Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 244: Love Potion Number Nine

Episode Date: August 20, 2015

 

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 244 of cognitive distance uh we wound up recording a little extra last time. Because we knew. That we had to do extra work this week.

So we figured. Why not record a little more last week. So we actually have. A goodly amount of stuff. That we're going to be playing. That we actually recorded in Glory Hole Studios last time. But. We are still recording a few stories tonight.

To add on to the pile. and so now it's your job to decide whether or not we're in studio or not in studio during those those stories oh god damn it that's gonna be hard to no it's not actually it's gonna be super easy to know yeah it's pretty simple yeah it's it's not even a hard challenge it's like you know here's the thing it's it feels like aun, but it's new to you. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You know, it's like the TGI Friday. It's like Full House.

It's fucking Bob Saget and then the rest of them. I thought you were going to talk about bad food. It's like the TGI Friday where they bring you that shitty cookie in the fucking skillet. That's awful. Oh, God. Dude, that restaurant, TGI Friday's, Applebee's, and Chili's. That's the same restaurant, right? I mean, they may as well be.

They are all like, there's never been anything good that has come out of those places. What's awesome is we're going to get a message from somebody who's like a manager here. Who's like, you really love TGI Fridays. Or they're going to be like, well, come into mine. It's in Texas and we do good food. No, you don't do good food. You don't. The best thing, like, the best thing, like, it doesn't even matter.

The best thing in all of those restaurants is, like, going to be something fucking horrifying, like a loaded potato skin or something like fucking other noxious garbage food that all they didn't even cook it. They just fucking drag it out of a freezer already fully assembled and apply a heat to it. That's it. That shit is so fucking foul. I went to a Chili's once. You know, they used to have that. I've gotten sick.

I've only gotten sick from Chili's twice, but I've only been to two Chili's. The first time I got food poisoning was from a TGI Friday. Chili's was for me. I got food poisoning was from a TGI Friday. Chili's was for me. I got food poisoning both times I went. I was just like, I am batting a thousand. I'm done. Never see me again. I went there and I was like, oh, I'll go here.

Ate a food, got food poisoning left. I was like, I'll never eat there again. And then got dragged into going to another one and got food poisoning again. Are you fucking serious? I don't even know like they're just like when you all when you turn that when you turn the faucets on it's just e coli that's all that comes out it's everything is just rubbed with raw chicken before it's served rub a two-day-old raw chicken they play like hot potato with like a raw chicken on everybody's cutting board before they go.

That place Chili's is like billed as like a family restaurant. When you go to one, it's like a family restaurant for people that hate their families because they have they have those like like like super cheap iPad things on the table. Like so the kids can like not engage with the parents and like just fucking zone out and play games and of course it charges you the whole time they're playing games but you don't care because you just have like seven minutes of peace and quiet it's like a dude it is a restaurant that just sells compromise the thing is like my kid actually likes chilies he calls it the pepper restaurant because it's got a fucking pepper and he's clever but i refuse to go i'm like you guys can go like i tell my wife you guys can go to chilies it's great let me know how it goes it sounds great you guys should go out have some time together i'd rather stay at home and eat a yogurt yeah they don't sell a food

that you have to understand audience tom when he says eat a yogurt that's like basically pounding bamboo shoots under his fingernails nothing even remotely accidentally lord the day is at hand we are in the last days you You are Jehovah God. This story comes, unsurprisingly, from right-wing watch, Michelle O'Bachman. Obama fulfilled end-time promise. People hate that so much. It's awesome. It makes me laugh so much. People hate it so much when you call her Michelle O'Bachman.

It makes me laugh. I love it when you call her Michelle O'Bachman. It's the best. Yeah. It's like when I said rooster egg last episode. Rooster egg is a throwback from everyone's critic days. We didn't get any comments on rooster egg, though. Nobody noticed that I said rooster egg.

That's outrageous. Not a single person noticed. Because people called us out on everyone's critic. I know. It was like seven listeners. Nobody was an audience. Yeah. Was it your wife that called me out?

I don't remember. I said it, right? Did I say it? You said rooster egg. Yeah, I'm sure I said rooster egg. I said some really stupid shit on that show. I said rooster egg specifically last time when I was talking about, I think it was last time or the time before when I crack open a rooster egg to look inside of the thing

or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said it. I specifically said it in reference to that. Nobody caught it. Nobody caught it. We'll get emails about the most fucking mindless pedantic bullshit. But nobody caught rooster egg.

We got an email the other day 243 episodes we got an email the other day from somebody who said does it sound like tom saying tarot cars 200 at the skeptic 243 iterations of that recording and we finally got somebody who noticed that i mispronounced tarot cards you say say tarot cards? I totally say tarot. He's right. I say tarot cards. But it's like, somebody's going to correct us on everything. Not rooster egg. But not the rooster egg. That slipped past the goalie.

Wow. The pedantic goalie. Michelle O'Bachman, though. I don't think accuracy is what people come to this show for. That's true. Well, let's play because she's got a couple of clips here. Let's play a couple of these, Tom.

This is her interview with Religious Right Radio host Jan Markle. Just as this agreement was being announced at the U.N. Security Council the following Monday after the agreement, the UN Security Council the following Monday after the agreement, for the very first time, the most important national security event in my lifetime. My lifetime as well. And it's this. All the nations of the world. Can I just say, I know I might have said this before, but I can't help but reiterate this fact. She sounds like a mom on Drop Dead Gorgeous.

I mean, doesn't she sound just like one of the moms who's talking? Right. Yeah. Oh, you'd think they'd have the parking lot of America to go with the mall of America. You know, wait a second. I got to respond already to what she said, though. Like, this is the most important thing. Really?

Because I'm looking at this woman i'm thinking like in your lifetime from a national security perspective you have lived through the cuban missile crisis yeah well the woman that she's talking to clearly lived through the second world war and you're like oh yeah when we were actually like on the actual brink yeah of nuclear annihilation iilation from a sworn enemy who had missiles. Nuclear missiles staged just off the Florida coast. Right. And that pales in comparison.

Were the nuclear missiles right off the Florida coast? Well, Cuba is right off the Florida coast. Did they have nuclear missiles, though? I believe that they did. I don't think they did. They didn't? I think you're wrong. Well, fucking I'm wrong about most things.

I think what they were worried about is that they wanted to protect Cuba. We're going to have to cut this whole thing from the show because now we fucked it up. No, but I think that... No, because we're never going to stop getting email about the Cuban nuclear missile crisis. Oh, God, we are. I'm a Cuban. Okay, yeah, sure you are, dude. Sure you are, bro.

You're a Cuban. You're a cuban you just like you cuban just got the internet an hour ago i did however this weekend have a cuban cigar did yeah because their embargo is down right it's the second one that i've had well this was he's had well anyway but it but i mean can you buy a cuban cigar now and like not yet not, I guess. I was asking him about that. What's the one? Cohiba is the name of it? Is that the brand?

Cohiba? You know, I don't know. It didn't have a wrapper thing on it because that's how the guy gets them in from whatever. So they take the ring off. You got your guy? You got your guy? I don't have a guy. You got a guy?

I know a guy whose dad's got a guy, basically. I'm like fucking seven steps away. That's weird when you've got to buy baggies full of cigars from your buddy's dad. You're just like, hey, Mr. Jones. I know, right? It's like asking a homeless man to buy you cigarettes. I always leave with the money, you fuckers. Anyway. It is a legitimately better cigar.

It's a great cigar. Yeah. I've had one or two that have been from there, and they've been very good. And I didn't wake up with ashtray mouth. Nowhere near as bad. Those are the worst. Those ashtray mouth days are the worst. Yeah, you wake up, you're like, everything tastes.

They're like, would you like some scrambled eggs? Like, no, because everything tastes like you died out a cigarette in it. That isn't necessarily the worst. All right, now that we've talked about cigars, let's go back to Michelle LaBocca. Signed an agreement that slams the door against Israel and opened it

up to enriching and empowering the leading state sponsor of terror in the world, whose ultimate goal is the annihilation of the Jewish state. That is Zechariah 12-3, folks. That has been predicted for lots and lots of years. And it happened July 20th, 2015. That's exactly right.

It happened July 20th. With the United States. Zechariah, isn't that that asshole on Lost in Space? Oh, the pain! The pain! Well, immediately heard in the background when the deal was inked was, Danger, Will Robinson!

Warning! Warning! Warning! Leading that charge. And again, I said it earlier, there are consequences to doing things like this against God's covenant land. There are horrible consequences

then you throw in some other things such as we're not going there today the supreme court decision back in late june and a lot of other things and we're not judgment isn't just coming judgment is already here well okay so what the fuck happened or am i going to heaven or are we going to hell no i kind of want to know judgment is here dude judgment's here who's been judged where's that fucking throne are they calling people up one at a time fucking dubbing them with a sword and like dumping the other ones into hell they're calling them up one at a time there's seven billion people on the planet takes a long it's just like we got to make everybody fucking invincible before we can get this done you get you're at the back of the line.

You're born. By the time you get to the front line, you're dead. You're dead. You can't even count to seven billion. You can't even count to a billion. How long is he going to spend with each person? Well, I don't know. Maybe time stops while he's doing it.

Who fucking knows? It's all made up. It's all made up. I just want to know that I'm at least going to get a few minutes. You know what I mean? I don't even want the few minutes. If I'm going to be judged by somebody, I'd be like, well, fucking I'm going to judge you, motherfucker. And call me up and look at my pathetic little life and be like, well, this one time you did a thing.

I'd be like, motherfucker, you let starving kids die. Who the fuck are you? I'm out of here. I'm fucking. I'm out of here. I'm fucking. I'm turning of here. I'm fucking. I'm turning my time over to the next guy. Fuck off.

Folks, if you just joined me, you're listening to Understanding the Times Radio. I'm Jan Markell, and I have in studio the familiar voice of Michelle Bachman. O'Bachman. Michelle O'Bachman. Thank you very much. It's pronounced O'Bachman. And she has written a brilliant article, which I will post. Well, let's not go overboard here.

She has ghostwritten. Someone has put her name on an article. As heard on the radio, that's OliveTreeViews.org, OliveTreeViews.org. It first appeared back on July 14th. Wait, Olive Tree Views? Or Olive the Reviews? What is it? Olive Tree Views? I think it's olive tree views so olive tree is the

thing it's like a peace thing or something huh and then views is the maybe it's like joe pesci saying like all the tree views i got tree views i got a couple two tree views what do you want huh it's like his youtube channel i mean how do make you laugh? How do I make you fucking laugh? Like, am I a fucking clown? WorldNetDaily at WND.com. You can find it at As Heard on the Radio West. Could you stop giving addresses, for Christ's sake? No, she can't. Eastern Christendom bows to Shia Islam, and it's an exclusive.

Michelle Bachman takes aim at the clownish, embarrassing agreement with Iran. Find that on my website as heard on the radio and she's got everything broken down very simply and easy to understand sort of the insanity of all of this that's going on this this fucking iran deal they are jump every every single gop oh mad dog about it they hate it so much they're mad dog about it because it might actually be i i i really do think that the i think there's some people who are upset about it in general because israel opposes it and they're just so fucking tied to israel that they cannot get their fucking brains out of the anything israel says we should do we should do because we're just the we're the enormous lapdog of israel right so there's that crowd of fucking goofballs and then

there's other people who look at it and say, like, we can't let Obama accomplish anything. I think that's, I think there's a lot of people like that too. I think that's the bigger part of it. Like, we can't let him accomplish anything. If there's this, I mean, we need to have, we need to have, he needs to leave and have some kind of major international diplomatic crisis. But doesn't there also have to always be enemies that we're looking at next, too?

We've always been at war with Oshima. We've got to be. We've got to. Exactly. We're at war. I mean, we've been at war, like, I'm not going to say my entire life, but for a lot of my life, we've been at war. Yeah. But before we just dwell on things that might be hopeless, we've got to dwell on biblical perspective.

But also, this isn't a done deal. As you and I speak, this still can be overturned. So talk to us about that. It can, and I am really actually extremely excited because I think that we are about to see if we believers act in concert. I believe that we could see the strong right arm of a holy God show to the world. Why does it got to be his right arm? Well, maybe his left is busy jacking off i think his right arm is going to give us the circle jerk and then we're

going to give him a handy because we're constantly giving god a handy we are yeah so why doesn't he return the favor clearly is with his strong right arm why does god have to work by like garnering votes in the fucking congress you You know what I mean? That's a crazy way to think that you've got this omniscient, omnipotent being who's like, I will influence the minds of just a handful. You know what would be amazing is if everybody woke up across the country and was like, the Iran deal sucks. Everybody, 370 million people woke up, Obama included. The Iran deal sucks sucks what was i thinking

fuck that and then obama just like flips the fucking button and he's like right but like instead it's like we'll just even if it's like we'll get just enough votes maybe at the last minute i know if all the democrats voted against it then you might convince me of something right yeah no i don't know i don't know about God, but something. Yeah. And prove to the world his power and his strength. He is the Lord of Heaven's armies. What is that?

I can't even hear that. The Lord of Heaven's armies. That is the best, dude. That is his name. And what we have now, the largest pro-Israel group in the United States called AIPAC has made this their number one effort. They have never gone all out like they are now in defeating this Iran agreement. Okay, great. Well, maybe they could use some of those heaven's armies. Why don't you replace some of those people with the people that are in Afghanistan?

Because that would save the U.S. a little bit of money. You should use an actual army. Because I hear good things about that if you want to accomplish tasks with an army. I'll tell you what. Okay, Heaven's Army, let's fight right now. Me versus Heaven's Army. I'm an army of one, motherfuckers. Let's come do it.

Oh, wait. Nothing? Nothing. Not even a thunderclap? I don't even get a fucking fart from God? I get nothing? I was trying to fart on demand when you said thunderclap, but I couldn't do it. Lord of Heaven's armies. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard. I am the Lord of Heaven's armies.

Who will be the Lord of our army? Oh, it's the Lord. It'll be God. Remember that guy? Okay. We follow that guy. Who do you even fight? Why would you even?

Oh, God. Why would you even? It doesn't make any sense. It's like having an army. I'm sorry. But, like, it'd be like wading into a preschool, right? Like, where you're just, like, 30. You're, like, four times the size of everybody in the preschool.

And instead of, like, you have to, for some reason, you have to fight a bunch of preschoolers. But you're like, wait! I will bring my army! And you're just like, fucking do it yourself, you pussy! It's ridiculous! I mean, your power differential is so enormous. That'd be awesome, though. If you wade into those

preschoolers, though, it's like Dynasty Warriors. It's like they're just flying everywhere. You're like Lou Boone. You you're like loo boom boom boom boom fuck you hulao gate i took your bitches abortions for all very well no abortions for anyone. Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others. So this story comes from CNN. 11-year-old rape victim denied abortion, gives birth in Paraguay.

Well, that's super duper awful. Okay, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Because it says 11-year-old girl denied abortion. But she was 10 at the time. She was 22 weeks pregnant and 10 at the time. And would you let your 10-year-old run with coat hangers? I don't think you would.

Oh, no. So I think, I mean, I don't know. Paraguay, I understand child safety, you know. You know, they have different game shows over there, like, are you more pregnant than a fifth grader? Are you as pregnant as a fifth grader? That's new what they're doing. Oh, no. You know, in this article, it says 684 girls between the ages of 10 and 14 gave birth last year and then it has the nerve to say most of the minors had been victims of sexual yeah yeah well how could any

of them not have been exactly you're fucking there's no way you can consent and then it says right yeah so how is it not always like how is is it not 100% of the time? It's always 100%. What did like the 11-year-old be like, yeah, go ahead and fuck me? Like are you kidding? You know, it says too in the article that in Paraguay, the law bans abortions except in cases where the pregnancy endangers the mother's life. Did they really think that at 10 or 11 years old you're like this seems like a pretty risk-free look man those kids they they're like fucking made out of fucking uh they're made out of like bubble gum and like i was gonna say coat hangers but let's not say coat hangers let's say bailing wire like they're tough little kids you know what i mean like they can you ever ever see

a kid like breaking an arm you were talking about this on the show before like kid breaks an arm a couple weeks later, they're fine. They're running around doing fucking handstands on it. These kids could shit out kids all day. No problems. Their fucking body bounces right back. So I think they're, again, totally in the right. Yeah, tight as a drum, ready to be impregnated again by 11 and a half.

Look, if they get raped, and the thing is they can just keep on getting raped until they're 18. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And the thing is, Tom, can just keep on getting raped until they're 18. Oh, my God. And the thing is, Tom, if she keeps this cycle up, she just had a kid when she was 10, right? She keeps this cycle up. Her kid gets raped and has a kid at 10 and her that kid's kid has a rate. It gets raped and has a kid. Basically, that by the time she's 50, I have an equivalent distant grandparent from the 1500s.

It's true. At that point, she'll have produced so many children, we'll all be related to her. Somehow, somehow, someway. She's like Eve. She's like Eve, the chimp or whatever.

You know what's so crazy, too, because you read this story and it's like the authorities immediately arrested the girl's mother even though it was the stepfather who raped the stepfather get they did they did arrest the stepfather and they charged him with rape and abuse of a child sure but then they they charged her with like conspiracy or something they charged her with neglect and complicity but then she says the girl's mother was released on bond. Quote, I was the one who reported all of this, asking for justice

to be done and hoping that something would be done, but the prosecutors dismissed the case. Otherwise, this never would have gotten to the point because she went to the authorities asking for help in 2013. Yeah. Which means the girl was like nine. And she was like, hey, somebody should help because this dude keeps raping my nine year

old daughter. Hey, hold on now. We got it. Let's let's be because it's an alleged rape because at this point he wants a paternity test. Right. Yeah. He demanded a DNA test.

Yeah. Because she could be, you know, out. I don't know. Yeah. Selling herself on the playground. Getting raped by someone else. the playground by someone else getting raped by someone else the good thing is is that the government after she was raped is going to uh basically use her second her body a second time without consent oh god that's fucking exactly

true right to bring this baby to term so that's that's i think the silver lining So this story is old. It's from 1996. Well, it's technically not from 1996 because I'm reading here and it says published three days ago. So we got a little bit of pedantic mail on this on our Facebook page. This story comes from news.com.au. It's man lets daughter drown instead of being touched by strangers. The date on the story, just so you know, is August 11, 2015. But evidently this is a a basically it's a replay.

Somebody was asked. Lifeguards were asked, like, what's the craziest shit that ever happened? And they relay the story. They turn that story into this news article. And this event actually occurred in 1996. So full fucking disclosure. Yeah. And Tom, since this happened and what happened, tell us what happened. Yeah.

So basically a girl was drowning at a beach. And rather than allow this girl to be touched by strangers, the father physically restrained people from the lifeguards from swimming out to rescue her because he didn't want his daughter to be dishonored by the touch of a strange man. Yeah. And that was 20 years ago. And Dubai is a much more progressive place now. Right? So much has changed. So much has changed now. So I think those people that are being pedantic, they got a point.

You know what I mean? They have a point that it's now a – it's a brave new world in Dubai. Oh, yeah. Totally different than it used to be. I actually met a girl over the weekend who I was chatting with and she said that she's gone to dubai and she suggested that i go to dubai and i said i don't think i'll go to dubai yeah actually i think that's probably not what i'll do yeah and and you know i'm like i know that it's like it's like a kind of a playground for the rich and famous but i'm not rich and i'm not famous and i do have an atheist podcast so it strikes

me as somewhat of a bad idea to go to a muslim country where you get killed for having an atheist podcast yeah she's like well probably nobody would find out and i was like well probably not but i don't want to die in dubai because you might not die but they may restrain the people from going to save you while you're swimming. Right. Yeah. Right. But you don't need any help with that.

I don't need. I bob like a goddamn cork. And the blowhole keeps you alive for a long time. Oh, my pod will surround me in joyous exultation at my return. That's like an elephant sound. It's not even like a whale sound. All of my brethren are enormous. It doesn't make any...

We all make the same... Although, admittedly, when you're out of the water, you make that sound. But when you're in the water, it sounds like whale sound. Yeah, it's just a series of clicks and beeps. It's fine. It's fine. This story that's told to these guys is a horrifying story. It's the worst story.

It's a terrible story just super because you have every opportunity to save someone but you don't want someone else touching her yeah and she would be dishonored at least that's what the person said right right that's where you have to believe the but evidently it must have happened because people are saying it happened 20 years ago right they're not saying it didn't happen right they're saying oh yeah it happened it just happened a long time ago you know like i was thinking about this story and i thought like you know this whole concept of honor is a ridiculous fucking backward concept there's never a situation where it's like where honor is a good idea honor honor almost always leads to an affront to your honor and then fucking rash foolhardy decisions like

the south has a big tradition of honor sure um honor cultures have a high rate of violence because it's just something else that you can get upset about and it's like something else it's like something that you have to like hold super sacred it's really easy for other people to piss on it doesn't give you the opportunity it's like face right to piss on. It doesn't give you the opportunity. It's like face, right? But it doesn't give you the opportunity to let things roll off your back that otherwise might roll off your back. Like if your daughter's drowning, you'd be like,

well, fucking go save her. I don't care if you stick your hand up her pussy in order to raise her out of the water. I don't care. I do not care if you fuck her on the way back to the beach. It makes no fucking difference to me. I don't care if you fucking mouth fuck this woman on the way.

I mean, if she's okay with it is what I mean. Right, right. You know, I don't give a shit. I don't care if fucking four lifeguards go out there and gangbang her on a fucking life raft. If she says yes and you saved her life, I'm fucking down with that shit. I'll put it on fucking Pornhub myself. Who gives a shit? I've seen that video, actually.

You know what I mean? It's like one of my favorites, too. I love water sports. favorites too i love water sports i mean instead instead you're gonna be like well i think she should probably just drown i think what i think she should do is experience the fucking unbelievable heart-rending panic of knowing that you're slipping under the water for the last time before your lungs fill with cold cold seawater and you die because it's either that or some lifeguard guards your life. What a horrible world we'd live in.

But you can't let this shit roll off your back if you're in one of these stupid honor communities. Yeah, it's that honor thing. You're right. And that is a, it's an interesting connection. You put it with the South like that. That's an interesting connection. It's something I hadn you put it with the South like that. That's an interesting connection. It's something I hadn't put the two together before.

All that honor shit. It's a reason for affrontery. When your body burns this stuff with no carbohydrates, what happens is you build up the clinkers. This story comes from Right Wing Watch. It's Pat Robertson. I don't have psychic powers. I just get messages from God to heal people. It's Pat Robertson. I don't have psychic powers. I just get messages from God to heal people. It's pretty great.

I don't understand it. But here's Pat Robertson from the 700 Club. This is Emma who says, I've started watching the 700 Club recently. At the end of the program, you call out people who are sick and needing healing. How do you know about these people? I would call this a psychic ability of sorts. Are these real healings I just want to know how you pick a request or are you going with what you're told inside from the Lord?

All right. Nope. They're not prayer requests that anybody we know if you look at the 12th chapter of first Corinthians first Corinthians you'll see the enablements the Holy Spirit and one is called the word of knowledge. And the Holy Spirit can give us, by his spirit, a word. What? What is his password?

What does that even mean? Like, Jesus is like, the word is orangutan. And then God has to guess the word, and you do like, I don't even know. I don't even remember how password works, but that's. But isn't has to guess the word and you do like i don't even know i don't remember how password works but that's but isn't the bird always the word the bird is of course it is how would you guess anything yeah i don't understand what the word is like the thing is is like that is psychic that's you getting a image or a you know learning about something in a supernatural way yeah it's like i have no way to know but i know but i'm not psychic but then the word psychic literally means nothing like that doesn't like

then you it's like it's like know, that's not a tank. It's just a car with a turret and treads and armor shaped like a tank. And you're just like, you know, let me read the definition of psychic. Relating to or denoting faculties or phenomena that are apparently inexplicable on natural laws, especially involving telepathy or clairvoyance. That is exactly psychic. That's exactly what he said. But he couches it in the fucking word, and he just says, like,

well, the Holy Spirit rubs the word on its genitals or whatever. None of that means anything. The Holy Spirit puts the lotion on the skin or else he gets the hose again. As soon as people start talking about the word, I'm just i'm done yeah i can't i can't hear that shit because it doesn't mean anything pat is you know pat and the best part about this is you can't see this but pat to me i noticed it today you ever seen like mad magazine yes he looks what he looks like is an aged yes what is it alfred p newman alfred e newman or alfred p newman or whatever he looks like or he looks like their character their

their characterization or whatever they do whatever the caricaturation of george w bush it's that's true he kind of does because his ears are super huge. And you look at him, you're like, your ears are bigger than any human ever seen. His ears have actually gotten so big that they're just starting to fall off. You know what I'm saying? They are. They're starting to like, they're like an elephant's ears where they fold over now. They're dropping down. It's like droopy here.

Like the cartilage after this point is just like, I give up. Like I can't hold it up anymore. I'm sorry. There's a little more of this. You want to hear it? That will tell us what's going on, that we can't see it, touch it, feel it, and so forth. And this isn't psychic. No, that's exactly psychic. Psychic.

Like, it is exactly psychic. And they are real, and we have thousands and thousands of people who've been healed. So, all right. With magic devil powers. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828.

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This story comes from NPR. Catholic bishops in Kenya call for a boycott of polio vaccines. So we're now going to have more polio. Or at least some polio. When we don't need any polio. Jeez, man. We are so close.

I know. To wiping out polio. It's like that asshole neighbor who won't mow his yard and you get all the fucking dandelion seeds to fly all over like what the fuck herd immunity bro like dude i mowed my lawn are you scott's turf builder it still doesn't work so this is fucking crazy that the conference of catholic bishops declared a boycott on the World Health Organization's vaccination campaign.

You need to clunk all those fuckers' heads together, right? Don't they? Why would you declare? Let's declare a boycott on. So what I would want to declare a boycott on is human suffering and misery. Sure. Can we declare a boycott on that, please? Well.

Can we declare a boycott on iron lungs and fucking twisted legs? These people love suffering, dude. They do? They fucking love suffering look at that mother theresa shit yeah you know i mean like like suffering to a lot of these people is is that's that's the holy thing that's the thing that they revere is the suffering easy to fucking say when you're not suffering you're not the one who's suffering sure you know it's like you, I think suffering is noble. Like it clears the fucking mind. It's like, well, really? Because you're like a fat dude in a robe.

You know, it's, there are different factions of the Catholic church that do different things. And there are several factions that, you know, I think would probably vehemently disagree with this. Sure. But this is, that's a lot of, you know, when you're talking about a conference on entire conference of bishops, that's not a few people. Right. And these are high-powered people in the church that are making this decision.

And the thing that's the craziest is that it seems – and I don't know how true this is, but from what I've read, the cursory stuff I've read, it seems that the new pope is somewhat scientifically literate. You would think that he would come out and say, and stop these people. That's what I was going to say. Like, why doesn't he denounce this? Like, why, why wouldn't,

why wouldn't the Vatican come out and be like, whoa, bro, what the fucking, no, we are super anti-polio. We're pro vaccine. Can you cut that shit out?

And if you don't cut that shit out, we're going to excommunicate you. Yeah. Like break out the big fucking guns. It's nonsense, right? Like here, I'll excommunicate you poof you're excommunicated you were never going anywhere anyway who gives a shit you know like

it's meaningless it's never meant anything but it means a lot to these guys like you've got a big gun you can hold over these motherfuckers like this imaginary afterlife garbage so but instead it's it's 100 certain that when you do this somebody's gonna get polio that didn't have to right how do you how do you justify that how do you morally justify that like oh yeah i mean polio is super terrible but uh hey at least it's not autism yeah that's true yeah your kid's dead but he's not autistic so well not necessarily dad if you get an iron lung there and you know that's yeah the iron lungs in kenya yeah right huh no that's probably not a thing because i'm looking at all these pictures and these pictures don't look like these folks have iron yet that's so mean oh i want to they probably still they probably have iron not steel no i mean let's not get

ridiculous yeah oh i want to point out one of the things that i said this is the npr article they're bouncing back and forth and the person says i pointed out to him that research has shown that claims of vaccines being linked to autism and hiv and cancer are in fact not true and his response says we could debate this forever and the first thought is like we could debate it forever but you'd be wrong from the start of this argument until the end of it yeah the length of the debate in no way justifies you're like well this debate could last an hour okay yeah or it could last long i don't know who cares how long the debate is you're never gonna win the argument right because you don't Right. Because you have no evidence on your side.

But, you know, is it surprising that the Catholic bishops are unconcerned about having evidence on the side of their argument? I guess that's true. Like they wake up every morning. They're like, well, what's your whole life based on? Well, it's just some shit that someone made up. Something someone told me. Yeah. Yeah. yeah well somebody else told me about this vaccine autism thing so i just believe the first thing i hear about any subject

it's like he's like like the catholics are basically like dudes that have like a love potion that works for like the first thing they see right like it's like the problem is they're always surrounded by altar boys, so they fall in love with them. You know what I mean? It's that holy. If they had nuns in the, you know, that could actually come into the church once in a while, then maybe they'd be banging them, you know? A little less trouble.

Yeah. Love potion number nine. That's how old the kid is. Oh, no. Hell, who are we kidding? He's probably seven. It's nine parishes he's bounced to to hide the... To hide the abuse?

Oh, God. Nothing like a good hide the abuse joke. You say to someone else, you know, I'd like to give a million dollars to God, and they look at you and say, wow, what's the matter with you? So this story comes from CNN, but it's been all over the place. John Oliver forms his own church and just keeps on winning. On Sunday night, on John Oliver's show last week tonight, John Oliver was poking fun at the whole televangelist thing,

at the whole tax exemption thing, and he basically was like he kind of pulled a colbert right like remember when colbert started his soup his own super pack yeah he basically kind of did the same thing he's like well then let's start our own church and it's awesome cecil yeah yeah the church is uh is called it's of Perpetual Exemption. And he had someone else come out. Basically they're collecting money. I went to the website and the website says

we basically reserve the right to give all this money to Doctors Without Borders. So if you donate to them right now, this church, they're going to basically give all the money to Doctors Without Borders when it's over with. But they're saying, they're trying to show the IRS how easy it is to break tax laws. And the monologue here, we're going to link to this article.

It's 20 minutes. You're not going to regret it. It's a 20-minute long story. I watched it today, and I was giddy the whole time. It's so funny. I think, first off, I think John Oliver's show is funnier right now than I remember The Daily Show or Colbert ever being. I laugh constantly. I watch the show every week. I think it's absolutely hysterical. I think John Oliver is hilarious. So this show, first off, already had me. But then I watched this clip, and this clip is absolutely

wonderful. My favorite part is the sheer joy on his face when he reveals that he's been corresponding with one of these televangelists and he pulls up all the letters and he's and spoiler alert i just spoiled it whatever i didn't spoil it because it's no it's funny all the way through but you just pay attention to his face at that moment and the moment they talk about making their own church. And it is hilarious. You could see, like, the actual giddiness. I mean, it's as giddy as you could ever expect a Brit to look.

He's having fun doing this bit. Like, this bit is a fucking riot. There's a great part where he's like, yeah, you know, there's plenty of plenty of churches that you know feed the fucking hungry and clothe the needy we're not talking about those churches yeah and then he just fucking lamb he launches into it he it's it's this is like this is satire done at such a high level it's a satire done at a level like genuinely approaching perfection. Yeah. It's amazing. It's just fucking sheer genius, man.

It's so well done. And the thing that just blew me away, as I'm watching it, I'm laughing and I'm like, yeah, totally straight on, spot on. The whole time I'm laughing and thinking it's awesome. And then he starts talking about how, you know, when you give seed money, and that's what he's going after, the prosperity gospel money. When you give seed money, you're not going to get anything back. You might as well just fucking actually bury the money in your yard and your dog gives it back to you later. That's the only hope you're ever seeing it again or something. And he does a much better joke, and his delivery is way better.

But the fact is I'm watching this thinking there are people out there who really think that are in massive amounts of debt or just don't have a lot of money. At one point, one of the preachers is looking at the TV, looking at the camera and saying, you only have $1,000. You want to buy a house. Well, you can't buy a house with $1,000. But if you give that seed money, that $1,000 seed money, you're going to get your house basically is what he's saying. And I just can't believe that we live in a time where there are not just – there's not just a few suckers out there, that there's just so many people that are taken in by this prosperity gospel week after week after week. gospel week after week after week, it just breaks your heart to see all these people give away money when they are the most vulnerable people he could be going after. And they could be going after the sick and the poor.

Yeah. You know, he also relays a story about a woman who, you know, like one of these evangelists is saying like, hey, you know, you don't want to, what do you get cancer? The doctors are good at telling you you have cancer. And then they just give you a bunch of poison that makes you sicker. You could take that poison or you could give your money to the church and get blessings in return and Jesus will cure you and all this. And it's like a story about a woman who basically like didn't get treatment and also gave away all of her money and then she fucking died of cancer predictably died of cancer you know like i don't know cecil like these guys these people i i do believe that we should have a country founded on freedom of speech and freedom of religion i think that those are genuinely

positive core values but this prosperity gospel shit is a fraud. It is legitimately a fraud that is being perpetrated to take advantage very specifically of uneducated poor people. You know, Warren Buffett's not giving away his billions for fucking prosperity gospel. This isn't like the middle class or upper middle class or the wealthy who are giving away their money by and large this is fleecing the most vulnerable people and and it's like we're powerless to do anything about it we're even powerless as a society by and large to criticize this right because we're so afraid of criticizing um or offending the religious sensibilities of other people we have this fucking ridiculous foolish bullshit notion that we should be respectful of everybody's beliefs even if these beliefs are harmful or right mean spirited or predator there's

point in this in this thing where they show this woman convincing people not to go get treatment for being cancer because it's going to make you more sick and come sit on the fucking sit and hear the gospel on saturday morning instead and you're just like are you fucking serious somebody's actually saying that to an audience of people that you shouldn't go get cancer treatment but you know like cecil like there's there, like there is a very common theme. There's a very common thread that it is rude, that it is not – you know, it's like talking about money in politics, right? It's like – Right. I know. I know. I know. It's rude to criticize. Yeah.

We need to get over that shit. We need to stop enshrining religious ideas in such a way that we can't have conversations. I mean, I think if somebody said like, yeah, I'm super religious, so I'm going to go to the Chicago Food Depository and donate my time this Saturday because I think that that's what Jesus would have wanted me to do. I mean, who's going to criticize that person, right? Nobody's going to criticize that person. It's like I don't give a shit where your motivations come from. Your actions yield good. Yeah.

You know, so fine. You get your motivations from wherever you get your motivations from. But the problem here is that we're simultaneously afraid to criticize these ideas because we somehow think that everybody has a right to all bad all bad ideas are equal right um and that's such garbage it's not true some ideas are better than other ideas that's that's the truth some ideas are bad ideas some ideas are dangerous ideas some ideas and it's not that people don't have a right to hold them, but they don't have a right to hold them unchallenged. Right. And that, and there's a huge difference there. We have this, you know, it's like, well, everybody has a right to their opinion. Well, thanks for that meaningless piece of shit. Like that's a platitude that does nothing

for the world. Everybody has a right to their opinion, but everybody doesn't have a right to have an opinion that goes unchallenged in the courtroom of ideas so let's bring them on trial and see what what wins you know you know there's some opinions or you're just like i like blue it's like well who's gonna challenge who gives a shit right you know i mean who cares right it's just a personal preference i like fucking shrimp i don't like shrimp i enjoy pizza you know all these things that are and all they're all food related i don't know if you notice they're all food related. I don't know if you noticed, but they're all food related. Notice I'm hungry. Yeah.

But, you know, there are some opinions where you're just like, who cares? Nobody cares that you think Chicago is a better city than New York or that New York is a better city than Chicago or that literally anywhere in the South smells like garbage. Like all of those things. Who cares? I don't think that's an opinion. That's been backed up by scientific research. Like it's my opinion. But in any case, you know, there are some things that are just like, well, it's just an opinion. Who cares?

But when your opinion starts hurting other human beings, now we need to start talking. Now we need to start being like, okay, wait a minute, wait a minute. You can't just say, skip your fucking chemotherapy because it makes you feel a little bad. Right. Or like, you're drowning in credit card debt. You should give me your money instead of paying off some of your bills with it because somehow Jesus is going to get rid of your credit cards. I mean, that's like shit these people say.

I mean, is Jesus like a bankruptcy lawyer? Like, how the fuck does he do that? Is he like Peter Francis Geraci? Is he going to like send you info tapes also they're tapes still are we still doing tapes what are you gonna walk what the fuck are you gonna listen to it on geraci tapes is it a videotape an audio tape what kind of tape is it who cares what kind of tape it is are you sending me a bankruptcy viewfinder? What are you doing? It's a bankruptcy pictograph.

He's going to telegraph. It's just like a picture of an Egyptian dude with his pockets hanging out. And he's just like, ah? He's got a big beak nose. And he's like. He's got like an owl head or something. He's just like, his hands are up in the universe like hey what are you gonna do what are you gonna do i have not asked you to adopt and adhere to my religious beliefs why are you asking me to adopt yours and finally mr speaker i'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina but no means no

so this story comes from the raw story florida pastor the national debt will end immediately when planned parenthood is defunded okay now this this headline is accurate because i've heard this so we're going to play this bit um this is pastor Craig Connor. How did we get to the place where the federal government gives this organization five hundred and forty million dollars a year of our money to fund this evil? How did we get there? And we have absolutely no choice in how our money is being spent. Friend, that offends me. Okay, stop the wars. Yeah.

Because we give a lot more money to that. We give a lot more money to boots on the ground in Afghanistan and all the money that we spend on defense. We give a lot more money to that. But I don't have a fucking say in that. I'm just a schmuck who gives money to that. But I don't have a fucking say in that. I'm just a schmuck who gives money too. And I don't have anything to say about it. And your fucking church is tax-free, you cunt. You know, $540 million is a meaningless figure by comparison to our budget.

Our budget's trillions of dollars. Trillions. That number doesn't even make sense. Trillion? 540 million. It'd be like saying, well, Tom, this year you bought a bread. It'd be like, okay, you could have not bought that bread and you would have had your bread money. Yeah, but it doesn't add anything to the fucking pile.

You're right. It's as inconsequential as a cup of Starbucks to somebody with like a normal salary. It's – we spend $100 million a day on the war in Afghanistan. Yeah, so – $100 million a day. That's like – that's under a week we can fund all of Planned Parenthood. And what does Planned Parenthood do for us, right do they do well they're you know they're they're doing all kinds of stuff to help prevent pregnancies and help you know women in difficult situations you know i mean it's like that the problem is that they don't like what they're doing all kinds of and none of that 540

million is earmarked for abortion which is the fucking hot a bit of it everybody gets fucking work so instead it goes to you know contraception and education and STD testing and all these like women's health services. It goes to all that shit. Like that's fucked because nobody else is doing it. They wouldn't need to do it if somebody else was fucking doing it. It's the only reason Planned Parenthood has to do that fucking work is that nobody else is fucking doing it. Yeah. For a long time, I don't know, but I thought that my wife had gone there as her gynecological stuff for several years while we were in college.

Because she just didn't have any funds to go to, and you didn't have any insurance. So you just go to a place where you think you can get it. And she got it cheap. It was relatively inexpensive. Sure. I don't know how it affects you, but that greatly offends me. And honestly, I was talking to the Lord about this just the other day. What did he say?

He said, hey, y'all. I was just chit-chatting with God the other day. Oh, okay. You're fucking insane. Yeah. I can't even hear you anymore. He said, 540 million in American dollars? What?

God damn it. Golly. You know how much coon dog food that buy? And I said, Lord, I can't continue this. You know, if Planned Parenthood is not defunded. I may just stop paying taxes. I know that I'll go to jail for it. You already are in a church. You don't have to pay taxes. Yeah, okay.

Well, fucking go to jail, stupid. Stop paying your personal taxes, and the IRS will garnish your wages and throw your ass in jail. Great plan, bro. Well, you'll be among the religious, so you'll be fine. There you go, right? You'll be fine. But, friend, it breaks my heart to know that when I send my check in to the IRS, they are taking money out of my check. I send to them and they are using it for this evil purpose.

How do we ever get here? Friend, you want to talk about reducing the national debt? We could reduce it overnight. They would defund this evil organization and put it on the national debt man we could get out of debt immediately if they would do that and french no no no it turns out consequence well it's like those people have you seen the there's like uh there was a uh internet thread that was going around where the people were saying there was one person who was saying i don't know there was where the people were saying – there was one person who was saying – I don't know.

There was a bunch of people, but it was clearly one person who was arguing that Obamacare costs like $370 million. Yeah, you could give a million dollars to everybody. There's 317 million people who needed health insurance or something like that. And they said, well, you could give a million dollars to each person and then you would just have – and they're like, no, you don't understand. They would just get – they wouldn't get a million dollars. Right. They would get a dollar. Like that's just get – they wouldn't get a million dollars. Right. They would get a dollar. Like that's –

Right. They wouldn't get a million. I saw that whole thread. The guy's like, you don't know. Like they're all the same units. He was trying to argue that the guys are the same units. I think that the person was a troll. Do you really?

I always assume – You assume too many trolls. I assume people are functionally retarded. I always assume that no one is that stupid. But it's the same. Well, this person is clearly an idiot. If you think that $540 million is of any consequence to the U.S. budget, $540 million is nothing. It's nothing in comparison.

And he's talking about the national debt. What is our national debt right now? I don't know what that number is. It's like a quintillion or something. I don't actually, I gotta figure this out. Alright, hold on. I'll look it up. No, no, I'm looking at the number. It's $18,344,821,450,000 or thereabouts.

That is our U.S. national debt. $18 trillion. $18.3 trillion. Okay. I'm looking at a clock right now where it's just going up and up and up. I'm looking at the same thing. Yeah. It's in the left-hand corner.

Yeah, and it's just going up and up and up and up. Yeah. And their federal budget deficit right now, as it looks to me, is $497 billion. Yeah. So $540 million doesn't tick this down in any appreciable way. And then there's always the photos that you see everywhere with the flies landing on his face. I can show you in the codes where he's got a strong connection to the Lord of the Flies, Beelzebub. Well, I call him Beelzebub because he had those flies stuck to his lip.

So this does come from the raw story. Christian Broadcaster clarifies for a listener that Obama's actually an atheist with Muslim sympathies. This is great. I want to play this bit for you. This is Sandy Rios from Sandy Rios in the Morning on American Family Association's Sandy Rios Show. I would love to see a Ted Cruz, Ben Carson ticket. Oh, my God. Shoot me in the face if there's a Ted Carson. A Ted Carson. A Ted Carson?

A Ted Carson? And a Ben Cruz? I heard Ben Carson talk. Just start talking about some stuff. And I couldn't cringe more. That is a guy who I never want to see. Ben Carson? Never want to see.

He's just a horrifying dude. Super, super horrifying. I didn't hear him. I've never heard him talk about it. Yeah, we've had him on the show a couple times. Well, that's all I was going to see. He's just a horrifying dude. I didn't hear him. I've never heard him talk about it. We've had him on the show a couple times. I was going to say, I only know him from the times he's appeared on the show. Horrifying. Ted Cruz, because he's an attorney.

He's been there. He's strong. He understands D.C. And Ben Carson, because I think he could actually go in there and fix the health care system while Ted's taking care of all the other things that are going on. In the next eight years, I'd love to... Go ahead. No, no, you go ahead.

You've been waiting a long time. Finish your thought. No, then in eight years, I'd love to see Ben Carson be the first black president instead of a Muslim president. Wait, are they mutually exclusive? Wait, hold on, hold on. First black president. No, no, no.

I don't think you're ever going to. Okay, look. You can make all the arguments you want about him not being a Christian. You can make all the arguments you want about him being a Muslim or him being whatever the fuck. But I have yet to hear an argument that I will even remotely consider about the man not being black. I don't even know what to say. All I can do is look around like, did I just hear that? Yeah.

First black president? Be the first black president. What the what? It's like he's not even black. That's awesome. They are so against him that they just refuse to acknowledge that he's there. Yeah. He actually has the experience,

and he doesn't have to worry about being outmaneuvered by these senior rhinos that we have in Congress. You know, one thing I, you know, the Muslim president thing, we know that he loves the Muslim community, and he's certainly sympathetic, and he loves the call to prayer, and we'll say no more. We don't know. I kind of think he's an atheist, to be honest with you, Dave, with Muslim sympathies. I always need to clarify that. But –

Atheist with Muslim – I guess we're atheists without Muslim sympathies. I think we're atheists without sympathy. Yeah. Just in general. Without religious sympathy. Yeah. Why would you have Muslim sympathy? Oh, I guess maybe it's like a C.J. Werleman type of atheist.

That's not what I'm talking about here. I guess maybe it's like a CJ Werleman type of atheist. That's not what we're talking about here. Like what would an atheist with Muslim sympathy like? Oh, he doesn't hate the Muslims the way that we want him to hate the Muslims in a very specific and directed way. So he's an atheist with Muslim – what the fuck nonsense. The man – we beat him up for going to a black church. Yeah.

We beat the shit out of that guy. I know. Throughout the course of the election. It was so ridiculous. It was so ridiculous. Right? Yeah. I think that if we could, we could, someone could form a team out of the talent on those stages last night.

Various ones of them can run these cabinet agencies. Can you imagine if each of them were tasked with cleaning up these departments what we would have i mean that would be a phalanx of cleaning house are she really talking about the people that like the republican the clown car that was the debate everybody i talked to that's liberal though all says the same thing they're like it's a fucking clown car it's a fucking clown car. It's ridiculous. But these guys, they have to.

The pundits on the other side, you got to clip on to something. You got to. 16 of them. Oh, my gosh. There's 16, Cecil. Yeah. How do you justify, how do you pretend that your party is not a discombobulated shambles? When you're like, yeah yeah like everyone is running like

there's 16 people it's you don't have 16 ideas among you did you see that uh santorum's uh approval rating went down to or not approval rating his his voter backing went down to zero percent after the last one low percentage but here really low percentage. But here's the thing. You want to take a guess at what it was before the debate? Four? One. So he only had 1% of the people anyway. So when it went down to zero, it's not a big deal. But a bunch of people were saying, oh, it went down to zero.

And then I actually looked at the Pew Research thing. I'm like, well, it was at one. So it dropped off a point. With a margin of error of probably one. But I'll tell you, Jeb Bush dropped like 7% or one yeah so it dropped a margin of error of probably one but i'll tell you jeb bush dropped like seven percent or something like he dropped a lot i really thought jeb bush was gonna be the guy yeah i don't think he's gonna be the guy not now i mean i'm kind of thinking maybe trump might be shut the fuck up trump might be the guy shut the fuck up i'll fucking stab you i will stab you like a fucking...

Dude, don't get mad because it's going to be amazing. Amazing! If Trump actually became... I'm going to throw up seconds. I'm going to vomit. I'm going to fucking vomit. If Trump was actually the president, we would be embroiled in every war simultaneously that guy

can you imagine him negotiating with Putin are you kidding or with China they would high five are you kidding they would high five they would be buds that would be a total they'd be a bromance between us and Russia because we'd basically he'd basically just

he'd roll back the clock on all kinds of shit. You really think it's going to be Trump? I don't think he's going to win, but I think that he'll – You think he'll win the primaries? Yeah, maybe. He rose in the last one. What is happening? What kind of crazy, madcap, bizarro universe do we live in i don't understand why

we have to build a ray gun to aim at a planet i never even heard of don't blame me i voted for kodos go sister comes from right wing watch uh ben carson's bible-based tax system and other gop adventures in biblical economics um so this was kind of interesting. Ben Carson said he would have a new tax system based on the biblical system of tithing. He says, I think God is a pretty fair guy. Read his system here. Can we hold on for just a second? Because I will read his system.

But how can you look at a world where two-thirds of the world lives on less than a dollar a day? Look at a world where two thirds of the world lives on less than a dollar a day. And one percent of the world controls like 90 percent of the resources and think, yeah, God seems like a pretty fair guy. All those people put seed money in and that's the thing. Oh, yeah. Right. So like like when like a like a four year old in like gets guinea worm or something or like has fucking bot flies growing out of his ass or somebody's six-year-old sister gets hit by a car right in front of you or your baby gets cancer. It's like, I think God is a pretty fair guy.

Or like when ISIS beheads people for not being sex slaves. You're just like, I think God is a pretty fair guy. Oh, look at that. Look at that. Look at that tsunami that wiped out 250,000 people literally the day after Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, motherfuckers. Oh, what a fair guy. There's a quarter million people wiped out by a wave.

God's a pretty fair guy. All right. So here's a a fair guy. There's a quarter million people wiped out by a wave. God's a pretty fair guy. All right, so here's a super fair system, said the God who doesn't give a shit. Quote, and he said, you know, if you give me a tithe, it doesn't matter how much you make. If you've had a bumper crop, you don't owe me triple tithes. And if you've had no crops at all, you don't owe me no tithes. and if you've had no crops at all you don't owe me no tithes so you owe tithes it's double negative so there must be something inherently fair about that and that's why i've advocated a proportional tax system you make ten dollars ten billion dollars you pay a billion you make ten dollars you pay one and everybody gets treated the same

way and you get rid of the deductions and you get rid of the loopholes and end quote. It's a flat tax, man. Flat taxes hurt the poor and they hurt the poor because we have a progressive tax in this country where most poor people don't pay taxes. They don't have to pay taxes. They don't have to pay taxes. Many poor people, in fact, get credits from the government to help them get back up to where we would hope that they would be. I mean it doesn't even come close because the tax credits are pathetic. But we try to help them.

I know when I was a student and things like that, like I had like credits that were coming in based on like the hours I was working and the amount of taxes. I don't even think I spent any. I don't think i even got taxed or i got taxed so little i got a ton of that money back that i put into the government um through income tax when i was a student and when i was a working a working poor guy like i remember getting a ton of that money back and and we should be giving that money back to those fucking guests. The money shouldn't be coming to the government because, first of all, it's a tiny fucking amount of money. It's not a lot of money. You're looking at the people who don't earn a lot of money. They can't.

First off, they don't they don't have a lot to give and they don't and they're not giving a lot anyway. You know, my issue with the flat tax is that it's a regressive tax because my dollars aren't the same. And I'll use Ben Carson's example because it's his fucking example. So if I have $10 billion and I give away a billion and I have $9 billion left, I'm still rich. If I have $10 and I give away a dollar, I'm still poor, right? These are different worlds people live in. Whose dollar mattered more? Whose 10% affected their ability to buy a medicine?

If I've got a billion dollars and I give away a tenth of a billion dollars, I can still buy food, housing, medicine, clothing, shelter. I can buy all of those necessities. I'm still fucking spectacularly wealthy. You don't have to go up to billions. You could just say $100, have to go up to billions. You could just say $100,000 to $25,000. Right. But I guess that's what I mean is that money doesn't behave the same way. It really doesn't behave the same way when you're poor as when you are affluent.

When you are affluent, the same things cost you less money. If I want to buy car insurance, let's say I cost you less money. If I want to buy car insurance, let's say I want to buy a car and I want to buy car insurance. If I want to buy car insurance and I live in a shitty neighborhood, and I can testify to this from personal experience, I have two homes. I have a rental home in a lower middle class mixed race community and I have my home that I live in, which is a more affluent community. When I insured my car in the lower middle class mixed race community when I lived there,

it cost me about $100 a year more to insure that car than it does to insure the exact same car for the exact same dollar value where I live now, right? And the reason is that it's more likely to be stolen in that community than it is in this community. So not only are you more likely to be the victim of a theft, but you're also more likely to pay more money to insure the same thing. It costs real dollars.

It costs more money to be poor. It costs more money to buy food when you're poor. It costs more money to get to work when you're poor than it does when you are affluent. Things cost more in real dollars, but then even more importantly, they cost more in relative dollars. And you talk about too, one of the major things is like they can't afford to buy quality things so my car goes into the shop every 3 000 miles i haven't had any major problems with my car at all since i got it i got into an accident that was it that was the only major problem i've ever had with my car i had to replace the brakes once had to replace the battery once but those weren't major expenses and it and it was not a big deal right when you have a shitty car your fucking bearings are going out you gotta you know it's got like a hundred thousand miles on it they

gotta take all the fucking wheels off you know all this bullshit that you got to deal with and then the starter goes out every third month because everything's fucked up inside of it i remember being a kid and like my parents would buy throwaway cars they would buy a car for five hundred dollars to a thousand dollars they would save up all they could to buy these cars. And then they would basically throw away cars because they would drive them until they couldn't fix simple shit anymore. And then they would just be like, well, I can't afford it because it's going to cost $1,000 to fix it. I might as well buy a brand new car, to me at least, a car that they think is better. And they'd get fucked.

They'd buy lemons and those those lemons would be that'd be a big deal because you're constantly on your back trying to figure out what the fuck's wrong with the car with back then with library books that you checked out to try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with it you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth this story is just super weird this comes from news uh vice news a rape survivor in india must balance a heavy rock on her head to prove her purity no that's true tom you to prove your purity you have to balance things that's why um seals are the purest of the animal because they can balance things very well it's no that's

true because nobody will fuck a juggler yeah that's right they're the purest of the people sorry noah oh my god whatever it does so you i don't even know what to say so this this woman has to balance an 88 pound stone on her head before she can live with her husband again 88 88 pounds is a is a is a symbolic number because she also has to go 88 miles an hour to go back in time to when this was fucking relevant you know this is like this is based on some fucking like like ye olde tale yeah no can i read you what it's based on yeah the test originates from the hindu epic poem of the ramayana which applied it uh to princess Sita after a rival suitor kidnapped her.

Her husband Rama rescues her, but subsequently has doubts about her chastity under captivity. In the poem, Sita sits in a sacrificial fire to prove her purity and is protected from the flames by the Anji or the Lord of Fire. And that's also I don't know if you knew this, but that's also why women in Europe do the Rapunzel test. and is protected from the flames by the Anji or the Lord of Fire. And that's also, I don't know if you knew this, but that's also why women in Europe do the Rapunzel test. So you have to climb up their hair. Right?

Yeah, no, yeah, just to see if they're pure. That's it. Yeah, it's big in Scandinavian countries. If somebody gave me an 88-pound rock and was like, if my wife said, Tom, here's an 88 pound rock stick it on your fucking bean and balance it there for an indeterminate amount of time so i can see if you're gonna pure enough to live in my home i gotta be like fucking i'm gonna live anywhere else because you're such a fucking goofball you clearly don't want to spend you don't want to live with me like if my wife was raped it's like came back it I wouldn't be like, I wonder if you're pure or not.

I'd be like, I'm super glad you're back home and I'm sorry you had to endure that trauma. Come on, if my wife was raped, I'd be like, how strong is your neck? I don't really want to. I want a woman with a thick neck. You don't look like you have a cervical injury. Let me tell you something. You better be able to hold up that 88 pounds with your fucking neck. Can you imagine how hard that is?

And how long do you have to hold it up there? And then if it falls and hits you in the shoulder? And do you have to do tricks like the Harlem Gold Trotters? You have to spin it on your head? It would actually be more stable if you spun it. Maybe that would be... It'd probably help you if they played the music like that. Dun-dun-dun.

Dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun. This is the doo-doo episode. It's a doo-wop episode. They're all doo-doo episode. They're all doo-doo episodes. Turns out. Fucking India. It seems like rape is their export.

That's the thing that they export. Well, they certainly import it. That's the thing that they're known for. India is as a country seems to have an almost shockingly – like an almost intentionally appalling record when it comes to women's sexual rights. Oh, yeah. Like it's almost like they're sitting around a room like, well, we've ruined everything.

What should we ruin next? They don't have – Can we ruin her neck? Is that possible? What about if she just put a rock on her head? See if that helps. I'd like to compress a few of her vertebrae? Is that possible? What about if she just put a rock on her head? See if that helps. I'd like to compress a few of her vertebrae. Is that possible?

Look, her right arm isn't numb. She can still feel. Let's make sure we destroy it. She's just numb in the mind and spirit. After being raped, maybe she can't feel, Tom. That's the thing. Balance a rock on your head. And are you sitting there with bated breath like, I really want my wife back.

I hope she can balance that rock on her head because of an old poem about somebody sitting in a fire after they were kidnapped? It has nothing to do with rocks at all. What are you talking about? It's like a fucking fire poem. Like what if they ever pet a particularly mean dog? Like, what if it doesn't bite you? Yeah. Yeah, like, oh, you just gotta.

Why don't they just put, like, a pee under her mattress or something? She feels it. Or, like, why don't they make her, like, lick a 9-volt battery? You know? That would be, you know, that's like a modern fairy tale right if she licks a nine volt battery and she doesn't get that flinch yeah and make like a weird tabby like that tastes metallic and weird why did i do that i got fillings fuck i said what's so it's just so fucking odd like i and there has to be a point where you're like, well, we need to figure something out. How are we going to know if she's pure?

I don't know. Stick a rock on her head. Duh. Use your fucking brains, guys. Or you at least use your head. Yeah, put a rock on your brains. No, that's not what people mean by that. Use your head does not mean balance heavy shit on your head so that's going to wrap it up for this midweek show we are going to have on

bobby c and miss ashley from no religion required podcast next time and uh and we've also got some things in the works we're hoping to have a couple of other people on in the near future to try to do some midweek shows as well as some other shows. We're pretty excited about it, but we'll let you know as plans solidify. We'll let you know who will be on. But we're really looking forward to talking to Bobby C. and Miss Ashley. We had a great time meeting them down at ReasonCon, and we were also on their show once. So we're glad to have them on and talk. I do want to play before we go, speaking of other podcasts, we got a message from a bunch of people

who run a new show. One of them is Paul from Quranify Me. He sent us a message asking if we could play a clip for them. They just started a brand new podcast, Paul, along with a ton of other people, started a new podcast called Atheist Apocalypse. I'm going to play the clip that they sent us. They actually sent it out to a ton of other people. I'm going to play that clip for you right now. At a time and a place in a time, in a place, in a world, millions have suddenly vanished, and no one knows why. What is behind this mystery? Is it man? Is it evil? Is it God?

Stay on top of the breaking news with your KUSA 9 News at Night team, your podcast leader in investigative journalism. Find out more information about the Atheist Apocalypse podcast at AtheistApocalypse.com, baby. This time, it's for Thnerius. So we're going to link to Atheist Apocalypse in the show notes if you wanted to find out about their podcast. And if you want to catch Bobby C and Miss Ashley, check us out on Monday. But until next time, we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative,

acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer Brain Dead, Pan, Sales Pitch, Late Night Info, Docutainment. Leo, Pisces, Cancer Cures, Detox, Reflex, Foot Massage, Death in Towers, Tarot Cars, Psychic Healing, Crystal Balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, Aliens, Churches, Mosques and Synagogues, Temples, Dragons, Giant Worms, Atlantis, Dolphins, Truthersthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. Outro Music you