Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 277: Thank You Sky!

Episode Date: February 11, 2016

       

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, so I was just listening to the Flat Earth stuff, and you mentioned that if all the other planets were disks, they would have to be always presenting the flat side towards us. Which actually makes sense if you think about it. Because if our Earth is a disc on four elephants riding on a giant sea turtle, then you would think that the position of that disc is determined by the sea turtle. Now, I happen to have worked with sea turtles a lot and I know that if you scare them they will turn their back towards you so they'll actually twist in the water and present their flat disc side towards you to try and look bigger. So if all the other Atuans out there had a look around and saw what we've done to our disk,

then it would make sense that they're afraid of us, and rightly so. So it would make sense that all of the planets in the whole universe have presented their disks with the flat side towards us. Yeah, it could happen. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Hey, everybody. So this is going to be the second half of what we recorded the other day at Glory Hill Studios. We wound up recording for like a couple hours before we were on a couple other shows.

And so you'll be hearing a lot of references to the last episode. You'll be hearing a lot of references to things that we talked about in the last episode, specifically Ted Cruz. So if you haven't listened to that episode, listen to that one first and then listen to this one. So enjoy the second half of the show that was recorded just the other day. Because there's nothing but death and refuse in the rectum. No life can come out of the rectum. The rectum is designed to get rid of death and waste. It's designed for that one purpose. And the sodomites are cheering on and praising the rectum.

So we're going to actually spend a lot of time with the fucking giant man baby Ted Cruz today and his fucking dipe-dipe. This one comes from the friendly atheist. Duck Dynasty patriarch urges Iowans to vote Ted Cruz to, quote, rid the earth of gay marriage supporters. So the fucking bebearded dipshit Duck Dynasty asshole who everybody is fucking, they cannot fucking stop getting on this guy's junk.

He's just like, he travels around. Now he's a fucking political hero. This is a man who cannot dress himself properly. This is a guy who makes duck calls, man. I know. And he's a political hero. This is a man who cannot dress himself properly. This is a guy who makes duck calls, man. I know. And he's a political hero. Why the fuck are we looking at a guy who makes duck calls and being like, that's my guy.

I don't want to hear what this guy has to say. Right, exactly. It's like, oh, that guy looks generally unkempt. Let's go ahead and let's invite the man who looks like he lives in a box to our fucking rally. This guy couldn't get bus fare on the corner. Right? This is a man who couldn't afford a truck stop shower.

All right, let's listen to it. This is Phil Robertson. Is that his name, Phil Robertson? Don't you understand that when a fellow like me looks at the landscape and sees the depravity, the perversion, redefining marriage and telling us that marriage is not between a man and a woman. Come on, Iowa. It's nonsense. Come on, who?

Iowa. Perversion. It's only perversion if you're thinking about it, bro. Right. I don't think about it. Look, I don't care if you strap a fucking cock to your chin you know what i mean like that's your shit like do your shit whatever makes you happy i just don't think about other people having sex it's real easy it's not my business right it's like whatever you're fucking into like i don't care what fucking you

know spider and prey games you want to fucking engage in that's got nothing at all to do with me it's a fucking it's the thing that gets you off. So get off and fucking go make a sandwich. Like, what difference does it make? Big government, man. These guys, they fucking, they preach small government, but that is as big as government as you get. When you're in my bedroom? When you're in the bedroom. Right?

When there's room enough for you in my bed, come on now. Let's be honest, Cecil. If you're in the bed, there's no room for anybody else. Very true. There's very little room for oxygen. Let's be honest, Cecil. If you're in the bed, there's no room for anybody else. It's very true. There's very little room for oxygen. That's because you're breathing so heavily. Try to get it up. Your poor heart is trying to redirect blood flow.

You've got to help. And she grabs your crotch like, no, you have to pump my heart. You have to press. You have to basically give me CPR while I try to get it over. I'm already break out the defibrillator. She's got that fucking gas mask on you. She's squeezing fucking air in your lungs. I got a fucking vent on in order to. It is evil. It's wicked. It's sinful. Well, thanks, buddy. It is evil. It's wicked.

It's sinful. Well, thanks, buddy. It's hot. So who cares? It's sweaty. It's luby. It's wicked, evil, sinful. Okay, well, fucking your made-up thing will handle it eventually,

so go fuck yourself. Right, and then we've talked about that, too. Isn't that true? It's like, then fucking God's going to get around to it. Right? He's got my back in the sense that he's going to literally throw me in a lake of everlasting torturous fire. Why are you mad? Like, what does it make to you?

I'm not fucking your ass. He's super mad about it, though. Right? And they want us to swallow it, you say. Hey, now look. You can let it dribble down your chin. The thing is, they'd be totally fine putting it in your beard. Right?

I mean, you don't need to swallow it. It's fine. You can spit it out'd be totally fine putting it in your beard. Right? I mean, you don't need to swallow it. It's fine. You can spit it out onto your chest and rub it in. I don't care. I just want to die. I just want to die. We have to run this bunch out of Washington D.C. We have to rid the earth of them. Get them out of

there. Rid the earth of them. Well, that sounds like you want to kill them. Well, kill is a strong word, but maybe shoot them until they die. Oh, no, that's the same. That's actually the same thing. Ted Cruz loves

God. He loves James Madison, and he's a strict constitutionalist. Wait a second. James Madison? James Madison, not Jesus. It's James Madison at the right hand of God. James Madison? James Madison, not Jesus. It's James Madison at the right hand of God. James Madison's just like, wait, what? What the fuck? Also, wasn't Madison the one

who was like the least religious of all of them? Well, he said some things like and I have no doubt that every new example will succeed as every past one has done in showing that religion and government will both exist in greater purity the less they are mixed together. The civil government functions with complete success by the total separation of the church and state. Strongly guaranteed, guarded, as is the separation between religion and government

in the Constitution of the United States, the danger of encroachment by ecclesiastical bodies may be illustrated by precedents already furnished in their short history. So, I mean, I don't know why he would even bring him up. He must have mentioned him earlier, and we just missed it. You know what Ted Cruz understands? He understands the same thing that Zach just got through talking about. God raises these empires up. It is God who brings them down.

And don't you, look, I'm not going to just raise them up all the time. I've got to wait until Ted Cruz, the giant baby, gets elected. And then we do the out with the old, in with the new sort of thing, and then I'll raise it up and drop it down. Raise it up, drop it down. That's how barns go up. Have you always wanted to win the lottery? Do you suffer from chronic poverty syndrome?

Do you have real problems that are too much work to actually work on? Would you rather pretend to help than actually help? Prayer might be right for you. So this is from Right Wing Watch. Ted Cruz prayer team. Satan is warring against us. So Ted Cruz, we talked about this before. He's got a prayer team.

Like the Dallas Prayers or something. I don't know. What's the name of his team? Like, who do they play against? I mean, doesn't a team have to have an opposing team? Right. I guess a team would need some sort of opposition. Yeah. What are the rules for your prayer team? Maybe it's like one of those games where you play against yourself, like golf.

Like masturbating? Or actually... Where you play with yourself? Or just regular sex for me, right? You know, prayer is kind of like a lot like masturbating anyway. Yeah, right? So I think we're kind of... Not as satisfying.

Yeah. I mean, the prayer part, I mean. I mean, I'm just saying like, I'll fucking masturbate anywhere, but praying makes me feel ashamed. All right, let's listen to this prayer team. Oh, shit. Each of you, my fellow team members, I just want to go over some of the weeks that we've had together.

God, they all sound weak like Ted Cruz. Oh, God, let's pray together. Whoa! Is there a fucking decisive human being that supports Ted Cruz? One decisive actual human being? Not anybody on the prayer team. All right, yeah.

Maybe the coach of the prayer team. All right. Do they have fucking prayer cheerleaders? They're all chased as fuck. It's super boring. They do prayer burpees to get training. Certainly acknowledged that we are to put on the full armor of God during this season of prayer that we may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

And then having done everything, we are to stand firm. We are standing firm. Having done everything? Wiles of the devil? What's the wiles of the devil? We are standing firm. Having done everything. Done what? What's the wiles of the devil? It's when the devil tries to get you to have fun, and you're just like, no, fun sucks. Vote Ted Cruz.

Vote the giant diaper baby man. That's what we did. And praying at the Spirit at all times. I can see that from your emails and just from the general sense that I'm getting from each of you. We Christians are indeed engaged in a conflict that is both relentlessly

and cunningly waged. You can tell somebody's working and doing a thing from a general sense. You know, I know Cecil. That's actually how I give reviews at work. When it's fucking review time, I'm like, you know, I get a general sense that you're probably working totes hard. So anyway, here's 5% to 7%.

You don't do any kind of objective measuring at all. No, I would never want to be like, oh, yeah, look at revenue increased by 3.5% this year. Our expenses were down. You did a fine job. Looks like your productivity went up. No, I don't do any of that. Instead, it's just like, oh, you know what? I get a general sense that you're not an abject failure. You don't get that general sense from me, though.

No, I'm not. This is hypothetical. Okay, all right, fair. We, my pair team members, are in no position to retire from this conflict. Well, then you need a better position. You literally did nothing. Maybe stretch. You literally did nothing. You literally did nothing. So fucking, oh my God,

you did nothing and you're not tired. I know, right? Oh, fuck. Look out. They're roaring to go. Whoa, wait a minute. I need to be in a better position to simply accomplish nothing later today.

Like, oh, what'd you get done this morning? Well, I knew shit, but later this afternoon, I got a strenuous schedule of also not doing shit. And then maybe I thought in the evening I would follow it up by not doing fucking anything else later.

And we're exhorted by Peter to resist the devil remaining steadfast in faith. James tells us to resist the devil and he'll flee. Bill says fuck the devil right in the ass. Yeah, Tony Perkins says, who fucking cares? Tony Robbins says the devil should run over

these hot coals and feel real good about himself when he's done. Joel Osteen told the devil to whiten his teeth. The prince of the power of the air. Fuck it, are you kidding me? The prince of the power of the air? The prince of the power of the air. The what? The prince of the power of the air? The what? The prince of the power of the air. The what? The prince of the power of the air.

The what? The prince of the power of the air. You know, you said his name three times. Don't look in a mirror. Oh, he's going to show up. The devil is Beetlejuice. Is indeed resourceful. But my friends, he is not ignorant.

We are not ignorant of his devices. We know that he opposes the gospel. But I want you each to remember this. This adversary becomes enraged when the people of God get on their knees. I've never been enraged coming when someone's on their knees. I've never. I mean, I'm just enraged is not engorged. Absolutely.

Well, engorged. Engorged-ish. God, that is fucking generous, my friend. Listen. My goodness. Hey, that's an adjective I claim. It's not true, but I will take it. I guess if one extra blood cell goes in there.

I love this fucking guy. I love Ted Cruz's dad. His dad is fucking amazing. We haven I love Ted Cruz's dad. He's fucking amazing. We haven't had Ted Cruz's dad. Lucy, I'm home! Ted Cruz's 900-year-old father has not been on this show in a long time. It's from the Raw story. Here I am, Lord!

Use me like the dirty tissue I am! Oh, Jesus Christ. Ted Cruz's dad says the Holy Ghost authorized the White House run. So we should just listen to this shit. All right, here we go. I would assume, you correct me, that you and your family, and especially Ted, have been called to run for president. How do you pray for him? Well, I'll tell you.

The decision to run for president of... I can't listen to this guy. Wait, I tell you. I'll tell you, Zamdino. All right. Wait, wait, wait. I tell you about it. It was a long, long decision.

What I did is I wish real hard toward the sky. The sky says, yeah, go ahead. Oh, God. Thank you, Sky. Schizophrenia is a hell of a disease, man. That's amazing. Ted and his wife and family, they spend six months in prayer, just seeking the will of God as to what to do. Look, I'm not going to tell them right away. They got to want it.

Spend six months in prayer? I don't even know what that means. They do no other work. They're just like, wait, Ted, you want to go out fucking voting? Hey, Ted. Fuck you, man. I'm praying to see if I can be president. Ted, do you want to vote in Congress?

Hey, do you want to go to work? I am talking to Jesus. And that culminated one time that the whole family was together. And even his senior staff, we were attending a church service all together at First Baptist Church of Houston, where he's a member. Sorry, is that's a member. I'm sorry, his accent's hilarious. Should my son run for president? I'll be here for six months. His accent is hilarious.

You just tell me sometime around June, okay? June or July. You got that Lucy And after church We went up to the pastor's office We spent two hours On our knees Seeking God's will

That sounds fucking hot That pastor He just loves oral He's just a huge fan Two hours? That's a long time and not popping My goodness He just loves oral. He's just a huge fan. Two hours? Two hours? That's a long time and not popping. Dude, I'll tell you what.

You know what I mean? Like, my goodness. Two hours without a break? Somebody's fucking sore. Man. I mean, like, that's the day you wake up. You're like, fucking what the fuck happened today? That's a goddamn PR.

No, you got to suck on it. Don't just hold it in your mouth. That's not. You got some work to do. Work to do. You have to put it in hold it in your mouth that's not you got some work to do work to do you'll have to put it in and out of your mouth you just keep your head there i'll fuck your head it's fine about this decision and it was there where heidi said a word that uh you know i believe it was just inspiration from God. And she said, seek God's face, not God's hand. Because a blowie is better than a handy.

Is that why? Tell you what. I mean, I agree. I agree, too. I mean, the handy is the consolation prize of sex. It's just like, if it'll get you out of the car. Fine. Grease is the word Oh seek God's face yeah not not his head and that's what tells you to run for president they're like oh well then I'm gonna run for president because and his wife had the vision like he

didn't even have the like he saw her face face. And then he came in her hand? I don't know. Oh, it's the M&M logo. It's like melts in your mouth, not in your hands. That's what it is. And that was just as if there was a presence of the

Holy Spirit in the room. And that, you know, we all were at awe. And Ted, just all that came out of And that, you know, we all were at awe. And Ted, just all that came out of his mouth, he said, here am I, Lord. All that came out of his mouth was, here am I, Lord. TMI, Lord. TMI, Lord. Whoa, whoa.

Hey. Hey. That's a lot of information, man. Why don't you just put it back in my face, Lord? Not in my hand. Use me. Here my face, Lord? Not in my hand. Use me. Hear my Lord. I surrender to whatever your will for my life is.

And it was at that time that he felt the peace. He what? He felt his peace. He was feeling his peace, Tom. Yeah, that's what he said. Yeah. I literally didn't know what he said. I thought he said he feel the peace.

And I'm like, what the fuck? What does that even mean? He feeled the peas? Okay. He felt the peas. Running down his leg. He feeled the peas running down his leg. And he knew he had to get a tissue before he could waddle through the bathroom.

About running for president of the United States. And he knew he had to get a tissue before he could waddle through the bathroom. About running for president of the United States. I love that guy. That guy's amazing. I don't mean to just make fun of a man's accent. Thank you, God. You know, we were talking earlier about the show about punching up and punching down. Making fun of that guy's accent is punching down. I don't care.

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Because that shit is awesome. I can't understand anything he says. It's delightful. I'll tell you what. I would hire that guy to do yard work. That's so racist.

That's so racist. That's so racist. Well, the thing is, is like before. You are a racist. It was before the guy they wound up picking him up at Home Depot to do this interview. He's standing outside. The real Ted Cruz was too expensive. It's like, we could get

seven standing Ted Cruzes for the price of one. None of this can go in the show. You realize that, right? Oh, it's funny, though. Oh, it's fucking funny. Hey, guys.

Use me, Lord. Come on. Hey. Hey, Lord. Come in my hand and then on my sombrero. Badges? We don't need no stinking badges. Badges?

We don't need no stinking badges. Oh, my God. It's like fucking interviewing Cheech and Chong about a little bit. Oh, God. That could never go on the show. I know. But it's amazing. Oh, God.

Best thing about this podcast is you're just as terrible a person as I am. The semen is the cream of the blood. Semen is produced by the blood. It is the cream. It is the, it is the power. It is the cream of blood. That's just no other way to say it. This story comes from the raw story. Harlem pastor gays can't foreclose on my church until they birth babies through their anus. I love you. Until they birth babies through their anus. I love you. Pastor Manny, you're amazing.

Never go anywhere. I want to buy his church and just give it back to him. I just want to be like, hey, man. Don't go anywhere. We will pay all of your fees. Right in the feels, bro. Oh, God. I got you.

Just give it right back to him. We want to hire you as an LGBT youth counselor. All right, so this is Pastor David Manning being fucking super duper crazy. And I guess the camera woman is now involved in the videos, too. So you'll hear that as well. But I see this, as many of the elders have discussed, as just more of an opportunity for us to get more press and to get more coverage to explain our position as to who we are. Right now, the articles are jumping all over the place. I've gotten calls from everybody about this news organization. In fact, can I share this with you to all the sodomites that think that you're going to

purchase this church and foreclose yourself. Let me tell you something. It's only in foreclosure because you don't pay your fucking mortgage. I love that only absolutely despicable people

make that little sound. That little ha-ha sound. That little ha-ha sound. That is, that fucking, that's like your fucking, your evil lizard brain creates that sound. That's the sound you make right before you open your volcano layer. Right? Or rape a kid. One or the other.

Want some candy? I got puppies in my van. Before you can ever own the Lord's house, because that's what this is. This is the Lord's house. This ain't no damn bath house. This ain't no fag house.

Man, that went right out of the park real quick. That escalated quickly. You're going to drop an N-word here soon? All right. Jeez. Jeez, man. This is the Lord's house. See?

You hear that? Do you hear that fucking laugh? That fucking laugh? That's the evil shitbag laugh. And before you can ever own this property. Here's what it is, asshole. It's not the fucking Lord's house. It's the fucking bank's house, fuckhead.

I know. It ain't your fucking house, you fucking twat. You know what it's going to be? It's going to be an LGBT center. Because guess what? No fucking, there's not enough bigots in the world to bail you out, you fucking degenerate. And the fucking bank, the fucking bank is gonna

take that fucking house from you, and they're gonna do whatever the fuck they want with it, son. Which is called sell it to the highest bidder, because that's how this shit works. And when the sheriff comes fucking knocking on your door, and you're like, this is the Lord's house! And he fucking, don't tase me,

bro! And then you're, on the ground, flipping your fucking shit. He fucking throws your ass into the fucking dirt of your front yard of your fucking bigot home. Yeah. Ha, ha. Who's laughing your little hate laugh now? Yeah. It's going to be called fucking homo center, and you're going to have to suck it up.

Right. Literally. Too bad, bro. Literally. Hook or crook. What? Hook or crook. What the fuck? What the fuck. Literally. Yeah. Hook or crook. What? Hook or crook. What the fuck are you talking about? Hook or crook. Fucking.

I'm just going to yell that. I don't know what that means either. To own this property, you will be carrying men who are fags with testicles. Well, that's fags with testicles. Fags with testicles. Oh, no. What has the world come to? Fags with testicles. Fags with testicles. Oh, no. What has the world come to? Fags with testicles.

We'll be carrying babies in their testicles. That doesn't sound possible. I think you need a biology class real bad. I think that's his point, though. His point is that he's saying, you're never going to have this place. Right. It's the camel through the eye of the needle garbage. It's as impossible as growing a baby in your nuts

which is wonderful he's going to say shitting it out your ass here and giving birth to them through their anus that's how impossible it is for you to get this house actually all you have to have is money literally all you need is money you know what could happen

a fucking rich philanthropist like Bill Gates somebody with millions of dollars not billions right we don't have to go to the mill we don't have to go to the billions we could just go into the millionaire people they could easily buy this fucking place without even breaking a sweat write a check for it and give it away yep it would be it would just be a write-off, right? It's like, I'm going to buy it and write it off. They could buy it, have a giant gay orgy in it, ejaculate on every surface, and then burn it. In fact, I think that might be what we do with it. I feel like giving all our money to this church.

If we were nearby, it would be amazing to get a loan and buy this and turn this into Glory Hole Studios. Yeah. Nothing in the world would make me happier. If we were nearby, nothing in the world. The acoustics would be awesome. To turn this fucking hate church into Glory Hole Studios. It would be kind of amazing. It would be outrageously awesome.

When you start carrying a baby in your bags and breathing that baby through your ass, then you can own this house. That's right. That is true. I believe that what he is saying is an accurate statement of facts. Yes, that is right. I'll tell you what. When you want to give birth to that baby, you just got to eat a bunch of Metamucil. Right. And then your baby

just comes right out. Labor is real fast, you know. It better be because the fucking baby is in my nuts and somehow has to work its way to my ass. And I'm not sure how that's going to happen, but it's not going to be a good day. I've given birth to my fair share of food babies, and

none of it is ever good. But it didn't originate in your nuts, right? You were never like, oh, I'm so full, my nuts are heavy. It's going to kind of suck, too, because I'm going to have to shit the baby out of my ass. And the only place to do that is a toilet. Do I have to put a little netting there so he doesn't go in the water? Or does he get baptized in the toilet water?

There you go. You just get baptized. You know, you got to call TLC first and be like, I didn't know I was pregnant. I didn't know I had a baby in my balls. I just thought I had enormous eight-pound testicles. Sir, it's an eight-pound testicle. Pull a baby out your ass. You ain't going to pull this church out underneath us.

And boom shakalaka goes right there. What just happened? He said boom shakalaka. And boom shakalaka goes right there. Well, it does go right there, Tom. That's where you put your boom shakalaka. That is exactly where. Does anybody know where to put this boom shakalaka?

I always store all my spare boom shakalakas right there. Right there. You got like, you go home from work, you take your keys out of your pocket, your wallet. I always leave little piles of boom shakalaka everywhere I go. Right? It's a problem, it turns out. Yeah, but now I've learned.

I store it right there. And all you fags can go to hell and do it now. Okay. Be super mad. Okay, we now I've learned. I store it right there. And all you fags can go to hell and do it now. Okay. He's super mad. Okay, we'll go to that imaginary place after we buy your real fucking shirt. All the fags are just inexplicably in Indiana. They're just like

looking around just like Fort Wayne? Like really? Jeez, it smells like Santorum here. This is terrible. I'm James A. Madden, everybody. I'm the Lord's Fort Wayne? Like, really? Jeez, it smells like Santorum here. This is terrible. I'm James David Manning, everybody. I'm the Lord's Sherbert. The Lord's Sherbert?

The Lord's Sherbert. Did he say he was the Lord's Sherbert? Maybe servant. I don't know. But possibly Sherbert. Go back and play that again. I think he said Sherbert. I think he's the Lord's Sherbert. I'm James David Manning, everybody.

I'm the Lord's Sherbert. It's Sherbert, man. It sounds like Sherbert to me. I'm the Lord Sherbert. Okay, bro. So you're the Lord's, like, consolation ice cream? Podcasters. They live in squalor, destitute, and disenfranchised,

eking out an existence as best they can in such desolate places as Chicago. In pairs, but otherwise alone, they suffer from hunger and thirst, barely making it day to day on store-brand chicken wings and weak domestic beer. In the arms of the angel Fly away from here

From this dark old hotel room And the endlessness that you fear But now you can help. For just a few dollars a podcast, pennies a day, you can give them the restaurant-style chicken wings and imported beer that they so desperately need. For less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can make a difference in their lives, allowing them

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So the story is from Right Wing Watch as well. Alex Jones, Bernie Sanders will throw us in forced labor camps like Mao Zedong. So Bernie Sanders would be lucky to throw a baseball. He's a hundred years old. He's not throwing me anywhere. That's one thing. That's one thing that, that, uh, that does worry me a little bit about Sanders too, is his age, his advanced age.

Yeah. Well, it was a legitimate criticism with McCain. We talked about this and people, and so funny because people supported us on that, right? We mocked McCain. We didn't mock him, but we had serious concerns about his age. And Palin is the vice presidential candidate, right? You won't know his vice presidential candidate. Let's presume that Bernie Sanders is the frontrunner and works his way all the way through this thing.

You won't know until after the Democratic primaries complete. Yeah, he won't announce them. So you won't know until August sometime. And the chance for us to vote for him is in March. We vote in March. But other people will be voting much sooner. So he'll be the frontrunner if he's the frontrunner. He'll be the

frontrunner long before, so you've got to just trust that he's going to pick somebody good. Which I do trust. I do trust that. Absolutely. I would love to see Elizabeth Warren. That would be amazing. Dude, a Sanders-Warren ticket? Yeah.

Dude, I'm fucking... I'd be kind of rooting for him to die. I mean, I got... You know, I'd be like, okay. It wouldn't matter. It's a thing. It'd be like, Sanders is dead. Long live Warren.

We're going to get so much email for just saying that. Just for even kidding around, like I'd be rooting for him to die. I'm voting. Look, guys. I'm voting for Sanders. I don't know how else to say this, but he is not the perfect man. Let's go ahead and listen to the Alex Jones, I don't know, debacle, whatever this fucking garbage is.

Now, with the Democrat race, I think those polls are basically correct. I think that that's up for grabs. I think it's a jump ball. Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton in a jump ball? If he jumped, he'd break his fucking hip. They would both? Nobody's winning. I think she'd fucking post up on that bitch.

She would. She'd fucking hip check him. She'd tomahawk dunk somebody serious. Oh, God. That's amazing. He's got the goggles. He's got the... No.

Bernie Sanders comes in wearing... Because when the guys get a fractured face, they wear that like Phantom of the Opera mask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He comes in with like a Phantom of the Opera mask on. And a Phantom of the Opera hip. He comes in on a scooter. He's playing murder ball. And I'll tell you what,

I would love nothing better than to see Bernie Sanders take a victory here in Iowa, and I think that builds momentum for him. I agree. He would be great to defeat, but I don't want to be put in his forced labor camp.

I don't want to be put in a forced labor camp either. It makes everybody. That actually makes 100% of the people. Yeah, I don't want to be put in this forced labor camp. I don't want to be put in a forced labor camp either. It makes everybody. That actually makes 100% of the people. Yeah, I don't want them, but I also realize that there's literally zero danger of that happening. I don't want to get attacked by a wolf right now either.

There's a lot of things I don't want. I don't want to get hit by a train right now. I don't want to drown in the Mariana Trench. Mariana Trench. Is that what it is? Mariana. Mariana. Marinera Trench. I don't want to drown in the Mariana Trench. Mariana Trench. Is that what it is? Marianas. Mariana. Marinara Trench. I don't want to drown in the Marinara Trench. I don't want to drown in any trench, as it turns out. Like, name it whatever

you want. It's a lot of fucking vegetables you gotta chop to fill that fucker up. Dude, if I gotta drown in Marinara, I'm alright. There's a lot worse ways I anticipate going, right? Yeah, with two mozzarella sticks shoved up your nose, drowning in marinara. He died the way he lived. I mean, I don't want to be ruled over by that piece of crap.

Alex, Alex, you and I have worked too hard to see Hillary go bye-bye. If Bernie can defeat her and keep her out of this. No, I hear you. It's so creepy to have a hardcore commie. What are you saying? You're just making it up. The guy says he's a socialist, not a communist, you dumb fuck. He's a hardcore

commie who wants to put me in a forced labor camp. Nobody has ever said that. Nobody said that, yeah. Nobody, except for you. Also, to be honest, you could probably use a little labor. I mean, looking at you, buddy. Wouldn't hurt you. Just do a jumping jack. A jumping jack? That's optimistic. Okay, just do the

motion and clap your hands above your head because we know you can't lift off the ground. He needs to start a little lower than that. He needs to scale, Cecil, scale. If he can snap his fingers, I'll fucking... Go to Zumba. That's what put me in a forced relocation camp like Mao Zedong.

I mean, this country, the fact that he has 10,000 people and 20,000 in Iowa events, I mean, Drudge has an image of it up on his side. That's scary, man. Why is that scary, dumb fuck? He's got good ideas. Yeah, people like him because he's not pro all the wealth to seven dudes. Like, that's it. Like, and he's, you know, I love, I will say, like, I love Bernie Sanders.

I find him an inspiringly honest, belligerent, cranky guy. I watch him and he's mad and he should be mad. I love his anger. Yeah, yeah. And I love the honesty and I love the independent streak in the guy. I fucking love, I love Bernie Sanders. I do. I think he's great.

I don't think he's going to throw me into a fucking forced labor camp because that's garbage. You know, I feel like, too, you know, one of the things that I think is super refreshing about him is how he doesn't play those games. I haven't seen any real attack ad from him. I haven't seen any. He said he won't do it. Yeah, I haven't seen. I haven't seen when they've given him a platform to sort of grandstand and talk about, you know, to throw a couple jabs here and there. He just refuses to do it. He won't do it. He doesn't have a super.

There's no super. He won't take any super tax money. I just feel like that's super refreshing. And this guy's like, run that guy. I know, right? Well, I'll tell you what. If Bernie Sanders somehow were to become president, I suspect that you and I would become illegal immigrants somewhere. Yeah, it's crazy, but I hear you.

He is easier to defeat than her because he can't play the whole female thing. Oh, God. What a degenerate. Yeah, he can't play the whole female thing because we all know that women usually get so many advantages for being women in this world. Yeah, remember when she cried and that was the worst thing?

That was the worst thing that could happen. It wasn't like she was like, I've got a fucking sad Indian tear like you polluted and that was the worst thing. That was the worst thing that could happen. And it wasn't like she was like, I've got a fucking sad Indian tear like you polluted and that made me... And then people just flipped their shit on her and totally turned on her and she lost the primary because of it. Yeah.

Man, gosh, you know these women, they just have all these fucking advantages. Now, as far as God's concerned, he knows the end from the beginning and he sees a little baby and that little baby could grow up to be Adolf Hitler. He could grow up to be Joseph Stalin. He could grow up to be some serial killer or he could go up to die of a hideous disease. God sees all that. And for that life to be terminated while he's a baby, he's going to be with God forever in heaven. So that isn't a bad thing. So how could God do that?

How could a good God let that happen? Well, the good God is going to take that baby to heaven right now. And that isn't a bad thing. This story comes from the Friendly Atheist blog. At Florida's subcommittee hearing, Mann says abortion must be restricted to preserve white culture. So weird, man. It's so weird.

Let's go ahead and read this. It says, The legislature finds that all human life comes from the creator, has an inherent value that cannot be quantified by man, and begins at the earliest biological development of a fertilized human egg. It goes on to say that the personal liberty is not a license to kill or otherwise destroy any form of human life. The state has an interest in stopping abortions

unless the safety of the mother is in question. There's a video of this. Yeah, let's play the video. We'll play it for a minute. Yep. Next we have Greg Powell representing themselves. Waves in. I'm sorry I didn't have time to fill that

card out. I didn't want to miss my chance to speak. You know, there's a saying that evil contains with it the seed of its own destruction. And you know, I mean, if we don't see the consequences that's bringing upon us as a nation, you know, if you were to read the Bible, study the word and see what it says, what the

creator says about children and the love for families, and we see the destruction we're bringing upon ourselves as a nation, do you know the Muslims, they don't kill their babies? Do you know that the, I was sitting in this, in this chambers here when you had the Muslims, they don't kill their babies? Do you know the... I was sitting in this chamber here when you had the immigration bill come through here, and the Mexicans that were here said, do these people think they live on an island? Do these white people think they're on an island? I mean, what you're doing is,

these people aren't going to kill their babies? I tell them, listen, la raza. Hey, sister, quede. Hey, sister, te ama. Raz, la raza. And that means their race is through the breeding of having families, children. And what happens is once you see the condition that we're in, where we're destroying ourselves and destroying our families, we've accepted something in this country that the creator, we're going to pay for it.

We're not going to escape. We're not going to X-scape. X-scape it, bro. We're not going to X-scape it. It's the fucking Mexicans that are having all the babies. Yeah, well, it's the race, right? It's the Mexicans and the Muslims. It's the Mexicans and the Muslims.

And the white people need to have more babies so that we can outpace the Mexicans and the Muslims. Sure. Because it's a race to be more white. Well, you lose the tug-of-war then. That's it. And that's... It's terrible. You can't field a decent team.

No. It's really horrible, yeah. You can't bigot your bigotry enough. You can't form hands and say maybe like a human chain or wall then. You build a fucking wall of fucking white kids around the border.

Why don't we just build it of like aborted fetuses? I don't know why. There's 50 million of them. We should just stack them high and deep. Exactly. The judgment we're bringing upon ourselves as I was looking at the other bills, it says a lack of work, a lack of workers in rural areas for an aging population workforce,

an aging population workforce. We're becoming like Europe. No culture's ever reversed the 1.9 fertility rate. Our fertility rate in America is 1.6. Okay, so then you can't reverse it. So what? Do we need more people? Are we at a place where I feel like we need more people? I don't think so.

We're not chewing up resources across this earth fast enough. I think we're good. Yeah. Yeah, I think we're good. Anybody who talks about the idea that a reduction in population is somehow going to be a reduction in power, both misunderstands power and the problem of population. It's ridiculous.

You don't need more. Like, our strength does not come. China's got a quadrillion people. India has a fucking double quadrillion people, right? They're fucking crawling with people. They're also crawling with fucking abject shit poverty, right? Yeah. Power on the international stage, economic power, military power, it doesn't come from

just having lots of fucking hands and feet and legs. It comes from a lot of other sources. Power is not people. You don't need a bunch of fucking people chewing through resources in order to be still an economically viable nation. That's fucking asinine. It's Canada 1.5. Europe, 31 countries called the EU, it's 1.3. And you see the people. And I have to ask myself, I said, do you see that we're under judgment? You don't see us as a culture, as a white culture, pushing this agenda of abortion, women outside the home, not having babies?

What? Here we go, dude. It's fucking all aboard the crazy train. Woo! You could hear it working its way through in the very early stages, and then he just can't control it at the end. Yeah. This is it.

This is the culmination. We are at money shot. He is tipped over the edge. There's judgment on us, and the judgment, Tom, the judgment is that women aren't staying home and they're basically not shitting out kids. That's it.

They're not forming the kids in their testicles and then shitting out their ass. God's mad because women aren't making him a sandwich. That's what he's fucking mad about, right? Everybody getting more and more and more and more, just more and more, like we don't have enough, and we're so fat. The nation is so fat and so sick that we're a sick nation. Wait, why are you mad that we're fat? What does that have to do with anything?

Fuck you, asshole. We're fat because peanut M&Ms are delicious, motherfucker. What does that have to do with anything? Pass those Rolos over here. Yeah, I got them. And if we don't repent, if the people in our government, you are legislating morality by the laws you pass. You are legislating religion and morality by the laws

that we pass. That's standard. Look, here's the thing. All legislation is a comment on morality, right? Sure. When we say, hey, man, don't murder people or you go to jail, is that a comment on morality? Of course it's a comment on morality. It's a meaningless thing to say. It's like saying,

hey, man, you guys noticed the sky was blue? But he's saying religion. But didn't he say religion, though? Yeah. Yeah, well, you're not, man. No, because these things are not intertwined. Legislation and religion are not intertwined. Well, in his mind, of course, they would be, right? Because he's like,

my religion says, my interpretation of my religion says, no abortion. So when you say totes abortion, now you're shitting on my religious beliefs. Yeah, as a people. And it's destroying us as a nation. And I'm just telling you, you're bringing yourselves and your families under judgment. I'm listening about first and second, third trimester selling baby body parts. None of that's true.

None of that's true. So it doesn't matter. Look, first trimester, that fucking baby is not a thing. Right? Like, that's not even a lizard yet. It's nothing. It's meaningless. I went to a funeral recently and it was in a Catholic school church. And the Catholic school

was nearby, but I guess they had in the Catholic church little thing, they had a like a fucking science fair project looking thing. You know the things, like a trifold thing. Yeah. And they have a bunch of fucking like little tiny babies at the developmental

stage. And even though they were trying to be as generous as they possibly could to show you how early that baby was, I'll tell you what, even though they were trying to be generous and make them as big as they possibly, you know what I mean? Like they're trying to. It's like fluffing up like a fucking animal about to get eaten.

Exactly. It's like puffing out its fur. They're doing all they can to make sure that you know that, no, it's as close to it's fucking it's going to be wearing a tuxedo in a day. Yeah, right. You know, even still, I would say up to about 14 weeks, it still didn't look like a thing. Like you look at it and you're like, that's not a thing. Like that's just a, it's just, you know, yeah, is it kind of in the shape of like a, you know. Homunculus?

Yeah, exactly. Like a fucking salamander? Yeah, it kind of looks like a salamander. Yeah. But, you know, it doesn't. It looks vaguely animalian. It's not, it's not a fucking person. It's not a, it's not somebody who got a scholarship.

Yeah, exactly. You know, we've said this, but my position has always been, and I'm hard-pressed to think of a reason to change this position, is that when we look at humans, fully actualized humans that become brain damaged to the point of brain death, we recognize inherently that there's no moral decision to be made about pulling the plug on somebody who's brain dead, right? If the brain stem keeps the heart pumping and the lungs breathing, but there's no actual brain activity in the cerebral cortex, like there's no personhood there. So if it works at the end of life, I don't know why it doesn't work just as well as a way to think about the beginning of life until there is significant higher functioning brain processes involved then

i don't think you can be said to be truly alive you're at the very least a fucking meat vegetable sure what do i give a fuck about a meat vegetable for right it's just not a person yet yeah i totally agree and and you know there you know there's the idea of you know that we look at when we say that they're sick people and they should be able to make a decision at the end of their life and whether or not they want to live the same could be said about

you know the little babies the little tiny zygotes or whatever if we find out that it's going to be developmentally disabled to a point where it's going to be completely impaired. Right. You know, there's stories of people like that fucking, like, you know, what about that fucking head disease that's out there now, the little shrinking face disease?

I know, right? That's awful. That fucking terrifying shrinking whatever it is. That virus? The Ziti, the baked Ziti, whatever it is. Baked Ziti disease? Oh, I know, man. It's a shrunken head. Beetlejuice shit, right? It's scary as fuck. It's scary shit.

You, you, you have a baby now and you're like, oh great. And it's fucked. And the baby is fucked. Yep. And you look at, you know, Brazil and other places, they're like, they don't have any fucking systems in place to stop people from having babies. They don't have any family planning in place. They don't have any,

they certainly don't have abortion to the level that they should. They're as Catholic as it gets, man. So we're stuck. You know, you're stuck with, well, it looks like we got a whole army full of chicken head babies,

you know, enjoy this meat burden. And you know, the thing is, yeah, I don't, I don't, you know, you You know the thing is

But there's other stories about like Oh yeah the baby's head didn't develop fully And like half it's face is gone And it only has a brain stem And it's going to be able to like fucking All it will do is like click a few times before it dies Yes right And you're just like great

Awesome Yeah can't wait to have that But the problem is that it's all broad brush shit. You know, this fucking idiot is going to be like, no abortions ever. And you're just like, okay, well, one, it doesn't take into effect. I mean, we haven't even been talking about the autonomy of the woman at all in this entire conversation, which is the most important part. But then we talk about just let's just work our way back down. And you could look at, you know, the women who are or the babies who are, you know, fucking completely going to be fucked up that are not going to be able to be, you know, not

I mean, I'm not even going to be autonomous. Right. But then, you know, throw into the fact that women get raped and that there's incest and all that stuff. And you're just like, OK, well, you know, are we going to force them to have babies? Or then, you know, their husband's abusive or, you know, I mean. Again, it's big government shit, right? Like it's big government.

Like it's like the Republicans are the party of little government. And yet they're the same ones who are like, well, hang on a minute. I want to know what's going on in your fucking vagina. And it's like, what the fuck, man? Stay the fuck out. Like if you don't, because it's a real easy thing. If you don't want to have an abortion, nobody's saying you should get one. Nobody's saying, oh, man, man? Stay the fuck out. Like, if you don't, because it's a real easy thing. If you don't want to have an abortion, nobody's saying you should get one. Nobody's saying, oh, man, you've got to get one.

You're going to have a fucking developmentally delayed baby or like a fucking whatever. You have to get, no one is saying that. They're just like, hey, man, it's an option. And if nobody takes anybody up on abortions, if tomorrow everybody woke up and was like, you know, I guess I'm just going to go ahead and not have an abortion. Fucking, there's no outside force being like, wait a minute. Doesn't somebody need an abortion? Like, there's no abortion commercials, right?

Like, I've never seen, like, an abortion television ad. Like, has this ever happened to you? Well, baby, suck. I wish I killed it. That's never been, I've never seen that ad. Any serious Christian all is going to say that one of the primary teachings of Christianity is that you love your neighbor as yourself. Can you love your neighbor as yourself and then at the same time meet him in the face as hard as you can?

So this story comes from the Raw story. This is pretty great. Texas pastor begs God to smite UFC fighter with a lightning bolt because he threatened to punch Jesus. This is tremendous, and I love everything about it. I don't care how often you threaten to punch Jesus. I mean, how often can you fucking actually fulfill that promise? Here's the thing. I'll threaten it right now.

Hey, Jesus, I would like to punch you. Oh, no, there's no Jesus around. No? No Jesus? There's going to be some fucking big dude named Jesus. He's going to be like, hey, man, I'll fuck you up. I'm like, all right, all right. I was saying Jesus? There's going to be some fucking big dude named Jesus. He's going to be like, hey man, I'll fuck you up. I'm like, alright, alright. I was saying Jesus. It's fine.

You kind of talk like Ted Cruz's dad. He's so like Raphael. Alright, let's watch this, or listen to this. This is a pastor, Pastor Romero, who's bitching about Conor McGregor. I'm telling you what, I'm going to pray that God strikes this guy dead. Do you know why? His name is Conor McGregor.

And he's a UFC featherweight champ or something like that and he's he's he's like he's he's on his run of just knocking people out but you know what he got up and he said if jesus christ was in the ring with me i'd knock him out and then somebody threw that in his face and said remember when you said that you would beat up jesus in the ring and he said me and jesus are good you know why i? Because gods recognize other gods. That is awesome. I think that's amazing. That's fucking awesome. I think that's amazing. That's awesome. What did you think he was gonna say? No kidding, right? His job, this is a guy whose job it is

to fight for money in a cage. Were you expecting a fucking thespian to show up and be like, oh, Jesus, I knew him well. Alas, poor Christ. Pardon me, good man. Let me break out my book and explain to you from first Thelosians.

What do you think about your latest fight? To be or not to be, that is. No, he fights for money in a cage. He thunder domes for a living. I'm surprised he could put sentences together. I don't care if he does. a living. I'm surprised he could put sentences together. I don't care if he does. I know.

I don't care. He could be fucking seriously remote controlled. They need to put nails on their knuckles at this point. Look, here's the thing, man. I don't care if these guys are really just fleshy battle bots. It means nothing to me. It means nothing. He's fighting a guy and out pops like a buzzsaw out of his stomach and cuts him in half. The guy's

a UFC fighter. That guy's nothing. Tell him that to his face. No kidding, right? That guy will fucking rip your dick off and beat you with it. He's let money go to his head. He's got pride. He's got pride. No, he's UFC, dude. He's not pride. Pride folded. Pride's a totally different thing.

And look, let me tell you this. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, my friend. He's a featherweight. He's not Pride. Pride folded. Pride's a totally different thing. UFC bought that shit. And look, let me tell you this. The bigger they are, the harder they fall, my friend. He's a featherweight. He's not even 45. To me, he's big, though. He's big, though. He's gonna kill the shit. I watched him do muscle-ups once. Have you ever seen him do muscle-ups? No. It's amazing, dude. I mean, he's a fucking, he's a super-wet guy.

But he's just, I mean, all he does is pull up and then right up, pull up, right up. It's pretty amazing, man. The guy's fucking just a fucking beast, man. He's made, again, I will go back to his occupation. He's fucking made a fucking gristle. You think about that

chick that was the UFC fighter that everybody loved three or four months ago. Everybody was on her, everybody was all, oh, Ronda, Ronda, Ronda. When she lost, everybody everybody was on her everybody was, oh, Ronda, Ronda, Ronda. When she lost, everybody that was on her side turned against her. Oh, I knew it, I knew it. Because that's how the world works. That's how worldly friends

are. Yeah, you shouldn't have any world friends. Stupid world friends on the world, walking around friending you on Earth like a bunch of jerk friends. What a douchebag. Yeah, that's how fucking, that's how fans work in sports. That happens all the time,

dummy. Like, what? Is he trying to, like, try to say that this is how it's going to be with Conor McGregor? Because, yeah, that's how it's going to be with Conor McGregor, because eventually he's going to run into somebody who's going to put one on his chin, and he's going to fall down. That's just how fighting works.

Again, that is what happens when your job is to fight people. His job, it's not like he's an accountant that got beat up, right? It's not like he's just like, he's not a fucking accounts receivable. And one day he shows up and somebody's just like, worst day ever. It's like, what the fuck? When things are going good, they're behind you. When things go bad, they're against you. No like, what? Worst day ever. It's like, what the fuck? When things are going good, they're behind you. When things go bad, they're against you. No kidding, right?

Wow, I fucking sussed that one out, huh? Man, it turns out that people like winners. Hold on, let me write that down. People like winners. And winners get sprinkles. All these people that think that they love these people, you know, it's all pride. It's all wickedness.

It's all worldliness. That guy, I'm going to pray that God strikes him down with a lightning bolt. A lightning bolt. An actual lightning bolt. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. I would be very impressed if during the middle of a UFC fight somehow, a lightning bolt

would hit him. Because they take place mostly indoors. 100% indoors. Not 100%. They fight outside. Abu Dhabi, I thought they fought outside. Well, Abu Dhabi, you can't even tell the difference. I thought they did. And I've also seen some, I think

it was Bodog fights used to fight outside too. There was a couple ofog fights used to fight outside too. There was a couple of them that used to fight outside where they'd have kind of like a little ring outside. That's amazing. I didn't know that. Yeah, there's a few of them that fought outside. If there's a fucking lightning bolt, then I retract all my statements.

It's got to be a lightning bolt inside. It's got to be inside. Even outside. I'll go ahead and take the whole thing. Fucking takesies-backsies. Okay. So everybody in the world that believes the Bible, even a little bit, will know that it was God. It was Jesus that stroked him down. Yeah.

That stroked him down. That stroked him down. Hey, look, you know, you got to give that guy a nice rub down after a fight. And sometimes your hands wander. It's just human nature. He's a very attractive, bearded man. He seems tense. It's just a little hand release, and it's good. That's just human nature. He's a very attractive, bearded man. He seems tense. It's just a little hand release.

That's it. That's it. Look, you say, well, he's not even saved. Look, Herod wasn't saved, but when he did something, this big oration, he gave not God the glory, and God killed him, and his body was eaten with worms. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! And God killed him And he bit him with worms He's so mad And God was super duper mad He put him in an easy-pick oven Turned him into a brownie and ate him. Grrr. Then he fell into the worms.

Hey, bro, you know what happens when you die back in the olden days? You got ate by worms. Oh, my God, he's so fucked. Can I hear that again? Can you hear that again? I guess. He's not even saved.

Look, Herod wasn't saved, but when he did something, this big oration, he gave not God the glory, and God killed him, and his body was eaten with worms. Here's the best part. His body wasn't eaten by worms, but with worms. Well, no, the pair's well together.

Yeah, right? It's like when you have the caramelized onion on the side, and you're like, oh yeah, if I dip the caramelized onion and I do a little swash of the sauce and I eat that, that's like this. You eat it with worms. You're just like, the Herod's good, but with the worms? Tell you what. Magnificent.

And then he can do the same thing to anybody that he wants to. Yeah, he could, but he doesn't. Big doody heads. But he doesn't. My dad could beat up your dad. And he doesn't. And because every single death that we have is pretty much fucking explainable. Right.

Hey, remember that time it was like Hitler? Oh, God. No kidding. Right? And God's just like, well, he didn't say he beat up my kid. Well, Hitler was giving me the glory, so I just didn't want to knock him off his podium. He seems like a right good fella. And I did like that word blitzkrieg.

He can just look down and with his little finger just say so. Boom. Oh, God. I love when the anthropomorphize him, too, because they're just like, and he can go with his little tiny finger and he can be like. I'm going to fucking break. Something, some catastrophic event. Because he's a wicked person.

And he's going to, and if you watch him and you're a fan of his and you call yourself a Christian, shame on you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to reform every time now. I am going to buy him a. I'm going to find a shirt that has something that says, you know, like fucking Conor McGregor can knock out Jesus. And I'd buy it and wear it all the time. Yep.

That needs to be a thing. I love his comment. Like gods recognize other gods. It's fucking amazing. It's perfect. It's amazing. You want answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This story comes from the Edmington. Edmond? Edmington. I think you were going with Edmington. Edmington? That's not a place. Edmington.

It's in the Mariana Trench. It's delicious over there. This story is fucked up. Quebec spa workers heading to prison for role in extreme sweating death of woman wrapped in mud and cellophane. So this woman who looks

like she's got, like, look at her ears in the picture. I'm not making fun of the victim here, but does she have, like, Liv Tyler elf ears? Either that or her hair is in a position that makes it look like she has elf ears. Okay, because those really totes look like elf ears. That totes was for you,

by the way, PayPal donation. She might actually be wearing elf ears here because if you look, it looks like there's some sort of like tiara, like thing on her head that makes it maybe look like she was cosplaying before she died.

Here's the thing. If I, when, if, when I die tragically, which could be this evening. Tragically. None of it's, it's never going to be tragically. It's comedically is what it is. It's going to be inevitable.

The sooner it is, the better. Can somebody find a picture of me where I'm not, like, dressed for Halloween? Like, is that really the best picture anybody can find? It'd be like if somebody took my cognitive dissonance picture where I'm wearing a fucking blonde wig with a cigar in my mouth, and that's, like, my op-ed. Yeah. It's like when somebody takes a picture of you drunk, passed out with a cigar in my mouth and that's like my obit. Yeah. It's like when somebody takes a picture of you drunk, passed out with a penis drawn on your forehead.

Exactly, yeah. What I want is my obit photo to have me, somebody caught me on the shitter. Right, right. Yeah, you're like... It's like trying to quickly cover up and my belly's hanging over. Your belly covers everything it needs to.

I don't really have to move very quickly. You can't move quickly quebec spa workers heading to prison for role in extreme sweating death of woman wrapped in mud and cellophane so this woman this poor woman goes to a fucking cuckoo retreat right so she goes to a retreat where everybody's an asshole and sweats out yeah and they yeah and they and they treat you like fucking uh i don't even know like fucking puff pastry right well they fucking they easy bake oven these people right so here's here's what they did so they took these they took the people that were that were going to be part of this uh personal growth seminar i love that oh yeah they planted them they plant. They plaster them in mud.

Then they wrap them in a plastic sheet and then a blanket. And then my very favorite part, they put their head in a cardboard box for nine hours. Isn't this how they cured the meat in motel hell? Like the only more surefire way to make sure somebody dies of dehydration and heat exhaustion. We to wrap him with banana leaves and bury them over a pit of coals like that's like either that or pour gasoline on them. I'm on fire, right? So this poor woman is like, I'm going to do some personal growth and my personal growth. I mean, terrible way to die.

I mean, I'm going to feed all the fucking flora and fauna around me. So you stick. There has to come a moment when that's happening where you're like, wait a minute. Do we need the cardboard box? Like, can't I keep my head? I know that. It's got to be a horrible way to die, too. It's really got to be the worst way to die.

We are trust up. Heat pig. They put an apple in your fucking vomiting because you got i mean that's what happens you're vomiting you probably have the worst headache in the history of headaches right you know and you're just i mean you're just fucking immobilized with pain and then you just can't be good and And then they pick the box and they're like, whoops. They slowly put the box back down and stuff away. Maybe they won't notice. All the numbers.

Just keep calling numbers. I love that it's nine hours. Jesus. Nine hours. If you fucking trust me up like this, I'd be like, I need out. I need out right now. Again, they cover

you in the mud and you're just like oh that's kind of gnarly and weird but okay some people think mud is magic because they're retarded and then they fucking cellophane you and you're just like uh what's going on here and they're like well that's not enough let's put another blanket on and fucking stick your head in a box oh god it's horrifying man a really terrifying way to die it's truly horrifying and it's and the worst part is a terrifying way to die it's truly horrifying and it's and the worst part i think about the whole thing is that these people are tricked into believing that this sort of thing is helpful right this is gonna make me a better person it's gonna help me out in some way i mean you don't go to a spa to not try to get rejuvenated right

like that's what spas are for you know what i mean like they're for either a cleansing of some sort, whether that's the external part of the body, it's a mud pack for that, you know, maybe they're doing it for their skin or whatever it is that they're doing it for. They're doing it for, try to improve themselves. They're, they go in there with the false pretense that this is going to help them in some way. And here's this fucking asshole, fucking plants them in the ground, like a flower and then fucking wraps them in cellophane. You know, I mean, it's just a horrible, horrible situation. And, you know, these people were duped and then the person died from it. Yeah, this is like.

And the good that you're getting fucking charged with it because it's fucking harmful. It is. It's not a harmless thing. It is. And it's, you know, that whole like sweat lodge nonsense where it's like, oh, let's get fucking super hot until we hallucinate and fucking body stops working and our fucking complete organ system shut down. And it's like, oh, man, I had this tremendous spiritual experience. Look, man, take some DMT and call me in the morning. You don't have to fucking sweat until your system breaks.

I know, right? Yeah. And I mean, that's exactly what happened. I mean, the system just broke. Right. It said her organs shut down one by one. It's a fucking domino effect of, no!

No! Well, we should be back on Monday with another full show. We hope to be on another couple podcasts. We'll keep you informed on the other places that we showed up. If you check the show notes, you can find a link to the Mythicist Milwaukee show that we were on. And you can also find a link to the Apostasy Now podcast that we were also on. That's going to be it for today. And we're going to leave you, like we always do,

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