Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 265: Take My Boy!

Episode Date: December 14, 2015

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Ah, good eggnog. No, I'm not kidding. I just slurped, gargled, and squished around in my mouth a mouthful of eggnog and drank it because I love eggnog so fucking much. Glory hole and merry fucking Christmas. Oh, and happy Festivus for the rest of us. Glory hole. Bye-bye. Hi Tom and Cecil, it's Marie from California. While I 115% agree with you that Rubio is fucking ridiculous to say that the Constitution comes second to God's law and stupid because Jesus actually abolished the old law

of Leviticus and the Old Testament by fulfilling all the prophecies in the Old Testament. So they pretty much go by what Jesus said now. And Jesus, unfortunately, for example, did bring up the gay thing. So that's why they adhere to that. Just thought I would drop that knowledge.

Thank you. Bye. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. We'll be right back. to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. This is episode 265 of Cognitive Dissonance, and today is Dogma Debate episode day. Yeah, we're recording before we go on Dogma Debate, so this will be released after we go on Dogma Debate. So this will be released after we go on Dogma Debate. We are pre-gaming for Dogma Debate.

Right. And I'm pretty pumped. I'm pretty excited to get bumped. You know? To get bumped. Our – we're going to be – I know this is all happening in the past, I recognize, for listeners now. But, you know, we were going to be on at 1 and then at 7. I think at this rate, you know, we'll have us on at like 3 in the morning. I'm like, hey, I got a slot that no one else wants.

Exactly. You're on the 25th hour of the 24-hour podcast-a-thon. Thanks, buddy. I think it's a broadcast-a-thon. I believe it's a podcast-a-thon. Fair enough. Anyway, I'm probably right about that. So, no, you know, in all fairness, I would have bumped me too.

We were just the first people that contacted him about it. Exactly, yeah. We're just the ones who asked him about it specifically. And then he decided to do something. But we got bumped, and that's great. And hopefully we gave away $5,000.

And if not, then I have a new PS4. There you go. And so that's exciting. There you go. And I've got strippers and blow. So there you go. Yeah. Yeah.

Awesome. Lori Hall in extremely long black cock. So the first story we want to cover, I mean, you know, the thing is it's a recent story, but it's an oldie but a goodie. This is one of those things where, you know, you watch a TV show like, let's say, Game of Thrones, and they throw in those old cliche. Right. And you're just like, oh, I've seen this before. Right. I've seen this on so many other shows.

It's like one of those underlying themes that you see on every superhero show or something like that. That's what this is. This is like watching a shitty sitcom. It's like, I killed the goldfish. I'll replace it with another goldfish and nobody will notice. And five people buy the same goldfish because they all think they killed the goldfish. The person is like, why do I have five goldfish? And everyone's like, I think they made it.

Tee hee! Yeah, pretty much that. Right. But Finny had a bad fin. Oh, you fucking caught me. I killed the goldfish. This is from the Raw story. San Diego priest who covered up sex assault.

Oh. Immediately fired? Huh. No, that's not how this went. No, that's not how this went. It's like Mad Libs, right? Taken to jail? No, not that one. No, no, no. That would be right.

How about placed in charge of sex abuse hotline? I'm going to go with C, Alex. There you go. Oh, God. Placed in charge. First, why do we call them? They're the ones fucking us. It's like when you go to the police office and be like, I would like to report to police

brutality. They'd be like, sure. Crumple, crumple, crumple. You bet. I'll tell on Bill. Give me a break. Why are you going to do this? Yeah, right. Like, you're going to call the priest and be like, well, the priests are fucking me again.

Huh. Yeah, let me write that down with the no paper and pencil I have not here. I accidentally spilled this giant bucket of cum on my computer again. Yeah, like, you can hear them. They're like, tell me about it. You're fucking masturbating to your fucking woe. They give no shit. They are like, can you about it. You're fucking masturbating to your fucking woe. They give no shit. They're like, can you tell this story a little slower?

The thing comes on, it's like, your call may be recorded for the sexual pleasure of our deviant priests. Oh, God. They put him in charge of it. That's like putting Trump in charge of hugging immigrants. Just like, you walk in, you get like, you're an immigrant, they stamp your papers like for your visa, and then you have to give Trump a giant hug. Oh my God. That would be only marginally less pleasant. Right.

Only marginally. So, and this guy, he covered up, first he covers up this sex abuse. Right. And now they're putting him in charge of this. And the church is like wondering, what's the big deal, guys? They seem, they're like incredulous. But this keeps happening. And it's like, what they need to do is they need to hire somebody from outside the church.

Because clearly nobody inside the church is telling them. It's like such a crazy echo chamber or something. It's like they're just covered with sycophants who are terrified to give them bad, say anything bad to them or be like, hey, you know what? Yeah. Ah, real crazy, real crazy. All right. I got this idea.

All right. So I know, I know, I know. But listen, listen, it turns out, I know it's going to be real, the general public doesn't like it when you fuck their kids. Whoa, I know, right? I don't know. Why would that be a thing? I don't know.

I was as surprised as you. No, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. So anyway, don't fuck their kids. That's step one. I know it's going to be tough. It's going to be a rough day. You know what normally people do is give up things for New Year's resolutions.

That might be something you all want to consider. You might want to consider listing a few things that you want to give up, like fucking kids should be near the top. Right, yeah. And you know, eating after eight or whatever is nearby. And then just try to do all of them and see what happens. It's like if you can imagine the butthole of a little boy, don't fuck that.

Actually, stop imagining the butthole of a little boy, don't fuck that. Actually, stop imagining the butthole of a little boy. That should be maybe above. Don't fuck that. See if you can throw that above there. Just a fucking international no symbol over that. Over the butthole? Over the brown star. Not for you. Over the little kid's anus?

That's not for you. Sure, stay away. Can't they hire an outside consultant? That would be the easiest job ever. I'd be like, hey, uh. Could you imagine how easy that, I mean, you're hired on the outside. You know what you could even do? Like, as this consultant, right, you come in and you say, look, we're going to stop fucking kids. Okay, now that's number one.

But hold on. I have questions. All the kids? I know, I know where you're coming from. What about the good looking ones? Father McGrab Crotch, can you put your hand down in the back? I just want to say one thing. We're not going to stop fucking though.

So here's what we're going to do. We're going to go out and we're going to get prostitutes. Whatever prostitute you want. Good plan. Male, female, however that works. Sure. Something in between. Fine.

Right. Totally fine. We're just going to stop fucking things that can't give consent. That's it. That's it. Fuck whatever else you want. You want to get caught Hugh Grant style getting a hummer in front of a fucking like a paparazzi. Awesome.

Yeah. Awesome. That's good for our audience. That's good. That will help us. Actually, I encourage you to go out and find as many prostitutes as you can. In fact, get an audience. You could have a fucking foursome and Times Square

covered in fucking baby oil. During a press conference. Like, yeah, that's awesome. That's good for us. And the press was like, raise your hand if you're into this. If everybody raises their hand, it's like, great. Do that. Right?

That's how easy their job is, right? That's how easy the job is. It? That's how easy the job is. It's seriously like you just have to institute a rule. Like, all you have to do is be able to drive to the orgy. Like, that's it. Like, if you are old enough to drive to the orgy, we're good. We can hang out. It's fine.

It's fine. Just fucking put your keys in the fishbowl. It's going to be a fucking Vatican party, bitch. There's like a lineup of weird hats by the doors. It's just, we don't want to know where that scepter's been. You need a lot of lube for that thing. You really do. A long black cock, long black cock.

Long black cock, long black cock. A long black cock. Long black cock. All right, so this story comes from ChristianNews.net. Liberty University president draws concern after telling students, we could end those Muslims with guns or pork. We've got choices. Right.

Yeah. So see, so we have some audio. I shouldn't, I don't, I don't want to be accused of paraphrasing or putting words in the mouth of this esteemed individual. Okay. I'm going to play the audio now.

Now I'm going to, I'm going to cut some of this audio because some of it's not worthwhile, but we're going to play the meat, not pork, of the article here. So I want to preface this video before we play it, though, that what he says before I cut is that he's talking about how he wants to give one of the people who was involved in this some scholarships or something to their Liberty University.

Gotcha. So that's basically what he's talking about. And he's talking about the San Bernardino's basically what he's talking about. And this is, and he's talking about a scholarship to a school. He's talking about the San Bernardino shooting is what he's talking about. It just blows my mind when I see the president

of the United States say that the answer to circumstances like that is more gun control. I mean, if the people, if some of those people in that community center had had what I've got in my back pocket right now. Who keeps a gun in their back pocket? Like that's just for shooting yourself in the ass. That seems like an unfortunate place to sit down then.

Right? You ever see the video of that cop who's showing people how to use a gun and he shoots himself in the leg? I mean, no, it's sad. It's sad. But he does totally shoot himself in the fucking leg. It's awesome.

And then he tries to play and he's like, boom! And he's like, and he's like, well, I gotta see you. Don't do that. And he's like,

yeah, okay, man. You fucking shot yourself in a room full of kids. Yeah. Like, it's a fucking discharged a firearm in a room full of kids. The best Like, it's a fucking discharged a firearm in a room full of kids. The best thing you could have shot was you. Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Like, that was actually, given that, that was a best-case circumstance. Is it illegal to pull it out? I don't know. Well, it depends on what you're talking about. Right? That's context. I'm going to tell you.

That's all about context. It is illegal to whip it out. Right. I don't know if it's illegal to pull it out. I don't know. And also, depending on your biblical view, it might be illegal to pull it out. You know what I mean? Right.

Yeah. If you're like one of those duggers. Otherwise, you wouldn't broke it. Because they don't ever pull it out. There's no pulling it out. They don't pull it out. That's it. But then you can yeah. If you're like one of those duggers. Otherwise, you wouldn't broke it. Because they don't ever pull it out. There's no pulling it out. They don't pull it out. That's it. But then you can't see what you produced.

How are you going to be proud? You know? Well, you have to stay there overnight. Just to make sure none of it escapes. You plug the hole. Yeah, it's a little gooey in the morning, admittedly. That's it. But, yeah.

It's like someone put a caramello in there. What's going on? It's like I was churning for butter. There's chunks left over. It's like a Cadbury egg got broken up there. Cadbury egg? Oh, God. Oh, man. No, it's terrible. Cadbury eggs are way grosser than man. It's terrible.

Cadbury eggs are way grosser than that. That's true. Is that? Anyway. I've always thought if more good people had concealed carry permits. What about the bad people? No, no. We don't think about them.

Is there a part of the form where you sign and it says are you good or bad? Check here if you like me. You gotta do one of those paper things. Fugita, fugita, fugita, fugita. Are you good or bad? That's the entire questionnaire for Concealed Carry Everywhere. Are you good or bad?

What about if you come in and you're like eh, I mean good, that's kind of a high bar Bad, I don't know if I quite qualify Would you say bad is like charging people For an education that you're not really giving them Is that bad or I don't know

Can I just get a big knife then Like a spear He's like a naginata I got a crossbow You get the size of the weapon that you get. Based on your goodness scale. Yeah. So if you're somebody who gave a lot to someone, like that Malaya, what was her name?

Yeah, Malala. Malala. If it's Malala, she can drive around in a tank. Right. She's allowed in a tank. And the Dalai Lama just gets nuclear warheads. He's just covered in nuclear warheads. We're going to get mail.

Dalai Lama's actually an asshole. He's a huge dick and he hates women. Kind of a misogynist. Then we could end those Muslims before they walk in and kill us. Yeah. We can end those before they... Before I trail off. Before I trail off.

I'm a dynamic speaker. Well, I mean, yeah, you could if the Muslim was the person who was going to try to shoot you. Sure. But, I mean, are we saying that all terrorism acts are Muslims now? Because I thought, I don't think the guy who shot at the Planned Parenthood was Muslim. Well, he doesn't count. And, like, it's so funny because, like, the mass shootings, and we've talked about this, mass shootings account for such a tiny percentage of gun death that they're statistically insignificant.

But even if we want to pay attention to mass shootings, most mass shootings aren't committed by Muslims. Yeah. You know? Newtown, not committed by Muslims. The fucking crazy dude who shot up the fucking Aurora Theater, not a fucking Muslim. I mean, most of the mass shootings that occur have nothing to do, in the States, have nothing to do with Islam at all.

Yeah. So, you just, that's a fucking red herring all that is is like hey i'm xenophobic yeah you should be xenophobic too i have a gun on my butt but i i think one of the things that we've got to pay attention to is that that word xenophobic because i think that that is like one of those freudian slips that sort of slips in here right he's like oh i i didn't mean all muslims i only meant muslim extremists or whatever is what his response is what i like too though that because i think it's like he also, I didn't mean all Muslims. I only meant Muslim extremists or whatever is what his response is to this. I like, too, though, because I think it's like he also says, like, we could get them before they could shoot the place up.

Huh. Really? Because how do you know? Yeah, that's the other thing. I mean, people get shot in these things. And, you know, everybody likes to think they're Dirty Harry. Right. Right.

That's the thing is everybody likes to think that they're Dirty Harry and that they're going to pull their gun out and they're going to be able to shoot whoever the hell they want. Wasn't Dirty Harry a cop anyway? I think he was. Why are they doing this? Why don't we use that as an example? Whatever, like, whatever vigilante they are, right?

They're choosing a vigilante. They're not a law enforcement officer. They're a guy who had a couple of hours training. And we train soldiers for months and months and months and months and months to learn how to do, know handle combat situations please go through like mountains of training in order to understand how to use their gun and how to use it safely and how to you know identify threats versus non-threats etc etc and even they don't do a great job sometimes right like that's an imperfect and i have a buddy of mine that was a marine and he was saying that like everybody had

a sidearm like everybody walked around i don't know if it was a sidearm but everybody you know and he was this isn't a combat zone they were armed like all the time but the rule was they couldn't have a fucking magazine in unless it was a combat situation because there were just fucking discharges like accidental discharges these were trained. Yeah. And they had to be like, whoa, dude, stop shooting at stuff! But the thing is, is like, this also only addresses one small part of gun violence, right? It's the tiniest little

most visible section of gun violence. It's not a big section of gun violence. It's a small amount of people that die this way. Right. But it's the one that's reported the most because it's the most because it's the most, uh, it's the most in,

in a lot of people's minds, even though I think there's far more tragic things than happen. It's, it's the most mainstream tragic thing that can happen, right? You're just there. You're an innocent person and boom. Now,

innocent people die from guns all the fucking time. It happens all the time. Little fucking three-year-old playing fucking Legos in front of their house, shot in the face by some jag off gang member, right? Happens all the time. Little fucking three-year-old playing fucking Legos in front of their house, shot in the face by some jag-off gang member, right? Happens all the time. That's a tragedy. Innocent person dies. I understand that. But this is one of those moments where the media loves to play out that sort of innocent people die sort of thing, right? And so this is what we hear about.

And everybody says, oh, well, you know, if Morgan's in that situation. I'm not going to argue that Morgan— I think it's I don't think so. But again, you know, I know that there are statistics that can prove me right or wrong, depending on how you look. But I think I think what you're missing is that there's 300 million guns approximately in the United States. There's there must be a critical mass that we have to hit before the violence starts to decline.

Right. Before the gun violence begins to decline. Clearly, 300 million guns is an insufficient number of guns. Their argument, though, is that you can't take your guns everywhere. So their argument is if you could take your guns everywhere, then there would never be any gun violence because everybody

would be packing a gun and no one would do anything wrong. Nobody would ever commit any crimes because there would be guns there. But guns, the gun people, the gun crime that you prevent with guns, I think, are the crimes where people want to get away. Sure. Right?

Yeah. In these situations, these people don't want to get away. They don't want to be like, oh, I want to get away. They don't want to get away at all. They want to fucking die there. So, you know, could you slow down or maybe stop them from killing more people? Possibly. Possibly. Could you shoot someone else? Maybe

that is not part of it. Could you ricochet? Could you injure someone else? Possibly. Could you get yourself killed? Possibly. You know, are you going to confound the situation when the police show up? Maybe. You know what I mean? Like, there's all these problems with this that just, they get washed away

when we have these fucking, like, masturbatory fantasies of us being fucking Dirty Harry. Yeah, right. Well, we're all, you know, in our imaginations, we are all experts at everything we've done once or twice, right? You know, you and I go shooting. We shoot clay pigeons.

We're pretty decent at it. We're not bad at it, yeah. We're not an okay clay pigeon shooting guy. Yeah. If you gave me a shotgun and said, go do combat, I'd be like, fucking take your gun back, motherfucker. Yeah, exactly. That's not my fucking job. That's not my world.

I'm going to leave. I'm going to go find the exit. Yeah. I'll fucking throw that at somebody and say, that's all you, bro. Yeah. I'm not doing it. Let's listen to the other. There's another story, Tom.

Let's introduce this other story at the same time. All right. So we can sort of figure out, because there's another part of this, too, where it's not just the Syrian refugees that this woman is talking about. She's also talking about specifically rushing people and trying to fight them. Sure, sure. This is a Gawker article. Nevada Assemblywoman, who looks like fucking Cousin It, generously-

Oh, Jesus Christ. Look at that fucking hair. Assemblywoman, who looks like fucking Cousin It, generously offers to shoot Syrian refugees herself. So let me describe her Christmas card before we even launch into the story. So let me describe her Christmas card before we even launch into the story. There is a Christmas card that evidently they send out, I don't know, from one fucking family full of hate-filled assholes to another. That's got, I don't know, a dozen people on it, ten people on it, from little kids all the way up to fucking old, gross-looking people. Everybody but the baby has at least one gun in their hand. Does that little kid have a gun? The little boy?

Yeah. Little boy's got a gun? No shit. Yeah. He's like fucking four or five years old. Yeah, these guys clearly got a gun. I'm a little surprised the fucking toddlers on the hips don't have guns.

Everybody's got a gun. They've either got a gun on their hip. Either you're carrying a gun or you're carrying a baby. Like that's what's happening in this. And in fact, the women carrying the babies are carrying guns, too. Yeah. Fucking just, I'm surprised the babies aren't covered in guns.

Just covered in fucking cosmoline and fucking bullets. It's just, this is fucking ridiculous. This person, this fucking awful degenerate human being, she's a Nevada Assemblywoman. Her name is Michelle Fiore. I love the Gawker article. Let me read this. This is awesome. Tea Party Republican.

Nevada Assemblywoman Michelle Fiore, a lunatic. That is awesome. And it's so true. She is absolutely crazy. So I went to this because I wanted to find this particular bit, right, where she says she'd offer to shoot Syrian refugees herself. Now, I want to read what she says because I couldn't find it on her particular show because it's an hour-long show and I didn't feel like listening the whole thing.

She said, what, are you kidding me? I'm about to fly to Paris and shoot them in the head myself, she proclaimed. I'm not okay with Syrian refugees. I'm not okay with terrorists. I'm okay. I'm not okay with Syrian refugees. I'm not okay with terrorists. I'm okay with putting them down, blacking them out, just a piece of brass in their ocular cavity to end their miserable life.

I'm good with that. Wow, man. She's a fucking hero. You know, I wonder how many wars she's served. How many, how many, because she had an opportunity. I wonder how much combat she's seen. Let's just see.

Let's just search. Let's just do a search. This fucking brave woman with her fucking big fucking words. I wonder how much combat she's seen. Let's just see. Let's just search. Let's just do a search. This fucking brave woman with her fucking big fucking words. I'm curious. I mean, that's a good question, Tom. Let's see. You know, I'm not seeing anything in this little search that we're doing about her actually being a soldier, but I'm sure she was. I'm sure she was.

She has to be because she's super brave, right? I mean, obviously. Right. Well, not only that, but she's talking about putting a bullet down to kill Syrian refugees. She says it specifically, Syrian refugees. You're going to shoot somebody whose only crime is they fucking lost their place to live and they have to flee their land because it's war torn by two giant military organizations that are attacking each other. That's what she's expressly saying. She's saying, I will take that person whose only crime is to leave the place where they lived,

where they no longer have a place to live, to go live somewhere else. I'm going to shoot them in the head. Yeah, men, women, and children, right? Doesn't matter. Shoot them right in the eye. That's what she's saying. Fucking black them out. Yeah.

Shoot them right in the eye. You know, she talks a big game, not a good game. She's a fucking awful monster of a human being. Yeah, exactly. Like she's a terrible fucking lousy, hair-filled degenerate. Yeah. She's basically a fucking stinking armpit of a human. But that being said.

Like one from the 70s, right? Where they didn't shave and you just get that sort of. Like a funk, dude. And it just like kind of hangs. You could braid it. You could braid the hair. She's got like a Costa Rican jungle funk, right? Right.

Like a Woodstock funk. You know what I mean? Like if you went to Woodstock and you smelled someone there after the couple of days that they were there, you'd be like, yeah, that's what she smells like. That's it. That's it. So this awful fucking human being is, I yeah, that's what she smells like. That's it. That's it. So this awful fucking human being is, I mean,

it's one thing to talk. Like, oh, go over and fucking shoot some terrorists. Really? I had a fucking opportunity to do that. You know, and you didn't fucking do it. It turns out you're just a fucking talker. Yeah. This is fucking internet heroism. It's like she's willing to strap all these guns on herself and her

family and everything. I'll fucking strap guns all over myself when I live in a fucking safe world because it means nothing to me. Who gives a shit? I'll carry around a fucking firearm in my fucking safe community. Why? Because it means nothing because it has no impact on my safety. Right. Well, then I listened to her particular show that she had. And on her show, she talks. I missed the part where she talks about this,

but I did find a part, and I'm not going to play it for you, but she mentions how you should rush the shooter. Like what you should do is when someone comes in, rush the shooter. That's what her whole mantra is. Well, they should rush those people. They should rush them. You know, you got to, maybe one of you is going to die, but are you going to rush them? You got to rush them. You got to get in there and get at him and that sort of thing.

And I would rush him. If I was there, I would rush him, that sort of thing. Sure. Yeah, of course. Yeah, right. I feel like a lot of people say this thing, and I understand that logically, right? If I'm thinking about a situation logically and I say, you know what?

I'm going to rush the shooter if somebody comes in. First off, I'd like to think I'm that guy. I'd like to think that I'm the guy who if someone walks in, I could rush him. I could do this. I could take him out. I could try to, at least, or maybe sacrifice myself so other people could either help or run away or whatever it is they need to do. I would like to think I'm that guy. I'm an adjunct professor, and if a shooter came in, it really is my responsibility to try to make sure that I either slow them down or do something to protect the students' lives. It's my responsibility. Sure. I'd like to think I'd do that, right, in that situation. But I have no idea if I would do that in that situation. I don't know what that feels like. I don't know what it feels like to be in

that situation. And what, you know, the other thing, too, that people, you know, misunderstand is that they think that if you are in that situation, you do it every time. You do it no matter what. You just don't even think about it. If you do it Tuesday, you do it Thursday. Exactly. What if things change between now and then? Those sorts of things.

That sort of stuff happens all the time. Your brain is in a different mode today than it is. You're not listening to your pump-up music. Right. And the guy comes in and you're like, well, I was just listening to Sarah McLachlan. I don't want to be an angel. I'm out of here. You know what I mean?

So there's a whole bunch of, a whole slew of things that can happen. Right. It's nonsense to believe that just because I can go to the store and buy a gun and go play gun games, you know, show up at the fucking range and plink at some cans or show up at the range and shoot a silhouette. And I'm real good at shooting that silhouette. That has zero translation. Literally, I believe it has zero actual translation to whether or not in a real life or death combat situation you would be able to respond appropriately.

And not just that, we shouldn't be making policy on your fantasies. Right. You know what I mean? Because that's what it turns into. It's not just this idiot thought something up. Because who cares that you're an idiot and you thought something? I fucking I'm an idiot and I think of a million things. Right. But the fact is, is I'm not making policy on my idiocy. Right. I'm not making my experience ubiquitous to everybody else. I'm not saying my fucking fantasies and my experience. All of that is what everybody else experiences. Yeah. You know, and I want to address, too, because I bet we're going to get the email. So Sam Harris talks about rushing the shooter. And he talks about it.

First of all, he prefaces by saying, look, we, you know, after 9-11, we have come to the decision sort of without even talking about it, that if shit happens on an airplane, we rush the guy. Sure. And they do. And it's happened a number of times. Yeah, a number of times. We're in a cylinder. There's nowhere else

to go, right? There's no exit door. And that's why the situation is different. There's two things that make the situation different. One, it's never a gun anymore. Now it's a something else. Two, there is a fucking dead certainty that if you don't do something and you understand it

implicitly, right? You don't have to make eye contact with somebody else and be like, are they going to make for an exit or are they going to rush to shoot her with me? Instead, it's like 30,000 feet in a tin can. Yeah. We got one shot at this, right? And we understand we got one shot at this. Somebody breaks into my building with a gun. My building doesn't crash.

Right. You know what I mean? My building's not going to crash to the ground and everybody dies. Right. That's not going to happen. I have a chance to live. Right. You know what I mean? My building's not going to crash to the ground and everybody dies. Right. That's not going to happen. I have a chance to live. Right. Yeah.

In my building, my office, like, I'll fucking kick the drywall down. Exactly. To get to a- Right. Like, fucking, I am leaving. Yeah. I am leaving. Sure.

I'll Kool-Aid man that place. Like, oh, yeah. That fucking thing cannot contain me. Right. In a situation where there's no escape and your option is die now or maybe die now or definitely die later. Who chooses fucking maybe, like definitely die later? Like definitely die in 30 minutes. Like nobody chooses that.

Or it's free. Yeah, exactly. Nobody chooses that shit. So it's a dumb comparison. It's like if I suddenly have options, if I have ways to leave or a place to hide or whatever the fuck I can do. Yeah, man. Fucking suddenly my brain, my fucking lizard brain is saying, bro, remember all the life stuff you do? Yeah. We still want to do the life stuff. That's good. Keep doing that. So this story comes from MSN. I thought this was interesting.

U.S. strategy seeks to avoid ISIS prophecy. So, you know, I mean, we've talked about this ad nauseum. We'll continue to talk about it ad nauseum. When we're talking about how to deal with ISIS, one of the things ISIS wants is to fulfill their religious prophecy by having the United States put boots on the ground and invade. That's part of, that plays right into the narrative of their fucking religious prophecy. Sure. So they drive, part of their strategy is to drive to make that happen so they can declare the prophecy fulfilled and gain more followers to ISIS.

Right? And bolster the caliphate concept. It's a win-win for them. It is a win-win. Because on the one hand, if the U.S. avoids that strategy, which I am not saying that it's a good or a bad strategy.

I don't have any military knowledge to know whether or not boots on the ground to stop ISIS is a good or a bad thing. So I'm not even going to make a comment about that. But for ISIS, it's win-win because it keeps them off

their ground, specifically because they're too afraid to fulfill this prophecy, right? That's number one. Or if they do, they get huge recruitment numbers. So it's just a win-win for them. Either we get to act here with impunity or we get to recruit

and then have a real fight. So which one is it? And they're both great for them. That's both a great option. But I just don't want to hear, and I think this story is short, but what I don't want to hear from anybody is that it's all 100% political. Because that's bullshit.

They're recruiting specifically with a prophecy in mind. There's no fucking political prophecies. Okay? They don't fucking exist. So don't post your tweets about you know, it's only pure fucking politics yet we're turning it into religious alienation.

The religion is the problem. Now individual Muslims, I know we have to say this every goddamn time because people don't fucking hear it. Individual Muslims are definitely not the problem. Individual Muslims, not the problem. Not all individual Muslims are the problem. Right. Not all individual Muslims are the problem. Right.

The fact that they believe in this thing is not the problem. The fact is that the problem is, is that this thing is used to manipulate people. Right. That's the problem. So we start, you know, it's all well and good when you're going to mass five times a day or whatever they do and kneeling down and skipping lunch on fucking Ramadan or whatever.

All that shit is bullshit. It doesn't matter what you do, right? It's a fucking hobby. It's fucking – Exactly right. It's model airplanes. It's CrossFit for your brain. Right.

You know what I mean? It's just like, you know, yeah, I just feel better when I do it. Great. Fucking do it. Who cares? Right. But the fact is is when you start bringing in all the other shit that comes into it, right, there's all this other garbage where it's, you know, we got to suppress other

people. We got to suppress ideas. We got to injure other people. We have this barbaric system of judgment. We have this, you know, all these other garbage things that come along with it. That's the trash. If everybody was just kind of a fucking a weekend Muslim where they're just like, whatever. You know, like the people who go to church and don't even think. They're like, whatever, yeah, I just go there because I like the way fucking incense smells. Right? Who cares about those people, right? It's the people

that are crazy about it. It's the people that are hyper religious. And when they're hyper religious, the problem's the religion. Yeah, right. And the religion is not, you know, the other thing too is like, the religion is not you know the other thing too is like the religion is not a friendly like you cannot it is not the same thing as as uh saying like you know what if somebody was a fundamentalist jane right because that's the thing some people are crazy about jane-ism like oh well then you know the worst the worst thing they're going to do is fucking get naked brush some fucking spiders away from their chair, and maybe commit suicide later through starvation, right?

Like, that's seriously the worst case scenario. Who cares? Yeah. Who cares? Fucking sniff your airplane glue. No one gives a shit, man. Like, fucking peace. Who gives a shit?

But, you know, the other end of the spectrum does seem to be, right now, Islam. If you really fucking buy into this shit and you join a group called the Islamic State who is looking to set up a motherfucking caliphate to fulfill a religious prophecy through violence, well, now we have a problem, man. Right, right. You know, now we have a real thing. Yeah. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts.

Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to Patreon.com. That's P-A-T-R-E-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod. Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per-episode basis.

If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this is an interesting video. This is from the Huffington Post. And it's a real short, very predictable, actually, video where these guys go out on the street

and they take a Bible and they throw a Koran cover on it. Yeah. And then they go around and they pick some of the fucking most awful shit from the Bible because let's be super clear, the Bible is filled with some hate-filled fucking mongery nonsense. Yes, absolutely. It's full of horrible, misogynist, evil shit.

So they run out and they meet some people on the street and they ask them sort of leading questions about Islam ahead of time. You know, what do you think? And then people are like, oh, it super sucks. They're like, well, let's read some shit. Then they read some shit and then they get reactions. And people are like, yeah, man, that's fucking totes evil. That's some fucked up shit. Right.

And then they're like, really? You've been drinking this coffee all along? And they're like, well, I'm switching to Fulgert Crystal then. I can't believe it's made with Splenda. All right, all right. The thing is that we talked about earlier, and the reason why we're even talking about this, because it's been covered all over, and you said as much.

You're like, well, this thing's been covered all over. First, the Dutch sound like they're speaking with a hair in the back of their head. There's something wrong. It sounds like a lot of hacking going on. There's a hot going on, a lot of that. Do they have a lot of cats? Maybe it's furballs back there. It could be.

They're hacking something up. I don't know what it is. I don't know. But in any case, the reason why we want to talk about this is because specifically, you know, people are saying, well, the Muslim is more violent than the whatever. And it's like, you know, that doesn't matter. They're all Bronze Age texts. They're all garbage.

They're all full of misogyny. They're all full of hatred. They're all full of slavery and vengeance and people getting fucking hand chop or offer machines. Maybe not the blueprints for it, but certainly the ideals behind it are all sort of inside of this thing. And when you take the cover off

and you point to all the horrible shit in the Bible, yes, it's the same shit that's in the other one. In fact, they base their horrible book on the other horrible book. You know what I mean? Like, one horrible book is based off the other fucking horrible book. So would it be shocking that parts of the Koran sound like

the Bible? No, because they're fucking pretty much the same goddamn thing. They're both like Cormac McCarthy novels. Exactly. With babies on spits. There's just baby trees somewhere. You read through them and you're just like, oh my God, I need something uplifting. Where's Blood Meridian? Hang on a minute.

I gotta, oh my God. Hold on. I just read this story About people dashing babies Against rocks oh which book are you reading I don't even know anymore At this point it doesn't even matter Is that somehow a relevant question All of a sudden

Your fucking angry bitter war god Exactly your fucking Your crazy war god Is just wants you to kill things Is it meaner than my war god I don't know It's like well in this one They just set people on fire It just wants you to kill things. Right. Is it meaner than my war gun? Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I don't know, man. It's like, well, in this one, they just set people on fire.

And on that one, they impale them on a stake. And you're like, well, that's both. I can't know. Would you rather be dropped off naked on the worst parts of Chicago, worst parts of Baltimore, or the worst parts of Detroit? It all sucks. It all sucks. You did not give me a choice.

That's the worst. All of it's the worst. Thanks for the choice, Sophie. Take my boy! Take my boy! That's so terrible. Oh, I just totally spoiler fucking Sophie's choice for people, didn't I? That's awesome.

Suck on it. Nobody is watching that. God. That fucking sad ass movie. God damn. The worst part about watching a movie like that, too is like you watch it and you're like, oh my god, oh my god. And you can't even console yourself with that probably didn't happen.

You know what I mean? Like at no point can you say like it won't certainly happen repetitively. Oh god. At some point you're like, oh my god. Because there's a whole bunch of movies or stories and I'm like, oh, it's so sad. Yeah. Thank God that didn't happen. Like the road. The road.

Right. It's just like the Bible. It's a little less graphic. We were just like, well, thank God we haven't run out of food and we're eating each other's guts. I know, right? You're like, oh, my God. At least I've got until 2017 before that. Until Trump takes office and we start eating each other's guts. I know, right? You're like, oh my, at least I've got until 2017, you know, before that.

Until Trump takes office and we start eating each other. Because the Bible says that this is what you're supposed to be spending your time on. You say, well, I have all these other important things. Well, what does the Bible say is important? Feeding and clothing your family is what this woman is spending her time on. She's getting up early to make food. She's making clothes. She's making, I mean, that's what, look, am I making this stuff up?

I mean, that's what the time's going into. And so if this is not what your time is going into, ladies, you need to reevaluate, you know, the time that you're putting into your household. That's your main job. So this story also comes from the raw story. A Baptist pastor commands wives to submit. The feminist rebellion is destroying America. Well, let's listen to him talk.

This guy, it's meandering a little, but it's worth listening to. Aren't we all? Let me show you three truths we must embrace concerning our marriages. Number one, there is a divine hierarchy in marriage. Look at Ephesians 5.22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in some things. Is that what it says? In everything. Lord, give us grace and give us ears to hear this morning in Christ's name. Really?

We prayed. Really? Well, that's where he's leading, I think, is leading us through this garden path of, just so you know, bitches, know your role. Right. Yeah. I mean, why didn't he just start his sermon with, make me a sandwich? Right? I mean, at some point, you listen his sermon with, make me a sandwich, right?

I mean, at some point, you listen to it, and it's like, you know, wives need to submit the way that men submit to their God, you know, or whatever. He's building that hierarchy of submission. Except for, you know, what a great place that is. Like, he has to submit to me. Also, I'm here, and my whim is subject to whatever I feel like, you know? And then God is,

oh, real quiet. The one who's in charge of me. Let me hear what he wants me to do. Oh yeah. He wants me to go play poker with the guys. All right. Sorry,

hon. Enjoy cleaning. Have a blowjob ready when I come home. First Timothy chapter two, uh, verses 12 through 15. I'm going to just flip over there and read that for you. The Bible says, I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man,

but to be in silence. You notice that they don't ever just say, let's just read this chapter front to back. They always find the little pieces that support their argument. They're never saying like, okay guys, we're going to read all of Ephesians together and then we're going to see what it says. Instead they're just like, guys, just look at this particular note.

Here's these two little pieces, four sentences worth of shit out of this fucking bucket of shit for you to smell. I'm going to dip my fingers in there and just smell my two fingers. Don't worry. You'll get the entire aroma of the whole thing. It's like pulling out the corn, you know, and saying, like, hey, I made you dinner.

Like, fuck you, man. That's poo. Did you butter them? Because I'll probably still eat it. I'll still. It's thrown under the sink. You say, well, that doesn't really mean that. Well, let's see if it was cultural.

For Adam was formed first, then Eve. See, some people say, oh, well, now that we're Christians, we're all elevated to the same level. Well, that's true. We're all to be submissive to Christ, and we're all to be submissive to one another. But you see— But some are more submissive than others. We're all supposed to be submissive to one another. But you see... Some are more submissive than others. We're all supposed to be submissive to one another. How does that even work?

Well, you submit to me and I'll submit to you, but you first if you're a woman, right? Throw a bunch of fucking bottoms in a BSDM thing somewhere and they'll all be looking for someone to whip them, right? It's like... Like, if you're a bunch of submissives... Dude, you know what that sounds like? That sounds like a fucking bunch of panty wastes all trying to figure out where they should go for dinner.

Where do you want to go? I don't know. Where do you want to go? I don't know. Where do you want to go? And nobody will just be like, we're going out for Thai food. That's where we're going. I don't like that.

Fuck off. You had a chance. Go somewhere else, you little shit. I'll tell you what. I'm going for Thai food. I have a car. I'll be there. Yeah. If you're also there, woohoo. That's great. I'm going for Thai food. I have a car. I'll be there.

Yeah. If you're also there, woo-hoo. That's great. If not, enjoy your evening. All submissive to each other. I love that. It's like a circle jerk submissive. Everybody's got their hand on someone else's pants.

I know, right? But nobody pulls. How too afraid. Adam's headship. His headship? His shippy head. His shipheadiness. Is that like the part that's on the front that always is carved like a woman?

His headship? They call that the glands. It was not a result of the fall. It was before the fall. And then Paul said that the woman was deceived. That's not putting the woman down, but that's saying that the man was to leave. When the lady led, the human race fell. That's not to put him down, Tom. No, look.

Look, we're not trying to put women down. We're just saying when you're in charge, you fuck everything up. Look, I'm not saying your cooking is bad, but we did all get tomein poisoning. When Adam allowed his wife to lead him and it's his fault, not hers, but when he allowed that, the human

race fell. And then you ruined the whole human race. Way to ruin it, honey. Jesus, you put a dent in a car last week. You ruined the whole human race. Now to ruin it, honey. Now you've ruined it. Jesus, you put a dent in a car last week. You've ruined the whole human race. Now you've ruined the whole human race. That's it. The fuck is wrong with you?

The stakes are really high when there's just the two of you, though. My mother was right. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this story comes from

the daily dot uh donald trump wants to close the internet i i just i mean that guy will build a fucking wall anywhere like this guy you know and once one of them's a firewall that's it that's it your thing is you gotta have tiny muslims you do or uh mexicans it doesn't matter he hates them both it doesn't matter they're both them both. It doesn't matter. They're both brown. Get rid of them both, according to Donald. So he wants to close up the internet. He is, however, I know we've got some audio for this.

I do want to point out that at least he recognizes that he can't do this without calling his super friend, Bill Gates. So let's play. This is what Trump had to say. Now, I want to play the whole clip because a lot of people are what Trump had to say. Now, I want to play the whole clip because a lot of people are just pulling pieces of this out, and I want to play the whole clip. And I tell the press,

you got to stop calling them masterminds. These are dirty, rotten scum. These aren't masterminds. Remember the guy in Paris with the big dirty hat? Remember the guy in Paris? The master dirty hat? Remember the guy in Paris? The mastermind. I was watching all the network. I won't mention who, but some of them disgusted me.

The mastermind is on the loose. I actually agree with that. I want to say, real quick, I agree with that. I think when you use terminology like mastermind to describe people who basically just walk into a building with a gun and shoot the building up. Yeah, he's talking about the guy who orchestrated the whole thing, I think. But even still, that's not a mastermind. That's a guy who's like, yeah, so we're going to take a gun and I'm going to have you shoot him. So can you go shoot him?

And the other guy's like, okay, I'll shoot him. It does elevate. It creates this sort of, you know, the myth of the evil genius sort of a thing. And I do think that that plays into that sort of media narrative. So I actually agree with that. Sure. I do too. And we have kids that are watching the internet. They're watching the

internet. Honey, turn on the internet! What channel is the internet on today? Oh, it's Channel I, the internet. What's on the internet? Get out your internet guide. Let the internet. What's on the internet? Wait, get out your internet guide and find out what's on the internet today. How does that work again? I don't know. It's a very large guide, it turns out.

It's enormous. It's literally as large as the internet. How big is it? I don't know. Take a left at www. Oh, my gosh. That's amazing. They're watching the internet.

The thing is, is it's not a big truck, though. It's just a series of tubes. It's a series of tubes. And I think that that's what he's getting at more than anything else. You can't watch all the tubes at once. You can't're watching the internet. The thing is, is it's not a big truck, though. It's just a series of tubes. It's a series of tubes. And I think that that's what he's getting at more than anything else. You can't watch all the tubes at once. You can't watch all the tubes. It's outrageous. You can monitor the tubes pretty well, though, I think.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's what he's talking about. And they want to be masterminds. And then you wonder, why do we lose all these kids? They go over there. They're young. They're impressionable.

They go over. They want to join ISIS. And we have our anchors. I think I got them mostly stopped. Did you notice that? I don't hear it too much. But they say the young mastermind. Oh, he's brilliant. Young man, he's brilliant. I don't even think he's got a high IQ. I call him in Paris, I called him the guy with the dirty, filthy hat. Okay? Not a smart guy, a dummy. Puts people in there A mastermind Bing, bing, bing

They start shooting everybody This guy sounds He sounds like such an idiot Like when he talks He sounds like He sounds like Joe Pesci From one of those He's like

Oh, I put him in there And I said Bing, bing, bing And I shot a couple tree guys Over there And I did this thing And hey, that guy's got A big fucking stupid hat

Over here Oh, hey Hey, yo, hey, yo Hey, yo, hey, yo What a fucking twat They want this guy To be our president got a big fucking stupid hat over here. Oh, hey. Hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo, hey, yo. What a fucking twat. They want this guy to be our president. This guy couldn't find his ass with two hands.

You kidding me? What a fucking schmuck. God. I like what he's like. I got the anchors mostly stopped. Have you noticed that? No. What are you talking about?

What did you call the news anchors? I guess he shamed them. He publicly shamed them to say not stop saying mastermind i guess what fucking i don't know whatever you got to be a mastermind so the press has to be responsible they're not being responsible because we're losing a lot of people because of the internet and we have to do something we have to go see bill gates and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. Because I clearly don't. I don't understand what's happening. Where's Bill Gates in all of this?

Shouldn't the internet man come and fix it? When my washing machine breaks, I call the Maytag man. Where's the internet man? Get Bill Gates on the phone. Hold on. You go over to like I have the spinning ball of death again on my Mac. Get Steve Jobs on

the phone. He's dead. Fucking dig him up. I don't care. Do a seance. Get him on the phone. I need to figure out how to get this spinning ball of death out. Come on, Bill Gates. Steve Jobs. Put your heads together. Think it through, man. Think it through.

We're losing kids to the internet. I've already turned it on and turned it back off again. I turned it back on and turned it back off and turned it back on again. The whole Oval Office is just a series of Commissioner Gordon heads. Depending on what problem he wants to solve, he just walks over, lifts one up, and calls every need. He's like, get me the Bill Gates of

finances. Get me. Who is? Hold on. We need to talk. There's an economy problem. Call the Warren Buffetts. Make sure he's on the phone. Get the Warren Buffetts on the phone. It didn't work. Actually, him and Warren Buffett probably have nothing in common. Warren Buffett would fucking not take his call.

Nothing in common. We have to talk to them, maybe in certain areas, closing that internet up in some way. Somebody will say, oh, freedom of speech, freedom of speech. We're going to close the internet up. How the fuck do you propose we do that? Yeah, just pinch off the sides you don't like. It's like he thinks about the internet like it's a fucking pie crust. He's just like pinching down the sides like, oh, we don't like that part.

But leave the porn hub open. Just close up the internet. Oh, hold on a minute. Does somebody have the key to the internet? It's not like a piece of cheese you're cutting the moldy part off of. Like, are you fucking kidding me? You're going to close part of the internet down? You don't even know what you're talking about.

Close the internet. Okay. Let's first drive over to the internet. Knock on its door. Hello, internet. It's me, Bill Gates and Donald Trump. I also love the idea, too, that they're just like, yeah, we need to close it down. You realize that there's servers that aren't in the United States.

Yeah. Right? You realize that there's fucking servers that are not in the United States. Are you going to block places like they do in China? And here's the thing. The Chinese find ways to get around that shit. Right. It's not like you can just be like, oh, well, we're just going to go and fucking regulate the entire world and make it so that they fucking stop putting things on the Internet that we don't like.

You're not shutting down the Internet because the internet is an idea at this point. Yeah. The hardware that supports the internet is the least important part at this point of the internet. If the government was like, no more internets, like people would just be like, I have a few extra computers laying around. I'll make a mic. I'll make a small server and you'll make a small server. Now, will it be the same thing?

No, but there's never going to be no internet. You cannot control the fucking internet. That's not how it works. Yeah. I have two extra computers in my house. They're just old computers. You could turn them into a server if I had a skill, which I don't. But you know people who do, right?

I can call a guy. I've got a Commissioner Gordon head. Bill Gates of your computers. Get me Bill Gates. I have an old Mac. These are foolish people. We have a lot of foolish people. We have a lot of foolish people.

We've got to maybe do something with the internet. Fuck the Constitution. I love that too because he's just like we've got a lot of foolish people. Yeah, foolish people who think that they can shut the internet down. Foolish people that look at free speech as if that's something to be curtailed. I'm totally unwilling.

I don't know about you, but I'm totally unwilling to live in a world where free speech is on the table. These guys constantly, what they do is they want to trade away all of their freedom for security. That's what they do. And this is the thing that drives me crazy when people, seriously, our Republicans think that it's small government. You're like, no, you guys aren't small government. You guys are not small government at all.

What you're talking about is specifically big government stuff. When you talk about how we need to curtail our freedoms to protect our fucking... Our liberties. It's not even our liberties. It's our lives. And it's, you know, more shit to do with, you know, protections based at the airport, etc., etc., all these other places. Shutting down parts of the internet.

Shutting down, you know, TV. You know, whatever it is that they're trying to do. They're trying to create, not only create agencies that do this stuff, but then also curtail our freedoms. And I'm just like, you know what? That is as big government as it gets. So you can't be honest with yourself and say that that's the case. And all of that undermines what it is to be a part of this particular society, right?

Like the whole idea of an American society is built around some fundamental principles. If you erode those, we're nothing but land. Right. Like, the land, like, Ohio is the least interesting part of America, right? The fact of the land in America is an irrelevance to America itself. America as an idea, as a social construct, as a series of collective decisions that we've made about who we are as a people, that's all any nation is.

The land is just where we build our houses. All the rest of it are the things that we handshake on and say, yes, this is how we think a world should run. This is where I want to raise my children. This is where I want to have my family and build my future. All of that is built around these decisions. If you take all that away, there's nothing left to defend. You've literally lost everything meaningful.

I can't believe that this guy has as much traction as he does. I mean, it's funny. There was an Onion article this week that said, person nervous for the seventh time this year, nervously says that Trump's ended campaign is going to end soon or something like that. It was something along those lines, basically that, you know, Trump's campaign is coming to an end or this is the, finally the end of this guy. And it's no matter what he does, no matter what he says, no matter how stupid he sounds, no matter how, uh, you know, just unintelligent and uninformed the guy sounds,

it doesn't matter. People don't care. They hear that and they cheer, man. They cheer for him. His whole crowd is like, fuck yeah, dude. What you say is awesome. What you say is truth. You know, we need to shut this internet down. If Obama wants to take away your ability to buy a seven trillion round magazine, right? Like you're just like, um, I don't want Obama to take my, you know, 700 round flamethrower machine gun of Armageddon. It's like, whoa, wait a minute. That's fucking fascist. The government wants all,

and it's like, and this guy can be like, you know what? I think the government should watch what you say, how you say it, and who you say it to. Yay! Yay! It's, if you can't see the conflict there. And that's interesting, too,

because he wants to shut the internet down, right? So he wants to be like, I want to shut parts of the internet down. I want to close this stuff down so they can't recruit, et cetera. But then there was a bill that came out recently where it wasn't a bill. It was a mention by, I think, Obama.

I don't know if anything came of it, but they were saying, he was saying something like, I would like to make sure that the people on the no-fly list can't get a gun. right? That's what he said, something like that. Sure, okay. People on the no-fly list. But then I had a lawyer friend of mine post and say, look, you can get on that list for nothing. Like, people, your name could sound like someone else's and you could get put on the list. And he's like, this is a terrible idea, on and on and on. They kind of went out. And I'm thinking to myself,

I'm like, okay, you know, here we have a guy who's saying, let's close the internet down or part of the internet down. And that's totally fine. And people cheer. They're like, that's awesome. Let's take away part of our freedoms because we're going to close this part of the down. Now, the guarantee on that is nothing. There's no guarantee that that's going to curtail anything.

All it's going to do is take away people's freedom. There's no guarantee that closing parts of the internet down, I don't even know about fucking logistics. What does that mean? I don't know logistics behind it, but let's just presume that you could do it, right? Closing this part of the internet down, let's say you could do it. You fucking do it. There's no guarantee that that stops terrorism or stops recruitment of terrorism. There's no guarantee.

With this, if you were to say no people on the no-fly list get guns, you definitely for sure have at least one or two people that could have access to guns that you probably don't want to have access to guns, right? So there's somewhat of a sure thing there, but they're pushing back against it because it has to do with guns. Not a single one of my friends that are on my friends list that were against this mentioned that we should try to change the no-fly

list to be more regulated or be more accurate or to make sure that the right people are on it. Nobody said that. Not a single one of them said that. Instead, they were all just like, you know what? That's a terrible idea because it'll take away freedoms from real Americans. There's 44,000 people on there. Or 50,000 or something. Sure. Out of 370

million. Out of 370 million, there's like 50,000 people on the no-fly list. Sure. At least from the stats I saw, I have no idea if that's accurate. It was what someone had posted. But you're talking 50,000 people. And all you'd have to do is just have a way to challenge your presence on the no-fly list. Which I'm sure already exists. It probably already exists, yeah. Right?

Like, if I showed up, they're like, you're on the no-fly list. My very next question would be like, well, how do I fix that? Yeah. Because I'll show up someplace and be like, Tote's not a terrorist, bro. Yeah, is there any way you could do a background, et cetera, et cetera. Right. But the problem is that people want, there's certain freedoms that they're not willing to give up, and they're not willing to challenge, and they're not willing to even think about.

And then there's other freedoms that they're willing to just willy-nilly give away at any moment, at a moment's notice. I would argue that the internet is way more important than any gun. Right. It's vastly more powerful. It gets back to that, it's been said a trillion times, right? The pen is mightier than the sword. I mean, the internet is a fucking enormous pen, right?

It's the most democratizing pen that we've ever created. It's an incredibly powerful pen. And to pretend that it's not mightier than the sword is to not understand how incredibly powerful it was during the Arab Spring, for example. Sure. I mean, look at what it did there. Yeah. Look at all those people it recruited. Look at how fearful every autocratic regime is of something as democratizing as the internet.

Sure. Right? It's terrifying. If you're North Korea, that's a fucking, you'd rather, you would literally, I believe this is true, if I'm North Korea, I'd rather have somebody shoot a missile into North Korea than shoot the internet into North Korea than shoot the internet into North Korea. Because one is vastly more damaging than the other.

And I would argue that you could take away the guns, but as long as you have the internet, you still know how to make them. They're still going to be there. I'll 3D print that bitch. Fuck you. Because they are recruiting by the thousands. They're leaving our country.

And then when they come back, we take them back. Oh, come on back. Where were you? I was fighting for ISIS. Oh, come on back. Go home. Enjoy yourself. That doesn't happen.

That's not true. That's just patently not true. It's like, you know, there's people who go away and do this shit, and then they're treated as traitors. Right. And then, like, fucking, when you're found out, like, you don't just walk don't just walk in with your ISIS t-shirt on. I joined ISIS and I was this lousy t-shirt. I was on the road with ISIS, man.

At first I was following the dead and then they died and then I was like, well, let's go follow fish and then I fucking didn't like that anymore. So then I was like, bro, fucking ISIS it is. I hit the road with ISIS, man. So I've been on the road with ISIS for a while. I'm going to come back and, you know, maybe get a job down at fucking, as a barista.

Or Bonnaroo. I don't know. You still got a position for me down there? Oh, come on in! Are you kidding me? That's ridiculous. And again, that's why routinely this guy is fucking pants on fire. I know. They did a stat sheet to show who's lying the most,

and he's the one who lies the absolute most out of all. He just says whatever he wants. He just makes it up as he goes along. It doesn't matter. Yeah. I mean, it would be less surprising tomorrow if he was like, I was wrestling a purple unicorn when a fucking bear ridden by Putin showed up. I fucking fought both of those motherfuckers too. I don't

care. The Putin and I made sweet love. They went up for coffee and he blew Putin. Because Putin is a top. That's all I'm saying. So we want to thank our most recent patrons. Matthew, eggnog is God's punishment for skepticism, Hakur, Alan, Emily, Randy, David, Gerardo, Arthur, Jeff, Chris, and Katie.

Thank you all so very much. Your generous donations go a long way to making sure we can do things like we're going to do in a couple of hours. a long way to making sure we can do things like we're going to do in a couple of hours. We're going to hopefully give away $5,000 while we listen to, while we're on David Smalley's program. I believe it's a podcast-a-thon, right? That's what he's doing? A broadcast-a-thon

is what I think he's doing. In any case, we're going to be on that show. We're going to be giving away hopefully $5,000 to Docs Without Borders while we raise money for Secular Student Alliance. So we're excited about that. And we want to thank everybody for just giving us money. It's been great. We got a couple of PayPal donations as well.

We did. We got a PayPal donation from, and I'm terribly sorry, Hakur, probably mispronouncing that terribly, George, thank you very much. We got a PayPal donation from Albert, very kind, from Don, thank you, Don, from Richard. We got a PayPal donation. Also from Miko. So thank you all very much. PayPal is just another option for you guys if you want to support the show. Again, your hard-earned dollars go a long way towards supporting things like Secular

Student Alliance or Doctors Without Borders or any of the number of charities that we pick throughout the course of the year and also chicken wings. So we want to talk a little bit about some of the email that we got. Now next week, this week actually, we're going to be releasing another show on Thursday where we're going to have the winners for our contest, our Jim Baker contest.

So we're going to actually play all of those on the Thursday show. We have a Ted Nugent spectacular and a clip show for you, specifically the clips that you sent in about Jim Baker. And a lot of them are very, very funny. So we're looking forward to that. But we're going to be recording that as well today. But we want to get to some of the email that we received.

Doc sends in a message and he says, hey, I just moved to Chicago area. Do you guys ever do meetups, local meetups? We actually don't do them very often. Tom and I are both like super busy outside of the podcast. The podcast not only takes a long time on itself, but Tom clearly has a family and a lot of things that go on with that. And I have a lot of hobbies and things that I'm doing

outside of this particularly. So we rarely do them. But when we do, we make sure to broadcast them. We did do a picnic a couple of years ago. We might do something like that again this particularly. So we rarely do them. But when we do, we make sure to broadcast them. We did do a picnic a couple years ago. We might do something like that again this year. We had planned to do something like this this year, but sort of the time went by. Yeah, nobody did it.

And it turns out right around now is probably not a good time because that's when we did it before. It was unpleasant. So we're not going to do that in the winter again. To be fair, it's nicer out now than it was last time we had our pick. It's so funny. It's so true. We got a message about gay times, and there's a poem in here, Tom.

There is. So we got this terrific poem I want to read to you guys. A cream of the ice variety helps relieve your anxiety. That is, unless your anxiousness is caused by a requirement for dieting. The taste is beyond amazing, and since you are constantly grazing, you should give it a crack and then shut your trap when you realize a gay time's worth praising. In fact, I'd say men of your girth who otherwise have limited worth

could prove yet again that two very fat men can inhale ice cream with great mirth. On your podcast, you often will shout that you're both on the north side of stout. So if you're already fat, then I suggest that you have many gay times in your house. Lastly, I'll leave you with this. If not stated, I would be remiss. You are straight, this I know, but a man you would blow for his second gay time in your fist.

That's amazing. I think you did a great job. That's so great. That's great stuff. Thank you. Awesome. We got a message about the Amish glory hole, and this is funny because this is what someone said.

Someone sent us a message and said that these old farmers or whatever will pay you money to fuck their daughter through a hole in the sheet. I have no idea if that's true. I don't think that's true. We didn't know if that was true, but he said, this, this is Chad said, I'm wondering how many guys with vasectomies take advantage of this. Well, the thing is, they keep calling you back, but hey,

it's squishy every time. You know what I mean? Here's the thing, though. If you've had a vasectomy, it's because you have somebody to have sex with. You know? It's true. Right? Because you're like, oh, I don't want to accidentally impregnate somebody. I got a vasectomy. It's not like I'm so desperate I'll fuck a strange, weird, Amish, inbred farmer through

a sheet. Are you kidding me? Flipper hand. That's so weird. I've got all those crazy teeth poking out everywhere. Can't see anything, but you don't know what you're fucking. That's amazing. You can't turn the lights off enough.

Like, no, man. Fucking, I wouldn't fuck that shit underground in a cave. That's amazing. You can't turn the lights off enough. Like, no, man. Fucking, I wouldn't fuck that shit underground in a cave. Fuck that noise. Don't fuck that noise. Are you kidding me? So we got a message from Pat, and he says, Was your fantastic rant on Canadian premium sewer water to go listeners into sending you free premium delicious Canadian whiskeys for free to prove you wrong.

No, we have plenty of sewer water down here. Like, Chicago is not bereft of sewer water. It turns out, yeah. We have a lot of it, yeah. You can just ferment whatever runs out of your gutter, you know, out of the side of your house. You'd probably turn out something better. Follower's garbage.

So fucking. I actually have some Canadian Royal upstairs in the fucking garbage where it belongs. I just disinfect my trash with it. I just poke a hole in the bottom of the garbage bag and I fill the bottle up every time. You ever make a chicken and you throw the fucking chicken bones and shit away and like a day or two later, your house smells like fucking Jeffrey Dahmer'ser's basement you know yeah yeah i just disinfect that with crown royal yeah because i thought that was the crown royal got an interesting message about uh reconverting after they deconverted from western yeah this is uh this is very interesting um it says it says

may all your holes be glorious listening to this this week's episode, he said you could not imagine how you could de- then reconvert. It brought to mind the saga of a friend of mine. We were best friends in high school. He's the son of a Baptist preacher. After he graduated, he went to an ultra-conservative religious college and was so thoroughly disgusted by the experience that he left the faith. We went on a deconversion journey together over the next few years, though I admit he had a lot farther to travel than I did. Flash forward five years, and he started to suffer from sleep paralysis. He described to me the sensation of waking up with a night hag sitting on his chest,

unable to move or to breathe. He claimed he could only regain control by reciting the Lord's Prayer in his head. These events sent him running back to the church as a truer believer than ever. In following conversations, he rejected all explanations from science These events sent him running back to the church as a truer believer than ever. In following conversations, he rejected all explanations from science and eventually cut off contact with me. So it can happen. Episodes of great fear or uncertainty can cause us to seek the safety of when we were children. I thought that was very interesting.

That's a very well-written response, too. Yeah. We got a message from Christine, and she says, Hey, I'm a new listener. I take issue with your comments from last episode. As a 42-year-old mother of two, I must say, my saggy tits are way more attractive than Querenstein.

That's true. That's true. I'm quite confident that that was hyperbole on my part. You may notice that I occasionally indulge in such. We got a message from Robert. Robert says, I think I found proof that Ben Carson is a prophet. When he spoke

about the Egyptian pyramids being used to store grain, while everyone, including me, laughed, we forgot one thing. Finally, last night it came to me, this man is a prophet. I remember playing Sid Meier's Civilization III, and in that game, when you were to build ancient wonders, if you built the

Great Pyramid, all of your cities on the same con and automatically received a granary. That's awesome. Coincidence? I think not. Good game, too. I love that game. Tom, we got an interesting message looking for advice from Chris. Yeah, he said that, uh, I love the show

and I've had my eyes open to the bullshit of organized religion, and really all of religion, and feel so much more free than I was supposed to feel as a Christian. Religion makes sense when logic Yeah, he said that, church, I get the feeling that this change may turn her away from me. Of course, I don't love her any less and it would kill me to lose her, but I can't go back to that life. It just doesn't make sense to me anymore. Any ideas on how to proceed? Thanks. Well, I think specifically one of the things that I would say is that it's terrible to, according to me, right? This is just fucking some idiot on the internet with a microphone's advice, right? So you do, you take it or leave it, whatever. But I try not to keep secrets like that

from my wife. I find that that's damaging to our relationship, that if I were to, you know, keep, harbor some sort of deep secret, especially something that meant something to me or meant something to her, it would be a difficult thing to do, and I don't think that I could do that because I think our relationship is built on honesty. Now, I have no idea what other people's relationships are, and I'm not going to pretend

that my advice is ubiquitous for everybody. But in my case, that's how I feel about it. I would have a hard time. I would try to find some way to do it that wouldn't hurt her or figure something out. I've always heard, it's funny, we'll hear these stories, and I think Greta Christina told a story about this, where people were pussyfooting around trying to figure out how to explain something, and the other person's like, oh, I've been an atheist for years. Or they know. Yeah, or they know.

They know. I mean, you can't. I read this and it says, new life, but what about the old? And I have to stop and say, well, you don't really get a fully new life in terms of shaking off the shackles of religious indoctrination until you can be out and open, until you can be comfortable with the fact that you're not a part of this world anymore and tell the most important people in your life about who you are as a person. If this is something that was once meaningful to you, no longer is meaningful to you, if you really want to take that next step into, as you put it yourself, your new life,

then you do have to legitimately shed the old. You've got to shed the old. And it can't just be internal. The thing is, though, if it's not, if it's one of those things that nobody, like if you're one of those armchair type of Christians or whatever that just goes to church like twice a year, it doesn't matter. Does it matter? It probably doesn't matter as much.

So it really just depends, I guess, on your current level of involvement. Right. We hope any of that helped. Good luck. We got a message. This is the final message we got. We got a message from Eric.

And Eric said he wanted to pipe in about trigger warnings. And he says, the idea has been floated about how far trigger warnings are going to go and how much anger and rage is going to be placed on people who don't give those proper warnings. The thing I've noticed is that people are far less concerned about trigger warnings and far more concerned about spoiler warnings. And that's so true. It's so funny. You know, what's hilarious to me is like, we've gotten messages when I've, I've spoiled part of Harry Potter. Like we got a message.

Fucking shit is so old. I know. It's like people have grown up with it at this point. And somebody was like, hey, man, you spoiled Harry Potter when Dumbledore got killed by Snape or whatever. And they were super mad about it. And I was like, hey, man, fucking whatever. How long does a spoiler?

Exactly. What's the lifespan? I think you get a week, right? I think you get a week. If you haven't watched the latest episode of The Walking Dead and somebody's like, oh, hey, Bill didn't die! I'd be like, okay, well, you had a week. Alright. You had

a week to watch it. If it wasn't that important to you then, why is it now? Why is it so important now? Spoiler warnings drive me crazy. People like, fucking do this spoiler alert shit. And it's like, 50 years now, it people like fucking do the spoiler alert shit And it's like 50 years It's like fucking spoiler alert The fucking Roseblood is his sled

In Citizen Kane I don't give a shit If somebody's like hey you wanna know how it ends Yeah fucking right now tell me how it ends I'll watch it later but now I don't have the anxiety It's still a surprise Whether it happens now or then It's like when you find out whether your kid is boy or girl

It's like we're gonna keep it a surprise You know it's still as much a surprise now as it happens now or then. It's like when you find out whether your kid is boy or girl. I never understood that shit. It's like, we're going to keep it a surprise. You know, it's still as much a surprise now as it is then. Except for now, I can prepare. Right, you're just edging. Yeah. Alright, so that's going to wrap it up. We're hopefully going to have a second show for you on Thursday.

It may be late. It might be on Friday because if I don't get a chance to mix it today, I might not have a chance to mix it while I'm on vacation because I'm leaving for several days to go to NOLA, New Orleans, to go eat food and be in Louisiana. I feel like you're making a face like, I'm going to be in Louisiana. Just eat all the food.

Bring me back some beignets. That's all I want. We'll leave you, like we always do, with a plate of beignets that's all i want we will leave you like we always do with a plate of beignets and the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing

crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. formed, and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music