancillary question to that because i want to make sure if they don't allow fireworks

how will you know that freedom has rung yeah when it's time for freedom to run yeah how can you be free without fireworks is the main question it is actually that's that's a really good question guys that's why we fucking asked it. Yeah, I recognize that. Yeah, so we don't actually have legal fireworks in Australia. There's one place in Australia, Australia's Capital Territory, where you can buy fireworks and grow marijuana plants, and that's the only place in Australia. And so everybody in Australia takes a yearly pilgrimage

down to the Australia's Capital Territory to buy their fireworks. Wait, what are you saying? Australia's Capital Territory? What does that mean? Australia's Capital Territory. You don't know where Antarctica is? Is that what that is? Yeah, it is.

It's just above Antarctica near Toronto. So it's a beautiful place. Oh, yeah. Narnia. Okay, I know what you're talking about. Australia's Capital Territory? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, no, really. We really don't know what you're talking about. No, we really don't. Is that? Yeah. Australia's capital territory. Is that what you're saying?

We really don't know what you're talking about. We really don't. Yeah. So a million years ago, it's like Sydney or something. We're going to some little boat on ship. I don't even know what the capital of Australia is, let alone the capital territory.

Funnily enough, the capital of Australia is actually Australia's capital territory. And so, so. Wait a minute, you named, you named your capital Australia's capital. You don't realize how unimaginative, unimaginative most Australians are. What should we call our capital territory? I don't know. Let's call it Australia's capital territory. Fucking who lost the naming contest? You could have had a classroom of third graders do a better job.

We're going to name it Roger. I love that. So years ago, right, the queen of England. There's a real thing. He's not kidding. It's called ACT. It's fucking Australian Capital Territory. And it's like a little booger in the side of Australia.

It's like a little mouse. I've got to Google this. It's the mouse size. It's like a little mouse. It's even got a little tail on it. It's like you guys have Washington State and then you have the capital, Washington. No, no, no, no. No no no cecil the world has vacancy okay so you got this weird little fucking vestigial place that you go to it's like the

appendix of australia it's like the whale with a tailbone or whatever like okay so so what you're saying is basically you basically your Washington, D.C. It is. It is exactly the same. Yeah, that's where Parliament House is. We still named ours. I can't get over it. I'm sorry, we still gave it a name. To further that, right, guys, to further that, so years ago,

the Queen of England came and landed in this area that was virtually unexplored. Yeah, it's called Australia. Well, she hopped off the boat, right, and they called it Queensland. She was shot out of a cannon. He's never going to be able to tell this story. I know. We're just talking over him, which is awesome. Oh, sorry, Jeff.

Go ahead. You bitches. No, you're fascinating, really. Yeah, yeah. No, that was it. Oh, he's hanging up now. I know. I don't blame him.

All right. And that was Jake Barwart, everybody. You bitches. All right. So the queen landed in the fucking... In Queensland. In Queensland. In Queensland.

And so just north of Queensland, or just north of uh where i live in in in brisbane is uh is a place where um brisbane that's correct yep you're pronouncing it correctly i it was me in fact it was pronouncing it incorrectly um is is a place called townsville and it's like they they let's call this did you call it townsville shut the fuck up that's like village town what should we call it like fucking oh geez uh town oh it's like a sort of a oh shit um fucking let's just call it townsville hey like i can't just welcome to municipal city oh god yeah the country is amazing i'm amazingly lazy amazingly lazy the thing is is that in in washington dc pretty much you can't just do what you want we still have lots of it's not like fucking the wild west well this is like this is like the inspiration for mad max it sounds like probably like is welcome to australia capital territory you want marijuana or fireworks or both or you

want a tank full of gas which one's it gonna be petrol sorry it's a it's a weird thing i really honestly don't know how they've how they've achieved it but they've they've uh they are one of the more liberal areas or it's a it's a territory so it's not bound by the same sort of state laws as as the other areas uh which is is kind of weird to explain to uh people who don't understand the the um you know the nuances of you know basic laws and stuff like it's a one place where like the only place in australia where you can where you can buy and sell triple x porn is there hookers there? Yeah, there's legal prostitution.

It is the most liberal place in Australia. Why don't you live there? Can you smuggle things out like fireworks or hookers? Are you allowed to smuggle those things out of there? It's surprisingly hard to smuggle out hookers. Fireworks, though, you can secret them in your butt. It's just that generally hookers tend to be human-sized and putting those inside or a lot of lube and unfortunately lube is the one thing that is legal in australia's capital territory so um so wait a minute triple x porn is not available

in the rest of australia well uh they not have the internet in the rest of australia oh dude that's every website every single website at this point our our so our liberal government uh capital l liberal i've explained this to you before i'm sure the the the liberal government in australia is is making moves right now to block porn to block porn in australia yeah didn't they try to do that in the uk yeah yeah, it's a very similar type of thing. And in the UK, right, they blocked a bunch of IP addresses, and these IP addresses were attached to legitimate and actual businesses that just happened to fall within this range of IP addresses.

So effectively, the super conservative, capitalist, we hate regulations Tories in the UK enacted this rule that stopped legitimate businesses from operating. It was hilarious. But they are legitimately attempting to do exactly the same thing in Australia. I resent the implication that pornography is not legitimate business. Well, if it's on the internet, who pays for that? I mean they're working hard for their money. But who pays for that?

Do you pay for that, Tom? I don't know because I don't pay for it. I don't believe you. I've never paid. I mean, that's why on the internet everything is free. Yeah, that's right. I remember that. I'm pretty sure that's how eBay operates.

Yeah. I want to ask you a question about something before we get started. I want to answer a question for you. Did you see the Bell Gibson thing on 60 Minutes? Bell Gibson. Is that the one? That's the lady who does that whole pantry. She's Australian.

So I'm figuring you got to know her by. Oh, yeah. The woman who pretended she had brain cancer and healed it with happiness like love and hugs and like good so yeah i'll tell you i'm i'm hesitant to say too much about it because i i do have some questions on it for my show oh okay all right but but i was saying i can absolutely tell you that it was the most repugnant thing i think i have ever watched it was i just wanted to see if you saw it because i figured it's sort of up your ballpark and it's in your area of the world.

And I was just curious if you saw it. Let me tell you because I won't go into this stuff when we're recording my show. So this lady, right? So she said she invited a doctor into her home, which is how all great predator situations start, and she laid down on this mat that had some electrodes on it, which is, I don't know whether you guys have ever had an MRI before. It's exactly like that. I've never had a home version.

No, this is the budget MRI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the RI. You get it with a free bowl of soup. Yeah, so most people don't actually know that before the – there's a prefix to MRI, which is the letter N, which stands for nuclear. They rely on a nuclear reactor and a nuclear reaction in order to create enough energy to basically –

Is that true? Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So the MRI that she was laying on, it just didn't have the N. So that's like tens of thousands of pounds of equipment there that they didn't need. So she just laid down on this mat with some electrodes on it and she laid there for a little bit and then the doctor, you didn't see it but I was making air quotes.

He said that she had terminal brain cancer and that she only had a few weeks to live. Yeah, six weeks. Yeah, yeah. So everything went from that. And I have to say, so I recently went to a MindBody Spirit Festival in Brisbane. And they had these exact same things. They are not doctors. They are not qualified health or medical practitioners. You know, the things that you wipe your feet on after you've been stomping in shit.

That's what she was lying in. Like she was lying on a bath mat or a doormat or something like that. How much do you pay for an mri like you out of pocket um do you have health insurance actually actually out of pocket zero uh do you do you have health insurance or do you work or something or do you just have like socialized medicine well so yeah we have socialized medicine but but uh some things like like mris uh do have an out-of-pocket component unless it's within a public hospital. So if I have it outside of a public hospital or an emergency visit, it will cost me about $300, which my healthcare will cover.

Wow. So she could have just easily gone to a healthcare provider and gotten this sort of cover. It never happened. A terminal – yeah, I didn't believe her story either when she said it. When she said it, she said that the person came to her house. I didn't believe it. This is a woman who can't even fucking tell you what her age is. So this is the thing.

She made the statement that she had a malignant brain tumor. That was the statement that she made, right? So if you want to know that you have a malignancy, right, generally, especially if it's in your brain, especially if it's in your brain, especially if it's in your brain, first you'll have an MRI, and then generally you'll have a PET scan, which is where they insert a...

A PET in you? It's like a cat or a dog. No, it's actually a little tiny mouse, and it just runs around your veins and finds it smells out. I was going to say, I'll pick the gerbil all day. That's ridiculous. They use hedgehog quills. That's why it's You guys are being ridiculous. They use hedgehog quills. That's why it's the origination from it.

It's hedgehog quills. Yeah, they have to use echidnas in Australia because there's not enough hedgehogs over here. Yeah, but they're all throughout that Australian capital territory. They're allowed to be there. They're having fucking triple F's. Yeah, smoking blunts and getting shot off on fireworks right now. If we ever go to Australia, we are stopping at fucking ACG. Fucking A, yeah, we're going. Smoking blunts and getting shot off on fireworks right now as we speak.

If we ever go to Australia, we are stopping at fucking ACP. Fucking A, yeah, we're going. And by stopping, I mean landing there and never leaving. We're going to go there for sure. We're going to get the tour from Jake. That's what's going to happen. The funny thing is there's literally nothing there except for prostitutes, marijuana, and fireworks. Why do you even have the rest of your country?

There's nothing there but the best things. What's at this restaurant? It's like, it's the sort of thing. Why do you even have the rest of your country? Like, why is, what? Oh, there's nothing, there's nothing there but the best things. Hey, what's at this restaurant? There's nothing here but steak and milkshakes. It's horrible. It's like the politicians there recognize that there is no way that they are ever going to be able to attract anybody there. So what, what are we going to do? How, like, how the hell do we attract a, do we attract a population to this just arid nothing?

Right? How do we do it? I know. Okay, guys, just listen to me. Hear me out. All right? Hear me out. Okay? Free blowjobs.

It's free blowjob Tuesday. No man can resist a great blowjob. Okay? All right? Now, if you're getting a great blowjob at the same time as a rim job, you're going to stay. Like you're going to stay in that country and look if you're getting a blow job and a rim job at the same time whilst you're watching just just completely psychedelic um uh uh did i mention you're high at the time uh while you're watching while you're watching just amazing uh fireworks displays like you're gonna want to stay yeah you literally can't leave because

it's a you know like it will bankrupt you all this uh rim jobbing and hand jobbing and all that sort of stuff but you know it's a look you'll like it i swear okay you good you in we let's do it all right we'll call it the austral Capital Territory. That's fucking amazing. See, now, I imagine a different narrative, Jake, where they started slow. Like, here we are in fucking the incredibly imaginatively named ACT. And they say, well, no one's here. Well, I don't know, man. Let's legalize fireworks.

And, like, one person shows up. I'm like, that's not enough. How about pot? That's a big seller. Four or five people show up. Four or five people swing by. And you're like, all right, fine. Triple X porn. fine triple x porn there we go porn and five fireworks what else do you guys want there's only like 10 people and they're like okay you could choke a hooker to death all

right now there's plenty of people now there's plenty of people now we're good yeah oh so it's a great but going going back to the bell gibson thing hey like it's it's so disgusting to like this uh the interview on 60 minutes um was was so important she she was paid fifty thousand dollars uh to to sit there and be grilled so anybody that says that she was grilled or or it's you know it was unfair or anything like she was paid she's a paid actor her entire life her entire public life was was a job it was an acting job to her she got paid shit loads of money i would let somebody fuck me with a 20 inch dildo for 50 000 dollars are you kidding me hang

on i'm making notes is that is that i mean raw red is that good bleeding i'll be bleeding all over i'd be like whatever 50k bitches i don't care if i from now on it takes me literally three seconds to shit anything out of my doesn't matter i don't care got paid – from now on, it takes me literally three seconds to shit anything out of my – it doesn't matter. I don't care. Got paid. And she doesn't even – and the thing is that woman is kind of awesome because she doesn't let her off the hook. But at the same time, that woman – it's not like she answers anything. So even if she's not letting her off, it doesn't matter because she never fucking commits to any answer.

Yeah. Yeah. her off it doesn't matter because she never fucking commits to any answer yeah yeah the the funniest question i i thought was the uh i'll go into one of the funnier ones when you come on my show but the one of the funnier ones was when she asked her age yeah she's like i feel like i'm 26 like what the fuck does that mean in like in like my reality guys like i was born in in a year that in my reality was like 1900 and um and like 79 um but like in other people's reality look i can't dictate for your reality because you know time is non-linear when you don't believe in linear time she didn't make that much sense you're making more

sense than she did oh my god i didn't listen to the thing i just read about it so i didn't know about the time i mean i knew she couldn't get her age right oh i couldn't watch it like i i watched the whole thing it's awesome i watched it twice it's awesome i never i fucking beat off to it it was amazing it was amazing oh well that's you know how did you do that she's not even that attractive look i kind of like her actually with that tight ass fucking hair she's got she looks Amazing. How did you do that? She's not even that attractive. I kind of like her, actually, with that tight-ass fucking hair she's got. She looks so goddamn uptight. Dude, that's grabbing hair.

And she's got that sort of chubby Australian face going on. She does. She looks quintessentially chubby Australian. Look at her. Yeah, she sort of does. She does. I'm not even kidding. australian look at her yeah she sort of does she does i'm not even kidding like i don't know and she's got that she's got that sort of australian quizzical sneer that they all have where you're

just like yeah like the nicole kidman like derision exactly it's like it's like a weird derision look yeah and you don't know what's happening to look at you filthy fucking humans yeah so so see so i think you just legitimize my attraction to ann coulter yeah she's american is that it she looks really american and fucking used to always being attracted to skeletor so we want to thank uh the most recent patrons want to think of course all our patrons but we want to thank specifically our most recent patrons ne We want to thank, of course, all our patrons, but we want to thank specifically our most recent patrons, Neil, Jonathan, the irreverent skeptics podcast, Jason, Joe, Heather, and Jason D. Thank you also very much for your generous donations.

We really do appreciate it. We also want to thank both Robert and Joshua for their one-time donations. You can, of course, if you want, make a one-time donation through our website, dissonance pod.com. There's a PayPal link in the corner. We also, we also encourage people to become Patreon members.

The reason why there's a benefit for Patreon for you is we put on, sometimes put on extra content for patron members that are patrons to the show. And we also, we also release the show early to them. So those people get a chance to listen to it a little sooner so if you're interested in those things and you'd like to get the show sooner and you'd like to uh to get more content uh become a patron of the show

instead of a one-time donation but if it's if you if you're happy with what you get then a one-time donation is certainly fine we thank everybody for their generous donations, though. And we use that cash recently for a for a couple of different charities. But we're we're saving up now. We're going to be saving up for the end of the year because we're going to try to make a nice big push for the end of the year. We're hoping we're going to there's going to be one charity that we're going to wind up giving some money to. So we're thankful for people to give us the cash for us to give it away. Absolutely. No matter what form your donation takes, we're grateful to receive it. We're thankful for people to give us the cash for us to give it away. Absolutely. No matter what form your donation takes, we're grateful to receive it. We're glad to be able to do the work.

Tom, we got a message. This is from Mick in Australia. And Mick has his 14-year-old lad listening. He says, I found out he's been listening in on my stream on his iPod. I'm worried about the exposure he's suffering to progressive thinking and tolerance, let alone secular humanism and respect for difference. He told me the other day he was incredibly grateful he has never come across a sort of hate that pops up so regularly for discussion on the show. To be honest, he won't have to go far to see bigotry around here with our current clown show of a conservative government, but when he does, he'll be much

better prepared to call it out and dismantle the thinking behind it. And he wants to give us to give a shout out. Rory, do some motherfucking homework and stop listening to this shit. Yeah, I'm fucking I concur, Rory. Unless you're a patron. Yeah. 14 year old patron. And listen, go mow a lawn. That's your dad's credit card, dude.

It literally costs you nothing, Rory. Nothing. Just saying. Yeah. Just saying. We got a message from Casey and Casey sent us a message about seminarians in his part of the world. And he said that there's some there's a lot of there's a booming seminary business that is where he lives. But he was

talking about Baptist, Southern Baptist seminaries. Right. And I was talking about Catholics. The Catholic seminaries in the United States specifically are the ones that are going into major decline. I'm sure the other ones are wide open, but as with Catholics, there's that whole they can't marry thing. And I know that that's a big deal for a lot of Catholics and a lot of deal breaking goes on there. So they're just not going into the priesthood. So I know there's a huge decline in American priests and nuns. They really hamstring themselves. As far as Catholic goes, that's the only one that I really know about anyway. So they really do hamstring. They hamstring themselves with that no marriage, and then they only take dudes.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. You're cutting your pool pretty dramatically. We got an awesome, awesome – I guess it's a carving or intarsia. I'm not sure what you call it. But it's like a plaque that was made by Tamara. It is amazing.

She did our logo out of wood and put a little glory hole on the front of it. It looks awesome. We posted it on our Facebook page. If you want to see it, you just have to scroll back or you could just click on our photos. It might even be the very first photo if you click on photos on our Facebook page

and you can find our Facebook page through dissonancepod.com. It's awesome. She did an awesome job. And I will tell you this time, if you look at it, the craftsmanship on it is absolutely stunning. Dissonance is all cut out of one piece of wood. Is it really? At least as near as I can tell. If not, it's perfectly seamless how she put it together. But I think it may be cut out of one piece of wood. It's really impressive work. Wow. It's more impressive work wow it is it's more impressive than anything we've ever done well that is i mean that's a low bar it's a low okay all

right let's i i i don't know i don't have a better yeah but we're thank you so much it was a really nice gesture we're gonna hang it up in glory hole studios thank you very much thank you we got a message uh this is from uh eni and eni eni says – talking about Walmart taking away the Confederate flags from being sold in that establishment. Walmart's taking it away and they're not allowing those flags to be sold. What do we think about it? So, Tom, what do you think about it? I think it's a private business and it can sell whatever it chooses to sell. I think that people get this mixed up with freedom of speech a lot like that

you know they're they're like oh you know walmart's infringing on my freedom of speech because i can't buy a confederate flag there well no they i mean they don't have to carry any product they have no sure responsibility all they're there all they're in it for is the money yeah if they don't carry if they don't carry carry uh magic cards yeah If they don't carry magic cards, then they don't carry magic cards. That's just something they don't do. They don't carry D&D books. They don't carry that stuff. That's just what they don't do.

It's like when they stopped selling ammunition and guns and people were like, they were upset as if it was like a Second Amendment issue. It's not a Second Amendment issue because the government didn't tell them to stop. It's only a Second Amendment issue or a First Amendment issue in the case of the flag. If the government says you can't sell this, but anybody, any private company can choose to sell what they want to sell. Walmart's doing this obviously because they, they think it'll make them look better and they'll make money as a result. And their stock price will go up. That's the only reason that company exists. Yeah. The only thing, yeah, they're not making decisions based on whether or not they think this is a moral decision. They're making decisions based on what their bottom dollar is because they could give a fuck whether or not there's a flag in their store or not in their store.

If it's going to improve their public opinion and put more people in the fucking – in the aisles in those little scooters riding around and getting fucking crispy flakes or whatever, they don't care. I was at the grocery store today by the way i just want to say before you start your story uh we're not saying that that eni is suggesting that this is uh a uh a freedom of speech issue uh he was just curious on what we thought about it not saying that that was the position that eni was taking right yeah thank you i was at the grocery store today frosted flakes now have energy clusters which are bigger pieces you. This is going to just get edited out, but it is bigger pieces of frosted chunks. And now they're calling them energy clusters. I like their marketing plan. I would eat as many energy clusters. Energy clusters.

You can just feed them to me. That's an amazing rebranding of sugar. I kind of want to just have a bowl full of energy clusters. It's like the, remember the Just Marsh marshmallows cereal that was around for a while it's like just it's like you should just open the box and just be confectioner's sugar got a big spoonful of it we got a message from lindsey and of course we met lindsey down in reason con we met lindsey and her sister uh she sent us an image uh with canadian club it was in a bar that she saw, and she took a picture of it. We're just going to post it on this week's show notes.

Yeah. What? It's Canadian mist whiskey. I don't even know what that is. Good Lord. And look at where this sign is obviously hanging. There's scrawled graffiti on wherever it is. This is a place that thinks things that come in a plastic bottle are fancy.

Right? You know? Yeah. I done got me my fancy whiskey. Oh, that's not the breakable kind? Oh, nice. We got a really interesting message from Sakura. And Sakura basically said, hey, I heard you talking about the abortions

and how difficult it is to get from state to state. Maybe there should be a charity for such a thing. And, Tom, we did a little research. We did. And we found a charity. We did. And we're going to do a little more research on that charity. It's called FundAbortionNow.org, so it's pretty clear what they're doing.

And it's a pretty cool organization. They provide support services around abortion. So they don't fund the abortions themselves, but they fund support services, meals, lodging, travel to and from, counseling services, things along those lines. Yeah, in the future, we're going to look into this charity a little more, do a little more research. And we may be doing a drive for this charity in the future because we really do think that that's important stuff, especially in places in this country where women can't get abortions. Right. And they had they're just they're just stuck. We got a message from Dennis and Dennis says, I'm a German listener of 26 currently finishing my computer science degree. I found your podcast about a

month ago and going through the 10 newest episodes. So I decided to start going from the beginning and made it to episode 60. And Dennis says, since the recent changes concerning gay marriage in the USA are heard worldwide, every time some anti-gay shit is discussed in one of the episodes that I listen to at the moment, I want to scream, I am from the future and it all gets better. I think that's so great. What is awesome. It's so true because if you listen to them backwards, everything's going to shit. Right.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because there's been a lot of good changes. There's had so many. This just happens to be one of them. And that's awesome. We thought that was really funny, Dennis.

Tom, we got a message from Marie and this is, I'll tell you, this is a miracle cure. Yeah. So she says, I just listened to the Patreon podcast. So sorry to hear that Tom is sick. Thank you. I'm glad to be better. She says, I'm glad he chose actual Western medicine instead of aromatherapy. I can't even say that word.

Aromatherapy. Jesus. Homeopathy. Coffee enemas. I do those for, homeopathy, coffee enemas I do those for personal reasons Yeah, coffee enemas, that'll get you up in the morning Right, and the her new favorite personal treatment, the Christmas tree

light bulb up the nose This is actually the chi light, I've seen this before, this is actually what did it I unfortunately was stricken with meningitis and it took me a couple of weeks to really kick it, but sticking a couple of weeks to really kick it. But sticking a couple of light bulbs up the schnoz, I think that's what did it. I don't run that meningitis stuff right out of you. Well, I had to hit the meningitis switch on it, and it took me a couple of weeks to find it.

And then by then, I just was miraculously improving. But I blame the Chi Light, or credit the Chi Light, rather. We got a message from Christian, and Christian has been listening to us since he was living in Beijing. And then he just moved back to to the States. And we just want to thank Christian for listening. Be a longtime listener. It's been, you know, there's a it's kind of cool. Once in a while, I'll see a tweet from someone that has been listening to us since the very beginning.

And I'll kind of get a smile on my face and be like, wow, that person still listens to us. since the very beginning. And I'll kind of get a smile on my face and be like, wow, that person still listens to us. It like genuinely surprises me when somebody has been listening to us since, you know, say the first 10 episodes or something. It's been it really makes me feel good. And it's cool. There's been a couple of tweets this last week.

I saw somebody and I was like, oh, my gosh, that person's been listening to us for a very long time. And I think that's pretty neat. It is awesome. The longtime listener base that we have is really kind of something special. We got a message. This is from one bad mother. Hush your mouth.

Yes. Which I like. Yeah. That's great. That's great. And one bad mother says that we shouldn't have referred to Dylan Roof. That's the guy who shot up the church, by the way. We normally don't refer these people by their name because we don't care who they are.

But that's the person who shot up the church, by the way, we normally don't refer these people by their name because we don't care who they are. But but that's the person who shot up the church. And and she says we shouldn't refer to him as a kid. I just want to say that I didn't do that intentionally. I won. He's a scrawny little shit. So, of course, you refer to somebody who's scrawny as a kid. But I also refer to people that are like a lot younger than me as kids. And I I teach at a university and I wrongly I know this is wrong and I shouldn't do it. But when I talk to other professors, I always refer to the students as kids. I say, oh, well, the kids in my class, the kids in my, and I know I shouldn't do it. It's a, it's just a, it's just a thing that I do when somebody is 20 years younger than

me. I just automatically think of them as kids. You feel that gap. There's a, there's a big gulf between me and a college student. And this kid was college age. And, and I know, and I, I'm pretty sure, I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure we talked about Mike Brown. And I think I called him a kid too. Cause I said he was a 19 year old kid. I thought I did. I don't think I called him a man. Um, but in any case, I think a lot of people are using this as a way to say that it's it's a racial thing. With me, it's not a racial thing. It's just it's just a natural.

I just call anybody who's much, much younger than me a kid. We get a lot of messages about people who say that they're going to change their Patreon donation. They're like, sorry, I'm very sorry. I don't I don't mean to any insult. I'm just I'm going through bad times, et cetera, et cetera. It never feel like you need to send us anything like that. You don't have to apologize. You donated to our show. If you cancel your Patreon membership, we understand. You don't want to donate it to us forever.

That's fine. We totally get it. You stop listening to the show. You want to stop paying us. Totally cool. You still listen to the show. You want to stop paying us. Totally cool.

So don't feel like you feel obligated. We are touched when you send these emails and we send these messages to us. So we want to thank you for sending them. And we think it's very nice of you to say, oh, hey, I just want you to know that I still like your show. That's great. But you don't have to explain yourself. Never. Never do you have to explain.

You're doing us a kindness. Yeah. You know, it's fine. Yeah. have to explain you're doing us a kindness yeah you know it's it's fine yeah i want to thank uh the people who had a uh we had a groundswell of uh of itunes reviews recently and i want to thank all the people except for the latest one who gave us a one star so if you guys that the people who haven't rated us and who like us right who like i think the show an important part of that you know if you don't like the show here's the thing guys and gals who don't like this show. An important part of that. You know, if you don't like the show, here's the thing.

Guys and gals who don't like this show, go find a show you like. I mean, there's so many good shows out there. Right. And go find one. Go find one. Enjoy it. Enjoy your time. Don't waste your time if you don't like this show. It's real easy.

We're not preloaded. If you don't like us, just please, just don't listen. It's super. I don't listen to anything i don't like i go out of my way to listen to nothing i don't like except for the clips i have to listen to for this show right yeah and the sound of my voice we are bloated but we're not bloatware yeah we don't live on your machines exactly you know so but but we want to thank everybody who who rates us and if you haven't you've been a fan especially the people who sort of recently came about and you use itunes and you'd like to leave us a nice five-star review on itunes

we would really appreciate a five-star it would be awesome if you think that we're below five stars say you think we're like a one star then maybe this podcast you could just not listen could be listen to it. Could be another podcast in your feed. We want to thank everybody who did do a review and if you could add a few more to push that other one down, that'd be awesome. So it's not visible? And also say it's not helpful. So that wraps it up

for this week. We want to thank, of course, Jake Far Wharton, one of our favorite. I mean, he's just a great guy. We really do enjoy talking to him. He's funny. He's funny. His show's funny. He's a great dude. Listen to his show at imaginaryfriendshow.com podcast. We want to thank him again for coming on. And until

next time, we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Deadpan sales pitch Late night info docutainment

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Shaman healers Evangelists Conspiracy Double speak Stigmata Nonsense The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local Dairy Council. Thank you. you