Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 298: Choking Hazard

Episode Date: June 6, 2016

   

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Hey guys, this is Tommy calling from North Carolina. I was just listening to episode 297 about Pat for about five years that no heroin addicts out there are purposefully trying to overdose near hospitals to get a healthy dose of Narcan into their systems. Because what Narcan does is immediately reverse all effects of heroin and or opiates and puts you into immediate and severe withdrawal symptoms. So I can safely say that that is not any addict's intention to do. So anyway,

that's it. I just wanted to add my two cents based on my experience. Glory hole. Bye. Hey, Tom and Tisa. This is Kevin from the People's Republic of Austin. Just wanted to experience. Glory hole. Bye. glory hole motherfuckers be advised that this show is not for children the faint of heart or the easily offended the explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago, this is Cognitive Dissonance it's skeptical it's political and there is no welcome mat this is episode 298 of cognitive dissonance we've done some more reading cecil we have oh god it was great oh i'm glad we're taking this book in small chunks because there's so much packed into such a small place that's because every chapter yeah every chapter uh-huh every sentence of every chapter is riddled with such hysterical bullshit i mean we read to page 38 i

think last time we stopped page like 19 or 20 yeah i mean it wasn't a lot wasn't a lot 20 pages right right it took me like fucking two weeks to read this thing it was ridiculous how long it took so long i was walking around by myself i threw the book at the couch a couple times like why would you say that roll the book randomly across the apartment like fuck you what that's not even a thing it makes no sense delightfully crazy it is delightfully crazy so we decided we're going to do a little something a little different so we We really didn't have a plan of attack last time. Shocking. Does anybody find that surprising? They started with no plan. What?

What is this, some kind of life? What we did was we decided we were going to summarize what we read in a few sentences. Each of us were going to do it. Then we were going to talk about our favorite parts. Tom, summarize what you read and I'll do the same thing

all right chapter two part one okay because dragons snakes and dinosaurs therefore reptile people that is true that is true he does say that yeah yeah yeah yeah so there's there that is the logic that he so what i was trying to do is I was trying to distill down the very essence of his crazy. It's hard. There comes a point where the still breaks. It's like when you're making whiskey, there's the head, the heart, and the tail. With the Draco, there's a lot of tail.

It turns out. This is all the poisonous, shitty wood alcohol in the beginning. This shit, if you read it too long will make you go make you go blind right that's exactly it um and there's a quote that really defines this that i think absolutely are we really saying this is great this is a quote from his book are we really saying that reptile dinosaur genetic streams that can produce such

diversity cannot manifest in a two-legged two-armed form with a brain capacity i forgot he said this i had to drop oh my god cannot i mean cannot manifest in a two-legged two-armed form with a brain capacity through which a tech through which a technologically advanced consciousness can operate what the fuck is a technologically advanced consciousness i just want to say what's awesome about that is everything all the words and the order he put them they had they had uh the the reptiles the lizards or whatever the dinosaurs had lots of millions of years i don't know how many millions of years, but a lot more than we had. Several dozen million years.

No, it's more than that. Hundreds of millions of years, but I don't know how many it is, right? And there's a weird fact or something that Stegosaurus, it's like Tyrannosaurus lived closer to Stegosaurus, or lived farther away from Stegosaurus than we were from Tyrannosaurus. Yeah, some shit like that. It's like something like that, right?

And just to show you, like, the distance of time that they've, that they, that the dinosaurs ruled the planet. And what his logic is, is that, don't you think that they would have evolved? And the first thought I said was like, but aren't they from the stars? He goes into this whole thing where he's like,

look, look, there's all these different cultures that have oh i know that have like reptiles that feature as archetypes in their in their literature and in their art and so that means that dragons dinosaurs are dragons dragons are dinosaurs reptiles and snakes are advanced lizard people therefore v is real yeah like that's i mean that's really his logic i actually wrote a haiku about this it's amazing i can't wait reptiles are from space they live in underground caves and the fourth dimension his fourth dimension is amazeballs it's amazing oh all right so the you you give me one of yours okay so um reptile creatures

that control the world are from the constellation draco they live within huge caverns and hidden cities under the center of the earth and are lower fourth dimensional beings that is i i just stilled that down into a haiku, but essentially that's what he says. And my favorite part about this is that he's talking about the constellation Draco. Constellation. So when we look at a constellation – It's not a real thing. When we look at a constellation from –

It's not a real thing. No, it's a real thing. It's like the dot of the freckles on my back, right? But the problem is that it's – we are looking at a 2D space above us. It's basically a 2D space above us. It's basically a 2D space. You know, we can, we can tell depth with telescopes and what, but the human eye can't really tell depth. We can tell brightness of the stars, but I can't tell you like whether or not something is farther away than a million, you know, if it's a million miles or, you know, a trillion miles, if it's bright enough, you can't really tell the difference.

So with constellations, there's a a range the stars are in a range they they may look like they're in a little shape for us but if you were to look at a 3d map it's like like wow fucking all over the place right and the range is 100 light years to 380 light years in the draco constellation that's what i found just doing quick a quick google i don't know exactly how i mean there may be more different stars at one point they do say that the that one of the nebula is part of it too and that's like three thousand layers away but i'm not counting that one but i'm just curious which fucking star it is then right because he yeah i mean what what are you saying he keeps he keeps going back to constellation, constellation. Stop saying constellation. They don't come from a constellation.

What, do they come from all the stars in it? Right. Constellation is looking up at the clouds and being like, I see a hippo. Yeah, exactly. It's the same thing. It's so stupid. It's the same thing. It's the fucking literally the exact same thing.

You're looking up at it. It's being like, do you see the man in the rock? No, I see fucking rocks. But this guy would actually, I mean, the logic he forms would be like well you see there's a face in a rock so clearly the rocks are faces the first the first chapter he's talking about how there's fucking a face on mars and shit so the guys in the pyramids right yeah all right so my second one yeah my second one words are not symbols used to express ideas oh god instead the words themselves are proof of the validity of the ideas because that's his thing like he's like look and and draco is a great example it's like look

dragon draco draconian yeah and then he says all those things together he's like look i mean if they if they if that's not proof that there's fucking reptiles that are evil because that's where draconian comes from. And it's like that's where Dracula comes from. It's like, no, man, that's what having fucking Latin roots comes from. Like the fact that we're – it's a fucking – like the romance languages all share a fucking Latin root. Like that's just how that works. That's how the development of language has progressed over time. Like that's just how that works.

That's how the development of language has progressed over time. That's not evidence that fucking reptile – if your evidence that there are a reptile race of people ruling the world is that we have shared roots for certain words. But he uses that as evidence. I know. That's like – but he does that and he does that throughout the whole piece, throughout the whole piece. Because he's confused about what words do. And he's writing a book using words. All right.

So this is back to the reptile people. Many people have seen them using psychedelics or psychic powers to reveal their hidden forms. They use monoatomic gold to alter their selves with sound waves. That's amazing. I love the monoatomic gold to alter their selves with sound waves that's amazing i love the monoatomic gold one atom one or two come on now i know right like it's like it's monoatomic gold but it's one or two it's one or two not like regular gold which is 10 or something i don't even know if that's true like i don't even know what i don't even care because the guy doesn't say golden element yeah like my final one i want to read this the last piece of my my my I don't even know if that's true. Like, I don't even know why. I don't even care because the guy doesn't say anything. Wasn't Golden Element? Yeah. My final one, I want to read this, the last piece of my description of this.

The secret got out when they mistakenly revealed literally all of the plans to a woman named Kathy O'Brien when she thought she was hypnotized or something. That's so funny. Okay, I got it. All right right here's my third one the reptiles are here but they're not all bad guys right mostly just the iguana ones and hillary clinton hillary clinton he's a bad one they use right energetic morpho sound wave energyparticles. To change his shape. That's so true. I want to read a little piece. And we're going to have Sarah read a little bit too. And we're going to talk about it. But I want to read just a tiny bit.

Yes. There's a throwaway line in here, which is awesome. It's called the whole book. I know. But there's a throwaway line where he's talking about the constellations and he stops and he says oh and uh this constellation orion was lower in the sky and then he says the orions are another extraterrestrial race operating on this planet and that's the only that's it he stops he jumps ship to another thing right afterwards i'm like wait what about them what are they all archers what the fuck it's so

funny is that just a belt like it's just like a race of like leather hides people I'm like, wait, what about them? What are they, all archers? What the fuck? It's so funny. Is that just a belt? Yeah. It's just like a race of leather hide people. It is like every time I tighten my belt, there's like some alien like, ow, that fucking cinches. Fuck. We should have manifested in a less utilitarian form. They're all like Vs. They're all like big chest. They're all like big chests

and like down to a tiny little belt that's tied real tight. It's like a race of suspender people whose time is not yet here. The girdle people, you got to stay away from them. All right, so I want to read this. This is about monatomic gold

because I love monatomic gold. Monatomic gold also has unbelievable healing properties in that it aligns the cells to carry phenomenal amounts of light energy thus dispersing the blockages and imbalances we call disease or illness what the fuck does that mean that's some amazing shit so inside of my body yeah where light does not penetrate the cells line up and then the light's like wait we

got it in boys let's get them and the light like goes in and it's like y'all see that cancer nanomatomic laser defeats cancer all right so let's play let's play sarah read a couple of chapters for us so let's play a few of play. Sarah read a couple of chapters for us, so let's play a few of these here. The reptilian control of planet Earth involves all three of the above themes. I think the reptilian genetic stream operates throughout the universe, and they are not all malevolent. Far from it. Hey, look, they're not all bad guys. Don't disparage all the reptile people. They're only trying to take over the world, but they're doing it like at a glacial level like they're they're moving at a glacial pace so like hey

we were here fucking like 4 000 years ago with like way more fucking awesome technology than you could ever hope to do and we couldn't take over a planet of stone age people right instead they waited till now to get jobs in business. They were playing the long game. That's the long con. The problem is that every winter, they fucking go dormant. They fail out of school every winter. They go in and fall with all these high hopes.

And then by Thanksgiving, they're just sitting in their bed with covers on them. I'm not going to class today. I hate being cold blooded. It makes this planet so inefficient to work on. As with humanity, they contain the whole spectrum of attitudes from love to hate, freedom to control. I am identifying a particular group of them, not the whole species.

I cannot emphasize this enough. This controlling group came here from the Draco constellation and elsewhere. And elsewhere? Elsewhere? What, seen elsewhere? Like, what the fuck? That came from a whole constellation, like you mentioned. Yeah, it's like fucking a range of millions of light years.

And then also somewhere else. But it's the same species? No, yeah, that's how this works. It's the same species. So's the same no yeah that that's how this works it's the same species so they've already populated how many worlds well couldn't they just like couldn't they commute if they can travel fast as light can't you just communicate and be like hey i'm gonna send a fucking raiding party down to the stone age world right oh great uh why don't you wait several hundred thousand years to be effective i won't do it either yeah i'll'm like okay well a fucking planet

draco six isn't going to send them back and this is the origin of terms like draconian a word which sums up their attitudes and agenda that's why we use they love to consume human blood and they are the blood-sucking demons of legend the vampire stories are symbolic of this and what is the name of the most famous vampire oh i know this one dracula oh i was gonna say uh i was gonna say eddie munster oh you might be right grandpa you might it's grandpa ted cruz okay count dracula ah fucking count dracula i lost on jeopardy the count symbolizes the aristocratic reptile human crossbreed bloodlines, which the reptilians possess from the lower fourth dimension.

Yes. Yes. Yes. That sentence has a lot packed into it. What's going on? That sentence has a lot packed into it. Wow. The lower fourth dimension.

That's kind of the ghetto of the fourth dimension. It's like one of those places like you're traveling to dimension. He's like, shit, this is the lower fourth dimension. Can you roll the windows up? It's like a fucking, it it's like it's like a fucking it's like it's like uh what's that it's like harvey around here or whatever you don't want to be rude so you quietly lock your doors like sorry i took a wrong turn at garfield park and dracula is an obvious reference again to draco yeah jackasses gosh why would you miss that did

you not pick this up fools theools! The recent reports of the blood-sucking chupacabra in Puerto Rico Chupacabra! Yes, here we go! I love the chupacabra! This is terrific. I love the chupacabra, dude. And I love that the recent report it's like the chupacabra is like, oh man, we haven't heard of that one for dozens

and dozens and dozens of years. Chupacabra's the best, man. The recent reports of the blood-sucking chupacabra in Puerto Rico, Mexico, Florida, and the Pacific Northwest fit the reptilian description. They have been seen sucking the blood of domestic livestock, like goats, and their name means goat sucker. Look at it. It's the words. It's the words. It's true because the name says it's true.

I love the name of goat sucker, though. That's true. I love the name of Goat Sucker, though. That's a good death metal band name. Goat Sucker. We are Goat Sucker. Hello, Cleveland. The reptilians operate a pincher movement on the human race. Their physical expression lives under the ground and interacts in the underground bases with human and human reptile crossbreed scientists and military leaders. What?

I can't. Words now. I feel like I want to fall asleep every time I hear this stuff. It's amazing. They also emerge to engage in some human abductions. But the main control comes by outright possession. I can hear her smiling. She actually busted out in laughter in between the second and last piece. I have a clip of her starting.

She starts to read it and then she's like, I can't, I can't. And then I made her finish. So I got to give this a little bit of background. So this is that Kathy O'Brien lady and she makes her circuit with all the world leaders and they sit her down. with all the world leaders and they sit her down right and then they say i'm a reptile and watch me change into a reptile and i control things and i'm a reptile alien race and she she takes it all in because she thinks it's like a hologram or something at some point she doesn't think that they're really reptiles according to this crazy bogaboo. But the thing I don't understand is like, so you bring some random lady. Because that's how world leaders are.

You just be like, I got to tell someone. Find me a random lady. And they all found the same random lady. It's like when you've got a secret and you're just like, oh, I got to tell somebody the secret. It's so juicy. Tell the lady at work. Look, here's the thing. Clearly she had a job at everybody's work.

The president of Mexico in the 1980s, Miguel de la Madrid, also used Kathy in her mind-controlled state. She said he told her the legend of the iguana and explained that lizard-like extraterrestrials had descended upon the Mayans in Mexico. Why would you tell Kathy? Do you want me to write any of this down? She shows up and she's all fucked up. She's all mind-controlled and fucking weird. And the president of Mexico is like, yeah, all right, bring her in. I'm going to tell her the story about the iguana.

Have a little self-respect and take upskirt photos. Like, what the fuck, you know? It's like the president of Mexico is like, sir, you have a visitor. Not now. It's Kathy. Oh, fuck. Send her in. Send her in.

Yeah, I want to tell her. Is she all fucked up? I want to tell her. Make sure she's drugged up. I want to tell her some crazy stories. No one will believe Kathy. The Mayan pyramids, their advanced astronomical technology and the sacrifice of virgins, was inspired by lizard-like aliens, he told her. He added that these reptilians interbred with the Mayans to produce a form of life they could inhabit.

De La Madrid told Cathy that these reptile human bloodlines could fluctuate between a human and iguana appearance through chameleon-like abilities. Why would it just be like a chameleon? Why would it just be like a chameleon? Why would it just be like a chameleon? I want to be in a meeting with someone one time, and I just want them to lick their own eyeball. Somebody puts donuts in the conference room and this huge tongue is like. Accidentally bites Susan and her leg falls off from rot. You know, I just want like a giant like Gila monster for a boss with a tie that's what i want i've had that guys where are those fucking where are you lizard people because here's the

thing man i'm down i want to be rich and mind control people too right that sounds amazing i would i would fucking be a lizard there's a lizard person listening i'm just waiting for an offer to sell right fucking i'm totally and inhabit this body i'm not doing anything with it you know what i mean you've seen what i've done with it i could probably fit six or seven years a perfect vehicle for transforming into world leaders he said de la madrid claimed to have Mayan lizard ancestry in his blood, which allowed him to transform back to an iguana at will.

Why would you do that? It would just be inconvenient. It's like being able to change into a jellyfish. Sure, that's awesome. Maybe. Once in your life. But after that, you're just like, hmm. Yeah, like i'm stranded

at sea right like it's useful do you get do you get the iguana brain and then you forget how to change back you're just like fuck i'm fucked what was i doing oh flies i'm like a 200 pound iguana you're just like well whoa what uh i don't really know what to do with all this like is there a giant heat rock for me to climb on to like i don't know what to do with all this. Is there a giant heat rock for me to climb on to? I don't know what to do. He then changed before her eyes, as Bush had, and appeared to have lizard-like tongue and eyes. Kathy understandably believed this to be another holographic projection.

Oh, yes, of course. First thing that would come to mind. It's a holographic projection. Don't be stupid. Come on, Kathy. Get with the fucking program. But was it really? Or was De La Madrid saying something very close to the truth?

This theme of being like a chameleon is merely another term for shapeshifting, a theme you find throughout the ancient world and among open-minded people in the modern one, too. Shapeshifting is the ability to use your mind to project another physical image for people to see. Everything is energy vibrating at different speeds. Yes, it is. Not the case. I don't know.

It depends on what section you are in Pornhub. That's for sure. Hey, come to Pornspeeds. When they put that fucker up to fucking Spinal Tap 11. When they put that fucker up to fucking like Spinal Tap 11. So if you use your mind to re-vibrate that energy to a different resonance, you can appear in any form you choose. No. Because if I could appear in any form I chose, this is not the form I would choose.

This is actually the literal last form I would choose. I would rather be the jellyfish. If this is the form that's chosen by my sound waves or whatever that i'm doing this is me crying many witnesses have described how the so-called men in black materialize and dematerialize when they threaten people who are communicating information about extraterrestrials and ufos i don't know have i can't that's yeah no that's a good sentence that's my favorite one i bizarre Like my brain won't even parse that. Well, I love all the implications in that sentence. Like it just throws them all. Oh, yeah.

Well, it's men in black. They can change their face. And they only show up when you fucking start talking about aliens. And they tell you to stop because they change their face. Why don't they just bite your head off? I don't know. They're not lizards. They're men in black.

They're orions maybe. What the fuck are the men in black? I don't know. lizard they're not lizards they're they're men in black they're orions maybe what the fuck are the men in black are they not are they just like tools of the lizard people no it's fucking will smith dude he is the man in black they can do this because they are interdimensional beings who can appear in any form dick what the fuck is wrong with you kathy it is monoatomic gold which comes in the form of a white powder and has a two-dimensional atomic structure why is it white because man why isn't it gold white powder these motherfuckers doing a lot of white powder one or two atoms working together while regular gold has a three-dimensional structure 10 or more atoms working together everything's three-dimensional every physical object is more atoms working together. Everything's three-dimensional. Every

physical object is by fucking... How could there be any physical object that was not three-dimensional? Two-dimensional gold, bro. Fuck me then. I guess you got me. You're in the wrong fucking plane of existence. That's your problem. Regular gold is three-dimensional. If you could change it to a lizard, you'd know this stupid...

But this fucking white powder is two-dimensional. Yeah, it's white powder, white powder is two-dimensional yeah it's white powder but it disappears if you look at it in the wrong angle where the fuck you go holy shit without going into all the scientific detail yeah wouldn't want to confuse the audience i love that line so much hey i don't want to go too deep into this shit let's not get too into the weeds here, guys. I'm going to keep it nice and straightforward. Without going into all the scientific

detail, when you consume this monoatomic gold by mouth or injection, it increases the current carrying capacity of the nervous system by 10,000 times. Okay, so now wait a minute. I'm less electrically resistant, right? You're more nervous.

So I can carry more power. There's a lot of white powder that makes you nervous, man. Right. It ain't monatomic gold. So, okay, so I'm like a superconductor. That's it. I can be like a bullet train in Japan. This would allow a person to process fantastic amounts of information like a supercomputer.

And when enough has been absorbed, it would then allow them to consciously move through other dimensions and shape shift because suddenly the brain is activated to open those vast areas that we do not use in today's world. Duh. Fuck. Well, that I think is one of those,

you only use a certain part of your brain. It's that 10% of your brain it's that 10 percent of your brain stuff all that fucking gobbledygook yeah if you use 10 only use 10 percent of your brain then you could take this gold and then you can use all of your brain even though we use all of our brain all the time right there's that that's a that's a ridiculous myth it's a stupid myth but even more ridiculous is even let's even assume and we know it's not true like we know that that 10 thing is just some fucking made up garbage right but let's assume it was right the next assumption is not that the other 90 is magic right like the other 90 of your brain let's say you did only use 10 and be like

well what about if you use the other 90 maybe you could fly airplanes with your mind be like well my mind is still a fucking meat chunk like it's not gonna do things that meat doesn't do it's just not going to do that and the other thing too is like the idea is is that they they brought us here to mine this monoatomic gold that's what they made us for they made us humans to mine monica wouldn't one of us just be like first off you're mining it i don't know how you mine a 2d substance but you're bringing it somehow in minecraft so you mine it and then wouldn't one of us wouldn't one of us just be like and then be like i am god like wouldn't one of one of the people like put a little in their mouth and be like what was good some shit and they're fucking like god

and they explode the world or whatever dude if you it's like the end of dark city or whatever where the guy finally realizes potentially he's like fuck all you guys i'll scan your brains out or whatever and then he just wins like wouldn't it be like that instead of oh they let us mine it and then they just kept it they let us mine a powder a powder cecil that when ingested gives you magic powers wouldn't you just inhale it by necessity through the mining process? Possibly. It's a powder. It's a fucking powder.

The worst part about that is all those guys that die of gold lung. Gold lung disease. I wrote a couple more haikus, so I'm going to read them for you. Oh, God, yes. Okay? And then we're going to be done with this. Everything is sound. Reptiles change their face with sound the sound of me screaming

here's another one all right the series v is trying to tell us something they live is research and this one i didn't write this one my wife wife wrote this one, so I'm going to read it. Trust me, I've seen them, and I won't bore you with the science. I'd be tripping balls. I think we're going to leave it there. That's great. But there is a lot of that in this where they're talking about all these people, and he's, oh, yeah, I met this guy who was. It was super high. And he met a lizard person. I'm just thinking that's a reliable witness. I hope they ask him about a murder case.

When I take hallucinations, my hallucinations are real. No, no. But he even says, like, it's not even just somebody who does it once. He's like, you got to do it a lot. Oh, yeah. He's like, yeah. And on your fourth day, you'll see a lizard person yeah he says this is it you're fucking you're you're fucking you're 96 hours in to trip and your fucking balls off

you don't know your fucking name you have no idea what's going on fucking name you have no idea what's going on it's like wait a minute he's gonna come up with evidence but not until the fourth day gotta give him some time we're surprised his fucking heart's i know at a certain point you're not sure if it's the acid or just the sleep deprivation kicking in he's he's up for four straight days and he's like, I see lizard people literally everywhere. Oh, okay. Well, let's get a tape recorder out because I've got to put you in my next book.

You've been clunking like a chicken for fucking nine hours. You think the carpet is trying to eat you. You're trying to lay an egg. Four days. You're dripping your fucking balls off for four fucking days. Who even has time for that? Who the fuck is like, wait a minute, guys.

I'm going to set aside a good week. Talking about lifestyles, there's been a whole new group of artists that have come into the rock scene in the last several years. We'll call them transvestites or perhaps the bisexuals so this story like i think every story this week actually comes from right wing watch this is gordon klingenschmidt who i will remind you again is an elected official this man is actually like president trump i swear to fucking god just saying you and fucking eli president trump i i hate so much. I'll just call him Hefe. How's that? I hate you guys.

Caitlyn Jenner needs an exorcism to rid her of the demonic spirit of insanity. Spirit of insanity. So here's the Schmidt. Here's. I like that. I think that's a good. That's usable. What is the dumbest statement of the day? The next thing you say. The very next thing you say. Here's. I like that. I think that's a good, that's usable. What is the dumbest statement of the day?

Well, that's the next thing you say. The very next thing you say. Here we go. The very next thing you say. That a man who God made to be a man may regret some of his sin and want to return to becoming a man. That's the most sane thing I've heard all day about Bruce Jenner. Is she going back?

Is there a taxi's back season? Is she going? I don't think she had surgery. Oh, well then well then who cares then that's her fucking yeah then you know whose business it is it's her business and that's the thing right it doesn't matter if there is surgery right if there was surgery or not if you want to be like you know michael scott and redo your vasectomy four times but seriously if you want to if you want to you know do whatever you want then do it if you change

your mind you change the thing is like it's nobody's business but but hers right like what what how does it affect me like i'm i'm gonna wake up in the morning be like oh i was gonna have cereal but now caitlin's bruce again like i guess i have to have pop tarts what the fucking what i don't care it means nothing to me means nothing. Unless it's the person that you wake up next to, how does it possibly impact your life? I mean, if she's a man, you can't have the Cheerios. You know what I mean? You got to go for some sort of stick. Some sort of phallic.

Some sort of phallic type cereal. Cereal. Like cocknobbins or something. I was wondering. I'm trying to think of something. I don't know. I don't think there's any phallic cereals. I don't think there are.

The closest. You know why? Frosted mini-wheats. You know why there's none? Why? Choking hazard. Oh! Makes your mascara run.

You see somebody with a big bowl of dickos on the table, and she's just pouring fucking mascara from her eyes. I love these dickos on the table and she's a and she's just like pouring fucking mascara from her eyes i love these dickos i love them she's gotta look up while she eats them she's having dickos for breakfast but she doesn't swallow oh god there's a big pile of them you just eat them and politely turn them. Great for eating in a group. It would be a dumb statement for someone to say he wants to try to stay a woman. Because he's not a woman.

He's never been one. His DNA has never changed. Your DNA never changes. What are you going to do with it? Are you going to go to the fucking DNA store and be like different dna oh can i get some more yeah like fucking you don't go to the you're right you don't go to the fucking dna store i want to get a fucking brand new y chromosome he still has male xy chromosomes he is not a woman he is a man in fact he still has male parts i'm told so you know the the spirit of insanity inside of this man bruce jenner god bless him you know he's an olympic athlete he was a decathlete

he was a national hero i think what you're looking for is the word is is is is yeah not was is he's not not those things anymore it's not like he woke up i don't know that he's a national hero anymore but i don't know like is there an. I don't know that he's a national hero anymore, but I don't know. What do you know? Is there an expiration date on when you stop being a national hero? Are you a national hero just because you won a gold medal or whatever the fuck you won? I don't know. I have no idea.

But if he was, he is, right? Yeah, sure. I mean, that's like. Yeah, he's still around. Right. When you become a trans person, you don't fucking make a gravestone and bury all your old shit. Right.

It's like, oh, what are your accomplishments? None now. Jeez, I have to start over from zero. You have to do that rebirthing thing. Like wrap you up in a fucking blanket and rebirth you. Back in 1976, I think he was on everybody's Wheaties box. God bless him. He has some godly traits.

Self-discipline. Being an athlete. Being an athlete is a godly trait? It is a godly trait, yeah. Wait, in the Bible it's like, thou shalt beeth more athletic. I think he's thinking of the Greek gods, actually. Like Hercules. That's a trait of Hercules.

Being a family man, he obviously cares about his daughters. But for the man to have made the left turn at sin has brought him down a path of destruction. What's the destruction? I mean the destruction of that other person that he hit in the car. That's a destruction, right? Oh, no. But I don't know about that being a path of destruction. He might have had a path of destruction behind him.

I guess that's true. Yeah, a path of destruction is SUV when he killed that other person. Jesus, dude. What? Well, she's a a terrible driver what do you want from me you know it's a she driver probably probably as soon as he it's gonna become a transgender asian woman jesus ricky gervais already made that joke by the way oh really yeah ricky gervais when he came out did he do a better job than i did way better, way better. He came out and he said, this year, Caitlyn Jenner was a huge step forward for trans people, but a terrible step backward for women drivers or something. It was really funny.

And we've been saying on this show for a long time that gender dysphoria is still a mental illness. It has four different stages. The first one is a cocoon, and It has four different stages. The first one's a cacoon. And then you emerge from there. Gender dysphoria. It's in the DSM-5. It is a mental illness. Of course, we think it's a demonic illness.

Of course you do. Of course we think it's a demonic illness. Yeah. Because we're fucking assholes. What the fuck is a demonic illness? It's like the fucking demons make you sick a demonic illness that's where it's like the fucking demons make you sick man it's like there's a demonic i mean like fucking why is it an illness because all illnesses are demons man like all these fucking guys it's like oh i got a fucking head cold demon it's just like a little guy's like oh i'm just a mucinex guy

i just cutting his teeth look at that little demon no i just let him run his course he'll make it on his own he's a seven to ten day demon. It's fine. One day he's going to grow up to be a gender dysphoria demon. He's like a fucking menstruation demon. It's like, hey, whatever. Entry level demon. Do you have to call it Aunt Flo?

The man needs an exorcism. But gender dysphoria has four stages. Self-doubt becomes self-hatred, becomes self-mutilation, and becomes self-murder. I believe you made that up. Yeah. I believe. First of all, self-murder already has its own name,

and that's suicide. We don't need to overcompensate. Self-murder? You're like in the library. I'm looking for all the books on self-murder. Oh, yeah bullshit so you won't find it oh yeah look at the catalog that's good is english not your first language and over 50 of the people who begin down this crazy road of transgenderism will end up attempting suicide it's probably because assholes like you are judgy twats. It's not because they hate themselves.

It's because you hate them. It's because you're an asshole. If everybody around him was just like, I'm going to Starbucks. You need anything? If everybody around him was just like, hey, want to go bowling next weekend with everybody else? Sure.

Want to contact the guys? Go to DissonancePod.com to get links to their Google+, Facebook, and Twitter accounts. If you want to contact them directly, send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Or you can call and leave a message at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Do you want to support the show? Go to patreon.com. That's p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com forward slash dissonance pod.

Or click the link on the podcast homepage, and you can donate to the production of Cognitive Dissonance on a per-episode basis. If you can't spare any money, take a second to give us a five-star review on iTunes or Stitcher or spread the word about the show. We want to send a big heartfelt glory hole to all the patrons and people who rate us. You fucking rock. So this story comes from csmonitor.com, which is the Christian Science Monitor. Sweden stirs debate with women only swimming in Nod to Muslims. Now, we've seen this before.

We saw this several years back. Remember there was swimming pools or swimming classes where the pool is restricted by gender. Yeah. Yeah, no, I remember that. Yeah, where they wound up. It was in Canada, wasn't it, or something? I don't know. It was some junk country nobody cares about.

I thought they made it so guys couldn't go in there to watch their girls. Yeah, like when their daughter was having screw lessons. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was Canada. I think – Because one of them was a moose, I thought. So – Everybody was just apologizing profusely the whole time.

All wearing their beaver pelts, drinking maple syrup right from the jar. It's standard. It's fucking baby formula up there. You can get maple syrup right from the jar. It's standard. It's fucking baby formula up there. So this is an interesting story because, like you say, it's a nod to Muslims. But we did get a post on Facebook and they said, The article forgets to mention that many bathhouses have had separate bath times for men and women since the dawn of this nation, mainly because women unfortunately don't feel safe in a large group of men.

of this nation, mainly because women unfortunately don't feel safe in a large group of men. So this is no new Muslim idea like this heavily biased newspaper made it sound. So that's what the person in Sweden said. Now, should they allow certain times for certain people? And it's this gender-separated swimming. The thing is, I don't know how I'm supposed to masturbate in the hot tub if you separate the genders unless I get one of those waterproof phones. You know what I mean? That's the only way I'm going to be able to do it. And free Wi-Fi because I'm not going to burn up through my cellular.

You don't want to go through your cell data on that shit. I don't want to go through my cell data on that. I mean, I will in a pinch. It takes a lot. I will in a pinch. The buffering can be distracting. It takes a long time. I'm just sitting there holding my dick.

Sorry, guys. It's buffering. I'll be done in a second. It's fine. A second. Be done in a second. Please. There'll be a little more white fluffy stuff in this place. Sorry, guys. It's buffering. I'll be done in a second. It's fine. It's done in a second. There'll be a little more white fluffy stuff in this place.

That's all. It's just a little. What is all this foam on top? That's fucking funny. Somebody have a bukkake? This is a party. What do you think? Should you cater to a minority population because they don't like it? What I guess I focus on when I read this story is the absurdity of sort of where all this stems from.

What it stems from is this fear of women's bodies. Yeah. It is. It is totally that. It's this fear of sexuality. It's this fear of the female body. It's this crazy idea that men are some kind of unrepentant animal that can't see a woman's fucking naked ankle without fucking or not just that i mean because that's that's part of it but

then you also got to consider that many of this stuff is talking about how men are so jealous that they won't allow their women to even be seen to be seen right and that's the other thing and then but they the one feminist organization in this article does say it could be a positive because women who show up won't cover their bodies as much as they would if there were men around and if there's bruises or some sort of signs of abuse they may be more open to talk about those things with other women so that's a benefit yeah but you know again that that all comes back because in the states that like like in the in the complex where i'm at there's a swimming pool and there's fucking men and women

in the swimming pool and everybody just goes swimming sure and women don't cover their bodies head to toe because there's not a bunch of fucking muslim women in the pool and there's not a bunch of muslim men fucking making sure that people wear a goddamn burkini so if there was a woman walking into the pool a bunch of fucking bruises you would know it because she'd be fucking uncovered and everybody would already see it sure but they won't come that's the thing i know but like that's part of that larger issue right that's part of that larger issue that the muslim culture sort of breeds this hatred of the female form and this fear of the female form and should we put these laws in place just to find out if a few people have been abused well it's it's – who's going to find out?

A bunch of other Muslim women? Who are they going to go tell? I really just – I think this is all just – it stems from such bad ideas. It stems from such misogyny and hatred and fear and body shaming and all this fucking just ugly shit. It's just all this ugly shit. It's ridiculous like i i i really think i'm sorry i think these are backwards fucking archaic ideas and you're in a fucking civilized part of the world and i think you know you what should happen is i'm a fucking muslim person and everywhere i go this is how the rest of the world looks sure and you know i have

a real problem with the rest of the world becoming more archaic. I do too. So that you feel more comfortable. I do too. Fucking adapt. Fucking assimilate and adapt. If you want to live in fucking Sweden, and this is what Sweden has always done, I don't think Sweden should become more archaic. You want answers? I think I'm entitled.

You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. So this is from Right Wing Watch. This is Louie Gohmert, and this is tremendous. No gay space colonies. We're going to go right into the movie The Martian here. I tried to listen to this earlier, and I got through a few minutes of it, and I thought I was seriously going to become mentally impaired listening to this.

This is going to be great. I cannot believe that this fucking twat has enough people to vote for him he's a u.s house representative from texas well there's a problem do cows have the right to vote down there i mean seriously have you seen the women listen listen to this guy talk listen to this guy talk and seriously i i i would think you would be hard-pressed to find a dumber-sounding politician than this man. We just listened to Gordon Klingenschmitt. I would think you would be hard- Oh my god.

I'm serious. Gordon Klingenschmitt sounds like fucking a Harvard professor compared to this guy. I feel like I'm going to die. God made them male and female. Sorry. God made them male and female. Sorry. God made his voice. His fucking ridiculous,

ridiculous voice. He's like a character. This guy's amazing. Start over. That's great. We're going to start over.

God made them male and female. Didn't mention question marks. male and female didn't mention question marks well he didn't mention question you didn't have a non-binary gender back then that was a question mark for me it still is i can't do that i can't these are people we need to love and encourage the Diagnostic Statistical Manual. Did you hear him try to say Diagnostic Statistical Manual?

Did you hear the Diagnostic? He's like all of a sudden he tried to pronounce a word with more than two syllables. And his brain fell out. Every time he speaks, it sounds like what your mouth would do if you were trying to shift from third to fifth without using the clutch you know like that's what it sounds like his brain the diagram how could somebody be illiterate with their own speaking? That's amazing.

He's vocally illiterate. Suck it, Texas. That's your guy, Texas. Go fuck yourself. Holy shit. You should all be fucking putting a shotgun in your mouth later on tonight. Jesus Christ. That fucking guy.

The guy that's the statistical manual. The Diagnostic Statistical Manual. Oh my God. It's like trying to get on the highway with a soapbox racer. Do you know what I mean? This guy cannot compete. Here we go. Oh, my God.

Life goes on, buddy. Oh, bloody. The diagnostic statistical manuals for most of their existence have pointed out that these are mental disorders. These are people that we're to love, encourage, help every way we can. You know how you do that? You shame the fuck out of them. I know, right? That's how you do it.

We've got to encourage them every way we can by being dicks to them. Yeah, we've got to encourage them by any way we can, by making sure they don't have as many rights as other people, by making sure to point out their sexuality every chance we get, by making sure to point out that they're the way they approach uh human gender is incorrect just make sure you you you fucking you know attack them at every turn you know i've i heard that the more somebody feels shame the better they feel like that that's like it's a it's one of the most motivating factors. Oh, yeah. It's a great factor. Yeah, crippling shame works. For among educated, compassionate people, for our civilized history, people, a man that didn't know which he was, was pitied, loved, encouraged.

Yeah, and killed and stoned and beaten and fucking fuck you yeah throughout our fucking civilized history a man who didn't know that what he was meaning he thought he was a woman was fucking was yeah was was was pitied and loved and encouraged that's what happened they weren't fucking beaten or fucking thrown or fucking are dragged behind cars to death. Right. That shit didn't happen. Well, and also, fuck you and your pity. Yeah.

You know what the last fucking thing I want from somebody? The fucking last thing you'll give me is your fucking pity. The very last. The very last. You fucking try to give me your fucking pity twice. I'm giving it to you right now. I will fuck you right in the fucking pity. But educated people said, that's perverse.

That's basically the most widely used, where the word perverse is most widely used. What? What? What was that? But the word most widely perverse is the word. That's the perverse. Yeah. So it's perverse, and that was widely used, and therefore it's wrong.

Well, people were wrong. This man's job is to speak. Oh, yeah. And that's the best he can do. Yeah. That's his fucking level best right now. Do you think he practiced this? I don't know.

Fucking practice your speech, man. He looks like he's reading off of something, so it's not like he's just winging it. Are you kidding me? He's looking down right now. Fucking, you wrote it down and this is the best you can do? Are you kidding me? Jesus is like a live cognitive dissonance episode. It's not that bad.

And now we have a government that says, forget what the Bible says. Good. Yeah. Good. Yeah, I fucking, I never read it, so I don't really know. Perfect. It's a fucking super old book written by itinerant goat herders. What the fuck do I care about that for?

I care more about Harry Potter. I never read that either. Forget what Moses said. Who fucking cares about Moses? Isn't that part of the Bible anyway? Jesus, fill a pothole, Moses. Forget what Jesus said when he quoted Moses verbatim. Well, then fucking

Moses said it. We already don't care about Moses. We fucking established that. Why do I give a fuck that Jesus said what Moses said? It's fucking, did you hear what Becky said? Becky said, fuck you. Some fucking he said, she said shit. And then added, and what God has joined together,

nobody should separate. What does that have to do with gender? And you know what? You're right. Well, fucking what God has joined together, let nobody separate. Okay, well, then fucking let's start outlawing divorce, dude. Right? Yeah.

Okay, I'll just wait for God to do something. Fucking stick something together. Motherfucker couldn't stick two pieces of Velcro together. He's literally done nothing ever. Because it's not real. He can't stick two pieces of monatomic gold together to make them three-dimensional. I can only find 3D stuff.

I can't touch the 2D stuff. I'm from the higher fourth dimension, not the lower two dimension. That's where they got the trailers. What do you think before? Some kind of Iguana guy? Even if you don't believe Jesus was part of the Holy Trinity, as our founders did. Do you really want to leave this life and potentially, whether you believe in a judge a maker or not

say oh i didn't think you were serious when you said those things about marriage if i don't believe in it you fucking misunderstand how belief works for somebody who really loves belief he doesn't understand right like i when i when i fucking leave this earth i am fucking turned off i am a light switch that does not turn back on that's it i'm not a light switch and then later somebody's like hey just kidding flips it back on i don't like your colors like that's not how it works just so you know you were wrong about gays and then shut you back up oh fuck okay i didn't think you were serious you just weren't smart enough to know that he didn't just mail. I mean, I really wonder how many people in this body who had the ultimate power to decide whether humanity would go forward or not, whether it was an asteroid coming, something that would end humanity on Earth as dinosaurs were ended at one time.

Okay, we've got a spaceship. Oh, yeah. No, no. No, no, no, no, no. What is happening? Here's what happened. He transitioned into his metaphor without properly starting the metaphor. So we're mid-fucking metaphor right now.

We're in the middle of this proposal. What I think he's saying is, if there were an asteroid coming and you had a spaceship, now we start. They can go, as Matt Damon did in the movie, plant a colony somewhere. He didn't do that in the movie. He planted potatoes.

What he did was got shipwrecked and then came home. That's how, spoiler alert, the Martian shipwrecked and then came home that's how the spoiler alert the martian shipwrecked then comes home it's like it's like the movie with the fucking the volleyball with fucking tom hanks except for it's on mars that's basically the movie okay it's wrecked yeah exactly yeah we can have humans survive this terrible disaster about to befall, if you could decide... Oh, my God. I love that pause.

Oh, my God. So you could have humans survive this terrible disaster that's about to befall. You can decide. That's how I think it went. His brain just turned off. Yeah, his brain just no longer. It was just like, it was like no output available.

I'm going to rewind to the middle of the pause so we can hear where he starts. If you could decide what 40 people you put on the spacecraft that would save humanity, how many of those would be same-sex couples? Zero. Because you're trying to populate another world. I wouldn't put

any barren women on the fucking thing either. I wouldn't put any fucking... I wouldn't put Richard Dawkins on there. What is he going to be doing? Shooting blanks? I wouldn't put me on there. I'd have a sectomy. I can't get on it. Fucking welcome asteroid. What I would do

is I would find a bunch of really smart, fit 20 year olds that are ready to shit out like kids, like they're coming out of a fucking Gatlin gun. I would just put Duggars in there. And then I would just fill the whole thing with Duggars. I would find nice roomy women, lots of lots of hip room, some broad Irish women. I find somebody who's not going to die in childbirth, comes out with a lot of complications without complications in their family. I think there would be a screening process for it. That doesn't mean you're useless because you can't shit out kids.

What you would really do is you'd have like three dudes and like 17 women. That's what you'd really do. That's what you'd fucking really do. You wouldn't pair them up. You'd be like, if you really cared about like we only get 40 people. Well, fucking I'm not going onesie twosies here. Like the dudes are fucking biologically superfluous. It's like I'm fucking come all day. You can only get pregnant once a year.

That's true. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I would figure out, you know, here's what we do. We'd figure out the best people to send to make sure that we would have the maximum amount of people that come out. Gay people wouldn't work. Maybe they would. The thing the thing is like you could be gay and still fuck a woman right whatever just fucking ejaculate in a cup and it goes up in a baster or something why

wouldn't you just send 40 women and then a lot of sperm yeah like why would you send any men at all it's true like just send the sperm in a fucking turkey baster and call it a night like i mean that's it and like it's it's a fucking stupid question because the scenario is not the scenario we currently have where there's 7 billion people. But what he's saying is he's saying, look, if we had to choose who's important, we wouldn't choose same-sex couples. That's his argument, right? I know. That's his argument. But it's a stupid argument because you're choosing it for a very specific thing right it's not saying who's important for

life it's saying who's important in this tiny corner case situation right because the scenario the context that he that he provides in order for this to work it's like well who's more important a scientist or the rock well i don't know do i have to lift something heavy yeah i know or do a science exactly because if it's fucking if it's build a colony on mars with your bare hands i want the i want to fucking i want a bricklayer i know you know i mean i want some fucking big dumb bricklayer who can come a lot that's what i want i want a guy who shoots out fucking buckets to come when he fucks people that's coming out of his ears. He just basically looks at three women and impregnates them. That's the guy I want. I want a guy who can lift a lot and be real dumb.

And just lift all the things and fuck a lot. That's it. You're wanting to save humankind for posterity. Basically a modern day Noah. You have that ability to be a modern-day Noah. You can preserve life. How many same-sex couples would you take from the animal kingdom and from humans to put on a spacecraft? See, the thing is –

I wouldn't even take couples. The other thing he said was 40 people. spacecraft see the thing is i wouldn't even take couples the other thing he said was 40 people and you're like well statistically you wouldn't have a single person if it was only 40 people statistically you wouldn't have a gay person even if you just picked 40 random people sure because it's less than one it's less than uh it's like one point something percent so you would have to at least get to 50 in order to from random chance just for random chance to try to get one person so it's it's but again i would i mean i fucking i reject your whole like i reject the whole thing i wouldn't bring a single couple i'd put 40 fucking women on there i'd have fucking 500 different men's sperm

for the maximum amount of biological diversity sure i would have women who were just barely able to reproduce from you know like fucking earliest reproductive age so they could get pregnant in as many cycles as possible. And then they would get pregnant each time with a different sperm sample from a different person so that the maximum biological diversity was available. That's what I would fucking do. I would have no couples. Why would I waste – I fucking only get 40 people. Why would I waste dudes on that thing yeah and the thing is is that those spaceships made out of gopher wood anyway it's just so how many cubans is our spaceship

to perpetuate humanity and the wildlife kingdom the wildlife kingdom the wildlife no gay tigers no gay tigers i'm sorry that's why it's been called part of the natural law natural law given by the creator who makes some women barren who makes who makes some men shoot blokes their whole lives right yeah who who you know put our genitals outside our body so we can kick them the balls and never be able to reproduce. Like the creator who fucking sometimes gives people fucking spina bifida. Sure. Sometimes fucking invents the Zika virus. Yeah.

Fucking shrinky head. Shrinky head. Or sometimes fucking takes a kid's teeth and puts them behind his head. Yeah. The creator's a dick. Like that's it. Yeah. Because you know what it is?

Not a creator. Yeah. Made up? Yeah, it's made up. It's a fucking made up story. But when we continue to abolish the first words of the Bill of Rights, the First Amendment, and we continue to prohibit the free exercise of religion, we don't have much longer to go. Give me a fucking break. Before we have to load you into a spaceship.

Yeah, before we have to fucking ship out 20 really crazy fucking Christians. Can we do it today? Just get ready. You go first, Lou. You can drive, motherfucker. Lou, here's the thing. You have your pick of any of the planets. I would go for Jupiter because it's the biggest one.

A lot of real estate on there, Lou. Just go to Jupiter. Whichever one you A lot of real estate on there, Lou. Just go to Jupiter. Whichever one you feel most comfortable dying on, fine, buddy. Three, two, one, go. Yeah. I'll tell you what. Let's start a Kickstarter. Get Louie Gohmert off Earth.

Get Louie Gohmert off world. Jonathan Cahn has a great book, interesting. Dialogue might could be a little stronger, but... Did he say that dialogue might could be a little bit stronger? Let's hear what he said again. Dialogue might could be a little stronger, but... He did it. He's, wait a minute, he's being critical about somebody's writing.

And when he's doing that, the phrase that he chose to criticize the literary work of someone else was dialogue might could be a little bit stronger. Yeah. Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? It's the illiterate leading the literate. Oh, my God. This guy couldn't write a pamphlet. The Harbinger.

The more recent one, The Mystery of the Shemitah. The fucking shmeagol's back. Oh, guys, just want you to know the blood moon's a thing. You know, it happened last year and a bunch of crazy shit was supposed to happen. We should have loaded up that spaceship a whole year ago, right before the Shemitah.

You know what I think? The dialogue might be a little bit better.? The dialogue might be a little bit better. Maybe the thinking might be a little bit better. I think Shmita to me, and it could because I'm looking at a calendar across the way that has a Euro on it, but part of me thinks that the Shmita is something you order

in a Middle Eastern restaurant. It's like you want the shawarma or the Shmita. It sounds like Jew cheese to me. Jew cheese? Can you put a little shmeeta on it? And a schmeer? I'll take a bagel, lock, shmeeta, and a schmeer.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Really is thought-provoking, even if you're a secular humanist. Is that thought-provoking, even if you're a secular humanist. Is that thought-provoking? He makes the comparison.

The United States, just as the founder said, was founded... In a spaceship. Full of wild animals. Full of wild animals. And not gay people. And totally not gay people. By the grace of God, and as an instrument to bless the world, this nation, even for those that have not recognized the exceptional nature of the United States. I can't say exceptional. This guy can't pronounce any word that has more than two syllables.

If it's got more than two syllables, his brain won't do it. It just ignores one at random. The problem is sometimes it's the first one. Sometimes it's in the middle. The problem, Tom, is he's always buffering. It's so funny. He sounds like he's on pain pills all the time. He has 100 microstrokes a second.

Even for those that have not recognized the exceptional nature. I want to hear him say exceptional again. One more time. Here we go. Even for those that have not recognized the exceptional nature. He just quits three quarters of the way through the word. The exceptional. He can't do it. He can't do it.

He can't do it. I'm surprised he's not tapping out of the desk. Sorry, guys. I don't brain. Johnny Five. Johnny Five is exceptional. His job is to words. And he can't words at all.

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Check out our website. There is a donate button on our website. So we got a call to prayer we want to play for you. This one is from Chris. Allah is the Greatest. Allah is the Greatest. Allah is the Greatest. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's great.

That's really good. It is. It fits so nice. It does. I love that little, like, that rattle thing. That fucking rattlesnake that they shake on stage and then he bites the head off of it. I love that one. That's good. fucking rattlesnake that they shake on stage and he bites the head off of it i love that one kind of ends a little abrupt though yeah but it stops very good very good thank you very much

we got a message uh from someone who says that uh who was telling us that uh ike was produced ike instead it should be pronounced cky actually I did look that up and Ike is what he supposedly pronounces it from now this is a message board that is run by him and someone had commented and said that that's what he pronounces his name as when he corrects people so I don't really but the here's the thing it's just what the lizard people want you to think who cares what his name it is true right who fucking cares yeah this guy's name could be fucking slobble cock mcgee for all i care it should be it should be from now on i'm only referring to him as slobble cock mcgee okay well that's his new name i'm

actually gonna refer to everybody as slobble i got a fucking fair i got a big meeting tomorrow and i'm just gonna walk up to the president of the company be like hey what's going on slobblecock please donate to patreon we got in a pastor manning bumper here's uh this is from dustin that's why roger pedactor is dead that's why roger pedactor is dead semen tastes good That's great. The laugh. The laugh is awesome. That's awesome. That's why Roger Podacter is dead. That's why Roger Podacter is dead. He found Captain Winky.

That's great. Well done. Very awesome. Thank you very much, Dustin. We got a message from Melina, and Melina said that the trans person, which isn't really a trans person. It's just a guy who's trying to get out of the military clinger in mash right uh made melina feel a little less alone especially because of how he was treated in the military uh i think that's great i think that's a positive then in some way so one person had commented contacted us and mentioned that colson sent us a message and said by the way ross stores have 1500 locations around the united, and they instituted a similar policy that Target did, but almost two years without advertising.

So almost two years prior without advertising, and there was zero protest. So they didn't do it for any fanfare. They just did it according to this person, and there was no backlash. And there's been no attacks in Ross bathrooms or whatever because it's just not a thing. We got a couple of calls to prayer. These are death metal calls to prayer. We're going to play this.

This is from John. I'm going to play this short one, John. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Jesus Christ. God, I feel so old when I hear this. oh jesus christ god i feel so old when i hear this i just feel like ancient play everything as fast as you can play it i just feel i first i feel exhausted and then secondly i feel ancient i feel like my dad

did when i used to play slayer really loud when I was a kid. Turn this down. Why you kids get off my lawn. We did mess this up last week, Ashley, and a ton of other people mentioned. And sometimes this happens when Tom and I listen to clips. We will get on such a weird click, a weird bit sort of talking about what they said previously that we'll miss what they say right after. And he explained Alex Jones last week, pregnant ready, Melina Trump, and then stopped and said, sorry, pageant ready. And then he even says, I had a Freudian slip. So he comes out and says it

because I think he wants to have sex with an animated cartoon of Melina Trump or something. So anyway, he said that, but it is pageant ready. We messed up. We didn't hear it. And he even said it right afterwards. We just didn't hear it. And it missed us.

And we were talking about pregnant ready because we didn't understand what that meant. But he didn't understand what it meant either because he misread it. That's all it was. We got a short little song. This is from Shane. And we're going to play this for you right now. Pale blue dark gross island Sea soul and tongue

hold court Weary of humanity Grilling off a sport Grilling all for sport. Here's the thing, though. I don't grill for sport. I grill for hunger.

That's what I do. And the only time I'm ever in court, you don't really want to know about that time. Yeah, you've been acquitted every time. It's okay, buddy. Every time. It's all right. I got your back. Here's the thing. That evidence will never hold up.

She said she was 14. Oh, Jesus Christ. I didn't want you to... You know, we were trying to keep it vague, keep it, you know... You don't have to go down that road. Yeah. Why do you go down that road?

Because it's a 14-year-old road. Because it's... Because it's less traveled. Oh, Jesus Christ. road because it's less traveled oh jesus christ and that made all the difference i love it thank you shane for sending that in that was awesome hit the killer first it's frosty i'm cutting you off and playing el's bumper Elvis again Elvis we love you You said in another bumper

Poem puns It's great It's great It's amazing how it fits It's distressingly good And then it fades out so nicely he does such a good job 20 seconds bravo elvis thank you so much comes with the name man it just comes with the name jesus christ this is fucking crazy oh this is so weird not a thing so i'm gonna put a link to this i god just watch this they they somebody

recut and now they recut a lot of stuff. We didn't watch it all the way through. It's 10 minutes long. We did not watch the entire thing. I really think the first segment could be its own video and is very funny. It's basically a recut of his, of Ted Cruz's promotional video when he's eating with his family. And there's some awesome sort of reverse when they're pulling lettuce out of

their mouths and stuff. It's super weird. It's like a Lynch film. Somebody had basically cut their shit to be like a Lynch film. So check it out on our website for this episode show notes. And you can see the video for this. It's really just creepy and weird. It's only a little more awkward than actually watching Ted Cruz.

Here's another, another call to prayer. People have been finding the call to prayer. I left on a couple of episodes ago and they've been sort of mixing it up. This is another call to prayer from Eric. it's so funny it's so good god that's amazing it turns into like an 80s song it's real fun it reminds me of that movie mannequin oh so good oh another one here we go here's another one this one's rick wiles uh ranting and now there's two of them here these are both great um i'm gonna well i'm gonna play them both you gotta play but these are both great. I'm going to play them both. You've got to play them. These are both really good.

They're both really good. So here we go. So this is the first one. This is Rick Wiles. What are you going to do, America, if he left? What? Are you going to cry now? Come on, cry, baby. Cry for me. I love this movie. Come on. Cry. What are you going to

do when the Russian submarines show up? Cry. Cry. Cry. Cry! What are you going to do when the Russian submarines show up? Cry! Cry! That's outstanding. Now this one, this one's amazing. This is, again, Rick Wiles, and this is, again, from Null. Who are you going to call on? Are you atheists?

Are you homosexuals? Are you God-haters? Who are you going to call upon? Is your gay God going to come and save you? There we go. There's gay God. Who are you going to call on? Ghostbusters!

And there's a man. Perfect. It's perfect. Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters! Is your gay God going to come and save you? I pray to God. I'm afraid of no ghost.

Still one of the best songs. It really is. I hate lights to gas. You should have at least put in there. I mean, I'm not going to critique your work. Your work is excellent. It's a little long, number one. But number two. I'm not going to critique your work your career work is excellent it's a little long number one but number two i'm not going to critique it i'm going to critique it here's totally i mean actually i'm lying i'm totally going to critique it it's a little long number one but number two you you should have really put in you know there is no

so and so only zool somewhere but it was very very funny Thank you so much. Very funny. Oh my gosh. We got a message from Sandra. And Sandra makes abominations as a baker. She makes eggnog stuff, like eggnog flavored cookies. No. No. Who the fuck eats them? What, do people put them in their anus?

Like, what do you do with them? I wouldn't feed these. I wouldn't put fucking rat poison in these and leave them out for the fucking rats. I wouldn't put rat poison in these and give them to the homeless kidding not again not again anyway that's why i spent that time at court god fucking i don't understand the whole idea that somebody would make eggnog on purpose i guess like if there was some horrifying attempt to create cold fusion or something and that was the end result like the side effect was eggnog fine. The thing is that she said that she wanted to send them to us.

So I'm going to give you our address. Just send them to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, D.C., 20500. Be sure to put a lot of powdered sugar in the box. Mark of attention, President Trump. We love powdered sugar. So make sure to put a ton of powdered sugar. Sprinkle some liberally on the envelope so they know that it's in there. Yeah.

Put a little on the outside too. Yeah. Thank you, Sandra, for sending a message. And include a manifesto. We got a message from David and David said that – well, I talked about last week that getting married in a church shouldn't matter to me, especially if other people can find meaning in it. And he said – he's basically saying that I'm kind of agreeing with all the wrongs that the church has done if I agree to get married in a church. And while there's part of me that intellectually agrees with that, sure, there's, I am somehow agreeing a little bit to what they're doing at the same time. I also agree to, you know, bomb places that I don't agree to bomb by paying

tax dollars. You know what I mean? Like, like at a certain point, how, how much am I going to micromanage my life to affect all my choices? I shop at places I probably shouldn't because I probably don't agree with their values. I, I, you know, I, values. I spend money in places I probably shouldn't. I visit places I probably shouldn't. You know what I mean? Like how much am I going to micromanage my life based on that? And the other thing too is like there's something to be said about my own private life over what happens in a larger arc.

And if I can smooth over my private life with the people who I'm going to be very, very close to by acquiescing to some demands that I don't really care about, yeah, then, then fucking, I really don't care what the implications are. Sure. Yeah. So, I mean, I understand where you're coming from, but none of those things ever really entered into my mind. Every marriage, every relationship is a compromise. You might start, you may as well just start at the beginning. Just the very first actual day of the marriage. It's all. Because you're basically

going to be giving up the whole time. You might as well just give up early. You're going to lose, lose, lose hard, lose fast. So we got a message. This is from Michael and Michael sent this in. This is a call to prayer mixed with a bit of the fifth element.

I love it. That's good. It's awesome. This is multi-pass awesome. It is. It's naked Mila awesome. That's all I'm saying. Thank you so much for sending that in. That's great. Well done.

So we're very close to our 300th episode. This is 298. We got one more next week, and then we're going to be doing our 300 episode. It's our great hope to have Thomas from Thomas and the Bible and Atheistically Speaking in studio for that episode. He's going to stay with us the whole time. Normally, we invite a ton of people on to talk, and we spend way too much time. So much time. And I spend a ton of time editing, but this time we're going to stick with a one guest hanging out whole show.

It should be great. We're hoping that Thomas can make it into town for that. And it should be pretty awesome. So we're excited about that. That's going to be one episode away, but we still have two 99 to do two 99 to slog through. We're going to read the rest of chapter two and David Icky Ike's book. Oh,

where he's talking about the reptiles when he totally shouldn't be talking. Don't mention the reptiles! We're going to read the second chapter, the rest of the second chapter. So if you want to keep up with the home game, be sure to read that before you put the pistol in your mouth. The book is so weird. Don't buy it. Don't buy it. So that's going to wrap it up for this

week, and we're going to leave you, like we always do, with the Reptiles Creed. Nice. Nicely done. Credulity is not a virtue. this week and we're going to leave you like we always do with the reptiles creed. Nice. Nicely done. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter. Mommy issue.

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Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Glenn Beck's off serious. Did you see that? Yeah, I saw that too. Yeah, because he got some caller called in. He was like, I'm a huge model shooter. Whatever. And now Glenn Beck got shut down. what yeah but shut down for what because he already has his internet garbage he's you can't

shut him down there you can't shut me down he can be as fucking like obtuse and as shitty as he wants best thing that ever happened to him right yeah like if you're one of these conspiracy theory dip wads being temporarily shut down oh yeah it's like oh my god you're fucking so hard for that you're like oh my god i'm gonna fucking jerk off for four days it's a super big deal it's fucking awesome yeah because the government's trying to shut us down yeah our message is going to reach and then when they come back on you know it's like our message is more powerful than the government like yeah like the whole narrative writes itself oh god he writes. He's got to be fucking ejaculating into his own panties right now. He balls them up, and then I've seen it on a video once.

Once. Once. Okay. Once. Please. Is it once if it's the same video again and again? I just like watching him fuck his own chins with a dildo. I just think that's hot.

That's all. I mean, he just fucking lubes him with his own fucking cheese sweat. You've heard the expression, any port in a hot. That's all. I mean, he just fucking lose him with his own fucking cheese. You've heard the, you've heard the expression, any port in a storm, any fold for a vibrator. It's that's the way it works.