Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 278: Never Miss Prayers Again

Episode Date: February 15, 2016

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, this is Desert Dave. At the Thai Smiles airline, I thought you missed a chance for a joke because in Thailand, in the bars, the hookers play a game called Smiles. You can look that up. It was the biggest wordplay myth you've had since you went through all of the Pastor Manning sodomite latte jokes without making a joke about Fappuccino.

Anyway, have a good day. Take care. Bye-bye. Now, Cecil, is this like one of those under-the-table menus that you have to like? They're all on the special menu. I got you. Okay. You've got to know the names of them.

Right. The first one is Spunk and Spice. Nice. That one's really popular around the holidays. There's Fappuccino. Nice. That one's a summertime drink. Pumpermint.

That's a seasonal one. There's the Oreo Cream Pie Shake. Nice. That one's a little thick. I don't know if you're going to like that one. They're also introducing a brand new kind of coffee. It's a little lighter than Blonde Roast, and it comes from Asia. You don't drink it.

You pour it on your face. It's called a Bukoffee, and it's a totally different kind of drink, but it's new. They're not sure it's going to take off. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat.

Bullshit, motherfucker. There is actually a welcome mat in our studio. Fucking A, there gotta rewrite that fucking thing i gotta figure it out jesus christ you know i fucking just wrote that 277 episodes ago and you're gonna fucking twist my arm to write something new you're a fucking slave driver bro i know i know i think i also feel too that we are uh breaking the rules when we drink up here i always feel like you remember when we when you would go to like a buddy's house or something and they'd get a beer from the fridge and you'd go downstairs oh it's also like it's like a whole quiet don't tell you what and then i'm having a beer you take a drink you're like i don't feel

that way here because i feel like i could shoot fucking heroin in the hallway. Yeah, you could. I feel like in this place, I could just – there's nothing I could do here that would shock or surprise anybody. You could fuck a hooker in the hall. You could fuck a hooker in the stairwell, and they'd be fucking high-fiving you. The fucking management here would high-five you on the way down. They'd walk by with like a one-ter banging and be like, hey, man, you want me to pack it up for you? You want me to pack this up for you, bro?

This is basically a house of ill repute that we are renting a room in. Like at any moment I expect a fucking Thai lady boy to knock on the door and tell us our hour is up. You're all sick. Oh, be nice!

Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay! Oh my God, what's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now! So the first story we want to talk about is terrible, like all of the other stories we're going to talk about. It's from the Raw story.

Anti-gay parents compare LGBT student group at rural Tennessee high school to ISIS and drunk drivers, says people who cannot make comparisons aptly. I mean, well, we'll talk a little bit about this, but at no point in... I think my microphone is slipping. I think it's moving. It keeps on dropping or something. It does. It's fucking flaccid. My microphone is... Maybe I gotta hold it just right.

Stop touching it. You're ruining the moment. Should I put my mouth closer? Don't put your mouth close to it. I'm gonna throw up in like 30 seconds. That's alright. I'll just rub 30 seconds. That's all right. We'll just rub it in. It'll be fine. So if you are at any point in your life, if you're like, man, what can I compare to ISIS?

Sure. Nothing. You can't compare anything to them. They are off. They're the worst people currently on planet Earth, right? These are people who are like, you know, maybe we should set someone on fire today like actually set and if you're like you know i don't like that other people put their penis somewhere i don't know i don't know the thing is like isis is not one of those people that are like maybe we should set someone on fire they're like maybe we should set someone

on fire and have their parents watch right that's more is. I think it needs to go that extra mile in order for it to be ISIS. That is more ISIS-esque. I want to talk about, I want to just read one of these. And this is just some parent down there, right, who's saying this about what's going on. It's just an individual shithead. Yeah, because they created this LGBT student group, and people are flipping their shit.

And the first thing that happened was they started creating uh straight pride groups instead to sort of combat the gay pride sure sure somebody on our page posted like what's wrong with the straight pride and it's like yeah and what's wrong with non-handicapped spots gay pride in my opinion the only reason you say gay pride right is because you're proud that you are embracing the the way you are right you're proud that you are embracing the way you are. You're proud that you're embracing the way you are. With straight pride, you don't need to be proud of that. It's a status quo. There's nothing to be proud of.

Because the whole world is already set up to cater to straight people. So for me to walk around and be like, well, I'm super proud that I'm the guy in charge. That's kind of super douchey. But gay pride or whatever would be like you were saying. Like, gay pride makes sense because you're basically thumbing your nose

at authority and saying, like, look, man, I get to be proud of who I am just like you get to walk around being proud of who you are. Right? I don't have to live in the shadows. And that's the thing, though. You know, the straight pride thing is,

like, that pride is inherent. Right. It's part of the system already. I want to talk to about this uh this this person who posted something i think it was on a facebook wall because it's completely like fucking it's got six fucking exclamation points so i know that they copied it from somewhere right so and it says we should change the constitution so that drunks can drive can drive drunk they were born that way let's don't discriminate against these poor pathetic people and their lifestyles in quotes wrote shane beckham i saw a drunk go into a store and a clerk wouldn't sell him beer so he just put it back on the shelf

he should be like those queers and it's an s but it should be and and sued the store for everything they have damn shame he was discriminated against because that's how he was born and he put a bunch of explanations clearly this person was born illiterate well and i don't think i mean you know when you're saying people are are born that way yeah that's because everybody in tennessee has fetal alcohol so yeah fucking yeah you're born that way but not everybody in the world is born that way. Just Tennesseans. That's just right. That's why you have that distinct shape to your face.

It's a deformity, but still. Right. Well, your teeth point forward, right? You have like four rows of them. Yeah. Okay. You got a fucking Mako mouth, man. I lost one in the sub there. It's all right.

I don't want to move forward to take its place in about an hour. It's no big deal. I got extras. Yeah. That's great. Your fucking tiny hand, too, curled up to the side of you. Fucking ridiculous. I mean, look, you're from the fucking south what do you fucking know you know it's like it's ridiculous but yeah it's it's the

the idea that somebody would say like oh it's just like those you know a drunk is born that way no i mean that's wildly wildly inaccurate and it's a terrible analogy and while some people might be born with a predisposition toward alcoholism, and there may be genetic markers that point toward that, that's nowhere near the same thing as your sexual orientation, right? Like your sexual disposition in terms of what you find attractive, you simply cannot control. And there's no moral or ethical component to it. And I think that's the part that these guys willfully misunderstand. And I do believe that that's the case. They willfully misunderstand it. There is no ethical component to who you fuck yeah if

everybody is looking at each other and saying let's do it then what the fuck do i care i don't care if it's man woman or chipmunk if everybody is fucking sentient and willing to agree which chipmunks can't so i'll take that back but still if everybody is sentient and willing to agree then fucking do what you want monk looks like it's enjoying it i mean i've seen those furries you know they're like dancing and oh don't do it don't do it don't don't god so dude that's some fucking weird shit did i ever tell the furry story i don't remember we're gonna retell the furry story i don't i don't hold on a second because i do want to put this disclaimer out there that, like, of all the fucking sexual kinks and what have you, that furry shit skeeves me out so bad. And you know that's true, because we were at a hotel and we saw us furries.

That's the story I'm going to tell. I'm just saying, like, I'm down with just about anything but that fucking furry shit. I'd rather fuck an Amish girl. Would you rather would you rather do scat play than furry stuff i would think about it i would think about it it's that's not a no i don't know that's not a no it's like you shit on my chest are you gonna fucking show up dressed as like a happy chipmunk i don't know maybe you think it's my dick's not hard no matter what Maybe you shit in the outfit and then you're like dancing. No, but okay.

So we're at a skeptical conference in Missouri. It was Skepticon. And we're at the bar there. And there's a whole group of furries that are kind of doing their little walk through the hotel. It's sort of this. And again, it's one of those moments where there's an atheist conference going on. You're in the middle of fucking Missouri or whatever. I don't even know. Was it a big town? Springfield. Is that a big town in Missouri? Can you have a big town in Missouri? In any case, we were in Springfield and there's this, you know, and it's

one of those freeing moments. It's one of those moments where it's like, look, I'm going to be free with who I am. These, these, these atheists are here. These skeptics are here. They're, they're having this conference. You know, this is a moment for me to with who I am. These atheists are here. These skeptics are here. They're having this conference. This is a moment for me to be who I am. Right. And so they had an opportunity to get dressed in their little outfits, and they were walking around. And like Tom, it's one of those things that I'm like, yeah, if it's your kink, great, but I'm not into it.

I am so aggressively not into that, though. It's so weird. I'm less than, but still. come i come walking out of the out of the place i'm like i gotta go to the bathroom so i walk out i walk out they're both inside and i turn the corner and there's a fucking six foot chip and it's standing there in the hallway and i and i freeze i just fucking freeze i walk out i'm just like and it's like fucking it's like the end is shining when the thing like the fucking dog face guy is like getting a blowjob i like stop and i'm like what the what the fuck and then the thing kind of does this little like

and sort of puts its hands over its mouth and starts dancing. I'm like, the fuck, man? And I kind of stopped. And I sort of just sort of leaned against the wall, sort of pushed myself against the wall in hopes that I wouldn't be seen. Like invisible to the furry? I'm trying to be as invisible. What I'm trying to do is I'm trying not to threaten it. As it pops up to look bigger?

So I lean against the wall, and then the furry parade sort of walked past me. Is it a pack at that point? It was a gaggle of furries, I think. It's a murder of furries? Definitely a gaggle, I think. But anyway, they sort of, a scritch of furries. A scritch of furries!

Yes, that's what it is! It's a scritch of furries! They sort of march by, and they do their little dance. A scritch of furries. Yes, that's what it is. It's a scritch of furries. They walk by. They sort of march by and they do their little dance. And I just was placid. I was just fucking like shoved up against the wall, just forced to watch them walk by, afraid to even move. And then they left.

And I got off the wall and I was like, and then I feel like my pits are drenched. I'm just terrified. I've sweated through my clothes. I had to go back to the room to change. It was really kind of a traumatic experience. You would be less traumatized if there was an active shooter situation, right? I mean, like, at least you know, like, kind of what to expect.

No, this is ridiculous. But, like, that furry shit, like, man, if that's your thing, that's your thing. But I can't imagine. I cannot imagine how you look. So you're like, because at some point you're on a date with somebody. You're like, well, I'm just going to go ahead and I'm just going to throw this out there. I'm just going to ask. You know, sometimes I like to dress up as a big fuzzy anteater.

Here's the thing. And fucking wiggle my fucking nose, chin, jilly dangler out at you. I have in my closet right now a snuffleupagus. And it needs a back end. Hang on. I need the rear feet. I need you to be the human centipede to my snuffleupagus. That's what I'm looking for. I know furries.

Like, I know a couple of guys that are furries. I don't. I do. I just. And they're. I'm sure they're perfectly good people, right? I'm not saying. They're just furries. I don't. I do. I just, I, and they're, they're, I'm sure they're perfectly good people, right? Like, I'm not saying

they're just furries. I mean, they're fucking, they're weird as shit, but they're, could you imagine like, hang on a minute, baby, let me change it

into something more comfortable. Let me, let me spend an hour changing into something a lot less comfortable. We, Lord, we just asked it

to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. This story comes from New Indian Express, which actually sounds like a fast food place. Sounds like some place on Grubhub. Right? Like, oh, yeah, let's go to, let's get.

That's three stars. Let's get some tikka masala from New Indian Express. That'll be great. I like butter chicken. So this story is illegal shelter for needy, tortures and forcibly converts people to Christianity. And it has an illustration of a sad Indian child being like, forcibly converted again. It's even worse than that, though, because here's what happens at this place. They take these kids.

Yeah. They forcibly make them read tons of Bible verses. Um, and then the kids have to recite the Bible verses to the poverty tourists that come through so that then those, those people can give money to the institution and then they give them candy and all this other stuff. They basically give the kids a bunch of gifts.

And then as soon as the people leave, they just like fucking take all that shit away and like make them do more shit like learn you're basically a circus animal at that point that's exactly right you're you're like uh you're like a fucking bear that can balance a ball on its nose you know you're just doing a trick so that you can gain more money for these people and these people have been found out by about this that's why this is even a story is because someone had tried to visit their child and they're like couldn't get in they wouldn't let them come in and then finally they called the authorities and the authorities came and said hey we got to figure out what the fuck's going on

here and then they they did the little digging and found out that they're doing all this horrible shit to these poor kids it's literally Dickensian like it's literally Dickensian. This is some shit straight out of fucking Copperfield, right? It's just so outrageous that this is going on in 2016. These kids, these poor fucking kids

are... The people who are organizing this, let's be really clear, they don't give a fuck about religion or the Bible or any of it, right? What they're doing is they're using these kids to tug, to be the instruments that tug on the emotional and religious heartstrings of tourists who are going to go around and be like, oh, you said a fucking religious thing? Oh, well, okay, great. That's awesome. Here you go.

Here's a whatever, a golden trinket. Who gives a fuck, right? And these kids are fucking beaten and they're thrashed. They know, here you go. Here's a, you know, whatever, a golden trinket. Who gives a fuck, right? And these kids are fucking beaten and they're thrashed. They're tied to ceiling fans. They're starved for days. I mean, these kids are like, they're worse than circus animals. They're fucking treated worse than circus animals. And it only works in this direction because people hear these kids spout off this fucking religious gobbledygook, and they feel some point of empathy and connection.

And they're just manipulating that. They're seeing it as a fucking market opportunity. Yeah, that's exactly it. They're manipulating these other people. And you're right. It's that Keynesian tie because it's what can make me money. They don't care about the actual religion, it sounds like. They don't care that these kids are learning anything about the religion or they're learning any kind of moral

code from the religion. What they care about is that the kids can recite the right things to get the most profit. Glory hole, it lures ya. Glory, glory hole, seduces ya. Glory, glory hole, it screws ya. The show, it must go on. I love this story. I think this story is fucking genius. This is from rawstory.com. Adult film company offers Ted Cruz a million dollars to star in his boyhood fantasy teen tit film, which I think is terrific.

So evidently, when Ted Cruz was just a young man, he said that his aspiration. A wee tit. A wee little tit. Yes. He said, my aspiration is to, oh, I don't know, be in a teen tit film,

which I think is hilarious. A teen tit film. Like that guy who played Horatio. You know, he was in Malibu Bikini Beach Shop. I don't even know what that means. Sounds like a Cinemax movie. Yeah, right? Sounds like a Cinemax movie. He was in Malibu Bikini Beach Shop. I don't even know what that means. It's like a Cinemax movie.

Yeah, right? It's like a Cinemax movie. He wants to be in a teen tit film, which I think is great. So who doesn't want to be in a teen tit film? Man, look, I would love to see as many breasts as possible. That's just, I mean, it's just a life goal, you know? Right? It's good. That's why I got you a subscription to National Geographic.

You know? I'm there for you, brother. Yay! We'll get those. We'll get those. Get those nanners. Yeah. Those are good.

I love those. Here they are. Some of those titties. You're just like, it's like a pencil. It's just wretched. What's going on there? It's wretched. There's nothing left in there. It's just this weird little. It deflated. I didn't know it could deflate. Gosh. What's going on there? It's just wretched. There's nothing left in there.

It's just this weird little... It deflated. I didn't know it could deflate. Gosh, is someone milking you? I didn't even know. You just grab onto that, and it just molds to you. It's really weird. It's like a bag of sand.

It's like a bag of sand. But there's a company that wants to pay him money. Yeah, Vivid. Vivid wants to pay him money yeah vivid vivid wants to pay him money to do this they're like hey we've you know the video got released ah it's real funny but you know this just goes to show i think the uh the deep deep morality that runs right through ted cruz yeah right you know here on the one hand, last week, we had Ted Cruz's dad saying how holy he is. Look at how holy he is.

We talked about this earlier, and this was before we started recording, but we started talking about how Ted Cruz's dad, you know, why that story is so insulting is because here he is saying, my son is the next David. He's the one, he's the anointed one. God has graced him with his word.

He has chosen him as the next leader. We have anointed him with oil. He's left the temple and here he is. Now he's your next guy, vote for him. And there's, it's not a small amount of people who will hear those words and think, okay, they're telling the truth. God really did talk to whatever his wife's name is and say, here am I, Lord, or whatever, take me or whatever, come in my mouth, not in my hand, whatever it was they said. And now they're going to well yeah and so on the one hand we have this you know

this vision of ted cruz that they're trying to sell us that is this this fucking totally pious chosen by god next messiah right and then on the other hand we have this ted cruz is like man i'd like to squeeze some titties if i get a chance to tell you that which is the honest part right like probably the honest one because Because here's the thing. First off, that guy, I don't know how that guy got laid anyway with a face like that. Right? I mean, the only way he's getting laid is to be in a movie, right? Right.

Like, this is his one shot. I've actually seen it. He's never motorboating any titties unless he's in a movie. Yeah. This is his one chance. This is your one chance. This is one opportunity. And I want to speak to Ted directly on this.

Ted, you really haven't lived until you motorboat some titties you gotta do it get in there bro get in there it's a million dollars too so not only do you get to motorboat some titties you also get a million pounds and you're still a senator like all these things are kind of amazing and let's be super honest buddy you're not going to be president anyway yeah i mean yeah take the million dollars and fuck on camera. Yeah. It's fine. And you don't even have to fuck.

Just motorboat some titties. That's it. That's it. But the thing is, like, every young man is like, I mean, there's a young Ted Cruz said he wanted to be in a fucking boobie movie, right? Like, of course he did. Fucking when I was a little boy, like a teenager or a 20-something or yesterday, I wanted to be in every dirty movie i've ever seen

right you're just like i'm being that i won't be that guy yeah i'll be that guy too fucking i'll be all these dudes except for the furry one yeah one of the furry ones i'm not watching that's fucking weird man i guess what i'm saying though is like like being like a sexually alive creature is is an entirely valid like like normal, reasonable human response. But it's so weird because the right is so sexually repressed. Yeah. And so sexually like unaware and unselfaware that like this is kind of scandalous.

Like, oh my God, that dude likes boobs. Fucking all dudes like boobs. That's just the thing with dudes. They're awesome. Not all dudes. Not all dudes. Fair enough. There's some dudes who don't like boobs. Hetero dudes like boobs. That's just the thing with dudes. They're awesome. Not all dudes. Not all dudes. Fair enough. There are some dudes who don't like boobs.

Hetero dudes like boobs. That's a thing. Hetero dudes. I'm just saying, but you don't have to be fucking weird and ashamed unless you've made your fucking name and made your fucking living about being some fucking idol on a hill, right? And that's it, right? He's the chosen one when it comes to that stuff. Right.

He's the fucking lamb with no comes to that stuff. He's the fucking lamb with no blemish or whatever the fuck they're going to say. It's like if somebody came to me and was like, oh man, I heard Tom likes boobs. I'd be like, fuck it, I got a t-shirt that says it. Shit. Are you kidding? I would get implants myself and just stay at home and play with me.

I would fuck my own tits if I could lean over that far. That's why i got this fat just so my moves are boobs that's just that's right that's what's it i shave in there just so i can press them together oh jesus this is from the daily mail parents are forced to watch isis executioner behead their 14 year old son after he missed friday prayers it's better than watching Ted Cruz porn. I still masturbate to it. Oh, God. Oh, no. More holes. Oh, no.

You know what the problem is? He gives great head help. I don't want to do this anymore. Please cancel the show. I say something I immediately regret. And then I say another thing I immediately regret. I just don't want anyone listening to it. That's it. I don't mind saying it. I just don't want anyone listening to it. That's it. Like, I don't mind saying it.

I just don't want anyone to hear it. I don't feel comfortable ever. Oh, no. I'm so sorry, all the people. Oh, God. You know, the one upside is that he won't miss Friday prayers again. Oh, no. Not at all. Oh, no. You know, it's like... Not at all.

You know, it's kind of nice, though, because they also include in here just a random video of people being whipped. Yeah. Like, for fucking no reason. It's like, also... At first, I thought that, because that guy has a curved thing in his hand.

It's a stick. I thought for sure it was a fucking, like a scimitar or something. When I just looked at it briefly, I was scrolling down, I was like, is that a knife? Are they going to cut these these people's heads off and it was just a stick that he beat him with he just they just i couldn't i couldn't even come to that i had to switch to a different video

halfway through oh my god why are we doing this program no but like this is what we talked about earlier though with isis like this is a you know here's here's your opportunity to be horrible not only did you fucking execute a 14 year old for missing friday prayers but you forced his parents to watch right like yeah you know you've just expounded on evil to a level that most humans can't even replicate. Yeah. And there's, you know, and through the article, they do say that a reason that this was done was that ISIS was trying to solidify their stranglehold on power within a certain area,

right? So this is a power play. They're doing this in order to say, look, we're still in charge, but the way that we're going to show you we're still in charge is by doing literally like the most awful thing we can think to do, and it's always got this embedded religious message, right? Sure, yeah. It's got this embedded religious message for a reason,

because that's a tool that is being used to control the people in the area. So we hear all the time this criticism like, oh, well, ISIS is really not doing this for religious reasons. They don't care this kid missed prayers. You know, they're really doing this because this is a way for them to consolidate power. All they have to do is just scare one family and then they can get a bunch of people in line. Sure.

Absolutely. But why do they choose to pick this infraction? Yeah. Right. They chose it because they could pick any infraction, right? They could pick, all they're looking to do is behead somebody for nothing, for fucking nothing.

That's what they're doing. You're telling me they can't find somebody who did something else at all? Yeah. They chose a religious infraction because it's a way for them to exert additional control over the people in a large territory by preying on the religious fears and concerns

and conservatism of a major area. Like to say, like, look, man, we got this. We control you. We own not just your home, not just the means of production in this area, not just your economic stability, but we own your moral stability. We own all of this. I also wonder, too, if there's a little less backlash by doing this than by choosing something

else, right? You could say, look, we're doing this because we're following what this book says. This book says we should, you know, adhere to this very strictly. And if we don't, we should, we should, we should kill. And then suddenly people are like, oh, well, and then, and then you've also, they're also, you also got to consider that they're using this as a way to show other people how holy they are, right? Right.

Who's going to speak out against it now, right? Exactly. And yeah, and how do you speak out against it? Because now you're speaking out against the word of God. How do you decry this act by this awful organization when they're just doing the will of God? Yeah. I mean, it's just, and if that book wasn't there, it's a whole different ball game. Now you could say, hey, why did you behead that kid? Right. They could, of course, come up with some other infraction, like I was saying, but if they came up with some other infraction that they would

have to use as the justification for it, there could be pushback. But who's going to raise their hand and say, like, I'm the guy that doesn't think that this is the inerrant word of the Lord, right? No, I'm not raising my hand. Who fucking chopped my hand off so the story comes from the friendly atheist blogs over at patheos uh christian teens are viewing more porn than ever says evangelist who's oddly shocked by this um and I picked this article because um it again like the like the stories

you covered previously it just shows like how fucking out of touch religious people are with human sexuality you know why they're viewing more porn because porn is super easily available yeah no kidding that's why people view porn right yeah no kidding the kids these days are fucking spoiled try jerking off to a novelty coin you know what mean? Or like a deck of cards. I remember, so I remember as a boy finding a scrap, a fucking scrap of porn. It was like torn

and like fucking weathered and like it was like, it literally was on the ground outside. And I fucking treasured that thing. Like I'd have fucking killed my parents outright. I'd have fucking burned their corpses to save that fucking thing.

You haven't lived until you jerked off to the Sears catalog. Right? So you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, that girl looks 14. I'm 14. Hey, nice swimsuit, sweetheart. I'm just going to go in the bathroom and look at some craftsman tools. Hey, I've been looking at this catalog in there i've been looking for a new set of loafers there's like there's like a bra it's not even on a model

and you're just like that's a bra that could be on a woman someday i could pop oh my god right now i gotta go yeah and i'm done the thing is like right now we live in a world where like you can't you can't not look at porn. You're required to look at an hour of porn. I'm not saying it's porn, but the last story on the sideboard, there was tits. They kind of blotted out the nipples a little bit. There was tits on the side. On the Daily Mail. There always are.

There always are. It's every time. Look, if you're alive in the world in 2016 and you have access to any technology, you can fucking get an e-reader and browse the internet. There is no technology at this point that connects to the internet that is – you can put fucking Net Nanny or whatever on there. Kids are going to laugh at you. They're going to laugh at you before they break that. They're going to look at it with their fucking dick in their hand and hack that shit. They'll fucking jerk off to hacking Net Nanny. They'll tap with their dick. They're going to look at it with their fucking dick in their hand and hack that shit. They'll fucking jerk off to hacking in that nanny. They'll tap with their dick.

They will hack it. They'll be like banging it against the keyboard. And they'll bang one out. But it's so funny that instead of just recognizing that this is the reality of the world in 2016. And so you're going to have to help kids navigate pornography. And I do think that that's a legitimate set of questions and conversations. Have you started that? No, because Finn's only nine, but I think we're only a year or two away where we'll have to have a conversation about the kinds of sites that he should go to.

Here's the rape porn site I like. Look, buddy, here's the thing, man. Everybody likes some choke porn. get it it's fine we all want to see the mascara run but some but there's good there's respectful and then there's unrealistic body image No one's got a neck that can sustain that amount of damage. That's CG. Look, look, that's a fucking varsity level shit. You'll straight kill a girl if you try that.

Don't go down that road. That's some next level choking right there. That girl is like the Michael Jordan of choke porn. That's amazing. Oh, nothing but net. She's got a lot of tattoos. She's more of a Dennis Rodman. It's funny here at the bottom.

It says teenage girls and young women are significantly more likely to actively seek out porn. more likely to actively seek out porn uh and and it's funny too because you know yeah of course they will because um you know now they don't have to look at a porn magazine with stuck pages so we see we tend to seem to think that only boys like porn right you know what i mean like it's that that's that idea that like only boys like porn but you know that women enjoy pornography just as much as i mean i don't know just as much as men because I think our libidos are a little more active. Well, and we're just excited, I think. As a general rule, men tend to be excited visually. Yeah.

And women looking at men simply cannot be excited. Yeah. Right. There's no way a woman looks at a man and is like, yes. No. I'm like, no. Yeah. No. At least I'll speak for myself. It's like, a woman looks at a man and is like, yes. No. I'm like, no. Yeah. No. At least I'll speak for myself.

It's like, let's turn off another light. Let's fuck in a cave. The thing is, is when they look at me, they can't look at anything else. Like, I'm the only thing. The only thing. You're blotting out the sun. Yeah. I mean, like, when they have to look at something, they have to look at the horizon. It's like being seasick on a ship. Just focus on the horizon and try not to puke.

Yeah, in order to fuck me, they need a sextant. It's a fucking nautical joke, bitch. We're dead reckoning to get to your dick. It's amazing. It's like Shackleton's voyage. Many people like to say they've been with the white world no in the middle you get harpooned your legs been cut off but it's from diabetes we got a name for it oh it's called going down with the ship yeah they cut off my leg and then just

caramel pours out there's a part of this i want to read it's a this guy who's fucking shocked that humans watch porn says it's vital to raise awareness about the threat of internet pornography. Pornography violates all the relational values between the individual and self and the individual society, the unity of our families, and the moral fabric and fiber of the nation. And I think the only fabric at risk is the front of the underwear. I think that's the only piece of fabric

that's really at risk. Right, which you could just... That and the sock you're coming into and throwing on this. I mean, I think that fabric may be at risk, but I think you could wash that in cold water and it'll come right out. It'll be fine. It'll come right out. It'll be fine.

Just remember to turn them inside out when you throw them in the laundry or just, that's a cruster. You know, that's no good. You put that on in the morning and it crunches? What the fuck? What did I do? You're like walking around, you're like, fucking, I got blisters on my biscuits. It's like wearing sandpaper on my shoes.

Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod.

Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. This is a story from Right Wing Watch. Pat Robertson, Obama destroying America as we near the end times. So here we go. Evidently Obama is going to destroy America as a fucking, like, he's doing nothing. He's just sitting and waiting to find out

who's the next guy. That's his job right now. He's a fucking seat warmer. Yeah, exactly. Well, he's going to find a way to do it at the last day. At the last minute. He's got his finger literally over the button like, wait for me to be out here, guys. I blew up the world.

Let's hear what Bobbertson has to say here. Bobbertson. The biblical basis for some of this discussion is found in the book of the prophet Ezekiel chapter 38. Is he more mush mouth than usual right now? Yeah, I think he's having a stroke. Is he drunk? No, he's having a stroke. Okay.

Yeah. Well, he talks about in the latter days, a coalition coming against Israel that had been regathered from the nations and was living at peace in the land. And the coalition included the Caucasian states, the Turks, Sudan, and Iran, and of course Russia. And all those together seemed to be forming up against Israel. But in the meantime, it looks like the Sunni-Shia divide may be exploding before the something with Israel. And ladies and gentlemen, you're looking at the North Koreans that just— The fuck is he on about? We've named every fucking country in the Sunnis and the Shias.

Are we playing Risk? How many fucking armies do you have on North Korea? How many are you gonna attack me with it's or maybe the sunnis and the shias will be uh before the caucasians you know what are you talking about naming stuff i mean he started talking about biblical places right that's what he started talking about he's saying that there was this biblical thing that happened and then he just jumps into like North Korea out of nowhere. I can't, dude.

I can't. How do you listen to this guy? And you're like, oh man, he's totally making all the sense right now. I think though, I think people just turn their brain off and they're waiting for the punchline. Probably.

Launched a satellite. They actually put a satellite in orbit and they have now intercontinental capabilities that they could launch an intercontinental ballistic missile against us. No, they can't. No, they can't. This is not fucking. It's just straight not to.

They don't even have. North Korea can't launch an intercontinental ballistic wheat. They can't even make rockets big enough to lift Kim Jong-un off the ground. Whatever the fuck his name is. Is it Kim Jong-un? Kim Jong-un, yeah. Un? Yeah, Un. Un. Yeah. Who cares? Kim Jong-un off the ground whatever the fuck his name is is it kim jong-un kim jong-un yeah yeah who cares he's a giant north korean man baby like i know you know i think what would be amazing you get enough oil a slick little ring you know like one of those ones that the the oil rings that the wrestling

rings that they fight in and you just strip him down to his undies and then you strip ted cruz down to his undies oh i have a diaper fight and then you have him diaper diaper baby fight i think a diaper baby fight between those two when they're slick and oily that would be god that'd be so disgusting there would be i mean jeez oh they would, jeez. They get to choose a weapon. It's like a rattle or a speak and say. That's it. It's like Thunderdome, but instead of giant hammers, it's all just like they're fighting with fucking binkies. You've got Iran on the threshold of nuclear power.

They were. And then we made a deal with them. And then it's worked out. And nobody wants to just acknowledge that that fucking deal seems to be working. That they've gone and done a couple of other things. They filled up one of the reactors, et cetera. They did a bunch of stuff. Yeah, they had a nuclear shenanigans reactor.

We talked about this. They filled it with the concrete. They put a top of the morning to you then you've got russia with a huge arsenal of uh nuclear weapons which they've had for 40 years more than that 50 years yeah like what's changed like on then you got russia who's all of a sudden got nuclear all the fucking to the second nuclear power yeah and uh bellicose intentions around the baltic states and also around of course they're trying to take over as much of ukraine as they can and obama is ceding a lot of the middle east to this radical group called ISIS. And when it's all said and done, you think, what are you doing? I talked today to, or yesterday, excuse me, to a very dear friend of mine, a dear friend

of mine who's in Congress and who is- Jesus Christ, get to a fucking point. I will fucking pay you to get to a fucking point. Arrive at a conclusion. You're just saying things. None of it is driving at anything. Well, he's just trying to, all he's doing is just putting the dots up there

and hoping you'll connect them, right? So he's just spitting out a bunch of different bad things. Here's all of the bad things that are happening in the world. And all you have to do is just look at the people in power and they're to blame. Not looking back, like you said, fucking 50 years they've been – they fucking had the Baltic states. They fucking owned them for 45 years. Is it Obama's fault that North Korea has closed their – essentially closed their borders to other people for that long?

Since the 1950s. Yeah, I mean, is it his fault? Is it his fault that, you know, the Ayatollah Khomeini has been fucking this horrible fucking, like, religious dictator over there for decades since I've been a little boy? Right. You know? Fucking Obama was a little boy when that guy was put into power. And it says in here,

it says, like, Obama ceded much of the Middle East to ISIS. Really? Did he have control of the Middle East? I know. Did Obama have control? He's like, oh, you guys go ahead and take it. I'm just going to cede control. Sure, yeah.

I mean, that's a ridiculous thing to say. It's a fucking ridiculous. And I know that the counterarguments to that would be like, oh, well, you know, I mean, it started in Iraq. And, you know, we were in Iraq. And it was the pullout and the power vacuum and all that shit. But it's not the same thing as ceding it to fucking ISIS. It's a ridiculous fucking stupid fucking thing to say. In line to become the next chairman of the House Armed Services Committee.

And I said to him, look, we've got to have a 500-ship Navy. What are you, what are you, a fucking naval commander? You're a million years old. What, 500-ship Navy? What is this, fucking Taipan? What the fuck? What do we need a 500-ship Navy for? What the fuck are we doing with that?

It's not the fucking Spanish Armada. What do we need a 500-ship Navy for? Why? So we can fight none of the other Navies? There's no other substantial Navy. What are we going to do with a 500-ship Navy? We're going to float around like fucking Princess Cruises? In the Navy.

It's outrageous. There are approximately 430 ships in both actors. We need 70 more ships? What are we going to do? What's the difference is that going to make? Hold on. It says it with 70 more. Hold on a second.

With approximately 70 more either in the planning stages or under construction. There's already a 500 ship Navy. What is that going to do would what's gonna change how is that gonna change the balance of power it says is there anybody who's like oh man we can't boat because america doesn't have enough boats what are you kidding i i you know and that's the like, like, all you have to do is look at any of the choices that they've made defense in the defense budget or in the defense in the way in which they've decided to defend the country. You look at any of the choices and then you just pick and choose which ones you want to point out. You just pick and choose one of them, whether they're true or not, because clearly it isn't fucking. No, right. He's a nominee.

Fucking ships. There are. He's just saying, you know, 500-boat Navy. You know, he's saying that because all he has to do is say that. And the people that are watching are going to say, oh, we don't have 500 ships? How many do we have? Probably half that?

We're fucking at risk! Right! I know, I know. And you look at it and you say, at risk from who? But they'll say, fucking the Dread Pirate Roberts! I know, right? That's exactly it. Blackbeard's gonna And you look at it and you say, a risk from who? But they'll say fucking the dread pirate Robert. I know, right? That's exactly it. Blackbeard is going to come.

Yarr! Give me your aircraft carrier. Here he comes. And he said that the way they're going, they'll be down to about 250 ships. Obama wants to cut back on the building of ships. Obama wants to cut back on the building of ships, and when that happens, we will no longer be an international power. We have fucking so many missiles we could vaporize the earth.

There is nothing that is going to happen where we're not an international superpower from a military perspective at this point. We outspend all of Western Europe. The United States by itself outspends, I think, the world in defense spending. We outspend fucking everybody. We outspend... There is no way we're not...

We have so many missiles! And planes, you know, like, that's the thing is like, you're saying, oh, well, we don't have any boats anymore. You're like, fucking, you're thinking of a 50 or 70 year old military plan. Where you're like, oh, well, we don't have any boats anymore. You're like, fucking, you're thinking of a 50- or 70-year-old military plan. Where you're like, oh, better build some boats. You're like, fucking, yeah, that worked in World War II, dude. But nowadays, they're like, fucking, they could just fly the fuck over there.

Right. I understand that. We have harnessed the power of flight. Pat Robertson. There's these guys. The Wright Brothers? You might have heard of them? Those young upstarts?

You see, they started with the humble bicycle. I mean, I get, like, I do, like, I understand that the Navy still has an important part of logistics and planning and, like, the moving of equipment overseas. Like, I fucking get it. I get it. I get it. I fucking know that shit.

Don't fucking send me an email about that shit, please. I know that shit. But the thing is like one aircraft carrier, one of our Enormo battleships, there is nothing even remotely comparable, right? We have nuclear submarines. There's no way we're not a world power. It's a ridiculous, stupid fucking thing to say. It's a silly thing to say.

Yeah. And again, why he's saying it is because he wants to say. It's a silly thing to say. And again, why he's saying it is because he wants to make sure that he demonizes the other side. He's finding all these little things that he's just going to lie about to say so that all the fucking credulous dipshits that watch him will be going to the polls

and they'll say, oh, that guy came from this party and he ruined this shit. He ruined our country. Now we all have to live in fear. We learned 20 different ways from Pat Robertson how this guy ruined our country. It best be a regional power, but we won't be unable to extend our force into any distant places in the globe. South China Sea, no way.

Well, maybe we shouldn't anyway. Right? Like, oh, man. That's always an option. What if we weren't able to be imperialistic dipshits across? Like, what if we couldn't just invade any country we wanted at whim? Wow. Then we might have to, you know, talk our problems out.

That's like saying, like, man, what if, like, I got hurt and I couldn't beat my wife anymore? Might have to, like, do the dishes sometimes. Fuck. Mediterranean Sea? No way. Arab Sea? No way.

We won't have the force to do it. But that's what's happening with Obama. And this man is, he is dangerous. He is really dangerous. But whether or not he can destroy this country in the next few months that he's got ahead of him and his people will saddle us with so many regulations. But we're looking at a serious, serious economic collapse with no driver, serious economic collapse with no driver, no country strong enough to take on the burdens of the world unless the United States mans up and does it. Well, so much for what's happening.

But the one thing we've got to remember, and I'll say it over and over and over again, God Almighty is on the throne. So then it just doesn't matter what we do. Regardless of what people do, God's going to win. It doesn't matter what we do. It's a fatalistic fucking worldview. I've been on the throne for a long time. I ate a bunch of cheese. I just ain't been able to pass that cheese.

I can't get off the throne. I got this great book I've been reading for a long time. I have biscuits and gravy, and that always clogs me up. I've been reading this new book. It's called The God Delusion. Y'all read it. It's fascinating. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. So this story comes from the Daily Mail. I don't know if this is even true. This is a furry thing, I think. Dude, this is a weird...

God, you gotta go to this. You guys, you gotta... Even if you never go to our website. The Daily Mail basically has this guy who's in a... I mean, a pretty modest outfit, in my opinion. It's a guy dressed as a cartoon woman. So a guy was dressed as a cartoon woman.

In the States, we have these fucking Statue of Liberty people that stand outside during the tax season in these outfits. Or once in a while, you'll see a guy in a sandwich outfit, and they'll be standing there with like a... Like twirling a sandwich board? I love those guys because it tells you that people, at this point, it's cheaper to hire a person to hold a sign than a stick. Yeah. Like people are so expendable that it's like, oh, man, should I go out and get a stick or hire that kid?

Eh, go get that kid. He's cheaper than a stick. He's cheaper than an actual stick. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's ridiculous. The Daily Mail's headline here is Saudi morality police arrest a sweet shop's mascot

for showing skin. This man was arrested for wearing a cartoon costume. There's no skin. There's no skin. There is no skin. He's covered up in a fucking polyester outfit of a it's a dude

in a polyester furry outfit and even the polyester furry outfit is just showing arms. Arms. And a face. And a fucking giant vagina. And a face. But still. No, you gotta look underneath the dress for the vagina. It's ridiculous.

They go arrest this guy. They have nothing else to do. Are they filling a fucking morality quota? They had nothing else. They're like, oh, we couldn't find a female motorist today. We have to arrest. They can't find a female motorist any day. Are you kidding me?

Be ridiculous. Where do you even buy it? Like, if you're living in a country this repressed, where do you even get this suit made? Did you order this weird outfit on Amazon? And it has this very sort of Asian. I don't know. Doesn't it kind of look like a Japanime sort of face? It's got that Japanime fuck mouth is what it's got.

You know what I'm talking about. Come on. What are you doing? Their mouth is too small to fuck. You gotta fuck them in the eye because their eyes are huge. Their eyes are huge. Oh no.

This is amazing. There's a picture on social media showing the mascot in the back of the police car after the arrest. I love it. It's a picture on social media showing the mascot in the back of the police car after the arrest. I love it. It's so insane. I love it. It's amazing. It's like arresting Mickey Mouse. It is. It's amazing. It's the best. And this is the best part about this. I think the best part about this, and also a very brave part about this, is that the people of Saudi Arabia started going to Twitter to say, this is what we pay you for. This is what you, this is your job.

This is what you do. They started a hashtag. The morality police arresting a dummy is the hashtag that they, that they put out. And they basically poked fun at the arrest and then they just mocked them. And that's very brave. That's very brave. That's very brave. That's very brave if you're in Saudi Arabia on Twitter mocking the authority, the people, the morality of police who can just be like, you know, they could just show up to your house and be like, you know what?

I saw you fucking hashtag me on Twitter. I think you're a witch. Right? You know what you need? You need a good beheading. Yeah. That's what you need. You need a nice public beheading.

We have a little machine that can take off those twitting fingers seriously though this is that that's some brave shit though i think some very it is but you know this is a country though that gets away with them being fucking horrible because they're rich and they and they get away with it they get away with you with doing crazy shit like this as well as hurting humans, beating them, killing them, et cetera. They execute people like it's going out of style. They beat people all the time. They physically injure them, mar them, scar them, and they get away with it.

And nobody goes in there and says, hey, fucking don't do this. Instead, everybody just turns a blind eye to them because they have a shit ton of oil. It's the oil, right? Like they can treat half of their population, literally half of their population like fucking subhumans. Yeah. Because, you know, of course, like and we'll get away from it. So fucking fearful to these chicken shit cowards that even a fucking doll, a basically a fucking polyester doll of a woman's bare arm. They are so fucking afraid of that, that they got to arrest the fucking costume.

They arrested a costume. We're arresting costumes of women because it's like, oh, my God, what if I saw the fucking like the thought of the probability of the possibility of a woman's skin on a man's body? So I want to thank our most recent patrons, Tony, Joshua, Edward, Tim, Tracy, Laura, Michael, Wesley, Waiting for Wrath podcast. patrons tony joshua edward tim tracy laura michael wesley waiting for wrath podcast paul oh this is from i can't i never could pronounce this this is from um this is from uh hitchhiker's guide uh slarty bart fast i think is what it is i don't know i can't remember exactly how it's pronounced but i think that's it all right And Tor, thanks so much for your generous donations. We really do truly appreciate it. We did get a couple of PayPal donations, Tom. We did.

From Laura, Ned, and Kelly, thank you guys very much for your PayPal donations. You can head over to DissonancePod.com, and there is a link to donate on our page. Thank you very much. So we got a message from Jesse about Bernie Sanders. And Jesse's message was basically saying that he does have some apprehension about potential presidency, but also sort of happy that Bernie's sort of doing pretty well, et cetera. And I'm going to read this part. It says, I don't believe that he's too pie in the sky to get anything done in Congress. I think the Republicans would stonewall Hillary even more than they would Bernie. I, I, I more worry that he is the one who would be

unwilling to compromise his pure principles by working with the Republicans who don't share his ideology. Uh, if you look back at his record, you might, you might see that he can get things done. And then, um, uh, Jesse also sent a link that basically says that Bernie managed to accomplish this in Burlington during his time as mayor in the 1980s. In this particular, he was able to go head-to-head with a local Republican real estate developer. In the end, the result was good for both business and the people. I don't disagree that Bernie Sanders could, you know, many years of a politician allow you to, you know, do those sorts of things, to be a negotiator and to help other people, you know, to sort of make sides come together, et cetera. But I, you know, here's the thing. I'll believe it when I see it. You know, we've been hearing a lot of things about Bernie Sanders campaign from a lot of different angles. And a lot of people

have a lot of different things to say. And one of the major, a couple of major things they say is he's going to change the face of politics as we know it. Again, I'll believe it when I see it. I've heard that language ever since I was a child. I voted for Ross Perot. I'm old enough to do that. I voted for Ross Perot.

He was one of those guys during my formative years that said the exact same thing. I'm here to change government. I'm going to, I'm a businessman. I'm going to change and do it, you know, this whole other sort of thing. I'm going to handle it totally different, et cetera, et cetera. You know, that we've, I've been hearing it for my whole life. I'm sure people have been saying it for a very long time. I'm going to, I'm, I'm the new face of politics. Bernie is just the next on this road. You know, we heard it with Obama even, you know, the hope and change thing that he was doing. You said earlier today when we were talking before

the show, like everybody has the same rhetoric, right? Like I'm going to change Washington. Everybody's a Washington outsider, right? I do. And I want to preface this with saying again, for the fucking hundredth time, I'm voting for Bernie, right? I like Bernie Sanders. I like virtually everything he says. However, I am still skeptical about his ability to accomplish his goals, right? Because I think what we've seen over the last eight years is such a fucking partisan cock blocking that I am dubious that anybody with a leftist agenda will be able to really accomplish any leftist policy change.

I just am really dubious that that's going to be the case. I'll be perfectly blunt. I think Hillary would be cock-blocked every bit as hard, if not harder, in large part because she's a woman. I think fucking the Republicans hate almost nobody as much as they hate Hillary Clinton. So I don't think either one of them is gonna get anything done but i'm gonna vote for whichever one of them in the general i'm gonna vote for whichever one of them is in the general exactly in the primary i'm gonna vote for bernie yeah i like everything bernie says

i'm just really really fucking dubious that in the political environment we have now that either of those two will be able to accomplish virtually anything substantive in their agendas yeah i just don't i just i just can't yeah i have i have i have so cynical on yes the track record is for cynics at this right now i'm well i i fucking i want to be wrong like i really really want to be happy to be wrong oh it'd be amazing to be wrong i want to temper my idealism with a touch of realism. Right. We got a message from Mark, and Mark says that he fucking laughed his ass off when he listened to the god-awful movies we did where we did Loving the Bad Man with Noah Heath and Eli. And we got a lot of feedback on that episode.

So if you haven't caught it, it's raunchy as fuck, but it was a of fun to do and we laughed a lot throughout so if you haven't caught that episode of god awful movies you should we got to put this as an image for this week this is fucking amazing this uh this is done uh by kelly and kelly sent this in uh kelly created this vataleaks uh image we talked about vataleaks a while back and we said that they're probably that sounds like diapers and uh this is this is amazing this is a product that was created by kelly uh as a joke for that for that episode it's fucking hilarious so if you get a chance go to our website for this episode 278 and check out the Vatalix image that's on there. Great job, Kelly. Super funny. We got a message from Jim and Jim is talking about when we had Eli Bosnick on and I'm going to summarize this email, but I'm going to read the top and

then summarize the rest. Jim says, I would like to know why a lot of, of Eli's hyperbole went unchallenged. I believe this is why the feminist movement has a bad reputation because it is because of a lot of it is dishonest. Why does someone have to lie so much if they are correct? And then he went on to say that Eli created a set. He said that there was a game where people could beat and rape Anita Sarkeesian. And it's dishonest because they're only beating her because there's a there's a difference between punching and raping.

And and I did see this video game and it's not a video. I mean, it's not a video game. It's a fucking it's a it's an image that you click a mouse. And as you click the mouse, her face gets more bruised. And she eventually it's just a Photoshop you click a mouse and as you click the mouse her face gets more bruised and she eventually it's just a photoshop of her getting beat up it's stupid like i mean it's like it's it's the most childish thing you could possibly create it was created like it was somebody made it and you're like oh that's childish and stupid and on an uninteresting and totally not worth doing i mean i like i i saw someone play it they

were playing it uh it was a video of someone playing because i had to do a search for it i after he said this yeah yeah it looked for weeks after i did a search for it i just found this game and uh basically he's saying like why did he lie about this and why didn't you know the the main thing i'm getting from this email is why didn't you hold his feet to the fire? Why weren't you guys sort of on him about this? So we had a conversation with Eli when Eli said these things and some of the things that he said were incorrect. Um, we fact check some of those things, but some of those things, we didn't take everything he said and throw it in through a veracity meter or something. We, we found the things that people were having problems with that. He. We did research on those things, and we came back with an episode where we did some corrections.

We certainly didn't correct this particular thing because I didn't care about it. I didn't know about it. I didn't care about it, et cetera. But one of the things that happens is that people forget that we're just having a conversation. Nobody stops anybody during a conversation and says, hey, I'm going to Google that real quick. Yeah, you know, Eli, we went through, and I think we tried to be honest.

We didn't have the information. He told a story. It's not like we had a list of talking points before we recorded with him. You know, I think that's a point that maybe people don't understand is we don't do any, like, hey, we're going to talk about these things ahead of time.

And here are the points I'm going to bring up. And you can go ahead and check all these facts. And then we'll record a show. We had him on the show. We talked. And it was an organic, natural conversation. He said certain things. And the first time I heard him, right, it would be like if you said like, hey, man, the fucking sports ball team won the game.

I'd be like, okay, I'm just going to take your word for that. Like I'm not going to go ahead and check that. Cause I, when I'm in the middle of a conversation with you, I'm not going to pause at every fact that you utter and check it. Now, when it came to our attention that a lot of the things that Eli brought to the, to the table were factually inaccurate, Cecil and I did a whole episode to go over those. Now there were, there were items that were left out because they were probably not critical to the conversation or to the overarching points that we were really driving at and that Eli was driving at. So if we missed something, sorry. I really, honestly, if something was said that was inaccurate and it wasn't corrected, okay. But it's never going to be a show

where we pause and double-check everything because in order to do that show, you have to do the show first. Right. You have to do the show and then say, OK, these are the points we're going to talk about. These are the items we're going to do. You have the opportunity to fact check them. Now we'll go ahead and record and have a conversation. That's no fun. That's just not the nature of this program. The other thing, too, is you sent us this big, long message, right, about how Eli was wrong. You should send this message to Eli and talk to Eli. Because he's the one that was wrong.

Well, not only because he was the one who made some assertions that weren't true, but also Eli's really receptive to this sort of thing. And Eli's also a public person. He's on Twitter. He'll send you his email address if you want. You can reach him through the Godawful Movies podcast. You could probably reach him

through the Scathing Atheist podcast. You can reach him through the Godawful Movies podcast. You could probably reach him through the Scathing Atheist podcast. You can reach Eli, and he is more than willing to talk about this stuff with you. So if you're interested in disputing anything that he said, feel free to go after him and talk to him about it, because I know that Eli wants to talk about this stuff. Oh my gosh, I can't believe this exists. We're going to put a link to this on the show notes, Tom. There's a fucking poster. I just look at this. I can't even believe it exists. It's amazing. So this is on Ted Cruz's store. If you go to store.tedcruz.org, and I checked because I thought this was fake. I thought this was fake. This is Ted Cruz's actual official website. If you go and you navigate to the store,

website if you go and you navigate to the store there is a product which is a photoshopped image of ted cruz's diaper baby head with a cigarette hanging loosely from his flaccid lips superimposed or photoshopped onto a tattooed shirtless dude with a tattoo that says cruise across his belly like gangster style and fucking it's so weird it's it's a it's like a prison style photo yeah it's right it's it's fucking crazy it's like it looks it looks like a fucking thug life like it looks like fucking tupac right he's all neck tattooed up and like he's got the tattoo across his belly the whole i mean the whole fucking thing with fucking ted cruz's head on it's an aryan race shit dude it's so weird man that's so fucking weird can you imagine if fucking obama had something like that can you imagine they would be they'd be talking about how much of a thug he is and how you street he is, and how ghetto he is. And how he's glorifying

gang culture, and embodying violence. Could you imagine if a Latino was running for president? Like a real Latino, not Ted Cruz. What was her name? That's awesome. That's pretty good, actually. Could you imagine if Sonia Sotomayor had a...

Like cholo'd out? Like cholo'd out? She had like, like, like a tear drop. She had the pain. She had the drawn in eyebrows. Yeah. Uh, and the, and the,

and the black lipstick, the line across, you know, the, the outline. We want to talk. So I want to talk about this message, uh,

from Jonathan and Jonathan sent in this message about, uh And Jonathan sent in this message about, he sent in the message about rites of passage, Tom. He said, I have a question. I'm wondering what you guys think about rites of passage. There are a lot of people out there saying that one of the great failings of our society today is that we don't have this ceremony where boys and girls pass into adulthood. I experienced a rite of passage at 13, a ceremony where I literally crossed a bridge. Even at the time, I thought it was total BS because the next seven to 10 years, everyone's telling you you're still a child, not an adult.

And I go, then why'd you make me walk over that fucking bridge and tell me I'm a man now? I think that's super funny. It is funny. But I will say that as a man who generally loves symbols and symbolic gestures generally, I do think that rites of passage have an important meaning in human culture. They certainly are a part of all cultures across the globe and across societies. But they have to be meaningful.

Yeah. The reason the bridge thing didn't work is because it was bullshit, right? It was a rite of passage that then was supposed to signal a change, but then if there was no change after the bridge ceremony, then it was just horseshit, right? So I do believe that rites of passage can serve an important purpose in identifying periods in your life. I think rites of passage not only identify when a boy turns to a man or a girl turns into a woman, but rites of passage, funerals are rites of passage. Weddings are rites of passage. Divorces are rites of passage. These things are important stepping stones in our lives that signal important changes, and they have ceremonies that surround them for a good reason, right?

So I do think that generally speaking, those things are significant. Yeah. And I think it's very important for boys to go through rites of passage. I think every boy should go out camping and find a dead body. I think that that is something you have to do. Everybody has to poke the dead body with a stick. Otherwise, how are you going to hear the pie-eating story? I got a message. This is from Sarah sarah its title is i'm a canadian and the first words are fuck you uh and then it says your country uh banned kinder eggs because american kids are too stupid not to swallow the toy that's so true and it says guns however those be totes safe uh and then and then she says and the best wheat comes from Canada. When I was in the bakeries in Italy and France, I told them I was from Manitoba. I didn't even know it was a place.

I thought that was like... Can't you go swimming with those in Florida? Manitoba. I thought that was another name for a Sasquatch. I didn't even know that was a place. When I told them I was from Manitoba, they got super excited because they all use manitoban wheat i don't believe that i don't believe that anybody got excited that anyone was from manitoba there's never been a moment's worth of excitement anywhere about where your fucking wheat comes from that's if you are in a place so desperate to have a conversation with somebody that your fucking talking point is, hey, man, love the wheat from your country. You have failed at conversating. You've also failed at country.

Tom, we got a message from J.R. You know, we did, and I don't want to read the whole message, but J.R. says that he is a former special forces operator, and he came out of the military, and he had some significant issues coming out. He ended up homeless, toothless, and disfigured. It's a very tragic story. We're terribly sorry that all of this has happened. He's very sick at the moment. One thing he did say is that listening to our show gave him some hope during a particularly desperate

or down time in his life so we just both wanted to reach out, I think Cecil and I both wanted to reach out and just shout out to you JR and say that we hope that, we wish you nothing but the best we wish you very very well and that we're glad that the show for all of its dick jokes and

insincerity, with real sincerity we hope the show can offer some kind of support and hope to you. So here's to the best. We got a message from Michael, and Michael made a clip about Sarah Palin saying that Trump could command fire. He, better than anyone, isn't he known for being able to command fire? for being able to command fire. What manner of man are you that can summon up fire without flint or tinder? What an eccentric performance.

I love it. That's great. I love it. If you could throw a little Holy Grail in there, I'd love it. Okay, so we got a message. I'm not going to read the person's name, but they have the letters

phd after their name and i just want to read this whole message listening to your most recent show i have to object to you comparing michelle bachman's vaginal region to that of chicago of the great chicago italian beef sandwich michelle's vag is more leathery and more moldy than the worst Italian beef sandwich I ever had. What have you become? What have you become? This is the level. You are a PhD. This is the level of your discourse.

This is amazing. This is somebody whose educational level is such that they shouldn't even be able to download this show. It should be blocked at your university. Right? They should hand you your PhD and then look at your phone and just delete Stitcher. Yeah. Right? Like, no.

This is not for you. You can't do that anymore. Not for you. We got a message. This is from Jonathan. And Jonathan says, hey, you can say that nothing good ever comes out of Canada all you want, but when you're forced to say President Trump, don't come begging for us to let you guys

in. It's never going to happen. Maybe. It's not going to happen. We want to wish happy marriage. I don't know. What do you say? Congratulations? Is that what you say there? I think congratulations. I mean, the first marriage is always the best. What do you say? Congratulations. Is that what you say there? I think, I think congratulations. I mean,

the first marriage is always the best. The first marriage is the best. It's not true. No, it's, but it's the first. It is. So there you go.

There is something to be said there. Veronica. Give it a whirl. Good luck. Let us know how the second one turns out. What is marriage? Marriage is betting half your shit that you're going to love him forever. Uh,

we got a glory hole chant. This is from Peter, and he's from Sweden. Glory hole. Glory hole. What has happened to our lives? What has happened? I used to have some self-respect. Not much. I loved it. I think it's great.

Nice work. This is the best email we got about our Canada bashing last episode. This is the best one. I'm going to read it in its entirety because it's amazing. This is from Carolyn. Love you guys. But I heard a major error on your last show. You said

that nothing that's the best of anything will ever come out of Canada. Well, I have to say the best apologies will always come out of Canada and especially Canadians. But if I'm wrong about this, I'm terribly sorry. I had a total stranger apologize

for not getting the door before me to hold it open for me and my children. Now that's an apology, Canadian. What I love the best about this is we got a, we had a message from someone who said that they weren't going to listen to the show anymore because we made fun of Canada. Like this person understands the roast nature of this show. Right. That I think is that, you know, we make fun of all these different parts of the country. We make fun of all these different parts of the states. We make fun of all different parts of the world.

You know, we just, it's fun. We also, you know, we also make fun of this state and this city. We've made fun of everything, see? So we make fun of ourselves. We make fun of our lack and this city. We've made fun of everything, see? So we make fun of ourselves. We make fun of our lack of sexual prowess. It's the roast nature of the show. And some people just don't get it. I know.

The moment, they're fine with it when we're talking about Alabama. They're like, oh, it's ha, ha, ha, Alabama. And then you're like, Canadian. They kind of perk up in their turn. Like, what? Wait a minute. Hold on, you can't talk about Canada.

You can't say bad things about us. And then they get super butthurt. And i just want to say one thing to those people your tears sustain me i love it i love it i fucking bathe in your tears we got a great tweet this person tweeted this out um uh and i don't they must have found it somewhere else but it's i think it's hilarious so if sand Sanders and Trump win the nominations, U.S. Muslims will have to choose between Trump and a Jew. That's amazing. It's true, too.

We also got an image. I'm going to put it for this episode, this episode 278. It's an image of Glenn Beck. And it's Glenn Beck crying, and it just says, won't someone please think of the white people? That's tremendous. That's awesome. of the white people? That's tremendous. That's awesome. That's so good.

That's amazing. So that's going to wrap it up for this episode. We are going to leave you, like we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble,

pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local Dairy Council. Outro Music