Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 279: Do the Panty Raid

Episode Date: February 22, 2016

 

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey, I was listening to your last show, and you were making fun of Pat Robertson for sounding, you know, all slurred, and you're saying, joking around about maybe he's having a stroke. Well, I'm gonna tell you something. My dad had a stroke. A really severe one. You know what? He's totally having a stroke. Somebody should call 911 like right fucking now.

Hey, Tom and Cecil. So I'm a PhD candidate. I'm hoping to be finished up in May. I'm technically a biochemist, but most of my work is actually in the field of biophysics. And it kind of verges into the quantum field sometime. And my issue is, I challenge you, go to LinkedIn or Facebook or even Google and search for either quantum biology, quantum biophysics, or biophysics. You will be assaulted by chiropractors and new agey, energyenergetics feely type people these people are constantly trying to connect with me on uh on linkedin and on facebook it makes me so angry i mean i

biophysicists spend all of our time in our labs doing this this very meticulous work, and then our whole field of study is just fucking co-opted by these goddamn Deepak Chopra motherfuckers. Anyway, Lori Holt. Howdy, Tom and Cecil. This is Susan. I'm from Texas, and I like porn. And my favorite porn is gay porn because that way I don't have to see

any women parts in my porn because I think women parts are kind of sticky and I don't want to see any titties bouncing around. I just want to see some grade A cops and some hard muscles. So glory hole, motherfuckers. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. And Cecil is so mad.

This is... It's skeptical. It's political. And Cecil fucking hates this place. I'm super mad. We are recording from 345 North Loom. It's political. And Cecil fucking hates this place. We are recording from three forty five. North Loom is the home of Glory Hole Studios. Tempo fucking rarely. It turns out because this place is the fucking loudest place. It gets so much louder every week.

It's like you're recording in that fucking car in Jurassic Park park where the fucking t-rex is walking outside because i could see my water move like i could see my water be like this fucking place is ridiculous it is so fucking loud it's so loud just to hear ourselves on the recording we had to uh move to noise canceling headsets to not be just fucking attacked by the neighbor's base. Yeah. And it's still such an outrage. It's like recording behind a 747 taking off. Hey, guys!

That's exactly it, too. Recording from the top of a fucking aircraft carrier. I know. I feel like I need one of those two sticks to be like, go, go, go, go, go! It's like... They need one of those elevators in here, though, to get us up to the top floor. Admittedly, they need one of those hydraulic elevators that only lift jets to get us up here. It's like recording from Top Gun, except with the most disappointing volleyball scene for the ladies. A little less gayness.

Contrary to popular opinion, God is not against sex. It was his idea in the first place. So this first story is from the Patheos blogs. It's pretty great. It's from the According to Matthew blog. New bill requires men to get permission from their wives before buying Viagra. And this is clearly a satirical bill. And I think this is kind of a great way to highlight the ridiculousness of your opponent's position. And in a lot of ways, this mimics or mirrors the same tactics that the satanic church uses all the

time, right? Yeah. It's like, oh, you guys want prayer in school? Great. We'll just make room for our satanic prayer. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

So it's just, it's pointing out the opposite side of things. And I love that. I love the idea of using humor to just totally defuse a shit position sure uh it's funny uh this you know scalia just died right and so really i know wait hold on oh god you're right in the fields you know what's interesting about that nobody told me you know what's interesting about that that little fucking hobgoblin dies right and and then a bunch of people i guess all over my facebook were like hey man you shouldn't be celebrating when somebody dies uh that's just wrong and i and i'm just thinking the guy held the position of power and he was a total douchebag

about it like if if if if a fucking king is suppressing his people and, you know, imprisoning them and doing all kinds of horrible shit to them and then he dies, what, the people aren't supposed to fucking rejoice from that? Yeah, here's the thing. I know that that's the standard position, right? It's the polite, tactful position. Fuck that noise. The reality is I was thrilled. I was thrilled. I saw that he died.

I sent you a happy text message. Yeah, I know. Scalia is dead! Exclamation point. I was thrilled. I saw that he died. I sent you a happy text message. Scalia is dead! Exclamation point. Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not filled with joy that the world will get a little bit better because this hate-filled bigot who happens to have a position of tremendous power and authority, which he used to wield against women and against the lgbt community he he fucking swung his authority like a fucking nail-studded baseball bat against minorities right i have no respect for that i hated the man i i didn't hate him personally but i hated his position yeah the fact that he's dead look i didn't fucking care about the fact that he lived the thing is i don't care when anybody like unless they're close to me,

I really don't care that people die. I care if people, like, I care about the idea of people dying when it's, you know, it's a horrible situation and they're oppressed, et cetera. Like, when we talk about the people in, you know, in Saudi Arabia, I care about that in the sense that I'm like, man, it sucks that someone has to go through that, and I feel empathy for that person.

This guy lived a long life. What am I supposed to be like, brr, brr. Oh, it's so sad. He only lived to be 79. I know, right? I fucking wish my dad lived to be 79. Fuck off. You know what I mean? Why am I supposed to... I'm not supposed to break down into tears. No, it's not a tragic death. It's just an inevitable death.

He's fucking almost 80 years old, man. Jesus, the fucking parts on that guy. And he also had a huge subcutaneous layer of fat on it too that could have been helping everything one of the things that i thought was great about this was there was a a tweet that went out that said that and the tweet was really short because tweets have to be short it turns out because they're only 100 characters but it said uh it said scalia's wish was to be cremated, but millions of women tomorrow are going to get together and decide what was best for the body.

That's amazing. And it's amazing. That's great. It's amazing, right? It's a fucking, right? And what that – this is in the exact same vein of this story, right? It's the idea of what would happen if men, when they wanted to go get a vasectomy, had to call their mom. Yeah, right?

You know what I mean? Is it all right if I have somebody cut my testicles open? Or get a written letter from their parents. I know that when you're an adult, you don't have to do that sort of thing. So I understand that, right? But what if a man did have to go through some of these things? Or if they had to take an ultrasound

and show him his testicles on a fucking thing first. Be like, now these are the things that we're going to clip and cauterize. So are you sure you want to get rid of these? You know, that sort of thing. It's ridiculous. The idea that all the things that we have to go through, all the things that women have to go through just to make sure that they get an abortion. And this is the exact same thing. It's like, okay, well, let's make it.

Let's fucking have a little fun here. Let's play with these people. Yeah. The thing that is great about this is that it highlights, you know, the Viagra is a great example, right? Because it highlights a sort of shaming around sex and sexuality, right? It's like, oh, you can't get it up? Well, you better go fucking talk to your wife and make sure that she wants you to get it up, right? Before you can go to the doctor and be like, yeah, my fucking dick doesn't work pills, right? Here, take your fucking shame and make it a little more public. Because all these abortion laws that are built around women's sex and sexuality are built in order to shame women around their sexuality, right?

Like, oh, you fucking spread your legs like a fucking dirty whore, and that's why you need an abortion. That's embedded in all of this. That's what's embedded in all of this. That's what's embedded in all this shit. It's the undertone. It's to shame women and to make people feel ashamed of their sexuality and their physicality. And it's fucking garbage, right? It's just fucking garbage.

Fucking right on, man. I think this is tremendous. Here I am, talking about facts. Real people. Events. And you're talking about a 2,000 year old book with stories in it that let's talk reality david you want to talk reality yeah well reality was three and a half years ago when your husband and millions of others vanished and that's reality they said it was ufos so the story comes from right wing watch a lot of the stories today are going to come from Right Wing Watch because we just got some great clips from here.

Franklin Graham. Franklin? Franklin. Franklin. Franklin Graham. Franklin Graham. Hello, everybody. Franklin Graham.

Evidently, I cannot speak today. Only one election left to save America from the godless secularists. This is it. This is going to be. This is encouraging because if we win, we don't have to worry anymore. Right, there'll be no more elections. Well, this is a theme, though.

Listen to this theme reoccur through all the audio we listened to today. This is the last chance you get. America is being stripped of its biblical heritage and God-inspired foundations. You know, growing up, we were concerned about the red threat. I thought the red threat was women's

menstruation. I was going to say it happens every 28 days. I thought that was the big thing that they were worried about. I'm not getting you tampons again! No way I'm standing in line with those! You're like, you know, you're sidling up and she's like, red threat's in town. Fuck!

Throw some towels down. I'm in town. Fuck. All right. Throw some towels down. I'm still willing to play. Red threat. Damn it. Guess I'll finger my own ass. We'll use the dog towels. It'll be fine.

I don't give a shit. The Russians were coming, right? And I remember we went up in western North Carolina, went to a grammar school, and they had civil defense food packed in there. Civil defense food? Yeah, yeah. How is that different than food? Wait a minute.

What does the civil defense food do to defend me? It's like somebody's shooting at me. I'm like, stop, civil defense food. I hold up like a hardened biscuit. If you line the walls of your place with it, it's completely radiation proof. In the basement. And we had

these drills in case a bomb went off. We had to hide under our desk, right? Like that was going to do a lot of good. But we were ready. Alright? We were ready. And then the Berlin Wall came down. And then the Red Threat kind of just evaporated.

It was no longer there. And we all took this big sigh of relief. And then secularism came. No, bro. That's inaccurate. It's kind of been here the whole time, it turns out. Yeah, it's sort of embedded

into the actual documents that we use to create the country itself. We started, started ever so slightly to bend toward Christian nation bullshit when we were fighting Russia

and we put fucking we trust on money and we did fucking in God we trust on money and we did the add addition to the Pledge of Allegiance but look anywhere else look anywhere else other than those two places that were changed recently and see if you

find it anywhere and you won't and that's the problem is they took one step one tiny little fucking step in that direction and none of these fuckers they automatically think that it's been like that since the beginning. And that's the truth, right? Because it's like, well, we've always been at war with Oceania. It's always been this way. We've never had it any other way.

As soon as we made this change, it's like, yeah, okay, but what you're doing is you're extrapolating from your own life forward as if it's necessarily always been this way. It's been this way since the 50s. You know, this is your world that you lived in, right? You're of an age, if you're Franklin Graham, you're of an age where that's the world you grew up in. Sure. Well, now it's swinging back away because we no longer have a use for that, right? The Cold War's over. The Cold War's over, and we don't have a godless enemy.

Right. We don't have an enemy that we need to demonize by saying that they're godless. Well, we're not godless. Okay, well, how do we prove we're not godless? Well, let's throw this on. Let's do two meaningless gestures. Let's put it in a pledge of allegiance and let's put it on our money. That's two meaningless gestures where we don't have to fucking steep our government

and our religion together. We just do two meaningless little fucking things and everything should be okay. Well, it turns out it's not okay now. And it infiltrated and infected our government, the state, the federal, the local level. Secularism and communism, there's no difference. Hell, one's an economic system and one isn't. That's a big difference. Is there a secular economics?

Is there a thing? Yeah. No. Wait. They're both exactly the same. They're both godless. Yeah. Well, that's, I mean, okay.

They're not exactly the same. They just have one trait that's similar. Everything that's godless is exactly the same. And the enemy came in and didn't even have to fire a shot. And he's already got control. The men and women of God, we need to take a stand

because we're losing our country. And if we continue going down the road that we're going, let me tell you what the politicians want to do. They want to change the Constitution of America. That's their goal. They don't need to. No, why?

Because it turns out it doesn't need it. It doesn't need it. They're just going to follow it. And you don't like that. Right. We would just like to have this I'm a secularist through and motherfucking through and I'm perfectly fine with the Constitution as written. Yeah, totally fine. Like, I mean, I think the Second Amendment I'd have

some concerns about. Sure, there's some issues. I don't want women to vote, so I want to cut that out of there if I can. I want to go back to black people being three-fifths. Oh, gosh! And they will strip our freedoms. Having a service like this

in a few years could be illegal. Never. No. No, I'm a secularist and I want you to be able to go to church. I just, I'm not going to go. I'm not going with you. How many secularists are out there being like, you know what? We need to stop these people going to church. I've never heard a single person say that. No, you never will. It's fucking garbage, right?

They're like, oh, man. You know what it is? It's like, man, we're so worried about what other people do. I bet other people are worried about what we do, right? They would say you could only have a prayer service inside of a church building. That's what the communists do in Russia. You can only worship inside a church building. You can't be out and open like this.

That's what they want to do. They call themselves progressives, okay? That's a nice word, isn't it? Anybody who calls themselves a progressive, you better be careful. Your vote counts. America needs the Christian vote. You see, it's not that the enemy is at the gate. They've come through the gate because we've left the gates wide open and we have allowed our moral walls to deteriorate

and fall down ladies and gentlemen we've got maybe one election left and I've been told by people who know that the game will be over wow those mystery people they know know that the game will be over. Well, thanks, buddy.

Wow, those mystery people, they know exactly if the game will be over or not. People that know the future. Thank goodness. Using divination? I'm super happy that Agent Mulder has these contacts. Right? I love when they haul out the, like, now it's an argument from authority, but it gets worse. Yeah.

It's not from me. It's from mystery authorities. I've been told by mystery futurologists. Fuck you. Fuck you, you fuck. Some random fucking twat told me some shit, and I'm going to relay

it to you. The thing is, you can say that, and nobody has to even tell you anything. You just say it. And I'm telling you right now, we're very close to losing. That's why it's so important for the men and women of God, go back home,

get your friends and your family, get them registered, and get them to vote. He's not talking to those people in the audience. He's talking to the people that they can influence. That's not talking to those people in the audience. He's talking to the people that they can influence. That's what it is.

That makes sense now. I understand it now. He's evangelizing. Yeah. What he's doing is go out there and spread the seed of Ted Cruz on all these other people. Ejaculate the seed of Ted Cruz. Smear it around. The good thing is, though, here's the thing.

The seed of Ted Cruz is contained in the diaper. And so it's easy to scrape out of there. It's real easy. All you need is a credit card or something. And you can just flip it right out of there. It just comes right out. I mean, comes right out. Right out.

Now I'm going to die. The point is that we've got to rewrite the federal government. Now this is not going to happen overnight. It took 130 years to bring us to where we are today. It could probably take 50 years to turn it around. But if we stand on the Constitution, then everything else comes together. This is a story also from Right Wing Watch. Now Tony Perkins is in on it.

America may never have another election. So I love that the first one is like, look, guys, if we lose the momentum, if we lose that momentum, we're fucked, right? We're just totally fucked. This guy is just like, hey, man, we're not even having elections anymore. So here we go. Here's Tony Perkins. Didn't they name a restaurant after this guy, the Perkins?

That's Perkins. Perkins, the Perkins. It's just as disappointing as this guy. I just want to share with you why I'm here tonight. I'm here because I decided that too much was at stake to sit on the sidelines. This is every election. This is seriously...

Yep. It's so... I mean, every single election, you hear this exact same thing, and it's so boring now. Yeah, I know, right? It's like there's too much to lose. There's too much at stake. The stakes are higher than they've ever been. Really?

They just keep getting higher? What is higher about the stakes now than we were, let's say, embroiled in the Cold War, right? Sure. When there was an actual legitimate threat of nuclear annihilation on a day-to-day, week-to-week basis. Why is the threat higher now than during that time period?

That's a fucking stupid thing to say. Oh, man, the stakes have never been higher. The stakes are too high. What if we lose? Well, if you lose, then you know what? You'll wait four years. That's really the truth. Right, right.

Yeah, just all you got to do is wait your time out. And the thing is, they're probably not going to get much done in that four years. Nobody gets anything done. You get one thing done every four years. That I couldn't just sit there and talk about it and do commentary about it. That I wanted to use what influence I had with Christians around this country to say that I have talked to all these candidates. I have vetted these candidates. And from my vantage point in Washington, D.C., I can tell you America is in trouble. Well, there we agree, because I have seen your candidates.

I have listened to your candidates. And when I hear your candidates on the Republican side, I think, oh, my God, we are in trouble. I actually just go outside and take a gun and have my wife shoot me in the back of the head. That's because I think that's the best course of action. That's good. It really is. It feels like, you know,

like one of those movies where there's a nuclear Holocaust and you have 30 minutes to live. Right. That's what I feel like when I think of a, of a Republican candidate getting elected, I think, okay. So between the time that Obama leaves office and they take office,

I have about what? 40 some days. Yeah. Right. I'll kill myself in that. I'm going to, I'm going to make,'m gonna make plans. I'll visit a couple of places in the world. I'll hug my brother and

write a couple of notes to different people, and then I'll just quietly go into the closet and hang myself. And just head off into the fucking suicide woods of Japan or whatever. We cannot afford... We don't have the latitude to get it wrong one more time. If we don't elect a bold, courageous, godly leader in this next election. You're not going to find him in fucking Ted Cruz.

Ted Cruz. You could find the godly, but the bold and courageous. I want to dump his fucking books. Like, I want to bully Ted Cruz. I'm just going gonna say it like i want to i want to bully him like a fucking bad high school movie you want to give him a wedgie you want to walk up behind him in like his two thousand dollar suit and just grab his like four hundred dollar underwear and lift it as high as you can and then tear it off and take the fucking little elastic and throw it around his neck and be like go get your new dipe dipe cruisy it's a matter of a locker i'm afraid we may

not have another election for our republic yeah no they're gonna fucking they're gonna cancel elections because they've already been in power for a very long time for eight straight years and they haven't done it we're canceling elections and they haven't done it. We're canceling elections. And they haven't done it yet. Oh, who's in charge? I don't know. We don't do that anymore. Whatever. Now we have a czar.

You're an asshole. You're just a stupid asshole. The worst part is that this is a video, and you see fucking the – they pan to the audience and see fucking credulous fuckwits are nodding along. Like, oh, this is the last time we're going to have elections. And there's people out there who believe that. They think, oh, this is the last time we're going to have elections. Are you fucking kidding me there who believe that. They think, oh, this is the last time we're going to have elections. Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah. We have fucking, you know, oh, yeah, the fucking status quo since 1776 has been elections. Oh, yeah, but we're not going to do it anymore. That's not hyperbole. No, it's retarded. That's what it is. It's not hyperbole. It's not exaggerated at all.

No. The next election will be the last one. It's not exaggerated. There's no hyperbole. It's not exaggerated at all. No. The next election will be the last one. It's not exaggerated. There's no exaggeration whatsoever. No hyperbole whatsoever. They actually have it on the books that whoever the next one is, whether it's Republican or Democrat. It doesn't matter. They're abolishing elections.

That's it. I actually heard that they're going to do a plan to demolition of all the world's polling places immediately after the... I heard that they're not even going to ask the populace anymore. They're just going to ask a dragon. They're going to let that Positani Phil or whatever... That Positani Phil!

That stupid... He comes up out of the thing and they send him down like, oh, looks like it's four more years of Democrats. It's like if he sees his shadow, it's a Democrat. That is the reality based upon what this president's policies have done to this nation. No, that's not even true at all. Okay, so his policies have abolished elections? Yeah.

Because that is not true. I mean, that's demonstrably not true because guess what? We're having an election. Right. You would think you'd be like, hey, I'm going to gonna cancel elections now how do you even say that with a straight face it's just you know but you know like like you said like all the people in the crowd it's like yes tyranny all it is from that side is obama hates america the democrats hate america they hate freedom and they want to they want to take away whatever freedoms we have. And whether it's elections or it's I want to fucking fuck a Bible in the middle of class

or whatever it is they want to do, we're taking it all away. You are watching the beginning and the birth of the new world order. And you want to call me crazy? Go to hell. Call me crazy all you want. This story is from Right Wing Watch as well. It's another talkie. Glenn Beck just starts fucking sputtering and crying,

getting all fucking worked up in his desperate plea to get people to get on board the cruise train. All right, so here's Glenn Beck talking at Ted Cruz's giant rally for a giant baby. I am the guy who talked in 1999. I told the listeners of New York when I was on WABC, I'm telling you there will be blood and bodies and buildings in the street, and the guys whose signature will be on it will be Osama bin Laden,

and it'll happen in the next decade. Well, they already tried to blow up the fucking World Trade Center in 93 or something. That was impression. It's a thing. It was impression. This idea that 9-11 was a surprise attack nobody could have seen coming is a revisionist worldview.

It's not at all the case. Osama bin Laden was fucking blamed for the attack within hours. I remember the day the attack happened. People knew it was fucking bin Laden because he blamed for the attack within hours. I remember this the day the attack happened. People knew it was fucking bin Laden, A, because he fucking took credit for it, but also, like, all the speculation was in that direction because he was a known fucking threat.

And like you said, there was an attempt on the World Trade Center by his organization in 93. So it's like, okay, fucking cool story, bro. Well, what he's doing is he's trying to put himself up as a conduit for premonition. Right. So he's saying to all the people that are listening to him, look, guys, I know I knew this was going to happen. I knew this was going to happen. I knew this was going to happen.

And I also know that something bad in the future is going to happen. And if you don't listen to me, you're really going to be fucked. Yeah, it's a credibility check. Nobody listened to me and nobody believed me. In 2006, I started talking about the housing crisis. 2006, Tom? I think I knew sometime around 2005 or 2004 that things were going to – it was a bubble. I think a lot of people knew that.

Anybody who paid any attention knew. I worked in the business i would i would yell and scream about like this doesn't make any sense at all like there's no way we can keep doing yes nobody listened nobody wanted to hear it the crash came in 2008 nobody wanted to hear about the caliphate i was mocked and ridiculed i am telling you right now, this is your last call, America. This is your last call. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not going to after the fact justify

my premonitions. Again, I'm tired of it. Look, this is an exhausting process. I have to go first, find something that went wrong. Then I have to tell people, I have to lie to people and say, I told you so before I actually told you so i had i had no i knew that was coming when i said it after it happened intellectually exhausted i know right i'm here not as somebody to endorse ted cruz even

though i have i'm here not in that capacity despite the capacity that i am here right right in yeah now today i'm gonna get weepy i fucking love when people work themselves up he's gonna he's working i know because you can you can see it you can hear it it's just like a back lip quiver is going to be working its way in oh my god that that whole like that again it like goes to that false sincerity it's like and then i got upset and you could see me getting upset and that means you should take me more seriously because i am upset and it's like okay no it just means that you're a giant fucking cry baby i'm not here as a guy you listen to on the radio no you are yeah otherwise you literally wouldn't be here at all otherwise you wouldn't

be able to get the speaker fee yeah it wasn't like fat white guys welcome. It wasn't just, here's a microphone. Are you a fat white guy? Like, huh. Do you have like a, like we're looking for someone in the audience with a blue plaid shirt. So if there's anybody in the audience, can you just line up over there

and you're going to get the mic next? Oh, it just so happens it's Glenn Beck. Oh, what an interesting coincidence. Stand under the blubbering dipshits sign over there. I am here as a citizen, as a fellow citizen. And I am begging you, please do not dismiss the peril that we are in. Do not dismiss. Fall to your knees

and pray to God to reveal to you. Which God? Your crazy Mormon God or Christian God? He's talking about the crazy Mormon God who doesn't like black people. That's the one he's talking about. Let's not forget that Beck is a Mormon, right? So he's talking to these evangelicals. He totally found out about this on Golden

Plates. That's how he found out. What the hour is. Ask the dear Lord, our dear Lord, to show you who the man is that has the integrity, who has the connection, who will fall to his knees at the resolute desk, who will fall to his knees at the resolute desk, who before he asks, doesn't think of a poll, but looks to the Constitution and the Holy Scriptures, our Bible and the Constitution both come from God.

Wait, what? Nope. Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say no to that. That's not a true thing at all. So in 40 years, they're walking around and they're getting manna from heaven and one piece of the Constitution at a time. And then you have to put it together like fucking national treasure where you're pasting it together. Oh, that's what God meant. Okay.

Yeah, women shouldn't vote. Okay. That's great. Yeah. All right. Yeah. We might have to amend that, God. Okay. Yeah, women shouldn't vote. Okay. That's great. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah, we might have to amend that, God. Yeah, God's perfect fucking work from heaven needed amendments. Right?

Yeah. That's an awesome thing to consider, too. It's like, here you are in, like, okay, this came from God. Oh, really? Because you're in Egypt, and I don't think the three-fifths clause would play well here. Oh, shit. They are both sacred scriptures. Except for one has amendments. One we changed because we didn't like it. I would be more down with the Bible if God was like, well, alright, alright,

got that wrong. Hang on to me, y'all. Okay, you can wear two different kinds of fabric. I was just messing with you. Turns out lobster doesn't mean it gots to kill you with stones. I thought they were creepy crawly little bug creatures, but I know they're delicious. I never thought to eat one. Okay, suck a dick.

You know, I mean, if that's your thing. I'm not going to judge you. Well, I might later, though. I'll reserve the right. I know there is a God. I know there is a God. And those who worship the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob must begin to stand together, shoulder to shoulder, for the rights and the responsibilities that we have been given. I know there is a God.

I testify to you that I see a storm coming. There's a storm raging inside you. This reminds me of the... Emodium D is the only thing. And God does have a place for each and every one of us. It is your job now to be able to sleep at night, to go door to door, to talk to every person you know. Yeah, that'll get you friends. Oh, my God.

Hey, have you guys seen this baby you want to vote for? He's a big baby, so cute. Look at him. You want to just pinch his giant fucking cheeks, don't you? Could you imagine? I forgot to include facial features. Could you imagine going to your neighbor and being like, hey, man, I want to go take a cruise? Find the candidate that will stand where God is telling him to stand in an unshakable way.

Hey, y'all, I need you to be very unshakable. And could you just stand right here? Now, this is the line to get pastries. I'm just going to have you stand here until you get up to the front. Then I want what I want is two crullers. Can you get those for me? And if you can bring them back over here with a cup of coffee, I'd really appreciate that. Get your family to vote.

Get your friends to vote. Get your infant child to vote. I don't care. Just look, I know that I have unlimited power and I am taking an interest in this particular election. But you still all need to do the work. I don't know why. No kidding, right? I'm really, I'm unclear just like you are why that would possibly be.

You gotta do it. You all gotta get up there and vote. Now we gotta count them out and make sure that... That would be awesome. You go to the fucking polls and you're like, yeah, it's 60 trillion to zero. Right. You know, the best thing is like, that's how it works in North Korea. They're like, yeah, we had an election.

We won the election. 100% of the vote. 103% of the vote. That's how many we got. Dennis Rodman voted four times. Right. Because that's how power is. Right.

That's how power works. So you're trying to tell me, like, that God is like, hey, Ted Cruz, you should run. Beyond that, though, not really Ted Cruz, you should run. Uh, beyond that though, not really going to help out too much. Not sure why I helped out in this direction, but can't secure you a vote. I'm fucking, I'm less effective than a fucking community organizer.

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That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod. Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per-episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. This story is from Right Wing Watch. This is Pat Robertson. And this is just Pat Robertson being fucking weird and crazy

and a million years old, and I love it. So let's just go ahead and go right. I don't want to introduce it at all. This is great. This is great. This is Patty R. from the 700 Club. club economists with the heritage foundation and freedom works is a pleasure always to have him with us what do you think the election i am so happy i'm happy because you know what we found out last night pat what's that she is not going to be president she is not

going to be president and uh she's. Yeah, women can't be leaders. Women can't be president. It's ridiculous. Anyway, penises are great. You want to thump them together a little bit here? Let me just hold yours just for a minute. I just want to kind of do it. It's like a fist bump, but it's just with the tip.

It's just like a celebratory masturbation. It's fine. There's just no way. I mean, she's only getting 40% of the Democrat vote. I have a lot of liberal Democratic friends who are very nervous today because they realize they've got a losing ticket. Losing ticket, guys.

Send all your hate Bernie email to this guy. Right. I've got a losing ticket. I've got a losing ticket. On the Republican side, I think it's, you know, Trump is an amazing political phenomenon, isn't he? I mean, have you ever seen anything like this? Never, never, never, never. I mean, if we had been

sitting here a year ago, and I had told you that Donald Trump, you know, was in first place and could be the Republican nominee, you would have thought I was drinking. I would have fucking convulsed, too. I feel like convulsing every time I hear his name. Actually, I'd be really surprised that I was alive next year. If you would have asked me last year, what would you think in a year from now?

I'd be like, I think I'd be fucking eaten with worms. I'd be like, what do I want on my tombstone? I have to say this, and I don't have a horse in this race, but I thought his speech last night was phenomenal. It was patriotic. It was pro-business. It was pro-America. The more I see him, the more he comes across as sort of the anti-Obama, right?

He's a man of accomplishment. As if Obama's not a man of accomplishment? As if Obama is not a man of accomplishment? Are you kidding me? Obama should be allowed to fuck him in the mouth. Could you imagine? I am absolutely 100% completely fine with somebody calling me that. Sure.

But I call you that all the time. Most of the people I know, I'm okay with them saying that. But Obama? I'm not even a huge Obama fan, but that's a little fucking stretch there, wouldn't you say? He's not a man of accomplishment. What have you done lately? Are you fucking real? Are we having this conversation?

Because let's fucking lay out CVs. At the end of mine, it says fucking two-term president of the United States. At the end of yours, it certainly doesn't say that. A businessman who has hired people. He exudes patriotism. He loves America. Obama's always blaming things on America. He said the same thing like three times.

He said he loves America. He loves America. He's patriotic. He's patriotic. He said both of those things twice in two sentences. It's ridiculous. And they're the same thing. How is being patriotic different than loving America?

And the idea that the president, the guy who's running the show, isn't patriotic or doesn't love America is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. It's absurd. That's the dumbest shit ever. Yeah, the guy's in charge and he doesn't love America. Why didn't he name it something else then, Sal? Why didn't he just be like, we're not calling it that. We're calling it Obamacare. It's the country of Obamacare.

I'm going to call it Michelle. From now on, the country is Obamacare. I'm going to call it Michelle. From now on, the country is Michelle. America Michelle. I think, you know, that's very attractive to voters, but it ain't over. It ain't over. You know, all those young people, and here's this old man, this old socialist.

Are you making fun of somebody for being old? And there's this old man. You're a kajillion's this old man. Yeah. You're a kajillion years old, man. Is he older? Let's double check. He's older than fucking Bernie. He's six years older than Bernie.

And in fucking old people years, six years is like 28 years. It's like so much older. Saying all these things, these kids, I don't know if you listen to these space, but, you know, they kept cheering over and over again. He got 80% of the voters under the age of 29. Amazing. Bernie Sanders did. And that's an amazing thing. Is that like the kids that want to do a panty raid in a fraternity? The kids who want to do a panty raid in the fraternity.

Really? Yeah, he just got done watching Porky's. Hey, guys, let's do a panty raid on the fraternity. Really? Yeah, he just got done watching Porky's. Hey, guys, let's do a panty raid. In the fraternity? Look, I would do it, but it has to be done in the fraternity. Yeah, I would like to do it, first of all, in the sorority. Also, that's lame, and nobody has do a panty raid. Are you guys trying to do the panty raid?

Yeah, man, let's just, it's okay. Hey, guys, let's smoke the reefers and then do the panty raid. do the panty raid? Yeah, man. Let's just, it's okay. Hey, guys, let's smoke the reefers and then do the panty raid. Do the panty raid. First of all, it's an indictment of our education system in America. When these college graduates think that socialism is an economic model that works, I mean, show me anywhere in the world, Bernie Sanders, where socialism hasn't worked. I mean, look at Greece, for goodness sake. It's bankrupt. Look at Argentina. Look at France. France is a socialist

country? I didn't know that. I mean, maybe they are a little socialist. You know, like, that's the thing, though, is that is the argument is, and really the reality is not whether a country is socialist or not. It's how socialist is any country, right? Because there is no such thing as a purely capitalist country. That's a false idea. All countries are, to some degree, socialist. It's just a matter of degree. It's not a matter of are you or are you not. We clearly bind together our resources in order to pay for services for the common good, right?

That's a socialist idea. We do it all the time. We do it on the micro level with our, you know, sidewalks and pothole filling. We do it on the macro level in terms of, you know, funding things like our military from federal spending dollars, you know, and tax dollars. Those are all socialist concepts in nature.

So the question isn't whether or not we're socialist. The question is to which degree do we want these principles to be valued and take root, right? I mean, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of how much. When your body burns this stuff with no carbohydrates, what happens is you build up the clinkers. So, here comes some raw story. Pat Robertson, women in combat are masochistic sexual deviants acting out 50 Shades of Grey? This is something else. So the clip we're actually going to be summarizing the beginning of it because it's just a news report.

But it looks like there's a training that they're talking about for a woman. A woman was doing some sort of training for the Coast Guard, some sort of special unit. Probably like the Navy SEALs of the Coast Guard or something. The Navy SEALs of the Coast Guard? The Navy SEALs of the Coast Guard, some sort of special unit. Probably like the Navy Seals of the Coast Guard or something. The Navy Seals of the Coast Guard? The Navy Seals of the Coast Guard. Hang on a minute. The Elite Coast Guard. The Elite Coast Guard.

Say that shit out loud again. They have special uniforms. We're going to get email from the fucking Coast Guard. They have special uniforms. And it was Tom making fun of you. I respect the Coast Guard, especially when you guys push me in off the water. But when i'm beached i love it when you guys do that and i'm i'm super appreciative of the coast guard but in any case there's a coast guard special unit and she

sorry because it sounded like you said a coast guard special unit hey guys watch out it's the elite Coast Guard. And everyone just looks around like, we'd forgotten about the regular Coast Guard. What are you guys doing? Anyway, I don't know. We're just checking to make sure the buoys have batteries in them. We're telling everybody it's stormy when there's a storm. Hey, guys.

There's a storm. You know how we knew? The storm. It's terrible. We're taking detailed pictures and then transcribing them into maps of the coastline. This is terrible. We're replacing the light bulbs in all of the lighthouses all across. We're checking our seagulls to make sure they're happy. Everybody happy?

Everybody up there? Everybody good? We're taking our rakes to the beaches and combing out all that broken glass. God, the elite Coast Guard. These guys have special rakes. But in any case, in any case. So sorry. Coast Guard.

This this group is us. So this woman was trying out for it and she got uh the story is about gender about how you know there's only one woman in this group and there's a bunch of swim the whole lap pool just on the coast like you should probably they made her swim away during her period so she didn't get attacked by a shark all right so they're gonna they going to cut to Pat now. Terrible. Well, God bless her. I think that's very noble. But let me ask you, you know. Can you clear your throat more in the bucket?

Anyway, I'm 112 years old. I just don't give a shit anymore. That's blood. I taste blood. Some call the Kaiser blade. Some call it part of my life. I have years ago was in the Marine Corps, and my occupational specialty is combat industry.

Investry. Investry. Investry. I'm not sure that's a word. Combat industry. Hey, you're a combat investorization. Wait, what? No.

Oh, I think he mispronounced infantry. I think he just had a stroke. That's why. Well, you should see his shoulders. You would definitely think he had a stroke. That's what I was trained to do. In layman's terms, that's shooting with a gun. That's walking in the mud.

It's crawling through barbed wire. It is going through all these things and getting shot by other people. How many times did you get shot by other people? He wouldn't notice. He was fucking 100 years old then. Bullets just passed through his papery skin.

He doesn't... That's fine. That happens every time I bump into the couch. So it's no big deal. It's like I perforate opening a fucking door. It's fine. That happens every time I bump into the couch. So it's no big deal. It's like I perforate opening a fucking door. It's fine. Why would a woman want that? Why would a man want that?

Why would anybody want that? Like, you want that? Like, a woman would want that for the same fucking reasons a man would want that, right? Like, it is fucking shitty. It's a lousy, miserable, shitty fucking job. But some people feel called to it, right? Like, podcasting. Or any other horrifying horrifying endeavor, like listening to this podcast. There are people to whom they feel called by this kind of service, that feel called by this kind of labor, that feel emboldened by these challenges, that feel made alive by the horror and the rigor of the whole thing, that feel

a sense of patriotic duty for all of the reasons that people join the military. There's so many reasons. But women can't feel those. You can't be patriotic if you're a woman. Is your vagina in the way? I would think that they would be more patriotic. There's a place to plant the flag.

Ha ha ha! Well, this is a little different. This is different. I know, but I'm just asking that they, they, they, they are going to,

the, the feminists have gotten to a point where women are going to be drafted. No one's getting drafted. Can I just, I don't know what fucking planet you're living on, but nobody's getting drafted. If we get, if,

if here's the thing, if, if politically, if we get to the point where there's another draft, then we need every available human body, right? Because if there's a draft, it means that we're like literally like we're at war with China. Or a fucking alien race or something. To expend political capital in that ridiculous of a fashion so as to reinstate the draft. We are talking about a major global conflict

at this point. At that point, it's like, you may as well fucking draft my dog to go fight. Everybody needs to fight. I can't even imagine in a world like today, as opposed to the world of the... It's crazy. The only reason that

the draft hasn't come around in a long time is because we're sort of in this precarious, I'll shoot you with nukes if you shoot me with nukes. So there's no, it's not like, and do you draft people if you nuke another country? What would you do that for? I'm not going. If you're like, oh, guys, we called you up to your draft.

First off, I'm too old. But if they're like, hey, fucking, you were 20 years younger. I'd be like, no, you fucking already ruined the planet. What do you need me for? It's like, well, we basically microwaved the place that we were going to send you, and it's all fucking ruined. Anyway, you want to swing over there and see how it is? No, pass.

Sorry. I'll spend my time in a fucking U.S. jail. I'm not going to go. Hopefully that's like a bomb shelter. And put into combat units. Why would any woman in her right mind want that? You know, I don't know, but I

women, there are women warriors. You know. Whoa. Tell you what, bro. Like, fucking say that to some of the women currently serving in the military. I would love to see this guy fight a woman. Fucking. Oh, my God.

I would love to see it. Could you imagine him fighting Ronda Rousey? She'd hip throw him and break his hip. It would be like throwing Mr. Glass. He wouldn't have to hit the ground. Right. When she grabs him to hip throw him, he's broken his hip. That's it.

His whole body would just shatter. He'd crumble into dust. The Amazons. His whole body would just shatter. He'd crumble into dust. The Amazons. I'm so out of touch that I'm referring to a mythical people. Yeah. Women serve in the military. Women are serving currently fighting ISIS. The Kurdish military has women warriors.

Our military has women warriors. Israel has women warriors. Women warriors are not a new fucking phenomenon. They're literally centuries of a precedent. They are if your ideas about what your life is and what American life is is fucking from the 50s. Let me ask you a question, though, in all honesty. Do you think a woman could shoot you with a gun?

That's the thing is... Because wouldn't her just tit get in the way or something, Let me ask you a question, though, in all honesty. Do you think a woman could shoot you with a gun? Oh. That's the thing is— Because wouldn't her just tit get in the way or something, like jam up the gun? Well, the women warriors cut off one breast to make sure— To shoulder the weapon. —that they can shoulder the weapon correctly. I mean, come on. It's a fucking gun, guys.

It's not like we're—we're not bare-knuckle. We don't decide international conflicts through bare-knuckle boxing, right? Where it's like, oh, we don't want a woman in the ring. She's got less upper body strength than a man. It's like, can she pull a trigger? Yeah, I know. It's one calorie of energy. Right?

Yeah. Stephen Hawking could fire a gun. Can she point a metal tube at you? Because if you could point a metal tube, you could shoot somebody. Praise, praise, or I will shoot you. Well, I understand the spirit of a warrior. I am a woman. And, you know.

It's crazy. It's a little crazy. I wouldn't want to be in that situation. Well, I mean, but the feminists, a lot of these women are going to wake up and say, our feminist sisters haven't done us any favors. I mean, going into primary training and boot training in the infantry is tough. It is hard duty. And then when you get into a combat situation, you're living in trenches and you're eating K-rations and there's mud and all the rest. Why would anybody want that? A good question.

Why would anybody want that? Why is it different for women? It's different for women. Well, because they didn't have an opportunity. They didn't have the chance to do it before. Does my dick make the fucking K-rations taste better? They still don't have the chance to do it because there's not going to be a draft. So it doesn't matter.

And we're not digging trenches anymore. I know. Like, hey, guys, it's the Battle of the Somme again. Like, dig a trench. What are you kidding? Get that giant gun over here. I need to put something in it after I put my monocle on. I would go if I could take my makeup, you know, if I could take my hairspray and my makeup.

I'm sure your hairspray would be very valuable when the enemy is coming over the trenches at you. It's the most sexist thing in the entire world. I'm sure your hairspray will be very valuable when you go back in time to World War I and the enemy is coming over trenches at you. Right. Yeah. This is so unbelievably sexist. Like, women are going to be more worried about their hair. No, I'll tell you what.

Tell you what. I don't care what you're generally worried about in the real world. If there's bullets flying, suddenly you reprioritize. Women are going to go to the front line. Are they going to bake cookies for everyone? What are they going to do? What are they going to do? Are they going to birth a baby?

Are they going to make dinner? Hold on now. I just named cooking and birthing. Is there anything else that women do? I don't think so. Are they going to complain on the front line? Well, let me get my hair sprayed.

I'm not a good candidate, but I think there are some women that feel that call. Well, why don't we let those get separate? But I think the average woman, maybe there's a masochistic thing they want. I mean, that's bondage. That's 50 shades of gray square.

Okay, that's my take on it. Thank you. That's my fucking rambling, incoherent take on it. It's like 50, yes, combat is like sex play. That's what exactly true. And when Al Qaeda is coming over the trenches at you right you can yell your safe word at them and you're totally fine totally fine they're like they well i guess i guess to some degree you know like if if isis picks you up they

hood you right and they bind you and you yeah you know it's just and then they threaten you right you know maybe they they don't maybe they tie you up yeah it's yeah it's not it's just and then they threaten you right yeah they you know maybe they they don't maybe they tie you up yeah it's yeah it's not it's not that far off it's just yeah you know just totally fucking dead set opposite but still now he did say he was in the army he said he's marines he says in marines and i will i read a little piece today and it says that uh that there was a republican congressman by the name of paul pete mccloskey now this is directly from wikipedia so clearly you know if you want to check sources you could go to wikipedia and check what their sources are um who served with robertson in korea

he wrote a public letter which said that robertson was actually was actually spared duty when his powerful father a u.s, intervened on his behalf, and Robertson spent most of his time in an office in Japan. According to McCloskey, his time in service was not in combat, but as a liquor officer responsible for keeping the officer's club supplied with liquor. Robertson filed a $35 million libel suit against McCloskey in 1986, and he dropped the case in 88 before it came to trial and paid McCloskey's court costs. Oh, you were going to lose.

I don't know that he was. He had that one in the bag there. Oh, so he wasn't crawling through the mud getting shot at? Yeah. Imagine. Imagine. According to a newspaper report in 1986, Robertson confirmed elements of his allegations

that he never saw frontline duty. So, yeah. So that's a great story, bro. Yep. Great story. I hope you're as committed to safe sex as you are those abs. I know you're all about that abstinence thing, you know. Come on, B. Palin.

Are you serious? Like, you're not going to hook up with, like, before you're married? For real? For real. For real, for real? For real. For real, for real? For real, for real, for real. This is from the Raw story. I got to read it like a tree?

You got to read it like the tree poem. All right. That is the tree poem. Christian conservatives push child marriage with creepy meme comparing girls to apples. This is so nasty. Oh, God. You know you got to take a poem seriously when it's shaped like something. Like, oh, I wrote it in shapes.

It's a mushroom. Yeah, great. It's a mushroom cloud instead of an apple tree. Now, after you're done, do I snap? Is that what I do? No. Okay, all right. No.

Just curious. Outrageous. Just curious. Outrageous, sir. The thing is, this is a terrible poem. It's not going to read like a poem it's fucking garbage okay all right girls are like apples on trees their fathers are the farmers whose job is to care for them he must protect his apples from pests and disease he must guard them

against thieves who may pick his apples prematurely hell you know what? I gotta say. I gotta say. We're not through the poem yet. I love a green apple. Nice, smooth green apple. Oh, shit. Completely smooth. You just gotta be careful you don't pick a crab apple. Yeah, that's true. And you can't take a very big bite out of it.

So gross. He must guard them against thieves. Now I remember that. Yeah. Neither those at the top nor those at the bottom can help their location. What does that even mean? What does that even mean? I don't know, but you could just be like, hey, it's your turn to drive.

Hang on a minute. Just look. Neither those at the top nor those at the bottom can help their location. I think it means like if you're not pretty. Because these girls in this metaphor, right? Girls are apples. They're apples on a tree. You're somewhere located on the tree.

So you're on the top or the bottom of the tree. Like, so you're a more or less desirable apple. Okay. Right? Sure. Yeah. So if you're an ugly chick, you can't do shit about it. One's easier to grab

those are the ugly apples at the bottom right those are the ones with lower standards and then the higher apples are the ones with higher standards the high the the highest the pretty little girls i don't i actually don't have any idea what that i don't know yeah i don't know what that means you can't help their location but all right but when each reaches peak ripeness, it is the farmer's job to harvest that fruit and give it to whom he will, to those in need. So that's weird, right? That is weird. Okay, the farmer is the dad, right? In this crazy, creepy fucking metaphor.

That's in a lot of jokes, too, it turns out. The farmer is the dad. So he waits until his daughter reaches peak ripeness so that's like sexual maturity well that just means you got to test for ripeness on occasion oh shit you gotta squeeze her melons you gotta squeeze you just gotta make sure that's all yeah is she ripe yet and then and then just like any farmer you give away your goods to people in needs you're just like oh my daughter's reached uh pu goods to people in needs. You're just like, oh, my daughter's reached puberty. I'll give her to a homeless

man. He's like holding your daughter. He's looking down. Thanks. I guess. We'll work for apples. We'll work for 14 year old's vagina. So it's like, oh man, my man my daughter oh she's nice and ripe let's go ahead and give her to somebody in need now hold on that that

sound was tom faux squeezing boobs i just want you to know that that he reached his hand out to faux squeeze a 13 year old's boobs i don't I don't know. I just want you to know, audience. In my mind, she was of age. In my mind, she was of age. She had a fake ID. You got Tracy Lorden. All right, so there's more. Okay, no. There's more.

So he's already finger-fucked his daughter. And now we're at what? Now we're at, what, is he going to fourth base? Like, what's going on? Is he sliding into home? I don't understand. And he gave away his daughter to someone. So there is nothing wrong with the apples still on the tree

and nothing wrong with the boys who seek them. But it is the farmer's duty to provide for both in due season. So the dad has to supply boys with girls, right? So he's basically pimp. He's a pimp. Yeah, sure. He's pimping out his daughter apple people. Oh, that makes sense.

That makes sense. It's so creepy. It's so creepy. It's the creepiest. It's the creepiest metaphor ever. When your organization's like, oh, man, who wrote this? Oh, yeah, that guy in the fucking windowless van full of puppies wrote this fucking creepy. Oh, we got to put this on our website of creeps.

Are you talking about the one who's really close with his daughter? What a nice man. Oh. Yeah. It's so gross. He says later, the author of this fucking horror show, Von Olman, he says,

we believe that not only should most people marry, they should marry in their youth. The Bible speaks of the wife of thy youth and children of the youth. Scripture also speaks of not letting children pass the flower of their age, leaving the physically mature young man struggling with fornication, leaving the physically mature young man struggling with fornication

and leaving the physically mature young woman wallowing in fruitless barren celibacy. These are both unscriptural and ungodly actions. Are you... Yeah, so, look, if nobody's fucking the boys, then that's bad, right?

That's what he's saying. Like, he's saying the boy is struggling with fornication. Like, ah, I need someone to fornicate with. Yeah. That's why one of those Duggars fucked all his sisters. Right. He just needed to do it. Look, I mean, here's the thing.

If they're- The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. I'm only half joking here. I'm only half joking. It was very good. That was a good- Thank you. I had to throw it in there.

I didn't want to laugh at it because I didn't want to encourage it. Nobody does. Thank you. I had to throw it in there. I didn't want to laugh at it because I didn't want to encourage it. Nobody does. No, but I'm only half joking because if this is the mindset that you're brought up with your whole life, this, oh, you know, you got to curb your libido as a boy because, you know, we know you want to fucking stick your dick in the fucking electric socket, but you can't do it. We got to slap you every time. We got to wait until you get just the right age before you can get a girl.

The whole time you're thinking, I just need to sate this somehow. How do I sate this? And, you know, fucking this guy, you know, went out and diddled his sisters because they were fucking, you know, low-hanging fruit. You know, the thing is, like, the way – and this is all from that same quiverful – it's all from that same movement. It is. It is. No longer quivering. It's all the same quiverful, it's all from that same movement. It is. It is. No longer quivering. It's all the same horror show bullshit, right?

So it is from the Duggar world of madness, and it's not surprising. And we've talked about this before, but what's crazy when you read this, it's like in this scenario, when he describes it, he describes boys basically as being lustful, right? Like boys are struggling with this desire to fornicate, but women don't evidently struggle with the same desire to fornicate, right? So women, according to this worldview, they have no libido. They have no sexual urges. They have no sexual desire. And they do this all the time. They talk about sex and sexuality as if it's a directional issue. Men are the only ones who have any sexual energy that gets directed in any way. And a woman's only job is just to receive the sexual energy that simply it's like a fucking weapon.

It has to be pointed at something. Got to control it. Safe at all times. Don't cross the streams. Exactly. Yeah, whatever you do. And in this world, like women have no sexual autonomy. They have no sexual authority of their own.

They don't evidently feel sexy or sexual in any way. Their whole job is just get fucked and be pregnant, right? That's their whole job. Because what does a woman according to this struggle with? He's struggling because he's like, I gotta fuck something! Like, her job, she's wallowing in fruitless, barren celibacy.

Barren, fruitless. Like, it's all about pregnancy. Yeah. That's what that's all that's what all is pointed at. Put a baby in me. Put a fucking baby in this shit. Put a baby in me. Put a fucking baby in this shit. Put a baby in me right now. God. It's fucking disgusting. I got to wave my baby wand around and pull a fucking rabbit out of this hat.

Lucifer ran this world. And that's exactly correct. And that is what they're seeking to bring back in the last days. That is the world government. That is the last beast. That is the fourth beast that is coming. It is a resurrection of the pre-flood Luciferian government. This is from Rick Wiles' madness.

Right Wing Watch has this clip. Rick Wiles, Zika virus is God's punishment for worshiping death. Shouldn't the Pope be telling them, it's illegal for you to cross that border without a visa? You should do this the proper way. You should. Yes. Christianity teaches that we obey the law.

Unless, of course, it's selling a cake to a gay person. Then we disobey the law. Yeah, I mean, and it's so funny because don't they always say, like, yeah, but it's God's law is first and the man's law is second, right? They quote that, you know, render unto Caesar what is Caesar's. They quote that line all the time. As a get out of pay attention to the laws, we don't like free card. Yeah, when it serves their purpose, you should follow the law.

When it doesn't serve our purpose, don't follow the law. You can ignore it. And this is exact. And, yeah, the Pope went to fucking Mexico to tell them not to cross the border. The Pope goes down to Mexico and he's like, hey, all you Mexicans, you dirty little Mexicans. No more crossing the border. Right. Why don't you apply for a visa?

They'll let you in. You just can't walk in. That's what the Pope should be saying. Why should he lie to him? Why should he? Why would the Pope say, yeah, just apply for a visa? Why would the Pope even say this? Is the Pope fucking our new immigration officer?

Yeah, right. The Pope doesn't have anything to do with that. The Pope is down there to talk about spiritual messages. He's not down there to be like, hey, apply for a visa. Let me show you how to fill the paperwork. I'm about to figure it out. Instead, he's probably what he probably said. I don't know what he said because I'm fucking missing the beginning portion of this thing.

But probably what the Pope had to say was something about it's not a sin to immigrate to a different country illegally you know here's the thing like if you're hungry who gives a fuck what the pope says right and if you're hungry who cares about a border right it's a fucking man-made piece of nothing i and you would do the same thing like if my family if my family was like fucking starving and hungry you think i wouldn't grab my kids and be like we gotta go yeah we gotta go i'm not gonna watch you wither away to nothing like i don't care that like some people might be upset about it like you have a moral obligation to yourself and to your family to do better than that yeah well it's the same reason he won't confront this is the same reason he won't confront the grung santa merte cult Mexico. Oh, that's the death witch, right?

Yes. The death thing. Yeah. The death witch. It's the death witch. It is the death witch. Yeah. It's the death witch.

That's a fucking, it's delicious. Although that sauce will kill you. Nicely done. Yeah. We did an article this last hour on this. That's weird. I read that one. That's weird.

Tell us what that's all about. So in Mexico, this actually has gotten very popular with the cartels and the drug traffickers. They essentially worship death and they pray to this figure,

the Santa Muerte. It's like a grim reaper. They pray to him for provision and protection. It's like a satanic Virgin Mary. I can't. I can't.

What's a satanic Virgin Mary? It is a satanic Virgin Mary. I actually like the satanic Bloody Mary myself. It comes with a habanero pepper in it. Super hot, bro! Jesus, you'll be shit and fire for a week if you drink that thing. Yes. Yeah, bro. Jesus, you'll be shit and fire for a week if you drink that thing.

Yes. Yeah, exactly. Right? And we've all probably seen people. They're here in the United States, too. I have seen people. I've seen a lot of people. We've all probably seen people.

Am I right? Am I right, huh? I mean, excluding you guys in solitary confinement, we've all seen people. It's predominantly being said that millions are in South America, Central America. But anyone who has these symbols, these tattoos, where it's like a death angel, a skeleton angel. Is that what this is? That's what it is. I'm seeing this on the back of vehicles.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. These decals. And I'm seeing it on, you seen it on T-shirts. No, you haven't. You're making stuff up. No, you're just making stuff up. I totally want to get a Santa Muerte shirt, though. I'm getting like 100 of them.

I'm looking it up right now. Santa Muerte gives you bones for Christmas. I love it. Santa Muerte. I'm like, what are you people into? And it was prominently featured in the latest James Bond movie, too. Okay, who cares? Say something that matters at some point. No, this is important, Tom.

Oh, my God. James Bond, this is what tells us all of our cultural references. Oh, my God. If something was in a movie, we should be worried that something was in a movie? I just watched Fifth Element. Should I be worried about that? Like, where's my multi-pass? I don't know if folks noticed that or not.

Was that Celebration of the Day of the Dead celebration? Yes. In the street. Yes. That's what they were celebrating. That's what that was. That's exactly right. That's interesting. The James Bond movies always have all kinds of subliminal messages in them.

No, that's not a subliminal message. That's an actual message. No, you're doing all of this wrong. Nothing about what you're saying. That's not subliminal. no that's an actual message no you know you're doing all of this wrong nothing about what that's not subliminal it's okay it's all right they don't know any of the words they're using it's the worst radio i've ever heard they don't even they're not even informed enough to be worked up properly about this i know they're just like oh yeah is that like on a back of a car you ever see those Have you ever seen those six stick figures and a dog? Is that Santa Claus? What about the Calvinists?

The ones that pee on stuff? The Calvinists. They always have. Edward, did I read in your article there's like 10 to 20 million people in the world following, worshiping this death witch. That's what's estimated. There's an expert that AFP interviewed. His name's Andrew Chestnut.

There's an expert. There's an unnamed party who said that there's 10 to 20 million people worshiping. That's a lot of people. Who cares? What difference would it fucking make? What difference would it make? 10 million people could worship a light bulb. It wouldn't make anything happen.

Who cares? No, no, no, no. They could worship fucking largemouth bass. It wouldn't make any difference. Who gives a shit? This is where you're wrong, though. And you're wrong because they think it would matter. Oh my god. Come on now. I know, but it's like it's fucking

just garbage. I know. Oh, they're worshiping a death witch. What would happen? Man, maybe the death witch, because they worship it, will then be more real. Right? Because even if you're a Christian, I mean, I worship a thing, but it's not part of the Bible, so it wasn't fucking real anyway. Do I think that it's going to make it real or that Satan is going to be like, oh, I'll embody this new image? I don't even know how this all works.

I don't even understand how this all works. I don't even understand how this all works. I know you don't. It doesn't work. That's why. It's all garbage. It's garbage for assholes. He's a professor of religious studies at Virginia Commonwealth University.

In his interview, he was flabbergasted. This is the fastest growing new religious movement, not only in Mexico, but in entire Americas. This is a direct quote from him. Okay, so the fastest growing religion in the Americas is the worship of a death witch. Now, is there a spiritual parallel to that religion and the sudden appearance of Zika virus. No. No. No.

There's not. There is not. There is not a correlation. You're just making things up. The fucking tiny baby head virus has nothing to do with the scary tattoo virus. Well, that's not a virus. Whatever.

Religion. Scary tattoo religion. God. Yeah. It would work if, like, everybody was like, oh, I got fucking Beetlejuiced because, you know,

I got a tattoo and I was like, and I got fucking shrunk. I took someone else's number when I was going to wait in the waiting room. In the waiting room. You took the wrong number.

Thank you for explaining the reference. You get Hank head shr number. Thank you for explaining the reference. You get Hank head shrunk. My favorite part of that movie is when he eats the fly. He like pulls the Zagnut up out of the ground and like waves it. He's like, hey, buddy, I got some nice food over here. And then the fly comes in. I love that part.

And the Americas. They're getting what they asked for, death. I mean, they're praying to satan to lucifer they're worshiping death and so he's giving them death bless us and we'll give you death yes yes oh he's more than glad to do that that's what he does he steals kills and destroys so well well then why worship him nobody would do do that. It doesn't make any sense. It's like being Republican. Like, it's just voting against your own interests. It totally is.

In the name of Jesus, we speak that. I love Brian Fisher. This story is also from Right Wing Watch. I'm sorry it's all from Right Wing Watch, but I'm not sorry because the clips are amazing. Brian Fisher explains how a vapor canopy allowed Methuselah to live for 969 years all I want all I want all I want all year is for Brian Fisher to science

I just want him to keep explaining this shit I want him to do like a Mr. Wizard's World with some fucking little dumb kid comes in and he says hey Mr. Fisher I was trying to use the phone earlier and I didn't know how it works. Can you tell me how it worked? Well, Billy,

let me tell you how the phone works. You see, God makes electromagnetic signals when you open your mouth and it's magically transported with angels to your friend through this complicated technology. When one electron loves another electron very much.

This is amazing. So this is Brian Fisher talking about a vapor cloud. Vapor canopy. Vapor canopy. Isn't that what you have over one of those vaping stores? Vapor canopy? We got some calls about the oldest person. That's 122 is the oldest living person that's been documented.

Documented. Documented. The channel is in her, Rafael Cruz. He's been documented, man. Documented, not undocumented. I got my green card, man. In modern times, you know, we had some callers called in right away and said, hey, what about Methuselah?

It'll live to be 969. Great question. That's made up. It's garbage. It's made up. it's not a real thing nobody lived to be 900 years old never happened never ever ever ever ever ever fucking happened holy shit what do you get a man for his 965th birthday? That person would be 10 times as old as Pat Robertson. That's impossible.

It's impossible. You could cut his head off and put it in a jar. In formaldehyde. And it wouldn't last 900 years. 900 years. People think that's true. 900 years. 900 years.

People think that's true. Hey, you guys didn't explain Methuselah. The last time, 900 years ago, there were mores. 900. Why die at all then? I know. And here's the deal. We don't know all of what happened with the flood.

Never happened. We don't know what happened with the flood. It also never happened. So 900-year-old people, the flood, both can go in the same bucket, and that bucket is labeled never fucking happened, okay? But something fundamentally changed when the flood occurred fucking 969 years he never learned to swim he like it never made the list it was a he's inside his fucking bucket list he's crossed everything else off he's 969 years old learned to fucking swim wasn't on there no one god's like god's the guy comes down to know

he's like all right build build this fucking ark but it's only you and noah's like i don't know you let methuselah live like 960 years i just that was a that was a typo i fucking forgot it's like that guy who's picking up his last check with his red stapler all right he just nobody remembered to fire him to fire him no i've got my own kind of theory about that, it's just nobody remembered to fire him. Nobody remembered to fire him. No, I've got my own kind of theory about that, and it's just a theory. No, you don't understand what a theory is. Again, third incorrect thing, not a theory, it's made up. It's a wild-ass guess.

Now, it could be a colloquial theory. Right, but it's not a scientific theory. But it's not a scientific theory. That there was a vapor canopy that surrounded the earth. This vapor canopy protected the surface of the earth and the people who lived on the surface of the earth from some of the harmful radiation that came from the sun and other sources. Was it lead vapor?

That's why I'm like, what's water, right? What vapor? What are we talking about? A vapor canopy that protects us from the sun, but the sun still comes down and plants still grow. So the sun evidently, the energy so the sun evidently the energy from the sun evidently reaches all the way down to the earth and allows the sunlight to perform all of its essential sunlight activities you're right but it also just you don't die because you did

you because you have super vapor what does that even mean man it was cloudy and you can live longer in the cloudy i'm gonna kill you i'm to leap over this fucking table and strangle the life out of you. I need to vet my rage. When that vapor canopy condensed and fell as rain during the 40 days of the flood, that protective shield dissipated. And so now there were some genetic impacts, impacts on DNA. What is he saying? What is he saying? This is amazing. What What is it? Just water. This is amazing

though. Could you imagine, you know, a, uh, I watch, I watch, uh, uh, a show called the universe on the history channel and they'll talk about, you know, these, these little things they'll say, you know, they'll have a, an entire show about quasars and pulsars, right? And they'll just talk about what quasars are, what pulsars are, where they are, how far away they are, et cetera, how we found them, why we are weirded out by them, why we, you know, and they'll show like a fucking one of the Grateful Dead members actually used them for music and like all this crazy shit, right? It's like a pretty neat show. I would love to see Brian Fisher's version of this show. Oh my gosh. We're talking about like, where's pulsars come from? Well, you see

there's this huge vapor cloud universe and part of it's a pulsar. The end. Like, I mean, I can't imagine. Giant dinosaur alligators live thousands of years. This is exactly it, right? Yeah. Like, in Brian Fisher's fucking Wild America,

there's fucking giant fucking 5, 000 year old crocodiles right that turned into tyrannosaurus rexes and brontosauruses for fun for fun because they were just real old and there was a there's a vapor cloud that again allowed people to be real old like everything kind of goes back to this i could get real old if i want stuff just doesn't die back you old bro you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth so this story comes from right wing watch this is sandy rios and her fucking crazy in the morning show or whatever she calls it so sandy rios beyonce ushering in the antichrist with her black racism and lawlessness.

Did you see that Saturday Night Live did a skit about Beyonce this week? Was it good? Yeah. It's the day that America realized Beyonce was black. And so they're all listening and they get that moment of like, she's black. Yeah. Oh, no. So it's like three minutes of that. It's actually of like, she's black. Yeah, exactly.

So it's like three minutes of that. It's actually really funny. That's awesome. But it's hilarious because nobody noticed until now that she's actually black. And now it's like, oh, but she's black and she's racist as well. So let's listen to Sandy. All right.

I'm going to interrupt because honestly, what is what happened with Beyonce? Anybody know? Anybody tell me what happened to this absolutely gorgeous girl, beautifully built, with great vocal talent, who had a loving mother, it seems like a great family,

and has become just more and more hard, hard, hard, and crass, crass, crass. What? What? The fuck are you talking about? She's hard and crass. She sings about fucking like money. It's Beyonce, man. I don't even know. What do you know about? She's hard and crass. She sings about fucking, like, money. Like, I mean, I... It's Beyonce, man.

I don't even know. Like, I mean... What do you know about her? You know, like, this is like... We've talked about this before. All you know about her is fucking what she sold you. Right. You fucking cunt.

You know what I mean? Like, you don't know shit about her. She's a brand name to you. She's fucking... She's nothing. All she is is a person who fucking did a thing and you saw her do once. You don't know fuck all about her. Right.

It's a cure. You know, like, this shit makes me nuts because we look at these celebrities and we think, like, oh, man, what happened? That used to be such a nice person. Really? You've been to their fucking home for dinner? You know their kids? Yeah. Have you met their brother and sister?

No? You don't know fuck all. Like, what you have is a curated version of the truth that they sell you so that you buy their fucking brand line, you dumb asshole. You don't know whether they're good people or bad people or fucking sideways people. You have fucking no idea the content of their character. What do you fucking know? You know she sings a song you like. She sings the Ring On It song, right?

Like, fuck you. You don't know shit. You know, I just, this seems to be happening, you know, to all these girls who are, you know, getting a lot of attention musically. They seem to be driven. But in Beyonce's case, now it's political. I know that Jay-Z is proudly part of a very racist group. He wears T-shirts to – I can't remember the name right now.

I was going to look it up before I said this, but I remember it well. I can't remember it, but I remember it well. I can't remember it, but I do remember it well. I remember it well. I was going to look it up, but I didn't. But I remember it well. Anyway, I don't know it. I can't remember it, but I know that George W. Bush wears racist T-shirts, but I can't remember it.

I can't remember what they were called. But he does wear them, and I remember it well. I think it was a racist hood. That's what he was wearing. It's a T-shirt with like a little K and a K and a K on it. I think there was three of those on there. Is it Grand Poobah? Yeah.

Because it was a news story not long ago. Yeah. Said Grand Poobah. Yeah. Because it was a news story not long ago. And so now, you know, this video that she, that they had produced and released just before the Super Bowl, I guess the song she performed, it's called Formation. I watched it. It's just, it's just, it's just disgusting to me.

That's because you're a fucking prude, lady. Yeah. Like, of course it's disgusting to you. Of course it's disgusting because you're fucking horrified by humans. Right. Like, you think humans are horrifying. Of course it's disgusting because you're fucking horrified by humans. Right.

Like you think humans are horrifying. You think the fucking naked bodies fucking – you might as well see a pile of intestines than watch naked bodies. So of course it's horrifying you because you're a fucking prude and you belong in the Victorian era. My lady, is that your ankle? How scandalous, scandalous. I have ejaculated in my pants. It's just it's not only stoking the fires of racism, just stoking, just hatred, really. Hatred, black hatred toward whites and toward policemen. It's also just crass sexually.

It's like you need a bath. What's this beautiful girl doing doing this? Why does she have to do this? I hate how she whines. I hate how she begs these people to be like, no, why are you? Nobody's here to please you, you cunt. Nobody fucking cares about you.

You're a fucking irrelevance. Nobody fucking cares about you. You're a fucking irrelevance. Nobody fucking cares that you feel dirty when you watch a fucking Beyonce video, you fucking prude. Nobody cares. She's so fucking narcissistic it makes me crazy, man. You fucking, oh, oh, how could you do this to me? Who fucking cares about you? Are you suggesting that Beyonce doesn't wake up and check Sandy Rios? Oh, no, Sandy Rios doesn't like my latest video.

She thinks it's too sexy. This is just too much. It just fucking, it makes me crazy when she does it. I know. And she did this about the gays, too. I don't know if you remember a while back when she's like, what are you doing? You don't know what you're doing. You just don't know.

I know. Yeah, she whines. She's a whiner. She's a whiner. And that's how she acts. It's like fucking nobody cares how you fucking think. Nobody cares that you're disgusted by anything that anyone else does. Nobody gives a fuck.

And it's so funny too the way she talks about Beyonce. Like this beautiful girl, like as if that's relevant. Yeah. Like, you know, if you have a complaint. Yeah, if it was a fucking ugly girl, she could fucking spread her lips all she wants. But I think that's embedded there, right? It's like beautiful women have more worth. They have more value.

And, like, here's this person, and she's a beautiful woman, and she's not using her beauty and power that comes from beauty in the way that makes Sandy Rios the most fucking comfortable? Sure. Fuck you. Fucking get out of here. Why her talents in the way that makes Sandy Rios the most fucking comfortable? Sure. It makes... Fuck you! Fucking get out of here. Why are her talents in this way? I mean, you can fill in the blanks. I'm not going to, but there's trouble. I could just say there's trouble, and this is not good for her, and it's not good for her husband.

What do you care, you fucking best friend? Did she ask for your fucking advice, or you were a fucking pastor? It's not good for her. She's a grown-ass woman. She could buy and sell you a hundred times over no kidding right wait how the fuck you know one how would you know and two you're fucking wrong you're just fucking wrong it's fucking amazing for her because the only people are gonna stop listening to her because your fucking tiny little shit show had something to say about

it are the dumb fucks who would have never bought that shit anyway right and all this is doing this is now going to go on right wing watch it's going to go all over the place bunch of people are going to see it and all those other people can be like oh beyonce came out with a new video i didn't know that check it out i'll tell you what i'm gonna watch it now yep i wouldn't watch it before i'm gonna watch it now and if i like the song i'm gonna fucking buy it on itunes because you know what i don't fucking care what you think i care what i think i don't fucking look do you ever look to somebody else to be like oh man that's a you know that you should buy or you shouldn't buy that artist's song like fucking i don't ever listen to anybody when i do i definitely i check and i what i'll do is if i think i like a song i will call somebody and i'll be like do i do i like this song because i'm three and i

have to look at my mom and be like do i like lima beans do i like lima i don't know if i like things somebody tell me what i like fucking ridiculous because it's not good for her it's not good for her fucking job is to be hot and talented yeah so if she's on tv like look at me i'm hot and talented it's fucking literally yeah that is her fucking job. And the more controversial she is, the better it is. The better it is. She's going to get more fucking, more people are going to know about it. But it's also not good for America and why the NFL would.

It's not good for America, Tom. It's not. It's not good for all of a fucking America. America's fucking sad. America can't buy its fucking bald eagle clowns or whatever. Also, I'm super glad that you're telling me what's fucking good for America. All 370 million of us are fucking upset because we, you don't like Beyonce's new fucking single.

So we want to thank our most current patrons, Michael, William, Larry, DJ Zeke, Richard, and Ryan. Thanks very much for your generous donations. We really do appreciate it. In the next couple weeks, I think it's maybe a week or so away. We're not sure exactly when it will come out. But we are probably going to be putting together a special patron-only show.

We had gotten a lot of support recently, and we want to just do a little bit of appreciation for the patrons here so we're probably going to be putting together a patron only show of Pastor Manning it would be all Pastor Manning all day that sounds horrible this is how much we love you guys well the ones who give us money

we will you know we also got some PayPal donations. Shelly and Eric, thank you both very much for your PayPal donations. Yeah, very generous, too. Yeah, very generous. Of course, going to our website, dissonancepod.com, you can find a link to our PayPal donations there. So we got a message from Bart,

and Bart wanted to tell us that they had Giardiniera in the grocery store by them in in in the canadian i guess in canada they have bottled things interesting um i didn't think they had gotten to bottling yet i didn't know they had forged glass yeah that's amazing interesting bravo man they're moving up i know probably imported it yeah they traded some fur pelts for it. But we got a couple of images here of Giardiniera. First off, we want to correct you that hot garden mix in oil is not Giardiniera. That's not Giardiniera. That's not Giardiniera.

But there was an image of mild Giardiniera that you sent us that looks passable, although I will say this. wild giardiniera that you sent us that looks passable although i will say this anyone anytime you eat it in a restaurant i've never had a i've bought it many times out of a bottle here in in in grocery stores yes like maybe i would say maybe 10 times i've tried it i have never once found it in a bottle where it tastes good yeah it's because it's foul coming from a bottle. It just is. Sorry. It's not right. And I don't know what it is. I couldn't put my finger on it. It's just not right. You've got to get that shit from a fucking sketchy hot dog joint or a weird beef

place. It's got to come from some place where a health inspector has been bribed. That's how you know the chardonnay is good, right? There's a chance you're going to get a part of a carrot, part of a cauliflower, and a rat tail. Yeah, right?

Like, those are the things that should be in it. I just expect cricket legs in mine. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's just part of what you have to... If you don't have to move

the tampon out of the way... Oh, God! ...the used one... Oh! ...then it's not real Giardiniera! The problem is the tampon's so

so poor of juice. Oh, God! I didn't know. Oh, God. I didn't know. Let's order from Grow Home. I'm getting hungry. All right. So anyway, thank you, but I just don't. I think those are pale in comparison.

We got an awesome image of fucking Cruz, and I'm just going to put it on this week's show notes. So if you go to this episode, 279, just look at the comparison of Cruz to this famous figure and you will laugh your ass off. That's perfect! Thank you, personal.

That's awesome! Yeah, I love that. We got a message from the Recovering Gringo and the Recovering Gringo says that I was mistaken when i mentioned on i was on uh atheistic speaking recently by the way yes you were yeah uh i was abandoned by tom yes you were tom was supposed to be on and uh and and i wasn't he dropped his phone in a toilet or something missed the fucking appointment somehow he had fucking there was like a 25 million car pile up on the road

get here either that or he just fucking forgot look okay yeah he got me i have literally no excuse no excuse yeah cecil sends me a text message like what's your eta and i was like tomorrow what are you fucking talking about we're recording tomorrow and i was like oh we're recording both days yeah well I'm not recording today. Whoopsie. Anyway, I'm an hour and a half from the studio. He did not make it to the atheistically speaking. But we were on with Eli.

What were you? I was on with Thomas and Eli. And we talked again about social justice stuff. So if you're interested, you can go find it there. social justice stuff. So if you're interested, you can go find it there. But on that particular episode, I mentioned that the internet is forever. I talked about being doxxed and how difficult that is and the internet being forever. And The Recovering Gringo is commenting on that. He said, I've been on the internet since it started, posted some amazingly embarrassing crap as a college student when I knew everything. I used to find those posts

frequently when I searched for myself into the early 2000s. I can't find any now, so forever is probably not the right term. Until the company has hosting data that runs out of money is probably a better way to think of it. Good news for Yik Yak users is the takeaway. And Yik Yak,

just the Yik Yak board happens to be the board that Eli said he found all the stuff that he told us on and that was yeah the imaginary stuff conveniently deleted yeah the imaginary stories by yeah may as well read in the fucking bible for how fucking true that shit was the zika witch deleted it yeah we got a message we got a message from eric and eric says i was listening to 277 and cruz's dad sounds like Strunk. He does.

He totally does. He totally does. Actually, he sounds like the Cart Gage Mort Gage guy. He sounds more like that. Nobody's taking me to Chick-fil-A. See no Cart Gage Mort Gage. Doesn't he sound like that? He does.

He does. That's amazing. Thank you very much. We got another message about somebody sounding like something. Another cartoon. Michael said that Pastor Manning, when he goes, sounds like one of the piggies from Angry Birds. He totally does. He totally does.

That's amazing. That's great. We got a message from Sherry. And Sherry says, so I'm at the grocery store listening to episode 276 through headphones. I'm sipping soda while strolling in the aisle and listening to the two of you eviscerate the evangelical kiss as Ted Cruz. When I hear Tom say

Cruz, he needs a dive type and I laugh so hard I choked on and then inhaled my Dr. Pepper which culminated in a violent eruption of soda hemorrhaging out of my nose and trickling down the front of my shirt. Jesus, Tom. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You know, I got to say. My strategy is just not to make them laugh. That's been my strategy since the beginning. You're killing it, bro. I'm killing it, man. You're killing it. Yeah. You know, I got to say, the cruisy needs a dipe type may be one of the worst and most awfully delightful things that I've said.

I can't count the number of disgusting, awful things I've said. I've said some horrible, horrible things. That, though, really does top them all. Here, the problem is that the mental image is just too powerful. And it's too easy. It's just too easy to see. You see him as... Standing there with his man belly.

Yes, with a diaper and his and his fucking shoes off and like a man-sized rattle in his hand and just and a giant fucking huge binky in his mouth and him like furiously sucking on and then he pulls out he's like he's like and then he yeah that's that's exactly what yeah that is the least that fucking and you need you need like you need like a parachute to swaddle him you know what i mean it just keep wrapping it's like it never runs out. This is great, Tom. This is amazing. We got this as a message.

This is a message for priests, the dating app. It says, you mentioned that there should be a dating app for priests looking to meet kids. I've got a great idea for the name of the app, Kinder. That's amazing. That's great. Amazing. Oh, that's terrific. Thank you. This is an interesting – Marcus sent us an interesting link that we'll put on this week's show notes.

Basically, it's – he's compiled a debate list on a blog site, and it's a bunch of YouTube debates from atheists, and it's pretty neat. Yeah, I appreciate this very much. I like debate. I listen to debates. I'll actually listen to them sometimes if I'm trying to fall asleep. I listen to them crazily when I travel for work. I listen to debates. I'll actually listen to them sometimes if I'm trying to fall asleep. I listen to them crazily when I travel for work. I listen to these all the time. So I just recently, from your list, I listened to the Christopher Hitchens Debates Tony Blair debate.

I thought it was great. It was a wonderful debate. We got a message from Elvis, and Elvis, pardon me, it's A-L-V-I-S, sent it in this. This is a hillbilly hoedown that's just that's awesome and not only that i've got to commend elvis because every time he does it bumper length yes he doesn't send in he doesn't send in a fucking Trans-Siberian Orchestra length piece. He sends in a 20-second, 10-second piece that can be inserted into our podcast like Hillbilly God is inserted into a glory hole.

When it comes to these things, brevity is the soul of wit, right? Absolutely. You've got to hit that shit like on the head and he does it every time. Uh, we weren't going to put a video for this week. Now,

last week when we had a, we had our very terribly racist segment, it was so racist, man, you were racist, more racist than me. But in any case, um,

wow, Tom, uh, Tom is fucking history. David Barton. Tom's terrible racist rant that he had last week about Rafael Cruz can be found in episode 278. But that whole

piece, someone put it to the Muppets. So they have a Muppet face interviewing another Muppet face. And it's really funny. He did a great job on this episode. So that's going to. It is funny. He did a great job. So we'll post it on this episode. Yep. So that's going to wrap it up for this week. We may have an extra show coming up soon, like we said, for Patreon.

And we may also have an extra show that pops out for the listeners in the midweek. And we'll keep you posted on that. But we're going to leave you now, like we always do, with a rattling fucking grate above the door. I'm making you so mad. Because it's fucking so goddamn bassy in here. You're so mad. gonna leave you now like we always do with a rattling fucking grate above the door because it's fucking so goddamn bassy in here and you know sometimes i think i've mentioned this before i've said it before and you can't hear it but i'll tell you what i'm gonna i'm gonna see if

there's any way that we can we can pump the fucking the sound on that just so you can hear how fucking annoying that is god i hate this place i know you do so man leaving you with the skeptics creed god damn it credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized Stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment Leo Pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues

temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers evangelists conspiracy double speak stigmata nonsenseose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Bye.