Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 258: Amish Button Gun

Episode Date: November 2, 2015

 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hi, Cecil and Tom. This is JF calling from Montreal. I know I'm a little late to the party, but I wanted to share a piece of woo that I used to believe in. I used to think I was psychic because once in a while I would think of a Golden Girls episode and then it would come on the television the very next day. Which tells you two things about me as a kid. One, I was really stupid. Two, I was really gay. Anyway, oh, someone knocking on my glory hole, so gotta go, motherfuckers. This is Working Class Skeptic.

Regarding Barton's riflery class and your comment that training doesn't ensure safety, I'd like to mention that I and my classmates all attended a Hutter safety course during P.E. in 7th or 8th grade. One time after that class, a friend of mine nearly shot me in the face because he didn't think the gun in his hand was real. Training didn't save me. A functioning safety did. As for what kind of doctor would sign a chastity certificate, one who could bill an insurance company for an exam that either didn't happen or if it did, one that was medically meaningless. Glory hole, gentlemen. Hey Tom and Cecil, Mara here, calling from the untamed wilds of Vermont. You mentioned my fine state in your latest show, so I thought I'd share some fun facts with your audience.

For instance, did you know that Vermonters don't salivate? It's true. We actually possess a gland that secretes maple syrup directly into our mouths as we chew. As a 7th generation Vermonter myself, my maple glands have evolved to the point where I can precisely control the grade and color of the syrup I produce, which is nice. I figure by the time my family gets to generation 10 or 11, we'll be able to photosynthesize. And that's good news for the industry, because we're going to have to replace all the sugar maples that are dying from global warming. Anyway, keep up the great work, you guys. I've listened to every goddamn show you've put out, and I'm not about to stop now. Glory hole. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.

The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 258 of Cognitive Dissonance. 58? 58? And if I'm wrong, it's 58,'s 58 right no i don't think so fucking hell really

i don't think so i mean i'm i mean it's fucking your job so look it up i'm i'm i'm pretty sure it's 258 you got it right how dare you i i feel like you owe me an apology. I got something right one time. Yeah, I just double-checked again. I didn't trust myself. You didn't trust yourself. You know, before we begin launching into this week's set of stories, I think we need to revisit the David Barton shenanigans from last week. So anyone that doesn't know, David Barton is the bullshit artist and discredited historian who just seemingly makes things up and is real impressed by the size of his own library.

And the oldness of the books. Right. He really is fucking – that guy is fucking fully engorged. I have books from 1800s. And I think what he's saying whenever he says that is he's trying to lead credence to whatever he is going to say next by saying, I guess, in some way, like the founding fathers thought this was a good idea or the people that were around in this country a long time ago thought this was a good idea. And therefore, right it it lends itself some legitimacy today but he always comes off sounding like anchorman he does i mean he 100% of the time he does to me what he says that he sounds like fucking anchorman he's like

i have many ma you know leather bound books yeah and whatever dude that is amazing great story bro you know i got a fucking bunch of encyclopedia britannicas too you know nobody gives a shit we got a we got a bunch of uh uh messages and one of them that we got basically said that that's bullshit that they were in school in those times and they never had any rifle training and i think they said they were in mississippi or something and they said i'm in mississippi i live in mississippi and went to school in mississippi jesus and we didn't have that alone exactly right you would think that training down there mississippi in the 50s and 60s are you kidding me at least teach you how to tie a hangman news you know what

i mean like you at least do that and they they didn't have time for riflery classes because the lynching classes took too long oh no gosh i had a comment about that about that article right after the fact it was something that struck me was how hard is gun safety my first thought was like just all there's one rule to gun safety just pretend the gun is always loaded right yeah and if you pretend the gun is always loaded you shouldn't run into any issues always have the safety on always make sure like the bolt is like racked or whatever so that there's you could see and make sure there's nothing in it, but even still, always pretend it's loaded. Even when those things are functional and working, always pretend it's loaded.

And so when Barton's talking about, oh, well, we used to teach gun safety and now we don't, I'm just thinking, what is it that people do with guns? They're like, oh, well, this is how you clean it. You just hold it up to your eye, and then you look in it and make sure there's nothing in it. That's how this cleaning stuff works. Like, who does that?

Nobody does that. The other thing I was wondering, too, when I was thinking about that article, this is after the fact, was, you know, he want, he, what he's saying is we used to teach it in class. We used to teach it in school. We didn't run in any problems basically saying let's mandate this for every kid in america to learn how to use guns safely but then you say something to him something on the long lines of hey instead of mandating it for every kid in america why don't we just make it mandatory for everybody who owns a gun in america right and now all of a sudden it's

a big fucking deal no no no no no wait a minute wait wait wait we don't need to do that let's just teach it to everybody well there's gonna be people who don't care about guns why not teach to people who care about the guns the gun safety because i know i didn't have to take a fucking gun safety course when i took got my foid card and I can walk into any store and buy a gun. Right. Why is that allowed? Whereas he's saying like, oh, you should should have fucking learned that when I was a fucking like a wee blow or no. No, I shouldn't have.

I should have learned it before I got my fucking license to fucking shoot a firearm. fucking license to fucking shoot a firearm well i think maybe he's i think he's i think maybe that the the only counter argument to that would be that if if if everybody knew regardless of your interest in them or not if everybody had some basic gun safety knowledge it might reduce the prevalence of gun accidents right that that there's know, I have a gun in my house and my kid grabs my gun and shoots his little brother or something, right? That if he was only schooled in gun safety, then he would not have shot his little brother and gun accidents would go down or, you know, whatever. But then it's then that immediately begs the question, like, well, then at what age, you know, and what level of responsibility should there be for gun ownership?

You know, I read something really interesting the other day. And that was the idea of having to buy insurance for your gun. And I thought this was a really interesting response. You know, insurance is another way to mitigate risk, right? Like, I mean, if we buy insurance and we have to buy insurance, I'm going to buy a gun depending on the kind of gun and, you know, actuarial tables about, you know, types of guns and the prevalence of those types of guns based on my household and the likelihood of an accident, then my insurance policy would go up, right? And I thought that's an interesting way to and then you know insurance companies because that could then offer discounts for licensing for example or training for example or you know other factors which would 10 years without shooting anyone right or you know like

you know i mean like when i when i get a call. At Allstate, we have shooting forgiveness. Shooting forgiveness plan. I think I like that guy who's like, look, it happens. Sometimes. You know, like, but if I put a pool in my yard, my insurance goes up, right? You know, when I get car insurance um you know they ask how many miles i drive is it for work or is it for you know pleasure like there there's questions that that pertain to this this item that i'm insuring um and i think that's an interesting i thought i just thought that was a really interesting way to approach uh you know gun

safety and things because i think if all you have to do is just go buy the fucking thing, full stop, you don't have to have any idea how it works or, you know, you have to lock it up. There's no incentive for you to lock the fucking thing up or whatever. I have guns in my house and I have little kids. But I have zero concern that they're going to cause a problem because I don't keep any ammunition in my house. Yeah.

And your guns are double locked. Right. Well, yeah, they're in a safe and then the guns are stored with locks on the guns and there's no ammunition in my house. So I have zero concern. Even if somehow one of your kids in the cornfield by you found a shell. Right. They still wouldn't be able to do anything with it. Right.

They would have more luck with a hammer, nail and a pair of pliers to set that shell off. Right. Right. They still wouldn't be able to do anything with it. Right. They would have more luck with a hammer, nail, and a pair of pliers to set that shell off. Right. Right. That's why I have really no – it does not give me a whole lot of concern or pause. Right? That's why I leave whenever I go. I try to stick some shells in your couch cushions. Thank you.

Someone's been doing that. God damn it. Contrary to popular opinion opinion god is not against sex it was his idea in the first place so this first story comes from the raw story um and now we're now let's let's talk a little bit about the website this comes from so the christian website says don't look at your wife's face during sex to enjoy it even when she resists well that's horrible and we're actually going to talk about two two stories that both come purportedly from the same website or blog or whatever it is but see so i i think you and i are not convinced that this is real yeah you know

i read through these there's two stories both of them are just hyper misogynistic uh and the guy writes under the name of pseudonym the website itself is uh is called biblical gender roles.com and we've covered this before in the past yeah i don't know i i there i read through this site and I feel like it's it's such a good Poe that you can't tell. Right. Like that's what a Poe is. Like you just can't tell whether it's real or fake. It's one of those it's one of those moments where something is so absurd you can't tell whether it's real or fake. And it's a Poe, man. I don't know. I've looked at this website a number of times. If it's a poem, it's a pretty good poem. But I think what's distressing is that if it's a poem, it's so close to the way that people think. It so already mirrors the way that a whole group of people already think that a site like this, if it'sire we've we've gotten to the point of being so

absurd that the satire is indistinguishable from the actual claims part of me thinks that it's fake because of the images that he uses up top when you go to it it's like a picture of like a dad changing his oil and like i know they're almost they're almost too they're almost too like big American party. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's it's I don't know. It's pretty it's pretty crazy. But but here's what's being said. So the Christian website, biblical gender roles dot com, fake or not fake.

It has a column that says that women who do not like having sex with their husbands should fake it until she makes it. And it goes on to say, you also need to realize that whether your wife knows it or not, she needs to have sex too. If you don't have sex with your wife at regular intervals, even sometimes when she is not in the mood but consents anyway, you will open yourself to temptation. Focus your eyes on her body, not her face. Focus on the visual pleasure you receive from looking

at her body and physical pleasure you receive from being inside your wife you want to connect with her physically and emotionally during sex why do i why do i feel so dirty when he says that god but he says but if your wife but your wife is the one refusing to connect with you emotionally so you have to concentrate a% on the physical side. And he goes on. He says, let me try to explain it another way. In Greek mythology, there was a monster woman named Medusa. I know.

She was cursed and a hideous creature. If men looked upon her face, they were turned to stone. And then there's a picture of Medusa. I know, right? It says, I know you love your wife. Most men love their wives, but sin is ugly. Your beautiful Bide's face becomes ugly during this sinful time that she is grudgingly giving you sex as she grimaces, wanting you to just hurry up and get it over with. I feel like that's all the time.

How is that? Is there another? Wait a minute. I read that and was confused. I'm like,'s all the time. Yeah. Like, how is it? Is there another? Oh, wait a minute. I read that and was confused. I'm like, is there another option? What's the other option? I don't know. It's always.

Just tell me when you're done. So like the men who could not look at Medusa's face, otherwise they would be killed, realize that if you look at your wife's face when she is displaying a sinful attitude towards sex, it will kill your sexual pleasure and your boner, and may actually make it more difficult for you to achieve the physical connection and release. You need no shit.

If my wife is fucking tapping her foot and looking at her phone while I'm fucking her, are you kidding me? Boner killer. Yeah, she'd give me the old sour face, like looking up like, hmm. I'd be like, ugh, turn over. Also, what you want to say to your wife is be like, I can't look at your ugly fucking Medusa face while I'm doing this.

That wins them over when you say that. When you say, I can't look at your fucking gnarly face fucking ugly thing women love that that's ridiculous look here's the problem yeah is that you don't know how to phrase it right it's it's all about it's all about how you approach a woman can i just call her any greek mythology creature can i call her a gorgon what you have to say cecil what you have to say is uh excuse me honey and this is why you're fucking right like you have to stop you have to stop you know mid thrust and be like excuse me snake hair i know i would run my hand through your hair, but I'm afraid it will get bit by the snakes attached to your skull. You see, you're petrifying me.

That's actually a good thing for your boner. And not in a hard way. So I'm just going to need you to flip over. Hey, Cyclops. Listen. need you to flip over hey cyclops listen listen if you don't stop mean mugging me i'm gonna put your face in the pillow suddenly it's not like having sex it's like fucking i don't even know it's like fucking the odyssey so this this cat has some more suggestions also from the raw story christian marriage advisor use fear and dread to control your wife as God intended.

You also have to call her Judge Dredd, and she has to say, you are the law. The law. That's how it works. Judge Dredd is the safe word. Judge Dredd is always the safe word because nobody wants to keep fucking when they're thinking about judge dredd all right okay great that guy's had like a hundred strokes oh he sounds like he's had a hundred strokes and like look at this And, like, look at this. He sounds like Helen Keller is what he sounds like. Fucking amazing.

So, anyway, Judge Dredd is banging your wife or what was happening? I forgot. Again? Yeah. Really? Come on, man. You can fuck that ugly Medusa bitch all you want. Hey, you can fucking mean mug someone else for a change.

bitch hey you can fucking mean mug someone else for a change they get like a mean mug off staring up at each other i'll just i'll just hold her hand while judge judge dread this you're drooling out of one side of your face Judge Dredd is, I'm a seed bearer. I'm a seed bearer. You're drooling out of one side of your face, Judge. So also from that same shitty website, responding to comments from men's rights activists on a posting about finding enjoyment in sex with a wife who grudgingly agrees, in sex with a wife who grudgingly agrees. This cat provides tips on providing proper biblical gender roles, saying that keeping a woman in a constant state of fear is an appropriate way to control her actions.

And this is just fucking crazy. It's like, look, you got to provide a woman with like, what does he say, like food and shelter. He talks about it like she's like look you gotta provide a woman with like what does he say like food and shelter he talks about it like she's like a puppy yeah you know like you know you gotta give her food and shelter and clothing but not nice food shelter and clothing you only give her that stuff if she's like rocking your world and bad like you give her good stuff but if not you just don't like if she's not cooking you dinner then you just uh you don't buy her a new car soon or something like but it always assumes like like all of these posts are assuming that the guy's the breadwinner right which is not the case in so many households

like it it assumes a power dynamic that is as backward as this way of thinking right it assumes a 1950s fucking leave itit-to-beaver power dynamic. Which to me, when I hear it, it's just like that feels fake to me. I guess I can imagine someone thinking that, but I don't know. Like I can't imagine someone who could operate a blog thinking that. I can't imagine somebody operating a computer. I can't imagine somebody operating a toaster thinking this way. operating a computer i can't imagine somebody operating a toaster thinking this way it's a it's a ridiculously like neanderthal way to think like well because i make all the money and control

access to all of the resources then you know i should make sure that parcel out the resources in my household according to how much i get my dick sucked or whatever yeah like what a mean thing i was like here's the thing even if it works even if it works why do you want to just be mean like that's the thing i don't understand like like don't you think that if you're nice she'll sleep with you too like isn't that another option to get what you want? Like if the thing that you want is to have sex with your wife, it seems to me that like treating her like a human being and being kind will probably net you a greater result. And you can look at her face because she won't be tapping her fucking foot waiting for you to get over. Right? Be like, ugh, fine.

Stick it in there. Tell me when you're done you would think you would think you know just basic and you know the thing is like it just it just ignores the idea of basic relationships between people right it doesn't it doesn't never have i ever been in a relationship where i've been like yeah you know i gotta i gotta go home tonight and put a little dread in the little woman because she's been acting out. Like I never – who would think that? Terrible people. Because the thing is like I guess I always just think like, oh, I'm just – I'm like equals with the person I live with.

I mean – but it would be baffling to think otherwise. It would be – here's the thing. It would be a lesser life. I would – I'm a selfish person. be a lesser life. I'm a selfish person. I would have a lesser life if I agreed to have a partner that was lesser than myself. I don't even want to have friends. I'll just be real honest. I don't want to have friends that are less than than I am. I don't want to surround myself with people that are less than me. I want to surround myself with people that are better than I am. It helps me rise.

It helps my ship rise, right? Why would you surround yourself and be like, oh yeah, I'm married to somebody who's a fucking doormat and I treat her like a shitty doormat. Oh, okay. Great life you built for yourself, shithead. I don't want to get into debate about climate change, but I will just simply point out that I think in academia, we all agree that the temperature on Mars is exactly as

it is here. Nobody will dispute that. Yet there are no coal mines on Mars. There's no factories on Mars that I'm aware of. This story also comes from a raw story. It's got our favorite Ken Ham, creationist Ken Ham's bizarre rebuttal of Bill Nye. Climate change alarmists could push for mass killings. And the part of this article that I thought was interesting, he's responding to Bill Nye. Bill Nye had a video where he talks about, you know, five key points for viewers to remember about global warming. And it kind of went all over the place. Bill Nye is kind of becoming kind of a folk hero among uh you know the scientifically interested crowd um and ken ham can't stand it ken ham is just like he's just on fire about bill

nye which is pretty funny um because he's rebutting a a kid science show teacher and his comment, he says, does he realize that from his atheistic perspective, man is just an evolved animal? And in being consistent with an evolutionary survival of the fittest worldview, population alarmists could suggest mass killings or forced sterilizations as possible solutions

in reducing the population? Well, no. Nobody is suggesting that. Well, and what does he mean by mass killings? Like a flood or... Is that what he means by mass killings? Because I think somebody already did that in his perspective.

Right, and it was just, and it was right. Your God already did that. Yeah, right. And what these people don't understand is that they're saying, you know, like, you know, what is he going to suggest? Mass killings or forced sterilizations if you know in ways in reducing the population no what he's saying is that a bunch of people are going to die and that's a bad bunch of people are going to be displaced and then after they're displaced you know i mean if you just follow

the logical extensions that come with fucking global warming if we start talking about worst case scenarios we're talking about entire parts of the globe that are now currently producing a lot of growth when it comes to crops won't be doing the same sort of yield they would be and so we're also losing land to the sea etc all this stuff this stuff happens. People start starving. He's not saying they're going to do it ahead of time. Nobody's advocating that. What they're saying is that it's really going to suck for the very, very ultra poor. That's all that we're saying.

That's just absolutely true because the people that are poor are going to have the least means to move away from where their fucking shitty area is. Well, I don't have any money as it is. And my fucking house is now underwater. The fucking tiny hut I was able to fucking cobble together is under, underwater. Now, where do I go?

Well, nowhere. Because you're poor and you're just going to die. You know what I mean? Like, you don't have any fucking shelter. Sorry, there's no place for you. You know, the poor people are going to be the ones that are going to be affected by this the most. Way more than, you know, the rich can move. I have a fucking lakefront or lakefront, a fucking oceanfront condo in Miami.

Miami gets fucking submerged. If I had an oceanfront condo, chances are I had insurance. Even if I didn't, I still have enough money probably to get myself away from there. But if I don't have any other options the fucking real big deal when it comes to that and so he's not talking about mass killings now he's talking about fucking mass deaths later yeah this and this idea that because you know ken ham goes to this all the time he goes to this idea that you know that if you're an atheist that if you don't believe in in in any kind of a god he says you know he goes back to like oh you're just a

bag of chemicals you're an evolved animal and then and then he says that as if that as if the next and only logical extension from that is that there is no compassion for for our fellow man that there is no such thing as empathy that um if if evolution is a fact about how uh evolve, that species that are currently on our planet, like Homo sapiens, are unable to see one another in an empathetic light. And that's just simply not the case. Altruism is a feature of many social animals, and it's been shown to have evolutionary advantages. So altruism and empathy are built in. They're part of our makeup. We care about each other.

This idea that the only reason that we keep throws this shit out there every time is such a fucking tired old canard. This idea that like atheists, like they cannot care about their fellow man. They cannot be empathetic. They cannot have a worldview that uh decries violence or if they do that they're somehow being uh you know inconsistent or dishonest it's just it's just such garbage um i want to say i want to point this out too he says we certainly need to make sure this is ham speaking we certainly need to make sure that we don't fill our atmosphere with pollutants or punch holes in the ozone layer. But we also need to remember that our atmosphere was carefully put in place by our creator.

God knew exactly what kind of atmosphere we needed, and he gave us that atmosphere. Well, why not just give us a more durable atmosphere? Right. It's like giving your kid fucking cardboard fucking skateboard pads. Oh, yeah, you're protected for like one fucking wreck and then you're right yeah allah oh brian fisher rears his fucking silver-faced head again. All right, Brian Fisher, Obama letting UN impose Sharia law on U.S. cities.

This is a fucking challenge. This is a listener challenge. If you can get to the jump in logic that he arrives at and explain it to me. Yeah. First one that does it, I'll send you a shirt. All right, here we go. You ready? Here's Brian Fisher.

All right. But first it's going to be his bumbling producer is going to try to fumble his fuck his way through the story first. Apparently Loretta Lynch announced at the United Nations that her office would be working with several cities to form what they're calling the strong cities network now this is through the un obvious problems with this is that it would be overriding american laws in our constitution but it seems to be a legitimate story and of concern yeah it's really happening and i think one of the major concerns in there, you look at the goals of this thing and somewhere down in there is we've got to stamp out Islamophobia.

That's what we've got to do in these big cities. We've got to have a police force that can stamp out discrimination and Islamophobia. So what this is going to be, you want the short take on this Kenny, I think what this is about is it is about imposing Sharia law on all the major cities that are a part of this project. i think what this is about is it is about imposing sharia law on all the major cities

are a part of this project wait what what wait wait now they're gonna impose sharia law because it's somewhere down in there yeah so if i'm so the the the logic would go that if i am not islamophobic then the other option for me to have would be like, you're either Islamophobic or Sharia law. Those are it. That's it. Because if we're like, hey, you probably shouldn't be Islamophobic. Well, then we should definitely have Sharia law. What the fucking, what are you talking about?

How do we get there from here? What are you talking about? It's like saying like uh you know be better if you weren't lactose intolerant well i am made of ice cream yeah like fucking oh what is happening here way to make me want ice cream you always wanted ice cream kidding what yeah exactly you're just picking it's it's not it's two extremes right you have islamophobia and sharia law right two extremes sure and you're going from one to the other. You can't just go from, hey, how about we don't do either?

Right. How about we're not in Sharia law and how about we're not in Islamophobia? This is a guy whose mind only has an on and off switch and it's never on. All he wants to do is demonize people being tolerant because he doesn't like tolerance. He doesn't like tolerance when it comes to gay people. He doesn't like tolerance when it comes to anybody who's different, transgender people he doesn't like tolerance he doesn't like tolerance when it comes to gay people he doesn't like tolerance um when it comes to anybody who's different transgender people he doesn't like so why would he have any tolerance to people who think differently than him right yeah because he's he's the king of the slippery slope yeah

the guy's slope is a fucking slip and slide sure yeah like any fucking hill is like it's like fucking k2 right yeah it's just yeah fucking sprays astroglide on his shoes he's constantly what is he doing with his shoe hey that's up to him and his wife i'll tell you jeff anything else you want to add there well to go along with what you're saying the their concern in in this article is that it's by through the un who is driven largely by Sharia-enforcing Organization of Islamic Cooperation, or the OIC. Yeah, no question about it. Oh, no, none.

No, no question about it. Yeah, the UN Security Council has how many Islamic countries on it? None? I think that's zero. Yeah, zero. On the UN Security Council. It's the only fucking votes that matter. Like, all the rest of them are just like, we'd like to have it.

No, shut the fuck up. No, sit the fuck down. You're not in the security. No, fucking go lay down. Bad country. Bad country. You aren't going to get your dinner. And we're literally not going to airdrop food to you, is what we're saying.

I'm moving your food bowl up and onto the dryer. You get nothing. You know, you read about that and Janet, I'm sure, will talk about that. There's nothing more than a way to impose Sharia law on the largest cities in America under the guise of social justice

or doing something for the global community or doing something that is fair and right and just and all that kind of stuff. And all that kind of stupid fairness and rightness and justice all that kind of stuff. And all that kind of stupid fairness and justice. I hate so much that social justice is a bad word now. I hate it so much. And I hate what I hate more is people that I think should be more aware that social justice is a good thing rather than a bad thing.

that social justice is a good thing rather than a bad thing aren't aware of that and that they pass off entire people and arguments and not i mean not just arguments but people their entire you know an entire person can be passed off as not worth anything because they're a social justice warrior right and you're like well wait man they've got other things that they've said that are worthwhile. Maybe you disagree with something that they say. It's OK to disagree with people. It's not a bad thing that you disagree with people. That's not an evil.

That's not something. And you shouldn't be throwing entire people out and and people and labeling them as a movement that you're you're not going to disagree or agree with anything they say because they are part of a movement, that's just bad thinking. It's just bad thinking, and it's so prevalent. I don't know if it's been prevalent forever. I don't – I mean because I wasn't cognizant of any of this stuff more than 10 years ago. Yeah, right. I think that this is like – this is really just ad hominem under any other name.

Right. Like it's a way for you to dismiss all of somebody's arguments by dismissing the person first. Like, sure. Yeah, that person's the person's of this. And then we take this whole label, we apply it to this person and all of their thoughts, all of their arguments are fucking nothing to me now because they fall under this category. It's that's a it's at the very least, it's fucking lazy. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT.

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You fucking rock. So the story comes from Right Wing Watch. It's Ken Ham again. This is great. Ken Ham worries that if we allow gay marriage, people will stop wearing clothes. So here's Ken Ham. Here we are, we say in our churches often and in our Sunday schools, we say to kids, let's have a Bible story. We're going to have another Bible story.

So the trouble is the word story has sort of changed meaning in our modern vernacular. And the word story to many people today means fiction. It's not true. Kind of like theory, huh? Oh, yeah. Well, it's almost like theory then, huh? You say theory fucking willy-nilly. Well, let's start saying story willy-nilly when it comes to the Bible.

Oh, no, I'm offended. Oh, my God. These kids will go to public school or watch TV, PBS channel, learning channel, or whatever it is, and they get the idea, oh, we learn real stuff from TV, real stuff from school. What do we do at church? Well, we have stories. And I encourage them that they need to drop using the word story today and start to talk about when we're looking at the Bible, let's read this account of, let's read this record of. In other words, to emphasize it's a book of history.

Record. I know, right? Are you fucking serious, dude? Let's read the record of the talking snake. Let's read the record of when a guy blew a horn and knocked walls down. Let's read the true account of one of his very favorite stories, Noah's Ark, where a fucking tortoise from the Galapagos Islands somehow fucking meandered its way to the Middle East along with its super best friend so that they could hang out on a boat for a month.

Because Christianity is based in real history. It's a history you can trust. What are you talking about? It's a history you can trust. None of it happened. The Gospels don't even match each other. Even if you get out of the Old Testament, even if you leave that whole fucking book

of hate-filled violence behind you, the Old Testament, even if you... The fucking Gospels don't even match. They don't even all tell the same story. That's really what's happened in this day and age. The Bible has been attacked as a book of history. It's just a book of stories.

It's not a book of history. We have to help the generations that we're training up to understand it is a book of history. I mean, think about the issue of marriage, because that's a big one in our culture right now. I mean, if the history in Genesis is not true, then how do you define marriage? I mean, what do we do with marriage? Well, I think we're doing pretty good for the people who don't think that Genesis is true. Yeah.

What you do is you think about it, and then you make decisions based on those thoughts. Yeah. And that's how you do it. So what we're saying is that two consenting adults can be thoughts. Yeah. And that's how you do it. So what we're saying is that two consenting adults can be married. Yeah. Wow, that was real hard. Hold on a minute. Back up the train.

Super hard. Two consenting adults. But what if I wanted to marry my computer? Oh, wait. No, that doesn't fit in here. What if I wanted to marry an eight-year-old computer? No. Yeah, that works 100% of the time.

Pretty much. Yeah. Super easy. Wow. Well, I guess you've boiled it down. Well, you cracked that one. He's cracked the case. In Matthew 19, when Jesus was asked about marriage, he said,

Haven't you read he made them at the beginning male and female? And by the way, that's another issue today. Gender distinction. I mean, Jesus is gender distinction, male and female, right from the beginning. And he said, what about intersex people who have fucking both bits? I love that. They just ignore that as if everybody is born with fucking unambiguous fucking genitals. That's the case like what about intersex people who are born with fucking to be kind or or i don't know if it's being kind but you know at the ambiguous bits right like or both bits or whatever like sure because he makes you eat he basically is like oh it's running real easy bro like oh, except for the times when it's not, bro.

When a man is his father, mother, and cleave unto you your wife, you be one flesh based on the fact that the woman came from the man. Even in Corinthians, Paul talks about the woman is of the man. And so the doctrine of marriage is based there upon the literal history in Genesis. But if that history is not true, if there was no literal Adam and Eve, then what is marriage? Why is it to be a man and a woman? It's only a man and a woman because God invented marriage,

and he invented marriage when he made the first marriage, Adam and Eve, Adam from dust and woman from his side. Oh, my God. He believes. Do you think he believes this?

He's a dust bunny. See, God had one of those wands, those magic wand things, the static wand that you could just wipe on all your appliances. And then he shook it, and Adam just popped the fuck right out. Yeah, right? And that's, I mean, I guess, like, do I get a Playboy dust bunny? You can only make dudes with dust. You got to make women from ribs. I like ribs.

I like ribs, I like ribs too. And even think about the issue of clothing. I mean, the origin of clothing is right there in Genesis. God gave coats of skins to Adam and Eve because of sin. Personally, I believe that was the first blood sacrifices they're covering for their sin. A picture

of what was to come in Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. What the fuck did he just say? That's not stuff. I love it when they just jump into fucking preacher speak and you have to just sort of follow along. I can't. Can you make heads or tails of that shit? That's just all they're doing is quoting parts of the Bible to give themselves legitimacy.

God, it just sounds like fucking nothing. What it sounds like is an incantation of me. It sounds like fucking nothing it sounds what it sounds like is an incantation of me it sounds like they're warding away evil spirits when they say shit like that you know to me it sounds like reading like the like the least uh intelligible parts of like a hyper technical manual like oh i got fucking jiggawats in my wagaboos you know you're just like whatever man like i like the words just wash over me like yeah they don't mean anything wait clothes come from the bible oh well then why why would anybody have some clothes nobody thought of it before the bible man i don't know everybody's read everybody's

standing around at the newsstand naked and they're just reading they're like reading this thing fuck we should make clothes oh man fuck dude that's gonna be handy in the winter well if you abandon genesis of literal history for marriage and say marriage can be two men two women or whatever you want well why not abandon clothing and you know even in this nation right now we see a movement there's demonstrations with some women's groups in various parts of the country where they're saying if men can take their tops off why can't we and why not i mean right now we see a movement there's demonstrations with some women's groups in various parts of the country where they're saying if men can take their tops off why can't we and why not i mean where do you draw the lines unless there's an absolute authority that says we draw the line tom well

i tell you what i don't draw the line at women can't show their boobs because i'm pro boobs let me just throw that out there i want to be clear about my stance pro boobs. Boobs. Let me just throw that out there. I want to be clear about my stance. Pro boobs too, yo. With regard to boobs. Yeah. I'm 100% pro to boobs. Anyone that wants to show, literally anyone that wants to show me their boobs. Be like, all right, let's see them.

Yeah. And we're saying boobs, not moobs. Right now. not moobs. Right. It's like, it's always been the little women that caught the vision of giving beginning with Jesus himself out of their private means. Some of you little precious ones have that little grocery money.

Some of that little money set aside, assure tonight, the blessings of God on your family by giving it to god and speaking that say it god this is for blessings on my family so this story comes from right wing watch pat robertson husband should make financial decisions because god has made you the high priest of the family. This is Pat Robertson from the 700 Club. It's true because I have to sacrifice wet bowls every week. I have to get a soggy bowl.

I have to dip it in the sink. I'm glad I have my new sink. I have one of those sinks without the two bowls. It's just one big sink. I'm so happy now because I could fit most of the bowl in it, which is nice. It that's important yeah it's important that way you can do it in one part instead of two you know i'm a christian who is married to an unbeliever my wife is opposed to our giving ties to my local church and any other giving to charity she feels we can't afford it i'm the only member of the household who has a job and we live in a community property state so our assets are shared my question is should i be tithing on all of my paycheck or just my half of it oh you know

like it or not you're the head of the household and god has made you the high priest of the family he's also made you the grand poobah the high priest of the family he's made you the high priest of the family. He's made you the high priest and the great water buffalo of the family. I'm the grand dragon of the family. You're the Ku Klux Klan wizard of your own family. I'm the high priest of the family. You're the Fuhrer, if you will. As the high priest of this family, every now and again, I will support one of my neighbors over a burning volcano and cut him off. Shock the eggs.

Cut him off. And rip out their burning heart. But I feel like that's my prerogative. Think about the burning. The burning heart market has gone down for a long time. It really has. There's just no future, isn't it? There's nothing.

You know, the thing is, you just got to do it because you love it now. Yeah, now it's, now it's a, now it's a sort of a passion thing,

you know? It's a process. You know, it's one of those things where before you were just doing it for the daily grind and now you do it

because you love it. And you are a Christian and what comes into your paycheck is yours. And I think the fact that you want to bless your family, the best way to do it would be to have his blessing on you. And he said, you know, honor me with your tithes and offerings, and I'll open the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing. Wait, how is he going to pour us out a blessing through the window or with a window?

I'll open the windows, and i'll pour you out a blessing are those two separate acts like he's gonna like go to the window and then come back with a big brimming pitcher of blessings and pour that in or is he somehow is that connected where he's opening up the window and say urinating the blessing onto you like how does it work well it immediately made me think of a chamber pot. Back in ye olde times, you just tuck your chamber pot out the window and splash the fucking... I'll pour you out a blessing, you little shit.

There you go. All your time. You don't have to split it. All the money. Give me all the money. Of course. I'm Pat Robertson, and I want all your money. And even if he's not going to get any of this guy's money what he's doing is he's making sure that he wrecked that he's telling all the rest of his audience that i want some of that money so always tithe the full 10 because god will pour you out a blessing and if you don't

he'll pour you a giant glass to shut the fuck up he's the horn-headed dude in the red pajamas hey cecil tomorrow or Saturday, actually. This show will release Monday, so I guess two days. Yeah. Yeah. Two days ago was Halloween. Linda Harvey was probably pissing herself. Fucking pissing herself.

She locked herself up somewhere and hid. So it's a minute long. Linda Harvey talking about Satan going to be served your kids on a silver platter. about Satan going to be served your kids on a silver platter. It's Halloween time again, and parents need to use caution and discernment about their family's participation in Halloween events. Here's why. It's all about the spiritual safety of our children. Along with some harmless activities,

Halloween celebrates the spirits of darkness like no other annual event demons are real so is satan i have to save the demons that are real so is satan okay you say so bro oh no if you say something out loud that's exactly how you make things so we're fucking ouija boards or whatever yeah demons are real, man. That's it. So is Satan, though. So let's not get too rational. Here's the thing. I know that hell is real from driving through Indiana.

That's fucking I-65? No, no. It's not because of that billboard. It's because Indiana is hell. No, that's what I mean. All of I-65. The whole thing. That enormous stretch that smells like a fucking open meth sewer that is

that is indiana it's got this like weird combination like there's a huge like driving down i-65 through indiana there's a huge stretch of road that smells like fucking rotten meth mouth like for fucking it's amazing and you fucked enough meth mouth to know oh i know the smell yeah you know the smell i mean i i get a like i get a fucking chubby just out of remembrance just just it's not bad because they don't have any teeth oh yeah i mean you can really get a a good suction going no biting and these forces are more active than ever in recent times in america because we are inviting their activity in our lives how what because of gays tom because of gays i forgot about that yeah i was thinking about like like when i woke up this morning and i went

to work and then i worked all day and came home and took care of my family. I was wondering how that exactly was inviting Satan into my life. Like Satan's just like, oh, did Tom go to work? Sweet. Time to go to his house. Were you waiting for me to leave? He's like hiding behind the bushes. Right? Satan is like the fucking peeping Tom or something.

That suit. Looks like Steve-O. Fell off a cliff. So here's my question about Halloween. Why hand your children to dark spiritual powers on a silver platter? Free babysitting. That's why, motherfucker. I'll hand my children to literally anyone that will take them. Yeah.

I don't care. If they happen to have some sort of fetish with that will take them yeah i don't care if they happen to have some sort of fetish with silver no problem i don't care look if they want to fuck it if they're like uh can you truss up your eight-year-old and put an apple in his mouth and be like are you watching them for three hours because there's no way i'm leaving this movie early i didn't care if you text me that one of them's dead. I'm still staying till the end. It's over. Right. I'm not even going to be awake during the movie.

Yeah. I just want to nap somewhere safe. That's all I want. Oh, sure. Maybe your smaller children only collect candy at a few houses. But down the road, what will Halloween be in their lives? Well, they'll go house to house and get heroin. Yeah.

That's how this works. Yeah. At 12 years old, you're house to house and get heroin. Yeah. That's how this works. Yeah, at 12 years old, you're getting lewds and heroin. Yeah. I was just trick-or-treating. It was just fucking blowjobs from hookers. That's all it was. Trick-or-treat. You just fucking stick your cock in the glory hole.

It's sure to evolve into trick-or-treating with friends minus parents and then parties. Well, what goes on at a Halloween party? What does go on at a halloween party i'm firing i don't know i'm having for apples maybe oh my god remember that halloween party you went to and you're like oh yeah i'm gonna fucking normally i wouldn't do this stuff but since it's halloween let's kill a baby have you ever successfully bobbed for an apple? No, I don't think anyone's ever done it. I contend. You need like a hippopotamus model in order to do that.

Right? Like, I have no idea how you could actually do that. It's just a practical joke. Like, it's just a way for people to waterboard themselves at your house. I was thinking, why? Because it's not a thing. No, it can't be done. The apple is just like, fuck you, bro. I'm out of here.

It just bounces down. And then you just follow it down't be done the apple is just like fuck you bro i'm out of here just bounces down and then you just follow it down like a fucking idiot fish and then you slam your face into it i i you know i take that back i have seen one person do it but they they pressed it up against the side of the thing yeah then just cram your teeth and cram your teeth on it yeah and then the whole time you have to know like i'm sticking my fucking gaping maw in this fucking apple water that everybody else is opening their fucking mouth meningitis factory is what it is like everybody's like you may as well just all just be like all right raise your hand and let's all give each other disease it's bobbing for ebola you know so from right wing watch michael savage obama acting like hitler but attacking white men it's

a really long clip and i really don't want to play five minutes worth of michael savage so i want to play the second clip okay he just reads the headlines and says shitty things okay this is this is michael savage reading the headlines with one to two word answers to all the headlines basically like no shit uh this country sucks so here we go it's michael sanders chicago police illegal alien rape sleeping woman isn't that part of their lifestyle what what what isn't that part of their lifestyle? Part of their lifestyle? Yeah. What he doesn't mention is that she was raped by a bunch of immigrant women and children. Wow. People from other countries.

Hey, they're animals. Am I right? All right. Moving on. Hey, guys. How about those mutts from other countries? All right, moving on. Hey, guys.

How about those mutts from other countries? Disgusting fucking subhumans from other countries not being privileged enough to have been accidentally born here like I was. Isn't that amazing? Wow. Holy shit. Part of their lifestyle. Just part of the lifestyle. That's fucking living the life, baby.

Hey, YOLO. Next story. Sanctuary cities on the rise, releasing more than 9,000 criminals in the U.S. illegally. Isn't that the object? Is to intimidate the population? What happened there? Did he fall asleep and start snoring? No, I think he's snorting up his own his own jokes in the back of his mouth there and you know

spit those out next story murdered woman hanging from fence mistaken for halloween decoration isn't that normal in chicago next story yes it is actually it's totally normal i walk by several dead bodies every day on my way to work it's like fucking it's like uh stand by me my every every day i poke a dead person with a stick on the way to work every single day every day on my way to work is a coming of age story as i travel i follow the tracks on my way to work poke a dead guy sit outside play harmonica my other buddy to play it tells a story about how some other people puked one time yeah it's it's it's magical every day i'm away to work it's magical i mean there's a dead person but hey fbi director says islamic state is recruiting 24 hours a day in all 50 states is that the object i

mean why is he telling us this for what what is he isn't that the object? And also like fucking what are you just like? Do people who recruit for subversive terrorist organizations fucking do they just recruit only during business hours? Right. Like I'm supposed to think like, oh, 730. I can't believe I got a call from ISIS. No way. It's going to take me now. The customer service at ISIS is amazing. I mean, I called him.

He called me back in 30 minutes. It was after 5 o'clock. You know, he fucking, that dude fucking Allah Akbar'd me at fucking 9.15 on a Sunday. Why would the FBI director put out a story like that? He said hundreds of people are consuming social media efforts to either draw them overseas to join the extremists or if you can't come kill where you are fbi director comey said uh then why aren't you stopping it sir why aren't you hacking into these individuals and arresting them sir what is hold on hacking into them and arresting them seems like you're

getting that backwards shouldn't you arrest them first and hack into them and arresting them? Seems like you're getting that backwards. Shouldn't you arrest them first and hack into them afterwards? No, that's how the ISIS people do it. Oh, I got you. I mix them up. Yeah, right. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. So this story comes from the Washington Post. It's really weird. Amish man sues to buy firearm without photo ID in gun rights, religious freedom lawsuit. And really, I just posted this story because I fucking hate the Amish. And one

more opportunity for me to hate on the Amish. I will take for sure. I even hate the fucking Shutterstock picture of the fucking Amish guy in his buggy. What drives me crazy about that picture is the fucking reflector on the back. Yeah, I don't think that's a ye olde reflector. What the fuck, man? Take your fucking chances. You're in a goddamn buggy with your suspenders and your old ass hat and your fucking archaic ass fucking horse that's pulling you down a goddamn paved road. And you have a reflector like that on there?

I feel like you shouldn't be able to use the paved road and you have a reflector like that on there i feel like you shouldn't be able to use the paved road also you know looking at this looking at this picture makes me think like what the fuck do you want to like a modern gun for can't you forge yourself up a fucking gun can't you like all your buddies like you know you pushed your fucking barn up last weekend why don't you fucking like get together and forge a weapon? Right? Get it done, motherfucker. You forge wheels?

What's a gun? It's a fucking tube with a stick that pokes into one end of it. Get it done, stupid. You should make a fucking zip gun. Fucking Amish zip guns. Amish zip guns. That's what they ought to have. But they can't have zippers, though.

So there's no way you can have a zip gun. It's an Amish button gun. It takes 16 people to pull the trigger. They all kind of get together. Button gun. This fucking Amish dude filed a federal lawsuit because he wants to buy a gun. He doesn't want to get his fucking picture taken. Yeah, he doesn't want to get his picture taken.

What I think about this story, I think it's hilarious. There's, you know, there's somebody fighting to have no ID whatsoever to take a picture, to get a gun, right? They want to have no ID or really no, I mean, no functional ID. Right. Because he won't get his picture taken. If you don't have a picture ID, you don't have a a fucking id because he thinks that's idolatry right he thinks that's from the bible where you're not allowed to have like graven images or whatever um but uh but when when they say like oh you basically you could have no id and nobody's advocating this except for one guy

with a extra long beard the rest the rest of world, the rest of sane, the sane world is saying, no, that's not, no. No, I'm not going to do that. No, that's a dumb idea. That's a horrible idea. But it struck me that, you know, when it comes to firearms, someone will go so far as to say, I don't want to have any ID whatsoever. But when you go to like voting there's like no you got to have an id right right no we're not the fraud that doesn't exist you know if you want to get a gun like fucking meet the minimum requirement called someone took my picture

to make sure it was really me it's not a very difficult barrier to entry right turns out right it's ridiculous he's gotta go back to his amish village and have someone sketch him and then he'll bring that but they can't do it they gotta do it in candlelight you know actually i was thinking about this though like how would an amish dude actually even get like something like a state id do they have a birth certificate well they were saying that he has he does have an id but it just doesn't have his picture on it. Cause he won't take a picture. Well,

sure. He does have an ID, but it's like a, it's some bullshit ID. Yeah. Right. It's like, who do these people have bank accounts?

You think? I don't know. Do they, I mean, I have to think that they do because they have the fucking, they have businesses, right? They sell their fucking jams and jellies and fucking furniture and all that

fucking garbage. Can I chase quick pay them? I'll PayPal you, bro. Oh, no, you don't have to get out your smartphone. You got a credit card. You got a swipe. No, I guess. Oh, you got you got fucking square on there.

You got nothing because you still think it's the fucking 1600s. You liars. That's all. It'll be great is if they fucking if this stupid shit went to court and the judge just said you know what fuck this quit pretending we're shuttling all you fucking idiots out and they just they just had a whole bunch of people shoo all the amish just you go go go go go and this made them all go back into the real world and get actual jobs and educate their fucking children and stop riding fucking horses to work like it's the fucking past.

Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. Oh, this story is fucked up. It's from Business Insider. An Orthodox bishop blesses Russian missiles for airstrikes. The Fox Bishop blesses Russian missiles for airstrikes. What I love about this picture is that I can't really pick out the missile in this picture.

Is it the dude with the hat, the weird bulbous hat? He's so big. Yeah, dude. Look at the size of that. He's got a big cloak, but he is a fat ass dude. Dude, look at that thing. Cloaks add like 40 pounds. Dude, there's so much yardage of cloth. No shit, man.

Involved in that thing. He's like a whole Joanne Fabrics. Look at that. He's got his fucking scepter and his fucking weird hat. I love those little bulbous hats those are yeah those are like uncircumcised peepee hats and he's standing in front of a missile blessing the missile i'll tell you i think that this is no different than the pork bullets thing that we were talking about before oh it isn't and the crusader ar-15 with the Bible verse on it.

This is the same shit. It is. But it's hyper insulting. It is incredibly. But here's the thing. Doesn't this go against the tenets of the New Testament Christianity?

If you're a New Testament Christian Aren't you a Jesus? Are you saying this guy's new at all? You got me there. Of all the old-timey guys I've seen today, this guy got carried there. I like all the fucking cassock priests behind him. Jesus. They're all going to do that fucking leg dancing thing afterwards.

It's like a fucking Jackie Chan movie back there. It's crazy. It's like a fucking Jackie Chan movie back there. It's crazy. A blessing of missile. May this only blow up and murder the children of our enemies, not the children of our allies. They're totally propping up Assad, too. Right?

Oh, I know this guy. Oh, we're going after ISIS. And then they're just fucking they're just killing. This whole thing is a proxy war. It's this weird proxy war. It's super strange. Syria is the worst place on earth right now. Yeah, God. And, you know, it's like, look at Syria and ask yourself how shoving missiles over there

is going to fix any of it. Well, let's just bless the missiles. Just look down a road. Bless a piece of food and send it over. Look down the road, man. Just every picture. Have you seen some of these? They do this on the internet.

Sometimes they'll show a picture of what it looked like three years ago, and then they'll show a picture of it now. And it's like three years ago, and you're like, that looks like, oh, my God, look at it now. There's nothing there. That could be right down the street from you. Right. In any town USA. And then you look, well, not any town, certainly not the South, but probably some place in the North. And you look at it and you say, it suddenly looks like fucking, it looks like Armageddon afterwards.

It's barrel bombed, blown out. No fucking, no structure anywhere, just completely decimated. How the fuck is shoving more missiles going to do any help? Jesus loved the missiles. Can't you just – I mean I understand they're going to – it's not just missiles because they're sending tanks over there and people and whatever they're going to do. I understand that it's a war zone. But at the same time, man, like there's got to be you know just just shooting missiles into the area of a place that needs no more explosion it's like there's like you've

already blown this up once we don't have anything yeah it there's literally nothing left to explode here like crazy you can't rubble my rubble unless you're the hamblar. Then you could robble my robble all day. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! So this story's just dumb.

It's from the Moscow Times. Russian Orthodox official warns eating potato chips is sinful. Orthodox believers should shun unhealthy foods such as potato chips and products made by corrupt manufacturers because they are sinful. The church has laid down a strict rule. Sin is that which maximally benefits human good or minimizes suffering. Like if that's really – if that was like the new definition of sin is sin is that which harms human health, I'd kind of be down with that. That'd be the only sin concept that I think I could get down with. When I was reading this, one of the things that he says in here,

he says genetically modified products are included on the list. And this guy said, adding that not only severely harm a person, but also their offspring. I'm like, no, dude, they don't modify your genes in the process of eating it it's not like it's not like I eat it and I got down syndrome from a bag of chips or something like he doesn't understand genetically modified foods work I know how the fuck does it harm your offspring we made shit that's so fucking crazy that when we create a kid, it fucks the kid up.

I ate potato chips and it fucking ruined my sperm. No, but it makes your sperm so fucked up that when you fuck your wife, it creates a little mutant kid. It's like little fucking flippers for hands. Kids have like a little Pringles kid. Like a little Pring little mutant kid. It's like little fucking flippers for hands. You just have like a little Pringles kid. Like the little Pringles face kid. You have Mr. Peanut. Just pops out of there. It's just, you're just fucking shooting Cheetos out of that thing.

Exactly. You have Cheeto, the Cheetah comes out of there. Chester the Cheetah comes out of there. You got a whole, like you'll have a whole clan of just celebrity snack food mascots. It's a beautiful Captain Crunch. Oh, look at him. I can't wait to introduce him to his brother, Count Jocula. Get on in here, Hamburglar.

I don't like it. You read this and it's like, you misunderstand genetically modified so badly that you think it modifies my genes when I eat it. It modifies your genes. I mean, you're like, I became a werewolf. What the fuck? I wasn't expecting that. You, like, fucking put a pringle in your mouth you turn into a woman you're like what the hell happened you turn into a woman you're like well i'm gonna need some time alone i got a new i heard i sure hope someone instills me with dread

well i'm gonna do some shit but i'm not to look at my own face, I'll tell you that much. So I want to thank, of course, all of our patrons. We are dollars away from a patron-only show. Tom and I, I think, are probably going to put one together even if we're not at that at that level soon um just to show the patrons uh that we that we do appreciate them um so expect to post on patreon later on probably uh probably after this post we're going to ask you guys for uh for either ideas on what kind of show we should do or an idea on if you guys have specific stories you want us to cover. We're going to see if the patrons want to run this show a little bit.

So we're going to post to Patreon this week. So if you are a patron, be sure to check Patreon after this show posts. I would say maybe middle of the week, check Patreon. But we want to thank our patrons, of course. We want to thank the most recent ones, specifically. We want to thank Jeff, Emily, Haley, Janice, Willie, Eric, Dave, Jennifer, Ryan, Mara, Gareth, and Simon. Thank you all so very much for your generous donations. Thank you. We got a PayPal donation from Albert. Albert, thank you kindly. Thank you. We got a PayPal donation from Albert. Albert, thank you kindly.

We got an interesting message from Johnny. Tom is coming across some shirts and he found our shirts. He says, hey, guys, love the show. Been listening for the last year and I'm very grateful for the voices of reason. I work at a place that handles primarily band merchandise. And for some reason, it's all that death metal shit. After working there for six months i found the first item a shirt that had something i recognized and had heard before a cognitive dissonance tea right next to pig destroyer dying fetus and cattle decapitation etc not only did i find that that was pretty funny at the time it came full circle months later when i first heard

their shitty music on your show that's awesome that's awesome well and this is my favorite line well i've never seen your t-shirt sell i also have not seen a spike in their album sales that's awesome that's great super funny that's very great thank you got a message from uh jive and jive says while listening to the podcast the other day, I went to the bathroom. You started talking about amputees, and I began laughing out loud. As I sat on the throne, it was all quite hilarious. And then when you said, rumple stump skin or stumple still skin, it was almost too funny.

Then I looked down to see my shriveled, stumpy, uncircumcised dick, and, well, stumple still skin wasn't funny anymore. You know, gotta i gotta object to that because i'm the one with the amputated penis i'm the one i'm the one missing my foreskin you fuck oh tom holy shit sam sent us a message tom uh about uh congo and child witches he says hey lad sam here huge fan i'm originally from Kenya, so this gives more credibility in discussing all matters Africa. I love that.

I love that. And I have some insight into the practice of abandoning kids in the Congo. The interesting part of this whole situation is that once abandoned, these kids have a better chance of having a better material life because they are picked up by rebel groups and become soldiers.

Oh, no. Makes me so sad. This way, they get well-fed, good medicine, and overall better stuff materially. But there is the slight problem of dying in a war and slowly becoming a rapey psychopath. Oh, no. Come to think of it. You know, in that short sentence,

he really pinpoints all the downfalls of child soldiers. Oh, my God. It's almost like a child soldier haiku. It's so perfect. Well, thank you, Sam, for making me cry and feel dead inside. That's great. It's so fucking awful. That great so fucking awesome yeah we got a message from rob and rob says please explain and then he sends us a message about how we didn't

cover a story about an assault that happened in new york um there was these christians and they uh the kid got beaten did he get beaten to death in that case got beaten to death um and then they're putting all these people on trial and uh when that story first came out we didn't have uh much information to go on it just was this weird we didn't know if it was an exorcism that went wrong or if it was just we didn't know what the hell it was yep um and so it was a couple weeks ago and uh and when it first came out, we put it in the notes. Tom put it in the notes and we went over it and we decided not to do it. And we do that with a lot of stories. Yep.

Tons of them. But, you know, there's many stories every week that we go over and we see and we say, no, that's not – we're not going to cover that one or we're not going to do that one or there's not enough information on this one. And so it gets either put on the back burner or forgotten about. In this case, this one was forgotten about. There's other times, too, that we cover things and they turn out not to be funny or interesting. So they don't make the cut in the show and they never wind up as extras because we just don't think that they're worth giving to anybody else. Tom and I will cover stories that there's no good jokes. There's no good insight. There's no good insight.

It's just maybe it's us just sounding mad and weird and uninteresting and then just gets – it gets deleted. We just – those are ones that absolutely wind up on the cutting room floor. So if we do – first off, we're not a comprehensive news coverage by any means anyway. If we miss a story, especially when it gets a lot of press um understand that there may be other reasons involved yeah and it could be that we didn't miss it at all we maybe maybe we talked about the story you know just didn't make it we got an interesting message i don't know that we can mention and we can't mention any names um but we got a message i'm going to try to sum this email up. This person sent us an email and said that they started doing a business.

The business they got into had to do with food. Not just food, but actually working on recipes and cookbooks and things like that. And they started doing this work. And one of the problems that they run into is that they seem like they're the only sane people in this group they're talking about some really simple stuff nothing they're not it's not woo based at all i'm going to read directly here it says we know that many of our followers including some of our friends are anti-vaccine pro-alternative medicine including some self-diagnosis and alternative diagnosis uh Many are Monsanto, FDA, blog, pharma conspiracy theorists.

There are many who are evangelical homeschoolers. Most of all, the majority believe that if you eat the right foods, you will not get sick ever. And so this person says, I've never said any of that sort of thing ever. I've never even broached the topic. This person says, I've never said any of that sort of thing ever. I've never even broached the topic. But I've always really wanted to tell people just to be healthy, just to eat healthy food.

And then this person is asking what they should do because they feel stuck in a community that they don't really think like. Right. They don't identify with this community, but they feel like stuck in this community because they they used probably used some buzzwords that fit them right in with this community and this is a really i mean that's a difficult thing because you know when you're talking about making your living um i think we all lie a little bit right i think no matter what we're all gonna lie a little bit you know if somebody if my boss looks at me and be like, so you like your job? I'm going to say, yes, I like my job. You know what I mean? Like fucking love it. Like do so bad. All I want to do is sit home, play Guild Wars two.

It's like, yeah, that's what I want to do, but I'm going to go to work. You know what I mean? Like, because I got to pay my bills and I've got to, you know, I'm getting paid to do this. It's not like I want to go to work every day. It's a bonus if you can enjoy your work. And there are some people who do enjoy their work. I'm not saying that that person doesn't exist, but work every day it's a bonus if you can enjoy your work and there are some people who do enjoy their work i'm not saying that that person doesn't exist but i'm saying there's a lot of people who don't and a lot of people who lie a little bit um and that's okay

you know i think it would be intellectually dishonest to lie to people and say that you know you can cure yourself with food but i understand the predicaments you're in where you don't want to scare people away specifically people who would you're in where you don't want to scare people away specifically people who would you know who are you know helping pay your bills yeah and i think that there's a difference between he says i've censored myself for not broached a topic because i didn't want to offend people who give me money who doesn't do that that's normal i think that's entirely normal you know will i would i tell my boss about this show, for example? Fuck no, I'm not going to tell my boss about this show.

Are you kidding me? He watches Fox News and he's a Republican. I like the guy. He's a nice guy. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. But I would never tell him about this show. Never in a million fucking years. That's a topic I won't broach i have people that are very

close to me that believe all kinds of crazy shit sure i just don't bring it up i just i just avoid it yeah the thing is is i you know as long as you're not spreading this stuff i don't think that there's any problem i mean you don't have to be an advocate against it right you don't have to fight things you can pick your battles you can choose not to give your money to somebody who's gonna you know who who would be you know you think would be you know like that woman who was in fucking australia was like i fucking i ate a fucking salad and now i'm better from cancer you know like that lady it's like okay well that lady you know she was clearly bilking her followers out of lots and lots of money by, you know, lying to them.

That's dishonest. That's awful. That's a bad person. If you're just saying, you know, hey, you should be healthy. And that's I mean, that's a fucking real simple thing. Right. Then I don't think that there's any problem with it. You don't have to fight a battle.

You don't have to be a fighter. You can just be somebody who earns some money. And the other thing, too, is like you can fight a battle, but you can choose your venue. Like you can choose where and when you fight. I mean it's perfectly fine. I don't think that there's anything dishonest about choosing the context of your conversations. And also just because people that are your friends, your close friends and stuff believe different stuff than you doesn't mean that they're they're dumb or they're bad people they just have a different belief than you you know my wife and i when we first met she was very

religious she's not as religious now but we when we first met she was very religious we got off along just fine so you know like the idea that you know you can't get along with people who have these very different ideas sure you can sure know, you can't get along with people who have these very different ideas. Sure, you can. Sure. Absolutely. No problem. Like I get along with people all the time with very, very different ideas than me. I just don't talk about that stuff with them.

And if I do, I just make sure that I'm never saying anything that I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right. You got to watch out for them GMOs. I don't say any stuff like that i just i just nod and smile we got a a message from from hans he says i'm gonna read the beginning he says i like your podcast i listen all your podcast in episode 257 one of you said something that shocked me when you said when you spoke of the prison system and its punishment is it so bad in the usa that you think everyone who goes to prison deserves bad treatment, that they deserve to be raped, beaten up, and general bad treatment? It serves them right, you think.

No, I don't think that. I don't think either of us said that. I think what we were talking about was people who can't choose their punishment, we mentioned that, that you shouldn't be allowed to choose your punishment. And if you killed someone and you wanted to die, we don't think that you first off should be able to choose the punishment. But also secondly, if you did do something like that and you wound up in prison, that that wouldn't be a bad place for you. And that, and I don't think, I think I might've even said something like, well, you, you know, you, you shouldn't be able to choose a lesser punishment in that case because it, you know, maybe staying alive is worse. Uh, you shouldn't be able to choose a lesser or a greater punishment. I think you're, you know, you're picking one thing that we say and people

do that. People have, people seem to obsess on some certain things that we say you're picking one thing that you we say and sort of blanket placing that blanket over everything listen to most of our shows and listen especially when we talk about the prison system in this country the prison system in this country is a vengeance-based system it's not a rehabilitation system And both Tom and I have decried it many, many, many, many, many, many times. You know, there's some, there's some terrible stuff that goes on in our prisons. I don't think we are nearly as enlightened as a lot of the rest of the world. In your email, you talk about how, you know, there's, you know, you can't get more than 21 years and they try to rehabilitate people. Yes, absolutely. I think rehabilitation is the way to go.

I think in many of those cases, there's ways to rehabilitate people and stop them from, stop recidivism, stop those bad things from happening over and over and over again, getting in cycles of violence and cycles of crime. And like you say, rape and beatings and all that and fucking joining gangs and getting shanked and fucking, it's just terrible shit.

It's just terrible, terrible, terrible. I don't know where you got that from but that's not that's not something we think yeah i think cecil and i both agree that i think one of the things the prison in america does best is create better criminals um it creates lifelong criminals and that's and that's deeply deeply troubling and problematic and i don't believe in the inhumane treatment of of anybody whether they are a prisoner or not a prisoner i will say though on the flip side i i have trouble with the idea that like that brevik dude in norway who is the you know largest mass murderer in human history i think like the guy who shot up that whole island full of kids. Yeah, yeah. Gets 21 years?

Well, I mean, I don't know. Is he going to get 21 years? Yeah. Okay, well. He gets 21 years. That I find troubling. I do find that troubling. I'm not, I just, I find that troubling.

I know I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I have the answers, but I find it very troubling that a 30, you know, 35 year old guy can be walking around at 56 years old, a free man having murdered, you know, dozens of people. I find that incredibly troubling. Tom, a couple of people sent us this. There's a seven foot long earthworm. And so you have to change the skeptics creed, they're saying. Yeah. So the skeptics creed, just saying yeah so the skeptics creed just so you guys know i get we get emails about this from time to time i know there's

giant earthworms i know that there are um the skeptics creed refers to mongolian death worms it actually refers back to a story cecil and i covered 235 million years ago when we first like did this show god it must have been on everyone's critic days. It was because when we started this show, Doubting Thomas was the end. From the very beginning. So that poem was written and it referenced the giant Mongolian death worm, which is not a real thing, but we covered

a story that they were going to send an expedition, if I recall the story correctly. Yeah, an expedition. It came up empty-handed, it turns out. Yeah, imagine such a thing, to find the ancient Mongolian death worm that spat venom or some shit. It was fucking just wild. But we get emails like this from time to time about this,

and we get emails where people take issue with the word dolphins in there um i know that there really are dolphins uh it's uh it is a poem there's a certain amount of license there or uh abstraction that has to be inferred so there are people who believe dolphins you know have magic healing powers i've seen videos of people giving birth in the ocean near dolphins huh yeah um i've seen i've seen that's people giving birth in the ocean near dolphins. Huh? Yeah. I've seen. That sounds like chum in the water, isn't it? Dude, that's a fucking predator.

Like, let's not pretend that the dolphin, it's not a fucking vegetarian dolphin. It's so crazy. People treat dolphins like they're like fucking space puppies of the sea or something like it's so weird like they're like they're like quantum space puppies of the sea like people treat dolphins in weird ways so so we got a message um from neil and neil uh was telling us that uh about the dangers of chiropractic and he says uh you know you can get a he basically quotes a a an article or a book where they talk about how you can get um fucked up if you get your neck cracked you can severely fuck yourself up um and uh and yeah we know we've talked about the dangers of chiropractic

many many times on this show uh we're not doctors and we never give medical advice. So when the person called in and said that they had chiropractic done and I related the single piece of anecdotal data that I have, none of that was an endorsement of chiropractic. It was just a story I was relating. I was not endorsing anything. All I was saying was that the studies, there are studies that show that it works, that lower back pain can be treated with chiropractic and it has a better chance of working than placebo. That's it. That's all there is to it. I don't know. The rest of it, there's no studies that show that it's good for the diabetes like we talked about.

It's just not good for that. So we're not endorsing it um we're not talking i'm not talking about it in any way other than i related a single anecdote so patreon came out with a mobile app yeah they came out with a mobile app um they said uh i want to read this from their own email they sent us it says this is fucking amazing this is amazing this shows you own email they sent us. This is fucking amazing. This is amazing. This shows you what kind of fucking clown car Patreon is. Jesus Christ. Get your shit together. It's so bad.

It says, the most important is going to be an introduction to Patreon for brand new users. We'd also like a better audio player for creators to be able to make paid posts, a less hectic and more streamlined live chat experience, and plenty more polish and bug fixes. Yeah, all right. So it sucks. And I downloaded it, and I think it sucks. It does suck. It's not very good. I will say that it will get you in to listen to our show, but there's no player.

So it just plays natively whatever you would have played before right so if it would have played like on iphone there's no actual player player it just kind of just opens up like the weird quick time window which is huge and it's the whole screen it doesn't have anything except for it's black it's the worst player it's the worst thing it's the worst thing if it fucking if like if like your fucking lithium ion battery blew up in your face it would be better than this fucking app that's all i'm saying to be fair it did take them like two years to put it together last year these fuck nuts last goddamn year they get they get this uh they get a fucking burger jillion dollars donated or

invested in them and then they go up and they're like we're gonna make an app and it takes them a full year plus to put this shit ball app together and it's terrible so bad and you know here's the other thing people you got to understand that patreon takes when you guys donate money to us like patreon takes a large portion of that money. It's not like a, it's not a tiny little portion. They, they cut 5% off the top and then they charge us credit card fees. So there's a, there's a goodly sum of that money that just goes right away. They don't, they don't pick up the credit card fees that they charge a credit card fees to us. And then they also take money directly off the top so it's so

we've been paying them way more than we pay anything else for the entire year and they what they deliver to us is this abortion of an app that is terrible so in the future in the in the in the in the future we are going to be um spreading out from patreon Patreon had a data breach recently. They don't store credit cards, so there was no credit card breach. They use a, I forget what it is, there's a square or something like that to do their credit cards. I forget what it wanted. It's a company that does their credit cards. So they send you somewhere else to get credit card information. So they don't store any of that. But they do store your password and your name and shit. And somebody had sent us an email and said, hey, I'm an atheist and I'm worried that my name got out there and now they would associate with the show. I wouldn't – that seems like a lot of work for somebody who is really just looking for passwords so they can break into your email and see if you mistakenly left your credit card information in there.

They're not looking to out atheists because they're listening to to out atheists because they're not going to do that. That seems like a lot of work for somebody who is going to break into the back end of Patreon. I wouldn't worry about that. I also wouldn't worry about your credit card information. Like I said, your credit card information is not stored there. But there was a data breach there. So we are looking at alternatives.

We are looking to expand past Patreon. We are looking at alternatives. We are looking to expand past Patreon. Once something Patreon-like comes around that is better, we are going to start posting there also and inviting people to go to there instead if they choose. We ask that you bear with us during this time. We're sorry that Patreon is in a better system, but it's the only system we have right now. It won't be in the future, but it is right now. So we thank you all for bearing with us. We were on a show last week. The guys from Atheism 101 invited us to come on,

Matt and Tim, and we played Bible Jeopardy and played and just had a good time and just we talked about some stuff. They interviewed us. They tried to stay away from all the real common stuff and we just sort of jib jab for a while and had a really good time talking to them. So I'm going to post the link to

that show, the Atheism 101 show on this week's show notes. If you have a chance to check it out, there are a couple of really great guys. Very, very nice. Very funny guys. We had a lot of fun hanging out with them. It was a couple of really great guys, very, very nice, very funny guys. We had a lot of fun hanging out with them. It was a great time. I enjoyed that show.

I had a fun time doing that show. Laughed quite a lot. We also did a promo for the Atheist Apocalypse show. So if you're listening to Atheist Apocalypse, that's done by a bunch of different podcasters who are getting together. It's a huge crew full of people. One of the more notable ones is Paul from Koranify Me is working on that project with a bunch of other podcasters. But we just did a promo for them. So if you listen to that show, check for us in the near future there too.

I think that's it, Tom. That's it. See, so we've done enough damage here tonight well uh we're going to be back next week um we might not have a midweek show next week it might be a very busy couple of weeks for us so we might just uh only be able to do that patron only show and then uh and then not do a midweek show and then try to catch up later on in the month um but we're gonna whether or not we that, we are definitively going to leave you with the skeptics' creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue,

hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms,

Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives,

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