Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 275: Come Together

Episode Date: February 1, 2016

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey Cecil and Tom, my name is Brandon. I'm a really big fan of your show. I've been listening to it for about four years now, about three and a half. And I wanted to let you guys know, I was raised Jehovah's Witness and I left the religion and I realized I was an atheist about three years ago when I moved from Phoenix to Portland about a long drive, about 28 hours. And my friend introduced me to your podcast. I listened to it. I listened to about 12 hours straight while we were driving on your podcast. And I realized I was an atheist. 12 hours straight while we were driving on your podcast.

And I realized I was an atheist. And I realized to other people, labels are probably not important. But for me, the label was very important to realize how much, or to realize that I didn't believe and I hadn't believed in years. I really appreciate you guys. And you guys were not necessarily a part of my deconversion, but I understood more about myself from listening to you guys, which is silly because dick jokes shouldn't make you realize things about yourself. Hey guys, I was just thinking about what you said the other day about Jesus putting his hands together and giving the ultimate hand

job. And, you know, I figured something, that kind of kink should probably have some term for it. I had a couple of suggestions. Maybe the, maybe the Holy Communion or the Palm Sunday, or possibly the gory hole. Let me know what you think. Glory hole motherfuckers. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance.

Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And I think Cecil's out of coffee. And there is no coffee. We are recording early-ish. Well, it's not that early at this point.

It's not anymore. But we got here early. We got here early. To Glory Hole Studios at 345 North Loomis in Chicago. And you know what's amazing when you show up at like 9 o'clock on a Sunday morning? There's no... It's fucking empty, and it smells only vaguely like pot smoke. Like, it's clear that at 9 a.m. on a Sunday, this is not the typical patron's time to shine, I think.

No, no, no. Like, that's fair. It does not appear that anybody was hotboxing the elevator like 10 minutes ago. I drive home from Glory Hole Studios. It 10 minutes ago i drive i drive home from glory hole studios it's about an hour drive to get home and i legitimately am somewhat concerned with the odor on my clothes like if i get pulled over oh yeah driving home they're gonna like fucking get the dogs and the dogs with the bees and the dogs that shoot the bees out of like it's gonna be like it's gonna be terrible he's gonna tap your tire do you smell anything boy right do you smell anything boy do you smell yeah oh yeah yeah

like if i got pulled over i would like they would have probable cause to search my car there's nothing even in my car no but they would be fucking negligent not to search my car although if they tested your like outfit for drugs it would come back right like my fucking clothes leaving the studio could not pass a piss test. Yeah, no, I go home and I wring them out into a cup and drink them. I just buy new clothes. I actually leave the studio, strip naked,

throw my clothes in the fucking sewer and drive home naked. You stomp up the sewers. Right, I know, I know. Like I could fit my size clothes down a regular manhole cover. Are you kidding me? You know, I once did that, though.

I once came home from work. I worked closing loans for a long time. So I was a closer for a title company. I closed loans. And I closed loans during like the subprime craziness shenanigans. Yeah, when you could just say, I'd like a loan. They would shoot one out of like a T-shirt. Right.

They're just like, money for everybody. So I would go close these loans. And you get a loan. shoot one out of like a t-shirt right they're just like money for everybody so i would i would go close these and you get alone and you look at your seats it's alone it was like that too it's like do you have a you know don't even answer that i don't care if you have a pulse yeah you don't need a pulse so i go to this closing so i do all these in-home closings right i go to this closing like on the west side of chicago in a neighborhood that otherwise no sane person would attend to this neighborhood uninvited. If you're not part of this neighborhood, they're looking at you like, you clearly don't belong here. It's the easiest game of one of these things is not like the other.

It's the one the slow kid even gets right. It's just like, it ain't that guy like like all right okay so i show up and it's like i mean it is fucking rough city right yeah and it's it's flint michigan bad uh no not that bad it's still in illinois you know it's not yeah but like i i pull up and it's this it's this little old lady and she's got a two flat or four flat. I can't recall which. It was like a gray stone. And actually a lot of those buildings are actually kind of cool buildings.

This one wasn't. It was like a two or four flat. And I go into her house and her house had caught on fire. Oh. And then the fire department had put her house out. Okay. With, you know, water. Yeah.

And they did not repair the fire damage or the water damage or the subsequent mold problem that resulted from the fire and water. So her home has – it's charred city like big time. Like fucking the walls are charred, charred. And then there's mold and water damage creeping down from the walls. That doesn't seem like it would be a healthy place to live. I don't feel like it was an inhabitable building. Okay. At all.

Sure. At all. She's getting a $417,000 loan. And I know it's $417,000 because that's the max to get before you get into a jumbo loan. And jumbo loans qualify differently. So she's getting a – I remember she's getting a $417,000 loan. She's like 112 years old.

I don't think she has any idea what she's doing at all, but I have no choice. Like this, my job is not this. I'm not selling this. I'm just the guy going through the papers. Right. And so I sit down across the table from her in her kitchen, which is squalid. Everything in her home is fucking squalid, right? Totes squalid. And I, I go, I go to move the tablecloth over. It's like a doily tablecloth. I can't sign papers on it with her because I need a hard surface, right? Which is what I hear often.

It needs to be a harder surface, right? So I still can't do it. Anyway, so I move it over. Doctor prescribed me these little boot bills. Hard-ish. I have an erection that lasts about four minutes that's three and a half more than i need it's a twofer four minutes that's a twofer she invited a friend i'd disappoint you both it was a guy friend i didn't even blame her. I was like, eh. It was man's best friend. Right? I'll go, oh. That's a little further south.

Fleas jump out of her tableclothy thing. Yeah. Right? Did they live in tablecloths? I didn't know that. They did there. It was like, well, I assumed they were fleas. They maybe weren't fleas.

They could have been bed bugs. Small. I don't know, dude. I'm not like a fucking bug scientist, right? They were a bug they were a small brown jumping bug okay i assumed fleas jumping bug right okay so i move little little jumpy bugs like it's like they're the fucking trapeze it was a whole flea circus right and i and i don't say anything but in my head i'm like i've never been more appalled in my life to

be in a location so sure and this poor woman is you know i mean she's clearly getting fleeced in some way by someone who's going to take advantage of her hopefully she used some of that money to either kill herself or buy a new home like those are the two options she should have worked through that's terrible she's a hunter she was gonna die yeah she doesn't need to kill her so we go through we do the signing and everything i dry but now i've like i've got fucking fleas. I've got dogs at home and also no interest in fleas. Sure. Yeah. So I go to the office, I throw the papers on a desk. I drive back home. I get out of my truck. I take off all of my clothes in the driveway. All of them fucking buck naked. The entire thing. I throw my clothes in the garbage can and I walk in from work naked. I walk in and my wife just looks at me and it's late.

It's like maybe 8, 830 at night, you know, because I work longer hours. I walk in and I'm just like fucking dick is swinging. I'm just like, it was a bad day at work. A very bad day at work. You should have come in like humming Marvin Gaye or something. Let's get it on. I'm running for you. You should have cut it coming like humming Marvin Gaye or something. Let's get it on. I'm running for you.

And I will point out, I took off my clothes in my driveway because I did not have an attached garage, and I still didn't care. Like, I so don't want fucking fleas. It's like, I'll fucking poison the neighbors. I don't give a shit. They went blind for a three-block radius. People are like, you know, it's not... It's supposed to be a new moon, but I could have swore it was a full moon today. That's a double

full moon. Look at that. It's a double full moon and it's really white. It's way whiter than a normal moon. You get home at like 8.30. It's dark except for there's like... Pulsating rump sitting outside your fucking window. You scarred everyone in your old neighborhood.

I did. I did. That's actually the reason the neighborhood's declined so precipitously in the past five or six years. You should take out a $417,000 loan and fix it up, right? Yeah. The neighborhood went to shit. It was like, fucking, you've heard of white flight? Yeah.

It's because I'm so fucking white. Everybody fucking boogied out of there. white flight. It's because I'm so fucking white. Everybody fucking boogied out of there. Now the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense, then it's going to be spreading

across the entire fruited plain and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. This first story comes from the new civil rights movement. Anti-gay activist. Christians need militant warrior mentality to defeat satanic LGBT movement.

I'm not super sure what this means. So this is a Houston activist, Dr. Stephen Hutz. Hutz. Hutz. Hutz. He says that the Christians need to adopt a militant warrior mentality to defeat the wicked, evil, satanic LGBT rights movement. He also says that Caitlyn Jenner 30 years ago would have been locked up for being transgender. Now, that may or may not be true.

I don't know. 30 years ago, we're in fucking, what, 1995? Were we locking up people for? No, 85. 85, right? Okay, 85. Yeah 85 85 okay 85 yeah thank you actually that made me feel less old yeah um were we locking people up for transgender transgender this guy thinks when he says 30 years ago he thinks he's saying 1930 yeah he must right because i think he's probably an older guy and he's thinking because when you get that old like time doesn't matter anymore that that i'm looking you get that old, like time doesn't matter anymore.

That, that, that, that sense of time doesn't matter anymore. So when, when Pat Robertson says 30 years ago, he doesn't mean 1985. Are there like dog years for Pat Robertson?

Yeah. Pat Robertson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's he's, he's on a whole day. He's like,

like for every one year that we do, he doesn't, uh, an, an eon or a millennia. so yeah i i the thing is is no they're not talking about 1985 because in 1985 there were fucking bands that people were basically transgender right you know so the idea that that that that that would be something so appalling of course not it wouldn't be appalling It would be titillating back then, I guess, but not appalling.

It would be much more transgressive than it is now, right? Sure, I think so. Maybe a little more transgressive, although I don't think too much more. This guy, though, he tried to get a group of bigots together. He tried to like, hey, let's huddle up all our bigots. Let's get in a bigot huddle, guys. Come on, guys. Everybody, go team bigot.

And they showed up, and it says in here, according to the Houston Press, about 25 people, mostly older and white, attended Monday's rally. Rally. Can you call a 25-person thing a rally? You can't even call that a proper classroom. Right?

It's like, then we had a rally when we had a picnic recently. Well, not that recently. but that was a rally. We had a double rally. Right, we had 50 people or so show up to a fucking picnic. Sure. Look, here's the thing. If they had donuts, you're going to get 25 people, right? It's just like Krispy Kremes.

It's like you're going to get a couple dozen people who just show up. Yeah. Every time they give meals out at Morningstar Mission, it's a rally? It's a rally, right. You know, it's a rally. It's a rally. Yeah. Right. You know, it's so funny because like anytime this sort of shit happens, it's like, we're going to get all of our peeps together.

And it's like a million moms and fucking a billion bigots or like whatever it is, you know, like, and then it's against gays. And then it's like 12 dudes. Yeah. It's like nobody fucking shows up because it's fucking shameful to put your fucking face to your hate. If they had a hood, they may show up. Well, that's the thing, right? The KKK understands that. They've understood that for

years. Nobody wants to put your face to your hate because then you still have to walk around and buy groceries tomorrow, right? And you still have to exist in the world. So there are some people who are just like, I don't give a fuck. I'm still fucking already hated. When I walk around the community, I don't give a fuck. I'm so fucking already hated. Sure.

You know, when I walk around the community, I already have no credibility. Or they're just so angry at this point that they just don't care. They just they've given up caring. And what they're going to do is just be outward with all of the anger and hate that they have. So they're not going to they're never going to hide it. So whether they show up to a bigot rally or not, it doesn't matter. People know they're hateful. That's true. It's like the emperor. It's like nobody is surprised.

Something, something, something bigot. It's like when you show up and you shoot lightning crackling out of your fingertips, nobody's like, well, maybe it's friend lightning. And your face looks like a flabby flapjack. It's got all the different rolls on it.

Gibble jowls. You got to clean it with a Q-tip to get it all in those creases. Good thing is, though, you don't need to carry a money clip anymore because you could just slide your bills. It's like a lady tucking money in her fucking bra. It's just like you're just secreting your credit cards in your face. Jowls. He's one of those one of those trick cocktail guys who does all the flip stuff. stuff. And when you give him a tip, you have to tuck it under his cheek. It's like a chipmunk.

I want to read part of this, though, because it's talking about how he's saying he wants to be more militant. He says, I think what we're missing in the Christian church today is the militant warrior mentality. I know Jesus said not to take up arms, but I take the Old Testament literally. And then he says they want us to force us to celebrate homosexual and perverted acts. And then he says, he makes fun of Caitlyn Jenner by saying that first he calls her Bruce Jenner.

And then he says, Bruce Jenner puts on a dress and goes on ESPN and gets an award for courage and then I guess he changed his voice to a nice deep voice and says uh I'm Caitlyn Jenner um yeah and that's a quote a direct quote well he nailed it I mean that's how you comedy I'm Caitlyn Jenner oh yeah and then this is my favorite quote because this is an actual quote I'm going to try to read this it says 30 years ago they would have locked up Jenner, or locked Jenner up. These people are as crazy as a bed bug. Crazy as a bed bug!

Go get it! And then it says, this is a wicked, evil, satanic movement. They want to recruit, brainwash our children right when the hormones start kicking in. I know, I'm a doctor! I love that argument from authority right in the middle. And then i know i'm a doctor i love that argument from authority right in the middle right and then he says we've got sick sexually perverted presidents

right out of nowhere he says that then he says then we got we got the muslim problem which is one thing i like about and i'm going to try to quote this exactly dan uh, uh, Dan, uh, Dan, uh, Donald Trump. I love that they quoted him exactly. And then he says, if you know about that religion, then they know, then you know, they want you to do what they want you to do,

or else they will cut your head off. We need people to stand up against this absurd, ungodly tomfoolery. So on the one hand, he's saying we need to be militant. We need people to stand up against this absurd, ungodly tomfoolery. So on the one hand, he's saying we need to be militant. We need to follow the Old Testament. We need to fucking stop being, I mean, basically what he's saying at the top is, stop being pussies.

Let's start being militant. And then he mentions real militants and says, what the fuck is happening, guys? What's going on, guys? These people are cutting people's heads off also i'd like to kill a gay person i know right it's like i take the old testament literally really because the old testament prescribes you to stone people to death for fucking what anybody in the real

world would look at as a fucking minor moral transgression right it's like not even and in some people's minds not even a more not even a moral transgression at all right wearing two types of fucking cloth fuck them kill them kill them with fire yeah i know it's it's fucking crazy right like it's it's like you know the old testament is is full of the most immoral shit possible sure and so he's like i take that literally also i'm totes mad that the other guys take their shit literally what do you you can't how do you reconcile these things and it's funny because on one hand you have people like this who are xenophobic and they want to find any reason they can to hate muslims right so they're going to do what they can to do that and so they're going to use these two things and they'll say

oh we need to be more militant but at the the same time, I hate the militants, et cetera. But then you have the people like the guy in fucking Russia last week who says, hey, those militants, they got the right idea. They hate the gays like us. So at least he's seeing common ground with ISIS. And they're both fucking batshit insane stances to take. That's the thing. It's like neither stance works. Somehow both stances are in their minds ideologically consistent. Yeah.

And yet they're diametrically opposed to one another in every reasonable way. You want to get them in a room and be like, guys, guys, do you recognize you're both Christians, right? You're both here. You're both Christians. You think totally opposite things on this subject. And this is why government needs to not be involved right yeah because you guys are on the same page and yet cannot read the same letters right you're fucking you're you're you're you don't you're you got the same book and you got a totally different

set of messages and the same messages mean different things to you what that's why religion needs to exist in a sphere outside of right. This is fucking gobbledygook. It's garbage. There was the problem in Europe not too long ago where the roving bands of assholes were sexually assaulting women, right? And I didn't cover that story on purpose because the details and the facts as regards to the motivations were somewhat unclear, so we sort of skipped that story. facts as regards to the motivations were somewhat unclear, so we sort of skipped that story. But I guess my point is, do we want that? Do we want militant warriors banding together themselves around these crazy goals and then policing our society?

I don't think that's a good... Look at the Muslim guys in England that you can't walk through their area with a can of beer in your hand. It's religiousante exactly you know and nobody can support like if you support religious vigilanteism that just means that you're an asshole yeah like that's what that means does it add right there are a few things in this world that are a fucking litmus test for assholery yeah there's i feel like you could come up real quick with like a fucking five question questionnaire and if any it's like if you answer yes to any of these questions we're fucking done we're not having any more conversations because the fucking litmus thing is red as fuck this story is unsurprisingly from right wing watch ted cruz god is helping me bring

america back from the abyss. I didn't know we were near the abyss. So evidently we're like deep underwater in an exploratory machine that's going to be visited soon by aliens. Either that or we had to sacrifice a creature each turn. Movie and magic references. Oh my God, guys. Hey, everybody catch our references. God damn. This is everybody catch our references. God damn.

This is why women love us. It's like a sci-fi movie or magic gathering. Good lord. Hey, ladies. What's going on? I just unzipped my hoodie. I took a shower last week. I feel good. You play with my hairy nipples?

Listen to what I just said, Chris. Who looks like a giant? I'll play with your hairy nipples. Who looks like a giant with your hairy nipples. It looks like a giant baby, right? Doesn't he look like a giant baby all the time? His face is weirdly smooth. It's so smooth. You know,

it's, it's his face is, I was, I was actually thinking this a minute ago. His face is like a face made by someone who doesn't know what faces look like. It's like an alien who's crafted a face based on someone telling them what a face should look like. Yeah. Or like a composite sketch come to life, you know, where it's just flat and two-dimensional

somehow and weird. Or like a silicone mask that you would wear for Halloween that just has no texture to it. Or someone sculpted a face after they felt someone else's face. Yeah, like a blind person sculpting. Yeah, exactly. There's that nosular area. Okay, great. All right, so here's Ted Cruz. Look, I want to ask you about this evangelical support for Donald Trump. Is it a scratch your head moment? Does it dumbfound you at all? What is your take on this exactly? Does it dumbfound you at all? What is your take on this exactly?

Listen, at the end of the day, what we are seeing is voters in Iowa making a determination on the ground. I don't believe anyone's going to win Iowa from a TV studio in Manhattan or a TV studio in D.C. Iowa's going to be won on the ground. You know, we're wrapping up what's called the full grass league, going to 99 counties, all 99 counties in Iowa, standing in front of the men and women of Iowa and answering their questions. It's a fucking waste of time. You go to fucking 87 of those 99 counties in Iowa, there's fucking nine people in the whole county in Iowa and only three of them can read. They have to actually, in order to get their attention, you have to walk by the corn and like beat on it so that they come out of the corn. It's like when you go to Iowa

to try to get anybody to show up, you have to yell ollie ollie oxen free. And they have to get off their oxen. Yeah, no, you scream Marco and then they scream Polo back. It takes a humility to submit yourself to the voters and to ask for their support, to go to VFW halls, to go to pizza ranches, to go to people's living rooms.

Yeah, to go to VFW halls. The whole time he's just thinking, how am I going to scrub the stink off of my skin when I get out of here? God, it basically just said, it takes a certain humility to have to fucking walk around with you common people. You fucking dirty ass fucking corn goblins. God, Sam, if I had to visit you poor people one more time, I'm gonna pull my fucking three hairs out of my head. And take the hard questions. That's the Iowa way. And I think it is a wonderful thing that in Iowa,

that in New Hampshire and South Carolina, the citizens take very seriously the responsibility to vet the candidates. Listen, this election is not about any one person. No. it's very much about one. It's going to come down

to one person. It's not about one person. This is fucking Hunger Games, bro. One person's going to win. It's exactly like Hunger Games. I hope they all die. We all kill each other. Donald Trump with a bow and he's shooting motherfuckers. I haven't even seen the movies. I only know the commercials.

And I'm like, yes, let's make a Hunger Games. Yes, because they ate like crackers and they killed each other. Is that how it happened? It's pretty much the whole thing. It's that short book. And Jennifer Lawrence shows her tits or something. Is that? No.

Really? I don't know. I'm going to rewatch the Hunger Games. I must have missed an important plot detail. It's going to happen. I'll be back. Yeah. Or not be back. I don't know.

You know, it depends. It depends on the length of the scene. If I get nappy. Sometimes you just your eyes start to close involuntarily. They should Thunderdome these guys. I feel like that's like like I Trump

with dot with Trump with Cruz as master blaster on top of him. It should be the other way around. I think no matter what Santorum has to be the one on top. Oh, he's usually on the bottom. Did you hear by the way that he said, uh, he said like that they've besmirched his good name. Oh yeah. And he's like, he suggested he's like Google my name. Oh, yeah. Google did? He suggested. He's like, Google my name. And then to people, he's like, look what they've done. Look what they've done.

All I did was stand up for traditional marriage rights. And it's like, no, your name has become synonymous with the frothy mix of fecal matter, blood, and lube that sometimes results from anal sex. of fecal matter, blood, and lube that sometimes results from anal sex. That is the new definition of Santorum, specifically because you related them to child molesters and dog fuckers. That's what happens. You weren't standing up for traditional marriage,

but I love that he told people, like, Google it, because now all the fucking old people are like, oh, let me Google Santorum. And then, like, you are, why is he still running? He's got less than, in some polls, he has a 0% vote. It's the greatest trick anyone's ever pulled, really. It's amazing.

Right. It's amazing that someone was able to do that. They renamed it. It was Dan Savage. It's brilliant. His people renamed it. It's absolutely brilliant. Any one individual who believes he or she will make America great, you know what?

For seven years, we've had a president in the White House who has had a messiah complex. So you're referring to Donald Trump there, that comparison. What I'm saying is it's not about Barack Obama. It's not about Donald Trump. And it's not about me. It is about the American people. It's about the future of this country I hate his voice oh god and it's such bullshit too it's not about the American people it's about you man right you're running for president the American people are running

for president you fuckhead doesn't even make any sense it's not about the American people can you imagine this guy as president okay guys platitudes garbage i'm the president just want to let y'all know i'm the president he has a i also hate how he talks too he sounds so you know and i know this sounds stupid because i i shouldn't be swayed by the emotionality of it but he really does sound weak to me he sounds like a weak person but it's an affect right like Here's why it's okay to be swayed by that. Because it's clearly an affect. It's that sort of slow, talky, okay.

Either he's pandering or he's weak. Those are your two options. There's no good out of that. Yeah, right. There's nothing in that that sounds clear and decisive. And I want somebody to talk to me in a way that is at a cadence and speed that suggests that they know what the fuck's going on and not that they're searching

desperately for the next fucking word or that they're trying to fucking break to me that i have fucking face cancer right he's like he's like okay all right okay so um um that face that thing on your face that you call your face yeah Yeah, that's actually... That whole thing's cancer. It's actually cancer. It's a whole thing. And the only way to make America great again is for we, the people, to rise up and bring this country back. And what... You know, what are we

talking about? How far back are we talking? Well, I don't know. I mean, like, do you go back a whole set of terms? Yeah, do we go back a whole set of terms? Do we go back a decade? Do we go back two decades? How far back? That's actually a great point because these guys, they never talk about what your reference point for comparison is.

I always think the reference point of comparison when we're talking about a new presidential candidacy is the prior president. It could be, but they're not making any judgment on that. What our campaign is focused on is trying to energize and empower the grassroots. That's where sovereignty resides in this country.

And, you know, one of the amazing things, David, we have a prayer team of people all across the country that are. Great. Awesome. A prayer team. Whoa, a prayer team. Whoa, what a bunch of powerhouses. They're going to sit and wish together. They're going to fucking wish for things together. What if they all wished for the same thing? How powerful would that be? You know what we also have? We have a fucking secret team together.

They all throw their intentions to the universe. Wahoo! I'll tell you, your fucking video game guild could get more things done than that. You know? Right? You could fucking get a community of fucking masturbators on Pornhub to accomplish more.

At least they'd come together. Nicely done. Set up and spiked. ...that are lifting the country up in prayer and every day as I travel Iowa, I ask the people here to stand on the promises of 2 Chronicles 714. Oh oh for fucking sake

god damn it uh what our second what the fuck is second chronicles 14 my balls sounds like a fucking play in football you piece of shit am i supposed to hit i really can't stand listening to him i really can't well let's hear what the fucking second chronicles these nuts oh i'm sure it's gonna be fucking life-changing hang on a minute let me to lift this country up in prayer there is an awakening there's a spirit of revival that i see every day it's sweeping this country and and david i fear for america if we keep on this path there comes a point of no return from what's wrong tell me what's wrong if we keep going on this path, it's so fucking vague. What path, asshole?

Specifically which, like, is he talking about economic issues, social issues, foreign policy issues? I don't even know which general direction he's headed in. And my prayer is that this awakening continue, that the body of Christ rise up to pull us back from the abyss. What does that mean? That's enough. I'm done with this guy. You want fucking zombie Jesus to show up and do things? Did we even figure out what 2 Corinthians 2 Timothy 7 Roman whatever is? You know, the thing is, is like fucking what they're talking,

what he's talking about is just, I want to inject more God into government. That's all. And whatever we got away from, whatever part of the conservative agenda was pushed forward and away from the original conservative agenda, we're going to pull back. We're going to rein it back in. That's all he's talking about. He's just talking about

some sort of vague reference to how we're not discriminating against gay people's marriage anymore or how we're allowing gays into the military or how we're making sure that in some states, not all states,

people have to serve gay people. Is it all about gay rights? I think so. I think there's not a lot of other social issues that were handled though. I mean, when you think about it socially, there's not, there hasn't been a lot, you know, I guess you could talk about how some places in the country have started putting in higher minimum wage things and how on the other side, they're talking about minimum wage, but on this side, they're just staunchly against it. I guess immigration might be another thing. Although again, I don't really feel like there's been any kind of great leafs forward in that. I was gonna say, what have been the great immigration reforms

that Obama fucking put in a place, right? Obama's deported more people than a lot of other presidents have. So I don't know what those great things would be. You know, the thing is, it's all just vagary. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT.

That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod or click the link on the podcast homepage and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis.

If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story comes from the Patheos blogs,

specifically the Friendly Atheist blog. Rapper B.O.B. The B is, for some reason, the lesser of the letters in this. There's the capital B. Oh, the O is. I'm sorry, the O is. So I guess it's so that nobody calls him Rapper Bob.

So Rapper Bob says the world is flat and he's got the evidence to prove it. So this dude, Bob, he posted all over Twitter photos of the earth and crazy shit about how the world is flat. And at first I thought, okay, this guy's just fucking trolling. He's just trolling some stuff. But it turns out this guy's got a whole host of other like super crazy ideas. Um, and he's constantly spouting off like super crazy shit on his Twitter. Like all this like weird conspiracy theories sort of gobbledygook. Um, and Neil deGrasse Tyson actually came out and had a fucking... I guess his son

had a counter rap? I listened to it. Did you listen to it? I don't listen to counter raps. I gotta be honest. Not a huge fan of it. I listened to it and I thought it sounded real weak. I don't like his nephew's voice. For rap, it doesn't

sound very good. For me, I was like, eh, it didn't really do a lot for me. But I will say this. I at first thought he was a troll, too. At first, I was like, this guy's a troll. Then, you start reading his tweets, like you said, and you think, oh, maybe not. Maybe he

isn't a troll. Maybe he really does believe this. But I will say this. Regardless of whether he is or isn't a troll, he's a marketing fucking genius. And to troll, he's a marketing fucking genius. And the reason why he's a marketing fucking genius is because, I bet you, he got a ton of new followers because of this. And he wound up getting

mentioned on the Daily Show. Neil deGrasse Tyson actually came out and did a thing on the Daily Show where he explained the process of why this doesn't work and why you think that the world is flat

even though you're a tiny little thing on a giant sphere. And of course you will think the world's flat, of course, but you're just so small there's no way that you can actually see it, et cetera. And then at the end he drops the mic. He says something like, let me demonstrate gravity or whatever, and he drops the mic. Very funny. But this dude got a mention

on the Daily Show. You know what I mean? People that wouldn't have known him. I'm sure he's gotten mentions on all kinds of news agencies, too, that are looking for a funny or interesting story that they can talk about on today's news. So this guy is just constantly getting free press all over the place. We're talking about him.

It's true. So regardless of whether or not he's a troll, it fucking worked. Yeah. It worked. It did. It did. I am astonished that there are still actual people who spend time and energy trying to prove, because there's a larger, I don't want to say movement, because that makes it sound like it's more than fucking 30 dudes in basements, right?

Yeah, sure. But there is a, he's not the only. This podcast is a movement. Right, exactly. It there is a... He's not the only... This podcast is a movement. Right, exactly. It's a fucking bowel movement. It's not even a particularly satisfying one, right? I know, yeah. It's like there's still a little something

that's stuck in there, damn it. This is... It's like when they walk in while you're going to the bathroom, you know? It's like you're on the toilet, and then they walk in, and you're like, Jesus, now I got stage fright.

I gotta stop. I can't fart in here while you're in here. Well, you can't. I don't... Somebody walks in, I'm fucking loud and proud, like, fright. I gotta stop. I can't fart in here while you're in here. Well, you can't. I don't fuck. Somebody walks in, I'm fucking loud and proud. Like, whatever. I wear headphones now, so I don't mind.

Fucking trumpet in this pig. I don't care. You know, it is astonishing that there is a whole host of internet fucking weirdos who really believe that the fucking Earth is flat. Even though we have sent people. I mean, despite all of the evidence that we have that the earth is not flat like that you don't it does not require space travel for yeah i would think that question would be fucking settled as soon as you went to space like as soon as you go to actual fucking space even if you watch that video of that felix baumgartner guy who went up like totes high and

then skydive back. I think their answer to that though, is that the, the GoPro lens was correcting because it's a fisheye lens. And they're saying that it's a fisheye lens. And therefore when they straighten it out and you're like, yeah, of course you're, you're editing the footage so you can make it as straight as you want i can't are you fucking kidding me i'm not kidding are you fucking kidding me i wish i was kidding you're saying this and my whole fucking body is shutting down like i'm having fucking straight organ failure listening to that shit i wish i wish that someone never said that before me who the fucking what what do they say when you go to space yeah and

take a picture of the earth and like you look around and like all of the planets that you can view in a fucking telescope the mood they're all roughly spherical yeah why would i think that we're the only disc the other thing that this guy hold on a second why can you can you actually answer can anybody like why would we be the only disc well i think what they're saying is you're The other thing that this guy did. Hold on a second. Why? Can you actually answer? Can anybody? Like, why would we be the only disc? Well, I think what they're saying is you're seeing a round thing. That doesn't mean you're seeing a sphere thing. They would say you're seeing a disc as well.

And they happen to be positioned in this case this way rather than the other. But doesn't that necessarily suggest that I'm not a fucking astro guy? But, like, doesn't that necessarily suggest? I'm not even a fucking Astro baseball player. But doesn't that even suggest that... You'd be Houston Astro? Right. They wouldn't have you fucking serve the popcorn.

Are you kidding me? I actually... It took me a minute. I didn't know where they were from, but I knew that they were a baseball. So I couldn't have Houston Astro'd, but... You'd have to be in Houston, first of all which oh my god i can't nope i wouldn't serve the popcorn they were fucking turned brown upon contact with the air

anyway but like wouldn't that suggest if they're all discs that they never move or that they always move exactly in lockstep with each other i. It just doesn't make any sense at all. Disc-shaped chunks that always present the flat side to us no matter what. What I want to say, though, is when Bob was rapping about this, because Bob put out a little rap song, and I listened to his rap song,

and in the middle of it, he has Neil deGrasse Tyson talking. And so he's taking this clip of Neil deGrasse Tyson talking about how the Earth is not a perfect sphere. The Earth is an oblate spheroid, meaning it's a little thicker in the

middle than it is on the ends. But it's also a little thicker at the bottom, the south, than it is at the top, the north. So it's kind of pear-shaped in that sense. So am I. Because... I like big butts and and I cannot lie. But seriously, it's shaped like that.

Sure. But he's laughing and saying, you're saying it looks like a pear, but it's actually flat, blah, blah, blah. I know your face is making this look right now, this incredulous look, that you cannot believe what I'm saying. I can't believe

that somebody would think that the earth looks like no he doesn't think it looks like a pair he's saying that it looks like a pair no he's saying tyson is lying to all of us and the earth is really flat that's what he's saying in the song that tyson is lying to all of us because he can't even get his own story straight is what he's saying that That's what I, as near as I can tell, I basically lobotomized myself to try to understand this. I'm just flabbergasted that in an age where we have an international space station

and GPS technology. I think you can look right now at the Earth from outer space on some sort of camera. On a live feed. I'm pretty sure you can. I'm confident you can live feed the Earth, right? And when you look at it, you can. I'm confident you can live feed the Earth, right? I'm pretty sure you can, yeah. And when you look at it, you can't see all the continents. Right. Right? The fucking

acid answered that. It's just, you're looking at a part of it. Well, then we know there's other parts of it, so where did they go? Well, they must be on the other side of the thing! And in order to have this conspiracy of a flat Earth, there has to be so many people involved in it i

mean all the people in the space industry all the people in the airline industry everybody people in the boats industry for the last 600 years i mean anything that travels that goes that goes a great distance you have to be involved in it some way because it's not like it's not like fucking magellan was in on it's not like everybody uses a sphere as a model and it somehow works on a flat plane right right but we are talking about a global conspiracy well not a globe a a flattal conspiracy that stretches back literally hundreds of years yeah no reason! For no... What is there to gain?

It's like the long con, right? It's like, yes, and in another 12 years, it all comes together. It only took decades, no, generations, no, hundreds of years from Magellan forward.

Oh, when they say they circumnavigated the globe, they just floated away into the water and fucked around for a year, got themselves scurvy through some of their fucking people overboard all so that 600 years later i could rap about it yeah it's the long con bro uh way to go bob rapper bob rapper bob

i like too that his name is rapper bob because you know you're a good rapper when you have to preface that you're a rapper by identifying that you're a rapper. I'm podcasting Cecil. Hello, I'm construction worker Bill. Oh, okay. Construction. What are you in a fucking kid's show? Like you live in a kid's show.

It's Bob the Builder. Right? Yeah. He's the horn-headed dude in the red pajamas. This story also from Right Wing Watch. Ted Cruz welcomes endorsement of Mike Bickle, who believes Oprah is a forerunner to the Antichrist. I think we've talked about this guy before in the past. Look at his fucking face. I know.

Are they frozen? The thing is that it's perfectly frozen in this seizure moment. I know. He totally does. Which is great. He looks like he is a chipmunk that's farting. That's what he looks like right now. He's got his teeth out and he's got his weird eye squinties going on. He's making an F sound for sure. Yeah. So I want to play one of these videos for you.

This is where he's calling Oprah a forerunner of the Antichrist. And I think this is the same guy or one of the same guys who was talking about Oprah as the whore of Babylon before. Was Oprah the whore of Babylon? So many people have been the whore of Babylon. I can't remember that Oprah was one of them. She seems to, I don't know, she just doesn't seem promiscuous enough for it for me. Right. If she's the whore of Babylon, she's like the least whorey whore ever.

She's a terrible whore. She's like a whore that just wants to cuddle. Yeah. Like that's, you know, what the fuck? Wait a minute. I would pay for more. Right? Jesus. Cuddle withdle. Yeah. Like that's, you know, what the fuck? Wait a minute. I would pay for more. Right? Jesus.

Cuddle with myself. Right. I fucking get a dog. That's not why you're here. The heart of Babylon is preparing the nations to receive the Antichrist. Prepare your anus.

Because here comes Big Daddy Antichrist. I got a fist and I know how to use it. I sort of feel like if the Antichrist is coming, I don't know how much preparation I'm going to do ahead of that. It's like he's not going to be gentle anyway. The harm in Babylon will be a religion of affirmation, toleration, no absolutes, a counterfeit justice movement.

All of those things except for counterfeit justice sound great. Yeah. Like, tolerance, affirmation, and fucking gray area where you're just, like, allowed to have nuance. Oh, that seems kind of nice. Wow. They will feed the poor, have humanitarian projects, inspire acts of compassion for all the wrong reasons. Sign me up for the whore. What the fuck is the wrong reason?

The wrong reason is it's not in your God's glory, but it's doing good works. So what they're doing is they're – I mean this is really brilliant though. What you're doing is you're demonizing every single other humanitarian work that isn't your own. Right, right. Well, you're saying like, it doesn't count. So if I go out and feed and clothe the poor, right? Like that doesn't count unless I feed and clothe the poor because toads Jesus, right? It doesn't mean anything if I do it just because they look like they need help. And I'm a compassionate human being who recognizes the nature of the human condition, right? Like that means fucking nothing in that world, right? It means nothing.

But I listen to that and it's just like, just like anybody would listen to that and just be like, well, fucking sign me up. First of all, I get a whore. Yeah. So jackpot, right? Like, you're like, so far not seeing the downside. Then also the whore is like, hey,

in a refractory period, let's go out and do good works. And so you go out and do good works and so you go out do good works with your whore yeah i don't know like fucking she could be my girlfriend like it's fine like it's like it's like a good person that's gonna fuck me like okay yeah i mean i'm still willing to pay it's fine and he's the guy the guy, when he's saying all these things, he's judging all the other good works. He's saying all the other good works, all these other things that all these people are doing,

these feeding and clothing, et cetera, are for the wrong reasons. And he's the one, he's the arbiter of whether or not the reasons are right. Yeah. How do you get that power? How do you get to make that decision? But people in the audience, there's enough people there. Clearly he's got a fucking PA system, right?

There's enough people where he needs a microphone to talk to all these people and they're letting him decide whether or not these things are good or not. You got to ask yourself, are you letting people letting other people decide what is good and right? Can you imagine if you were in a situation where you were in dire straits and somebody came to you and you were hungry and they gave you a food and you looked at them and said, before I taste this food, I'd like to know more about your internal dialogue. Sure. Right? Why exactly did you do this? Do you feel guilty about it? Right, right.

You know? You'd be like, fucking, thanks for the food. Yeah. Like, that's it. Like, the rest of the day, I don't care if, like, somebody hands me, if somebody fucking goes through their entire life doing nothing but good works,

and the whole time, in the back of their mind, they're just like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I don't care at all. It means nothing. I don't have to live inside their fucking head. I get to, I have to live in the world where our consequences and actions and the physicality of our bodies mean something where i could die because i need a food right yeah they won't know it beloved they will be sincere many of them but their sincerity will not in any way

lessen the impact of their deception the fact that they are sincere does not make their deception less damaging. How can you be sincere and deceptive? And how do you know their sincerity, period? How can you judge someone's sincerity? But I actually don't even understand what he's... I don't understand, and I'm not even fucking around. I don't understand what he's saying. He's saying that...

Is he saying that the people who are acting sincerely are still being deceptiveive or are they being deceived? I think he might be saying they're being deceived. Okay, then that makes sense. But I think he's misspeaking. I think so because I can't be both sincere and deceptive at the same time. Right, right. Yeah, because you could act sincere because that is deceptive, right?

Acting sincere would be deceptive. But I think he's saying they think they're being sincere. Right. But they are being deceived. They are being deceived. By the devil. I guess the devil. Because the devil is giving you food to... He's giving out sandwiches to the homeless.

If the devil is giving out sandwiches to the homeless, then he's no different than God. Right. No. He's giving out sandwiches to the homeless, then he's no different than God. Right. No, he's giving out sandwiches for the homeless. I guess he is different. He is totes different. He's better. Right.

Yeah. It's like, again, sign me up for the whore. Yeah. I believe that one of the main pastors as a forerunner to the Harlem movement, it's not the Harlem movement yet, it's Oprah. Harlot movement. The Harlot movement? I thought he the Harlot movement yet. It's Oprah. Harlot movement. The Harlot movement?

I thought he said Harlem movement at first. It's the Harlem shake. And I was like, is it the Harlem globetrotters? What are we talking about here, buddy? They always beat the generals. Oprah is the leader of the Harlot movement? Yeah, it's the Harlot movement. I am interested in this harlot movement.

I am too. A whole lot. Yeah. This sounds like the best movement. You know what? I'll tell you what. I bet they get more than fucking 24 people to show up to their fucking rally. You know,

there's a lot of people in this audience when I'm watching the video, there's, it's a whole fucking airport hangar full of people. I mean, it's a giant gymnasium or whatever he's speaking to. But, uh, but when he's talking about this sort of thing, if you're going to decry

someone else's charitable works as evil, I think you're a scumbag. I think you're an absolute scumbag. Unless that charitable works are, I donated a bunch of money to ISIS or something. Then I'm okay with that. Is that ISIS? Are you guys a 501c3?

Can I claim this on my fucking taxes? Yeah, you should totally claim it. Let me write down, dear the US government. Oh, God, that'd be so funny. Charities I supported this year. I gave away 10 grand to ISIL. That'd be amazing, right? Yeah.

Sir, we have a fucking one-way ticket to Cuba for you. Excuse me. Can you put this ball gag in? Enjoy your new hood. Yeah. She is winsome. She is kind. She is reasonable.

She is utterly deceived. What a bitch. How the fuck do you know? Right. I mean, really, you're telling this entire group of people that so-and-so is deceived. Yeah, I also...

And you're making a judgment based on their actions. Yeah, I would also take issue with his calling Oprah winsome. Like, winsome is generally attractive. Yeah. We'll go ahead and we'll just set that one off to the side. I mean, no slam on Oprah here. Yeah. But that would not be one of the top 450 words that one off to the side. I mean, no slam on Oprah here, but that would not be one of the top 450 words

that I used to describe Oprah. Like if I had to use the top four or 500 words that leap into mind in description of Oprah, and I have no strong feelings about Oprah one way or the other, at no point would I say winsome. Yeah, I wouldn't come to that. Also, I've never used the word winsome.

Yeah. It's an old-timey Bible word, probably. Utterly deceived. A classy woman, a cool woman, a charming woman, but has a spirit of deception, and she is one of the clear pastors, forerunners to the harlot movement. What are you talking about? How would you know all this? He extols the virtues of her character and the virtues of her actions.

So if you can't know me by my character or my actions, then how the fuck do you know me? What does that even mean to know somebody? You're just making it up. Like you've got to fucking get nose to nose and get a soul gaze with somebody? You're just fucking picking somebody out of the crowd and saying, that person's bad, and I can fucking talk about whoever I want, because I'm the only one who knows what God knows. Right.

You get to decide what God knows. Wouldn't it be awesome? Because it's a big fucking airport hangar, like you said, full of fucking credulous dipshits, right? Wouldn't it be awesome to be like, okay, and we're also, before you all get home, we're going to check all your DVRs for the Oprah show. Like all these people will be like, oh, oh, oh, fuck. You want answers?

I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. All right, so this story comes from the Friendly Atheist blogs over at Patheos. Bernie Sanders, I'm not actively involved with organized religion. I thought this was great. I read this story during the week too. Bernie's been pressed a number of times on his religious stance, and he usually kind of gives a roundabout answer. He just says,

like, let's get back to the fucking issues. This is goddamn irrelevant. I'm Bernie Sanders, so mad all the time. But finally, he answered the question, and he should be so mad all the time. But he finally answered the question. It was just like, look, it doesn't fucking matter. I'm not actively involved with organized religion, Sanders said in a recent interview. I think everyone believes in God in their own ways. Not. He said, to me, it means that all of us are connected.

All of life is connected and that we are all tied together. And I thought, he's got to at least pouch a little. I know. I know. It's a step forward and a step back for me. That's what it feels like to me. It doesn't feel like it's 100% like... You know, there's two options.

He can either confront it head-on, or he can just say, let's talk about the issues like you said, right? There's a couple of different ways he can do it. He chose in this sense to say, okay, well, let's confront it head-on and say, I don't really do organized religion, but I kind of think everybody believes in God, because that's a real safe answer to say right now. But, you know, safe in a sense, but it's also, I think, a dangerous thing to say,

because I think the very religious people of the United States will latch onto this as a very negative thing that he said. Absolutely. It's a hyper-negative thing. And the people on the far end of this, the unreligious folks like us, are going to look at it and say, it's not far enough, right? And I think that that's just a game of politics, just that that's how politics works anyway. Sure. Either it's too far or it's not far enough for a group of people. That's just how politics works. So I wouldn't give them shit for this, but I don't think it's a 100% straightforward,

give him shit for this, but I don't think it's a 100% straightforward, great answer. Here's the problem, though, is that if we don't love Bernie Sanders, we learned this from our last episode, if for one second you don't fucking extol the virtues of Bernie Sanders' cock in your mouth, the left, the far left, of which I am one. And I will say, let me caveat this with saying, I am going to vote for Bernie in the primary with a feeling of happiness and glee. Right. But no man is perfect. And no candidacy is perfect.

And there are criticisms that can be leveled against anybody and criticisms about effectiveness of a candidate, which are different from criticisms of the candidate, right? Criticisms about effectiveness of a candidate, which are different from criticisms of the candidate, right? And we did recently talk, and I specifically said that I thought maybe he was a placeholder candidate. Sure. And I question his ability in a divided Congress like we have to be an effective leader if he were to become elected. I'm not sure that after a super centrist Obama, I'm not sure a far left candidate like Bernie will be able to accomplish things because he'll just be cock blocked at every turn, right? But as soon as you say that, it's amazing the vitriol that we received. Yeah. It was astonishing to me. Email after email, comments, people tweeting at us saying we missed it, we got it wrong, etc., etc. It's

just our opinion. It's okay. And here's the thing. Here's the thing I want to say that I think other people should understand. It's an opinion show, and it's our opinion. It's not right or wrong. It's just what we think. It's how we're affected by these things. That's it. That's all there is to it. And it's okay

to have a differing opinion with somebody. If you have a differing opinion with somebody. If you have a differing opinion with someone, it makes you think about it. Whether or not you agree with them, it'll make you at least think about it. Maybe think about it a little differently than you did. It's a good thing to have a differing opinion. If you're surrounded by people with all the same opinion, you get into an echo chamber. You get into that area where no matter what happens, you're going to be saying the same thing as everybody else and everybody else is going to be agreeing. It's a big circle

jerk, right? It's a giant circle jerk. And to be honest, this podcast is pretty much a circle jerk. It's a huge circle jerk. Everybody's on board with the skepticism. Everybody's on board with the atheism. Once in a while, we talk about politics and everybody's pretty much on board with the same politics that we're on. So it is pretty much a circle jerk. But once in a while, we'll see somebody do something or say something. We'll think, oh God, that didn't work or that wasn't good.

And people will flip their shit. And we had somebody this week, a couple of people this week, they were just like not interested in hearing it. They're talking about how they wanted to unsubscribe from the podcast. Cause they, we said like a minute worth of stuff that was kind of negative about Bernie Sanders.

My suggestion to you is unsubscribe. Like seriously, like if, if you can't, if you are so sensitive that you can't handle a tiny bit of criticism or, you know, and it's not even you, I'm not criticizing you.

If you, if you're, uh, the choice for your political, uh, the political primary can't handle a little bit of criticism, man, this is totes the wrong show for you.

This would be like breaking up with your girlfriend because she prefers milk chocolate over dark chocolate. It's like you're going to abandon a relationship over a fucking trivial detail. I think the other thing we got to talk about too, when we talk about Bernie Sanders, we talk about the thing that I said. So you said something about

whether or not he's a placeholder candidate. I said something about his effectiveness as well, right? I actually plan on, when I did an I side with two years ago, and I sided with Bernie Sanders on like 89% of the issues. So I know where I stand with him. I think, and I sided with him

more than I sided with Hillary. So I know where I stand with him. And so in my opinion, I think I'm where I stand with him. And so in my opinion, I think I'm going to vote for him. I, it doesn't bother me at all. Now, when I was talking about, uh, we were talking about whether or not he's going to be effective, you know, here we have a president who hasn't really done a ton. Now he's done some, but he hasn't been able to put through all this stuff. And he just gave a state of the union address where he was like, I'm super sad because I couldn't do enough. I mean, you watch the State of the Union address and there should have been a guy playing fucking violin behind him, a really sad song the whole time.

It's true. So you watch that and you think he's even admitting that he wishes he could have done a whole lot more and he couldn't get anything done. Right. Because of these because of the Congress and the Senate being held by the other party and them just locking him down. And they used a bad word about him throughout his whole presidency. They called him a socialist and he always denied it, right? This is a guy who openly calls himself a socialist. You think he's going to walk in there and everything's going to be greased wheels and he's going to be able to just slide right in there? I understand

when people send us messages and be like, oh, it's a whole revolution though, but you got to understand he's going to be changing the whole political system. I'm an optimist too, and I hope that that's the case, but I'm also a realist, and I realize that everybody who ever wants to try to get in always uses that exact same language. They always

say the same thing. I'm going to be a revolution. I'm going to change the way things are done in Washington. How many times have we heard that? How many times has it been a fucking, just a limp dick orgasm at the end of it? Where you're just like, oh yeah, our guy got in, but he's not really going to do anything. I mean, it happens all the time.

Let's look at the hope and change language that Obama used constantly. You know, how much change has there been? Well, not a lot, you know? And not as much as I wanted. Not as much as I was hoping for. Not as much as he was hoping for. Exactly. And he, by his own admission. Right. So when I say these things,

it's that I'm being a realist. It's okay if you disagree with me. That's fucking totes fine. I don't care that you disagree with me. I actually encourage you to disagree with me. Right. But I, you know, when I say that, that's what I mean. I also want to talk about the ad for a second, because people think we

didn't get the ad. I got the ad. The ad is for the Iowa. So they're talking about the caucuses, right? So when they show that image and they show Bernie going out there and doing his thing, what they're trying to say is you aren't throwing your vote away. Right. That's what they're trying to say to Iowa. Right. And I get it's marketed toward Iowa, but I saw it, and I'm not in Iowa. I saw it because it's the internet nowadays, right? So I saw the thing. I watched it, and I wasn't impressed.

And the reason why I wasn't, and this is, again, a totes opinion here, guys. It's what I, I didn't like it, and I didn't like it because it felt like it was an appeal to popularity. It didn't feel to me like he was saying, I'm a good guy. Here's why I'm a good guy. Vote for me.

Instead, it felt like, hey, guys, other people are voting for me. Why aren't you? Well, fuck off. I don't ever consider whenever I go to the vote, whenever I choose to vote in a primary or in an actual election, as long as there's only two candidates. Now, if it's a third-party candidate, there's a totally different feeling. And I understand that. But when I go to vote for somebody, I never think, is he electable? That never enters my mind. I voted for the Green Party candidate for governor in this state every time I've had an opportunity to vote. And the reason why I've done it is because I thought that person was going to do

the best job, not because I thought they were electable. I never, ever do that. I never think, oh, it's going to, whether or not they're electable. Now, I understand there's like a third-party candidate running sometimes. You might want to couch your vote in this, but this is a primary. This isn't about that. It's about whether Hillary's better or whether Bernie's better because everybody else is really, really far down now. And I know Bernie's got a chance.

I want him to have a chance. I actually want him to be the Democratic frontrunner. I want it to work. But I didn't like the video because it felt pandering to me. And it was also emotional, too. And it's like you're pandering to my emotions. You're trying to get me to, you know, it's like that patriotism song. I just don't like it.

It's okay not to like things. This whole show is about not liking things. So I just feel like this whole week we've been dodging these Bernie Sanders emails from these rabid supporters. Look, I'm happy for you, man. I'm super happy that you love Bernie Sanders. I like Bernie Sanders too, but I'm never going to give him a fucking free ride if he says something stupid or does something I disagree with. Right, right. It is – I mean, again, I just think it's amazing that, like, if you stop for one second complimenting

the fucking velvety soft skin of his dick in your mouth, like, you... This is the best chewed penis I've ever had in my mouth! It's like the Velveteen Rabbit now. It's, like, all saggy and shit.

So we want to thank our most recent patrons. We got another great group of people who have joined on as patrons. Thank you all so very much. David, Dan, two Daniels. Daniel S and Daniel R, Amy, Ward, Gray,

Nicholas, Al, Amanda, Aaron, Robin, Amanda, Aaron, Robin, Darren, Xavier. That's the one I can pronounce. Andy and Douglas, thank you also very much for your generous donations. We also got some PayPals, Tom. We did. We got PayPal donations from Gary, from Maggie, and from Drew. Thank you guys so much. Of course, you can go to

PayPal. You can go to our website and donate to us that way as well. Thank you. We got a message from Craig. This is awesome. I want to read this. Craig says, first, there is a new gay time. And this is the ice cream-like thing. I guess a stick

bar type thing. Stick bar? Stick bar, right? Isn't that what the bar on a stick? I've never heard of it referred I guess a stick bar type thing. Stick bar? Stick bar, right? Isn't that what the bar on a stick? I've never heard of it referred to as a stick bar. Isn't it a bar on a stick? I don't know,

but I'm only ordering ice cream stick bars from now on. Okay. That's amazing. What a good stick bar. What would you do for an ice cream stick bar? I'd kill a man.

Whoa, okay. Take it easy. Get that man an ice cream stick bar. Give him all of our stick bars. He's sharpening the stick bars into shivs. But it's an ice cream sandwich type thing. On a stick. On a stick.

In a bar form. In a bar form. A stick bar, if you will. And he says, first up, there's a new gay time. It's a strawberry gay time. Holy fuck. I had one of these last night, and I'll tell you this. this if you tasted this thing and you had one left in your freezer and your house catches fire and your baby's on the floor in front of the freezer you will kick that burning little

bastard straight across the room to save the last strawberry gay time i think i think well i think i would do that anyway i do that with something I don't even particularly like. Right? You're just like, I got leftovers that are questionable. I didn't eat all of them at the restaurant. On purpose. I left still hungry. That's awesome. We got a message from David in Kentucky. And David tells a story about how the, what are they?

The Unitarians? Universalist Unitarians? Is that what they are? Yeah, the UU.? Universalist Unitarians? Is that what they are? Yeah, the UU. The Universalist Unitarians. He said that he was interested in maybe visiting them, and he talked about it on a board and on this Facebook group,

and someone had said that they were upset that the Unitarians had kicked out a couple of child molesters, or recovering, he put in quotes, recovering child molesters, because, he put in quotes, recovering child molesters because they were worried about insurance problems because they didn't want child molesters in their church.

And these people were indignant and angry on this Facebook group saying, how dare they kick these people out? They should forgive them. Again, that's the problem with blanket forgiveness. I feel like child molesters just aren't welcome in any of the places. Like any places.

Fucking Starbucks. Starbucks has like a no gun sign on their window, right? No guy was handing his pants to kids or something. They should have a grown-up blowing up child. Give it a lollipop to the kid. We got a message. This is from Michael, and this is crazy. The Jewish version of Sharia law, Tom, has some concepts about birth and birth, or pardon me, life at

birth, life begins at birth instead of at conception, and they have some rules based on this. It says in Halakha, the Jewish version of Sharia law, life begins at birth, not conception. Let me say it again. Fucking nailed it! Because of this, abortion to save the life of the mother is not only allowed, it's mandatory. Jesus. But this also means that if a pregnant woman commits

a capital crime, not only can she be stoned to death up until she's actually giving birth, but the Talmud specifies the first stone should hit her right in the baby. Kill it first. You have to like

hire a major league pitcher in order to just... He's got to hit the strike zone. The thing is, you've got to hit the strike zone. I love the idea, too. You'd have to check, like, has the baby dropped? Where's the feet? Is the positioning? Is the head up top or at the bottom? Or you just hit it with, like, a really big rock.

Yeah. That's like an eight-pound rock to cover the whole baby. It's like a giant piece of limestone. Just drop it on it. Fucking monsters. So there's a song, a Sarah Palin hee-haw song. But I think it's totally worth watching. So instead of playing it for you, I would like

to, Tara sent this in, I would like to post it instead. So we're not going to play the song for you. We're not going to play the audio. Go to our website, dissonancepod.com. It's episode 275. And you can watch this video. It's Sarah Palin's hee-haw song, and it's

hilarious. They basically edited what she said into a song where she's singing about Hee Haw and it's hilarious. I mean, it's so fun. And the editing is actually really good. Editing is great. It's great.

Song is catchy. It's great. We totes missed this fucking, uh, a joke here, Tom. Um, when we were talking about,

uh, the herbal womb detox pearls, uh, Haley said, I was sitting at the wheel just yelling, just say it. Just say it. It's finger-looking good already. That's so great. Because we talked about the herbs and spices.

It's the Colonel's secret recipe, and we missed that. We totally missed it, Haley. Thank you. That's great. So, Cecil, who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole? It's Garrett. We did that for you, Jess. This is funny. We got a message from Anthony and Anthony was saying that he was in a very fancy place with a very

fancy pastry kitchen and ordering a little bit of food. And one of the people came by, he was listening to our podcast. And one of the people came by to ask him how the food was. And he said, great. Now, he just so happened to be listening right beforehand to the call to prayer with the long black cock. And so he thought he said great full of cake. He did not, in fact. He did not say great full of cake. He said something similar to that.

Yes. So enjoy being filled up, Anthony. This isn't fondant. This is an awesome picture. I'm just going to post it on this week's show notes, so go check out this picture. It looks like Ted Cruz kissing. Is that his wife?

I don't know, but check this picture out. It's hilarious. It's a comparison to a movie, and it's so funny. Thank you, Sarah, for sending it in. It's awesome. David asks, would it be a terrorist fist fist jab or would it be a stump jab? That's terrific. It's true.

It's very true. And the good thing about the stumps is you have better aim, I think, with those. You got to look at the elbow. That's how you do it. You're just choked up on the back. That's all. Someone sent us a picture of a clock. Now, I'm going to post this on this week's show notes, 275.

I personally think when you make things like this with the Jesus, because there's somebody else sending a Jesus light switch, and it looks just like a dick hanging down. And the same thing here. There's a clock, and where the hand, what I guess is the second hand on here, and all the other arms of the clock are positioned. It looks like a cock.

It looks like where his cock would be. So I can't imagine someone puts this together and thinks, yes, this is a worship piece instead of it being a funny piece. It's hard for me to believe that this person isn't trolling when they made the clock. I feel like this is a clock we need for the studio. We'll see if we can buy it. It's only a euro. I know. That's like $ is a clock we need for the studio. We'll see if we can buy it. It's only a euro.

I know. That's like $36, right? We should be fine. There's an interesting cause, Tom, that we're going to talk about. Yeah, this is tremendous. So Pastor Manning's church is in foreclosure. Oh, no. And it's going up for public auction.

It's demonic, everybody. So like all shithead deadbeats, he's not paying his bills. And his church is going up to public auction. And the best part is LGBT activists have gotten together to begin raising funds to buy his church and turn it into an LGBT youth drop-in center. That's amazing. There is no better cause for your money. Stop paying your bills. Right now.

Do not eat food. Right now. This is a good cause. We're going to post a link to this on our website for this episode 275 if you have extra funds and you want to donate to an LGBT center in that area of town to help out kids. I mean, it's a great idea. It's awesome.

And it's the best way to use Atlas Church. So let's see if we can add a little bit of money to this. Finally, we got a bit of another bumper. This is from Elvis, and Elvis sent this in. Oh, God. I think it's great because what Elvis does is he makes sure that we don't just bag on one particular religion.

He works his way through and grabs the good Catholic stuff. He's good. And so I have to, I appreciated all this. Thank you so much. It was very funny. It good Catholic stuff. He's good. And so I, I have to, I appreciated all this. Thank you so much. It's very funny.

Made us laugh. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to be on two shows, hopefully, and we'll let you know about that soon. So look out on episode two 76. So we could tell you about, uh,

what episode, what other shows we're going to be on, but we're scheduled today in Glory Hole Studios to be on two other shows. We hope that those two calls come through and we have a good time. But we're going to wrap it up for now. Yep.

And we're going to leave you like we always do with Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain deadpan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment.

Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only.

Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music