Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 263: Part 2, God Awful Movies

Episode Date: December 3, 2015

 

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. So this is the second part of our show we recorded last week. We recorded a lot of other news stories and the interview with Eli about God-awful movies. So without further ado, here's the rest of that show. You see, there are demons in the earth. Read Matthew, Mark's Gospel, Chapter 5. There are demons all over where Jesus cast out demons when he walked the earth. All right, so we've already heard that the Paris attacks were the result of devil-worshipping dance music

from the fucking crazy kids with their dance music. No kids with their little dances. They're dancing around. But this is Jonathan Cahn. The parents' attack was actually God's punishment for France's Palestinian activism. What? I just want to make this guy and Kevin Swanson fight to the death to see what caused the fan.

Because we have two competing. Can it be both, though? Do you think God's like, well, a little from column A, a little from column B, guys. The devil's got a lot of decisions to make. Well, here's the deal. First off, I control the devil. So don't get no fucking ideas, boys. But I'm going to control the devil to shoot those little boys down there.

But then I'm also going to do it just because I don't like Palestinians very much either. Whoopsie-doodle-doo. All right, so here's Jonathan Cohn. God said to Abraham, Abraham, I will bless those who bless you. I will curse those who curse you. As long as you kill your fucking son. That's it. Yeah.

You got to go ahead and kill your son. Do me a favor, bro. Can you fucking whack your son for me? I know. son. That's it. Yeah. But you got to go ahead and kill your son. Do me a favor, bro. Yeah. And you fucking whack your son for me. No. I know he's like. No, I mean like not like the priest whacked the son. I mean like actually whack the son.

Like fucking lay him down. I know he's super important to you and real, you know. But maybe if you could just slit his fucking throat. Like just take him really far away and no one will know. Just drive him into the woods and let him go if you slit his throat he doesn't come back he never loved you anyway so yes from the days of the pharaohs to the days of the united states of america the covenant the hand of god in this abrahamic covenant has determined history wait wait wait wait slow it down slow down slow

down i can't even get through that i didn't even know what he said like it sounded like a like a tone we were just going like all of that went right in one ear and out the other six million jews were killed in the 1940s and god was like well uh i'm gonna curse him i'm gonna curse him pretty much by letting him lose a war uh that will take years and years and years. And meanwhile, six million of you motherfuckers will be slaughtered. That's the cursing, but I'll bless the people that like you. How about you fucking actually bless me so six million of my fucking peeps don't get slaughtered?

I can't even hear this shit. You can't look at human history and be like one side was blessed and one wasn't. It's fucking nonsense. Because it's just nonsense. You look at it and you're just like, um, a lot of people died on the other side, bro. Right. Like, that's not a thing. Like, you can't be like, America was blessed in the World War II because they won the war.

And you'd be like, yeah, but then a lot of people died. Right. And we kind of dropped bombs on a whole fucking nation. Right. And, like, couldn't it be argued that, like that Russia was really much more instrumental in the defeat of Germany. They're the ones who fucking invaded Berlin, right? But like, fucking Russia lost a

cartillion people! They were like, throwing, they were like, shooting people out of people cannons. Exactly, yeah, yeah. Like, there was like a point where they had like, they manufactured one gun and a fucking thousand Russians! It's like, get them, boys.

It's like a relay race to death. You just keep passing it back. They will run out of bullets before we run out of Russians. That's exactly it, man. The rise and fall of nations. Basically, it's not just saying, if I bless Israel or bless the Jewish people, I'll be blessed. It's not just saying, if I bless Israel or bless the Jewish people, I'll be blessed. It's also saying reciprocity in the way whatever you do to Israel,

whatever you do to the Jewish people, shall be done back to you. Now, here's the thing. Here's something here. Israel is always dealing with Islamic terrorism every day. Oh, every day, continuously. In the summer, there was a plan, a resolution in the United Nations, or a push for this, to vote into existence a state called Palestine. That would clearly be an anti-Israel motion. Israel said, not even getting into Palestine, which means the land of the Philistines, and saying that that belongs to them, not the Jewish people. But Israel said this is not ready or this is not the right thing because this is going to put us in more danger with the terrorism that happens all here.

So the chief sponsor who sponsored this resolution to try to get Palestine in there when Israel said this is going to hurt us with terrorism it's a putting our security in danger the chief who was the chief sponsor it was france wait so god is getting back because they fucking suggested something and suggested something how long ago when was palestine created dude it's a suggestion box well i didn't like that suggestion i i put now when the neo-nazis gather together and ain't nobody slaughters them right fucking did somebody put something in the fucking un suggestion box and they get a paris attack you have to sign your name to it because god's back there reading reading the slips i like to think uh in bed after each one of these, just like fortune cookies.

We should create a new Palestine in bed. Makes me laugh every time. Sister comes from news.com.au. Teen Islamic State pinup girl changes her mind, is beaten to death. Oh, God. Well, you know, like, here's the thing. In ISIS, you don't get to change your mind. What the fuck? Nobody is interested in your mind in isis um this

is pretty horrible so there were two teenage girls that ran away from their homes in austria uh to join isis um they ran away they joined isis and then at some point they were like wait fuck isis whoops yeah that's terrible decision and they fucking one of them tried to bail on it because, you know, ISIS. Oh, my God. And they beat her to death. And it's like, I mean, it's a terrible, tragic story because it's a fucking stupid teenager, right? Yeah. Like fucking stupid teenage kids.

We don't have any fucking idea what we're doing. We just think we know everything about what we're fucking doing. That's what lies at the heart of being a teenager. Yeah. But, like, the stakes were not that high when I was fucking doing stupid shit to piss off my folks i know right gosh yeah and it says here it says upon their arrival this is directly from the news.com.au article it says upon their arrival the two girls were immediately married to a pair of jihadist fighters whom they lived with for two months under the same roof she said the girls moved out with

each each of their husbands into separate homes with uh sabina and her soldier living in a three bedroom apartment so basically as soon as they got there like they went away with like one of the boyfriends like one of them had a boyfriend it sounded like yeah and then they went down there just to be like hey i'm fucking a kid and i want to go down and whatever and then they were wearing the hijab and you know sort of getting into it and it sounds like someone was just like, hey, I'm fucking a kid and I want to go down and whatever. And then they were wearing the hijab and sort of getting into it. And it sounds like someone was just like, oh, hey, you got some hot women? I'll just take them because down there women don't mean anything. Right.

They're just property. They're just property. So they just got fucking confiscated. Yep. And then they got handed back out because, again, they're a fucking currency down there. Yep. Right. And the thing is, that's not...

There's nothing there that stretches the imagination, right? You see what they're doing. Somebody sent us a story this week that ISIS is like shoving poles up people's asses. Oh, God, I saw that. And killing them in a way where they... I don't know what it's called, but they shove a pole up your ass and it comes out your mouth.

That's pre-medieval. Exactly. It's horrifying beyond belief, right? But this isn't something I'd put past that government, right? They cut people's head off. They kill dozens and dozens of people in brutal, brutal ways. They take women into sex slavery all the time. They capture women and do this constantly. This isn't a new thing.

This isn't a thing that you should be shocked about. This is something where you think if you go there, you should expect you shouldn't be shocked at all by this. It's not a defect of their ideology is a feature of their. Exactly. It's a feature. It's so. So it's not like it's not like this is not aberrant. Like, let's let's talk about this in terms of like cultural relativism. Right. relativism right like you know this is not this is not a uh situation where it's like well you know i mean maybe it's okay to treat women as chattel and force them into sex slavery and that's all you want yeah right like maybe maybe that's okay in some parts of the world it's fucking just never okay you know so it's never okay the the thing is that we have an obligation to teach

people that it's never okay right because clearly there are people in the world who think that it is okay and you gotta fix that right you gotta fix that problem there's a gap there we have to say like no no that's not oh look none of this is okay all of the things like literally look around all the things you're doing stop all of them yeah totally not okay the only thing that you're doing now that you can continue doing is pooping yeah that's it that's the only thing and that's amoral that's not even sure about we're a little we're worried about that i'm not even sure about the breathing actually all of that is wrong objectively wrong yep stop it just stop it stop doing that go lay

down exactly but you know the thing is is that we look at what the cause is and people will say there's two camps. Right. The one side is our camp, which is clearly the religion is giving them justification for this. Sure. And then there's the other side that's like, oh, no, it's cultural, blah, blah, blah. And it's just misery. If it is religion, it's misreading a religion. But I think it's the religion's fault even still. So let's take another example a holy american pie example of the westboro baptist church sure that's a group of fucking degenerates who reads a book that everybody thinks is the truth and they get the worst shit

out of it and then they spread the worst shit they can find right okay so they find the worst shit in what everybody considers the word of God. And then they spread that stuff. And when we look at them, I don't ever think, you know, boy, what a bunch of losers are separate from the Bible. I think, boy, what a bunch of losers that use the Bible to their advantage. And it's the Bible's fault for being so fucking open ended. Yeah. That it has the shit in there that they can clearly cite that says it's

okay to stone a homosexual yeah right yeah the thing is like how are you going to arrive at that conclusion that that you would it would never occur to you to like hurl stones at fucking homosexuals unless there was something that had planted that idea in your mind and then you had this whole uh community of people that helped to foster and grow these terrible fucking mean-spirited, bigoted, bronze century ideas, right? I mean, it's got to come from somewhere. It starts from somewhere and then it grows. And maybe, you know, if I'm a biblical expert or an expert on the Koran or whatever, I'd be like, well, that's not really what was meant. Well, it fucking doesn't make this girl less dead yeah is she less dead is that some kind of fucking comfort to her

her family like oh when they beat her to death for what they thought were religious reasons when they were actually stomping her fucking young skull in it wasn't for religious no it was just yeah it was cultural misunderstanding the book but here the book. But here's the thing. Here's what also sells it. It's the word of God. Right. So it doesn't matter whether or not it's right or wrong or a misreading of any of the books. It's still going to sell it to the next guy. Right.

And because we all agree or most of us agree that it's the infallible word of fucking God that we're all just going to fucking blindly – We're going to take it on a next level of validity. We're going to say that it's, it's more valid than what a person would say. We're saying, you know what? I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt, right? Because it's the word of God.

And if I feel like something in here doesn't ring true, I can't question it. Cause the authority figure told me that an ultimate authority figure said it. And in this culture, if you question the word of God, you get killed. Nobody likes that. Nobody is pro getting killed. Jesus, talk about a safe space.

My goodness. That's not a microaggression. That's a real aggression. We believe we're moving into a supernatural season where, if needed, God will multiply food. I have seen God multiply food more than one time when I was cooking. I mean, when my kids were little, they were always bringing their friends into the house. And I remember, you know, spooning out spaghetti or whatever, just praying in the Spirit over that, and God just made more and more and more.

You know, I've seen oil multiply as I was praying for the sick. I've seen bottles of oil just fill praying for the sick. I've seen bottles of oil just fill up about a cup at a time of oil. So this story comes from ABC7.com. Pope Francis' kiss shrinks baby girl's inoperable tumor, parents say.

And I read this, and my first thought was, well, maybe all those priests are trying to cure testicle cancer. You know? They're just giving a little kiss, just a little snug. You know, look, you know what? When we're done, you'll never have fucking colon cancer. Here's the thing. It makes it smaller.

So if you kiss a baby dick, will it get tiny, tiny? It's like a fucking micro penis when they get older. That's what happened to me. I love that the Pope could walk up and just like kiss somebody's face and then the fucking tumor goes down. Like why don't we fucking squeeze the Pope and make non-cancer juice then? What the fuck? So like is it in his saliva or is it just in his good intentions? I don't know.

Is there any way to harvest his good intentions? I will't know. Is there any way to harvest his good intentions? I don't know what I have to do. I will harvest them. Why is his good intentions not spread worldwide? No kidding, right? It's just like I'm sure he kissed people who were sick otherwise. Did he ever kiss somebody and then get a cold himself? Was he like, oh, that seems awkward. It's so counting the hits, right?

It's so counting the hits. Even if it is a hit, which you don't even – I mean the doctors aren't saying that it is. But it did – they do show two different before and after tumors. And I'm sure tumors fluctuate in size. I don't know a lot about size. I don't know anything about fucking MRIs and brain tumors. Here's the thing. I don't know a lot about stuff, period.

In general, I don't know a lot about stuff. I will agree. Stuff is not your thing. But I presume that you could take a picture of something and then take a picture of it again and it changes it's not like it's a fucking it's just like here's a static size of a thing i don't know that's true but again it just feels like it feels like what you're doing is you're saying this thing caused this other thing right when clearly the woman is i mean is she in treatment at this point i don't know she's in a hospital right i don't even mention whether she's in treatment, right?

She's in a hospital. They don't even talk about whether she's in treatment. They don't talk about what could have caused it. But even if, even if it's inoperable, but that doesn't mean it's untreatable, right? Right. Inoperable means you can't operate on it, right? You can't get in there and fucking carve it out. Yeah, because when you do, the buzzer goes off. It's like,

fucking, it sucks. And then your nose goes red. It's just terrible. Here's the thing. This is still weak sauce, even if it's 100% true. Even if a pope was blessed by God.

A pope. Listen to us talk. It's a ridiculous fucking thing. Jesus Christ. What am I doing with my Saturday? God damn it. Could fucking give you a fucking brain tumor smooch

or whatever. I'm a plus four level clare like that's it that's your magic power you get one like you can't like go to a whole hospital and cure the whole hospital yeah you can't wave your arm and cure all the burn victims in the burn unit you can't be like abracadabra you got a new leg or something instead you get one shot and fucking smooching a little girl it doesn't even it doesn't even make it to go away it's just smaller that's it it's like i can't well i didn't want to give him too much magics them's my magics it's kind of like i only got a little magic he can make cards

disappear he does coin tricks i i gave all that to david bl. He's like a white wearing David Copperfield. And it doesn't mean that there aren't groups of people in this country that I have sympathy for. I do. And there are kids that were brought into this country by their parents unknowing that they were breaking the law. And they will say to me and others who defend the rule of law, breaking the law. And they will say to me and others who defend the rule of law, we have to do something about the 11 million. And some of them are valedictorians. Well, my answer to that is, and then by the way, their parents brought them in. It wasn't their fault. It's true in some cases, but they aren't all valedictorians. They weren't all brought in by their parents. For everyone who's a valedictorian, there's another hundred out there that they weigh 130

pounds and they've got calves the sides of cantaloupes because they're hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert this guy's still in it is this guy still in it he's in it to win it jesus christ you gotta be in it this guy's amazing because he's just like his whole platform is just can we kill the gays like that's all his platform is like at least at least trump sprinkles in some racism once in a while this guy is a one-trick pony he is so mean like mike huckabee is so and he's just he's so obviously not going to win anything like this guy how is he gonna win anything so he's in iowa um and he's fucking just making he's just flat out making things up at this point so we actually covered a story a

long time ago um about us about a family in germany that they they sought political asylum here in the states and like yeah we want to fucking homeschool our kids and germany is like yeah that's not a fucking thing because we're a real country you know we don't hold guns to kids heads here to learn right so you know it's not how it works and so they were like well let us come to america and it was like i don't know if that's really gonna happen but like right right and so huckabee though is spinning the whole thing saying that like every christian believer should be livid over the fact and somebody says this week the justice department was there actually is there video there is there's audio for this let's just hear him let's hear him lie a giant pumpkin in front of him and you can barely tell the difference between the pumpkin and his head.

Look at how wholesome that is. And one thing I think I'd like to see is the president to fight for the right of families to be involved in their kids' schools. There is a case right now in East Tennessee that ought to make every Christian believer in this country absolutely livid. Is that the one where the kid gets almost shot and put in a chicken coop or no? No, no, that's the homeschooling America style. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is... Guns, guns, guns!

This is the example he makes up out of whole cloth that isn't actually happening. I see. It is the Remiki family. They came here from Germany seeking asylum. Oh, here I thought he was going to say they were Syrian. No, that's not it. We don't care about that. That's fair.

We don't even discuss that. Because they were going to have their kids taken away from them in Germany because they homeschool their kids in Germany. Germany wouldn't allow it. And the German government was going to take their kids from their very stable, very solid Christian home. So the Rameke family took asylum to America, where they would be able to educate their kids at home. Their kids are doing great. I've met their kids. I met their kids. I can't understand a fucking word they say. They speak German, which I think is rude. That's part two of our conversation.

of our conversation. And this week, the Justice Department of the United States started deportation process against the Rameki family to send them back to Germany, which will take their kids from them. The very week the president

wants to bring Syrian refugees to America and import them, he wants to deport a Christian family. Yeah, the best part is there's literally no evidence that any of that is true. What happened is they applied for asylum. They were like, that's not really how you get asylum. And then later on, the Department of Homeland Security said that they would be granted

indefinite deferred action status, which basically means like, look, you can stay here. You don't get asylum because, really, bro, asylum from Germany? Are you kidding me? Yeah. But OK, you can hang out here all you want. Nobody's deporting him. There's fucking no evidence that anybody is seeking to deport these people. Also, isn't he doing the classic pit and Anglo against someone who's Muslim?

Like, isn't he like where he's saying, oh, well, we support the we deport the Anglo person. All right. Yeah. Then we write. But we open arms except the brown people and these fucking brown people are taking over the country. Like, I mean, isn't that what he's implicitly saying with that bullshit? Right.

We're just like, oh yeah, yeah. In Germany, did they have their house explode and like everyone want to kill them? Did that happen there? Cause I probably didn't happen there. Jesus. Why are you comparing the two? Because I probably didn't happen there. Jesus. Why are you comparing the two? Because it's, look. God damn, it's like you fucking, you live in a city that looks like Rubbleopolis.

It's fucking, there's nothing left. There's fucking nothing left. They're bombing, they're dropping barrel bombs on people. People are dying every day. You have a chance of dying like a million more times than I have. And then they get on a fucking rickety ass boat where motherfuckers poke fucking holes in them and hope they drowned in the middle of the water. Right, right. And you're going to say, oh, they're fucking doing, what are they going to do over here?

Fucking brown people here. What an asshole. He's a terrible person. God, I can't believe someone does that. What the fuck is wrong with you do you not i mean do you not fucking look at what is happening is he does he have such fucking blinders on that he can't tell the difference between someone who lives in a stable country and someone who lives in a fucking pit of hell and they want to leave can he not fucking tell the difference he wants

to compare the two yeah but but here's here is and i believe this is true i think people look at the refugees and they genuinely think it's your fault you live like that it's your fault for being muslim and for being poor or not poor enough and being brown it's your fucking fault because we have this fucking stupid fucking idea that we should be proud of our heritage we should be proud of where live, that where we live speaks to our character, right? That like, I'm proud to be German. I'm proud to be American. And if you're a fucking born Muslim, which is just fucking sheer random chance that you happen to be

born in fucking Syria, right? You had fucking nothing to do with the fact that you were born in fucking Syria. You should be fucking ashamed and that's your country and you should fucking live in that shithole and you should die in that shithole and you should starve and have your fucking family explode and somehow it's your fucking fault that all of this shit is happening to you yeah and they fucking believe that i can't believe that he could compare the two just be like oh yeah they're the exact

same thing if you do not believe that there is a war on the Christian faith in this country that is being carried out by this administration, look no further than the education system. Can we talk again about that rush to victimhood you were talking about earlier? I mean isn't this exactly what we were talking about? Where he's not talking about anything about this. What he's saying is he's saying, look, look fucking they're attacking us and i feel real bad about it i know right don't you feel real bad even though there's no attack whatsoever right that they're fucking that that none of the things i said were even remotely fucking true right and i feel real sad yeah bro i got the boohoo super sad i got a fucking boo fucking twat waffle because it's happening in our country or not

and the president may not take responsibility for educating the kids k through 12 and coming up with the curriculum but by gosh he ought to have an attorney general that will fight for mother and father to have the right to educate their children in the best way for them why what no you get fucking what are you talking about you get education like a christian muslim atheist fucking jew pastafarian doesn't make any fucking difference you get to go to school you get to go k through 12 it doesn't fucking cost you fucking anything but registration fees which even those are waived with a hardship waiver. The only thing that was fucking, and even that you can bypass. You can homeschool. And even this example is nonsense.

All of it's fucking garbage. It's all lies. It's all just lying. Well, the thing is, is that all you have to do is just say it within a conviction and all these people will clap. Because they don't, the thing is, like, if you're in front of me and you're saying this stuff, I might believe it too. I might be like, holy shit. You don't have time to fact check it. I don't have time to fact check that shit.

Are they really deporting a person who just wanted to teach their kids at home? That's horrible. And I agree with them. You know what I mean? If it was a real thing and they were like, yeah, they put the fucking deportation people. You know what? That's some bullshit. They should be able to stay here.

The fuck? Why would that? Here's the thing. I'm okay with the Syrians coming here too. I'm okay with both. Can I be okay with both? No. How would you have a dichotomy of us versus them if you were okay with both? You're not painting anyone as a

villain, dammit. Painting fucking Huckabee as a villain because he's already orange. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google Plus, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com, or you can call and leave a message at 740-74- patreon.com. That's p a t r e o n.com

forward slash dissonance pod, or click the link on the podcast homepage. And you can donate to the production of cognitive dissonance on a per episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story is actually a variation on a theme that we covered a fucking 115 years ago. It's from CNN. And we're rerouting it here because it's still fucking happening. How is it still happening?

I don't even know. So the title of the article is, Were Fake Bomb Detectors Used by Hotel Security in Sharm El Sheikh? Unbelievable. There were these fucking garbage detectors. They were nothing detectors is what they were. They were fucking hopes and dreams and unicorn farts detectors. What they were is dowsing rods that were affixed.

Yes. It's like trying to detect bombs with a fucking twister spinner to see whether or not, you know, like you hit it, you're like, oh, fuck, there's a bomb on orange. Dude, it is, it is, it is as bad as flipping a coin. Yeah. I mean, like, oh, let's see if this car has a bomb on it. Heads or tails? Tails is no bomb. Well, heads.

Okay. Yeah, exactly. These were sold in Iraq during, I think, the first invasion. I don't remember. We've invaded Iraq so many times. We're about to do it again, I think. I can't even tell. We've fucking invaded them so many times we literally had baseball cards about.

Yeah, it's like there's going to be quarters in a fucking football game. Was that the third quarter when he threw the touchdown? When was that? It's hard to tell. Yeah. But they were selling these fucking football game. Was that the third quarter when he threw the touchdown? When was that? It's hard to tell. But they were selling these fucking garbage things, and the guy who sold them got fucking jailed. I thought he was in jailed. Is that a word?

I think we just made that up. That's good. All right. Hit this, Bob. In jail, bitches. In jail's a thing now. So he got put away because he sold some fucking, some shoddy. What do you want to say?

Shoddy. Because shoddy makes it, it presumes a functionality of some sort. Right. It's like he sold a box of turds for Wheaties. Like, that's just not a thing, man. These bomb detectors, like, to watch people walking around is fucking, it is. It's like two, like, shitty little metal rods attached to a thing with a beeper on it like it had a nine volt battery and a hope inside it's fucking beat

once in a while if you found a bomb with that thing it was purely by accident it's like a blind squirrel finding a nut you know what i mean like it's just like maybe it happens once in a while but you don't get it on film very often and they're still being sold people are still walking around like i can you imagine like somebody's like, let me check and see if there's a bomb. You would probably want to trust that. Well, this is what this is. The problem is, is that they're still using it. And the Metro Jet Flight 992 68 that fucking exploded.

Right. That's that was checked with these with these. Yeah. Which means it was not checked. Right. Because this is just garbage as somebody who's profiteering off of the misery of other

human beings. You might as well wave a fucking homemade magic wand over that you know what this truly is? This is truly somebody saying I'm willing to blow somebody up for money I don't give a shit I don't give a shit what happens to you I don't care. I just put two give a shit what happens to you I don't care

I just put two pieces of plastic and a piece of metal together And attached a fucking 9 volt battery Feed me money Motherfucker You have to be a fucking cold ass Motherfucker to sell that You have to be able to look somebody in the eye and be like When your wife is ripped in half by shrapnel

And that's my fault Just know that it lined my pockets and made me feel good. Just know that I dove Scrooge McDuck style into the pile of money I made off of this before they carted me away to a deserved prince incessant. I was jerking off to porn of your wife's decapitated body with fucking – Okay. You crossed the line. With sheets of money. You crossed the line. You crossed the line. With sheets of money. You cross the line.

You cross the line. Congratulations. Way to go. 262 episodes and finally I've done it. Wow. It's like working toward a goal. You know what I mean? It's like a PR.

We've all got to do something. You know? akbar akbar akbar akbar akbar just little thank you chicago this is pretty crazy so

can i just say how sad the guy looks in this and here's the thing i would look sad if they sentenced me to death for fucking apostasy too super sad oh yeah i would feel so sad i would be like really uh i don't feel like that should be a thing it's from the independent uh ashraf fayyad i'm probably mispronouncing that's probably totally right uh saudi arabia to sue i like it sue is in quotations twitter user describing palestinian poet's death sentence as isis like

i will go on the air and say it is isis-esque yeah i don't know is that are you gonna sue me saudi arabia has some fight they're fucking padded well with lawyers. That's what I'm saying. Fucking whatever. Well, what's the standing for that suit in an American court? Oh, no. They'd be like, hey, you've been served. Come to Saudi Arabia. Fucking get your judgment against me.

I'm fucking out of fucks to give. You couldn't fucking hand me a piece of paper that fucking had any combination of words that would get me to go to Saudi Arabia. It could be like Saudi Arabia is literally now your country. We've named it Tomistan. Everything there is yours. You can rule it as you see fit. We abdicate control. I'd be like, pass.

I'm okay. Not going? I'm good. Yeah. I'd rather eke out my miserable middle class existence in middle America. Thanks for coming. That's fucking great. If they brought that suit to the United States, though, I think you're allowed to walk up while they're on the witness stand and tap your dick in their face.

Be like, whap, whap, whap, whap, until they say, we're sorry, we made a mistake. Yeah, I would wipe my ass with the service paperwork. Oh, gosh. Fuck off. The thing is, it's not ISIS-like. It's not ISIS-esque. It's exactly what ISIS is doing. It's literally no different.

It's fucking literally the same thing. There's fucking no difference in what you're doing and what ISIS is doing. Right. And here's what you're doing. It's the wrong fucking thing. Real easy. All you got to do is look at me like, oh, is it the wrong thing? Yeah, it's the wrong thing.

It's exactly. Put it in the ISIS bucket. It's the same thing. It's the exact same thing. Like, what exactly is the difference between beheading somebody for apostasy in Saudi Arabia and beheading somebody for apostasy in Syria? Right. Like, what, location, location, location?

Are we selling real estate now? When you do it in Saudi Arabia, you're wearing nicer clothes. Right, that's it. Yeah, well, we put them through a trial with a fucking kangaroo court. We used to have a hand chopper offer machine, but we were afraid the robots were taking human jobs, so we've outsourced that to the philippines i can't even imagine like this is a this is a poet like this is a guy who's like i write words in a fancy way

and it's like oh we can't have that oh it's a bad day for you bro i'd like like we talked about with with eli like this is just chicken shittery is what it is it's fear-based like this is it is this is you're a goddamn fear fucking shitty fucking coward is what you are you just want to shut the conversation exactly you want to shut it down you want to you want to you want to silence not only this person but anybody else who decides to raise their head later to say hey right i still disagree with the same way that guy disagrees. Nobody else is going to do that because it'd be like, I really like my face where it is. I like the way that my neck and my-

It's kind of right over my body, which is right where it was my whole life. I don't want to be Ichabod, right? I would like to be able to cross bridges without invitation. I'd like not to wear a pumpkin on my face because I already have a pumpkin for my face. So we are joined again by Eli from Godawful Movies and Scathing Atheist. Eli, if people have never heard of Godawful Movies and haven't heard the podcast, could you explain it? So Godawful Movies, each week we watch a different religious movie and we mystery science theater it. We watch it and then we make fun of it for an hour, hour and a half on our show. And we've done everything from Left Behind with Kirk Cameron to Left Behind with Nicolas Cage.

We just did the four-movie Image of the Beast series. We've done God's Not Dead. You can check it out. Every week we put out a different episode where we make fun of a movie. We've had some absolutely fantastic guests on and we basically we go on and we just we it's an entirely comedy podcast and we just make fun of the movie of the week well have you done any youtube only movies because i know that the religious do do a lot of youtube only right yeah we've done two youtube only we did miracle. That sounds like it's good. Which is a retelling of the Christ story that was a sci-fi made-for-TV miniseries that got turned into a movie when sci-fi was like, nope, too bad.

We don't want this. Wait a minute. Sci-fi. The channel that has like Sharkpedo. Giant Spider. Wait a minute. This is a channel that has actually two Sharknado movies, right? And then at some point you're like, so I've made this movie.

They're like, it's not a Sharknado, bro. It doesn't rise to the level of a Sharknado. This isn't the great big spider quality we're looking for. Does a Sharknado get crucified in it? So basically they got turned down for sci-fi. We did that movie it's terrible we've done international gorilla j which of course is the one of the only uh one of the only muslim movies out there um that's like a crazy movie made for uh muslims um but he's really

absolutely fucking crazy it is it the plot of the movie is three young Muslims go to kill Salman Rushdie, who has a secret island lair in which he traps and beheads Muslims. And it ends with them summoning three magical flying Korans, which lightening him to to death he catches on fire and dies. That's the and it's that's not the beginning of how crazy that fucking movie is. That sounds amazing. Okay now

What is this movie called? International Gorillas. You can find it. It's free on YouTube. We did an episode on it. That sounds actually like a really good movie. It's fucking awesome. There's at one point in the movie

and this is true at one point in the movie they all jump out to kill Solomon Rushdie and they're dressed like Batman. All the characters are dressed like Batman, and they never acknowledge it. No one talks about it. It's not a thing. They're just all wearing Batman costumes.

And I fucking, I had a hernia. For a week, I was just like, why would they dress like Batman? Why would they be dressed like Batman? Why? And it's not, none of it is tongue-in-cheek either. It's not like a, hey, look at this fun thing. It's all 100% serious. So, yeah, we've done God's Not Dead.

We've done Miracle Man, Image of the Beast. We did all four of those movies. We did War Room, which is the recent movie, number one movie in America that came out. Horrible movie. So you can check that out every week. Are any of them any good? Have you watched one? I'm curious.

Have you watched one where you've been like, all right, all joking aside, that wasn't too bad of a movie? Or are they all shit? No. Not even one. I mean, we pre-screen them to make sure they're terrible. There you go. And we've had movies that we've been like, oh, let's try this one.

And then we've watched it and been like, nah, man, that's just a horror movie. That's not religious. They just want to... It's a demon. Come on. can't use the exorcist when we we used to we used to have a movie review podcast uh a while back and and we found that what it did to us was make us hate movies oh yeah so much um and the reason why is because one it feels like homework when you have to watch a movie that you don't want to watch even

if it is a good movie even if it is a movie that people rave about, it's one of those movies that you're like, I don't want to watch it, though. I just want to fucking geek out and play video games. Instead, I've got to watch this movie. And then you have to talk about it. We found that more than anything, it ruined our love for movies more than anything else. Do you think that you're in danger of that with this?

I do not. I said this before. I was a high school bully so i have infinite not physically but emotionally i have infinite physical capacity to make fun of other people it's my gift it's like it's my i'm like it's like how goku can make a spirit bomb i can make fun of other people it's your mutant power if professor x came by he'd be like oh he'd be like eli come quickly there's a kid at the school who's a little heavyset. I'd be like, I'm coming, Professor.

Quick, somebody feels good about themselves. Destroy them. I'm in. I'm on my way. By the way, I would crush it as an X-Man. I'd show up and I'd be like, oh, you can bend metal. You can bend metal. So you're like a little buckyball then, huh?

That's your power? You're a buckyball? Put on some fucking clothes. I can see your vag. Blue lady. You thought, oh, I'm blue so people can't see my labia? I can see your labia. You're gross.

You're gross. That still hit it. That's awesome. I could have taken out the Morlocks. No need to cut out a girl's heart, Storm. Just send me down to the Morlocks. They'll all be in a counselor's office in 20 minutes. Rocking back and forth, hugging themselves.

I'm the Titus Andronicus of the Morlocks. So you are part of the Scathing Atheists as well. What do you do for that show? So they bring me in for the Bible wrap-ups and all sorts of occasional things. They'll bring me in to talk. I ranups and all sorts of occasional things. They'll bring me in to talk. I ran for pope when the most recent pope was elected. I wasn't allowed.

I ran for president this year. I'm also on the Skeptocrat. They have me do – we do all of the debates except for the last two. We've done debate wrap-ups of, so you can hear us making fun of the candidates for the first two Republican debates as well as the first Democratic primary as well. It sounds exhausting given the number of candidates on the Republican side. Oh, it was fucking phenomenal. It is one of my favorite shows. Everyone's got like a favorite thing they've ever done. One of my favorite shows that we've ever done is the first Democratic primary is just dealing with that fucking clown car and getting to rip on them for a while.

So on the right, I'm curious. You've got the, I don't know, fucking two dozen candidates on the right. And really everybody is – initially when Trump entered the field, the conversation was, oh, it's not going to happen. It's a flash in the pan. It's a distraction. Oh, I'm so excited. He's going to win.

And he's probably going to win. He's not going to be president, but he is is going to win the democratic he's going to win the republic i'm right there with you like i mean i know that like i know that like nate silver says that's way too it's premature to even have that conversation you nate silver fuck me he doesn't know listen i will call you when i need math not opinions the moment it's time to start calculating districts you step right the fuck in right now you shut your mouth because he's not working off numbers now now he's just like who wants to know what nate silver thinks zero people zero people i don't want to know your fucking sandwich order until it's time to do use a calculator you little nerd so yeah no they're wrong he's

gonna win the he goes up in points every time he says stuff every time time he says something, people like him more because he's a man. And this is the other thing, too, that pisses me off about Trump. Everybody's like, I don't know where he's a mirror. He's a mirror on America. And we need to admit it because we're a country full of stupid, racist idiots. Most of us are stupid, evil, racist idiots. And he's a reflection of that. That's why they like him because he's like

speak some fucking english and it's like yeah i'm i'm a i live in new york city i live in a nice little bubble of liberalism and they hope that bernie wins because he's gonna give everyone a marijuana and a gun good i love it but that's not the country we live in and he's gonna win the primary he's gonna lose the primary he's gonna lose the election he's gonna lose the election because brown people get to vote but he's going to win the primary and it's gonna be phenomenal because he's gonna debate Hillary he's gonna debate Hillary I haven't wanted to watch a fight so much since I heard that Reza Aslan and Sam Harris were on the same staircase I've never wanted to watch it it It's going to be a fucking blunt bath.

She's just going to sit there and be like, I'm going to let him talk and then be president. She'll turn her fucking mic off is what she'll do. Right, exactly. She'll just keep digging and digging and digging. And Tom said,

while you said the brown people, Tom said, yeah, and women get to vote too. Yeah, and women get to vote. And women get to vote and handicapped people get to vote and Muslims get to vote. He wants them to have IDs like Hitler, like a bad guy in a comic book. He wants everyone to have IDs. And of all the presidential candidates, he's the one who can afford the mountain lair though, admittedly. Yeah, exactly.

Listen, if Donald Trump goes full Bonneville. Now, I personally believe he is a Democratic sleeper cell. I think he is 100 percent a Democratic sleeper cell. And he was hanging out with Hilldog and Bill in the 90s. And they were like, hey, man, I got a favor to ask of you. And he was like, sure. What do you want? You have all the money in the world.

We want you to just fuck the Republican Party. Can you drive it into the ground? And he was like, let me see. Celebrity Apprentice Season 1. And at the end of this election, when Hilldog is president or Bernie's president, hopefully, but I'm fine with either of them. And when the Democrat's president, he's going to have a press conference. He's going to rip off his wig and be like, yeah, I'm bald also. You're all fucking idiots.

And I'm a billionaire, so there's no consequences. It is astonishing. There's no consequences. I can't believe you believed what I said also you're all fucking idiots and i'm a billionaire so there's no consequences it is astonishing no consequences i can't believe you believed what i said you're all monsters bye i'm gonna go live on an island exactly he's like it's like the end of a scooby-doo where they pull his mask off and be like i was you the whole time right if they pull off trump's face and he's hillary clinton that's a fucking genius I would have gotten away from it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids. It is genuinely astonishing to me. And I mean this in every sense of the word. It is astonishing that we're actually at a point where he can't say anything more fucking offensive.

He's making fun of disabled people. He has to eat a baby live on stage. And the first comment underneath that YouTube video will be, Well, that baby is going to look like it was approaching him from the angle of all lives matter. Except for that baby's, of course. Finally, someone has the courage to eat a baby. You know, I'm tired of these career politicians that don't eat babies. Someone's just saying what we're all thinking, that babies are delicious.

We're politicians and don't eat babies. Someone's just saying what we're all thinking, that babies are delicious. So fuck it. But I do object when people are like, I don't think he's not going to. I don't know where he comes from. It's like he comes from us. That is true. That is true.

It's like when people look at their own shit and they're like, I didn't eat that. Yes, you fucking did. That's where it came from. That's America's. He's just America's corn-filled shit. He is exactly what's left in the bowl after a really bad night of tacos yeah i don't know why there's blood in there did you eat chipotle four days in a row yeah i ate chipotle four that's why there's blood in there because you're calling screaming so uh so if people were going to find your podcast eli where

would they look so they can look at it they can find all of the podcasts on iTunes. Godawful Movies on iTunes, Stitcher, wherever podcasts live. You can also find Scathing Atheist and The Skeptocrat. You can find all the episodes that I'm on there. But if you want to hear me, lots and lots of me, Godawful Movies is the one that I'm the co-host of where I'm on every episode. And you can check that out. Again, iTunes and check that out as well.

Thanks for joining us today Eli it's been really great and if anybody has any angry social justice word email send it to Eli please no no send it to them so that they'll have me back on so I can fuck up the recording again now that would be fun send it to them they'll compile an FAQ we'll do a Sam Harris

thing where I just answer all your angry emails that they had to fuck her through people don't love me the way I want to be loved. Okay, you all need to understand some things. First of all, I am heavyset for a reason. I come from big people.

Second of all, it's the holidays. The fact that I sound fat, you all need to check it out. Awesome. Thanks so much for joining us, man. Thanks, bud. Thanks so much for joining us, man. Thanks, bud. Thanks so much for having me, guys. So we want to thank Eric, Molly, Sarah, Will, Mark, Royce, Tamara, Scott, Harrison, local dairy council.

That's great. Tiani. I don't know. That's great. Tiani. I don't know. There's a J in it. Run. It's pronounced Tijuana. By the Lake 23. And by the Lake 23 has been tweeting at us for a very long time.

So thank you for becoming a patron. Shane, Nathan, Adam, Casey, Matthew. It's either mediocre. I think it's either Medi-O-Ger. I think it's Medi-O-Ger. Medi-O-Ger is pretty good, actually. Medi-O-Ger sounds right. That's pretty funny. Gene, David, Dennis, Jake, Delina, Andy, Megan, Angry Black Rant.

Hell yeah. Good podcast. Jamie, Mark, and Ed. thank you all so very much. We've had a groundswell of support as usual. Every week we've been getting a ton of people. So we want to thank everybody who's donated to us. The next couple weeks we're going to give a large chunk of money to what we think is probably going to be Doctors Without Borders. But we just wanted to let people know we wanted to thank you all for your donations because you're the ones who make this possible.

You make this donation at Christmastime possible. So thank you. And I do want to point out if you go to our Patreon page and you see more fluctuations in our monthly donations that seem out of whack, it's because Patreon still can't figure out. They still keep messing with our Patreon donation algorithm. So ridiculous. They're still messing with that they have no idea what they're doing these are people who cannot find their ass with both hands it's it is astonishing i'll navigate to it it's like wait fucking what and you can yeah they're just who

knows what they're doing in the background there just know that we are grateful uh to all of you we also received some PayPal donations. We got PayPal donations from Albert, from Donnie, and from Shelly. So thank you very much. We almost got a PayPal donation from Emily. Yeah. But Emily put some keywords in there, such as Syrian and refugees. That's not a good. And it turns out that if you put certain keywords in there when you're sending

money through wire transfer, it doesn't you know, or an ACH style transfer like PayPal, it doesn't work out so well. So that got flagged. It got flagged and taken back. So thank you for the intent though. We love it. We love it. Thank you. If you get it to us before

the time frame that we donate, we will make sure to donate that money. For sure. So we got a message from Tim, and Tim sends us images of what looks like an ice cream bar in Australia, and it's called Gay Time. It's amazing. Golden Gay Time. You know what it looks like? It looks like one of those, like the cheap shitty school ice cream.

Yeah. The eclair ones. Yeah, right? Like the fucking ice cream of last resort. Yeah. You know, that you eat. The drumstick's gone. And then the bottle rocket pop or whatever that thing is called.

The American pop. You're eating this and you're still going to eat it, you know, because, I mean, America. But you're not happy about it. You're like, fucking. You're only going to eat it, you know, because I'm in America. But you're not happy about it. You're like, you're only going to eat like one box. It's kind of like that. And you're going to be sad the whole time. Chalky. Well, you can't be sad because according to the second image, and this is the greatest tagline, it's hard to have a gay time on your own.

That's very true. So awesome. What a tagline. Yeah. So I'll put an image for this on this That's so awesome. What a tagline. Yeah. So I'll put an image for this on this week's show notes. This is episode 262. We got a message. This is from Mark.

And Mark said that I could get on the ground floor of the growing infidel extermination business. And he's talking about ISIS help desk. I like that. So great. And the ISIS help desk. He has a line for them. If you were to call the ISIS help desk, what would you hear, Tom? You've reached Islamic State.

Your call is important to us. If you're having trouble with your suicide vest, press one. Trying to scramble yourself, signet to avoid drone strikes. Press two. Otherwise, please stay on the line and the next available jihadi will assist you. All of our jihadists are torturing other customers right now. Please stay on the line, and the next available terrorist will be with you shortly. That's pretty great.

Instead of thank you for your patience, it should say Allah Akbar. That would be great. Also, it says in here uh in between you miss this it says in italics this is sort of like the screenwriting version of this to tell you that this is happening awful music right there and actually i thought that was the person's name awful music it's like it wasn't that like one of the emperors over there so we got a message from kevin and this is the most exciting part kevin likes our our work uh he thinks it's fun and uh and and he says

i'm your only listener in malta and i think that's amazing malta is like this this tiny little fort city state that is like super old-timey and it's amazing like i've always wanted to visit there uh that is the greatest thing ever they live in malta you got to take a picture of like i don't know something malty something like a falcon like a falcon or something that's how they internet in malta they just have falcons running like where we use carrier pigeon there they use falcons. So we have a message on cultural relativism from Troy, Tom. So funny story for you guys.

I'm sitting here at work, and I look over to this packet. A local church is hosting an event of cultural experience of the developing world. This includes walking a mile to get water, sleeping on a bed of straw, and having six people to a room. I guess they forgot the parts where the town gets bombed to kill one terrorist, they get sold into sex trafficking rings, or they have to starve for a week because they only make $15 a day working at the soot farm. Soot farm? The soot farm made me laugh. That's awesome.

A soot farm. You know, I will say I think there is some value to the to like get out of your own space sort of experiences yeah yeah i think that's kind of great it's better than just like give us some money and fucking we'll commiserate over starbucks you know what i mean like at least there's some attempt to uh have something approaching a genuine i like the idea of walking to get water you know there's a lot of people in the world that have to do that, that have to go really far. And that's such a big part of their day

that they can't do other things. Could you imagine if every day you had to go get 10 gallons of water and that was, let's say, a 25-minute walk each way and then you had to do it twice? You think I could walk 25 minutes each way twice? I'm just saying like if the water was six meters away. That's what I'm saying. 25 minutes for you.

Because your rascal scooter can only push that much mass. Well, the problem is charging them in the developed world. You got to get the solar panel charger for them and it just takes forever. We got a message from Joe and joe and joe sent us an image uh for saving christmas that joe photoshopped so we're going to post this on this episode show notes episode 261 it has to do with joshua fuerenstein fuerenstein isn't that a uh isn't that like that first that first person shooter game fuerenstein's castle yeah fu, Ferenstein 3D.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah, very popular back in the mid-'90s. So we got a ton of messages about this, Tom. It looks like Canadian whiskey. In particular, this Canadian whiskey is Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye, this particular list's best whiskey of the year, Jim Murray's 2006 Whiskies of the Year. It's number one, this Canadian whiskey. It's a rye that's made up in Canada. And a bunch of people are like, look, you fuckers are wrong.

And the thing is, I want to explain this guy's thought process behind this because I think this is important, right? I'm going to use an analogy. Let's say you have an Aunt Millie, okay? And you go to Aunt Millie's house. And everybody has an Aunt Millie in their life, right? Where they go to their house and Aunt Millie has concocted this fucking slop, right? So she's taking fucking condensed soup and like fucking French fried onions. And like fucking – she hasn't drained

the green beans and she dumps that in there and she kind of stirs it all up and she presents this pile of vomit for you to taste and you just look at it and you're like what the fuck is wrong with and everything aunt millie makes is fucking foul and disgusting and you just you just fucking want to kill yourself when you have to go over there and eat right and so one day you show up and aunt millie has made box mix brownies and you taste one you know because you saw you see the thing a box mix it's like fucking duncan hines they're the fucking most generic garbage brownies you've ever had in your life but you taste one you're like oh shit oh these are actually made she didn't fucking add any fucking like crazy shit to it she didn't put any fucking

uh you know whatever it is that she was going to put in the ramen noodles or whatever she was going to add to this fucking thing it's just a box mix fucking brownie and you're like these are really good and she's and she says oh really you like them oh yeah they're really good and all you're trying to do is encourage her from making the garbage she has made the rest of the time she's made it that is what this is people canada makes garbage whiskey it's fucking it's garbage juice it's the worst thing you've ever put in your mouth they finally fumble fuck their way into something that tastes halfway decent and it made best in the world and you fuckers are all jerking off. It's the worst whiskey in the world, in the world.

And someone is saying that's pretty good. And the reason why they're saying it is because they don't want to keep fucking up every time they make a batch of whiskey. Right. It's like you've set the bar so low that when they finally crawl stumbling drunk over the top of it, you're just fucking happy that they're not drowning in their own vomit. Exactly. It's like your roommate comes back and you don't have to turn him on his side. You know, he's like, he's not fucking wetting the couch. High five, bro.

You didn't fucking almost kill yourself. Right. Yes. You seem like you probably would have survived the evening on your own. Well fucking done. No, but congratulations, Canada. Yeah. Now you get fucking literally one trophy.

Yeah. Like Canada has to share one award. Like we did it. I will say though, I've never had this whiskey. I will try it. I bet it's probably very good. If I can find it though, the problem is with all these whiskey lists is the moment that this whiskey gets big and it gets post-solid, you i can find it though the problem is with all these whiskey lists is the moment that this whiskey gets big and it gets it gets post-solid you'll never find it again like it's

one of those things like if a if a bourbon especially a a smaller distillery gets popular and they get named in one of these things you just never find the stuff anymore so i'm gonna look for it um and i'll try it i do like rise and i i'm actually you know all kidding aside i'm really happy that uh crown royal made something that isn't because i really do think crown royal is a pretty bland whiskey i'm just not it's just not interesting to me that's not to say it's a bad whiskey it's just it's not something i'm into so i thought it was interesting as to rise and a bourbon made the list and no scotch on the list and all of the bottles on this list cecil are financially accessible yeah

absolutely yeah i mean like it's 60, 70 bucks tops. The middle one is 180 a bottle. Oh, fuck that noise. That's a lot. That's an Irish whiskey, though, isn't it? Middleton, Dare, Grilla. I don't know. You just start vomiting syllable sounds. Yeah, there's a bourbon, there's a Japanese one,

and two ryes at the top. So, it could just be the dudes going through a rye phase. Yeah, right. But yeah, that's cool. That's great. Congratulations. That's really a – I think it's great, and I'd love to try it.

And the thing is Crown Royal is relatively cheaply priced, so I would try it for sure if I could get ahold of the bottle. I got a message, Tom. What's the fruited plain? Yeah, so the fruited plain is just – it it's where you get your uh whopper wrappers yeah it turns out but they're gonna be rainbow colored yes right exactly you get your your rainbow colored whoppers across the entire fruited plain their fruited plain is just the entirety of the uh midwest wherein we grow things that's all the midwest is for yeah it's kind of funny right like it's not

it's not where we grow any fruit well we might i don't know i mean what we're mostly known for is like wheat and corn there right so and soybeans like fucking crazy right yeah but i don't know they might grow elf fruit there and corn right but you know come to think of it though to be honest i've never seen a wheat field have you yeah i've seen honest, I've never seen a wheat field. Have you? Yeah, I've seen a couple. I've never seen a wheat field. Not in Illinois, though, I don't think. It's all corn here. Yeah.

I mean, it's fucking Illinois. It's corn and soybean. It's a fucking 100% corn. So we got a message from Jeff, and Jeff sent us a game you can play. I thought this was very funny. Called Urinal Man, where you get to choose which urinal you're going to use out of six, depending on who's standing at the urinal. It's actually a very funny game.

So we'll post it to this week's show notes. We got a great Christmas carol from Elvis. And I want to say, when I saw this come in, Elvis sent this in. And Elvis sends in a lot of songs. So Elvis understands this, but I just immediately froze up when he said 12 days. Because I was like, oh no, it's the 12 days of Christmas. How long could this... It gonna be like it's gonna be too long because what we get from a lot of people can be funny but it's like four five six minutes long we can't use this is perfect elvis did an absolute wonderful job he only did the last verse

so it's it's absolutely perfect so this is his 12 days of Christmas. On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me 12 logics leaping, 11 pastors manning, 10 prophets raving, 9 bakers prepping, 8 tongues of speaking, 7 Brian's fishing, 6 bulls of shitting five chicken wings that's great four hamming kens three rick wiles no welcome maps and a hand chopping off my sheet awesome that is that's so great what a great perfectly done uh 30 seconds long perfect that's awesome we got a message from Heather Heather Wilder who happens to be one of the kick ass like fucking what do they call themselves

super directors of awesomeness like creator care whatever the fuck like creator care we're like fucking hamsters like zoo keepers we're like fucking hamsters that got a fee, right? Like, we're fucking zookeepers. Tell you what, we're fucking expensive hamsters. Right?

So they created. Pissing and cedar shavings. What I love is how excited they are in every one of their fucking emails about shit that's fucking lame. Here's something that they did. Two-factor authorization. So Patreon got hacked a while ago. Right. And now they're like, you've been asking for it.

We've been working on it. Without any further delay, I can officially say two-factor authorization is here. Are you excited as I am? I bet you are. Yeah, we are because our fucking patrons don't want to lose their data, you fuck-ups. Jesus Christ. So if you have, I think it's Google Authentication Right that's what they're using

You can set your phone up So that you have two factor authorization On your account I know Tom and I will be doing the same thing So we just want to let people know that that's a thing If you're worried about your data at Patreon We want to get away from Patreon We got another message where someone was upset

That they had to go to Patreon And actually download some of the stuff that we had The free content we had It's our only workable solution now. Eventually, we'd like to do things like authenticated RSS feed. One, I don't know how to do it. And two, I don't have time to research it. I work a full-time job. I do the podcast. Podcast takes about 40 hours a week. It's a lot of work. So we just don't have the time to do it right now. In the future, we're hoping we have more time. We can try to set some time aside and figure it out so we got a message from jade and jade said i've been listening to episode 165 uh with the alternate skeptics creed and had decided to tattoo deep fry even

this on my juicy thighs good luck with that jade that's awesome that's funny uh you're tattooed over everybody tom even if it is just in jest. All right. I'll take what I can get. So we want to mention that Chris Matheson, the author of Story of God, which is available on Amazon as well as now on Audible. So if you were interested in hearing his book on Audible, it's available now. It's available now. And the best part is, is he gave us two keys, two electronic keys that we are going to try to give out to our listeners. But we want to have a contest.

We want to have fun with it. So what Tom thought of, and I'm going to see if I can do it justice, Tom, correct me if I'm wrong, but we're hoping what we can do is have people create a bumper segment for us for Jim Baker. And Tom has some ideas on how that's going to work, but we're going to try to create because we don't really have a good sort of us for Jim Baker. And Tom has some ideas on how that's going to work, but we're going to try to create, because we don't really have a good sort of segue for Jim Baker. And Jim Baker has become a large part of this show because he's amazing. And so what we'd like to do is have people create a short bumper. Please keep it under 30 seconds.

15 seconds is like prime perfect. But if you have to keep it, 30 seconds is sort of the limit. We're going to pick a couple of these. We have two keys of the limit. We're going to pick a couple of these. We have two keys to give out. We're going to pick a couple of these. If they're really good, we'll play a bunch of them, but we want to get you to send them in. So send them in to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Tom, any other advice for people?

Yeah, my idea would be make it sound like it's a commercial for a new Jim Baker product, maybe even like a post-Rapture product or everybody gets Raptured but Jim Baker. Just have fun with it. Just have fun with it. I think the more tongue-in-cheek it is oftentimes, the better that kind of stuff is. So send him your thoughts, and the best two will get an audible key. An audible key for Chris Matheson's book, Story of God. We're giving them away.

So if you're interested in getting that, or if you're just interested in having some of your shit played on our show, send us an audio file. If it's too big to send, you can send a Dropbox link to us, and we'll download it. We want to encourage everybody to play along, and hopefully you'll win that key. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. It was a long show

with Eli. We want to thank Eli, of course, for coming on. Eli Bosnick from Godawful Movies. He works with Noah and Heath on that show. He also works with Noah and Heath on Scathing Atheist and Skeptocrat. They're all three really funny guys. Noah, Heath, and Eli put a ton of work in their shows, so give their shows a check out if you haven't before. But Eli was Noah, Noah, Heath and, and Eli put a ton of work in their shows. So give their shows a checkout if you haven't before.

But, but Eli was great, funny, smart guy. And I will definitely have him on to, to deal with the hate mail. Right. We'll have to,

we'll save them. We'll set them aside and he can respond to them individually. So that's going to wrap it up for this week, but we're going to leave you like we always do with the sept, the septics creed, the septics creed. I like that. That's a different one.

That's a different one. I'll have to write something new. That's in the hole out back, the septic's creed. The skeptic's creed. Same difference. Whatever. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit.

Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, Thank you. Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody.

Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music