Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 252: Luscious Stinking Dung Lips

Episode Date: October 1, 2015

               

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 252. This Cecil is an historic episode I don't even know if you realize how incredibly historic this episode is

it's the one that happens right before the blood moon right the fourth blood moon this is the episode that comes out right before the fourth blood moon this is a post apocalyptic episode no the fourth blood moon is tomorrow oh it is yeah the fourth blood moon is tomorrow I didn't know there was a fourth blood moon

yeah this is the blood moon is tomorrow. I didn't know there was a fourth blood moon. Yeah, this is the blood moon is tomorrow, right? I thought it was yesterday. Well, it can't be yesterday, Tom. The fucking world's still here. That's true. That's true. So that was the practice run of the blood moon yesterday. That's what it was.

When the fucking... Did you go out and check out the eclipse, by the way? There was clouds in Chicago, so we couldn't see it. That's bullshit. Really? Yeah, yeah no there was too many clouds so oh man i had a great view of the eclipse i just sat outside and watched it and watched my dog get tangled on everything and constantly untangled him it was was it was it interesting or uh no watching an eclipse is sort of like watching moon-related paint dry. It's super slow. It's just so slow.

Sure, sure. The way to watch an eclipse is in punctuated bursts, I realized yesterday. So I went out, and I was like, oh, I'm going to stare up at the sky, and I'm going to experience the grandeur of nature and the beauty of this event that won't be replicated for another 18 years. And then like five minutes later, I was like, I'm really bored. Because you're just staring at the moon. Sure. You know?

And then like, but then it came back out like 10 minutes later and I was like, oh, it changed. Oh my God. Double blood moon all the way. You know what I was excited? I was checking it out. And then I got bored. I went back in the house and did other things. And then, you know, so you have to go in and out and check it out.

And then when it finally was fully eclipsed, I have to say it wasn't a blood moon. At best, it was a blood orange moon, you know, or maybe a tangerine moon. Tangerine moon. You you know it's not blood when i think blood i think there's crimson like sure fucking death metal colored moon yeah no i mean it looks like a jack-o'-lantern right it was just sort of like yeah i i there was an opportunity to go out i looked i saw the clouds and i said fuck it and i just stayed inside and i did other things uh so yeah i mean i'm fucking it's it's the moon it's gonna be there like tomorrow and like tonight's like a super moon there's like four different things happening

with the moon what's a super moon that's what i was reading somebody's talking about a super moon fight the regular moon or no it's like super moon versus the blood moon. It's like fucking Justice League America versus a fucking whatever. Well, I was impressed, you know, like we survived another apocalypse. This is, you know, what's interesting is I was thinking about this. This is the third apocalypse. Do you realize that is the third apocalypse this show has survived? I have a feeling as long as this show goes on, it will continue to survive apocalypse.

It's like a juggernaut. Like nothing can stop it. Nothing can stop the show. We survived both of the Herald Camping Apocalypse. Apocalypse. I like that. I think that's the plural. Right?

Yeah. We survived the Mayan Calendar Apocalypse. Apocalypse. Apocalypse. Apocalypseolai. Right? Yeah. We survived the Mayan calendar apocalypse. Apocalypse. Apocalypse. Apocalypse. Because it didn't happen. Apocalypse. And we survived the blood moon apocalypse, which of all of the apocalypses, at least

there was something tangible that actually did occur. It was not apocalypse related in any way but it was the least the best part is that a lunar eclipse as a sign of the apocalypse and then nothing happened was still the least anticlimactic of the other three apokalai that we survived this is something that you know they're going to be talking about i I'm sure, on the 700 Club. Today, the day after the blood moon, or as many women call it, Aunt Flo moon, the Dow Jones industrial average dropped down 312 points, Tom. Oh, it's the Shemit the shimita the shimitas yeah yeah no i mean it's i mean admittedly it was kind of right around here the other day at at 16 uh 32 and now it's it's it's it's at 1597 but it did pop up to 1605 so biotech took a hit

today though so that's all i'm saying like biotech took a hit well that's because of planned parenthood that's right yeah right you know i mean that that's the thing is biotech's gonna take a hit because you know god is is pushing back against the stocks of all the companies that buy the aborted fetuses so god is mad and he's going to slowly chisel away. I wish that those fetuses were sold by like turn of the century newsies where like they would go in and they'd have their little hand and be like, get ya

fetuses! Get ya little fetuses! Extra, extra blood all around it! Fetuses everywhere you look! Extra, extra! Bring a coat hanger! It'd be great if the fetuses were hawked by the guys who sell peanuts at the ball game. Oh, that'd be great.

Like, you know, hey, everybody, fetuses, fetuses, fetuses. Who needs a fetus? I got a fetus over here. $3.99. You get your own fetus. And he throws them. No, no, no. You've got to take the bloody fetus and pass it back to the person behind you.

And then you get, you know, the coins, the few cents that you're selling the fetus for. But of course, you're paying like $4 shipping and handling, too. But it's nestled between like a hot dog bun just to keep it safe in the past. No, they put them in little popcorn boxes. They're right in there. They look so cute in there. It's like a little abortion apartment. It's really nice.

You buy two or three, you could have your own puppet show. In the name of Jesus, que liberação. Uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, uka, u God, I cannot speak this life. This first story comes from NPR. Congressman steals Pope Francis's water, brags about it. This is awesome. So Representative Bob Brady, after the pope was done chit-chatting, he came up on stage and he delivered a lecture. And this guy runs out there and grabs the glass of water and he drinks it. But not only does he do that, like he brings home extra water to like sprinkle over his family. And I mean, it's so weird, man. It's pretty, it's pretty crazy. I do want to point out a couple of

things. The first is that unlike many of our stories this is a democrat okay so i wanted to point out that this is a weird democrat who's doing this so this is the one chance for any of the rogue republicans who listen to us um for our glory hole stories instead of our our political stories uh you're getting you get a chance for us to bash on the opposite side right now. So this is a weird Democrat. This is the guy, though, who was in the sex ed abstinence classes when they all spit in the glass. He's the one who drank.

He was proud. He's the guy who drank it. They're like, Timmy, would you drink this? And he's like, sure. I'm fucking A. Hell yeah, I'll drink that. Yeah. Yeah.

He's like, he's the guy like when Aaron Brockovich or whatever was like, and your glasses are full of the town's water. He's like, fucking, he already finished his glass. He's like, you going to drink that? Yeah, I don't care. This is the same guy who on a bet would lick the fender of a bug-spattered hood for 10 bucks. He's the guy who, if he's in bed with the Pope and pope dutch opens up he doesn't even try to get out of the covers he just judges the odor smell he just sucks it in and he's like

i love your brand pope it's delicious hints of current and leather after after the pope stands up he's like putting his face against the seat and just like inhaling deeply you know just fucking trying to like smash the pope's fart air into his mouth as quickly as he can you're weird dude what the fuck it's so weird god damn he did the same thing to Obama, though. What? He did the same thing after Obama's inaugural address. Obama had a glass of water. It was fucking half full or half empty. It all depends on whether you're Republican or Democrat.

But he came out and he drank that water. He did the same thing. He's a fucking, like he's a celebrity water, like he just loves celebrity backwash. This dude's got a fetish. Like he's got a weird like he just loves celebrity back this dude's got a this dude's got a fetish like he's got a weird fetish yeah i'm surprised he could even run to the dais with a fucking erection that hard or you know or with a fucking head that big you know what i mean like like this dude i'm surprised this guy could walk fast let alone run no it's not the size of the head it's the lack of a neck that is you know

what he looks like he looks like he looks like a chicago uh fire chief you know what i mean like when you look at him you're like you look like a fire chief from a movie like i was gonna say police captain somebody who's gonna have a heart attack during the movie and will have to replace you this is yeah yeah he's he's hitting his own chest to restart the ticker and he's not even he's like one of those guys from the bear skit where it's like hitting his own chest to restart the ticker. He's like one of those guys from the Bears skit where he's hitting his own chest to start it back up. He's just like, all right, go down a minute. Just stuff Italian sausage down there to get things restarted. Hang on.

Weird, though. He looks kind of like a union boss, too. He looks like a union boss. I think all of those things have to do with eyebrows. I think the more in charge your eyebrows are, the more city, like the bigger city task you have. Right. Yes. He could play any number of roles on any number of like NBC sitcoms.

What he needs to do is dip his fingers in the water and sort of flatten his eyebrows. That's what he needs to do. God, what a weirdo what a strange man like this is like this is the same kind of dude that would like go like rifling through fucking elvis's garbage or something you know like it's just such a weird celebrity whoring thing to do the thing is is like when you drink a priest's water though i mean aren't you tasting kid dicks i mean isn't this isn't this one of the things where you're just like you could charge him with pedophilia for this just for drinking after a priest drank the water you'd be like sorry sir we'll do a dna test and find like six little boys cocks in your mouth that's here i am talking about facts, real people, events. And you're talking about a 2,000-year-old book with stories in it that... Let's talk reality, David.

You want to talk reality? Yeah. Well, reality was three and a half years ago when your husband and millions of others vanished. Now that's reality. They said it was UFOs. All right, so these stories come from right wing watch um and see so there's actually a number of these that we've we've got audio we can play for that's that's pretty good yeah so let's start with uh alex jones so this is info wars

this guy's still a thing info wars sounds like a series from marvel like they had you know they had secret wars and then they had info wars and then they had the infinity gauntlet something like that you know i don't know but anyway here's info info wars alex jones talking about the pope he doesn't want us to have a border but he lives behind 35 and 40 foot and 50 foot walls around the Vatican City. He's got a giant fortress full of Swiss paramilitary guards, hired mercenaries. Paramilitary. Yeah. They're like those dudes in like old timey outfits in orange.

Don't they have a halberd? Yeah. I mean, I carry like there may be ones that are hidden that are like pillar i don't know but they're like they the ones that the ones that i saw when i went there were not paramilitary they were fucking like ornamental like yeah they're like old-timey military like i mean like like if you needed to siege a castle maybe they would be useful but it's also the fact that like the pope is a famous dude like he is he is a divisive religious figure who is famous across the world like

is alex jones suggesting that all of us should live behind 50 foot wall nobody cares about me no i can't i live very safely surrounded by nothing but sighting you know the other thing too is like yeah you know the fucking thing is a little old too asshole it's like made in a day that they kind of might have needed fucking some 50 foot ass walls and now today it's just fucking antiquated and they just keep it up the idea that you're just like, oh, well, you know, he didn't build these 54 walls yesterday, asshole. As if to suggest that walls in 2015 would serve some kind of significant military function. Like the U.S. Air Force flies over them like, nice walls, bro. It just keeps flying.

He is right. I will say this. Alex Jones is right. I will say this. Alex Jones is right. The Swiss Guard uses traditional weapons such as a sword and a halberd as well as modern weapons such as the SIG P220 and the Glock 19 pistols and the Stray TMP machine pistol and submachine guns like the Heckler and Koch MP5A3. So evidently they do have guns. So he's right they you know i the only ones i saw had fucking halberds but you know i guess the ones with the guns are in the towers or something i guess too like when you say use yeah right i mean yeah it's not like anyone's fucking storming the fucking castle yeah exactly like oh man another day another gun battle in the Vatican to protect the Pope.

This never happens. The Vatican is rumored to have hundreds of trillions of dollars of assets. They admittedly own more property than anybody in the world. Hundreds of trillions of dollars. That doesn't seem accurate to me. I don't know. Hundreds of trillions of dollars. You know what else it's rumored?

It's rumored that Bigfoot walks around and eats beef jerky. Right? Like, you can't just say, well, you know, it's also rumored that space aliens like to probe the anuses of unsuspecting farmers. Like, okay, great. Here's what it says here. It says, and this is from Time Magazine. Here's what it says here. It says, and this is from Time magazine, the Vatican's wealth, bankers guess it's about, at the Vatican's wealth and put it between 10 and 15 billion.

That is so much less than a trillion. That hundreds of trillions. Hundreds of trillions. Hundreds of trillions. Are you seeing the Vatican selling that property, quote, give it to the poor? No. It's all meant to sell austerity to us to train us to be abject slaves yeah and i apologize you might say 35 50 foot walls at some points the vatican walls are over 100 feet tall as tv viewers can see right there that at that

point it's well over 100 feet tall look prettyittedly. I'm watching this video right now. Looking tall. Also, looking real old, bro. Like, really old. Made of stone. Got some fucking ivy in there. Certainly weren't made yesterday. Yeah, I don't even understand what's the point of my walls.

Like, ah, they got walls. Well, he's talking about immigration. Basically, you you know let whoever you want in the country but i have walls around my thing you're like okay well he also doesn't have any farms in there i was gonna say it's a fake country it's not even a real country you know it's a country the size of a town in may yeah you know which is to say it doesn't really count tax exempt and i gotta sit here and hear this slime bag. That's what he is.

Of a captured Catholic church taken over by the pedophiles, blackmailed by the left, and now that they've taken it over worldwide, you're hearing total and complete worship by the media. A basking in his glow, an angel, Christ-like.

Oh, he's so wonderful. Hello? Pause? No. He's just staring. Wait, what just happened there? No, he just... Did you hit pause?

No, they fucking just... He's just staring at the camera. What, did somebody reset his operating system? Yeah, no, he had to flush the RAM. Here, let me play it over again. He's just staring at the camera. Let me play that over again. Yeah, I know. He had to flush the RAM. Here, let me play it over again. He's so wonderful. He's just staring, looking at me.

What's up, bro? You mad? Three. Still mad. He's calling for one world religion. Oh, my gosh. If he gets his way, a billion people will starve to death in the next ten years. I mean, it's just a death sentence to the third world.

Wait. If he gets his way. The evil pope's evil ways you know i love that i love this idea that the pope has been hijacked by the left because i see the pope as more progressive but in no way would i call him an actual progressive right right right the pope is not for uh you know gay rights he's not for um you know he he's come out and said you know women should not be priests he's you know so he's he's not for full gender equality he's not for uh you know birth control he's not for uh the the rights of women to choose so so many key issues or many issues that many progressives would label as key issues, he is quite conservative on. He is vastly more progressive than the fucking evil emperor that we just had like for 20 minutes previously.

Like the pope who was fucking exhausted by the idea of being pope and was just like i know you handpicked me by god but i totes quit and you gotta listen to him because he's infallible you know what i mean so right so so and i and that and let me let me be perfectly clear Of the popes in my lifetime, this is the pope I like the most. But that is not saying a whole lot. No, not at all. You know, it's like, I don't know. It's like saying, like, of the swirlies I've received in high school, this was the best swirly.

Like, it's still an unpleasant experience. So this next one, Tom, this one is Jim Baker. And we love Jim Baker on this show. Huge fan of Jim Baker. Jim Baker in this particular one kind of looks like a rapper. He's got a little, like, black coat on with a black long-sleeve shirt or a short-sleeve shirt. I can't tell. And then a black hat with a silver cross on it.

I mean, look at this guy and tell me he doesn't look like a rapper. This hat is so absurd. He's got a baseball cap with a crucifix, just a black baseball cap with a white crucifix on the center. And he's indoors. Yeah, that's the Santa Monica Christs. I don't know a lot about sports, but I feel like you made that up. All right, so we're going to listen to this. This is pretty short.

This is Jim Baker talking about ISIS. But at a certain point, he just says some weird shit in here. I mean, i think all of it's weird but you you get what i mean we're gonna occupy right up to the last moment i want to preach until there's no more preach in me until he calls me home but it's it's it's a whole new world coming you know it you know he sounds like he's gonna break in a song there doesn't he when he's like you know it he sounds no it just like launches into show tunes all of a sudden like the band picks up like okay he's gonna do like a fred astaire. Like a fucking umbrella in a few seconds. He sounded sort of like

vaguely threatening. Like, you know it. Come on. A little sexual, actually. Just a little bit. You know you can't mock God the way America's mocked God. I have mocked God

252 consecutive times. You're still doing it, bro. Nothing happens. My life is going swimmingly. From a person that I understand knows what they're talking about, they say ISIS has already infiltrated every single church in America. I find that so absurd. Every church. single church in america i find that so absurd every church isis has sent over a church can you imagine being the isis recruit yeah who has to like fucking handle the rattlesnakes in alabama

right like you're just like you're like why are you picking me for this assignment this is no worse like i can't like i can't be the guy who gets like the plum assignment to like go to a fucking synagogue in new york you're like oh it's great i'm in the big city i get to eat up food like some other dude is stuck in the fucking backwaters of apple lasho what about the guy who's got to go to the Westboro Baptist Church and infiltrate? He's standing there. He's like in full on Muslim outfit holding like a God hates Muslims sign over his shoulder. And he's like journaling later on. He's like, day four.

They still haven't noticed that I'm Muslim. They show up. They show up with like a fucking big fucking beard and a syrian accent and they show up in like the heart of kentucky they're just like hello i am one of you like how are you going to blend in i also think god hates fags yeah they would actually be they would be like this is actually a really easy yeah no it's pretty easy doctorate i could yeah i can get behind that yeah it would also be like amazing like they send over for for every church in america they send over one guy how many churches

do you think they have to send over gosh every church in america has one isis member every church about that how many churches are in america i'm looking that up right now i'm i there are roughly 350 religious congregation 350 000 religious congregations in the united states send over isn't there like there's more churches in america than there are isis members they're all gone they're just like we all have to go to america why i don't we're not real sure what step two is is now plus they're like they're all decentralized there's only one guy in each church you know yeah and they're they're so they're just like vastly outnumbered everybody knows you're isis like nobody i think what he's trying to say though tom i think what he's saying

is is to the to the one isis member in his audience i got my eye on you buddy right yeah i know you're here buddy fuck they found me out god damn it so this last one is rickiles. And this one is you just got to hear to believe this one, because this is just what this is. It's pure, unadulterated and a complete lack of memory when it comes to the 2012 campaign, particularly in October, Barack Obama was speaking to empty coliseums, empty auditoriums. They couldn't fill up an auditorium. They had to draw curtains around all the empty seats. And Mitt Romney was attracting these huge enthusiastic crowds. I mean it was obvious there was momentum for the Romney campaign. And so on election night, for suddenly Obama to win re-election,

it was very weird. It was strange. It was like, wait, wait, wait, did I live through the same 2012? Mitt, the fucking dead-eyed robot Romney. The guy who couldn't get his fucking wife excited You did. Mitt, the fucking dead-eyed robot Romney. Yeah, brown-faced Romney.

The guy who couldn't get his fucking wife excited with a vibrator and a glass of wine. Mitt fucking Romney. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I remember that he was a farce. Like, when you'd hear him talk, I don't remember anybody was excited about him. Yeah, people would reluctantly even people like on the right they'd be like i'm voting for romney like nobody was excited about it nobody was like yeah romney that's my guy what's so funny is listen to what

he has to say next you know where are these obama supporters i know, I never met anybody that was enthusiastic about reelecting Obama and suddenly he wins reelection. He says the exact same thing we just said. But hold on a second because when Obama was elected and then when he was subsequently reelected, there were massive parties all across the United States. People, I mean, there were huge outpourings of people in Chicago, you know, because he's from Chicago, massive, enormous events of throngs of thousands of people cheering and yelling. Did you just miss that? and yelling did you just miss that and it was just that feeling on election night something really strange and weird and and evil and corrupt just happened evil and corrupt yeah yeah the the fucking election was fixed yeah you're right right yeah right because when you saw

one of obama's speeches there wasn't a lot of people Because when you saw one of Obama's speeches, there wasn't a lot of people. And when you saw one of Romney's, there was more people. So by that logic, the entire election process over all the different states that did. And it didn't, you know, not only that, but like fucking the electoral college in that election pretty much went fucking red, blue states were the red-blue states and only swing states were the ones that matter. Because Obama, by electoral vote, won crushingly. Yeah. Crushingly. Both times, really.

Wouldn't you make it look close if you're like, oh, we're going to make this one a squeaker? I mean, not like a George W. squeaker, you know, where it hits the courts, but maybe two states. Oh, man, narrow victory. You know, just pulled out Ohio. Awesome. You know, whatever. I mean, fucking destructicated them. It wasn't even remotely clear.

You didn't even have to stay up late to watch the returns come in. Want to contact the guys go to dissonancepod.com to get links to their google plus facebook and twitter accounts if you want to contact them directly send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT that's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod.

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So this story comes from the Raw story. Maine's mayor, name and shame welfare recipients, so special need kids will stay out of my state. God damn, what? What did he say? Did he just line them up against the wall and shoot them? I saw this and I thought, like, who voted for the Grinch for mayor? Are you kidding me? His heart is two sizes too small.

Who's mad? Who the fuck is mad at special needs kids? You know what I hate? The goddamn Special Olympics. With their go-get-em attitudes. And their hearts that never quit. Oh, man. Struggling valiantly in the name of, I mean, really?

Like in a face of adversity? Fuck those kids. Those little shits. Fuck them. Why do we subsidize this shit? They should be selling candy bars like the rest of the kids. Knit some more of these fucking crazy sweaters i'm wearing damn when i'm on tv because he said that the names of state pensioners are public while welfare recipients aren't public

so what we should do is put make them public and i'm thinking well pensions are permanent dude like welfare is a transient it's not a thing that happens all the time you don't know you don't stay on welfare forever plus a pension is a state paid benefit. Right. So typically, I mean, typically state or county, it's a government. So you can always look up and you can go and find out, you know, if you want to find out how much your teachers in your school make by person, by teacher, it's all public record. You can go look that information up. That's there's a reason for that.

They're government employees. So in the name of accountability toward governmental spending, you can find out how much government employees make. That's a very typical transparency thing in government. But somebody with like a fucking autistic kid has to be on your fucking shame roll? Are you kidding me it's like oh man i could really use some help because my kid through no fault of anybody's has special needs that are prohibitively expensive because we have basically no medical care system other than hope you can afford medical care good luck right so it's like well we should build a social safety net, but people that need it for their kids should be shamed. You know, this is the problem is, and we talked about this many, many times.

The problem is, is that he's got a mythical person in his mind that he wants to shame. Right. And another thing that we mention all the time, too, is when people that are against welfare need welfare, they don't ever consider themselves the same as the rest of the welfare recipients. They always think of themselves as, oh, well, I'm just I just need this for, you know, until I get back on my feet. They don't even consider that that's what other people are doing. You know? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. And so this is just – what this is is a case of some fucking curmudgeonly old shit who's going to try to shame people, shame this mythical creature that is the welfare queen or whatever, shame them.

But then he talks about – at one point, because Tucker Carlson talks about Somalisalis and the guy's like, no, it's not the Somalis. They're like working and stuff. So, you know, the people I think he has a close relationship with, he doesn't care about. He's like, oh, those people are they're just trying to get on their feet. So I'm not Somali refugees. All those people are just trying to get on their feet. They're cool. Well, the people he has a personal relationship with, and this happens all the time, the people you have a personal relationship with, you suddenly don't see them as that large evil that you were thinking of before.

It happens with gay people all the time where you could be against gay people but have a gay brother and like your gay brother and go to his wedding and whatever. Right. Because it humanizes that one portion of, you know, this ideology that you have, that you're that you're anti. So I feel like this this guy is just this curmudgeonly old shit who just doesn't know enough fucking people in his town. If you're involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it's bondage. It is personal bondage, personal despair, and personal enslavement. And that's why

this is so dangerous. It's a very sad life. It's part of Satan, I think, to say that this is gay. It's anything but gay. So also from Right Wing Watch, Michelle O'Bachman. God may destroy America over gay marriage, just like

Sodom. This is Republican Representative Michelle destroy america over gay marriage just like sodom this is uh republican uh represent representative michelle obachman as tom would say uh is she still a representative she's not former she's a former rep you're i'm sorry you're right yeah she's a current quitter she's a former representative and she is on janet markle's Understanding the Times. So, oh, my God. Understanding. Hey, hurry up. And understanding.

I just don't understand these times. Just not a thing. Here's Michelle O'Bachman. No one is fighting back against Barack Obama's dangerous policies. I'll say it. They are dangerous policies. And they are pointing america in severe decline i don't mean to be partisan when i say that

too late brah oh i don't mean to be partisan but i'm saying that nobody is fighting back despite the uphill battle yeah it's constantly faith That guy can't brush his teeth without somebody filibustering in his bathroom. I love it, man. I don't mean to be partisan, but they're dangerous policies. Right. I'm just observing the truth. And I think that's what you're seeing across the country. People see our country in decline.

That's not who we are. We want to maintain our status as an economic and military superpower house. But for what reason? We got to that level because we're built on strong Judeo-Christian values, values that we weren't ashamed of. What are you talking about? Well, we got to that level because we were challenged with becoming an industrial nation in the midst of world wars like like i mean really like if you want to if you want to look at the history of you know how america arrived here i mean it's a long answer but it has nothing to do with our judeo-christian values and it has everything to do with our

unique economic situation right you know really subsequent to and during both world wars really subsequent to and during both world wars there's nothing to do nobody was like oh man how come everyone in america just bought a refrigerator probably because of jesus like that's not a thing what are you talking about jesus is the busiest sales rep for sears in the 50s so constantly selling ovens and fucking refrigerators. I guess they had ice boxes back then. Ice boxes, right? Yeah. And when we raise our fist to holy God and say that we are going to redefine marriage, we are going to be okay with paying a Planned Parenthood to cut up innocent baby parts and

sell them for research. Cut up innocent baby parts. Those innocent baby parts. Those parts didn't do anything to you michelle obachman i read an interesting article this week about uh abortion where uh there's this stigma of shame attached to abortion so like and i i noticed that i say this on occasion we'll say things like abortion is always a hard decision or you know something like that where oh you know nobody wants to get an abortion but they get you know that sort of thing and there's like this stigma

that's attached to it that doesn't necessarily need to be attached to it because it's not something for some women it's not a fucking hard decision at all it's not even they don't even think about it they're like oh yeah fucking got preggers huh time for the old abortion and they don't they don't think that it's a bad thing they don't think they don't have that negative stigma so it's a really interesting article interesting way to think about it that clearly is a problem and as we have seen god brought rendered judgment in the days of noah and the days of sodom and gomorrah and so forth throughout history we didn't see any of that we We were told in a fucking old timey book. Yeah, I would say that I'm pretty confident none of that actually happened.

Yeah. Because there's literally no evidence that any of those things ever actually happened. I think it's awesome. But other than that, we know what happened because she said it. Michelle O'Bachman said it. And she said it in her fucking Fargo accent. So that's how you know it's true. That's what they do up there in Fargo.

They put those little abortions in the wood chipper at the end. What the prophets have told every generation is that there is a just God and the people must repent and turn to him. Yeah, the prophets have been saying that for a long time because they like money. Right. I don't understand how in 2015, knowing what we know about the world and how it works and how it has always worked, how could you possibly utter that phrase that there is a just God? I know.

I mean, I know that the problem of evil is perhaps one of the oldest problems that faces, and it's maybe even a little bit banal. But are we really going to suggest out loud in 2015 when we see the incredible number of people globally that suffer every single day pointlessly and needlessly until they fucking expire in the mud? We are really going to look around and say, oh, yeah, is it just God? That's such a fucking ridiculously privileged position to be able to take, that there's a just God, because it suggests that God is up there making decisions about whether our life is good or bad or whether we experience good or bad things in our life based on the morality of our choices. And then you get what you deserve. Right.

And that the people, whatever it is that we get, we deserved every bit of that. Right. Never mind like all of the billions of people. I mean like what about like all the people in India who are born into the lower caste? Sure. Right? So you're a two-year-old toddler walking around. You've never made a single moral decision in your life.

You're born into the untouchables caste in India. And the entirety of your life is effectively laid out before you as nothing but arduous labor and a short, miserable life. That is the extent of your life. And you're going to look at that world and say, yes, this is ruled by a just God. And there's so many ridiculous number of examples of this. Ridiculous number of examples of this. The idea of a just God is the most patently absurd idea of any of the gods if there were a god at the very best you could say he was indifferent

sure yeah the best yeah on a good day he's Cthulhu right I know right it's like a just god yeah maybe if you're a fucking white chick in Minnesota sure who fucking hates black people A just God. Yeah, maybe if you're a fucking white chick in Minnesota. Sure. Who fucking hates black people. Okay, maybe she just strongly dislikes. Strongly dislikes them. Let's not get crazy. Outrageous.

So too in this day of wickedness in our own culture, we need to do the same. in our own culture. We need to do the same. We need to repent and we need to confess because again, a holy savior is coming to save us and redeem us from the sin sick world.

We need to be ready. That's a good news story. Yes. Yes. Yeah, we need to confess because he's coming back to destroy everything. That's the good news, guys.

Hey, good news. The neighbor's going's gonna burn down our house but he'll let us say sorry and there is no scientist or doctor that can validate you can get anything out of the rectum other than then waste refuse death. There is no life. So this next story comes from the Huffington Post. And this is great because our friend Pastor Manning has returned, and he completely loses his shit. He has a giant temper tantrum, and he interrupts a candlelight vigil. So there was a candlelight vigil in Harlem.

It was the Harlem Against Violence, Homophobia, and Transphobia Vigil. And this fucking crazed lunatic showed up and just exploded in rage. So this is long. It's probably going to be about six minutes long. I may edit it down, but we're going to start it out. We're going to go about a minute into this video because at the beginning of it is just people walking and saying stop the hate now we're going to pick it up right when manning starts yelling at the crowd exactly what hate are you talking about

what hate are you talking about? What hate are you talking about? What hate? What hate are you talking about? Are you talking about your own self-hatred? I love that they're just ignoring him. There's a whole bunch of people. They're really far away from him. But there are a few people who are pointing at him while he's saying, like, stop the hate.

Now they're, like, wagging their finger at him. It's kind of awesome. They're like, exactly your hate. Pretty much your hate, bro. Precisely what you're directing at us. Stop the hate now. Stop the hate now. Stop the hate now.

It appears to me that you're the haters. You're the haters. He's getting so mad. You are the haters. Stop hating yourself. Stop hating yourself. Stop hating yourself. I love how mad he's getting.

He's getting so angry because they're ignoring him. He's like, I want to engage in crazy dialogue. He's going to get madder, I'm sure. Stop the hate. You hate sure. Stop the hate! You hate yourself! Stop the hate! No! Anybody!

Hate now! Anybody who loves another man's rectum! No, if he loves it, he's a lover. He's not a hater. Come on, now. What if you just like it for the evening? Yeah. I mean,

I'm just saying, love is a pretty strong, it feels like that's a commitment. You know, I just want to rent a rectum. He's a hater! You're a hater! You're a Jesus hater! You are racist as well. Come on down here.

Come on. Come on down here. Come on. Come on down here. Come on. He sounds like, I don't know, like an aging, senile buddy guy trying to sing the blues. You know? Come on down here. Come on. Come you're just like come on down here come on come on down here come on come on down here it's like uh it's like the angriest prices right yeah

come on down come on down here come on over here come on over here come over here come over here come on you faggot oh you throw it out the bombs already two minutes in wow he just hates being ignored he really does he really does he's like a little child are you provided people are you dung eaters they're dung beetles they're not dung eaters they They're all rolling their poos. They're all rolling their own little ball. Dung eater. What a fucking twat. Come on over here. Come on.

I'm here. I'm here. Do you think your chance of going to stop me, you can no more stop me than you can stop the power of the blood of Jesus. This guy sounds like he is choking on a bone every moment he speaks. The power of the blood of Jesus. What power is that exactly? I don't know. Somebody's like, what would that do?

Can I put that in my kids' toys when they run out of batteries? No, the power of the blood of Jesus is what we just put on the moon the other day. Right, that's why we had the blood moon. We had the power of the blood of Jesus moon. I declare the blood of Jesus against you faggots, you lesbos, you perverts! You sick-minded people! You are sick! You are demon-possessed! Stop the demons now! He's so mad he doesn't even know what to say. Stop the demons now! That's so awesome man so what's what's his best case scenario like all these people turn to him they're like wait did he say stop the demons

and all the demons just like oh fuck god damn it god guys we just got we just got rebuked again okay meet up at quiznos and let's talk about our after action plan We'll all get a turkey bacon Swiss. It'll be fine. Stop the demons now! Stop the demons now! You are demon possessed! You are full of the devil! You are the children of the devil! You are all the devil's children!

You are perverted! You are destroyed! He's got nothing You're covered. You are destroyed. He's got nothing to add to this conversation. That's the best part. All he can do is just scream into the face of the void. There's nothing he's saying that is – I mean he's never going to say anything that's intelligent anyway. But this whole thing is just two people holding their finger on their nose and w like wiggling it, you know, like nanny nanny boo boo. You know, the thing is, like, what is the point of doing this?

Even if you believe that he's even if he believes that he's right. And I actually I don't know if he believes that he's right. But even if he does, like, does he think that people are just going to stop being gay because he screamed at them? I yelled at him for a while and they're still gay man that guy's not attracted to women anymore even though i screamed at him i yelled at him like this i did the dead red divorce like okay great panic okay right uh maybe uh maybe his dick will get hard when he looks at a different gender if I call him a faggot. Oh, yeah. It works every time.

Yeah, no one else has thought of that. Great. Well done. God help you. You are a wretched, unbelievable, despicable, disgrace to humanity. Your crap stinks of another man's butthole! You are sick! You are perverted! You are losers! You are delusional!

You are full of the devil! That's like the Christmas story, Triple Dog Daria. I think he's pushing the envelope here. You know, the next line very well may be, you know, I won't even tongue kiss most of you. With your stinky poo breaths. Get over here. Bring them luscious stinking dung lips over here. Let me examine your rectum.

You need prayer. You need the Lord Jesus. It's what you need. You are nothing more than the children of hell is who you are. No. Hey. And guess what? I beat your stinking behinds in court. I beat your stinking behinds in court.

That sign is still there. Jesus is Lord. He is Lord, I tell you. He is Lord. You faggots lost. You lesbos lost. You are full of the devil. You are the devil's children.

You are worshippers of the devil. You are worshippers of Satan. You are sick. You are worshipers of Satan! Satan! Satan! You are sick! Satan! You are sicker than sick! Satan! You all are going to hell! Somebody's yelling Satan at him?

What's happening there? Somebody's going, Satan! You can't tell because they're just showing the crowd. So you can't, I have no idea. Just all you see is just, you know it when you hear manning loud then the camera's on him so i can tell you what he's doing then and all he's doing is just standing there in his suit just screaming at the audience that's all he's doing and he's behind a wrought iron fence with like like uh points on the top right so like it's not like anybody's gonna fucking

scale it you know he's like he's like behind a zombie-proof fence. So he's safe back there. Every last one of y'all you're going to hell! There is no salvation for butt lickers and butt bangers like you!

The lesbians in the crowd are just like hey bro we're good no dude we're like we're what about the carpet munchers what about right it's like we're we're fine what do we can we get some specific invective yeah is there any way that you could you could make sure you just call god and see if there's anything like you know what about g lickers? It's like two dudes are just like, we're just pretty much into oral, so. Yeah. Are we good? Can we just? You're going to hell, I tell you!

Rip it! Rip it! Rip it! You delusional! Pervert! You sick! Demon possessed! You delusional. Pervert. You sick. Demon possessed.

You wrecking of the earth. You wicked through and through. How sick you are. There's nobody on the planet earth. There's no demon in you. As sick in you. Look at that. I have.

I have. And will continue. Continue? Continue. Continue. Yeah, that's with a Y-A at the end of it. It's a new word they're trying out. Fair.

Just to see how it plays in the canon. To kick your butts, I will continue to kick your perverted behinds and go send you to a horrid hell. I am the champion. I am the defender of the word of God. I am the greatest preacher and defender of the word of God. Hallelujah. It's like when I would argue with my brother. Like when I would argue with my brother when I was a little kid.

I used to get him so mad because I would go up to him and be like, and i'm right and you're wrong and the crowd goes well and he would get so mad he'd want to hit me like i used to make him mad by just making something up and saying something stupid and that's what he's doing. He's like, I'm the champion. I'm the champion. You're a fucking two year old dude. He's just, he is having a legitimate temper tantrum. Somebody screamed at him. You're having an orgasm! That's amazing. That is something else.

I mean, it's, you know, I actually, to be honest, I think his rants that he gets into on his own are a little better than that. But here you get an opportunity to see him as sort of a petulant child and that sort of stomping of the foot thing you know you could tell he's never challenged on his on his thoughts which is why he flips his shit when he reads his youtube comments or whatever which is why he went after adam reeks when adam reeks posted that fucking thing about him right yeah he's not a guy who can engage in like a reasoned discourse. That's clearly not his thing. He seemed to be getting mad that he was being interrupted. He seemed to be getting mad that he wasn't being given like you got a sense that he starts saying something and they're still chanting and he'd kind of pause and be like, you got the sense that he was frustrated that he wasn't able to get a word in edgewise at somebody else's protest. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, why can't I get a word in edgewise here?

I'm trying to scream faggot. When is it my turn? I'm the champion! You know what's so awesome is his fucking weird, modulated, crazy fucking throat node voice like shuts the mic down when he screams. It's like the mic is just like, I can't do anything with that. I can't replicate that. There's nothing I can do.

Did he have his own mic? No, but whenever the camera would turn to him, the mic would be pointed at him. And it kept on bottoming out the mic because it's like, I don't even know. It's like a fucking, it's like the brown note or something you know what i mean it's the dung note it's the dung note all you butt lickers pumpers and pumping butt pirates this guy is so gay all Oh, you riding the Hershey Highway? He just says all the shit you said in grade school.

It really is. Right? Yeah. He's a schoolyard bully. I wouldn't be surprised if he was like, your mama's so fat she has her own zip code. You know what I mean? Just start bouncing out your mama jokes. He derives cecil he

derives clear glee from uh discussions of specifically anal sex and rectums and butts i mean he is he goes into tremendous anatomical detail is ranting and raving the kind that you know it makes you he's constantly bringing up you know how much has he's talked about assholes and butts and rectums and buttholes and butt licking and like semen drinking i mean all he talks about is lesbos right the other side he's just like lesbos right but he's constantly bringing up really explicit sexual language i have to think like where does this deep well of anger and weird fascination come from it comes from that's what gets his dick hard i you know it's it's hard to argue with when you when you hear him talk you want answers answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So the story comes from Right Wing Watch. Michelle O'Bachman lies about drowned Syrian boy to attack refugees. I'm just glad that she picked a valid target. that she picked a valid target. You know, if you're really,

if you're going to pick a political target, pick a drowned toddler. No, they can't fight back. Right? No, I mean, I mean it. Yeah, no, I mean, all the fights out of that kid. You know what I mean? He's done. Yeah, no. You know, I mean, he is literally down for the count.

You win every point. He's the worst. He's terrible at this. Like, the only way you can animate him is like, we get a Bernie style. He's like, you know, just fucking, he got a little rope around his wrist and move him around. That's what you can do. Here's Michelle O'Bachman from, again, Understanding the Times. Understanding the Times with Jan Markle.

People are very well acquainted with that tragic iconic picture of that little three-year-old boy face down in the water. And they say, we must have a humanitarian response. That was a terrible tragedy. But the fact is, that boy's father and mother were in Turkey. They weren't from Syria. They were from Turkey. That's not true. No. It says here in the article, the Kurdish boy's family lived in Damascus before fleeing.

And that's kind of the largest city in Syria. Yeah, but I mean, to be fair, that's from Right Wing Watch. So then if you link it to Guardian, it actually also says the same thing. Says the same thing. Huh. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Yeah. Huh. Weird.

Weird. You know why she thinks they're Turkish, Tom? Because the Turkish government took in like fucking almost 2 million of those people. Well, they're Turkish now. The father wanted European-style welfare benefits. He wanted somebody to pay for the dental care for his kids so he put his wife and his five-year-old and his three-year-old in a boat knowing full well how dangerous that would be they couldn't swim and the father put them on to seek welfare benefits and that is

happening for dental care for dental care for dental care look this kid needs braces I will risk his life for straight teeth if there is some shit that strains credulity even for this really for the day that's the worst trip to the dentist ever i know i think my kid of the dentist it's like i have to fucking bribe him with mcdonald's afterwards this is like all right all right here's the deal. We're going to get on this boat full of hungry, desperate people also anxious for dental care. We're going to brave the open ocean and the wild seas. Right. Because I've got a cavity. Yeah cavity yeah no those things are a bitch tom

oh i said look can't we just get him an ice skate and a rock like tom hanks but we just give him fucking like a tube of ambasol you know so ridiculous for dental care oh man my boy my my boy drowned in terror i slipped from my arms and drowned in terror but at least it's had a beautiful smile and it's beautiful oh no why would you even want dental care for a three-year-old the teeth are gonna fall like in a month he's not gonna have any rightyear-old. The teeth are going to fall out anyway. In a month, he's not going to have any. Right. All across with these migrants that are going into Europe, and it isn't women and children.

Almost 75 to 80% of these migrants are males, working age males. And a report just came out today from a Turkish official warning Prime Minister David Cameron of the UK that two out of every 100 migrants, two out of every 100 are actually part of the Islamic State. They are terrorists posing as refugees. If we know that two out of 100 are terrorists, why in the world wouldn't you just cut that off? Wait, are you saying that because two of them out of 100 are terrorists we've got to fucking kill the other 98 like are you really saying that we've got to leave the other 98 to die because two of them are terrorists wait a second you're not taking all the

facts into account many of them are brown oh my god did she really just say that we got to let the other 98 live in fucking like horrifying conditions because two of them might be terrorists? And they found this out not from fucking she said it was from somebody in like she said David Cameron or something found out about it. But it's actually a claim made by a Lebanon education minister. Right. And she said it was a report from a Turkish official to David Cameron. It's not even a thing. Yeah. It's not even a thing.

She cites. The thing is, she's just lying. Yeah. And then she uses specific terms. Like, she doesn't say refugees. She says migrants. And she basically is like, well, 80% of them are just fucking working age dudes who are just looking to get some fucking free dental care or whatever. It's just a bunch of 20-year-old dudes looking for some fucking Invisalign braces.

Yeah, no. I just want to make sure that they have very white smiles for their emaciated bodies. Oh, my God. Let's leave my – even if it were 80 men which is not but even if it were 80 working age men they're just i'm supposed to believe that they're just like fuck it i'm gonna leave my wife and my children i'm gonna travel thousands of miles to an uncertain future but they have crust white strips i have laser whitening there i've always wanted this wow don't you ruin my dreams what a world once they have a european passport they can come to

the united states and they will again this is kind of national suicide i mean well it is of course every nation has a duty and responsibility to the citizens of their country, to the citizens of the United States, so they know that they are safe and they know they are protected. That is the first duty of government, to secure the safety of its people. And our government has failed us, Democrat and Republican alike. Would you remember, you know, because I know Michelle Bachman is a devout end times Christian. And I do remember that famed passage in the bible where jesus said of the poor fuck them you remember that right i think that's yeah no what he said what he said actually tom was uh only those with gleaming pearly white shall enter the the pearl

pearly gates is what he said so that's why we need to worry about our dental care. Jesus. Can you believe that shit? I mean, this is like a woman who, if we're talking about Christ, we're talking about Jesus, we're talking about the followers of Jesus. This is a woman who supposedly follows Jesus, right?

The charitable acts, the help your fellow man and she's willing to slam all of those people into areas that they can't even stay in anymore because their country's fucking just a goddamn barrel bomb explosion so they get spit out into all the surrounding countries they cannot take care of them. These people, there's so many of them, they literally cannot take care of them. So they board these rickety-ass ships for all of the money that they have to try to get across this bit of water so that they can get to the European mainland to then march fucking death camp style across fucking Europe to try to get something. So that there's some sort of safety there. There's some sort of ability to live without fear, without the fear of dying every single day, being able to eat a food every day.

single day right with you know being able to eat a food every day and when what she's willing to say is no if if any of them happen to be in isis then it's not worth it this isn't a fucking zombie outbreak you know we're like oh we got to fucking lock the borders down world war fucking z style yeah right it's fucking if it's terrorists you know they have to it's not like if you're a terrorist you just show up in a country. You're just like, oh, I just fucking blew up half the country. Like you have to fucking get your resources together. And when you get those resources together and you start trying to buy large amounts of fucking fertilizer or you get large amounts of fucking gunpowder or you try to buy fucking sarin gas on the black market, motherfuckers find you and they arrest you. Right.

It's not like you're just fucking you just walk walking with infinite fucking guns and be like they're not all mad scientists with death rays exactly it's fucking it's ridiculous so a terrorist gets in okay you know we're doing okay so far when it comes to terrorists we're okay with catching them. Yeah, and if 98% of these folks are just desperate, hungry, in need. Yeah. My solution, I mean, I don't want to live in a world where I'm saying like, well, I just, you know, fuck 98% of those people. Because, you know, it is a trick of birth. It is a happenstance of my own personal luck that I'm not one of them. You know how i

chose to be born american i didn't choose to be born american it's just a happenstance of luck it's a it's something i had no involvement in whatsoever and just like all of the you know tens of thousands millions of people who are fleeing certain painful death by civil war and strife. And we're going to turn our back on these people and then use them as a political scapegoat. So we wanted to make a couple of corrections before we before we wrap the show up when there's no email section this week. But but we did want to make two corrections. It looks like there was a lesbian obesity study,

and there's a Huffington Post article that was posted to our Facebook page today. There was a lesbian obesity study, but that Shoeback guy was talking about stuff they study in college. I mean, it didn't sound like he was saying research in college. It sounded like he was saying that they study it in college not i mean it didn't sound like he was saying researching in college it sounded like he was saying they that they study it in college right he made it sound like it was a

class like it's a class you go to a class and you're like oh what learn while lesbians are fat taking lesbian obesity oh 100 you know yeah exactly so so yeah but but yeah i guess there is an actual study on that uh also um the Parenthood thing we said last week was not true. Zuckerberg gave $18 million in Facebook or 18 million Facebook shares, which comes out to be a lot of money. But I don't think it is exactly that much. 500 million at the time, I think, is what it was. exactly that much 500 million at the time i think is what it was and it's uh he gave that many in shares to a group that then distributes the money and planned perhood happens to be one of those one of those uh non-profits that they give the money to but it wasn't a lot it turns out it

turned out it wasn't a lot of money that he wound up giving a very small it says on the snopes article that we got a very small portion of the $474 million total of grants dispersed by the organizer last year. So it was a very small amount they got. So we just wanted to say that he did not fund Planned Parenthood with $900 million. That was like a clickbait article. Yeah, that sucks. I got fucking hung up on that. So that wraps it up for this week.

There's going to be a show out on monday and uh we're gonna leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens Churches, mosques and synagogues Temples, dragons, giant worms

Atlantis, dolphins, truthers Birthers, witches, wizards Vaccine nuts Shaman healers, evangelists Conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata Nonsense Expose your sides Thrust your hands

Bloody, evidential Conclusive Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. so this weekend i went to this uh local like it was like this like local food movement farm dinner thing so the idea was like it's it's not just farm to table they actually take the table and put it on the farm and so you go to the farm man they were really proud of that by the way it's like hyper local they're like they're like fucking like the the the table is actually made of chickens please tell me you had to kill your own animal i was hoping they would let me i kind of was like i i was i was feeling like mr burns like oh he's a feisty fellow i'll take that spirited

go in with a fucking shocker and zap the cow you want right just fucking lay him down i i will say though in that in that vein she did mention the woman who gave us the tour of the farm. She did mention that they used to have pigs. She's like, they lived well and they died well. And I thought, well, that's probably not true. They lived well. No, she gave them little rifles and they fought very valiantly until the end. They had last oinks. They're like, oink, oink, oink, oink.

Oink like one cloven hoof lifted in the air bravely. She actually walked over to each one of them with a shield and said, come back with your shield or on it. Right. And then they came back on it. Like an apple in their mouth. They're handing their shields. Like, this shield looks surprisingly like a dinner platter.

You guys. That's the problem with pigs is they're handing their shields like this shield looks surprisingly like a dinner platter you guys you that's the problem with pigs is they're smart you know they know that shit fucking pigs it was super funny because like we're doing this tour and everything she says is like i just i have so many bad jokes everything she says and i couldn't even hold them all in i was trying to because my wife was there and we were there with another couple. And they're very sincere. Like everybody that works there is like super sincere. And you could just tell they're fucking dripping fucking sincerity out of every fucking dirt-filled farmer poor that they have. And I'm there because I do think that eating local is a good idea. So like I spent a lot of money on these tickets.

Sure. And so I do buy it, but I don't need the mythology to. So we're doing this tour of the farm, but it doesn't really look like a whole farm. It looks like a big backyard. Okay. And so because it turns out. So it's like people passing off their rural place as a farm when it's really

kind of smallish yeah is what you're saying like really small and it turns out like they didn't really grow the food like their neighbor which is fine but they're like yeah you know the the swiss chard or whatever we're gonna eat today comes from the joseph family and they live three miles down there and this you know the chicken comes from the you know sextph family and they live three miles down there and this you know the chicken comes from the you know sexton family and they live six miles down the road i'm like okay so fair enough it's okay you just have locally sourced i mean you could walk there if you hyper locally sourced right by by all reasonable modern standards sure you know so i'm still down it's just lazily sourced yeah and i'm I'm just like, I'm like, all right.

All right. I'm still like, I'm still here with you. Totally with you. I'm right there. Yes. And then she starts talking about how the food she's like, you know, we're going to have a lot of fermented foods. And because, you know, we used to can the foods, but when you can them, you know, the

nutrients, you lose the nutrients. And it turns out if you ferment them, the food's better than the original. And so now we're fermenting everything on the farm. Fermented chicken is terrible, by the way. I'm just saying that. I'm just throwing that out there. You're not fermenting everything. Like, first of all, fucking ew.

Really? You're fermenting everything? On the farm? That's disgusting, isn't it? Yeah. Everything? On the farm? That's disgusting, isn't it? Yeah.

You're not selling me that canning robs foods of its nutrients and the fermenting is like... It's just like, where did you come up with that? What are you talking about? Why are you saying this crazy fucking moon shit? It's just... And I know we'll get emails from people who are like, well, actually, in the canning process, it is heat and you do lose nutrients by heat. Yeah, okay. Fine. Fine. from people who are like well actually in the canning process it is heat and you do lose nutrients by heat yeah okay fine fine but you know what is selling me that fermenting everything is the

solution like okay let's ferment a few things that's fine if you want to ferment it okay but it's not a fucking it was the be all end all solution you know it's just this shit just fucking makes me crazy looks like eat your cancer away sort of stuff. Right. They're not saying that outright, but the way that you get this vibe from the sort of places that sell organic or the – I get it at the farmer's market all the time. There's just this vibe there. And when you talk to the people, they talk about how you want to eat this stuff because it will keep you healthy and keep those diseases away and just like fucking dude if fucking cancer wants me i don't care how much fucking swish chard i fucking ate i can eat as many fresh strawberries in the world if cancer wants to fuck me in the face it is gonna fucking

fuck me in the face yeah it. Cancer is not a nutritional defect. It's not fucking scurvy. You know? It's not like, oh, I got fucking pancreatic cancer. God damn it. Didn't he have any vitamin C? Oh, man. It's not a nutritional defect.

But these fucking lunatards treat it all the time like it's a nutritional defect. Yeah, yeah. Like it's not a uh replication gone fucking awry it's like oh maybe you ought to have a more alkaline diet like fucking i could eat all the batteries i want it's not gonna help it's ridiculous and she gets to the you know the pigs part and all the pigs ate well and died well and i thought they died like every other animal dies sure yeah under the knife of some dude who killed them to eat them. Not wanting to die.

That's crazy. Maybe they lived a better life. That's fine. Sure. I'm sure they fucking read the New Yorker every morning and fucking drank a nice cup of coffee watching the sunrise. Got a massage every day. Right, right.

Fucking Wagyu pig. Then she gets to the chicken hoose, right? Oh, no. then she gets to the chicken hoops right no so we're at the chicken hoose and we're standing in front and there's like 70 or 80 chickens and she's talking about the chickens and what have you and then she's like and down the road there's a place that has a million chickens can you imagine a million chickens? And I was thinking like, yeah, man, there's 370 million people in America. You can't feed them off

a chicken hoose with 70 chickens. It's almost like, you know, I understand that there's problems with scaling, the scaling up of industrial farming, but she's like, this is better. And I'm like, no, this is $170 for two people to eat dinner but she's like this is better and i'm like no this is 170 for two people to eat dinner that's what this is yeah that's that is not a sustainable way to feed the earth absolutely not and they and the way they the way they put it off as they say

it's sustainable right they're like oh this is sustainable you're like that is not sustainable it's so judging it's sustainable if you're willing to let people starve then it's sustainable right fucking population keeps growing the food has to keep going yeah that's that's like the error of luxury of plenty right exactly it's like i have so much that i can simply deduce that my six acre farm which feeds a hundred people you know is a sufficient way to feed the whole world and it's like no if you fucking do the math your farm we would all die or we'd all have to be farmers again you know we'd all have to go back to like a subsistence living and that's even even all of that is okay but it's so like inadvertently judgy you know where it's like well this is just better as if to imply that people who don't

you know only buy local organic free-range gently hugged chickens yeah are somehow gently hugged chicken named carl right you know like all the all the rest of the people who wake up and go by go by conventionally grown produce or conventionally raised meats is it like implies that there's just fucking mouth fucking mother earth every morning well yeah and then you know just like you said though look at how much money you spent on just the tiny amount of food there's so many people out there that cannot afford that right it's a luxury i mean i go to the i go to the farmer's market with 100 bucks in my pocket i walk out of there and i have two small grocery bags worth of shit two small grocery bags i go to the i go to like a local air like area jewel or

mariano's with a hundred dollars and i'm walking out of there with five grocery bags right you know just the amount of money i have to spend on things when i walk up and i'm like how much is this you know thing of mushrooms well this thing of mushrooms? Well, this thing of mushrooms is $5. These pork skins are $5. This thing of bacon is $7. The fucking eggs are $7. And I'm like, when do I pay $7 for eggs ever? Right. I never pay $7 for eggs.

You wouldn't. Why would you pay $7 for eggs? You can get them for $2.99. $1.99. At the farmer's market, they're fresh eggs made that morning. Shout out, buy a fucking chicken this morning. So you can fucking go get your eggs there. That's more cloaca to your face.

Or you walk over and you buy, like, there's a whole bunch of stuff that you could buy that's just kind of outrageously priced. Like, $5 for a pound of butter is not bad. $5 for a half pound of butter is fucking a rape. You know what I mean? pound of butter is not bad five dollars for a half pound of butter is fucking a rape yeah well it's like you know the other day like i went to my regular grocery store and just regular whole roaster purdue chickens were 99 cents a pound i bought like four of them if you go get like a bell and evans chicken it's like it you know it's that it's the chickens that are raised with tiny hugs and everybody loves them yeah they're yeah, yeah. They're like $5.99 a pound.

These are the ones that get high-fived before they get slaughtered. Right, exactly. They're like excited for it. Like, put me in, coach. Yeah, it's $5.99 a pound? It's like $5.99 a pound at the local butcher for a Bell & Evans roaster chicken. It's six times the price. Now, granted, maybe I'm being a little unfair because I'm

comparing a sale price to a product that never goes on sale because it doesn't need to, because they're catering to different markets. And what we have to be okay with is that both of those things are okay. Food is the same thing as, you know, food has become in many ways the same thing as cars or clothing lines. There are brands and there are levels and there are cheap options and there are options at the extreme end and there's everything in between. And one is not better. If you have means and you want to buy the fucking organic, gently hugged chickens, then fucking by all means. It is better for the environment. Go buy that thing.