Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 255: Keep Your Chin Up

Episode Date: October 19, 2015

           

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, regarding those hype women that are behind the televangelists that go, yeah, that's true. If somebody would cut a lot of those clips together, just like a five minute clip i would jerk off to that every day glory hope so i'm in chicago visiting some friends i wake up this morning incredibly hungover and i go walking down the street just to like you know walk it off and i'm in the ukrainian village which i'm sure is probably not the right area,

but I walked past this house with no welcome mat and a really, really strong smell of bourbon, and I can't help but wonder if it's Glory Hole Studios. Anyway, love you guys. Love what you do. Glory Hole. This is a test of the Google Transcription Service. Shit.

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If this were a real emergency, we would all be fucked. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. Cecil found his beer. I did. It's episode 246. I was looking for it behind the fucking computer.

I was like, oh, God, my beer is upstairs. Burn the house down. The beer is gone. Could you imagine if I had to walk back upstairs? I was amazed you got up the stairs the first time without the aid of machines. I need one of those little gremlin things that takes you up the stairs. Yeah, the little, yeah. But I don't know that they make those with a deep enough set of pulleys.

You know what I mean? I need like an elevator wench on it. It's like a sailor block and tackle. It's like, we need to hoist the white whale, we do. When I die, they'll harvest the amber grease from me.

You make a nice perfume. Look at this guy. We can render him for candles. It's amazing. The Yankee candle flavor you would produce. Oh, man. It would almost be as bad as the actual smells in a Yankee candle shop. My God.

Can you even walk past those kinds of places? I'll tell you, they are potent. They are horrifying. I had a pumpkin spice latte recently. Good or great? It tasted just like a Yankee Candle. It tasted like a Yankee Candle smells. Right.

I did a shot of it. I did a shot of it. They poured it into a shot glass for you? They had given me the pumpkin. So everybody's talking about fucking pumpkin spice, these nuts, whatever. Everybody's freaking out. You're a basic bitch. You're like, I'm on this that it's that time of year where pumpkin spice is the thing and it's pumpkin spice everything it's like pumpkin spice pizza dominoes or whatever so they i go to i go to uh i go to starbucks with my wife and she orders

what she orders normally and then i say i think i get a pumpkin spice she said don't do it and i said i kind of want to try it she said don't do it they're terrible and i normally get a different type of latte i was like i'll get this pumpkin so i ordered the pumpkin spice and she's just standing there shaking her head and i'm like what the fuck do you know come to find out she must have had one of these awful fucking little shit bombs before because it was the worst thing i ever tasted first off it's kind of sweet so you take a drink of it and it's pleasing i thought wow this is great and then this fucking aftertaste hits you where it's like you just did a line of nutmeg you know like and i kind of shrieked and i it's like a bump of all spice i am yeah i immediately recall it's like taking it's like taking a bite out of a deodorant can

i was just like and then i i didn't know i thought maybe you know maybe something maybe i don't know what happened somebody tried again and then again it was like fucking drinking gasoline like where are you drinking you're like oh that's terrible is that really terrible oh yeah it's really fucking terrible yeah did you spray it all over? I needed the caffeine, so I fucking forced myself to drink four or five of the five drinks. Four or five of them. I drank four or five whole lattes. I had four or five sips of it, and then I put it away, and then later we poured it out on the ground, and then it melted the concrete. Did you pour it out for your homies or just regular style?

I always, whenever I pour anything out, it's always for my homies so that shit is foul the only nice thing you gotta pour that out for sorority girls though you don't pour that out for your homies you're like this is for all the sorority girls that well women love that pumpkin spice shit you know and then the problem is for like two months women taste like that pumpkin spice and you're like how the fuck would you know? Jesus Christ. You got a little whipped cream topping. A little spritzer. Throw a little cinnamon on her.

There you go. How the hell would I know? You wouldn't fucking know. You wouldn't fucking know. I read in a magazine once. I read this detailed post on Reddit. That's demonic, everybody. It is absolutely demonic.

This story comes from the progressive secular humanist blog over at Patheos. Air Force dental technician fired for being a Hindu witch. Hindu witch? Hindu witch? Hindu witch is an interesting sandwich. It kind of sounds like a vegetarian man witch. It's like a Hindu witch. Right, but it's got Vegemite on it, you know? It's like, you know what it is?

It's like man witch between. It's worse than pumpkin spice pussy. This is terrible. It's man witch between two plantains. That's what it is. I'm listening. Look, if there's manwich involved, I'm probably eating that. Does that shit come in a can?

Yeah, man. It only comes in a can. Did you ever not have manwich? Never in my life. It's ketchup sauce in a can. What the fuck are you eating that for it's like extra vinegary and weird and like soupy and unpleasant it's like here's the best thing about manwich no like literally nothing is good i love here's what i love you love it well no okay and i actually didn't have it until

i was an adult but like sloppy jo Joe is already a lazy fucking meal. And then you buy your Sloppy Joe in a can. That's super lazy. And you're like, oh, has this ever happened to you? I'm so tired. I can't even make Sloppy Joe. It's like buying cereal with the milk in it already. Like how fucking lazy are you?

It's like ordering out and getting a delivered microwave dinner. They show up and they got a warm, hungry man for you. And you get to peel the fucking paper or whatever off the top of it. And you can just fold the thing in half and slide it into my mouth. You know what you need to do? You need to make the hungry man out of bread. So the tray is a bread. It's like a cracker.

And then you just fold it in half and just eat it. There you go. No, you get it fed to you. That's how it works. Yeah, you have to get it fed to you. Growing up. By a very dirty, dirty delivery man. I'm here with your hungry man.

I poured a little manwich on it for you. Did you guys ever eat, when you were growing up, those Salisbury steaks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were kids. The Encore meals? My mom would get them. She'd never make them for dinner, but she would get them as TV dinners on occasion when they were like a 10-cent TV dinners or whatever.

Sure, yeah. Yeah, my dad would buy the Encore Salisbury steak things, And that is a shoe leather food? Yeah. In like a weird brown, like, it's like a poo gravy. It's a viscous, weird gravy. It's like motor oil. It doesn't change at all as it goes through your body. It's literally this.

It goes in liquid. It comes out liquid. It's the same thing. And even when it's frozen, it's still like a little viscous. Yeah. You could put that in your car in the winter and it would start up. It's the only gravy that's 5W30.

Like if you feed it to your cat it'll just die. It just dies. So anyway, Hindu Witch. This dental technician is working at a U.S. Air Force base, right? She gets canned. And the Military Religious Freedom Foundation is fucking, they are brooking none of this. Their response could not be any more aggressive.

It's kind of like they're the military religion. They're so delightfully militant. It's pretty great, but they basically booted her because she was bringing demons into the office. What? And I thought, well, if they have insurance, who gives a shit? You're going to fucking crack a molar on all those sinner bones. Well, the other thing, too i mean you know all that like sweet and sour a quiz nose is gonna fuck your teeth up eventually right you know what i mean like no

matter what you do i don't care how how often you file your your teeth into points your face yeah your fangs maybe maybe demons are like rabbits like if they don't chew on something often enough their teeth just keep growing they have to go in to get their grill replaced once in a while to get that gold sort of yeah this is a crazy story they the the list of grievances that they file at one point one of the grievances uh about her working there she was advised this is directly from this uh secular progressive secular humanist article she was advised by her chain of command to pray against the recent supreme court ruling against same-sex marriage as an abomination to their religion can you believe that like you're required to pray for it yeah yeah man if they only had one or two more employees that wouldn't

have gone through too you know i mean all they needed to do was hire more they're probably that's probably why they were pissed off like we could have had it if all we needed to do was mandate our employees to pray for this what have you got if you were at work and you got a mandate to pray would you just say yeah i bowed my head and prayed i don't know because nobody supervises me so but i guess like i don't know man i would do it i'm the i'm the only breadwinner i gotta do it see i would do it. I'm the only breadwinner. I got to do it. See, I would do it, too. I got to do it, too.

I would do my job. I do it. I pretend to fucking pray when I don't pretend. But I do bow my head when other people pray at, like, if somebody invites me to their house for dinner and they're going to pray, I put my fucking head down. I don't cross my fingers and I don't do the sign of the cross, but I do fucking. You do the respectful thing, right? I do the respectful thing. In this case, good for her for standing up because it's bullshit that she's being forced to do it.

But I don't know how much I would be bucking the system if I was – Depends on how much you need that job, right? Sure. And if there's other options available to you. And, I mean, if it's – I don't know, man. If you're in a position where it's like, shit, man, that's my career and I need that. And there's not alternative career paths for me just to jump over into. Sure. And fucking at some point money talks.

Absolutely. It's like I already do all kinds of shit I don't like. I know. I literally do everything I don't like for money already. Right. I don't know. It's a tough situation to be't like for money already right um i i don't know this is it's a tough situation to be in but i you know hats off to her for for standing up there's a lot of things in this that they were you know saying that she was practicing yoga and

that's satanic say i the satanic yoga thing look i've tried yoga and i agree that it's deeply unpleasant sure yeah but i'm not sure you can go as far as to say evil but it doesn't necessarily rise to the level of satanic no and and the counter argument to yoga being satanic is yoga instructors and yoga pants yeah because one cannot view a yoga instructor in yoga pants and flexible ladies right that's another one too right i mean there's a lot of pluses there's a lot of pluses straight and plus as a straight guy doing yoga, you're like the only dude in the room. You're it. That's it.

Admittedly, Tom, when you're there, you're the only person in the room. The room simply can't hold anyone else. They have to get a walkie-talkie. Chaturanga. Okay, fuck. Alright, I got it. Downward facing dog fine can't do that one sorry we'll break the joists again it's not gonna happen look i'm just gonna lay here in

fucking happy baby pose that's it that's a sleeping baby it's my favorite pose Also from the progressive secular humanist blog over at Patheos, guess who never to ask advice for marriage counseling? Literally any advice. I don't need any of their advice. I don't need their investing help. I don't need to learn from them how to fold a fitted sheet. None of these things. I don't need any of their advice. I don't need their investing help. I don't need to learn from them how to fold a fitted sheet. None of these things. I don't need any of it.

I bet they're fucking awesome at folding fitted sheets because there's fucking 900 people. Those are literally impossible to fold, by the way. Those are ball sheets. That's what that is. Those are called wad nup sheets. That's a wad nup sheet. We've got two young kids. We just sort the clothes into rough piles.

Mine, yours, kid one, kid two. And that's it. And that's as good as it gets. Nothing is as good as if it goes in the approximate room location. You know what you don't do? Just throw out the dressers and have a clean hamper and a dirty hamper. I like that. I like the cut of your jib.

You know, here's what we've got to got to do. This is the real solution. Four people in the house, four washers, four dryers. That's it. One in every room. Who does the laundry, though? Because your fucking little baby is not going to do her own laundry. Nobody can play in the dryer. Speaking of terrible places to be, let's talk about Michelle Duggar. So Michelle Duggar, she has some advice on her family blog. This is, I can't, I'm going to read this. Yeah, dude, read it.

This is advice that she's recounting that she received as a newlywed. And she must have liked the advice because she recounted it. I know you're so excited. You're a bride-to-be, but you've got to remember this. You're the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. Wait, hold on a second. Did she marry a double amputee?

Is that what? That's it. We're not allowed to say amputee, are we? No, it's people with amputism. No, I think it's people with limblessism. Limblessism. I think that's what it is. No, that's rude.

They're called stumpers. Oh, shit. They're stumpersons. That's another. Rumpelstumpskins. Rumpelstumpskins for the win. Oh, no. Cue the flood of angry amputee emails. Oh, no. Cue the flood of

angry amputee emails. Oh, whatever. They just match the keyboard. It is the JDKF, JDKF, JDKF, ASD, ASD. Oh, God.

That's quite terrible. Oh, my God. All right. Someone's going to 3D print a hand just to punch us in the face. We would have it coming. I wouldn't even block. I wouldn't block. I'd just be like, yo, you're right. You're absolutely right. I wouldn't even block. I wouldn't block. I'd just be like, yo, you're right.

You're absolutely right. I deserve every moment of that. We'd just 3D print it, and on the knuckles it would just say, Rumpelstiltskin or whatever. Rumpelstiltskin or whatever. So when it hits you, it's like it batted in your head. Okay. So. no. Okay. So. So. Shit.

I don't even know how we got here. Oh. All right. So, Michelle Duggar. Those are the best moments, aren't they? When you're just like, I don't even know where we're at anymore. Where the fuck am I? It's like you wake up with your pants around your ankles in fucking Taiwan, and you're

just like, where the fuck? What is happening? I don't even remember the flight. I don't know how much to tip you. What's customary here? What is the exchange rate for the horrible things I've asked you to do? You're the only one, so don't forget that. He needs you.

So when you're exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don't forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need unless you find them on Ashley Madison. Yeah, well, or you can pay a porn star and choke fuck her. You know what I mean? There's a lot of things you could do. You've got options, right?

And there's a part where she says, and so be available. And not just available, be joyfully available for him. And what I wonder is, who's available for the man before he's married? Because they talk about the male libido like it's a force of nature. Right. And it feels like there's no way to contain this thing. It's an unstoppable thing, right? All you can do is hope to sate it for the moment that you're around it.

And then eventually it's just going to explode without you. You have to direct that energy somewhere safe. Exactly, right? Yeah. You don't cross the street. Whatever it is. But, you know, what happens before, like, what I don't understand is, is it just when the man marries that this is sort of the thing that happens? Because what do you as a mother tell your son before they're married?

Because clearly this is a big deal and you have to be available to him because you're the only one who can do it and they're treating it like it's as big things you have to do it's got to get done it's got to get done right it's work that needs to be done well what what does the mother tell the son before he gets married just don't do anything with it well if you just don't do anything with it something's got to get like that your logic doesn't make any sense right it's not it's not it's certainly not consistent because it doesn't – here you've got this man with this unstoppable, insatiable need that can – it can't be redirected in any meaningful way.

It's like, get it in my pussy. That's the only place that it can go if it goes anywhere else. Yeah, Egon's standing across the room. He hits the button and her pussy opens and then just goes right in there. See, I would fuck with Egon in the room. I would totally fuck with Egon. I'd make eye contact. I'd let her hold her hand.

Hold her hand, buddy. Hey, buddy, come on over here. Hey, just hold both her hands. If it's Egon, I'm even willing to take a little constructive criticism. He holds out that little omamur thing. He's got like... A little to the left. All right.

There we go. It's the orgasmatron. Yeah. Nicely done. Nicely done. You have to be available, she says, and not just available, but joyfully available. Smile and be willing and say, yes, sweetie, I'm here for you no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. dangerous cliff face that you have to climb. Like, I'm going to Big Pregnant this weekend. I'm going to climb that.

Holy shit, that guy fucking pre-climbed up Big Pregnant. I got halfway up Big Pregnant and aborted the mission. I don't care if you're fucking crowning. If he wants to stick his dick in there, you go ahead. No problem. I mean, is there...

That's a little... Sure, no. Maybe a little aggressive? Well, no. I mean, you know – That's – That's a little – Sure, no. Maybe a little aggressive? Well, no. I mean, you know, like little kids, they grab onto things. I mean, that's why – And if you do stick it in there far enough, will they grab? That's why she's got the butt, right?

Like, I don't want to be insensitive. No. I'm just saying. Yeah. This is a woman, though, that comes from a family that, you know, we we talked about earlier the unstoppable libido of the man. That's why they forgave their kid for diddling all their other kids, right? Sure, yeah. Because he just can't control it.

You just can't control it. And I think that it's one of those enabling things that enables someone to basically – I mean this, that kid to grow up and be a, you know, a horn dog, you know, whatever he was doing on Ashley Madison, whatever, who gives a shit what he was doing? I don't care. Whatever. Fucking go fuck around with whoever you want. But the problem is, is that, you know, while he's doing that, you know, praising the sanctity

of marriage, he's also, you know, doing, you know, basically doing what other people would say would ruin your marriage right and his wife clearly is saying that's only like this is a thing that's a special bond like she's not like hey let's have an open marriage his wife well michelle duggar is 49 so it's got to be his wife right oh my god did she have fucking Oh, she started popping them out early if that's the mom. Wait, maybe not. I don't know. 49. I don't know.

What the fuck is a Michelle Duggar? I don't even know anymore. Michelle Duggar, I think, is the mom. 49, man. Dude, she's awfully young. You have 19. 19 kids. She's 49.

Yeah. Dear God, man. She's got a giant floppy, floppy pussy, man. That thing's fucking, that thing claps when she walks down the street. God damn. It's a fucking revolving door snatch, you know what I mean? I can't even imagine. God damn. I would be intimidated by that thing.

I'd be like, I can't. I would take, I feel like I'd take one look and be like, I am not going to make that happen. I'll tell you what. Nope. I got nothing for you, honey. That's it. The only way I can fuck you is if I strap a kid on there. You wouldn't even notice.

Fuck you with a kid on my crotch. You wouldn't even notice anything coming in and out. It's like a weird latex strap on baby that you... Baby-shaped dildo. A strap on cabbage patch. And it would have the

eyes that open and close. When you get done, it just says mama. This is a horrifying episode. So far, it's been really bad. It's been really, really bad. Excessive. Yeah. Just excessive.

Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading across the entire Fruited Plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow your burger king in des moines iowa and you're going to have a rainbow colored wrapper for your whopper so this is uh also from the patheos blogs from the friendly atheists this is that fucking shoe store guy like theodore theodore shoes galore or whatever so this is theodore shoe bat um crazy as a shoebat as we said earlier we're going to talk about

so he's talking about a collectivist society in this so he's going to mention that we'll talk about that as we go through but Theodore Shoebat I guess in his fucking living room or whatever recorded this for YouTube and Right Wing Watch provides it you had Jeffrey

Dahmer here in America homosexual raped and murdered a bunch of men. Um, did we ever look into the dangers of homosexuality? Did the government of the United States ever inquire into why homosexuality leads to this evil? Did they even put the very thought of outlying homosexuality into consideration? No.

I mean, all of these men also wore shoes yeah regularly we didn't look into whether or not shoes cause you know like food right you know jeffrey dammer had hair on his head like we're not looking into the hair situation one of them probably drove a buick well i mean like we're not going to talk about everything because everybody's got a you know yeah everybody wears shoes let's say right but like a few of them probably drove different kinds of cars what are we going to choose we're going to choose that we're going to pick this one thing out of nowhere and say that that's the thing that's causing these

people to there's no link to that they keep trying to do it and they do it a lot fucking brian fisher talks about uh the gay nazis and how the the Nazi party wouldn't exist without gays and fucking gay Gestapo and they fucking killed people because of it and whatnot. And this guy is doing the same thing. He's basically saying Jeffrey Dahmer was gay and he killed a bunch of people and therefore gay people are bad. And you're like, no, therefore Jeffrey Dahmer was bad. Right, because straight males kill women all the time like that it that's a thing and we don't we don't look at it and say well heterosexuality was the cause yeah of you know a serial killer you know if you think about like that one remember that fucking there was that

nut job who killed all those nurses right just the first guy that cursed me right it went into a fucking sorority home or whatever it was all of them at the same time you killed them all you killed a whole bunch of fucking nurses or what have you he's a fucking heterosexual dude killed a bunch of women nobody's like oh it's because he's heterosexual so because it would be a stupid fucking thing to say right there's no connection there even when there's a sexual connection to the crime we don't assume that it's the sexual like it's it's it's it's the heterosexuality of the person it's the fact that the person's fucked up yeah that's why people do fucked up things imagine that i mean a fucked up angry violent shithead does fucked up angry violent shit why because as long as he's happy in his homosexuality, then it's okay.

But in a collectivist society, we look at homosexuality and say it's evil and it's only going to lead to more evils. Murder, rape, cannibalism. Cannibalism. Well, that's what he did. Yeah. Wow. So, I mean, I guess you could tack on everything. Maybe he fucking sped through a couple lights too or whatever.

Yeah, right. So it leads to bad driving. He fucking sped through a couple lights too or whatever. Yeah, right. So it leads to bad driving and – We're just going to assume that everybody – like I'm a homosexual and I like to have sex with dudes and all of a sudden I'm like, you know what? I could eat a dude. I'd like to eat a whole dude. I could just fucking kill and eat a man.

You know, what I'm going to do first is have him sit in a cake and then I'll eat him afterwards. This collectivism stuff is is i think this goes back to uh ayn rand or whatever i think that's what that's where this all this sort of this idea that idea collectivism which is everybody gets to make that decision and then whatever is right for the group is right for it has to be right for everybody so i think that's what he's how is that different than well because he's going to explain it like like it's pretty harsh too it's you know what the way he's explaining it is that they they kill people if they don't fucking so we all agree except we don't all agree except for the people that don't the minority doesn't agree but they don't matter i see yeah and they don't matter at all oh i see yeah so if the

minority like wants like wants to believe in in a hindu god in this particular society they could but they would never be represented they would never have any representation or any protections it would only be the majority's religion would be the one and he's going to talk about catholicism here in a second or not catholicism um christianity therefore homosexuality must be outlawed in a second. Not Catholicism, Christianity. Therefore, homosexuality must be outlawed. In an individualistic society, the serial killer, the homosexual serial killer is arrested, he's tried, and he's punished.

Probably put into prison with a bunch of other facts, like him. Wow. Wow. Well, I mean, if you're just going to be a fucking jagoff, why not just go there? You know what i mean in a collectivist society the murderer is put to death because he's a danger he must be uprooted that's it he deserves no more rights because he is a threat to the body and the body is what determines

his rights the good of the body is what determines his rights what benefits the body is what determines people's rights so once he is a danger to the benefit of the body to the health of the body then he is uprooted just as the disease is destroyed by the immune system. Wait, the good of the body is what determines his rights. But here's the thing. What if you're wrong? What if you're fucking wrong about the guy who you just put to death? Then if we're going to use that body analogy, that's like going into fucking anaphylactic shock or whatever.

into fucking anaphylactic shock or whatever it's it's like a it's like uh you're what you're doing is your body is is producing this immune system right to go after this particular right uh you've got an autoimmune disease you got an autoimmune disease if you're killing innocents right right if you're killing innocent shit that's not gonna hurt you you know we've done that a lot because the fucking justice system is flawed because there's pressure on police officers to fucking arrest somebody for a crime that they need to make sure somebody's behind the bars for. There's laziness on those police officers to fucking to put up some terrible evidence. There's laziness and and and expediency for some prosecutors to fucking prosecute people on that. There's also mistakes that are made in the lab and in other places. There's fucking juries that are convinced by you know terrible arguments right and shitty evidence

and shitty evidence science right yeah and not listening to the letter of the law which is beyond a shadow of a doubt right they're just saying well i think he did it oh yeah he's guilty to me he's he should die there's been people who've been put to death wrongly we fucking found out after they're fucking dead after you're dead there's no takes he's fucking back sees man and they're exactly as guilty as you are or i am or his fucking shoe bat shoe bat yeah yeah so you can't it's that's that's why i mean i know we're now we're talking about the death penalty but that's also so is he i know yeah the death penalty to me is so grossly insupportable by justice you can't possibly have the death penalty and have any conception of justice that's at all meaningful it's a vengeance or revenge exactly idea it has

nothing to do with justice it has nothing to do with building a safer society It has nothing to do with any ethical or moral concepts other than I'm real fucking mad. The end. And I hate when people are like, well, you sometimes gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, do you want to be one of the eggs? Would you want to be one of those eggs that has to

get fucking broke for the fucking scales of justice to fucking even out or whatever weird fucking thing you're thinking. Because, man, I don't want to be one of those eggs. I don't want to go to fucking jail and have to live the rest of my short goddamn miserable life waiting to get injected full of fucking chemicals so I could die. That sounds like shit. It sounds like a horrible fucking shitty existence where every moment you're worried about your fucking life and you're thinking, I am going to die much sooner than I should for something I never fucking did. Right.

And I have no ability to actualize any of my hopes and dreams or spend time with friends or family. The thing is, like, I am aggressively opposed to the death penalty because it just doesn't make sense. It's not compatible with justice. That said, I am not a person who believes in the virtue of forgiveness. I don't believe in the virtue of forgiveness, quite the opposite. And I probably would be, if somebody hurt somebody that I loved or killed somebody that I loved, I would probably be filled with a murderous rage. I think that, you know, just as a person, I think that that would probably be a thing I would be consumed by because I love the people that I love so deeply, like many people do, right?

But there has to be a difference between what you feel as an individual and what you feel as a good policy for your government, right? What powers am I going to give the government? I'm not comfortable giving the government power over life and death when it comes to justice because the justice moves through, as you said, a system that's deeply imperfect and flawed. Sure. This collectivism nonsense is not only just grossly unethical, right? Like to ignore to ignore the rights of the of the few in favor of the many is I mean, I think that's grossly unjust. favor of the many is i mean i think that's grossly unjust but then to just weed out those people sure yeah who aren't part of your collective that's nazism dude they did that shit with murder yeah through murder clearly is that's what he's sponsored murder what he's advocating and so therefore uh in a collectivist society not only would he be put to death, but homosexuality would be determined to be a threat to the body politic.

And homosexuality as well would be uprooted because not only does it produce murderers, but it as well, for one, is a danger unto itself. Why? I'm still not clear why. Well, it is because he linked one murder to homosexuality through no evidence. Yeah. Okay. So that's why. So that's why.

That's why. That's why I didn't get it. Yeah. No, because it doesn't make any sense. Okay. It has absolutely no benefits for society. It creates a demeaning view of human life because human life is sperm, egg coming together. You don't have that with homosexuality.

is sperm, egg coming together. You don't have that with homosexuality. Who has benefits for society and the people that they choose to be with? How is it that I have a benefit to society as a child-free couple with my wife? I don't have any benefit to society. We're not fucking to reproduce. We're not filling out.

We're not adding to reproduce. We're not filling out. We're not adding to the population. What if you have children that have disabilities? Did you add a positive into the collectivism? Should we kill people with disabilities because they're some kind of a drain on this collective through this? This is like a eugenics-related argument. It feels like it, doesn't it? Yeah. I mean, how do you buy into this idea of collectivism and follow him down this particular rabbit hole that he seems to be going down

and not follow yourself inevitably toward this kind of eugenics nonsense? Yeah, like I said, the Nazis, killing homosexuals, Jews, and whoever else you think is not worthy of – didn't they sterilize? Well, they killed and sterilized people that were disabled, right? Disabled, right, yeah. So it brings a demeaning view of human life. It makes people disrespect human life, to hate human life. And this is why people who who believe in homosexuality

will also believe in cannibalism and they will also believe in abortion the fuck why hold on a second if i believe in homosexual if i'm homosexual if i'm gay what the fuck do i care about abortion if i'm not going to be creating a baby right right why the fuck would i even care about it how would that work like I pregnanted that dude. Or, you know, somehow I scissored with my girlfriend. Our two eggs came together and... Two gay dudes were fucking right over the top of us. Their sperm leaked down.

And then we pushed it in there when we were... Whatever, I don't even know. Fuck you, dude. You don't sense good. Yeah. Because they have no respect for human life. So homosexuality unto itself is a danger. It leads to serial killers.

It leads to cannibalism. It leads to murder and is a danger to the body. Okay. You are a lunatic. This guy is crazy as fuck. A lunatic. Want to contact the guys? This guy is as crazy as fucking me.

Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com forward slash dissonance pod. Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show.

We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this is from Right Wing Watch. This is Michelle O. Bachman. Carolina flooding is God's wrath for the U.S.-Israel policy? Huh. Yeah.

All right. Let's listen to this. Now, I want to talk about the tweet in a second, but let's listen to Michelle O'Bachman from her. She's with Jan. What is that woman? Jan what? Jan Merkel. Jan Merkel.

From explaining the times, right, or whatever? Yeah, explaining the times. Understanding the times. It really comes down to, I believe, worldview and ideology. What is the worldview that you hold? We see that Barack Obama has probably one of the most radical ideologies of anyone ever to occupy the White House. of anyone ever to occupy the White House. He embraces the ideas of an economic Marxist who believes in full-on redistribution of wealth.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did I miss that? Did he fucking seize the means of production and hand it on to the proletariat? And I fucking missed it? Did I miss that, Tom? You don't remember that when he came out of the State of the Union,

he has a hammer in one hand and a sickle in the other? He addressed the nation as, good morning, comrades. You don't remember that? I totally missed it. I missed it. You know, I was busy doing other things. I wasn't. You know, when did he break up Wall Street completely And hand out all their wealth to all of us

When did he do that Wait was it after he bailed them the fuck out Is that when that happened I was wondering I think after Billions of dollars Was given to bank after bank After bank who gets to write their own rules

About how they self regulate Yeah sure And when they fuck up they're like oopsie can I have some money bro Hey bro after bank, after bank, who gets to write their own rules about how they self-regulate themselves. Yeah, sure. And when they fog up the like, oopsie, can I have some money, bro? Right. Hey, bro. Listen, totes destroyed the world economy. Whoopsie.

But if we could get rich fixing it. Yeah. That would be super dandy. Fist bump. Terrorist fist jab. That's awesome. That's so funny. You don't even know what a Marxist is, you fucking idiot person.

But he also embraces the worldview when it comes to foreign policy of essentially a one-world government point of view. Don't you know? What are you? Yeah, it's a one-world government point of view. Don't you know? What are you? Yeah, it's a one-world government. He's terrible at actualizing all of these things. He's terrible at the one-world government thing because we still have like over 200 distinct countries, right? We don't even have a functioning government here.

It's not the United States of America and China and Russia. And Syria and Iraq. Keep going. I could go for a long time here. I believe it's the one world government. It's a huge acronym if you put them all together. It's enormous. It's fucking enormous. Everybody's jockeying

for position to be the next one. It's like USA, what's next? A-OK. Where he is not as knocking for position to be the next one. It's like USA, what's next? A-okay. Where he is not as concerned about United States sovereignty. Is our sovereignty in question? It is, dude. Our sovereignty? Like, all of a sudden, we're not going to be a sovereign nation?

We're going to be what? We're going to be submissive or subservient to who exactly? Our sovereignty is somehow in question? I don't know. Are the British taking us back? What are you talking about? You know, we don't need Paul Revere. We have Michelle O'Bachman.

She can ride from town to town in her old-timey hat on a pony and tell everyone. That would be awesome. Because this fucking lunatic would do it. Our sovereignty is going. Our sovereignty is going. Our sovereignty is going. He's very willing to see the United States power flow into world organizations.

And he has taken an opposite view of Israel, unlike any other president that we have ever had since 1948. His view is anti-Israel. We've never seen that before. So that now, in effect, declared war on Israel from the United States. No, no, no, no. No, we've never seen that before, Tom, because every single president has been like,

no, you can ejaculate all over my face, Israel. Whenever you want. I don't even care if it gets to my eye. I'll hold my eye open. Here's the thing. You get it right there. Give me the old pink eye. I'm used to using cold water to wash my beard me the old pig i'm used to i'm used

to using cold water to wash my beard out anyway so i'm good i'm good i got a little scrubby i'll be fine all right yeah no i seriously though like and i don't even think i don't even the thing is like i think obama kind of lets him ejaculate on his face anyway you know what i mean like like these people what they're just trying to create something they're just trying to create something that is controversy that will spur the people that listen to these fucking vapid morons to not vote for someone in the same position next time. That's all they're trying to do. That's all she's trying to do is make sure that that these guys do is it's so fucking tiresome. It's like it's almost like Israel can do no wrong, like no matter what.

No matter what. Fucking we shot a hospital full of babies. And somebody is like, hey, Israel, maybe next time don't shoot the whole hospital. It's like, you're the anti-Semites. The reason why, Jan, you and I are talking about this is because we take as true what the Bible says in Genesis about Israel and about nations' response to Israel. We recognize that we have been singularly blessed in the United States because of the way that the united states has blessed israel over and over from 1948 until recent times so it's been this fucking like cosmic reach around but only since 1948 right what what were you guys fucking like what fucking cock did you have to pull out

of your ass before 1948 right before there was an israel what were you doing with all of your time if you were a fucking understanding the ye old times. Well, right before Israel, we were watching a lot of them die. I mean, I don't know if that's a, does that count? Does that count towards, do we get a gold star for that one? Oh, yeah. Well, we kind of didn't stop the Holocaust, God. But we totes supported Israel afterwards.

I mean, when we didn't give two shits until we were attacked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that time. How's it going over there, guys? Not so good! It could be a lot better! Yeah, well, until the Japanese attack, guys, we're just going to hang out over here. Yeah, we're good. We're good.

No, no, we're good. We love you. Hey, you guys, six million of you, keep your chin up. Keep your chin up. Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone. Abortions for some.

Miniature American flags for others. This is fucking super weird. This is from the Raw story. Tell Evangelist, satanic temples are hidden in Planned Parenthood clinics as a legal cover for child sacrifice.

This is Jim Baker. I fucking can't. I cannot. I had my pumpkin spice earlier and I'm just saying I literally can't even at this point. On a scale from one to even. On a scale from one to even, I can't. I literally can't. This is so fucked.

I love this stuff. So fucked. Okay, we're going to fast forward through about half of this because some of it is useless, but we're going to get to the end when they talk about fucking legal cover for Satan abortions abortions you know it charles laurie how many babies did you have aborted at planned parenthood you know i had four four babies at planned parenthood and they told her it was what a little bit of tissue this is back in the 1970s from 1975 until 1980. Five abortions. Four were in Planned Parenthood.

It was just down the street. It was easy to get to. It was just... So Planned Parenthood means... What? Planned Parenthood means kill the babies. So that's the plan. That's the plan, bro. You got it. That's the plan, bro. You got it.

That's the plan. Yeah, no. You should see that. The thing is, is the stuff that they don't release is the charts and graphs that they don't release in public with the kill the baby stuff. Kill the babies? Oh, man. And they have some creative ways to do that. Kill the babies.

Kill the babies. So ridiculous. We'll abort them with a sort of magic helmet a sort of magic those wascoey babies is it baby season oh god they're naval Nazis. Naval Nazis! I love it! Oh, man. Zyklon Plan B? That's what that is. That's what that is. Yeah. Oh, by the way, they're so sweet to you when you go in.

And they're so nice. And so sweet. And so caring. Those shitty nice people. Acting. So loving. Those assholes that are nice to you when you show up and give you something to drink. Are you fucking serious?

What, do you think they're fucking lulling you in to get an abortion? You fucking went there, you cunt. Right? They didn't fucking knock on your door and be like, hey, we heard you're fucking pregnant. You want to get rid of it? Maybe they... You fucking went there, stupid. They have a fucking vacuum that walks by and sucks up pregnant people.

Fucking you had to go there. You showed up to a place and they were nice and that's proof that they were evil? They're nice when I go buy tires. No shit. This is a non-profit organization. It's not like, ha, we made lots of money aborting babies today. God, are you serious? It's not Taco Bell.

It's not that gross. Yeah. Yeah, the shit they suck out of there is edible. There to help you. And then she cried the rest of her life. For her five children still miss them every day not one day goes by they weren't children you didn't miss them then what the fuck how would you miss them you didn't have them you know what i miss i miss my three billion

dollars i never had let me tell you something here's the thing i have fucking ejaculated so many children out of my fucking balls throughout my life i would be crying from now until the end of fucking time are you kidding me give me a fucking break oh not one day the first years of our marriage my wife cried herself to sleep and i would hold her and she'd say it's my babies and they would be 40 so don't tell me this crap i love it his fucking voice breaks i've got the big emotional weepies oh the big weepies here comes it's gonna get weep come on grown man how's your fucking weepies did you eat your fucking weepies for breakfast that this is just planned parenthood this is just way to plan your family and it's a pile of babies

almost 70 million babies tall mountains and mountains and mountains of babies. This is why God's judgment is coming. God has dealt with me over and over and over again. He says, I cannot wink at the destruction of my creation. He waited 40 fucking years? It's coming. Don't you think one baby is enough to fucking get God's judgment, let alone the 70 million that you claim? I don't pay attention until we get to 71 million that's my magic number that's when i know when i when i pull the lever

on the slot machine that's when i know i got i i i got cherry cherry fetus so when i get i can't do nothing till i get fetus fetus fetus fetus. Umbilical cord, umbilical cord, umbilical cord. No, I mean, I pulled it and it was coat hanger, coat hanger. Oh, no. This precious, perfect babies. There's no accidental creation. People think somehow things just, you know, all together. We're talking about it this way.

You know, if this if you I'm sitting here watching you as we're talking about it this way you know if this if you i'm sitting there watching you as you're talking about this and i think you have your your eyes are there they're not below your mouth your mouth isn't somehow land up there if this was all accidental you know you'd have an ear there we didn't we didn't have you i mean how could such a an amazing thing as this body that bible says fearfully and wonderfully made are we really going with the fucking it's not it's got to be intelligently designed because this is what i'm used to looking at is that what we're doing is that what we're doing here yeah because look at some fucking crazy shit from the bottom of the goddamn ocean right you know right you know Look at some fucking weird-ass shit down there, that fucking nightmare fuel that lives at

the fucking bottom of the ocean. Look at that and be like, no, you're going to shit your pants. You're not going to look at it and be like, that's amazing. You're going to look at it and be like, oh, fuck! What the fuck is that? Kill it with fire immediately. What the fuck? You're not going to fucking think that's amazing.

It's only amazing in the sense that it stopped your heart when you saw it. That's the only thing that's amazing about it. Plus, like, what about, like,

all the, like, fucking gurgillion defects that could go wrong? Like, it's like, oh, and the, he says it as if every human being is born entirely perfect

and there's not fucking thousands of children or human beings that are born into the world with terrifying Look at look at some of the things that we that we see even on a regular basis and don't think that they are Miraculous or beautiful like maggots like a bag of fucking maggots. Look at that and be like that's disgusting Like there's that's universally gross, you know, people are going to be like, no, man, people eat maggots.

People eat handfuls of those in other countries. Well, those people are assholes, okay? Stop fucking sending us email. Yeah, parasitic wasps. Whatever it is, though, there's things in our culture right now that you're like, that's not beautiful. That's horrifying. Yes. And this guy is just – he's making this stupid argument because I'm used to looking at something that's the way normal is right and he's also making the you know the

windstorm in a junkyard yeah that's bullshit oh it all happened by accident it made itself a watch at a 747 right out of the wind yeah also fuck you no one's suggesting nobody said that. Yes. But yet, there are so many that want to discredit God. That's what this is all about. The whole thing is discrediting God. I personally, and I can't prove this. You can't prove it, but please tell us your wild speculations, Rick Wilds. Please tell us your amazing speculation that you've come up with because this is gonna be good personally i can't prove this i think people are made of clouds

now i don't know this for sure i'm sure because i've never looked inside a human body but i think inside it's all clouds yeah it's clouds they're clouds clouds and inside is lightning. I think that's what's inside. Although I've interviewed some people who swear that they, I just, a few weeks ago, I interviewed a former Satanist. He said he performed, I'm trying to think, 146 satanic rituals inside abortion clinics. Oh, yeah. Oh, Rick, absolutely. I mean, I can't prove it because I wasn't there, but let me just say this.

For many years, I had a post-abortion ministry, which we're going to start back up at Lori's house, where we bring in the women to heal from the pain and the torment and the torture of of them have gone going through abortion and we do these memorial services and all of this because i believe that the holy spirit can heal you in a split second well then why the fuck do you cry yourself to sleep over five abortions still i mean you fucking just admitted that you cry yourself to sleep every fucking night. Weepy goddamn tears over your fucking abortions when you're a kid. Where the fuck is the Holy Spirit at? It can heal you in an instant.

It hasn't yet. Can. Not will. Jesus Christ. Can, not will. This is fucking two minutes before. This is two minutes. I haven't forgotten.

It could happen at any time. Goddamn these people. God damn these people. God damn these people. It compared to all the counseling in the world. And I will tell you, especially on Halloween. Fuck it. Are you serious? Are you fucking?

Am I hearing this? Especially on Devil's Night in Detroit when they light the buildings on fire and the crow comes out. Especially that night. Am I hearing this? The Satanists on Halloween? Are you kidding me? Yeah, no, the Satanists on Halloween, though. That many, many, many, many satanic rituals are abortion rituals are performed.

That's what he said. That's what he said. That's what he said. That's what some dude said. that's what he said that's what he said that's what he said some dude said it somebody told me

once a story and I can't prove it but it jives with my crazy moon theory no no but really though

those satanists they've gotta be very good to be able to cut the heart out of that tiny little fucking that tiny little speck of a baby like

they have got those guys are like I mean amazing surgeons they got a scalpel and tweezers. I know, it's like a fucking really small game of operation. Except for the sides don't buzz. It doesn't really do anything.

Well, not for long. It's the truth, because I have had the women sit as close as Jim is to me, as you are to me, crying, screaming from their innermost being because they were in those satanic rituals where their babies were aborted. What do they fucking put candles around them and put them on a fire?

Look, here's the thing. I'm a fucking, I'm a Christ fearing woman. I walk into fucking abortion clinic down the street at Planned Parenthood and they're like really nice oh come on in have some coffee have some juice whatever okay lay on this table and there's a pentagram there I'm gonna leave

what are you fucking doing you just be like well fucking it's a winning now cry that fucker out of there get that ice cream scoop get this fucking thing out of me are you kidding me you fucking walk in and you're like, oh wait, you're gonna

I didn't sign a waiver for a fucking satanic ritual, did I? Hang on a minute. The druid is washing up for his for his like the surgeon comes in he's got a cowl and a fucking hood and everything. When you go in the place is a replica of Stonehenge.

Except for it's the one from Spinal Tap, so it's really small. It's very small. They got to make sure that they have enough women who need abortions on fucking Halloween. They got like a 50% off abortion sale. No, what they do is they just take from the counter the free condoms two weeks to three weeks before so that they could meet their abortion quota. Yeah. At the end, like people come in and be like, hey, you got a free condom? Sorry, it's around Halloween and we don't need babies.

They give them up. They just poke little holes in them. Oh, there you go. There you go. Yeah. And you know this because you talk to someone who knows it. I know a guy who's got a guy. There's a guy who knows a guy.

Who's a Satanist. Who was at Lori's house. knows a guy who's a satan who was at laurie's house he told me that uh sacrificing a human life is the you know the greatest thing that they can do for lucifer that's right because it's illegal murder is illegal they have to find a way that's right to have a sacrifice of a human and so because america has legalized abortion because because, hang on, fucking slow the train. Because if I'm a fucking human sacrifice doing Satanist, I am also like, well, I don't want to break any laws. Hang on a minute. Hold on a minute.

Let's not get crazy, Satan. Hey, whoa. Listen, prince of lies. Yeah, exactly. What do you think I am? Bro, slow your Hey, whoa. Listen, Prince of Lies. What do you think I am? Bro, slow your train, bro. Why wouldn't you just go to the elderly? They don't fight back.

You hold a pillow over their face. Oh, fucking old Mr. Jackson died in his sleep again. Sad, too sad. I guess he can only die in his sleep once. But you know what I mean. Therefore, they're doing these human sacrifices in an abortion clinic because it gives them a legal covering. That's right. I don't think we have any idea how deeply embedded Luciferian devil worshippers are in our society.

Oh, yes. I believe it, too. I can't. I love it. They're like, they're all just standing there that's right that seems they're all nodding their head like yes this is correct what you are saying is the truth i bet somebody i bet somebody really did say to themselves you know as a satanist it's so hard to find good humans to sacrifice these days you know what we should do we should all

get together and decide to go to medical school. So we'll go to college. And then we'll go to medical school. It's a lot of work. This is a lot of work in your Satanism. And we will dedicate all of this time and energy and effort towards saving human lives. So that eventually we can become abortionists. Yes.

So that we can practice our satanic rituals the fucking end game to get there just go strangle a homeless woman right fucking kill a hooker like a respectable person for christ's sake you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth so the story is uh this comes from relevant magazine uh the definitive ranking of insanely awesome Christian album covers. Now, here's the deal. You should follow along. There's a link in the notes.

This is going to be worth it. You're going to follow. You follow this along and actually look at the images because we're going to try to describe them, but it's going to be hard to describe them in full detail. So I want to talk about the second one here, Tom. This is Striper one. This is Striper Soldiers Under Command. Striper is written in a sort of faux Metallica font at the top. And they have an SUV that's a B-colored SUV.

It's like a yellow jacket colored SUV. And they're all wearing yellow jacket clothing so they all have yellow and black stripes on themselves. But here's the thing. Only the guy on... Do they have guns? Are they covered in guns? No, this is like a military vehicle. It's like a killer bee vehicle.

Oh, right. They're like, we love Jesus. And firearms. Who doesn't, though?esus and firearms firearms and like look at who doesn't though but i love jesus and firearms that's like fucking peanut butter and jelly you know did you see the the tweet like there was like a young republicans thing it was like what kind of gun would jesus shoot or like what would jesus favorite gun be and somebody tweeted back, a nail gun? That's cold as shit. It's so fucking funny. That's fucking cold as shit.

It's so fucking funny. Like, look at this. Like, the one. And, like, one that gets into concrete, too. You know, like, one of those, like, ones with the shell in it. Yeah, yeah. Not like a Brad nailer. No, no, no.

It's like a fucking. That's some pussy shit, right? It's like a fucking one that's got some punch i love that only the guy on the left gets it gets horizontal stripes everybody else it's great i i want to say i remember when this band came out now this is uh in the 80s so like late 80s i remember when this band came out and i had already been listening to i remember like a year after i want to say it was like a year after uh master of puppets came out i was listening to metallica and bands of that ilk so that's sort of where i was at at that age and i remember when this band was sort of hitting it

big and people were listening to them and i remember putting in their music and thinking it was so bad uh let's let's scroll down a little bit tom uh let's take a look at number six baron cross rock for the king what the fuck are these people wearing so it's a it's a picture of just a hairband and they're wearing i can't even describe what they're wearing. You're a poet. Help me. I feel like Jodie Foster looking at the universe at this point. I can't describe it to people. Okay to go. It's actually terribly confusing because it's at once skin tight and also baggy and torn.

It's white and blue and wrong all over. I can't. I just, I don't even know. There is so much aquanet. You know what they look like? They all look like they tried to dress like the woman from Weird Science and they all failed. the woman from Weird Science and they all failed?

Well, wait a minute, because go to my two favorites, 13 and 14. Hold on a second, let's scroll down a little. So first, before we get there, let me stop at 9. If you're stopping at 9, I'm stopping at 10. 9 is Petra on Fire and Petra has

this image that I can only describe as looks like the cover for a 1979 Dungeon Master's Guide. It's a sword plunging out of the cover that's like, I guess, looks sort of cold-ish, but it's hot at the bottom. The angle's all wrong. Really, the perspective is terrible on this sword but it totally looks it totes looks like a monster manual from the dnd this to me looks like like remember when like you were in in in uh junior high and everybody's shitty fucking art projects were hung on the wall yeah and there'd be like somebody inevitably drew a cool sword i just see somebody's eighth grade art project i just see this is like

from the player's handbook in dungeons and dragons and it's it's it's patra's uh you know uh sword of petrification or something you know what i mean like it's got it's got so number 10 Mike Adkins the name of the album thank you for the dub and he's like he's just he's just some putzy looking fucker standing there

with his hands out and he's just like got a dub in his hands and it's just the album is thank you for the dub there's no context but here's the thing like he's clearly letting it go

I know like you were fucking you were so happy to get it why are you fucking letting it go it's like a reverse gift also that guy's eyes are way too close together that's all I'm saying he of all the people I've ever seen that guy has an incest

face I wanted to say that number 11 which is the darren mansfield bad revelation has an image on it that i can only describe as like the cover for ready player one the book that's what it looks like an old-timey video game doesn't it it looks like fucking zaxxon shat that thing out do you know what this looks like to me it looks like some like weird cartoon network stuff that's happening now. It's like, oh, I can't draw anything more absurd than this.

Yeah, it looks like 8-bit graphics kind of of, I don't even know, a guy with a sword coming out of his mouth, a hand with stars around it, and in the other hand he has two keys. Right. Oh, and the fist, that one fist that he's making looks like the uh looks like the fist from inspector gadgets totally guy it does

dr claw or whatever yeah and this next guy number 12 looks like bob from church of the subgenius he's smoking a pipe he's got a fucking collar on and the same glasses. And the same smarmy fucking look. My dad had those glasses his whole life. The next one looks like Amy Schumer with a puppet. That's what it looks like. It's a woman with giant hair, way too much eye shadow, and a puppet with rouge on. I don't know why the puppet's wearing makeup.

She's snuggling with a ventriloquist doll. Oh, it's terrifying. And the title is just Amen. And it kind of has this – and the fucking puppet doll is turned with its eyes closed. Yeah. As if they're having a fucking moment. Oh, it's terrifying. It looks like a cheap horror movie is what it looks like, a poster for a cheap horror movie.

The next one is, again, her and her her puppet this time she has jet black hair she looks like the bride of frankenstein and the puppet is in a puppet looks like wood elvis the puppet does he's like in a fucking like he's got like a like a star jacket on it looks very strange the last one i want to talk about here is is the last one it's the honorable mention and it's it's ava kathleen beat baity god's chosen puppet and she is in a dress with these ribbons tied to portions of her body the joints of her body and they're being held from above so she's in this pink dress um she kind of looks like lucille ball and she's got her arms in a position i always wonder this don't you realize that saying you're a sheep or saying you're someone's puppet is a bad thing like that's not a good thing right well no because they they see obedience as a

virtue like that's the that's the thing it's like blind obedience literal blind obedience is a virtue for these folks so much so that they can't even see the irony in their own absurd. I mean, let's talk for a second, just one second, about the dress. If that collar creeps any higher up her neck, she will not be able to see out of it. Yeah, this is a replica dress that, like, fucking Queen Victoria wore. Yeah. This is like one of those dresses that, like like the men would see a fucking flash of ankle. Sure, yeah.

And fucking immediately. Oh, no. I mean, they're looking at that like they're like, oh, I like the cut of your neck, young lady. You know? Oh, my gosh. I love the way your neck folds around. I've already ejaculated twice, my lady.

I saw her Adam's apple, Bob. It was so hot. I really do like your wrist. It's a comely wrist you have. Well, it will be when I'm done. So we want to thank our most recent patrons. We're super happy. Recently,

we're closing in on that goal time. We're 50 short dollars away from the goal of doing patron-only content for patron-only shows a year. We want to thank everybody for the groundswell of support, especially recently. We've been getting more and more patrons recently, so we want to thank you all.

We want to thank Jordan, Nathan, Jade, Perry, Bill, Christian, Ted, Camel Pope, which is awesome. The Blaspheminator. Blaspheminator? Blaspheminator.

Blaspheminator. Veronica, my fiance, is Diego Guzman. Finally, you give us his name. Finally, it's Diego. We love diego man diego all the diego guzmans are gonna be getting fucking ribbed from now on because they listen to our shitty show sandra jacob megan michael katherine daniel and kenneth thank you all so very much truly uh it warms our heart when people uh like the show enough to give us uh give us the money that they that they've uh worked so hard for so thank you very much we also got some paypal donations from richard brian and kenneth thank you guys very much paypal is another option to

donate to this show and we're grateful for that as well so this is from dana the first email is from dana and dana says um i just wanted to let you know that there's – about the lynching we were talking about. I remember the lynching from the person. It was in that area where I guess they didn't eat meat or whatever and they said they ate a cow and they flipped their shit. I'm going to read directly from this email. A fun fact about the lynching, it was politically motivated and the prime bigwig behind all of it happened to be a director of a halal meat exporting company. Wow. Interesting.

Yeah, I had seen that this was someone else had said that that was politically motivated rather than than just food in the guy's fridge motivated. You know, it strikes me, though, that like that the politics could have been what riled politics could have driven it. But the religions what riled the crowd. And the other thing too is like you never would have that ability anywhere else without that. Just – I don't know if you remember, but there was also talk of when the guy burned the Koran or whatever and they went to the house and they did that shit. It was because like the imam wanted the house or there was something going on there, right? But the thing is like it's easy to whip that crowd up because all you have to do is say one thing and they'll flip their shit.

Right. It's not like he said, I want the house. And the crowd was like, fuck yeah, get the house. Instead. It was like he burned a Quran.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I'm going to put this, this video, um, we've got this sent by two people. I'm reading Adam's at email in particular,

but someone else had sent this to us. Robert Tilton is the guy who does the speaking in tongues thing. He's the TV evangelist. And someone had mixed his whole song of him, just his words and a drum beat

behind it. They did a great job. It's catchy. It is catchy. It's kind of a good song. Check it out. It's not Vincanto good. So go to if you go to our website, DissonancePod.com episode 255, you'll be able to find this video.

We'll post it on this particular episode. We got a message from Hertzie and Hertzie sent us a message about the Dark crystal piece that we played in. It was really happy that we put dark crystal in our, in our, in our podcast.

But then Hertz, he also says, have you ever thought to come up to the land of snow and ice? There's an awesome conference in the twin cities that is dedicated to both geekdom and skepticism called convergence. No, I had never thought about it until you just mentioned it and now i'll never think about it again i'm actually done thinking about it here's

the problem with the twin cities they're both cold and north and irrelevant i've been up there a couple times i've driven yeah it's not it's not a bad place. I just – you know, the thing is like our cons are limited. Like Tom, there's no way Tom can get away for many cons a year. We get one. We get to do one. And we chose ReasonCon last year. We're probably going to choose ReasonCon again. But send us the information for Convergence.

There's a possibility that maybe one of us can make it up there. Maybe I can visit some people up there and head up there because I do know some people that live up there and maybe I could visit or something like that. But going to many cons is very difficult. Yeah, and I'm sure the Twin Cities are perfectly reasonable on the six hours that they're not frozen. Yeah, and the six hours to get there.

Oh, we got a message from Tim, Tim the teacher, and Tim says, I was poor as fuck when I was a little kid and got Castle Grayskull for Christmas when I was five. It cost 30 bucks back then, which was hard for a poor family, but doable if it was all I got. It was cool as hell.

And you guys missed out on a bunch of fun times not having one. You guys have the wrong toy to beat as a toy of the richers. He says that the toy that the rich kids had was the GI Joe aircraft carrier. It's a hundred bucks. That's a great toy for a hundred dollars. Although back then that had to be like a $400 toy. Yeah. I'm trying to think of what the equivalent to that is.

That thing, this thing is fucking massive. It's, it's enormous. Like you could land a kid on that. It is. I think it is a functioning aircraft. it's enormous like you could land a kid on that it is i think it is a functioning aircraft it's crazy big it's gotta be six feet long oh i said it's six feet long it's eight feet long let's see if i can find one it's enormous anyway it's an awesome looking toy look

it up it's the gi joe aircraft carrier i would have fucking i would have strangled all of the neighborhood kids and sold their body into recycling to make the money for this. That's amazing. Sold their bodies into recycling. We got a message from Troy and Troy says, I believe it might be about the tongue bath afterward for the cake sitting, not the sitting itself. That sounds really gross hey baby you want a yeast infection from all this sugar in your twat you know we were talking about it earlier before we started recording and both tom and i are like that's not a good here's the thing yeah food play sounds kind of great when you're young and retarded yeah but. But the first time you do it, you're just like, everything about it is like, that would have been better if we either ate first, then fucked, or ate after we fucked, or ate while we fucked, but it wasn't on us.

Yeah. You were saying earlier that when you use dairy products, especially because you were saying that dairy products are the sexy foods, right? Yeah, right. Like whipped cream or whatever. Whipped saying that dairy products are the sexy foods, right? Right. Like whipped cream or whatever. It's like the sexy food, right? But when it touches the human skin and then you put enzymes from your mouth on it, everything gets that sour milk smell. Which if it gets in your fucking facial hair, you're just like fucking fucking everything smells like fucking rancid milk. You smell like a raccoon's fur.

It's like you're wearing a raccoon on your face. That's not a thing to do. Oh, God. No, man. It's fucking nasty. I have my fucking food before. I'll have my food after. I'll set my food off to the side and eat it in a break in

between i'm the kind of guy who will eat a lot of food but that's not a time to eat food for me that's just gross it's a george costanza when he's eating a fucking corned beef sandwich it's like that's not a thing for me man funny though not a thing oh look here's the thing. It's not like I have to wait a long time. We got a message. This is – so the person didn't sign it, so I don't know what to call you because all we have is your email address. And I don't want to read your email address to people. But this person sent us – the sponsor for the cake-sitting article and easy dump cakes and then you can also get a quick and easy dump dinner

oh that's great just dump and bake that's so disgusting but in any case we'll put a picture of this image dump and bake on our fucking page what a marketing genius came up with dump cakes that will cause the public to salivate fucking eat your dump cake with your cum blast energy drink

you know oh fuck it's full of protein all right yeah i'm right on it this is from matt from jay and he says i would love it if if Obama punked the U.S. And as a joke, his last two words to camera as president were, Allahu Akbar held up a fake Nigerian birth certificate and they ate a bacon sandwich. That's pretty great. I don't know about the bacon sandwich. Because isn't that, I don't know if he's a Muslim? Yeah.

Well, that would just confuse the show. They'd just be like, wait, he ate a bacon sandwich. i don't know if he's a muslim yeah well they would just confuse the shit i don't get it oh they're their fucking heads with scanners man uh we got a message from kate so i'm gonna read all of kate's message here she says she puts on the on the on the top the subject is i love you and she says get some new fucking shirts jesus christ love kate you know kate um i barely know you but i i think i love you too um how about you design us a new fucking shirt the fuck a fucking designer i don't know a fucking somebody said a funny thing once and we put it on a shirt and we've literally said no other funny things between now and then. Was it?

That was our one clip. It wasn't even ours. We had to borrow it from Tom, from Thomas in the Bible. So if you have an idea for a shirt, send it to us. Maybe we can get our crack to you. Even Glory Hole isn't even ours. Yeah, I know. The Glory Hole was done by someone else.

Right. So was Egg Theist. That was done by someone else. But if you have an idea for sure, let us know. Maybe we can see if we can whip something up. We got a message from David in Kentucky and he says, is it possible that the gun being referenced in the guy who was the Giants fan aiming it at the young Cowboys fan? Yeah. Very young child Cowboys fan.

The priest aiming the gun at the eight-year-old. The priest aiming the gun at the eight-year-old was simply a black powder gun. And the reporter was simply confused. Well, they reported it as a civil war era musket. Right. That was, I was reading directly from the article. So I have no idea if it was just an old timey gun, if it was a replica gun, or if it was,

as you claim a black powder gun. I don't know. Yeah. But I mean, they very, I mean, they said civil war era though. They did. They did. So we're going to wrap up the email section with an unethical joke, Tom. Why don't you read that one?

This joke. I love this joke. So what do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff. Oy vey. Thanks, Justin, for sending that in. So we're going to have our short show this week on t on thursday um and it's gonna be the uh the uh clip show that we're talking about so your stories of

woo and your emails of woo we're gonna do a clip show of that so uh expect that on thursday it might be a little short it might not be a full. We'll see what we can get out of it. Don't preface it too much or they just turn you down. But we did get a lot of responses and we're happy to play it. So thank you very much for sending your responses. That's going to wrap it up for this week. There'll be a midweek show this week. And we're going to leave you like we always do with Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter mommy mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Deadpan sales pitch Late night info docutainment Leo Pisces Cancer cures Detox reflex foot massage Death in towers tarot cards

Psychic healing crystal balls Bigfoot yeti aliens Churches mosques and synagogues Temples dragons giant worms Atlantis dolphins truthers Birthers witches wizards Vaccine nuts Shaman healers evangelists Conspir double-speak stigmata, nonsense.

Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers,

friends, families, or of the local Dairy Council. so There's some really wrong shit in this episode. I really did. Rumpelstumpf skin or whatever the fuck you said. Stumpelstumpf skin or whatever the fuck. It's so fucking terrible. I don't even know why it's so funny. But it's really fucking funny. It's so fucking terrible. I don't even know why. It's so funny. But it's really fucking funny.

It's so bad. It's so bad. It's the meanest thing. It's so mean. I don't... Somebody out there is listening and like... But it's so... It's so mean though I don't know that that can stay in though

It's gotta stay in I don't care You will suffer the slings and arrows Of all those Of those handless people They can't sling They can't work the slings They can't work the arrow

They just Curl it In a general direction I can't work the swing. I can't do it. I can't work the arrow. It just... No matter what. Curling in the general direction. They're trying to pull the bow back. He's an art. And it went like... Hang on, you son of a bitch. Get back here

oh god oh my god oh man oh god it totally can't go in there though I don't know that i can put it in there we'll see if i could cut around it but if i leave it in man if i leave it in i leave it in though jesus jesus oh well we could leave this part in about how we feel real bad about it. I think people will see through that.

I don't know. I think our motives may be a little transparent. Hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. Folks, in this episode, we make some jokes. Fucking remember to eat your weepies, motherfuckers!