Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 261: Love of Water Balloons

Episode Date: November 23, 2015

 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey, Cecil and Tom. Greg here from Australia. How you going? Love the show. Couldn't help but notice a reference to a Chicago punk band in the latest episode. I think Cecil let slip, there's a fungus among us.

So was that about screeching weasel? Well, perhaps not. But anyway, keep up the good work. Glory hole, mother flippers. Hey, guys. This is Todd down in Austin, Texas. I was cracking up when you guys were talking about bathroom behavior. I was cracking up when you guys were talking about bathroom behavior.

A buddy of mine used to have a guy that he worked with that would freak everybody out because he would be in the stall taking a dump, and then someone would walk in, and he would say, hey, John, what's going on? Or, hey, Brad, what's happening? And no one could figure out how the hell he was doing it because you couldn't see out of the stall. So eventually someone got pissed and reported him to HR and when the woman interviewed him to ask him what was going on, the reason he knew who everybody was is because he had memorized their shoes. Okay, that's some fucked up shit.

Anyway, go to hell, dudes. Thanks for all you do. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.

It's skeptical, it's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 261 of Cognitive Dissonance. What a weekend, huh? Yeah, right? Jesus, Ronda Rousey. I can't believe she lost that. What the fuck? That was the big news that came out this week. Holy shit.

She did, though. She got knocked the fuck out, dude. She got knocked the fuck out, yo. Brutal. That is not a win. Speaking of brutal. Oh, God, what a segue. What a segue.

So, obviously, we have to talk about Paris. Yeah. We have to talk about Paris for so many reasons, I think. You know, I don't even know where to start with this story. Obviously everybody knows about the terrorist attack that took place in Paris over the weekend. I think it's 120 or 123. I'm not sure what the exact death toll is. In the article it says 129.

Okay. That number seems to be a bit of a moving target. And that's to be expected I think with these sorts of things. The numbers are often moving targets. I'm going to ask you a question.

When it happened? Now, you were fencing all weekend, correct? Yeah, I was busy all weekend. So when it happened, I had just gotten through a batch of traffic. I wasn't listening to the radio. I saw my phone go off, and it gave me a BBC alert of something really bad happened in Paris, but it really was kind of vague. And I was driving, so I just kind of half glanced at it when my phone went off. I was listening to the Martian book, so I was busy. And then when I got there, a bunch of people came up to me and immediately asked me if I knew what was going on.

Oh, really? Yeah, so everybody had been watching the news and everybody had already known. So when you found out about the attack, did you think for a moment that it wouldn't have been ISIS or al-Qaeda? Oh, God, no. Immediately. Yeah, immediately. And they were still speculating when I found out about it. Right.

But I would have been shocked if it wasn't. And I know that like, you know, I want to talk about that because I want to talk about Islamophobia and prejudice a little bit. And, you know, my initial reaction, if I'm being very honest, I did not have a perfectly open mind. I did not think, man, we have to wait for all the facts are in before we can assume who did it. Like, I thought my immediate thought was, well, we're certainly going to find out it's it's

an Islamic terrorist group. Right. I mean, no part of me for even a moment didn't think that it was going to be an Islamic terrorist. And I remember thinking like, well, I should you know, I mean, I should hold an open mind and I thought, well, I should. But if I'm being honest with myself which i need to try to do i think it's probably islamic terrorists and then of course it turns out to be islamic

terrorists i guess i wonder what the what the big deal of thinking it would be anyway because i'm not acting on that it's not like i immediately like went out and punched a muslim okay it's an islamic terrorist so i thought it even if it wasn't like a fucking dude if i was gonna do something rash right then maybe you could regret it but if i'm just a normal person who's just gonna be like well i'll watch it as it develops but i think it's the muslims right okay right and not just the and not and i think i think yeah the radicals the radicals is what I should say. Yeah, but I think that's an important distinction. It's a distinction that keeps getting lost in these conversations,'re just really you know they're they're disaffected

angry bitter youth um and and when we find out more about them you know we find out that they're these you know disaffected angry bitter shithead youth right okay well phenomenal um but they're also uh muslim like they're also Islamic radicals. And I think that it's entirely reasonable to look at a group of people and to say, look, it's not all of this group of people. But this self-identified segment within this larger group is dangerous. And how do I know that they're dangerous. Well they're the group that calls themselves ISIS. They're the group that says.

With their hand happily in the air. Yeah that was us. Yeah. That was us. We did that. And we're the Islamic State. And we're a caliphate. You know.

Right. All of these things have to add up in there. And then when you say they're Muslim extremists. Well what are they extreme about? Right. Yeah. They're they're not extreme about their fucking love of water balloons. Yeah. Right. You know, it's not like it's like what? And then people, you know, you hear this, Cecil, and I and and and and this sort of like the the left leaning part of me wants to be sympathetic to this, but it's not honest. Like, you know, you hear this and there is this push where it's like, well, you know, it's not all Muslims. Yeah, and nobody's fucking saying it's all Muslims.

Yeah, nobody's saying that anyway. If somebody is fucking saying it's all Muslims, that person is a fucking degenerate. But it's clearly some Muslims. And you can't say that Islam has nothing to do with it you know you one of the arguments i keep saying is like oh well you know it's it they target these disaffected angry bitter youth and then they radicalize them and then and they don't finish that sentence right they radicalize them into extreme islam right they don't radicalize them again they're not radicalizing them to be fucking you know really into the ford mustang they don't radicalize them into physicists right yeah they're not they're not like oh i'm i've

become an extreme they always become an extreme religious idea exactly that that's the thing it's like well they're well they're the extremist the extreme what oh well extreme right like why why are we so shy about do we really think that that human beings are unable to make uh to look at a group of people and say, you know, because I can, I'm happy to do that with atheists. Like, let's do this about atheists. And I don't think that there's been any atheist terrorists lately, but I'll talk about asshole atheists, right?

So there are atheists that are assholes. I have no problem saying that. It doesn't, I don't feel like I'm speaking for all atheists if I point out that an atheist or even a group of atheists standing over there are assholes. Especially if they call themselves the asshole atheists and we are going to engage in abject assholery for the purpose of our asshole atheism. I would have no problem being like, those are assholes, man. Like they're shitty people. It doesn't mean that all the rest of the people. It's a subset.

Like are we really that afraid to carve the pie? I think what people are upset about is that when you say that, you are automatically impugning the religion and saying that the religion is a bad thing. And when you come right down to it, when people are saying they are killing people that are the non-believers and i know that there's a group of people who say oh they would never kill innocents well i saw a post from an ex-muslim recently that was saying well here's who innocents are and there it's a very small group of people right in the muslim tradition very small group of people there's not a lot of innocent people if you're fucking not a believer if you're a fucking apostate you know those two those two huge large groups guess what you're not a fucking innocent so you know i the problem is is that there there is

the like we said the religion is is part of it that's part of the motivator that's making them do these horrible things you know i'm not gonna say that politics don't doesn't uh isn't a factor i mean that's ridiculous to say that. Why would I say that? Of course, politics is a factor. Of course, you know, occupation of countries, toppling of leaders, et cetera, et cetera, is all part of the picture. It'd be fucking stupid to say otherwise. I mean, how fucking dumb would you have to be to say otherwise?

But, you know, to say that politics is the only thing is just as silly i mean these people are they're being radicalized into a religion they're you know they're not strapping bombs on their self for political ideology they're strapping bombs on their selves because they think they're going to live forever you know i listen to this after our after our conversation we had a conversation recently about you know kind of throwing the baby out with the bathwater in terms of people that we listen to and how we pay attention to people. And I thought you had made some good points. And so I actually sought out some – C.J. Werleman because that's a guy who I've thrown out with the bathwater by and large. I'll admit that.

And so I thought, well, Cecil, you had some good points. I'm going to go through. I'm going to listen to some debates because I do enjoy debate as a format. And C.J. Werleman was on a couple of debate shows. And so I listened to a few of his debates. And one of the things that he said was like, look, if you know, if you really study Islam and you really understand it and you really, you know, understand it from a historical perspective, you know, many of these ideologies that the radical, that the folks that use the Koran to radicalize embittered youth employ, these things, they don't actually have the historicity necessary to to be useful um as a radicalizing tool and and and i thought well yeah but they're still using it as the tool

like maybe the hit i don't know the history of the quran and maybe that's maybe that's accurate maybe it's all a misreading but if i'm still reading the fucking thing and what i walk away with is maybe i should go kill an apostate and then i go kill an apostate you can't tell me that that book had no influence on that you know maybe i read the book wrong but i still read that fucking book i wouldn't write it's not like i read a fucking choose your own adventure novel and was like time to choose my own adventure and went out and shot a bunch of folks right right you know it wouldn't you know comes back to the point we've made before like if if it is harmless then you couldn't use it to do harm but clearly something about about this is not harmless and so and so people can use it to drive harm and the thing too is like it's not just one nation

over there it's not just one nation that is a sharia law nation that has horrible policies based on that book right it's not just one nation it's all then if it was just one anomaly then yeah you could fucking wipe it away and be like oh you know maybe that's just weird but it's a lot of the nations where they're fucking chucking gays off buildings and fucking finger chopper off machines and fucking women get raped. And then they're accused of being fucking adulterers. Man, it's not just one place. Right. It's all bad ideas from the same goddamn book.

Just look at the fucking common theme, for Christ's sakes. Let's talk about this story from the Daily Beast. And this is ISIS targeted Muslims in Paris. Now, I want to caveat this with I don't really know how they know this already, you know, or how true this is. But among the 129 people that were dead were a number of people who were from Muslim families. And the Islamic State has said they've gone out of their way to say that some of the most important targets of ISIS would be apostates, meaning people that abandoned Islam and embraced Western life and culture. And say that some of the folks that were specifically targeted by ISIS in the attacks on Paris were targeted are being ordered and orchestrated by people much higher up who are who are doing this for money and for power and for whatever other nefarious purposes. But nonetheless, the tool that they are using to motivate the boots on their ground, they use this religious language for a very good reason, because it works, because it gets people fired up.

I had a bunch of interesting conversations this weekend about guns, right? Because now these guys had guns, they came in with guns, and then they shot a bunch of people up. And of course, the right in this country, the people who are on the right in this country always want to say, well, if the people were armed over there, there wouldn't have been an issue. And that may be true, maybe, maybe, maybe true, depending on the place. I know that there's been places where people have had guns and they haven't decided not to shoot. I was actually hanging out with a cop this weekend. He's Canadian, so he's not a real cop.

Yeah. Now, was he on the horse when you talked to him? No, no. They ride moose up there. Don't be ridiculous. They just shoot beavers out of their guns. Don't be ridiculous, Tom. They don't be ridiculous shoot beavers out of their don't be ridiculous tom they don't have guns either they have they have fire hoses filled with maple syrup they just they just

gop up on the robbers and they have to slow down robbers it's actually stealing canada maple syrup so it's really interesting but they're just giving it to me after they shoot i don't understand i was stealing it and now they're shooting at me um they apologized they're real giving it to me after they shoot. I don't understand. I was stealing it. Now they're shooting at me. They apologized afterwards. They're real sorry about it. Sorry. Very polite. But anyway. Sorry about it.

It was a really interesting conversation. Two major things. One of them, he's a guy who trains police officers. So he's a cop that trains police officers. One of the things he told me was, all the videos we watch are from the united states and they're all about things you shouldn't do really yes that's awesome we're terrible uh and you know he was telling me you know because like in the united states if if you go someplace it's all about saving what he thinks is saving time right It's laziness. If he goes into a room and he thinks he can have somebody talk somebody into stopping being violent, he'll take the time to do it.

Whereas here, they'll just be like, I'll take the time to unbuckle my taser and I'll shoot your ass. So it's a really interesting thing that he talks about. But we were talking about uh talking about guns specifically and he was saying that if he breaks into a scene and there's a scene he's called to the scene of a mass shooting he said he would not take the time to decide whether or not you're a good guy with a gun or a bad guy with a gun if he were there he would just shoot you he would just pull up and just shoot you and this is from a canadian who would take the time most of the time specifically in that in that

situation when there's masses of people that are in danger he would just shoot you and so um i understand that there's probably not going to be some sort of mexican standoff at any of these shoots shootings you know what i mean like we where because these guys are just willing to die right these guys were wearing suicide vests so they were ready to die so they came in with guns ready to go so there's not going to be sort of this Mexican standoff but if if you come rolling up as a cop and you see a guy sort of hiding looking like he's going to lean out to shoot you may get that person may get shot just because, you know, would you call your attention to a guy who possibly has an explosive on him that could blow himself up?

Who's you know what I mean? Like, sure. There's a there's a lot of danger there for the for the for the civilian in that situation. Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone. Very well. No abortions for anyone.

Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others. This story comes from Alternet.org. Ohio woman forced to drive 300 miles for abortion or have a stillborn baby well i would have to say uh outlook not so good that's that's pretty that's pretty rough like those choices are not very good they say that in this article specifically they say that the woman is in Ohio. She's forced to have a stillborn baby. Which is only the second worst news she received that day. The first worst, of course, being that she was in Ohio.

Yeah, well, I mean, if she traveled, the thing I wonder, though, is if she traveled from Ohio through Indiana to Illinois, would the baby be normal then? She goes backwards. She like shows up and she's like, thank God. I'm fine. I was just in Ohio. It's actually considered child abuse to drive in a car through Indiana with a child in the car. Yeah, right. The amount of meth that they secondhand consume.

Secondhand meth. That's terrible. Oh, my God. So, yeah, she was in Cincinnati, right? And she finds out that her kid has a fatal spinal abnormality at 22 weeks and they were looking to find out the gender and the hospital's like yeah i'm fucking totes a sad story see you in 18 weeks right right which is just so horrible like see you in 18 weeks so you can gestate and then deliver a stillborn child well i i don't even know how as a as a person with a conscience i don't even know how you walk back into a room

and say that shit out loud like sorry you're just gonna have to do this for another four months before you give birth to a stillborn child yeah i i there's a there's a part of this article that is great and it's a quote from a woman um her name is molly evans and it's a long quote i don't want to read it but i'll paraphrase and the paraphrase is basically nobody ever just walks past at seven months a abortion says oh yeah i fucking forgot i need to get an abortion nobody does that, right? All late-term abortions. I'm going to read.

I'm going to quote. I'm going to read part of her quote. All of these late-term abortions because either the mother is going to die or the child is going to die or they're both going to die. They're incredibly rare. So basically, these things are just they're horrifyingly rare. It's not like somebody's shaking a magic eight ball and being like, oh, let me see. As I see it, yes, fuck, I got to get an abortion. Yeah, right.

Yeah. It's not like – she makes a good point. It's not like milk, eggs, abortion. It's not on your list. Exactly. I'm like shit to do. Oh, man. I totally forgot about that for seven consecutive months.

It's not like you're putting it off like finals week. Right. You know what I mean? Like a paper you had to write. Yeah. You're just like, oh, man, I keep forgetting to pay my car insurance. That sucks. Yeah.

Man, they're going to cancel me if I don't write that check. Oh, and I got to have an abortion. Oh, totally have to have an abortion. Oh, hang on. I can. He's crowning and I got to have an abortion. Oh, totally have to have an abortion. Oh, hang on. I can. He's crowning. I have to. It's such bullshit because nobody is going to get to that point.

They're all going to. They're all going to want it out before them because of just because of the dangers to the mother. Right. You know, just because of those things, the mother's going to say, no, I want it out sooner. But instead, it's this idea that is like the maniacal women who are just cackling waiting to fucking you know get vacuumed out by a dyson right yeah as if as if these callous heartless people that are just like i love having a riskier procedure than necessary you know later than i mean it's fucking it's it's a myth man it's nonsense it's it's either that tom it's either

that or it's they're so stupid. You know, they'll see that you're depicting women as malicious or stupid. Those are the two options, right? Right. Yeah. And what's the alternative? Like the alternative is people have to cross two fucking state boundaries. And then have an expensive operation when they get here.

Right. And then think about the traumatic experience that is. Like for the couple that receives this horrifying news, like, you know, 22 weeks, you're like, you're, I mean, fucking you're getting excited about things, you know? You're thinking about, like, am I painting the room blue? You know what I mean? Like, you're getting excited about this shit.

And when they get here, they can't even go on the rides in Great America. She's pregnant. Well, you can't on the way out. On the way out, you can. The way out. We're going to salvage some of this trip, damn it. It's not for nothing.

Oh, God. That's actually, it's abortion by whizzer. Oh, Jesus Christ. It just falls out on the American Eagle. That's why the seats are benches on that thing so you could just abort mid-drop that's demonic everybody it is absolutely demonic so this story uh probably makes me more upset than any other story we cover this week it's from the raw story and i just hope katie perry's okay unhinged christian activist

harasses katie perry's dad your kids videos are sending my son to hell i just want to send out a message to katie i know you're a big fan katie if you are going through any hard times feel free to call me anytime yeah you know you can send you can send pics if you want fine we'll snapchat later whatever's good totally fine it's fine just you know i you tell me where to meet and i will be there i can be i can have a plane ticket, and I am willing to do this. I can have a ticket to meet you virtually anywhere in the country at the drop of a hat. You can cry on my blubberous shoulder. Whatever you need. While I sign my divorce papers.

I think if I was like, yeah, Katy Perry, why? Colleen would be like, yeah, all right, go. Fine. Fine. Whatever. Yeah. That's fine. She'd be like, you're lying, whatever.

I didn't really like you anyway. I can come back and be like, yeah, I cheated on you with Katy Perry. She'd be like, whatever. I'd be like, Katy Perry is here with me right now. She'd be like, I still don't believe you. Katy Perry is actively sucking on my penis while we're having this conversation you have you have really weird fantasies tom that's all i'm saying having a conversation about trying to convince your wife that katie perry is blowing you while she's blowing you don't stop me all right don't stop me i'm in the middle of something i just needed another minute

this is the monster energy drink lady is it really yeah this is the same lady it says at the bottom it says she gained attention last year for a video in which she claims energy drinks are part of a satanic plot to corrupt that was her right so this lady is crazy. She's so crazy, man. Yeah. And she's like, she's screaming at the dad of Katy Perry like, your daughter makes videos that are sending my son to hell. And it's like, no, they're sending your son to his bedroom. And now the socks in your house are dirty.

I don't know what to tell you. He's sending the socks to the washer. Right. Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. He's sending the socks to the washer. Right. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, like, I know you're out of tissues and fucking Luberderm, but I'm not sure what else to tell you. No kidding, right? He's gone through all the lotion in the house.

He won't put it in the basket. Yeah. That's so awesome i love i love when people like blame the but i like not only is it like my son's fucked up it's your fault like actually isn't it uh your son's fault and then maybe if it's if we're gonna extend it out like as the parent maybe you have some responsibility, but, like, this dude's the parent of a different kid. Like, he's got nothing to do with your fucked up kid. Sorry your kid's fucked up. It's funny because he even says, he's like, before you point your finger at me, why don't you point your finger at you?

Contrary to popular opinion, God is not against sex. It was his idea in the first place. This story comes from The Independent. Vati leaks scandal. That sounds like a feminine hygiene product. I thought it was the name of the brothel. I didn't know.

Vati leaks? Ew. That's like the least sexy thing. I mean, I'd still fuck there, but still. It's still a little. It does. It does. It sounds like depends for priests.

Right. Vataleaks. Has this ever happened to you? Omen and dominate. Oh, shit. What the? Omen and dominate. Not again.

Man. I'm going to get through this math. Vataleaks. Vataleaks scandal. Vatican properties used as brothels and massage parlors where priests pay for sex, claims report. Priests pay for sex? Yeah. Don't you own the place?

I was wondering about that. I know. It's like they're using... You fucking own the place. It's like fucking Tony Soprano paying for a lap dance in his own strip club. Are you fucking kidding? You own the place. Right?

You shake those bitches down. You turn them out. That's your job. Get your pimp hand on, priest. The fuck? Fucking soft-ass priests. Well, it makes you wonder, like, who's running this joint? God, who's turning them out at a young age?

The runaways and things. Is it for visiting priests? What kind of shithole are you running here? Where's my money? You guys don't even know how to run a proper prostitution ring. The fuck's wrong with you? God. Well, you can't blame them.

I mean, they're just used to raping little boys. I will say that there is some similarities between priests and pimps. The garish clothes and the goofy hats. I think those, definitely the goofy hats, though. Yeah. I think those definitely the goofy hats, though. Yeah. The and, you know, I mean, you often see the other the pimp with the walking stick and the. Yeah, that's right.

Got that scepter fucking thing. Yep. Yep. He's he's been he's fucking OG, man. Yeah. And they're always asking you where your money is. So lots in common. Fucking ridiculous.

You know, you would think they'd vet the people who would fucking, like, I don't know, stay there a little better. I don't really understand how this works. So, like, I'm opening up a fucking shaky massage parlor or whatever in the Vatican. And I'm like, I'm uh gonna operate a perfectly legal shady massage parlor i mean like wouldn't they be like what's the vatican we just don't need any massage parlors actually like we just we're just gonna go ahead and i mean are the zoning laws in the vatican so lax that that this gets by this is so so what this immediately means is like somebody in the vatican is driving right someone in the vatican is like yeah nice uh sistine chapel but i can't get a happy ending anywhere around here so i'm gonna definitely need a shady massage parlor and

it is it i guess that is another thing that that catholics do they both promise a happy ending so that i think i think fits as well i mean all the similarities are there they're right there maybe god is an asian masseuse with tiny hands soft yet powerful hands. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828.

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take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story comes from Slate.com. Facilitated communication is a cult that won't die. The discredited technique for communicating with profoundly disabled people is being pushed in public schools.

You know, if you're not familiar with facilitated communication, it's basically this nonsensical made-up bullshit where you take a person who is unable to communicate because they are disabled in some way that enables – they can't read. They can't write. They're blind. They're autistic and unable to communicate. And then you like hold their hand or you hold your hand to their hand and you have fucking magic or something. And then the fucking energy flows into your fucking hand and you write.

You basically turn them into a human planchette. Right. It's like they're the Morse code and you're just the Morse code operator. They're like tickety-tick, tickety-tick, tickety-tick. You're just writing it down. It is the goofiest shit that's facilitated communication. I thought this was some fucking 1800s shit. I know.

It's like phrenology. Like, they're going to touch the top of your head and tell you fucking, like, how crazy you are. It's like predicting shit by looking at the entrails of a frog. You know? Like, the idea that this would enter a public school would be like, well, I've got this boy over here. He doesn't speak. Well, they've been doing this with people in vegetative states for a long time. Fucking think about that for a second.

Think about how predatory that shit is. Like, you've got some dude, like, somebody is, they're fucking brain dead. That's what a vegetative state is. Like, they're just fucking, there's nothing there. If they were able to communicate, they would communicate because there's nothing there. They're vegetative. Their brain is fucking flat. Well, Randy has done many things where he's blindfolded the person who's working with them and done shit like this.

like this and every time that they do any kind of study where they they hinder the person in some way who's doing the the uh the manipulation that's never come up it's never been true well and like and and you look at this and and these people are so obviously predatory the stories are so fucking weird like there's a story in here like like, in 2011, DJ published an essay in Disability Studies Quarterly, The Role of Communication and Thought. And around the same time, this dude was having sex with this profoundly disabled person. What? Nothing turns me on like sex with a disabled person. This story comes from the Raw story.

Ben Carson. Ben Carson's so great. I love this guy. I love this shit, too. This is great. The memes about Ben Carson are my favorite. This guy has just lost all credibility. Although, isn't he surging past Trump at this point?

Ben Carson mocks allies and defends anti-science views at religious college, quoting, There is no Canadian dream. It's awesome because he says, Have you ever noticed? There's an American way. There's an American dream. There's no French dream. There's no Canadian dream dream this is the most

exceptional nation in the history of the world all these people like other countries like no man i mean there's like plenty of people here with dreams plenty of people have dreams like we all want like we all like what is the, it's so funny that the idea that the American Dream is something to be admired and held in sort of like this great esteem. What is the American Dream? The American Dream is like, I would like my kids to have a better life than I have. And I'd like to have. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no.

American Dream is banging two chicks at once. Fuck me. I forgot. Fucking American. Where the fuck have you been, dude? Well, here's the problem, though. That's a really short dream. For them.

You're like, you both said yes. I'm pretty much finished, actually. So, all right. You know, we don't have to do any of the formalities. I'm already done. Next dream. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, no right it's like it's like 2.5 kids white picket fence living and nobody else wants that a chicken in any pot every time or whatever give me a break it's like i would like a comfortable life yeah nobody else thinks of that anywhere else that's

why we're so exceptional we thought of it first and only we thought of like we're like like before that people like i don't know any difference between comfort and discomfort they're just like i hope i have a life full of hardship hey uh let's go to the misery store kids man, we had misery yesterday. Okay, kids, who wants polio? We don't fucking know any better. We're Canadian. I don't know. What a fucking asshole.

That guy's awesome. I kind of hope he becomes our president just for how insensitive he is. Don't even say it. It's amazing. It would be an amazing four years. I mean, after that, the entire world would be dead. it would be an amazing four years dude i mean after that the entire world would be dead a dead husk of a cinder jim baker food it would be a cinder of a planet but at those four years man we would ride it out in style i'll tell you can you imagine how angry

the racists are though like the racists are like are you you fucking kidding me? We got a black Democrat and the contender is a black Republican. What is a racist to do these days? Have you always wanted to win the lottery? Do you suffer from chronic poverty syndrome? Do you have real problems that are too much work to actually work on? Would you rather pretend to help than actually help? Prayer might be right for you. Pat Robertson.

I love Pat Robertson. This story is from Right Wing Watch. Pat Robertson has some ideas. How do you paraphrase pat robertson let's just play pat robertson sure sounds good this is pat robertson from the 700 club this is a viewer who says i've been praying for a friend's wife that had cancer she passed away that sucks it sucks so bad should have prayed harder bitch i prayed it didn't do fuck all pat so what the fuck someone else is trying cpr i just sat there and prayed why are my prayers not being heard am i not worthy am i doing

something wrong should i keep praying if i'm not being heard well you don't know you weren't heard god hears everybody's prayers dead hey you don't know you weren't heard. Maybe he heard you and was just like, fuck off, bro. The question is, in some cases, he says no. No. Yeah, like when you're like, but I don't want my child to die because he has cancer. That seems super mean. And my wife is sick. Yeah. Whatever, man. I've got some shit to do that's all he just says no no sorry can you not kill me

um check yeah no i'm just gonna go ahead and kill you so yeah sorry about that and uh you don't know what went on with that that wife you don't know what was in her heart you don't know what went on with that wife. You don't know what was in her heart. You don't know what sin she'd committed. You don't know how much unbelief was there. You don't know whether she hated her husband. You don't know any of those things. But you've been praying, and God says, okay, I'm sorry. But the answer is no.

God heard your prayer, okay? Okay, he doesn't give a shit. Okay, he heard your prayer. okay okay he heard your prayer you know his voice sounds like someone tapping out a signal a signal to someone else on a washboard doesn't it he sounds so patronizing in this particular response oh yeah he totally does he's just like fuck off man i mean god didn't have to do shit for you it's like fuck you know like but here's the problem it would be you know like if you are limitlessly powerful then it is so easy for him to fix the problem right it is it would be it'd be like if somebody was like hey uh my kid's dying oh man super sucks what do i have to

do uh blink twice ah fuck it i'm not doing it here. Like, I don't, I guess the thing, like you listen to this and it's like, all right, even if, even if, even if this doesn't, no, I don't, obviously I think this is all should fucking made up fairytale nonsense. But even if I didn't, how do you get to a benevolent God? I mean, like, yeah, I don't see how you get past an indifferent God, right? Like if, if you really think that there is some masterful creator and then you look around, how do you not at the very fucking most charitable interpretation arrive at

the very best is indifference. Yeah. You can't get to benevolence. No, no. Yeah. The best you're going to get is Cthulhu. Right.

That's it. It's the best. That's it. Yeah, the best you're going to get is Cthulhu. Right, that's it. That's the best. That's it. That's it. God heard your weeping and lamentations, but it's fucking, give a shit. It fell on deaf ears. I'm sorry, man. I got to go to 7-Eleven and get a big gulp.

What do you want from me? I'm sorry, but you're really small. Right. You know, and then there's always the photos that you see everywhere with the flies landing on his face you know i can show show you in the codes where he's got a strong connection to the lord of the flies bl's above well i call him bl's lip because he had those flies stuck to his lip so we want to talk about this uh clip from Wing Watch. This is Brian Fisher saying Satan has an agenda that he is working through our current president. So here's American Family Association Brian Fisher on his show.

This is something Debbie and I pray about every night. Little Debbie? Not anymore. He like eats a whole box of oatmeal cream pies rubbing it on his face. To be fair, who doesn't eat the whole box of oatmeal cream pies? It's a single serving. I actually take one oatmeal cream pie and then another oatmeal cream pie, and then I sandwich an oatmeal cream pie in between.

Well, what else would you do? I don't know. That's just the standard. That's just how you eat it. I know. The only alternative would be to put a Star Crunch in the middle. Oh. The only alternative would be to put a star crunch in the middle as just to change things up a little bit and then wash it down with a pureed zebra cake.

You know that we pray against the work that Satan is trying to do through our president, the plans that Satan is working through our president. I'm not saying President Obama is inhabited by demons. No, I wouldn't say that. I'm not saying he's inhabited by demons. I'm just saying they're near him a lot. I'm not saying he's inhabited by demons. What is he, like a demon bed and breakfast? No, he's like a demon condo.

Like, he just, the demon's just like, hello, let me in there. Come on, let me in there, President. Hang on, just, just, I mean. No, we're I'm in there. Come on. Let me in that president. Hang on. No, we're full of demons already. Sorry, there's no demon vacancy. No room at the inn. I hear that story all the time. No room at the inn.

I'm not saying he's demon possessed. I'm not saying that. The way Satan works is just by planting thoughts in our mind that are contrary to the word and will of God and convincing us to believe them, accept them and act on them. And I believe Satan has an agenda that he is working through our current president. And so it's our job as believers to pray against

that. We don't pray against President Obama. We pray against the work and the strategy and the purposes that Satan is working through this president. That's where our prayers are targeted against the work and the strategy and the purposes that Satan is working through this president. That's where our prayers are targeted against the principalities and powers. Oh, man, Cecil targeted prayers. Yeah. Those are the scariest kind of prayers.

Isn't it awesome how we dehumanize him in a way you know and they're even doing it in a sort of offhanded fashion where they're not willing to say he is demonic right they say he's not demonic he's just he's just we're not saying he's inhabited by demons because he's clearly not a fucking town home okay but what he is is he has people near him these demons near him and what he wanted to do is is pray because they're manipulating him and it's like okay so they're inside him they're outside him they're still fucking manipulating him they're still doing they're still feeding him with lies they're still filling his brain with lies so you know in your thoughts he doesn't he's not in control of this stuff he's being influenced by a

fucking evil power he is being influenced by evil and so it's really easy for you to be like yeah i'll just dehumanize him yeah he doesn't matter because you know he's just full of this like this is fucking his chock full of demons dude yeah it's like a fucking he's like a pez dispenser when you open his mouth like a fucking demon falls out it's like a demon brick though it's like a brick of demon and you know there doesn't mean that there aren't groups of people in this country that uh you know that i have sympathy for i do and there are kids that were brought into this country by their parents unknowing that they were breaking the law and they will say to me and others who defend the rule of law we have to do something

about the 11 million. And some of them are valedictorians. Well, my answer to that is, and then by the way, their parents brought them in. It wasn't their fault. It's true in some cases, but they aren't all valedictorians. They weren't all brought in by their parents. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another hundred out there that they weigh 130 pounds and they've got calves the size of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert. So this story comes from Media Matters. Rush Limbaugh suggests that European countries set themselves up for terrorist attacks. So it turns out Rush Limbaugh is still a thing.

Yeah, well, here he is from his radio show, The Rush Limbaugh Show. We're letting in Syrian refugees left and right. Obama wants to ramp it up to 10,000. He wants to make it 100,000. He wants no end to it. Then you go to the southern border and add up what's happening there, and you find out this is not about compassion. Just so happens the Hispanic votes 80%,

Democrats, so does the Muslim vote in America, 80%. They don't care what happens to the country as long as they're running it, because they don't think any of this is ever going to end up being in their neighborhood. What? I actually don't know what he's saying there. So hold on. Is he saying that 80%

of the Muslim vote is Democrat and 80% of the Hispanic vote is Democrat? So that's why he's letting him in so he could get more votes? And if so, like, are those people coming in thinking they're going to be running it? Won't they be opposing the Muslims who want to run it, too? I don't understand why he would want more votes.

He's not eligible for anything. He can't run for president again. What would he do with a vote? What is somebody going to vote for him for? What is he going to do with a vote who would what about somebody gonna vote for him for what's he gonna do with the votes i think i think they all assume that they're trying to get the guy in after them voted in and i think that in some cases that is the case that they are trying to get keep their power party in power but i think you know once he's done he's gonna peace the fuck out he's like you know it's great you know great uh that they don't that they're going to follow in the Democratic footsteps or whatever. But he's not I mean, he's not going to lose a lot of sleep if fucking Hillary Clinton doesn't win. Look, man, letting in a refugee doesn't make them a citizen. I mean, we understand that you think on Rush Limbaugh understands that, right?

Like somebody can get a permanent resident alien card. understands that right like somebody can get a permanent resident alien card they can be uh in as a as a refugee but that doesn't mean that they're a citizen and can vote they can't vote man there's a lot wrong with what he's saying i mean there's so much right so so i want to get votes but they're not for me they're for somebody else but i'm going to invite all these people in who won't be able to vote what the fuck would i do why why was that i don't even understand that and also and also doesn't this i mean just like everything else doesn't this uh require the operation of someone else's mind when he's like it's not about compassion why the fuck do you know yeah i i love how he just dismisses that because it's inconvenient right like it's not about compassion well actually

for a lot of people it is like for a lot of people that look at the syrian refugee crisis to see you know human beings washing up on the beaches like fucking detritus for a lot of people we're like that's bad yeah what do we need to do to fix that that makes me feel sad because my heart is a heart. Yeah. For me, it's all about compassion. Long pause, bro. Yeah, man. Sad but true. Or not true. The French, they've been tolerant as all get out. Look what happened.

Did ISIS love them? Is ISIS appreciative of all the tolerance the French have engaged in over the years and the rest of the countries in Europe? Seems to me ISIS is mounting attacks in these places that have been overabundantly tolerant, Mr. Gutierrez. What? I mean. Wait, is ISIS saying to us, you guys better be tolerant or else we'll shoot you?

ISIS very specifically was like, yeah, these attacks are directly in response to the French bombing ISIS. So I don't know how tolerant it is when the French were bombing ISIS. I mean, not that bombing ISIS is a bad thing. No, but I mean, if I'm ISIS, it is. Yeah, sure. Like, if I'm ISIS, I'm like, fucking don't stop bombing me, man. Please stop bombing me. I hate that.

At the same time, it's like, fuck ISIS. They deserve every bomb. Right. They deserve more bombs, really. Look, I'm right there with you, man. Like, fuck ISIS in the ear. Fucking they should be eating bombs every day for breakfast. It should be fucking bombs for fucking cereal, bombs in your fucking bombs away sandwiches, bombs all fucking day.

Fuck ISIS right in the ear. I don't think anybody hates ISIS more than you or I. Fuck ISIS right in the ear. But like ISIS did say like, well, we did this because you keep dropping bombs on us. It's not because they weren't like, hey, thanks for being tolerant. Here's a massacre. I mean, you got it. At some point, you do have to pay attention to what

people say when they tell you why they did shit right it seems like these european countries have set themselves up they thought they were being nice guys and they thought they were demonstrating they were being nice guys and they thought they were demonstrating they're tolerant and they thought they were buying insurance against any terrorist attack and look what's happening mr goodie why does he always say that's so weird i don't know he says it all weird like he does what's happening to him he does say i want to hear him say it one more time and they thought they were buying insurance against any terrorist attack and look what's happening mr good the ellies his whole voice changes. It's so weird. Why does he do that?

Also, nobody thinks that they're buying insurance from ISIS. Yeah, that's Aflac. It sounds a little similar. The worst insurance company ever, by the way. The very worst. They don't sell you any policies that you want and then they shoot you. You get jihadi forgiveness plans? It's really – yeah.

They get suicide bombing forgiveness. Hey, it happens. It happens. Forget about it. Nobody does any of the things he's saying to think that they're appeasing some other power so that they won't be attacked. You're not letting in hungry people that are from a war zone, right? Because you think that that is going to get you in good with the people who are waging war on those people. You're never going to think that letting in syrian refugees is

gonna get you in great with the syrian government or with the or with isis or with whoever's trying to kill them it's like taking in jews thinking the nazis will be pleased with you yeah right like they're running away from the syrians that are trying to kill them it's like that's crazy it'd be like hey not germany aren't you totes happy you took in all these jews you were trying to kill like you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth so this story comes from unitedhumanist.com buddhist monks issue death threats to social activists for teaching sexual health. Well, fuck. In Burma, also known as Myanmar.

I don't know. Maybe Myanmar is also known as Burma. Constantinople is Istanbul. I don't fucking know. They're getting death threats from extremist Buddhist monks. I don't even know you could be an extreme Buddhist monkhist monk i mean how close can you shave your head i don't know just take the skin they're just like they have to hold their head under their arm they're just saying like I got a fucking pumpkin replacement.

It matches their robes. It totally does. It falls off whenever they're doing their Kung Fu. Yeah, no, yeah. And when you get punched in it, it just takes one good punch to put your hand right through a pumpkin. That's terrible. Yeah. But this is pretty fucking crazy. So in Burmese, which is evidently a language, there is no word for vagina.

What do you have to say? Hey, I want to put it in your stuff. What do you say? Can I have access to the hot pocket? What do you say? There's not even a word. At no point was somebody like, we should call that something. Hey, can I put my penis in your not penis? It's amazing.

It's amazing. We have like 150 words for vagina we could just give them one be like okay guys gash gash is yours you guys can just say gash that's what that's fine yeah i would think that you would i would think that even if you were trying not to at some point you've got to refer to the female genitals accidentally. Just by fucking sheer necessity. Isn't that amazing? Like somebody's like, the baby's coming out.

From where? I don't know. I'm not sure. Somewhere. I don't know. It's not her belly button. It's not her asshole. It's like vagina.

The word is like Voldemort. Like you're not allowed to say. The parts which must not be named. Yeah. Well, the Buddhists are crazy. That's so weird, man. I think that's about right where we should be on this one. Well, I want to talk about some of the social taboos around women's genitalia because they're so crazy.

This is amazing. Garments. Clothes that come into close contact with a woman's lower half. I love the lower half. Lower half. Not her vagina. Maybe that's what they say. The whole lower half is kaput.

Like, we can't. We can't touch it all. Anything under the navel is just like, dudes are just like running at women with their penises out, slapping them against their fucking bellies. Like, I don't know where to put this. I don't know where to do with this thing. They never told me the place. It's somewhere in your lower half. I don't know where to put this. I don't know what to do with this thing. They never told me the place.

It's somewhere in your lower half. I don't know what to do. And that's such a large area. It's like half of you. I'm just slapping my dick on your knee. I don't know. I don't know what it is. Am I having sex with you?

I don't even know. Well, it doesn't matter. I already ejaculated. Yeah, is it good for you? What's this? You covered my fucking ankle in goo. I don't know. I folded your leg over and fucked the back of your knee.

Is that okay? I mean, it was a hole so so garments that come into close contact with a woman's second lower half such as the traditional skirt whatever thing or underpants are considered unclean even after they've been washed well why wash them if they're not gonna get clean they all they're also believed they have the ability to wait wait wait wait wait wait wait so what do they just throw them out afterwards like it's like you have disposable pants i don't know you're just like hey i wore a skirt today so i should probably throw that away or it'll be unclean these will never be clean because even after you've washed them they're still unclean or do you just presume like no man it's cool like throw it in

here that's why we built this thing. It works great. It's like, it'll be clean. I don't know what to tell you. That's awesome. Put it in here. It's fine. They're also believed to have the ability, these clothes, right, are believed to have the ability to rob men of their hapun, a concept that should mean vagina, but doesn't.

It means masculine power well nothing from a woman's lower half is going to rob me of my masculine power i'm still young enough that i'll get it back in about 15 minutes yeah no matter what i'll give them some masculine power you can here you go so it says as such it's thought that these items of clothing should never be hung in a place where men will have to walk underneath them. Oh, my God. Right? Because it's the fucking past. It is also unacceptable to wash men's clothes in the same bowl or machine as women's garments for fear of contamination or loss of power.

What are we like? We're like batteries or something? Like Johnny Five. It's old-timey it's all old-timey stuff dude and i mean these guys are even more old-timey than the fucking than the amish look at these guys they don't even have buttons let alone it's just it's like a wrap these people wear wraps yeah i. I don't know. Giant. They're like tortillas. These are dudes walking around in a glorified sarong talking about losing their masculinity. So we want to thank our most recent patrons. Gil, Michael, Jeremy, Sarah, Mike, Lori, Mary,ie mary rumple stumpskin it's great lee matt mark eric dean lisa colette terry joshua eric molly sarah will and mark thank

you also very much for your generous donations. Patreon just changed how they display how much money we get, and so we dropped back down underneath the last number. Patreon cannot get this shit right. They are a fucking weird organization. Guys, we appreciate all of your donations if you look at our support levels they really haven't dropped patreon has decided that they're going to reflect our actual donations honestly seemingly at random like they can't figure out how to math properly i will say their algorithm is a little fucked.

It's so fucking weird, man. But in any case, we dropped down below the patron-only show level. But I think we're probably still going to wind up doing a couple more of those, even if we don't make it all the way up to past the patron-only show level. People seem to really enjoy the patron-only show that we had. We did a whole hour of Jim Baker stuff, and it was almost an hour and a half worth of Jim Baker stuff, and it just turned out really good. That show was a lot of fun to put together.

We're looking forward to putting more of those shows together for a year is what we're looking at. So if you become a patron, you'll have access to those shows. We also have people who pay us on PayPal, Tom. Who are those people? Andrew, thank you very much. Martin, thank you. Jason, thank you very much for the PayPal donations. PayPal is another way to support the show. We're grateful for your support.

Thank you. We got a message from Jason. Jason was telling us that he really liked that we thought that wetter than an Irish pocket was funny but he says he says I thought you should be armed with these and here's a couple more drier than a nun's chuff that's great and then having a throat like

Gandhi's flip flop we got a message from Tom. Different Tom. He spells it the same way, though. He flipped the Amish off as he was driving by. No, the other way around. The Amish flipped him off. Oh, the Amish flipped him off, huh?

Yeah. The Amish deserve your derision, Tom. You should have flipped them off. Right? Fuck the Amish man he was driving by and he took his he took his camera phone out and uh took a picture of some amish dude and you know they feel like it's like the amish don't like that you can't take their picture because i don't know fucking eats their soul or whatever fucking does gobble your soul swallow your soul right like

whatever you know what i wonder i see this guy driving his buggy i wonder if it's hard for an amish guy to get roadhead first off she's got to move the beard that's oh number one beard up there is that bad yeah the beard down there oh man I'm a lumberjacket on. Damn. The fucking crabs down there have beards. I will say she could probably just relax her throat and the bouncing would do all the work. Yeah, right.

Those Amish girls don't have a gag reflex. That's because they're inbred. Nothing like a fucking handy with a flipper hand it's a better grip on that thing it's a better grip it's like a pocket pussy it's like getting jerked off by a seal it is don't ask how i know she's got a she's got fleshlight for hands it's amazing so uh we got a message from mark and he's talking about fiorina and he says fiorina is amazing

and he has a quote here the quote is could i just say as the only cunt on the stage socialism and he says i may be paraphrasing that's's great. I think it's close though, Mark. That's awesome. So we got a message from Nathan, and Nathan is asking us about shot glasses. He'd love to have some shot glasses. You know, we actually, the company that we do our work with for our shirts is like a t-shirt company. Like that's what they do. So we don't have a connection to like a merchandise company, somebody who does like merchandise stuff.

I know that there's Cafe Press out there, but the quality is terrible. The quality is awful on Cafe Press. I remember the shirts they put out. They're like fucking see-through and they're not even wet. Yeah, which is disappointing depending on who you put them on. I know. You put them on me. You just see my moobs.

The thing is, I have no interest in selling somebody a shitty overpriced shirt. I'd rather sell you a shitty overpriced shirt that is still a good quality shirt. Because then we all lose the same way. We got a message from Rashaan and Rashaan says he's having this dilemma. My girlfriend is a theist and recently lost her friend. She says like i know she's here with me i can feel her i had a dream about her and i know it was really her me being an atheist i have no clue how to respond without sounding like a complete dick or insensitive um so my choice here would be to not bring up anything uh that is the atheistic at. I would just smile and nod and be a shoulder to

cry on and be somebody to listen to her. And then that's really it. I would not say like, well, I mean, are you really seeing her or are you sure it wasn't just your brain and your dream? I wouldn't do any of that stuff because she's grieving and you've got to let her grieve. stuff because she's grieving and you've got to let her grieve. She's coping with it as the best way that she possibly can. And you saying things to her that are your beliefs and your ideas are not going to help her through this time. Yeah. I'll echo that and just say at the height of an emotional moment is never the time to have an objective conversation. And really, if you want to have a real and objective conversation about the relative merits of critical thinking and skepticism and atheism versus a supernatural worldview, when your girlfriend is charged up emotionally, she's

just not even going to be receptive to that. So it's not only is it counterproductive to your relationship goals, but it would be counterproductive to any attempt to really have a meaningful conversation, I think. So your obligation really when somebody is grieving is to be supportive of their grief and whatever form that grief takes. Got a message from Mitch, and Mitch says that he's now an atheist but was living all his life as a conservative movement Jew. And he doesn't like religion in itself, but he really does like the ritualistic practices of Judaism. Enjoys learning about the books and things like that. So wondering sort of in a way like what to do, and my suggestion would be enjoy those rituals.

Those rituals aren't bad in themselves. I don't think that, you know, there's any harm in enjoying the rituals. I just wouldn't share them in atheists. Yeah, there's a lot of what they call like secular Jews. Like that's a reasonably common thing where you're culturally Jewish, but you don't hold strong religious yeah uh ties you know i don't know much about the conservative jewish movement i that's not a thing i'm familiar with but uh man if you like the ritualistic practices

there's nothing wrong with that stuff you know as long as you're not like fucking in like the ritualistic practices aren't beating someone else or something you know right i mean and you're not doing like you know weird shit like swinging a chicken around your head and putting your sin in it right yeah i mean if you're just if you're just lighting candles or like praying quietly or whatever i mean that stuff that none of that stuff is really all that offensive right so you know if it's something you enjoy continue to do it you know i think that there's a reasonable argument to make that that's you know what you're really doing is engaging in in a meditative practice um in a ritualistic meditative practice and and however you internalize that as long as it stays internal it's fucking nobody else's

business we got a great uh christmas carol this is from john so i'm gonna play this right now look how the balls big sweaty balls dangling they're covered in hair This is from John, so I John. Thanks for sending that in. This is pretty great. This is really great. Thanks, John. Thanks for sending that in. What an awesome job, man. Thanks so much. It sounds so good.

Oh, Jesus. Tom, we got a very long message from Mark that you could summarize for us. Yeah, so Mark was married by a priest, and they had certain agreements ahead of time, you know, that the priest was going to keep and respect Mark's non. And the priest basically reneged on it. And during the ceremony, when everybody's watching, put Mark in really a shitty situation. And Cecil, you kind of had a similar situation where the priest just said, fuck it, I'll do what I want. Yeah, when we got married. So first off, when we got married, you get married in the Catholic Church. You have like a little booklet of shit you could pick from, right?

So like you could decide what you wanted. I didn't want any of it, right? Because it's all Bible quotes and it's all reading from the Bible. Actually, I wanted to pick the craziest shit that's like, and then the dinosaurs made love. And I just was like, this is the best. Like, this is what I want. I want this stuff. But my wife will let me pick that stuff. So wait minute just so i understand because i i wasn't married in the

catholic church i was married by the side of a lake so so it's you can't pick any bible quote like they have a list of bible quotes they have like maybe 50 to 100 that were listed in a book for us to choose from really yeah i think it's you it's, you know, I mean, I think if you, I don't think you could just like pick like the Timothy one where it's like a woman shall not teach a man or something. Like you can't pick like Ezekiel 2320 and be like, and now a reading from Ezekiel. And there she lusted after her lovers whose genitals were like those of donkeys

and whose admissions were like that of horses. That one wasn't included, it turns out. That's not in there. A possibility. Yeah. genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emissions were like that of horses that one wasn't included that's not in that's not in there a possibility yeah and that's a big disappointment on your wedding night huge disappointment no but like so so there was a couple of them though specifically that my wife didn't want so there was one or two that were like um and the man came first and the woman fucking basically did what the fuck he said like that was like that was the whole bible verse contest it was like and the woman shut her fucking mouth and made the fucking food you know and so

she saw that she's like those are not getting read and so he read one of the wrong ones. He read one that she specifically did not want, which was dude came. Bitches came after bitches be wanting the dude. Dude be smacking the bitches basically, you know, and her eyes while he started reading it, looked up at him. He actually during the ceremony acknowledged that he read the wrong one. Like he stopped and he was like I'm I'm sorry I actually read the wrong but he read the whole thing first and then he was like I actually read the wrong one and you

could tell she was pissed like he even said it like in front of the whole church and I was like yeah dude I'm the one who's got a fucking deal with that later yeah right yeah dick yeah but that's that's funny that that that happened to you too but yeah there's like a fucking it's like a choose your own adventure wedding man i think yeah that they just disregard they just do it they just like show up they're just like yeah i wasn't really paying attention

someone uh sent a message this is damon and he sent a message he said um he said he listened to the latest woo show and he said and he said he was listening. He said it was time to laugh at some daft things which other people have believed in over the years. And then little did I know I was about to come face-to-face with a bit of personal woo. I was completely unaware I had made into my brain. For years, I had been telling people that I can't wear watches due to my overly strong magnetic field. I love this shit. Yeah. I love this shit. I. I love this shit.

I think that's great. It's funny that when you come face to face with that, and I think that's what the best part of that Woo show is, is most of it isn't us laughing at the people. It's laughing with people because there's so much weird shit we used to believe too. Man, everybody's susceptible to it. Absolutely.

Right? Nobody's immune to that shit. So we got a message from David Michael. David Michael does the My Book of Mormon podcast. If it's still going on at this point, I don't know. I don't know. Is that a thing? I don't know.

Whatever. I think at this point his kid's doing the podcast. Yeah. I love David Michael. Oh, we love David Michael a lot. We actually went shooting with him recently. He's a really cool guy. But he sent us this, and we had said that we really, really wanted

Laurie Baker on our show, and he made it possible. So we're going to play this for you. David Michael engineered this for us. Cricket and wicket. There's a thing that's a wicket, but I don't know if it's the fact. Yeah, because I've heard, like, sticky wicket. It's a sticky wicket. Better believe that.

That's not a – Yes. No, I just Goog believe that. That's not a. Yes. No, I was talking about that's talking about anal sex with the Ewoks. Well, that's the part I'm interested in. Me too. I'd fucking Ewoks. Do Ewoks scritch? I wonder.

Yes. That's all they can do. It's like rub fur on each other. I, I, I. That's it. They're just. I mean, trying to find the acorn in that fucking patch

there would be a little hard, I think. That's why you just fuck them in the mouth. Me too. I love that. Why is anybody listening to this show anymore? We're talking about fucking Ewoks in the mouth better believe that we are still gonna leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed we love you thank you for believing in us make me proud and it's an honor to know you i literally have no idea what you're talking about

that is amazing that's a great job. That's so funny. That is great. Thank you, David and Michael, for sending that in. We got a message. We were talking about taking a smash and listening to things, and it just turns out that Richard was listening to us while we were talking about taking a smash and listening to something in headphones.

So I think you're actually in inception right now that's it if the if the smash is still spinning yeah we got a message from chay chay set this awesome cooking video where somebody makes the garbage that fucking jim baker sells and it's awesome it's so funny it's so well done we actually tweeted at the guy earlier tonight to see if he wanted to come on our show and talk about it hopefully he responds it would be so great but he he's a chef and he's funny he's like and the whole time he he looks like he's gonna throw up when he's eating these things you've gotta go see this video the food looks so foul, like so unbelievably foul.

It all looks like canned gravy. It does. So, Tom, we got a message from Jade, and I'm just going to let you read this. So Jade says, hi, guys. What do you guys think about starting an official fan club, if you haven't already got one, named Glory Holes and Yoga Pants? As a woman, obviously, I am a yoga pant. Jesus and Putin would be glory holes. That's great.

That's not even me. I don't know. It's just awesome. If you already have a fan club, I would throw all of my money at a glory holes and yoga pants t-shirt. Front, sexy glory hole. Back, sexier yoga pants. Alternatively, yoga pants with glory holes in them. Jade, proud owner of a dozen pairs of yoga pants.

I don't know that any of that is usable, but thank you, Jade. I loved every bit of that email. Oh, it's amazing. Well, that wraps it up for this week we we have been avoiding the midweek show this week this month because um for me i've been extra extra special busy so i haven't been able to record midweek shows we're hopefully going to make it up before the end of the month we can't guarantee it um we did do that extra patreon show but that's not going to count toward our total we're likely to get to six if we can.

Tom and I are going to try to record over the Thanksgiving weekend and try to record a couple of shows, but we'll see what happens. So we're going to try to do our best. I'm not going to promise a midweek show next week either because we've got a lot going on still. But we're going to try to make it up as best we can. We know for sure that we are going to be on David Smalley's broadcast-a-thon. I believe it's a podcast-a-thon, isn't it? It's a broadcast-a-thon. Podcast-a-thon. Very soon.

It's going to be on the 12th of next month, so that's something to look out for too. We'll be giving you all the information based on that in the upcoming weeks. We're excited to be on that. We're going to be giving away a nice big chunk of cash that day. We're going to try to catch up over the next couple weeks because I've been so

busy. I'm also going on vacation soon. It's not going to be easy, but we'll do our very best. We're going to leave you though, like we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative,

acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot,

Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms,lantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers evangelists conspiracy double speak stigmata nonsense expose your sides thrust your hands bloody evidential conclusive. Doubt even this. employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. you