Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 253: Incompetent on Every Level of Life

Episode Date: October 5, 2015

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Alright lads, it's Dave Thomas. You were talking about being horny when you were 15 years old. My mate Tim, he had a hole in his school trousers and he could bring himself off through it without anyone noticing while sitting on the train. So, that's good.

Glory on. Hi Tom and Cecil. This is Marie calling from California. I had to call in when you said that people who are against welfare often don't see themselves in the same way when they need welfare. My parents are exactly the same way.

They're hardcore, you know, Republicans. They totally shame people who have to use welfare. They think of them as like, you know, black people. They're pretty terrible. But and when I was going to school, they encouraged me to like get food stamps or try to get federal aid. And when I was like, well, isn't that considered welfare? Kind of just, like, fucking with them to see what they would say. They were like, well, no, it's different,

because you're just, like, you know, on your way to getting a career. You're getting back on your feet. Hey, guys, this is Ben from Montana. Long-time listener, or at least it feels that way, because I spent the last month and a half catching up on the backlog of your episodes. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just want to say glory hole. I did have one instance, episode 148.

I laughed so hard at your joke about what does his mom say? Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. I laughed so hard I made my newborn crap her pants. Glory hole, and thanks for all the hard work. Bye. Hey, Tom and Cecil. I'm anonymous. And I work in Cleveland where you said

they don't let priests get away with diddling boys. Well, they kind of did until the early 2000s. Bishop Lennon, who was covering all that crap up in Boston, got demoted and sent to Cleveland. And guess what?

There was a Father Vile who used to take boys from large families to Chipsaw in Europe with him because he couldn't carry his luggage by himself. And he was in his 80s, and men in their 60s were coming out saying he touched me when i was in 1955 when i was a little boy anyway this guy was allowed to retire and quietly move to italy and avoid any kind of persecution all kinds of crap came out of out from under the covers not sure it's still happening right now but it sure did happen from the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, and 80s, and mid to the 90s,

and close to the turn of the century. Glory Hall, motherfuckers! Cleveland, bye! Okay, what do you call a nearsighted Jewish penis chopper-offer guy? A mole-moil! Ha ha ha ha!

Glory Hall to me! Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way we bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome matt this is episode 253 cognitive dissonance and we are recording in the same room i know take that cecil it's amazing take that just fucking suffer through it that's what i tell my wife all the time just fucking suffer through it she gives me that same

horrified look you're giving me now it was the same look i got on my wedding night and the two subsequent times you had sex after that right yeah well if every time it resulted a kid god damn it jesus man every eight years like clockwork oh man so uh we're gonna start right off with a story from advocate.com this is an awesome story this may be one of my very favorite stories so far uh anti-gay Indiana lawmaker resigns after sex tape text. This guy, this guy is like what happens like, like when people who should have no access to technology have access to technology. And they are just so fucking filthily incompetent with it that they just fucking blunder fucking all the way through it so bad this guy had a sex tape of himself okay fucking someone other than his wife all right and he fucking texted it to his whole contacts list

the very best part of this time is that he says he says, guys, I lost my phone and somebody got a hold of it. So if you saw any texts at all from me over the weekend, somebody else sent that. And I was thinking. What difference would that make? It's still you fucking someone else. So it's like that didn't happen. It'd be like, oh, well, this imposter dressed like me. And then fuck this girl girl I've been fucking.

That is like that is my favorite part. And it's also like I lost my phone in Canada. I love I love that he thinks that's going to get him out of it. What difference would it make where you lost your phone or if you lost your phone or how you lost your phone? There's fucking video of you screwing somebody that's not your wife. We only care because why, Tom? The only reason that this matters at all to me is because this guy is one of those anti-gay rights staunch defenders of fucking traditional marriage and marriage values. And everybody should have a marriage like mine.

My marriage is so good. and everybody should have a marriage like mine. My marriage is so good. I would never fuck somebody else and then videotape it and then send it to my whole contacts list like somebody who's fucking incompetent on every level of life. Are you kidding? I love that he's like, I'm going to send it. First, he's traditional marriage, right?

So he's saying I'm traditional marriage. I'm traditional marriage. I'm traditional marriage. Gays shouldn't have the right to get married. They shouldn't have the right to get married because I hold this institution up so high. I put this institution on a pedestal, you see. And so gays shouldn't get married. I just want to point out too real quickly. His picture in this may be his selfie duck face.

I know. He's making this weird. It's so funny, too, because it's like he says, there's a quote from his website. He says, I will protect the integrity of the institution of marriage. from his website he says i will protect the integrity of the institution of marriage this is a guy who not only was fucking someone else but then at some point thought wait i got a fap to this later i gotta videotape it this way when i'm masturbating not thinking about my wife oh i'm gonna think about the woman i cheated on my wife with when I've got my fucking stiff dick in my own hand. Because I love the integrity of the institution of marriage so fucking much.

And then his own website goes on to read, in southeastern Indiana, I thought that's the most depressing line in this whole article. Southeastern, yeah. The idea of southeastern Indiana. My God. In Southeastern Indiana, the family has always been the foundation of our strength and of our community. Our relationships with our wives, husbands, parents, children, siblings,

and farm animals. Other loved ones. And farm animals. Which may include your mistress and farm animals. See, the thing is, I didn't see the video, so I can't be sure it wasn't a pig in a dress. It could have been. Why do you know? Right? I mean, it could have been a duck. Look at the fucking lips he's making.

When we say southeastern Indiana. It's anything. There's a possibility. You know what I mean? But then he goes on to be even holier than thou. He says, in these times of turmoil, the rest of the country could learn something from our example. And so I thought, maybe he's so good at fucking, he wanted to teach it to all the people on his contact list. No, no. he's so good at fucking he wanted to teach it to all the people on his contact no no he's so good at texting maybe but maybe seriously maybe he came up with

some fucking sweet move and he's like wait a minute fucking that hip swirl i can't let that die with me have you ever accidentally you've accidentally sent an email to the wrong person i'm sure i've accidentally texted the wrong person in the past. I've done that. I've done the same thing. I've texted the wrong person in the past. You text your friend, I love you, good night, or something like that. I did that to a coworker.

Did you? Yeah, because I was chit-chatting with a coworker. I was chit-chatting with my wife, and I was chit-chatting with somebody else, and I was like, home in 20 minutes, love you. And I was just like, wait, no, I like you real well. Yeah, but that's not you. Well, I mean, love's a really strong word. Exactly.

You know, I've fucked up before, too. Yeah. I've said, you know, what are you doing tonight or something like that. And somebody would be like, oh, I'm not doing anything. I'm like, I wasn't talking to you. You know, you can fuck up pretty bad, even just with one person. Right. Oh, my God.

He sent it to everybody. The whole contents list. That's why. The other thing, though, is that. Can you imagine the ass clenching fear? Because you have no idea what you're going to do then. You're just like, what do I do? What do I do?

My phone was stolen by bandits in Canada. Why in Canada? I got a girlfriend in canada no i actually i kind of do it yeah i fucked her i took a video of it i just sent it to you you know the other thing too is like i can only imagine i think of my contacts list and over the years i've probably got i don't want to exaggerate but i probably have a thousand contacts in my contacts list from work because i've had the same phone for work i've had the same number and i've used it for work a lot so i've had the same number for 14 years so you'd be sending to every car and somebody like this a political dude who's vastly more connected than my dumb how many people did they say how many contacts it doesn. No, I don't think it says in the article.

At least not in this article. Oh, man. Like, I have to think, though, that there's a casual, you treat, like, you treat a text message casually when you don't, when you're not sending, you know, video of your fucking naked ass bouncing up and down on somebody else. If I'm sending a text message of my fucking naked ass, I'm like, wait a minute. I need to make sure I'm paying attention. Yeah, wouldn't you just be like, okay, I'm going to make sure this doesn't go to my wife. Right. You know, like, of all the people, let's make sure it doesn't go to the person.

And the funny thing is, is like now they say on his website or something, he's like, you can take some time off with his family. Yeah, well. Yeah, because he clearly isn't going to be employed by the Indiana government anymore. I don't think he's going to be taking a whole lot of time with his family either. He's going to take some time renting a fucking studio apartment in a shitty part of town. That's what he's going to be doing. I just hope he has unlimited data. That's all.

It would be great if a bunch of people just sent them their videos of them fucking other people. Yeah, like everybody just started sharing. It's like a big chat room. You just get it. You're like, yeah, all right. Hey, here hey here we go yeah nice work bro here's me masturbating to video of you i said who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole it's jesus so this story comes from cnn um this is just super fucking sad pathetic polygamous sex sect sext sext sext sext sex i can't do this sexts well that isn't really hard to read actually

polygamist sect limits this is like a tongue twister it is you can do it though i have all right all right polygamist sect limits sex to seed bearers court document says also she sells seashells by the seashore wow that is yeah way more difficult to read than you think it should be. This is just super gross. So those fucking FLDS people are fucking wackaloon wackaloons. Yeah. Warren Jeffs is in jail right now.

And for, I think, life. It's life plus 20. So he might get out. I love when they do that because it's just like oh hang on a minute i'm gonna rub some salt in that fucking wound yeah all right when am i getting out when you're dead 20 years after that so warren jeff's in jail so he's in jail for kitty kitty kitty diddlin but he was kitty diddlin with two different kids they got him for like a 15 and like a 12-year-old or something like that. Right, I think so, yeah.

And now they're talking about his church, which is the Fundamentalist Church of Latter-day Saints or something like that, FLDS. Yeah, right. They're basically the Mormon Amish. They are the Mormon Amish. They got the fucking bonnets and the whole thing. They're the moronish they are morons i agree so they are they have this new thing um called seed bearers ew right ew which is basically someone up top's cuckold fet. Writ large on their entire organization. Right.

Because you have to be in the room holding the hand of your wife while the seed bearer who's chosen by the church head gets to fuck your wife and inseminate her. Yes. Right. The fuck? I know, man. That's how do you sell that? Here's the thing and i and i mean this okay if you can sell that you are in the wrong business yes you get to go around and have sex with weird fucking mini amish women or whatever like but you could sell anything you

just go be rich just go out into the world because if somebody and i don't i i mean i know that there's a level of indoctrination and isolation and all of that but if somebody comes up to me i cannot imagine a scenario where i'm like all right let's do this you know just think how high on mary k's pyramid scheme you could climb right you know what i mean you could be the god of mary k you drive around in that fucking pink-ass car. You know what I mean? You'd have a fucking pink Cadillac. What's up, bitches? You'd have a pink Tesla.

I'd rather have a pink Tesla than bang somebody while someone else is holding their hand, because that's real weird. That's real, real weird. First off, I'd have stage fright. I'd be like, I'm sorry. We're not performing tonight. Time to call in the stand-in because I can't perform while you're here.

Maybe the husband has to fluff a little. He's just got to... Okay, can you massage my prostate while I fuck your wife? Is that possible? Good lord, is that weird shit? Who do you make eye contact with? I hope both of them.

You know, if you've got a lazy eye, you could. I'm looking at both of you. The seed bear has got a lazy eye. One of them's looking this way. One of them's looking this way. Oh, that's good shit. Part of me says, like, if I'm the seed bear, I'd fucking lock eyes with that dude just to intimidate him. The whole time, you're like a gorilla staring him down.

He's like, that's right. That's right. I'm in your house. I'm in your fucking house. It's so awful. You can't protect this house no matter what you do. That's fucking scary. And to add insult to injury, not only are they fucking like somebody else's wife,

and you can't actually touch your wife anymore in this tradition. Yeah, you're not allowed to have sex with her anymore. Because it's adultery. Even just touching them can be adultery in their tradition with the seed bearer thing. How do you avoid that? I don't know. Sleep in different rooms like fucking let's go back to ward cleaver time i guess you know but i'm in the same house as this

woman and she is called my wife i'm gonna touch this woman that's it like i i don't know i don't care seed bearer or no you'd be the fucking water sprouter the fucking seed bearer or the fucking lawn tiller or whatever you're like He's more like the field plower. I mean, let's be honest. He is a seed bearer, but he's also, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yeah, what if he starts fisting her in front of you? He's making her like he makes her strap on a dildo and peg him right in front of you,

and then you're holding his hand. You're wiping his tears away. It's okay. Just relax. Just choke this down. You put the bit in his mouth, you know, whatever it takes. Good Lord. How weird can it get, you know?

Thing is none of that is weirder than the original thing. Like none of that is any stranger. No level of hyperbole. Yeah, it doesn't matter. But I just want to get to this other point. The other point is not only are they fucking kids, but they're also making them work like 12 hour shifts in the fucking almond fields or whatever. Like the almond grove that they have to like, or pecan grove.

I don't know what it is. Like some nut, whatever it is. Yeah. Some mixed nut. Yeah. Not the nut that goes in the wife. A different nut. A different nut. It's a different nut. Not the nut that goes in the wife. A different nut. It's a different nut.

Like a Mr. Peanut in the field with a whip. He's a fucking slave driver for these children. Let me tell the poor kids. And it's just, I mean, everything about this church is fucking fucked up. It is. It's a level of old-timey cult control that harkens back to a rural America that only exists within this weird enclave where you're just controlling the men and controlling the women and owning the kids and putting them to work. And it's like, what are you kidding me? Are they going to be in a coal mine singing old-timey work songs? What is happening here?

and old-timey work songs? What is happening here? There's part of me that thinks about this, and I'm like, okay, so you're a guy, and you get indoctrinated into this cult, right? So you get indoctrinated into this cult at a young age. At a certain point, there's this level of independence that has to – I would imagine would start to take over, and you would start thinking, well, what can I do outside of this thing that is better outside than it is in here or something like that?

What can I do outside of this thing that is better outside than it is in here or something like that? I just keep thinking like, well, you know, there's no incentive if you're if I have to just hold my wife's hand while you fucker. You know what I mean? Like, what's the incentive to even stay there? I mean, I guess if you know, if the women are brainwashed like that, maybe the men are brainwashed and it doesn't matter. It's just like, you know, you know, those are the two things, right? Either the goal is that one day i'll be the seed bearer like it's like a fucking it's like a goddamn baton that gets passed back and forth or something like when you're old and weird i don't know probably or

like you say it's brainwashing and these people are they're so entrenched and they're so afraid of hell that this this is a thing i don't know know. I don't know what Mormon hell is like. Because it sounds like, you know, in my envisionment of what hell is like, it's holding my wife's hand while a guy fucks her. There's nothing about that. There's no way there's no way that's not

the worst day. There's no way you're just I don't even know how does that work. Is it like do they give you notice? Like Thursday I'm coming to fuck your wife. And you're just i don't even know how does that work is it is it like do they give you notice like it's thursday i'm coming to fuck yeah sure yeah i'll just let you know thursday and you're like fucking it's tuesday i got two days of waiting for you to come fuck my wife why like what are we gonna how do you have fucking breakfast wednesday morning like so ready for tim i mean like what is that conversation like? What is that? Like, because the only conversation would be like, we need to leave.

We need to leave fast. Gather your shit. Let's get in our fucking buggy or donkey cart or whatever fucking. Somebody else said, though, too, that they get, I forget who it was. We had some Mormon, maybe it was Bryce, who was saying that they get isolated. They get isolated so badly from this group that there's nowhere that they can go. They actually – they actively can't go. So I guess you just suck it up.

Which is weird because he just fucked her. Do you suck it up then? Because that's weird. That's even weirder it turns out. Snowball her after the – He finishes up but clean it up. Oh, God. Hey, Cecil. where's the beef what's for dinner

you gotta do like the sam whatever that guy's name is sam whatever that what's that dude that old cowboy sam something god what is his name? What? What's happening? You know who I'm talking about. He's the guy who's the voice. He's like, beef, it's what's for dinner. You know who I'm talking about like that. It's like a Sam Elliott. I don't know.

I don't know who that is. Sam Elliott. Beef stroganoff, beef bourguignon, Irish beef stew, beef brisket, chateaubriand, sour-braten, roast beef, Catalonian beef ragout, Mongolian beef, chicken fried steak, steak Diane. His voice is sick. Real steak balsamico. Dude, that voice. Hamburgers. I almost can't hear it.

Beef. Spicy braised beef. Barbecued beef ribs. I fuck that voice. Beef wellington. Pepper beef. Beef jerky. It's like that Forrest Beef Wellington. Pepper beef. Beef jerky. It's like that Forrest Gump.

Beef with broccoli. It is. Beef burritos. Beef fajitas. How long is this? Beef tacos. Do you see where I'm going with this? Beef. That's what's for you. This guy's amazing. That's Sam Elliott. He's from the Tombstone.

He's one of the guys in Tombstone. He's got that big ass mustache. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mustache. He's a big old mustachioed man. Fucking deep ass sick voice. That voice is fucking amazing. His fucking voice is amazing.

God damn. I think that voice impregnated my wife upstairs right now. Did you hold her hand? Honey. I looked that voice impregnated my wife upstairs right now. Did you hold her hand? Honey. I looked into his eyes. Hold her hand. Sam Elliott's going to impregnate you with his voice. And I'm fine with it.

I'm good with it. As long as it produces a deep-throated kid, I'm good. Baby comes out with a mustache. It's already gray. He's got a duster on chaps what's for dinner mom breast milk is what's for dinner

for like a couple of years we're making all this light and somebody's dead we haven't gotten to the death yet. Somebody died? Wait, what happened? So this is from NDTV.com, but I found it in several other places. Air Force personnel's father killed by mob near deli over beef rumors.

And I thought, what a shame to be killed near the deli. I know. You're steps away from beef. Right there by the – Oh, gosh. So like evidently some folks in a temple made a rumor that there was beef and that this family had beef in their house. No, the family – there was a – they didn't say that. They said that there was a slaughtered animal.

They didn't say that. They said that there was a slaughtered animal. And then these people deduced that it must have been one of the two Muslim families nearby. One of the Muslim families luckily was out probably getting a burger. And come back. Holy a double cheeseburger. Like, hey, guys, what's going on? It's a big kahuna burger.

You're like, you see them kicking this fucking stoning this fucking 50-year-old man to death. Oh, yeah. And you're like, crumple like quietly like, crumple up the paper and put it in your pocket. You're a double cheeseburger rapper. It's illegal there to eat beef. It's illegal to kill it. So then they went over to the house. Wasn't it illegal to also throw bricks at people? Well, I mean, maybe.

Do you believe that? Do you believe that shit? They're like, it is so illegal to kill a cow here that we're not just going to let the government come over and fucking arrest you or whatever. We're going to kill a cow here that we're not just going to let the government come over and like fucking arrest you or whatever we're going to get a brick and literally beat the brains out the side of your head yes that's what we're going to do and they fucking they struck this dude down beat him up yep smashed his fucking head open dead as fuck yep fucked his kid up his kids fucked up and in the hospital and then they took several people into custody

they also took the leg of mutton mutton i know from the fridge to do dna testing on if it's a beef to see if it's a beef as if that's somehow relevant like what if it comes back as beef would they be like oh well let him out yeah it turns out that that somehow matters to whether you murdered somebody or not. Or are they just going to be like, OK, well, let's just take that dead guy's body and put it in jail now. How dare you, sir? Who gives a shit? Who fucking cares?

The thing is, like, we've seen stories like this before, and it's like, who cares if the mob was right? Yeah. It's still a lynch mob. Yeah. That's not a good, like you can't let that happen. That sort of like mob-based vigilantism bullshit is just insane. And the idea like it's fine if you want to have literally a sacred cow. If you have an actual literal sacred cow.

Right. Cool, bro. Yeah. have an actual literal sacred cow right cool bro yeah but when your sacred cow means that you're so incensed that you're gonna beat a dude to death because maybe he killed a cow i don't know let's not double check first wouldn't you double check what how would you seriously though you're a guy who knows it's illegal to kill a cow. You've never seen a cow before. How the fuck would you know the difference between beef and lamb? Well, I don't know. But I think before I started hurling bricks, I would figure that out.

I'd be like, well, fucking, I need, I would just want to know. I need mint sauce. It'll taste terrible on the beef. And it doesn't mean that there aren't groups of people in this country that I have sympathy for. I do. And there are kids that were brought into this country by their parents unknowing that they were breaking the law. And they will say to me and others who defend the rule of law, we have to do something about the $11 million. And some of them are valedictorians of law, we have to do something about the 11 million.

And some of them are valedictorians. Well, my answer to that is, and by the way, their parents brought them in. It wasn't their fault. It's true in some cases, but they aren't all valedictorians. They weren't all brought in by their parents. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another 100 out there that they weigh 130 pounds and they've got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. So this is from Right Wing Watch. This is Brian Fisher really bellowing off on the finer points of immigration.

This guy is something else, isn't he? Yeah. Brian Fisher from his show, The Brian Fisher— Helmet hair show. Brian Fisher's song and dance on American Family Association's TV, YouTube, whatever the hell. You could bounce a quarter off that hair, though. Look at that. I will say that for a non-gay guy, he rocks the fuck out of a pink shirt. Pink shirt?

Yeah. Look at him wear that pink. He wears the fuck out of that pink shirt. Rocks the fuck out of that thing. Man. Silver-haired fox. Now, what this would mean in America's's case if we were to do this and again i'm just speaking hypothetically if we were to take this seriously if we were to do something about this here's what it might look like we would

communicate to the world that strangers are welcome here in the United States under one condition, that they be willing to assimilate completely into American culture. When has that ever been the case? Well, let me think. Never and ever. Yeah, never, ever. Seriously? Assimilate completely. Where is that written in any fucking document?

It's in the Borg Constitution. It's in the Borg Constitution. Exactly. You will be assimilated. It's fucking awesome. It's great. Yeah. You have to come over. You have to, like, come over the ocean in a giant cube. Cube?

You're going to have, like like a weird cyborg like everybody's got like one eye it's like hey why don't you guys all just have one eye like why like can't you can't you like trade and like you have two plastic eyes and he has two real eyes like is that possible or what We are here to assimilate completely into your American culture. Okay. Well, welcome. Yeah. You know, the thing is, is like people are perfectly able to do that if they want to do that. But the fact that we're a melting pot of all cultures. Offends Brian Fisher.

Is, I think, proof enough that that concept is bullshit. Right. That you would need to assimilate. I mean, and this is just, I mean, this is Brian Fisher, like, fucking, I want you to be like me or I want you to go away. Yeah. He basically is saying, like, you should all turn into old white men. Yeah.

That's really what he's saying here. And, you know, the melting pot idea, like, I did hear once that America is less like a melting pot than it is more like a mixed salad, that really it's – we're not all becoming a homogenous thing. Instead, groups maintain their individualized identity within this larger whole. And I think that that is kind of a better way to look at the reality of America. Because Chicago is a great example, right? Like you can go to, you know, Chicago is a city of neighborhoods and the neighborhoods are often ethnically divided. Yeah.

You can go to a Mexican neighborhood. You can go to a Chinese neighborhood. You can go to a Thai neighborhood, a Vietnamese neighborhood, a Polish neighborhood. You can go to a Thai neighborhood, a Vietnamese neighborhood, a Polish neighborhood. There's dozens of different neighborhoods that are set up specifically like that. That they be willing to adopt our God, that they be willing to adopt our Judeo-Christian heritage. Notice it's a Judeo-Christian heritage. I didn't know that we had to foster God. How long has God been up for adoption?

That's interesting. Gosh, how expensive is it to put him through school? Just buying his shoes. You know what I mean? Because he goes through shoes so fast. So fast. He's so destructive in the house. He's hard on furniture. Terrible to potty train.

God, you gotta house break your God. He's hard on furniture. Terrible to potty train. Yeah, you've got to house break your God, and then he's just fucking running roughshod over your shit, flooding things for no reason. He's constantly flooding everything. Plus side is free rainbows. Oh, yeah, absolutely, free rainbows all the time. We and the Jewish people share the same heritage, the same moral standards, so because they're part of the Judeo-Christian tradition

and they honor it and revere it, they would be welcome here. Adopt our Christian holidays. Not come into this country and expect to have special holidays, Muslim holidays. You know, there's one. What? Why are you so mad about holidays, bro? Like, you know, the thing is, is like, like, if somebody comes into this country, they don't get fucking like, like, we don't have national holidays for religion anyway.

We get Christmas. We get Christmas, but Christmas is, Christmas is sort of assimilated into this. So, you know, you don't get Good Friday off. No, right. You know what I mean? Like you don't get Good Friday off. You know, we don't get Rosh Hashanah off. I'm just naming things.

I don't even know what they are. Yeah. We don't get Yom Kippur. What's the one where the Ramadan, we don't get anyosh Hashanah off. I'm just naming things. I don't even know what they are. Yeah. We don't get Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur. What's the one where the Ramadan – we don't get any days of Ramadan off. We don't get Passover off. Right. We don't get any of that.

We don't get Hanukkah off if that's a different day than Christmas. I don't know. If we don't get Kwanzaa off, we don't get – you don't get any of these things off that are specifically different religions. If you're fucking Wiccan or whatever, maybe the solstices are a big deal. You don't get those off of work. You know what I mean? You'd be like, it's the longest day of the year.

Staying home. Burning a ball. You know what I mean? The thing is, you're welcome to stay home from work if you have those days off, right? If you can fucking be like, I'm burning a PTO day or something.

I'm burning a PTO day, burning a fucking log. You know what I mean? Fucking in Thor's honor or whatever the fuck. You're totally welcome to do it. day or something i'm burning a pto day burning a fucking log you know what i mean fucking in thor's honor or whatever the fuck you know you're totally welcome to do it but the idea that we're just like oh well you know you can't come in here and expect your holidays off like fucking i don't think anybody can yeah well plus he seems to be mad that people would have a different holiday like yeah have whatever fucking holiday you want if somebody's like i'm gonna be happy tomorrow

like fucking tomorrow's not our happy day yeah we're not happy tomorrow fuck you happy all of november until thanksgiving motherfucker here's a calendar that lists the days you're supposed to be happy be happy on these days and not the uh really yeah yeah i thought i'd have my friends and family over for dinner wrong day motherfucker school, we played the soundbite from that, where they're all torn up. I mean, you talk about division. And see, this is the problem. What you get is cultural division when you have two strongly held religious

traditions that are completely incompatible with one another. They clash. What does that create? It creates a lack of unity. It creates conflict. It creates tension. And so the school board was being asked to officially place Muslim holidays on the school calendar. And the school board said, look, we can't do it. We can't afford another day of these students not being in class.

Muslims in the school. What's the big deal? I went to grade school when i was uh in florida and it was a mostly jewish community and we got jewish holidays off yeah that's how shit works it's like schools are culturally sensitive to the students that go there sure they still go 185 days a year or whatever the fucking state required number is they just it's weird to be all up all up in arms about like you know the thing the thing that they like to tout all the time the thing that they like to fucking shout about all the time is, Hey man, we're the fucking majority. Christians are the majority. We get to make the rules.

Christians are the majority. We get to make the rules, you know? And they talk about that all the time. But then when it gets to the point where they're not the majority, like say in a school district, wait a minute, you can't make the rules if you're the majority. Yeah. Can only fucking have fucking Jesus Day off. Because you've got to look at our history and know that we're Jesus.

Yeah, so it's either look at our history, and if that's not enough. If that's not enough, then pay attention because we have more people. Right. That's what it is. Whatever makes us win. Exactly. No matter how we can win. Just give me the win.

I just want to win. All of that. If they have religious convictions, they can use a personal leave day. We've got a generous policy there. So it's the same policy that the Jewish students use for Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah. Muslim students can use the same privilege. They can excuse themselves from school on that holiday. But we are not going to put it on the calendar.

And a tremendous fracas ensued from that because of the tension. So we're going to expect people, and this is what we communicate to the world, if you come to America. Come to America. You've got to be Eddie Murphy, and you have to be a prince, and you have to work at McDougal's. You know, I do remember, though, you know, visiting New York and going to Ellis Island. And it said, you know, give us your poor, you're tired, you're huddled masses yearning to be free.

And as long as they fucking assimilate. Give us your same people. Right. Yeah. Give us your Americans that are just by happenstance overseas. Give us your Americans that are just by happenstance overseas. You understand that we are a Christian country, and therefore we observe Christian holidays. Don't expect us to make room for your holidays. We're expecting you to accommodate yourself to our standards, our traditions, and our holidays.

We will expect you to adopt our Christian moral values. No place, no room for Sharia law. Only Christian Sharia law. Right. That's the real one that we're looking for. With a Christian theocracy. Totes unhappy with Sharia law. Want to contact the guys?

Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com

forward slash dissonance pod or click the link on the podcast homepage and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a 5-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show.

We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So Glenn Beck has, he's just, he's just, he's frothing. He's super mad, yo. He's frothing. He's like a rabid fucking dog. He is mad. He is mad, bro. He's frothing. He's like a rabid fucking dog. He is mad, bro.

Here we go. This is Glenn Beck screaming and screeching and yelling. He has a great microphone. He does. On his radio show, the Glenn Beck YouTube channel. Stop listening to the people who got us into this situation in the first place. Who told us these things would never happen. That all of these things that are happening now

was lunacy. It was too crazy. It was too pessimistic. It's all happening and you're still listening to those people. What the hell is wrong with us? What the hell is wrong with us? It's time to turn some tables over. It's time to start turning some tables over in our own households and in our own churches.

You want to change the world? Do you realize that it's about 60% of Christians aren't even registered to vote? 60%? Do you realize that it's about 60% of Christians aren't even registered to vote? 60%? You've been standing around with your hands in the pockets doing what? You're losing your culture. Well, the thing is, is like you can lose your culture all you want.

Brian Fisher is just going to force everybody to fucking learn it. Yeah, right. So you won't lose your culture. You'll be fine. Don't worry. Brian Fisher's got this handled, bro. You can keep your hands in your pockets all day. Your hands can stay in your pockets and you can play pocket pool. Pocket hands.

All day. There are more people that have been slaughtered for Christianity in the name of Christ in the last five years than the previous 2,000 years. That doesn't seem like a thing. More than, like, say, the Crusades? That doesn't strike me as a – I don't have the numbers. 2,000 years. Rome was still going strong for, like, 400 of those years. There was the whole, like, persecution.

Maybe longer. Plus, like, what about, like, all of the Catholic versus Protestant wars that took place? People got chucked to lions and shit. Was that a thing? I don't know. I mean, we're going to get an email and be like, just like the Jews who were never slaves, no one was ever given to lions in the Roman Empire. Maybe not.

Whatever. I don't know. But I'm sure there's been some Christians who've been murdered. Here's the thing. Over the course of 2,000 years, there's no way in the last five years a handful of fucking wackadoos overseas in the Middle East have lopped the heads off enough Christians to make a dent in the number over the last two millennia. It's a stupid fucking thing to say. It's just stupid. It's a stupid fucking thing to say. But he said it loudly. This is the time of persecution.

And we're sitting around with our hands in our pockets. Fuckers. Do you know about the pastor that is being held in Iran? Do you know why he's there? Why is he there? Because he wouldn't stop preaching about Christ. Man, that seems like a fucking really bad idea. He said, I ran.

Are you fucking kidding me? Well, geez, they're just, you know, you go to another place where they, you know, lock people up for having different ideals. And then they locked him up for having a different idea. What the fuck? All of a sudden, it like iran's not a free country but like isn't that like how fucking entitled is that like oh i went to iran i thought i could say whatever i want he might actually be native from iran don't i have freedom of speech you grew up here oh what are you saying no did you not see all the stuff we've done?

Yeah. It's Iran. Are you kidding me? You don't have freedom of anything. You have freedom to put your hand in the hand chopper off a machine. That's it. That's what's your freedom. Chop, chop, chop. It's like a Pac-Man for your fingers.

Do you know why they won't let him out? That's how jail works. They won't let him. Oh, put him in jail. Can I get out? Sure. That's not a jail. That's a temporary inconvenience. They won't let oh put him in jail can i get out sure that's not a jail that's a temporary inconvenience he won't even let him even though we asked super nice come on guys i don't like it

here it's full of criminals this sucks there's all these pastors in here harassing me. Because he's converting people in prisons. He's in the prison. And they keep telling him, we're going to kill you. We're going to kill you. And he's like, that's all right. I'm going to keep talking to this brother over here about Christ. They are so afraid of one man just saying the truth.

They have to put him in prison. And what do we do? We, as a Christian community have a collective yawn. Oh, well, we're not visiting the people in the prisons and the sick. That's not what the scriptures are talking about. When the scriptures are talking about

worrying about the people who are in prison, it's not the Pope going to the prison. It's praying for the people in prison, like Saeed, that are actually in prison wait what what what i think he's talking about because the pope when he came over here he visited inmates and then he uh like dined with the homeless and shit and i think he's like flipping his shit over that maybe it's because the pope didn't get butthurt about a pastor

well i think i don't know like i he's, I think he's mad. What he's trying to say that Jesus didn't say visit the people in prisons and mean visit the people in prisons. It meant like visit the people who are like, I guess, preachers, preachers in prisons. Yeah. But they wouldn't have time to be in the prison for Jesus while Jesus was still walking around. Who would he have visited? I don't know. Jesus would go to visit a prison and be like, hey, is there anybody preaching my word that I haven't said yet?

Any Christians in here? Right? It's like, yeah, I'm a fucking preemptive Christian and they locked me away. Who are preaching it in prison. But where are our churches? Where are they? Where are they? We can't even get our own congregations to get out to vote.

What would the vote do? Are we going to vote that guy out of prison? I don't understand. We voted for that guy in Iran. Come on. I mean, I'm willing to vote for that guy in Iran. Come on. I mean, I'm willing to vote for that guy to get out of prison. If my vote right now, Glenn Beck, could somehow change a guy who's living in Iran in a prison and get him out of there, I literally do not care a single – I don't care what he did. He could have killed literally half of Iran.

I want him out of prison. I want him out of prison. I want him out of prison. Because nothing is going to be worse than an Iranian prison. That would be a real Liberian prison. Yeah, sure. Yeah, right. A North Korean prison. The best part is it's like nothing would be worse than hellhole A prison.

Well, I don't know. Hellhole B prison would be pretty bad.hole a prison. Yeah. I don't know how whole B would be. It would be pretty bad. Yeah. Right. Oh, yeah. Of course, we're going to lose everything. Of course, this is going to happen.

You're listening to liars and you know, you're listening to liars. There isn't a Democrat within the sound of my voice that doesn't know that Hillary Clinton, every time she opens her mouth is a liar. What does that mean? Clinton every time she opens her mouth is a liar. What does that mean? I feel like looking at that one. First off, Tom and I are the only Democrats in the sound of your voice, okay? Nobody else is listening to you.

Nobody else is listening to you. Oh, my God. But then, secondly, the idea that it's like, do I think Hillary Clinton lies? Yes, I do. Absolutely. Sure. I'd be a fool to think that she doesn't lie. Sure.

But do I think that every time she opens her mouth, I think that's a little hyperbole. Why do you think her poll numbers are so low? Because everybody's heard it before. It's a conspiracy. Oh, shush. Fool me once. Shame on me. Or shame on you.

Shame on somebody, goddammit. Shame on someone. I loved it. He fucking messed it up like George Bush. I know. Fool me once. Shame on someone else. Don't shame.

Fool. Shame on Iran. Fool me a million times. How many times has it been? Fool me this many times. Shoot me in the head. What is he saying? I don't know, dude.

What's going on? He's super mad, though. I will say that. He is incoherent. Yeah. He is genuinely an incoherent madman. He's just passion shit together at that point. He's just like, shit together at that point.

He's just like, I have a microphone, and I'm going to scream into it. And I don't care what comes bubbling out of the fucking anus of my mouth. I'm going to talk some shit. Wow. It's unbelievable. What does any of that mean? What does any of that mean what does any of that mean well i think we start out the conversation about iran and how he's really mad that a guy is in jail in iran he's also mad that people aren't voting like christians aren't voting i guess for their

interests which is voting for people who like traditional marriage and voting for people because like that's the big thing that's going on now is the traditional marriage thing. What else is there? Abortion. It's abortion and traditional marriage are the two major social issues of the right. God, that's pathetic, isn't it? Isn't it? Is that it?

I mean, that's it, right? Is the entire platform of the right a reaction to a law from the 1970s and a law from the 2015s right i mean really where's your active platform where's the thing you want to do to make things better where's the vision where's the i don't know man this is the thing because this is that's just a reaction that's something you don't like that That's fine. What do you like? What do you want to do? What's the way forward? Well, the way forward is to make sure that they cut taxes

and what they say balance the budget. They're more fiscally focused. But they don't spend any time on it. They spend very little time. They constantly talk about how great Kim Davis is. They spend very little time on that. They constantly talk about how great Kim Davis is. Yeah. All the time is spent on a plan to move back in time.

Yeah. 45 years. Yeah. I don't feel like that's going to happen. I could be mistaken. Yeah, no. It's going to be difficult. But that's not going to happen.

You have to go around the sun really fast. What if you get real mad into your microphone? Yeah. And then go around the sun really fast. Maybe it's not around into your microphone yeah and then go around the sun really fast maybe not maybe it's not around the sun maybe it's around the world you go around the world super fast what if it's around a blood moon would that work during the shmita possibly if you go around the blood moon super fast until you reverse the shmita the shmita and then the tides go backwards the tides go backwards the blood moon moon turns into like a phlegm moon.

Yeah, right. And then you're good. You're fine. We're good. Because then you're back in time and now Roe versus Wade. Yeah, Roe versus Wade. And then you can jump in front of that bullet. You're like, no.

As they're hitting the gavel down, you're like, no. And you put your hand there. And you smash your hand. You're like, oh, worth it. You save the day. And you're like, just understand, babies. And they're like, oh, my God. Why didn't somebody say?

Didn't get that. Oh, amazing. Thank you for coming back in time, Glenn Beck. You've never looked at the heavens. Everything in the heavens is here moving as the heavens move that's how i know it's coming how else can i make the prediction a thousand years ago there was a great conjunction three suns lined up. Another great conjunction coming up. Anything could happen. The whole world might burn up. The great conjunction is the end of the world.

Oh, the beginning. So Cecil, uh, speaking of the blood moon didn't, uh, did not, I think the end of the world officially has not happened. I think it's been, it's been a week it's been a solid week since the fucking tangerine dream moon fucking sped up there and nothing has happened um but but jim baker has has several predictions from the past month that didn't come true so we should listen to these we should and he did he make them all wearing the same hat? Some of them. He looks like a baseball ninja. He's dressed like solid black. He does. All right. All right.

So this is Jim Baker and his wife talking about on their TV show where they hawk a bunch of fucking dry food, freeze-dried foods. You can buy fucking expensive cornflakes or whatever. This is Jim Baker from his show. God is turning the moon red. That's kind of amazing. Also, it's kind of the atmospheres that's doing that, bro. Pollution. As it turns out, that's just pollution. Faith without works is dead.

What? Faith without works is dead. Well, that doesn't mean anything at all. That's a deepity if I ever fucking heard one. Faith without works is dead. Fucking moving on.org, dude. I got nothing for you, bro. That's a Chopra-ism or something.

That's weird. I can't do anything with that. Actually, Chopra's smarter than that. Right? He wouldn't even say that. That would be some quantum shit. It's from James220. But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?

Pass. That means nothing to me. I think we're being a little obtuse faith just having faith and not doing good works or works that express your faith like you know just saying good things and not being good right but but isn't that the problem like the problem with that that i is that faith without works is dead. All right. So the faith is dead.

No, no. I'm being honest. It's like the faith is dead if I don't have a works that goes with it. Fine. I think it's awkwardly phrased. Nonetheless, so I have to have a works. Hey, God, you awkwardly phrased this. So I have to have a works, but I don't like you pointed out, I'm not even

sure what works. Is it good works in the world? Is it charitable works? Or is it the work of faith? Admittedly, though, we're only hearing 220. We're not hearing 120. We're not hearing 320. We're not hearing 420. 420, though.

420? 420, though. Let me tell you. And hello, did Cheetah say to Chong. Pass the bomb. God spoke to me. He said, Jim, I speak to you because you listen. Two days is Ilu 29. If something big happens on Ilu.

I mean, it wouldn't shock me if a major earthquake or typhoon or a bomb i don't know what but i believe we're going to have stark markets stark markets and physical events the sea and the waves roaring men's hearts failing them for fear according to bob that was this is his prediction by the way he said elu whatever fuck. But they put on the screen, Elu, whatever, 25 is actually September 13th. Oh. So – The past. What is that?

September 13th. Let me double check. That's like next week, right? It's got to be because this hasn't happened yet. There was no men's hearts failing for fear or whatever. For lack of courage or whatever. So maybe somebody had – Good works are dead or whatever. For lack of courage or whatever. So maybe somebody had faith or something. Faith works. I believe with all my heart there's going to be so many multiple events.

Not even one. Or the alternative would be not a single event. Not any events. Yeah. So again, this is about the Pope's White House visit. All right. This is Jim Baker again in his very slick i kind of want to get one of these christ caps it's a great hat i kind of want to get one of these christ caps it's a fucking rock solid hat convergence of september

just an interesting little thing is that the 266th pope is to meet with our president on the 266th day of 2015 oh double blood mind blown god these when these guys start fucking fucking number jumbling they're just like they're fucking they're these guys must fucking fucking number jumbling oh it's the best they're just like they're fucking they're these guys must be amazing at sudoku right like because they're just like wait a minute what if i put the 2015 the 266 then i take and he's the 46 president and then i rub 12 grains of salt and fucking both of my testicles and you're just like what is happening you're just counting things and you know what is it that every time february 15th rolls around because president obama's like the 46th president is it is he 46 something like that let's just say he is sure because just for the sake of argument all right hold on we got the internet right in front

of us he's the 44th president. So the 13th of February. So we'd come around to the 13th of February every time because Obama's the 44th president. You'd be like, oh, something auspicious has to happen every single time because he's the 44th president. Yeah, but nothing has happened any of those times. Because he's had fucking seven or eight opportunities now for something to happen and nothing has happened and 266 the president on day 266 yes but what's the 266 pope that's right and 266 is the gestation period for childbirth. What the fucking, who cares?

What I love is that the internet has made this real easy. It has, right? You know what I mean? You just type 266 into a search bar and find things. So what is to give birth on that day? The Antichrist. I bet it's nothing. Duh.

The Pope's going to be involved. Are you just done? What is happening? I can't stand these pregnant pauses. His pauses take 266 days to gestate. Are you fucking kidding me? That's the most pregnant pause. You have to breastfeed the pause after it's gone off into the world.

You could literally abort that pause, and there would be people who would be protesting you. His fucking pause is so impregnated. Dude, a fucking seed bear got on it. That's all I'm saying. It's so awesome because he's just sitting there with his fucking goofy face going. It's like fucking nodding the whole time like a twat. That's September 23rd. That's right.

September 23rd. Is that in the past, too? Yeah. Let me double check my calendar. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's in the past. Right.

Fair enough. Nothing happened. Fair enough. Again. Because we're like on October 1st now, right? Yeah, that's a thing. Okay, so. All right, well.

So maybe it's not a preemie. It's a full term. It's a full term. Yeah, there's a thing. Okay, so. All right, well. So maybe it's not a preemie. It's a full term. It's a full term. Yeah, there you go. It's a full term pregnant pause abortion. You know, maybe if this is your first apocalypse, like a first baby, they go a couple of weeks over. Yeah, absolutely. That happens all the time.

We've got to induce the apocalypse. That's how this works. So, 1 Thessalonians 5.3 says, while people are saying peace and safety, and what takes place on September 21? It's the International Day of Peace. So everybody will be saying peace. When people are saying peace and safety,

destruction will come on them suddenly as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. Escape? Escape. That's actually pretty funny, too, because labor pains don't usually just like... It's not like fucking TV where women are walking down the street and they're like, oh my God, I've had labor pains! And they fucking fart out a baby. That's not how it works. Wait, that's not how it works?

I mean, I don't know. I've seen fucking my wife twice. You've seen it twice, yeah. Like, never was it like, yeah, everything's, oh, my God, I don't. No, it's not. It's a very slow sort of gradual, like, hmm, are these contractions? Maybe these are contractions. Yeah, I've been uncomfortable for about three months straight.

Yeah, right. And I'm really uncomfortable now. So is this level of uncomfort? Is this labor? Is this labor? Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's not like, I'm having a baby. What's up?

It's such a stupid thing to say. It's going to come quickly, like labor pains. That's actually the worst analogy you could use. It's a terrible analogy. It should be like, it's going to come quickly, like a migraine. You know, like, everything's fine. Oh, my head blew up. It's going to come quickly, like diarrhea.

Like, that comes quickly. And it's like, uh-oh. And loads. Literally, you're like, uh-oh. I am going to need a clench of these butt cheeks. I've got to run. Uh-oh. Or waddle somewhere. Alright, so we've got an earthquake coming in September too. Oh, good. I gotta run. Uh-oh. War Waddle somewhere. Alright, so we've got an earthquake coming in September too.

Oh good, I hope it's a big one. This is another one from Jim Baker. God is giving all the conversions of all the events that could possibly come together. This month of September is truly

a month of September that you will remember. He's just spitballing, man. He's just straight spitballing. This show of cognitive dissonance will be one of those episodes of cognitive dissonance that will be very similar to the rest of the episodes of cognitive dissonance. Give me a fucking break. He's just. How does this guy is a rich man? I know because he's selling fucking tasty foods.

It can't be that tasty. And they're real expensive. He's got to sell the apocalypse so that he could sell you the foods. That's right. And it's the it's not. It's the year sell the apocalypse so that he can sell you the foods. That's right. And it's the year of convergence and it's the month of convergence. Before we go into just several of the events that are taking place just this September, let's just talk about what a prophetic year 2015 is. It's called, okay, let's talk about the great convergence.

Right now, God is speaking. This year marks 70 years since the end of world war ii it also marks 70 years since the atomic bomb at hiroshima nagasaki which was world war ii which that also it's it's simply linked it's the fucking same thing also fucking naming all the same things. 70 years since the birth of the United Nations. Which was a result of World War II. They're all the same thing.

I'm fighting this man. I'm going to fight this guy. 70 years since the end of the Holocaust. This is going to play out. Because it ended as a direct result and 70 years after the death of Hitler. Oh, my God. I hope he says, please say death of Hitler. Please say death of Hitler.

Please say death of Hitler. It's the 70th meeting at the UN General Assembly this September. Because they have one once a year. I can't do it. I can't. Listen. It's the 70th annual meeting.

We've been doing this for so long. This is fucked up. Oh, God. It's so prophetic tom okay here we go there's more there's more though tom this is the this is the first bullet point on the sheet so there's more it's the 70th generation since enoch which is 4,900 years ago. Okay, now we're Alright, okay, fair enough. Fair enough. I'm good with this. It's the 70th Jubilee since Israel left Egypt

3,500 years ago. It's 14 years, 7 times 2, since 9-11. What does that mean? What does that mean? 7 times 2? What the fuck fuck it's a multiple of seven so factor that in polynomial what are you talking about and it's been seven years since the 2008 market crash it's also been 14 years since two buildings crashed so So what? Oh, great. This is like the fucking cow, dude.

You know, dude, this is like Bible code shit. Stick this book that's got fucking twelve hundred pages in it and find all the numbers and use them to mean things. That's just the convergence of this year. Not talking about even everything that's taking place this September, which we'll talk about. Wait a minute. None of those things are linked in it. He didn't link any. None of those things are linked. everything that's taking place this september which we'll talk about wait a minute none of those things are linked in it he didn't link any none of those things are linked he just said how long ago they happened yeah and the thing is is like what one let's think about all of those why

so it's like why what would i think about them i don't have any thought about them my thought is make me do it my thought is okay so you're talking about like the un being made a fucking 70th epoch of the enoch of whatever the fuck that doesn't matter like i don't even care about that one it's like whatever and the jubilee is like every 50 years they have a jubilee or whatever i don't know okay that's i again who cares what does that mean i don't know i don't know jubilee or whatever i don't know you got okay that's i again who cares what does that mean i don't know i don't know jubilee sounds fun so i i'm gonna put that in the fucking positive i thought it was candy i thought it was those hard candies you get holocaust ended

pretty positive yeah turns out yeah um world war two ending pretty positive nobody liked you know yeah very unpopular war yeah yeah yeah there you know, 16 million people can't be wrong, right? Well, they can't be anything. They can be fertilizers. Come on now. What else did he mention? The UN being created, not a terrible thing. Not a powerful thing.

Not really a power, yeah, right? But not a terrible thing. It's at best ambivalent, but yeah. 70th annual bread roll order for the meeting or whatever. I don't even know. It's like he mentioned the meeting. Whatever. That's positive or negative.

Who cares? The only thing in there that I could think that was overly negative was the World Trade Centers. He said that. But that was a seven year and it was times two. The bomb being dropped. But again, I don't know and it was times two yeah well it was twice the bomb being dropped but again i don't know that it was necessary for the war to end there's probably some speculation on whether or not we'll get 100 emails for you mentioning yeah and whether or not it was necessary for the war to end but you know let's say that's a negative thing the bomb being

dropped it's a negative thing and then uh and then the stock market crashing seven years ago. So obviously the number I'm supposed to care about is seven. But there's a lot of things in there that are positive. So it's like, okay, so there was a lot of positive things in there. Sure. Although maybe they wouldn't think that the UN is positive. Maybe they don't think the Holocaust ending was a good thing. How do you not think the Holocaust ending was a good thing?

I can't imagine. I just don't know. They're like piecing a bunch of shit together like you said they're not linking any of it and like some of it's good and some of it's bad but the only thing that all seems to be joined with is that there's a seven somehow related as a multiple yeah either 70 or 14 or seven yeah and i'm supposed to think that that's auspicious in some way. But I just won't. I won't think that. You can't make me think that.

No. There's one more clip. He predicts an economic fall, I guess, again, another economic fall. So this is the last clip we're going to play of Jim Baker. Avi just put this out today as you and I are doing this program. His wife has alerted Israeli officials that the Muslims in the Middle East are bragging that they have infiltrated every Christian church in America. Wait, we're in a Christian church in America.

Oh, my God. Which one of you is it? Will the ISIS member please raise their hand? We have a free bucket of cornmeal for you. You know it. That's great. So we want to thank our most recent patrons, Nicole Marcos, DarkCookie23, Matthew Craig, NeedsCoffee, Erica, John, Stephen, Brian, Ben, Isaac, and Robert. Thank you all so very much for your generous donations.

We had a groundswell of support recently. We're nearing a goal. We're close to a goal. And the goal will be four patron-only shows a year. So if that's something you're interested in pushing forward to try to get us to that goal, once we hit that goal, we'll start recording extra shows specifically for patrons. But we want to thank everybody for doing that. I mean, it's really great to see people giving us their hard-earned money thank you yeah absolutely we intend to use a significant portion of that money this year um for a big charity drive that we're going to push for in december um so keep that in mind thank you so michael sent in a uh a bumper with

the long black cock um but it was a little long, so I edited it down. So what I have here is an edited down version of Michael's long black cock song with the Tunak Tunak song attached to it. So here we go. A long black cock, long black cock. A long black cock. I would totally fucking dance to that at a wedding. That's a great song. I would dance the fuck. I would take my shirt off for that one.

I'd be sweating like a fucking whore in church. I love that song. Thank you very much for sending that in. We got a message from Les. And Les, we're just happy you're a listener. We read your email. It looks like you're going through some tough times. So we just wanted to say thanks for listening.

And we hope anything we do helps. Yeah, thanks, Les. We're grateful to have you as a listener. Got a great image of a hand-drawn hipster chicken. It's going to be this episode's image. So Galen sent us a hand-drawn hipster chicken. Killed it. He has a European man purse on.

I mean, it's fucking amazing it's amazing that and the and the disinterested ironic uh sort of eyebrows it's just it's tremendous and kind of an in-charge mustache it is a fucking rock solid mustache so check it out it'll be on this episode show notes 253 so last week this is something we missed when Shoebat was talking. He said, this is from Jake, and Jake says, I'm pretty sure he said at one point that college frat boys drink out of beer pongs. He did say that. I did hear.

He did say that. He said beer pongs. Beer pongs. That's pretty funny. Yeah. That's great. I don't know if he meant to say beer bongs or like playing beer pong. Yeah. I can't be sure. You can't be sureongs or like playing beer pong. Yeah. You know?

I can't be sure. You can't be sure what that guy meant. Yeah, he didn't mean it. It's hard to discern anything he said. We got a great image. I'm going to put this image in this episode 253. If you check this episode out, the best part is you'll get a chance to see not only the image of that Jesus poster. God, that painting is amazing.

That is terrible. We almost bought it. We almost did. We were close. We considered, just so you guys know, we genuinely considered buying that painting. Yeah, but it was already sold. I would have bought it. But you'll get a chance to see who Kerman thinks Jesus looks like here.

So we'll check that out on this episode shown on 253. It's pretty great. Tom, Eric sent in a message and he wants us to know how sin goes into the chicken. Yeah. So it goes into the chicken by means of an incantation. You repeatedly say in Hebrew, presumably while you're hurling this chicken around your head. This is my substitute. Instead of me, this is my forgiveness.

This here chicken shall die. I shall go forth to a good long life in peace. And the chicken goes to a short life in pieces. Yeah, right? Delicious pieces. Oh, God. Gabe sent us fucking terrible music. It's the worst.

Gabe sent us two clips with Call to Prayer and I'm going to play one of them. It is seriously... It's so bad. This is the worst music I've ever heard. So here we go. Call to Prayer Pig Destroyer is like it's amazing glenn beck has such a great death metal career thanks for sending that in gabe that was amazing so uh i was thinking tom yeah why start now we could have a another clip show where people call things in or send us

voicemails through you know recording on their phone and we could cover those things. I was thinking we could have a clip show about woo you used to believe in. Oh, that'd be good. So if you have a story about woo, some sort of woo. So if it's tarot cards, it's tar tarot cards especially if you have some sort of uh attachment to it where you you maybe you did a tarot reading and then a girl dated you or something and that sort of yeah a story i want to hear a story a story that reinforced your woo is great but any woo that you used to believe in um send us your stories um we're going to try to put together a

clip show for it the best way to do this in opinion, is to get your phone out and put the voice memo feature on. That's going to be a better way than calling us on the phone. Now you can call us on the phone if you want. Our number is in the bumper and you can, you can, our numbers, you know, but it's a Google voice. So the Google voice sometimes is really shitty. shitty. I would say the best way to do it is to do your phone voice memo. Send us the voice memo. That probably will be the best way. Keep them short and sweet. Anything that's over, say, a minute and 15 seconds is probably not going to get played. Just letting you know, if it's too long, probably not going to get played. Also, if it doesn't really fit the tenor of the show, we're probably not going to play it either. So just don't be offended if we don't play your thing. But if you want and you have a good story, tell us your story about Woo. Send it to us at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Probably the best way, like I said, is through voice memo.

But you could also record it on your computer at home. Yeah, whatever. However you want to record it. However the best way you want to record it. Anything is better than Google Voice, but we will play Google Voices if you play it. you want to record it anything is better than google voice but we will play google voices if you play just try to make it listenable right like you guys listen to this show we try to put out reasonable voice quality if not reasonable actual quality yeah right yeah and you don't want to hear a bunch of

yeah and some sometimes we've we've had these shows in the past where I've had to like not use some stuff that I thought was pretty funny because there just wasn't – it got cut off or whatever it is. And you don't have any control when you call Google Voice. You have no control when it cuts off and you have no control over the sound quality because you can't even hear it after you're done talking. Sure. You're just a gamer. You're just – it's the best you could do. So if you want to do Google Voice, you're welcome to, but probably the best way is to send us a clip. But do that, and in the next couple weeks we might have a clip show.

So if there's enough of them, if only like three people send them in. I like clip shows because then you can do a lot of editing. So we're going to leave you, like we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, Late Night Info Docutainment,

Leo, Pisces, Cancer Cures, Detox, Reflex, Foot Massage, Death in Towers, Tarot Cars, Psychic Healing, Crystal Balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, Aliens, Churches, Mosques and Synagogues, Temples, Dragons, Giant Worms, Atlantis, Dolphins, Truthers, Birthers, Witches, Wizards, Vaccine Nuts, Shaman Healers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody.

Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. We'll be right back. We are totally unwilling to address in a meaningful way gun control. Sure. We're not going to do it. I'm never going to see it in my life. I was reading all day today. These people are bitching about President Obama coming out and being mad about guns.

They're like, I'm thinking what you want is an escalation you want an escalation of violence you think the that what they those people need to do to protect themselves against guns is to get guns well did you see the story that's what you want right but it's an escalation of violence right it's not a de-escalation of violence, which is what normally fucking works, right? When some guy flips his shit at you, you could fucking go fucking balls out at the guy and fucking throw punches and somebody gets hurt. Maybe somebody dies, right? Or you could try to de-escalate that violence and stop fucking violence from happening and see if you can work something out, right? Same thing with countries.

When countries are like, fuck, we're going to go to war, you could de-escalate that violence. Nobody has to die. But instead we're just like, you know what's really going to help this fucking thing? If we fucking escalate the violence. When the fuck was that ever a good idea? Because these same people treat the initial act of violence as an inevitable occurrence. Because you'll hear them say things like you can't stop people yeah who want to commit harm from committing harm they'll always i hear that all the time like ah someone who wants

to hurt people is just going to find ways to hurt people well first of all let's not make it easier for them by giving them access to you know these firearms with you know huge clips and you know guns that are specifically made to draw fast targets. I mean, to pretend that there's no such thing as an assault rifle is silly. To pretend that having high magazine weapons doesn't cause additional injury is silly. Or just access

to handguns. Easy access without background checks. To pretend all those things don't play into our violence problem. I don't think you cannot have a background check i think i don't think there's a state in the union that you can't have a background that you don't get a back i think you get background checks i think that's a federal law but you don't get background checks if you buy firearms second hand so you can go to gun shows

you just buy a gun you know there's no background check if i buy your gun there's no background check and it's perfectly legal yeah there's also supposed to be a cooling off period between us selling guns. But nobody's watching. Nobody's driving that car. I don't have to, unlike an actual car where I have to register it when I buy it, and somebody knows I have it and which one I have. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. We're not accountable.

There's fucking crazy. Yeah. Right? We're not accountable. There's nobody driving. Yeah. And we treat the initial act of violence as an inevitable occurrence instead of an occurrence that we should prevent from happening. Somehow mitigate that. Right. Right. Did you see the story this week about the guy who saw somebody getting carjacked?

And shot the wrong person? And shot the wrong person. Yeah. Oh, it only takes one good guy with a gun yeah to shoot the fucking wrong guy yeah it's oh and and the people who defended just like oh he was trying you know it's like what would be better like i saw like comments and it's like well what what's the better thing like if the carjacker shot the guy i'm like carjacker might have just got the car right Right. Guy's still alive. Everything, guess what?

Turns out. That's what I have insurance for. Are you going to have my car? You could literally have everything I own. I know. Like every fucking single thing. Everything I own now, everything I will ever own. You could have it all.

All of it. You could have it. Every bit of it as long as I get to live. Yeah. Every single, fuck fuck i'll give you all tom's stuff it's my stuff you know what if you get to live i'm okay you're okay with it right i would do the same thing for you like they'd be like sorry man i kind of need your house back all right fair enough sorry man man i'll go to the second house i'll i'm getting a studio

you know like fucking i'll figure it out yeah right thing is like fucking like it's better off because he's dead right because some asshole thought he fucking could be fucking charlie bronson right and then shit and then that dude picked up the shell casings and ran away and now he's you're never gonna find him right he's just like fucking whoopsie doodle i fucking got the wrong dude. Because I'm not trained. I'm just some dude. You'll never find him. And that's it. You'll never find. And I think actually like as joking as we are, like I think you make a good point. Like we should be willing. Like we've got a mindset where it's like I want to protect my stuff. I want to protect my stuff. My stuff is more important. It's like all my stuff for one person's life.

It's crazy to me to think that people go out into the world with a gun. They get to use their judgment on whether or not that person decides whether that person should be injured or killed. It's like Judge Dredd, dude. I mean, it's literally like Judge Dredd where you walk out and you're like, you've been sentenced. I'm the law.

And you get to shoot them. Shoot whoever. You get to shoot whoever the fuck you want. It's not Judge Dredd, man. That's a fucking dystopian future. It's not a thing that we should be looking to as a fucking you know as the fucking platonic ideal on how to live right you look at that and you think man it sure would

suck to live in judge dread's fucking land instead we're just like oh man yeah you know what we should fucking arm everybody so that whenever anybody wants to mete out some justice on someone, they can pull a gun and shoot somebody. I don't want to live in a culture where you can just fucking shoot anybody you want. The solution to violence is to fight violence with, as you mentioned previously, escalating levels of violence. More violence. There needs to be more violence. Fucking stupid, man. Fight violence with increasing levels of violence. And it's just like – all these people are just like, yeah, man, if they only had guns.

They're like, yeah, if they just had guns to protect them from the guns. We wouldn't need – It would be so great. Our guns at some point are going to need guns. It's so pathetic. We're just going to strap guns onto the guns. I mean it's seriously pathetic. It is.