Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 276: It’s Like Taking Virginity From a Baby

Episode Date: February 8, 2016

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey Cecil and Tom, this is Randy from Kent, Ohio. I was just listening to your podcast where you were highlighting that Ted Cruz just received the endorsement of this radical Christian pastor, Pastor Mike Bickle. Mike Bickle, as you noted, criticized Oprah Winfrey for being the whore of Babylon. And specifically what he was criticizing, not just from Winfrey, but from people who aren't overtly religious, but are involved in charitable good works and humanitarian projects, he criticized people like us for doing it for, quote, all the wrong reasons. Because we often hear these false criticisms about, well,

where are all the hospitals and charities founded by atheists? These were only founded by people of faith, specifically Christians. Well, we know that's false when you look at charities, including Doctors Without Borders, which includes a lot of atheists and humanists, as well as people they work along with who are people of religious faith. as well as people they work along with who are people of religious faith. And then there are a lot of great secular humanist charities that are popping up. But no, we're terrible people because we're, quote, doing it for all the wrong reasons. So keep up the good work, guys. Glory hole, motherfuckers.

Hey, fellas. Big Rob from Texas here. You know, you do have a couple fans here in Texas. We got a couple skeptical atheists out this way. Good folks. We just have sex with sheep, that's all. Everybody's got their problem. Anyway, just come and say, I love this show, man. I listen to a lot of different atheists, podcasts, science podcasts, news podcasts.

You name it. You guys kind of bring everything together that's of interest to me, and you're damn funny about it, and I really appreciate what you're doing. I encourage everybody listening, go over there, go to their webpage. If I sell them a book, you probably bought one of those horrible Atheist Red Cup Starbucks

back in December. You could have spent that money, felt good about it. And once again, thanks, for what you do. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance at 345 North Loomis in Chicago.

Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat.

This is episode 276 of Cognitive Dissonance. And we're just going straight from the bottle on the maker's mark. Yeah, I mean, well, here's the thing. It's fine with me. Here's the thing. The reason why we're going straight from the bottle is the maker's mark. Two reasons.

One, we're like, this is like a fucking bachelor pad. And there's no cups. That's why I took going straight from the bottles to make a mark two reasons one we're like this is like a fucking bachelor pad and there's no cups that's why i took a shit on the floor so like i left an upper decker well that's why none of these keys work i ejaculated on all of them yeah so yeah all your computers yeah so they're disposable for you at this point. They're like fucking tissues. So we have no cups. And I think that drinking right out of the bottle isn't that bad. Well, let me try it. Hold on. Give it a shot.

Give it a help. Maker's Mark, this is terrible American whiskey. I've never hoboed up some Maker's Mark before. I will say. Should I put it in that brown bag over there? Maker's Mark. Why did I wipe? I wiped it instinctively. Like, you've got. I mean, I know your diseases. I will say. Should I put it in that brown bag over there? Maker's Mark. Maker's Mark. Why did I wipe? I wiped it instinctively. Like, you've got.

I mean, I know your diseases. I've given you most of them. Maker's Mark. That was fucking rude. Face fucks Canadian club, though. I will say that. Oh, God. All day.

Yeah. And that Crown Royal Ultra Whiskey that we had. That stuff wasn't very good. That weird licorice medicine whiskey. It was okay. It wasn't great. Yeah. It tasted like shit on ice.

I will say this. It tasted way better than neat than it did on the rocks. On the rocks, it was horrifying. It was okay. It wasn't great. It tasted like shit on ice. I will say this. It tasted way better than neat than it did on the rocks. On the rocks, it was horrifying. It was medicine. It tasted like cough medicine. It opened up the liquor and it just didn't taste good. No. It didn't taste good neat either, to be perfect. It was okay neat.

It wasn't great. It's not the best whiskey in the world. The best whiskey in the world can never come from Canada. Here's a general rule of thumb. The best best whiskey in the world. The best whiskey in the world can never come from Canada. Here's a general rule of thumb. Sure. The best, fill in the blank, cannot come from Canada. Like, it doesn't matter.

Like, the best moose would be grown outside of Canada. Like in a zoo somewhere. Oh, man. Maybe cloned. Oh, no. I mean, like, what is the best, like, fucking, what's the best something that's, like, come out of Canada? Mountie. Not even the best Canadians come out of, what's the best something that's, like, come out of Canada? Mountie. Not even the best Canadians come out of Canada.

You know what? That's not true. The best Canadians leave Canada. The best hockey player comes out of Canada, I bet. I don't, did they win the last? Hockey-a-rama? I was thinking series cup. Series.

Did they win the cup bowl? I don't know. I don't know who won yeah the the stanley challenge last year maybe maybe the blackhawks won last year because i because i hear that all the time like the the the all the best hockey oh yeah shit hockey in the states but like don't we win more often down here in the states yeah but we started the whole thing they only have like five or six teams up there. Okay, so... But we take... We steal all their players.

Well, that's because they're so happy to leave Canada for a real country. Are you kidding me? It's not... That's not stealing. I guess that's true.

They're fucking immigrating. That's what they're fucking doing. They're scaling that wall that Trump's going to build. It's made out of moose. It's a moose wall. It's just like the mortar is maple syrup and the bricks are moose.

You've used all our national products. That's it. But now's the time to go to Canada because the Canadian dollar is like at 70 cents to the American dollar. So you can totally get Canadian prostitutes like super cheap. Yeah, you get a free bucket of tar sands. With every meal. You go to Tim Hortons.

That's the fucking Canadian version of coffee. It's just a fucking cup of tar sands. So, hi, Canada. How you doing? We have so many Canadians. How you doing, Canada? I was going to say we have so many Canadian listeners, but there's not even so many Canadians.

So it's a ridiculous, almost offensive thing to say we had so many Canadian listeners, but there's not even so many Canadians. It's a ridiculous, almost offensive thing to say. The whole population of Canada could stop listening tomorrow and wouldn't even show up on our graph. Lord, the day is at hand. We are in the last days. You are Jehovah

God. This story comes from the Raw story. Michelle O'Bachman warns Obama will take... Michelle O'Bachman? People get so mad when you do that. I know. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's not Michelle O'Bachman. It's so rude. They get super mad, bro. It's awesome.

The more super mad people get, the more likely I am to say, make fun of your whole country unnecessarily. Even if I don't believe it. Because so Michelle Bachman warns Obama will take over the United Nations and then reveal he's the Antichrist. Don't you think that he would maybe stay in a position of power before he does that? Right. He's like, I have taken over the United Nations. He like rips off his mask and he's just the same guy.

Yeah. He just like pulls off his mask and I'm Obama, too. And I was like, oh, I still black. There's like one fly off his mask and he's just the same guy. Yeah. Like he just like pulls off his mask and I'm Obama too. And everyone's like, oh, he's still black. There's like one fly on his lip. He's got the Beelze lips. Right. Take over the United Nations. United Nations doesn't have any power. Wouldn't you want to stay with the superpower government that you fucking run and be the fucking the Antichrist then?

Well, just think about how much he could not accomplish if he was in charge of the UN. I mean, so far, he's done such an awesome job of not accomplishing things here that if only he were in charge of an even lesser body. Sure. I mean, can you imagine all the nothing he could get done? It would be amazing.

He could just do an amazing amount of nothing. You know what he's going to do is the antichrist is going to issue sanctions. The Antichrist is like, I'm going to send you a strongly worded letter. Please stop bombing civilians. Love the Antichrist. The Antichrist comes up with sustainability goals. I propose a carbon tax no one will pay for.

Oh, God. Yeah, awesome. Yeah, that's great. Bachman predicted world leaders were poised to grant legitimacy to the Islamic State. She said, I believe they are positioning themselves so that someday they could invade Israel to take over the vast stores of oil and natural gas that Israel is controlling. Obama would only go into an empowered, powerful U.N., powerful enough to see the United States come under the U.N.'s authority.

That will fucking never happen ever. Ever. These people think, so the prophecies that they had about Obama being, like, starting World War III, you know, this is the end times, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. All the stuff that they had said throughout his entire presidency didn't come true. They were fantasies. So now all the fantasy prophecies that they created, they've got to figure out a new avenue for him to actually achieve these depths

that he's going to be destroying the world with. And the only avenue that they have is like, well, he didn't do it during the job where he could have probably done that, when he could have easily plunged the world into a nuclear winter, say. He didn't do it then. The amount of evil that he wrought

upon the world is super minimal. He totally didn't do it then, but now what we've got to do is we've got to put him in a position of power. What position of power out there can we put him in? Oh, none. Let's fucking just pretend that the fucking,

the head of the United Nations has some sort of power? Yeah, and she kind of alludes. She's like, well, first the UN has to become powerful. Yeah, no. And then Obama has to become the president of the UN or the fucking, I don't know, does the UN have a president? They have a poobah. Yeah.

Like the fucking Grand Dragon or whatever. The great water buffalo. He has to become the great water buffalo of the UN. And then black helicopters, right? Like it's, this is like some fucking crazy man cow conspiracy bullshit. It's garbage. I mean, this is, this is like the Masons, man. This is her bread and butter. This is what she does now. This is this is what Michelle Bachman does is talk about prophecy and be giddy about the end times. That's all she does. And they're so happy. Like we talked about this before, but like they want the end times so bad. They're fucking so wet for the fucking end times. They're a fucking slip and slide. She's squirting for the end times. It's like she's so fucking wet for the end times, you're not even sure you're in there.

You know what I mean? That's right. You're like, I'm not. You know, there's enough juice left over. I could just slide this butt plug right in there. There's enough juice in there. You know what I mean? Right, right. You're like, I'm not, it's going to take a minute. There's enough juice left over. I could just slide this butt plug right in there. There's enough juice in there.

Do you mind if I phone a friend? Jesus, this is like an Italian beef sandwich when you have it dipped. It's just like. It's horrible. Yes. And it's just as salty.

I knew that if I went down that dark and twisted fucking path, you would find a way to bring it home. I knew it. I knew it. And you never disappoint, buddy. You never fucking disappoint. Why do I do this show? I don't know. I feel so terrible about myself.

Do you know what I think? All the time I think, like, what if somebody I like listens to this show? Thankfully, I don't like other people, and other people grossly dislike me. The only difference between that and the Italian beef is I put my face in the Italian beef and go. Like, I don't know where to put the Giardiniera. What's awesome is Italian beef. It tasted pickled before I got here. Italian beef, Giardiniera, and dipped sandwich. All that is so Chicago-centric.

Nobody's going to get it. No one will get it. People will be like, wait, what are you talking about? That's true. I forgot. It's totally Chicago-centric. I was going to get it. No one will get it. People will be like, wait, what are you talking about? That's true. I forgot. It's totally Chicago-centric. I was explaining this to somebody the other day. I'm like, the Italian beef sandwich is not a thing outside of Chicago.

If you go even as far as St. Louis, which is basically like Chicago's anus, it's like. Well, it's only half an anus is out of the water. There's only half out. But I remember I tried to get an Italian beef down there. I called it Italian joint. I'm like, yeah, I think an Italian beef sandwich. So it's like blink, blink, blink, blink. It was like it was like they were like, I know all the words in the sentence, but I cannot. I don't know what that is. Yeah, I know what that is. Yeah, that's it's a it's a pretty Chicago

centric thing. And Giardiniera is definitively Chicago centric. You can't get that anywhere else. Like, I mean, you travel somewhere else they have it at subway here like you could go there and be like yeah i'd like some giardiniera on my sandwich and you can get it i get it in my cereal you go somewhere else go anywhere else in the midwest even and look for giardiniera and all they have is those pickled jalapenos that's rude i know that's that's not the same thing oh it's so not the same thing it's not coated in oil and like the little cauliflower chunks i know i. Oh, it's so not the same thing. It's not coated in oil and the little cauliflower chunks, man. I know. I know.

Fuck. Oh, it's so good. It's like eating Michelle O'Bachman's pussy. Not as spicy. Oh, God. Fewer carrots. Well, her husband ain't been down there a long time to clean it up, man. That's true.

He's fucking terrified of that shit. You know he is, man. He's like reaching out one hand, like touching. Oh! Am I done? Am I done? Can I be done? Can I be done?

Can I be excused? Can I be done? Can I be done? Can I be excused? And she's like, not until you clean your plate off. This is the most disgusting segment we've ever done. No, it's not, but it's up there. Oh, Jesus. Oh, man.

No, it's not, but it's up there. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. Oh, man. You are watching the beginning and the birth of the New World Order. And you want to call me crazy? Go to hell. Call me crazy all you want. All right, so this story is also from Right Wing Watch,

just because Right Wing Watch has the best talkies. Glenn Beck readies to read his children left behind and move operations to Israel in preparation for the looming collapse. This guy is amazing, and he should not have children. And is he wearing a camouflage scarf? Looks like it. Wait a minute. Yeah, no, let's see what's going on here.

I'm going to play this. I'm going to come over there. I want to look at his scarf. Okay. This is why I'm endorsing Ted Cruz, and I'm going out this weekend. And, you know, they've said, I don't know if this will make a difference. And I'm like, I don't care. I am not going to sit at home.

If I could change one mind, I'm not going to sit at home because I know what the consequences are. And so I'm just ashen i'm just ashen like ashen faced like yeah you are yeah no you're not ashen but you are wearing a legitimately camouflage green and and fucking puke yellow scarf like just knotted around his neck like a fucking military cravat or something. You're in the fucking jungle and it's like, I don't want to get shot in the neck. Does anybody have a fucking neck camo?

When you're as white as Glenn Beck you literally have to camo everything. I can't see his neck where it is just a floating head. His camouflage is so... You know what? Hold on a second because that shit fucking makes me crazy when people are like when they wear camouflage as like a fashion accessory, it looks fucking weird. Yeah.

It looks weird 100% of the time that you do it. Camouflage is fucking invented to break up your silhouette by the military. It does not look good. It is not a fucking – a fashion accessory that it looks like a fucking cheap wool scarf knotted around your neck like a no man even wears a scarf like that i know the way it's tied the way it's tied no man wears a scarf like that well unless you're parisian but a fucking yeah right like unless unless your friends are shaggy and thelma and like you gotta got a dog too. Like really? Unless you're banging Daphne in the back of the mystery machine.

You do not have a fucking man scarf, not around your neck. And it doesn't make it more manly because it's a fucking camo scarf. You don't look tough wearing camo. You look like a guy wearing camo. You look like a man who can't decide whether we're fucking puke green or bile yellow. And I open up the doors of my office and they're having a meeting out in the

waiting room of my office. And a whole bunch of people are in there. And I look at the main people around me and I said, we have to pick up our pace. Speaking? You have to pick up your pace on speaking?

You can't slow it down. Pick up your fucking pace on speaking. We have to pause. He's like Shatner. Jesus. He has literally no idea where he's going. Every word is a surprise to him. It comes out of his mouth and fucking enters his fucking ears.

And he's like, what was that word? He should be constantly spitting up confetti. On finding another place to broadcast. We have to find a place. I need to know if I can get to to Jerusalem

where they won't shut this down. No one's going to shut you down. You're just on the internet. Nobody cares. I will tell you from personal experience, you can fucking say anything on the internet. Anything. You're not broadcasting.

You don't have a fucking radio tower going, you're on the fucking internet, bro. What do you think? They're going to shut down Glenn Beck. Who's they? We're not regulated by anything. It's the internet. You can fuck donkeys on the internet.

That's only mildly less offensive than your show. You can fucking rape kids. Are you kidding me? Isn't that where the priests all hang out? I don't want the internet anymore. I'm done with the internet. We can be able to broadcast into the United States.

This could end quickly. Oh God, the fear-mongering is just so fucking pathetic. And at this point, it's such a bore. I know, right? You hear it, and oh, my God, when the fuck are the goddamn concentration camps and re-education camps coming? When are they going to Nazi up some Naziing?

Right? Because that's all he keeps talking about. They're going to shut me down there. The man is coming in there. You know, this is like this is as fucking absurd as you remember when fucking man cow was on Q on a one. He started getting all weird conspiracy shit was talking about the black helicopters and shutting down his show and all that fucking crazy cuckoo. You didn't have fucking ratings anymore. Right.

What? Exactly. Listen, fucking X-Files. It's like, no one's going to throw you in jail, Mulder. You're fucking fine. Because it's not real. None of it's real. You're making it up. No one's scared of you. No one. Nobody is scared of you.

Everybody I've ever met could fight you and win right now. You're a giant pudding pop of a man. I would fucking pole start you with your scarf, you twat. This could end quickly. And Sven. Sven? Sven? The word Sven.

I made a word. It's a skirmish. Sven. You gotta just throw an S in front of the sound. Sven. He's taking his scarf too seriously. I see in the corner of my eye my little daughter's head he started crying and she peeks her head that's all that's left of her i took her to the deep web

around she has tears in her eyes and i'm like no no i mean no no no no he turns into he turns into he turns into the tasmanian devil's like he's a tasmanian dad it's like your daughter pokes her head around. She's got tears in her eyes because she's visiting you in the fucking asylum. You lunatic. When are you coming home, daddy? Not now. He's totally doing it.

He's doing it. He's doing it. It's amazing. That has to be a clip forever. For glad back. We got to listen to that all over again. Like, no, no, I mean, no, no. No, no, no.

I mean, that's about. Jerusalem is a suburb. It's like snacks to four words. Snacks. It's snacks to snacks. Snacks to that and snacks just throwing s's in the front of words oh the front that's the front i'm glad to be back that's what i was meaning um my kids i'm i'm bad i tell my kids everything uh as as you know george washington as George Washington went to join the Navy at 13. Who cares?

When George Washington joined the Navy at 13, what does that have anything to do with parenting in the fucking 2016? That's a bad idea. Nobody would advocate that. We pamper our kids and think that they don't get it and think they don't know. They're sent to fix this. They're the ones who are going to. They're the giants.

It's not us. They're the giants that are going to fix this. They have to know. They have to know. I talked to Tanya and I. We talked this weekend about reading Left Behind to our kids. Remember that series? They have to know.

What, that you like a fictional book? Right. I have to read The Lord of the Rings to my kids because they have to know about Tom Bombadil. I got to read The Stand because what if there's a super fluke? What are you kidding me? I got to read It because clowns are everywhere, maybe in the sewer, and they're basically your fears embodied. Oh, what are you kidding me? I gotta read it because clowns are everywhere. Maybe in the sewer and they're basically your fears embodied. Oh, what are you kidding me?

We don't just read. It's fiction. It's garbage. It's fucking as made up as the rest of it. All these people think that's a real. That's like a fucking documentary to these people. Can you imagine being the guy that wrote that thing? And he's like, fuck, I made it up. Do they not know I made it up? This might be the time. May not be. Might be it up? Yeah. That this might be the time. May not be.

Might be. Might not be. Every time might be the time. Could be. I don't know. I mean, fuck it. What if it is? What if it's not? Maybe elephants are going to rain down from the sky instead of water tomorrow. I don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe so. Maybe not. Maybe. It could happen. It actually could happen.

I'm going back. But you have an army on Earth now that says they are the army of the Antichrist. They are the army of Armageddon. I'm going to take them seriously until we prove them wrong. I'm talking about ISIL. Do they say they're the army of the Antichrist, though? Or do they say they're an army of their

God or something? Well, they say that they are. So they are based on a doomsday prophecy. I know they're based on a doomsday prophecy. And I know that they say that they're part of... But it's like, don't you guys believe in a different book? Yeah, but it's all fucking misjobbled together. Wouldn't that be a guy who comes into Star Trek universe and be like, I have a fucking lightsaber.

You're like, we don't have lightsabers, asshole. We got phasers, fuckhead. Pew, pew, you prick. I'm not setting it to stun. You fucking Jedi pussy. The fuck in your own universe. Fucking wizards don't work in the future. Can't have fucking Frodo show up on the fucking Enterprise. Doesn't fucking work.

So you're fucking, you can't mash your goddamn silly religions together. You fucking asshole. But they would argue, they would argue though, that because they're all Abrahamic religions, You can't mash your goddamn silly religions together, you fucking asshole. But they would argue, though, that because they're all Abrahamic religions, that you can because spaceships. Oh, fuck. Because, look, listen to my argument. I think it's sound. Spaceships and spaceships. Are they the army of Xenu?

Are they the fucking army of Xenu? Why not, bro? Are they going to fucking come get our Thetans? They fucking dumped them once into a volcano. They could do it again. Dump me into a volcano. Don't make me dump you into volcanoes. I want to go.

They can't fit in a whole volcano. You plug that fucking thing up. You can't even fit my impure thoughts in a volcano. Are you kidding me? They're like, oh, it took all day. No, it can't. There aren't five. The fucking biggest sun in the universe can't fit my fucking, my impure thoughts.

A fucking black hole of fucking dirty thinking. Oh, I like that black hole. Oh my. No lube. Zero lube with that giant black hole. The things I've thought about make people stretch. That's all I'm saying. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus.

Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. This story is also from the new civil rights movement. A Baptist pastor says God wants Syrian refugees destroyed. Even their women, children, and animals. And their animals? Their animals.

Like somebody's like, I brought my guinea pig. Fucking kill it. Kill it. But it's just a guinea pig. It's literally the most harmless creature on earth. Fucking it it's the burrito of creatures it's a fucking muslim guinea pig you kidding me it is a fucking burrito animal it is it's amazing it's packaged for other predators to eat i've had guinea pigs they are fucking worthless they can't like if you let them walk around they'll just fall off the stairs and die.

The fact that they fucking live for even one moment is a fucking Christmas tasty miracle. The whole time we had them, we're just like, I have a piss rat. I just want to eat this thing. Piss rat. It's a disgusting cedar-filled fucking cage full of urine that his fucking little food animal runs around in, fattening itself up until you eat it. It literally serves no other purpose. So speaking of things that don't serve a purpose, I want to talk about this idiot who's talking about how Syrian refugees should be destroyed, says I will oppose any attempt to relocate Syrian refugees to Alabama through the U.S. refugee admissions program.

And that's because Alabama isn't an upgrade from Syria. They're not going to show up. Alabama actually would do well with a few barrel bombs. If there were some more barrel bombs in Alabama, people would start thinking it would be habitable. You do a trading spaces version of Alabama. And Syria? And Syria? And the Syrians are disappointed.

They're like, we didn't give us much to work with. The Alabamans won't leave. Right. They're just staying in Syria. I would love to see an Alabama-Syria wife swap. Hey, y'all, this place has a skyline. God. Oh, my God.

It's like the trading spaces decorators take a one look around Alabama and they're just like, well, it needs a little more natural light. This guy literally says that we should destroy them. He says, perhaps our leaders should study the Old Testament when God gave specific instructions to destroy these people.

And he specifically is talking about women, children, and animals. Yeah. Yeah, because there's a world where you look at children and fucking a goat, and you're just like, well, and like some fucking 15-year-old girl, you're just like, well, the Bible says we should destroy you. So, walk it up, walk it up. Go, go, go, go. Like, are you kidding?

Yeah. That's outrageous. This is a guy who's supposed to be a moral authority. Let's never forget that. When he starts out his speech, he says, at the risk of being an outcast or considered a narrow-minded bigot. That's how he starts his speech. At least he knows the risk.

He understands what he's saying. It's fucking horrible, right? This fucking asshole is saying we should fucking kill other people. And he says these are the same people who bring hate to America, hate to Christians, and a vowed takeover of the world, destroying our way of life. Perhaps our leader should study the Old Testament and basically

destroy these people. I love the idea that somebody's going to bring hate to you so what your response is, well, not if we do it first. Because I bet I can bring a hate to you that's bigger than the hate you bring to me. I'm so intolerant of intolerance that I'm intolerant of your intolerance enough that, ah, boom! And you just explode. You just give up.

You can't do it, right? You just give up at a certain point. This guy is a fucking despicable thing, though. And I will say that there's been some outrage by the Baptist community. And they're saying, this is ridiculous. I can't believe this fucking xenophobe actually

posted something like this. I just don't understand a world where somebody's like, I think we should kill their children. Like, really? Like, even if the adults, even if the adults you say, like, even if you're so fucking hate-filled, xenophobic, narrow-minded shithead that you look and you say like every adult is at risk of being a militant or whatever. The idea that you would be like, well, we definitely got to kill their babies too, right? Like we got to destroy the small ones.

Well, and the very fact that they're just basically saying these people are violent, we should kill them. Right. Wait, what? Yeah. These people are violent, we should kill them. Do you realize you should fucking VoIP out of existence when you say that? I mean, embedded in all of that, right, is that these are garbage people. Yeah.

Right? They have no value. They're half people. Right. They're subhuman. They're not human. They're subhuman. And we have every right to kill any subhuman we want. Right. They have no they have no half people. Right. They're subhuman. They're not human. They're subhuman. And we have every right to kill any subhuman we want. Right. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google Plus, Facebook and Twitter accounts.

If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com forward slash dissonance pod. Or click the link on the podcast homepage and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per-episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story is pretty great. This is from Forbes.

Deepak Chopra says bacteria listen to our thoughts. Yeah, that's a thing. Evidently, he was on this week's Fat Summit online conference, which was hosted by some other celebrity dipshit doctor and author of a fucking book where they all fucking parade about congratulating themselves in fucking masturbatory fashion. It's like the Oscars, but for people that are less known. Right. Yeah, exactly.

It's like worse than Facebook. It's like this fucking self-congratulatory, masturbatory public bullshit that doesn't mean anything. Anyway, he got on there with a bunch of other fucking monsters of thought, like Vani, the food babe. Oh, wow. Food Babe, huh? And then they all get together like,

I've only got nine New York Times bestsellers. And you've got 20. I'll invite you up to the Hamptons. Yes, my Rolls Royce is only a hair smaller than your Rolls Royce. We're rich on the backs of fucking credulous dipshits. So he's talking like the new thing is leaky gut syndrome like i've read about this a number of times very recently like leaky gut syndrome is like a new thing that they're all seizing upon right because there's some preliminary scientific

evidence that some shit might permeate through the intestinal wall and then you know move its way or somehow interact in but but all of it is very poorly understood and there's sort of beginning to understand what and if and how, and if it affects anything, but these fucking, you know, quantum dipshits seize upon this, right? Because now it's an opportunity for them to police or help you police by selling you ideas and books and bullshit and products, help you police what you put into your body and continue to treat everything that is a part and parcel of our health, mental health, emotional health, and physical health as a fucking nutritional deficit. Yeah.

Right? And it's fucking insane. And now he's talking about like Deepak Chopra has decided that the bacteria in our body, he seized upon a few basic facts of biology that were basically cellularly comprised of a tremendous amount of bacteria. And he's like, yeah, it's basically the tail wagging the dog, right? The bacteria are driving. And we're just giant bacteria machines. And that's the whole

thing. And they control us like the bacteria have fucking tiny people like fucking homunculuses inside of us controlling us with levers. Fucking hate these people so much. Well, I think what Deepak is kind of brilliant Tiny people like fucking homunculuses inside of us controlling us with levers. Fucking hate these people so much. Well, I think what Deepak is is kind of brilliant in the sense that he gets on the edge of what is considered new research, picks something up out of it, and then exploits it to his own profit. Right.

Right. So there's a brilliance to it. Uh, a, I think, uh, a malicious brilliance, but there's still a brilliance to what he does,

right. Which is to try to seize on the thing that is now cresting the wave in the scientific community. He did it with quantum stuff. Right. He's going to do it with leaky gut. And the very next thing that comes out pretty soon, you know,

when AI starts to become a thing, he's going to have something on that. So he could then sell yet another book and more garbage if he's selling other garbage, et cetera. And so will Donnie and whoever else, because they're trying to market all this stuff. So they're trying to jump ahead as fast as they can. And I want to read a piece of this article,

because I think it's from Forbes, and I think it sort of frames the whole thing very well. It says, the functions, interactions, and inner workings of these ohms are complex, with our understanding of them still at an infant stage. In other words, what we know about the microbiome, epigeome, and genome is dwarfed by what we have yet to learn. And Deepak exploits this, taking brazen liberties to fill in the gaps. And I think that's exactly what he's doing, right? He's filling in any of the gaps with his own garbage, the stuff that he's sort of – he's been stirring this garbage pot for years and he's spackling in any of the gaps with his own garbage that he's been formulating and pulsating in his, you know, in his little fucking cauldron forever and ever, you know,

his quantum garbage and his, you know, whatever other stuff that he was talking about. He's going to do that every time. And then he's going to decry anybody else who comes forward and says, hey, man, you don't fucking know what you're talking about. Right. And then he'll say, oh, well, you could you, you Mr. Know-it-all, you know, everything. Let's list some things for you, you know. And that's what he's going to do. And he's going to he's going to fight against. But this is I'm serious, man. It's a smart way to go about bilking people out of money. It is. And the thing is, like, nobody remembers because all of his shit relies on other shit which relies on other shit and nobody remembers all the fucking gobbledygook that he said before nobody remembers the missus so all he what he gets to do is he gets to say you know

it's like it he's fucking he's taking this information he plays fucking clue with it to figure out who shit is right so you know it's like oh it's colonel mustard in the drawing room with a candlestick or whatever you know and then later when it turns out to be fucking Mrs. Peacock in the library with the fucking gun, nobody remembers the prior fucking suggestion, right? Right. Cause it's just, it's, it's like, oh, that was a bad guess. It was based on all these other factors. It was a little complicated cause it's one to the other, to the other. So that goes and lives in the bucket. Super easy. Yep. That goes and lives in the bucket.

Super easy. Yep. Who's that guy on the other side of the glory hole? It's Jesus. I don't even want to click on this. When you click on it, you feel like you're put on a watch list somewhere. I am uncomfortable clicking on this. All right, it's from the Dispatch.

Fuck. Oh, good, an ad popped up. I can fucking not puke for a second. It's from the Columbus Dispatch. Ex-seminarian. Seminarian is probably the worst title. I think this is a good way to describe him. Who studied in Columbus, charged with planning to rape infant in Mexico. Wait a second. He had a plan? Like, what is it? Like a trail of Skittles in a box and a string? What's your plan? I got some Skittles in my pocket. The other thing too,

when they say he had a plan to rape, you know, it feels like it's, he's trying to outsmart the infant in some ways. Like he can't improvise against an infant that you have to walk in with like a written out plan with like X's and O's. It's like taking virginity from a baby. Oh no.

I think you just named this episode. I don't want to. I don't want that. I don't want that. I want to go somewhere where there's just puppies and kittens. That's all I want. This guy would find a way to rape them.

He would. So this fucking guy is, he was studying to be a priest. Literally a fucking guy, too. He understood his calling, at least. He was in the right line of work. So he was studying to be a priest at some pontifical college, Josephinium, none of that means anything to me, in Columbus.

He was arrested because he was accused of trying to travel to Mexico to assault infant girls. I don't even I can't even imagine how and I never will imagine it. But how does that Google search work? You're like, oh, I totally need to find some baby girls to rape. Yeah. What do you put in your search engine? You know, like. And when you put it in, there should be a flashing light that says, police will be arriving in three, two, one.

Knock, knock, knock. Right? It's like yesterday I was talking to a buddy. I'm like, we should get falafel. I have no issues Googling falafel near me. Right? Like, okay, falafel near me. Enter. I'm going to have some falafel.

Baby rape near me. Right? Is there an app for that? What is happening in this? What is happening in the world when you go to type that in? Right. That your fingers don't combust. Yeah.

Is proof enough that being in the seminary is the fucking wrong thing? Because there's clearly no God. Like, there is no way that you could be like, ah, man, I believe in a just, benevolent, merciful God. Anyway, that's when I'm at work. But when I go home, I Google rape a baby? Are you fucking kidding me? And then I go out of my way to contact someone who's clearly an FBI agent or something

and then go out of my way to contact them and be like, yeah, so can I get that three-year-old? Because I'm going to tell you via email that I'm going to gonna rape her right i and we're not even talking about three it's an infant yeah that's what he's saying we're not even to the toddler so he said up to three up to three years old so he's willing to go he's a look he's willing to get him a little long in the tooth oh my god in that they might have a tooth a long in the tooth i didn't. I didn't say lung in the teeth, Tom. I said lung in the tooth. Jesus. Yeah. I got nothing else to say.

Well, they did it to Toddler. Oh, God! I gotta die now. I gotta die. I feel genuinely uncomfortable covering this story. Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESathy esp clairvoyance

spirit photography telekinetic movement full trance mediums the loch ness monster and the theory of atlantis uh if there's a steady paycheck in it i'll believe anything you say all right so this story comes from the consumerist uh airline lets passengers buy child tickets snacks for supernatural dolls wait they buy snacks for this dolls and then when the doll isn't looking do they eat them but fucking of course they do it's like when your fucking neighbor when you're like it's like if you fly southwest they come by with the peanuts and the guy next to you sleeping like oh i'll just i'll take his yeah i'll give him to him when he wakes up. And you fucking eat him. Everybody does it, right? He wanted to.

Yeah, right. Yeah. You know, he's kind of a big guy. So evidently, if you fly Thai Smile Airways. Oh. So file that one away. Thai Smile Airways. It sounds like an airline where you can do fucking anything.

Sure. Right? Like you're flying Thai Smile. Right? It's like flying like fucking Ladyboy Express. It's like flying like fucking ladyboy express it's like it's like so you're flying thai smile airways and you can totally like i read this and it's funny because it says like the airline will now sell individual seats for passengers carrying dolls known as look that probably mispronounced that or child angels which have recently grown

in popularity in the region now hold, now hold on a second. The picture in this video. Scariest thing ever. There's literally nothing angelic about any of these little things. They're horrifying. They are all from a horror movie. They are all Chucky's. They are all little Chucky's.

They're little Chucky's that sit next to you. And that one on the far left looks exactly like an Asian Chucky. I actually, that one on the left somehow is fat. And you're like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Can't you put your doll on a diet? Like, what is going on? Oh, you're buying it snacks.

You're buying it snacks. And I read this and I was like, well, of course the airline will sell it a seat. Of course they will. Like, I'll fucking sell it a seat in my car. Like, I'll fucking. Who would not sell it a seat? fucking sell a seat in my car. Who would not sell a seat? You want to buy a seat

for something that weighs nothing, costs no money, won't complain, won't pinch the ass of the stewardess, right? And you don't have to pay anybody if your plane goes down. Right, exactly. Look here, the thing, we shouldn't be surprised. It's all rewards and zero risk. The airlines would love nothing more than to fly

just a thing of dolls around with no people on it. It would be the great. They don't have to pressurize the cabin. One of the stewardess, I guess it's stewards. One of the stewards is like fucking him in the mouth. It doesn't matter. Right.

Doesn't matter. No one would know. You have to do that in Mexico, actually. How long have you had this doll? If it's over three, I don't want to fuck it. Here's what I don't understand. If that guy is seriously looking for a three-year-old, why doesn't he get one of these child dolls?

He could have a whole blow-up doll section of Cabbage Patch Kids he could fuck. It's a new market for the worst possible people. Fuck him in a coleslaw. Oh, God. That's a mayonnaise-based coleslaw. Oh, no. I got to die now. You know what happens to me, Cecil?

The last several episodes, we record, and then I go back and we listen, and I listen, and I'm turning the volume down. I'm like, oh, no, I'm going to say it. No, don't. I said it. No. How do you like that? My own mother falling for that stuff. Well, you don't know, Larry.

Maybe Dr. Hoo-Ha can help her. Doctor? That guy's no doctor. He's a quack. So this story comes from SmackMyHead.com. Oh, I'm sorry. The Sydney Morning Herald. Sorry. SmackMyHead. No, that's sorry. The Sydney Morning Herald. Sorry.

My head. I was. No, that's what the chiropractor does. That's why he breaks her neck. Yeah. Oh, this is gross. This is a call for age limit after chiropractor breaks a baby's neck. It's amazing because I thought babies didn't.

Aren't they like made of like rubber? Yeah, you got a really twist, but I like to commit it. Fuck out of them. Yeah. In order to get it to break. It's good that he commits. None of this fucking namby-pamby chiropractic. So this person evidently thought their baby needed to see a chiropractor, probably because the chiropractor will fucking adjust anything that has insurance. Sure, yeah.

Right? I knew a chiropractor would adjust your dog. Really? Yeah. Oh, man. Do any dogs ever bite him i don't know say yes please i don't know people would bring their dogs and he would charge him like 50 buck and he would kind of amazing adjust their dog the dog would just be like bro what the fuck i was

there when he adjusted a dog he's like a vet too he like he's a veterinarian chiropractor or whatever i don't know but he was just basically he was just like, I don't care. It doesn't mean anything. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything. You'll fucking crack your back if you twist a little funny. It means nothing. Yeah.

So fucking bring your dog in. I'll tell you it cracked. You're not inside the dog. You don't even know if I did anything. Yeah. I'm just petting your dog for money. I just move – I do a little thing. I make my arms move and I – He used a little toolie tool thing.

Sometimes they have this little tool that like just clicks and they just, he just puts it on the dog. It was click, click, click. And then it was 50 bucks. Oh, he's fucking, he was petting your dog for money. I pet dogs for free. Oh man. Cause they're pets.

I don't know that I want to do that anymore. I might charge, start charging. Right. Just walk up to somebody on the street. I will pet your dog for $5, $5 dog petting service. Bring me your dog and i will pet it unless it smells weird yeah right unless you have one of those oily greasy fucking dogs dogs that stink up the elevator yeah i hate those dogs rancid ass animal i call that a me you are the dog so this

fucking they brought a four month old baby in um and the chiropractor broke the fucking baby's neck yeah the baby's gonna be fine well because it's a baby yeah right but they did say in there that it was it was very close to causing some very serious damage right but it didn't it wound up the baby's gonna recover i can't imagine if if i was like yeah my baby fucking and it's probably also one of these chiropractors i'm just guessing but a lot of these fuckheads you know they'll tell you that like oh cures colic and it and it treats allergies and it treats all this other shit. So it's like, fucking, I got a fussy-ass baby. Bring it in.

This seemingly knowledgeable medical professional is telling me you can fix it at fucking no risk. It seems non-invasive. They sell it all that way. That's what I mean. That's the way they sell it, right? Like, oh, don't give your baby a medicine that'll work. You know, let me just fucking twist their fucking head off and it'll stop crying right away. Let me punch him with a Superman punch and see what happens.

Yeah, and chiropractic is not risk-free, right? I mean, like, there's plenty of cases of people who have had this happen to them, the broken necks and things. Strokes. Yeah, strokes because of it, et cetera. But people treat it, like you said, treat it as risk-free. And so you have situations like this. And now they're talking about whether or not they're going to start, like, let these people into the hospital. Because they've been sneaking into the hospital to, like, do this stuff.

That's insane. It's absolutely insane. I want to read a part of this, too, because this is what they, this is how they describe it. Chiropractic care can be remarkably gentle, he said. Being a five-year university-trained spinal health expert, a chiropractor will modify and adjust their techniques to suit the age

and spine of the individual child. Yeah, because it's a made-up thing, right? It's made up. It's not a thing that's real. So it's like, okay, yeah, it's fucking super easy to adjust because I just make it up again. Yeah, maybe I didn't even adjust it. Maybe I just fucking twiddle-twaddled around their neck. You have no idea if you did anything. It's all made up.

And the fucking very next paragraph, it says the AMA is not aware of any evidence that chiropractic manipulative treatment of infants and children offer any benefit at all. So you're just making it up and you're trying to say like oh it's totes safe because i'm basically not doing anything it's like saying like well what you know oh when i do reiki therapy it's safe well you're fucking manipulating nothing you're fucking not even touching people in this case they do touch people and it's not risk-free yeah but they could just as easily just fucking twiddle twaddle their hands across the baby's back and not accomplish anything and be like give me the money yeah because it's garbage it's like they're playing that dandelion game you know mama had a baby and its head popped off fucking flicking the baby's

heads off except for they're shaking it a lot right the whole process the semen is the cream of the blood semen is produced by the blood it is the cream it is the it is the power it is the cream of blood that's just no other way to say it so the story comes from revealnews.org jehovah's witnesses fight law on reporting child sex abuse to the police fucking christ so what the fuck is that kind of just what it sounds like actually like the story is, well, here's an example of why it's awful. And you're like, fucking, I know that it's awful. There's no world where that's not awful. The idea that any organization at all would be like, well, maybe what we could do is just handle it in-house.

Really? Do you have fucking a prison system in-house? Wait, I'm not going to fucking trust the Jehovah's Witness to handle anything. They can't even bake a birthday cake. Right. What the fuck? I'm not going to fucking trust the Jehovah's Witness to handle anything. They can't even bake a birthday cake. Right? What the fuck? I'm not going to fucking ask you to fucking tie my shoes. These are people who don't blood transfusion.

Exactly. Right? It's like, oh, I'm out of blood. I got some extra. Pass. Fuck you then. Fuck you on every point. Oh, my God.

Are you kidding me? You're wrong. This is a group of people who couldn't fucking be right twice a day, right? Like, they're fucking. Yep. They are. They've got their ass so far up there. I their head so far up their ass it's ridiculous so they said you know in sworn affidavits the fucking elders of zion or whatever these fucking guys are called you know they they're all like fucking they have a rave down in the middle of the earth man let me stop let's stop right let's stop and talk about that for a

fucking second like the idea that like you've got the elders of the church who are the decision makers. Are you fucking kidding me? As soon as somebody comes to me, it's like, well, we should talk to the fucking council of elders. I'd be like, why? Why are we doing it? Should we go find a druid? Like, what are we? Should I wear a fucking black cowl?

Go find an elder. Let's get an altar and fucking sacrifice a bull because it's the fucking past yeah let's build fucking uh you know big castles to protect against dragons and we'll talk to the elders and maybe a wizard will show up i don't know yeah we could do all that or we could call the motherfucking police you know and it's not just i don't want to just think let the audience think that this is just Jehovah's Witness because I want to read this. Clergy are mandated to report child abuse in 45 states, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. But laws in 32 of those states contain some version of a loophole called clergy penitent privilege.

Those exceptions allow clergy to withhold information from authorities if they receive it from a member seeking spiritual advice. Yep. Well, this is the sacramental confession issue, right? Right. And you and I have talked about this before, and I think we disagree a little bit on this, but that's okay. I don't believe there should be any space in the law for exclusions to reporting for things like child sex abuse or anything along those lines with regard to the sacramental confession. It's, look, you went to your priest, that's a great story, and you told him about how you're a fucking awful degenerate human being

who breaks the law. If you tell me that, I have an obligation to report that, and I have that obligation for a reason. And that reason doesn't change because I'm me instead of a priest. And the reason that that obligation exists is to protect the victims of crimes. Sure. So all of a sudden, the victims of a crime are somehow less protected because the person I told it to believes some fucking magic fairy tale. That shit makes me crazy. I'm right there with you, man. I think that certain things should be protected with psychiatrists, but I don't think that any kind of abuse whatsoever should ever be protected.

In my opinion, if somebody is hurting another person or someone has hurt another person, I understand why it's there. And it's there so that people will actually talk about it and maybe get help. actually talk about it and maybe get help. Right. So like the reason why it exists is so that they have an opportunity to, um, to explain it to someone and then maybe in a safe, some sort of safe space, explain it and then have a conversation about it and maybe get help.

And I know that we got a bunch of mail about this, you know, whether or not a person should do this, et cetera. But man, if someone's being hurt currently or someone has been hurt and they're still around, you know,

like still there. Yeah. There needs to be some sort of closure for them, too. We're not just talking about the person who perpetrated the crime. We're talking about the victims here. Well, that's like, who's being protected in this scenario? You know, it's like, yeah, look, am I all for people getting mental health counseling? Of course I'm for people getting mental health counseling.

I'm a huge advocate for the mental health care system. I think our mental health care system sucks. It makes me crazy that we even differentiate between physical health and mental health counseling. I'm a huge advocate for the mental health care system. I think our mental health care system sucks. It makes me crazy that we even differentiate between physical health and mental health. I think it's a bullshit dichotomy. That said, if you're fucking diddling kids and you don't feel like, oh, I just don't have a safe place to go and cry about how I'm a fucking evil monster. Well, I'm fucking sorry for you, bro. I don't like I'm not going to get on my fucking weepies and get all sad about that shit. You should be turned in. You're evil. Some shit is evil. Some shit is unforgivable and you should be turned in. You should be turned in by your pastor,

your priest, your rabbi, your Jehovah's whatever elder council guy. Like all of them should turn you in. They should turn you in as a matter of course, it should be a fucking basic moral guideline. Yeah, absolutely. And these Jehovah's witnesses, um, in this, in this report,

it says the watchtower did not return call seeking comment, but they did actually shoot an arrow with a note. We've asked the eye of Sora on what to do. And it just shot a laser beam at us. Just orcs come out. They sent a ring-wraith PR agent to talk to the people. We're several minutes in. We've already alienated everybody from Canada, not from Chicago,

and unfamiliar with Lord of the Rings. There's like three people still listening to this program. This is the reference episode. Here we go. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. and unfamiliar with Lord of the Rings. There's like three people still listening to this program. This is the reference episode. There we go. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers! I want the truth!

You can't handle the truth! This story comes from the Raw story. Ted Cruz teams up with Duggar-loving singer-singing troupe. Duggar-loving. Duggar-loving to kill public education. So, Ted Cruz, man, let me just say like did you did you watch his hey i totes won iowa speech yeah only only won by like a tiny little bit and he was like it was like a three-way tie basically he stood up to the podium you could hear a thunk when his fucking

dick hit the podium he's so fucking hard for himself excited yeah he was like punk but it i thought it was like almost a three-way tie, wasn't it? It was because there was only like a four-point spread between Rubio, Trump, and Cruz. And they all basically declared victory. Like, except for Trump. Trump was totes like, yeah, I'm going to New Hampshire. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I don't care about you corn goblins. He's like, I never cared about you fuckers anyway.

He specifically said that. I mean, he basically told, didn't he say in one of those things, things like the people of Iowa don't know what they're talking about or something. This was a while back. And then they played it on. They did. Like Colbert played. He's like, he's like, what the fuck is wrong? How stupid are the people of Iowa? He said at one point. Yeah. Right. I know it's probably taken out of context, but it's hilarious. Doesn't matter. Everything out of context is more hilarious than when given its proper context. But yeah, like a Trump Trump speech was the only one where he didn't basically declare victory

because he was the front runner and he came in second, right? But Cruz was like, yeah, we totally fucking beat the front runner. And Rubio was like, yeah, we proved the viability of our campaign onward and upward. Yeah. And Trump was just like, fuck all y'all bitches. I'm going to New Hampshire. And Santorum was like, I'm still here, guys. I know, right?

Well, Huckabee dropped out. Huckabee did. So did, I think Santorum did too. Oh, did here, guys. I know, right? Well, Huckabee dropped out. Huckabee did. So did, I think, Santorum did, too. Oh, did he? I think so. He did? Nobody knew he was in, so nobody fucking knew he was out. Nobody voted for him anyway.

Yeah. If I could just clean up that frothy fucking mix and call that shit a night. But I can't stand fucking listening to this guy. Ted Cruz makes my goddamn skin crawl when I listen to him. And now, like, it's interesting to see all the people that support Ted Cruz. They're, like, the worst people. They're the worst side of the super evangelical fundy nutty movement, right? They love this guy because the first thing he does when he, like, wins Iowa is he stands

up there and he's like, the glory goes to God in his fucking weak-willed fucking voice. Did you see the ex-Muslim say, Christian saying glory goes to God is like a Muslim saying Allah Akbar. Yeah, right. It's exactly the same thing. Yeah. And the thing is, could you imagine a Muslim getting up there and saying that after they won? They wouldn't win another thing. They certainly wouldn't win another thing after that.

It's exactly true, man. It's exactly true. It's like dude rolls up and he's like, praise be to God. And everyone's like, wow, we love you, Ted Cruz, you mush mouth pussy. You giant baby. I want to change your diaper. That's a guy. And, you know, if it's your kink, it's your kink.

But I just that's a guy who I imagine gets changed by his wife. Oh, dude. Like, he fucking has the cloth diaper with the safety pin on it. And he's like, he's like, Kruze needs a diaper. You know, and he's like. Kruze needs a diaper. Will you wipe my bum? Kruze made a bam-bam.

You're a fucking horrible... I need another drink. Hand me that Maker's Mark. Oh, God. Oh, this is terrible. This is... I don't want to do this anymore. Groozy needs more fiber.

God. Oh, that baby fetish shit is fucking weird, dude. Like, look, here's the thing. Like, if that's whatever your thing is, it's like, all right, I'll play. But it's just like, hey, man, maybe you should dress as an enormous baby. I'd be like, hmm. First off, I kind of do anyway. I can only fit in footie clothes.

My dad for my entire. Wait, where is this going? My dad for my entire. Where is this going? Fucking young adult life dressed like a giant baby because he wore tidy whiteys and was completely naked other than tidy whiteys like he was always i mean i don't care what if it was summer winter whenever my dad was when he came home pants and shirt came off and he was tidy whitey man and he was tidy whitey man all the time yes yes yes Yes. Yes. Get home from work.

It's like, why have I been wearing pants all day? He was a whole day. It's ridiculous. He'd lay on the couch in his tighty whiteys. Yeah, man. Giant baby. That's why you buy a house. A house.

Sit. Your bloated corpse. Right? It's just so that here's the thing. Like when I die, I don't want the, what would they inevitably call thing like when i die i don't want the where would they inevitably call the paramedics i don't want them to have to cut much off of me to get to what they need i just just fucking tidy whities and that's the whole thing i'm down to just a thong these days we haven't gotten to the story i want to say the one thing i want to talk about

with this story is they're talking about how um this this homeschooler is basically saying, look, you know, it's a broken policy. We need to take this schooling back. And he says within that is included the rights that we need to have as parents to be able to choose what education we desire for our children. You know, the thing is, we've talked about this many times, not teaching your child about the world in a real way is child abuse.

It is. It's intellectual child abuse. You know, children should all have the ability to start out at the same starting gate. You know what I mean? They should all get the same level of some sort of education. And to be like, I want to teach my kid what I want to teach my kid. You know, that's fine. Do that at home. But at the same time, they should have the same advantages

to be able to go to school and not think that the world is a fucking on a giant turtle. Right. And, you know, I think that a lot of this comes from I really do. I think a lot of this comes from fear. I think these guys are afraid that if their children are exposed to different ideas, that their kids are not going to grow up the way they need them or want them to grow up. And what that says to me is that, like, the strength of your ideas is very, very poor, and you know it. Yeah. Right? Because if I think the strength of my arguments is sound, then I'm not scared to put my arguments up against your arguments. Right. Right? Because if I think the strength of my arguments is sound, then I'm not scared to put my arguments up

against your arguments. Right. Right? I'm not scared to put, you know, evolution up against creation, right? Neither one are my arguments, but just saying. I'm not scared to say, like, let's put those two things up side by side and have a real conversation about them. I'm not afraid at all to put my

atheism up against your theism, for example. I'm not afraid to put strong ideas against weak ideas. I'm never going to be afraid of that. These guys are always afraid. They're isolationists because they recognize the inherent weakness of their position, and they want to insulate their kids because they know that as soon as their kids are exposed to real ideas, strong ideas, ideas with backing, that everything they build, the whole foundation just crumbles. It's a house of cards and they fucking know it. And this isolationism is a tacit acceptance of the weakness of their fucking position. And it's ridiculous. And the other thing too, I mean, you got to think about it this way. Why are you so worried that your kid doesn't believe in this stuff? And the reason why you're so worried is, one, you want to still believe in it.

You don't want any opposition. You want to make sure that you stay at this level of belief. But the other thing is that you have control over them. That's why you want them to believe in it. It's not about anything other than being able to control this kid or this other person. And it's all about control. So we want to thank our brand new patrons, Michael, Robert, Mark, John, Christopher, Matt, Mo, Jeff, Andrew,

Clinton, Steven, and Diana. Thank you all so very much for your generous donations. We absolutely appreciate it. We wind up every week coming to Glory Hole Studios, and this studio exists because of our patrons. And we want to thank you so much. The reason why this podcast continues and continues interruption-free is because of the patrons.

Absolutely. You guys are the best. We also get PayPal donations. Drew, Lies, and Eric. We really appreciate it. Eric, we totes appreciate it so much, man. Totes appreciate it, bro. So we got some email we want to cover here real quickly before we sign out. We got a message from Colin.

And Colin said that he decided that the Ted Nugent dissection was the episode that he would let his wife and 19-year-old daughter listen to. And it was interesting. My wife and daughter were laughing so much. My wife had an asthma attack, and my daughter started vomiting. What a horrible, horrible time. That's awesome. I love, too, that he says, like, they are reluctant like they are reluctant to listen i don't blame them

i don't blame them that's terrific we got a message from terry and i want to read the end of this uh terry says thanks and he says thanks for breaking the cycle in my line and he's talking about not uh not being religious and he says i am a champion for skepticism and humanism which is why i'm teaching my grandkids and not the Bible. That's terrific. That's great. And it's interesting to see people, even they have grandkids, right? This is not a young man that is able to eventually change that far along. And I think that's great. I think so too.

It takes a lot as we get older and we get a little more set in our belief systems. Breaking from those belief systems is even more challenging because it requires us to redefine our narrative. So that's awesome. We got a message from Liam, and Liam talks about an argument that Matt Delahunty makes, Tom. He says, imagine that your five-year-old is dying and needs a kidney. Should the government legally require that the mother donate one of hers? We might think that she would be immoral if she doesn't, but obviously America would be a horrifying dystopia if the government could take your organs. This should be especially abhorrent to small government

conservatives. It's the same situation if abortion is illegal. The government is forcing women to donate the use of their bodies to their children. They are violating their bodily autonomy. He finds his argument much more convincing than the argument that zygotes aren't people. What do we think? I don't like this argument. I'm unconvinced by this argument. While I agree that it would be a horrifying dystopia to say that you have to donate an organ, I'm not sure that that's an analogy that is necessarily a one-to-one comparison. I think that there's a lot about pregnancy that doesn't necessarily lend itself to a one-to-one comparison in this analogy. And I do think that the real question, at least for me, the real question about whether or not abortion has a moral or ethical component,

it does at least in the conversation begin with when is a life an autonomous human being? Because then you have significant considerations to take into account. I don't find this analogy terribly compelling. And you said something earlier. You said it's not – it's certainly the baby doesn't have the brain function at zero weeks or one week, but it's certainly not nothing at 40, you know? And so there's a, there is a conversation to be had there about viability outside the womb and that sort of thing. I mean, that's clearly a conversation that needs to be had. And I think,

you know, should be had instead of, uh, instead of blanketing both sides, you know what I mean? Like if it's not all or nothing, it's not all or nothing. It can't be. But I understand. I think I understand this. And there was an argument when I was in college. I was in a critical thinking class. And there was this argument that this person had. And I don't know if I can do it justice. But the idea was people seeds. Imagine if you had your window open.

And for comfort, you had your window open and in floated this people seed. And it landed in your carpet. And it couldn't be removed for nine months. You had to make sure you kept it in your carpet. Would you be forced to keep this people seed in your carpet? You know what I mean? Like, would you be forced to keep it there? And I never liked the analogy. I was like, ah, you know, I don't like the, you know, first off it's, it's fantasy. It's like a fantasy, which I don't like. I don't like bringing it to that anyway. But then also, I was just like, yeah, but I mean, are you ejaculating, you know, fucking 200,000 people seeds into a screen and hoping it doesn't go through? You know what I mean? Like, there's like, you know, there's no good way to make this analogy. We've got to deal with reality, not with analogy.

Yes. So we're not going to play this again. It's another Sarah Palin remix. This one got a little repetitive near the end, but Jake sent in this Sarah Palin remix. It's great. It's funny. And it's that right-wing and bitter-clinging thing. They're going on and on with it.

So if you want to check it out, it'll be on this week's show notes. The image for this episode will be corn goblins. And I will go back and make sure that this goes on to the corn goblin episode it's super funny it's super funny so we got a message from mike marsh who's uh just a funny uh clever guy uh mike marsh runs a show called uh be reasonably skeptical uh he runs a show called be reasonable and uh and he's also part of incredulous like every third fucking time that they have a show right and he's well and he's also part of Incredulous like every third fucking time that they have a show. Right.

Well, they've only had three shows. He's like every third one. And he's also one of the hosts of Skeptics with a K. But he did a Flat Earth episode. So this is going to be great. I'm going to listen to it. And he talks about the Flat Earth people. There's two different arguments, Tom. Yeah, it's sort of amazing. He said, argument number one is people who really

believe it versus people who enjoy the intellectual pursuit of arguing a clearly false position. The beauty of this is that the latter group are so convincing, they convince the former group even more. I think that's beautiful. And two, I love this sentence. People who think that the Earth is a disk with the Arctic Circle in the middle and the rest of the country splayed out with a wall of ice around the edge versus people who think that the Earth is an infinite plane in all

directions that bisects reality. The latter is my favorite English sentence of all time, he says. I think that's beautiful. Mike, thank you so much. You misspelled favorite, dude. Yeah says. I think that's beautiful. That's awesome. Mike, thank you so much. You misspelled favorite, dude. Yeah, it doesn't have a U.

It's not ye olde. Ye olde favorite. We got an interesting message from Chris, and Chris says that he saw this in his Facebook feed. Faith means believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse. You gotta see it before you will see it. And I think that that is a perfect example of how religious people think.

I mean, look at the biblical, you know, quote unquote prophecies that they talk about, because all you have to do is look at something in reverse. That's how the Bible code works, right? You can never find anything. I wasn't aware the Bible code works, right? You can never find anything in... I wasn't aware the Bible code worked. Well, you can never find anything in the future, but if you type in, you know, let's look for Titanic, you could find it, right, in there. So the same, it's the same thing. It's like, you know, that idea that all I have to do is look at a past thing, and then all I have to do is type it in there, and somehow it

will reinforce this belief I already have. And the same thing happens with hindsight. I mean, all this is basically saying faith is hindsight. Yeah, that's a great, and fair enough, right? Yeah. Fair enough. I think that's an apt comparison. Yeah. I mean, I guess I'd just rather have hindsight and not have to worry about all the baggage. Well, we posted a video this week. So if you go to our Facebook page or Twitter, you can find the video. We'll also post it on this week's show notes. The video is Tom and I. It starts out with us trying to figure out Glenn Beck's talking about fancy soap and fancy shampoo. And we we wind up actually filming Tom working on a whiteboard. So if you want to check the video out, you can find it on our website. You can also find it on our Facebook feed on our YouTube stream and on, uh, on Twitter. So if you want to check it out,

um, we think it turned out kind of funny. So if you want to see it, you can find it in those places. We were just on a couple of podcasts. I don't know when they're going to release. Mythicist Milwaukee was one of them. Then we were also on this great show. We had a great time on Apostasy Now. A lot of fun, man. It was a lot of fun. The man, Mr. Dragonbeard, that's how we know him. We had such a great time.

He was just such a nice guy, totes Canadian guy. Oh, yeah. He's super Canadian. Super Canadian. Constantly apologizing. Asked all about us. He was real sorry. But, yeah, we had a great time on that show.

And I also, Tom wasn't on, but I also appeared on an episode with Eli Bosnick of Thomas' show, Atheistically Speaking. So look for those in the future. When we get links for these, we'll be posting them. The link for Mythicist Milwaukee should be on this show. So if you want to go check us out there, you can check out this week's show notes. In the future, we're going to be on a couple of other, again, we're going to be on several podcasts in the near future coming up,

and we'll keep you abreast of all the other ones that we wind up doing. That's going to wrap it up for this week. We had a great time this time. This was fun. It was a lot of fun. Podcasts in the near future coming up, and we'll keep you abreast of all the other ones that we wind up doing. That's going to wrap it up for this week. We had a great time this time. This was fun. It was a lot of fun, and we look forward to next time. But we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing, water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti,

aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak stigmata, nonsense.

Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local Dairy Council. Outro Music