Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 239: Cream of the Blood

Episode Date: July 23, 2015

 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 239, and Tom is not here to do the intro with me because we recorded all this stuff last week at Glory Hole Studios right after we were done with Thomas. The show's a little short it's about an hour maybe a little less but um but we think it's good so you we think you'll enjoy it

so without further ado here's the recording from the other night at glory hole studios you're all sick oh be nice oh my son doesn't stand a chance the whole world's gone gay oh my god what's happening now we work hard we play hard so the story is from the raw story texas judge will perform same-sex weddings but only if couples acknowledge his anti-lgbt beliefs. This guy is such a fucking douchebag. A Texas judge. He knows he's going to have to do it. Right.

He's a justice of the peace in Denton in Texas. And his he basically is saying like, yeah, listen, I'm going to go ahead and do these marriage ceremonies. I've got to do them. But you got to sign off on me saying I'm begrudgingly marrying you. It's funny because that's in the article. It's in the article that this is linked to. But then when I go to the site that this is linked to, that language is taken off of that particular form now.

Oh, it is. So the form, the PDF form that's actually on their thing does not include while we while we may not necessarily agree we accept judge uh piazza's position on same-sex marriage accept the conditions expressed above and understand that there will be no discussion regarding his position before after or during the ceremony that is not on this form anymore does not exist really that's it i looked it up today i went to try to find the form and there's also a thing that links to him that says please do not contact the judge about current lawsuits that are happening i think based on this particular form wow yeah he says does don't contact him about any of his positions basically is what it says so because there's an email link on the

website so i went to to dig this up and i couldn't find the actual document that they're talking about because that's been changed yeah because they took it down because because i think at a certain point you know once the internet finds out about it right you're fucked you're basically fucked everybody's gonna send you an email i mean look what happens when some jagoff doesn't you know let somebody into his restaurant or post something stupid about pizza or sure you know whatever it is immediately the attack dogs hit the yelp reviews go down suddenly the yelp it just gets destroyed in yelp it gets destroyed in all the other review sites that are out there their facebook

page gets blown up by all this stuff so i'm sure what this guy experienced was a total unadulterated backlash of internet rage. What do you think about that backlash? What do you think about – I want to hear what you think about it first. I'm curious. If he said these words – because again, I can't find proof. What we have is proof from the Raw story and from the article that they link to which is a television space it's a television newscast so it's not like i don't think that somebody's making this up i think this was actually on his form but let's assume that he's let's assume that he said it yeah um i think you do bring about uh a you know when you say

something like this when you say something out into the world like this, and it's not just affecting you. It's not just you being an idiot. It's not just you. This isn't a comment on a Reddit thread. This is a person who's in charge of doing something for the public. I feel like if somebody is going to contact you from outside, especially for an elected official. And I mean personally, I would never listen to anybody who wasn't from my district if i was if i was an elected official and this happens all the time i don't know if you i mean we do this there's constantly people

sending emails when a congressman and fucking that runs for the state in like wyoming says something completely insensitive tons of people from all over the world will send them email. Yeah, right. As a person who was, if I was running in that district, I wouldn't pay attention to literally any of the email unless it came from the people in my district. Like those are the people I care about. The rest of the people I don't care about. Sure.

So I could see the same thing happening with him. Do people have the right to send it? Sure. Do people, should people send it? You know, if it makes you feel better or whatever, but if I were him, I wouldn't pay any attention to stuff that comes from places that can't elect me again. You know, that's how I would, how I would react if I were him. Do I think that it's okay to send somebody like this email and sort of badger them? I don't think it's okay to do anything that's not sort of their public face.

So I think if they were to go on like their private Facebook totally appropriate, I think that's inappropriate. Docs them, put their name and address out there. I think that that's inappropriate. This guy already has a name and address. It's for his work. If you want to send this guy a letter, I don't think that that's a problem. Yeah, I agree because it's the only reason i care that he has this stance is because he has this job that's the job right yeah if if

he doesn't have this job and he has that stance then he's just some random asshole and who cares and and what business like yeah like it can't affect anybody with his with his nonsense so who gives a shit so i agree that like his public persona is the one that is open for commentary. I like the Yelp. I'm going to call him a Yelp attack or whatever. I like that. I like the review. I like the way that the internet has created a way for us to review everything.

Whether it's through Yelp know whether it's by expressing on somebody's facebook page or public facebook page you're not the private sure yeah their public facebook page or whatever i like that shit because i feel like you know if this was 35 years ago he could have gotten away with this shit in some small town in texas you know people get away with this crap in other parts of the of the world that don't work where people don't have access and they can't push back and then they can't create a stir, you know, and they can't like let everybody know. It's like it's like putting a fucking great big neon sign in front of somebody's, you know, business or in front of and they and they bring it on themselves and they do this shit. do this shit. It'd be like, you know, if somebody, if, if, if the Westboro Baptist church decided to picket glory hole studios, as long as they were attacking my public face, cause I've created a public face through this show. Right. So as long as they were going after

my public face, our cognitive dissonance page, not my private Facebook page, I'd be like, fine, come at me, bro yeah i'm good with that i'm i'm comfortable with that because i know that i've put myself out there and i've said certain things um i just i i i think it's i think it's good for the world i that the problem i have with the internet is that sometimes people just like don't get the right information yeah right and then they go out and do something stupid like what happened with those unibom the bombers the boston bombers on reddit do you remember oh that was a fucking debacle where they were like chased after all those people like and they fucking were like this guy is the guy and they're sending out pictures it's the wrong person and it's just

just awful so i think that stuff like when the internet sometimes gets its fucking sleuthing hat on. I know. It has fucking completely failed. So I'm a little worried about people witch hunting. And then sometimes they'll say something on the internet and it's not completely true or it's not – it doesn't really – this person – you're not getting the whole story. There's a lot of bad fact finding. And then you'll just – the person will get hammered and then you'll be like, wait, what? Well, that person got hammered.

Well, they, that wasn't what they meant. Right. But it's too late at that point. Cause sometimes you, you only see part of the video or you see, you know what I mean? So there's always a, there's always a, there's some minuses to it that are pretty significant. Significant minuses. What do you think? I mean, one of the things that, that kind of drives me crazy is that it's like this guy says in here it says it's my personal belief that individuals who want to

conduct a marriage ceremony understand my convictions why what the fuck that is like a vegan running a fucking like a steakhouse right like here's your steak enjoy your colon cancer what an asshole like fuck off who cares what you think yeah imagine somebody coming in and just screaming that shit at you you'd be like i don't fucking want to hear you yeah and it's like when i read that my first thought was like you as a person are in irrelevance to this transaction yeah you as a professional are relevant to the transaction if you can't draw in the sense that you're gonna sign a thing right like i don't give a fuck what you have to say right but that's like if you can't if you are so fucking dim-witted that you can't draw a strict line of demarcation between yourself personally and yourself professionally then you

don't belong in a profession right Right. Like you need to go. This is not this is not a job for you. Fucking you just you're bad at this. You're not you go away. Why would I give a shit about your personal convictions? Do you not understand that when you are at work, you are simply a flesh tool? Yeah. Your job is to you are a tool.

You accomplish this guy. People leverage you. The only thing he is is a signature. Right. That's it. Like all he is is a signature on a document. You accomplish things. People leverage you. The only thing he is is a signature. Right. That's it. All he is is a signature on a document that I need done. Maybe a seal. Maybe a seal and an official document.

Right. That's it. He's literally a tool. He's just performing a thing. You're a fucking. You're Kinko's, dude. Right. I don't give a fuck about you. Right.

Shut up and marry me. It's none of your fucking business. It's like, well, I don't like it. Fucking who the fuck are you? I don't give a fuck about you. Right. Shut up and marry me. It's none of your fucking business. It's like, well, I don't like it. Fucking who the fuck are you? What are you going to quiz me on whether I'm going to fuck her in the ass later? It's none of your fucking business, dude. It'd be awesome if it was just like, well, I don't like your marriage. I don't like your marriage.

The fuck do I care? Yeah. Fuck off. Yeah, I don't like you. I don't like your head. Yeah. You seem like kind of an asshole. Yeah.

Who cares about you? That's the thing is there's that I think breeds from the narcissism that is religion, right? That is an all encompassing. God thinks fucking what I say. Like I'm a special snowflake to God. That's the thing is they all think they're a goddamn special snowflake and that their fucking opinion somehow matters. And the reason why they think it matters is because

they're channeling their God through themselves. They're saying, I represent this God. Well, fucking he can either come to the table or he can shut the fuck up. How did you get his proxy? Yeah, that's the thing I always wonder. How did you specifically earn God's proxy? I gonna fucking speak for god well i gotta tell you what

motherfucker my ears are open i know what it is you gotta have jowls well i've got the jowls i'm good to go i'm fucking i gotta clean those things separate get a power wash underneath them are you you kidding me? I have like enormous industrial Q-tips just to reach back into the fleshy fold. I actually hired two old they were walrus washers at the zoo.

I hired them to scrub me down because they were so good at it, right? They knew what to do. They knew the parts they had to get. They had to lift certain flaps. And they had to lift certain flaps. And they had all the tools they had all the tools to in order to clean me properly now i can go to any convention i want and i'm not the stinky and you're not you're not getting kicked out you're you're sir you are among the middle tier of stinky as it turns out now you're not top tier you're not you know no no, you know, it's not all fucking roses up in there, but we don't expect that.

Yeah. Yeah. There's going to be some Fumanda cheese under there for sure. When you actually have to have people with a series of ropes and pulleys lowering themselves into your crevasses. Sure. Yeah. Then there's always going to be some issue. There's some sort of wax excavating that has to happen.

That's demonic, everybody. It is absolutely demonic. So the story is from Right Wing Watch. Anti-gay pastor warns of contracting the sodomite demon at restaurants on dates. It's Manning, dude. Dude, Manning is the best. Okay, so let's listen to Pastor Manning. Yes, let's listen to me.

Listen to my show. It's a great show. Hey, hey, hey. All right, this is Chicken Bone Manning talking about Dolomite. I mean, Sodomite. I want to ask you if you have ever been injected with the sodomite demon oh yeah you were already right there that's how you doesn't fucking waste any time oh my god he's like immediately injecting boom with the here we go there's not even any foreplay before he

injects me with the sodomite even fucking like put any like lube on there he's just like no i'm not gonna get you in the mood i'm just gonna slip a finger in or something buddy can you at least blow in my ear for 30 seconds can you do something have you ever had that demon injected in you now i tell women i preach this all the time in our church i say you know if you have sexual intercourse with a man and he plants his semen inside of you, that semen, whether it makes you pregnant or not, enters into your blood system. Wait a minute. It does?

Well, it enters into your blood system and then there's semen in your veins. Wait a minute. I had no idea that my semen entered into a woman's blood system. Her blood system? What he means to say, Tom. What does he mean to say? It passes the blood-brain barrier, and then you got semen on the brain. And then the only thing you can think about is the semen lattes from the Starbucks.

You see, that's why you wake up in the morning craving the semen lattes. Because you got the semen literally on your brain, swimming around in there, you know? God. Okay, well, that's what he meant. And I was going to tell you that, but you figured it out already. I can't. Jeez. So your womb is a place for the receptacle and it goes

into your blood system and whatever he has in his blood is in your blood i have blood in my blood that's what i keep in my blood what if he has sickle cell anemia does that go in my blood what if he has hemophilia in his blood does that go in my blood no those are genetic fuckhead turns out so it turns out no that's not true now i understand what he's saying which is you know if someone has some sort of disease inside of them that is transmittable through sex then there is a possibility that you can get it but he's just too stupid to even say that no we mix bloods we we blood change we're blood interactive that's what we it's like it's like when you walk in you're just like all right hon let's just get the fucking needles out and just put blood between each other doesn't even matter what my fucking

blood type is i'm just gonna fuck my wife in the blood next time Thank goodness I'm AB positive I'm just gonna fuck her right in the heart Right in her beating heart I'm gonna pump it for you hun Do you have to count when you do that? Are you like 1, 2, 3, 4 Wait, wait, why are you still counting? 1, 2, 3, oh yeah

1, alright I'm done Alright, high five. It's like a pick line of disappointment. And for instance, if he has a disease in his blood through his semen, and the semen is the cream of the blood.

Well, that's how you make your lattes with the cream of the blood., with the cream of the blood. It's the cream of the blood. It rises to the top. You see, if you let blood sit out, you get semen on the top of your blood. Did he say semen is the fucking cream of your blood? The cream of your blood? Yeah, sure it is.

Okay. Oh, gosh. It's amazing. What the fuck is happening? It's amazing. I love this man. What the fuck does that even mean? It doesn't mean a thing.

The cream of your blood. The cream of your blood. So if you were wondering what the cream of your blood was, you were saying, if ever you pondered, I know there must be a cream of my blood. But I don't know what it is. There must be. Then you find out later, oh, it's the semen is the cream of my blood. I had no idea what the cream of the blood was yeah i thought it was chicken noodle soup was the cream of my blood

semen is produced by the blood it is the cream it is the no wait semen is everything is by your blood everything you say is wrong i didn't mean or prostate your fucking testicles are like what what do we do i had a say in this otherwise i'm just superfluous are you saying i'm not getting a raise again this year this guy's the blood taking the credit for all my work again goddamn vestigial testicles it is the power it is the cream of blood that's just no other way to say it. It's the cream of blood.

He can't even articulate it. He starts to say it. It's the power. Look, it's just the fucking cream of blood, okay? What is it so hard for you to understand? What the fuck is wrong with you? Fucking what the fuck? Didn't know that. You're not educated.

Okay. All right. It isn't blood itself it is even more powerful than blood it can actually produce life semen more powerful than blood how much power does it have three powers how many powers does my blood have what power does my blood has no power my blood i don't have like horsepower in my blood You can't start a car with my blood. Maybe they'll make a battery out of it. Yeah, right? What is the power of my blood? Are you like a wizard? You're going to use it to cast a magic spell?

You're going to fucking summon a demon. The power of my blood. It's demonic. But if your blood... If a man puts his semen in you, I teach women, and if it's disease, you're going to get that disease. Or you might not. Or you might not.

Because like let's say as AIDS, you have – and I looked this up earlier. You have a 1 in 1,250 chance of getting HIV for unprotected sex as a woman and a man having sex with you. So a 0.08% chance. No, you're going to get it. Yeah. You're going to get it. Everything is 100% not only transmissible, but transmitted. I love that it's just like, you're going to get the disease.

You're going to absolutely get it. There's a chance you can get it. And that's not a good, I mean, to be honest, I certainly wouldn't, like if somebody was like, hey, if you got to walk out to your your car tonight there's a one in 1200 chance you're going to get aids back i'm staying here yeah right this is a good i don't want that fine you know that doesn't sound like it'd be fun so i understand you know you want to warn people against it but that's not true it's just blatant i mean well i guess when you start out with fucking semen is the cream of blood it can only go downhill from that

point maybe it's the cream of the corn i don't know it's kind of the same semen is a cream you ever have like cream corn from a can it kind of looks like semen in there it does yeah yeah you ever you ever ejaculate and shoot corn kernels out your penis you're coming to like corn. I don't remember having corn. Ow! Ow! Ow! Worth it every time. I'll tell you though, in the porn, it just looks disgusting when it sort of like the corn kernels are falling off their face. Whatever that is, whether it's AIDS or syphilis or one of these other diseases, you're going to get it. Because it's going to go right into your blood system, right through your vagina, right through your womb. If a man injects himself in you, if a man injects himself in another man,

and injects his semen into him, and he's crazy, then that's going to get in his blood as well. Wait a minute, crazy is a sexually transmitted disease? Crazy is now a blood-borne pathogen. Oh, for all those doctors that diagnose you with a bad case of crazy. Well, you know, last week I got vaccinated for the crazy. Yeah. I'm so sorry to tell you this, ma'am, but your husband has crazy. He doesn't have crazy.

He has the crazy. He has the crazy. Don't be ridiculous. Has your husband been to a lot of truck stops because he may have contracted the crazy from the gay sex? And if demons are in him, then those demons, you're going to get penetrated by demons. You're going to get penetrated by demons. Double penetration.

I want to reiterate, you're going to get penetrated by demons. That doesn't sound great, to be honest. I mean, maybe they've got a better foreplay game than fucking Manning, though. I mean, that's immediately right in there foreplay game than fucking Manning, though. You know, I mean, that's...

That's immediately right in there. I'd like to meet the demon, you know? I'm not saying no. Look, yeah. Yeah. You know, even the kissing of someone who has demons in their blood, that saliva can give you a disease. Saliva. Saliva.

That's because it's hot. It's lava. It's saliva that's why demons have hot mouths yeah so are the demons completely like like how does that demon work like is it like little demon homunculuses that like live in your saliva in every molecule or so fucking stupid fucking stupidest person or is it is it one demon that's that's Tom shaped and sized and they like breaks off little pieces of himself and sends them out with me

with my saliva Tom let me explain this to you semen is the cream of the blood damn it I posted up on our announcement board that sodomy is metastasized here in Harlem and people in restaurants and on dates need to be very, very careful. Why am I saying all of this? I'm saying this to to say to you, perhaps you first got introduced to these demons in your life, sodomy, when you had no defense.

When done right, there is no defense. That whole thing is fucking clip gold. That's amazing. It is clip gold. I'm going to spend more time working on pulling clips out of that than I am working on this show this week. It's two and a half minutes, and two minutes and 29 seconds of that than I am working on this show this week. It's two and a half minutes and two minutes and 29 seconds of that is fucking perfect. It's amazing.

It's just straight. I can't wait until we introduce nearly every segment with this guy. Semen is the cream of the blood. Of the blood. Hey, hey, hey. And there is no scientist or doctor that can validate you can get anything out of the rectum

other than then waste refuse and death there is no life so this story is from right wing watch it's also pastor manning anti-gay preachers supreme court justices blackmailed by secret gay lovers um so wow uh we just we just have to hear it all right so this is um the very best thing about this is that this comes from true news so of course it has our best friend rick wiles but he's interviewing pastor manning i know i mean this is like fucking the reese's cup of crazy fucking semen in the blood i mean this is just amazing so this is true news do you think that they gave each other the crazy by having the gay sex it's possible it's possible they both have the crazy i don't want to rule it out this man who wrote the opinion and who gave the swing vote to legalize same-sex unions in defiance of what the Word of God says, in clear defiance of what the Word of God. But beyond that, for those that are atheists and don't believe the Bible, this family, this heterosexual, this man with woman, has dominated this planet from spear to spear, from sea to shining

sea. Did he say spear to spear? From spear to spear. Did he? The only thing I can think he thinks he means is from sphere to sphere, but there's only, there's literally only one sphere. What is he saying? From spear to spear.

I have no idea. What? I don't. Does he think there's two Earths? See, one Earth is the cream of the Earth. And every inch of ground of this planet has been

dominated, and all of the universe, all of this planet has agreed universally for the years that we've lived on this earth as a man and a woman. For the Supreme Court to do that. Except for the times we didn't. Yeah, right. Except for

the people that don't agree with that and have always not agreed with that and the animals that have. And the animals that don't. That have, yeah, homosexual relations. Who cares? Like, not everything. It's just the same thing as that you can't put a garage in a car or whatever. Like that fucking total goofball from last week.

You can't put a garage in a garage and make a garage. It's like you can't make a garage out of cars. So gay people don't love each other or whatever. Exactly. It's a light bulb. Light bulbs. Yeah. It's a universal concept. it's the same thing yeah you know the thing is is like how many different ways can

they say that it's wrong yeah right they're always trying to lean back to don't you see how natural things it's a naturalistic fallacy don't you see it's not natural right they don't tend to think about all the things that we do that aren't natural, like communicating through electromagnetic fucking pulses. Right. You know, like like using a radio. Sure. To communicate.

Because I think he's on the radio. Might be on a radio. Yeah. I don't know. Is that on an actual. Maybe it's on. It could be on radio. It could also just be Internet radio.

Could also be. I don't know anything about his show and I don't care to know anything about it. You're not an avid listener. So I wouldn't know. But, you know I don't care to know anything about his show. So you're not an avid listener of True News? So I wouldn't know. But it's clearly a podcast, right? Sure. So fucking what's natural about a podcast? Well, and again, like you talked about, I mean animals engage in homosexual behaviors.

Who cares? It's somehow like if a fucking Bonobo chimp is fucking another bonobo chimp and they have both happen to be dudes are they like are they behaving unnaturally how would that even work i mean even if you were to accept the nonsensical division between you know man as an animal and the other animals and decide that we're somehow apart from the other animals and so our actions somehow are special and don't count all all that garbage. You still don't take into account, like, the, like, intersex and, like, asexual. Like, there's so many expressions of sexuality. It's just, it's just, it's just jib-jab, dude.

There's nothing short of the fact that the devil himself has written this opinion and has gotten into the lives of people. has written this opinion and has gotten into the lives of people. And I suspect that perhaps Kennedy and many of those on the Supreme Court have had sodomite relations themselves. I'm glad you suspect that. I mean, this is the same guy, though, that was saying, I think that there's semen in lattes. Right. Yeah. He just made it up. Or he just read it in a thing.

Somebody said it once, and so now he thinks it. Whatever, man. I suspect Pastor Manning flies in a spaceship. I have literally no proof, but I think Pastor Manning is gay. I'm quite certain he's gay. I've had sodomite relations themselves. You know, there was a pastor, Rick, out in Colorado, the True Life something.

It's some church out there in Colorado who was preaching against sodomy, but he was having a homosexual sodomy relationship with a sodomite lover every Tuesday. And this lover said, well, you can't preach anymore because I'm going to tell him. He told everybody. I suspect that many of these justices are having things done where they have got to support the sodomy. They've got to say it otherwise they get exposed what is he saying it's the cream of the blood yeah so what he's saying what he's

saying then is that they are so afraid that they're that their gay lovers are going to come forward you know because of all the sex that ginsburg is having with her gay lover right all these people are old here's the other thing i think he fails to understand i don't even want to think about them having sex though let's not let's not think about it but if you if if i were gay and you outed me it wouldn't hurt me that's the thing he's misunderstanding it's like it would only would hurt him if somebody found out that he was gay and outed him his career his reputation all of that would be damaged but if i was a supreme court justice that was gay wouldn't hurt the supreme court justice supreme court justice would be unaffected by that revelation right so so what

good is that blackmail how would that blackmail work like i'm gonna it'd be like somebody being like if you fucking don't give me money i'm gonna tell everybody you have a buick you're like nobody's gonna care that i have a buick well i can tell them well that's the thing is i and imagine if you were in a position that you couldn't lose right i mean unless there was some crazy thing that happened you can't you're not gonna get kicked off you're it that's it so even if they found out that they were gay, you still got your job. You're fine. It's fucking Wednesday. Go to work.

There's another clip here. The average person in America, they have no idea the level at which we have sunk here in America. They can't even comprehend just how bad things have gotten. They just don't see it. 50 years from now, Rick. These are those guys that are all so many chicken littles. Yeah, right.

Everybody is a chicken little. Oh my gosh, it's so bad. And then you look around and it's like what that savage asshole said. That somebody is screaming that the fucking, that the airplane's going down

and there's there's smoke in the cabin and you look at him and you say you're crazy right and then you look at these people when they say oh my god it's this is the worst the country's ever been you're like no you're literally crazy like you're making this up there's nothing there right so i can see where savage is coming from when he says they would look at me like I'm crazy because you're crazy. I know. That's why they're saying you're crazy. Yeah, it adds up. That adds up.

Yeah. Yeah. People will call you crazy when you behave crazily. I can't. I mean, I mean, because what else has changed? That's the thing. It's like they're saying that the world's going to hell in a handbasket. Right.

But and then and then the next breath,'re like and nobody believes it and then and the thing you should immediately do is be like well maybe the world's not going to hell in a handbasket maybe maybe i gotta maybe i'm just a fucking unbelievable pessimist maybe my worldview is colored maybe i'm cynical but instead they're they're they're looking at the world as if everybody as if nobody else. Like, they're the only ones with fucking clear eyes or whatever. Right. And everybody else is walking around with blinders. These are the same kind of fucking assholes who are like, wake up, sheeple. You know, like.

Right. Monsanto makes you die. You know, like. Okay. All right. It's that exhausting sort of, you know, sky is falling chicken little rhetoric. Sure. But it never goes anywhere because you wake up in the morning and the sky didn't fall.

Well, and then whenever you ask for proof about any of this stuff, nobody ever has any proof. Right. And then when they look in the face of proof of certain things that are going to shit, they immediately are like, well, what? No. No, that's all bullshit. They made that up. Right. It's the same thing like you're just deciding it ahead. Right. It's like it's the same thing.

Like, you're just deciding it ahead of time. It's like the Jade Helm 15 lunatics. Right. They're just they just decided that the government's showing up to Texas to overthrow Texas. Did you see somebody was live tweeting the invasion as a joke? It's the funniest shit ever. Just look it up. Look out for the person who is live tweeting the Jade Helm invasion.

It's funny. It's got to be. I's funny. It's got to be amazing. I read it. It's fucking brilliant. I mean, aren't those people just going to be sitting there with fucking limp dicks in their hands when nothing happens and the government packs up and goes home? All the conspiracy people probably believe it happened and that everybody's been brainwashed with their fucking like men in black flash thing. Stop. I can't.

I can't. People would look back at this period and say, my God, from Zion, how could a nation have fallen? How could the mighty have fallen so quickly and so far and so low? If there's anybody still alive in the United States of America 50 years from now. What does that even mean? 370 million people are all going to die of what? In 50 years from now. What does that even mean? 370 million people are all going to die of what? In 50 years?

Of gay. Is anybody even still alive? Stupid America, you stupid dead Americans. I hate you all. Yeah, they may be all Chinese. You see, Tom, Chinese is the cream of Americans. They may all be Chinese. Sure. They all may be penguins.

They're all made of giraffes. You're right about that. Thank you for the qualification that's right thank you so very much this country is ripe to be overthrown we no longer have the lord's protection stop saying that we never had a lord's protection can we stop saying that we don't have the Lord's protection? How do you know? Even if you believe that, even if you believe that up until fucking like that 10 years ago, you believed you had the Lord's. Do you have like a secret list that I don't have from God that says when these things happen, I pull off my protection like I'm going to fucking pull the condom off my dick and fucking squirt my fucking cream of blood all over America. Like, what?

Like, it's like that's the last straw. Fucking pull it out of this thing and fucking. Is that a new Campbell's flavor? Cream of blood soup? All over America's tits, man. Cream of blood soup. It's delicious. It's condensed.

Campbell's condensed cream of blood. That's what it is all right yeah you said it at the beginning the ichabod is written on the door of this nation now the glory of god has departed i can't even wait does the zia by zia headless horseman oh shit somebody wrote ichabod and so the lord is no longer obligated to defend the United States of America. He will defend individual Christians, but he's not going to defend the country. We've turned our back on the one true God. I believe he's going to turn his back on us.

And there's a great attitude adjustment coming to the United States very, very soon. And we're going to find out who is walking with the lord and who is who the fuck cares what you believe yeah i can't it's what he just said i i believe he's going who fucking cares i believe a fucking i believe a fucking penguin's gonna be president right great well fucking your beliefs don't mean shit dude but somehow that like that's what we're talking about last week though with the dreams right it's like because this person says that they believe it, other people are like, oh, wow. I believe that Rick Wiles thinks that he believes it. Did you hear what Rick Wiles said he thinks he believes might be almost possibly maybe true also, kind of?

Whoa. There's no one going to be left. We're all going to be Chinese in 50 years. I can't wait to be. I'm so looking forward to being Chinese in 50 years. It'll be amazing. I'm going to be 90 years old. I'll be 92 in 50 years, and I'm going to be so excited to be Chinese because I'll tell you what.

A 92-year-old Chinese guy looks about 70. I'm super excited. I'm stoked, baby. I can't wait for when I order takeout and it's just food. Yeah. You know? Hey! I have my whole life wanted to know how to use chopsticks.

My whole life. I've been fucking completely inept at using them. Don't just learn. Like, all of a sudden, you'll wake up and you'll be like, oh, fucking, I'm Chinese. Yeah. And you'll be like, you'll be catching fucking flies. I've been wanting to write in those weird squiggle language my whole life. And I fucking have never.

I'm like, fucking that is like my dream of mine. I love Mandarin collar shirts. You have no idea. I fucking adore them. I can't. The very best part. When I turn 92, I will know Kung Fu. For fuck's sake.

Fucking. Can we just turn Chinese now step aside Jackie Chan and it's funny because this whole time I thought I was turning Japanese

I really thought so I really think so yeah want to contact the guys go to dissonancepod.com to get links

to their Google Plus Facebook and Twitter accounts if you want to contact them directly send an email to dissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to Patreon.com.

That's P-A-T-R-E-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod. Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per-episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. our review on itunes or stitcher or spread the word about the show we want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us you fucking rock so this story comes from uh huffington post pat robertson gays will force christians to like anal sex and eventually polyamory and bestiality. Awesome. Let's hear it right from Pat. Now this article is a little old. This article came from 4-3 of this year, and this was right after the pizza thing in Indianapolis.

Oh, it was. Or was it Indy? I don't know. It was Indiana. Some stinky place in Indiana had pizza. Yeah, it doesn't matter. The thing is you don't have to differentiate towns within Indiana. You can just – and notice I say town, not city because there is no city in Indiana.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, they're all the same mulch factory. Yeah. You know? I was there this last week. Oh. This very last week. I went to Indiana.

Jesus, I'm so sorry. Indianapolis actually. Right outside. I was right outside of Indianapolis smelled like I stepped in shit. I'm not even, I wish I was kidding. I wish I was kidding. I got out of my car and I fucking, I was like, okay, who shit their pants? I was like, this smells, it smells like the fucking subway.

The thing is that if you had actually posed that question in Indiana, everyone would have raised their hands simultaneously. Everyone sheepishly raises their hand like, it's kind of what we do. It's our thing. It's what we're known for. We poop our pants. It's Indiana. There's literally no point in using a toilet. There's no reason to segregate the shit.

Other places have like a state bird. They have a state action, and that's shitting your pants. They actually have a state turd. It's their fanciest one. There was a group of sixth graders that decorated it, and they voted on which one they were going to have. They have it in their parade. They've got like the Indiana State state fair there's a parade there's like somebody somebody's got the you know the turn and it's a little glass case so they raise it up like the you know the

indiana state princess is standing there like waving with the fucking sideways wave on the car indiana state princess and she's actually from an Indiana State Correctional Facility. All right, so here's Pat Robertson. Pizzas, I think you might as well keep your mouth shut. I'm not sure I would serve pizzas for a gay wedding. Well, most gays, if they're having a wedding, don't want pizzas. They want cake.

Sorry, I just love that. He's just like, even Pat Robertson is like, this is a patently absurd proposition. It is. We are talking in a world so horrifyingly abstract that Pat Robertson, Pat fucking Robertson cannot wrap his head around it. Wait, did you guys fucking say that about pizza places? He's just like, do you think gay people are going to cater with pizza?

I love that he's like, just keep your mouth shut. Right. He's the voice of reason. It's the cake makers that are having the problem. I got to save that clip. That's great. That's great. great that's great that's just great but uh let me tell you it doesn't matter what custom you've got it doesn't matter what holy thing that you worship on the door i hate how he says what he does like he does like the family guy, the fucking cool whip. Wait, say cool whip again.

Cool whip. He does the what. What. Like, what can, nobody pronounces it like that. Don't start with the H sound. God. It's like fucking saying both, dude. What the fuck? The gays are going to get it.

They're going to make you conform to them. You're going to say you like anal sex. you're going to say you like anal sex. I'm going to say I like anal sex. Yeah. Well, I think that's because I like anal sex, actually. No, I mean, like, I think that's why I would say it. Yeah, it'd be like, well, you're going to have to say you like anal sex. I don't have to.

No one's strong-arming me into this. No, I mean, but I think you're probably going to, if you've had it, you're probably going to freely say you like it. Right. It's like, what did you think about the anal sex? I don't fucking think I want to do it again right away. Are you offering? Is this an offer? Are we offering?

You like oral sex? Okay. Fair enough. Oh, no, the gays. You know what's so funny is all of his listeners are like, oh, yeah, oral sex. It's like shaking their head like fucking, like I don't even know. It's all the women in the fucking ankle-length dresses that are listening to him. Put your mouth down there.

Touch your mouth to it. Won't your mouth get full of hair? You like bestiality. No. Actually, no. See, now that's where you went off the rails, right? Yeah, right. Before you had, at least we were presuming, you had consenting adults when you said anal and oral sex. Now, he may not have been referring to consenting adults, but all normal people automatically assume that consent and adult is both in there yeah so when they say you're

gonna say you like anal sex and you're gonna say you like oral sex maybe not i'm getting t-shirts printed yeah maybe not there's no confusion but i i the thing is is i don't think that gay people are somehow the spokespeople for anal and oral sex. I think that gay people probably, if by the numbers, they certainly have less oral sex than heterosexual people, right? Because there's just more heterosexual people. Sure. And most people have oral sex. Well, that's just the thing.

Sure. As far as I'm concerned, that's always on the menu. Like, that's just... Can we just... I mean, like, I'm not ordering a la carte here. Like, that's it. Like, it's like, do you want fries? That motherfucker, are you kidding me?

Did you see me? Fucking never ask me that question. Bring me a potato farm right now. Be like anything you can think of to whatever it is, and sooner or later you're going to have to conform your religious beliefs to the group of some aberrant thing. It won't stop at homosexuality. No, you won't have to conform your religious beliefs at all.

Right. Your religious beliefs are your beliefs. Here's a fucking tip. Keep them to yourself. Look, if your religious belief prevents you from having fun in the bedroom, then just don't have fun like have your kind of fun i shouldn't even judge like that sure yeah have your kind of fun whatever whatever like if you don't like oral sex i think it's don't understand you at all it's fine if you think

it's icky it's all good but fine just don't be like yeah let's not do that then your partner be like okay great let's not do it yeah all of the stuff you don't have to do literally anything you sure you don't even have to have sex at all yeah you could just not have sex just it doesn't matter what the fuck do i care no one is asking you to have sex because look at pat robertson who would ask him to have sex you could probably fuck under his cheek it's a hanger come on now there's enough under there. It's like fucking a side of beef. We've got what's called polyamory. What about that? What about polygamy?

Well, you've got multiple wives. What about it? Yeah. Okay. And it's consenting adults with all of the fucking parts that they want. If I could convince more than one person to tolerate me, I'd be like, that's a jackpot for me. Tough luck. Are you kidding? kidding luck with that

i know it's not gonna happen no how can we say that one is constitutional the other's not and then as you say what's so terrible about having sex with animals well that's going to come next you watch it down the road and we'll not that's not a consenting thing it's a totally different thing you know when you're talking about fucking like a bunch of adults that are in a polygamous relationship, that's totally different than having sex with a fucking unwilling animal. Hell, it's different than having sex with a willing animal. It is a different species and it cannot possibly consent. I don't understand how you get the willing. I mean, you really have to like.

Boy, there's a lot of drinks. It's like that. it's like the collar from uh up you have to put that on the dog you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth sister it comes from dc pauls.com uh sherry rios uh God wanted women to serve food for men, not run for office. Awesome. So this is a female business owner, and this is her quote. I'm going to just go ahead and read from her. She said that women aren't fit for the U.S. presidency. That's how God wanted it.

And again, it's my belief in how I run my household and how I am. Like, I believe in the woman should cook the meal for the man. Like, I believe in staying home when you have your child. By no means am I saying every woman out there who doesn't want to do what I want to do is a bad female or that your daughter shouldn't aspire to be the president. If that's what she wants, that's great. Go for it. All it means is that I don't support that. That's my personal opinion. And she says, if this happens, I'm moving to Canada. There's no need for her as she is not the right person to run for our country. Talking about Hillary. But more importantly, and this is the part that's amazing.

A female shouldn't be president. Let the haters begin. But with the hormones we have, there's no way we should be able to start a war. Yes, I run my own business and I love it and I'm great at it. But that's not the same as being the president. That should be left to a man, a good, strong, honorable man. She doesn't know, but Canada had a female prime minister. Well, but it didn't now. Also, aren't they subjects to queen

whatever the fucking old are they still queen skeletor or whatever her name is i don't know is canada still do they still worship the queen or whatever england's purse or whatever i don't know i think so aren't they subjects to him or whatever i don't know i know they've got some kind of special relationship fight it out maybe they're well no i think maybe they just they just said they were sorry i think they just apologized profusely for being a state i think at some point england just decided it didn't want canada anymore you know because who does just canada the thing is do i really care about their relationship no i don't care about i don't care about anybody's relationship. Turns out. Let alone I don't care about England and fucking Canada's relationship. England and Canada's relationship, right?

It's complicated. We are going to get so much mail about that. We're going to get people from- It's going to be amazing. The best part is that we'll get mail from Canada and we'll get mail from England. The best part is that the Canadians will say they're independent and the English people will say they're not. Right English people will say they're not. Right?

And they'll all be offended. They'll all be terribly offended. Yeah. The Canadian people will apologize for sending the email, though. They'll be like, I'm really sorry I'm sending this pedantic email. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to be pedantic. Here's a moose.

This is me being pedantic. Send an apology, moose. Here's a picture of me mounted on a moose in a red coat. Covered in maple syrup in the forest. Punching a salmon. Punching a salmon.

Reeling in a crab trap. Oh, those people are from Alaska. Forget it. It's not the same people. Anyway, yeah, you know, it's your own personal decision, I guess. But isn't she a CEO? Yeah, well, she's got her.

She's saying she's got her own business. She's the CEO of Go Ape Marketing. I hear this stuff and it's there's a, you know, there's a host of reasons not to vote for Hillary. Sure. I think this is not, there's a vote, there's a host of reasons. I think,

you know, if you start looking at corporate backing for Hillary, you start looking at her track record for certain things that she's done. There's plenty of reasons not to vote for her. Sure. You can not like her for, for legitimate political reasons. Plenty of reasons.

But to, to say her gender, she can't handle it, be like, fucking, doesn't Germany have like a female prime? They've had her for like a long time. And there's a bunch of women in politics that have done very well. There are so many women world leaders. Good at it. Margaret Thatcher was, I mean, I hear she's terrible,

but still she was. She was. She was. Yeah. Australia had a female prime terrible, but still she was. She was. Australia had a female prime minister. They had Jodie Foster. They did have a Jodie Foster impersonator. We are like the only

one of the few major industrialized nations that's never had. There is no way we're following a black president up with a woman president. That's not going to happen. There's no way that's going to happen. But the Republican side is a fucking clown car, dude. It's a disaster. But I have a feeling.

There's 21. I have a hard time believing that Hillary will win the primary because I think that there will probably be somebody else who emerges from that. It's not Bernie Sanders, though. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Probably not, actually. But yeah, I think Hillary takes the primary easily. And I think she'll win the Sanders, though. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Probably not, actually.

I think Hillary takes the primary easily, and I think she'll win the general, too. I think she'll be our next president. You think so? I do. I would be flabbergasted if that didn't happen. There will be literally no Republicans left because they will all have flown to Canada. They'll die. They'll die on the spot. It will be amazing.

Yeah. It will be fucking straight amazing. Go to Canada. Canada will be like, you can't. There's a lot of people. Canada's going to have to fucking build a wall to keep the Republicans out. I think that some of the Republicans might have a swinging chance, though. There's a couple of them in there that are sounding kind of scary.

Jeb Bush has a chance at it. You know, Walker just threw his hat into the ring. I think he's too extreme. I think he's too. I can't see. I don't know, man. Paul? No, I don't he's too i i can't see i don't know man i paul no i don't see that either i don't see that either i think the only republican candidate that's got a shot is jeb and jeb's had some fucking faux pas recently that i sure you know he had one uh you're

never gonna get you're never there's a there's a large swath of people though that will never vote for hillary and the general they're just never ever ever and there's a large swath of people though that will never vote for Hillary in the general. They're just never, ever, ever. And there's a lot of people I think even on the Democrat side that won't vote for her. She polls very, very well with the Democrats though. We'll see. We'll see. I don't think so.

There's a lot of people that really don't like her. Do you think they would just sit it out if she was in the primary? Because they're not going to vote – Democrats are not going to vote Republican. They're going to vote lesser. i voted in the republican primary before because i voted for the funniest candidate i do that on occasion i'll just because because you have to choose in illinois yeah you can't go and vote for the republican and the democrat but then once they get your name uh as a republican then they start sending you crazy flyers in the mail and i get nra shit and i get i get fucking

like independent weird votes and shit all the time they send me stuff so it's going to be really funny uh because i'll probably do it again because i most of the time i don't care about the because if it's between say bernie sanders and her i really don't care that much you know i mean i guess i i guess part of me thinks you know, depends on who Sanders is thinking about. But, you know, maybe Sanders. Yeah, I would vote for Bernie Sanders. I looked at my who I side with. There's a there's a website called I side with dot com.

I think it is or something. And I and I I sided with him way more than I sided with Hillary. Sure. I would vote for Bernie Sanders. I would vote for Bernie Sanders both in a primary and vote for bernie sanders both in a primary and in a general election yeah so it depends maybe maybe depending on how she starts doing in the states because we're late our primaries are normally pretty late but bernie sanders is no chance i mean he's no chance i don't think he has any chance of upsetting hillary at all

i think she'll fucking walk all over the internet loves him but the internet loved ron paul too in the internet that's exactly and it's like okay but the internet loved Ron Paul, too, and the internet. That's exactly the thing. And it's like, OK, well, the internet can love you all you want. Right. But if it doesn't put fucking voters out there, you know, you could have the very best platform. But if you don't have voters that are going to vote for you, you're never going to get in. I think Barry Sanders would get chewed alive in the general election. He's a socialist.

I think you're right. I agree with you. He'd be eaten alive. He'd be like. Like a little bloody bernie sanders bits i think i mean i i look back to the ron paul stuff and there was so many people you know looked at look at what reddit was doing back then when when ron paul was running yeah he was so big on there they i mean everything was front page front page front page with ron paul it didn't matter what ron paul did ron paul took a shit today that was front page, front page, front page with Ron Paul. It didn't matter what Ron Paul did.

Ron Paul took a shit today. That was front page on Reddit. And Reddit has millions – even back then had millions of views a month. But that does not include enough votes to get somebody passed. And it also doesn't cure people of their voting apathy right you could you could forward a thing or upvote a thing on reddit uh that says like i like ron paul or i like what he had to say doesn't necessarily translate into a vote in the polls no very much doesn't translate into a vote in the polls absolutely not yeah that's that's the thing it's like i think is popular with the with the crowd that matters the least in terms of putting butts in seats in the general.

Yeah, I tend to think that Rand Paul has a chance though. I've heard him speak and I've seen sort of the stuff and he seems not to be doing anything super stupid. And so that seems to be – I think that that's your safe way in. I'm not sure he's got the celebrity power that's needed really because the thing is like I was looking at a map of the states and the Democrats have a numerical advantage on the election cycle map. They start off like – because there are certain states you could just give to the democratic side every time like so if you take the states and you just say okay if i give all the democrat states the democrats i give all the republican states the republican you're really only looking at the swing states or the states that matter and that the democrats start with such a massive advantage right now

looking at like looking at the it's going to be very hard for a republican to win like there's a there's a huge swath of people that are so pissed off at obama um that are just never gonna i mean i i don't know like i just i feel like they're never gonna vote democrat again though no i feel like this next election they're not gonna i think we swing a lot you know you would get two and then we swing and then we get two and then we swing and then we get two and then we swing i mean look what happened you're looking at you're looking at reagan right then there was a bush in there he's kind of an anomaly then there was two for clinton right then clinton goes two for bush bush goes two for obama obama goes probably going to be two for the i i think you think it's going to be a Republican that takes us.

I think you know I don't think that that's out of the realm of possibility. Oh man. I think I think I think I think the Democrats will take it. I think that I think they've got the numbers on their side. And I think that I think the Republican they're feeling a clown car goofballs. No I mean I think they're all goofballs. I will say that. I mean I'll agree.

Goofballs. But that I mean, I think they're all goof balls. I will say that. I mean, I'll agree. Goof balls, man. But that does not deter Republican voters. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We want to mention that we were on Atheistically Speaking with Thomas. Atheistically Speaking with Thomas. He had us on to come talk what we thought was going to talk about sort of witch hunts in the electronic world turned into a talk about serial. So if you're interested in serial and you like the podcast serial and you wanted to hear three goobers talk about serial for a little while, you could check out Thomas's latest episode on Atheistically Speaking. Rest assured, his next episode

should have us talking about the internet witch hunts that we were having a conversation that we initially had the plans to have a conversation about. But as usual, when Thomas, Tom and I start talking, we sort of veer off track all the time.

But it was a lot of fun and we want to thank Thomas from Atheistically Speaking for having us on. We also hope to have Heath Enright and No Illusions from The Scathing Atheist and The Skeptocrat on this next week. We don't know if that's going to go through. We are scheduled right now. But in the podcasting community, sometimes scheduling does not mean a thing happens, although those guys are pretty tight with their scheduling.

So we're hoping – we're pretty sure it's going to go through and it should be a great time. We're really going to test the explicit tag and that should be out next week. But until then, we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.

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