Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 245: No Religion Required

Episode Date: August 24, 2015

  Where we appear on other shows:   Thanks to Bobby C., Miss Ashley, and Jeremiah from the No Religion Required Podcast.    

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. I think you guys are a horrible influence on me. This weekend I was at a charity walk for hydrocephalus and the team ahead of us had that loop quote on their shirt that said, Fear not, only believe and she will be healed. They were walking with a nine-year-old kid that had hydrocephalus, and I just blurted out,

well, fuck, that's not working out too well for you, is it? I've just lost all my decency. Thanks, guys. Glory hole. Hey, Tom and Cecil. This is Matt from Phoenix. I just want to let you know the song from last week's episode is Stars and Stripes Forever by John Pulisusa. I know this because I happen to be opening my own crack house. I've got my Series A financing taken care of, but I'm not going to be able to do the grand opening unless I can find a giant pair of scissors.

Anyways, love the show, guys. Glory hole. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. It's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 245 of Cognitive Dissonance. And we are joined by all of the no religion required cast for this episode.

We've got Bobby C., Miss Ashley and Jeremiah on the program. So welcome. Hey, nice to meet you, Noah and Heath. How's it going? I'm hanging up on this dude. the fuck that's great that's me that's great you know what we are no longer affiliated with jeremiah i don't know who this jeremiah guy is excuse me but please excuse our coon dog um sorry yeah we are no longer affiliated with jeremiah we don't know who he belongs to he just shows up like a stray dog. He just showed up.

I'm really just the fucking third wheel of the show anyway, so that's okay. So we did want to schedule this a little early today, Bobby C., because we saw yesterday that you went out to dinner and you wound up getting the senior citizens discount. So we scheduled a little early so you could get to sleep. Maybe watch Matlock if you wanted. Wapner could be on.

You could relax a little while. We know the elderly like to get to sleep. So we just wanted to schedule you a little early today. We could get your Superbird special at Denny's for like $3.99. That's awesome. The AAR you guys are awesome the arp discounts are worthwhile look i so enjoy going out to dinner with him because i get my meals at

half price he's silent shit over there ain't that some shit look look i got look i got my first senior citizens discount and this is no kidding i got it as a baby thing is when you're in the south like the the the the life expectancy is so low 41 apparently south of the mason d line, anyone over the age of 40, you're just shocked they're still alive. Like, really? Hey, look, I'm damn proud of my AARP card. Thank you.

But yes, I did. We went out to eat, and they gave me a 5% discount for senior citizen. That's amazing. Amazing. Yeah, but I appreciate you scheduling this kind of early, because it is getting kind of late and close to my bedtime. You should have told him you were 5% to see if you could stack the discounts. I'm a World War II vet, motherfucker.

5%! 5% is just insulting enough twice. It's a very low amount of money and you're not a senior citizen. Let me show you just how much I don't appreciate you. Here's 5%. He showed me the receipt.

I turned around and said, baby, do I need to go get your walker out the truck? Oh, shit. She pulled the walker thing on me. Oh, yeah. I can get the cashier to help you to the truck. But, yes, thank you so much for doing this early because it is a little past my bedtime. Yeah, we aim to please here. Yeah, so you just let us know when the sun sets down there,

because we want to make sure you get all the shut-eye you need. What the sun set about two and a half hours ago. I think you're just going blind, Bobby. That's what's going on. That's cataract? The sun is fucking two in the afternoon. You okay with that, Miss Ashley? Oh, my God.

Oh, shit. You're killing Ashley, man at my expense too i mean come on don't worry her time will come so we wanted to talk to you guys about this story from the raw story uh it's a pastor at the passion for truth church sentenced to prison for swindling the elderly but before i launch into the kind of details about the story and then pass it off, I do want to point out that Cecil asked me specifically, he said, can you find a story to send over to these guys? And he said, try to find something from the South. And I thought, motherfucker, try to find one of these stories that's not from the South.

That's true. I went hunting for about three seconds. They're all from the south that's true i i went i went hunting for about three seconds they're all from the south 100 of these kinds of stories are from the south so i guess we have you guys to thank well we're damn proud to help content to this program yeah we're damn proud to help uh so this this missouri pastor is at a church called the Passion for Truth. He also has a passion for stealing shit and defrauding the elderly, but he gets really crazy. Did he get you, Bobby? No, I still have my money, damn it. You ass.

That's awesome. He defrauded Bobby, but he gave him a 5% discount. It's just funny that they called Missouri the South, but that's all right keep going well i sure as fuck in the north anything south of chicago must be south to them well it's i mean a little farther let's say 20 miles south of chicago but yeah you're right i feel like nobody claims missouri i and i feel like that's entirely fair actually no i've got two roommates from missouri and they don't know if they're in the midwest they don't know if they're in the Midwest. They don't know if they're in the South.

They just have the worst mix of both. Missouri is just a shithole. Which is why it's called misery. Yeah, but do they call it Missouri or Missouri? Yeah, there's the answer, right? Yeah. They're also PhD students, so they don't like... I don't know.

They somehow escaped. Missouri is kind of... It is right there in between. It's kind of the taint of America. It's just it's neither here nor there. It hasn't really committed. It's just kind of stuck right there in the middle kind of. I got you.

Right, yeah. You're just like, I sort of feel like I should be doing something with that, but pass. This guy, Jim Staley, he steals $3.3 million from a host of elderly folks within the church who trusted him because of his Christian faith and his values. Many of them are suffering from dementia, which would explain the Christian faith and values. Yeah. And his victims were not members of his own parish. He apologized, but then he repaid a whopping $1,900 and later said hey man i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time that was like his defense for this you know what i call that i call that a fucking admission is what i call it so

well how are you in the wrong place oh man i was just i tripped and fell it was a fucking weirdest fluke thing and i fell on all these elderly people and you squirted money out that's almost as bad as well honey um i accidentally slept with her i just i just tripped and fell in it i was in the wrong place at the wrong place at the wrong time and she also happened to be elderly too so that's hey yeah so she fits in with me well apparently yeah and bobby c gets the senior citizens discount on that one so it all works out so he also ran a church he ran this church called the christian rights or christian roots movement forgive me um which advocates following the bible in the manner of the early christians before churches started adding

and subtracting from the word of God. Evidently, I guess like defrauding the elderly was a part of the original church. So that's probably how he got a little mixed up. It just it was an honest mistake. Anybody could have made three point three million dollars. And it was an honest mistake. Anybody could have done that. Well, here's the thing that that bothers me is the fact that they see this man as a man of God.

He's a man of the cloth. And it never dawns on them that this dumbass is taking complete advantage of them because they can't see it outside of their spiritual goggles that they got on. But if they would read the Bible. He won't do anything wrong. But if they had actually probably read the Bible, they'd see that god was the same way no this man didn't kill nobody he killed the shit out of their wallet exactly and he took advantage of them just like killed the hell out of their finances but he didn't kill them but just like god took advantage of everybody else in the bible so i mean why couldn't they see that i guess that's why they thought it was okay. No, because they hold him up to a higher standard than they should because they automatically think, well, he's a pastor, so he's an honest man.

So in your experience as a formerly religious person, would that have been something? Do you think it would be particularly easy to defraud the people within a church? Would they just automatically make that assumption? Or would they be a little skeptical? No, it's very easy. Especially down here, or I'll just say in a Southern Baptist tradition, that's what I came out of, okay? They hold the pastor to such a high standard, and they have him on such a high pedestal that they see him doing no wrong, saying no wrong, and he is the epitome of their God. I mean, I can see where it's so easy for this pastor to take advantage of his congregation or take advantage of his flock because they expect him to be their guidance.

They expect him to be the person they can go to and give them their spiritual guidance. Well, it's just like you have a level. You have God and then you have the preacher. Yeah. You know, so man speaks for. Yeah. So when a preacher speaks, they the congregation automatically thinks that that's God speaking to them.

OK, so then I have another question, because now that makes me curious. So to be a preacher within that community, like so. So like it strikes me about like the Mormons have their prophets, right? And their prophets are kind of like the same. Like you get, I don't know, appointed or whatever. You get chosen as a prophet. And then you're a prophet. Now you, like everything you say is sort of like verbatim passed down from God.

And the Catholics have a pope. And there's sort of a process for that. So what's the process to become a pastor? Because this is an esteemed position within your community right not your community but within that community so like what's the process i think the way to qualify is just you just have to have no sense of ethics whatsoever but that's just me or is it like are you the only one in town that can read is that like it's the only one in town with all his teeth and he looks good when he stands up there and smiles. No, like the only guy with a white suit.

That's right. And the only one that's able to handle a snake properly. But it's what it comes down to is they see it as a calling. Right. So they get this calling from this this this invisible sky daddy that tells them they need to be a pastor then they go to the current pastor and they start working under that pastor like an apprenticeship yeah and can anybody say they had the calling like yes yeah or or can the can the pastor say like i don't think you're cut out for this well ashley couldn't say she had to call because she's

a woman and she's supposed to keep her mouth shut oh wait a minute hey so in your tradition you can't have a female pastor there's no female pastors no haven't you read the damn tradition forgive me your former tradition haven't you read the damn there's no female no they just recently started allowing females to be preachers i have yet seen a southern baptist female preacher just letting him in the church but well and also one of the things i know that when i was growing up in the church they haven't done that shit i know i go to church naked um that's how you know that's how i was brought into this world so i might as well go to the church of geriatrics right over here whatever but the way that things would work like in our church when we had a pastor who um actually

got caught screwing the organist. She knew how to work the organ. Yeah. They ended up having to interview the church. They gathered a group of people. It was called the Pastors Committee to appoint a new pastor. And they would bring in like... That's a pretty original name.

Pastors Committee. So they would bring in eight pastors from all over the Southeast. And then they would let all eight pastors preach for one Sunday. They had a preach-off? Yes. Wait a minute. Do they have a fucking preach-off? Yes.

That's fucking amazing. Are you serious? I would pay money for that. Holy shit, they had a goddamn preach. If there is ever a fucking preach off, you need to let me know. I'm getting on the first plane to fucking wherever that goddamn hillbilly ass community is. And I am going to sit in the pew and watch a preach off. What you're going to do, Tom, is you're actually going to fly to the nearest city, which is probably somewhere in Virginia.

And then you're going to drive 600 miles. 17 hours to the hills. Say planes is probably somewhere in Virginia. And then you're going to drive 600 miles. Hey, planes come to Georgia, damn it. Only the ones with relief aid. Okay, no, somebody posted a thing on Facebook today. There's a reality show coming up, apparently called So You Think You Can Preach. I would say this is a joke. This is not a joke.

I'm not that funny. I'm not making this show up. You a joke. This is not a joke. I'm not that funny. I'm not making this up. You're right. Hey, you're right. He's not fucking funny. No, that's true. But you can win, apparently, $25,000. I kind of want to enter.

I wonder if whoever wins will give at least 10% of their $25,000 to the church. Okay, so I interrupted you because they're having their fucking rapping preach off thing where like eminem comes out and he's got the music in his moment and all that and you know so okay so they're having their preach off and what's they have their preach off and then at the end of whatever how many weeks they have the preachers um then the committee gets together again and decides which one spoke more truth from the Lord. But you also have to remember that what they're going off is which pastor the elders of the church liked. So the people on the panel are the elders of the church. They're the people who's been there since God was a child.

Right. And they've been there forever. church. They're the people who's been there since God was a child. They've been there forever. Whichever one appeals to the older generation of the church, that's the one they choose. Like your age, folks. You asshole.

Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Yes. To my generation, they talk to my generation, the senior citizen discount generation. That joke is getting a lot of mileage. Holy shit, man. I'm telling you.

We've got to be done by 3.30. That joke has almost as much mileage as Bobby has had. Oh, shit. See what he's doing? I'm telling you what. I see a fire button in the future. No, but that's what they do. They preach to the older generation and the older generation

is who selects what pastor stays it's kind of like they it's kind of like they say fuck it to the younger generation it's not for you right so it's eight pastors who are looking for a job and they're coming and they're quote-unquote interviewing by preaching to the church yeah they don't have to go through a whole interview i mean they don't really have to go through a what are you going to bring to the church no no how do you preach it's how all and how do you preach yep so the more fire and brimstone you bring to the table like that's if that's yes the more they love you the more they love you so so does does one of the elders like do they get an option to have a button where they can save you, give you immunity or something?

You know what it is, Tom? They all sit in pews, and then when they don't like them, they hit a button and the pew spins around. Pews turn around. You get four Xs, you're done. You get four Xs, you're fucked. America's got preaching. America's got pastors. Wow.

I can remember many times sitting in my mom and dad's church and watching these pastors come in every Sunday, a different pastor. And you listen to those pastors preach. Everything that Ashley said is true. That's exactly how they do it. Did you ever listen to one of them and go,

he'll never get the job. This guy sucks. Were they all basically the same? I'm curious what that was like as not an elder. I guess you couldn't answer that question. Imagine for a moment you weren't an elder. God damn it. I remember riding home with my grandparents home from church,

and my grandparents were about the same age as that Bobby is now. Oh, shit. What the hell? God. Oh, man, Bobby. This is great. I nearly feel bad that we brought this up. No, you don't.

Shut up. Don't even fucking lie. I don't feel bad. I know you don't. You ass. Shut up. Don't even fucking lie. I don't feel bad.

I know you don't. You ass. But anyways, I remember riding home and listening to my grandparents discuss the preachers. And, you know, one of the biggest topics that was brought up was, oh, yeah, this preacher is going to bring some money into the church. And I remember thinking to myself, what does money have to do with it well what would the church like what good would that do you as a as somebody who's just a member of the congregation if the church had a money what would what difference would it make to you you still show up on sunday and somebody yaks at you and you go home and watch football like how does how does

anything change the more money that comes into the church the better pews we had no but you have you have to remember the more lighting we had no no no you have to remember what do you you don't have electricity anyway we'll go to the lights they're just like we just like the way them fancy bulbs look no but the preacher that can invoke um the most emotion. Because when you evoke emotion, it's that emotion that makes people give more. Because you're evoking that emotion in that person. The more people in the congregation. The more you can get them going, hallelujah, amen, and raising their hands, the more the plate's going to feel. It does jack shit for us being the congregants.

It's the fact that we feel good when we leave. That's it. I got it. But to the church, when you're looking at a church that has no building fund or they don't have money coming in and they can bring in this hot shot hellfire and brimstone pastor to come in and preach to the congregation and get them all jumping up and down feeling good about themselves. They start – Some big city preacher from fayetteville or something no no no get it right it's from ludawisi a big there's a town here called ludawisi i swear i swear um but or jessup but they start putting 20s in the plate instead of ones and that's what

they're looking for i i had a damn preacher i was sitting in the congregation and the preacher when he passed a plate around said these words he said we appreciate the kind that jingles but we need the kind that folds oh yeah he said straight up straight up we appreciate the kind of jingles but we need the kind that folds and i'm like you got to be shitting me so now you're telling me what type of money I have to give. The thing that strikes me is if you were a guy who used to give change, you probably don't have a lot of extra dough. Like if you were like shaking the fucking pocket change out of your pocket

to dump in the collection plate, you probably don't have a lot of spare money laying around. Exactly, which is why we get excited because Bobby gets discounts. 5% off your tithing. Okay, goddamn. Okay, but if you think about it, if you live in a small farming town here in South Georgia. Which is literally all the towns. That's all I'm trying to say, baby.

You just need to be, I mean, you just named all of Southeast Georgia. Right, so as soon as you said this hypothetical, like three of my teeth fell out. It was unbelievable. And I had sex with my sister. The diploma on my wall fucking fell off as soon as you said that. He said he had sex with his sister. We just last year had a brother and a sister get arrested for having sex in a pickup in a big truck. In a big truck?

Yes. It was a brother and sister. They were in a Kenworth. And they got caught in a pickup in a big truck in a big truck yes it was a brother and sister they were in a kinder and they got caught in a church parking lot the the brother parked his 18 wheeler in the church parking lot his sister decided to join him they were he was walking his sister home and the police and the police showed up asked what they were doing and the brother's like why this guy done fucking my sister and I'm walking her home. Was his name Josh Duggar or? You could accept the fact that this city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportion.

What do you mean biblical? What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. Real wrath of God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes. Volcanoes. The dead rising from Right Wing Watch as well. It's actually not one story. It's so much as a series of stories.

And there's some great audio clips. So I think we'll lead them through with the audio clips. And then we'll bullshit about them. So the first one, this one comes from uh this is uh pastor hagi john hagi this is the guy who doesn't like uh atheists in his country and tells them that they need to leave get on the nearest plane nobody will miss him um yeah that hagi um he wants to talk a little bit about israel and this is this whole thing is basically about end time shit so this is whole that's the theme based on all of these different clips but this is john hagie from the hagie hot

line the united states of america had better pay attention to this because israel is the nation god has sworn to defend god could care less what we say about Russia, about China, about Iran. I thought God loved us too. Because aren't we the special... I thought we were like the specially anointed by God nation. That God was like, God had a chubby for us before we were ever made. Because we're pretty

relatively new on the global front when you come right down to it. Can you imagine listening to John Hagee's message of peace and love if you're Chinese or Russian? Wait a minute. Wait. And that guy, and then you'd be looking around like,

but we're more people. We're so many more people. But when we as a nation take a stand against Israel, God will take a stand against Israel. God will take a stand against us. I refer you to the Babylonians, to the Romans, to the Greeks, to the Ottoman Empire, to the great empire of England. That is now nothing more than an island. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wasn't England always an island?

It was always an island, man. Isn't that amazing? It was all – I think he's referring to the decline of the British Empire. But that was not because God swooped in. It was because colonialism sort of went out of fashion. What he's trying to equate is the people who went against Israel all fell down. He started listing all these different places. And I'm thinking, fucking, it's so weird.

Like, Rome? He's just naming things that aren't around anymore. Because of their anti-Semitic actions against the Jewish people. If we allow terrorists to attack Israel, God will allow terrorists to attack the United States of America. What are you talking about America. He didn't. What are you talking about? He fucking didn't stop 9-11. He didn't stop like the USS Cole.

He didn't stop the fucking two dorky ass marathon bomber kids. He didn't. He didn't stop. He also didn't stop the federal building that was in Oklahoma. Right. He did. Yeah, that's exactly right. Like, what is he stopped Right. What has he stopped?

What exactly has he stopped? The thing is, Tom, you don't know what he stopped. Oh, yeah. He could have stopped a whole bunch of stuff. Could have been millions, but there's only like seven or eight or nine or ten. Yeah. Even that guy in the Olympics back in Atlanta.

Right. I forgot about that guy. God is so weak sauce that some fucking chubby security guard can fucking set off a bomb. God's like, oh, man, I wasn't looking. Hold on a minute. And then two marathon bombers do. He's like, oh, come on. I can't do anything.

I can't do anything about that. I like the security guard union. Maybe he just doesn't guard like sporting events i will guard nascar though you ain't never seen no terrorists at no nascar race have you this is our destiny that congress is voting on call your senator call your congressman and tell them stand up and speak up for us and for the state of israel Man, that guy's got an Israel heart on, doesn't he? Golly. Goodness gracious.

You could fucking hang a fucking suit from him. You know what I mean? It's so fucking stiff and hard. God damn, man. They fucking love themselves some Israel, man. Good Lord. There is some fucking straight Israel fucking love that is hard and fast and true and forever and it is not going anywhere oh man that's that's it that's just i'm just gonna

go i'm just gonna go pick my history book up and look for the time when england wasn't an island as we were asking these prophets it's very interesting about the united states we were reminded of a word we had about several years ago what we call uh it's um it's using typology but a sheep or a goat state and the sheep states were ones that were standing biblically and the goats states were those who didn't and what What the fuck is she talking about? What is that even? What is she saying? Can you even hear her?

She's a sheep. I love that this woman is praising sheep. That that's the thing that they praise is the sheep. Dude, I've listened to that and I can't even process it. That's awesome. She's talking about sheep states and goat states and my brain's just like no one thing that prophet after prophet said is you're going to see the rainfall in the in the states that are following biblical principles and you're going to see drought come and so we'll see we'll see what happens with that. And Texas is a super religious state that was in a drought for like fucking a million years. Yeah, she addresses that, though. She says that there's rains now, you know, in the future.

But I know like here in Texas, we're just seeing abundance. So, you know, we're saddened about flooding. But what happened in the abundance of the rain was the lakes filled up, you know, the rain brought great blessing, great fruitfulness to harvest. And Oklahoma, some other states like that. Yeah, but I want to also mention too, that a large swath of Texas, I'm looking at the U.S. Drought Monitor right now. The large swath of Texas is still in a drought and it's still in a moderate to severe drought. And then many places that are in the south right now that are completely Bible states. We're talking about the Carolinas, both of them, large parts of Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana and whatever shitty state is above Louisiana.

What is that, Arkansas? They're all in droughts. They all have large droughts that sort of go through them. Now, the severest droughts, the exceptional droughts, are in California, Nevada. We're looking at Washington, Oregon, then a lot of Idaho, though. I'm looking at Idaho. There's a lot going on there. There's one of the Dakot Like, I'm looking at Idaho. There's a lot going on there. There's one of the Dakotas, I think, up there.

Is that Montana? Montana next to it. So Montana and Idaho. There's a lot going on up there. There's a lot of drought. Big, huge fucking red spots. And are you telling me that those aren't biblical fucking states? Right.

It's almost as if drought has nothing to do with godliness. Is that what you're reading from that map? Look, here's the thing. I'll believe you if I drive to California and look at the stand, stand at the state line, and it's fucking raining all day across the state line and it never crosses in. And we're talking like right on the state line. I'm talking inches from the state line. I'll be like, OK, maybe you got some. Sure. Sure.

Right. Yeah. If all of a sudden, if every fucking blue state is just parched. Yeah. I'm looking, you know, we're pretty blue here in Illinois. There ain't a single bit of drought on there. No. Huh.

Yeah. Well, imagine that. That's weird. It's almost like that's a fucking meaningless goat state thing to say. That's weird. I love a good goat's a fucking meaningless goat state thing to say. That's weird. I love a good goat state, though. What is a goat state? Gotta be honest.

Well, it's the states that you don't get arrested for fucking goats. It's a goat state, yeah. As opposed to the sheep states where, you know. Actually, Oklahoma's a goat state. Didn't they want to put up a giant Baphomet statue? Actually, it's Baphomet. No, I know. It's not pronounced.

All right. So we've got, this is fucking amazeballs. This is Jim Baker, who now looks like fucking Colonel Sanders. He's like got a beard. I wouldn't recognize him. Yeah. And then the other thing, too, is Rick Wiles. You're going to hear Rick Wiles speak, but you won't recognize him because he's not speaking so deeply into his microphone compression yeah i

barely recognized him i was i was i was listening to him i was like oh my god i can barely reckon but he's a fucking close talker to that microphone because when you hear him speak he does not sound like his radio voice so here's uh this is is awesome. This next one here is just outstanding. This is Jim Baker and Rick Wiles on Jim Baker's show. Our cycles with the sun. The sun has a 206-year cycle. We just came out of the global warming cycle. Food is abundant during the global warming cycle. Food is scarce during the 206-year global cooling cycle. Wow. And if you notice, the last several years, winters have been very, very cold, very snowy, record snowfall. Not in Australia, motherfucker.

Yeah, right? Yeah, call India. See how their winters have been. God. You know, anecdotally, some places are cold. Oh, great. Awesome. Yeah, way to sell fear, bro. You're literally selling fear because he's selling it for money.

Yeah, I want to read what's on the screen right now. A $60 donation or more gets a cornmeal bulk bucket. He's selling fear because he's selling it for money. Yeah, I want to read what's on the screen right now. A $60 donation or more gets a cornmeal bulk bucket. 367 servings. Because evidently Jim Baker is now a prepper. Yeah, well, that's what he sells. He sells all that fucking Christian doomsday prep shit. Right? Isn't that his whole thing now?

Yeah, we talked about this on our show yeah he's like he sells all kinds of crazy shit for lots and lots and lots of money right yeah so you can hoard your fucking cornmeal what would i do with 300 servings of cornmeal first of all i doubt that's really 300 servings i feel like i could eat a five gallon bucket of cornmeal in a sitting maybe you're like you're like that guy like man versus food except for on yours it's I feel like I could eat a five-gallon bucket of cornmeal in a sitting. Maybe two. You're like that guy, like man versus food. Except for on yours, it's like man versus bucket of food. In the East Coast, New England, Michigan, and so forth,

the Great Lakes frozen solid up through late spring. These are signs that the sun is cooling down. The Russians are very adamant about this. The head of the Russian International Space Station, the Russian side of it, he is flat out saying, and he was saying this seven years ago, the little ice age will start in the winter of 2015. Really?

It's on record. You can go on the Internet and find these predictions. Wait, you can find his prediction on the Internet? It must be true. Well, why are the Russians so interested in it? Well, look at where their land mass is at. Okay, if they lose their food, they're in trouble. Jim, what do nations

do when the food runs out? They go to war. They go to war. They steal it from each other just like they will just like New York, Chicago, all your big cities will be hell. The gangs will take what they want. They will kill

to take what they want. And will kill to take what they want. And then they will start eating bodies. I'm sure we'll let that happen. I'm sure that that's going to happen. We're going to run out of food. Here's what we're going to do.

Before we run out of food, we're going to go go let's just say that fucking they're absolutely right let's just fuck it i'm just gonna go out there and be like you know what you are absolutely right we're gonna it's a little ice age we're gonna lose a bunch of food somehow i don't know how that's gonna work i don't know how you can cool us down that much where it would affect us but maybe maybe it's possible let's just presume that he's telling the truth we're not going to use all the money we spent on warfare shit between now and then to go take anything we want you know that you're going to just walk up to be like okay mexico we're going to basically take this now you can have the north you're watching the united states but we're gonna

take this land from you because you know like what what who's gonna stop them from doing it you think that they're gonna let chicago and new york and all these places go to fucking cannibalism before they do that dude it's if if if shit gets to the point where we're eating each other it doesn't matter if you have a fucking basket of cornmeal in your basement. Like shit has gotten so fucking real at that point. It makes it. Yeah. You know, we export a tremendous volume of food across the world before people start eating each other.

I mean, we are a nation of excess we could all collectively stop eating right now and we'd be good for a good nine months well this thing lasts 206 years america's so fucking fat we could make it another 210 we'd be fine we're fucking generationally fat yeah and that's so fat we give birth to fat babies. We give birth to babies that have fucking slim fast breast milk. I said who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole?

It's Jesus. So this story comes from the Raw Story. Anti-LGBT Michigan priest warns teens against sinful gay behavior by cramming a bagel in your ear. This is pretty awesome. So a Michigan priest claims he successfully explains to teenagers why homosexuality is sinful by comparing anal sex to cramming a bagel in your ear. And here is his quote. This is the question which is asked by junior high kids. Why does God hate gays?

Here is the image that I use, the priest continued, saying he asked, what if I just rip open a bagel, I take it and I cram it in my ear? What would you say? Ricardo said, teens usually say the bagel doesn't go there. And I say, exactly. That will ruin your ear canal. Well, not if you use some fucking, you know, spread as a little bit of lube. That's true.

You're fine. Also, he could probably change it to a different hull and find a more elongated item. Right. It's like, well, what if I cram a tire iron in my eye socket? Okay, well, let's talk about the anus. You'd be like, okay, well, what if I put this life preserver up there? That's not

going to work. I mean, you would need a whole lot of lube, and you might have to reshape it a little. But now, if we're talking about a cucumber, the same thing. It's like, well, what if I took this Q-tip and said what i i put the what where should i put this and they say well in your ears you'd be like no motherfucker you're not supposed to put q-tips in your ears don't you read the side of the package read the goddamn packaging what about if i take an office chair and cram it down my throat like all right you just pick a bunch of

stuff that won't fit anywhere else like it's like your first studio apartment like basically you just have a bunch of shit you're trying to stuff in there and then finally you're just like well the cat goes the fucking cat goes he's taking up too much space he's treating the human body like a mary poppins bag you know like you just you just keep sticking stuff in it it's like a tard TARDIS. It's like a candelabra down there. Whatever it takes. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Back a truck up in that motherfucker.

Well, what if you paved a super highway into your ears? What a weird... Can you imagine the teenagers who are just like fucking sitting in an audience with this guy? He's like, what if you cram a bagel in your ear? He's just like, this does not address my concerns. Could you imagine sitting there? The actual audible noise of all the eye rolling that is going on at that point where they're just like patting him on the head.

Be like, okay, just get your diatribe out of the way. We already know how sex works right exactly they want to be like doesn't one of them raise their hand in the audience and be like well what if i fuck my girlfriend in the ass is that okay what if i fuck this big i bought like a tube of six of those things i fuck'll give them what for. Bro, you going to fuck that? You got to put a little schmear on there. You have to put a little lock schmear on there. You just grab my bagel in your ear.

Grab her home there. This is what happens when you get sex advice from a celibate. I know. Right? It's awesome. He has no idea. He has just no idea. He's like, ah, stick a bagel in your head.

Sex is like sticking. It's like that fucking 40-year-old virgin, right? Like, holding up a bag of sand. Like a bag of sand. Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose. So we're back with Bobby C., Miss Ashley, and Jeremiah from No Religion Required. Guys, if people haven't heard of your show, could you explain what your show is and give us a little idea of you are sure we're we're a southern based radio show out of savannah georgia we are live every sunday night 7 p.m eastern standard time on spreaker so people can it's kind of cool because we've just recently

started going live and our show is based around we like having guests We like talking about deep situations and getting into the life of our guests. I like that you got a chuckle out of Miss Ashley there. Look, I can't catch a break from Ashley tonight. Look, he busts out, we like getting into deep conversations with our guests. We like getting into deep conversations with our guests. Wishful thinking is awesome, isn't it? No, I like going deep. He can't, but I guess because, you know, wishful thinking is awesome. No, I like going deep. But see what... He can't, but he

likes it. That's right. I like it. I like the thought of it. But, you know, we like to have conversations with guests that you normally wouldn't have. We want to know their past story. We want to know their deconversion story and get to know the person instead of

what they are doing within the community. And also on our show, we have something called God Hates Facts. And that's Jeremiah Facts, F-A-C-T-S. And yes, I can spell don't start. So Jeremiah does that that segment for our show, the science segment. And then Ashley's reading the Bible for the very first time on the air. How far are you now, Miss Ashley? I am in numbers.

I'm halfway through numbers. Oh, man. The people in Georgia have learned numbers at this point. I can count to three. That's what grade she made it to. Oh, Jesus. And yeah, that's like, you're like a PhD student down there, huh? Hey, I graduated sixth grade, damn it.

No, one day we'll get to the book of colors and then we'll get on to the animals. We're going to do anatomy here. Show me on the doll. Show me on the doll. That's amazing. But for the most part, we have a... We're a back porch radio show. I mean, we're a back porch radio show. We have a – I mean, we're a back porch radio show.

We have conversations like you would be just sitting on your back porch. Drinking a sweet glass of tea. Yeah, with some Crown Royal, and, you know, that's what we do. We don't sit on our back porch in Chicago. We're too afraid of stray bullets. They'll shoot at your ass up there. Are you kidding me? But, yeah, that's pretty much what we are, man.

Look, we don't have – we really have no structure. just we just hang out we have a good time and we have some great conversations so i mean but if you you know we just like hanging out you you know you guys were nice enough to have us on your program once before and when we were on your program coming back yes the quiz was it was like this dog will hunt and fucking cotton on my balls or I forget what it was. It's like I forget. But you had like southern sayings. Well, we don't really have – what we do is we just speak normal up here. So I couldn't make a northern sayings one.

So what I decided to do is make a Chicago quiz to see if you guys know a little bit about Chicago. So without further ado, here's the quiz. What is the tallest – I'm going to read off four options. What is the tallest building in Chicago? Is it the Trump Tower, the Willis Tower, the Sears Tower, or the Tower of Power? Sears Tower. That's the one where the'd like the the the the the glass square glass thing reaches square and glass yeah that's called a lot a lot of the big

it turns out those big shinies downtown are square glass towers all of them are square or most of them are square and they're also mostly glass no it's actually the willis tower they renamed it about 10 years ago what you talk talk about, Willis? So it's... It's okay. It used to be called the Sears Tower. So that was very... You were very close. Trick question. That's fucked up. We didn't give y'all a trick question. They're giving you multiple choice, Bobby.

That's like... They're dumbing it down for us. Alright, so in Chicago, we have different names for interstates, right? We have things that are called I, and then we'll say 90 or something, but we also name them after famous people. So I'm going to read off names of interstates and you tell me whether it is a real name for an interstate or whether it's not a real name for an interstate. Okay? Okay.

So the first one is the Stevenson. Is it real or not? The Stevenson? That sounds real or not? The Stevenson? That sounds like a dance. Oh, shit. I'm so happy to see this. I want to do The Stevenson. I picture a whole bunch of people dancing down the interstate.

Oh, shit. She's doing The Stevenson. Oh, yeah. God damn. Get the banjo, y'all. Let's do this thing. I ain't never seen a woman do the Stevenson without music. That's fucking hard.

I think I saw a porn with that in it. It's illegal in Georgia. You can't do the Stevenson down there. I'm going to say no. Okay. It is the road. That's I-55 is the Stevenson. Why the hell do they give them names?

That's like stupid. The next one is the Blagojevich. Okay, wait a minute. Now that sounds like a sex move. It's like felching, but a little dirtier. Don't you have like Scandinavian immigrants up in the Midwest or something like that? Oh, and here comes the brain. You know, we do have Scandinavian immigrants, it turns out.

Yeah. Yeah, we have immigrants from all of the places, it turns out. So they have an interstate that you can dance on. That's the Stevenson. Right. And then they got the porno interstate. And then they got the porno interstate. The Borgavit.

It's called the Blagojevich. Is it an interstate or not? Sure. I'll say yes. Yes. No. That was our... That was...

Rod Blagojevich was our old old governor that went to jail. Oh yeah look at that guy. He was the second one in a row

that went to jail. Yeah and he has Trump hair so you'll remember him he looks like yeah. Because he was making a porno

on the scene. And they talking shit about us and all their governors are going to prison. Ain't none of our governors going to prison. Yeah

didn't you just tell us a story about a guy fucking his sister? The moral high ground is awfully high to take. But it's not our governor. He was just the mayor. Next one. The tri-state.

Tri-state sounds like Jersey and New York. I was going to say, no way it can be the tri-state. Okay, hold on. Why can't it be the tri-state? I got to hear this. Let's look at the states. You got Illinois. Yep.

Which is where Chicago is, I think. Isn't that Illinois? Yeah, that's Illinois. Yes. It is. Okay, Chicago. You got Chicago up in Illinois. Right down below that's... Yep.

No, right down below us is y'all, not y'all. They've got Indiana. And then somewhere up there is... Michigan. Wisconsin. It's Wisconsin. So is it a road or no? Yes.

It is. It is. Yes, son of a bitch. We got that one. What about the Obama? That's in D.C. No, no, no a bitch. We got that one. What about the Obama? That's in D.C. No, no, no, no. Obama's from Chicago.

From Chicago. Ooh, would they name a street after him? Yes. Well, yeah, they probably would. A bunch of damn yanks. Yeah, they probably would. No, that's not a street yet. Although I'm not sure it may be a street.

Losers, now you're taking insult cards from Trump. What about the Joseph M. McCormick Expressway? That just sounds really, really intelligent. So I'm going to say yes. Joseph M. McCormick. Hey, that's the guy that makes the spices. McCormick spices. That's the guy.

Is he from Chicago? It leads off of the Gordon's Fisherman Expressway. You can trust that one. That's the guy that makes the spices right there. It's called the Spice Highway. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. McCormick. I'm telling you, he makes the spices. Why are you pointing at me?

That's a street. Hell yeah it is. No, it's not. McCormick was a place. There's actually a convention center called the McCormick Place. But didn't he make spices? No, no. He was the president of International Harvester. So he did not.

He may have helped somehow with the spices. See, we know all about International Harvesters down here. I bet you do. Shit, yeah. All right. So another one. The Dan Ryan. Dan Ryan.

That sounds like a very painful piercing. What you got down there? I got a Dan Ryan. Dan Ryan. That sounds like a very painful piercing. What you got down there? I got a Dan Ryan. I got a Dan Ryan. I got a Dan Ryan. Hold on. That's going to itch when I try to do the Stevenson. But I'll tell you what, when you're giving somebody a nice Blagojevich, it'll wake them up.

Yeah. Well, evidently, Dan Ryan is someone important football player for the chicago bears maybe is he a football player is he no oh he's okay no look i don't know a damn thing about football this is great um dan dan what dan ryan baseball player for the chicago cubs no he no he's got to be somebody important for him to say his name. They already brought up a governor. Yeah, but he's in prison. Maybe this is the

other governor. Maybe this is the guy who busted out of prison. No, that is not a street. Maybe it's a preacher. No, they don't do that up there. Do you want to just vote like flip a coin, pick yes or no? No, I said no. I like that you're sussing this out.

I appreciate the efforts. It is a road. It's 90 going south of Chicago. So why the hell do we all give roads names? I-90 is already a damn name. We got interstate center names. We got the Jim McGillis Highway and it's Highway 21. When we went down there, wasn't there

the Billy Graham Expressway? Yeah, that's like a Billy Graham thing. That's in North Carolina. They don't know no different. Alright, last question. Last question. You ready? What's the condiment in Chicago you can't put on your hot dog? The condom? We don't put condoms on hot dogs. Well, that explains a lot about the South.

You cannot put ketchup. It must be mustard. Bravo. Well done. Wow. Wow. How'd you pull that one out, Jess? Where did that come from? Thank you? Where the hell did that come from? You know what? Sometimes I just play dumb to make y'all look good.

I'm really smart. Y'all, that really is true. She's got a 4.0 in college. That's awesome. That really is true. She's real damn smart. But is that a southern college? It is called South University. All right, everybody.

It's exam time. It's just a placemat from Shoney's. That's the whole syllabus. The fact that they know what a Shoney's is is pretty damn cool. No shit. They got Shoney's up there? No, we have restaurants. We have Shoney's.

Do they give senior citizen discounts they do to you see let's see i know that there's big differences for you guys because you guys call coke pop right we actually call it so i call it soda i'm a soda guy i've always grown up calling it soda but there are people who call it pop here yes they also call we also call sneakers gym shoes too we call them shoes i don't know it's just it's a chicago thing everybody calls them gym shoes gym shoes yeah i don't know why that is like bobby's like trying to still try to process these way fucking yeah not not not j not jim g y i'm thinking, y'all sharing shoes with some guy named Jim. Jim Shoes.

It belongs to Jim, bro. Like, all the shoes are Jim's? We all have to ask his permission. I drive a truck for a living. So I spend a lot of time up around Chicago, but I don't ever remember the streets having names. I just knew the interstates. remember the streets having names. I just knew the interstates. If you listen to the, if you listen to like in the

morning, you'll listen to like the radio program. They won't ever tell you what the traffic is on I-90 going south. They'll just say the Dan Ryan is this many minutes. But that's fucking stupid if you're not from there. If you're not from there, well, fuck you. We don't care if you're not from there. That's fucking stupid.

Bobby, see, this is how we keep the Southerners out. That's what we do. We make it complicated by naming stuff. Complicated naming systems. And the way we keep the South beautiful is we put Yankees on a bus. But you know what? I am absolutely amazed whenever you look at the differences between the North and the South. It truly is night and freaking day, y'all. Night and day. Y'all talk funny. So we have to and freaking day, y'all. Night and day.

Y'all talk funny, so we have to get used to that to start with. Because when we met you for the first time at ReasonCon. Never saw it coming. Never. I would imagine that's what Tom and Cecil looked like. Because in all actuality. Last time I saw them, they were cartoons. Look, I thought, and I'm probably never going to be asked back on the show ever again once I say this.

But I honestly thought that Cecil, the way I visioned Cecil was. Was he dressed like this? Yes. Yes. He's an old man. I visioned him as an old man with white hair and glasses and earning 5% discounts at KFC. Really? The funny thing is, is I think I'm only two years younger than Bobby C.

Really? Yeah. So. Yeah. But you, I still have, I still have hair with that. That's that doesn't have gray in it. So. Well, that's, yeah.

That's cause you used that just for men shit. I understand. Okay. I understand. I wouldn't have gray either if I had hair and just for men, but see, I thought the same thing, too, because guys down here named Cecil like the one my mama dated was named Cecil Ledbetter. Right. That's not even a fucking true name. Cecil Bedwetter.

Cecil. Yes. Cecil Ledbetter. Yes. Mr. Ledbetter had no teeth. Right. But they're still trying to find out if it's Bobby's real daddy or not. No.

Look, we knew the man had no teeth because he kept They're still trying to find out if it's Bobby's real daddy or not. No, look, he had no teeth. We knew the man had no teeth because he kept them in his pocket. Wait, hold on a second because when we were down there, when we went down to North Carolina, and I say down there because all the South is one amorphous mass, right? So when we went down to ReasonCon,

we stopped at a barbecue place called Hillbilly's because it was fucking hilarious. And you met my Because it was fucking hilarious. Yep. And you met my friend, the statue guy. Yeah. We met the statue guy, but also, no shit, I went in the bathroom to wash my hands and pray for a quick death. And this dude walked in, and he reached into his fucking pocket and put his, like, we were chatting a little bit. He's like, how you doing?

I'm like, oh, I'm good. You know, we're chatting a little bit. And he reaches in and puts his fucking, pulls his teeth out of his pocket and puts them in his fucking mouth. Yeah, that's what Mr. Ledbetter did. He kept his teeth in his pocket because his dentures hurt his gums. Yeah, here in the north, we keep our teeth in our fucking mouth. They don't come out.

And the women down here keep their teeth in their bra and it looks like their tit is smiling. It's like, see, if women don't put their teeth in their bra strap, then they wrap them up in napkins when they're eating, right? So that way at least their teeth's not, you know, sitting there smiling at all the other guests. Hold on. Don't you use them when you eat? What other purpose do they?

No, you take your teeth out. If you're not using them when you're eating, then why do you even have them at all? Because you gum. No, you take your teeth out to eat. Wait, fucking what? I don't understand what you. No, you take your teeth out to eat. Wait, fucking what? I don't understand what you just said. You take your teeth out to eat.

Yes, because most people gum it. It's with you every time you go out to eat. No. They just got like one friend with teeth and they just fucking baby birds all of them. No. He's regurgitating it all up. Look, you cut your meat up really, really small and you gum it. Y'all, I love it when she gums it.

It's wonderful. Because we have to have teeth so that way when we come up north, we will be accepted. That's your disguise. That's your fucking disguise. Right. Now you're getting it but we have to not we because i don't want to say it from experience but women have to put their teeth in their bra straps because if they don't they'll wrap them up in napkins and then oh my god what happens when the waitress clears off the table and her boyfriend named bob Bobby is digging through the damn trash trying to find dentures that ain't there.

But anyway. Oh, Jesus. Dude, that's fucking like there should be a southern version of the fucking newspaper cartoon. Love is. And it's just it should just be like some fucking dude digging through fucking hillbillies garbage. Love is finding her teeth in the trash. She's sitting in the car. Yeah.. While she's sitting in the car. Yeah, while she's sitting in the car.

No, hey, this is the honest truth. The easiest money ever made in my life, I was down at the saltwater dock. And this guy. Wait, the fucking where were you again? At the saltwater dock. Saltwater dock, Tom. It's where they hide the saltwater taffy. I have no idea what I need.

I know all the words in that phrase. I don't know anything. I have no idea where you're at. He's by the ocean. Yeah, that's what I'm going to say. It's a saltwater river. I'm just going to assume it's a fucking swamp somewhere. There's like alligators.

Essentially, right? Essentially. So I'm down at the saltwater dock. And this guy is throwing a 12-foot cast net trying to catch shrimp. Of course he is. Was his name Bubba Gump? It's his retarded brother. But he's throwing this cast net out trying to catch shrimp. What old boy wore dentures?

And he threw his cast net one too many times, and his dentures went flying out in the water. Why are you laughing? So I was down there crabbing. With whom? With whom were you crabbing? We don't usually admit to that up north like we'll just fucking shave and call it a day so don't help if i was crabbing with mom so anyway anyway i was down there crabbing right and the guy paid look the guy said look if you'll go get

my teeth i'll pay you a hundred dollars so i jumped in the water and swam and found a guy's teeth and made the easiest hundred dollars ever made god damn i've made money easier than that holy shit you know what you could do next time is just beat him up and take his teeth and then offer him back for a hundred dollars that's what we would do in Chicago anyway. So I just wanted to give you another option. That was the most Southern fucking story I have ever heard in my life. That story was more Southern than the guy fucking his sister. You know, we were going to ask you a bunch of questions about your podcast.

Yes. But it turns out that I think that this conversation we just had is the best endorsement for your podcast possible because this is what you do on your show. Yeah. This is exactly it. So, guys, hurry up. Run over there and subscribe. So, guys, if people were going to find your show, where would they look? They can look for us on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spreaker.

We're live every Sunday at 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Spreaker.com. Do you like live? How are you liking live? You know what? I love it. And for a while, I didn't know if I would or not because it takes away kind of your creative control because there's no editing. Yeah. So what they hear is what they get.

But the greatest thing in the world to me is to be able to click you know the button and i like it when he clicks the button every sunday night at 7 p.m you're such you are such an ass right but but when you click the... Come get your gospel, everybody. Y'all, I can't take her nowhere. But when you end the broadcast, you're fucking done. Yeah. God, what is that like? Holy shit.

Right. Well, see, I edited for... Well, of course, you guys have been editing much longer than I have. But for the first year of the show... Well, the happy souls have. Well, one course, you guys have been editing much longer than I have, but for the first year of the show. Well, one of you have. But for the first year, I did all the editing. And I love podcasting, but the editing was the one thing that I can say I really hated because it took so much of my time during the week. Whenever we went live, I got that time. I was laughing, but yes.

Now Bobby has more time for crabbing. He's making like $400 a week fishing teeth out of rivers. It's like a part-time job down there. Does it have benefits when you do that? You get free dental? He gets gummed. If anybody down there

got free dental, they wouldn't have all these fucking teeth flying out with their cast and their crap. Look, you got that shit right. You guys, this has been absolutely hilarious. I can't wait to have you guys on again. It's just so much fun to talk to you. You're right. It's like sitting out on a back porch just having a good conversation. It's just like the conversations we had with you at ReasonCon.

You guys are just – I mean this is genuinely you. And I think that if people really enjoyed this conversation, they would absolutely love your podcast. Well, if nothing else, they can come over and listen and make fun of us. Well, that's what we do. We're used to that. That's our job. We're used to that. Guys, thanks for joining us tonight.

Thank you so much for having us. This has truly been a good time. So we want to thank our latest patrons, Jason, Carl, Stephen, Kay, Danny, Dalradian, Kai, Mark, Henrik, Chrissy, Michael, James, Lee, dylan eric genie and dan thank you all so much for your generous donations we we really appreciate it you know as much as we kid around about uh about you know little work and a bad show whatever we really do like the show we put out we wouldn't keep doing it for 244 episodes if we didn't. And we also know that this is actually a lot of work. It's a part-time job.

We put a lot of effort into the show, and we're super thrilled that people will give us their hard-earned dollars in exchange for us making it. So we couldn't be more grateful to all of you. So thank you all so very much. We also got some PayPal donations, Tom. Who donated via PayPal? We did. We got donations from Oren and from Bill. Oren, Bill, thank you very much.

PayPal is another option. You can go to the Donate button on our website if you prefer that over Patreon. So thank you very much. Again, we're grateful, very grateful. So a couple times ago i want to say a couple shows ago we got a tweet that we were hypocrites um we talked about it on the air but um but the person actually wasn't doing the thing that i was talking about

and then they sent us a twitter barrage i've never i had to be what 25 tweets yeah it was crazy amount of tweets i went to my but you know i went to check the tweet it was like you have like 40 some messages like holy shit it's all this one person yeah they they laid it out so they basically sent us an email via twitter if you'd like to raise yeah if you'd like to send us an email you can send it to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com uh but uh but instead they sent us a long twitter tweet tweets tweets, many tweets, a tweeterous. I don't know, but I'm going to read it. Here we go. So the person here is talking about the Tim Hunt thing.

I'm going to try to explain what happened. Tim Hunt is the guy who wound up making a joke at a conference where he was giving a speech. The joke did not go over well. at a conference where he was giving a speech uh the joke did not go over well in the joke he said that women cry uh and uh and that was the joke there was another part of the joke he he was clearly using hyperbole as he explained in the very next sentence and then he he got called out for it they had to they basically said oh you can't do that whatever and they got kind of mad at him etc so they he lost his job his his his honorary position, and he wound up apologizing for the comments. But it didn't matter.

He still lost his job. And Tom and I were both thinking, that seems ridiculous that he lost his job. I think both of us – I don't know. I don't remember exactly what our full positions were on it, but I thought we both kind of understood the university had to fire him because of the backlash and you know as businesses you kind of have to decide whether or not you're gonna keep somebody on who's gonna make you lose a bunch of money uh but we thought well it's shitty that he got fired right then the next week there was a story about a canadian professor who posted all the gays should be hanged with this gay flag that they're trying to raise in this part of town that I'm in.

And, uh, and he got fired. He posted it from his personal Facebook page. It was a news story. Uh, he got called into the office and then he got fired right away. And so she called us hypocrite.

Cause we thought that that guy should be fired when she called it. When she called us a hypocrite, we, we both said to her, well, those situations aren't equal. And she said, no, I didn't equate the contents of those statements. That would be dumb.

And my tweets did not imply that I did. Neither did your statements on the show. So I don't understand why you think that I did. As I recall, the issue was about how public statements should be used against people. Unatheistically speaking, you said that holding Tim Hunt's comments in a speech against him and using his Twitter to hound him out of an honorary position was wrong. On your show, you said that firing someone because of an article and a comment he made on Facebook was fine. You brought up Tim Hunt when you mentioned it. I presume that we agree that the Internet is a haven for people to express themselves in ways they wouldn't dare in real life.

is a haven for people to express themselves in ways they wouldn't dare in real life. Let's start right there and I'll say, yes, it can be as long as you're smart enough to use an anonymous login. If you're using your own login with your own name, no, I do not think that you should presume that the internet is a way in which to express yourselves in ways you wouldn't dare in real life. Yeah, I'm stuck with that word haven. You know, that implies that like the Internet is this kind of sacred space for that kind of speech. And I I'm not sure that that's you know, that that that can be the case, I guess, as long as you decide that you're going to go about it in a very specific and protected way. Sure. Right? And if they dock somebody for that, right?

Like if somebody was trying to be anonymous, let's say this guy went to Reddit, made a throwaway account, and said, I hate all gay people. And then we came back the next week and, say, Gawker doxxed him and found out he was a professor and got fired for it, I would be upset by that. Now, again, I don't know that the business would be in the wrong for firing someone like that because, again, businesses need to make sure that they cover their own ass. But I would be upset that someone got doxxed. Yeah, I was going to say what you object to is the doxxing though. Yeah, it's not the firing.

It's the doxxing, right? The guy said said something horrible but i dislike if someone's trying to remain anonymous making them not anonymous this guy posted it from his personal facebook account right he wasn't there's nothing there's no haven he wasn't seeking a safe haven that's you know social media when you use your own name, it's you're out there for the fucking world to see. That's that's why it's social, right? She says there's also a distant disconnect between what you say in response to an article you just read in the heat of a moment, possibly while lying in bed under your news feed and what you think in the cold light of everyday life. What I'm trying to say is that if you were being fair, I think you would have gone into a deeper discussion about the second guy before agreeing

that it was okay for him to be fired for one stupid post. I mean, he did treat homosexuals, did he treat homosexuals differently than heterosexuals? Did he ask his students about their sexual irritation? You know, look for evidence that his comment was more than just internet bravado and reflected how he would act in real life. And and what about those comments you made on articles on YouTube videos?

Should people be able to be fired for those? I would say if you use your real name and somebody does an Internet search and finds your real name on a YouTube video and they and they they Google you. And that happens to come up where you're calling. You're basically telling Rebecca Watson she needs to be fucking hate raped yep yep yeah yep i think you should be fired i don't i don't think i know if you were my employee i'd fire you yeah i guess i guess i have a hard time feeling sorry like why should you why should you get away just because you're on the internet? Why should my behavior on the internet be sort of consequence-free when the rest of my speech is not consequence-free? Like I feel like the argument being made is, hey, hey man what happens on the internet stays on the

internet like it's the vagus of communication and that it's but you know the internet has become the real world there is no distinction it's not you know like when when he asked i think it's a false question see so when when the question is posed did did he did he actually treat gay people differently yeah he did yeah he treated them differently by posting publicly that they should be hung yeah that is treating them differently that's like there's no the at this point in life like let's let's call this out and say you know there is no real distinction between our real lives and our you know digital lives that they're they're entwined together in a way that makes them inextricable yeah from one another um so you know yeah if you say something fucking mean-spirited and

fucking hateful should you be held accountable for the mean-spirited, hateful shit you say? I mean, my feeling to that is generally, yeah, you should be accountable for your actions. Because grown-ups are fucking accountable for their fucking actions. And let's bring Tim Hunt back into it. And that's what this person says. Bring Tim Hunt back into it as his statements were prepared. That means that he spent at least an hour on it. He practiced his speech, spent time with his speech, considered his words and likely a reaction of his audience he tried to make sure his words conveyed real real meaning and he decided that they did and it's much more thought

than people put in new comments on their facebook post so what you're saying is is that because he presented a speech where he made a joke and he should be we should have the same reaction to someone saying that gays should be killed, that they should be hung. One is advocating violence and the other one is just saying women cry. One is hate speech and one is not. One's a joke that somebody apologized for

and one is not a joke because the person never apologized for it and asked people to pray for his job so they're not the same so when you call us a hypocrite hypocrites because we take different stances that's because these are very very very different instances they are not analogous in any way they're notous. And so when you can't look at it in the same way. So trying to smash these two things together to say, well, this is exactly what happened to Tim Hunt. And you guys were on a different side. Isn't true. That's just not, that's not the case. Now, Tim Hunt, do I think he made a poor choice of a joke? Sure he did, but that's very different from saying

a statement like the gay should be hanged and then getting fired for it. Well, and Tim Hunt has time and again, and this is something else we talked about. Tim Hunt has time and again been an advocate for women in science. And so I do think it's reasonable to say with the Tim Hunt situation that he made a joke. It was probably a stupid joke. It was it was probably in somewhat poor taste. But what do we know of Tim Hunt? Do we know, you know, is is is he really a misogynist or is he somebody who's actually an ally for women in science who, you know, made a dumb comment? a dumb comment. I also, if I recall correctly,

he didn't have a lot of time to prepare that speech. It was kind of a last minute thing. And I have, I have little patience for somebody who says, well, you know, Tim Hunt had, you know, let's say he had a day to prepare his speech.

You have all the time in the world to prepare your Facebook. You don't, nobody's pressuring you to put a status up about whether or not you should kill gays. Right. That's very true. I have no, I have no time pressure yeah about that in fact i have all the fucking time in the world to curtail my hate speech so when those those two situations um you know it's not like oh my god i had to respond to my you know on my facebook feed no you have all the time in the

world you can just not post fucking anything or you can type it up and then wait till tomorrow right yeah so that's that's nonsense to me yeah i just i don't think that they're they're they're similar in any way so i don't feel like like i need to react to them in the same way. So we got a message from Stuart, and Stuart is the host of Exposing Pseudo-Astronomy, and he sent us some really nice pictures of the desert. Tom, he wants you to read, though, where they came from. He said, this year, the Perseid meteor shower peaked the first night of the conference, so I drove to the Wukwai Pueblo. That's not. In the Wupaktti that's national monument wupakti is probably right wupakti yeah the kolachki national monument national monument

so i have to photograph you kept me company for the hour drive there and back and the four hours i had my camera set up you also be keeping come keeping me company tonight as i drive to and from the grand canyon wow the photos are beautiful they really are gorgeous i'm gonna post these on uh on this episode show notes uh man this is episode 245 it's a really some great stuff so we got a message from carolyn and carolyn asks us what we say to people when they bring up some woo and we kind of respond. How do we respond to that? Because basically she says, I lived in Europe. One day someone was at her house and recommending to use homeopathy to treat a rash.

And clearly Carolyn knows that this is not a thing. Homeopathy is fucking sugar pills. Clearly, Carolyn knows that this is not a thing. Homeopathy is fucking sugar pills. And so she responded with, we don't use homeopathy. But she'd like to have a ready answer for that. And I think that that's a perfectly fine answer. What I say when people say, like, would you like to use this thing?

I say, or they tell me how I should, like, what I should put on my body or what kind of fucking salves or whatever. And they're like talking, you got to cross up some garlic. You got to stuff some garlic up your nose or whatever. I just be like, the first thing I say is, well, I just don't think that that's going to be effective. Or I say something like, I just don't buy that that stuff works. The hard thing is, is that when people have this in their head, it's a hard thing to try to shake them out of it. So you're never going to have, I don't think that there's a proper ready answer. At least I don't have one that I can throw out and be like, that's going to work. It's, you gotta, it's going to be a sticky, weird situation if you refuse. Yeah. And it's tough because you know, the inclination is to be polite, you know, particularly,

you know, when you, when it's somebody that you like or that you respect or that you work with and they're just trying to be, you know know the thing is like in most of these situations people are legitimately just trying to help yeah yeah absolutely so you know coming at them aggressively or being an asshole i think is uh you know it just doesn't work it's nothing good comes to that kind of behavior um so you know i kind of do the same thing. I'm just like, ah, it's not a thing for me. I'll just say something like noncommittal, like, ah, it's not for me. That's not my thing. I'm going to skip that.

And then I just change the subject. I don't fucking know. How about that thing over there? You know, I just, I'm not going to do it. I won't even engage the conversation. Yeah. We got a message from Damonon and damon wanted to know uh what other shows have we been on so we we have people on our show but what other shows have you

guys been on we'd love to listen to some of the other stuff that you guys put out through other people's podcasts and there's somebody on on the well water drinkers uh reddit actually went through and put together a very comprehensive list now i don't think it's completely up to date but again comments on this thread would probably get the person to update it so if there was updates that needed to be done but it's pretty comprehensive thread we're going to post it on this week's show notes this takes you to a reddit that is dedicated to us so if you want to subscribe to that red. But if you're interested in listening to any of those things. We're going to post it on this week's show notes.

Episode 245. We got a great image. This is going to be the image for this episode. Of Pastor Manning's. I'm not even going to tell you what it is. It's a canned good. That Pastor Manning came out with. This is from Patrick.

And he also made sure to mention. That this is satire. and not a real product. So thank you for that. I nearly went out to the store, Patrick. Thank you. I was so close to running to the store to buy this. We got a message from Autumn and she was wondering if she should make us

a logo. If she happened to design a logo for us, if we would like it and use it. it's very nice of you to offer uh but we've had this logo for quite some time and we're we're happy with it and we also get messages too from people who want to uh make theme songs for us and things and we're very happy when you do that sort of thing we're very thrilled that people would would uh take that much ownership of the show and and be you know follow it that it that closely that they'd be interested in doing something like that. But if you just know if you do send something like that in, don't get offended if we don't use it because we actually are very happy with our logo.

And we're also happy with the theme songs that we have and that we've chosen. They're sort of a staple of the show after this many episodes. So we're happy to get these things in, but we also understand that we might not use them. We got a message from Michael, and Michael basically says, you guys are great, but here's the deal. I really dislike that you guys casually dismissed the killing of Cecil the Lion and how you guys really don't care that much about pigs or dogs or black bears or you know any of those animal type things and uh he says with all due respect I would be really stoked if you guys thought a little bit more about animal rights particularly regards to hunting um and uh and basically you sort of come out and like you know talk a little bit about

animal rights and that's just not something I'm passionate about. I'm not an animal rights guy. I'm not, I'm not, I don't foresee that in my future. It's not that I'm, it's not that I don't care about animals. I think I do care about animals,

but I don't care about them enough to stop someone from hunting. I don't care enough about, about them to even do anything about people that hunt. I'm a meat eater. I eat meat. And I want to be, I think I'm trying to be sort of logically consistent when I say, yeah, I don't really care about animals because I eat them all the time. And it's not something that I've really changed much. I try to be like i i try to be i try to eat more vegetables specifically for health reasons but not for any other ethical reasons that's just it's just not something i'm passionate about so it's not anything i'm really ever going to talk about you know in our house um we've had

a number of i'll be honest eating meat is something that i've struggled with uh because when i fucking love eating meat i'm just gonna say it and and i have gone bird hunting and i've felt no uh emotional discomfort with killing birds at all no i mean i i just don't i just don't feel it i just don't have any emotional reaction to it's it you know if there is any kind of a uh to killing animals for meat, it's an entirely intellectual response, which I'll be honest is hard to get galvanized over. And I actually enjoyed hunting. And I do think that if you're going to eat meat, I think going out and hunting and seeing where it comes from is an honest – a more honest approach than purchasing factory farmed goods exclusively and pretending you don't know where meat comes from.

I don't really give a shit what other people do in that regard. But I will say that in our house, we've had a lot of conversations, particularly with my 8-year-old, around eating meat. And my 8-year-old is considering moving to vegetarianism. I think he intellectually kind of wants to do it, but also he struggles because he likes eating meat. He likes bacon. He does.

He fucking eats a lot of – I mean, he'll eat a pound of bacon. No problem. No problem. But we talked about it. We've had 20 conversations about it. And if he goes vegetarian, I will go vegetarian to support him because I don't have a lot of really strong logical counter arguments. And so if I don't, I want to be honest with him and say, hey, man, you know, I can't argue against your position. It doesn't it's not something that strikes me as something to galvanize around, but I'll

support you. So there's a possibility that our household could go vegetarian in the reasonably near future. But I also want to go deer hunting next year. So I have that conflict. I'll admit that I have that conflict. So we got a message from Stuart and he's from Horsham, Sussex. Horsham? Isn't that where the hobbits live? Horsham. No, that's where they keep their hookers in Britain. Horsham.

Oh, okay. All right. That's where they get the, that's, that's where the hookers and the fireworks are. Fireworks and hookers are in Horsham. So he says he's fascinated about american politics but he doesn't really know a lot about american politics can you give a very short rundown uh we have two major political parties that's the republicrats and the democrats uh now we have we have two two major parties republicans and the democrats uh the democrats

are the liberals so they're the ones who are what they call progressives. They're the ones who like progressive social issues, like they're in favor of gay marriage. They are in favor of people, you know, having welfare if they need it, having health care if they need it, et cetera, et cetera. And then there's the other side, which likes to pretend that Republicans, which like to pretend that they're fiscally conservative, although over the past many years they have proven that they are not fiscally conservative. Instead, they are socially conservative.

So they are against gay marriage. They are mostly a bootstraps sort of organization. They think that people should pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, that the rich should receive lots of tax breaks. uh and i am clearly biased so you can hear i am by everything i'm saying i am horribly biased um uh mainly because uh because the republican party for me has been a big lie uh especially with fiscal conservative when they talk about being fiscally conservative, they talk about cutting the budget.

They never talk about the defense portion of our economy, which is the largest thing that we spend money on. Instead, they always talk about little things like last week when they talked about Planned Parenthood. And it was a preacher, but still that's one of the things that comes up all the time in the government is where they talk about how they want to defund Planned Parenthood and how they want to take money away from lots of different programs, like social programs.

And then they'll come up and say, we spent $5,000 on studying bees. What are we studying bees for? Things like that. And they're anti-science. They don't think global warming's a thing so there's a there's a lot of reasons i i i am disillusioned with the republican party i'm sure if you listen to rush limbaugh he would tell you a very different story about the republican party but this is a biased show so that's the that's the answer you're gonna get yeah. Yeah, I think the Republicans to be charitable would see themselves as the party of personal responsibility.

I think that that's a charitable way. When I was talking to my son about this the other day, he actually – we were talking about it and I was trying actually to be not biased when I talked about this. I was trying to be as objective as I could. And he's like, that kind of sounds like every man for themselves. And I was like, yeah, that's pretty much it, buddy.

Like, I can't, I'm sorry. I can't, I can't be objective about that either. Yeah. And we're not, and we never,

we never, we're not, we're not, we're not a middle of the road fucking show. So, so we want to finish up with a message about planned parenthood uh this is from someone who said i get so mad when people talk ignorantly about planned parenthood i was living in another country when i was raped i wanted the comforts of home during this time so

i went back to the usa i had no job or health care the only place that i knew that i could go was planned parenthood i wasn't pregnant but they tested me for all the STDs on multiple visits, as you can't be clear for AIDS for nine months. They also referred me to a very helpful and very affordable counseling place as I desperately needed to talk to professionals during this time of extreme grief in my life. I will be forever grateful to Planned Parenthood as will millions of other women who never got abortions. Honestly, I don't know what I would have done without them as I genuinely couldn't have afforded to go elsewhere. And this was before Obamacare, this person writes. So I think that this story is sort of emblematic of what those people do for a living. This is exactly what those people do every day.

do for a living. This is exactly what those people do every day. And it's not just one person, and it's not just one story. It's millions of people that are helped by Planned Parenthood every time. And I think, Tom, when we do our spring fundraiser, because I think we're still going to do a charitable donation around Christmas time, but when we look at spring or summer, when we do our second donation for next year, we should really look at an organization that's going to help women. And whether it's Planned Parenthood or something else, I think that's something we really need to look at because this is an organization that really needs these funds to make sure that they help people that are in situations just like this. Agreed. So we want to thank Bobby C., Miss Ashley, and Jeremiah

for coming on the show tonight from the No Religion Required podcast. What a great, great group of people. They are so funny, so easy to talk to, really just had a wonderful time. If you want to check out their show, check out the show notes

for this episode. Their show is a lot like what happened tonight. We just sit around, just chat chat and it was just a blast so that's going to wrap it up for this week uh we'll be back with another show next week but we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician

double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides.

Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. so i uh on the train today uh I'm on the train with my boss. And we're going up. The thing is the campus that I work on is split, right? So part of it's downtown. Part of it's in another part of the city. So you have to get on the CTA in order to get to where the other part of the campus is.

We have to go to the other campus. Okay. Wait. Hold on. What's the CTA? Like what do you mean by the CTA? So it's the L. It's the elevated train.

It's the elevated train. It's the elevated train. Yes, this is the elevated train, the brown line. And we're going up north and I'm sitting there with him. We're talking. And there's this woman. There's ways to sit where you're like sitting forward or backward and then you could also sit side to side. And this woman is sort of sitting side to side. So basically her back is against where the door would open and then i'm sitting um so that my back is toward where the

train is going so i'm kind of staring right at her right sure and um we're talking and i say a joke to my boss and this woman lets out a shriek in front of me and i thought she was laughing at my joke so the first thing i'm like fucking what are you dipping in my conversation like what are you doing but she shrieked in a way that at first i thought oh she's laughing at my joke and then a millisecond later i was like oh no she's crazy and then the next millisecond i was like oh no she's having some real fucking problems here and so she seized up and started like so she's making this sound that is just so hard to recreate. It was like you're pushing something, like a – kind of like a stressful – you know what I mean? Like you're lifting something heavy or something.

So she starts doing that and she starts shaking and then she like just fucking straightens out like she's sitting on and she's straight and she's flat as a board and straightened out and like kind of just and so immediately i put my hand on him like ma'am are you okay are you okay ma'am ma'am are you okay and my boss is kind of just looking at me like what the fuck is going on and so i tell him go press the button right well my boss is not a city guy. So he stands up and he runs over and the L trains in Chicago have a door latch. So you could open the door to the outside. Wait, what?

Like while the train's moving? Yes, you can open the doors to get out of the train. It's an emergency hatch, right? Like you have to be able to have those, right? So all you have to do is pull down on this thing and the doors will start to open. So he pulls down on the door openers thing. Why did he do that?

Well, he doesn't know. I told him to push the button, but he panicked. He didn't know what to do. Sure. He's just hitting every available button. If there was a guy there, I was like, punch that guy. He'd be like, okay. He wouldn't hit him.

He doesn't know. So he says, he runs over and I'm like, and he starts pulling this thing as he's doing this, this woman, you know, even before then he, she starts shaking. Right. So we're going, we're actually going like 30 miles an hour on the train. Well, she's shaking and the train is moving and she's kind of leaning to the side and her head's against this partition. So she starts banging her head off of this partition in a very violent way.

Oh, my God. So I get this guy who's standing next to me. I'm like, hold her head for a second. So he holds her head for just a second. And I pull my coat off. And luckily, I had a coat on today, right? Because it's fucking 60 degrees in Chicago. It's chilly today.

So I stick the coat in between her head and the wall. So he doesn't have to hold her head. And doesn't have to you know fucking whack her goddamn noggin on the fucking wall you know so she starts shaking and then she starts biting like freaking and somebody starts screaming like put something in her mouth and i'm thinking i don't have anything to put in her mouth like what i have on me my entire what i have on me is my phone which i don't have anything to put in your mouth. What I have on me, my entire – what I have on me is my phone, which I don't want to put in someone's mouth. My wallets, which are on my ass all day, and I don't want to put in someone's mouth because they're by my ass all day. And then I have like my keys. That's not suggested.

So then I have my keys. You're like, well, that's actually probably more dangerous. You stick keys – you don't even give your keys to like a teething toddler right swallow your keys bad idea and then then you gotta feed her magnets yeah gotta put her in front of an x-ray machine it was just ridiculous so anyway she uh so there's like screaming stuff and i was like no i not going to put anything in her fucking mouth. So I've got her and she starts sort of slipping off. So I push her back up onto the thing.

Somebody runs over is like, well, I'm going to look in her bag to see if she has a phone. And so he reaches in her bag and starts flipping her phone. And he says, oh, it's locked. And I'm like, who cares? And I look and I'm like, you call 911. Because I'm like, who cares? And I look and I'm like, you, call 911. Because I'm like, what are we going to call her, dad? I was actually going to ask you. I don't understand what step two is of I'm going to look at her phone.

I think to call a person in case of emergency because I think you could set those up on your phone somehow. But I'm thinking, what the fuck is that person going to do? Fly here? somehow but i'm thinking what the fuck is that person gonna do fly here the only person you could call in the case of an emergency when you're having a medical emergency and that it would actually be useful is like superman like that's the only person and i'm thinking so this isn't this is useless so that person i'm like stop it's okay stop doing that so this woman starts fucking really going at it right so she's kind of like really letting out a lot of sound she's shaking a lot and she starts turning blue oh shit and i was like

oh fuck and i mean she is really just like shrieking and letting out the stuff and i'm trying to hold her as still as possible and this little kid comes running over and he starts grabbing her legs and he's like got to put her on the ground. I was like, leave her alone. Just don't touch her. And he's like, we got to put her on the ground because she's got to get blood to her internal organs. And I was like, no, she's fine where she is. Just leave her alone.

And the other guy's on the phone with 911 at this point. And he's like, they're coming. They're going to meet us at Chicago. Well, the train, because my boss doesn't know what he's doing, pulled the door open while he stopped the train. Oh, my God. So the train stopped. It's a comedy of errors. It is.

It was ridiculous. So then we get this surly CTA person busting their ass to come back to shut the fucking door because they're mad because their train stopped. I'm trying to hold on to this woman she starts before the cta lady gets there she starts really freaking out and then tom i'm not kidding you she let out one final sort of like fucking and then she exhaled and she's all blue and then she was still and i was like oh fuck she fucking died right now. And I look over at the guy. You thought for that moment that you were holding a... I thought she was fucking dead, dude. I thought, oh my God, this woman just fucking died. And I look at the guy

and the guy who's kind of sort of been helping me hold her up reaches over and touches her neck and then I see her breathe in. I go, okay, she breathed, she breathed. I think she's still with us. And so she breathed, breathing in and at that point I decided I could breathe in too go okay she breathes she breathes she's i think she's still with us and so she breathed breathing in and i was and at that point i decided i could breathe in too at this point you know because at this point i'm holding my fucking breath right and so my boss comes walking over and then the surly fucking cta guide comes in and the cta's person like person's like who opened the

door and we're and we all say hey you got to get us to the station because there's a woman just had a seizure. Yeah, but who opened the door? Fuck you, who opened the door? Yeah, and I'm just thinking, I'm like, you just want to yell at somebody. And I was just like, look, I'm really sorry. I told someone to stop the train. He opened the door. We're really sorry.

We didn't know that that was going to happen. Can you please get us? And she's like, but they opened the door. And I'm just sorry we didn't know that that was going to happen can you please get us and she's like but they opened it and i'm just like fucking get us to the station you know it's just like you know like you just want to hold what i thought was a corpse 30 seconds ago so the woman is completely fucking limp at this point and she's breathing real shallow and she's still kind of blue and And this woman, the woman, the CTA woman leaves. And then everybody,

it felt like everybody fucking like stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night so they know what to do. So they all come over. And like this one woman reaches in her bag. She's like,

does she have any medication in there? And she starts pulling out medication. And she has two bottles of medication. What, you're going to stick pills down her throat? And that's the thing. It's like, she's not howdy doody.

I don't have control of her mouth. What am I going to crush them up and shoot them up her nose? How do I get the pills in her first off? Then she says, oh, you could call Walgreens and they'll tell you whether it's seizure medication. I'm like, nobody's going to do that. We're 45 seconds from the stop where there's going to be paramedics. Just put the pills away. So I had to stop somebody from digging

on her phone. I had to stop somebody from taking her fucking, her pills out. I had to have those get put back in there. So I'm like trying to wrangle her bag at the same time. They're like ransacking her shit. You know, it wasn't that. I think everybody was just trying to help in any way that they could, right?

But they didn't know what to do. And neither did I. But I at least I knew I didn't know what to do. Right. I was the only one in the car that sort of had a Socrates moment. Like none of us know what the fuck's going on. I'm the only smartest one in the car that doesn't that realizes he doesn't know. You know what I mean?

So I just said, fuck it. We're just not going to do anything. We're just going to leave her where she is. We're not going to put her on the floor we're not going to fucking crush up fucking pills like it's a roofie and stick it in a fucking bottle of water and spray it all over like bukkake or something

we're not going to do any of these weird things that you guys want to do so we finally pulled into the stop and she starts to wake up and I was like ma'am you had a seizure are you okay and she's like I'm fine I'm just tired and she lays her head back down and then she was like, ma'am, you had a seizure. Are you okay? And she's like, I'm fine. I'm just tired. And so she lays her head back down. And then she was like completely out of it.

She didn't recognize her own bags. But it was – and then finally the guys come in and they like put her on the chair. And we sort of take off and leave. But, man, I've never seen anything like that in my life. It was absolutely terrifying that something like that happened today. I couldn't believe it. That's fucking crazy. Yeah. It was absolutely terrifying that something like that happened today. I couldn't believe it. That's fucking crazy. It was intense.

It's nice that everybody wants to help. It's just disconcerting that everybody is just like, fucking rub some oil on it! You know what I mean? Fold her in half! Feed her a sandwich! None of that stuff's gonna help. Use her head to pound in a

nail. Take her to the park. Throw her in the lake. You're just like, none of these things are helping. Splash some hot coffee in her underpants. It's like, call Rahm Emanuel. Okay, none of these things are helping. Dial 311, 611, and 911. We need to pay her parking tickets, call her tech support, and the hospital at the same time. You get the three stooges there if you dial 311, 611, and 911 all at the same time. Somebody having a seizure. Knock, knock, knock, knock. That shit was insane.

And the thing is it probably wasn't life-threatening. It probably is not all that big a deal. But to me, it freaked me the fuck out. I would have no idea what to do, man. What else can you do, though? I mean, you call the fucking – you call the authority who knows what to do. It's just not me. And then just keep other people away from her from trying to do shit.

Right. You know? And another thought that went through my head, too, when she went slack was like, know cpr i don't know i'm actually gonna take that actually is probably gonna spur me to take a class in cpr because i hadn't i was like i've seen people do cpr sure but i should have no fucking idea how to do it so my first thought was like do i have to do like cpr and then i was like i don't know how to do it so i'm not gonna do it don't do it wrong but i don't yeah because you're gonna fuck it up but i was just like somebody's gonna be there trying to figure it out you know what i mean probably but i wouldn't because i you know you're just not confident but i think i actually think i

may take a class in in just in cpr just to know but uh but a while back the reason why i knew what kind of what to do was um a buddy of mine and i were traveling in a car and a car uh flipped off the road we're going in michigan and this car you know how fast they drive in michigan right yeah like a million miles a million miles they're just the underline of america yeah you you leave your house and you're there before you left they travel that fast and so we're driving there and somebody just dips a little bit off the road you know just catches the shoulder in a weird way. And their car slid and then rolled once, twice, and then shot off directly into a bunch of trees. Oh, shit.

And I mean, fucking looked pretty horrible. So I get out of the car. He gets out of the car. We're the first people there. They were 100 yards in front of us on the highway. So as soon as they started to flip, he slowed down. As soon as they went off the road, he pulled over. We both jump out of the car he says just wait here stop anyone from going down there except for paramedics and i said okay so he runs down the hill um he's a first aid

guy right so he runs down the hill and he immediately all he does is he tells them to turn off their engine sit where they're at the air airbags deployed. They're both fucked up. And he's like, don't move. The authorities are coming right now. The car does not appear to be on fire. I will be out here the whole time. If the car looks like it is on fire, we will try to get you out. But please stay where you're at.

And I'm just here to talk to you. And that's all he did. And all I did was stand up there and stop the people from coming up. They were like, is there a lot of blood down there? And you're just like, yeah, there's a lot of blood. Go away. Like, that's all I did was stand up there and stop the people from coming up. They were like, is there a lot of blood down there? And you're just like, yeah, there's a lot of blood go away. Like, that's all I did. But really, what I learned from him was you just wait for the authorities to get there or someone who knows. Like if a doctor would have come by, I should send the doctor down.

If you're not a doctor, what the fuck are you going to do? Right. You're just going to go down and be like, oh, just fucking feed her a sandwich. You're like, stop feeding people sandwiches. Like, oh, just fucking feed her a sandwich. You're like, stop feeding people sandwiches. So it's actually all you got to do is just just, you know, not let people fucking, you know, pretend they're a first aid guy. You know, if they're not a first aid guy.

I've never been in a medical crisis situation. I think my initial reaction would be just to scream and run away. Just scream and move as fast as you can. Right, which is basically like a trundling roll.