Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 284: I Cast Yeshivaworld

Episode Date: March 24, 2016

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Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome actually there is there is there is a welcome did you find it left it in my car oh you found the welcome man it's in my car well son of a bitch yeah we don't have to spend another 50 dollars it's still Well, good, because I fucking wasn't good.

Is it still in your car? It is. Do I need to get a dolly to carry the thing up? What we should do is hire movers. And by movers, I mean some homeless guy that I bought some jerk chicken for. I just ate it in front of him. I let him smell it.

That's so mean. I let him lick my fingers. Jesus Christ. I'm the worst. That's so bad. I would never let a homeless man lick my fingers. That's disgusting. I don't mean that. God, oh, no.

Well, we're starting this one. We're starting this one, Tom, on the right foot. I am a monster. I just throw that out there and nobody is fucking surprised. That you are. Nobody is fucking surprised. I got a problem before we start. All right.

My Coke here has no alcohol in it. All right. And there's almost no chance I could be funny sober. So let me fix this. All right. So we've got our drink situation mostly squared away. Mostly squared away. What is this?

Sailor Jerry. Sailor Jerry. That's What is this? It's Sailor Jerry. Sailor Jerry? That's pretty good rum. It's 92 proof rum. I'm just going to hit it real quick. Yeah, just make sure it's good. I think that's a good rum. That's not bad, actually.

It tastes like vanilla, kind of. It's real vanilla-y. Yeah. Not bad. Oh, it's perfectly fine. I mean, for rum. Right, which is a consolation booze. Yeah.

Right? It's like, you know what I learned to make the other day? I've been fooling around learning to make cocktails the other day, just for the last couple of days. I learned to make an old-fashioned, as an aside. I realized why I get fucked up drinking old-fashioned. Because it's all liquor? It's two ounces of bourbon and literally a dash of bitters.

I thought it was more of a mixed drink where a goodly portion of it was mixer. Yeah, it's a literally two dashes of bitters a little bit like one sugar cube, two dashes of bitters, a maraschino cherry and a like an orange ride. It's a

terrible waste of bourbon is what it is. I like it's awful. You're really I'd rather eat a fucking Werther's Original. Whoa. We're just going to fucking move on to the show. You'd rather have a Werther's Original than an old-fashioned? What is wrong with you? It's fucking...

Why waste good bourbon? Do you like a Manhattan? Do you like any mixed... Do you like cocktails? Do you like mixed drinks at all? I like the... I'm not sure I've ever seen you order a cocktail. I like the girly ones like the super super frou-frou ones i like the ones if there's a fucking umbrella and i want it really i like those i always feel like my

fucking balls shrink when i ordered like the other like i went out i went out to the bar the other day and i saw something and i ordered it and they brought it out i thought it was going to be fucking like a manly drink like in a fucking highball glass with like a fucking, like, I don't know, like a piece of steel in the middle of it. There's like a rebar. You got to like pick around the rebar. It's just like a fucking pit bull serves it to you. It's on fire.

It's got like a gun sticking out of it. It's like that movie. It's like that Mad Max movie where a guy comes out. He's playing a fucking guitar and flames are shooting out of the end of it. And he lights a sparkler on the end of it and he lights a sparkler on the top of it. The handle is a switchblade. You put it up to your mouth, it has airbags on it. Like a crash test

dummy delivers it to you and bounces off. It's like served in a hollowed out hooker's tent. You don't want to read the map for that one to find that out. Oh, shit. That's good. But instead, like, I had to order this drink, and I'm like, yes, fucking manly-ass fucking drink.

They come out, and it's like, and I'm sitting there across from somebody, and they bring out this drink, and it's like i'm sitting there across from somebody bring out this drink and it's like pink and it's in a fucking martini glass with like a fucking vagina hanging off they made you put on like your big pink fuzzy bunny slippers i was fucking impotent for a week well that's not a change days was ridiculous i i looked i was like i might have to send this back i can't be seen i wouldn't be seen drinking that home alone in the dark it was the most embarrassing thing i ever i don't mind that at all. I'm like, if they bring out the fucking biggest, gayest drink, I'm just like, this is fabulous.

It's like served in a drink. It doesn't even bother me at all, man. You're just like, eh, whatever. Fucking whatever. They serve it in a dildo. I'll drink it. I don't give a fuck. A giant dick glass, and I'll drink it.

It's like a swizzle stick. It's like the bartender's just fucking working it through. Who cares, dude? I'll drink the shit out of that. I just don't like those, because all those drinks start out to be super fucking sweet yeah yeah i understand sure i understand they actually break it's not even it's not even the fru-fruness of it although that is fucking emasculating as fuck but like when they bring them out you're just like oh it's gonna taste like candy it's gonna taste like a jolly rancher with everclear

in it that's all that it's gonna taste like i can't drink more than six of those i'll tell you what though you get fucking wasted on that shit like i had hung over as i had you from all that it's going to taste like. I can't drink more than six of those. I'll tell you what, though. You get fucking wasted on that shit. I had hung over. I had to from all that sugar. I had the fucking that that orange soda, that fucking that hard orange soda. Yeah, it tastes like orange soda. And I had one of them.

And I was like, I'm not drinking anymore, though, because that's that's my underwear wound up on my head. Story waiting to happen. You like wake up in the morning. You're like making your kids lunches. The sandwiches are inside out. I wouldn't even be surprised that I had kids. I'd be like, oh, yeah, fucking yes. I was that drunk last night.

I have full grown children now. So this first story comes from the raw story. Texas lawmaker billed taxpayers for trip to Oklahoma Oklahoma to get pain-relieving Jesus shot. They have a picture of this fucking guy in his fucking cowboy hat with his radiation burns face. Look at that. It's so smooth. He looks like Mason Verger with flesh. His teeth.

Those teeth. Those are like George Washington teeth. No, those are the teeth that Hannibal Lecter makes. Those are like George Washington teeth. No, those are the teeth that Hannibal Lecter makes and goes... You know, from now on, every professional photo I ever take, I'm going to be fucking wearing a 10-gallon hat. And I'm going to bite my lower lip like I'm getting it in the ass.

A little harder. Yes. I haven't learned to relax yet. I'm coming hands free. It's a Jesus shot? What explains this to me? You go and they give you a shot, like a syringe-y shot, you know, like, and then it's, I don't know, they pray over some shit and it makes you all better. It's a heal-all.

Oh, I thought it was like a fetish, like a Jesus shot. Like you have to give hand jobs and foot jobs. It's a cum shot on your hands? So they could nail you with all limbs? Oh, no. I didn't know. I thought it was like, I don't know. I just thought it was some

sort of play. I didn't realize that. It's the Jesus shot. And he paid for it with taxpayer money. Well, he doesn't want to do it himself. He paid for the trip and he got a $300 shot. The whole thing's $1,100 fucking dollars. It's not like it was $20 or $30. It's a fucking $1,100.

And he's got to bill it to the taxpayers? Are you kidding me? If I thought that there was a shot, if I really fucking thought, like, oh, I can get a shot that makes all the pain forever go away in perpetuity, I'm willing to spend my own money. Yeah. That's the part of this that fucking grabs me. $300 sounds like a bargain.

Are you kidding me? I got a fucking epidural cortisone shot. It was like two grand. It didn't make everything else go away. It made it a little better. And I was like was like yes here's a check take my money take my fucking money three hundred dollars and it's like you can get fucking crucified you won't even give a shit fuck you'll be singing life of brian up on that thing three

hundred and you have to bill it to the taxpayers you cheap motherfucker what's your hat cost i've been to those fucking western wear stores. Those hats are fucking money, dude. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's crazy. And the thing is, is that what I thought was, what I thought I was going to read when I read this story was they were going to, like the people in his area were going to hear Jesus and immediately just say, oh, it's fine. But it seems like a lot of people are like, what the what?

No, man, you can't do that because all he did was fly somewhere said he set up a meeting went for a photo op and then went to get his jesus shot right oh god this fucking story's from the daily mail jesus christ i know right i thought this was two different people but it turns out it's the same person. So I'm going to read the Daily Mail fucking headline. And then we'll just stop. Everybody take a seat and relax, because you've got time.

This is the headline. I'm going to put the booze away while you do. You've got time, too. I might go to the bathroom, too. I'll be back, okay? Fucking rub one out while you're over there. You've got time. You have 20 seconds. I've been doing that the whole time. I know. Stop, please.

You're not a fucking Bonobo. Married teacher and Texas church leader hosted sex parties for teen boys where he made them strip and perform sexual acts. Jared Anderson, 28, was charged with sexual assault and performance of a child. Performance of a child. Possession of child porn and indecent exposure. Police said Anderson hosted a bros night last night or last month with seven boys. A note. This is still a headline.

A note on the door read, the last one to get naked has to get the first dare. Anderson's mouth allegedly came in contact with one of the boy's genitals. Whoopsie. Oh, really? Wait a minute. Really? Somebody's in contact with one of the boy's genitals. Whoopsie. Oh, really? Wait a minute. Really? Somebody's in contact with genitals? There's a note on the door that says, last one to get naked, dot, dot, dot.

Somebody's sucking something at that point. Right? There is no chance. If you go to a party where there's a fucking note on the door that says, hey, there's a fucking penalty if you're the last one to get naked. One has to assume someone's mouth's on someone's genitals, right? It's a fucking, there's like rabbis fucking circumcising kids in that thing.

They're having like speed contests to see who could do it quicker. Authorities said he and a boy also exchanged graphic pictures. Up to 12 victims have been identified and police suspect there may be more. The father of two is an English teacher at Judson High in San Antonio. How do you even arrange this?

Like, how are you like, I'm going to have a party with a bunch of dudes. I know, we'll call it Bros Night. They'll all get naked and fucking do these. But I don't, what does that invitation look like? That's the thing. Like, I've seen plenty of children's parties invitations and they usually have like buzz lightyear and it's like

yeah man we're going to fucking bounce house or whatever it's like hey man want to go to bros night i'll fucking suck on your junk anyway hope to see you there thursday what the like do these do these kids not have parents that fucking vet what party they're going to well now hold on though hold on though i'm not blaming the kids but even blame the parents i mean it's a church leader right it is right and that's where that that's the thing is like like that immediately vets everybody and that's the problem it is with church leaders is because they're they're authorities in this group. Look at what Sean Faircloth talks about in his book when they talked about

the daycares. That immediately vets the daycare. Suddenly you're qualified? Well, how are you qualified? Well, we're qualified because God. What? And this guy, he's a teacher as well as a church leader. And, you know,

the thing is, when you're reading the story, you're just like, you know, the thing is, when you're reading the story, you're just like, holy shit, this guy is just like he's manipulating these kids at one point. He's like, well, let's see who can do the grossest thing. Why don't you send me a dick pic? Right. You know? Like, oh, wow, that's super gross.

Oh, yeah, send me another one. That's really gross. Ew! That's really, really gross. Plus, this dude's, according to this, this dude's walking around sporting an erection the whole time. He's having these kids, like, crawl around and fucking hug and wrestle. And wrestle. And put their junk on each other's faces.

These kids are, like, 15 to 17. Yeah. There's no way you get a bunch of fucking 17-year-old boys to fucking wrestle around with each other naked unless you've got some coercion ability, right? Sure, yeah. Because I remember when I was 17, if I went to someone's house, I went to a fucking teacher's house, and he's like, What about if you took off your pants? I'd be like, What about if you read me a book? What the fuck are you talking about?

This isn't Beowulf. This is bullshit. What if I lay down and you just talk to me quietly while I try to go to sleep holding Caulfield? But yeah, man, that's the thing. It's like this only works if you have some position of authority to bend these kids to, right?

It doesn't work. He would never be like, hey, man, we're out of mice and men, so can I see your penis? No way. That's never worked anyway. Come on, so can I see your penis? No way. No way. That's never worked anyway. Right? Come on.

You want to pet my rabbit? That's never worked. I know. Yeah. You don't want to crush the rabbit. Be real gentle, Lenny. I broke it. Gentle touch.

I need to work on my gentle touch. It's one of those things, though, when you start reading it. First off, Bros Night makes me laugh. I don't know why. It's funny. I just see you start reading it. First off, Bros Night makes me laugh. I don't know why. It's funny. I just see Bros Night, and I'm like, Bros Night? Nobody has ever been like, oh, Bros Night, yeah. Bros Night.

Bros Night, sword fighting. Yeah. It's like, I know that girls have Girls Night, right? Sure. But if guys get together, we're not like, hey, man, Bros Night. You'd be like, hey, man, bros night. You'd be like, that's fucking gay. Now we're getting all these emails.

Why are you using gay as a pejorative? Yeah, it's a fucking joke. Yeah. It's a joke. So you want to do a bros night or are you down? I thought this was. Wait a a minute if it's not i gotta put my pants back put your pants back on and tame your erection you get one of the two one of the two well shouldn't our religious ideas stand up even under a scientific approach i mean

either thing is true or it isn't well certainly but listen joe there's some things we just have to accept on faith so this story comes from the raw story atheist group plans genocide and incest park billboard campaign to troll creationist arc so see so i actually i actually want your your genuine and uh unfiltered opinion on this so you know there's there's the arc encounter theme park, right? It's in Kentucky. This is that fucking Ken Ham garbage thing where they built a fake Ark

and they're going to convince people that this is really a thing that happened. And we've talked a bit, we've talked a lot about this, but I think that of all the stories, and I think I really mean this, of all the Bible stories, the Bible story that is the least appropriate for children, if you think about it for even a half of a second, right?

If it runs fleeting through your brain for a half a second. Right, is the flood story. Yeah, absolutely. And delightfully, that's the story that is very frequently a part of children's plays. It's like, oh, let's do the Noah story. They make fucking wallpaper out of it for kids' rooms. right because it's got animals and there's kids books right it's like oh it's two giraffes like what what about all the other dress fuck them like it's just like they could hold themselves up above the water and stick their face up in the sky

and hope you know that's not why they have a long neck. And it's always these African animals, too. It's like, oh, my God, African animals. It's like the tortoise is never fucking prominently featured, like a buzzard, like some fucking nappy-haired, fucking awful, goddamn monstrous animal. It's like, oh, look, that's a parasitic wasp. Oh, great. Put it on the ark. But the whole flood story is a genuinely monstrous story. Sure.

All you have to do is pause and think like, wait a minute. God got fucking pissy, killed all the babies and the puppies and the kittens and all this stuff. It's like, I like eating Frederick. Fuck you, Ray. You're all dead, right? And then we make this into a children's story. And now we're going to make it into a theme park. Sure.

And so this atheist group now has a billboard that is is you know it's pretty i think it's pretty inflammatory absolutely and i'm curious what your thoughts are i will i do want to comment on that story though real quick just because if you were to write that in a sci-fi bent like let's say you were to take the noah's ark story and turn it into a sci-fi bent it would be it would be apocalyptic horror it would be an apocalyptic horror story. Yeah, there's no way it's not an apocalypse movie, right? It's not, and there's no way it's not a horror story, right? Yeah, right.

There's no way it's not. So I actually think that the most recent retelling, Noah, that we went and saw, remember we went and saw that fucking pig of a movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was kind of an apocalypse film. Sure, absolutely. It was an apocalypse film, and it was also kind of a horror movie. Like, you watch it, you're like, oh, they're going to rape that girl pretty soon. Or they're going to eat her.

Or they're going to kill her baby. They were going to kill her and eat her or something. They had a bunch of people that they just wanted to eat. They're just like, I'm real hungry. Nobody was giving anyone a snuggle, right? Nobody was like, oh, have a bad day. Here's a hug. That wasn't happening.

It was all like. And I think that that's one of those things when you watch it, you're like, yeah, that kind of feels like it's kind of true to the story. To the narrative. It's honest to the narrative. I understand why they're doing this right and they're doing it the same reason why david silverman was doing the billboards that sort of are provocative right and the provocative billboards have a purpose and that purpose is to say hey guys in the tri-state area which is is Indiana, Ohio, and fucking Kentucky.

Oh, God. First off, there's like $2,000 they want to raise. There's plenty of fucking desperately poor people in Ohio. $2,000 is the GDP of all three states combined. is the GDP of all three states combined. Nobody has made $2,000 in Indiana in the last 10 years collectively. If they had, they'd have left Indiana. They put it all together.

They put all their pennies together. Dude, if you have enough for a Greyhound ticket, you're the fuck out of Indiana. You'll fucking suck dick on the street to get the fuck out of Indiana. I can't believe I'm saying this No no you can go at me With that broom handle I'll let you do that

I just need you to buy my ticket You can tape this shit I don't care Put it on fucking YouTube It's fine The thing is There's going to be a body at the end of it But in any case, I feel like I understand

why they're doing it. I understand that they're trying to shock people, and those people that are in these shitball states are going to look up and be like, oh, I'm not the only atheist here, you know? And they're going to think, well, you know, I'm not the only atheist around here, etc. And that fucking place is in Kentucky,

isn't it? Yeah, it's in Kentucky. Come on. That giant ark is in Kentucky. Because the land costs nothing. In Kentucky, they fucking give away the land in the hopes that somebody will still settle on it. In the hopes that someone will build an ark and God will flood it.

There's still fucking Native Americans in Kentucky that are untouched. Crying on the Trail of Tears. They're sitting there weeping. They're hoping right now for a smallpox filled blanket so they could die and not be in Kentucky. Kentucky is so fucking bad. I'm actually allergic to it. That's how fucking bad Kentucky is.

You need to like constantly shoot yourself up with EpiPens just to stay alive. Just driving through. Like as soon as you cross the river, you're like, fuck! Patunk, patunk, patunk. But I understand why they do it. Do I think that it's one of those things that like, are they trying to push some buttons? Absolutely, they're trying to push some buttons. Do I think it's going to convert anyone?

Absolutely not. You're not going to convert anybody with this. But I don't know that that's the object. No, I don't think it is either. I just, you know, part of me looks at something like this and wonders about the value of poking a hornet's nest, right? Because that is in part what this is. But I'm glad that you brought up the Silverman argument, because that's kind of where I was hoping you would go with this. Because when I first saw this, I was like, yeah, it's just kind of a dick thing to do, right? It's kind of honest. It's very honest. Right? It's very honest. it's very honest but the problem

is that first of all honesty isn't important to believers it honesty also sometimes is very insulting right yes you know the thing is is like that's why i prefer to be lied to i'll take it for decades me too me the thing is is like honesty can be very insulting to people you know i mean you have somebody with fucking a lazy i'd be like what the fuck's wrong with your fucking goofy eyes stupid you know what i mean like i've only i've only said look at me when i'm talking to you no not him me me i'm right here motherfucker yeah you know like like there's you know yeah you honesty is you know and i understand that there's people out there like no radical honesty is amazing no it's bullshit yeah right it's got radical honesty movement is for assholes that's what that is garbage so people can treat each other poorly and feel good about it

feel good about it yeah i resent you no i resent you i don't care well i don't fuck i resent all of you just fucking tell me what i want to hear but but the thing is is like honesty can be can be very very jarring and very insulting and it kind of it's also sometimes not the right thing to do right we all kind of have polite fictions that we create with other people sometimes we think wow this marriage isn't on the rocks right you know what i mean like we think that we we talk to our spouse be like jesus christ they should have got a divorce like 10 years ago right and then you leave and you're like yeah and then he's talking like how how's your spouse everything comes up i hope it's great i really like them but that happens right like that happens all the time because you don't want to just be like

jesus christ what a blood-sucking pig that woman is you want to say that out loud nobody would want to say that until they're divorced it's white lies my friend a the the basis of any good relationship is built on a foundation of white lies and sometimes some deep black ones so you know like i i look at this and it's like okay well you know i mean they're talking about genocide and incest and then that's all part and parcel of this whole program right that's all part and parcel of the whole program, right? That's all part and parcel of the fucking Noah story. But first of all, honesty is not important to these guys. And second of all, they're actually okay with genocide and incest.

They're okay with it. Because if fucking God was like, oh, fucking killed them all and made them fuck their sister or whatever. They're just like, oh, that's right. Plus, it's in Kentucky. You can't sell incest as a bad idea in Kentucky. It should say incest. High five. That's what it should say.

Right. Incest is like, I'm going to have to ask my sister in bed tonight what that means. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com, or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828.

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He's got a candle. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This story is from fucking the Shiva world or whatever fucking garbage tabloid newspaper thing this is. The Shiva world. Isn't that like a type of play with Magic the Gathering? I'm a gentleman

cast in Sheba World. You can't even... Planeswalkers are all disabled. You'll never be able to face out. You know. You can't tap your mountains. You'll never be able

to use all your mana because I can't see which way I'm at. This show's going nowhere. Who cares? It's going there fast. Oh, God. Hang on.

I got to open it. It's a fucking 100 degrees in here. It's like somebody lit the one candle this guy has. It's not that bad. You're just fucking, I don't know what. It's 100 degrees in here. We need to call the guy to come in here and spray me through the hose again. degrees in here. We need to call the guy to come in here and spray me through the hose

again. It puts the lotion on his skin or else it gets the hose again. Rabbi Berland, those with iPhones will have autistic children, have brain impairments. iPhones have autistic children? Is that where they come from? Wives must divorce husbands.

I guess you gotta ask Siri. So let's first off start by we gotta talk about this guy's appearance. I know appearances aren't everything. You should not judge a book by its cover, right? Yeah. But if the cover looks like this. You put the book back.

Right. It'd be like if you went to the bookstore and you were like, oh, I'll take that book. And it was fucking covered in dog hair and Vaseline. Right. You'd be like, fuck what? I didn't take this off my shelf. I'm at that book. And it was fucking covered in dog hair and Vaseline. Right? You'd be like, fuck, what? I'd be like, what? I didn't take this off my shelf. I'm at the bookstore.

I know, right? You'd be like, hey, I thought I left you at home. This book follows me around. This is my shame book. This dude looks like something out of a fucking, like ye olde times. Like, he looks legitimately, like, he looks like Nostradamus. It looks like, he looks like something out of a fucking, like ye olde times. Like he looks legitimately, like he looks like Nostradamus. It looks like he looks like.

He does look, that is a. The History Channel's Nostradamus. Absolutely. That's what he looks like. He's got fucking everything. All of his hairs are fucking straight white. Like they're like, whatever, we're fucking dead. He looks like one of those wizards in Lord of the Rings.

Yeah. He looks like a Gandalf or a Sauron or a Sauron or a. He looks like a character. Yeah. He looks like somebody's playing dress up. Walt Whitman. He was a wizard in one of those, wasn't he? Oh, that was awesome.

Walt Whitman. Game, set, match. That's terrific. So this fucking. Okay. First of all, the story starts off with the Shuva Ban B'Nim Kalila this week held in a sefa. Wait, hold on now. Let's talk about the Shuvah B'Nim Kalila.

Let me read the whole first sentence, and then we'll go back. You're jumping ahead. But I'm really interested in the Shuvah B'Nim Kalila. We am interested in all of these things. You're jumping ahead? Because I think I saw her in concert once. I think I put a dollar in her. The Shuvah B'Nim Kalila.

In her saggers. I just tucked it up under there. You just lift them up. She'll find it next week. When she's bottle brushing that shit out of there, something falls out. That's what I do. I find 20s in me all the time. Oh, God.

We go to the same place. I love the skin tag lady. Oh, yeah. She'll do stuff. I'm just saying. Butt stuff? Hey, you know what she doesn't say? No.

That's gross. It's not that gross. It's so gross. You could push those. The shit I'm asking her to do is gross. I normally push those two skin tags together and go at it. I can't tell the difference. That's a fetish for somebody.

Somebody's like, I love me some skin tags. I love pushing them together. Somebody's like, I like twiddling those little skin tags together. I like to nibble on them. I like to bite those fuckers between my teeth and feel them pop. For Christ's sakes. The fuck is wrong with you? Jesus Christ, man.

God, I feel like vomiting right now. That's disgusting. Yo, baby, let me pop your cysts. I've only done that like four or five times. That's so fucking gnarly. That's so gnarly. Holy shit. Okay.

So speaking of skin tags, this guy. Scrolling back. No, I mean, he's got a giant one right over his left eye. That's not a skin tag. That's another head coming out.

That's like one of those twins that eats the twin. Is he one of those rabbis with the herpes? Is that what's going on here? What's that tumor called where it's got like teeth and hair and shit in it?

It's called Shuvah Benim Kalila. That's what it's called. All right. So this sentence is amazing. Teeth and hair. That's a fucking name for that shit. It's called Basket Case. It's a movie from the 80s.

Yeah. All right. So the Shuvah Benim Kalila this week held in a Sifa to oppose unwanted technology, primarily smartphones and internet. Yeah. Let us know how that goes. Maybe they won't take. Well, what the fuck is a Shavuot Banim Khalil?

The fuck is that? He's a new NFL draft. From the Ohio State. I really hope the Bears get him in the second round. He looks like an awesome cornerback. He's a defensive lineman. Tell you what. He's a defensive lineman.

I don't know his name. Here comes Shivo Benim Kalila. It's so racist. It's not racist. It's Jewish. Sorry. The Jews are a race. That is true. There's no Jewish football players.

Who are we kidding? I can't put that in there. Because it's true. It's just like they get hit and then then there's just like a bunch in the front. And they're like. It's like. I got a fucking airbag in this thing. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, no. Okay. So they held it a SIFA. A what? It says they held it a SIFA. Hold on a second. I'm going to fucking Google search a SIFA. Yeah, you go nuts, man.

The International Animated Film film association or a cifa is the international non-profit organization founded in 1960 that's not it oh god i'm just gonna put a cifa jew oh my god ultra orthodox jews hold rally to discuss risks of internet okay that ship is fucking sailed that's like that's like having a rally to discuss risks of internet. Okay, that ship is fucking sailed. That's like having a rally to discuss the fucking impact of the wheel. You know what I mean? Like, hey guys, I think we gotta get ahead

of this one. What if it takes? I wonder how people got there. Did they use Google Maps? It's like, oh, hold on a minute. Let's invite everybody by email. What do these guys do? Look at these's holding an actual candle. An actual candle! They use smoke signals. Oh, right!

Hang on a minute. Let me call Bartleby in here. Now, what's the next one? It's like bizar... bizarres hashem. Today, everyone throws out their iPhone, a drug of death. They will be spared

gahenim until i fucking whatever that is you know no don't quit on me now yes anyone with an iphone will get not get out of gahenim is my pronouncing that gahenim Are you asking me if you're pronouncing that right? Look, man, I don't know. Are you kidding me? And then it says, it burns the brain. He saw the worst to Eva? Fucking what? Fucking what the fuck does that say? He saw the worst to Eva in the world that will destroy his entire brain.

The rabbi adds that one who has an iPhone, his children will be autistic and have severe brain impairment. Or live in the past. Right? Yeah. So everybody's kids have like fucking, everybody's kids are born with autism. Well then nobody has autism. Who cares?

Or it's the norm now. Right? That's the thing. Like if all of a sudden that fucking like if it's like, oh man, we'll be born with wings. Well then the people just have wings now. That's just how this works. Because everybody has an iPhone. Everybody has a fucking smartphone. Everybody has the internet.

They send the internet. They fucking send laptops with fucking crank handles to the desert. Yeah. Like, to the middle of fucking nowhere. That's how, that's, you are not, you're going to be like, well, hang on a minute. Let me get out my candle and tell you how I oppose the internet. Oh, okay, great. Yeah, that's going that's you you are not you're gonna be like well hang on a minute let me get out my candle and tell you how i oppose the internet oh okay great yeah that's that's gonna work never it's like the fucking amish you know what i mean like you're gonna bitch and moan about this technology but the thing is is like this is they're having a giant gathering they didn't do

that but fucking they didn't have a phone call list right or they didn't send out mailers well they if they had a phone call they have to fucking pick up a landline right where would you even get a landline i don't know even in my office i'll tell you what voice over ip i know where to get a landmine there's a lot of places you can get a landmine it's true yeah okay i mean where's the last time you saw an actual at an office but even i haven't Because those are voice over IP now. That's true. That's true. Mine is too.

Like an actual dedicated telephone line that plugs into the fucking telephone jack. I think my in-laws have one. Are your in-laws in the past? Yeah, they're really old. Do they live on a farmstead? No, they're just old. He also said that if a husband. Oh, God. No, we have one more. Oh, fuck're just old. He also said that if a husband... Oh, God.

No, we're not. No, we have more. One more. Oh, fuck. One more. Jesus Christ. I'm going to read the whole thing, because it's great.

The rabbi adds that one was an iPhone... Okay. Adding 5,000 children were born with partial brains in Colombia, and their parents... Yeah, it fucking has to... That has nothing to do with iPhones. It's got that fucking Shakira disease

or whatever, right? Yeah, it's fucking... The hips don't lie. Yeah, that's it. Their fucking brains don't develop. Oh, God. Jesus. God.

That joke stunk like homeless sex. That was fucking terrible. Jesus Christ, man. This show is fucking in the toilet already. They just crashed the whole thing. God damn it. Little tiny brain babies. You know, every generation or so, you got to get, like, there's like the new thing. God damn it. Little tiny brain babies. You know, every generation or so, you gotta get...

There's like the new thing. Remember because there was that little hand thing? Yeah, yeah, sure. Now it's the fucking tiny brain thing. The Beetlejuice disease or whatever. Our generation was the tiny penis. That's it. I fucking got hit with that one. The Zika penis. My head is so small. It looks very weird.

Yeah. Ain't no fairy dust gonna fix that. My head is so small. It looks very weird. Yeah. Oh, ain't no fairy dust gonna fix that. Oh, it's done. Oh, that was just as disappointing

as it always is. Worked for me. Resulting in their brains frying. No, wait, I'm sorry. Their parents are also

lacking a brain. Do their many aviros of pigumbris. What the what? Averos of pigumbris. I just read it. God damn it. Fucking pay attention.

This is like fucking, it's like written in Spanglish. Resulting. I fucking can't even understand it. Resulting in their brains frying. It's like when you talk to like, like somebody from another country. My favorite is you can't even listen to this.

Like when you talk to somebody from another country and like, for example, you talk to like a Mexican, like from Mexico. Why would I do that? Are they getting me a drink? No, they're mowing your lawn. But you know, the thing is like, for example, you talk to like a Mexican, like from Mexico. Why would I do that? Are they getting me a drink? No, they're mowing your lawn. But you know, the thing is like, like, listen, you come up to them and you say, hey, would

you like some guacamole? And they look at you like, what? And then you're like, guacamole. And they're like, oh yeah, guacamole. When you're talking to these people, they insert into their, you know, when you have these conversations, they have these like really correctly pronounced things. This is the exact same thing, except for I don't know what any of this stuff is. I'm just like, is that a dish?

Is that a fucking – is it like pate? I don't know what the fuck this stuff is that he's talking about when he's like fucking pig on bris. I'm like, is that part of the fucking bacon? I have no idea. I guess it can't be if they're right. I thought the bris was the – isn't that like cutting off the penis parts? That's the corkscrew they get off the penis. I thought that was the penis part.

That's the thing they deep fry. That's the calamari ring. So do you want to finish this? Yeah, I'm going to read this whole thing. I don't care come hell or high water, we're getting through this thing. Resulting in their brains frying, and each will have autistic children. We've hit with the curses of

Parshas Kisavo, 98 in number. Rabbi Berland adds, if a woman's husband has an iPhone, she must divorce him, for they must be at the forefront of protecting the camp. That is... This guy is on to something. What camp? I don't know. What are they, sieging a fucking castle?

Don't know. What are they, sieging a fucking castle? So we want to thank our most recent patrons. We want to thank all of our patrons, of course. Glory Hole Studios would not exist without you. Thank you all so very much. We just sort of set up in here recently with some new, it's like a new way to set this room up. So it's a little're sort of cutting it off so it's a little smaller now uh with a partition and uh we think

the sound may be better we're hoping that the sound's going to get better and keep on increasing uh in uh in equality as we uh as we figure out this studio and the and the sort of hot spots on the walls and things yeah i think I think more importantly, Cecil, we bought ourselves a globe bar. That's true. Which I have always wanted since I was a young man. That was a birthday present to Tom. Tom needed a globe bar, so we have a globe bar now. We'll put a picture of it on our Facebook page.

It is a thing of beauty and class. Beauty and class! As Tom said earlier, classy as fuck. It's classy as fuck. Classy as fuck. All right. So we want to thank our patrons, though, really seriously. This has been great.

This studio has really worked out, and we want to thank you. So our most recent patrons are David, Al, Liz, Justin, Janine. Fucking I don't fucking know that at all. B-J-A-R-N-I nope bjarni i'm gonna say bjarni i don't know. I'm just going to say Bruno. I'm just going to say Bruno. This is my favorite portion of the program.

Clearly, all these people, now they're just going to say Bruno. I'm just going to say Bruno. This is my favorite portion of the program. Clearly, all these people, now they're just going to fucking be like, JDK. They're just going to be mashing with their stumps against the keyboard. Shannon, anal bum cover. Anal bum cover? Zach, Joseph, Bob, Brett, Steve, David, Jonathan, Giles, Lil Lowey, Wendy Wendy, Cone Man the Bongbarian is what it is. That's awesome. Jeffrey, Hassan, Matthew.

Here's one for you, Tom. Cock Goblin Corn Goblin. For all you Iowans out there who send us angry emails because Iowa's a super-professive state, guys, and you guys are super mean. Why don't you love Iowa? Because it's Iowa. Here's the thing. He wasn't calling everybody in Iowa a corn goblin, just the people who attended the Trump rally. Elizabeth, Peter, A.K.,

Andrew, Mr. Puttyfoot, Corey, Adrian, Elizabeth, Damon, Cy, Justin, Jamie, Anna, Adam, Haley, Jason, Hertzie, James, CKOM's John Gromley. What is that? It's a radio show, I guess.

All right. And that's clearly not that person. And Rachel. Oh, but Rachel loves Eli. Rachel loves Eli. Wait a minute. Eli's on another show. I'll still take your money.

Seriously, though, thank you all so very much. We really do seriously appreciate it. And hopefully you were able to listen to the Pastor Manning episode that we put together. We thought it turned out pretty good. Now, people were saying that they couldn't to the Pastor Manning episode that we put together. We thought it turned out pretty good. Now, people were saying that they couldn't get the Pastor Manning episode because we put it on Google Drive as well as Patreon. So it was available through Patreon, but some people don't like Patreon,

so they get it through a Google Drive link that we put up there. Understand that it's still available through Patreon Unlimited. Now, when a ton of people go for the Google Drive link, it will... It bucks up. It bucks up, and they'll be like, sorry, too many people have tried to do it in the last 24 hours. I'm going to try to research a better system than that.

I don't know what to do. I don't know where to look right now, but I've got to find something better. I wish Patreon just had a fucking player, and we could call that shit a day, but they don't. So until Patreon comes up with something, I'm going to try to find an alternative at this point. But understand that unless you're having problems with the Patreon app playing the thing, the Google Drive is really for the people who are having some severe problems.

That's what it's for. It's like a fail safe. If it's not working through Patreon, that's the way to listen to it. Because Google Drive doesn't give you those options either, those 30 seconds fast forward, back and forth. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. It's not working through Patreon, that's the way to listen to it. Because Google Drive doesn't give you those options either, those 30 seconds fast forward, back and forth. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. It's not very good.

It's not a good way to listen to it. No, it's not a player. It's a shit player. Yeah. So we want to read a few emails here. We have the first one from Mr. D. From the very middle of England, he says. I don't...

The middle of England. How can you have a middle of something that small? That's like Mordor. Right? That's not it. There's no middle of England, he says. The middle of England. How can you have a middle of something that small? That's like Mordor. Right? That's not it. There's no middle of England. That's where they throw all the rings. They just dump them in there. So he says, hey guys, I've been listening to the show for about a year, and he says, just been reading about the anti-Trump

turnout in Chicago. There was a guy holding up a side that says, Trump puts ketchup on his hot dogs. After some Googling us Brits are still at a loss to what the hell this means so chicago has a specific type of hot dog called a chicago style dog and uh the chicago style dog does not come with ketchup it's one of those it's sort of anathema like you just don't put ketchup on a chicago style dog it comes with mustard i think like a really iridescent green relish, and then onions and peppers,

and then there's celery salt on. Tom clearly knows I've never eaten one, because I won't eat that green shit. That's not a thing. Oh, I love a Chicago, and it usually has two tomato slices. It's got a salad on it. It's a dog salad, yeah. But it does not come with ketchup. They put

tomatoes on, not ketchup. So that's the important thing, and it's a big deal like and i agree with that yeah i think ketchup on a dog is kind of gross anyway um it looks like a bloody dick and i'm not gonna put that in my mouth well you're not a rabbi yeah so yeah it's it's just that it's a chicago thing chicago it's kind of a joke around here people will say you know you put ketchup on your hot dog yeah it's doing something awful yeah like eating new york style pizza come on it's not that bad okay so we got a message about pizza speaking of which um about new york pizza nonetheless um this is from chad and chad says that he grew up in western new york state not too far from buffalo and while almost everything there was horrible the pizza and wings were saving grace. I have a warm place in my cold, dark heart for the pizza of my youth.

That said, the pizza is inedible when compared to Chicago deep dish. At a tender age of 17, I went to Chicago over the summer. Every night, I dream of the pizza I had there. I would sell my children to have that pizza just one more time. Fuck that pizza? You're goddamn right, I would. Chad, if you ever make it out here, we'll take you out to Pequod's. Absolutely we will.

Tom, we got a message from Sabrina. We did. It says, hey guys, Glory Hole, love the show. I've never had a reason to write in before, but when I was shopping my local giant tiger, it's a Canadian thing, I saw this little gem, and it's a link to a book. It's a link to a book, Wasn't It Smart of God Too to a book uh wasn't it smart of god too

and so here are a few of the examples of evidently the uh supposed brilliance of an omniscient omnipotent deity wasn't it smart of god to make rain fall in little drops instead of one big one actually he did that during the flood there was one big giant drop and it detonated on all the humans except for noah he was totally safe it was fine and the giraffes they landed on the other side the giraffes had to duck inside everybody the giant drop is coming wasn't it smart of god to give us a receding instead of advancing hairline advancing hairline that's my brother but this is the best this is the best one. He looks like a fucking gorilla, that guy.

Everybody's cussing it by the time they're 60. He shaves under his eyes. He's like a fucking non-human. That fucking schnoz that grows up there. And he's fucking... I'm not even kidding. He's got his fucking... He's like a wolf man.

He's got fucking... He's got hair that comes in here, hair that comes down here. He's like a fucking shorn monkey. Barely shorn monkey. And then his hairline is receding, though, so it's hilarious. Is it really? So his face is climbing?

His face is climbing, so his neckline is climbing, and then his hairline is receding. Well, maybe it'll catch up. Yeah, I know. Maybe it'll climb back. Well, he was always fucking ugly as sin, so this doesn't help any. And this is the best one. Wasn't it smart of God to make us sneeze out and not in? Yeah.

Yeah, that's fucking way to go, God. Hey, y'all. You could have been sucking those boogers right in, but instead you're shooting them out on everybody else, getting them sick and making them die of diphtheria. I don't even know if you can catch diphtheria from a sneeze, but we're going to find out. We're going to learn.

Yeah, we're going to get 100 emails. We're going to learn. Tom, we got a message. This is a limerick, and this is from Sherry. Pastor Manning's obsession with gayness reveals his desire for the anus of a well-endowed lad who will pound him like mad until he's so good and loose it's now painless. I love it. I like limericks's now painless. I love it.

I like limericks. That's clever. I love that limericks are always dirty. That's the best thing. We got a message from Russ, Tom, and I don't want to paraphrase, so if you could just read all of Russ's message. Hey guys, generally agree with you about the toilets thing,

but as a feminist it does bother me somewhat that women's rights are often seemingly ignored in favor of trans rights. Women don't get asked if they mind people who used to be men, and we often have penises using toilets. The same goes for women's rights are often seemingly ignored in favor of trans rights women don't get asked if they mind people who used to be men and we often have penises using toilets the same goes for women's prisons hey you get this guy in your prison by the way he sells a penis don't complain you're a terrible person is this fair you said it's possible that some creep may dress up as a woman and that will happen anyway agreed the difference is women seeing this kind of creep going to the bathroom will no longer be able to challenge people like this for fear of being branded transphobic.

I'm for giving rights to trans people, but not at the expense of women. I think the first thing that we got to talk about is that trans women are women. Right. Okay, so that's the first thing. So I think that you're misinterpreting what's going on here. These are people who live their life as women. She may still have different parts. That doesn't stop them.

I can still piss sitting down. Like, my dick does not stop me from pissing sitting down. That's a thing that I can do. So the idea that a trans woman would have some sort of hard time with a toilet, it's a toilet. It's not, I mean, it's fucking, it's a toilet. It's not fucking high technology. It's a toilet. So I disagree.

I disagree with you there personally like first off but secondly you know there's already laws against all the stuff that you're saying like creeps being and creepy in the bathroom is against the law now will people be branded as transphobic if someone look you're not transphobic if someone is like peeking in between the fucking uh the the the stall to look at you while you're shitting that's not being transphobic that's protecting your privacy that's what that's doing so there's that's not being transphobic if you're saying someone is committing a crime and they're doing it in a bathroom when you're transphobic is when you conflate a trans person with someone who is

more likely to commit a sex crime right and that's really what these guys keep harping on about how would i have any idea if somebody like what what fucking parts somebody has under their dress right or whatever they're happening to be wearing i have no idea when you say like oh you'd be creeped out with one of these guys walked in yeah if i walked in fucking with my beard on my face and like dressed as a man walking in and being like i'm gonna use the ladies room yeah it'd be kind of fucking weird but that's not what's happening here that's not the reality of the situation these are people who live their lives as women they are effectively women i'm not checking the genitals of the people that walk into the bathroom

before they go who who would want that we got to go through like a fucking genital scanner? Like put your vagina on this tray before you can walk in? Tom, here's an interesting thing. Someone was talking about signage. They were. They said, Dear Tom and Cecil, I was listening to your latest podcast. Heard you all talking about stealing and obeying laws. When I worked at Chick-fil-A, they would put on top of the registers, God's commandment, shall not steal.

I always found it funny that by the little sign they think that's going to stop somebody from stealing money keep up the awesome work yeah signage is not going to solve a whole lot of problems other than maybe like traffic problems right that's it it's a that's why we don't have signs just laying about randomly like don't rape anyone just Just thought you should know. That's not a useful signage, right? Then why don't they just put on all the bike racks in Chicago? Don't steal a bike. Don't steal these bikes.

Yeah. You know what indicates not stealing a bike? The lock on it. I know. That's the thing that tells you you shouldn't do it. Sometimes, right? Yeah, well, not if you're my bike, clearly. Fucking asshole.

So I want to play a clip for you. This is from Harm Alarma Ding Dong. Are you ready to stump Trump? I'm here to suck off the next president of the United States, Donald Trump. Jesus.

That's pretty good. It is. Because it kind of sounds like she says that. It really does. It's a great clip. She probably said that. We got another one of those Ted Cruz looks likes. So we're just going to put this.

This just goes right into the notes. It looks just like that. So if you want to find out who Ted Cruz looks like, guys, you got to go to our website, DissonancePod.com. This is episode 284. It's real funny. Got a message from, this is from Kernan. And Kernan said, could you give Skeptical 2006 a shout out again this year?

We're having it on May 15th in Oakland, California. So if you're interested, you can go to SkepticalCon.com or go to our website, DissonancePod.com for this episode show notes, and you can go to check out the Skeptical Conference that's coming up on May 15th. Jesus Christ, this is fucking, this is vomitous right here. This is from Beth. Years ago, I was in the army and went to the National Training Center in California. The training center is set up for many types of units and the bathrooms are all exactly the same. This is from Beth. on one side of the middle dividing wall were sinks with mirrors on one side of the wall where you entered were like three long troughs oh god standing there at the troughs were women washing their hands shut the fuck up no they weren't and brushing their teeth in the goddamn trough no talking about what a weird sink that was that trough is it fucking dick pissing level like if you walked in and there's a sink and it's it fucking it's below where you're who built a sink that low have you seen that the the video of the drunk guy

who stands on the trough and runs and slide like slip and slides through it i never want to see that that guy he's dead now i never want to are you kidding i wish i were i will never i will burn the internet before i would watch that's the guy who does it dude are you i you can't watch it without wanting to throw up like you can't watch it and be like like the first thing i think is some dude ate asparagus for lunch right you know right sliding through that oh god that's disgusting beth god that's a fucking horror we have an image for christ haters this is great christ haters and this was from that show where the person was saying they're christ haters and they are christ haters yeah so we've got if you want to check out

christ haters got to check out this episode oh god this is Jesus Christ. Best song in the whole world. Oh, my God. Here's the best part about this show. The music that we've been exposed to. I make a joke about xylophone death metal, and somebody sends us what sounds like actual xylophone death metal. I hate this part of the show so much. This is the best part of the show. This is the reason to wake up in the morning.

Here we go. Yes. Yes. All of this. Yes. Yes. Yes. Sounds like Halloween.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And now it really sounds like Michael Myers. Here we go. Very scary times now. Very scary times. Listen to the xylophone. Very scary times. I love it. Yes.

This is horrifying. I fucking... Yeah! Yeah! Yes! Yes! Yes. Yes. You love it.

Turn it up. That's great. Yes. Best song I've ever heard. Okay, I can't do that anymore. I just can't fucking do that anymore. You'd rather slip and slide in the fucking trough. What the fuck is that black metal called Tidefall?

It's amazing, and you love it. Jesus Christ, Hans. What the fuck is wrong with you? Tidefall? It's amazing, and you love it. Jesus Christ, Hans. What the fuck is wrong with you? I feel like that made you happy. I got a message from Wolfie. And Wolfie says that he listens to our show, and he says, I just want to let you know that someone was knocking on my door.

He's listening to our show, and he lives a long way away from people, so I rarely get uh one two to three unplanned visits a year a jehovah witness of course but i could not believe it i was just sitting there listening to you when these people knock at my door there's no great story really then why did you send us an email this story has no it has no beginning i just i do want to ask you the wolfie what what fucking what did they talk to you in? Like, Norwanese or whatever? Norwanese!

Did they talk to you in your own Ouijan? Did they talk to you in your Ouijan tongue? Did they speak to you in your native language? Or did they knock on the door and be like, I'm really lost, and I'm Jehovah's Witness? Because I cannot imagine a Norwegian Jehovah's Witness. It's astonishing. You know what? They probably listened to xylophone metal.

Probably. Yeah, that's true. That's why they're all funny. We got a message. This has a video, and this video is Korean. Super cute Korean girls love Chicago pizza. They also love a lot of other stuff. I've seen them around the glory hole, actually.

But we're going to put a video, this video, on our page for this episode. And it's them eating pizza. And they're eating different kinds of pizza. I think they eat Detroit pizza. What is Detroit pizza? I've never had it. I've only been to Detroit one time, and I went to a Greek town. Because I think it's the only place that doesn't look like it's been shelled.

So Detroit is an anathema on the earth. It should fucking be raised. And I think it was mostly. Because the last time I was there, all I saw was casinos, a monorail that went nowhere, and a fucking. Monorail. And like. Monorail. Fucking.

Monorail. That's amazing. Like, fucking, you look down the street. You're just like, are they filming the road nearby? So I guess they make pizza there out of fucking fallen buildings. I don't know. But whatever they do. I'll have a large pie with desolation and broken dreams.

Is there any way you can put some of that crumpled up mortar on there? I love that stuff. It's crunchy. Last time you had a little too much desperation on my pie. Yeah, extra roaches. So Detroit pizza, New York style pizza, and then real pizza. This is fucking awesome. So

the thank God I'm atheist Facebook page. So they were talking about cognitive dissonance and someone said if you've ever listened to the scathing atheist and thought that last abortion joke could use about five more abortion jokes, each worse than the one before. And boy, have I, then this podcast is for you.

That's the best descriptor possible. It is fucking amazing. I'm going to cut out all the descriptors we have, and that's it. That's it. We got a funny image, and this is a bumper sticker. So if you want to find out about this bumper sticker, go to our website for this episode, and you'll find the bumper sticker. I think this bumper sticker is genius.

It made me laugh. I chuckled. Tom, we got an interesting question. This is about cultural relativism and the Amish. Hey guys, just had a quick question about cultural relativism and want to know your guys' stance on it. I know in past episodes you guys have expressed your dislike for the Amish.

I agree with you guys about the Amish being crazy religious nuts trying to act like they're in ye olde times, but I'm just wondering what your views are on indigenous tribes people that have little to no contact with the modern world, like the Senchines people off the coast of India. Should we, as a modern world, just let these kind of people be, or do we have an obligation to bring them into the modern era? the modern era sounds super imperialistic, but I do think you have some obligation if they are living without modern medicine, without education, without, I mean, like these are people who are going to have the sorts of lives that, I mean, there are people in Papua New Guinea the same way. These are people who are going to have the sorts of lives that we have long since advanced out of.

They could have longer, happier, healthier, better lives with maybe not everything, but like, you know, here's some modern medicine. Here's some education. Here's some shoes to wear. Here's a fucking life straw so you don't get fucking, you know, waterborne illnesses. I do think we have an obligation to

use some of the advances of modern technology to give to people so that they you know fucking toothbrushes shit like that your fucking teeth don't rot out i will say this um i think that i have a problem with the amish because they're halfsies right they're half the amish are different they're half in and half out, right? Right. So the Amish are kind of like, you go to the fucking, the farmer's market

and the guy runs the cart at the guy next door who's got a square on his fucking iPhone, right? And then he gives cash to the Amish guy and he has to, you know, deal with the whatever.

You know what I mean? Like, so the Amish aren't, they're not adverse to other people using technology and then they clearly let people use technology and then they use some technology. They fucking ride on our roads, right, on their fucking buggies. I think they're liars.

So that's why I think we dislike the Amish in the sense that they're just habsies. And if some of these people were fucking habsies and being like, fucking primitive society is so much better as I wear my Nikes and talk on my iPhone, I'd be like, fucking you're a liar. Like, you're a liar. Like, you're a liar. So I would treat him the exact same way. We got a message from Dead Eye Nick, and Nick says, you don't have to drive to Mississippi to get a selfie with a 120-foot cross. You Illinois nutjobs have a, us Illinois, fucking, look, man, I didn't pay for that cross.

I know, right? You Illinois nut jobs have an 198 foot cross in Effingham it disturbs me every time I cross over from Indiana you should actually fucking live in that cross I would live in that cross over Indiana let me tell you but uh but it's in Effingham and and and Nick's absolutely right uh I drove down and saw three of these giant and they're fucking made out of aluminum siding. They look so goofy. They look goofy as fuck. And you drive down the road, and they're fucking enormous, man.

These crosses are fucking huge. The one in Effingham is just absolutely giant. And there's another one. I saw all three of these on my way down. I think there's one in, it might have been in Arkansas, and then the final one was in Mississippi. But they fucking litter the road, man. You could fucking find your way using that as a fucking monument in between places.

I just thought that's where the giants were buried. That's where they crucify them. That's where Paul Bunyan's grave. Well, that's fucking Jesus. This episode has been... It's been something. It's been something.

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All I need is this globe. This globe bar. This globe and these headphones so sorry i travel down to hattiesburg now first i want to explain the ride to hattiesburg okay i didn't realize this i kind of thought like after you get out of chicagoland area it's just like wilderness like that's kind of what i thought i was like it is that way it's mostly wilderness no it's all fields it's all fields oh yeah no yeah fields. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. I do know that.

It's all fields. I've driven through the entirety of Illinois. Oh, Illinois is all fields. Right. And I figured that. I was like, I know Illinois. But I figured these fucking back hill countries like Arkansas and Tennessee and went through Missouri, part of Missouri.

I figured there's got to be- I thought it was just smoking volcanoes. I was like- I have no idea. I figured it was something. Is it like fucking orcs and shit out there? It's something, right? No. I figured there's gotta be... I thought it was just smoking volcanoes. I figured it was something. Fucking orcs and shit out there? Something, right? No. It's just garbage, right? I mean, it is straight from Chicago South. It is

fucking 10 hours of straight depressing fields of nothing. Nothing. There's one hill. I counted one hill. I would rather donate an organ I have one of than travel through that again. So it was a great drive. What did you go down?

No, not 65. It's 57 to 55. Eventually, they kind of meet back up again. Right, right. But 57 was just – and I wind up getting down there late. Dude, 57 to 55 55 that's a garbage drive oh it was terrible that's that drive it's like it's the fucking asshole express oh that's what it is it's the colon of america it was all it is is flushing all of the fucking detritus

out of this country down 55 i that's all it is i did did drive through, I think, Memphis. I don't know if it was or not. There was a fucking... Was it just Crush Dreams and Prostitutes? Because that's Memphis. So I wind up getting to Hattiesburg late night, and then I go to the site the next day, right? So it's like a camping thing

that's going on. Your favorite. And I'm staying in a hotel i'm not camping no i know fucking forget it so i i walk up and that's for dirty there's a hotel where you're supposed to check in there's a hotel right behind where you check in and the hotel is condemned fuck you and that's a bad sign it turns out a terrible sign condemned they have like a big orange sticker how How did you know it was condemned? Because the drapes were rotting and you could see it from the outside. And half of the building was gone.

So that's another indicator, it turns out. Here's the thing. If it is not officially condemned at that point, that's just window dressing, right? Right. uh that's just yeah that's just window dressing right right so i wind up uh i wind up uh going into the site and everything is just broken and filthy and disgusting and mississippi like it's just all mississippi and i and i walk into this bathroom right so there's a bathroom and there's port-a-johns there and i could have gone in the port-a-john, but I saw this bathroom and I thought, for science. I was like, just for science, you know? Well, here's the thing.

Hold on. Because you know what the snake is when you go to the port-a-john, right? You're like, okay, I'm going to get fucking like chlamydia of my asshole just by sitting. Like just by walking in the room. I could leave my pants on and shit in my pants in a port-a-john in mississippi and you're still gonna get chlamydia oh yeah you're getting chlamydia okay yeah you know when you walk into a port-a-john and it's nice and like 85 degrees out and there's that smell and i'm still smelling it it turns out because it burns itself it's like when you stare

into the sun right you know it's like there's two things that burn into your senses. The first one is when you stare into the sun or like fucking someone welding or something. The other is 85 degree port-a-john. That also burns itself. Mississippi port-a-john where everybody has loose bowels. Horrifying. So I was like, you know what? For science, I'm going to go inside this flushy toilet.

I walk over to the door they just got flushies like 10 years ago like this should be brand new right yeah i walk into the so the door itself is half gone it's it's it's like it's like a fucking it's like it should be it should say like beware dragon so i i open the, and it's fucking barely hanging on by its hinges, and I step inside this fucking, this, I mean, it's a hovel.

It's not even like, it's not even like a place that you would want to be. And it's a concrete floor, and I look to the right, and I see a hanging blue tarp. And I'm like, why is there a hanging blue tarp? And then I take a step more in.

That's the stall in that's the stall that's the stall where you shit is a tarp tarped off area I thought it was in Blair Witch Project hey Paul we got to give them city folks

some privacy. Y'all got my fancy tarp. Oh, and we ain't using the guest tarp, is we? Oh, my God, it's a tarp. Nothing good has ever started with a look of tarp. That's like for rolling up the bodies. So I quickly left and then went to the port-a-john i was like no i'm not gonna when you're when you're like whoa this bathroom is gross i'd

rather shit in a port-a-john so then it's fucking outside right so it's an outside thing and outside sucks so the second day at fucking at fucking around three o'clock, we're supposed to do this thing, and I look up, and it's fucking the sky's going to open up. And so they cancel the thing, and the sky does open up. And I was like, fuck it. I'm leaving. I'm going to go back to my hotel. I grab my shit, go to my car, change into my regular clothes, get on the road, and start going. Now, at this point, there's 3,500 people at this event,

this outdoor event down there, right? So there's 3,500 people down. I was tag number 3540-something when I came in. So it's a sizable amount of people. A lot of tents, right? I leave, and I get in my car, and I'm driving. I'm on a 70-mile-an-hour road going north. At a certain point, I was going 25 miles an hour

because the storm was that bad. It was like fucking, it was like you literally could not see. My wipers weren't as fast as they could go, and I'm just like white-knuckling it the whole way. My flashers were on. I put my flashers on. I was like, I am not going the requisite speed, nor am I going half the requisite speed.

There's just a point where you're like, if I hit something, all I can do is apologize. I can't not hit it. I wouldn't have been surprised if I hit a guy with a peg leg when I was driving through that. So I'm driving down the road, and I'm like, Jesus Christ. Well, I get back to the hotel, and I turn on Facebook, and everybody who's at this event is just like, oh, my God. It was like a microburst hit this site. Exploded all these tents. Everything's all

fucking jagged and blown up. Long story short, they canceled all the activities for the rest of the week. Come on, you drove a fucking trillion miles through garbage country. I was there for one day. That's the Slovakia of America. It was just, I drove all the way down there, and then I left.

Instead of leaving, I was going to leave late Friday after all the stuff. I left Friday morning because I was just like, well, there's nothing going on. So I just left, and I got home late Friday evening. But it's like another 13-hour drive. And what I wanted to do was split the goddamn drive up on the way back. Because I was like, the way down, I almost gnawed my arm off. I was so fucking bored. I was just, the way down I almost gnawed my arm off. I was so fucking bored. I was just like, Jesus. I wasn't

tired. You're like jerking off and throwing it out the window just for something to do, right? I was just picking up random people on the side and paying them for Roadhead. Just like, whatever. I don't care. You're a grizzly bear. I don't even care at this point. It doesn't matter. It was awful. I pet your fur anyway.

It was a terrible, terrible, terrible trip. That's horrible, man. I'm sorry, bud. I took time off of work. It sucked. Dude. It was cool because I got a chance to see a couple people, and that was kind of cool, but for the most part, not fun.

Mm-hmm.