Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 270: King of the Jews

Episode Date: January 4, 2016

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. Actual Chicago. Actual Chicago. I know, not fake Chicago like we normally do. Not suburb Chicago. No, actual, genuine American Chicago. I know. Not fake Chicago like we normally do. Not suburb Chicago. No. Actual, genuine American

Chicago. This is Cognitive Dissonance. We're like four blocks away from the dead center of downtown. Are we really? Like four blocks away from the dead center. So if a bomb hits Chicago I'm certain to be incinerated. Well, when I say dead center, what I mean to say is where the

streets say 00, which is not the center. It's as close to the lake, but it's dead center, what I mean to say is where the streets say 00, which is not the center. It's as close to the lake, but it's not. I got you. So it's where the streets are 00. It's liar's center. It's liar's center. Because the center of Chicago.

What's the actual center of Chicago? The actual center of Chicago, I don't want to go to. Probably it's south of the loop, the actual center. It's probably south. Maybe it's south of the loop. Maybe not. It might actually be right around zero for this way. But the center of Chicago going

west. Going west. Oh, yeah. No. Pass. Thank you, though. Places you don't want to be. Although, maybe not.

It might be like fucking Ukrainian village or something. Yeah, I don't know what that means. It means there's Ukrainians. Yeah, so I'm going to pass on that. And there's a small village of them. Yeah. Do the Russians invade a Ukrainian village ever occasionally? The Ukrainians march to Pilsen.

They're like that. Like all the Russians from Russian tea time, that restaurant, like come invade Ukrainian village every now and again. And serve them tea. They're just very polite. They bring them borscht and nobody wanted it. Russians are never polite. Russians are never polite.

Have you watched the videos where the Russians stop the people from driving on the sidewalk? Wait, what? Wait, why would you? Hold on. Slow down. You don't have me yet. Because why was somebody driving on the sidewalk? That seems like something we don't need to stop.

That seems like something that shouldn't start. Right. That's like saying, have you seen the videos? I don't even know what else is equivalent to that, where, like where somebody has to stop somebody from eating a puppy. Stop raping the woman. It's like, what the fuck is happening? It's not that bad. Why would somebody drive on the sidewalk? Do they not know how to road? They want to get somewhere quicker.

Alright, that's terrible decision making. So they drive on the sidewalk there. Well, you're saying this like it makes sense. You're looking at me like I should be like, oh yes. And as they drive on the sidewalk, these group of young Russian men who Vladimir Putin gave a thumbs up to, so nobody like untouchable. Really? Yeah. So basically they're on the sidewalk stopping in kind of a human chain.

Is this a routine thing that happens? There's many of these videos. I forget what they call them. They call themselves something, but I forget what it is. There's videos after video after video of them stopping someone. Stop a douchebag, is what it's called. It's amazing. And the reason why I know this is because they have stickers that are in whatever fucking Klingon language they put on there.

That they put on the top. They'll put them on the windows. And they're the shitty stickers that don't peel off. Oh, fuck off! So they'll stop a car. And the car will get mad and be like, get out of the way and try to hit them. They'll run into them. That happens all the time. Wait, oh, wait.

I don't know if these are real things. They seem upset, so I don't know. But I also watch the show. I get hit by a car once and I go find a new hobby. I watch the show Cheaters, and those people seem upset too. That seems fake as well. So I don't know how fake this is. So it could be just all staged although

they get a very big walks of life range of people that are inside of this. So I mean they must have a good casting protocol. Meaning the people who stop the cars? Not the people who stop the cars. The people who stop in the cars. So they'll get like, sometimes they'll get women sometimes they'll get dudes, old dudes,

young dudes, whatever. What? And they'll just be driving on the sidewalk. They stop them from driving on the sidewalk. And if they don't back up and go onto the road, they put a sticker on the car and they never give up. They always just stand there. And they will sometimes have to ride the car on the hood.

What? Although, you gotta watch these videos. How passionate can you be about get off my sidewalk? How passionate? Look, I don't want people on my lawn. I don't want them on my sidewalk. There's fucking 45 of these videos. I'm gonna watch all of them.

I know. And then they get in a fist fight sometimes, which is great. Yes, because they're Russian, right? They're like, because you're Russian, you get in a fucking fist fight over just being Russian. The guy will let the bear out of the backseat. And they'll, like, maul somebody. Dude, I have seen, I love Russian dash cam footage. Yeah.

We haven't even introduced the show yet. I love Russian dash cam footage because the people will be like, I'm going to fake getting hit by this car. Oh, yeah. And every now and again, they just get fucking straight hit by a car. They get really hit by a car. And you have to imagine, all I imagine is like the surprise. Like, oh, I didn't think this through.

This is not good decision making here i wanted to get fake hit by a car hit by a car and fake medical treatment and now i'm getting real both right yes maybe in the second part if i'm lucky because russia so but these people get hit i can't imagine like you're out you're like i'm gonna stop that guy from driving on my sidewalk then one time one, somebody hits me with their car. And I'm like, you know what? Crochet is good. I'll do other things.

They bump them. I've never seen anybody got full on run over. Have they seen Mel Gibson movies? The way to stop them is fruit stands. Like a series of successive fruit stands. I've seen enough shitty action movies. Oh, yeah, yeah. And everybody dodges at the last minute.

That doesn't stop anybody. That's actually true. That actually makes them know, and then everybody dodges at the last minute. That doesn't stop anybody. That's actually true. That actually makes them accelerate and then they go faster. That's true. Because your tires spin faster on the watermelon.

Recording from Glory Hill Studios in Chicago. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence

to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is a welcome mat now available for pre-order. This is episode 270 and I

magnanimously agreed to travel today. Really? Tom, that is amazing. I know. Good agreed to travel today. Really? Tom, that is amazing. I know. Good for you, buddy. Look at me go. That's like the first time in a long time. That's the first time for a lot of things, you know?

Every 270 episodes, you know, here and or there. Yeah. It turns out I'll get off my ass and do something. I'll do a new thing. And this is it. So, you know, at episode 541, expect to see me here again, my friend. Yeah. It turns out I'll get off my ass and do something. I'll do a new thing. And this is it. So, you know, at episode 541, expect to see me here again, my friend. Wow.

If we're still doing this at episode 541, that would be kind of astonishing. I'll be eating a gun. Who would still be listening? Not me. Recording from my high-end studio. This is my shotgun I'd like to introduce you to. Neither one of us will live that long. I know.

Who are we kidding? So this first story. What else do you want from me, right? Come on. Russian dash cam footage. This first story comes from the Raw story. Ugliest man in Florida punches. Look at that guy.

Look at him. It's like a fucking- He looks like somebody fucking put, like, Mr. Potato Eyes on a roast beef. You know what I mean? Like, he's crazy! He's like seven colors. Look at him. Look at his face. Like he's been sitting in the deli counter for a long time.

There's like a blue in there. They had a roast beef in there. Ugh. That they just luts in the deli counter. Oh, it's got that weird rainbow sheen where you're like, ooh. And you're like, I'll have some of the rainbow meat.

You look in there, you're like, I don't think that beef has a rainbow color to it. Can I get food poisoning? Is there a food poisoning meat you have that I could get? Do you have something

where I can call in sick to work explosively shitting my pants for four days? I'm looking for something that could make me shit my drawers. It's what I'm looking for. Shit my drawers. It's from the Raw story.

Florida man punches child in the face for being late to church. And I got to say, what I love about this story is at least the guy committed. You know, he didn't like, it wasn't like a tap on the arm, like, hey, Johnny, you're a little late. It's, nope, we're just going straight on. I'm coming to church. You're late little late. Nope, we're just going straight on. I'm coming at you. You're like, boop, right in the face. I don't know what a punch a child in the face offense actually is. The thing is, is like, when I read the story,

which is a very short story from the raw story, the thing that struck me, which is something that struck him, which is the child tried to flee to another room when he became angry and he was hit in the face by a door during the chase. Right. And the first thing I thought was, doesn't it sound like a fucking keystone cop thing

where he's like like he's running along and then whack right in the fucking noggin right in the kisser no i'm really really mad and now he just and then he just couldn't control and that's it then you just gotta sometimes when somebody doesn't put their shoes on for church fast enough the only way to teach them is to punch them in their face well clearly this guy got hit in the face with a door and it's still swollen. This guy. Or he got hit in the face with, say, a car. Yes, or an alligator.

He is frighteningly unattractive. He is terrifying. And what sort of picture is that? Is that like his mugshot? Because he's kind of cocked to the side. Like, you know me, I'm the guy who punches kids in the face. Like he's kind of got this sort of like knowing look like he's one of those

few people though. When you take his picture in widescreen, it kind of fills up the whole thing. You know what I mean? Where you're like, how's that work? I didn't know people could walk around in 16 by nine. That's interesting.

You know, it's a four by three world and you're fucking killing this in 69. That's demonic everybody it is absolutely demonic so this story comes from the independent uh religious parents offended by harry potter on school syllabus as it quote trivializes magic i can't think of anything more deserving to be trivialized. That's my first thought, too. Than magic, right? That's my first thought, too. Oh, we wouldn't want to trivialize imaginary spells and things and dragons and basilisks.

Like, whoa, are we not paying enough attention to this? I think the thing is that they're, you know, it's Christian. It's evangelical Christian. They talk about its parents, particularly of evangelical Christian backgrounds and sometimes Muslim backgrounds. The occult is something which exists in fiction and fantasy. The occult is something which is not something which exists in fiction and fantasy. The occult is something that is very living, live, a live part of faith. So basically they treat it as something that exists.

In that case, wouldn't you want your kids to know about magic? If you think it's a real thing, wouldn't you want them to know about it? If it's not a real thing, if you think that this is fake, this is the fake magic, guys, the real magic is the other stuff that I believe in. And that's the other problem, right? Is that they've now got to differentiate between one kind of magic and another kind of magic. And that's a real hard conversation to have with your kid, where you're just like, well,

you see, the glasses kid, he's a fake magic, and God, when he destroys things, he's a good magic. He's the real magic. He's a good magic. I know he seems like Voldemort. I can't explain how that's good yet, but he's a good magic. I know he seems like Voldemort. I can't explain how that's good yet, but he's a good magic. You see, there's good forces and bad forces, and God created them both, and then he fights them together on basically, you're like a giant pawn in a magical chess game that God

plays against himself. And sometimes the priests will play with your pawn. Right? That's the reason there's always a bishop on the table. It may grow into a bishop one day. Right. It may grow. It might be bishop-sized after a little bit of playing initially.

You know what I mean? Like a little bit of flicking there. There's a reason the bishop is shaped the way it's shaped on the board. Right? I mean, the bishop is the only penis-shaped piece on the chessboard. I think a lot of them are pretty phallic, actually. The fucking bishop, though. The king is uncomfortable.

That is not ribbed for her pleasure. That's that one. They don't let you use that one anymore. Do you think homosexuality is a sin? I think that it's unnatural. I think that it's detrimental and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization. So the story is from Right Wing Watch. Calzastro.

I've never heard of this guy before. Have you heard of Calzastro? Calzastro sounds like an evil supervillain's mundane name. You know what I mean? Calzastro. It's Calzastro who turns into... It almost doesn't even sound like the mundane name. You know what I mean? Cal Zastro. It's Cal Zastro who turns into... It almost doesn't even sound like the mundane name.

It almost sounds like Cal Catastrophe. You know, like it's like it's close enough to like Calamity and... Well, okay,

I take that back. Cal Zastro sounds like you know, an outer rim bounty hunter. You know what I mean? Like that's more like what it sounds like, I think.

It's Cal Zastro. It's a fake name. This would be a fucking rock and porn name. You know, I mean? Like that's more like what it sounds like, I think. He's Cal Zastrow. It's a fake name. This would be a fucking rockin' porn name. You know, the picture here looks like an angry, remember that fucking animal guy who got stabbed in the fucking heart with a- Oh yeah, Steve Irwin. Doesn't that look like an angry sir we would? He does look like a fucking, you know, very flushed, like heart attacky Steve Irwin.

I think he's going to be a little heart attacky in this. Let's listen to him. This is Cal Zastrow. Sodomite police will take your husband if states don't nullify SCOTUS ruling. And this is from a little bit ago. This is from a couple weeks ago. Currently, our oppositions are from two main areas, from within and without. Without, the sodomites, the perverts, are going to say,

Oh, it's going to cost the state millions and millions of dollars in a court case that's already decided, so just don't do anything. But other folks are going to try and discourage you with saying, well, maybe there's something unconstitutional or not really right in the bill. That's going to be tweaked and fixed, okay? What is he fucking on about? I think he's talking about different ways to subvert this conversation, okay? What is he fucking on about? I think he's talking about different ways to subvert this conversation.

In the Christian community, this conversation is happening. We're not privy to it, because we're not part of that group. But I guarantee in the Christian community, they're talking about whether or not they're going to try as a group to try to make sure that this bill

doesn't... It's not a bill, it's a fucking SC to make sure that this bill doesn't, like, it's not a bill. It's a fucking SCOTUS ruling. So there's nothing there. That's what I mean. It's like, what bill are you on about? There might be a bill to try to overrule. Can a bill overturn something? I think that they could try to do something like that, but they would have to.

The thing is, is like they ruled on a current law. And if they put a new law in, maybe they could, they would override it. But isn't the whole. They've been trying to do that for years with Roe v. Wade. That's true. And they've been stepping on Roe v. Wade in ways throughout, in ways that they could hedge their bets, so they're probably thinking of something in that way. But the conversation, I think,

is there's different levels of pushback. First, there's the Christians who don't think being gay is a problem. They don't care. Those are called sensible people. So you lost all those people already. Right. Yeah.

And now you have the people who don't think it's worth. They might not. It might not be like, I don't know if you've ever filled these out, but when you get polled, they ask you how important something is to you. And so they'll ask you, how important is abortion? How important is this? X, Y, Z. And they'll go down the list of sort of issues. And then you've got to decide what's important to you.

There's probably a lot of Christians that not only is it zero importance, I don't even think you're going to get the people that are zero to four. Right. Because it's just not a hop on issue. So they don't care, right? So I think there's probably a goodly sum of those people. And then you get the crazy people who just are flipping their shit over this. And this is one of those guys.

The closet cases. So what he's talking about now is he you know, he's trying to say, well, there's going to be opposition. Not only are you going to lose, initially, all the people who don't care, but then you're also going to be losing all the people who think

that you don't have a leg to stand on, or there's nowhere to move from here. And he's trying to say, we've got places to go. I am fucking Cal Zastro, and I will make sure this- I am Cal Zastro!

Hear me roar! You'd think he would have a voice that could, like, summon lightning am Calzastro. Hear me roar. You'd think he would have a voice that could summon lightning. Calzastro would also be the name of an amazing metal band. That's true. It's like, we are. Hello, Cleveland. We are Calzastro.

They've got the guitar with the two necks on it. Oh, yeah. The double neck or maybe even a three neck guitar. Whoa. Whoa. So you could jerk two of them off. That's it, right? And then the middle one spits.

Is that a three-neck guitar? Is he just hard as a rock? The best scholars in the nation are looking at that, and it will be solid. Nope. No, stop. You're right there, Kale Zastrow. The best scholars in the nation are not on your set. First of all, they're not thinking about this at all.

Yeah. It's fucking game, set, match. Yeah. Because it doesn't take a lot of thinking. It's not like you're like, oh, that is a dilly of a pickle. It's not hard. I mean, it's not even like, it's not like there's a lot of nuance

to this. There's really not. There's no nuance to this conversation. The best scholars in the world are not on your side. They were never on your side. They can't see your side from where they sit. They're uninterested in your side. They and never on your side. They can't see your side from where they sit. They're uninterested in your side. They and your side will never match.

They claim the best scholars, though, all the time. Think about the global warming thing, when they always say, oh, the best, the most intelligent scientists in the world think global warming is bunk, etc. They claim the best all the time. Without ever naming any of them. Yeah, sure. And also, doesn't that suggest

there's a list of ranked scholars? No, no, no. That you're like, oh, where are you on this? You misunderstand how academia works, Tom. There's a karate kid-like tournament every year that they hold. And on occasion, one of these Christian guys will sweep the leg. Yeah. Sweep the theorem, Johnny.

Sweep the theorem. That's not how you science. That's not how you science at all. Or the theorem That's not how you science Or academia That's not how you academia So stop hiding behind that And when people keep asking and doing these things Turn around and say What legal language do you propose to stop

Perverted marriage And to uphold the law of Tennessee Now I love how they say perverted as if it were... Because perverted has a connotation to it, which is negative, right? Yes, right. But I don't know. Perverted sounds kind of interesting to me.

The thing about perverted is it's perverted to you. It's subjective, right? You can't use perverted as an objective thing. Yeah, right. Yeah, you can't say perverted as if that's, as if we've all decided that that's what, that these certain acts fall into the category of perverted. Except for fisting.

Like, I'm good with that one being. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm still not saying no, you know? Like, the lady wants what the lady wants, you know? I'm in it to win it, is I guess what I'm saying. I get it. I get it.

You know, like, even the, even the, even the thing that you could think of as being, you know, as a,

as me, thinking of something I would think is perverted or, you know, out of the norm, et cetera, is normal for someone else. Sure.

It's a subjective thing. Right. Where nobody's gonna say, like, fucking, et cetera, is normal for someone else. Sure. It's a subjective thing where nobody's going to say, like fucking, you know, if I'm into fucking armpits, let's say, right? Let's say I'm into fucking an armpit. Sure. Because everybody wants a dick that smells like armpit juice. Well, also, it's never really smooth there. Like it's never really smooth. Maybe that's part of the appeal, you know?

Like a little scratchy scratchy. Well, why don't you just jerk off into an oven mitt? You know what I mean? Like, hey, don't tell me what I, don't make me choose. Don't make me choose between my loves. And I don't want to do that. I don't want to judge fucking an armpit. Let's just say that there's an armpit fucking Reddit out there.

There is. Okay, there is. Dude, there fucking is. Pit fuck, okay? R slash pit fuck. Dude, there fucking is. Pitfuck, okay? R slash pitfuck. I'm looking right now. In any case, the thing is,

is like, let's just say that. Let's say that's my thing. That's your thing. That's my thing. I'm going to say from now on that that's your thing. Okay, cool.

No matter who asks me or even your in-laws, I'll just be like, so how's that armpit fucking? Yeah, no, that's cool. I'm just going to tell them you're a snowballer. Anyway, let's say that's my thing.

Subjectively, that's not perverted to me. Right. That's a thing I do. Sure. It's a thing I do to get off. Right. It's my kink. Right.

So fucking who cares? Like if somebody's like, you know, I like to fucking pee on people. For somebody, that's fucking Wednesday. You know what I mean? It's just like, eh, whatever. Yeah, that's after work. You're just like, I had's just like, eh, whatever. Yeah, that's after work. You're just like, I had a great day today. I'm going to go home and piss on my girl.

Eat a bunch of asparagus and then go. Oh, jeez. Oh. I mean, you had me halfway there. I was like, eh, maybe I'll do that. And then the asparagus comes in. And then the asparagus, you're like, no, I'll say yes to a lot of things. That's like, asparagus pee is like onion farts.

You know what I mean? It's like one of those things where you're just like, God, that's a not a thing. Asparagus pee is like, the only solution is to burn down the house. Like, that's it. You're just like, I ruined my house. Dehydrated onion farts is a reason to blow up the fucking house. Oh, dude. That's a reason to evacuate and never go back.

I feel like French onion soup is a fucking war crime. I'll tell you what, that stuff in the package, that dehydrated stuff in the package. Oh, yeah, with the hydrolyzed onion, you're just like, oh, God. Oh, that's just a rumbler. You just made yourself into like a Moroccan. You're ready to go. You fucking go SpaceX. You can blast off and land back upright.

Land right on your ass. SpaceX. You could blast off and land back upright. Years from now, do you want to get the phone call from your kids or your grandkids saying mom, dad, the sodomite police or the

population police just came and got and took my husband away? What would they take him away for? Where would they take him? Well, they're sodomite police, so what they're doing is they're not patrolling sodomy. Instead, they're saying if you're not a sodomite in their eyes, and sodomite means gay, then they'll take away. The thing is, in the future, in his future, you have to get married like Braveheart. So you have to go off into the woods and get married to an, to a, to a, a, a opposite sex in the,

in the woods, hidden somewhere. You're in the closet. If you're a homosexual and the gay magistrate gets first right of prima nocta. So he gets to have butt sex with your husband, with your husband. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. He's a fabulous magistrate though. Dude. Will she hold my hand? Absolutely. She's got to look at you the whole time. And he gets to tell her, you did this. This is your fault.

This is you. This is on you. It's like reverse cuckold gay porn. That exists. It's a thing. Guaranteed. It exists. Dad, Mom, why didn't you fight evil when you could?

Or do we want our children and grandchildren honoring us and honoring our memory for how we stood for Christ peacefully, prayerfully, intelligently, and we stood in the gap when the time came for us to stand in the gap? Yeah, just like how I'm thinking back to all the people who were in my family, who, if they were in my family, I don't know of any, but that stood against the civil rights movement. All those people, right? Because there's people in everybody's family, I'm sure somebody, not in everybody's family, but in some families for sure, where you look back now and you see my parents or my grandparents or my aunt didn't stand up for civil rights. They were actually against civil rights.

They were one of these assholes. Right. With a Bible in their hand. Saying, you know what? Anti-miscegenation, like pushing back against that. I mean, they use the Bible as a club to fight against civil rights. I mean, people use the Bible as a club to fight against, and they still do, equality for women. Like, you know, any time any group that's not white men, 100% of the time, it's like white men have decided the Bible is theirs, even though it's a fucking Middle Eastern book, which is insane.

But like white men have decided this is our book and we're the chosen happy people and if you're a white man you get to be in charge and in control and if you're a minority of any kind or female or anything that threatens the power structure there hey then fucking they whop you upside the head with this fucking old ass book and they lose every time because it's a terrible set of arguments yeah and then and then you wind up with with people who are going to be in the future there's going to be these people in the future looking back on this ruling and on the rulings and things that led up to it and what happens after. Right. And they're not going to be on your side, buddy.

Right. They're not going to be thinking, man, wish somebody would have just fucking shot all those gays when they had a chance. Jeez. Why weren't they lynching them? You know, there's nobody going to be. Nobody's going to be. I mean, you know, maybe there would be one or two fucking hateful pricks.

Yeah, like the stupid skinhead shitheads. They were going to be fucking hateful pricks anyway. They just nobody going to be. Nobody's going to be. I mean, you know, maybe there would be one or two fucking hateful pricks. Yeah, like the stupid skinhead shitheads. They weren't going to be fucking hateful pricks anyway. They just needed something to hate. They'll figure out something to hate. Yeah. But there's going to be a vast majority that are going to look back on this jag off and all the rest of them and be like, oh, there's already a majority. Of course. There's already a majority.

Most of America doesn't give a shit. Yeah. Most of America, the question has been settled. It's all these fucking, you know, corn-dwelling shitheads that can't fucking figure it out. That are just like, I'm super gay and I don't want to tell anybody because I'm so uncomfortable with it. Honey, can I do it in the butt again? Yeah, can I just... I just want to put it in the butt again.

That's all I'm looking for. And think of Steve. If you could wear this mask of Bill Clinton, too, that'd be great. Will we do that? Will we do that? Jesus said when the Son of Man returns, will he find faith on the earth? Well, I can't

answer for the whole earth. I can answer for me and my family. And hopefully we can answer for Tennessee, that Jesus will find faith here in tennessee who wants to be a part of that jesus could give a fuck about tennessee if jesus gave a shit about tennessee and could fix anything about tennessee tennessee wouldn't be the god forsaken hole in the fucking ground it is now tennessee would have i don't know some places

that aren't poverty stricken meccas of garbage. You know what you could use down there? A couple of gay people to spruce the place up. Right? That's what you could use, Tennessee. A couple of throw pillows in Tennessee would do a world of good. Either that or just a good cleaning. You know, just a good cleaning by a gay guy with his shirt off. You know what I mean?

That's all you need. Just maybe some short shorts and some prancing about. That's all Tennessee needs. Let maybe some short shorts and some prancing about. That's all Tennessee needs. Let me tell you something, Alan. If America continues to reject the mercy of the Christian cross, America will live under the tyranny of the Islamic sword. Oh, fucking shoe bat. Did this guy just get done with a rap battle?

The fucking shoe man here? Yeah, doesn't he look like there's vomit on his sweater already look i've seen mom's spaghetti look at that yeah i love i love when guys like try to look like they're like working guys because they'll wear a carhartt yeah and it's like no man anybody can buy a carhartt you're a fucking idiot you're not an every because who else played that game one of the presidential candidates a few years back. You sent him a message about it. I did. It was Rick Perry.

It was Rick Perry. Yeah. Yeah. He wore a fucking Carhartt. He was like, look, guys, I'm one of you. Just a working stiff, working, I got a zipper and everything on my coat. Like, man, fuck off. Yeah.

Fuck off. Fucking wearing a brown jacket does not make you like, oh, look how manly I am. I bought a coat that men wear. Like, fuck you. Fuck you. Fucking asshole. Let's hear what this cocksucker has to say. I hate this fucking guy.

This is Theodore Shoebat, and the title is Theodore Shoebat Hopes President Trump. What? Oh, God. I already want to not listen to it. Dude, that can't happen. Will institute a Christian supremacist society where Muslims are put to death. Oh, that sounds great. Yeah.

Wow. Good man. This guy's got to be a troll. There's no way. Nobody thinks that. All of the words that he's using are the worst word to put next to the word he used just a minute ago. Nobody says supremacist and wants to be taken seriously. Right.

Exactly. Like, well, maybe we could just put this minority group to death once we have a President Trump. That's the worst part of what he said. President Trump. It's so crazy that that's the worst part. I can't imagine a President Trump. I'll never say it. You just did.

I'll just call him. Like four times. I'll just say Trump. There's not a fucking thing in the world that's going to make me say President Trump. I never say President Obama anyway. I say Obama. I probably do. But now I'm going to start saying President Obama so I make me say president Trump. I never say President Obama anyway. I say Obama. I probably do, but now I'm going to start saying President Obama so I can not say

President Trump. Don't call me on my shit. Don't call me on my shit. I didn't say President Clinton. I said Clinton. God damn it. All of these things I didn't say. Let's listen to Shoebat. You missed your chance. Shoebat. When you have a Christian supremacist society where Christianity is the focus of the society,

is the center of the people, is the center of the people. Their livelihood, everything they do, is for the good of the body of Christ, is for the good of the Christian empire. This is back to that body analogy that he keeps using all the time. It's so communist. Yeah. That's the thing.

It's more fascist, actually, But it's hilarious how it's... He is so far away from the right on this. He's so far away from the right. Creating this hegemonic power structure that everybody has to play a part as a cog in some kind of top-down managed wheel. It is antithetical to the entire capitalist model, free enterprise model that the right is constantly fucking lubing their cocks with. It's ridiculous. And it's hard to lube your cock with money. You know what I mean?

It is, but it's surprisingly effective for the ladies. You know? If I can wrap your cock in enough money, someone's interested. I'll tell you what, you shove enough bills up your vag, someone's interested too. You know what I mean? That street goes two fucking ways, you know what I mean? You got your fucking dick out, roll the money on it, you're paying for

shit. It's like a toilet paper roll. Just like, oh. They look down at me, they're like, half dollars? Really? The thing is with the ladies, it's like the hanky trick. Just keep pulling money out of them. Pulling it out like a fucking clown out of their sleeve. What's going on?

It's like fucking Mary Poppins. There's a candelabra. What's going on? Come on, it's not Michelle Duggar. Oh, right. No, that was rude. Things tend to be better. Marriages last longer.

There's a lot less divorce. There is abortion, but it's illegal, and people who do abortion are punished. I like that he mentions that there would be abortion. Because people are still going to do it, right? People are still going to do that shit. But he's like, yeah, well, because we're going to create a society where a certain segment of the population is desperate and unhappy

and is willing to take desperate, unhappy medical risks, and then they'll be punished. They're like, oh, great, awesome. That's the way to society, man. That's how you... None of these guys all have this crazy dystopian view of the world. It's like some fucking Brave New World nutty-ass shit. I will say that's the most down-to-earth thing he said, though.

It is, that's true. It would be that they would just do it. If they outlawed abortion, people would still do it uh there's no free reign for homosexuals there's no liberation for uh perversity and debaseness and just downright weird mutant psychos walking around with with uh clipped hair liberal dyke hair and uh liberal dyke hair, and... Liberal dyke hair? Yeah. Liberal hair? Liberal dyke hair.

No, like, okay, but liberal hair? Like, my hair has a political leaning? Your hair is just a lot of it. I mean... It's very liberal. I gotcha, all right. All right, well, that makes more sense. But you have to clip it. But then it's...

Because it's dykey. All right, you got me there. I do have a butch-ass haircut. You do? Because I'm kind of a dude. With men dressing up as women and all that sick psycho stuff, people who flaunt the Quran in a Christian society would be arrested, at times put to death, depending on the disposition of the person, if they can be rehabilitated, if they can be conformed, et cetera, et cetera.

See, that, to me, when he's saying they can be conformed, that's that fucking like, let's re-educate people. Right. Like, there's all this big brother. Let's let's re-educate on the right when they're like, oh, they're going to put you in re-education camps. That's that's the boogeyman. Right. This is a guy who's clearly saying, let's put him in educate. Let's if they can be re-educated, we'll re-educate him.

Yeah. That's some crazy shit. Dude, you're a crazy person. No one would ever take you seriously. Nobody thinks that that's a good way to live. So why does he have anybody who, like,

does this guy have a following? What is with this fucking loon? To me, this judge, as far as I'm concerned, in a Christian society, she's worthy of being arrested and executed

for going against the body, for going against, for really trying to attempt to subvert the order of society. Because right now, we're really trying to attempt to subvert the order of society. Because right now we're not living in order. We're living in chaos. It doesn't feel that way at all. It totally

doesn't feel like chaos. I walked here. It was the purge. I didn't get attacked by brigands. No, I didn't either. Come to think of it, what I did today was incredibly safe. All day.

All day? I never one time in my day thought for two seconds about my safety. Did you think it was chaotic? Did you think that your travels today were chaotic in any way? Nobody even drove on the sidewalk. Huh. Everybody traveled. Huh.

Yeah. It was just, you know, kind of a normal day in America. Hmm. Yeah. That's something. Well, but we're living in chaos of a normal day in America. Yeah, imagine. Well, but we're living in chaos. We are living in chaos. You know why we're living in chaos?

Because two gay dudes might love each other. Ah, what's the world come to? You know who could save us, though? Calzastro. Calzastro. With his sidekick, Theodore Shubat. Calzastro and Shubat fighting gay people for no reason. The indications of this chaos are women like this who want to swear on a book that is absolutely demonic and absolutely heretical. So that's it.

I mean, I don't know what else to tell you guys. There's not much commentary I can give other than that we need a Christian supremacist society or else these things are going to continue to happen. They're already swearing on a magic book. Who cares which magic book it is? It could be fucking the Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows. It would be awesome. It would be absolutely awesome if someone, an atheist, got to be a judge

or whatever the fuck, whoever the hell has to swear on one of these fucking dumb books anyway. Well, don't you know that that's meaningful? Like if you swear, it's like if I swear on one of these fucking dumb books anyway well don't you know that that's meaningful like if you swear it's it's like if i swear on a book they don't make you do that in court anymore but you do but you know why they do that because then there's no takesies backsies and that's how that's how grown people think they think about takesies backsies and uh god willing you know if donald trump wins i think he will win, he will put a cap on things like this. Donald Trump is not the fucking super Christian supremacist these fools are led to think he is.

He doesn't give a shit about this stuff, Cecil. You know that. He has, throughout his entire career, he's never been a tremendously religious guy. He's only spouting this shit now because he actually has a shot crazily of winning the GOP nomination. I can't, I, I, it is shocking to me to see him up there and clearly reaching under the podium and giving people a handjob. Right.

Like clearly. Right. Like he hired the chick from police academy to blow these people. He's not even, he's not even trying to disguise the movement of his shoulder. He's doing all, he's just like, yeah, oh yeah, I love Jesus too. I can't even do a good Trump. I don't even know. I guess you just gotta

remove half of my fucking brain first. What you gotta sound like is you have, like, a New Jersey stroke. That's what you gotta sound like, yeah. Well, I can't do it. I can't. I don't know. I don't.

The thing is, is every time I hear him think I flush it from the Ram immediately. Every time I hear him speak, I flush it from the Ram. I don't even, I don't even fucking bother to put that in any kind of long-term storage. Fact is, is that I see him up there.

Whenever he mentions God, it seems like it's out of place. It seems like he's doing it for a show. Like, are you people that fucking naive? And it's a very apparent show. Yeah. Like, he's not a good showman in this regard. Like, he's just like, yeah, so, anyway, Jesus, or whatever you guys need to hear, huh?

What do you need to hear? Jesus, virgins or something, you want me to fuck them? Look, I'll tell you what. Virgin Mary, you wouldn't be a virgin if she was around the Donald. You know what I mean? All right, there we go. Fuck the Virgin Mary. That's what I'm saying.

I would fuck the actual Virgin Mary. If she was a real thing, I'd be like, you know what? God, I'll fucking put the Donald in there. That's what I'll do. You sound like De Niro. I would sound like Donald Trump at all. I can't do it.

I can't do it. We have Donald pegged down as this gangster. Every time we do it, we do a gangster thing. I know. I don't know what else. have Donald pegged down as this gangster. Every time we do it, we do a gangster thing. There's no other Brooklyn type of accent. Is that what his face is making? Is it a Brooklyn accent? I don't know what his face

is doing when it does that. He sounds like a caricature of himself. His voice sounds like going to Great America and having them draw the fucking big freckle picture. You know what I mean? It's ridiculous. I love it.

I love it. It's going to be a very, very good electoral season. Oh my god. I do think he'll get fucking curb stomped. Think about the competition he's had in the GOP. I know. I mean, it's like the onion is the best about Jeb Bush. They're like, Jeb Bush upstaged by electrical cord during debates.

It's just a picture of an electrical cord. It's also very true. It is. Like, there's nobody dynamic on the stage at all. Well, like, Carly Fiorina, who Eli claims killed her daughter. Yeah, right. I don't know if that. It came from Eli, so it's probably just all made up.

killed her daughter. Yeah, right. I don't know if that... It came from Eli, so it's probably just all made up. Want to contact the guys? Go to dissonancepod.com to get links

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This comes also from Right Wing Watch. Alex McFarlane says God didn't prevent California shooting because abortion and gay marriage. So there we go. Let's listen to this fucking. He was on Dove TV's Focus today. What the fuck is Dove TV? You're thinking of the soap. This is like Dove TV is like that's like a symbol of Christianity. Oh, I was thinking of this soap. I was like, wait TV is like, that's like a symbol of Christianity.

Oh, I was thinking of the soap. I was like, wait. No. Isn't that like a body positive soap? No. No. They think the dub is the dub of peace. And that's a. You lost me.

I know. I saw your face as soon as I said it. I was just like, no. I can't. I just, bro. I know. I know. The dub of peace.

I know. It's like the fucking zebra of joy. Or the fucking I know. It's like the fucking Zebra of Joy. It's like the Marmoset of Harmony. What do you want me to do with this? We're just naming. It's the hippopotamus of consternation. The Dove of Joy. That's some stupid shit.

The Dove of Joy. I said, well, I said Dove of Peace. I said, well, I said dove of peace. I don't care. I wasn't listening anyway. Let me listen to this guy and you can ignore him. All right. Sounds great. Here's the thing.

People are saying, why didn't God prevent this? Look, we've for 45 years. Here's the thing. People are saying, why didn't God prevent this? Look, we've for 45 years told God to leave us alone. 57, 60 million babies aborted. Now we've, our Supreme Court has deviated from natural law to case law. That they go out of their way to say, you know, the baby thing when they're talking about abortion.

But look at how many different states encroach in that and can walk right over that law like it's not even there. Yeah, right. All the time they do. Texas, right. They do it all the time. They're like, oh, well, it looks like we closed all those centers down, so you'll have to drive 600 miles for an abortion.

Who sucks to be you? Maybe you should just have it. And it's like, well, that's why God made sure nothing bad ever happened in Texas. Yeah. Wait. God made sure nothing bad ever happened in Texas. Yeah. Wait. God made Texas. Isn't that proof he doesn't like you? If you believe in God, you must believe God made Texas.

If you land in Houston, you look around and you're like, no. This was not created through benevolence. Are you kidding? At the very best, it was created through indifference. That is on a good day with a strong downwind, which you hope blows the smell of Houston away from you. What I would love to see our president do is to get on TV and like Abraham Lincoln's 1863 Thanksgiving proclamation, say, you know, we've become too proud to pray to the God who made us intoxicated with unbroken success. You know, we need to repent and pray.

He's never going to do that. He's not. He's not a fucking like anti-secularist president. Yeah, there's there is no way that anybody is going to get on TV and say that first because it's meaningless gibberish. Yeah. Right. Like, what is that? Fucking if I hear that, my next thought is like, were you going to do on TV and say that first because it's meaningless gibberish. Yeah. Right? Like, what is that? If I hear that, my next thought is like, were you going to do something today?

Were you going to go to work? What I think is great is that Abraham Lincoln got on TV. That's what I think is great. Remember that time in the Abraham Lincoln's weekly televised address? God forgive us for the murder of the unborn. God forgive us for kicking prayer out of public schools.

Again, here we go. Like, this is it. None of these things are, first off, you know, the killing of the unborn. Okay, but killing, we're using killing. Killing a little. Yeah, right. Killed that tumor in me.

Right, yeah, exactly. Like, well, killing that cold last week. Brushed my teeth and lost some skin cells. Yeah, did they kill that too? Did I kill him? I'm not sure. But in any case, there's that. And then there's also the prayer in schools, which is perfectly fine.

You can totally pray in schools. As long as it's not a teacher-led. Cecil, you can pray right now. Can't they just say? The thing is that they'll never say that. They'll never say, whoa, they took out teacher-led prayer. And that's the problem. They never say that.

No, because that's the truth. They'll always say, oh, they took out prayer in school. Nope. Didn't take out prayer in schools. Where are we at again? Oh, teacher-led prayer. You got to let me get there. You won't get there.

I got to get there. Yep. Fuck off. Exactly. God forgive us for making sodomy mainstream. See, I don't know how mainstream sodomy is. Every time I try to put it in a butt, denied. Denied. I mean, it can't know how mainstream sodomy is. Every time I try to put it in a butt denied, denied every, I mean, it can't be that mainstream. It can't be mainstream if you're calling it the back door.

There's no way it's mainstream. Right? Yeah, it's the front door. That's it. Yeah, that's the door. It's just the door. You would just be like, it's in a door. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah, it's a door. Column A, column B. No. It requires a little more preparation. We still clearly talk about it as if it's not. Yeah. Even us.

And we're super pro-gay, right? Like about as pro-gay as you can get without being gay. Gay, right. And we still talk about it in a way that is probably, probably less than. Certainly less, right? Certainly less than, right? Without even thinking about it because it's not. We constantly talk about stereotypes.

Right. You know what I mean? We use it all the time. But hold on, hold on. To be perfectly fair, you and I are awful people. We constantly talk about stereotypes. Right. You know what I mean? We use it all the time. But hold on. Hold on. To be perfectly fair, you and I are awful people. That's true.

Okay. Yeah, let's not use this as examples again. That's a really bad idea. For anything. Really bad idea. Yeah. And redefining marriage, the second greatest gift God ever gave the human race right behind salvation is the gift of family. We've perverted that.

Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit on that. Like, we've perverted family. Like, two people are like, I love you. I love you, too. Let's maybe even adopt a kid. Ah! What a terrible world we live in.

Really? Yeah. I feel like that's more families. Where people are happy. Right. Where, oh, man, we can't make these people happy. What are we doing? It's going to do something to us.

What? Well, what does it do? Like, my family doesn't dissolve because two gay dudes are like, I love you. happy what are we doing it's gonna do something to us what well what does it do like i i've fucking my family doesn't dissolve because two gay dudes are like i love you be like ah no now i gotta go punch my kid in the face now i'm gonna go home and think about you having butt sex the whole time i'm fucking my wife god damn it it's very distracting stupid sexy flanders a little intimidating actually actually. Slightly arousing. We need to, as a church, say, God forgive us for a 53% divorce rate among evangelicals. So in the church, there needs to be repentance.

Nationally, there needs to be turning to God. But the greatest sin of all is abortion in our nation. And the judgment of God will only escalate until we turn to the Lord. Well, let's just wait for it to happen. The thing is, he's already going to judge us. He's already going to fucking happen. So if it's going to happen

and he's already really, really super mad and he's got his ruler out and he's tapping it on his hand, waiting for us to die so he can give us a couple raps on the knuckles and chuck us off into a pit of fucking fire. Right. Let's just let it happen then. What do I, that's the other thing, like, we've talked about this before, it's like all these

guys want to accelerate the inevitable. Like, God's got this, right? It's like, it's like if your dad's gonna come home and ground you and your big brother's like, dad's gonna be super mad at you, and until he gets home, I'm gonna punch you in the eye. He'll be like, well, fucking, dad's got this shit covered. until he gets home, I'm going to punch you in the eye. He'll be like, well, fucking dad's got this shit covered. When I get home, I'm so in trouble. I think they want to save us in some way, right?

They want to save those people. Well, that's what they would say, right? But it's like, no, you just want to control people. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. This is from the Huffington Post. A state representative claims God is talking to him. This is also a clip from right-wing watch. Tennessee State Representative Mark Potty had some things to say about his conversations with the big guy.

I am a born-again Christian. Hallelujah. Jesus Christ is my-again Christian. Hallelujah. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Yes. And I actually pray, and I expect my prayers to be answered. Motherfucker. You fucking answer those prayers,

you silly fucking omniscient, omnipotent deity. Here's the thing. Fucking do what I say, genie. I rub that fucking thing. I expect it. Yes. I expect it, omnipotent thing that that fucking thing. I expect it. Yes. I expect it, omnipotent thing that created the universe.

Right. The whole universe. Billions upon billions of galaxies swirling around. And when I cry into the fucking great void, motherfucker, I expect you to snap the fuck too. And I believe God talks to me in prayer and say in his word and says, this is your role. This is why we can't have good things in Tennessee. When you say, I believe God talks to me, this goes back to one of the first episodes we ever did. It's like, if he said he did that through his hairdryer, we'd think he's crazy.

If we thought he talked to his dog, if he was saying this shit about his dog or his dead dad or you know name a name anything else right except for god you'd be like you'd be like oh that's insane wow this guy's kind of crazy gotta lock him up elected official maybe we should uh go look at the bylaws and see if there's some way we can get him out of there real real fast but instead it's just like oh he talks to a fucking imaginary thing that created the universe totes fine fine, yo. Yeah, right? Oh, that seems like we shouldn't put him away for his own health. Or put him to sleep. What? And I want to share something out of Ezekiel.

Ezekiel 3, 17. And when this ruling came, I'm just going to tell you, I believe God told me this. Okay. Go. God told you this. I'm excited. I'm excited. This is what he believes an imaginary being talked to him about.

He told him, first, turn off the gay porn. That's it. That's number one. Or turn it down. You don't have to turn it off. Just turn it down. Mark your spot. Just look for the subtitles if you need of man i have made thee a watchman under the house of israel i just want to stop

at house of israel for a second can i stop there for you can stop anywhere you want because i i fucking can't hear this shit so mean anything you were saying it earlier. And it's so true, right? I went to a Christmas concert this year. And in between all the songs, there's this fucking bullshit where they start talking about how. And Jesus Christ was there. And he was the king of the Jews. And the Jews all came around and stood around him. And they had three kings.

And the kings looked upon him and sang this song. We three kings who came with some shit. And then they do the thing. And then the guy comes back on and he's like, And they gave him the gifts of ancient stuff you don't care about anymore. And then God said, I give you the king of the Jews. And I just kept thinking, I'm like,

king of the Jews? Like, wait, guys. You guys still sing songs that say that this guy is the king of another religion. Like, he's the king of somebody else's stuff. Another whole, none of you are Jews. Like, look around the aisle, unless you're a fucking Jew for Jesus.

Yeah, those are the only guys that seem somewhat honest, right? Yeah, none of you fuckers are Jews. Not a fucking one of you. And you're talking about the king of the Jews. Yeah. What the fuck do you care? We really like the king of the Jews. Also, we are not Jews.

Like, then you're not in charge of me. It's like the fucking Sultan of Brunei. It's this weird, co-opted religion from so long ago right this super weird culty religion got co-opted by a group that happened to be in power and they never let it go man well and it said like when they when they if i remember right like when they executed jesus they they wrote like king of the jews like in a derogatory like Like, yeah, fucking, who's the King of the Jews now, eh? You know, like, right up. You got a little something on your hand. Hey, hey.

Fucking forget about it, huh? Bet you're not talking so big now, are you there, King of the Jews, eh? Nice crown, huh? The King of the crows when they eat your fucking eyeballs. Forget about it, huh? Hey, come on. That's what you get for crossing Tommy, huh? Executed by...

He was executed by Romans. Yeah. You know? No, it's exactly... Yeah, they just went a little goodfellas on him. No, but I just look back on this. Right. And I think, none of you changed any of this up till now?

You guys still... He's still reading a book that says fucking an Israel did something. Yeah, I know. As if that's a thing. The fuck? All I think is like, well, how did it work out for the Jews? Germany killed six million of them.

Six. Like, it's like, you are my chosen people. Here is endless hardship. What? Fucking, can I be on the not chosen team? Therefore, hear the word at my mouth and give them a warning from me.

When I say unto the wicked, thou shalt surely die. All of us die, not just the wicked. I'm fucking wicked, good, bad, in between, I don't know, call me next week, we'll see what the day shakes out for. It totally doesn't matter. We all die. It would be really compelling if there was

a bunch of fucking 2,000 year old happy Jews walking around like, I'm not wicked at all, still spry as a yeah right but instead they're just like i have the same shelf life as you and i'll give us them not a warning nor speak us to warn them the wicked from his wicked way to save his life that same wicked man shall die in his inequity but his blood i will require from thy hand. Fucking all jib jab. It's like a, I turned it, I'm done.

I'm done. That's a guy who's reading a 2,000 year old book plus inside an office in this country. And he's reading it like it's fucking written to him. Yes. He thinks God wrote down something a couple thousand years ago through someone else, went up the fucking chain of command to get here, and this asshole fucking thinks God spoke that shit to him. Yeah, right. And God, when God spoke to this guy, God just said, go look in the book I wrote before. Like, he hasn't had anything original to say in 2,000 years.

It's kind of awesome to be God, though, because you could just all you have to do is just reference the footnote. Right. No, man, it's in fucking the third one down. There's a reason we do it chapter and verse, bitch. Like, go look it up. When I call representatives for the great state of Tennessee, I'm not telling you anything new.

I'm going to tell you where to go in this really old book to mean meaningless gibberish. It's fucking... How could you live your go in this really old book to mean meaningless gibberish it's fucking how could you live your life with this stuff So this story comes from vocative.com. I guess that's a thing. Life under ISIS. This story was fucking crazy. Today, I was punished for revealing my eyes.

Your eyes. How do you not reveal your eyes? You're walking into fucking walls. Well, hold on now. We gotta make sure we recognize that this is not dudes. No, of course not. Yeah, yeah, no, no. Dudes can walk around with their fucking sack hanging out.

It doesn't matter. Their eyes. Yeah. Wide open. Yeah. Nicely done. But anyone else. Yeah.

That not a guy. Not a guy. Yeah. Eyes wide shut. Nicely done. Yeah. That's awesome. There's a rape scene in there, isn't there. Eyes wide shut. Honestly done. Yeah. That's awesome. There's a rape scene in there, isn't there?

Oh, God. That matches. Game set match. God, that's ISIS, right? It wouldn't even be rape. It's like you're not even a person. That's a thing. Dude, the idea.

It's like fucking a fleshlight to them. Right. It's like a breathing fleshlight. You have to feed once in a while. You don't even have to wash it out when you're done. It's actually less work than the fleshlight. It's like, fucking clean that shit up. And also, women don't fit in the dishwasher as well.

They just don't. Don't put it on the heated dry, though. It's just splarch everywhere. And then you've got to stick that little thing inside of them to sort of open it right up. It's like a douche. And then it's just awkward when company comes over and you're like, oh. I've been in the dishwasher all day.

This is your cum. Can and you're like, oh. Come on. Hang on. I've been in the dishwasher all day. This is your cum. Can't be that dirty, buddy. I'm reusable. Oh, my gosh. I want to go home. I don't want to do this anymore. Oh, no. Trigger warning.

Everyone trigger warning now. Here's the thing. Welcome to trigger warning. That's a trigger warning. The whole show is a trigger warning. The whole program, 270 trigger warnings. Consider yourself triggered. That's it.

That's it. So this person wrote, Today I was punished for the first time for revealing my eyes. I was with a friend of mine at university, and one of the Islamic policemen told us to cover our eyes and put on a veil, but she didn't have anything. So since she didn't have anything to cover her eyes, she just gets punished.

She just gets punished by the fucking crazy police for having eyes, man. I think they need to all wear, like, a Deadpool mask. Like, you gotta, like, walk around, and at some point they're gonna be walking around in a fucking suit of armor. Like, you're gonna be like, it's like, ker-tink, ker-tink, ker-tink. Armor still has eye slits. Right. It's not like you can't fucking hide your eyes there. They wear mesh over their goddamn eyes.

Like, they have to fucking, like, seriously wear, like, one of those fucking, like, weird green screen suits. Right. You know? Like, all the time. Like, constantly. Wouldn't that be amazing, though, if, like, a bunch of them just decided, you know what we're going to do?

We're just going to wear these green screen suits out. That's it. We're just going to wear all these big green screen suits. Super tight-fitting, like, awkward. Like, you're like, oh, I can see the veins. That's no good. I don't know. I feel like I just got transported into Ninja Turtle with no shell in my hand.

I feel like ordering a pizza at Nunchucks, and I'm not sure which one I want to come first. Yeah. And, you know, the thing is, is like, this is one of those things that people will, this is not a ISIS versus the world thing. This is not a, you know, and this isn't, this also isn't – I don't know that this is specific to ISIS. I'm sure that there's plenty of other places in the world where this is a thing. But this is not ISIS versus someone else. Western imperialism did this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This is ISIS to people in their country that already wear most of the stuff they ask for them you know it's like your

eyes they read the syllabus and they brought almost all the books except for one handout if you are so fucking hard up for looking at a female that you see a pair of fucking eyes the looking organs right and you're like my God, I'm so fucking hard. Eyeballs. There's no fucking hope for you. Right. You've created, the problem also, too, is like that kind of like fear of the body fetishizes whatever's available. You know, it's like back in the day, it's like, oh, I see your ankle.

Oh, my God, I'm fucking spanked to ankles all week. It's fetishizing that, yeah. Because the mind is like, well, I'm a sexual human, and I'm interested in seeing the bits. And the bits we want to see are whatever the bit I'm not allowed to see is, that's the bit I want to see. At this point in American culture, it's strictly assholes. That's the only thing I can't see immediately walking down any given street. Right. It's just's the only thing I can't see, like, immediately walking down any given street. Right. Like, it's just strictly, it's the only thing I'm interested in anymore.

But it's like, but I mean, seriously, it's like, it's nipples, right? The whole boob can be exposed. Yeah. The whole fucking boob. Except for the nipples. The nipple, though. And so now nipples have become fetishized, right? Like, we've got like five and a half inches of flesh at this point that you cannot expose on a beach somewhere.

God, I wish I had five and a half inches of flesh I couldn't expose. Five and a half inches? God. What, are you kidding me? My goodness. That's fucking, I'm Irish. Five and a half inches minus five. Oh, man.

Jesus. I got to shave down there to get four. So we want to thank our most current patrons. We only got a few this week. We want to thank Kurt, Paul, and Sherry. Thank you very much for your generous donations. We appreciate it. We are coming up on a new year, and we're planning our giving and our current expenses and you know the show is

uh not cheap so we want to thank everybody for uh you know and we're going to be incurring some more expenses we are for some uh some things in the very near future so we're going to hopefully uh you know we're very glad that people are giving money and we hope that if you think the show is worth a buck uh buck uh an episode we'd really appreciate you becoming a patron you think the show is worth a buck, a buck an episode, we'd really appreciate you becoming a patron. You get the show early every time. I don't know if that's a sell or not. Can we create a different sell? On occasion.

They get the show early. On occasion. Oh, you can still have it late if you want, guys. You don't have to take it early. It's fine. You can wait. You can just put it in, leave it in your queue and never listen to.

You just treat it like sex. You should begrudgingly agree to it. Fine. It's Friday. But we do appreciate all our patrons. And if you do think the show is worth a buck, a buck or more, we appreciate all the people who are patrons. And we try to make sure that we do do some things with it, like give some of that money

away. And again, we do incur some expenses for the show. So we want to thank everybody for donating. We got some PayPal donations as well. We did. We got a PayPal donation from Albert. Albert, thank you. He marked this for non-domestic beer.

So we'll be sure to get something German. We got a message about the Sultan of Brunei. We did. Merry Christmas. Love the podcast. And this week's episode brought back memories. I sewed chandelier chain covers for him. I don't even know what that is.

Not being a man in possession of an abundance of chandeliers. Yeah. I was unaware that they needed chain covers. Huh. I'm not even sure what that is. I sewed chandelene. Chandelene? Chandelene.

That's not a thing. Chandelene. Chandelene. That's not a thing. Chandelene. That's a great name. It's a country song. This is my daughter's chandelene. It's a country song. I sewed chandelene. Chandelier.

Shit. Fuck. Keep messing it up. Let's just keep doing this. It'll be like fucking Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. My whole life is like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Without the hot chick with the blue hair. It's less hopeful. life is like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Without the hot chick with the blue hair. I sewed

It's less hopeful. Oh God. I sewed chandelier chain covers for him about 25 years ago. And yes, there was so much gold thread in the fabric, a security company had to deliver it. Who would have

known that chandelier chains Chandelines. Chandelines. It's gotta be a thing. Chandelanes. Required covers. We got the job through an uncle who would go on these trips to furnish the Sultan's incredibly tacky palace and bring back suitcases of cash. Wow.

That sounds like a drug deal. That's astonishing. It does. Yeah. Except for it's gold. If I were the Sultan of Brunei, everything I did would feel like a drug deal. I would do everything surreptitiously and sometimes just machine gun somebody. With a giant case of cash. Right. And then I would make everybody talk really low. Actually, I would talk through someone else.

I would make them talk to somebody else. That's how you do it. Yeah. I would only meet on bridges at night to exchange things. And I would stay in the car while another guy goes out and handles everything. Right. And we're talking about just getting like

takeout burritos. I would make somebody taste it. Like rub it across their gums. It's like, like they're buying like thumbtacks. I'm like, I don't care.

I would love to spend that kind of money just for one day. I would be the most opulent prick ever. It would be the best. I would like fucking be like, oh,

I just got in my jet to go to Milwaukee. I would just fucking be like oh, I just got in my jet to go to Milwaukee I just killed all the ozone layer. I would just load a t-shirt cannon full of quarters and shoot poor people Someone's gonna do that now YouTube Thank you, I guess. This means everything to you, Pertunga. Oh, God.

That's so wrong. Let's move on. All right, so speaking of wrong, someone asked us about a welcome mat pre-order. Yes, there are welcome mats available. I will post this week a link underneath, hopefully, where you can get merchandise. I'll try to see if I can put on our website on the right-hand side the link to the welcome mats and see if there's a way I can do that. I know I can do it. I just need to set aside the time to do it. But hopefully this week that will be available to you. time to do it. But hopefully this week that will be available to you. Bill sent us a great image of a paper and the paper's headline says, God, hallway, save family from Christmas tornado.

Hallway. This is amazing in every way. First of all, like there's a Christmas tornado. seeing it every way. First of all, like, there's a Christmas tornado. Ho, ho, ho, motherfucker! Is that Santa here? Sounds like a freight train. Oh, God, no, it's a tornado. Fuck. There's like Rudolph whipping around like

the cow and twister. He's like spinning. And his light is illuminating things and then not, and then illuminating things and then not. Yeah, right. Like a Christmas, you're still going with God on the day on Christmas that a tornado hit your house. And God's just like, well, it's a good thing I gave you a hallway. Otherwise, my Christmas tornado would have fucked you all up.

It's like being let out of a concentration camp on Christmas day. You're just like, my Christmas miracle. It's like being let out of a concentration camp on Christmas Day. You're just like, my Christmas miracle. It's happened. It's finally happened. It's like getting in a terrible car crash on your birthday. You're fucking jaws of life in there. And you're like, but I still have my one leg. You know?

Like, thank you, Jesus. Like, fuck that. Are you kidding me? I mean, I'm a bit of an optimist. but this is some bright side shit I can't get behind. Is the tornado half full or half empty? It's half full of the contents of my house. It blew away my actual house. So we got a thank you message from Doctors Without Borders, and Tom put in his last name.

And then now they're referring to him as Professor. I know. It's so funny. Because he was able to select Professor or PhD or something. I thought it was funny. And now they refer to you as Professor. I love that. That's awesome.

I think that's terrific. I think that's the best. I feel like the Professor, but more like the Nutty Professor, you know, swollen. You'll always be my Gilligan. I will always be your Gilligan, bro. We got a message from Chris, and he's talking about, I guess, the British version of our iTunes page. And he left a podcast review, and he had a chance to see in, like, sort of where we're at, like, what other people are listening to. And he thought, well, what am I going to find?

Scathing atheists? Thinking atheists? Dogma debate? What am I going to look at? And he found that a bunch of other people are also subscribed to Woman's Hour on BBC4. And he said, he had to explain this to him because I don't know what Woman's Hour is, although I will be subscribing.

It says, to clarify, it's a show on daytime upper middle class radio that includes such diverse topics as how to cottage your pie. That feels like a euphemism for something fun, right? It really does. That's when you put them in the dishwasher. Hey, I just want to cottage your pie. That feels like a euphemism for something fun, right? It really does. That's when you put them in the dishwasher.

Hey, I just want to cottage your pie. Or knit your way to a happier household. I'm so excited. I'm going to subscribe to this and start listening. I'm probably going to get through like a half an episode and have to put it on subtitles. Do they subtitle podcasts? I don't think that's a thing. Okay.

Here's the problem. There's no way I can give a woman a whole hour. You know? Woman's hour? I mean, like, if you give me, like, woman's four and a half, five minutes, you know? That's stretching it. That's a long podcast. That's assuming I haven't been drinking, you know?

So we got a message. This is from Daniel, and Daniel says, So guys, I think I may have found a good name for your cognitive dissonance themes. Close. Faded Glory Hole. That's great. Isn't Faded Glory like a Target brand? It's either a Target or Walmart.

It's one of those big box stores. Walmart, Kmart. I don't know. Don't they make like exclusively dad jeans? Like is that, is that all they do? It's like just like jeans with like a 13 inch zipper. Are dad jeans 13 inch zipper too? I just learned that.

I just recently learned that dad jeans is a thing. No kidding. Yeah. I was paranoid. I'm like, do I wear dad jeans? And then I discovered that the jeans that I work in, I put them on. I'm like, oh, these are dad jeans. You have dad jeans?

I have dad, but I'm a dad. I don't know. I'm dad bod. I'll tell you that. Well, that's going to wrap it up for this episode, breaking in the new year. Next time, we're going to try to search for some predictions for the psychic predictions like we do every year.

So if you have a psychic that you'd like us to go over and look at and see what they predicted this upcoming year, we will definitely do that. We'll also be going over predictions from last year since that's on our website. So we'll be taking a look at some of those predictions that happened last year, some of our favorites. But if you have anybody who's predicting something for this year that you'd like us to cover, send it to dissonance.podcast.gmail.com and we should be able to get to a few of the articles that you find. I feel like if they do that, though, that's less work somehow for you. Not for me. That's true.

All right. You guys got to do that. Otherwise, I've got to do that. That could take minutes. Literal minutes. We're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter,

mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit couched in scientician, double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating, pressurized stereogram, pyramidal free energy, healing water, downward spiral, brain dead pan sales pitch,

late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces. Cancer cures. Detox. Reflex. Foot massage. Death in towers. Tarot cards.

Psychic healing. Crystal balls. Bigfoot. Yeti. Aliens. Churches. Mosques and synagogues. Temples.

Dragons. Giant worms. Atlantis. Dolphins. Truthers. Birthers. Witches. Wizards. Vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides.

Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only.

Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local Dairy Council. We'll see you next time. you