Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 295: Poop Where You Want Act

Episode Date: May 26, 2016

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, like this fucking horrible book we're going to read, or makes us mad. No, I think the last one, makes us mad mad because this book is destined to make us mad i

don't know that i can finish that book that book is like a fucking glazed donut i'm not sure that it can be consumed it's like it's like reading the last page of the time cube website nobody's ever done it well nobody's ever read it i got a little more time on my hands that's true maybe that's true so you'll have you'll have time to read it. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is David Icke's biggest secret right in front of us. Hold on. I'm going to drop this. I'm going to drop this on the table. I'm going to put the mic right by it here real quick.

It's 500 pages of fucking crazy. That's a 500-page book. So Tom and I have decided. We decided. A lot of people read the Koran or they read the Bible or they read the Torah or whatever, you know, like all those different ancient books, even more modern books like the Book of Mormon. I don't know if the Jehovah's Witnesses have their own little secret sect book or not, but nobody's really reading the crazy people books. I know. You know what I mean?

Like, I mean, sure, you could argue that the Bible is a crazy person book you could argue that the quran is a crazy person book i can't read you can read it look at page 62 all right hold on look at page 62 there's a picture and i need you to read the like what's on the picture i need to read all this hold on a second i have to describe it's a map of europe and there and there's a million arrows going off in a million different directions. The arrows go everywhere. Basically, the arrows go – the arrows lead from the Middle East to everywhere else. It says, the expansion of the Aryan and reptile Aryan races in Europe. Reptile Aryan races.

And the Indus Valley from 3000 BC. So the book, if you didn't know, when we mentioned reptiles, it's David Icke's book. We were mispronouncing it as Icke, although it's spelled like Icke. It is spelled like Icke. It is. David Icke's book. We are going to read the book called The Biggest Secret. And we're going to start this book this week, and we're going to hopefully have the first or second, third, maybe fourth chapter done by the time we record next time.

So if you want to follow along at home, my suggestion would be to go to Abe Books. We found ours on Abe and they were like 16 bucks. But I don't know. You may also be able to find, and I say find in thing, but you may be able to bend the legal ramifications of things around your own morality and make a decision based on whether or not you want to be a fucking thief or not. Please buy it used. If you're going to buy it, buy it used. Yeah, because David Icke doesn't get any money. We bought it used.

Don't buy it new. Like, don't. Chapter two is don't mention the reptiles. That's what it's called. Don't mention the reptiles yeah that's what it's called don't mention the reptiles yeah what the fuck yeah well i the worst part is is that it's chapter two of his book and he already mentioned that yeah right like don't talk about fight club yeah um fucking ship has sailed bro some of the some of the chapter names are wonderful this book itself should be a lot of fun to read really we we want to uh we want to encourage anyone who wants to follow along to pick up the book and read along we are going to do our best to try to explain his thought process

and then i mean i don't think there's necessary to debunk it because i think it's so easy to debunk oh let's debunk it right now it doesn't even none of it's true none of it i haven't read it it's 500 look at the picture i'm on the back he can't say anything true looking like that so if you're interested the book is called the biggest secret and we will be reading it uh week to week we'll be hopefully updating until we get bored until we get bored with. And there's a chance that Tom gets bored first chapter. I'm so bored. Can we watch football or something instead? You have wasted $16.

And for the United States of America to put the power of the federal government and all of its money and resources behind this transgender movement, it is just nothing short of insanity so this first story comes from right wing watch this is uh pat robertson pat robertson has some big hopes some high hopes for donald trump he's the only one he's the only one who has high hopes for donald trump i gotta say that i was wrong um the polls i know i said before like the polls were heavily in hillary's favor they have shifted yes and i'm wrong uh-huh and now the polls are in trump's favor so you're not interested in betting two paychecks on it tom well since you didn't take me up on it oh some time ago no look who's going back and i'm going back on my word because yeah well actually uh this week eli on uh on twitter had said he wouldn't

but he wouldn't want to take your money but he would bet you to do something really embarrassing. So if you want to – What, like go on his show? Oh! Oh, no, I wouldn't stoop that low. I'd rather shit my front yard naked. No, but yeah, you've been wrong about that for a long time. So yeah.

No, but yeah, you've been wrong about that for a long time. So yeah. And I don't think, I don't think, to be honest with you, that it's going to get any better. I mean, I think the idea of a President Trump is a lot more realistic than a lot of people give it credit for. I know that we'll get email from people who will say, oh, no, it's just whatever. It's just the polls sort of leveling out and things like that and whatever. And as we get closer – like because someone had posted something about, well, look at Dukakis' poll from this time or something. And it was something similar. Ask Dukakis who won the race during – because at this point, it's hard to gauge the American – These polls are not terribly effective.

And they're not a predictor of future things. So you can poll all you want now. What really matters is what happens in November. Just the idea. I know. I don't think Pat will see it, but, you know, he's going to be gone by November. But anyway, here's Pat Robinson talking about how he has high hopes for President Trump. You know, if you're like me i'm appalled literally no one is like you

because because no one has was fucking born in the 1300s if you're like me if i was fucking like you i'd fucking hang myself i would wake up in the morning like fucking hang myself like me an old howdy doody if you're like me an inhuman crypt keeper monster i'm simply appalled that the united states government with all of its power and all of its money is going to spend all this time and effort making sure that the fraction of one percent of people who are so-called transgenders can go into the woman's or the man's bathroom. Look, man, fucking stop saying all that bullshit because that's what people like to say.

Look, man, we're putting the power of the U.S. government behind this decision. It's like fucking it took fucking two calories of energy to make the decision. It's not like he fucking unleashed the National Guard to make the decision. He didn't fucking put us a fucking $4 trillion in debt to make the decision he didn't fucking like put us a fucking four trillion dollars in debt to make a decision all he did was say fucking trans people should be

able to use the washroom that they identify with honestly it's the poop where you want it's not even an act at this point yeah it's just like hey man i think i think you should be able to shit where you want uh the end yeah that's the whole thing exactly it's not like it's like oh my god mobilize the air force nobody's doing anything you know they're not fucking we're not carpet bombing fucking restrooms across america there's there's literally no force or energy or money that's been applied to this not a bit right and and and one thing that i think is is worth mentioning is what the fuck happened before? What happened before we actually mentioned that transgender people exist and that they have to use the washroom? Well, they went wherever they were comfortable anyway.

Exactly, right? Exactly. Because you didn't know. Because you didn't know and you didn't ask. And if a girl comes in to the bathroom, you didn't look at her, look her up and down and fucking examine her and scrutinize her. Maybe you didn't. Whether or not. Fucking like it's like fucking it's like goddamn Crocodile Dundee where he grabs that fucking girl's crotch because she thinks he thinks she's a man.

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like what are we going to have fucking Mick from Crocodile Dundee stand outside of every goddamn fucking. Put your genitals in the basket. Sorry, Mick's got to grab your crotch to determine whether or not you can go in what if i have a micro penis can i slip one past the goalie what do you mean what look man i was at i was at a and i can't even believe him to say this i was at a sportings event a sportings like a week or so ago and there was a long line for the ladies. And there was a shorter line for the men's.

And a couple of women went in the men's room. The end. That's the whole story. That's the whole story. Nobody raped anybody. Nobody saw anybody's fucking genitals. It's not like the two girls were like, here we are. They stood at the fucking urinal.

And they fucking went in a stall. And nobody cared. You've got to really pinch it the right way to make sure it goes out right because if not it's just you got to get all yoga like put a leg up and like sideways no but like you know why they can go into the men's bathroom because we have stalls that's right and because the stalls most of the time are not used although women if you do go into the men's bathroom make sure you wipe the seat off first because men are disgusting and they will walk in not care at all and just fucking piss all over the goddamn seat wait isn't that how it's worse i just figure if i'm in the

stall i just unleash in the general direction of the toilet it's like i don't even care if it hits the bowl at all i can spray the wall it's like it's like these people have have like one stitch in the head of their penis which just fucking shoots it like a goddamn sprinkler out of there when when when i was married and we would take the boys places um i would always insist that that my ex-wife take the boys into the ladies room to change them yeah yeah like when they were babies because it was fucking foul and now it's like filthy you know now i've got the boys and it's like i gotta change them in the fucking men's room and i just feel like i gotta like spray them down with lysol when i'm done like you might as well just burn the kid i'd be like i know what i don't need it anymore there are times it's like it's like i know i'm in a restaurant and i'm like well the next stop is uh like a

furniture store yeah there's no way i'm changing you in a restaurant the furniture bathroom is gonna be used a hundred times less yeah so it's probably gonna have less fucking salmonella on it or whatever fucking awful nonsense to spray it's horrible it's like there's so much urine on the seat there's surface tension and you're just like how the fuck is that even possible it's like it's like i need i need to call the guy outside who does the windows to get his squeegee to wipe the fucking urine off the goddamn seat but even more amazing than that is when there's shit on the actual seat it's like how did you do that like you want to weren't you like you want

to interview somebody like what the were you squat that? Like, you want to interview somebody. Like, what the? Were you squatting over the bowl and shitting in the general? Like, fucking sit down. What is wrong with you, you animal? You fucking disgusting fucking animal. You could trade a fucking chip with a fucking head injury to do a better job shitting in this fucking toilet than you fucking. How did you shit on the seat? That's where your ass cheeks sit. It's like what they did.

There's between them. You know what they did? They edged themselves at the wall and then they hang one leg over each side of the stall and try to drop a bomb from above. That's how it works. It's a game you play. Dude, it's not fucking ping pong cups. What are you doing? It's fucking beer pong with your

fucking turds. I mean, how absurd can you get? How does this become a great civil rights issue? You know, this is absurd. And if there is a shift in administration, and I think there's going to be from what the polls begin to show us. No. No.

No. I will, through sheer fucking force of will no yeah i get to decide on virtually nothing yeah i know but i say no nothing on this and in our state you get nothing you don't even get the satisfaction of being in a swing state no you don't even get the satisfaction i'm moving ohio oh god that's not worth it no i won't do that that's not worth it no if there is won't do that. That's not worth it. No. If there is a shift in administration, Loretta Lynch will be out on her ear. She will no longer be the Attorney General of the United States.

And, of course, that means that this particular suit by the federal government will be dismissed. Did he just say government? Yeah. Oh, yeah. This guy says government. Did he say government? He says government. Let's listen to him say government again because that's what he said. guy says government. Did he say government? He says government. Let's listen to him say government

again. He said government. By the federal government. The government. That's a George W. Bushism right there. Fucking illiterate tool. The government. Will be

dismissed by the federal government. But to penalize the state billions of dollars, take away school funding because they don't want men going into women's bathrooms. I mean, isn't this awful? No, it's not. It's a fucking super easy solution. It's super easy. Just fucking just stop worrying about it's a fucking super easy solution it's super easy just fucking just stop worrying about it stop fucking worrying about it stop worrying about where people put their penises

whether it's in a fucking urinal or in a fucking in an ass right you know what i mean like stop worrying about what people do with their genitalia and how they defecate and urinate stop worrying about that because because we've been we fucking figured it out we the individual has figured out where best to do these things and it's none of your fucking business it's amazing the amount of time and energy and effort it is spent on worrying about where other people's genitals are yeah like that is like that that's that is the sole source that he's like waiting up at night like he's oh, what is somebody doing with their penis right now? Fucking who cares? If it's not in your mouth, what difference does it make?

He's knocking them out from underneath his cheeks. Right. I get it if you're just trying to sleep and it's like. I mean, that's fucking rude. It's just to at least wake you up before they start tapping it on your face. Yeah, I mean, like, fucking start with a back rub like come on you just want it and they make a big big civil rights thing about it it's got nothing to do with civil rights no it's got literally everything to do with civil rights it's a it's fucking defined by civil rights yes it's civil rights do you know what

fucking civil rights are pat well something about the government yeah it's the government it's the government trying to try to do it government things yeah right it's just absurd it's merely part of the socialist humanist agenda to destroy the judeo-christian fabric of this nation that's what it's all about oh you got us oh you got us that's what it is it's part of the great conspiracy called david ike it's part of the great fucking conspiracy of humanists saying hey man maybe we should all be kind oh my god what fucking monsters we want to destroy the judeo-christian ethic we want to destroy we want to knock it down or we just want to say like hey man i think people should poo

where they're comfortable pooing. That's it. It's one of two things. It's either that we are – let's just call humanists. We'll say the humanists are either doing one of two things. They are either – they're just saying, look, we want people to be comfortable and we want people to be happy and we want people not to feel threatened or afraid of where they go to the bathroom or who they have relations with. So let's stop judging them for those things. That's number one.

Or number two, humanists are just as disgusted by gay sex and transgender people as these religious bigots. We're just not willing to say it. What we're willing to do is put up with it in order to fuck with the religious people. Right. That's exactly what they think. That's your other option. Your options are only two. Either we're compassionate or we hate gay people. We just want to fuck.

We're just OK with them enough to fucking make religious people feel uncomfortable. The enemy of my enemy. We want to take away everything that you considered morality and everything you consider decency. And we're going to run roughshod over you. And if you don't like it, that's tough. We're going to penalize you as hard as we can. Yeah, you know what, motherfucker? It is tough that you don't like it.

Boo, who wants you fucking crying your fucking Cheerios? Break out your fucking weepies, you fucking giant baby man. I don't give a shit that you don't like. Oh, I don't like that people can go to the to the bathroom where they like well fucking who gives a shit yeah you're fucking a rich old dying man fucking carry around your own fucking colostomy bag who gives a shit you worthless sack of garbage you're nothing but a bunch of fucking dried up skin cells still talking no one cares what you fucking like or don't like some fucking lubriderm would fucking smooth you out into a puddle. I don't give a fuck.

He's like fucking animate dandruff. That's it? That's all he is? That's all he is. I don't like it. Fuck you. Who cares what you like? Fucking it's not your birthday, dude.

Nobody fucking cares. It's not your special day, big guy. Yeah, exactly. Don't think they're just being benign. This isn't defending people. No way under heaven. See? Right?

It's the second option. We're just as disgusted with them. We just happen to fucking... All we're doing... We're not defending anyone. We're just... What we're doing is... We're trying to stick it to the Christians.

But, folks, this is America, and this is who you put in office you elected him i didn't elect him you did the american people they put him in couple turns obama wait hold on you elected him you elected him not your fucking audience dude right i know right and elect him there's nobody that listens to the 700 club that's fucking yeah i voted for obama twice unless he's never having like i know you're to put this on right. Hey, asshole. You're the one who put him in. Yeah, I did. And I'm happy

with that decision. I'm happy that he's willing to stand up and say, hey, you know what? Fuck that. I want kids to be fucking. I want kids to feel safe. It's not of this world. I don't know exactly what it is or what it's doing, but this is not human intelligence, okay? It's not of this world i don't know exactly what it is or what it's doing but this is not human intelligence okay it's not human intelligence all right so this story comes from right wing watch it's it's alex jones oh god

michelle obama is a man who murdered Joan Rivers to cover his up. I love Alex Jones. Here we go, Alex Jones. Here we go. Alex Jones, riggity rocking in the hizzy. Fury. Let's put this on screen, please. It's up on Infowars.com.

Fury at racist cartoon comparing Butch and masculine Michelle Obama to pregnant, ready Melina Trump. Did he say ready? I think so. Pregnant, ready Melina Trump? What does that mean? Ready? Wait. Make him face that again.

And masculine Michelle Obama to pregnant, ready Melina Trump. What does that mean? Is he saying ready, pregnant, and then he's like, ready, Melania Trump. I don't know. His pause is so awkward. Is that what he's saying? Like, ready, Melania Trump. Like, surprise, Melania Trump?

I have no idea. He's as awkward as a men's rights activist trying to fucking mack on a chick. Like, it's so fucking awkward. Like, it's just like, can I put my arm near your body holes? Like, it's fucking weird. And none of it works right pageant ready i'm having a freudian slip now now now let me go ahead and show you this this is the two ladies so he's showing right now what he's showing is an image uh you have to go to the

video uh on our website should i play this while you're going no um it you can come over and take a look at it really quick what you're looking at right now is uh is an image of and she's not pregnant it's melina trump doesn't look pregnant i mean i don't know why you're saying that melina trump looks like she's in a fucking uh she's in just a gown and then it's got you could see the muscly arm muscly arm of uh of of uh michelle obama here and it's it's basically just it's a political cartoon drawn by someone who drew a very ugly Michelle Obama and then a very pretty Trump. Like it's clearly – it's one of those like, hey, let's judge the candidates based on how good their wives look. Isn't that how you – like that's actually a criteria that I use when I meet people. Like if I meet somebody and I'm like, oh, I think this guy would be friends.

But I'd have to view his girlfriend to see how attractive she is yeah i'm only friends with men whose girlfriends are sevens and above yeah because if not fucking random scale of bitchy ass i don't want to fucking sit around and like have a dinner party with some ogre like oh stop stop stop i hear your girlfriend's here can someone throw a little more food at that thing and we've had doctors on about this her shoulders are too wide she's on like the hundred percentile of women okay with her body type her arms everything she always has this pooch like she's wearing either a codpiece or has genitalia. Well, first of all, she has genitalia. Regardless of whether or not they're male or female.

Unless she's Ted Cruz, she has genitalia. Well, that makes me wonder, like, has Alex Jones never seen a naked woman? Like, does he not know that women have genitalia, too, bud? And they work and they do stuff. And they even change when they're excited just like you just like you buddy you fucking cretin maybe you've never seen a woman excited in your whole fucking pathetic chubby fucking life maybe not one fucking time has a pantsman off around you you fucking disgusting monster man oh god but fucking women have genitalia

what the fuck i know i know it's like what he's trying to say she's got an armadillo i know what he's trying to say but i'm hammering for saying armadillo trousers okay now okay so so now uh at at 38 seconds into the video there's a much better picture and you can actually see the face. And it's a hideous drawing of Michelle Obama. It looks kind of like – it looks like a Frankenstein type of thing, like the way the artist has drawn Michelle Obama. And Molina, of course, looks sort of Japanimation with a big mouth, the eyes. Everything looks sort of nice, those sorts of things. And basically it's showing – it looks like a hardened criminal is Michelle Obama.

It looks like she just got done fucking – like fucking just shanking someone in the yard. Right. And she's got a fucking frowny frown. Yeah, and there's clearly like a package there. Like look at – you see like Michelle Obama has a bump on her crotch. Like this person is clearly calling Michelle Obama a transgender. She looks like a man. Dude looks like a lady.

Lady looks like a dude. Don't sing, ever. Don't ever sing. Don't ever sing. Not even happy birthday. And this is a funny cartoon. It's Ben Garrison. They're always calling racist and bad.

I don't know that it's racist. It's just stupid. I just think it's a mean-spirited cartoon. Is it racist? This is a funny cartoonist, Ben Garrison, who they're always calling racist and bad. I don't know that it's racist. It's just stupid. I just think it's fucking – it's a mean-spirited cartoon. Is it racist? I guess you could always lean back and say, are we saying that all black women look this way or are you just saying that Michelle looks this way? I don't know how this person has drawn other black women, so I can't tell. I can only judge by this particular cartoon, and I don't think that that's racist. And I don't think that this cartoon necessarily overemphasized the racially different features between African-American women and Caucasian women. So it did not immediately strike me as racist.

It just struck me as mean. It's just not funny either. It's not accurate. It's not funny. The thing is there has to be some sort of seed of truth in there for it to be funny. If it's if you're thinking that you're going to be doing satire, satire isn't just being mean. That's not satire. Satire has to have something something extra in it. Right.

In order for it to it's got to have a grain of truth. There's a point to its delivery. Right. It's got to be pointed. It's not just like a blunt fucking baseball bat of anger that you used to wallop. Right. And I mean, I'm sorry. It's true.

It's a giant viral video phenomenon for like eight years that she's a man. All I know is Obama was raised by a tranny in Indonesia. What? What did he just say? Obama was raised by a tranny? Yeah, no, it was. He actually he was raised by a 54 Chevy transmission. And this guy is the worst guy.

They're into all sorts of stuff. Hillary's daughters, Webster Hubbles, none of the stuff we're told by these people is true. And national media takes it when I talk about this. That's like I'm crazy. Listen, there's hundreds of millions of views on YouTube. Oh, God, that proves it. Oh, my God. The more people see something.

There's millions of views on YouTube about this, Tom. It's got to be. It's a fucking nice argument from fucking popularity there right dumb fuck no if my eyes see something yeah and your eyes saw the same thing that makes it two times more true yeah that we saw exactly that's how you measure the fucking truth of a claim is whether or not a bunch of people have been exposed to the idea of the claim okay actually i'm a little worried to read i was just gonna say i was like well let's not listeners don't read this book because the more we read it the more true it'll be right all of a

sudden like regular people who weren't lizard people be like what's happening and they just start turning weird and then they remember their fucking babylonian heritage wait a minute i was fucking from babylon holy shit the ones in alaska just like fuck my body's slowing down i'm fucking cold it's like sitting on heat rocks it's like back to the future like people are disappearing like partially disappearing there's some videos with like 10 million views a piece and there's dozens and dozens of them well fucking good so there's dozens and dozens of bad videos and they have 10 million views which means that people were either curious or stupid okay great, great. Fucking Beyonce's got fucking millions and millions of views.

It doesn't mean you got to put a fucking ring on it. You know what I mean? Probably more than 100 million. I'm just guesstimating. Dead reckoning. Where mainline liberal sites think she's a man. Okay? Nobody thinks she's a man.

Well, no, idiots do. Okay. I mean, idiots who draw cartoons and this moron, they think she's a man well no idiots do okay i mean idiots idiots who draw cartoons and this moron they think she's a man wait i just want to also say really quickly like it wouldn't matter if she was right it would make no difference it wouldn't matter but but it's just a stupid thing to say she pushed two fucking kids out of her vagina that's really hard for dudes to do because they don't have any of the requisite organs because then they have to birth them out of their anus from their bags it's like that's arnold is a junior or whatever manning arnold schwarzenegger remember that where he says

why did i sign up for this no but uh but you have to no it's like pastor manning you have to birth you have to carry him Why did I sign up for this? No, but you have to – no, it's like Pastor Manning. You have to birth – you have to carry him in your bags. In your bags. And then birth him through your ass. That's how Michelle Obama did it. Jesus Christ. Michelle Obama did it.

It's not racist to say she looks like a man. And let me explain something. Cartoonists famously make fun of everybody. You ran for office. You are the co-president co-president wait a minute the the the spouse of the president becomes co-president she has literally no power or authority none whatsoever yeah she she might get to pick what color flowers go in a vase somewhere it's not like the spouse of the president gets to walk around and be like

well i think we should bomb iran like it's not how it works of the president gets to walk around and be like, well, I think we should bomb Iran. It's not how it works. Well, they get an opportunity to be a mouthpiece. And clearly Michelle's crusade has been healthier eating or things like that. Sure, but she can't do anything but lobby. Didn't fucking Eleanor Roosevelt or one of them, like, weren't they – there was somebody who was – who really wanted to change – Nancy Reagan was the just say no. Nancy Reagan was just sayancy like she was all about the anti-drug and then there was people who were for littering i thought there was somebody who was for littering and things so there's a sad

indian they pick up they pick a thing they're like oh i'm gonna do a thing a cause i can get behind and a cause that i can maybe motivate some people on and i'm gonna do that and it's kind of they have to like fucking dig in the big bag of causes right and find one out that's not a practice and then they just decide which one they're gonna do co-president that tells kids what lunch to eat around the country because you're god because you're god because god previously told me to eat a lunchable right like god was like have a lunchable and you're like fucking but that's basically all sodium. Actually, just have an apple. Right. Oh, fuck. And I may cast you out of my garden for eating it.

Here's an apple tree. Don't eat it. Why'd you put it there? The snake is the lunch lady. It just keeps with its tail pushing apples on people's plates. Obama is obsessing, saying he'll sueas sue north carolina if we don't teach five-year-olds how to be trannies trying to sexually confuse kids oh my god oh my god i love that i love that that's where it goes right it's not it's not we're gonna let someone go to the bathroom that they're more comfortable and instead it's we're gonna teach them how to

be transgender we're gonna we're gonna have to use a slur right exactly he's got a slur but he's got but but you're actively going to teach people to be transgender. That's how it's going to work. And how would that even work? I don't know. If I told my boy – my boy is nine. If I told my boy like, hey, man, I think you should start wearing dresses tomorrow, he'd be like, fuck you. What?

No. He's like, that's not – because he knows who he identifies as. He understands. That's the thing. Like we think that kids are these blank slates, like tabula rasa. But they're not. All you have to do is have a kid, and you immediately recognize that they come out, and they have some personality.

And as they age, they develop these personalities. They're not blank slates that we write our hopes and dreams upon. That's not how this works. They're human beings with their own hopes, their own dreams, their own personalities, their likes, their dislikes, their predilections. their own hopes their own dreams their own personalities their likes their dislikes their predilections all of that you know nature and nurture are constantly in push pull with one another for sure but they're not just these like fucking i'm a bag of i don't know and if you fucking put a dress on me i'll think i have a vagina like that's not how it works if i accidentally click this link i'll become gay right yeah right that's not how it works not just like man fucking

girls are pretty i got a cock in my mouth what yeah i mean i you know once in a while you're you're on a you're on a porn site and you click on a thing where you think oh is that a is that and then you're like oh god it's bits gays and i just close it i'm just like oh god i'm not gonna like this is gay porn i've never seen this before oh oh is that guy swallowing that jizz i didn't know that that well i guess i'm gonna have to give that a whirl let me call it my buddy never fucking happens right i'm just like right fucking as soon as you open you're like not into that click it's just like it's just like somebody like if i if i click on a link and somebody's shitting in a cup i'm like i'm not i'm out that's not for me i'm done

somebody's fucking titties are all tied up and they're all fucking purple weird and it's like pass sorry i don't need to see that it looks weird i know it's like i'm gonna need like 10 seconds to recover from that like jesus and you're fair game and don't forget don't forget the famous comedian joan rivers said of course everyone knows she's a tranny she's dead serious yeah she's a man deader than a doornail in a routine operation oh my god joan rivers was basically made out of plastic joan rivers was from the fucking paleolithic era and we're all like oh man she died in a routine operation yeah she was a million years old she She was made out of batteries. She was like a literal fossil.

And you're just like, oh, yeah, it's a routine operation when she died. Yeah, well, that's because when you're really old, fucking walking across the street is a routine operation you could die in. She had so many replacement parts. She was basically a human erector set. I just got to double check how old she was when she died. Yeah, she was fucking 81. Come on, 81 years old. old she was when she died yeah she was fucking 81 come on 81 years old she was 81 when she died it's like you know anything like fucking waking up in the morning is a routine thing that you can die from at 81 if a fucking leaf lands on you wrong you'll break a hip also especially like you said tom it's like it's like she's the bionic woman at that point

like no original there was no OEM parts left. And the worst part is you did not build her stronger, faster, or better. You built her into a grotesque caricature of a human being. And then you're like, oh, yeah, she died during a routine operation. Yeah, well, she didn't have any real parts left. They just open her up. They're just like, oh, boy. Does anyone have a double a fucking somebody called geppetto we need geppetto here as fast we can she wants to be a real girl again oh my god she lied right before the operation

we're fucked oh gosh sorry i would i would try to revive her but i just got a phone call from the president that said do it and you're fucked yeah deader than a doornail in a routine operation where basically she had fire poured down her throat was a fire breathing goblin wait what wait what wait what just happened i love you so much that's so clip worthy god what did he say i gotta hear it all the way everything is everything in this is, wait, rewind. I know. Everything is. You're fair game.

And don't forget, don't forget, the famous comedian, Joan Rivers, said, of course everyone knows she's a tranny. She's dead serious. Yeah, she's a man. Deader than a doornail in a routine operation where basically she had fire poured down her throat. It was a fire-breathing goblin. Where am I?

I'm going to agree with the goblin sometimes sometimes i say things that i know are true and this is one of them all right she did guard the vault of gringotts okay dead on arrival shoot your mouth off honey you will die everything about this is amazing everything about that was amazing he even dropped the toe I know he totally got he totally got the proximity effect with the mic

when he like leaned in real close you will die intimate as fuck dead on arrival shoot your mouth off honey you will die. Libra. Like Bono gets billions in huge concert deals, says it's all going to charity to AIDS Africa, and keeps 99% greediness.

And George Clooney opened the borders up. He has $100 million chateaus, doesn't bring in one immigrant or whatever, and says Trump wants to hurt women because he says radical Muslims are a danger. What is going on? What is happening? Just yelling about things? I had to let that play out, though. I had to let that play out, though. Like this guy has schizophrenia.

Like you can't – there's no way you get from one of those things all the way to the end. We started – Michelle O'Bachman is a man. Obama, not O'Bachman. I'm sorry. O'Bachman is a man obama not obachman i'm sorry it's a very different person i'm so used to that michelle but we started michelle obama is a man and then somehow george clooney is not letting people live in his chateau george clooney's not giving money to him george clint is not letting people live in his house and no no it didn't stop there. Because it led to, that's why he says Trump is mean to women.

Because he won't let people live in his house. This guy is so awesome. I don't know what's happening. Do you want to listen to that again one more time? Yes. I do too. So much. Okay, this is just so good. Like Bono gets billions and huge concert deals okay so bono gets billions and huge concert deals and now

he's gonna say that he keeps all the money yeah he keeps 99 of them i don't think he gets billions but if he does that's his job his job is to sing at concerts he's a musician now if he's if he's saying i'm raising a bunch of money for like say, a charity, and then he's keeping all that money, then that's – That would be shitty. It's not only is that unethical. It's illegal. So it's like – then people should arrest him. If it's fucking out in the open –

Then why would he be – But if it's some weird shadow conspiracy made by shadow reptile people, who the fuck cares, dude? You're just making it up as you go along. Like you're fucking making it up as you go along like you're fucking making it up man why would i care how much money bono makes god says it's all going to charity to aids africa and keeps 99 percent greediness and george clooney opened the borders up he has 100 million dollar chateaus doesn't bring in one immigrant or whatever and says trump wants to hurt women because he says radical muslims are a danger when it's the radical Muslims totally

enslaving over 500 million women. George Clooney, you maggot! What? Why are you so mad at George Clooney? He's just mad because George Clooney fucking pulls him in the tail. That's why he's so mad. That is why he's so mad.

That's a silver-haired fox right there. George Clooney fucking walks around and is like i'm pretty much he's got fucking prima nocte he's fucking george clooney just walks around he goes to meddings on the wedding night he's like hey and the girl's like he's kind of on my list i know it's like it's like he talked about your fucking freebies and it's like fucking tonight really like i mean okay i'm not saying i'm not saying no to george clooney either right it's like oh all right just be gentle i guess i'll take a drink first you know there's all those videos where obama keeps calling well michael here i mean michelle hey uh michael i mean michelle come on over here most of all admiral mullen deborah

michael and i also want to acknowledge uh your son jack who's deployed today so now what i think's happening here is he's reading off a teleprompter or something he's not thinking about what he's saying right right like it you're just reading quickly off of a thing and you just say the thing. I mean to say – He's not unsure of who his wife is. To say that – here's the thing. I'm married to a woman at this point for – I'm coming up on 16 years. I've been with her for almost 20 years.

Once in a while, I will say the wrong name. I'll just – it's just – it's where your brain is. It's where you're thinking about something else and you're just like – you're in the middle of sex and you're just like – George! George! The reason why this guy believes all the garbage he is is because he's so easy to convince of things. He's so easy to convince that the fucking trade towers were demolitioned because he sees one puff of smoke on the side of the thing as it's going down or um you know he's so easy to convince that it was an inside job because of you know one or two little things that might not make sense from the outside

perspective you know what i mean like it's always an anomaly yeah it's all this anomaly stuff yeah i really think her daughters don't look like her what her daughters don't look at her okay so we're gonna look real quick holy shit holy shit her fucking one daughter is like a clone of i know right i'm looking right now daughter her one i'm gonna put this fucking image on the fucking uh it's a that's the image from wikipedia the wikipedia entry is family of barack obama look at the little girl in the blue dress is a fucking she looks exactly like her right the other girl doesn't look as much like her but the other she looks exactly like her right the other girl doesn't look as much like her but the other one looks exactly like her i really think this is some weird hoax they did

again it's like he didn't get sworn in on the bible and it was the quran all that's not true no it's not that's not the case yeah weirdness i mean i used to laugh at this stuff but man it's all about rubbing our noses in and that's the thing too right like like all these little all these little pieces that you think that you're claiming are – let's say Obama is a fucking secret Muslim, right? I'm a secret Muslim. Just say it. Say it. Secret Muslim. But you're not a secret Muslim because if what Alex Jones said was true, which it's not, that he was sworn in on a crime, which it's not true, but let's say he did.

It's like what everybody in the United States is part of the fucking mystery machine gang and they're all trying to figure out the little secrets that you put out. Like if you're a secret Muslim, you would just be in secret. You would just be like, yeah, I had somebody go out and cut the cover of a fucking – you know what I mean? Like how hard is that? Like how I fucking – I could do it and I'm an idiot. It's not a hard thing to cut a fucking cover off a book and put another book in there. It's like there's one of those books that when you open it up, it's like all the pages are cut on the inside. There's like a secret Koran on the inside.

It's like a Russian nesting doll of holy books. There's a Bhagavad Gita inside the Koran and inside that is a fucking Torah. And inside the Torah is a fucking Hammurabi's code. And then inside of that is Khalil Gibran's book or whatever whatever and i think it's all an arranged marriage it's all completely fake and it's this big sick joke because he's obsessed with transgender wait it's an arranged marriage it's an arranged marriage like by who for what like before no so when when obama was just a wee little boy they knew that he would become a secret lizard alien muslim president president and so they arranged his marriage with a someday soon to eventually be transgendered

man to woman yeah and then they stole a couple of kids that look exactly like them yeah they arranged all of this dozens of years ahead of time knowing that they would win the like how would this even how would all of this how like how would this even how would all of the how would all of this work how would all of this work you would have to be prescient on a level that is unbelievable yeah city after city watching ordinances that say that your seven-year-old daughter if she goes into the restroom cannot be offended and you can't be offended if she's greeted there by a 42 year old man who feels more like a woman than he does a man so also from right wing watch gop congressman cites mash character cites mash character all right so tom mash yep when was the last episode

of mash aired not in syndication we're talking about the last live episode or whatever that was shown on TV. Because syndication would be like four hours. Yeah, right. That show is still playing. I think there's a fucking dedicated MASH channel on fucking cable somewhere. The last one, I'm going to go with 1987. 83. Well, it wasn't that far off.

No, not bad. That was a totally random guess. Not bad. But at this point, we're talking about a TV show. This person is talking about went off the air. What is that? 34 years ago? Yeah, long time.

So 34 years ago is a long time. Yeah. 33 years ago. The next thing I'm going to talk about here before I wrap up is what is becoming of America right now. It's not like MASH at all. is what is becoming of America right now. It's not like MASH at all. There's no Hawkeye Pierce to tell us some weird little wisdom,

or there's no Radar O'Reilly to tell us when danger is coming. There's no Colonel Potter to give us crusty but benign advice. There's no Charles Emerson Winchester there's no Major Houlihan you know all the characters like offhand god motherfucker you know some mash what is going on

and a lot of us see America changing a lot and it's not just the political world that's changing it's the moral world that's changing I'm going to read a little bit from a book I read a while back And it's not just the political world that's changing, it's the moral world that's changing. I'm going to read a little bit from a book I read a while back, just one paragraph, you'll stick with me, that kind of stuck in my mind because I'm 60 years old and reminded me of the way people used to think in the not-too-distant past. The book is Coming Apart by Charles Murray.

And this refers to a Gallup poll that was taken in 1962. Oh, good. Oh, good. A super fucking important poll from 1962. There's a relevant thing. Yeah, that's awesome. 16 years before I was even a fucking zygote, there was a fucking poll. They're talking about whether or not people like bell bottoms. Right?

Should you or should you not wear flowers in your hair? I can't see that clearly, but I bet a lot of you out wear flowers in your hair? I can't see that clearly, but I bet a lot of you out there remember 1962, right? You do. To get a sense of just how different attitudes were in the early 1960s, perhaps this will do it. Ever married women were asked by Gallup, in your opinion, do you think it is all right for a woman to have sexual relations before marriage with a man she knows she's going to marry? Note the wording.

Not sex with someone a woman is dating, not with someone a woman loves, but with a man she knows she's going to marry. You know how many women answered that question in 1962? Fearfully. That's how they answered it. Fearfully. That's a great answer.

Right? It's a great answer. Dishonestly. Yeah. With the burden of social baggage. Yeah. Like, that's how it was fucking answered. Yeah.

It was answered. And dishonestly. Because everybody was fucking back then, too. It's not like all of a sudden we just fuck. We didn't just invent fucking. Yeah. We didn't just invent fucking outside of marriage. People have been fucking since the entirety of human history yeah wasn't like in 1962 it was like i'm gonna get married first and then

i'm and everybody was a fucking virgin on their wedding night that's not a thing here's the thing like fucking there's probably a lot of women that said that they were virgins on their wedding right you know what i mean they probably said a lot of things yeah i know i know the thing is like i i know my dad had told me stories about him dating before he met my mom and he was saying that he used to have sex with women like you know i mean like and this was in the this was in the he got married in 1962 sure so you're talking about that's and he met my mom four years before that so 1958 so my dad was probably dating i would say maybe 10 years or something beforehand yeah here's the thing man compare that

poll against the poll where they ask men if they've had like and and try to find when it's honest the the numbers won't match they won't match right they won't match unless the guys are having sex with guys right or they're all having sex with the same girl there's just like one girl just like one girl i'm super tired oh my god 86 said no isn't that kind of a shocking number no no like tom said no it Isn't that kind of a shocking number? No. No. Like Tom said, no, it's not shocking really.

It's like – ask that question now. Would you have sex with a man that you know is going to be your husband nowadays? And women are just – they have an opportunity to say things that they think are a little more honest and there's a lot less social pressure now. Right. Because the thing is it's a social pressure. Like in 1962, that question could just be rephrased, are a whore yeah right that's just like that's it like you could just rephrase the question like yeah oh excuse me ma'am i know you don't know me but i'm conducting a survey called are you a whore people will be like this is for i would prefer not to

answer that in the affirmative this is for whore magazine this is we're just going to ask you a couple quick questions um one are you a dumb slut or two are you pure those are the two questions you have to pick which one are you ma'am I mean I'm not going to judge you but I'm going to stand over your shoulder I'm getting a scent off of you that says

slut but I just want to make sure are you sure you smell like the cum of many men I'm just saying yeah god now we go forward to today brocco or joe biden the vice president united states and somebody and someone who some people think the democrats should have run for president as the more moderate candidate says that the civil rights struggle of our time is transgender rights oh no no we don't want that to be true like the audience may not be able to hear

that right like the audience may not be able to hear the person in the background who just screamed from the background like there's some fucking hobgoblin back there who fucking hates human beings that is screaming oh no right yeah they're presumptive nominee, Hillary Clinton. Remember there was a show, MASH, a while ago in which some... A while ago. A while ago, yeah. Oh, just... You guys remember that show from three decades ago? Yeah, exactly.

You know, one of the comedy guys was wearing a dress. Hillary Clinton says one of the goals is to get the transgendered in the military. That's one of her goals. And they say, we don't care enough about economic issues. Wait, are they talking about Klinger? Yeah. Because fucking Klinger wore a dress to try to get out of the military. That's one of her goals. And they say, we don't care enough about economic issues. Are they talking about Klinger? Because fucking Klinger wore a dress to try to get out of the military. To get Section 8.

Because back then, it was considered part of the DSM. Is that what they call it? You got Section 8-ed. Oh yeah, it was part of the DSM. The Diagnostic Statistical Manual for Psychological Disorders to be Transgender. Exactly.

It's being insane, right? And so it was being gay, I thought, for a long time. It was until the 70s, I think. Yeah. So those things were – I don't know if – and I don't know if transgender was on that thing. But we're talking about a show that's depicting what's happening in the 40s. Right. Or 50s.

50s. 40s is the – no. World War II is the 40s. This is the 50s. This is the 50s. So 50s. You're talking about shit that's happening in the 50s. 50s. 40s is the, no. World War II is the 40s. This is the 50s. Korean War is the 50s. So 50s. You're talking about shit that's happening in the 1950s. This is a show from the past about the past.

Yeah, exactly. And that's his example. Exactly. Right? Yeah. And I mean, when you watch that show, I mean, I don't know. And this is something interesting. I wonder what transgender people do think about what happened on that show.

I wonder if it just passes over them and they don't care or if they see that and they take offense to it. I feel like insulted by it. I don't know. I'm not transgender, so I don't know. Right. But I wonder if they do take offense to it. Like, citing this show as some kind of example about how we should behave. Yeah, it's a comedy show.

That's like citing Milo and Otis as the reason you don't fucking put a leash on your dog. Like, well, if he gets away, then he'll just journey in a zany adventure across country to find me. Whatever. That's not how it works. TV is, it's a fucking,

somebody wrote it down and then actors made it happen. You know that's not how the world works. It's just like arguing that you should feed your fucking horse beans because you saw it on Seinfeld. Or you should steal a loaf of bread from your neighbor or something. It's like, oh, well, I gave my cat lasagna

because Garfield likes it. You know, you killed your cat. I don't know what to tell you. I guess what I'm pointing out here is that we do have a moral decline in our country. We have some of the biggest businesses in America weighing in on laws in Georgia and North Carolina. is that we do have a moral decline in our country. We have some of the biggest businesses in America

weighing in on laws in Georgia and North Carolina. We have the NFL. Here we are in Green Bay, Wisconsin. We have the NFL weighing in, saying that if Georgia institutes a law that in essence allows churches to be churches, they can't have the Super Bowl. Isn't that something?

Isn't that sad? What? Well, I don't know what he's talking about. They to be churches i don't know what that means it almost certainly means discrimination against gays right you know i mean like or transgender or whatever discrimination against the lgbt community i'm just gonna put it in that i don't know what it is i don't know what he's talking about but but when he says that what he's saying is is that businesses are showing their power on whether or not they want to spend their money in a state what he's saying is that businesses are showing their power on whether or not they want to spend their money

in a state. And he's mad about it, right? And he's pissed off. Because they don't like what you're doing. And they're allowed to, like, here's the thing, Brad. They're allowed to not like the thing you do. Yeah. Other people are allowed to look around and say, just like when you look at LGBT people and you're like, oh, I don't like the thing you do. Well, you know what? I'm going to look and be like, I don't like

the thing you do. Yeah. We get to not like each other's things like that's how people work and here's what you do then buddy you make sure that the most conservative people in america don't spend their money in a certain way and we'll make sure the most liberal people in america don't spend their money in a certain way and we'll see who wins we'll see whose dollars the dollar wins right that's how this works you vote with you not only vote on a ballot but you vote with your dollar you vote with your dollar every day yep absolutely that fucking idiot we played from target last week she was voting with her dollar she was saying i wouldn't spend a penny in this place right i mean that's all she had was a penny but but what she was saying was i she found it between her own cushions that and that and a fucking and an old cake mixer it's still good

it's delicious it's a little hard but that's okay you just hold it in your mouth for a few minutes but in any case like fucking it's soft that pig thing was gonna vote and with her dollar too and the same thing goes for everybody who's who goes to chick-fil-A to support them when they wanted to stand up for the money that they were donating to anti-gay places. It lines out the door. So they were voting with their dollar. And I voted with my dollar too. I never went to a Chick-fil-A.

I've yet to eat a Chick-fil-A sandwich. I don't ever consider myself to do it. I'm not sure I did have one. Someone brought one to me from work. Oh, okay. Yeah. How was it? It was fine. It's a McChicken. Yeah, is it is it yeah it's a mcchicken a lot of people say you're wrong yeah it's a mc it's okay like i think the mcchicken's an okay sandwich okay you know it's okay it's fair i just but here's the thing like i'll eat a dozen i'll vote i'll vote with my with my dollar all the time you know i do that all the time a perfect example is hobby

lobby right we used to my wife and i used to shop at hobby lobby all the time because they had cheap fucking frames and my wife is an artist so all the time we'd go there and their frames would be half off and you'd get a very cheap frame for your art like a like a am i saying of a picture frame you know those types of big picture frames that my wife draws these big things you You would get them for fucking super cheap. You'd get two of them for $50, and they're really wood frames with glass. Yeah, they're very nice. Nice.

We'd get them all the time. Well, once they'd started doing the fucking, we're not going to let our kids, the people who work here, have fucking insurance on birth control and shit like that. I was just like, sorry, I'm not getting my dollar anymore. And it was convenient, and they're all over the place, and they fucking sell great frames, and they're cheap. Nope, sorry, we're going somewhere else. And we go somewhere else every single time now. And you just have to fucking plant your heels

and decide where your fucking money goes. And you know what? You're going to lose every time. If you think you're going to be able to stand on the wrong side of history on this one and say, you know what? Churches should be allowed to be churches and fucking string up gay people and burn them alive or whatever the fuck you want to do with them. You're going to be on the wrong side of history every single time. And as time goes on, more and more and more money is going to be on the other side of this equation.

Hard to believe that's what's going on in this country. So the final thing I'll leave you with is not only a plea for the enthusiasm that we need to get the big turnout we need in November, but also to pray for our country because, as one commentator says, to a certain extent our leaders are a judgment on us, and pray for our country that we regain the moral bearings that we should have so that God continues to bless our great country. Thank you. Jesus, you are the least enthusiastic person I've ever heard speak in my entire life. Holy shit.

Jesus, I heard fucking Droopy the dog give a fucking speech before, and it was fucking way more enthusiastic than this. I would rather listen to Ted Cruz be a cheerleader. Give me an A. Give me an A. Or don't. I don't know. I can't ask. What's that spell?

I mean, what's that smell? You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. This story comes from Right Wing Watch. this is theodore shubat theodore has not been a uh a special guest on our show in some time and it's not because he suddenly started saying less crazy shit

it's certainly yeah it's just it's just a fucking right wing watch the guy who used to cover theodore shubat killed himself and so they had to find a new intern yeah there is a point though where he's so repetitive yeah um that i've stopped like i'll see the story or see what he says and i'm like oh all right yeah i know it's just like gays need to be put to death yeah we get it dude fine we fucking get it yeah all right so here's here's porn stash through best shoe bat look at that thing he's gonna totally that is That is a flavor saver porn stash. That's what that is. This is a man with a van. That's what this is.

This is a man with a van. He's the kind of guy who gives out popsicles. Here we go. Here's Theodore Shubat. What we need is justice in this country, and I believe that we need judges who uphold the death penalty for evildoers. Can you be in a more echoey room? I know. Is there any way to be in a more echoey room i know is there

any way to be in a more echoey room holy it's either recording this from his fucking asylum cell like what is going on it's like bouncing off the fucking cinder blocks around you exactly it's like it's i'm recording from my empty bunker yeah jesus get a microphone that is not that microphone get a room what he's using is an omni microphone, so it's sitting – it's probably using a Mac, and he's recording the entire room. The whole room. Yeah. And of course, you know me. I would go so far as to say we need judges who would uphold the death penalty for those, not just murderers.

Okay. All right. So not just murderers, Tom. No, we're going to expand it. Where do you think we're going to go with this? Like rapists probably, right? I'd imagine rapists. Child molesters.

Child molesters is another one. Let's see what else is terribly egregious. Egregious. Blasphemers. We'll find out. Well, I was going to go with women, but let's see. Shoplifters. Let's see where we go here.

Obviously, murderers deserve death, and I think most people would agree with that. That's not true. It turns out that a lot of people don't agree with that. All of Europe says no to that. Yeah, pretty much civilized countries don would agree with that. No, it turns out that a lot of people don't agree with that. Most of all of Europe says no to that. Pretty much civilized countries don't agree with that. They don't do the death penalty because it's just wrong. You also have other people who deserve the death penalty, not necessarily murderers, people who are involved in witchcraft,

people who promote witchcraft. Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How are we going to decide whether or not you're involved in witchcraft? Is there an extensive sort of discovery? Do you have to have like a CSI witchcraft team that comes in to decide whether or not you're part of witchcraft to kill you for it? Isn't it Saudi Arabia that has that? Well, I don't know if it's CSI-based, but it's certainly – But they have like witch police or whatever, right?

Yeah, but it's like finger-pointing-based. I mean it's certainly. But they have like witch police. Yeah, but it's like finger pointing. Yeah, right. I mean, it's not fucking. There's like what I'm saying is what's the fucking test that you test to decide. It's like poppets under your floorboards. Like, that's it. It's seriously. It's fucking poppets under your floorboards. It's like.

And she's a witch. And she's a witch. Yep. Are you kidding me? Yep. If she wears more than a duck. Like, do you want burnings in the town square? Because this is how you get burnings in the town square.

Witchcraft is very, very dangerous, very demonic. And look how much destruction it has caused. Literally none. None. Where? Zero destruction. Have you ever seen a car accident? It was like, there's like a car.

It's all fucking crumpled and fucked up. There's just like a broom in front of it. So it was playing Quidditch or something, right? It's like a bludger next to the thing. I just love the idea. Oh, look at all the destruction is caused. Yeah, not as much as guns. No one's sitting on the on the fucking west side of Chicago with their finger blowing smoke off of it and being like, fuck it.

I totally expel the armistice. Nobody's doing that. I'm more afraid of a board with a nail in it you know what i mean in the united states look at hillary clinton that's a witch that needs to be arrested and put to death why what what are you talking about where is your evidence hillary clinton's a witch yeah i mean a witch. Hillary Clinton is a witch. Yeah. I mean, Hillary Clinton may be a lot of things. But she's not a witch. Clearly a witch seems to be far down the line.

Right? Yeah. Most definitely. As the scripture says, I believe in Leviticus, thou shall not suffer a witch to live. Homosexuals also need to be put to death because homosexuality is evil. It is demonic. And it is against human nature and it is also something that promotes uh war against that which has produced nations societies individuals and civilizations and of course i'm speaking of the conjugal union between

man and woman it promotes war on men and women wait wait when gay people get together it promotes war on men and women then we have to like what do we have to have a fight we have to tie our fucking hands together and dance fight in the street like what are you kidding wait why would i have to do that like if there's like why would i have to do that why would i have to do so so wait a minute i want to like i want to get together with some woman and i'm just like fucking i gotta fight i gotta have i gotta go to war against gay people there's so many more of us the quickest war ever the quickest war ever they will have fabulous tanks awesome big dicks the whole the whole the whole thing is just like a parade as they as they start to go through

everybody's kind of like i don't know about this war i think they're kind of fabulous look at that it's festive as fuck uh homosexuality promotes a war against that which creates civilizations and that which is against civilization is an enemy of civilization an enemy of civilization, an enemy of Christendom, and an enemy of God, and therefore should not be tolerated in society. Wait a second. Okay, so it should not be tolerated in society. One could argue that the Quran and that the Bible are actually anti-civilization. You know, you could argue if you were to take these things literally, they are not civilized. They are not civilized things to do, to kill people for what seems to be completely – they're individual offenses, right? Right. Whether or not you spill your own seed, whether or not you plant certain crops in a certain row, whether or not you fucking ate a fucking shrimp sandwich, whether or not you decide to have sex with whoever you want. Those things are so petty

and so worthless. It's like, okay, well, people get to decide that shit. And you think, if I were to institute these laws, how civilized a country would we have? Let's look at these other countries where they're cutting people's hands off for fucking stealing and they're stoning people to death for adultery what that's that's more civilized than what we have you could argue that the bible is actually anti-civilization i think you have to i think you at the very least what the bible wants to do is it wants to and and it's it's kind of not its fault it's just a product of its time sure it's just that its time was fucking 2 000 years ago and, and it was just a fucking garbage time.

That was a shitty, miserable, illiterate, pre-scientific world to live in. Nobody should want to go back to fucking walking around in a fucking dress and sandals all day and fucking herding goats and living without electricity and not knowing how fucking anything in the world around you works. That's not a world you should ever want to go back to. Like, that's not even fucking the fucking wet dream of the fucking neocons where they all want to go back to the fucking leave-it-to-beaver bullshit utopia that never was. Like, to go back to fucking Bible world is to walk around and not know why the fucking sun sets at night.

It's literally not to understand that the earth is fucking round. Yeah. Why would we want to go back to that shit? and and and i think that that's a good point i think what what happens is we keep on saying oh we need to go back to these values we need to go back and it's not just these values it's these ancient values or we need to go back to the beginning of when the country was created and all this stuff it's like it's like we've we've progressed a great deal since the country was founded we've progressed a great deal since the country was founded. We've progressed a great deal since then. Fucking the people who were penning the Constitution and the Bill of Rights and stuff, they never had envisioned the idea of automatic weapons.

They never had envisioned the idea of RPGs, of depleted uranium rounds. They had no idea about this stuff, right? So for us to say, oh, well, they thought of it all ahead of time, there's things that they could not understand, that they could not figure out. And maybe the Bible is a good blueprint for civilization if you're only upgrading from goat herder status, right? It's like, yeah, I upgrade from goat herder status to this sort of primal civilization, and that might be okay because we have to have some really sort of arbitrary rules and et cetera, et cetera. But after a certain point, once you upgrade past that, that document is useless now.

Look, think about some of the proscriptions in the Bible, and you can see where some of them would come from. They're safety. They're health and safety. Yeah, exactly. Right? Why would I not want to plant two seeds of the same type in the Bible. And you can see where some of them would come from. Their safety, their health and safety. Yeah, exactly. Right? You know, why would I not want to plant two seeds of the same type in the same row? Well, because it would be a fucking pain in the ass

to try to reap fucking, you know, wheat in the same fucking row as beans, right? It would be a pain in the dick. Nobody would want to do that. Like, fucking spread that shit out. It's all fucking mixed, moshed. It would be an asshole thing to do. You just created work for no reason. It's less efficient. Okay. So there'd be proscriptions against doing things like that right eating fish probably

you didn't know i don't know what you're doing eating shellfish like i'm sure somebody fucking there was a fucking algae bloom and somebody fucking ate a bunch of shellfish and got that fucking nasty shellfish poisoning and then it's like i'm fucking don't eat that shit you know like you write it in your book because you're like oh that's not yeah fucking killed henry like we fucking really liked Henry. And what did he do? He ate a fucking clam. Now he's fucking got clam disease.

You need more kids. So you start saying, look, we can't have same sex marriages here, kids. We can't have same sex relationships. We need to make sure that we have guys and girls producing offspring because we need to make sure that we have workers. Because you run through offspring in like pre-civilized times. Yeah, that too. And spouses. workers because you run through offspring and pre and like yeah that's civilized times like yeah and you just and spouses you know right people die all the time super young and fucking that's just how it is that's just how it was so all those rules made sense in a fucking in a world that was

fucking thousands of years ago those rules all kind of you can sort of see like maybe yeah maybe i'm sure i'm sure there's gonna be some people who send us in and message and be like actually you know they those rules don't didn't mean anything back then either maybe maybe not but but you can at least get there i can at least understand maybe think about it sure right but they're not it would be it would be a different thing if the bible said something about depleted uranium rounds yeah right i would i would fucking stand up and take notice if it was like yeah and some at some point guys you're going to want to consider the environmental damage of using depleted uranium rounds in combat i don't know what any of that means yeah but at some point that's going to mean something to me but the bible doesn't have anything like that it doesn't say anything about like hey guys when you're flying around in an

airplane trust me we'll get there do this not that right it doesn't have anything prescient in it at all yeah it's all just a document to try to get people to you know try to have some semblance of a of a i mean and you know i do want to stay away from the word society because it doesn't feel like it it doesn't feel like it may be society but not civilization yeah you know well that's gonna wrap it up for our midweek show this week um we are going to be back on Monday. It's our hope. Next show, we're going to hopefully have on Victoria Getman, who is – she's going to be attending the American Humanist Association. She is getting the presidential award there, and she's going to talk to us about military service and being an atheist.

And it's going to be very interesting. We're going being an atheist. And it's going to be very interesting. We're going to have a – hopefully we're going to have a good conversation with her. She'll be coming to Glory Hole Studios. And so on Monday, you should be able to get this particular episode. Tom is looking around the room. It just occurred to me that might be the first female guest we've ever had in Glory Hole Studios. I feel like maybe we've got to spruce the joint up a little bit. By that, I mean take out the garbage.

Well, it'll be very interesting. We hope it'll be interesting. We're looking forward to talking with her. And so expect that out on Monday. But we're going to leave you, like we always do, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative,

acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info- docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms atlantis dolphins truthers birthers witches wizards vaccine nuts shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody.

Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. so so so half the people i've asked about this question half the people i've come up to and said donut or danish people have been sort of 50 50 one on one side one on the other and people immediately know people immediately nobody thinks about nobody thinks about it it's always this oh yeah it's a fucking danish or oh yeah it's a fucking donut they immediately know no anyone who goes donut is fucking wrong fucking objectively an idiot i just here's the thing here's the thing

i think it's like i'm gonna have to come up with some fucking deal breaker questions here in the not too distant future and i think that's gotta be one of them. I'm going to be like, look, look, before we even start, Donut or Danish? Because I can work with a lot of shit. All right. So, Tom, we've established you are Team Danish. I'm on the right side of history. That's what you're saying. I am Team Donut.

You're basically a Nazi sympathizer. I'm basically a white supremacist in the 50s i'm not calling you a tire fire but you're a fucking tire i'm not calling you a gay so what we have in front of us stands donuts i went out this morning to buy stands donuts what we have in front of us tom is yes uh a danish now this danish is um it it looks a lot like a donut tight really has a lot of donut-esque features. And then it looks like they filled it with this cheese filling and a little bit of blueberry.

So I'm going to try this first. I need to get a little water just to wash this taste out of my mouth after I'm done, but I'm going to try this first. So Tom's going to try this as well. Here we go. No, that's not good. You're a fucking high. No, and the reason why is that cheese filling.

Is wonderful. It fucking ruins the whole thing is that cheese filling. It's wonderful. It fucking ruins the whole thing. It ruins it. It ruins it. No. That's the worst. Oh, my God. Might as well just put a piece of fucking American cheese on it.

Oh, my God. So good. All right. I'm going to try this glazed one. Because Tom chose the glazed. Now, I would have chose the Nutella one. I don't like Nutella. But this is what I'm going to try.

So the glazed one. No. Superior. Superior. Superior.'t like Nutella. But this is what I'm going to try. So glazed one. No. Superior. Superior. Superior. Superior in every way. In every way. You're high, dude. I guess I could choke that down. Yeah, that's like what you did with your marriage, right?

I abandoned ship on that, too. Here's the thing, Tom. You're used to settling, I think. And that's why this donut danish thing i'm trying real hard buddy you know i want to okay let me let me settle this let me settle going back to this danish i'm settling this right now i'm selling this right now best danish you ever had in your life where'd you get it and what was it and tell me about the circumstances surrounding it i have no idea i don't i actually can't answer that question i have no idea i don't seek out pastries but if i have a pastry that see now

that to me tells me you have no fucking idea what you're talking about i could tell you right now the best donut i ever had in my life i could tell you the second best donut i ever had in my life and i can tell you the third best donut i ever had my jesus christ best donut i ever cannot i absolutely can right now absolutely holy shit best donut i ever had in my life was in an airport where barcelona it was the best donut i ever had i would off it's a fucking dilf dude it was fucking amazing it was amazing it was nutella dipped fucking nutella cream inside finish this it was outstanding finish this. It was outstanding. I'm not going to eat the... I'm going to try the Nutella one right now,

now that I'm thinking about it, to see, because, hey, maybe it could be... Maybe this is it. It could be this moment. It could be one of your top four donuts. This could be the moment, although this looks like it's Bavarian-filled, kind of. Oh, no, that's Nutella inside.

It's Nutella inside. It says N right on the donut. Okay, that's pretty good. Is it really? It's not best donut I ever had. But is it really it's not best donut i ever had but it's a is it a top four it's top uh 20 i'm 20 you keep that i don't think i've gone to 20 donut places here's the thing though i there's no way for me to answer because i i don't go pastries i would say i don't i don't seek out pastries i would say most donuts I would say three of the top four donuts I had in my life all had Nutella involved in them in some way. Maybe it's not donuts you like.

We're looking at a common denominator. Because I could just – I mean I could have a spoonful of Nutella and be like, eh, there is something about fried donut. You're eating the fucking glazed donut now. It's right in front of me. Here, eat this garbage. Yeah, can I have that garbage food? Yeah, eat this garbage food. Yeah, give me that.

That's yours. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's right on David Icke. Okay. All right, I'm going to try this again here. Man, the fucking cream cheese is so good. That's disgusting. What are you kidding?

Dude, you're high. This is a dark chocolate. This is not a milk, super sweet chocolate. This has a bitter edge to it. That's very good. And it doesn't taste like Nutella at all. I might eat seven of those later. Take one bite of that half of the dough.

All right. Hold on. All right. That fucking cream cheese shit is so good. Well, you keep some to wash the taste out in case you hate this. Get the filling. Go for the middle.

All right. Right in the center. Yeah. Get it. You want to open it up and then tongue the center hate this get the filling go for the middle all right right in the center yeah get it you want to open it up yeah and then tongue the center let's get the center should i start with an a and see if that we'll go we'll work through the alphabet until somebody can only work through the alphabet if you sing through the alphabet it's okay it's pretty fucking good pretty fucking good isn't it it's a little much though like it's a little aggressive on the sugar content yeah it's pretty aggressive although this is more dark a more dark chocolate donut than i'm used to they're very normally much sweeter than this this is this is

toned down muted a bit yeah this is all like i feel like i have diabetes i mean so much like if i put sugar in my coffee, I'm disappointed. Like I like stuff that's bitter. I want my food to match my soul. Like that's what I'm looking for. Second best donut I ever had. Yes. Was at RPM Italian, which is a place in Chicago here.

They have a, it's called Zeppole, which is a very, it's like a donut, right? They have a – it's called Zeppeli, which is a very – it's like a donut, right? And what you do is you take fried balls of dough, which is yeast dough, just like a donut. They toss it in cinnamon and sugar, and then they come to the table with a pool of Nutella glaze, and then you just dip this hot – I mean hot donut into this glaze, and it's pretty outstanding. Third best donut I ever had, I made myself. Wow. Fucking masturbate much? Yeah. I don't know what that has to do with,

but I'll answer your question and say yes. I'll take a break from having sex just to joke about it.