Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 294: Team Danish or Team Doughnut

Episode Date: May 23, 2016

  Call to prayer:

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Yeah, and your continuing theme about hillbillies in different areas. You were wondering what they call hillbillies in New Jersey. And once you get about two and a half hours south of New York, due east of Philadelphia, central New Jersey and south down to Atlantic City. There's an area called the Pine Barrens, and the people that live there are kind of backwards,

and they smoke a lot of cigarettes, and they drink a lot, and have a high rate of alcoholism and a low rate of education, and they're called Pinies. They're the people that have settled there. The soil is so bad, nothing but scrubby little pine trees grow into ugly little things. And the soil is incredibly sandy and acidic and it's great for growing blueberries and cranberries. And there's a lot of iron that turns the water kind of yellowish. And they made cannonballs for the Civil War and haven't really had any manufacturing since then.

So those people are called Pinies. Once we were traveling through that area, and I stopped at a yard sale because I saw a screen print of Van Gogh's Starry Night, obviously a print, and it was nicely framed, and it matched the color of the bathroom that I had just painted, and I bought it, and the lady selling it to me said, It's a Van Goren. Anyway, they're pineys.

Just wanted to let you know. Glory hole, motherfuckers. Bye. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence

to any topic that makes the news, it big or makes us mad it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome at this is episode 294 of cognitive dissonance and this this time we are not joined by david smalley yeah that's terrible that's terrible for me and bro what even when he's not here i feel the impetus just to go at him just to just to take a shot at i wanted to talk a little bit about that though real quick because i will say this um a lot of people on a on the facebook and a couple other places and even our email have been less than nice to david yeah that's not cool he came out to us yeah don't be less than nice to david that's number one and number two it's all an act right he's i don't know if you guys heard the beginning of that when he's asking how serious he

should be like he's he's clearly acting guys he's a very nice guy and we're kidding around right so if you if you think that david has a giant stick up his ass it's because he he is playing a guy who has a giant stick up his ass yeah he's he's kidding around all the all the animosity is false yeah or he wouldn't have come to our studio yeah and we would not have allowed him in our studio it's like yeah i don't invite people to my home that I don't like. It's like, oh, you're unpleasant. Let's have you over for dinner.

Unless you're an in-law, that's not going to happen. We thought that was obvious, but I just wanted to mention. I just wanted to mention, because I don't want people to be less than nice to David. David is a very nice guy, and he deserves, if you don't like him, that's fine, but he doesn't deserve your ire for that.

You know what I mean? Like you can not like people and not tell them. It's real easy. Mmm. Go nuts. So this story comes from the local. Yes. What would that even be?

It's the local Danish cult claiming demons cause autism arrives in Spain. So this is sort of awful. I don't know that I belong to a Danish cult, but I certainly would belong to a donut-based religion. There you go. Right? Yeah. If it was a cheese Danish cult, I like a cheese Danish.

Really? Apricot Danish, I might be there. No, man. Cheese Danish is fucking where it's at. That's crazy, dude. That shit is where it is at. You're a crazy person. No, I. Cheese Danish is fucking where it's at. Crazy, dude. That shit is where it is at. You're a crazy person. No, I'm a guy that likes cheese Danishes.

I'm uncomfortably full and I would eat like a whole coffee cake right now just to prove you wrong. Just to prove you wrong. Danishes are okay. There are no donuts, dude. Fuck you. You are objectively wrong. Are you kidding? There are no donuts. I would you are objectively wrong are you kidding donuts

i would have i would have a fucking cheese danish over any donut you're a fucking crazy person are you kidding are you kidding are you high a cheese danish is soft and buttery shut up fucking donut shut your whore mouth what kind of donut all of them fuck off any i need a duncan donut I need a Dunkin' Donut. I need a Dunkin' fucking Donut. You're lying. I need a Dunkin' glazed cake donut over a cheese danish. Are you crazy? Dunkin' Donuts are for whores. Why? Why would I say that?

Who gets turned out by Dunkin' Donuts? I don't even know what that even means. Prostitutes are eating Dunkin' Donuts? i could go back to school or i could fuck for donuts i just feel like dunkin donuts taste bad they're terrible and they look bad they're awful and i don't feel like you should eat they're the worst food ever they are disgusting but they're better than a cheese dainty you're a fucking you're a liar you're a liar really terrible okay there is a dunkin donuts jelly filled dunkin donuts that with that fucking high fructose corn jam syrup corn jam it's fucking it's got corn nibblers in it it's like a donut with creamed corn in it can we go all the way down to the French crawler? You would have a French crawler.

In a second. You are kidding me. I'd put that French crawler on my dick and eat it over that fucking... I'd play fucking ring toss with my own penis. It's easy when you have a small penis. You didn't need munchkins? When you have a small penis. No, when you have a...

It's real easy. It's like... No problem. Jesus. It's like fucking... I don't even understand that. You're crazy, dude. Dude, the cheese danish is wonderful.

It's kind of meh. It's a croissant with goopy, cheesy sugar butter in it. Like, I don't know what that shit is. I don't know what it is. I think that's a perfect descriptor, actually. It's delicious. It's delicious goopy sugar butter. They call it filling.

I don't know. Well, filling is generic, right? That's like, what's on this? Meat. That doesn't mean anything. Meat is just's just a category cheese filling yeah but it's not just cheese it's got i know sugar and happiness cream cheese and joy and grandma love and sprinkles kind of meh you're over you would have a french crawler though you seem very upset by this dude i could be on a fucking deserted island i could have had nothing but fucking sand and sea turtles for nine months and a fucking truckload of french

crawlers could wash up on the beach and i'd be like sea turtles again i would sigh like david small i mean i'd eat a cheese danish if it was the only thing in the room but it's not anything I would if there was a whole plate of things in front of me that would be the last thing I'd choose you're looking at me like I'm crazy and no I'm absolutely true

because here's the thing I never eat I don't actually like pastries pastries and I can pass but I will occasionally go to the store and buy a whole Entenmann's thing of cheese danish for the kids and I could pass. But I will occasionally go to the store and buy a whole Entenmann's thing of cheese danish for the kids and I on the weekend. And we'll put that thing through its paces.

See, now that's gross. Entenmann's cheese coffee cake? You're objectively wrong. That is disgusting food. No, that's disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself. You should do something horrible to yourself.

Anal with an upset stomach is gross. A cheese. Well, you're banking on the upset stomach with an Entenmann's cheese, Danish. Danish cult claiming demons cause autism arrives in Spain. So there's a religious group staging spirituality seminars in Barcelona claiming that its members through Jesus can heal people with a variety of conditions, including autism. And you read this and it's like, man, this is like they're just preying on hope. Like they're like, oh, your kid, the most important thing in your entire life has this condition, which is basically, you know, I mean, it's not going to go away. They're not going to wake up one morning like, woo, the autism has passed. Woo, thank goodness, yeah.

But everybody kind of wishes it would. Thank goodness for that growth spurt. Right? Oh, man, that's terrific. It's his fucking seventh birthday, so he no longer has autism. Yeah. But this fucking group is like, maybe if you love jesus and and you know it's it's that whole we've talked about this before but it's that whole like if it doesn't work you probably

just didn't believe enough yeah you didn't wish hard enough exactly the other thing that that bothers me about this is they are they are looking at it in the wrong way they're the the cult themselves are saying they're saying i'm going to read a little bit of this article it says it happened in australia to a nine-year-old girl who suffered from autism she was freed from demons and was happy and it wasn't something shocking like a big man holding her down she was with her mother all prayed and the demon was cast out and she was happy and her mother was happy and what they're saying is is that look this isn't fucking like the exorcist we're not beating the kid or holding the kid down or screaming at him or whatever it is or these Pentecostal ones where the people are fucking crazy and they're like stand up and speak in tongues or whatever.

It was just two people praying. That was it. And so they're trying to say, look, nobody's being hurt here. But what they're neglecting here is just because exorcism isn't dangerous – the exorcism itself isn't dangerous doesn't mean that the ramifications of that exorcism isn't dangerous isn't the exorcism itself isn't dangerous doesn't mean that the ramifications of that exorcism are not dangerous right you know i mean i could sit in a room and have really nice music and uh maybe some incense and hope real hard like the fucking secret you know what i mean like sure we're the secret but that's a bad thing to do if i have cancer it's it's a it's a bad thing to do if I have cancer.

It's a negative thing to do. It's because you're stopping treatment and you're choosing other treatment over it. They could spend that time that they were having a really nice time praying doing something else that can actually maybe help this person. Plus, like you read this and it's like, well, okay, so they cast out a demon. And now all the people who you know otherwise would believe this stuff or who have a similar belief system when they go and it doesn't work right when they go and it doesn't work not only do you have wasted time wasted energy but now you have a crisis of faith so thanks for my crisis of faith yeah now when it's fucking

3 30 in the morning and i can't sleep and i'm wondering why jesus doesn't love me anymore you know it's because and why my kid still has autism and that fucking little girl in your story that i believed you know because it certainly didn't happen but i believed it yeah you know but now i've got to wonder like why me why is it you know why doesn't god love me why is there still a demon in my and i gotta look at my kid be like fucking there's demons in my kid exactly that's how you think about that now you've got to tell the kid because you know you did the thing why are we doing this daddy oh because there's a demon in you after he's still fucked up and you know on the spectrum you gotta you gotta look at him and say yeah it's still there yeah it turns out you're still full of demons yeah and if i believe in demons i don't

know man like wouldn't you be creeped out around your own kids? I would be super weirded out. I'd be like, oh, man. And the kid's going to bed in the next room full of demons. It's like watering your gremlin after midnight. You know what I mean? It's bad news. It's terrible.

In the name of Jesus, we speak that. So this story comes from the Raw story. And I love this story. This is great. Mississippi Mayor ridiculed. That's mean. It sounds mean already, Cecil. For plans to make potholes go away with the power of prayer. And I read this, and I immediately think of my dad.

When I was a kid, my dad had a saying. He said, want in one hand and shit in the other. And see which one fills up, right? My dad was wish in one hand and shit in the other yeah and see which one fills up right wish my dad was wishing one hand and shit in the other yeah but yeah i'm like i want that my dad would be like yeah well want in one hand that was just mean that's all he did he yes yes he was just mean kind of me yeah he's a mean person it's like it's i wonder where you got it like father like son well you look at this and it's like well pray in one pothole shit in the other and one would actually get filled with material it's what i mean like one would actually be a more effect

actually shitting yeah in this fucking pothole would be a more effective use of your time and the mayor says like this is his tweet it's a tweet that he put out there yes i believe we can pray potholes away moses prayed and a sea opened up hashtag i see you hashtag i trust them hashtag pairworks wait well i mean but doesn't that just show that god's okay with taking material away he's like like, hey, y'all, I can excavate those potholes for you, no problem, but when it comes to putting stuff in there, I'm not very good at it. Well, I saw that and I was like, yeah, okay, well, I guess maybe

he'd fix a pothole if I was being pursued by an Egyptian army. But like, you know, like... Maybe he's super unlikely in Mississippi. He could fill them with one of the seven plagues so there's a full of frogs it just got like locusts in one of them right just as this sea of blood disease life livestock in another yeah and you know the other one you could always put it firstborn in one of them right didn't they have to like that one of them well they didn't

have to kill them but they all died so you could put instead you know fill the potholes in mississippi with firstborn and depending on the pigment of the skin you may still be able to call that blacktop oh god i'm just saying you're a monster i mean i'm just saying it's it's monster that's fair you are a monster sir i i wonder if god was maybe outbid by the human construction company. You know what I mean? God's like, I can't. I'll tell you what. I'm not going to hire no illegal angel labor.

That's not going to happen. It's just not going to happen. All my guys are union. They're all union. Hey, look. The commute is a pain in the ass. The travel costs alone. There's no way we can get down there with our truck.

And it's like, you know, I'm supposed to think that God looks at Mississippi. Fucking Mississippi. If there's any proof that there is no God, it's Mississippi. And it's like, well, first thing I'm going to fix is the potholes. Are you kidding me?

You know, I'm fine with the systemic racism. It's like, oh, let me take a look. Mississippi. Well, it's the poorest state, and it's the least educated with the systemic racism. It's like, oh, wait, let me take a look. Mississippi. Well, it's the poorest state, and it's the least educated with the most teen pregnancies and the most racism. But golly, we gots to have them potholes fixed. Tell you what, I need to go down the road without it bumping. I wouldn't mind anyone to damage an axle on their vehicle when they're dragging a black man behind them. Everybody down there has four by

fours anyone even notice right all that's gonna happen is their confederate flag would rustle wrong that's it right like fucking billy bob or fucking joe boob or whatever that's his name it's joe boob that's correct they're like the fucking rifle would fall off their gun rack there's like four discharges in a week like i know we make fun of states all the time particularly indiana because fuck indiana but mississippi honestly and truly yeah it's a garbage it it's i mean it's a garbage you went to missus it was a garbage state it was it's a tire fire like it's an entire state no a tire fire. Like it's an entire state. No, a tire fire would have been preferable. It like,

it is the fucking STD of America. Oh God. That's all that it is. Worst place. Nothing good has ever come out of not one. Cause if something good would come out of Mississippi, it would be fucking immediately out of Mississippi and renounce it forever. You would never know something good was from Mississippi cause it would fucking deny it.

It's that, it's that wet spot between your ass and your, and your nuts on a fucking 95 degree day. That's Mississippi. It's a sweat on your fucking taint. Mississippi is how it feels to know you're getting a migraine. Yeah. Like you're just like,

Oh no. And here's my warning. I warn you, America, And here's my warning. I warn you, America. You will be the darkest nation to ever, ever exist on this planet. So this story is from Right Wing Watch, and this is our buddy, man.

It's here we go. It's Glenn Beck. Glenn Beck with a mental condition or whatever. Yeah, he's evidently gone. He was diagnosed by a natural neuropathologist or something like some some garbage like some fucking hobo right told him he had a brain tumor some fucking idiot went to upstairs medical college and was ready to diagnose all right so this is glenn beck glenn beck uh calls on conservatives to leave the gop because of tinfoil hat don is crazy i have to, I listened to this earlier.

There's a few things he says, and I was like, hmm, that's kind of right on point. President Trump's going to be a terrifying thing. Shut your fucking mouth. Why do you keep saying that? If you think that Hillary Clinton is not going to legalize all of the illegal aliens. We'll just call them aliens at that point.

That would be awesome. because that would be amazing because then you would have to you would have to put like fucking you'd have to distribute x files like licenses to all of them it's like it's not indian food when you're in india right it's just molder or Team Scully. Yeah. So they can vote in 2016. You're crazy. You'll never see a Republican win. A Republican doesn't mean a conservative. A Republican. You will never see a Republican win again.

Ever. Because of the damage that Donald Trump has done to the Hispanics on what a Republican is. I think he's right. I think he's right. Right there. Yeah, and the polls show that this is true. You've said as much. You've said you've seen a bunch of these polls and that he is polling just epically low with the Hispanic population. It turns out when you tell the Hispanic population, I hate you, they don't like that.

He doesn't hate him. It's like if you come home and beat your wife. He tweeted out a couple weeks ago that he loves Hispanics. Oh my god, when he tweeted the thing about eating at a restaurant and he's like, the fucking spics in my kitchen make a great salad. And you're just like, oh my god, that's the worst thing. He's so fucking racist even when he's trying not to be racist it's more racist he's the worst racist in racism he is he's a monster he's one of those guys that would just you know he just would let

one of those slurs slip like it wouldn't be a thing at all like he would he would look into a crowd of of mexicans and call them beaners and not have and not have any compunction he would yeah what what guys i i why are you still here pick my fucking vegetables it's just like the but he would say would be probably try to probably try to couch it in some kind of like sure he's like no i mean i love you guys i love the vegetables you guys do the best you guys. I love the vegetables you pick. You guys do the best job at low-cost vegetables. You guys pick the best vegetables. They're pretty much the best vegetables. It must be like they slide off your wet backs when you guys – Oh, God.

You're just such a fucking bad person. He's such a bad person. Conservatives need to run from the Republican Party as fast as you can because you are going to be painted as donald trump that's a horrible thing to be painted but it's only one color it's orange like it's like real easy it's like color by numbers and there's just one and it's orange yeah either that or your crayola box has one nub of orange left and that's it that's the only only thing you have. He is now the head of the Republican Party. That is the face of conservatives and Republicans

all around the world. That should not be the face of anything. That is a roast of a face. That's a fucking floppy, jowly fucking orangey oompa loompa fucking face. If it was disconnected from his body, I would sous vide that shit. I'm just saying I'd feast on his cheeks oh god they'd be amazing wouldn't they good more importantly he is the face of all capitalists around the world america a capitalist country

well that i think i think that's pretty pretty true too yeah um i don't think he's a fucking i mean he's he's yeah he's and mean, he's a fucking ardent capitalist. Yeah, and he's one of the – I think when people look around the world at here, that's one of the things that they say. I think he's a decent symbol of capitalism. Do you think? Well, I mean he's not terribly good, but like his entire worldview is it revolves around the struggle for money. Yeah, I guess that's true. Right?

I mean that's how he defines success in himself. It's a struggle for money. Has said, that is our guy. That's the guy who can save our economy. That's the guy who can save our businesses. He is a grotesque cartoon of capitalism. He's a grotesque cartoon. I'm pretty sure he's not representative. Yeah I'm not sure that he's not representative.

Yeah, I would say that he's pretty representative. I think he may be a gross cartoon of the American id. You know what I mean? Yeah, I would agree with that. That's a good way to portray him. We mentioned this before in the past, though, where Trump is kind of

what we deserve because he is that dark recess of our mind that nobody wants to talk about yeah you know um so i i you know i he is grotesque but i don't know that he's i don't know that he's undeserved he is corrupt capitalists poster child so you will lose the republican, the position of the conservatives and capitalism. You will not have another Republican because of Hispanics. You will not have another Republican. It is time to step away from the GOP. If you don't, you will be painted as one of them. I'm not one of them. I am

not part of Donald Trump. God, could you imagine if Donald Trump was Voltron and all the conservatives turned into? He was just the body. And then Ann Coulter is his left arm. And then Ted Cruz is his right leg. Ted Cruz couldn't be a leg. He would be a

tip right over. What would he be that would be a fucking ted cruz would be the spleen ted cruz would be something vestigial yeah something useless the appendix yes exactly yeah yeah we're gonna get emails down the actually we found a use for the appendix he's fine he's the tonsils of the human. As soon as you remove it, you feel much better. He's the ingrown hair. Don't pluck me. Not part of it. And I want to cry that out from the top of the mountains.

This guy couldn't get to the top of a mountain if he was hella lifted. I think he could if he had a helicopter. He's got a lot of money he's got a lot of money i am not part of that because you will never be considered as having any kind of viable solution if you stand next to him oh i think that's fair yeah i think that's fair i think i think he's right in his basic overarching principle right that that i do think donald trump is poisonous to the Republican Party. I think the guy is straight poison to the whole party. I think he has run roughshod over the Republican leadership and shown them to be – shown the whole party to be basically a house of ineffectual cards that can't even control its own – can't even get its own people in order, can't even control its leadership is obviously ineffective if somebody can swoop in from the outside and railroad you into being their leader.

You clearly are a bunch of sackless wimps. Like that's just true. And then now this guy is standing there and he does not stand for many of the things that the neocons stood for or that the tea party stands for or that he he's just and he's owning that shit and i think he's straight fucking poison for that part yeah i really do part of me still thinks he's a sleeper you know like i know that that and that's i know that that's never it's never left my mind either i'm i'm so anxious for them to be done with these uh primaries to get to that final bit because i'm really anxious to see where he goes in the general. What direction are you going to go in the general?

Is he going to be as crazy as he's always – is he still going to talk about building the wall with fucking Mexican skulls or whatever? You know what I mean? Like is he going to say that or is he going to – We're going to build a wall out of baby skulls. It's like, seriously, I'm curious if he's going to keep pushing that agenda or if that was just all smoke and mirrors to get his, you know, that redneck group riled up so that they could come out to the polls and beat all these, you know, basically, you know, the party line Republicans. Sure. Part of me thinks that his plan from from the beginning was to was to take over the republican party and expose it yeah maybe maybe you know look look how shitty it is i'm fucking somebody from the outside and come in and just own it and just say crazy shit yeah

because he's just like when he was like i could shoot a woman on the street and you'd still vote for me it's like what's happening yeah and it's and the thing is it didn't bother him at all. Right. It didn't hurt his poll numbers. Never. Because tinfoil hat Don is crazy. Whoa. What? Coming from Glenn Beck. No shit.

When fucking Glenn Beck calls you crazy, that's like being called a fucking featureless slug by Ted Cruz. Look at you, Pat. You are a featureless slug. I don't have a backbone at all. Grow aside. Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter

accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com, or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. 6-8-2-8. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com forward slash dissonance pod, or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. This story comes from Right Wing Watch.

This is John Hagee. God will hold you accountable for not voting for Donald Trump. So it's a point counterpoint. It is a point-counterpoint. Here's John Hagee. Martin I. Mohler said, to see evil and not call it evil is evil. Not to speak is to speak.

Not to act is to act. God will not hold us harmless. The last time we heard this, it was read by Ricky from I Love Lucy. But yeah time we heard this it was read by ricky from uh i love lucy but yeah we heard the same thing before yeah not to speak as to yeah yeah i remember you guys are all you guys all use the same fucking goddamn thing to justify your position i want you to understand that as an american citizen you have a responsibility to go vote i am going to vote for the candidate that's going to make the U.S. military great

again. Wow. Here we go. What's he going to do to make it great again? How is he going to make it more great? He's going to have armor, and he's going to lead our troops from the front. What the fuck? Here's to hoping. I know, right? I hope he rides a fucking drone into the... Like fucking...

Like that movie where he fucking rides the rocket, whatever that fucking movie is. Yeah, right. It's like – you know what I'm talking about, right? How I learned – Whatever. Dr. Strangelove. Dr. Strangelove.

Yeah. He fucking flies the rocket. I hope Donald Trump in his first week as president flies that fucking thing into an air. He's like, yahoo! Fucking blows himself up. It would be amazing. I mean it would mean nuclear war for the rest of us, but it would be worth it to be rid of donald trump what do these guys the annihilation the horrors of a nuclear annihilation point counterpoint here i know what i mean i'm not even arguing it's just like yeah

that's it sucks you know they say that they say that a cockroach would survive a nuclear war i feel like trump would be protected by his toupee. His orange layer just gets a little oranger. That's fine. It just glows a little harder at night. It just fucking gets absorbed into his oompa-loompa-ness. It was awesome. I loved it.

It was great. It was pretty much the best rocket. It was pretty much. Look, did you guys see that? That mushroom cloud? That was 20 times bigger than any other mushroom cloud. All right? When we fucking annihilated those guys, they were more annihilated. Better. We did it better.

We did it faster. We did it with a best. They loved it. We had the best words. Best bomb in the whole world. Best words. Because the party in power has reduced us to a World War II level where the Japanese attacked us for the very reason they felt we were too weak.

That is not why the Japanese attacked us. Are the Japanese going to attack us again, Tom? I hope not. First of all, that's not at all the reason that the Japanese attacked us in World War II. Are they going to attack us with tentacles? Because I might be kind of into that, actually. I'll at least watch.

I really do like those anime girls in the short skirts with the tentacles i think that that's okay i would be fine with them attacking they're gonna like invade america from japan with hot weird porn be like okay don't invade too much i don't know. No, no. Stop invading me? Invade more. Harder. Yeah, fuck that shit. A World War II level, like all these guys that are talking about the U.S. military and they're like, well, we got to make the military bigger. What else do you need this military to do?

What do you need it to do? We are not fighting moon people. Right. You know what I mean? Right. Like I guess maybe if fucking Independence Day happened we'd be fucked right if a fucking alien species conquered the challenges of interstellar travel and showed up to fuck our chicken our chicken will be well and truly fuck right man but other than that other than that like we're pretty good

we're gonna be okay i think we're fine yeah We have like twice as much shit as the second best. What fucking weapon don't we have? I don't understand why they harp on this more. And I think the only reason they do it, it's not for any real reason. It's just to say because I think that this mindset values power. And if you paint the other person as weak, then it's a benefit to you. And I think that's why they harp on that. Yeah, maybe.

You know what I mean? Like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if they cut the military by a quarter, let's say, because what would happen is we'd still have the best military by another quarter or something. You know what I mean? It would still be better than anybody else's stuff because we spend so much goddamn money on it. Plus, you have all the stuff you still have. That's the thing. It's not like somebody cuts your

funding and then your silos empty out. Nobody is going to invade America. Let's cut that shit out. It's not going to happen. We're fine. Nobody's going to be like, well, what country's going to invade America. Let's cut that shit out. It's not going to happen. We're fine. Nobody's going to be like, well, what country is going to invade America? Russia's not going to fucking invade America. North Korea.

Right? It's not going to happen. It's fucking silly. This thing is silly. If we really think about our military as defensive, and that I think is part of the problem is we think about our military as offensive. Well, I can't go adventuring in other parts of the globe unless I have more, more, more, more, more, more, more. But from a defensive standpoint, from a defensive standpoint, we're worried about North Korea getting nuclear weapons. Why?

If they get one or two, it's enough to stop the rest of the entire world from fucking with you, right? You have one or two and the rest of the world is like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's fucking, it's getting in a punch. It's a difference between getting in a fight in grade school and getting into a fist fight as an adult. In grade school, doesn't really matter. Probably no one's getting hurt. As an adult, someone could die, right? It's that level of difference. To defend ourselves. I'm going to vote for the party that is going to solve the immigration problem, not the one that has created

the immigration problem. God, this guy's an orator. Which party is he talking about, though, Tom? I think he's talking about the Democrats. Bum, bum, bum. He's going to solve the immigration problem with maybe a final

solution? I like that he has no plan, right? It's just like, I'm going to vote for the party that does the thing with the voice and the cadence like this. Not the party that did the opposite of the next sentence that I was just saying. It's not like he's going to – he's just telling people who to vote for. There's no point actually being made. He's just telling people who to vote for. Right. There's no point to actually being made. I'm going to bring – I'm going to support the party that brings jobs back from China, not through international trade agreements, send millions of jobs to foreign countries because it's cheaper labor and putting millions of Americans out of work.

That's been a talking point forever. Dude, this is NAFTA. of Americans out of work. That's been a talking point forever. And the problem is with that is that the profit system follows the path of least resistance. And if they can get better, cheaper shit somewhere else, there's no incentive for them to keep it here. What's the fucking incentive, man?

It's a global economy, right? We've become a global economy. If I need to buy a t-shirt, and I to buy a T-shirt, and I can buy a T-shirt for $6, and it's made in Sri Lanka, right? Or I buy a T-shirt, and it's made in Detroit, Michigan,

but it's $12, and it's the exact same shirt. Everybody buys the $6 shirt. The problem is the $12 one smells like a tire fire. That's because it's not made somewhere nice like Sri Lanka. Yeah. I'm not going to vote for the party that has betrayed Israel for the past seven years.

If you can read a newspaper, you know who I'm talking about. So why don't you just say it? Yeah, well, because he can't. I hate him. Because he wants his money. He wants his money. He wants his money. He wants his tax-free whatever he needs.

Money, money, money, money, money. You care so much, but money, money, money, money, money. Just read a newspaper and tell you who was betraying Israel. The only people that actually can because they're the only ones in power. So I encourage every one of you, go vote. No candidate is perfect, but I want you to go vote. And may God give us a leader who has the courage to put America first and stand up for we the people. Make America great again.

The courage to put America first. I fucking – that is the dumbest shit anybody could say about the president. A fucking current president. They didn't put America first. What the fuck did they put first? Dumbass. Well, you know these guys would say that he's a secret Muslim and he put theica first what the fuck did they put first dumbass well you know these guys would say that he's a secret muslim and he put the muslims for you know that's what he would say because he's brown and his name is scary oh this story comes from the Huffington Post.

Jesus Christ. Christian author Mac Major. I thought this was a joke. That's a porn name. It is. I thought all this was a joke. I can't be sure it's not a joke. I know they have a Facebook page, but it's hard for me to be like,

it's hard for me to be like like it's hard for me to read all this stuff and not have sort of a tongue-in-cheek way in which you read it the tongue and something no christian author that's fair christian author mac major says female masturbation is a direct path to satan well they're talking about female masturbation because he's talking about toys it's like well don't all fucking humans have built-in sex toys they're called fucking hands that can reach their junk right yeah right yeah he's real worked up or this this author is real worked up um about specifically about sex toys like it's like a big fucking problem for him like what does he think is on a dildo like what does he think like it's like you have one you're fucking fooling around

with the thing and like like fucking satan is just like i'm inside the whiskily wabbit like he's making a talk it's like a puppet though yeah it says here it's it's wabbit season that would be every time you bust that out you gotta be like it's wabbit season nothing in the world would break the mood more it would be so fucking funny i don't know that that's funny so much it's like you just turn everything down right just turn it all down there's a there's a part of this he says these sex toys are open an open portal between demonic realm and your own life as long as you have these sex toys in your home you have a doorway that that can allow demons to access

your life at will and the thing is is like a fleshlight is not a fucking stargate glory hole you know what i mean like it's not like a vagina it's not like i stick my dick in it and then i don't know what demon is on the other side you know you're just like i'm hoping for the good one goodness oh porcupine demon oh god that's terrible toothy demon because they're all toothy right they're all toothy have you ever seen a non-toothy demon they're all toothy lead with the lips what are you doing christ he says uh there are such things as sex demons i'm gonna need their number and the danger in masturbating is that one could inadvertently summon a sex demon to attach itself to you through the act of masturbating well then i have summoned demons on a basis so regular yeah it's surprising there's not any room

left on my jump it's like it's like how many demons can dance on the head of a pin you know what i mean like it's like at some point you're just like you got to have like a maximum occupancy sign right the fire department's coming in. We need to get some of these demons off your dick. There's just way too many of them. There's going to be like a fucking patio fall down or a fucking fire and they're going to trample each other. Sir, clearly your dick can't sustain this kind of weight.

Yeah, yeah. Something, some Chicago and way to die. That is a uniquely Chicago thing. A uniquely Chicago and way to die is to to either a patio will collapse and you die not a patio or a nightclub catches on fire and you trample your friend those are uniquely chicago ways to die i just want to read the rest of that okay that thing real quick because it says and once the demon attaches it's like a fucking lamprey to your cock um it's difficult for it to leave it will drive you to masturbate even when you don't want to you'll be hit with her just to play with yourself so powerful that only an orgasm

can allow you some temporary relief that's called having genitalia right that's just that's being a human that's called having a libido and genitalia right yeah it's like oh you're gonna want to play with it yeah uh-huh right because it's there uh-huh Statistics prove that 6,000 people die every hour. That means that half that number go to hell. That means that every hour, over 3,000 people go to hell. Every minute, over 60 go to hell. At this precise moment, someone is headed for a burning hell. This is just mean.

This is from the Patheos blog's Friendly Atheist. New biblical guide to hell for small children is sick and depraved. Fucking hell it is. There's tasteful illustrations of, like, children or people or whatever being tortured horribly in the pits of hell. Like, they have these fucking people's cages have fallen

and gone down below. They sit in the fire and they we they have these fucking people's cages have fallen and gone down below they sit in the fire and they weep and they woe and there's a picture of somebody like staring down like in a fucking metal cage isis style and like a big fucking lake of fucking fire why would you possibly this is to children oh enjoy fucking your therapy bill later i know just like fucking sit him down and watch fucking hostile with like what the fuck i mean seriously like watch a torture porn movie yeah i'd be like it's like fucking saw or whatever with him you know like let's like this should be like a manual for building anxious kids yeah like anxious nerve rack fucking you know after you die there's going

to be a guy like that fucking creepy mannequin guy from Saw, and he's basically just going to play games with you. Yeah. He's going to put you in a fucking – in a cell, and he's going to drop you into lakes of fire. And I'm just thinking – one of the things I think is like I'm not a thing. I'm just a fucking – what are you going to – you had this question a while back. Like what are you going to fucking just keep making me and then killing me and then make me again and then kill me? Hell doesn't make any sense. Like I really don't believe that hell makes any sense at all.

And I remember we talked about this a long time ago. But like how would it – I'm just too practical for hell to make any sense to me. It's like – so I'm supposed to believe that I die but I have a soul. And my soul is not tied to the physical self. But then it goes to hell and somehow is rendered physical again just so that it can be tortured yeah that seems patently absurd like like the me that is me that has been judged is this immaterial incorporeal thing that then goes down to hell and then what like and then and but now it's not physical so what are they gonna do it like it'd be like it's it's fucking punching slimer like who cares he just gets vinkman wet right

that's all that happens um i didn't grow up in a in a in a sort of lake of fire hell-based family now my dad definitely believed in hell. My mom, I think, believed in it too. And my dad would mention it once in a while. But it wasn't until I was in my teens that I really met some very devout hell spewers. People that, they talked about two things. It was the rapture and it was hell. And they painted a lot of vivid pictures about that. And it was the rapture and it was hell and they painted a lot of vivid pictures about they and it was basically milton's hell i think is what it is paradise lost type of hell is that what it is something like that where it's just like you know you look at these images yeah it's just it's just disgusting seven layer burrito yeah exactly with the fritos and then there's

the cheese sauce no but it just was one of those things where you're like, okay. You look at it now and it's silly. But as a teenager, it was frightening. I couldn't imagine. This is a children's book. I could not imagine. We talked to David Smalley last week with the Tiny Thinkers book. I couldn't imagine handing this book over to someone in good conscience and saying, read this. This is important.

That's because you're not a monster. I can't. And I can't even. I was faithful and I, read this. This is important. That's because you're not a monster. I was faithful and I can't imagine that this would be. You can't get there. I cannot. I'm glad. And even though I was faithful, I still can't. Because that was the thing that broke me out of faith in the first place was hell. That's the first

thing that broke me. Was it really? Yeah. The concept of hell just stopped working? Well, because you start worrying, you start thinking about it, and the first thing that snapped me out of it was, well, is there anything I can do in a finite amount of time that warrants an infinite amount of punishment? And that was the first question that went through my head. What could I possibly be doing here that could warrant an infinite level of punishment? Because when you start thinking about infinity, I mean I used to have anxiety attacks even when I was a believer about infinity because that was – It's a horrible concept. It's a terrible concept.

It's a terrible concept. It's one of those concepts that make your brain hurt. And I used to have – I mean I used to think about it and it would just be like, oh my gosh, infinity is just – it's just crazy. And then you think, well, hold on. I'm going to be tortured for that long? Well, that seems excessive. What the fuck could I possibly do here? What, touch my dick?

Sleep around on someone? Even kill someone? That warrants an infinite punishment? It just didn't make any sense to me. Because there's nothing but death and refuse in the rectum. No life can come out of the rectum. The rectum is designed to get rid of death and refuse and the rectum. No life can come out of the rectum. The rectum is designed to get rid of death and waste. It's designed for that one purpose,

and the sodomites are cheering on and praising the rectum. This story comes from LGBTQ Nation. This is so funny. A priest, fond of orgies, is outed over a secret Grindr account. A well-known Catholic priest in Ireland who was vocally homophobic, which is the only reason this story matters, because if he was not vocally homophobic, then who cares, right? Who cares?

But hypocrites be hypocritin', right? So here we go. He's been outing. He has his own secret Grindr profile, and he was using his Grindr profile to find orgies. He is a vocal homophobe. Right. And he wants not one dick whacked in his face.

He wants a whole altar full of dicks. Right. He wants a fucking forest of them fucking flopping around. He wants a fucking forest of them fucking flopping around. When I first opened the story, my first thought was it would be pretty easy to fake

a Grindr account for a prominent homophobic priest. That was my first thought. I was like, there's people who could Photoshop somebody's face onto a naked body. There's people who can, they know your name, they can set everything up, etc. But the thing is, is like

how they're handling it is sort of telling, right? At first I was like, well, I don't know. I don't know if this person has a grind. Sure, you've been a good skeptic. Sure, I don't know. But how they're handling it is he's got a leave of absence, and I want to read when they talk about the leave of absence.

Early in March, Father Rory Coyle asked Bishop Eamon he's got a leave of absence and i want to read when they talk about the leave of absence early in march father rory coil asked bishop amen martin for time off to obtain personal and spiritual support following this uh he asked the archbishop to extend his leave so that he could gauge in a period of personal discernment and receive further help. So he's on a leave of absence right now. And part of me thinks if it's all made up, if it's just someone who's just a troll attacking him, there seems to be other ways to combat that rather than just, I'll go hide. You know what I mean?

It seems like you're acting very guilty is all I'm saying. You wouldn't go on a fucking spiritual journey. You'd be like, fuck you. That's not my shit. Fuck you. I don't know. I would fight that shit tooth and nail. Come at me if that's not me, right?

But instead, he's hiding. That's why I – because I initially thought, hey, man, how hard is that? I mean you could – I you know you could i don't know i don't know i don't have a grinder or a tinder account but i would imagine it's relatively easy to create both of those things and you just you know it if david michael has a tinder account he has to be then it's gotta be easy first right yeah it's fucking it's like it's like you need to be a fucking a slob who can maybe touch somewhere on your phone. That's all you need. Just mashing desperately at the screen.

With your giant, thick sausage fingers. David Michael just has to record his voice. That's all he has to do, just record his voice. The ladies are like, sploosh. They're fucking swiping right, trying to desperately, but the screen's all wet. It's not working. Now, the concern, obviously, is if this isn't bottled up in San Francisco, this kind of nonsense,

then it's going to be spreading across the entire fruited plain, and you're going to be going to your Burger King in Des Moines, Iowa, and you're going to have a rainbow-colored wrapper for your Whopper. So this story also is from the Friendly Atheist blog. A gay pastor who sued Whole Foods for writing slur on his cake finally admits he made it all up. This is amazing. So the original post says,

Love wins, fag. That's not the cake I ordered. And I'm offended for myself and the whole LGBT community. And he filed this lawsuit against Whole Foods, but turns out, whoopsie doodles. Yeah. Whole Foods didn't do it. Could you find a more gay-friendly place than Whole Foods, too? Why would you go after Whole Foods?

Why would it be like Chick-fil-A? Or go after like a fucking Nazi bakery, like fucking Blintzkrieg or something. You know what I mean? A Nazi bakery, like fucking Blintzkrieg or something. You know what I mean? Nazi bakery. Whatever. You know, fucking Dixer for chicks fucking cake shop or whatever. You know what I mean? Like there's some fucking asshole out there who doesn't want to bake a cake.

Go after that guy. Instead, like Whole Foods is fucking one of these like like, really open, inclusive, very gay. I'm surprised they don't fucking have the butcher counter. They don't fucking pre-deep throat the fucking sausages for you. Or like when you go to get a gay cake, they have like two fair trade gay guys fuck on the platter beforehand. Just so it's fucking more authentic. You know what I mean? Like fucking Whole Foods.

You're going after Whole Foods. I know. But I do. I laughed out loud when I saw the cake. The cake is great. The cake is funny. Who would give somebody that cake? It's so mean.

Love wins. It's so mean. Nobody would do that. But it made me chuckle. As soon as I saw it, I was like, oh, that's kind of, I don't know. It's wrong. It's so absurd. But it's, I don't know know it's wrong but it's so absurd but it's

it's i don't know it's i like it because it's concise you know like i i know he's peddling and saying like i was trying to make a point yeah media and all this like but whatever you're fucking asshole yeah but he's all they also said that he was all needed some money yeah did you see that part? Don't fucking do that shit. He was trying to sue them because he just so fucking conveniently also wants some of his loans are in default. You know what I mean? He's trying to sue. It's not like you weren't trying to use the media.

You were trying to sue somebody. You were looking to get some money out of this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And actually, it's funny because Whole Foods has the option to counter-sue him. And they're just like, yeah, we're going to go ahead and pass. We're just going to go ahead and not do it, you know, because fucking integrity. You want answers?

I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. Oh, this is the story of the week. This comes from the Raw story. Angry Bible-waving mom screams at Target customers, are you going to let the devil rape your children

here we go this is amazing this lady she has like her whole clan with her too there's like 25 people in this video it looks like she's got 25 still in her all no it's funny she's like she's like the clown car that all the kids travel to the Zuggers in. And they just come in and get out. I didn't think there were any marsupials outside of Australia. But she's clearly got two or three in her pouch. They call it a pooch, Tom. That's terrible.

Just letting you know. Attention, target customers! There's a clearance in aisle four! God, you know this is... When you hear a voice like that... Oh, God this is, when you hear a voice like that. Oh, God, yeah. When I hear a voice like that, I just think, who's impregnating you so many times? I hear a voice like that.

I think of that lady from Trading Spouses years ago. It's like, Gord Miles. I know. It's like that lady who's like super crazy. That's the voice I hear. Do not be deceived. Target would have you believe with their mother's day displays that they love mothers and children this is a deception target doesn't care about

anyone yeah target cares about a fucking profit margin hey guys target fucking news flash yeah target doesn't have feelings at all it's a fucking corporation target's not a person yeah like target's not like oh man i love you like it's fucking target yeah it doesn't love or hate or think or feel or wait up at night like it doesn't do any of those fucking things it's just a fucking company right it doesn't fucking matter right it's driven by one thing money when the money stops it dies yeah that's it yeah it doesn't fucking love mothers and babies and children it doesn't want to fucking kiss a bunny on the lips assholes although that sounds amazing

this is not love and they've proven it by opening their bathrooms to perverted men wait what wait wait they're opening okay first off as a perverted man, I'm going to tart. Also, not all transgender people are perverted men. Right. Exactly. It's transgender. There's perverted women, too. Yeah, exactly, right?

Let's be honest. This is a cross-gender perversion we're talking about here. I'm a mother of 12, and I'm very disgusted by this wicked practice. Jesus Christ. Stop having children. You're an awful person. You shouldn't have a single child. You shouldn't have a dog.

You shouldn't fucking eat. You should be able to make decisions and other things lives. She's wearing a muumuu. Good Lord. Who is still. There's nothing else that's going to fit on her. She just shopped in the sheets section there. How is somebody still?

On the top of a fucking king. In a California king. And she wears it like a muumuu. Look at that thing. I don't want to. Don't make me. Who is still fucking her? That's my question. How is she still getting pregnant? It's amazing. She'd have to What?

What? It's like you come'd have to. What? What? It's like you come in your hand and throw it at her from across the room. It's like a chimp with feces. Target does not protect mothers and children. Mothers, get your children out of this store. Mothers, have enough decency to get out of this store. It's a dangerous place. Why are you there?

It's dangerous. Was's a dangerous place. Why are you there? It's dangerous. Was it a minefield? Love is a battlefield. I don't know if you knew. This is not loving. She's walking around with a Bible. She's just holding it in her hand. Well, I suspect it's a Bible.

It's a book, Tom. Well, it's not the fucking latest Grisham novel, man. It's a personal book. Right? It's a personal journal, the Bible, or Tom Clancy. It's one of those three. It could be. It's a hunt for Red October. It's the stand she's walking on. I still haven't finished this from 1984!

Well, I'll tell you what. You put a fucking dark coat on her, she'd look like Red October. She's as big as a sub. What Target has done is very hateful. It's hateful towards families. It's hateful towards mothers. It's hateful towards children. America, when are you going to wake up?

People just want to buy stuff. I'm not kidding. They're just like, I'm out of cat litter. Could you imagine you're standing there, you're like fucking flipping through the CDs, and this twat comes fucking rolling around through there with a fucking whole brood of people? Are you kidding? What would you do? If I didn't have my kids with me, I'd harass her back.

Would you? What would you yell at her? If it was just me and I didn't have my kids, fucking A, I'd tease the shit out of her. You'd yell at her? I'd tease her. I'd tease her as hard as I could. Yeah. Somebody like this fucking waste, you're wasting my day?

Yeah. If this whale surfaces in Target, you'd harpoon her, is what you're saying. day yeah if this whale surfaces if this whale surfaces in target you'd harpoon that's what you're saying i'm saying yeah you're if i don't have my kids with me and you fucking show up and you're gonna waste my day being fucking rude to me yeah you can't be more rude to me than i can be that's fair i will fucking wreck you that's fair now if your kids were with you what do you do i take the kids and leave you would leave immediately immediately they don't need to hear that okay i would just just be like, I'm sorry, there's somebody mentally ill here. We need to leave. Yeah. Okay.

That's fair. And I might say that loud enough for her to hear. Like, I'm sorry, there's somebody mentally ill. I don't think we're safe here. Yeah. And I would leave. When are you going to stand up for the right things, America? Are you going to let the devil rape your children, America? Nobody lets somebody rape somebody.

You know, it depends on what I get out of it, to be honest with you. Because the devil's known for making deals. Tom, don't judge. What? Don't judge. Did you go down to Georgia? Yeah, look, if I get a golden fiddle, is it worth the kid getting raped? I don't know.

No. Look, man. No, that answer's no. What do you mean you don't know? I'm curious. I'm always curious. You're never babysitting my children. I'm always curious what's in door number two, Tom.

Wow. And so is the devil. Jesus, man. Jesus. The devil loves door number two. God. It's time to stand up and have a voice. Instead of bowing to the homosexual perverted agenda.

Jeez, lady, you can barely stand up. I will say your voice is fine, but you should probably have help. You're walking very quickly, and I think you're out of breath. Yeah, this is a woman who clearly does not possess ankles. That's taking over this nation. You need to run and flee this place. Someone is fucking with him. Someone's yelling, like, get the fuck out of here or whatever.

And the guy next to her did say, no, they don't, whatever he's, yeah, whatever this fucking hillbilly fucking schmuck is saying. I wouldn't spend a penny of my money here. Let's fucking vote with your feet, stupid. Get back on your scooter and fucking scoot out of there. They aren't all on rascal scooters. It would be great if they were. It's like a fucking motorcycle gang.

Three miles an hour. This is wicked. This is hour. This is wicked. This is confusion. This is twisted. Well, that's pretty polite there. Yeah. Would you guys please leave? Yeah, it's clearly target employees are saying that to them.

It would be very difficult if somebody came into my work. No, it wouldn't. If somebody came into my work. No, it wouldn't. No, it wouldn't at all. If somebody came into my work and pulled that't at all if somebody came into my work and pulled that shit I would not be polite about that shit even when I worked retail

fuck that you have a she's bothering all your customers get the fuck out you already said you're not spending money here yeah what do we want you to care for the fuck do I care exactly you got 10 seconds I'm calling the cops for fuck I'd be I would actually be on the phone with the cops immediately

abominable in the sight of God! I repent! Wicked target! God's power in red! Get his evil eye! From the pit, the German of God is coming on this nation and target! They're so mad! They're so mad!

When it comes on the nation... Okay, fat man man let me draw you a venn diagram okay the nation is a giant circle okay like you a giant circle okay target is already in the circle venn diagram so if god follow me here fat Fatso, if God is going to have judgment on the nation, Chubfuck, he's going to also have de facto judgment on Target. I'm going to burn down your house and also your couch. My couch is in my house. I'm going to take it

outside and burn it outside. I'm going to take it, I'm going to save it, I'm going to run in, save your couch, and then specifically set it on fire different. I'll put it out I'm going to save it. I'm going to run in, save the couch, and then specifically set it on fire different. I'll put it out. Okay. Yeah. Great.

Awesome. That's very awesome. These people are fucking – they are just fucking angry bones. That's all they are. Just fucking angry bones. Why so angry? So mad. Oh, God.

What I love, and I think a lot of people love this, is that their tears are delicious. That's what I love. You know, they are so mad that they're losing this fight, right? That's what this is. This is just like she's mad at Target because now she feels like she can't shop at her Target. Yeah. And that's why she cares. So we want to thank our most recent patrons.

We, of course, want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our most recent patrons, Matt, Wilson, David, Chris, AtheistBug, Paul, Brad, Adrian, James, Diana, Caitlin, Ashton, Cassie, Rick, and Coleman. Thank you all so very much for your generous donations. We really do appreciate it. I also wanted to just read off, Tom. Yes?

Since we started Patreon, we have now reached 1,000 patrons. Dude, that's amazing. We think it's great. Thank you all so much. We really do appreciate everybody who donates to the show. And we specifically want to read off our top 10 patrons. These are all-time patrons, the ones who have donated the most money to us. We want to thank you guys from the bottom of our heart.

This is our top list right here. Daniel L., Joel, Donovan W., Nicholas G., Matthew S., Andrew W., Jonathan M., Ray G., Johan L, and Kaylee R. Thank you all so very much. Seriously, you guys are amazing. The amount of money that you guys have spent on this show is really monumental, and we cannot thank the top contributors and all our contributors enough. Yeah, the idea that we have 1 thousand patrons, a thousand people right now that are willing to donate to the show to make

it possible for us to have the studio and continue to do the show. Because if we didn't, with everything that's going on this year, there's no way. There's a possibility the show would have ended with all the things that are happening in both our lives. And as such, the studio

is a lifesaver for us yes and being able to have this studio paid for um you know with with our hard work because clearly we still do put a lot of time into this you sure do but um but the the uh the money is very much appreciated so thank you all very much and q sent in this message about colorado style pizza and colorado style pizza from the look of it looks like a normal type of pizza except for the crust on the outside is huge so the norm the outside crust looks enormous the inside you know looks like a regular sort of you know a medium depth pizza sure um certainly Certainly not as thin as New York style pizza, but it's a medium style sort of density.

And then on the outside is this enormous crust. And he said, you eat the crust with honey after you're done. That's so weird. It is very strange. I bet it's good though. Now, Tom, you had said something. I don't know that I would want to eat that crust before I finished all the other pizza,

but I would, like you, probably have a piece of that crust with some honey on it afterwards. Yeah, it's a dessert crust. It's a fine dessert crust. It's like if you order from Domino's, you get the donut crust on the outside. I get the cheese Danish crust.

Cheese Danish. We got a message from someone who's 12, so I'm not going to actually read the person's name. No. This person sent a message in. Why? And said, I just wanted to ask for ways. So this person is going to be going to Catholic schools.

I just wanted to ask ways to fight off Catholic priests. So here's the tough part about this. You're kind of at the prime age for the Catholic priest. I think they like them a little younger. Twelve can be feisty. Twelve can be feisty, but they can be bought with, like, candy and pop. I'm not sure you're buying a 12-year-old in 2016 with candy and pop. I still do.

It's no problem. You're like, it's no problem. That's really not an issue, Tom. There's a whole marketplace for it. Yeah, no, it's good. Yeah, there's a whole marketplace for it. Yeah. It's called human trafficking, Tom. I don't know if you've ever

heard of it, but... I don't want to talk to you anymore. I don't feel comfortable. Someone had mentioned, and a couple people had asked for this, they're looking for the Islam call to prayer bumper. I will try to remember to put it on this week's show notes as a downloadable file in the show notes, so you can just and download the mp3 of the call to prayer another bit of fan food this is from uh this is from dalton and dalton says uh just so you know i live in tulsa and there's a place called jim coney's island uh it's got a thing called a greek potato which is gyro meat inside a baked potato yes and it looks like there's there's just gyro meat all over the baked potato all over the goddamn baked potato with

ziki sauce on top or some kind of sauce good i would eat the fuck out of that thing it looks okay i would eat the shit out of that thing you're irish do you eat you would fry a potato if it was on the table right now wait someone got uh uh the got the Skeptic's Creed tattooed on their arm. I will say this. That looks like a fighting arm. I'm just saying that arm looks like a scary fucking arm. If I saw that arm on a person, I would be like, that's the kind of arm you hope is on your side. You know, it's flattering to a degree that is absurd

that a number of people have gotten tattoos yeah um of the skeptics creed of some some line here or there that must resonate with them i think that's great uh incidentally two hot chicks got their bodies tattooed send more pictures like that yeah more with less well just send less scary arms that's all there is to it yeah yeah. Yeah. It just looks fucking beefy. You know what I mean? It looks like an arm that has worked a lot. It's done a lot of work. Like I can't relate.

I look at that and I'm like, like every part of my body is soft and I'm just like, yeah, I'm, I follow the Renaissance method of exercise, which is don't exert yourself ever. Because if you do, that's your life force that's and you'll lose it and you lose it once you use it you lose it basically any kind of excretion exactly so i would i had a limited amount of that yeah exactly yeah like i only have enough of this to sort of get by my life so all these people that are working out are going to die young that's how i figure my body fluids my poison, and I need to get them out of my system in as great a quantity as possible.

We got called out, Tom, for a little bit of slander. We did. We got this email. Hey, guys, I was listening to your last episode, and I heard you say that when Jesus returns, he's going to be riding Eeyore. Now, I'm normally a pretty laid-back kind of donkey, and I'm thankful anytime anyone even notices me, but you leave me the fuck out of anything involving that asshole.

The only time he ever rode me was that time Big Bird and Elmo got me hooked on meth and I needed some money. It really only started to get weird when he stuck my ears through his hands. Anyway, I am in no way part of that bullshit. I love that. That he'd be like grabbing onto the hand. And it's like a hat. It's like all Jesus has to do is hold your head and your ears pop out like fucking pigtails. And it's a hat. That's amazing.

I am in no way part of that bullshit revelation story. And I would appreciate you not selling my name by mentioning me with him. Regards, Eeyore d pimp donkey eeyore d is seriously the best name for eeyore that's terrific so yeah sorry to slander you man we wanted to talk about this this is brandy brandy sent in a message um and uh brandy says by the way according to snopes michael jordan has not threatened to remove the Hornets from North Carolina. And I did take a look at this. He does kind of hint at some kind of a threat in this, but it's not as unveiled as David Smalley put on last time.

So we just wanted to make sure that we mentioned the correction here because the most important thing is that david smalley was wrong twice whenever that happens we will point it out with absolutely brandy thank you so much for pointing that out too we're very appreciative that you could point out when david smalley in fact if you could do us the favor of listening to his show uh which i won't do and then find any time he's wrong an email it's almost like asking someone to immolate themselves. I couldn't possibly ask that. We want to publicly thank Che. Che had come out with a bunch of T-shirt designs for us,

I want to say about a year ago. It took a long time. It took a long time. We had to pay. It turns out every time we want to create a T-shirt, we have to pay to have the T-shirt created. There's a process that we go through. And sometimes communication between us and the t-shirt maker is a little slow because Tom and I really only can answer emails like once a week.

Once a week, yeah. When both of us are in the same room because we both have half a brain. But we don't make decisions without each other mainly is what I'm trying to say. And the difficulty is that when you're trying to create new t-shirts and things like that, when decisions have to be made, both of us need to be in the same room at the same time. So sometimes it can take a very long time for things to happen. But Che was very patient with us, and we have six new t-shirts styles available right now. There's an entire Skeics creed shirt there's one uh that references pastor manning this is that's demonic kids there's another one that just has one piece

of the skeptics creed says credulity is not a virtue another piece of the skeptics creed that says doubt even this we have another one that has a great rainbow at the bottom. It's called Big Gay Reich. And this is referencing Brian Fisher's comment. And then another one that really just matches a lot of our show. It says, incompetent on every level of life. That's great. And so these are the six new designs we have there in both boys and girls.

So if you're interested in getting a t-shirt, go check them out. Go to dissonancepod.com. And if you look on the right-hand side, scroll down a little bit, it'll say merchandise. You can click on that link and it will take you directly to our t-shirt, go check them out. Go to DissonancePod.com, and if you look on the right-hand side, scroll down a little bit, it'll say Merchandise. You can click on that link, and it will take you directly to our t-shirts. But we do want to thank Che for coming up

with the designs, because he came up with these designs a long time ago, and they're great. They look great. They look great. He did an awesome job. Thank you so much. Yep. So, TJ, I think I'm just going to read this. After hearing about this delicious sandwich on your show, talking about the Italian beef sandwich, I made my life's effort to find an Italian beef sandwich anywhere in Manhattan that would be on par with the one native into Chicago. Today, my dream came true when I found out that the Urban Space food stands that pop up every summer hosted a Chicago-style food stand named Emmett's.

They had everything from deep dish pizza to Chicago dogs with an authentic Italian beef sandwiches. I tried after trying my first Italian beef sandwich dripping with beef, au jus and Giardiniera juice. I was in love while much spicier than I expected. I finally understand how the sandwich comes together and how every component plays in a central role in making it delicious. Thank you for blessing my palate with this unique Chicago culinary

oddity. This Chicago Italian beef sandwich is an amazing fucking sandwich. Now, I know there's many sandwiches all over the nation that are excellent, delicious, great things. Chicago has, I think, a great claim on a wonderful sandwich

with really good condiments that come with it. So I think, and the combo, of course, is a wonderful invention. The combo condiments that come with it. So I think – and the combo, of course, is a wonderful invention. The combo is where it's at. The combo, if you don't know, that's an Italian sausage surrounded by Italian beef. Yeah. In the same drippy bun. Yeah. But you don't like it.

I don't. I get it dry. You get it dry. Yeah. I don't like it dry. I like to make sure it's nice and wet before I get in there. And then the Giardinara – Yeah, that's the story of my life actually. It's always dry you're going in you're going to dry it's always

dry and everybody's disappointed just do a little work ahead of time just a little work sounds make sure the breathing picks up you know like exhausting jesus fucking body language get it ready i'm coming in wake up tj we're glad you could experience this amazing culinary oddity and we got a chance while we were in manhattan uh to experience these food stands that that cool little food stand they had in manhattan was awesome it was that you walk in and there's just this like 10 different little shops yeah yeah that was inside this little place. And I want to say it was called what he said, this, what did he call it? Urban space.

Urban space. I thought it was called that. Maybe that's what it was. And it was right by where the hotel was. What a cool little place, man. I wish they had more of those in Chicago. There's one in Chicago at the French Market, but there's no other ones. I would love it if there was something like that in the downtown district where I work.

There are similar places in the sense that you walk in and there's kind of a mall-ish type place in a couple of buildings where you'll get- Yeah, but it's not the same. But it's not the same. It's not the same. This was high-end, nice artisanal food. Good artisanal food, communal tables all around the outside,

and you could sit down at a bar and have a beer or go over and order a beer or go over and order a taco or walk over and have fried chicken all these sort of eclectic that was really fucking that was cool that was really cool hats off to new york city for putting something like that together i would almost tolerate that city again tolerate get a message uh from jeremy about nashville pizza i just found out that that apparently Nashville, they don't know what the fuck marinara sauce is, so apparently their pizza is just a large hunk of cheese bread.

God! Sounds amazing. That sounds disgusting. Delicious. So we've been in talks with some people in Edinburgh for a while now. I want to say this has been going on at least for five or six months

uh they heard we were going to qed this group of skeptics over there heard we were going to go over to qed and they had said hey if you want to you could come over and do a skeptics in the pub in edinburgh afterwards we'd love to have you um and so we agreed but we weren't sure what we're like if we were going to do it where we were going to do it what day we were going to do it etc so right now um they're asking us if we could maybe possibly do two one in edinburgh and one in glasgow so but the problem is we don't want to show we don't want to have i want to show up and have four people right that's rude to the organizers to waste their time it's rude to the organizers that's exactly what i was going to say it's like look i'll meet

four people i'll meet one person yeah no right I'm fucking down when we're over there. Totally down. But the fact is, is like, it's a waste of the organizer's time to try to put something together if only two or three people are going to be there. So if you can, if you're in Scotland, and if you're interested in hanging out and drinking a bunch of scotch with us, chilling out, we're going to be taking some questions. They said they're going to be doing a little bit of moderation here and there, but it's going to be a relatively informal affair. We're probably just going to sit and chill and talk and hang out.

If you're interested in doing what essentially is going to be a pub crawl, which means I'll be crawling out of the pub at a certain point. Yeah, 9.30. When Matlock goes on, I'm leaving. When Matlock comes on, out the door. Don't worry. I'll make bad decisions all night, 9.30. When Matlock goes on, I'm leaving. When Matlock comes on, out the door. Don't worry. I'll make bad decisions all night, folks. But we'd be interested to know sort of a rough head count now.

It's going to be in the middle of October. It's probably going to be on a Sunday and a Monday evening that happen after QED. that happen after QED. We would love, absolutely love to go over and meet our Scottish listeners and struggle all evening to understand what you're saying. Everything is just, they're just going to order us haggis.

I fucking, I am dying to subtitle you so I can understand what you're saying. Do they speak in bagpipes? I hope they all talk like that guy from fucking the Simpsons, like fucking groundskeeper Willie or whatever. Oh, that's amazing.

Oh, that's amazing. No, we would love to, we'd love to hang out with you, but we do need some kind of, so if you think, you know,

let us know, we're going to probably sort of keep this open for about a month or so. So if you're, if you're interested in going, just send us a quick email, dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Let us know if you think you'd be interested in going, just send us a quick email, dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Let us know if you think you'd be interested in coming by and we can sort of get a rough headcount and see if it's worth putting on two different places.

This is from Casey and Casey said that, have we checked out the libertarian candidate Gary Johnson? I have not checked out the libertarian candidate Gary Johnsonson but i love the idea of a libertarian candidate um i am i don't consider myself a libertarian per se but i am uh wooed sometimes by some libertarian principles i am i admit that i will be sometimes it's like that i feel like that um that bird that sees shiny change when they wave it and I'm like immediately looking at it like, oh, I like change. I think that's fun. So there are some things I think that libertarians say that I am – That you're on board with. I'm on board with.

Yeah. Not all of it. I struggle with libertarianism. But I'm not on board with all the democratic stuff either. No, I hear you. I struggle with libertarianism. I'm not on board with all the Democratic stuff either. No, I hear you. I struggle with libertarianism. I'll check out Gary Johnson. I think – I struggle because I think a lot of times libertarians are – and we talked about this a little before we started.

I think a lot of times they're – they have an ideology but they don't have anything practical. I'm not sure how practical libertarianism is. I wouldn't vote for him. You know what I mean? Like the thing is, is like at this point, one, my vote doesn't matter in Illinois. That's number one. Outrageous, sir. But number two, I think unless there's a really solid, absolutely solid established third party candidate.

Yeah, it's throwing your vote away. It's really throwing your vote away we need i would love to see a third party come in fourth fifth sixth twentieth party come in to try to fucking you know so we have more choice i'm always about more choice i think that'd be great um i would i would have loved it if they would have just started the engines with all the people that were running for president running for president and no primary so it was fucking trump versus versus whatever the fuck and just fucking rock that shit thunderdome that shit i would have loved to see it um i don't know how practical it is but my there's a base sense of me that would like i don't know like i said i i really don't know how practical that is i don't but um but don't worry we'll get emails about there's a part of me that

would like to see that just for fairness's sake you know um but uh but i i wonder unless there if there was a third a strong third party if if a libertarian candidate would be a good it might be a good fit for me well um that's gonna wrap it up for tonight uh and uh there's nothing really special coming up there's just i mean there's 300s coming soon there's us we're special oh are we? No. We're snowflakes. We are beautiful snowflakes. So we're going to go back to our safe space, and we're going to leave you with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couchton, Scientician, Double Bubble, Toil and Trouble, Pseudo-Quasi-Alternative, Acupunctuating, Pressurized, Stereogram, Pyramidal, Free Energy, Healing, Water, Downward Spiral, Brain Dead, Pan, Sales Pitch, Late Night Info-Docutainment Reflex foot massage. Death in towers. Tarot cards. Psychic healing. Crystal balls. Bigfoot. Yeti. Aliens. Churches. Mosques and synagogues. Temples.

Dragons. Giant worms. Atlantis. Dolphins. Truthers. Birthers. Witches. Wizards.

Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers. Evangelists. Conspiracy. Double speak stigmata. Nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Have you ever seen the video? I don't know that I've seen the video. The video is... But I love the song. So the song is by Twisted Sister.

It's called I Wanna Rock. There's another one they had. We're not gonna take it. I believe when you say it, you have to say, I wanna rock! We're not gonna take it is the other one that they had.

And I don't remember which one was which. Fucking Dee Snider, man. But Dee Snider used to wear these like, he wore these fucking like shoulder pads. You know what he looked like? He looked like the villain from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You know what he looked like? He looked like the villain from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You know what he looked like? He looked like Shredder.

He looked like Ann Coulter on steroids. But in any case, he grabs this. So there's this guy, comes into the room. And I remember this video vividly. Now, this was in the early days of MTV. Right, when there were videos. And I remember the video starts with this guy. And this guy is from Animal House.

He's the bad guy in Animal House. The dean? No, he was like one of the douchebag fraternity guys or something. Oh, okay, okay, yeah, yeah. And he comes in, and he's screaming at this kid or whatever, and he's like, you're sick and lazy and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, what do you want to do with your life? And he yells at him and it spits all over him. Do you remember this?

I'm starting to come back. And then the guy leans up. He's like, I want to rock. do with your life? And he yells at him and it spits all over him. Do you remember this? I'm starting to come back. And then the guy leans up. He's like, I want to rock. And he does that thing. That's so funny. And then he turns into Dee Schneider, and he grabs him by the face, and he drags him down the stairs. And I remember that as a kid.

I'd be like, can you grab somebody by the face? The face is such a great way to grab somebody. It really is a difficult handhold. You better have like- You got to get those big fucking basketball palm and hands. Basketball mitts. You got to have mitts. You can't have just like a normal hand.

You've got to be able to palm my head. I would only be able to grab one of those Zika kits. Because I got these little... You got the little mitts, right? You got the little grabbers. You have the little claws. Right. They're not for...

They're very powerful, but they're very small. You know what? They don't have a gentle touch, but they got a good grip. No, you're like a crab. If my hands were the crane game, you would always win. I just remember that video, though, as a kid, and I remember loving it. Because it's all that. It's perfect for a preteen teenager.

Sure. Because it's all that. Authority defiance. Yeah. It's authority defiance. All that shit. That's all Twisted Sister was, was authority defiance music. Oh, God.

That's why they had. It's terrible music. I want to rock. It's the worst music ever. That shit was fucking awful. I'd rather listen to Hatebeak. I loved Twisted Sister. Do you know, I think Twisted Sister was the band, if I remember right, that they played

at ear-splitting volumes trying to drive Manuel Noriega out of his compound compound i would do remember that i would do it i'm 99 sure it was twisted sister he killed himself didn't he well i'm certain he did if he was being played twisted sister you know what else i liked i love in the same vein of fucking awful fucking music like that is quiet riot man oh my god the guy with the mask quiet riot dude with the man i had the cassette and i fucking i wore that cassette out like a dirty whore, man. That fucking cassette got some play. That cassette got passed around. My first ever

concert was ACDC. Was it really? The shorts? Yeah, the guy with the knickers. Yeah, he had the shorts. And you know what was awesome? I gotta say, like, I was into ACDC. I thought they were a great band or whatever. And they were like from, they're like an old-timey band. So they've been playing forever.

You know what I mean? They've been playing forever. Dude, I'm thunderstruck that you like them so much. That was the concert. It was the Thunderstruck tour. Yes! So I went and I really wanted to be on the main floor. We were on the balcony.

And they dropped that money during Money Talks. There's a song called Money Talks. Oh, yeah. And they dropped the money and I really wanted to get a couple of the bills. talks there's a song called and they dropped the money and i really wanted to get a couple of the bills but uh i remember the best part of the show was everything kind of went down and sort of silent for a while the lights go down and they're just kind of doing like a little like a little guitar thing like right right and then the guy's like it's kind of like the jazz thing before the guy's like it's kind of like that except for instead you're just waiting and you're wondering

what's happening all the lights are down you're just waiting and you're wondering what's happening all the lights are down you're like sure take a break what's going on guy next to me fucking roaches up a bowl you know they're all just kind of hanging out waiting for something to happen and then a light from the center of the stadium so the stadium musical foreplay right it is exactly they're getting you fucking hard on your balls they're just like okay that's all it is i'm tuckling i'm tickling the balls we're getting them ready and they are engorged and so you wait until the very moment. And the moment is it explodes with this light.

It's just like, it's a, it's a platform that is a spotlight. And on it is the guitarist Angus Young. And he starts wailing away on the ax and the thing starts lifting up. It's like on a hydraulic system. It gets up 40 to 50 feet in the air and he's still up there rocking away on the axe. And then he gets down on it. He does this thing where he goes on his side, and then he runs in a circle while he's playing. And he's doing that 40 or 50 feet up in the air.

And I just remember being like, this is the best day of my life. And you know how much I hate live music. You loathe it. You loathe live music. And it was excellent. It was fun and excellent. I don't understand how you can hate live music. I hate live music. You loathe it. You loathe live music. And it was excellent. It was fun and excellent. I don't understand how you can hate live music. I love live music.

You know, I don't dislike it if they do something different. But if they're just going to play what they played on the album worse, I don't care. I'm like, I have the album at home. I fucking – I'll put the CD in. I'd much rather hear – But you can't get those beautiful ear-splitting volumes that damage your hearing. I will say this. I went – my wife is a huge david gilmore fan now he was part of pink floyd and uh and he played in chicago recently my wife wanted to go see him we went

to go see roger waters when he did the wall again my wife is the impetus i'm not i'm not a huge pink floyd fan but she wanted to go see it. And I thought the Roger Waters show was outstanding. It was beautiful. They had this huge wall. I remember you telling me that. It wasn't even their music and you still loved it. I didn't even like it, but they knocked the wall down

and it was amazing. They did a great job. So this Roger Waters guy, the other counterpart to Pink Floyd, comes into town and they're playing music and whatever. It was the best sounding music I have ever heard in a concert and it was at the united center i don't understand what you just said right right am i right all the united center

has been fucking awful they're the worst everything you remember when we saw beasties there you could even hear it was like it was the worst it was the worst god i have never heard a concert at the united center that didn't sound like concentrated mule ass. Fucking pristine, dude. How? What did they do? They opened the top of it? It was amazing.

It's a vibration stadium, man. It was amazing. I will say this. It sounded. The fucking Hitachi super wand is fucking jealous of the vibrations that that place can produce. It sounded amazing. And I know he wasn't playing off like a fucking dat or something and i know i don't know anything about roger water so people probably get mad if i said that anyway

but i don't know i know he wasn't because he fucking coughed during the middle of the performance and then had to keep going so clearly he's fucking singing it right you know what i mean like but it sounded pristine it sounded absolutely pristine. It could have been the best sounding concert I've ever been to. It was amazing. Really? It sounded amazing. I still don't understand how it could have been at the Wiener Center. Yeah.

That's the problem with like a lot of those enormous venues. A lot of those enormous venues sound so bad, man. They sound so bad. I saw years ago I saw Sister Machine Gun at the Metro, and that was a good-sounding concert too. But the Metro is a small venue. Small venue, right. And I was on the balcony, and it was brilliant. I mean it sounded great.

But it's one of those rare concerts because I also saw the Dead Milkmen there, and they sounded terrible. They sounded awful. But they're not a good band. They're not a very good band. Who's the lead singer of Dead Milkman again? You're thinking of the Dead Kennedys. Oh, you're right. You're right.

I'm thinking of a different band. They're both dead, it turns out. Yeah. Yeah.