Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 257: Andy and Marsh from MSS

Episode Date: October 26, 2015

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey, glory hole motherfuckers, this is Desert Dave down in San Antonio. First off, all those goddamn amputee jokes, I'm highly offended. You know how long it took me to dial my fucking cell phone with my stumps, motherfuckers? Just to call and leave you a message about how insensitive you bastards are. Hey, guys. Steve, the toe guy. Haven't called you guys in a long time.

Let's show status. I don't know if I'm too late because it's Monday. But, yeah, man. Man, dude, guys. Men, dudes, guys. I used to listen to Wu-Tang Clan back in the day a lot. So I don't know if that counts as any kind of Wu because the Wu was in there. Yeah.

We'll follow you on Facebook page. Awesome. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at. This is episode 247.

What? I think. 46? We're in the 40s. We're in the fucking late 50s, bro. Fucking, I don't, this is an episode. Jesus Christ. I, look.

I got it wrong. Yes, you did. All right. It's been a long day. It took us 40 fucking minutes to get our fucking guests on the goddamn call we have two robots joining us from overseas today we got the fucking girl from little wonder on the line and johnny five we've got andy wilson and uh mike marshall on the line to join us today and you guys are

you know to introduce you guys would take fucking another 35 minutes because the fucking number of projects that you folks uh continually put out there qed though uh that's that's just uh wrapped up relatively recently by relatively I mean a couple of months ago two episodes of Incredulous ago a fucking few months ago not even a joke I think that's accurate to the schedule that's just a reflection of reality I'm not even taking a piss there

I gotta say we started the conversation to have them on the show on June 19th on June 19th we invited andy on and andy said sure and then we've been waiting since june it's like it's like not only andy are your shows you know spaced out quarterly but so are your guest podcast appearances. I've been very, very busy.

Well, the thing is, it takes Andy a long time to arrange anything because you know how they've got that kind of mission to kind of fly by Pluto and there's this long delay through which any transmission has to take place while the information gets back and forth. It's the same with Andy. If you try and email him, you have to go like the month that it takes for him to read it, the month that it takes him to respond. It's like pinging a satellite at the far end of the solar system, essentially.

Oh, fuck you guys. I'm super responsive. I'm super responsive. No delay like that at all. What really happened? No, no, no. Let's not let this drop just yet. What really happened is that...

Let's open with a big fight. Yeah, Marsh and I replied to your email, and then you spent two fucking months waiting to reply to that. That's what actually happened. I don't know, because, you know, I think on August 28th, we said, how's Saturday, October the 24th?

And then on September the 17th, I asked, how is it now? So, you know, just throwing out there, I did check up after nearly 30 days had elapsed. I will say this. Tom and I should have been recording in the same spot today. I should have been out recording with Tom, and it would have been a much easier call. Wouldn't have had so many of us on the line. It would have been so robotic. But I went to go rent a car

today and my license expired. I didn't look at it. I didn't notice my license expired. They wouldn't rent a car to me today so I could drive out to go see Tom. And so I wanted to ask you guys now I have two licenses, right? I have a license to drive a car, but I also have a license to buy ammunition in Illinois. It's called a FOID card. Okay. And so I got my license to buy ammunition in illinois it's called a foid card okay and so i got my license to drive a car in 2011 and it expired on my birthday this year which was in july so in 2008 i got my license my foid to buy ammunition i was just curious how long do you think that that will last until or do you think it's already expired until your 65th birthday so in about five years i i think you got a good century out of it yeah yeah americans don't live a hundred years

come on guys we're talking about ammunition here yeah you could you could will that down to your kids there you go no it actually lasts until 2020 right so my my your license to drive a vehicle is a four-year license right a four-year license that's ridiculous that's fucking insane well what's yours it's like 10 years or something no oh yeah it's 10 years now it was when i'm 65 when i first got mine it said like i got my license and it said like 2028 or something like that on it i think you renew them every 10 years yeah i got mine in 2007 and it expires 2017 yeah it's 10 years but the but you know like i think i think when you go in i think you just have to take the written test again what do you have to fucking do again wait you have to take the test

again to get a new license uh yeah and you gotta like you gotta i mean you have to this is ridiculous well what if you forgot how to drive a car? We have to basically, I think we just send off a form and a photo. Oh, you, you get to provide your own photo. Yeah. We've got like a photo ID. So you just need, the only reason that it expires as far as I'm aware is because 10 years ago, you don't look like you do now.

And they want the photo to be up to date. Okay. But slow the fucking train. Hold on a minute. Or the car as the case may be. You send them the photo. What if I fucking sent somebody else's photo then you you couldn't use the license because it wouldn't look like you well no but i could give that license to somebody else and they could they could use it as

an alternate identity yeah but the first time the first time you apply for your license it has to be signed by two people of importance like a doctor or a lawyer yeah wait are you kidding it has to be signed by two people of importance yeah like a justice of the peace a doctor that sort of thing it's gonna be notarized you're fucking making this up no yeah you're right we are ridiculous you guys renew your license every four years and have to take a test to make sure you can still remember how to drive this is what's fucking wrong with america this is why you're not the intellectual powerhouse you'd like to be is that you need you guys need to be reminded how to drive this is what's fucking wrong with america this is why you're not the intellectual powerhouse you'd like to be is that you guys need to be reminded how to drive every four fucking years the worst part of the license process in the uk though is is queuing up waiting for the

queen to sign it isn't it march it is i mean that's the pain it's just a nightmare so before we get started too i had another british question i want to ask you guys. So we got an email story where somebody said, here's some funny names of places. And some of them were funny to us. And some of them weren't, you know, like fucking cock and balls Avenue and things like that. You know, like, like getting fucked at the park, whatever. You know what I mean?

Like they had all these different like little, little names and whatnot, but there was a couple of them that we just didn't get. And there was one of them was like minge avenue or something like that and we and we stopped and i thought i had heard ali g say minge once or whatever but what i really want is i kind of want to know i know what it is right it's a pussy right at least that's why i think it's minge is slang for pussy but what is it how do you use minge in a sentence for me because i just want to i want to sort of expand my vocabulary you know i genuinely don't think i've ever used the word minge in a sentence other than that sentence where

i said i don't have you do it in a sentence there are two meanings for it there are two meanings for it one is that one is the lady garden and the other one is uh the other one is somebody who's uh really tight with their money is also known as a minge or a minge bag that's a very northwestern thing i'd never heard of minge bag until i moved to liverpool and i wouldn't i'd only heard of minge in the vagina sense and i thought what the hell are you guys calling each other is a horrible name for vagina because it sounds like mange it sounds like you're gonna have to put like a pill up there to clear it up. 80% of the words for vagina are awful. That's true, I guess, right?

I think 80% is somewhat conservative to be perfectly frank. What I like is, I like the idea of somebody trying to use the word minge in a kind of a sexy or a sexting kind of way. This is a seductive technique would hinge upon the use of the word minge. I like to picture that in my head and see exactly how that conversation would go, because it's the least sexy-sounding series of noises the human body can actually make with the mouth, I think.

If there's a distinction between base and crude, it's in that distinction. It's kind of very common, I would say, to see it. It would be seen as kind of really chavvy as it were um chavvy is kind of uh redneck it's kind of uh council state redneck essentially so it'd be seen as kind of like yeah not quite hillbillyish because it would be in sort of like towns and stuff but yeah it's that kind of thing so you you wouldn't i don't know why you'd use it essentially as a term i don't i can't see a why you'd use it, essentially, as a term. I can't see a good reason for using it.

I like the fact, Marsh, that you managed to rhyme hinge and minj. I did. I thought you were going somewhere with that. I wasn't going to continue rhyming all the way through like I was fucking Dr. Zoinks or how he sort of says it. I wasn't the cat in the hat. The cat in the hat knows a lot about that. It wasn't a minj in the hinge that would make you cringe so guys you talk about street names that uh are a little bit strange i live in southport in the uk

and uh we've got a road here called cockle dicks lane fuck you what i love it brilliantly in a place around by the corner from where where my office is there's a place called balls road and that's genuinely where the vasectomy clinic is and that is fucking rubbing it in that is really rubbing it in rubbing it in i hope that's one of their services is that is that a private is that a private clinic i've had a vasectomy afterwards you're not looking for any kind of rub. You just want to be left alone. That's not a rub. All right, guys.

So we want to have you on to talk about this story from Yahoo News because that's where all the best news, of course, comes from. Mysterious city in the sky gets conspiracy theorists abuzz. above a buzz um so it turns out that there was a uh cloud formation in china this week um that looks vaguely geometric in nature somebody took a few pictures maybe there's a shitty video that you can take a look at um and there are people who no shit think that there is a goddamn magical cloud city floating above China. So I wanted to get your thoughts on the magical cloud city and whether or not Lando Calrissian is there or just probably there. Do you think that's what it is?

Do you think it's kind of stealth marketing for the upcoming Star Wars film? Just putting bits here and there. If you go to the middle of the desert, there's going to be a massive worm that you can throw people to the marketing budget on that is immense that's all i'm saying yeah i mean they're going big bucks on it they really are trying to go all out uh yeah to try and push that film no it's it's amazing really because you see it and the idea idea is that thousands of people had seen this and hundreds of people have taken photos and videos to try this one really short really grainy single video has made it onto every single uh news channel that's uh that's that's run this and not another

single photo or video of this has emerged at all which in in no way implies that this is either a fake or a kind of uh misappropriation of a different uh of a different phenomenon um i'm leaning on fake but it is it's amazing how many people have really taken this story and really run with it, let their imaginations run wild with it, really. You know, you've got to wonder, like, what would be the point of it? Like, let's imagine, for just a fucking moment, let's imagine there was a magical cloud city.

Oh, man. Guys, look, it's a magical cloud city. This changes everything really how what the fuck would you fucking do with a magical cloud city over china all of china you know it's a magical cloud city beijing in the summer that's what a magical cloud fucking city is and it's and it's and it's serious too because when your when your pollution is making its own cities above you know your pollution is fucking run amok at that point maybe that's it maybe the air there is just so thick that you can now actually use it as foundation and they're just building up from there it's

it's actually sculptable it's just like a fucking four-year-old is like playing with sandcastles but guys of course you realize that this is just another sign that the New World Order is on its way. Well, I keep waiting for the New World Order. It sounds great. It's better than the no actual order that we have now. I read an article from Yahoo conspiracy theorist amatwat.com, and it said that this was actually a hologram

as part of the Project Bluebeam I saw that the Project Bluebeam thing I'm buying that I'm happy with that This is probably NASA's secret plan to embed their own religion that everyone in the whole world is going to subscribe to

I looked this up they've got a four part plan apparently nasa this is what they're doing the first step is to uncover archaeological findings that dispute all the major world religions and i don't know why they're kind of like retro fitting reality to that so well we've all kind of shown that uh you know the world isn't six thousand years old and the uh turing shroud isn't real so rather than accept that that just proves that these religions are man-made instead this is evidence that nasa's trying to discredit religion by faking stuff can can we slow down a little bit because i'm a little slow on the uptick what the fuck would nasa be doing digging up fossils yeah i'm i'm incredibly confused by that. Like, all the paleontologists are like, that was our job.

Why is NASA? Like, NASA fucking shows up with, like, the little brushes and the tiny little fucking dental picks. And they're like, we got this shit, bro. That's supplemental income because their budget got slashed in the U.S. So they had to, like, figure out some way to do it. So they thought they'd just dig up some fossils and sell them to like the museum of science and industry or something would you be like terribly confused like a paleontologist like we've already dug up evidence that disputes all the world religions well you see this is it this is why these these conspiracy theorists are like well

all that evidence disputes all world religions so either all world religions aren't like founded on evidence or someone's trying to make us think they aren't. Why would they think that? Because they want us to believe their own religion. Because apparently step two of NASA's grand plan to sell their own religion is to put on a big space show involving holograms. They're going down the kind of the Tupac kind of route of getting a hologram out there. of getting a hologram out there. And apparently they're going to then send out a hologram of everybody's god that they believe in will be seen

in the sky telling them, no, don't worry about this religion. It's all about this new one that NASA's starting. And that's the whole point of Project Blue Beam, apparently. And this is proof of that because they've made a city appear in the sky for a second and a half on a really grainy bit of footage. A grainy bit of footage

that has all been put out by one YouTube channel called Paranormal Crucible. And I think they were named after the Arthur Miller play where something totally normal is blown completely out of all proportion and becomes something ridiculous. Oh, God. They have got an answer to this, because this is step three of their plan, is that they're going to use telepathic communication

so that these holograms will be able to speak directly into everybody's brains uh and they'll be able to tailor it depending on which religion they're from so i don't know whether you put up a generic shape in the sky kind of a fuzzy outline like you're looking at something but you haven't quite tuned an old-fashioned television in you've got a bit of static on it and then they use the telepathic communication to kind of clear up like oh by the way i'm uh insert god here uh and then uh all the things but they reckon this telepathic communication it's going to happen through low level radio waves that's enough that's enough that's all we need to say about that we don't need to go into how

that technology works so how are you going to do the telepathy uh probably some low level radio waves enough said say no more with that well you know the the problem is that not everybody has a fucking cb antenna mounted to the side of their fucking head so unless you're one of the most of the humans walking around without a fucking antenna mounted to your nugget i don't know what fucking good it would do maybe two and a half of nasa's scheme is to uh subtly put little uh radio mic put little radio receivers into people's ears when they're not looking. That'll be the mark of the beast. I think we figured this out. It's only deaf people that could hear it, right?

Because they've got the hearing aid, you know? It's like, oh, we tuned in to all the fucking dudes with hearing aids. Like the apocalypse is going to happen through an induction loop. Well, I love it. Step four of their plan, which this is that this is the end step this is kind of the last thing they need to do to get everybody to follow their religion is to convince people that there's an alien invasion and to convince the christians that it's the rapture and that's it after that point alien invasion right at this point we now are going to follow nasa's weird

religion headed up apparently by the antichrist no idea why it has to be the antichrist at the head of it never adequately explained which of the uh which of the gop candidates is it it's actually they're all voltron it turns out they just joined together into one super pack candidate well i like that uh in like that in the footage that was, so it was on the Yahoo News site in the science section. Can you guys think you, I mean, in America, I mean, Yahoo. Could you shed some light on that for me? Is it like Yahoo News?

Yeah! Is that what it is? Andy, Andy, it's just like that. It's exactly it. It nailed it. The Yahoo News is actually just a reference to Gulliver's Travels. You just recognize

we're all a bunch of fucking Yahoos and we'll just take a look at whatever fucking garbage they put on the science section. Well, if it is a reference to Gulliver's Travels, it's very appropriate to have in the science section a story about a cloud city. Right? It works perfectly. That's why Americans

are just like, oh, cloud city in China. China's not America. Nobody gives a shit. Enjoying the silence from the two other guys on this who maybe don't know Gulliver's Travels

quite as well. We're looking for a very small niche area of your listenership who would bother listening to a show like this and have been educated enough to have read Gulliver's Travels.

I think that's just me. Yeah, that is you. That's you. You've segregated the audience to you. And you're on it. Are we not even considering Fatima Ogana? Well, that's one of the explanations put forward. So they said it was either this kind of

Project Bluebeam, or it's a Fatima Organa, you know, a mirage. Other people said it was a parallel universe, but I think they just misunderstood, because it was appearing directly kind of perpendicular, directly level with the horizon, but up a little bit. That's not what a parallel universe is, though. It's exactly as

we are, but it's just kind of a few hundred feet up from us. It's not about a universe that is, though. It's exactly as we are, but it's just kind of a few hundred feet up from us. It's not about a universe that's running parallel in that sense. Yeah, that sucks for plane flight, really. Well, in the video, you can see that people are walking across the bridge, and they see this image, and they're paying attention to it. But apparently something good has come out of it. There's been an interesting development

in psychological research so there was some evidence from the footage that married couples were more traumatized than single people by the incident go on they've all been sent to mirage guidance councils thank you i love it well it took about a half hour to get there 30 minutes i've been waiting for that. 30 minutes. We got there, though. That was your entire preparation for this story, wasn't it? Writing that one very labored joke.

What do you mean? What do you mean? And with that, guys, thanks for joining us today. That was off the cuff and spontaneous, I love you. When I wrote it, anyway. You say that people are looking up obviously when you look at the video the point is that no one none of the traffic stops no one looks up i don't think for a second that is actually even in the the shot i

reckon that's just a photoshop job and the fact that all the newspapers that have reported it said oh it's just a big mirage and they've just jumped on the first explanation of it uh i don't think that's actually explanation it looks to me like that's just kind of photoshopped in we see a very very short snippet of it we don't see it come in we don't see it disappear that's a photoshop job isn't it or a after effects job well i've seen some uh some other images which are equally compelling there was another incident in 2011 in china uh in the east of china and um the effect there was uh it was a very misty day and the effect there was to reflect skyscrapers and to reflect trees so that they appeared in the river it wouldn't it wouldn't be unprecedented but only two weeks ago we discovered a huge alien

megastructure around a star that's true that's true you read that story right i did what did they did they just figure out it was a bunch of fucking comets or something around it no they still haven't worked it out it's gonna be rocks isn't it it's gonna be it's always fucking rocks it's gonna be aliens is what it's gonna be fuck off it's gonna be aliens who the fuck are we kidding there's no dyson spheres out the fuck's a dyson sphere that's when they that's when they wrap the entire sun and like fucking they just like harness the whole power of the sun and they put it in a giant sphere that's what they call it a dyson sphere it's a sci-fi is that because it exists in a massive vacuum hey that's an english

joke that's an english joke very well done that was well done yeah that was wow that's only for the people in the audience that are intelligent enough to know what vacuums are, though. Yes. I sucked up my whole dirt floor. We's down to the bedrock. Guys, you guys have anything important going on? Anything big happening? I mean, is there like another episode of Incredulous going to be happening for the next year? Let's not get crazy. Wasn't there just an episode six or

seven months ago i've yes i've released an episode of incredulous within the last four weeks wow and there might be another sneaky one coming out a little bit later next week my goodness and now now marsh we actually listened to your show on andy's show uh yeah i heard that you were listening to um uh being incredibly skeptical or whatever incredibly skeptical yeah it was great it was Andy show. Yeah, I heard that. You were listening to my interview with Leo Rubello. Be incredibly skeptical. Yeah, it was great. No, that was really fun to listen to that and to hear how calm

you were to that guy who kept cutting you off and yelling at you the whole time. He's funny as fuck. He is a joy, Leo Rubello. The thing is, people presume, hopefully people have listened to it, but he's an AIDS denialist, homeopath who runs a natural healing centre in India who is hugely homophobic, hugely anti-Semitic,

and one of the most unpleasant people I've ever spoken to. That's why I could stay so calm, because the whole time I'm thinking, this is fucking great radio. I just carry on like this is fucking fucking great radio but i i followed this guy on twitter for a while and honestly on twitter he was astonishing because he's my favorite my favorite thing he ever tweeted now i'll set the scene slightly as he's got this background picture uh that you can imagine i opened up his clicked on this particular tweet big background picture three pictures to it one is him meeting the dalai lama the other is him meeting the Dalai Lama. The other is him meeting Mother Teresa.

And the third one is him meeting another big leader. I forget exactly who it was. It might have been the Indian prime minister or something like that. So three kind of big figures, kind of well-known kind of, and well-respected in some circles, although I'm not a big fan of most of them. So that's kind of the background here is that him in this kind of prestigious company. So imagine a little box there with his 140 characters and 140 characters says scientists have found a squid that will never grow old it will live forever which that bit's true they found a squid or an octopus or something that kind of doesn't die of old age it kind of goes back or jellyfish it goes back to its kind of uh early stage so he's all right there and then he goes on to say we should take a gene from this jellyfish uh and inject it

into people and then he says not the jews not the jews are you fucking kidding me no it's amazing just a casual thrown out anti-semitism You've got 140 characters and you still manage to be that offensive? There's a skill level to that that is almost admirable. Well, the thing is he's got the last 15 characters or so. He's really crammed in the offense. So he's got like a whole message to it. And then he managed to get the... And I was talking to a friend of mine and he was pointing out that there aren't many tweets that aren't made a lot funnier if you add not the jews to the end it's just a great it should be replaced we've got to hashtag

it but my most fun thing about that guy is that he uh he thought everybody listened to that show afterwards would be like yeah this guy the leo rubello is brilliant and he thought he'd all be against me and all for him and when the the comments were like, God, you found an absolutely crazy person here. This person is dangerous and weird and should not be listened to. He was really shocked. So he started leaving comments under pseudonyms supporting himself. He's like, oh, this most learned and wise Dr. Rubello is clearly a very wise and intelligent man. But he did this through several different sock puppets.

But he realized he had to keep logging out to log in as as a different sock puppet and then his comments disappeared and he thinks because i've deleted it but it's just because he would have seen his own comment until but no one else would see it until i approved it you know and i was asleep so he then starts having an argument about how he's being censored and all of his comments are being deleted and how it's disgusting and before i've even woken up one of his comments is saying that he's reporting me to interpol for breaking internet law by censoring him oh you broke the internet internet police are gonna show up in your computer and put little fucking cyber handcuffs on you and drag you through the modem to internet jail yeah he's incredible and then he started doing a thing where he would one of his sock puppets would start agreeing with the other sock puppet but then he got all confused and so he'd say

he'd say like oh i agree with person x not realizing he's logged in as person x so he's now become this weirdly schizophrenic thing as well where he's talking about oh it was it's incredible we had to shut the comments off after like the first 200 or so but uh yeah he was he was a joy to behold. But didn't he do it all from the same IP address every time as well? Yeah. Yeah. Every one of them to the same IP address.

So I got to ask, when do you think Be Reasonable is going to pass Incredulous in episode numbers? You're creeping up on him now. You're at 32. He's at 36. You misunderstand the production values of Incredulous by asking that question's at 36 you misunderstand the production uh values of incredulous by asking that question you're merely demonstrating your ignorance of the production values of incredulous i'm sorry but you know chat amongst yourselves yeah that's awesome that's that's exactly it because the thing about be reasonable is i can rely on my guests to provide

something interesting and amusing and worth listening to, so I don't need the weeks and weeks of trying to wring blood from the dead stone that is the Impregnus seven-hour recording schedule. Damn. Wow. Well, I'm glad I could start that fight between you guys. That's great. Yeah, fuck you. We're still English, and you're still American, so fuck you.

Yeah, fuck you. We're still English and you're still American, so fuck you. Well, guys, thanks for joining us today. Is there anything you guys want to plug before we let you go? I'll just say look out for the dates for QED 2016. They'll be released soon. When they're released, let us know. We'll let everyone know about it. Right you are.

Off you go, Marsh. I hope you've got a couple of hours, guys. I won't do a massive plug, but if you check out some of the stuff that I do, I work for a small charity called the Good Thinking Society, which is doing a huge amount of sceptical work, challenging homeopathy on the NHS and undercover investigations of people like Peter Popov,

who I met in person, and he blew on my forehead and blessed me. It was a very weird day. Wait. You met Peter? Oh, yeah. Fucking, you got blown by Peter Pop yeah fucking you got blown by peter popov i got blown by peter popov i tell you something as well i was able to look peter

popov in the eye and say to him mr popov i've followed all of your work for years all of it that was that was joyful the other thing i won't go too much in the pop-up story but you can hear it on skeptics okay the other show that i do but the other thing i did that i was really pleased with is he handed out envelopes 2 000 people in an audience he handed out envelopes for people to give him a donation and lots of people putting 20 quid or what 40 50 dollars kind of thing in this envelope of the thousands of people that were there i didn't give him any money but i took a piece of paper and on it i wrote pt i hope you can hear me because if you can't you're in trouble and i sealed that

in the envelope because that is what his wife said to him on the james randy expose of him that's the first line that came over the wire so that was a little present just for me to uh for him to open later oh that's tremendous that's awesome that's awesome yeah so you can check all that out at goodthinkingsociety.org and if anyone wants to support the charity uh that would be a huge help you really should they're doing some amazing work. Excellent. We'll put it in this week's show notes, whatever the fuck number is. Tom fucked it up, so I'll have to figure it out later.

Thanks for joining us, guys. It was awesome meeting with all the snafus. It was great to talk to you both. Thanks, guys. You too. Always a pleasure, guys. Always a pleasure. Cheers.

Thank you. What makes you think she's a witch? Well, she turned me into a newt. A newt. I got better. Burn already! So this story comes from The Guardian. Witchcraft claims against children

in Congo DRC reflect curse of poverty. What? That's a terrible headline, isn't it? It is a pretty bad headline. Sorcery charges are increasingly being used by poverty-stricken Congolese families as an excuse to abandon their children. Can you imagine being a child abandoned in the Congo? Like, that's fucking being taken care of in Congo would be bad enough.

If you were like the king of Congo. Right? It's a fucking poor, shitty country. Yeah. Where everybody's poor and nothing is good. There's nothing good. And to be like a fucking orphan there? Are you kidding me?

Yeah, that seems like it would be unpleasant well parents need an excuse to abandon their kids like uh wouldn't want anyone to think ill of me i know they're a witch there we go wash my hands of it what's crazy is that there there's a culture that that that's okay that that's your get out of jail free card is that you can say oh there's a way it's a witch it was a witch right and people will look and be like and the things that they're choosing fucking choosing witchcraft about is like oh well fucking the kid uh parents died one of their parents died in a fucking car accident yeah so it's the kid's fault it's a witch so it's like uh bad news your dad's dead worst news you're a witch it's your fault like i'm 11 like what is fucking

yeah okay go scratch out a subsistence living in the dirt that's awesome that's already what we were doing well you got to do it alone so that's horrible you know and and there's a there's a because there's a cultural relativism argument you know moral cultural relativism argument that could be made here where people would say something like oh well you know it's their beliefs it's what they believe um some beliefs are just horrible some beliefs are just they're just there to hurt people yeah and this is one of them you know this this witchcraft thing that whether where it doesn't matter where it's practiced whether it's here and now, in the past, whatever, the witchcraft thing is made to be able to inflict damage on someone else or to shirk responsibility for yourself. Yeah. It's a way – I think it is a way very much to single out your enemies.

Yeah. To point them out either singly or en masse, to group them by some undefined characteristic that you get to just make up as you go. Sure. Right? And then to just destroy them. Or to, in this case, shirk complete responsibility. Right.

You know? Which is the same as destroying them when they're a child. Exactly. You're right. It's exactly the same thing. But it's, you know, it's a different way to manipulate it. Right. But it's the same way.

It's a way, and it's also probably a way in which to lie to yourself to to you know because of the remorse you're feeling for your child and here's why it's bullshit if i really thought my kid was a witch that could put a curse on me and make me crash my car i wouldn't let him out of my sight right would you you'd be like here's the pudding it'd be like he'd be like the kid from the, put you in the cornfield from the toy. You'd be like, you said you wanted cookies earlier. I made you all the cookies.

Right. Like, I bought all of the fucking eggs and flour and sugar available. Yeah. There's like, there's a, if I thought there was a fucking magical genie that lived in my house that could fucking kill me with a fucking twinkle of its nose or whatever fucking bullshit, I would be like, I'm going to make that genie real happy. I'm going to buy him fucking Legos. Whatever he wants.

And fucking dinosaur toys. Whatever she wants. Whatever it is. It doesn't matter. I don't care. You're eight years old. You want to hook her? Great.

Fine. Here we go. We'll share. I'll talk. I mean, you're only going to play Legos with her. She's already on the floor on her hands and knees. Come on. With interesting devices.

I didn't think you'd make one of those on a Lego. What are you, an engineer? My goodness. That's studded for her pleasure. They're all studded. That's the genius for her pleasure. They're all studded. That's the genius of Legos. I'll tell you what, you're an S&M. You just throw those on the ground and make her walk across it.

You know what I mean? There we go. Oh, God. What the fuck did I step on the other day? My son got a little, I'm sorry, I don't care. He got this little toy. I'm sorry, I don't care. He got this little fucking plastic

top out of like a quarter machine oh no that's and it like was like buried landmine style and like a blanket on the floor and it was nighttime and i was like i'm gonna walk from the bathroom back to my bed like an unsuspecting chump and i fucking stepped on that thing so hard and embedded it in my foot. I lifted my foot. I was like, oh my God. Fucking wake the baby. Wake the dog. Wake the wife. Everyone's fucking mad at me.

I fell on the ground and it's stuck inside my foot. I'm like, fucking God damn. Pull this fucking thing out of my foot and it's a goddamn shiny fucking smiley face top smiling at me, Cecil. How deep in your foot was it? Did it require a band-aid? It did not because I am fat, thank you. But your giant

calloused foot. Fucking wedged in that fucking thing. Wow. Fuck the all kids toys. She's dead now, right? I killed the whole lot of them. I just fucking destroyed the entire family fucking i accused i accused him of witchcraft i hope you're as committed to safe sex as you are

those abs i know you're all about that abstinence thing you know but i mean come on be palin are you serious like you're not gonna hook up with, before you marry? For real? For real. For real, for real? For real, for real, for real. Oh, this is gross. This is from phillyvoice.com. Bride prevents father, presents father with, I can't read. I just can't. You want me to do it?

Somebody's got to. Bride presents father with certificate of purity on her wedding day. Look, Dad, ain't nobody fucked me because i wrote it down on this paper i think this is a good i i don't know tom when i when sarah and i get a divorce i'm gonna i'm gonna give her a certified pre-owned that's nice i don't know i don't know how you've been treating her but i I don't know if she's going to pass the 126-point check. I know I won't. Jesus.

I'll tell you this. Somebody's like, they get to point one. Whatever you do, don't look at the Carfax. That's what I'm saying. When you get under my hood, you're not going to be happy. Oh, no. If you can lift the hood. Yeah, exactly.

You know, one of the things – I saw this posted all over. It wasn't just on our page. It was on other people's pages. It was on other people's private stuff that I saw on my own Facebook wall. And a bunch of people were like, well, what's the big deal? It's none of your business kind of thing. It's like none of your business. And that's true.

It's really none of my business. It's not any of my business that this person is is is doing this but uh but they're also publicly doing it number one right so that's number one um so in a way yeah you know it kind of is other people's business because we're you know we're all able to see what happens there um but then also i think you know do we want to foster a culture where the father is responsible for the virginity of his child and then asks to make sure that you're still a virgin later on? It's so weird. In our culture, that's strange. In our culture, and it might not be strange anywhere else.

In arranged marriage societies, that's probably a big deal. Make sure that she's not jamming around anywhere you got to make sure because if you're going to fucking sell her for a cow you got to make sure that she's worth it you know she's worth the cow exactly but how do you check you go to a doctor and they do what there's no such thing as a virginity test you keep her locked up for the first 18 years of her life there you go easy right yeah just fucking zip tie her legs together at birth like what it's there's no such thing as a virginia the whole thing is the thing that bothers me about well there's many things that bother me about this like it's the idea of owning your children bothers me like that i own

my children i'm responsible for their sex and sexuality and they have to present to me some kind of uh quasi nonsensical medical evidence. The certificate she presents to her father is signed by her doctor. What doctor would sign this fucking thing? What doctor would you go to? Hold on, though. I've seen this movie on the internet. That's not a credible doctor. A stethoscope does not, a speculum does not a doctor make that is not a doctor also that

doctor was hung like a horse that's all i'm saying are they all like a horse that's not a doctor it almost whinnied at me i mean my goodness and those three kind young ladies were not nurses sir because i've been in the hospital and that's never been my treatment. Doctor, doctor, hello, nurse. It's just so fucking odd. Like, oh, yeah, here, dad, before I get married, I just want you to know that I ain't never had any cock in me. Like, it's just fucking weird. Nobody's thrown the cock into me. Right. Well, at least not my vagina.

But I've taken three in the butt and I fucking gargle semen like a fucking mouthwash oh yeah the whole thing is just nonsense the whole thing is nonsense and it's it comes from this weird christian worldview like that emphasizes the purity of women and emphasizes it specifically over the purity of men yeah right it hyper emphasizes the purity of women over men as if like sex or sexuality somehow sullied or dirty people sure it's a garbage philosophy that's why i won't give it any credence i won't even allow this like you know oh well maybe it's you know okay so fucking maybe it's your decision but when you make this shit public you hold yourself up as a as a symbol to be emulated fucking when i have kids like have kids. I hope they fuck their brains out

before they get married and find somebody they love to fuck. It would be really tragic if they were like, I'm married to somebody I don't like fucking. Yeah, that would be awful. Absolutely.

That sucks for you, dude. Yeah, yeah. Because it's probably not going to work out. It's not going to be fun. Right? Yeah. Want to contact the guys?

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or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So the story comes from Right Wing Watch. This is David Barton again, just making shit up. Teach riflery in public schools to eliminate gun violence and accidents. Seems to me like they would just be more effective with their gun violence. They wouldn't miss as often, you would think.

And so what we used to do was teach responsibilities. We own 100,000 documents from before 1812 and tens of thousands after that. And one of the ones I point to is in the 1950s and 1960s, 1970s, I pull off the shelf old P.E. books that we had in school. And in the P.E. books in school, we had a chapter on riflery. And we showed students all about how to use guns, how to unload guns, how to shoot guns, how to create indoor ranges. I couldn't even throw a ball in the house when I was a kid, let alone shoot a gun in my house.

Mom, I don't want to shoot the gun outside. It's raining. Can I shoot my gun inside? Okay, but I'll make you build an indoor range. That's awesome. I mean, I guess you could. I mean, I've been to indoor rifle ranges before where they have a long area where you could shoot, but then it's like they got that big burn behind it but

you know it's indoor but it's like a purpose-made place yeah i have to think that's different than like your basement you know like i'm gonna go down in the basement and just shoot some guns for a while ma what can't hear you over the guns i'm shooting in the basement it's like permanent hearing damage down in the basement. Hang on a minute. Let me shoot upward toward the sound of your voice. We talked about gun safety, gun responsibility. We had such an emphasis on that aspect of training and education.

You'll find that in the 50s and 60s, gun actions nearly never existed, and violent crime outside of organized crime was just almost nonexistent. But we had a high training regime. Trading does not make people less likely to commit crime. That's just straight and not a true. Yeah. And I took a look on Wikipedia's school shootings site. And from the 1950s through the 1970s, there were 55 school shootings from the 50s to the 70s

it's not a new phenomenon, we've talked about this before it's not a new phenomenon the only thing he's suggesting is people need to learn how to use their guns the people who show up to places with guns it's not like they don't know how to use them they're not hurling them at people they're not fucking pistol whipping people

they're not showing sideways I don't know how to use this confounded thing. They don't accidentally shoot themselves in the face. Right. So is he suggesting that like if only we taught riflery in schools, then like we wouldn't have gun accidents in the home? Like eight-year-olds who aren't yet in school, like eight-year-olds who would not yet take riflery until they got to high school and yet have not had this class, they somehow would not shoot each other because they would know that in several years they will be educated on how to use that gun? What I think they're hoping is that the parents who had the kid had a riflery course

and would lock it up maybe or whatever. But it's like, I mean, like, I don't know. I mean, I don't know where you're going with this. Yeah, it doesn't, like, we're going to reduce gun accidents. Also, I don't even believe the gun accidents thing i don't believe it i don't know i tried to look up stats earlier for uh like the 50s and 60s for gun accidents and i couldn't find them yeah but you know i just don't believe it i'm like okay well show me the stats show me how fucking drastically lower it was also show me gun ownership back then who owned a gun how many of them there were how many were in each

house show me all this stuff you know it's like don't pretend that one statistic is a thing that that can that can somehow change my mind right all these things are intertwined it's not just one thing it's you know it's not just gun violence it's gun violence uh perpetrated in in drug crimes gun violence perpetrated in gang crimes drug drug gun violence perpetrated in armed crimes, gun violence perpetrated in gang crimes, gun violence perpetrated in armed robberies, etc. in crimes of passion. You could separate those out very easily into different

categories. It's not like those things are very different ways in which guns are used in crime. Why are they all equal? Why are we always looking at them like they're equal? And then we always have to compare them to home invasions uh why why does he eliminate like except for organized crime like well what what is that somehow not important yeah this is why why why do we exclude organized crime if we exclude organized crime from the 50s and 60s are we

excluding organized crime through like gang violence because that's organized it's organized sure right is that so do we exclude that now oh no because that's, gang violence? Because that's organized crime. It's organized, sure. Right? So do we exclude that now? Oh, no, because that's brown people. You know, so that's included. Exactly. Right? It's just fucking cherry-picking bullshit. Yeah.

This whole thing is cherry-picking bullshit. And his whole initial comment, like, I got a bunch of old books. Like, fucking great story, bro. I got a fucking bunch of books that smell like rich mahogany. Whatever, man. Fucking spray some sex panther on that shit bro exactly 60 of the time your staff work all the time in the name of jesus we speak that So I know who I'm voting for.

Wouldn't you have to go to Ohio to vote, though? I would, but I'm kind of willing at this point. This is from NBC24.com. This is the best picture. There is a woman named Opal Covey. Her signs, she looks crazy as hell. She looks fake. She looks like a Halloween mask.

She looks like a ventriloquist dummy is what she looks like she looks like the horrible like messed up smashed face of a mama son at a fucking creepy massage parlor that's what she looks like you sound like a man with experience i'll trust you on this tom go ahead and her her like behind but like her her what about her behind oh no come on hey you're putting words in my mouth god damn it it's better than putting something in mama's mouth there like the like the the sightage for her uh god i gotta scroll down i can't even look at that anymore the sight is for a campaign want a pot of gold and then it says dollar signs vote opal covey for mayor a miracle worker so she's evidently blind and deaf because she's the miracle worker

what i what what is the things that she does she like speaks in tongues and do they not have a vetting process they're just like you are too crazy to ride this ride like do they have you know because out here in order to get ammunition i have to fill out a form that shows i'm fucking not crazy right well yeah you're gonna fill out a form it doesn't show you're not crazy we're just saying i could just say i don't promise really promise bro totally not crazy i'm not gonna use this to shoot my wife and just cheated on me bro i'm not crazy the voices say i'm fine right yeah no but at least you have to be sane enough to say

no right in this like what do you just be like oh yeah just well can we hear her yes don't don't you sigh ungratefully okay so there's a picture of her on the screen. I shit you not, she looks like an angry piggy. She looks like, I'm not kidding. Come over here and look at this. All right, I'm coming. All right, I'm coming. I love it.

That's where they froze it. That's where the dude froze her face. They had every fucking ability. These editors had every ability to move her face however they wanted. They chose this picture of her face where she is squinting and looking. Oh, she looks amazeballs in this picture. She looks so crazy. I just want everybody to go to this video.

And I'm just going to take a screenshot of it right now. I'm going to post it on these week's show notes because that's what we got to do. Oh, my God. There we go. I got an image of it. I've been running four times. This is the fifth. But I really actually won the election in 2013.

Now, this might be a shock to you, but it's no shock to a lot of people because my votes have been stolen ever since I've been running. Opal Covey believes that in her heart of hearts. She refers to herself as a prophetess and says she's a licensed, ordained minister. I asked her why she chose to run again in 2015. God sent me to look upon the city of Toledo, and so, therefore, I had to go through everything that the citizens went through. Now, 38 years later, I know the city up one side and down the other, and I'm here to be mayor of the city of Toledo.

On the subject of issues, Kobe says potholes are a problem and corruption within the city. But what she's become known for is her desire to fill Toledo with tourist attractions. The tourists are never going to go to Toledo. What I love is... Wait a minute. You could fill Toledo with... All of Toledo could be a giant fuckable pussy. It'd be like that children's museum down in St. Louis.

It'll be like a six-story pussy. You could just climb in and shoot. You couldn't, Phil. You couldn't. There's nothing you could do that's going to drive tourists to Toledo. Are you kidding me? Tourists to Toledo? That sounds like a bad book, like a bad children's book.

Or apocalyptic. Oh, my God. There's tourists in Toledo. Oh, God. That's amazing. Tourists to Toledo. Oh God, that's amazing. Tourists in Toledo? What, are you kidding me? You could hand out free meth and blowjobs

and you still couldn't get one fucking tourist to go to Toledo. They have like thousand dollar bills they're handing out to people that show up. And we were like, no man, I'm just passing through. I'm going to Toledo? No, no. I don't want to get gas in this fucking place are you kidding me jesus christ in toledo a tourist are you high you're high in toledo oh that's awesome amusement parks that will bring great wealth prior to our interview interview ending, I asked Covey, as is customary,

if there is anything else she would like to add. After pausing, she offered this. Great destruction will come upon you. Thank you, Jesus. That, my son. I see. Thank you, Jesus. That was a confirmation. If people don't give me what I earned in 2013 back, and I'm not on that seat. We got to hear that again.

Tom is paralyzed. She just fucking has a seizure. Here it is again. Great destruction will come upon you. Thank you, Jesus. That was a confirmation. Thank you for your vote, Jesus. People, don't give me what I earned in 2013 back, and I'm not on that seat in November, then you'll see God coming and visiting the city in the greatest destruction you have ever seen.

That's not a tourist, you know. He'll come back and fill your potholes. That's a euphemism. Let me fill that pothole. Yeah. That's a euphemism. Let me fill that pothole. Yeah, it's a euphemism for fucking the five-story pussy that's in downtown Toledo. She seems perfectly electable. Yeah, my...

She sounds like the back masking you just left. last week. She did. She did. That's awesome. I love her. I love her. Want a pot of gold? Okay.

All right. Sure. Fair enough. You fucking crazy. I'm the scab man. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers.

I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. It's also from Right Wing Watch right wing pundits bernie sanders popularity is a sign of the end times um so rick wiles had uh end times predictor cliff harris on his true news program and they had some things to say cecil well here they go here's rick Wiles and his buddy. We're going to be in the most exciting period, weather-wise and otherwise, we've ever seen. And we need leadership in this country, Rick. I know you agree with that. We have

no leaders. Absolutely. All they can do is talk about global warming. Even the Pope. What did he talk about? Oh, global warming. We've got to fight climate change. We've got to fight all this stuff. Well, even the Pope's against us. Everybody's against us. What are you trying. Well, even the Pope's against us. Everybody's against us. What are you trying to do?

Even the Pope's against us. Are you trying to warm the fucking climate? Is that what you're saying? I don't know. I don't know what his... What do you stand for that he's against? Yeah, right. If there is no climate change, then they can't fight

it, right? It'd be like if I said like, you know, oh, they're going to fight the dinosaurs. Fucking, there ain't no dinosaurs. Yeah. We're fine. So we're good. We're good. Fight them all. Yeah.

Fight everyone you see. It's cool. If you speak in tongues at it. Right? Whatever. That's actually how you call the dinosaur in from outside when it's done going to the bathroom. Quiet. You're going to get dinosaurs in my house.

Cliff, it's because there is a hidden agenda to use global warming to impose global socialism. Way to fucking uncover it, Workwell. It was a hidden agenda until you just fucking said it, you asshole. God. Tom, we've been trying to keep this hidden agenda quiet for so long. You can't tell Rick Wiles anything when you're fucking him drunk. Use global warming. Use

global warming to get Rick Wiles in bed. That's what this is all about. They'll have to take control of property and eliminate private property rights. Never. Why?

It's too much work. Nobody wants to. Look, everybody is as lazy as I am. Yeah. That's just true. Yeah. Nobody wants to do that. Nobody's like, let me just handle all the property

instead of letting all the people handle their own property. Who would do that? Why would I want to do that? If somebody's like, hey, can you manage all of the properties? I don't want to manage my own. I want to outsource all of my work to India already. All of it. There's like a small Indian person doing my laundry, cooking for me at night.

Like, my wife is upset. I just call India. I'm like, please talk to my wife. Like, my wife is upset. I just call India. I'm like, please talk to my wife. She seems real upset, mostly about my outsourcing this to India. You have to have like a little call center upstairs in your house for all the people that want to complain to you.

And if they talk to you, that customer service speak to like, hello, ma'am. I am to understand that you are very upset about the outsourcing. My name is Tim. Yes, hello. This is Bob. They'll have to take control of natural resources. It's all about a centralized global government controlling the activities of every human being on the planet. That sounds exhausting.

Oh, my God. Does that sound so? Nobody wants. You're right. Nobody wants to do that. So much work. Seven billion people. That sounds exhausting. Oh my God, does that sound so... Nobody wants... You're right. Nobody wants to do that. So much work. Seven billion people. So exhausted. I'm exhausted controlling myself.

I can't control my dog. I have a 23-pound dog, and he runs around and he's like, please stop. Oh, fuck it. I don't care. I don't even care. Fucking eat the baby. It's a fucking fight.

He's fucking the couch right now. I don't even care. Just finish this. Just do whatever you gotta do. I literally can't care. You're just shaking It's a fucking fight. He's fucking the couch right now. I don't even care. Just finish. Just do whatever you got to do. I literally can't. You're just shaking the couch a little. Please stop. That's what Al Gore and all those socialists are after.

And they're using the climate as the justification. But the Christians ought to be shouting from the rooftop that this is evidence that Jesus Christ is coming back. Well, and one of the proofs of this is that people are paying attention to a socialist, Bernie Sanders. And I lived under this guy when he was in the state senate and congressman in Vermont. Talk about a liberal, socialistic, extreme left person. Wow, man. I mean, there's your proof. Yeah, wow. And that sounds damning, what he just said. Oh, ho. Socialistic liberal person. I lived under him in the hellhole that is Vermont.

Oh, my God. Remember that time that Vermont was never in the news for anything bad ever? Never one fucking time in all of the history of Vermont's goddamn existence. You don't know anything about Vermont. Nobody knows anything about Vermont except for maple syrup.

Right. That's it. That's the only thing anybody knows about Vermont. Yeah, I will. Nothing bad has ever happened in Vermont. And my maple syrup tastes delicious. So you bite your tongue, sir. I will.

If it has maple syrup on it. If it's covered in maple syrup, I'll bite it too. Cliff, how many people do you know who took their honeymoon to the soviet union oh i know by the way and also there's another danger here and i know you've talked about it look at all the isis people that are infiltrating all these refugees you know they just beheaded 12 more christians this past week yeah fucking is ISIS is beheading fucking everybody. ISIS is like a lawnmower over there. They're like that movie where the guy is the lawnmower and the zombie is just like, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. ISIS beheads 12 Christians. They probably did it on accident. Yeah. They don't give a shit who they behead. They behead fucking everybody with a head. Yeah. And they behead people at such an alarming rate. Muhammad, I see two people with a head. They behead people at such an alarming rate.

Mohammed, I see two people with a head. What have you been doing on your job? I'm sorry. I've been slacking on the job. I've been on Reddit all day. That's it. After you behead them, behead yourself. That's right.

I mean, these guys are... Can you imagine them getting into the U.S.? And we don't have somebody strong to counteract this? Wait, what? Strong to counteract it? What do you need somebody strong in government to counter? You have fucking an FBI to counteract it. You have, like, anti-terrorism force to counteract it.

Fucking President Obama is not strapping on an M-60 and kicking in doors. You don't need fucking, you don't need Rambo in office. You need a person who can delegate. The fuck? They're already here. I know, but I mean in a big way. Yes. Because they're going to come in a big way.

We allow these people in here. They're going to come in a big way. We're going to be having horrible problems. I'm going to tell you, if we do not elect in this country in 2016 somebody that's strong, somebody that's godly, a Mike Huckabee type. I'm not saying him, but I'm just saying somebody like that. Like Mike Huckabee? Like who else? Well, like, why wouldn't you just say Mike Huckabee?

I mean, there's only like six people that you could pick from right now. Not a Mike Huckabee type. Mike Huckabee is actually running. Why wouldn't you just choose Mike Huckabee is actually running why wouldn't you just choose it's not like it's not like as we get closer to the finish line some unknown mike huckabee type is gonna come in and sweep votes away we're kind of down to it right now how insulting to mike huckabee if you're listening to this if somebody's like hey it's like a tom type but not tom but someone like that guy but you know obviously clearly better it's like a Tom type, but not Tom, but someone like that guy, but obviously clearly

better. Clearly better. Someone who smells nicer. Somebody with personal hygiene. Could you imagine Mike Huckabee's face, though? Because at first it's kind of brightened up. It's like, oh, they mentioned me, and he's like, aww, time to eat my weepies. If we don't put

somebody like that in office, somebody that's a Reaganite, not an Obamaite. Is that a mineral? It is. What's a Reaganite? It is. You mine Reaganite. You got to go to the Reagan mines of Idaho to mine your Reaganite.

Well, that makes sense because you can dig them up now. We need to have somebody strong. If we don't get somebody strong, I believe that we're in for a horrendous period in this country. If people think things are bad now, they haven't seen anything, Rick. I think things are fine, generally. You got to get somebody strong. I want a president who can deadlift twice his body weight.

Yeah, so do I. Minimum. Yeah. I mean, that's like a fucking minimum requirement. I actually a president who can deadlift twice his body weight. Yeah, so do I. Minimum. Yeah. I mean, that's like a fucking minimum requirement. I actually think that's how we should choose presidents, through arm wrestling competitions and like Olympic lifting. And like a shooting range score. Yeah, there you go.

Yeah. Yeah. And anybody who can wield a sword. You know what they got to do? They got to compete in American Ninja. American Ninja Warrior, I love it. The obstacle course for American Ninja Warrior. Can you imagine Trump running through the American Ninja or burning?

When Trump jumps down, though, when he jumps down, he could just use his hair to sort of float down. He jumps like poof. Dumbo style. And he lands, no problem. He could actually just hire illegal immigrants to lay on the field and he'll step on their back as he works his way across. He hires two very strong, robust illegal immigrants to carry him up to the top. And then he ejects them on a catapult back to Mexico.

Bernie Sanders just yelled at the obstacle course for a half an hour. And says it's unfair. So we want to thank our most current patrons, the ones who just most recently gave money. We got a groundswell of support again this week. We can't thank you guys enough for this. We're very, very close at this point

to our goal. As it stands right now, we're only 17 short dollars away, so it could be a chance for us very soon to be making four patron-only shows a year. The moment that that clicks over and we get to 1250, Tom and I, we're going to come over to Glory Hole Studios,

record a nice show for patrons only, and we'll release it as soon as possible. Absolutely. So we can have a show for you guys. So we want to thank you all. So first we're going to start with Jacob, Megan, Michael, Catherine, Daniel, Kenneth, Katar This, Ben, Mindy, Amber, Alexandria, Corky, Satan. Thanks, Satan. Satan, by the way, donated $6.66. Of course Satan did.

Thank you, Satan. Candice, Malcolm, David, my Australian money is worthless. I think that's great. Dave, mad about everything gav scott adrian jeff emily hayley and janice thank you all so very much your generous donations go a long way to making sure this show is possible and we want to thank each and every one of our patrons every week um we're just super grateful tom we had a few paypal donations we did paul and jason thank you so much for your one time or recurring paypal donations again the show could not go on well it may go on but it goes on with

pizza yeah with you exactly it goes on it goes on and we get to buy ourselves dinner once in a while so thank you very much so we got a message this is from scott and sc Scott left a message about a story about a Bible page that was fused in steel from 9-11, Tom. Evidently, this firefighter came across this discovery in 2002. Evidently, there was a piece found from one of the Twin Towers with a Bible piece fused to it. So a Bible page actually fused into it, and the person was, uh like digging through some old rubble that where they had taken the rubble it was basically rubble from the chower too and there's a you see a picture of this thing but it looks like to me is that someone fucking put a little fucking glue on there right and face because paper doesn't fuse to things yeah paper burns yeah or is just paper

yeah it doesn't fuse to steel. How would paper fuse to steal? That's a fucking stupid thing to say. It's a stupid fucking thing to say. You know where this is reported on? The Young Conservatives website. There's a picture of the Pope looking at a dude who maybe is pointing to this looking like,

the fuck are you pointing at? Doesn't he look skeptical as shit? He does look, he's just saying the fuck, right? Right. He's like, the fuck? When the Pope is skeptical? Yeah.

The guy's the goddamn Pope. He's not skeptical of anything. Yeah. I mean, he's wearing a capelet right now, for Christ's sakes. He's ridiculous. A Bible page was found fused to the steel. And I'm supposed to give two fucking shits about that, even if it were true? I know.

I don't believe the people who want to push that myth because all it shows is that your God fucking cared more about his book than about the 2,000 people plus who died. It's ridiculous. That's the thing. If it were true and God did it, it would still be mean as shit.

It would be super mean. Why would you be like, well, thanks God. That's real nice of you to save the book for us. We're so happy. I'm sorry Aunt Matilda died, but I'm glad I got this book. Who the fuck thinks that? Right. Oh, thanks for the message. It'd be like if somebody broke into your house and killed your whole family, but left you a fortune cookie,

right? You'd be like, wait a minute. Are you just fucking, you really want me to say thanks for the fortune cookie? Exactly. That's exactly. Thanks for fucking killing my family.

You fucking asshole. Also, I would eat that steel like a fortune. I would still eat the fortune cookie. I'd be like, it'd be covered in the fucking blood of my children. I'd still eat it. That's terrible.

We got a great email from abigail and abigail says i decided to see what conservapedia had to say about new zealand and found this great example of cognitive dissonance on the talk page i thought i'd share and if you just click on this conservapedia talk new zealand it's amazingly funny all the shit that they go back and forth at one point somebody's like these stats can't be real for a liberal country delete maybe it's freaking awesome it's great i love that you can see all the back and forth i never knew you could see the back and forth the conversation it's great so funny they should not make this available like do they not know that this should not be available is there no nobody's looking and saying, we look bad. I know.

Nobody's paying attention, man. So we got a ton of messages from people when we talked about amputees last week. We did. People with limblessism. It was just rude and crude. And we were tired, admittedly. It was late. And we were just being awful. Yeah.

I mean, all the Stumple Stiltons out there and the rumple stumps can send us emails it was just they did a lot of people did bashing their faces against the keyboard most of them were jdf jdf jdf but what we did get was this one tom i can't i i don't know if i can pronounce the the top but anyway so there you go so this this is from um this is from kenneth. This is a Google Translate from Stumpanese to English. I was deeply offended you dare not enter recommend Stumpers. I typology doctorate. You can clearly write eloquent email like it. You've never seen before.

Please died in a fire. Angry face. There's an angry emoji at the bottom, too. That's great. Thanks, Kenneth. That's tremendous. We got a bunch of other messages from people that just said, like, seriously, it just said JDF or whatever on the top, and then it would just be a repeating of keys.

So thank you all very much. Thanks for all being good sportsmen. Yeah. Terrible. I know. We didn't get any hate mail, so thank you. We didn't. That's good.

Yeah. We got a message from Casey, and Casey says, I honestly don't understand what's gotten into shoe bats, panties and a twist and butthurt. He should be happy that Tom are primarily targeted gay dudes, given his position that gays are dangerous. Right. That's right. I got to admit, you're right on that one. I don't understand why he's so flipping crazy about it. we got a message from Robert, Tom, and Robert just said that he doesn't think that we talk about Buddhism enough. Yeah, well, we would talk about Buddhism, but we try to find stories that are happening now that are relevant. I mean, we really try to find stories that are less than a week or two old before we cover them. And just to be perfectly frank, there's not a ton of stories about Buddhists behaving badly that pops up in any of the news feeds.

I'm not afraid to single out the Buddhists when they do stupid shit. It's just that so rarely are they hitting the news feeds that I'm checking. Now, I don't obviously go looking specifically for Buddhist news. And I guess maybe I could make a more concentrated effort to do that. news um and i guess maybe i could make a more concentrated effort to do that but i think if they were behaving badly in any kind of numbers they would appear on some of the sites or using some of the keywords that i do check we got a message from keith and keith said uh by the way just so you know the gop teens that we got the message that the the uh what kind of gun would jesus use and it was a nail gun evidently the gop teens is a is a parody account so there's the

if you wanted to follow at gop teens on twitter evidently it's a parody account it's fucking hilarious very funny awesome interesting question here from matt tom it says i brought this up before perhaps you could discuss it on the show what do you think of the idea of a voluntary death sentence if a person is guilty and admits they are guilty, if they do not want to spend 50 years in jail and the taxpayers dispense, do you think they should be able to request the death penalty for themselves? My feeling is absolutely not. Absolutely not. The person who is being sentenced does not get to choose their sentence. They don't get to choose a harsher sentence or a

lighter sentence. They are the person being sentenced. They're out of the decision-making process. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you wanted something different to happen to you, but you don't get to have that choice. Choice-making is part of what's being taken from you. I also think that people can be coerced into making choices toward death that they might otherwise take. I think people can be mentally ill that are still fit enough to stand trial and shouldn't be making choices that are life or death decisions. choices that are life or death decisions. But ultimately, my feeling is this isn't your call. Yeah. You don't get to make this.

I don't get to decide after 15 years of serving a sentence that I'm institutionalized and I'd like to serve the rest of my life, please and thank you. When your time's up, your time's up. It's not your choice. I also think, too, you know, if somebody wants to do that, I kind of think that's an easy way out, you know, trying to figure out your life in prison, you know, and if it sucks, well, I'm real sorry. Yeah. your life in prison you know and and if it sucks well i'm real sorry yeah you know that's that's that's real terrible but you know you're in prison you know and and it sucks and that's what it's all about made your bed fucking sleeping yeah got another message on the death penalty this is

from michael and michael says uh in the latest episode you talked about the death penalty you talked about how it it can't be just because the revenge bait because it's revenge base and because it kills innocent people i tended to agree with you until i heard this intriguing argument presented by the philosopher youtubers something i can't pronounce the name syphius redeemed um and then the the argument says what if the percentage of innocent people who were wrongly convicted out of all the people executed is in fact lower than the percentage of innocent innocent people who die serving a life life prison sentence uh that is innocent people have a better chance of getting exonerated before their death if they were sentenced to be executed rather than sentenced to life in prison given this is life in prison is a life in prison

sentence not less moral than executions. I'm not completely sure, but it's a good case for it. Yeah, and I think this argument is a little flawed because it's based on kind of some assumptions that the world would continue as it is today if we got rid of the death sentence. And I don't think that's the case. What I mean by that, and I've heard this argument presented before, the argument is often like, well, look, people who are given the death sentence, more scrutiny is given to their appeal. They have automatic appeals. They have organizations like the Innocence Project that work for them. And so if you are truly innocent and given a death sentence, it's more likely that someone's going to find out that you're innocent than if you're innocent and given a life sentence,

you'd just be locked up and the keys thrown away and nobody's ever looking again. Well, that may be the case, but if you got rid of the death sentence, I think the people in the Innocent Project would then turn their attention to people with life sentences. Yeah. Right?

And maybe we should get rid of the death sentence and then say, well, also, we need to say that people with life sentences get an automatic appeal. You know, like... Like... You have time then. Right, appeal. You know, like. Sure. You have time then. Right.

Right. You know, there's, I guess it assumes that the system would eliminate the death sentence and then change nothing else. And then everybody goes home early on Wednesday. Right. Exactly. And I don't think that that's how justice works. Yeah.

We got a message from Che in, from the UK. And Che sent us a ton of cool shirt, t-shirt designs, so we're probably going to make a couple of these, Che, and we'll credit you. Thank you very much for sending them in. We're going to change a few of them around because we're going to probably put our logo on the back of the shirt, but we're probably going to use some of these specifically, some of these

that you did. I may be asking you for some high-res versions of these because our t-shirt company might require it but thank you very much for making them there was really a lot of them are really great yeah we got a message um we got a bunch of people who missed the woo show and we had a ton of people we'll probably do it again yeah it was fun because there's a bunch of people who clearly missed so if you wanted to resubmit later on um we may open up that show again to see if people are interested

in doing it one more time we you know there's other things too if you guys have topics that you'd like us to talk about maybe do a call-in show about let us know uh we can always we can always do those shows um we had a fun time listening last time and that was a lot of it was a lot of fun so if you're interested uh in sending us a message to give us a topic we will entertain all the topics uh we did get one message, though, that we wanted to talk about. This is from Bill. And Bill said, he said, I used to date a woman who was a single mom of a nine-year-old. A nine-year-old.

I know, dude. That's what stomach churning. She casually mentioned one day that she still had her daughter's placenta in the freezer. She hadn't figured out what to do with it yet. She had thought of adding it to spaghetti sauce or making a smoothie from it. I was very cautious about eating dinner there. You know, if I go out and catch a trout,

I'm throwing it out in my freezer after two years. You know what I mean? I'm not even going to keep it after that point. Can you imagine a frost-bitten, nine-year-old placenta in your freezer? Dude, here's the thing. I don't eat human organs. No?

Because I'm not a fucking cannibal. That's fucking gross. You could probably make a nice blood sausage out of it. I mean, I would eat a whole person. If a plane crashed or my bus was or like an elevator paused briefly between floors, you know, then I would resort to cannibalism. No problem. If it's like 1145 and I haven't eaten lunch yet. Yeah, I would resort to cannibalism.

You know, no problem. But generally, yeah, eating human organs is fucking weird and gross. Eating nasty nine year old. I don't care if you fucking vacuum sealed it. I don't care if you fucking jarred and canned it. There's no amount of garlic that's going to make that taste right. We get a message from D,

and D says, I need some advice. I saw a scene in a movie the other day, and it disturbed me to my utter core. I'm not usually sensitive to stuff, and I know it was faked for a movie, but I still want to cry every time it pops into my mind you guys

have followed some of the most atrocious human behaviors and I was wondering if you could help me get over it what do you what do you do when you have something in your head that just won't go away you know there's there is bleach you can use like go to fucking reddit all and just look at cute puppies for a while

that changes my demeanor very often I and just look at cute puppies for a while. That changes my demeanor very often. I'll just look at, I mean, cause there is some adorable shit on there. Like, especially like the really heartwarming stuff when there's like a fucking, like some of the best are like this, this guy raised this lion,

this two people raised this lion. And then they're like, let it off in the woods. And then they show like them going out into the woods. And the lion hugs him. And you're just like, it's fucking amazing. You're like the lion hugged him.

Because that lion runs after him for just a minute. I'm like, is he going to eat him? He might eat that. And instead the lion's just like, I love you, bro. And he just hugs him and he rubs his face on him the whole time. It's adorable. It's the best video. You know, I would just, you know, get your mind off of it as best you can.

There's some days that Tom and I do the show and we're like, this is terrible, awful shit, but I'll just go play video games for an hour and it'll help me wash some of that shit out of your head. Also, time helps. Clearly, time helps. Best of luck to you, D. Hope any of that helps. Go watch it. I saw recently, too, there was a deer and a bunny playing together.

I saw a deer and a bunny. Super adorable. Super adorable. It's like, ban me a thumper for fuck's sake I saw a deer and a bunny. Super adorable. That's really fucking cute. Super adorable. It's like Bambi and Thumper, for fuck's sake. You don't even know which one to shoot. Yeah. I'll tell you, at that point, I'll just use the widest choke I can.

They're both stew. If you aim right, it's like shooting two pigeons at one time. You can get them both at the same time. That's a double-double. Oh, God. So. That's terrible. We want to thank Mike Marsh and Andy Wilson for joining us today

check out their podcast Incredulous and Be Reasonable they're great guys also Skeptics with a K and we'll keep you posted on QED we're going to be going there but they're changing the dates we're not sure exactly what date it's going to be but when they announce it you'll be the first to know we'll let you guys know as soon as possible.

We're hoping we're going to have a good time over there. They sounded excited when they heard we were going to go. They said that we can get coffee for the people who are speaking, so we're excited about that. That's very kind of them. I'm going to have a good time. I'm going to have a good time whether they like it or not.

Yeah. Well, we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage,

death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata,

nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only.

Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. We'll see you next time.