Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 291: Ye Olde Crooner

Episode Date: May 1, 2016

Pat Boone: The Government Should Outlaw Blasphemy And Punish Saturday Night Live If It Blasphemes Again Ted Cruz Won't Stop Lying About LGBT People Family doctor 'repeatedly bungled baby's religious circumcision then tried to bribe family into not taking action' Oklahoma GOPer Suggests God Will Pay For Costly Legal Battle Over Abortion Ban Ted Cruz releases ad attacking Trump for supporting transgender rights Glenn Beck Is Going To Write A Contemporary History Book About How America Was Lost ... By Not Electing Ted Cruz Malaysia school shuts after 'mass hysteria' outbreak Bizarre: Girl Chops Off Her Tongue To 'Offer' It To Lord Shiva In Chhattisgarh Paranoia-Rama: Sharia Law Is Here, Civil War And Slavery Are Coming Linda Harvey: LGBT Movement Helping Turn Kids Into 'Sexual Barbarians'   http://w4w.podbean.com/e/waiting-4-wrath-episode-077-the-one-where-we-put-out-the-welcome-mat/

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, so I was really interested in Jim Baker's product study sales, and I learned that, as it turns out, you can also, in addition to buying his Apocalypse Week, get a bucket of glory holes. That's right, you can get a year's supply of glory holes. Now, they're kind of expensive, but can you really put a price on a good glory hole? Yeah, I didn't think so. But you might be saying,

Jim, I don't have enough room for a year's supply of glory holes. Now, if you get creative, you do. So you can put them all up, slap some cardboard on them, and bam, you got a glory hole coffee table. Or you can stack them up and throw an air mattress on them, and there you go.

You got a glory hole bed, which, you know, honestly, is probably the best bed you can really get. So I recommend this to everybody. Glory hole. Hi, challenge people. This is Esme. And I just listened to an episode where you guys were talking about porn. And I had to call in because I don't know if I like porn as much as guys, but porn's awesome. It's educational.

The only kind of porn that I don't really like is like, I don't like porn if it's in a foreign language. And I don't like porn when it's like in public and outside because I'm always like, oh no, someone's going to see them. Even though I'm looking at them, I literally get like anxious about people having sex outside. I'm worried the children will see them or something. I don't know. The other thing that I can't stand in porn is when they play music instead of letting people hear whatever dirty talk they're saying. Because the music, never has anyone ever said,

oh, that is my jam when watching a porno. When is it going to drop on iTunes no one has ever said that I want to hear certainly I've never said that or heard it said that I don't watch porn with other people usually

I don't know if that's a thing but anyway so Flory Hole love you guys. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago. Finally back in Chicago.

I know, Jesus. Fucking non-garbage streets of Chicago. Actual city. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's skeptical.

It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 291 of Cognitive Dissonance. So Cecil, we're back. We're back in civilization. We're back like ensconced in the warm, loving embrace of the city of brotherhood or whatever the fuck we are. Or the city of big shoulders, right?

That's what we are? It's the city of the most murders, I think is what it is. You know what? I'll take the murders over the fucking garbage on the streets. We just got back from a trip to New York. Now, you spent a little more time there than I did.

I did. I did four days. Oh, my God. Four days? Yeah. Jesus Christ. I can't imagine what you would do for fucking three

of those days i mixed the show one of those days i mean we were just in new york and eli was kind enough to show us around his garbage filled city yeah um and i gotta say like having been now to new york exactly one day i feel intensely qualified to judge it harshly you totally have been there for one fucking day. I was there. Yeah, because I landed. You landed on? I landed on Wednesday night.

Wednesday night. And we went out drinking. Yeah. And that was, you know, that was fine. Like, that's like going out drinking anywhere, right? Sure. Like, you get blackout drunk. Maybe you start climbing things.

Who knows? People send you pictures of things that you don't remember. Yeah, right. And you're like, yeah, good evening. I could do that anywhere. Yeah, sure. Right? And I have.

And you have. In many places. In many places, yes. So, sure. Right? And I have. And you have. In many places. In many places, yes. So, all right. The first night doesn't even count. Like, anybody can go to a fucking bar where the booths are made of duct tape and garbage. Eh. The second day was tourist day, right?

Tourist day. So we walked around. And we walked 11 miles, right? We saw a fair amount of that city that day. Yeah. And the most impressive thing was falling asleep at the end of the day. That was the best part of New York. I want to say, by the way, we got a chance to meet in person Eli and Thomas.

Yay! Oh, no, fuck. And I thought both of them were great people. And Thomas' wife, who was there. And we just had a great time hanging out with them. Eli, of course, was smart enough not to bring a significant other near us. But the three of them were just really good people. Really nice people.

And we had such a fun time hanging out with them. Well, not such a fun time. It was funny start to finish. I mean, it really was funny start to finish. We laughed throughout the entire trip while we were there. We got a chance to try. And now we've got to end it we got to end it now it's over we know it now it's over the variables have been eliminated so the best place to eat new york style pizza eli took us there huge smile on his face ready for us to have a life-changing experience sadly it was not a

life-changing experience it was just kind of a floppy pizza that really was, I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't the worst pizza I've ever had, but it wasn't the best pizza. It wasn't even close to the best pizza. It wasn't even on the fucking top 100 best pizzas I've ever had, but it wasn't, it wasn't the worst pizza I ever had. It was good, but it wasn't, it wasn't anything memorable. Yeah. I think if I had that pizza delivered, I would maybe deliver from there again. I'd be like, I guess if everything else was closed and there was an apocalypse and they somehow managed to stay open. And

if Jim Baker put it in a bucket, then yes, I would. I would perhaps. But you know, here's the problem, Cecil, is that we took our pizza advice from a vegan. I know. We took pizza advice from a man who actually says, without a trace of irony, that he cooked something using ricotta cashew flour.

It's like taking your sex advice from a priest. Exactly. It's the same thing. But at least the priest will fuck a little boy, right? He's still getting his dick wet. The priest is like, hey, so yeah yeah you just gotta put it in their front butt once just get them a little warm you gotta stick a water bottle up

there god and then shake them if you shake them like a baby oh jesus before you fuck them shut up yeah don't do that don't say those things so that's see so that's that's how that's how eli knows food in other words he doesn't know. It doesn't know food at all because all he's eating is green things. Yeah, that's that's what your food is going to eat. When we went to that, we went to the French restaurant. The only thing he ate was the carrots. That's not bad. I think he

ate the snails. They need the snails. He might have yeah, because he's a fucking liar vegan. That's why he's a liar vegan. That's why also I just want to mention this. Eli's the worst driver I've ever been with in my entire life. I've driven with Asians before. But we want to thank everybody.

We want to thank Eli and Thomas. They were amazing to hang out with. We really did have a great time. So Eli was super generous with his time. Two days. So generous, man. Showed us all around the city. We certainly can't say enough about him. He was amazing to hang out with. And same thing with Thomas. We had a great time. Even though Thomas was abbreviated because Thomas was leaving,

we had a really great time hanging out with Thomas, too. The point is that we've got to rewrite the federal government. Now, this is not going to happen overnight. It took 130 years to bring us to where we are today. It could probably take 50 years to turn it around. But if we stand on the Constitution, then everything else comes together. This story comes from Right Wing Watch. Big shocker, right?

Pat Boone. Hey, remember, Pat Boone's still a thing. The government should outlaw blasphemy and punish Saturday Night Live. You guys with your jokes. All right. So my feelings. Pat Boone singer. Here we go.

Oh, it's my jam. Oh, my God. This is the song. This is the song that was playing when Grandpa put his fingers in Nana. That's before her pussy looked like a week old ham sandwich, though. Oh, my God. Smell like a week old ham sandwich. Oh, my God.

I want to die. It's like one of those Brillo pads that you wash so much. Why are you saying those things? I don't want to live here anymore. week old. It's like one of those Brillo pads that you wash so much that it sort of... I don't want to live here anymore. It's like falling apart. It's like partially brown from the rust. That's your grandma doing it. The best part about it is all my

grandmas were dead, so I can talk about them like this. It's amazing. Oh, I'm so sorry. Here's Pad Boon. She was a sweet lady. She was. But she used She was a sweet lady. She was. She was. Until your grandpa.

But she used to be a whore. She was until your grandpa pounded that pussy flat. I made a veal scallop pizza. It all smells like capers. It's like when they take the Chicago because the fucking ground is so weak. They have to drive those pylons into the ground. What the fuck do they call it? That's your grandma.

Dude, that's your grandma. That's your grandma. I don't know what it is. She made me cookies. Oh, God. There's nothing like grandma pussy. You know what I mean? There's nothing like talking about grandma's pussy.

Oh, my God. I don't. Oh, God. That's funny. She had one leg. Oh, God. Oh, man. She only has to get one binder out.

I'll tell you. Grandma. Oh, man. She only has to get one binder out of it. I'll tell you what. Crabble. Alright, so here's Pat Boone. There is a vitriol. There is a, I would say, almost a hatred of people who dare to take the old-fashioned truisms, the old traditional stands about moral right and wrong, they want to absolutely, they just, they do not want any kind of restriction on what they might do.

Would you legislate restriction? Would you make sure that they were not able to do it legally? There have been restrictions, of course, as you know. I mean, the movie, there used to be a censor board in the movies that declared what should be appropriate for family audiences and not. Then they went to a rating system. That's not legislation, though. That's not legislation.

No, that's an industry regulating itself, right? Just like meatpacking plants or whatever, they put the USDA thing on there. Which is, in a a way a regulation. What would you do for TV? Should there be a system or should there be legislation that says you can't do that on television? You can't do that on television. Wasn't that a Nickelodeon show? There's so many things you already can't do on television.

You say, I don't know, and they pour green on your head. Right, exactly. There's a million things you can't do on television already. There's already... The thing is, why do we want to make this stricter again? I understand, you know, there's some people out there who don't want their kids watching blasphemy, let's say.

Sure, but that's called parenting, right? There's plenty of shit that I don't want my kids to see on TV. And now, you know, what I do is I just I'm like, hey, guys, you know, you're fucking five. Let's not watch Law and Order SVU, right? You're not like, oh, this story is about fucking child rape. We'll watch that when you're in bed. It's okay. But that's it.

That's called parenting. You just parent your way through that shit. You're just like, well, the government says my kids should be able to watch anything on TV. Really? It's just like you said. I mean, look, if you don't want your kids watching it then parent better if you don't want if you don't want other people watching it fuck you if i'm an adult fuck you dude i can watch whatever i want if they're gonna say if they if i want to watch a fucking simulated snuff film i'm an adult i'm an adult right you know like should someone not be able

to make some awful horrible horrible movie? Like, where are we going to draw the line where, you know, do I think that that should be shown on the airwaves? No, of course not. But, you know, at a certain point, you know, you're an adult. You get to decide what you want to watch. You know, we've talked about this before, but like, that is part of the job of parenting, right?

One of the jobs of parenting is deciding where you draw your lines with things like sex and with things like violence and how you introduce those concepts to your kids and when you introduce those concepts to your kids and what way. You know, like if the way that you're teaching your kids about sex and violence is through television, you're fucking parenting terribly. Like those are conversations. They're more than one conversation. And they have to be had over the course of a lot of time. And you introduce things somewhat gradually and what have you.

If you're just like, well, I don't know, maybe you should do like fucking four. Let's watch Robocop together. Well, then you're fucking, I don't know what to tell you. And the same thing if you parent your way through your life with a goddamn television. Like if TV Guide is your fucking Bible for parenting, you're fucking a monster. You're just going to do an awful job of it. Saturday Night Live is not the worst thing your kid's going to be exposed to. It's 2016. They're going to have a phone. They're going to have a tablet.

They're going to have the internet. If Saturday Night Live is your big concern, are you fucking kidding me? Keep them off LiveLeak. Well, I think so. I think the majority of the American people, and they ought to be the arbiters, not a few people in robes or somewhere.

It ought to be the American people who not a few people in robes or somewhere. It ought to be the American people who determine what they want coming into their... What, are we going to fucking have like a poll, like a vote on it? Like all of us are going to get together during election day and say to each other, okay, folks, here's what we want to decide is going to be on television. How long's the ballot? I was going to

say like, okay, next up for consideration, www. I mean, are you fucking kidding me like it's an exhausting this is why we don't do these that's why we have representatives to do it for certain portions of our like for like he's saying for like he's going to say the fcc in a few minutes right that's why we have the fcc and they've already made decisions about what's allowable and what's not allowable and there's already been decisions made about what's like prime time past prime time you know like what's on cable, what's on regular television.

These decisions have already been made. And again, it comes down to just fucking parent better. Do a better job parenting. If you don't want your kids to see it, it's not like it's like your kids get to see everything that's available. And it's not necessarily parenting either. It's just do a better job of deciding what media you want to consume, period. Sure. If you don't like any of this, you can keep it out of your fucking house.

Don't watch it, Pat Boone. If you really are that fucking obsessed. Look, here's the thing, Pat Boone. It's not Matlock, so turn it off. Well, the free market exists, right? So if a show doesn't do well, it doesn't succeed. But would you go further than that and say, we will not permit this on television by legislation? Yeah, there is.

You know, there's an FCC. You're aware of that, aren't you? Yeah, sure. The FCC does make regulations, it's just a question of what will they declare off-limits. Yeah, well, fucking not off-limits is saying God's a tit-man. Yeah, right. That's not off-limits. Because we've decided as a nation a long time ago that religious satire is a thing that we're willing to, not even willing to, but that we

look at this as a positive. It's a net positive. Let me rephrase the question and maybe be more pointed in my question. Would you like the FCC to declare that a show like Saturday Night Live or any other show can't do that kind of humor? You cannot do blasphemy, yes. No, fucking yes you can.

Go to fucking, then get the fuck out of the country and go to Iran. Because they can't do blasphemy over there, dude. Can't do blasphemy. Go to some fucking, go to some shithole in Africa where they kill gay people. Go there because they can't do blasphemy there. Are you going to have morality police now? Like is that the next step?

Because that is the next step, right? The next step is, and this's not, this is not some weird dystopian thing that I'm suggesting. These are actual, there are actual morality police in parts of the world today in a number of countries that have blasphemy laws. That's fucking an awful place to live. It's an awful, mean-spirited,

shitty place to live, because how do you prove blasphemy? Yeah. You know, even if we all collectively decided that blasphemy was a thing, I could run up to your house and be like, hey man, you owe me 50 bucks. And you'd be like, fuck off. Blasphemy! How do I prove it? Remember that time you blasphemed? Right.

You would like the FCA to make that declaration and be punished or fined in some way if they did that kind of humor. I do. Because I think, I would say at least 90% of the American public would say, yes, I agree. Bullshit.

Fuck off. 90% of the people at the fucking old folks home you belong to might agree. Those are the same people fucking picking lime jello off the cafeteria plate. Fuck you, dude. The fuck? You know what I mean? Like 90%. Here's a guy who has the, first off, he doesn't have his finger on the pulse of america

because he doesn't have a pulse fucking pat boone i don't even understand who's interviewing pat boone at this point like where did you dig him up from he's a fucking crib keeper right there's a moment where you're like oh fucking we've run out of everybody else do we have any fucking ye olde crooners left is there somebody like is is Tom Jones so covered in fucking old people underpants that he can't get out from underneath it to be on our fucking shitty irrelevant program for assholes? Are you kidding me?

It's Pat Boone. Oh, I think 90% of the people in my retirement community all agree. Like you guys are all fucking having fucking arguments about fix-a-dent. Who gives a shit? Oh, God. That's amazing. Put a jerk off to that in a drive-thru.

I don't know what that even means. And if the public doesn't have anything to say about it, it's the public airwaves. So what should be the punishment then if the FCC says, we're not going to allow this? What would be a proper punishment for doing it? Lose license. It's like any other law. If you disobey the law, you're punished for it. And you lose the ability to keep doing it. Well, the show doesn't get a license, but broadcast stations do.

So it would be the stations that would suffer. Well, the network or whoever is responsible for the shows, there should be regulations, yes, that prohibit blasphemy. Now, of course, it's hard. Yeah, how do you draw the line? How do you define it? Now, of course, it's hard. Yeah, how do you draw the line? How do you define it?

It's hard to determine exactly what obscenity, what profanity, what blasphemy is. But to call God by some profane name. What God, dude? Which God? Do we have to fucking stay away from all of them? We can't. We're a pluralistic society, man. There's a million religions. What, do I have to stay away from every single one?

And everything is blasphemous, right? That's the problem, too. We've talked about this so many times before. When you have countries that have blasphemy laws, they immediately start extending, right? So it's not just like, well, I called God a doo-doo head, and that's no good, right? But then all of a sudden it's like, well, now I had a woman driver, and women can't drive because fucking the Koran says so. And so that's blasphemy because we're showing something that's outside the scope of Sharia. Right.

So the problem is that that shit leaks. It leaks fucking everywhere. That's why they wear the Depends, Tom. That's why Pat Boone wears Depends. That is one of many reasons why he wears Depends. I think anybody with a rational mind would agree that's blasphemy. So if you're saying God is a boob man, there should be a punishment, some kind of punishment for that.

You just said it. God is gay. I certainly do. Those are in opposition. He's not a gay boob man. Maybe he's a moob man. My number is. Now the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense,

then it's going to be spreading across the entire Fruited Plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. So, Cecil, this story comes from Right Wing Watch. This is Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz won't stop lying about LGBT people. I have to think, and we've got a clip that we'll play in a second, but I have to think that he won't stop lying about

LGBT people because it involves human sexuality. A subject which he is so unfamiliar. Guys, don't leave me out of the loop on this one. I think a boob feels like a bag of sand. Yes, this is Petereter la barbara with

americans for truth senator cruz i'm a big fan i'd like to ask you uh the questions about the gay agenda what will you do to reverse and neutralize the obergefell decision in the supreme court number one number two i assume i know the answer to this question but what will you do to end obama's policy of actually flying the rainbow flag at u.s embassies worldwide does he do what do you think he would fucking do i mean but does he do that is that a thing he does i don't know but even if he did it's like what will you do to end this policy i would end the policy here's what i'll do i'll take over as president and then i just won't do it i'll fly it no flag i'll fly a different flag i'll fly fly the pubic bump flag. That's what I'll fly.

I'll fly the Ted Cruz getting it in the mouth and getting pegged flag. Just fly a fucking one vaguely flesh-colored flag that just says, This is from my country. It's always the color of the sky on a fucking cloudy day. That's the color of your flag. It doesn't even have a name. It's just like color of the sky on a fucking cloudy day. That's the color of your flag. It doesn't even have a name. It's just like it's a flag. It's the color of disappointment.

Yeah, the national anthem just goes. Ted Cruz, compromise first, compromise second. It's a consolation. Number three, how can you inject your opposition, which I assume to the Equality Act, which I'm calling the Homosexual Superiority Act? Oh, there you go. Hey, thanks for renaming it, buddy. Hey, thanks. Thanks for that.

The Homosexual Superiority Act. Awesome. Is that when homosexuals, like, boat on Lake Superior? Who cares? You're just going to rename it something it's not? You may as well call it, like, well, I'm calling it the Doberman Pinschers with Hats Act. Like, okay.

In Congress, which would basically add federal law to this force of these laws, which are negating religious freedom across the country. What does that mean? You're adding federal law to congressional laws? Yeah, you're adding... What else would you add to a law passed by the federal Congress? What else would you add to it?

I'm adding chicken to my chicken. Well, then you just have more chicken. I don't know. It was already chicken. I hate you. And I said chicken because I have so much chicken in my teeth right now. I know. I can't get it out.

You've got so much. Well, Peter, thank you for your words of encouragement, and thank you for that question. Now, if you look at the decision from the Supreme Court, the gay marriage decision, it is one of the greatest threats to our democracy we have seen in modern times. Why? Am I not allowed to vote because gays can get married? I go to vote.

It's a threat to my democracy. Yeah, it's a threat to democracy. Yeah, I have some thoughts and opinions with regard to who should be the next leaders. But those gay dudes are getting married. Fuck, I guess theocracy it is. I don't know what to do. It's because every time there's a hanging Chad from now on. That's why.

It is a decision reminiscent of Roe versus Wade of a handful of unelected judges arrogantly and lawlessly decreeing the authority to fundamentally change our country and to tear down the foundations of the country. What? You know, one of the things that I want to talk about here, this is Ted Cruz talking

about how he hates gay people, right? How gay people shouldn't be able to... He's not saying I hate gay people, but what he is saying is gay people shouldn't be married and that tears down the foundation of the country when they do get married. It's an abomination before the lord and the lord made this country etc etc you know i mean i'm fucking i'm paraphrasing sure but it's it's it's a similar argument right like i'm gonna be i'm gonna try to be as serious as i can to his argument here and what it what he's saying give you a look i know like this while you do but what

i'm saying is is what he's saying is is that is that gay people being married is, it can undermine the family, and the family is the foundation of this nation. That's what I think he's saying, right? Stupid as it is, because it doesn't fucking do anything. It's fucking real stupid. It doesn't do anything because it doesn't have anything to do with you, right?

So that's the number one. We don't have to get into this, but it doesn't have anything to do with you. It's like fucking, it's like saying like, the kid next door masturbating is the reason my marriage is falling apart it's like fucking okay no that's not the reason why but thanks for playing uh but the thing i want to talk about though is last time we recorded we had glenn beck talking about how ted cruz was absolutely appalled that he opened,

or this other guy opened for him. Kevin Swanson. Called him reprehensible according to Glenn Beck, called Kevin Swanson or Ted Swanson or whatever the fuck his name is. Swanson and Swanson. Reprehensible for his stance. And his stance, if I recall, was, if I go to church, I'm going to be in sackcloth and ashes and poop.

That was his stance. If I'm in a gay marriage, I'm going to cover myself in poopy. Gays in the Bible should be put to death. Should we put them to death? He even said this. We listened to the quote. No, he said. death. He even said this. We listened to the quote.

No, he said. So somewhere in there, according to Glenn Beck, Ted Cruz thinks that's reprehensible. But what's the line? What's the reprehensible line? Because to me, saying that gay people marrying is undermining

the marriage of all the straight people is reprehensible. You're making someone else's marriage about you and then denying them rights. people is reprehensible. You're making someone else's marriage about you and then denying them rights. That's reprehensible. So what part, I don't know where you're at on this fucking,

on this timeline or this fucking grid that we're looking at in the fucking spectrum of should gay people get married? Thank you for letting me be a guest on your show so I could answer your questions. Cecil, it's a good question.

So on the continuum of the gays and the marriage where I fall is wherever you want. This is what's convenient because I don't like confrontation. Don't hit me! Don't hit me.

Don't hit me. They used to pull my underwear up over my head in high school. He is, though. There is no stance. This guy couldn't plant his two feet in a place and take a stand like a fucking man if you fucking nailed his feet to the ground.

You could give him the fucking Michael Jackson shoes that let him do that special lean forward truck, right? The fucking smooth criminal. I'd love to see Ted Cruz do the smooth criminal. It'd be amazing. He has no stance because he has no fucking spine.

Right. And I agree very much with Justice Scalia, who in dissent said the decision was a fundamental threat to our democracy. It was five unelected lawyers declaring themselves the rulers of 320 million Americans. He was one of them!

You know, and the other thing, too, is like, it's five unelected. Well, they fucking elected the people who picked them. Are they suggesting that we just do away with the whole Supreme Court? Because that's the only option here, right? It's either you have elected officials. Yeah. Or they're chosen at random.

Which is a terrible idea. Yeah. Right? Terrible idea. Or you have no Supreme Court. Yeah. That's it. Like our choices are, there's three choices.

No Supreme Court, elected judges, or unelected judges. Oh, no, there's a third one. Chosen at random from the American population. Oh, my God. So just everybody that's 18 or over puts their name in a hat and then we just pick somebody like that and then they stay on there until they die oh my god so like nightmare so like at 18 so at 18 honey boo boo could be a fucking supreme court justice a jury basically the fucking slack-jawed yokel assholes yeah who

couldn't get out of jury duty. Those guys. You basically get appointed that for life. You're like, sorry, I'm not coming to the car wash today. I got chosen as the Supreme Court justice. You know what? The reason I didn't think of that is because it's a fucking nightmare. That's some fucking hellish dystopian world.

Good lord. I would also note that the response to that decision is one of the key distinctions in this election. Democrats celebrated that lawless decision, but sadly an awful lot of Republicans did as well. Well, okay. Then that's most people. I know exactly. That's fucking a majority of people, that asshole. If you're saying Democrats, all the Democrats, and most of the Republicans,

then it was a good decision. Then it was a good decision because it represents the population. We should put it to a vote. You already said a moment ago it's about 50-50, Democrats and Republicans. Let's just say it is. Let's just say it's for the sake of argument. So hold on. Let me do some quick math. 50 plus any other number is more than half.

Well, no, you can even just, and look at what he said. He said a good deal of Republicans. What is that? Is that more than half Republicans? So what is it? 76% of the people are like, that's fine. Yeah. And now I'm supposed to be like, oh, what about the fringe minority?

What about the fucking crackpot assholes? What about the 24% of bigots in this country? Wait a minute. The KKK is underrepresented. An awful lot of Republicans, including several Republicans who are running for president on the Republican side. Only Republicans

run for president on the Republican side. That's how this works. You're a fucking asshole. You're an asshole. You are an asshole. Your mother is ashamed to have birthed works. You fucking asshole. You're an asshole. You are an asshole. Your mother is ashamed to have birthed you. You fucking disease-filled monster baby-faced putty man. I fucking hate you. I'd rather have Trump than this guy.

Okay. I would rather have fucking Trump than this guy. At least I think Trump is lying to us. This fucking guy, I think, believes this fucking meaningless garbage. Fuck you if you vote for Trump. Said in response to that decision, it is the settled law of the land. We accept

it. We surrender. We move on. We will not stand and fight. That's pretty much your entire stance of your entire life. Go ahead. I'll just accept it. Whatever you do is fine. I surrender. Just go ahead and do with me what you will. I'm okay. You just want it.

Do you want the whole country? You can just have it. It's fine. It's fine. I hate this guy so much. To defend marriage. Those are, word for word, the talking points of Barack Obama. They're not word for word the talking points of Barack Obama. They are not word for word the talking points of anybody, you motherfucker.

When you say to the word for word talking points, he has to have used those words. He would not say, like some fucking spineless jellyfish, half-mad baby diaper-wearing bullshit artist like you. He's happy. It's not like I surrender. It's a fucking victory for him. Nobody wins a victory. It's like, I surrender. Exactly, right?

Like Hitler rolls the tanks into France right through the fucking arch. He's like, I guess I'll just go home. That is fundamentally wrong. I disagree passionately. You've never done anything passionately. Fucking passionately. His wife is just like, passionate? Passionate?

What does that mean? Can you define the word for me? I just want to make sure I understand it. He just sort of lays there. Oh, no, that's not Ted. That's not my little teddy bear. It's as soft as water. Who needs a changing?

My response to this decision was that it was illegitimate. It was lawless. It was not the decision I wanted them to make. I know. And I'm going to stamp my foot and be a fucking giant man baby about it. Yeah, he's throwing a temper tantrum. The only thing to do to him is to walk over him

and pretend he's not there. Yeah, exactly. Dump a little water on him. I'd be afraid to do that, though, because I'm afraid he'd multiply like a gremlin. I would just worry his fucking enormous diaper would fill. Suck that shit up.

It's like when they pour that blue that blue liquid for the fucking to show you how much you can neglect your child how many hours can you ignore your baby oh i missed so many hours that's amazing leave them in their cubby for hours if i punch a hole in this top of this cooler all weekend that's could ship the fucker to Europe. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to Dissonance.Podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT.

That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod. Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per-episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher, or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. Jesus, this fucking story, it's not a talkie, but it's from the mirror.

It's just a goddamn nightmare. Damn. Family doctor repeatedly, repeatedly bungled baby's religious circumcision, then tried to bribe the family into not taking action. This fucking monster man, Dr. Mohamed Chaudhry, he fucking had a two-month-old kid, circumcised the kid, fucked it up. Somehow, they don't describe how. I'm so happy that they don't describe how. I'm so happy.

And then the family's like, I don't think it's supposed to look like that. And he's like, hold on a minute. Maybe another surgery will fix it. It's like there's some point where you go get a bad haircut and you walk out bald, right? Because they don't know what they're doing. Like, a little more off the left. Oh, a little more off the right. Oh, a little more.

And you walk out and you're like, I'm bald. I'm fucking bald. Except the hair grows back. Right? Four surgeries before they finally took this kid to a doctor that's doctoring. Jesus Christ. And the doctor's a doctor that's doctoring. Oh, Jesus Christ. And the doctor's like, that's going to take years.

Years. Until the kid was three. Yeah. The kid first got bungled when it was two months old. It took two years and, you know, what, 10 months? That's because he tried to circumcise him by getting caught in a zipper. He just did it over and over again. Let me get out my weed whacker for this. Jesus.

We got the sausage grinder over here. Oh, God. They use an Iranian my weed whacker for this. Exactly. Jesus. We got the sausage grinder over here. Oh, God. They use an Iranian finger chopper off of the machine. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just put it right in there. It's like a cigar nipper or whatever. And his wife was in the ER, and they could never explain why his wife was there. Just like...

She likes to watch. Sometimes she's just like, oh, let me come to work with you. Really? I'm circumcising a baby it's super weird let's bring your wife to work day every day yeah the thing is is like like i think the most egregious thing is that the multiple times it's like it's what you have is you have a guy who's so fucking crazy that he keeps doing it over and he keeps fucking it up and then he tried to bribe them by saying hey i'll pay for their private school it's like you're gonna pay for their private

shower for the rest of their life because he's gonna come out as the penisless man and the fucking circus carnival it's it's a horror what was done to this little kid like this kid is gonna grow into a man and hopefully he's got a functioning genitalia because if he's not like a huge part of his personhood is going to be denied or lessened to this human being because his fucking religious parents took him to some fucking religious doctor, and the doctor would then try to invoke Islam. He's like, whoa, because they're suing him.

And he's like, that's not how we do. He's like, that's not how we do. And fucking at some point, it's like, well, fucking cutting off my son's penis is not how we do. Yeah. You monsters. You monsters. Yeah.

Right? Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone. Abortions for some. Miniature American flags for others. abortions for some, miniature American flags for others. This story comes from Talking Points Memo.

Oklahoma GOP-er suggests God will pay... Gooper! Gooper! Suggests that God will pay for the costly legal battle over abortion ban. So there's this fucking crazily controversial, going-to-get-struck-down bill in Oklahoma, basically being like, no more abortions! And it certainly is going to get struck down bill in Oklahoma, basically being like, no more abortions. And it certainly is going to lose. And he basically said,

everybody talks about our $1.3 billion deficit. He says, if we take care of the morality, God will take care of the economy. How's that going in Central African Republic? Right. Which is the third worst GDP in the world and it's 80% Christian. So how's that going over there?

Just curious. Correlation. Yeah, I don't know. Probably not good. Thing is, is like you could look at a lot of religious nations all over the world that- You don't even have to leave this country. Look at the most religious states in this country. They are the poorest.

Sure. And then if you do the same just county by county. Yeah. County by county, if you just search, if you do a search for the most religious counties in America, there is an incredibly high correlation between poverty and religiosity. Sure. I mean, it's a fucking equal sign. Yeah. Right?

And what's the morality here? The morality is that we're going to make sure women don't get a choice. Yeah. Make sure that women don't have access to medical care with regard to abortion, right? So he's suggesting it's a moral issue, and if we take care of that, then God's going to swoop down and take care of the economy. That's not how you solve problems, right? Even if I solve one problem, it doesn't necessarily fix the other unrelated problem.

Think about that in any other context, right? It's not like I come home from work and it's like, well, I worked all day and made money, so now my patio door is fixed. Wait, what? It is if you pay somebody, I guess. Right? Which I'm going to do, but still.

But you know what I mean? It's like these things don't relate. They don't interrelate at all. It's like, hey, did you feed the dog? No, I made dinner. What the fucking, what is that? What does it have to do with the dog? Well, you might feed the dog your dinner. All right, you got me there. It's a bad example.

You keep on bringing up these terrible examples, Tom. That's your fault. I'm wretched at this. That's your fault. Yeah, I think, too, expecting God to pay for this sort of thing when God lives in a trailer park. I mean, that really is. It is a little rough.

It's rough. I mean, is he going to take it out of his SSI check? Oh, no. Is that where he's going to get it? Oh, no. He's going to have to cash out his food stamps? I'll let you use my link card, guys. I'll put it right on this card.

It's got a pin number on it for me specifically. You are watching the beginning and the birth of the New World Order. the beginning and the birth of the new world order. And you want to call me crazy? Go to hell. Call me crazy all you want.

This story comes from Right Wing Watch. Glenn Beck is going to write a contemporary history book about how America was lost by not electing Ted Cruz. America was lost. We're lost. We're lost. We're lost to progressivism is what he's going to say. He's going to say that the America we know and love, snuggly, soft, gentle America, gone,

man, gone, replaced by some hard-bitten, nasty, dystopian reality where people get education and health care, walk around happier, some kind of nightmare. I'm going to get with historians. I'm going to find some history professors. From like a fucking junior college somewhere, an adjunct history professor. I'm already face palming. I'm going to go find me a history professor.

Like, really? There's not a history professor that I can fucking possibly imagine I've ever had instruct me that would fucking talk to you. Are you kidding me? It wouldn't even deign to talk to you. Somebody's got a PhD in history

and they're going to talk to Glenn Beck on purpose? I wouldn't tie this guy up. I fucking wouldn't let him come to my house for trick or treat dressed as himself. Are you kidding? He shows up dressed as himself. You're like, hold on a second. And you're cutting eye holes out of a sheet to put on him.

Fuck you. You're fucking terrifying. You're going to scare the kids, Ginny. My next book, we're writing one on progressivism that's coming out this fall. And it is going to explain progressivism. The book after that may take me two years to write is going to be a history book. We're going to write a history book of the last probably 50 or 60 years and show,

because I'm telling you, the history of the last 20 years, it'll all be gone. Where will it go? It's all going to... Are you going to put it in your chin? What? Like, where's it going to go? It's going to stuff it in his cheeks for later. Someone's just going to look up and be like, hey, man, remember shit prior to 1996?

No, it's gone. It's all gone. What? Nirvana? I don't... Everybody's going to be like, what are you talking about, Twin Towers? I don't have. They're still there.

I don't. What are you? They're totally there. I don't know what you're talking about. This is a fucking stupid thing to say. He's going to write a history book of the last 60 years because he's afraid the last 20 years goes away? Yeah. Just do the last 20 years.

It's going to take you two years to write it. You could cut that ship by a third. Bang that fucker out in six months. You lazy cunt. It's going to be written by the winners. And I got news for you, gang. Did you just call us gang? What are you, like a fucking fourth

grade teacher? Like zoinks, man! Okay, gang! Everybody get your Crayolas out! This election is showing us if honestly, if Ted Cruz doesn't win, progressivism is the way forward. Or Donald Trump. Right?

Progressivism. The thing is, yeah, it could be that progressivism is the way forward because that's half the chance. Yeah. Well, what he's suggesting, though, is that there's no turning back at that point. What he's suggesting is something that I think I fundamentally agree with, is that there is a massive fracture in the Republican Party and that the conservative movement to a large degree has run its course. And it needs to be reorganized and refit in order for it to be, I mean, honestly, politically relevant again on the national scale. And I do think that that's the case.

I think he's recognized. Glenn Beck is right. Tom said it. Tom said Glenn Beck is right. Wait, no. No, he just said it. No, I don't mean anything I just said. Oh, yeah.

And the country will be lost as we know it. We'll still be the United States of America, just not the way you know it. You're going to have a different world. And everything that happened will be distorted capitalism will begin to look uh that it never worked freedom never worked grotesque freedom never worked freedom the fuck are you talking about does that even mean freedom never worked yeah fucking our fucking all hail the leader obama when he comes up, he's going to be in his giant robe with a hammer and sickle on it. Fucking.

I love it. He's going to come out like fucking like fucking Manny Pacquiao to a fight every time. Be like dancing like fucking like some Jay-Z song with a big fucking crown on his head. He looks like the fucking Burger King King. He comes out the big fucking thing. It's an around of a robe with some fur along it. Exactly. He's got a fur robe and shit and a fucking scepter.

He works his fucking way down the red carpet, chills out for a second, kisses a white woman while he's laying down. He just kisses her and whispers, you're pregnant. Boom. These guys. This is like Glenn Beck's's nightmare somebody has to document this and and really document it well and put it on the shelves of every of every home yeah it's

fucking it's basically glenn beck is fucking doing the diary of anne frank or whatever no he's a howard zinn right yeah oh yeah that's right yeah no he's in yeah whatever. No, he's the Howard Zinn, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. He's a conservative Howard Zinn. Yeah. Yeah, he's going to write it from the perspective of those who lost in history, such as the bad idea-pervading dipshits. You see, there are demons in the earth. Read Matthew, Mark's Gospel, Chapter 5. There are demons all over where Jesus cast out demons when he walked the earth.

This story is just fucking super strange, man. This is some like crucible shit. This is from BBC. Malaysia school shuts after mass hysteria outbreak. Did they open back up? I don't know. Did they give everybody a hysterectomy? Oh, nicely done.

That is the history of that word. Yeah, I know. Yeah, hysteria. So this is crazy. So there's an apparition, my friend, and it's caught on camera. Did you see the picture? I did. It looks creepy.

If somebody circled that picture, would you have – if somebody had not circled it, evidently with like fucking MS Paint or whatever. Totally. It was fucking like – It was like – No, it couldn't get photoshopped. It's like one of those Crayola markers. It's unbelievable looking.

It's fucking huge. It's somebody with like epilepsy circled it. Seriously, it looks like a black sliver of something. I stared at this trying to figure out where was the apple. I think it's the black thing against the wall. Is it the black thing on the left? It's not the white thing on the right? Oh, maybe.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know either. Well, geez, now I'm arguing whether it's a blue or a gold dress. thing on the right? Oh, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know either. Well, geez, now I'm arguing whether it's a blue or a gold dress. I know, right? It's like, where's the apparition? I don't know. There's no apparition here.

Yeah, it says here, it says, One teacher told a local news channel that, and it says that she felt a heavy presence was hanging on her, while another claimed that a black figure was attempting to enter her body. I think that's Obama from the last story, actually. It's hot. Yeah. You know, it cracks me up here because the school authorities, like, they shut the fucking school down.

They're like, oh, my God, a fucking blurry image taken from, like, 900 miles away where you and I can't even tell which is supposed to be the operation. I know. It's like a fucking, it's like the, do you remember the fucking, uh, the, the like, like four pixel cameras they used to have back in the day, like on your fucking cell phone when you'd take it and you'd be like, yeah, I think that was a black square, a brown square and a red square next to each other. Cause that's, that's the best resolution you could get. Yes. That's what this was taken on. It's like fucking potato camera. It's unbelievable. Like, this is 2016. You couldn't take a worse

picture than this. Like, you could take your camera, spike it on the ground, sandpaper the lens, and take the picture while having a seizure. And you would get a slightly better shot. From space. Yeah, from space. Yeah. So they have this fucking grainy picture of graininess, and somebody's like, yeah, some black dude is trying to get in my pants. And the response is to shut down the school, and then they call in Islamic traditional experts.

I don't even know what that means. Yeah, no. Scholars. Scholars? Yeah, scholars in the traditional experts. I don't even know what that means. Yeah, no. Scholars. Scholars? Yeah, scholars in the grudge. And witch doctors. Yeah. And they show up and do extra,

like they had a fucking interdenominational fucking shenanigans meeting. Yeah, it's the witch doctors that are experts in paranormal activity. Jesus Christ. Yeah, and then the priests that are experts in insidious. Dude, this is like the grudge, though.

It's that bad. There's a fucking ring in the corner or something. It's like somebody watched a scary video and the fucking girl comes out of the well. It's like scary hair or something. It's so fucking nuts. It says our students were possessed and disturbed by these spirits. We are not sure why it happened.

We don't know what it is, but it has affected us all. The place is a bit old and these children can be disobedient and sometimes throw their rubbish around the school. Perhaps they hit some gins

and offended the spirits. They had a fucking food fight and they hit a ghost? They hit a ghost? That's an accurate throw though i would put that kid on the pitching team fucking that's the that's the suggestion it's like okay so you're dead you're fucking dead you go to the afterlife the afterlife's like no fuck you go back and you're standing there and somebody throws a fucking high seed juice box at you it's like

ecto cooler fuck you bro who you gonna call islamic scholars It's like, Ecto Cooler, fuck you, bro. Who are you going to call? Islamic scholars. Just as effective. It is a great dishonor to my ancestors and my God, but okay. I don't have a lot to say about this, but we will start it. Yeah, let's talk about this for just a second.

There's not a lot to say. It's from NDTV. A girl chops off her tongue to offer it to Lord Shiva in... Hold on now. I think the reason why you chop your tongue off is so you can pronounce this word. Okay. Chet is...

Hold your tongue and say it. Okay. That's a good idea. Chet... I gotta really grip this fucking thing. Like this. Like this. Ready?

God top of the tongue to offer it to the one who sees it is to his God. How did I do?

I think you nailed it. Did I nail it? I think you nailed it. I nailed it. Yeah, that's how you do it. You know what's fucked up, though? And I didn't grab the first story. This is the second

similar story. Whoa. That two girls in recent,, though, and I didn't grab the first story. This is the second similar story. Oh. That two girls in recent, relatively recently chopped off their fucking tongues and offered them to some you know, deity or what have you. They fucking chopped off their tongue with a knife

following which she fell unconscious because that sounds like it hurts super bad and I don't even know how you offer it to the thing. I'm sure stuff. Man I don't even know how you offer it to the thing. Cause you're going to be like, man, unless you have a chopper offer machine, you've got to start cutting it off and finish cutting it off. Right? I mean,

you take like a pair of scissors or something like it's, it starts at first and then it goes, well, you got to start it and then you got to finish it. That's a big, it's not a fucking little thing, dude. It's not like,

no, you're right. It's that there's a big it's not a fucking little thing, dude. It's not like. No, you're right. There's a lot going on in there. I recently got a tattoo and the tattoo dude had a split tongue and he told me and this is a guy who's covered in like fucking all the horrible shit. He's got a face tattoo and he's got tattoos

all over. Yeah, he's like his best job is tattoo, right? Like that's it. Yeah. And he's got the split tongue and I was asking him about it and he fucking passed out when they did it and all he did was split that fucking thing and they gave him the nummy nummy stuff and he passed out and he still passed out when he heard the snip ah yeah because it has that like i'm cutting through meat with scissors sound it's the reason i wouldn't cut the umbilical cord in the second kid like you want to do it i'm like fucking i'm not for that nope nope i'll tell you what i'll do all the other parenting i'll do it if they give me a cleaver but like i that's not like i would totally do it with a cleaver there's nothing romantic about cutting

a fucking flesh chunk with scissors like that's like snick yeah oh i don't know that would have saved your marriage anyway. Yeah, that's what did it. I hope you're as committed to safe sex as you are those abs. I know you're all about that abstinence thing, you know, but, I mean, come on. Be Palin, are you serious? Like, you're not going to hook up with, like, before you marry? For real?

For real. For real, for real? you marry? For real? For real. For real, for real? For real, for real, for real. So this is from Right Wing Watch. This is Linda Harvey. Linda Harvey, the LGBT movement is helping turn kids into sexual barbarians. Because we will not recognize the devastation that's happening to our children through promoting this unhealthy abominational. Abominational? Abominational is a good word. That's not a word, but it's a good one. Abominational. It's abominational. Abominational? Abominational is a good word.

That's not a word, but it's a good one. Abominational. It's abominational. That's amazing. I like that we're not recognizing the devastation as if the devastation isn't happening. No. Yeah, it's almost like you can't even notice it.

It's almost like just making problems up. Wow. And then blogging about them. The abomination style of sexual contact. We are destroying our children, for goodness sake. My kids are not destroyed. My kids are friendly.

We're not sending them in on a suicide mission to blow up the Death Star. They're not African fucking child soldiers, right? They're just kids. They're just kids who have to hear that gay people exist right my kid i was listening to this american life the other day in the car with my kid and like something came up and he asked a question he asked what abortion was because they said

abortion i told him what abortion was it said we almost did that to you i was like i was like it was fucking it's plan b plan c plan you know know. So it's, it's. You luckily came out unscathed from that position. Yeah. So he asked that. And then, and then the, the later went on and said something about gay marriage. And I asked him, I was curious. I was like, do you know what gay marriage is?

And he's like, isn't that where like a boy loves a boy and a girl loves a girl? And I'm like, that's pretty much it. And he's like, I don't really understand why that's a big deal. And I'm like, I hope you never do. Yeah. And that's it. Like, right. That was the extent of the conversation i had to have with him because it's not even it's not complicated so my dad grew up in the segregation i might have told

the story before but i'll tell it again my dad grew up uh during segregation so my dad for his whole life was a racist not a not a crazy racist to the point where it was like he was hard to be around but he he had racist tendencies he would say shit that would that would be inappropriate he would say shit that would be it was it was to the point where you're just like i mean clearly i love the guy but that was one part of him that i absolutely loathed but i remember being a kid and sanford and son coming on this on the tv and they were gonna it was the next show it's like coming up as sanford and son my dad's like get up and change it i said why why don't you want to watch this? And he said

something about them being black people. He's like, I don't want to watch black people or something, you know? And he did clearly didn't say black people folks, but he's like, I don't want to watch that. And I said, well, what's the difference dad? They're just, just that their skin color's different. And he said, and he's like, if that's what you think, then you're, you got a lot to learn or something. He said to me, and I was like, and I'm, I'm fucking, I'm at that point right now where I was probably close to his age when he said that to me and i still haven't learned it like i'm still there you know i'm still waiting to learn you know this fucking message that you have because there's no message right there's nothing there and the thing is is like

kids kids that aren't brought up into this kids like me right i wasn't brought up in segregation i was brought up in a in a in a world a, in a world after segregation. So for me, I never saw the, I never saw the difference. I never saw those things that, that people use to divide people. I didn't see that. So for me, there wasn't a division. I just thought, well, whatever. They're just the people like fucking it. Just like all the rest of us are all people. It's all people. And the difference the difference is is is the same thing with your son right you know we grew up in a time where gay people were kind of subversive where you'd kind of whisper that like oh did you know that bill's gay like oh yeah it's a big deal it's a big deal right being in the closet big deal there's a lot gay people now i'm not saying that they're fucking a 100

fucking amazing to be gay but at the same time it's a lot easier to be gay nowadays i think than it was you know 40 years ago 40 30 years ago and so your son is dealing with the same thing he's seeing this and he's saying what's the fucking big deal right he's gonna have the same thing now i'm sure if he would have said that and his fucking dad was you know a closet home or not a closet a homophobe it would be a big deal sure because but that's that's a funny thing like it's it's like it's a funny thing. It's like, these people talk about this as if oh my god, we're going to have these terrible uncomfortable conversations with our kids.

It was seriously a 15 second conversation. There was no conversation. Because the only reason it's a conversation is when you have to trick your kids into thinking it's wrong. Because you're not going to naturally be able to get there. We are. We are.

We are. We are exposing them to all kinds of risk. Risk of what? I guess the suggestion is probably that homosexual sex is more risky. I'm guessing. I'm guessing that that's what she's pursuing. Unproductive sex in general is risky. Is risky.

Right. Yeah. Well, what's risky is bad education, right? Sure. That's the thing that's risky is not teaching your kids, you know, when they need to know what they need to know. That's what's risky. Sure. That's the risk here. Yeah. Because if your kids... Ignorance. Ignorance is risky. Exactly. And, you know, I believe that we are looking at a generation of kids that are coming up who will have, will be such... Shocked. Wait, what? Or at least a fair number of, will be sucked, wait, what?

Or at least a fair number of them will be sexual barbarians. What does that mean? That sounds awesome! It does. Sexual barbarians are going to fucking roll in there in a loincloth with a sword? Like, what is a sexual barbarian? They're going to have like a fur pelt over one shoulder? What is a sexual barbarian?

Sexual barbarians. Is that like Captain Caveman? Good for them. Like, fucking throw the fucking inhibitions to the side. Rip that shit, break that shit. No, honey. We're not using lube tonight. You know, and one of the reasons, one of the many reasons you don't, that humans are not to be sexualized early is It's because you become a person that uses and tosses people away for your own pleasure.

Let's talk about being sexualized early. Society is not what sexualizes us. Our bodies are what sexualizes us, right? Because we are sexual beings. I know we've talked about this, but it's like society cannot sexualize me unless I am a sexual creature, right? It's not a thing.

Now, I do think that there's some push-pull there. I think that being exposed to graphic scenes of sex and sexuality, there is some research that shows that that's not really good for little kids. So absolutely keep that shit out of their fucking hands and eyes when they're young. But the idea that what sexualizes a person is not the fact of their personhood, their biology, you know, their maturation into the world, but that it is exclusively the realm of outside forces is just asinine. And you don't develop true compassion and empathy

and the idea of sacrifice, love being sacrificial love, that isn't part of the immature sexual impulse that must be satisfied right now. That's one of the reasons you don't sexualize kids early. Sacrificial love. I think what they're saying is you can't understand the depths of what sexuality is at a young age. Agreed. Okay. Yeah.

All right. That's fine. Fair enough. So be safe. Yeah. Right? And make some mistakes, but be safe when you make them, right? Like, what is the age?

I think that's a really good point, right? We just expect kids to never, ever, ever make a mistake. Yeah. We demand their perfection demand we demand perfection out of their sexuality yeah it's demanding perfection and you're like you know what kids are gonna make mistakes you know it's like not putting a helmet on your kid like would you would you tell your kid to drive a bicycle and not put a helmet on that kid right like you wouldn't do that you would be like no fucking that nugget part of you is really important.

That's what controls all the rest of these bits. That's super important. So you cover the nugget part up because I want to make sure that if you crash, you just smack your head off the pavement and we buy you a new helmet. You expect that that kid's going to fall off his bike. You don't buy it expecting that the kid's never going to fall off his bike and never get injured, and that may be the case, right? The kid could never fall off his bike, and it might have been that that helmet is an absolute waste of money.

But it turns out, just in case, it's nice to have. Same thing goes with safe sex. You could tell your kid all you want, don't have sex. It's really something that really demands a lot of maturity. It demands a lot of maturity to cope with. As an adult, you're going to need to think about these things and make these decisions for yourself. And sex is probably not the thing you're going to want to be doing right now

as a young person. So instead, stay away from it. But just in case, if you're going to have sex, you want to make sure that you have sex with a condom on or make sure that the person is using some sort of birth control's you know all the things that you would need to explain to them you're just you're just all you're doing is just giving them a helmet that they might not need and where's the harm in it right like oh i didn't fall off my bike today oh okay great yeah great it's it's fine it's it's like and it's more than just you know like the other thing about about

sex education is it's not just about teaching them to put a fucking condom on or make sure their partner is wearing a condom or that there's birth uh birth control options that are available but it's also like frank conversations about how to pick a partner that's respecting you and it's safe like yeah because if you don't have conversations that are frank and honest about sex and sexuality you can't have frank and honest conversations about consent yeah and if you don't have those conversations then you have a person going through the world who is woefully unprepared or underprepared and there will come a time when they are confronted by sex and sexuality theirs or someone else's sure and they are going to need some tools to deal with it and nobody's ever been like well i'm glad i was fucking ignorant when

that came up yep nobody's ever been like whoo you know what saved me from trouble ignorance when you in which regarding same-sex um same-sex sexual relationships when you take pregnancy out of the mix the the opportunities are infinitely more and they soak then it seems as though the consequences are less well of course we have sexually transmitted diseases that shows that isn't true but the the opportunities become greater and without the being inhibited by parenthood and all of that, and the person is just that much more selfish, that much more immediate gratification-oriented, and there's so many character issues that are related to that. Yeah, if you don't teach them anything, right?

That's the thing. If I don't prepare them, if I give somebody no tools for how to deal with the emotional and psychological ramifications of an important part of their life, if I give them no tools because I refuse to educate them and refuse to talk to them about something, then might things turn out poorly? Yes, maybe they will turn out poorly? Yes. Maybe they will turn out poorly. Maybe they won't. But if they don't, it's just because good luck. Right.

Not because of good planning or good parenting. No, exactly. It's not good planning at all. ...letting that happen. Exactly. We need to put a halt. Exactly. What the fuck was that?

One of the things, when we come back in the next segment, what I'd like to do is to talk about the programs that are out there that we need to start fighting to get them back into into circulation again programs what the fucking what it's the life support system for this show god damn turn it off pull the plug i'm not listening to that out there that will help our our young people to to deal with if there is um there has been some sort of a a life incident that has turned them towards homosexual behavior we need to be able to support them to to turn back again and to be able to become fully functional human beings what the fuck fully functional human beings i just heard that right the fuck yeah because gay people are less functional as human beings wow what a shitty thing to say fucking monstrous casual throw-off

comment god damn oh yeah you're just part of a person anyway news at five like oh okay why would that be the case yeah and they also said like turn them away to becoming gay like oh like everybody starts out the exact same way and they have some horrifying life experience that makes you gay. That's that whole like trauma makes you gay. Exactly. Like you eat like a Charleston chew and you're just like, man, I love the dick. I just can't get enough. You want answers?

I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. All right. So this one is more Jim Baker. I feel like a week cannot go by without you guys knowing about the various bucket specials.

I hear he's got a four for four like Wendy's. The best part is he's got a whole line of buckets behind him, man. He's got a whole stack of buckets. So here's Jim Baker talking about his buckets. I have a burden and a calling to get America ready. A burden is a giant five-gallon bucket

full of garbage. That's your burden. Put it down. Jesus. You'll be fine. I know, you're fucking like a million years old. You can barely lift yourself. Just put it on a furniture dolly. It's going to turn into furniture anyway.

And the politicians are saying, oh, it's not about having security on our border. It's about being friendly. What the fuck is that piano music behind you? Where are you? Like a hotel lobby? He's like in the Mariano's. Shopping for ingredients for his fucking food bucket. He's in fucking Mariano's.

There's some asshole playing piano and you're trying to check out Will you fucking knock the piano off? I want three dollars off. I don't mind being friendly to the Mexicans who are picking the crops. Holy shit. I don't mind being, holy shit. Wow.

I don't mind being friendly to the Asian lady who washes my clothes. I don't mind being friendly to the black person who cleans my streets. Jesus Christ. Did he just say that? Jesus Christ. I want to listen to this again. So racist. So racist.

I don't mind being friendly to the Mexicans who are picking the crops and great bricklayers. They're great people. But there's criminals coming in. What? There's criminals coming in. I love that both of the professions that he names are fucking manual labor professions. They're both manual laborers, yeah. He doesn't say like fucking, I love all the Mexicans that are doctors.

He didn't say that. All the Mexican doctors and lawyers and I don't know, Supreme Court justice. Exactly, right? It's like, oh, the fucking manual laborers making fucking my life cheaper. Those guys I like. Or the Hispanic guy, part Hispanic guy who's running for president right now.

Right, exactly. There's terrorists coming in. Terrorists from where? Mexican terrorists? Remember the last Mexican terrorist? Said nobody! He attacked on 7-Eleven. There's drugs coming that's killing

America's kids! What is with that fucking piano in the background? So first I don't know about the drug thing, but fucking that piano doesn't even match what you're talking about! But he's fucking so mad about it. He's super mad, bro. He should have a flaming guitar behind him.

I just wish he'd turn and be like, Will you knock that piano off? I'm trying to get outraged. And there's no sense going on. Nobody's talking sense hardly at all. And anybody that does is called a fool. Their good is being spoken of as evil. Yeah, they're good.

So basically they're saying good shit and people are calling. So it's basically like when I racist my racist bigotry people are calling me out. That's a shame, Jim. It's evil. Hold on, I want to hear that I want to hear that last exhale that right wing watch left

in there on purpose They're good as being spoken of as evil good is being spoken of is evil. That's awesome. Holy shit. Oh, man. That is the best use of the right wing watch music ever. That guy is a fucking racist

kebab, dude. Of course you expect that from a guy who looks like powder. It's amazing. I'm so I'm nice to the Mexican workers. I'm nice to the Mexicans who mow my lawn. Jesus. Get to work. It's so racist.

It's so racist. I'm so racist. It's so funny. He's such a terrible person you fucking asshole he's the worst person I love it so like like on the show once in a while we'll say some shit and be like fucking

like oh that was horrible or whatever this is a guy who's like I just said some horrible shit by my buckets right he's not even self aware enough to know that he's like making a joke whoops oh I made a terrible mistake oh my god what a fucking racist asshole He's not even self-aware enough to know that he's making a joke. Whoops. Oh, I made a terrible mistake. Oh, my God. What a fucking racist asshole.

So we want to thank our most current patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons ilia jennifer leslie savid margaret matthew corrine adelaide jessica marcus matthew cody heather pascal's razor zombie survival camp what smellosaurus use holy shit where are my pants philip john bumbleclot i guess i don't know bumbleclot john running back and darcy thank you all so very much for your generous donations. We really truly do appreciate it. So Tom is laughing at this point. Tom is laughing. Tom can't help it because Ted

Cruz looks a lot like this dog we're going to put on this episode's show notes. This is episode 281. So thanks, John, for sending it in. It's so funny. We get a couple messages about this and uh someone was asking if if uh they could get a hold of the patron only content by donating a certain amount of money they don't really want to go through all the procedures to become a patron uh is there any

way that they could sort of pay for that stuff the thing about patreon it's not that we're looking for uh a certain number of money to get the stuff. What we're looking for out of Patreon is administrative. We're paying them to do some administrative work for us. And the administrative work is make sure all the people who give us money get content. And so if we open this up to anybody who PayPal's us, then we have to be the ones who keep track of it. And so while we're totally grateful for all the PayPal people who send us money and want to do it that way, we're absolutely 100% grateful to you. Um, we put all our stuff on Patreon because it's convenient for us and it

doesn't cost to have, have us do a lot of extra work to do it. And that work, I mean, Cecil already has so much to do for this show. Like all of it. I've asked him to do more, like pretty much all of it looks at me like I'm fucking eating a cupcake on a diet. Like all of it. I've asked him to do more. Like pretty much all of it. He just looks at me like I'm fucking eating a cupcake on a diet. He's just like, no, that's not going to happen. But we do appreciate it. Like you said, you wanted to donate a certain amount of money. You can donate on Patreon

regardless of what the fees are, etc. If it just so happens, we're going to be the ones who probably eat a lot of those fees. So it's not a big deal to us if you want to donate and we wind up eating some fees because of currency exchange rates. We're okay with it. We'd like you to have our content. And Patreon is a very easy way for you to do that. Tom, we got a message from Kelly in Wyoming. This evidently is the fifth person in

Wyoming because we talked to the other four today on Waiting for Wrath. Yeah. Kelly, email is irrelevant because it came from Wyoming. I just want to point out that she says that she lives in Cheyenne. Yes. And I would argue that no state that has a city named after a stripper, uh, is possibly relevant. So I doubt very much that this really came. I got to say, one of the most beautiful things about Wyoming is when you're in Cheyenne and you look at the two mountains there, they have tassels on the top of it and it's really pretty in the sunset i do love the tetons yeah we got a message uh this is we got two different uh bumpers from matt and they are both from the family guy and i'm going to play one one of them of course is the glory hole one and we've played this one in the past. This is Peter talking about what are they going to fill the hole that glory is in, et cetera,

when they're talking about the programming that's coming up later, and it's a very clever way to talk about glory holes on television. And this is a tiny clip from the family guy about Jesus and speed dating. All right, Jesus, these speed date nights are the best way to meet a lot of chicks fast. Now go get them. So where do you live? Everywhere. All places. Hopefully inside you. This is kind of embarrassing, but are you okay with someone who smokes? Oh yeah. Are you okay with someone who wanders the desert lecturing people on how to act? So are you having a good Friday? Oh, is that supposed to be funny? Shut your mouth, bitch.

How's the wine? It's terrific. That's my blood, you know. Where are you from? Israel. I love how it ends. That's great. The buzzer in Israel is hilarious.

That's terrific. So, if you're familiar with The Room, what is arguably the worst movie ever made now i've never seen all of the room i have however watched a few clips and tom and i watched a clip i tom had never heard of it so i showed him a clip of it earlier and he could he was punching me in the army was laughing so hard he couldn't stop laughing so the room not room which was nominated for caddy award the room uh is again probably one of the worst movies ever made. And someone, Pat, made a clip about this.

This is Glenn Beck and a room mashup. But you know if you get in there, you can actually do something, and you've tried to stay loyal. Do you know what that life is like for two years of tearing yourself apart? You are tearing me apart, Lisa! I love it when he does that, too, that line, because he throws his fist down. Oh, it's so funny. I have seen very few things as funny as the clips from the movie.

We should get it one time and watch it. We should do that. We should. I don't know that I want to review it because there's really nothing to say. We should just watch it together, though. Tom, we got a message. This is from Elise. My 16-year-old son just ran to the house singing It's Raining Men in a Fat Albert voice.

When I asked what he was doing, he said he was being Pastor Manning. I blame you, too. A concerned mom drinking a Starbucks latte. That's awesome. We got a message from George, and George said, I wanted to let you know that episode 289 inspired me to start a new beach volleyball fantasy league. The fantasy begins

when the game ends. I think that's great. It's so crude. I love it. That's awesome. I love it. He says the statistics will likely not involve either the beach or volleyball. We got a great image. This is going to be

an episode 291. This is from Sarah and Sarah says this is what it's like to be a Canadian watching the US election. So go check this image out on our website. I think it's great. It's exactly it. I never, never liked these things. This was funny. This is another message about fantasy sports. This is from Stephen, and Stephen said, judging from the fantasy sports discussion last episode, I think I can break Tom and make

him quit. He said, there's a computer game called League of Legends. The game is played by two teams and is considered an eSport. Tom's eyes are now crossing. Oh, my God. There is a college and professional teams that play this game, and there is a fantasy League of Legends. Yes, a fantasy sports game for a computer game. Oh! God, it's so boring.

It's so boring to even read your email about how boring this is. Oh, I'm going to look into this. This sounds like fun. I'm going to challenge no illusions to a fantasy eSports game. Jesus Christ. No illusions. Are you up to it? God, you play League of Legends? No, I don't. I've never played it. Although

it's probably very similar to several other games that I have played, but I have never played League of Legends itself. Fucking fantasy sports eSports. Think about it. If I were to challenge no illusions to this, he would fucking he would go out and figure it all out and then like beat my ass at it he would be like the guy who's like he's like carrying the one and shit like fucking writing stuff down that shit yeah yeah it's an excellent driver unlike eli

we got a message tom and this and i'm gonna read this message it says would you consider reincarnation as a possibility given the size of the universe times infinity? Might you have a chance to exist or as conscious energy again? And then ask a question. Do you think the palms of Jesus would be the most comforting of glory holes? Yeah, they'd be squishy. That'd be perfect. It'd be nice. I hope the nails weren't too big. It'd be like having a glory hole made out of cheesecake. Perfect. Now, here's the thing about, and I'm not a fucking scientician, right? But the thing about probability and statistics is, is just because it's probable or the statistically possible doesn't mean it will ever happen, right? So something, you know, as when you start talking about the infinite timeline and you start talking about infinite universe, et cetera, that doesn't necessarily mean that in the infinite timeline that we suspect might be the case that things can happen again just because it's probable.

Where I stop on the question of reincarnation is this idea that there is a me, which is captured somehow in some energy, and that it's whole, it's complete in some way. I'm not even convinced, to be perfectly blunt, I'm not convinced that there's a thing called me, which has any existence outside the body. The body and me are inextricably tied together. If the body is damaged, I firmly believe the me is damaged. I don't think that there's a self

outside the flesh bucket that I occupy, right? So this idea that I, this somehow essential core being of I, lives like in a complete format as energy and that the energy can be then ported from one vessel to another vessel, I just don't see any reason to think that that's the case. from one vessel to another vessel. I just don't see any reason to think that that's the case. Right. I don't see that as, I mean, I don't see the evidence, right? So that's the thing is like you show me the evidence for it,

but the thing is like the only evidence you'll ever know is if you're dead. So there's no way to relay that evidence to anybody else. And all evidence points to the contrary, right? Like if something hurts my brain, my brain is a meat, right? Sure, yeah. So part of the meat gets damaged and i and my brain gets hurt and now all of a sudden my personality can change my ability to form memories can change my uh being whether i'm quick to anger can change you know pieces about me that that seem fundamental to my sense of self are just part of the way the meat works yeah but i mean i'm let me play the little devil's advocate.

If you're in a car and the driver, let's say you get smashed on the side, the car doesn't operate the exact same way, but the driver is still intact. The one who's controlling it is still intact. Yeah, but I guess what I'm saying is I'm not convinced that there is something controlling it. I know you're not convinced, but I'm saying that that would be the argument

from the other side. The other side would say, well, there's something that's controlling the meat, and that thing that's be the argument from the other side. The other side would say, well, there's something that's controlling the meat, and that thing that's controlling the meat now can't control it like it could before because the meat doesn't work as well. You know what I mean? Yeah, but that's so speculative. Exactly, yeah.

I know. I'm right there with you. I'm saying, but someone's argument could be that. Sure, I got you. Because at this point, you're just arguing about fucking nothing that can be proven, right? Nothing that has any evidence for it. We got a mean email from Dildo Shaggins, Tom.

He's super mad that you talked about vegans. He said, hey guys, I need to first tell you how much I love your show. I've been a patron for a short time. You may know me as the infamous Dildo Shaggins. So the reason for the email today is regarding what you guys said about vegans on your most recent show.

Spot fucking on, guys. I am a vegan vegan i just want to say to all those people i do not dildo shaggins does not represent my viewpoints on vegans except for eli it says i am a vegan and have been for most of my life you guys cracked me up with your bit on our eating habits cecil thank you for your kind words of respect i didn't mean any of them he didn't mean any if there's ever a kind or respectful word from ceil, it's a liar's word. I meant none of them. I wouldn't trust this guy giving me a fucking wedding toast. That's why you went out of state to do it. That's why you weren't invited.

I know. That's the last. Maybe that was the problem. Oh, no. Oh, the saddest day. Yes, it was. Cecil, thank you for your kind words of respect, but I could not stop laughing at what Tom was saying.

I feel like vegans, like many other groups, can't take a joke at their own expense. They really can't. But I thought it was great. Anyway, thanks for all the laughs, guys. Keep up the good works. Good work? We haven't done any good work.

And not like vegans. The vegans have done a lot of good work in the world. They're all. Keep up the good works. Good work. We haven't done any good work. And not like vegans. The vegans have done a lot of good work in the world. They're all saints, each one of them. Amazing, amazing work. It's astonishing. That's why I keep two vegans for every food that I eat. I capture two. They're like carbon offsets.

And then I release them into the wild. Like vegan doves. So Elvis, who normally contributes in MP3 format, sent us a message, Tom. He said, and I'm not going to read the whole thing, but he said, for a church to eliminate homophobia is a good thing, but homophobia is just a symptom and only one symptom of the disease of religion. Why treat symptoms like homophobia, the subjugation of women, condoning clerical sex abuse, climate change denial, racial discrimination, and religious warfare. Why not go after the root cause? And I think that

that's an interesting point. And I think that the first round, so to speak, of the new atheists really went after the root cause in a big way. But I think that there is something to be said about attacking the symptoms, because the symptoms are where the people are. The symptoms are where people feel it most acutely. If I have a conversation with you and I keep it sort of at the theoretical level and I say, you know, like let's, let's get all big on things, right. And talk about like epistemology and why we believe and what good systems of belief are. Those are really good and interesting conversations to have, but I think you make more impact when you talk about a baby's penis

that was bungled in a fucking religious circumcision, right? Because you can sympathize with humans in a way you can't with ideas. I also, part of me thinks that I do agree with you that there is something to be said that the disease of religion has these symptoms. And the symptoms, some of these symptoms are that the people can be homophobic. That's a thing that can happen. But we've dealt with anti-trans emails from atheists. We've dealt with that. It's not

exclusive. I would have thought it was exclusive until we got some of those emails. I would have been hard-pressed to think of an atheist position that would be anti-gay. I would be very hard-pressed to think of that position, but we self-select our audience. You know what I mean? The thing is, if you're an anti-gay person

and you happen to be an atheist, you're never going to listen to this show because the moment we start talking about gay rights, you're going to be like, fuck that, man. I don't like them fags. And you're going to shut it off.

So I'm never going to be able to select those people. So it's hard for me to realize that they exist, but they clearly do. Yeah, that's true, man. So it's not that it's just religion. It's that bad ideas, but I do think bad ideas find themselves nestled in a very, very fertilized garden bed that is religion when it comes to, bad ideas can foster

very easily in religion. They can hide there. They're backed up by the doctrine. Right. And so when you have that doctrine, that's very powerful and it can convince people of things. So I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think that religion has a bad idea. It has a monopoly on bad ideas. I think bad ideas come from all different places. So this week we were, we were on a show from Wyoming waiting for wrath had us on and we had an absolutely great time talking to them, kidding around laughing. And we reviewed a beer and we stayed on for a, for a good portion of the show. If that show releases before this show, check these show notes to 91. Uh, but you could also check our facebook feed or our uh or our uh twitter feed

to see if you could find a link to that episode uh we had a great time talking talking to the people for waiting for wrath and uh and we hope to do it again soon well that's going to wrap it up for this week um we are going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo-quasi alternative acupunctuating

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temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music you