Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 280: Cookie Acceptance Day!

Episode Date: February 29, 2016

  [13 minute clip]

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, love the show. This is Molly. Regarding your last episode, since you cracked up so much at the idea of elite forces in the Coast Guard, I thought I'd let you in on this little bit of hilarity. My ex-husband was in the Coast Guard and used to talk about wanting to join the Tactical Underwater Nighttime Assault Group. Putting all that together, it's tuna. I think they dog paddled around drug dealer boats or something in the middle of the night. Anyhow, glory hole. Good morning. My name is Richard Swingin.

My friends call me Dick, which I hope you guys will be some friends. I'm president of the National Association of Glory Hole Operators, better known as NAGHO. I'm also a proud owner of Soft Gums, LLC, which employs over 200 glory hole individuals with installations throughout the five states of Georgia, Mississippi, and Louisiana. I'm holding a cease and desist letter, which has been finally crafted by our representatives, and I really don't want to send it out. I'm hoping that maybe we can get together and talk about the fact that you possibly have done wrong upon our organization. As we say down here in Mississippi, maybe we can get together, kill a turtle, enjoy soup together.

It's gone to my attention that your podcast, some kind of liberal newspaper or something, is belittling our legitimate glory hole operations. Honestly, truth of the matter, my organization, under no circumstances, we don't want to be affiliated with an atheist organization like your newspaper. For more than 20 years, we have satisfied the people, and we are not going to let you bring disgrace upon our patrons or our operators. I'm hopeful that we can get together, so give me a call. My number is 1-800-US-FLOYD. I really don't want to send out this piece of the sys letter, so hopefully you're not going to force my hand.

I really don't want to send out this piece in the sys letter, so hopefully you're not going to force my hand. As I know many people say in the business, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. We're not going to bend over to you. So I suggest you call me right back. Let's get this done. All right. Well, God bless. I'll talk to you soon.

Dick Swing. Bye. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political.

And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 280 of Cognitive Dissonance. And I will say that there is no welcome mat for a number of people that have ordered welcome mats. It turns out you have to select where you want it shipped to. If you select I will pick it up,

they do not ship it to you. The assumption is that you are going to pick it up. We've had a number of people get in touch with us recently. And they click it on accident. You know, it's one of those things. Yes, absolutely. I'm just busting rocks. So if you did not receive your welcome mat, go back and check your order and see if you clicked I'll pick it up.

And if you don't want to pick it up, let us know, and we'll get in touch with the purveyor of fine welcome mats, and then they'll fix it, I think. But there is a welcome mat for some of us. We have a welcome mat here in Glory Hole Studios, which we can't wait to roll up into a tube and move to a different location other than 345 North Loomis. This is the home of all of Cecil's rage and angst.

This is the angriest place we've ever been. Last week, we had over three hours of material I had to edit down into an hour and 30 minutes. Nailed it. And the reason why, like we were so distracted by the sounds here on like five or six clips that they're just garbage.

They were just garbage. We couldn't do anything with it. And then there was the one where the guy came in and delivered food like in the middle of it. And that one was right out. That's the best one.

Yeah. No, that was the worst. No, I'll tell you, it's the best one. It had food. It did have food. It had food involved. Yeah. But that's not's not gonna happen today we've already consumed our food and so much it would just been so much work lately to because when you're when you're in here you'll

hear the terrible people below us or the awful people to either side of us i feel like you don't like any of the bands that play around us and we've had some opportunity to audition all of them i think all the bands that are around us should commit seppuku i think that's that's the only way to be sure uh yeah they're all terrible and the problem is is it's super distracting and so why what winds up happening is is one of us will start trailing off and we'll say something like jesus that's fucking loud and then i gotta cut to cut it out. It's been really, really difficult. Well, you know, the problem is, Cecil, you're not in a band. Right. And you've never been in a band, so what the fuck do you know?

You don't know that you have to practice at maximum volume all the time, every time, 100% of the time, regardless of what hour of the day you're at. To be honest, though, if you're in a band, there's really no other point. I mean, if you're in a band, why even do your hobby if you're listening to yourself on headphones no i would play i would play at maximum volume i would play it if i were in a band now first of all uh it would be fucking like wild stallions bad if i were in a band you would you would have to be the talentless guy right well i'm the talentless guy in every production i've ever been in that's true right very true so i would be in wild stallions bad but i would play it at fucking ear i would play it at fucking weaponized volume play it at 11 right you have to play it i would

buy because i'll fucking just throw money at the problem like you're not any good well buy more speakers i don't know somebody at some point is to pay me to turn it off. What would you play in the band? I'm just curious. If I could play anything? Yeah. Xylophone. Yeah. But the rock xylophone.

The rock xylophone? Because, you know. Would there be a distortion? I would play Norwegian death metal xylophone. Or the bells? You know, those like the big table full of bells? Cowbells. It's like a trans-Siberian orchestra.

Did you ever play an instrument? I've never played an instrument. I'm completely musically disinclined my father was a uh musician he well i didn't know that he was yeah he was a drummer and he played in a bunch of jazz bands when he was a kid and when he was an adult and uh when i was young he tried to teach me the drums and i was so bad he stopped teaching me it's like you don't he like put you up for adoption like you don't beat well son you don't fix that you don't you don't. He like put you up for adoption. He's like, you don't beat well, son. I'll fix that.

You don't. Because I mean, I could barely keep the time. And that's kind of your job, I think. I tried to play the drum, too. And I got kicked out of beginner band for being too bad at it. Yeah. Like at some point, I started in fifth grade. And they only had beginner band in fifth and sixth grade. My seventh grade, you had to move up to intermediate band. and they're like, you are not ready for intermediate band.

I'm like, well, I'll stay in beginner band. They're like, there's no more? There's no more beginner band. And then they sort of trail off, like, there's no room at the inn for you. They're like, you're too terrible. And they're like, give us back the fucking drumsticks. Like, this is not for you. I never progressed past the drum either.

Like, I didn't get two drums with an S, like more than one drum. I had one drum in front of me. And they're like, you can't even one drum. That's it. Like, at some point, they're like, everybody else we've given a symbol to at this point. You, one drum, no. Like, we even take the snares off. Did you practice with your drum at home?

I did. I had a drum.. Did you practice with your drum at home? I did. I had a drum. You practiced at home with your drum? I would go home and I would practice. Not often because it's fucking boring to practice things. That's why I don't do it. That's why you never did it. That's why I didn't do it.

Practicing things is boring. No, it's true. It's practicing things is boring. I want to be immediately good or quit right away. Those are my two favorite options. Like, hey, were you immediately good at this? No. You want to keep doing it?

Why would I do that? I'm not immediately good at it. A long black cock, long black cock. A long black cock, long black cock. This story comes from RT.com. Danish imam urges government to accept child marriages among refugees. So this story is pretty fucking awful. It's a high-profile imam, not like those low-profile imams where you can't tell if they're there.

It's like a GE low-profile refrigerator. You have to go to a special place to get the low profile Moms, and then you get the high profile Rims to go with the low profile Moms. He's a counter-depthed Mom. Counter-depth. Sub-zero Mom. So he's blue and black. Is that how it works?

He's a Viking of Mom. He just comes out and raids a village. You're like, no, I don't think you understood. He's a wolf of Mom. I will say this. You look at this guy, and he looks like, he kind of looks like a disinterested IT guy. He does. He looks like you came to him, and you'd be like,

my computer no working. He's just looking at it like, are you serious? I'm going to have to tell this fucker to restart his computer. Are you serious, bro? No, it's not a fucking cup holder. It's a CD. It's a CD-ROM. This guy is a high profile imam.

And he urged the Danish government to accept child bribes. And his argument. Child bribes? Child bribes. Did I say bribes? Child bribes? Take them both. I'm not turning it down

like child please stop beating me i will give you this cookie he basically says like his argument is like look it's cultural practice to marry children so because it's our disgusting horrifying cultural practice you should make it your cultural practice and this is why cultural relativism is horrifying right right we talk about it when we talk about the really horrifying shit, when this comes up, when child brides comes up, when, you know, any kind, I mean, what if they were to come here and say, well, look, in our country, we use a hand chopper off our machine. When are you guys going to buy one of them? You guys got to get a whole slew. You guys have to get a hand chop. When are you guys going to start ruling us by Sharia law?

That's what we're used to. Right. You're going to end up opening your fucking Staples catalog and it's just going to have hand chopper offer machines or like the red swing line one. It's going to have like a the hand chopper. Well, they're all red anyway. They are eventually. They're all red anyway. The bottom half. Exactly.

The hand chopper. Well, there's arterial spray. Exactly. It's got an interesting paint job, admittedly. It's like a Jackson Pollock in here. It's like a shirt from the 80s. It's like you open up your Staples catalog and the shredders no longer

have safety features, and that's how you know that they're Islamic. It's like Sharia-approved shredders. I think it's interesting too when we talk about the child brides thing. You know, we could instead of just saying,

look, this is an age in which you could marry someone. Embrace this and say, okay, well, you can marry a certain amount of brides by weight. So what you could do is, you know when you go to the store and you buy, like, clams by the pound? This is a great example, right? Because you're buying clams by the pound.

You're buying clams by the pound. There you go. Yeah, they're a little easier to shuck, I think. But seriously, you just go in and you're like, okay. It tastes like the sea. I found the man in the boat. Oh, Jesus. the sea i found the man in the boat oh jesus that's a pearl of great price in there a little sand in there what's going on

this tastes like a bottom feeder oh this guy says that he wouldn't let his kid do it though he said he goes out of his way to say i you know i totally think that this practice is good, and I think what we should do is have other people do this, but my kid, I would wait until they're 18 years old. Before you sell them off. Before he does whatever he's going to do, whatever. But that's an interesting way to look at it. It's like, that's okay. They can do whatever they want, but I'm going to do what you guys do.

Well, it's sort of like that not in my backyard, but it's sort of like not in my back door. Right. That's the same. Well, not in her back door. Not in her back door. Yet. Yet. Not until she's 18.

Not in her back door. Right. Until. Until the tender age of 18. Yeah, exactly. You know, like, can you have a child bride that isn't sold? Is it always selling when it's a child bride? Well, it has to be because there's

no consent. Right. Right? You can't go up to, I can't go up to little Susie if she's 10 years old and be like, honey, do you want to marry me? And she can be like, I like marriage! I got a ring pop wedding! Exactly. She could fucking totally say yes, but it doesn't mean anything. Right. Like, someone else has to make the contract

for her. And if someone else is saying yes for her, then there has to be some, I mean. Right. Well, but if there's no like goods and services exchange, then you're just giving away. So it's a donation at that point. So did you get a receipt? Well, no. Is it tax deductible when you give away your, it's like, you know, if you drop off a certain amount of shit at Goodwill, you know, you get a receipt.

You do. That's true. You know, you could also consider it like, you know, why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? Sure. And in this case, why buy the cow at all? Although this cow can't produce milk for another

six or eight years. So it's like a veal. Why buy the veal when you get the... Oh, shit. What, are you gonna cry now? Come on, cry, baby. Cry for me. Come on. Cry. This story comes from Planet240.

Fuck that is, but I found it. It's from Planet240. Two more babies stricken with herpes after a ritual ultra-Orthodox Jewish oral blood-sucking circumcision in New York City. Clearly a headline written by the fucking authors of the Daily Mail, right? Right, right.

That is just, what else do you, you don't even need to read the fucking thing. What do you pair with baby dick? Like, what do you, like, when you're going, do you ask a sommelier, like, what type of wine goes well? Or do you just go with, you know, because I've always heard when you eat a wiener what what type of wine goes well or do you just go with you know because i've always heard when you when you eat a wiener you should drink a beer that's what it's like a barbecue thing right it's that's like casual sure i don't but you could also go to like a beer snob and be like well is it an ipa that i'm gonna do when i suck this baby dick don't you have to get like manischewitz or like heb? Like those would be the... Yeah, exactly. Those would be the options.

Yeah, like some sort of kosher. Right. Some sort of kosher drink of some sort. Yeah. Yeah. I would think... Do they hang the baby when they cut their dick? Do they hang them from the ceiling to let the blood drip out?

To let it drain out? I don't know. No, they don't hang them. That blood is fucking clearly delicious to their fucking vampire senses or whatever. Do they cauterize it with kosher salt? Is that how they? You can actually tell who are the ultra-Orthodox Jews that have this practice because they sparkle in the sunlight. Oh, Jesus.

It's like a Capri Sun to them. It's like a straw they stick in. Like all the little girls are like, I'm Team Ira. I'm like, okay. All right. That's like, I'm Team Ira. Like, okay. All right. That's great. I'm Team Ira. It's awesome.

I love it. Oh, that guy has awesome dreads. A little top hat. It's amazing. These guys, like, look at the fucking doily, first of all. So this guy has to wear so many layers before he can suck a dick, right? Like, usually I like to make sure that the clothing is... It should be less clothes.

Right. He does. What he has is like a fucking coffee table runner draped over his head. That's what it looks like. That's what he has. He has a coffee table runner draped over his goddamn head. It's like he's got to hide himself from God before he sucks a baby dick. Hey, God, don't pay attention while I stick this

fucking child penis in my mouth. You know, there's a moment where you're so fucking embedded in your religion that you're like, oh man, what day is it? Oh, it's Saturday or fucking whatever. We gotta go take our brand new baby to that fucking

untrained, unmedically licensed dude so he can cut off a piece of his dick and then suck the fucking blood out. Oh, God. What are you, a fucking mosquito? Are you kidding me? Yeah, but, you know, it's just like the proboscis is the piece that comes out. That's the one piece.

It says here, it says, more modern Jewish practices use a sterile... Such as any other practice! Hold on, I'm just sorry, hold on. More modern? More modern. Hold on, oh wait, hold on. There's a possibility of something less archaic than this? Sure, yeah, than cutting...

I wouldn't be surprised if they used flint-like tools to cut the dick. Well, we just banged it against a rock until his dick fell off. They throw the kid against a monolith. It's like, we carve it up with a saber-toothed tiger tusk. I drink it up! I drink your cock shake!

It says here, more modern Jewish practices use a sterile aspiration device to clean the wound or a pipette opposed to the oral sucking. And the first thing I thought was a penis pump. They put a little penis pump on this kid's cock. Fucking starting them early, that's making some assumptions.

They're going to get it, you know, right now it's not, but a little later on it's going to be bigger than a baby's arm. You know what I mean? Well, unless they cut it too short. Well, yeah, no kidding. Like, that's the other thing, too. Like, circumcision isn't perfect, and sometimes people have botched circumcisions.

Can you imagine how difficult this is going to be? Because the whole time you're like, you know, he's got to cut it with his fucking weird paring knife or whatever he brought with him. Paring knife? He's got a bird's beak? He's got a bird's beak knife that he's slitting the fucking cock with.

And then he's got to suck it off later. He's got to put it in his mouth. That's the weirdest. This keeps happening. We cover basically the same story three or four times a year. These guys can't not have herpes. Yeah, and then they constantly have herpes.

And here's the thing. Two kids suffered brain damage and two kids died. This isn't like, oh, guys, fucking hey, man, what is fucking just a weird little practice that people do, you know? No, people are getting injured because of this because it's fucking unclean as shit. It's like a dog licking their fucking genitals. You have to put a fucking, you have to put like the cone on the rabbi.

So he can't get near the dick. He gets a cold sore and you got to put a cone on him. He can't lick any fucking baby penises. Yeah, and the cold sores, you know, yeah, and an adult, it's not a big deal. But in a baby, it's a huge deal because they don't have the immune system to deal with it. They got to walk around with a fucking – you got to be like, oh, you're going to do this horrifying, barbaric ritual practice. Here's some Abreva first, right? Before you suck my baby's penis.

You know what they should do is just get those little finger cots and put it on the end so at least he could have safe circumcision. You know what they should do is not suck a baby dick. That's another alternative. Like as an alternative method. It turns out that's another alternative. Just never actually suck a baby cock. That's another alternative. Like as an alternative method. It turns out that's another alternative. Just never actually suck a baby cock. You could do that.

At the bottom it says the identity of the rabbi who performed the circumcision is being withheld by the boy's parents so they can't report it to the health department. Right. So they, you know, whether or not the kid dropped dead or has brain damage or just got fucking herpes from this, doesn't matter. It's basically going to be like, you know, we're not going to tell, we're not telling the authorities. I would tell all the authorities, right? If it's like, yeah, here's my perfect brand new baby. And it's like, well, gave him fucking herpes.

Fucking three days old. So this story comes from the Patheos blogs, specifically the Tipling Philosopher. tippling philosopher. Tippling, by the way, for those unfamiliar, for those without a vocabulary that includes such words as tippling, which mine was part of until just moments ago. Is this tippling? When you rub your nipples? When you sort of just flick your own nipples?

Is that tippling? If it's flicking your own nipples, it is tippling. If you're flicking someone else's nipples, it's foreplay. Ah, okay. I thought that was tappling. That's... Tappling. Tappling. That's just tuning in Tokyo.

It is, yeah. The tippling philosopher. I haven't been drinking in for a long time, my friend. Still haven't gotten it. I haven't gotten it yet. I'm looking for it. I've yet to dial it in exactly, but I'm working on it. I've been squeezing those bags of sand for many i keep telling her it's a shortwave radio i don't know that's the that's the best

the tipling philosopher blog uh former yazidi sex slaves from all female form fucking shit you can do it i cannot it turns out i'm trying this again try it for fox force five fox no you're not helping. God damn it. I quit the radio that I'm not on. I quit the podcast. Former Yazidi sex slaves form all-female battalion Sun Ladies to launch assault on ISIS. That is extraordinarily difficult to say. I'm sorry.

That's fucking outrageously difficult to read. But I nailed it. Fourth try is a charm. That's it, right? Absolutely. That's what I nailed it. Fourth try is a charm. That's it, right? Absolutely. That's what I keep saying. Fourth try is a charm. Don't worry.

The first three didn't count. So the Yazidi were a group of people that were attacked by ISIS maybe about a year ago or so. They decided they were devil worshippers. Yeah, that's right. I remember this. And they surrounded them, and there was a big hullabaloo around it. Yeah, that's right. I remember this. And they surrounded them and there was a big hullabaloo around it.

And they took a whole slew of them hostage and sold them off through the whole fucking ISIS chain of evil shit. It's basically sex slaves. The ISIS sex slave flea market. You could buy like a really sweet knife or a woman. A fucking swapperama of Yazidi sex slaves. You get like an old Zippo that doesn't work. Or a woman. A fucking swapperama of Yazidi sex slaves. You get like an old Zippo that doesn't work. Or a woman. Right.

It's like, what should I get? What should I get? I could get that fucking janky ass butterfly knife over there. That butterfly knife that makes the squeaking sound. It's just like the handle flies off the first time you try to play with it. The screws is loose, so you shake it a little. You're like, yeah, it's pretty janky. I could get some old hubcaps. I'll take the woman.

Or the Yazidi. The Yazidi sex slave. They might have been confused, though. They might have confused the Yazidi with Ziti. Baked Ziti. I mean, it's a natural confusion. If you're in the sun, I would say it's baked Yazidi. Leave them out long enough. It's baked Yazidi. Leave them out long enough.

Exactly. It's baked Yazidi. Right. That's delicious. But they've evidently, they've taken, some of them were rescued. A host of them were rescued. And it turns out they don't like being sex slaves. Oh, yeah.

That's a thing. Because that super sucks. It turns out, yeah. It's kind of the worst. And now they are. I would like to tender my resignation, sir. Yeah. Oh, super unpleasant. Pass on the sex slavery.

Super unpleasant. Thanks, though. Yeah. So now they are the Sun Ladies and they are forming a female battalion. And I love I do love and the Kurds do the same thing. Like I love that this incredibly misogynist group has to find themselves fighting and being killed by women in battle. This is kind of a turning point in history a little bit, right? Because we're at a point with modern warfare and with modern armament that the upper body strength advantage of a man is virtually meaningless when it comes to shouldering a weapon. Yeah, when it comes to shooting somebody. And it's like i can fucking shoot you as readily as like a woman

down the street can shoot right it doesn't make any fucking difference at all right so it's kind of awesome and you sort of think like well it's fucking unbelievably awful that these poor human beings were subjected to this kind of horrific barbar barbarous cruelty, but it's also kind of amazing that they now get a chance to fucking fight these assholes right back. And I think that this is the product of when you wind up torturing a human, and then

you let them go afterwards, or they somehow get free, you're really fucked up. You know what I mean? Like, you're really fucked up. That's some Uma Thurman shit right now, right? It totally is. And it's also like, you know, I think about, like, Guantanamo Bay. I think? Like, you're really fucked up. That's some Uma Thurman shit right now, right? It totally is. It totally is. And it's also like, you know, I think about like Guantanamo Bay. I think about when we torture people here in the States, and then we, if they get let go, which they don't ever get let go. They just get tortured more, it turns out, which is a terrible alternative to getting let go.

But, you know, like there's this, you know, if you let that person go, we talked about this in the past. If you were to do that to me and I was innocent when I went in, I'm not going to be innocent when I leave. I'm going to be angry. And I'm going to want to hurt people. I'm going to want to be. You can turn them. And this is exactly what is happening here. You're turning these people completely. I mean, even if they were just, like, lukewarm on fighting you before now they're fucking the fucking iron is hot now

well it's like literally nothing to lose it's like you've ruined my life yeah like you've fucked up my like like i'm just all the anger yeah like you're just like how much anger well i don't know let's see was i i don't know uh my my my village was destroyed like my family was uh murdered my you know mom and sisters were sold into sex slavery. I was raped. Turns out I'm going to go ahead and shoulder a weapon against you. That's what I'm going to do. I'm fucking 100% of the time.

If this happens to you, you can't think of any better use of your time. It's not like you're going to wake up and be like, I'm going to go with macrame. I'm just going to do macrame instead. It's like, fuck that noise. Exactly. You're Kill Bill now. You're like the guy from Old do macrame instead. It's like, fuck that noise. Exactly. Like I'd say, you're Kill Bill now. You're like the guy from Oldboy or whatever. Exactly. It's your job.

My job? That's my job. That's it. There is a downside though. The only downside is that the armor for the Yazidi sex slave warriors is sort of identical. They had to pick one. They were looking through the slave armor catalog.

It's on Amazon. Everybody has everything. Right. You get a ship prime, even to Syria. They just drop it on a barrel. The problem there is the drones come and you're excited, but you're not excited. You're not excited. You're not excited.

It's either an Amazon drone or a brother. You send your kid out to get the mail. I didn't order an IED. This is terrible. But they all have to dress like Princess Leia, which is, you know, it's got its good sides and its downsides. The slave Leia outfit. The slave Leia outfit, right.

And the good side is they're all dressed like Princess Leia. The downside is they then put a burqa on over the top of it. So you can't tell. Well, you could always Kevlar the burqa, though. It could just be made out of Kevlar. But it's still, like, loose. Yeah. So it's still, like, so it's just, like, getting punched.

Ow! Ow! Ow! God! This is terrible. That's unpleasant. This is the worst armor, the worst fitting armor possible. Real bad.

And there's like no reason for it you're like i couldn't put on armor put the burka over well what they could do is like crowdfund it like they had to do with the suvs in the military and then reinforce it with armor that way right so like they go they call all their friends and say hey i'm gonna crowdfund my burka so that's so big you can fucking put the burka over the suv who fucking cares just burka's. That'd be the easiest. You're just hiding a little slit to look out of the front window. We can't even look out the side anymore.

Can't even look. I don't have a rear view mirror. No peripheral vision. A Hummer. Awesome. Yeah. They got to rename it because Hummer's too sexual. It's like we would drive a Hummer.

No, we're going to drive a Pinto. It turns out that's a terrible decision, but it's less sexual. Glory Hall, in extremely long black cock. This story is from the Raw story. Archbishop wants St. Louis Catholics to drop the Girl Scouts because they move in the ways of the world. So there you go. I guess the Girl Scouts.

What does that even mean? Well, they move in the ways of the world. They are part of the world in which they move, and that is the way in which they move. He says Girl Scouts is exhibiting a troubling pattern of behavior. It is clear to me that as they move in the ways of the world, it is becoming increasingly incompatible with our... No, let me read it to you again.

Hold on, maybe you missed it. Girl Scouts is exhibiting a troubling pattern of behavior and it is clear to me that as they move in the ways of the world... Move in the ways of the world. It is becoming increasingly incompatible with our Catholic values. And I read that and I think, like, maybe your Catholic values are incompatible with our Catholic values. And I read that and I think like maybe your Catholic values are incompatible with the way – like with the actual world. Like maybe what's happening is that your values no longer match reality.

The Girl Scouts for many years have taken a sort of the front seat when it comes to social issues. They've done – they've allowed transgender kids. They've done a lot of things that have been very, sort of the antithesis of the Boy Scouts, right? The Boy Scouts have been very traditional values. Traditional values. And then the Girl Scouts have been very inclusive in what they've done. And I think that if I were the Girl Scouts, I wouldn't want to be associated with the

church more than the church wouldn't want to be associated with me. I agree with you there. You would think that they'd be like, yeah, we fucking passed you up light years ago. We've been beyond you since the fucking 50s, you bunch of fucking weirdos. You wear fucking capes and cowls everywhere. You're ridiculous. And this is coming from a group of girls that wear a sash. You know what I mean?

They're looking around like, bad fashion choice. We're talking about looking at the world and saying, that girl is bringing me cookies, and I'm turning her away. There's no girl bringing me cookies that I would turn away. I don't care what else. She could have like a fucking duffel bag of human heads. And if she's got a fucking box of samosas or whatever they're called. She's Joe Pesci.

Forget about it. You want a fucking box of samosas? That fucking caramel. They got those fucking. A little bit of blood on it. Don't worry about it. Eat around that. It's fine.

Fucking eat around it. I got some tagalongs in here. Forget about it. No, you don't have to fucking pay me, but one day I'm going to come see you for a favor. You know, one of the other problems is they were saying in the article that the Thin Mints promote unrealistic cookie expectations. For all the other cookies. For all the other cookies. All the other cookies are like.

Why they got to be Thin Mints. They're gonna have they're gonna they're gonna have like cookie acceptance day, you know, where like all the all the like the big

cookies and like all the big dessert items like Chunky Monkey gets to take center stage. He's like, Chunky is beautiful too. Chunky is beautiful too.

They're gonna have like a little plus size cookie calendar. And then the Thin Mints will come out and have a fucking sad story about how it's hard to be thin. They'll be like, you know, sometimes we're called Skinny Mints, and that's just as hurtful. And it's not true, because I'll make you fat, motherfucker. I'll make you fat. Yeah, you can eat two of me.

I fucking just take the whole fucking container and empty it out of my mouth at once. There's only two, girl. It's fucking, if I have a fucking limited cookie budget, it 100% of the time goes to those Samoa things and the Thin Mints. Because the Thin Mints you can throw in your freezer, and they're delicious. And they're good all day. Right. All time. They never even warm back up.

The thing is, is in my freezer, they never get cold. Because I put them in there, and then I just take them right back out again. You eat them in the freezer. Yeah. I eat them in a walk-in freezer. That's the only way I have a walk-in freezer full of Thin Mints. And I eat them. It's my shame freezer.

Do you have a non-shame freezer? No. Okay. Jackass. My non-shame freezer is the one that just has leftovers in it as if there's leftovers. It's completely empty.

It's where I sleep because I can't sleep in a regular room because I fill the room with sweat. I've attained such size that I need to be externally cooled. That and the sleep apnea. Both of those things are horrible. I'm only sustainable in a walk-in freezer or in Antarctica. That's it.

You're like an orca. Push you back into the cold waters. If there's two of me, it's a pod. What if the Ten Commandments were reinforced? Thou shalt not murder. What if that had been his daily dose of moral instruction and spiritual instruction?

Now, who knows if things could have been different, but we've tried it the other way. This is the point of my column. We've tried it the liberals' way for 60 years now. What have we got? We have massacres in Aurora. Twelve people shot dead while they're watching a movie at midnight. This is a story also from the Pateos blog, from the Friendly Atheist blog.

Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson gives bizarre religious rant at Ted Cruz rally. Ted Cruz, by the way, suggested, I saw an article this week that he suggested this fucking Robertson dipshit as a UN ambassador. Can you imagine? To where? Louisiana? No, like the US ambassador to the UN. Like this would be our representative in the UN sitting at a table with learned men and women across the UN. Like, this would be our representative in the UN sitting at a table with learned

men and women across the world. Like, this is like this is, and we have this fucking bearded, camo fucking covered dipshit. I think the only way that you could do this is if you were to send him, but he would have an entire

entourage of a banjo and jug band that follows him around. I think if you do that, then I'm down with it. As long as every time he gives an address, you hear in the background that fucking juice harp, I'm good with it. Totally good with it. He starts off every meeting

with a fucking moonshine toast. He blows into the jug before him like, that's how he gets everybody's attention. I would like to call this meeting to order. In any case, I'm going to play this Pat Robertson. No, Phil Robertson. Phil Robertson.

Don't get your Robertsons mixed up. He's going to be talking here, and he's going to be talking about, he's not talking about Ted Cruz at all in this. So just so you know, like it's, although it says Ted Cruz at a Ted Cruz alley, he's not talking about Ted Cruz at all. Listen to this logic.

The Supreme court building has a number of places where there are images of Moses with the Ten Commandments inside the building. Moses is including among the great lawgivers in Herman McNeil's marble sculpture. It's on the east front. So, Tom, we looked into this. Yeah. Moses is not just, it's not just Moses. No, it's a whole bunch. I mean on the east front. So, Tom, we looked into this. Yeah. Moses is not just, it's not just Moses. No, it's a whole bunch. I mean, he's right. It's a whole bunch of lawgivers. He's, of course, neglecting Allah. Sure. He's not talking about Allah, right? He's not saying Allah.

He's not saying Confucius. He's not saying the other lawgivers. He just happens to be mentioning this particular lawgiver. Oh, by the way, hey, Moses is in there. Oh, yeah. Oh, and it's also fucking, you know, 14 other people. Yeah, John Marshall is there. Allah's got a fucking Koran and a sword. Yeah. Like, I mean, come fucking on, right? Like, we're not going to, all of a sudden I'm supposed to take a fucking great bunch of importance from what somebody fucking sculpted? Yeah, well, I think, you know, I think later on he's going to get into the fact that they didn't throw out the Ten Commandments here, but they threw them out of other courthouses.

But the fact is, is that this piece of art is inclusive enough in the sense that there's plenty of fucking other things in it. It's not just one religion. It's not saying this is one religion, and one religion is important here. Instead, it's saying many religions are important

here. Right. He neglects the context, right? I would love to. He sincerely neglects the context. I would love to put in whatever kind of rules they have for the satanic church next to the Ten Commandments in all the churches. And just have it like the Baphomet. Yeah, sure. If you want to do that, yeah, let's put Baphomet.

But he wouldn't want – you don't want that. You just want – You just want his. You just want the Jesus. As you enter the Supreme court courtroom, South Carolina, listen to this. The two huge doors that you walk through. What else, what else would you do with them? What else would you do with the doors?

Would you fucking fly through them? Would you slide through them? Would you dive through them? Would you hoverboard through them? What the fuck do you do other than that? Well, the size of the door is important, too. Does it have one of those fucking things at the airport that you just stand on and it moves you? It's a people mover?

You fucking put a people mover there? Ten commandments engraved on them on both sides. Hanging above the head of the Supreme Court Justice. Guess what's hanging there? It's right above his head. Oh, let me guess. Ten Commandments? Damocles' sword?

Different fable. Right? Sorry, different mythology. There you go. The Ten Commandments. So what do we do? fable. Sorry, different mythology. The Ten Commandments. So what do we do? We start hauling the

Ten Commandments out of all the courthouses. You say, but they kept them there. They're still in the Supreme Court room where they meet. Give them there. They're still in the Supreme Court room where they meet. Give them time. They'll haul them away.

Oh, they're all going to haul them away. They're going to disassemble the wall. They're going to disassemble the wall. They've already had a conversation about this, though, I thought. I thought that they already had a conversation about this particular thing, and they were like, no, we're not going to get rid of it. It's not going to happen. It's like it has artistic integrity. It's not going to happen. It's like, it has artistic integrity. It's not...

Nobody's asking for it either. That's the thing. It's like... Yeah, exactly. It's not like you call David Silverman on the phone tomorrow and say, did you know that the Ten Commandments were in the Supreme Court building? It's not like David Silverman's like, fucking, yeah, I fucking knew that. Of course he knew that. Of course he fucking knew that.

And of course, all the other atheist organizations out there know that they're there. Just don't give a fuck. Nobody cares. It's a non-issue. Yeah. Let me get this right. If you're in South Carolina or if you're in Louisiana and you violate commandment number five, children honor your father and mother.

You didn't discipline your kids. You didn't raise them right. So they get out there, and they go down the road tearing up, getting all drunked up and stealing stuff and tearing people's property up. Wait, those are like multiple. Those are separate laws. It's like multiple commandments. Right.

And also, like, why is he blaming the parents on this? Right. I was seizing on the same thing myself. Like, he says, he's basically saying the commandment is honor your father and mother. But then he starts it off with you didn't raise your kids right. And that's why they're, you know, acting the fool. So your kids are out acting the fool, breaking totally separate laws that have nothing to do with honoring the father and the mother. And the father and mother are still to blame for doing like a bad job.

His scenario is so convoluted and weird. He loves to think this shit up, though. He does. He's a huge fan. This is the same guy who thought up the fucking atheist rape shit before. And when the laws catch him, where do they take him, South Carolina? Not to the Supreme Court.

Yeah, they take him to the Supreme Court, Tom. That's where they try everything for South Carolina. Wait, bring him to the Supreme... Wait a minute. That 16-year-old kid was driving around drunk. Bring him to the Supreme Court, Tom. That's where they try everything for South Carolina. Wait, bring them to the Supreme. Wait a minute. That 16-year-old kid was driving around drunk. Bring him to the Supreme Court because that's how I think it works. To the courthouse where we just got rid of the Ten Commandments because they weren't relevant. What's going to happen?

The kid's going to come to the courthouse and he's going to see the Ten Commandments. First off, he's not even going to go to the courthouse and he's gonna see the 10 command first off he's not even gonna go to the courthouse unless he has to right and he's gonna go to the courthouse if he's fucking bad right so he goes to the fucking courthouse when he's bad well the fucking 10 commandments at the courthouse wouldn't help him except for retroactively doesn't even make any sense we can fucking go oh iail's, now I'm really sad that I was bad? Right. Now, can I go back in time and not do that shit? Nobody told me I had to honor my mother and my father. Why didn't you tell me this?

If there was only a book somewhere that said this stuff, except for the only place we had it in the United States, Tom, was the courthouse. No one else knew this. There's not an oral tradition with this. There's not an oral tradition with it. There's not churches every week that say this shit. No! It's all in the other courthouse.

Well, and it's great because once you're hauled to the courthouse, you've heard of that kid who was charged with not honoring the father of a mother, right? Oh, God, that's a difficult one, too. Never happened, ever. I like his example. He has to give examples of concrete laws that are broken because this is like...

It's not one of them. When you get charged with that, you sometimes get sentenced with cleaning your room. Of which one of them says, children honor your father and mother. So what happens when kids don't honor their father and mother? The laws catch them and they carry them to the courthouse and they fine them or jail them.

Number six, do not murder. Number six. Is he going to go through all of these? Is he going to go through all of these? No, like we talked about. He's going to skip the shit that has no moral component to it, for sure. So he's already skipped the first four. He didn't talk about, like, well, what about the one where you're working all Sabbath?

What day am I giving this speech? Right? They always skip that shit, right? Because, you know, it's so funny. We want to have a 24-7, 365 economy. That's what we're really pushing toward. And you can't build a 24-7, 365 economy and still have this stupid Sabbath nonsense. So they always skip that one.

That one's like, eh, whatever. Exactly. That's so funny, too, because there are plenty of people who will work seven days a week. They'll work seven days a week all the time. Well, if you're a doctor, if you're in retail, if you're – I mean, services are open. There are so many services that are open every day. Sure. Somebody's working that day.

It's not like it's Sunday and you wake up and you're like, oh, every business in the world is closed. I guess I'll stay home and fucking masturbate. Well, who's running the servers at Pornhub? One guy. One guy. Poor guy. He's busy all day.

I'm going to hell anyway. I'm sick of this orangutan porn. Sick of it. It's been all day. I'm going to hell anyway. I'm sick of this orangutan porn. Sick of it. It's been on loop. It makes sense to me. Well, then I guess we didn't need a god to tell us. When you murder someone, I don't care whether it's South Carolina or Washington, D.C., the laws come after you, and when they get you, they're going to carry you to the courthouse.

And then you're going to say, fuck, why didn't anybody tell me I couldn't murder? I had no idea. I didn't know until I got to the courthouse, because that's the only place we keep these fucking archaic fucking notes. Shouldn't we skywrite this shit? We should let people know. We should. That's why we're doing a public service right now. Right?

Right. Don't commit adultery. Gentlemen, if your woman catches you, there's a possibility you may have a court date. That's true. They take you to the Supreme Court. Take you to the Supreme Court and be like, shame, shame, shame.

I like that it's gentlemen, too. Like, women don't cheat. That's embedded there. Like, oh, just so you know. And the fact that you go to a court. Well, I think he's presuming divorce, right? I think that's what he's saying. Yeah, but you don't necessarily have to go to divorce court.

No, and maybe you just work that out instead, right? You don't have to go to court. Right? Right? Don't steal. You rob a bank. You burglarize someone's home. When they catch you, you violated what God said.

What are we going to do with you? Courthouse bound. Every time. That's three. That's your 30% of the way in. Yeah. One of them's not illegal. One of them's not illegal, so it doesn't matter. That's talking about divorce, if that, and that's not God's law.

The other two are... Yeah, steal and murder and then honor the father of the mother, but his example didn't make any sense. His example had stealing and drunk driving. So it doesn't work. Don't lie.

What did they do with old Martha Stewart? But she lied on that tax deal? Yeah, she has no access to the Ten Commandments either. She had no idea. She had no access. That's a problem. These poor privileged people, they just don't have access to Bibles. Nobody would have told them.

All they had to do was stay in one hotel. If only there was a company that gave out, like some sort of group, like a Gideon or something, that gave out free Bibles everywhere. If only that existed. If she could have afforded to stay at one hotel. Sure. Just like one courtyard. She'd have been fine.

Where'd she end up? Courthouse? That's what I thought. And then you want more than you really need, and you're not satisfied with what you have, and you begin to look at your neighbor's stuff and whatever, and you covet. You spend all your money. Hard times come your way.

Then it bankrupts you, kicks you in. You say, where does that all happen? Courthouse. What? What? Wait a minute. I want your stuff. What if...

So I go bankrupt? Well, no. I mean, is that the only reason people go bankrupt? Yeah. People go bankrupt because they have a nice job and then they lose their job. Like, that happens all the time. And medical issues is the leading cause of bankruptcy in this country. Sure.

So medical bill is the leading cause of bankruptcy in the United States. So I guess you coveted not being sick. Yeah. Like you coveted single payer healthcare. You covered it. You covered it with better healthcare system. Now I'm a redneck. I'm an educated redneck, but I'm a redneck. Yes, you are. Oh my gosh. Well, I don't know about the second part, but the first part you got right. But if you're going to end up at the courthouse for violating the Ten Commandments, that might be a pretty good place to put them. Why? I'm right there with you.

I still don't understand why. Wouldn't you want to put them, say, before you violate them? Like in somebody's house? Unless they're exclusively punitive. Right. Right? Yeah, I guess that's what he's saying. They're exclusively punitive. Like, you're not supposed to know and then you break one of these fucking

arbitrary self-explanatory rules that has been fucking part of every culture across all time. Completely evident law. Right. Yeah. Like, oh man, I fucking killed that dude. Well, you're going to have some consequences. Oh, fucking nobody told me.

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take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. This story is fucked up. It's from the Daily Mail. Quote, A husband should beat his wife so long as it does not make her ugly. Palestinian leader gives horrific advice for dealing with a rocky marriage.

You know, I have an interesting thing to think about here. No, it says a husband should beat his wife so long as it does not make her ugly. So maybe you don't beat her for a short time. You beat her ugly and then beat her pretty. And beat her right back. Well, you know, he does say that he says it's included a husband hitting his wife, quote, like a joke and not

meant to harm. Like a joke? Like a joke. It's a joke beating. It's a hilarious beating. Ha ha, honey, go get my belt. Just gonna, you know, clearly there's some kind of a translation error like we were talking about earlier. Yeah, this is clearly some sort of error in translation because I don't get it it beat your wife jokingly doesn't make any

sense although we are trusting first off we are trusting the daily mail to translate this for us that's true so that's number one that's right that could be a problem i don't know if they are being accurate but it does it does have a weird translation thing at the bottom i'm going to read exactly what the speaker says so the the speaker to the female TV host said, in other words, not hitting that would bring the police and break her hand and cause bleeding or hitting that makes her face ugly. The hitting is not meant to disfigure or harm or degrade. The hitting will be like a joke. He will hit her jokingly. Not a blow that breaks a bone or makes her face ugly. Hitting is the kind reminder that love and friendship that

Allah commanded is still found between the couple. Yeah, it's just a polite, Allah-approved beating. This isn't a bone breaking beating. This isn't a face bruising beating. You hit her in the stomach. You don't want to make her ugly. Yeah, it's true.

You know, when I got married, I wound up going through the pre-cana process. They wound up teaching us a few things about marriage. I wonder if in the sort of strict Muslim countries, if you have to go to a jujitsu class to learn how to beat your wife.

You know what I mean? You have to check a bunch of things off of them. You know, like if you want to get married in a mosque or get married in mosques, I don't know. In any case, like, you know,

if you want to get married, the sort of Islam style, you have to go to like, say a karate class and learn how to throw a correct punch. You got to wait for her to tap out. Exactly. Yeah. So it's like,

they show you the areas of her body that she doesn't bruise. You know, it's just, it doesn't matter though. In that culture. Anyway, you cover her with a bag. She could be as bru't bruise. It doesn't matter, though, in that culture anyway. You cover her with a bag. She could be as bruised as fuck. It's a Kimura of love. That's what it is.

They don't do the Americana. They stay away from the Americana. That's disgusting. And the triangle choke's a little weird. That's foreplay. The triangle choke is just foreplay. It's fine. And you can't do a rear naked choke over there, because that's just...

Well, you can, but... It's a rear burka choke, is what it is. No gripping the geek. That's what I was going to let go of. The geek! It's harder to poke him in the eye, admittedly. Well, you still can, but not for it makes her ugly. This is advice somebody gave out loud.

Somebody unironically is like, wait a minute. I mean, look, here's the thing. If you're going to hit your wife, you don't want to make her ugly. Just jokingly. Because then you've got an ugly wife. Nobody wants that.

But you've got to beat her with love like Allah wants you to beat every... When you beat your wife, that's how Allah would know that you have this love and bond between... What the fuck are you talking about? Think about the first story we talked about. About the little kids. You know, that story about the little kids

that are getting sold into marriage. I'm trying not to think about that story. Child marriage. And this guy coming forward and saying, hey, what the hell? Why can't we... You know, why shouldn't we be able to do that? That's what we do in our culture. We should let us do that. This is another example, right? Why shouldn't we let able to do that? That's what we do in our culture. We should let us do that. This is another example, right?

Why shouldn't we let them do this thing? If they come into another culture, let's say, you know, a couple move here and she starts getting her ass kicked. Should we, should, and she calls the police. Should the police come to her house and say, no, your husband's allowed to do that from where he's from? Well, they should check and see if she'd been ugly. That's totally fine. You know, if she got uglified. Exactly. to do that from where he's from. Well, he should check and see if she's been uglied. That's totally fine. You know, if she got uglified. Yeah, I know, exactly. Like, yeah, they should come by and say,

look, we're just going to make, you got to lift it up so I can at least see your face. I got to know. I got to know if he uglyed you up. She looks fine. She looks fine. Carry on, sir. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, what I think you haven't considered is that maybe, maybe this and the story about the child bride are just a result of our Western imperialist culture and drone strikes. Right? I hadn't considered that. Maybe when they're saying how severely you're allowed to beat your wife, which answer should always be zero severely, right?

Yeah. Like, this is not a gradation. This is not a continuum question. Sure. There are some questions which are questions of a continuum, right? It's like nature versus nurture. Is that on a continuum or is it not a yes or a no? Like human sexuality, that's probably a continuum.

It's not one or the other. But how much should you beat your wife? That's not a continuum question. Very true. That's a don't beat your fucking wife. The answer is like, and it's amazing that that's not one of the Ten Commandments. Let's go back to that Phil Robertson story, right? Yeah, like don't hurt other people.

We have a list of commandments that doesn't include basic admonitions against human cruelty, like no slavery, no rape, no beating up children. Instead, it's like, well, don't work on Saturday. Are you fucking kidding me? You left out don't own people? Exactly. That didn't make the cut? You're like, well, I only want to chisel 10 things into this. Chiseling into rocks is super hard.

I want to make sure I get the top 10 on my list. And I need the first four irrelevant ones. I got to make sure to include those. All of this fucking ancient gobbledygook is just garbage. It's a holdover from a time fucking so long gone by that to look at it seriously now. I know.

To look at this seriously is kind of criminal. There's a guy with perfect seriousness being like, look, hey, you gotta beat her so Allah loves it, right? It's how you have a bond between somebody. It's I beat you, you get beaten. It's how we know, it's our interaction. It's a give-take relationship.

Yeah, for sure. I'm the man, you're the woman. I beat you, you get beaten. It's how we do it. It's how we do, you know? I do think you're onto something about the drone strikes, though. I really do. It's because of the drone.

Well, no, because we did them jokingly. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. Chaka, hookah, hookah, hookah, chaka. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. This story comes from Right Wing Watch. Rick Wiles, Obama, Hillary, and Pope Francis will destroy America. I don't think anybody can do this the kind of justice that Rick Wiles can. Let's let him do it. I love Rick Wiles.

The war is coming. It's imminent. War with who? A war. Just war. It's coming. It'll be here in about an hour. Or it's free.

They set the delivery schedule. Did you get it from War Hub? Yeah. It's actually bacon. I got a war pig. Did you get it from Warhub? Yeah. It's actually bacon.

I got a war pig. I mean, I've lived for 17 years since April 1998. I have lived 24-7. That's good. Great. I live 24-7 as well. I've been living 24-7 since 1978. Yeah, if you don you don't yeah you're not on the radio real long super difficult yeah with the images and the sounds of war um what does that mean what does that mean for 17 years you've been living with like

just having a fucking 17 year long delusion oh no no no what he does is every morning they strap him into his clockwork orange couch. Pry his eyes open. Show him scary pictures. And they show him 24-7 pictures of war. It's all that little girl who got burned by napalm. Just constantly over and over.

It's like Jeremiah in chapter 4 of Jeremiah where he just cried out, my heart, my heart. It writhes in pain. I've heard, oh, my soul, the sound of war. Jeremiah had to live with it for years. He knew what was coming. And I've had to live with this for 17 years. It's been wrong for 17 years.

Yeah. Each year, each year, it's more wrong. Right? Yeah. Like every year that this doesn't happen, don't you recognize that you're just wrong and maybe you need medical help? Right? Are you kidding me?

Like, oh man, that war is coming, really? Because it's been fucking almost two decades. Maybe at this point, you're just making shit up. You're just fucking imagining things. I see it. I smell it. I feel it. Taste it. Jesus, what else I feel it. Taste it.

Jesus, what else do you do? Rub it a little. Just kind of give it some love and attention. Masturbate to it. Whatever. Whatever it takes. Just war, you know? The Lord showed me utter destruction.

It wasn't just a bad time for America. I saw utter destruction. I saw the cities laid waste. I saw refugees. So did Sarah Connor. I know, right? What the fuck, dude? This guy just watched Terminator.

Like, that's all. 1998, when did that movie come out? Dun, dun, dun, dun. He watches the opening scene to Terminator, confused with the reality. Oh, God. I saw survivors. Not people who, not Americans who had just experienced some inconvenience.

They were survivors. And I believe it's at our doorstep. We have mad men running the world, running this nation. Ungodly, evil, Christ-hating men and women in power. They're Christ-haters. You know, part of me wonders if what he's worried about is that for fucking seven years they've been screaming and nothing terrible's happened right you know and now he's got to ramp that rhetoric up right otherwise nobody's going to listen to

him anymore because if you were wrong about all the little stuff you've got to just like keep you got to keep doubling down keep doubling down keep doubling down because what else can he do he can't back off you can't backped from his position. You can't backpedal and say, you know what? I was wrong about Obama. He really hasn't done anything really that bad. Nothing terrible has happened. He hasn't turned the world's inside out. Right.

Like we said he was going to do. Yeah, I mean, he hasn't just simultaneously combusted all the world's oil or whatever. He hasn't turned America into a caliphate right right or whatever they said we don't all have to like suck a dick like that's like like you think these guys have been saying like you haven't gotten your obamacare patented dick in the mail he didn't turn like everyone gay like everybody's like some guy with a fucking with a postage stamp on his cock. He's like, go away,

we're not home. We're good Christian people. That's Obamacare, cock. Sorry, gotta suck this. This, this cock ain't

gonna suck itself. Land shark. Barack Obama is a Christ-hater. Hillary Clinton is a Christ-hater. Hillary Clinton is a Christ-hater. The people in power in Washington are Christ-haters. Demonizing the people in power. Right.

They're Christ-haters. They're Christ-haters. That's how you know. These people are Christ-haters. They hate Christ. And they're evil. And just so you know, the people that are in power now that we want you to vote against in the next election, they don't like Christ, and the people who would replace them would also be Christ-haters.

They're Christ-haters. What does that even mean, I'm a Christ-hater? I'm not even a... I'm an atheist. I'm not a Christ-hater. I just don't think there was a Christ. I don't think there was a need for a Christ. I'm not a hater.

Right. Like, that would be a ridiculous... The problem, it's like the devil worship thing, right? We talked about that. Like, it presupposes that you believe in this mythology. Sure. And then you just pick the side that the book tells you is going to lose and is evil. Nobody would do that.

Right. I'm not a Christ hater at all. I think that's an absurd concept. I don't think that there is a Christ or that there was ever a need for a Christ. I think that's a silly concept in both directions. But I'm not a Christ hater because I don't think it's real. I don't hate unicorns either. You're a Thor hater.

Right. I don't care. I have no hate. I have no hate. It's just patently absurd. I don't care that the people thought Thor was a thing. It doesn't bother me. I wouldn't care if somebody still thought Thor was a thing.

What difference would it make if somebody was like, I think the hammer of Thor is going to solve our problems. You're clearly not to be asked about problems. I'll put you in the list of people I don't ask about problems. Yeah. That's all. I don't care what kind of lip service they give to Christianity. They're Christ-haters.

And they are in power in this country. And they're lunatics. and they're bloodthirsty. Like you're saying they're bloodthirsty. Okay, well, we are embroiled in a couple of conflicts. All right, well, how long have we been and why? Is it somebody else's problem? You know what I mean? Instead, it's like, well, they're bloodthirsty.

I mean, is that what he's talking about? Because I can't imagine anything else, right? It's not like he's lining up Christians in the street and chucking tigers at them. Just have like a tiger t-shirt cannon? I think that'd be... You're ridiculous. You cannot fit him in a t-shirt cannon. You need to have a trebuchet.

Okay, sorry. It's a tiger trebuchet. That'd be amazing. It's a real thing. It should be. If it's not, it needs to be one. They justify, they defend, they fight for the slaughter of unborn children. Oh, that's what it is. Abortion, here we go.

All right. Okay. All right. All right. It had nothing to do with war. It's just abortion. Okay. And the reason why I couldn't predict that is because it would have never occurred to me.

Well, it's funny because there's only been abortion in the last eight years. Did you know that? They've only been doing that for – it's a new thing. Very true. It's a new – the last eight years. Before they had that play school fishing game you used to use to get those out of there. Yeah, that's so – abortion is pretty new. Yeah, right.

It was just operation. We went to high-tech abortions and low-tech circumcisions. That's how this works. They give an abortion and then a rabbi comes to suck it out. It's like that bubble tea. And a huge stroke. Oh, God. I think I swallowed that one.

Oh, man. The zygote went down the wrong pipe. Oh, man. I don't like that. You're going to have to leave a tip. No, I want it right here in my mouth. They fight for sexual perversion. It's actually so boring. It makes me yawn to listen to this

fucking guy. Jesus Christ. It's fucking slow talking like this super fucking drama talk that these fucking assholes do. It's like It's like listening to Bill Clinton talk. The sexual perversion

thing though, these people like they're so ingrained in other people's lives that they can't pull themselves away and they can't separate that. They can't look at, you know, a political candidate or a political person in power. And when the person does something that on the side of personal freedom and not on the side of controlling people, they find that as an evil. Like, that's an absolute evil. Right. These guys are so sex-obsessed, though. Like, the whole right is sex-obsessed.

They're the only ones worried about this. I don't even understand what sexual perversion means. And I say that with real sincerity. I don't really understand what that means. Like, what acts are sexually perverse that I'm supposed to care about? Sure. I mean, if somebody's like, I want to take a shit on your chest i'd be like well i'm gonna pass on yeah it's not for me right like that's i i might even giggle a little bit i might be like no no no i'm

you know i got somewhere else to be 100 of the time you're here right like exactly you know but i wouldn't i wouldn't't be morally outraged. I can't even imagine. Among consenting people, I can't even imagine what sexual perversion means. I literally don't even know what that means. It's just like, I like to do this stuff with my genitals. I'd be like, fucking, they're your genitals. If your partner agrees or your partners agree, then I don't care.

Why would I care? What does any of that even mean it's just it's kink right like haven't we moved past this idea of perversion isn't the idea of perversion itself a sex obsessed sex negative sort of terminology that sure only these fucking prudes yeah it feels prudish yeah exactly they full of devils. That's who's leading the country. Why would any person think that when your leaders are this sick and demented, that this is going to have a happy ending? I like a happy ending.

Well, yeah. I never know what to tell. And a happy ending is not perverted. Right? I'm just going to go on the record. I'm going to go on the record and say happy ending, totally fine. It's fine. Yeah, totally fine.

It's kind of to be expected depending on the sketchiness of the place you're at. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So the story comes from the Raw story. Just the headline alone is astonishingly great.

Cruise-loving end-times pastor uses numerology to prove Obama sacrificed Scalia in pagan ritual. What the fucking what? That's amazing. It has all the jib jab all in one place. This really does draw from all different areas, doesn't it? It does. It may as well be like, and he got murdered with tarot cards, right? It's like one of those lazy Susans full of woo.

You know what I mean? You just spin it around and you can just pick one. All of it's there. It's like a charcuterie train. All right. Round and round she goes. Where she stops, nobody knows. Always stops on the Silprasetta.

It always stops there. All right, here we go. So we're going to listen to Rick Wild's. All right. We're making the regime work harder at lying and deceiving. They have to stay later at the office to lie and deceive the public. That's what we do here. As long as the Lord protects me. As long as the Lord protects me.

As long as the Lord keeps me alive. This is a deadly gang to mess with. They're deadly. They mean business. This is about ruling the world. And they're Luciferian. They're devil worshipers. Devil worshipers.

They're scary devil worshipers. They're Luciferians. They're devil worshipers. Devil worshipers. They're scary devil worshipers. They're Luciferians. You know, we talked about, you remember when we first started hearing about the Satanists a while back and we thought that they were like what Christians think Satanists are, which are like people who sacrifice goats and they believe in the devil and all that stuff, right? And they do evil shit.

Like they're evil. It doesn't make any sense, right? We didn't make any sense to us back then. And the problem was we had this worldview that he has, which is the Satanists are a totally different thing. I know that he's not talking about Satanists in this case. He's not talking about Satanists as Satanists would think about themselves. Right, exactly. He's talking about the straw man that they've created,

that there's somebody out there that not just doesn't believe in God, but actually picks all the shit out of the Bible, like the fucking, you say don't kill, I'm going to kill. You say don't hurt, I'm going to hurt. You say don't do this, I'm going to do that. I'm going to sacrifice other people, injure them, et cetera. And then what's your reward? Like your reward is in, I mean, you know. It's video game villains. It doesn't make any sense at all. No, it's fucking nonsense, man.

It's video game villainry. Like it makes, it's just they're evil for evil's sake, man. They fucking live in volcano layers, you know. And like they're just like fucking actual madmen who are like, I believe in evil. Like I sacrifice babies and fuck goats and like nobody's doing this and nobody has ever done any of that shit it's all all of it's always been made up it's all made up that's the other thing did we talk about the possible occult

connections to this we we didn't mention it i actually think you're going to talk a little bit with Steve Quill coming up here with it. But in short, Lupercalia began on February 13th. What is that? It's an ancient celebration that people date back to Rome where people come together and they sacrifice dogs, goats, and they basically

do a bunch of crazy stuff with women. It's a fertility festival. What? They do a bunch of crazy stuff with women, Tom. Like what? Like what do they do a bunch of crazy stuff with women. It's a fertility festival. What? They do a bunch of crazy stuff with women, Tom. Like what? Like what do they do? They touch her boob. It's super crazy, right? They do a lot of crazy stuff. Sacrifice dogs? Sexually please them.

I'm like, what? Are you kidding me? Sacrifice dogs? You can't even show a fucking sad dog on TV without people shitting money out. You can't even show a fucking sad dog on TV without people shitting money out. You gotta play the Sarah McLachlan song. You know? Yeah, you can't even fucking, like, you can't even do it.

Like, if you sacrificed a dog in this country, they'd string you up. This is an ancient pagan day. And when was it? Like Christmas. Right. Like Christmas. Yeah, and Easter. Right.

And solstice. February 13th was the beginning solstice February 13th was the beginning of it February 13th to the 15th which was the day he died yes okay the other thing and I noticed this

the 13th was the 44th day of 2016 yes here we go oh god don't just don't here we go. Oh, God. Just don't. Here we go. Right down the rabbit hole, motherfucker. Let's do it.

Yes, we're doing the numbers now, motherfucker. We're doing the numbers. It's the 44th day because he's the 44th president. I know that this is what he's going to do. Yes. Oh, God. Obama is the 44th president of the united states so you have this numerology thing taking place that's fucking real numerology

numerology is so fucking stupid it didn't make the skeptics creed it's that fucking stupid it's not even worth railing against. Oh, man. Remember Christine Lagarde, drop the zeros. Remember that speech she gave last year or so? You know, drop the zeros, click your heels, spin around, all that weird stuff she gave in an IMF speech. I mean, these people are, they truly are in the numerology. It's their religion.

You're the one talking about it. You're the one doing this. You're the one who's pointing out the significance of days. Right. He's the one putting the 13th was the 44th day of 2016. You had to do that. You had to fucking look it up. It's not like Obama starts the speech with, hey, guys, I'm addressing you on the 44th day because I'm the 44th president.

Right? Yeah. Yes. So there are some – we see this in a lot of weird stories like the Malaysian jet that went down and disappeared. There were a lot of, not the one that disappeared, but the one that crashed in Ukraine. There were a lot of numerology connections to that event. And so I've watched this over the years.

Some of these really big but bizarre stories always have some numerology connection to it. Yeah, but it's always in the fucking, it's always after the fact. Right. It's always, this is always post hoc rationalization for something that happened before. Like, it's just, like, fucking how hard is that to see? It's, I don't know if you do this. I drive a lot for work. I play number games with license plates and things as I drive around.

I find license plates and I try to add, subtract, multiply, or divide to get the numbers 1 through 10 on any set of license plates. You can do it 100% of the time if you just give yourself enough latitude, right? It's just numbers are the easiest things to manipulate. Like, you just fuck around with them a little bit, and if you're going to do it after the fact, who cares? He's the one making it up. It's like, oh, look at the Malaysian flight, and I'm not going to give you any details about it.

I'm just going to say the numbers, number, number, number. It's fucking garbage. What am I, you know, tell me something that's going to happen fucking next Thursday. Sure. Yeah, use your numerology to tell me the next flight that's going to crash. Right. But instead it's like, you look at it and you're like, oh, it's flight 155 or whatever, and we should have known because it was the 155th day or whatever the fuck it is that

you're telling me. All that fucking gobbledygook. But, you know, it's just all garbage. If you have enough, if you assign numerical values to enough things, right, like, I'm going to assign a numerical value to the number of days. Why? I don't know. Just because. I can't. It's arbitrary. I'm going to do it.

And then I'm going to assign a numerical value to the number of passengers. And then I'm going to assign a numerical value to the time the plane took off and the time the plane was supposed to land. I can subtract the two and get the difference and now that's another number. If you just keep keep doing shit like that you end up with all the numbers yeah and then of course they you can make the math work you fucking start with all of the numbers it's like they sacrifice it there's always human sacrifice involved what What else is this? What's the name of this pagan day?

Lupercalia. Chupacabra. I love it. That's actually the new... I love that, chupacabra. It's a fried taco now available at Taco Bell. I'm going to get a Lupercalia. There's cheese in the shell.

It sounds like a venereal disease, like a new one coming out. I'm sorry to tell you, son. You only get it from Mexican prostitutes. Woo, that fucking cottage cheese funk you. You only get it from Mexican. Woo. That fucking cottage cheese. Fuck you. Brew it up down there.

That's some Lupercalia. Tell you what? That's some spicy. That's some spicy shit. Burns when I pee. I think I've got Lupercalia. And it's connected to ancient Rome. To ancient Rome.

To what did it signify with Rome? Well, with Rome, the Latin content of the beginning of the word, lupus, for wolf, it actually signified the birth of the nation. Birth of the nation, huh? That's a great movie. I wonder if I was digging into your words. That would work out there, buddy. that would work out there buddy so we want to thank our recent patrons

we got a huge group of people that are coming on and we are going to try to record that that Manning episode specifically to thank all our old patrons and all our new patrons I want to read off the new patrons though we received patronage from Ryan, David, Leonard, Justin,

Alexander, Cuntfucula. Cuntfucula is kind of awesome. I read that twice. Admittedly. Again, that's one of those moments where you just wonder what's happened in your life. Tom, Liz, Petri, Nicole, Adam,

Robert, and Paradise Puppies. Thank you so much for your generous donations. I truly, we truly do believe it. We truly do appreciate it. And I want to mention too, we didn't mention this, like last week, we not only got a calendar in the mail. Which was awesome. Which was amazing and hilarious.

The calendar is terrific. The calendar is outstanding. Someone photoshopped Tom's face throughout this calendar and sent it to us. It was outstanding. Very fun. It was hilarious. We also received a card with a $10 pound note on it. And on the $10 pound note, I think it's 10.

It's not dollars. 10 pounds. Not $10 pounds. Wait, is it pounds or euros? No, they don't have euros there. Euros are delicious. You can get a lot of euros for 10 pounds. But it was make sense. Pounds or euros? No, they don't have euros there. Euros are delicious. You can get a lot of euros for 10 pounds. But it was a 10 pound note

and I think Charles Darwin is on it? I think so. Is it a 10? I'm going to get it. Hold on. It's a 10 currency unit. Yeah, exactly. It's a 10 unit. But it has Charles Darwin on it, which is awesome. It is great. But we have nothing to do. I'm going to save it until we go to England

this year. You know what? We'll save it. We'll buy our first drink. We'll buy our first drink with it. There you go. So you bought us a drink. Can 10 pounds get us a drink? Hopefully. I better. I hope. We'll see. It's fucking 10 pounds. We'll see. I don't know. It's got like $40 American,

right? If a pint's a pound the world round, then I can get 10 pints for 10 pounds. I like the cut of your jib, sir. I don't know if that's true. But in any case, we're going to spend it on our first drink when we fly to England this year for QED. So that should be pretty awesome. That's going to be great. I'm looking forward to it.

Did we get any PayPals, Tom? We did. Brandon and Gareth, thank you very much for joining the PayPal circle. PayPal, another way to donate to the show. You can go to dissonancepod.com and find a link to donate on our website. We got a message from Stephanie, and Stephanie let us know that

there was someone that she knew at work that she was going to maybe go out for drinks or foods with on kind of a date and then mentioned our podcast, I would say mistakenly. Right. And the person listened and then never talked to her.

Oh, my God. Here's kind of my general view on that. Like, maybe the show is kind of a litmus test for you, right? Sure. But I don't know in which direction. Exactly. I was going to right like if they listen which direction exactly i was gonna say if they listen you probably don't want it yeah yeah actually i in my opinion stephanie that guy's a keeper right let's just go what you need to do is stand outside you need to stand outside his window with a boom box blaring in your eyes that's what you need to do stephanie so i need I need you to go into full stalker mode. Okay. Okay. So we get a message. This is

amazing. This is the best hate mail we've gotten a long time. So we got a message from Pete Dick and Pete Dick says to us, he says, he's talking about how he came across our podcast. He comes across it and he listens to a couple of podcasts and he mentioned some other stuff. And he got mad. He got mad at us because we said that we had that little thing where we talk about furries a week ago or two weeks ago. I don't remember when it was. Where Tom was talking about it and I was talking about it.

And he says, one thing which made me want to send this mail because he doesn't like us. He thinks our podcast sucks. For your sorry excuse for a podcast show was the hypocritical fake PC shit. Homosexual people are wonderful people and we should all support them because of their sexuality.

But furries are the abomination who are vile and contemptible who we should all hate because of their sexuality. First, I don't think you... Did we say we should hate them because of their sexuality? I don't think that we said we should hate anybody because of their sexuality. First, I don't think you... Did we say we should hate them because of their sexuality? I don't think that we said we should hate anybody because of their sexuality. We just laughed because furries, it's fucking funny.

Like, that's the nature of this show. It's a roast show. Sure. Everything gets roasted. Yeah. All of the time. This is a show where we make fun of our own dick size. Yeah.

Like, you cannot possibly... You don't get to be offended. Yeah. You don't. If you listen to be offended yeah you don't if you listen to the show and you're like i included me on their list like yes i include you on my list i include me on the list include me on the list i like me yeah i am me i want to say something though before like i don't want to i i want to say this and be very clear about it. When we were talking about the furry thing last week, I am not in any way, I don't ever think about furries in any way.

And if I do, and if I do, and if I do, like I'm going to think about them right now. Okay. I'm actually, I admire them. And I'll tell you why I admire them.

They're going for it, man. Like they're fucking going for it, man. Sure, right? They're fucking going for it. There's a lot of people in this world that are sexually repressed, that have a kink that they just can't fucking work out. There's a bunch of guys on the Christian side that really want to fuck a dude in the ass. Right? And they don't do it.

And they're mad. And they're frustrated. And it sucks. And their fucking sex life sucks. And they're constantly in this position where they can't do it. They just can't find themselves to do it. And I'm sure there's plenty of other kinks in the world that people can't get off. They can't do it. Maybe they do it when they get themselves off.

They look at whatever they want to look at. But they don't get that. They don't experience that kink in the real life. They're doing it, man. They're fucking out there doing what they want to do. And I know we got a message from someone who's like, hey, furries are not necessarily a sexual thing. We get it. We understand. May or may not be. I don't care.

And that's the thing. I don't care. But let's just say the ones that are sexual because I know that for some people it is a sexual thing. Good for you, man. Fucking rock that shit. That's awesome. That is awesome because you're that for some people it is a sexual thing. Good for you, man. Fucking rock that shit. That's awesome. That is awesome because you're going for it. Yeah, right.

And that's honest and that's from the heart. I absolutely, that's what I believe. Now, I'm going to fucking make fun of it because I make fun of all the stuff. Because it's grown people dressed as anthropomorphized fuzz animals, right? Like, look, there's some shit. Here's the thing. Human sexuality is hilarious.

It is. We're disgusting, grunting beasts. Yeah. The fact of our sexuality is ridiculous. It's patently absurd. We should laugh at ourselves. We should laugh at the physicality of our bodies. We should laugh uproariously at the ridiculous, sloppy mess

that is our sexuality 100% of the time. Then you add dudes dressed up as bunny rabbits. That's fucking hilarious. There's no way that's not funny. The chokes right themselves for Christ's sake. I don't know what else to do. If you don't want me to laugh at that, I die inside.

I want to say this, though, too. Whenever we get a message from people like this, they always do a couple of things. The first is they qualify it as if they're an authority. So they talk about all this stuff. Like this guy's talking, I love podcasts. And here's a couple of podcasts I like. And then he mentions skeptic and atheist?

Describes me exactly. I was a past member of JREF. And I went to one of Randy's amazing meetings a couple years ago where I met and chatted with Penn and Teller, amongst other trainable skeptics. I'm thinking, first off, you spelled skeptics wrong, you fucking idiot. But then secondly, it's like, wait a minute. You paid money to go to a conference? It only takes money, dude. Right.

It's not like they fucking invited you backstage, you dipshit. You know, fucking one time I saw Ira Glass in the fucking airport. That and answering fucking phone calls for three hours can get me late at the fucking donation drive for NPR. Are you fucking kidding me? Who cares that you fucking met with Penn and Teller? Why does that make you an authority? That's the dumbest shit ever. And the other thing that happens all the time in every single bad review, almost every single bad review we get, it always says the same thing.

review almost every single bad review we get it always says the same thing juvenile high school humor laugh out loud at your own jokes and you were trying to be a shock jock type thing all three of those things almost always get mentioned right it's like every time i hear that i think you know yeah maybe i have a formulaic show but you have a formulaic rating, dude. You said the exact same shit everybody else said. I don't even know what any of it means either. I can't. Here's what I can understand for the life of me. How do you find the show, click on the reviews, look at reviews where everybody just yells glory hole, right?

And then you're just like, these guys, their humor is juvenile. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That, their humor is juvenile. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's welcome to my home. It's like going to a restaurant. It's called like Mama Cass's Pizzeria, right? You're like, it's all Italian food in here. I went to Mangia Mangia, and it's just all pasta.

What the fuck? Yeah. Okay. It's kind of built in. It's what you expect. So we got a message. This is from Richard. And Richard mentions that he wanted to note

that Bernie Sanders is only six years older than Hillary. So Bernie, at this point, she's 68, which is pretty old, admittedly, pretty old to be president. He is 74 years old. And we were talking ahead of time like as as time you know that that age gap starts to matter more and more on the bookends of your life right like there's not a big difference between 30 and 36 like hey whatever you know i mean

not that big a deal but the bookends of your life there's a huge difference between a six-year-old and a 12-year-old yeah right massive difference and there's a huge difference between a fucking 76 year old and an 82 year old 74 year yeah exactly right yeah like the bookends of your life it's like fucking like as every year older you're like 12 steps closer to dying he's if he's a two-term president he's 82 when he leaves j Jesus Christ. Probably be 83 because he wouldn't get in there until next year. He'd be 75 taking office if he came in.

Guys, that's pretty old. That's an old guy. And look at Obama when he went in and now look at Obama and he looks like the emperor. That's a point, right? Because these guys, the presidency ages you so hard. You don't have a lot to... He's going to be the cryptkeeper when he comes out. He's going to be like, he's going to walk out of the office. He's going to turn right to dust.

He's going to be like in a fucking Indiana Jones movie. Right? Yeah. He's going to pick the wrong chalice. He's a pretty old dude, and he's not going to get any younger with the presidency. We got a message from Stuart, and Stuart is from the Exposing Pseudo-Astronomy podcast, and he mentioned

that he really enjoyed our Nalin Palin episode. He listened to it a couple times. Stuart, thanks for listening still, buddy. Yeah, man, that's awesome. I love that you renamed our episode the Nalin Palin episode. I think that's great. We should have. We got a message, Tom, from Adam. And Adam took and created a video with a bunch of images for the Skeptic's Creed we're going to post on this episode.

I do love that he says of his own video slideshow, It looks like the kind of thing that your mother might make at a senior citizen's computing class at the local library if your mother was a dirty-minded, geeky ne'er-do-well. I think that's great. Thanks so much for the time and energy you put into this. I think you did a great job. Tom, we got a message from Aaron. Yeah, Aaron sent us an email, and this struck me as terribly amusing. He said, my lovely wife asked me to pass her a coat hanger. And his wife, by the way, is expecting their third child. And the first thing that came through my mind was, bit late for that, isn't it? Jesus Christ.

You guys have ruined me. My mind is all glory holes. Hey, now. That's tremendous. I think you're probably right, actually. I feel like that's- I was going to protest, and then I felt like I protested too much. Yeah, right?

The only thing that makes me sad about that joke is that you thought of it instead of me. We got a message from Dee, and Dee recorded something for us. So here we go. Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Black or yellow, green or blue, unless you're Muslim or a Jew, Jesus loves the little children of the world. So true. That's funny.

That's amazing. That's really funny. Thank you. We got a message from Adam, Tom, and Adam put, he put doubt even this on his bicep. He did. With a, like a, like a permanently with a tattoo thing. He did. Whatever they call those.

Tattoo gun? I think they're calling that. Is it a gun? That's what the kids are doing. The sailors and the kids. What do they do it with? Is it a tattoo gun? It's a tattoo gun, right?

Is it a gun? Yeah. I think they shoot you with that fucking thing. Okay, that's fair. It's loaded up with just exactly the image and then patunk right into the side of you. That's awesome. awesome adam thank you i'm flattered that uh you would take something that we wrote or that we we use for the show i didn't write it i wouldn't fucking claim that shit and etch it indelibly into your body so that's gonna

wrap it up for tonight we are gonna to be recording an episode of Imaginary Friends show, hopefully later this week, and we'll also hopefully have on Jake for our next show. So we're hoping that that should be fun. We'll see. Well, it'll be fun even despite Jake's presence. No, we love Jake. We can't wait

to be on with him again. It should be a lot of fun. So we're looking forward to that. We're done for the evening, though, and we're going to leave you, like we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter,

mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized,

stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment, Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens Churches, mosques, and synagogues Temples, dragons, giant worms Atlantis, dolphins, truthers Birthers, witches, wizards Vaccine nuts

Shaman healers, evangelists Conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata Nonsense Expose your sides Thrust your hands Bloody, evidential Conclusive Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive.

Doubt even this. and express notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music